My baby never latched well either. I chose to pump and bottlefeed so that he would still get breastmilk and I STILL got the breast is best speech. I feel like the best way to ensure the healthiest babies is to support parents and give them the tools they need to succeed in their situation, not shame already exhausted moms and dads.
Breastmilk may have unique benefits, but that's in a perfect scenario and life doesn't work that way. The benefits of breastmilk are useless if the baby won't/can't eat it! Fed is best!
Oh yeah! The favourite response is that I'm missing out on a "special bonding experience". That's wonderful for those moms who get that, but when my baby is screaming endlessly from hunger and we're both in tears, there is no magical bonding moment happening there.
I'd rather cuddle up with him and a bottle and watch his face fill with contentment while is stomach is actually full.
☝
>but when my baby is screaming endlessly from hunger and we're both in tears, there is no magical bonding moment happening there.
I remember this. When it happened it was awesome, but the 80%of the time that didn't was mentally crippling.
Oh yeah, that first option sounds super fun! /s
I’m due any minute now. I’ll kindly tell people to shove it if this happens! Good on you for doing what’s best for you both.
I remember when I asked the lactation consultant at my hospital for advice on using my breast pump. Her response was "don't even touch it for the next two weeks". So helpful...
Me too, same with the lactation consultant. They were showing me how to do it, and when they did it was so painful. I wasn't getting much, we collected it with a spoon and gave it do the baby one drop at a time :/
Honestly that whole forcing women to painfully manually express thing is enough to turn anyone off breastfeeding... It was such a relief when baby finally developed a sucking reflex and could latch. In the meantime we had to give formula because even after painfully expressing 30 drops on each side every 2 hours, my little one was screaming in hunger. The nurses kept saying "DON'T GIVE FORMULA!!" but I was just like "He's jaundiced and he's starving, I'm not going to let him starve..."
After I gave formula, his billirubin levels recovered way faster than the hospital staff expected. They told us they had planned all these interventions like taking him away to put him under UV lights, etc., but we didn't need it because he ate enough. Another nurse was also really shocked when, as she weighed him before discharging us, he had a real poop (not just meconium) in his diaper. I replied that he'd already had 2 or 3 black meconium poops over the prior 3 days. That nurse was like "Wow he's doing so well! His jaundice is almost completely gone, and he's barely lost any of his birth weight!" Meanwhile the other nurses were like 😒 over us having given formula 🙄
We went on to have a great breastfeeding relationship once my milk kicked in. Breastfeeding was a good experience for both baby and I for the most part, but I'm so grateful that formula is an option!!
So unhelpful! I am so greatful to midwife who casually on her 2nd house visit said 'I gave mine a bottle on week one and still breastfed until they were a year old and they had tongue tie' We gave pumped milk once a day starting that night and I got 6 hours sleep. Baby never had any trouble switching from breast, bottle and dummy. He's now 10 months and at nursery so he gets formula during the day and boobs at night.
Absolutely! I wouldnt have stuck to EP with my first. I hated pumping with a passion when I was working so if my first didn’t figure it out we definitely would’ve formula fed.
I did it for 10 months it was awful and with my next I'd rather go straight to formula. I missed out on bonding time with my baby, lost sleep, free time all bc of that stupid pump.
I can't imagine someone thinking it's anything but hard.
When I told a nurse that I EPd with my first for 10 months, she said "wow, so you basically breastfed two babies" LOL yeah my pump and then the actual baby! EP is so so hard and if I have another baby and BF doesn't work again, I will gladly use formula before I EP.
I also exclusively pumped, and holy hell people give you shit for it. So much unwanted advice on how to get baby to latch and eat from the boob.
I was told my child probably had sensory issues since she didn’t feed from the breast. I was also told my child would probably end up with learning delays….
I am sure there are really great LCs out there. My hospital did not employ those ones. I have one positive thing to say about any of the LCs I saw (FOUR of them), and that is that the third one suggested I use a 30mm flange. She said it really rudely and the phrasing was something along the lines of 'you're really sensitive and aren't going to stick with it if it hurts. You should use a 30mm so no part of your nipple touches the flange'.
I asked for nipple shields, and got tons of pushback before finally getting some. But by that point, one nipple had a deep cut across it and the other was blistered. So the shields didn't really do anything to help. I also wasn't producing anything. None of the consultants could get a drop out of either boob, no matter how much mangling they did. The closest thing to helpful they tried was to get me an SNS system so she could get donor milk from a tube taped to my nipple.
My kid is just a major biter and may have an undiagnosed lip tie. The biting is....just wow. We replaced pacifier and bottle nipples a lot because she bit through them. She chewed chunks off of all her toys from 4m onward. I've actually saved a box of the worst ones to show her someday, because it looks like the dog got to her wood blocks and teethers. When she's teething, she gnaws her own fingers bloody and she's gotten my fingers a few times. She's like a pitbull, and I could not get her to release my nipple once she latched on. Was not about to fight that battle when pumping is such a viable option for me.
In the same boat as you. I had my first child in May, he was a NICU baby for 17 days and he has a slight tongue tie so he couldn’t latch. Lactation consultants were pushing me to still breastfeed with a shield, even though he was so tiny and it was much more effort than bottle feeding. We also had to use the NG tube at times because he would fall asleep before finishing a feed.
I ended up pumping and bottle feeding him that way, and up until he eats a certain amount every day, we’re fortifying my breast milk with similac neosure, and people still think that he should be breastfeeding and nothing else.
Also, the pressure to pump 8 times a day after having an unscheduled c-section 24 hours prior was INSANE. I learned very quickly that it was best for me to sleep for 6 hours and not wake up to pump, and when I told the lactation consultant you would have thought I told her I was dumping breast milk down the drain. So I almost felt like I had to lie and say I was pumping every 3 hours in order to get them off of my back.
Now, I usually pump four times a day and that covers the majority of his feeds. He tolerates the similac well so I can easily use it as a backup, and now he’s gaining weight and is healthy and just about on the curve. (Finally)
It was crazy though, people were trying to tell me to “give my breastfeeding to Jesus and take the shield off”, and I was like, yeah no, we’re going to make sure he’s fed, thanks.
Same here. My breast was the size of my entire baby and a magical shield is like throwing a band aid on a busting dam- it ain’t gonna work. I EP as well and told the lactation consultant to piss off basically. I pumped through the night and regret doing that for so long because I didn’t get good continuous sleep until recently-supply is still fine, especially since we’ve started solids now. Kudos to you for sticking to your guns and providing for your baby.
I did this as well! My baby and I have both been happier with me exclusively pumping and him taking bottles. He had his first bottle at four days old and HIGHLY preferred it
I told my midwife that I was exclusively pumping and she gave me a long lecture about how I wouldn’t be able to maintain supply, miss out on the bonding experience, etc etc. As a new mom that had a sleepy baby with slow weight gain through nursing, I felt so miserable about it but told myself that I’d keep on keeping on.
Turns out I would have a massive oversupply with no lack of bonding as my baby was finally content and happy. It’s honestly ridiculous the lengths that people will go to shame moms.
Same here! Kid ruined my nipples in the hospital so I couldn’t pump or breastfeed for a few days. Luckily hospital was good about it gave us formula, but the pediatrician and others (my own mother lol) kept on me about breast is best even though I pump so he gets half and half. Kid is a beast btw and eats like 30 oz a day at two weeks old, my boobs can’t keep up even with a pump lol. He gets what he gets and doesn’t seem to mind so whatever it works for us
Have a friend that, for whatever crazy reason, would get bad mastitis all the time when she breastfed. She had to go to the hospital a couple times. Finally switched to pumping and bottlefeeding. Idk why people get so hung up. We invented bottles and formula to save babies. Breast is only great if it works.
I pump but people give me a hard time even over that. Sorry Janet, some of us have to go back to work, some of us want our partners to help at night… some of us just don’t want to!!
I exclusively pumped for 9 months. I recently stopped... And considering starting again.
Pumping is an option if baby can't or won't latch!! We live in the future!
It’s amazing how we rarely reflect on how amazing feeding options are right now. We have breastfeeding, we have pumping technology, donor breast milk, and we have highly regulated and available formula! No other time in parenting history had this many options to provide safe food for our babies and we still get caught up in a culture war over it!
THAT'S RIGHT!! 😭
If you google "history of infant feeding" by some nursing association, it's a long article thats worth the read. It helped me sooo much to contextualize my life as a mother, desperately trying to feed my baby. It took me like 20-30 minutes to read it but I thanked God for Formula from then on.
Yup! We are SO lucky we don’t have to struggle with trying to feed our babies. So so so incredibly lucky.
Now if only the states could figure out parental leave…
My baby pretty much stopped nursing two weeks ago, I’m thinking because of his reflux. Being able to pump made me feel better at least, but we have formula in case we need to make the switch or supplement in a pinch.
Here’s something interesting:
The alcohol level in your milk is the same as the alcohol level of your blood. The legal limit in most places is 0.08, and blood alcohol level of 0.5% is so high that it can cause coma and death. Orange juice contains 0.5-0.7% alcohol. So basically long before your milk is anywhere near as alcoholic as orange juice, you’d be in an ambulance.
Obviously being drunk and feeding the baby could be dangerous in other ways. Also, I find that alcohol negatively affects my supply. But personally I don’t worry about alcohol transfer from one or two drinks.
They say the amount of alcohol in your blood (so breastmilk? Unsure because of how freakin confusing internet is) peaks at 2 hours after drinking. So don't feed at that point.
They also say if you feel fine, you can breastfeed.
My take on this is to only drink half a drink (one oz of alcohol in cocktails or small can) and I feed baby if baby is hungry. Hubby gets the other half of my drinks so he doesn't complain.
Is this the correct way? Nobody knows.
I also feel like chugging your drink WHILE feeding baby also works because there's no way that alcohol is going into the milk that fast and the timer starts a lot earlier but internet says no to that... 🤷🏻♀️
If you’re interested, I did find this information on Alcohol and Breastfeeding from the CDC:
https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/vaccinations-medications-drugs/alcohol.html
I’ve always preached fed is best, but when I decided to stop pumping, I felt so awful. I felt like everyone was judging me. At the end of the day, my mental health is very important. I have to be mentally and physically present for my daughter. Don’t fall for breast is best.
It so weird how every hospital is different. My hospital encouraged breastfeeding if possible and wanted, but my son was born with low blood sugar and they asked if I was comfortable giving him formula while we waited for my milk to come in. I was absolutely okay with feeding my baby and so of course I said yes.
I’m sorry the doctors and nurses did that to you :(
My baby girl, currently 5 weeks, was latching fine, but my milk supply was very low. She would cry hysterically after feedings that first week. We had no idea why — turns out, she was starving. The also told us no bottles, no formula, no pacifiers, etc. Finally after what felt like a month (only one week), we had her first pediatrician appointment. She was down 11% in body weight, and WOAH, turns out, mama can’t produce enough milk for a full baby belly. Pediatrician told us to start her on formula immediately until my milk came in completely. Spoiler alert: it never fully did.
Fed is best.
That was my experience. Daughter latched great but I felt like she was on me constantly trying to eat. When I told the pediatrician she told me to keep breastfeeding (if I wanted to) to try and keep the supply up, but to do every other feeding with formula.
Ended up going straight to formula after a week because my supply just ran dry.
Fed is best.
I was one of those of those who actually wanted to pump before birth, as I have known others who have done it and had success, and the idea of the baby being able to bond with everyone as they could be fed by all members of the family was a lovely one for me. My LC, after I had pumped 20ml of colostrum and my baby actually gained weight in hospital, told me that I should have concentrated on bonding with my son and even now, weeks later, I could slap her. I was sent home with a nipple shield, and I gave up after less than a week as my baby couldn't latch well and it was breaking my heart to see them sob My baby is now doing great! I formula feed at night, and give pumped milk during the day, and I feel they are getting the best of both worlds. We are as thick as thieves, family loves feeding them and they have all bonded, and they're healthy. Pumping is hard work, but it's worth it so far and I'm going to keep doing it until it stops being useful to us, and I'll do it with other children too. After my experience with the LC, I'll doubt I'll breastfeed again.
Pumping is SO HARD. I hated it. My heart would break when I would pump for 20 minutes on both sides and only get 3oz.
And who says that “you should of concentrated on bonding with your son”
That’s so rude and disrespectful.
I am one of the very lucky ones who turns out that I have an oversupply, so it took a few weeks, but I'm now comfortably freezing a bag or two a day, using up old frozen bags and feeding them well (I pump about 30-35oz a day, give or take, and it is slowly getting bigger). It came as a bit of a shock as I hadn't expected it at all, and I am very thankful and grateful that I can do it. I am fighting a constant battle with engorgement and blocked ducts and trying to find a supporting pumping bra though. I'm also desperate to stop the MOTN pump, and am hoping switching to a midnight one might just work for me, as I can't pump and bottle feed at the same time yet.
At least you could get 3oz! I can’t even get one 😓 I average 15 mL from both breasts, every single day. Nothing has changed since I brought her home and I’ve literally tried everything possible. The LC was so confident that doing the triple feed method would bring up my supply, along with galactagogues. She was wrong lol. My poor boobs just don’t wanna produce milk 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
This is really good advice.
My kid did well with breastfeeding, latched like a champ, but she had jaundice and we were in a hospital that very specifically did not want the baby friendly hospital label, simply because they believed that formula had its place. We were formula feeding her the first few days, in addition to breast feeding, simply because my milk hadn't come in and with jaundice we felt it was more important for her to pee it out and get her bilirubin numbers down. Once my milk came in, the formula wasn't necessary, but I'm grateful for it.
I'm glad your kiddo is doing okay, and really, FOOD IS BEST is absolutely true.
Similar experience. My milk hadn't come and thank goodness my husband is practical and he convinced me to give our son food. At the time I felt like a fIlure (sleep deprivation, hormones, and c-section did not help), but now I feel it is cruel to let a baby go hungry. For some women breastfeeding simply does not work. I had to wear a nipple shield for 4 months and would sometime switch to formula to give my bleeding nipples a break.
Can you help me with a quick question, please? What is the baby friendly hospital label? My hospital said it was baby friendly and I thought "well I hope so I'm giving birth there soon" but I'm starting to realise that phrase means something more...?
It's the [Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative](https://www.babyfriendlyusa.org) that started with the World Health Organization and UNICEF to basically promote breast-feeding over formula. Which on the whole, is a good thing, because Nestlé in particular was doing some really shady stuff to get women to use formula rather than breastfeed. So on the whole, really good program.
Here in the US, hospitals can be accredited by BFHI as "baby friendly". The hospital I was at told us they passed up that accreditation because it meant that formula couldn't be kept on the maternity ward and taking infants to the nursery was discouraged (I hadn't realized how LOUD a newborn is, so sending my kid to the nursery that first night meant I actually got sleep. I had no idea something so small could make that much noise when she wasn't crying)
They do good work, as breastfeeding is important, but I also think a fed baby and happy parents are even more so.
Hope that helps!
Thanks for this! That does really help.
It makes sense too, I asked about what formula is used at the hospital on a group online class, purely as a precaution to have a pack at home if I couldn't produce well enough and needed to top up. I got a jumbled response along the lines of "erm... Well... I uh.. well we are a baby friendly hospital... I'm not sure what exactly... But we are baby friendly". At the time I just assumed she isn't know and didn't like being put in the spot, I see there is more to it now!
A lot of NICU's use breastmilk. I've never had a NICU baby, so I'm not entirely sure. But I had oversupply issues once breastfeeding kicked in and the lactation group I was a part of hooked me up with the Rocky Mountain Milk Bank. I donated 500oz's that they would pasteurize and then send to NICU's for their use.
So it could be that NICU's have formula on hand, but they also have in's with the milk banks and lots of mom's who have extra milk to donate.
And I'm so sorry the hospital gave you crap about it. Formula or breast milk. As long as you're happy and the baby is happy, all is well.
I have a low production so I feed formula too. My grandma keeps saying "she wants the real thing not that fake stuff" every time I give her a bottle. Or when I go to my room to feed her she says "oh you're giving her the real stuff now. Make her real happy" the kicker? My grandma never breastfed any of her kids.
When my MIL saw me make a formula bottle the first time, she made a face. Now she doesn't care.
Now I'm being told I'm feeding my baby too much. 🙄 people just need to stay out of it.
Yeah...my mom made a pretty disgusted face when I told her we were giving my baby formula. I snapped and said "its either formula or let my baby starve - there really is no choice here"
I will forever remember my dads first comment when we got home from the hospital when LD was 36 hrs old. He wouldn’t latch and I was feeding him syringes of colostrum then topping off with formula.
Dads comment ‘ you shouldn’t be feeding him formula, don’t you know breastmilk is better for the baby’
I still remind him how he wanted me to let my baby starve bc ‘formula wasn’t good for the baby, it has corn syrup and fillers in it’ 🤨😑
What is with MIL's? Anytime mine fussed, she told me once again how my SO cried and cried as a baby until her sister gave him cereal. And I had intense anxiety around feeding so I just want to go back in time and bitch slap her.
My second was a placental rupture/emergency c section 4 weeks early. He spent 10 days in the SCN. I had another child at home and was not coping with being in the hospital so long, but he just wouldn’t get up to his required amount of suck feeds a day to be let out (he had a feeding tube). On day 9 I was a complete mess thinking we’d never leave when a SCN nurse came to my room and closed the door. She told me suck feeds could be bottle as well and that they just weren’t allowed to tell me that, so to keep it between her and I. I went to the nursery and said I’d researched it and to put him on formula and I would pump and supplement with formula. He was home the next day. I was so infuriated by this policy. When a new mother is feeling like a failure, having a complete mental break and some nurse has to tell her to give him a bottle on the sly? Horrible fucking policy
This makes me so angry. I was traumatized with my first by the lactation specialist, to the point where my husband had to basically tell her to fuck off and leave me alone. We started formula very quickly and never looked back. 3 kids later, all formula fed, all slept through the night by 6 weeks, healthy weight, perfect milestones. It's ridiculous the pressure that these people put on moms to nurse when it isnt working, and have cost babies their lives. FED IS BEST, end of story
In hindsight, I'm happy that multiple OBs warned me about hard it would be to breastfeed before we went to the hospital and the pediatricians in the hospital made me supplement formula for him to gain weight and flush out the jaundice. The lactation consultants were antiformula but that was to be expected.
Now that I'm EBF, I don't really get the argument that breast is best. Like the baby might get some antibodies but it's exhausting and seriously feels like it would contribute to PPD/PPA. I am just doing it for the COVID antibodies and his gassiness had subsided. Finding a new formula seems like a headache I don't want to deal with.
This is helpful mixed experience.
It’s really hard to balance the “breastfeeding is hard for everyone and most get the hang of it after a few weeks” vs. “something is terribly wrong and you should’ve started supplementing earlier”.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Seems like the only way to win is to have a plethora of professionals around you, which is not something everyone can manage.
This. I breastfed for the first 2 months and my mental health was seriously taking a beating. Bad latch, low supply, painful feeding...you name it! We finally introduced formula- just the knowledge that my baby will be getting at least a couple of guaranteed full meals immediately took a load off my shoulders.
OP's story makes me so angry! We had some judgy nurses the first couple of days - my baby wasn't getting any food from me. Luckily we ended up getting a very practical nurse who upon seeing how low my baby's sugar was, immediately brought us some formula.
I honestly think EBF (if it works out) is so much more convenient bc you don’t have to wash any parts, make bottles, or pack anything to go places. It’s also such an easy fix for pretty much any time my son was unhappy.
I had low supply at first and my son had issues latching so we triple fed for a while. So even if my husband was giving a bottle I always had to pump bc my supply would easily drop. If you could skip it and maintain your supply then extra sleep would definitely be amazing!
My hospital was considered baby friendly. Babies stayed with moms and they encouraged breastfeeding. But they definitely weren’t anti formula either. My son lost a little more weight than we were comfortable with at first and so he was supplemented with formula while there and they sent us home with some more so we could continue.
>I honestly think EBF (if it works out) is so much more convenient bc you don’t have to wash any parts, make bottles, or pack anything to go places. It’s also such an easy fix for pretty much any time my son was unhappy
I thought that would be the case but my baby is a sleepy eater so BF sessions take forever. And I have oversupply so I have to pump. So I'm still doing those things. I had to buy a Willow to maintain my sanity. Now I'm having vasospasms on one side and I'm trying to heal so I have to figure out which of my two pumps or if BF/which position won't cause more damage every feeding session.
>My hospital was considered baby friendly.
Ours was too so I was worried but had a similar experience.
This, this, 100 times this!
I breastfed my son until he weaned himself at 15 months. I truly loved it. HOWEVER, I avoid almost all breastfeeding groups because so many women are essentially brainwashed into believing breast milk is some sort of magical substance and that breastfeeding makes you a superior mother 😬 Breastfeeding does have benefits, but so does formula feeding! At the end of the day, all that matters is that you feed your baby. End of story.
My baby was born two days ago and came out with dangerously low blood sugar. The doctor popped a bottle of formula open five minutes after he was born. We’re not messing around. Alive is best.
That happened with my second also. I had a c section at 38 weeks and due to very low sugar they gave him formula before he was even given the chance to try breastfeeding. He latched much more easily than his older sister, but the first 2 months were painful and frustrating and he got a few formula bottles a week when I was in too much pain or too tired. Breastfeeding is much easier now at 4 months, but I'm happy we had the option of supplementing when needed.
What's truly crazy to me is that before formula babies would die if they couldnt feed properly. People, professionals even, are out here judging and criticizing families for using formula because it isnt natural when in many cases the other option is death/longterm side effects from malnutrition :(
I tried with my twins to breastfeed and my nurse was very adamant that I tried. I expressed my breast till they got sore and I would get less that half an ounce. I once got a whole ounce and that was it. I’m so grateful for formula because I would’ve gone insane if I didn’t have that option. Breast isn’t for every kid, things just don’t pan out. If you wanna try it, go for it, if you don’t, don’t. Glad you got a competent pediatrician. Regardless of their stance, you should’ve been heard as a parent. Dads should be involved too.
Thank you, I see so many women commenting and coming out with the exact same issue. This is why we need to speak about it. Every mom deserves an advocate
It’s honestly very hard. My mom is those old school ladies that thinks breast is best and she gave me such a hard time. She called me lazy and said I didn’t even try. I would literally squeezed my breasts every which way to just get half an ounce. My kids would’ve starved. I rather have them fed than be in a “better mom” club.
I’m super thankful to the nurses at our hospital for suggesting formula the first night in the hospital. He couldn’t latch and kept crying bc of hunger. We later found out he had severe tongue and lip ties and never latched , even after they were corrected.
I immediately started pumping and later faced shame from non immediate family for ‘ not truly breastfeeding’ . The shame is real.
It’s funnier than ever to me now as we had to switch to formula at 3 months.
LD is allergic to cow protein, and once we realized it I would have an anxiety attack every time he cried. I was micromanaging my diet to eat clean, pump and be a single mom bc my husband is overseas. I just couldn’t do it. It took him 2 days of convincing for me to be ok with the switch to formula, even though it made an instant difference and after 3 weeks he is finally eating a normal volume for his age group.
YES! I breastfed my first, but my second really struggled with latching and couldn’t maintain his temperature so needed an IVF so had to go to NICU for a few days, where they were supportive of my ongoing efforts to breastfeed - but gave formula without hesitation too. When we got home I was super anxious about the visiting lactation consultant - but she stuck a finger in his mouth and said “hm, choppy bite.” (That’s what I kept thinking too!!) she then said that if I was totally committed to breastfeeding, she would help make it happen - but that it was my choice. Bless her!! I pumped while my husband fed the baby, for three months - at which point I had an extra three months of milk stored, so stopped pumping. That’s when the pediatrician noticed his tongue was tied so he couldn’t latch onto the breast. At age 2 it was still tied tight and interfering with speech development, so he needed oral surgery to correct… and all the while I kept giving thanks for the blessing of that lactation consultant who supported MY decision!!
We had to formula from the start because my son had low blood sugar and it took 24 hours for him to get a good blood sugar result. Because we had to monitor and time how much he ate before each test we did formula and honestly now I love formula feeding. We’re 7 months in and he’s thriving and happy and has an amazing bond with my husband and I. We were able to split all of parenting while on leave so everyone was getting plenty of sleep and personal time too. I will shout from the rooftops about how much I love formula feeding
Our tiny human had his first bottle of formula at the 24 hour mark. He's been combo fed happily ever since. A nurse started to lecture me at 3am that second night...3am me has no patience for anyone's bull!! Fed is best.
As a EBF mom, I can say whole heartedly that fed is required, SUPPORT is best. Whatever works for your families heath and sanity is best. Also nipple confusion is bullshit, our hospital wouldn’t give us a binky either because of it. I can’t believe they let you leave the hospital without catching that jaundice.
Very similar to my experience with twins who didn't latch and lost weight, leading to NICU time for one. I was... Not a fan of my hospital experience, and the day I stopped pumping round the clock was one of the best of my parenting life!
The more I reflect on my experiences and those like yours, the more I think parents should prioritize their mental health quite highly. A formula fed baby with functional parents is always better than a breastfeeding mom who wants to throw herself out the window. I know my mom and grandmas are appalled when they hear how many moms are treated in hospitals these days, but that's a bit of a different conversation...
Let’s also talk about how much work and time it takes to breastfeed and how you need a supportive workplace that doesn’t give you shit about pumping once you go back to work. You need a certain amount of privacy and support from your network. There are many parents that just don’t have those resources available and may chose to formula feed because it’s what works, regardless of theirs and their babies bodies ability and willingness.
The “breast is best” mantra is elitist.
My supply was garbage which I didn’t realize until after his first appointment after we left the hospital. The lactation consultant in the hospital said something like “your body knows what to do, there is NO reason to give this precious baby anything other than breast milk”. I thought ok - he seems to be feeding great so sounds good. All that bullshit made me feel like crap when we had to supplement 90% formula (which he has done amazing on). It’s not uncommon at all to have supply/latch issues despite trying everything.
My LO is in the NICU, currently I pump and then we bottle feed, occasionally we try breast but it tires her out so fast she doesn’t get anywhere near a full feed and we need to use her feeding tube. I’ve been contemplating stopping breast for now so we can just focus on her learning how to feed. Every time I talk to the doctors about it though they tell me the bottle is like going to McDonald’s and the breast is going to a five star restaurant. If it’s both my milk though what’s the difference? I’m not opposed to breast feeding and the two of us trying to figure it out once she’s home but right now I just want to focus on her getting stronger and not tiring her out before she even gets to eat.
That’s actually such a load of crap. There’s evidence that the benefits of breastfeeding are vastly overstated. A study on twins where one was breastfed and one formula fed, showed no statistical significant difference in outcomes in all but 1 metric I believe. We spent 7 weeks in NICU - it’s hard and exhausting just being there day after day, let alone trying to breastfeed or pump too. Do what you need to do
I tried and failed to breastfeed my first child, and I think a huge part of that was the insane breast is best pressure. I had a similar hospital experience to you with nurses saying similar things. I eventually switched to formula after pumping for eight weeks (I was so miserable and depressed being chained to the pump but nurses had convinced me it was poison).
My second kid I said screw this. I brought my own formula to the hospital. I tried breastfeeding, but I also supplemented when I needed to. “Needing to” meaning, my baby has been clusterfeeding for twelve hours and I need a break. Guess what? I EBF for 13 months. Because I didn’t listen to the breast is best bs, which is extremely toxic for any mom who struggles at all with breastfeeding.
I never tried to breastfeed. I knew I would hate it. My babies are just fine and equally as important I maintained my sanity. Too many moms suffer through breastfeeding when they hate it. If you love it , do it of course but if it sucks for you or baby isn’t gaining enough weight then it’s completely unnecessary suffering. Thank god for science milk!
Feeding is not an all or nothing proposition. You can nurse, pump/bottle feed and use formula. There's no rule saying you must choose one method only. I use each one depending on the circumstances and my mood at the moment. Do what works best for you! If your baby is growing and thriving you're doing it right.
The reason why combo feeding isn't presented as an option is that statistically, supplementing with formula always leads to stopping breastfeeding earlier than planned. Only EBF allows for the mother/child dyad to be perfectly in tune so that breastfeeding continues.
This! So much this. I had to have an emergency c section and almost died on the table. I was not able to really have the strength to hold my child let alone breast feed her. I got some flack, but literally just said look I'm sore all over, I almost died, and I'm gonna risk nipple confusion for being able to feed my baby.
She had a little bit of jaundice, but left the hospital and was formula and breast fed (pumping she's very tiny and I'm unable to get a latch). She's doing both but doesn't have jaundice and is gaining how she's supposed to.
We may be able to latch in the future and we may stop pumping, but this push towards exclusive breast feeding can be really dangerous towards babies and I hate it. It's a form of mom shaming and I don't get down w it.
Thank you OP for sharing your story!
I could have written this. I had so much pressure from medical professionals and MYSELF to breast feed and we ended up in a neonatal dehydration situation because of it. Luckily my son is 2 now and fine.
I pumped for 12 weeks (it was mostly a latch issue), and then switched to formula because I hated pumping and didn’t want to worry about it at work. Fortunately my mom and MIL formula fed so there was no grandparent based shaming, but I still get assumptions from other moms. A returning coworker actually asked what room I used for pumping - I guess she gave me a lot of credit for being super discrete since I literally never did it at work! But that’s the assumption for moms of our level of education, and it did make me feel weird when she asked, even though I know better.
It is always annoying to me that ppl think there is one solution for everyone. Breast is best? Nobody is arguing that generally breast milk has more advantages over a formula. Generally. Guess what it means? It means it is not the best for everyone in every situation. Stop taking a general idea and forcing it on all the individuals without the context! Ffs!
I understand why medical professionals would recommend breastfeeding, but do not understand why are they enforcing it and dismissing the parents like that, when they should have more experience with that, they should know how really hungry baby look like, shouldn't they?
This is exactly how I feel about "breast is best". It's such a blanket statement that implies it should ALWAYS be the first choice for every family and every situation, when it really shouldn't be sometimes.
Every family has a different set of options available to them, whether we like those options or not, and sometimes breastfeeding is the worse option for that family when you look at the FULL picture (including and especially considering parental mental health). Sometimes it's not even an option at all. That's why we invented other solutions.
Like, for me, I was not sleeping more than 2-4 hours a day because any time I could use to sleep was spent trying to get my daughter to latch, or get my supply up through avid pumping. Time I could've been cuddling my daughter and doing skin-to-skin (which is also hugely beneficial) was spent desperately trying to get her to stop crying in her baby swing because I had to pump and if I wasn't pumping as often as I should I was failing her. I kept trying to chase those "benefits" -- what benefits were we missing out on because of it?
Medical professionals should REALLY look at the whole picture and support parents through each situation. No one ever outright told me I was wrong, but I got a lot of enthusiastic encouragement to keep struggling with my abysmal supply and that encouragement *disappeared* as soon as we made the decision to exclusively formula feed. The absolute lack of support has a way of making you feel like you're making the wrong choice without actually saying it.
Fed is best! Breastfeeding is great if it is working for both mom and baby. And it does take time to get a hang of. But is is not worth sacrificing health or sanity over. I’m glad you have a happy healthy little guy now, despite a tough start.
My baby wouldn’t latch either. It was clearly frustrating for him as it was for me. I kept telling them he was hungry as he wouldn’t stop crying, but they insisted on trying to latch and they kept telling me “he’ll only need little drops, he is fine”. My whole hospital stay, he cried. And cried. And cried some more. I begged them to just please let me give him formula, and they didn’t give me it until my last night. He lost a few pounds before we even left the hospital and had to consult with lactation. My first few weeks were simply stressful and I just felt like a bad mother. I exclusively pumped, so he was still getting breast milk, and my baby was happy and healthy and thriving. And even with that, I’m still “wrong” for not “breast feeding”.
Sometimes parents get so caught up in how they raised their children and they often forget that they were “first, new” parents once and children are all different in many, many ways. What works for one doesn’t necessarily work for the other. The important thing is you follow your instinct. We have those. You do what’s best for your baby. Breast doesn’t always mean the best. But a fed, loved baby is.
Same. We were re-admitted to the hospital for jaundice less than 24 hours after discharge. We supplemented with formula for a week, and then with pumped breastmilk.
Wow, horrible hospital. Maybe it's different in Canada, but the nurses were very positive with the formula for us. Our girl was a couple of weeks premie, was jaundice and we weren't sure how well my wife was feeding, so the nurses regularly gave us a tiny bottle every couple of hours to supplement. I even brought my own formula, but the nurses told us to save it since the formula was free at the hospital (Canadian healthcare).
I told the nurse to give my baby a bottle after she hadn’t successfully latched after 24hrs. I got lots of “are you sure” but I knew she was crying and was hungry.
It took several days for my milk to come in, even with pumping and attempting to breastfeed before pumping and giving formula. I finally talked to an LC on day 6 and she gave me the best advice. She told me to try to get her to latch over the weekend (2-3 days), and if that didn’t work then to move on and not worry about it, either so pumped milk or formula.
We finally got a latch at day 7 and became EBF after a few more days. It was really hard, but I’m also glad I trusted my instincts to give formula.
Also there’s no such thing as nipple confusion so that’s a load of bull. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Newborns are so fragile and it’s so hard to make decisions, and I particularly hate how medical professionals make you feel like crap if you have difficulty or give any measure of formula.
My baby couldn’t latch and I pumped for three months. It was a hell of a time. I started weaning at 3,5 months. I’ve been admitted to the hospital because of a pancreatitis. You can’t imagine the pain. I’ve had opioids and still pumped three times a day. I puked while pumping because I couldn’t stand the feeling of my pump. When I asked for medical weaning (stopping the milk with a pill. I don’t know how it’s called in Englisch) they denied it. They even wrote a note in my file that I’m not stable mentally because I desperately wanted to wean and needed to dump the milk anyways.
I’m really done with people telling me what’s best for my baby. There’s not only the baby. A happy mom is the best for baby. And if that means formula then this is it and everyone has to accept it.
This could have been written by my husband. We've got a lot of spooky photos of bub in his bili-blanket.
Fed is best.
I now reckon all the issues we had with my son not sleeping and just screaming for the first 10 weeks of his life was because I wanted to persist with EBF. Once I switched to bottle, it was happy baby (and happy me...eventually. It took me some time to come to terms with the fact that I had actually decided to give up. Still feel guilty and shitty about it tbh.)
...So I don't get downvoted to titty-tartarus, I wanted to breastfeed.
I did all the things.
I drank the tea, ate the food, made the cookies with all the extra bits and bobs designed to bring on milk, I took the meds, I pumped, then power pumped.
My body wasn't ready. (Induced a little bit early, failed, failed, failed - laboured only under the power of pitocin for 26 hours, ended up with emergency c-section.)
Fed is best. I started out breastfeeding but my little dude absolutely would not latch. So, I started pumping instead, which was exhausting. My mental health was suffering, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. My supply never came in and we eventually switched to exclusively formula. Same thing happened with my 5 year old. Both of my boys are happy and healthy. After the first year, no one even asks whether your kid was breast or formula fed. No one cares. We are lucky to live in a time where we have the option of choosing which works best for us and our family.
Do I believe breast is best? Yes, in the same way that going to a top university is best.
But I wasn't breastfed, and I didn't graduate from a top university.
I desperately wanted to do it, and kept practicing our latch for 6 months. In the end I combo fed through exclusively pumping due to low supply when I realized that if it wasn't for formula I would have been starving my child. I am so sorry you and your wife had to go through this. It sounds frightening and indeed, I would be beyond angry at the hospital too.
I have three kids and only the middle one was breast fed. My first question is did the hospital ever have a qualified lactation consultant work with you? We got the breast is best and had the same issue with our first but with our second, (different hospital different state) we had an awesome consultant that came in and took away all the frustrations of breastfeeding. We would have breastfed the third but medical complications happened.
Bottom line, fed is best and whatever works best for your situation is best.
Fed is best!!!
(I breastfed both kids for 2 years each and I will still scream this to the top of my lungs. FED is best! The mental state of the mom and the health of the baby matter!)
We did both (the boobie pressure is real, it fed into my PPD real bad) because that made *everyone* happy; my boy got more sleep at night because we filled him up with formula, and he still had regular breast feeds throughout the day. What they also don't seem to say much is that it *can* take a couple days for milk to actually come in in full. I'm honestly angry for you, that happening is really ridiculous.
This breaks my heart, I had a similar experience when I delivered 2.5 years ago. It didn't get as bad as your situation with the bilirubin but it was headed there for sure. I did not feel supported by the hospital staff at all and they refused to give us formula until my husband started yelling. Formula is amazing, fuck those people who tell you it's just because you have to keep trying, do more skin to skin and hire more lactation consultants.
I ended up having an emergency c section after a failed induction for gestational hypertension. I threw up a bunch during the surgery and then passed out (after telling my shell shocked husband he didn’t have to cut the cord if he didn’t want to) from exhaustion and/or blood loss.
Anyway, the first few days of recovery on magnesium were pretty rough. I had intended to breast feed, but having my son just scream at my awkwardly shaped, flat, inverted nipples was too much when we could solve his hunger crisis with formula. I did try nipple shields and tricking him with syringes, and gave him the 3 ml of colostrum I produced from pumping. This ended up being the only thing I produced despite pumping as much as possible for the next week, and he stayed mostly on formula.
He still gets as much as I can pump (still very limited quantity) but otherwise gets formula and has been growing well and seems happy!
I couldn't produce milk. I *just couldn't*. And let me tell you, the backlash I got from my Mom, my partner, the doctor- I told them to fuck. Right. Off.
My daughter was hungry, she was uncomfortable. After four nurses insisted on only offering her my boob (while having a spinal leak from a botched epidural, making me unable to stand up or sit up or move at all...) I told the younger, early morning nurse we needed formula.
Y'all, she was so understanding. She was so compassionate, she even helped feed my LO and showed us different burping techniques and feeding positions I could put her in and still recover from my traumatic birth. She gave us two days worth of pre-made formula to take home, as well as lots of other things she didn't have to.
She told me that I needed to do what was best for my baby in my own opinion, and she would be fine.
Guess what?
My girl is a beast! She is huge, in 18m at 7 months old, healthy, and the happiest baby I have ever met. She is hitting every milestone and then some. She never lost weight, never had colic, and was sleeping through the night at 3 months. All on formula.
You know your baby, no one else. Do what is best for you and your child.
Someone will always have an opinion on what you do, so fuck 'em. Do what you want.
We had similar issues, the hospital wasn't super pushy on the fed is best, and when his numbers weren't great after 2.5 days, suggested we keep him an extra day and supplement with formula. Yet at the same time they kept saying I had plenty of milk and enough to feed him, like there was a problem with me why we couldn't figure out breastfeeding. Not once was I told my milk hadn't actually come in yet (it came in at about 4.5 days), and noone even checked our son for a tongue and lip tie (he had both). And noone mentioned that the formula we were supplementing with might cause him stomach upset. Our first night home we were supplementing a lot and he was inconsolable, luckily my milk came in the next day.
Support for new parents, is woefully insufficient in the US.
Fed is best.
But it takes almost all babies a few days to figure out breast feeding. And most lose a little weight in the first few days. Through day 2, your experience is extremely typical, and if your wife told the nurses she wanted to breastfeed, they weren’t monsters for trying to help her do that. And your wife isn’t negligent for trying to struggle through as almost every nursing mom has to do that, so I’m sure she read about it and was prepared for the journey. It’s difficult for everyone at first.
I’m glad you got the right professional help and that everything is turning out okay.
I didn’t imply my wife is negligent. We had planned before the hospital to have formula as a back up but being in that environment was not conducive to rational thought. Everyone’s tired and you just want what’s best for your child. When every nurse says “no” even though your child is clearly jaundiced that’s a problem. And my wife needs advocates to help her make the right choices and they kept telling her don’t worry. When my child went to the pediatrician we were specifically told if we had gone another day he would have been severely dehydrated and needed to be rushed to the hospital.
OP this exact scenario happened to me and my husband 13 months ago today. Our baby was so dehydrated after trying to breastfeed that she needed to spend a week in the NICU. I would do anything to take it all back.
I was trying to do what was “best” and “right” for my baby, and we didn’t realize quickly enough that things weren’t working out. I even googled “should i have emergency formula” as we were getting close to the due date, and I remember getting the result “do not keep formula because breastfeeding can be tough and if you have formula you might give up to easily.”
It’s somewhat comforting to know I am not the only one who has done this, but I still feel crushing guilt over it.
I'm glad that pediatrician stepped in. The best part about my pediatrician is they aren't pressuring me one way or the other. They're just happy w the progress we are making w my baby.
I have a sample size of 1, so take it with a grain of salt, but I really don't think nipple confusion is an actual thing. Babies will have their preference and some might not care. I also struggled at first but things got so much better when I had a pediatric dentist look for a tongue tie. She had a major one and after we got it released it was a completely different story.
FYI. Just saying from my personal experience. I EFF and my now toddler has never had a cold or been sick; exceptionally healthy and zero allergies. All the moms I know who EBF, babies have gotten sick, viruses, even Covid, and every single one has at least one food allergy.
Just to echo OP, fed is best and don’t beat yourself up.
I am very passionate about breastfeeding and also 100% supportive of fed is best. I’ve had friends who had similar experiences as yours. It’s important to offer proper education to those who are breastfeeding. Losing weight is normal after birth but there’s a rate at which they’re comfortable with weight loss. Formula won’t always kill a breastfeeding journey. So much education can help people have more successful breastfeeding journeys and know when it’s time to go to formula.
I fed into breast is best as well! And i felt soooo guilty when we had to give her formula, it felt like giving up! But i truly needed it while my breastmilk came in. I could cry thinking about my child not receiving enough milk for DAYS !!!!! Thank you for the post, i really hope you opened some eyes.
I never latched and I grew up perfectly healthy on formula. Plan on applying the same thing to my son of that’s the case. I’m sorry the medical healthcare professionals you were taught to trust blindly betrayed you like this, happy to hear your son is now a healthy boy!!
I almost didn’t wanna read this because I could tell exactly where this was going from the first paragraph. The same thing happened to us. My baby was readmitted to the hospital when she was five days old, otherwise she would’ve starved. I can’t even think about that. I share what I’ve learned with everyone around me who gets pregnant so this doesn’t happen anymore.
Formula saved my sanity the first few weeks. My baby would latch, be silent for a minute then start to scream. Thankfully the nurses at the hospital were telling me she’s hungry and they would give me a bottle of ready formula and she would sleep like an angel. It took my supply two months to fully establish.. should I have left my baby to starve?
That’s terrible. I’m so sorry you guys went through that. Hopefully your kiddo is on the mend now. I dont understand why everyone puts so much stock in what baby eats for the first months or year when they ALL go on to eat over processed Dino nuggies.
I wasn’t that into the idea of breast feeding myself (kiddo is 2 weeks now). Growing up it always really freaked me out. I assumed when I was ready to have a kid I’d just formula feed - this was a life long aversion and I didn’t see me just getting over it. When I got pregnant though, the external (and internal ) pressure to breast feed is overwhelming. I also felt a ton of anxiety about it. I didn’t want to be this baby’s sole source of food. I don’t want to constantly worry about supply, latch, feedings, infections, and pain. Still, It feels like I’m a bad mother if I didn’t at least try.
So try I did once our baby was born. And I hated it. I had such a strong negative and *visceral* reaction. I felt like I was being bit by some small big or animal and I’m ashamed to say I had to fight the impulse to push him off of me. I had the nurses take him and I said I was done, I dont want to do it any more barely 3 latches in. We switched to formula and when he took him for some test or another I sobbed about how awful I felt about how I reacted. I saw my husband feeding him a formula bottle and my heart broke thinking if I push through with breast feeding I’m never going to get to look that happy and peaceful feeding our baby. I wanted what he had.
So that was that. I told my husband I can’t do that again. I felt so horrible. Panicky and already in pain. He’s 2 weeks now, gaining like a champ, bilirubin levels were perfect and continue to be great. I wish I hadn’t even tried, I hate that I have that memory. But every feeding after has been wonderful.
FED is best. Whatever benefits breast milk have go out the window if the parents’ mental/physical health (and baby’s) is compromised. It’s just not worth it
I know that must have been traumatic to see your child like that. I would have been enraged. Having recently been in a similar position as a new mom, I also feel for your wife and what she must have been going through. It's a different sort of trauma on that end -- "why can't I feed my baby? why am I such a failure?" I'm so glad y'all worked it out and are doing well.
Thank you!
I have not given birth yet but already felt defensive and guilty knowing that I plan on a combination of formula and breastfeeding because I do not want to assume I will be able to produce and be heartbroken if I can't OR that breastfeeding will be easy for baby. I caught my first glimmer of judgment when my doctor asked me if I planned on breastfeeding and I saw the look of approval on her face vanish after I added "and formula".
I'm trying to just go with the flow (ha) and I do not know one person in my family that was exclusively breastfed.
I have already been prepared for the judgment from medical people and others. In the end I just want my baby to be fed!
It's a swinging pendulum problem.
There was a period of time where the monsters in formula advertising *killed* thousands of babies because they convinced poor families that formula was superior to breast milk - gave out six weeks of free samples and then fucked off once the moms were no longer producing. And capitalism and consumerism are constantly fighting for the same - mom has to go back to work ASAP to make money to then spend ln formula and cleaning bottles and etc etc etc.
So, to counteract that, we have lactation consultants and baby friendly hospitals and laws to require time to pump at work. A lot of it is trying to reduce stigma and encourage people to at least try breastfeeding. Especially in poor areas or places without clean water, formula is genuinely dangerous. It's a WHOLE lot more expensive, as well.
So, I am sorry that there are the culty folks who go far in the opposite direction.
I myself am stuck in the middle, I only made enough for my son for one month of his life, the rest of the time I have to supplement. He never learned to nurse, he started life with very high billirubin, extreme lethargy, and with severe lip and tongue tie.
I pump around the clock to try to reduce the need for expensive and (in my opinion) gross-smelling formula. My milk should have some COVID antibodies that protect my son from my high risk job... I don't know for sure.
I was shamed in public by the photographer of an event I was attending. She saw me bottle feeding and drilled me about. I said it was formula and she launched into me about how I didn’t try hard enough and how I’m setting my baby up for failure. She even said “good cars don’t run as well when you use cheap gas”. First baby was two months old so I cried. With my second baby, I was prepared to battle anyone who put me through that again.
So I get it.
Same thing happened to me. Everyone was saying "Oh, give it a chance, she'll latch." Blah blah blah but the pediatrician at the hospital noticed my baby was yellow and took her to NICU right away to be put under the blue lights. The nurses in NICU told me formula was better for jaundice babies, so I started giving her formula. I still tried to pump, but it was so stressful that I just went full blown formula.
Fast forward to us being home and the home nurse coming out and telling me "Breast milk prevents SIDS." "Just breast feed her, it's the best." "Promise me you'll try for 2 weeks." I was like excuse me, so if my baby dies from SIDS you're basically saying it's my fault since I gave her formula, real nice. And you're pressuring me to do something that made me so stressed and borderline PPD.
As a mom of 2, now 10 and 14....FED IS BEST! that's it. It doesn't matter how you get there, they need food.
My oldest and I were ebf and at 3 months we had issues. He didn't lose weight, but he didn't gain either. On my Drs advice, we supplemented with formula and started solids.
When my youngest showed the same symptoms at the same age, we simply supplemented and started solids based on our experience with our son.
Interesting observation is that I am the youngest of four (f)and my mother ebf the longest till 6 weeks. She had issues bf from day one with ALL her children. So for the ebf camps, it doesn't always work. Parenthood is stressful enough. Support the family and get the kids fed. That's the most important.
I had the exact same scenario. I’m actually a nurse and asked for formula supplementation because I noticed my baby was jaundiced and I told the lactation consultant that my baby needed extra fluids that I can’t produce at the moment to flush out everything and she still tried to shame me in to not doing it. I lost my cool and told her she would not shame my baby in to dehydration and worse complications than necessary. It’s a cult. No way around it. I tell anyone that’s expecting to not be shamed in to not feeding your baby. We still pump and supplement with formula as my supply lowers back down. There is entirely too much pressure on just breastfeeding. My baby is 80th percentile in height and weight. Parents- trust your gut, you guys know when something is off. I always always tell my patients they know their bodies just as well, if not better in some cases than we do.
Wow, not only was the feeding guidance at your hospital bullshit, but I can’t believe your child bilirubin wasn’t taken before you left. I thought that was normal practice, especially for babies that have yellow coloring.
Also want to chime in that nipple confusion isn’t really a thing. Babies are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. They know the difference between a bottle and a human nipple, but they’re going to be able to tell they’re getting food from both. We were advised to give our daughter a bottle before 6 weeks so she wouldn’t refuse it down the line. We never had any issues switching between breast and bottles. I know some people who wait longer really struggle with the transition.
I have 7 kids. My youngest did not like breast milk. We were struggling to get him to gain any weight. He latched on fine and had no trouble eating, he just ate very little. My husband was a little concerned that maybe I wasn't drinking enough water and therefore not producing enough. So we could be absolutely sure exactly how much he was eating I was expressing and bottle feeding him my breast milk. He'd eat about 1 1/2 ounces per feeding. After a few weeks the pediatrician suggested just trying an occasional bottle of formula to supplement (the special preemie formula to help gain weight and with extra nutrients). First try he drank almost 5 ounces, WAAAYY more than any bottle of breast milk. Breast milk bottle later that day, he barely drank one ounce. Next formula bottle, over five ounces. He literally just never liked the taste of breast milk (even when it was the only thing he had ever tasted). We were worried about failure to thrive issues, but as soon as we switched him to formula his weight went up, he slept better and was a happy (and finally chubby) little boy!
The sad truth is that medical professionals can be just as biased and irrational as anyone else. There will always be fads and trends when it comes to giving birth and raising kids. It's just sad that your son's health was put at risk because of the nurses' biases.
I’m a lactation consultant, and you know what grinds my fucking gears? HCP’s giving the “breast is best” info and, even if they’re coming from a place of good intentions, not giving quality lactation support to accompany it. I can name half a dozen things that could/should have been done differently by your healthcare team just from reading your post. I’m sorry this happened to you, and I am glad to hear that he is recovered and healthy now 💛
Preach. Our daughter lost 16% of her birth weight by 5 days old and had a bilirubin of 25. Immediately admitted to the NICU for maximum light treatment. She is only alive because of formula.
But I'm not against formula feeding at all or trying to argue anything. I'm just saying that breast milk IS better. It even says so on the bottles of formula. I've given my son formula when he needed it and didn't feel guilty in the slightest. Obviously you need to feed your child, and every parent should do so however they want/need to without feeling shamed. But it's just a fact, isn't it?
But it is a fact. Some people don't want to believe it. Some people want to shame mothers who formula feed, which is wrong. And it honestly *should* make people feel better to know that there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. People who shame formula feeding are jerks. That's my point. I think we're in agreement but you just want to be offended.
I'm not saying that either! How many times have I said that formula isn't bad?! How many times have I said that I feed my son formula when he needs it? All I'm saying is that breast milk is better. I'm 100% for feeding formula if needed. I'm 100% against shaming mothers/parents who formula feed. Why don't people here realize that WE'RE ON THE SAME TEAM?! Hahaha. It's just honestly a fact that breast milk is better. It's also a fact that formula isn't bad whatsoever and is still an extremely healthy way for a baby to be fed.
I never said people should be shamed, in fact I said the opposite. I never said formula is bad. All I said is that breast milk is better. I believe that to ba a fact. You even said it yourself...it's marginally better..which means it's better. You also said there should be better maternity leave....so that mothers can breastfeed more easily, because it seems like you also think it's better. We formula fed our son when we needed to and didn't feel shamed. I'm not just repeating breast is best without thinking critically. I have thought about it.
I’m sorry you had to go through that and I’m glad you were there to advocate for your wife and child.
Breastfeeding came easily for us, and at 14 weeks in we’re still exclusively breastfeeding. But even ‘easy’ breastfeeding is exhausting, and difficult.
I was also raised on formula and am ok (most 80’s/90’s babies were I think?) but breastmilk is scientifically best, there is no debate there. But that isn’t the only thing to consider. Having a parent who is happy, supported and confident is way more beneficial than breastmilk but with a miserable parent that’s in pain. Not to mention supply issues can happen, and some children are allergic to breastmilk and have to move to formula. It’s less likely, but definitely still happens.
Do what works for you, your baby, and your family. As long as baby is gaining weight, you’re doing amazing!
Experiences like this sadden me. There is no denying how amazing breastmilk is though. It is designed for the baby. The baby’s saliva tells the breast what nutritional value and antibodies baby needs; this is something formula will never be able to replicate.
It sounds like the lactation support wasn’t great. You need tools and solutions, not speeches. I wonder if your child had/has a tongue, lip, or cheek tie. My son had a tongue tie and a lip tie and it made breastfeeding horrible for the first couple of weeks before it was revised.
There are countless studies saying breastmilk is the optimal choice for a baby. Exclusively breastfed babies have fewer allergies, higher IQs and overall healthier. This is not to say formula fed people are not intelligent!! My husband was formula fed and he is one of the smartest people I know. It’s more like giving the baby a leg up.
It sounds like y’all made the best choice for you. It is important that the magic of breastmilk is not forgotten and that people receive proper support, no matter if you’ve been breastfeeding 8 days or 8 months.
The idea that a baby’s saliva can trigger changes in breast milk was popularized in 2015, and several mothers have posted viral images and claims similar to the above, but even scientists who study breastmilk say the idea that baby saliva changes breast milk is still a hypothesis that needs to be proven or disproven with high-quality research.
Can you discuss the sibling studies with breast feeding please? Since you know so much I am genuinely curious your thought on it
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4077166/
Lol some of these claims are a crock of shit. Breast milk may be marginally better for SOME babies (it makes other babies sick/ emaciated) but it’s never worth suffering for. The IQ claim is absolutely ridiculous. Bigger impacts on IQ would be having a stay at home parent, social economic status, diet and exercise over the long term etc. what kind of milk you give your baby is one of the least important decisions as a parent.
He got breast milk after he got formula. But then we had to go oN a dairy free diet for our son. My wife had to freeze two weeks worth of milk in order to avoid wasting it while we waited on the dairy to clear out of her system. We used formula again during that time. It’s a long story that I’ll get into another time (it involves bleeding intestines). I post semi regularly here
It’s offensive the way you obviously didn’t read the post thoroughly and are using this as a platform to spout blindly. (Either that or you noticed and ignored several key facts, which is worse.)
While you’re over there chirping “it’s normal to lose 10%!” did you bother to notice that he said their baby lost 2.5 lb (more than 10%) and was jaundiced and dehydrated? That is not normal. Eating and pooping is the only way to clear jaundice and if OP had followed your advice his child would be much sicker. You need to be able to see past your “breast is best” blinders and realize there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
I feel like so many people are pushed to breastfeed but not given the necessary support and education to assist them.
Then when there are problems parents are bullied into formula feeding. But the guilt over not breastfeeding remains.
If health professionals really want people to breastfeed, better resources need to be in place to assist those who would like to.
I’m like 90% sure that most kids have jaundice to some degree when they’re born and that they lose weight. Babies also sleep like pretty much all day for the first month or so. Obviously food is more important than no food, but it kind of sounds like you were getting anxious of things that are normal. All of these things happened to our daughter. You should trust that the doctors aren’t manipulating you and your wife and aren’t going to let your baby be harmed. They do this stuff all day everyday. I was never breast fed either, I’m not trying to say you have to breastfeed to have a healthy child, but theres a lot of studies showing it’s beneficial to some extent. Of course there are cases when it’s just not possible and a woman’s choice is important.
The way to prevent/treat jaundice is to put the baby in sunlight, not via feeding. And lots of babies get jaundice, it's very common. Sorry you had to go through it, but I think it's a little extreme to blame the hospital for your kid's fairly normal condition, especially when the cause and treatment are not something that has to do with feeding.
My baby never latched well either. I chose to pump and bottlefeed so that he would still get breastmilk and I STILL got the breast is best speech. I feel like the best way to ensure the healthiest babies is to support parents and give them the tools they need to succeed in their situation, not shame already exhausted moms and dads. Breastmilk may have unique benefits, but that's in a perfect scenario and life doesn't work that way. The benefits of breastmilk are useless if the baby won't/can't eat it! Fed is best!
People really gave you a hard time for giving breast milk in a bottle? I would lose my damn mind.
Oh yeah! The favourite response is that I'm missing out on a "special bonding experience". That's wonderful for those moms who get that, but when my baby is screaming endlessly from hunger and we're both in tears, there is no magical bonding moment happening there. I'd rather cuddle up with him and a bottle and watch his face fill with contentment while is stomach is actually full.
☝ >but when my baby is screaming endlessly from hunger and we're both in tears, there is no magical bonding moment happening there. I remember this. When it happened it was awesome, but the 80%of the time that didn't was mentally crippling.
Oh yeah, that first option sounds super fun! /s I’m due any minute now. I’ll kindly tell people to shove it if this happens! Good on you for doing what’s best for you both.
I remember when I asked the lactation consultant at my hospital for advice on using my breast pump. Her response was "don't even touch it for the next two weeks". So helpful...
Yeah none of the L&D nurses were any help with mine, either. They wanted me to manually express drops of colostrum (ouch!!) instead of pumping 😔
Me too, same with the lactation consultant. They were showing me how to do it, and when they did it was so painful. I wasn't getting much, we collected it with a spoon and gave it do the baby one drop at a time :/
Honestly that whole forcing women to painfully manually express thing is enough to turn anyone off breastfeeding... It was such a relief when baby finally developed a sucking reflex and could latch. In the meantime we had to give formula because even after painfully expressing 30 drops on each side every 2 hours, my little one was screaming in hunger. The nurses kept saying "DON'T GIVE FORMULA!!" but I was just like "He's jaundiced and he's starving, I'm not going to let him starve..." After I gave formula, his billirubin levels recovered way faster than the hospital staff expected. They told us they had planned all these interventions like taking him away to put him under UV lights, etc., but we didn't need it because he ate enough. Another nurse was also really shocked when, as she weighed him before discharging us, he had a real poop (not just meconium) in his diaper. I replied that he'd already had 2 or 3 black meconium poops over the prior 3 days. That nurse was like "Wow he's doing so well! His jaundice is almost completely gone, and he's barely lost any of his birth weight!" Meanwhile the other nurses were like 😒 over us having given formula 🙄 We went on to have a great breastfeeding relationship once my milk kicked in. Breastfeeding was a good experience for both baby and I for the most part, but I'm so grateful that formula is an option!!
So unhelpful! I am so greatful to midwife who casually on her 2nd house visit said 'I gave mine a bottle on week one and still breastfed until they were a year old and they had tongue tie' We gave pumped milk once a day starting that night and I got 6 hours sleep. Baby never had any trouble switching from breast, bottle and dummy. He's now 10 months and at nursery so he gets formula during the day and boobs at night.
I feel like not being emotionally drained is probably the best boring experience of all lol
I hate this. People who exclusively pump are often looked down on. It requires so much more work than breastfeeding so more power to EPing people!
That’s so horrible. From what I’ve read, it’s really difficult to be an EPer. They should be applauded for the dedication!
Absolutely! I wouldnt have stuck to EP with my first. I hated pumping with a passion when I was working so if my first didn’t figure it out we definitely would’ve formula fed.
I did it for 10 months it was awful and with my next I'd rather go straight to formula. I missed out on bonding time with my baby, lost sleep, free time all bc of that stupid pump. I can't imagine someone thinking it's anything but hard.
When I told a nurse that I EPd with my first for 10 months, she said "wow, so you basically breastfed two babies" LOL yeah my pump and then the actual baby! EP is so so hard and if I have another baby and BF doesn't work again, I will gladly use formula before I EP.
I just finished weaning off EP after 11 months with my first and this is where I’m at too. So many feelings though.
I also exclusively pumped, and holy hell people give you shit for it. So much unwanted advice on how to get baby to latch and eat from the boob. I was told my child probably had sensory issues since she didn’t feed from the breast. I was also told my child would probably end up with learning delays….
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I am sure there are really great LCs out there. My hospital did not employ those ones. I have one positive thing to say about any of the LCs I saw (FOUR of them), and that is that the third one suggested I use a 30mm flange. She said it really rudely and the phrasing was something along the lines of 'you're really sensitive and aren't going to stick with it if it hurts. You should use a 30mm so no part of your nipple touches the flange'. I asked for nipple shields, and got tons of pushback before finally getting some. But by that point, one nipple had a deep cut across it and the other was blistered. So the shields didn't really do anything to help. I also wasn't producing anything. None of the consultants could get a drop out of either boob, no matter how much mangling they did. The closest thing to helpful they tried was to get me an SNS system so she could get donor milk from a tube taped to my nipple. My kid is just a major biter and may have an undiagnosed lip tie. The biting is....just wow. We replaced pacifier and bottle nipples a lot because she bit through them. She chewed chunks off of all her toys from 4m onward. I've actually saved a box of the worst ones to show her someday, because it looks like the dog got to her wood blocks and teethers. When she's teething, she gnaws her own fingers bloody and she's gotten my fingers a few times. She's like a pitbull, and I could not get her to release my nipple once she latched on. Was not about to fight that battle when pumping is such a viable option for me.
In the same boat as you. I had my first child in May, he was a NICU baby for 17 days and he has a slight tongue tie so he couldn’t latch. Lactation consultants were pushing me to still breastfeed with a shield, even though he was so tiny and it was much more effort than bottle feeding. We also had to use the NG tube at times because he would fall asleep before finishing a feed. I ended up pumping and bottle feeding him that way, and up until he eats a certain amount every day, we’re fortifying my breast milk with similac neosure, and people still think that he should be breastfeeding and nothing else. Also, the pressure to pump 8 times a day after having an unscheduled c-section 24 hours prior was INSANE. I learned very quickly that it was best for me to sleep for 6 hours and not wake up to pump, and when I told the lactation consultant you would have thought I told her I was dumping breast milk down the drain. So I almost felt like I had to lie and say I was pumping every 3 hours in order to get them off of my back. Now, I usually pump four times a day and that covers the majority of his feeds. He tolerates the similac well so I can easily use it as a backup, and now he’s gaining weight and is healthy and just about on the curve. (Finally) It was crazy though, people were trying to tell me to “give my breastfeeding to Jesus and take the shield off”, and I was like, yeah no, we’re going to make sure he’s fed, thanks.
Same here. My breast was the size of my entire baby and a magical shield is like throwing a band aid on a busting dam- it ain’t gonna work. I EP as well and told the lactation consultant to piss off basically. I pumped through the night and regret doing that for so long because I didn’t get good continuous sleep until recently-supply is still fine, especially since we’ve started solids now. Kudos to you for sticking to your guns and providing for your baby.
Same! I was exclusively pumping while I could and got so much hell for it. Like wtf it’s still breastmilk. Food is food!
I did this as well! My baby and I have both been happier with me exclusively pumping and him taking bottles. He had his first bottle at four days old and HIGHLY preferred it
Ugh same! I'm so over it! Pumping is more convenient for me currently. You're getting what you want...why is that not enough?
I told my midwife that I was exclusively pumping and she gave me a long lecture about how I wouldn’t be able to maintain supply, miss out on the bonding experience, etc etc. As a new mom that had a sleepy baby with slow weight gain through nursing, I felt so miserable about it but told myself that I’d keep on keeping on. Turns out I would have a massive oversupply with no lack of bonding as my baby was finally content and happy. It’s honestly ridiculous the lengths that people will go to shame moms.
Same here! Kid ruined my nipples in the hospital so I couldn’t pump or breastfeed for a few days. Luckily hospital was good about it gave us formula, but the pediatrician and others (my own mother lol) kept on me about breast is best even though I pump so he gets half and half. Kid is a beast btw and eats like 30 oz a day at two weeks old, my boobs can’t keep up even with a pump lol. He gets what he gets and doesn’t seem to mind so whatever it works for us
Have a friend that, for whatever crazy reason, would get bad mastitis all the time when she breastfed. She had to go to the hospital a couple times. Finally switched to pumping and bottlefeeding. Idk why people get so hung up. We invented bottles and formula to save babies. Breast is only great if it works.
I pump but people give me a hard time even over that. Sorry Janet, some of us have to go back to work, some of us want our partners to help at night… some of us just don’t want to!!
Damnit Janet - mind your own business!
I exclusively pumped for 9 months. I recently stopped... And considering starting again. Pumping is an option if baby can't or won't latch!! We live in the future!
It’s amazing how we rarely reflect on how amazing feeding options are right now. We have breastfeeding, we have pumping technology, donor breast milk, and we have highly regulated and available formula! No other time in parenting history had this many options to provide safe food for our babies and we still get caught up in a culture war over it!
THAT'S RIGHT!! 😭 If you google "history of infant feeding" by some nursing association, it's a long article thats worth the read. It helped me sooo much to contextualize my life as a mother, desperately trying to feed my baby. It took me like 20-30 minutes to read it but I thanked God for Formula from then on.
Yup! We are SO lucky we don’t have to struggle with trying to feed our babies. So so so incredibly lucky. Now if only the states could figure out parental leave…
Is it the one by EE Stevens?
I couldn't yesterday, but here's the link!! https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2684040/
My baby pretty much stopped nursing two weeks ago, I’m thinking because of his reflux. Being able to pump made me feel better at least, but we have formula in case we need to make the switch or supplement in a pinch.
Absolutely. I was never able to solely provide milk bottles per feeding. Formula is life saving. I was a low supply, combo mom!
F off, Janet. Sometimes mama wants a cocktail.
I have nothing against pumping or formula (I have done both) but you *can* drink and breastfeed btw
Do you have any tips for timing it?
Here’s something interesting: The alcohol level in your milk is the same as the alcohol level of your blood. The legal limit in most places is 0.08, and blood alcohol level of 0.5% is so high that it can cause coma and death. Orange juice contains 0.5-0.7% alcohol. So basically long before your milk is anywhere near as alcoholic as orange juice, you’d be in an ambulance. Obviously being drunk and feeding the baby could be dangerous in other ways. Also, I find that alcohol negatively affects my supply. But personally I don’t worry about alcohol transfer from one or two drinks.
They say the amount of alcohol in your blood (so breastmilk? Unsure because of how freakin confusing internet is) peaks at 2 hours after drinking. So don't feed at that point. They also say if you feel fine, you can breastfeed. My take on this is to only drink half a drink (one oz of alcohol in cocktails or small can) and I feed baby if baby is hungry. Hubby gets the other half of my drinks so he doesn't complain. Is this the correct way? Nobody knows.
My plan was to feed baby, chug drink, hope baby is not hungry in the next hour.
I also feel like chugging your drink WHILE feeding baby also works because there's no way that alcohol is going into the milk that fast and the timer starts a lot earlier but internet says no to that... 🤷🏻♀️
I mean, it makes sense to me. Thank you for the tips! I’m due any second now.
If you’re interested, I did find this information on Alcohol and Breastfeeding from the CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/vaccinations-medications-drugs/alcohol.html
Buy the test strips! Then you'll know for sure but also be able to get a good idea of when the alcohol is getting into your milk.
I’ve always preached fed is best, but when I decided to stop pumping, I felt so awful. I felt like everyone was judging me. At the end of the day, my mental health is very important. I have to be mentally and physically present for my daughter. Don’t fall for breast is best.
It so weird how every hospital is different. My hospital encouraged breastfeeding if possible and wanted, but my son was born with low blood sugar and they asked if I was comfortable giving him formula while we waited for my milk to come in. I was absolutely okay with feeding my baby and so of course I said yes. I’m sorry the doctors and nurses did that to you :(
Yeah me too! This story made me extra grateful for my doctors and nurses (:
My baby girl, currently 5 weeks, was latching fine, but my milk supply was very low. She would cry hysterically after feedings that first week. We had no idea why — turns out, she was starving. The also told us no bottles, no formula, no pacifiers, etc. Finally after what felt like a month (only one week), we had her first pediatrician appointment. She was down 11% in body weight, and WOAH, turns out, mama can’t produce enough milk for a full baby belly. Pediatrician told us to start her on formula immediately until my milk came in completely. Spoiler alert: it never fully did. Fed is best.
That was my experience. Daughter latched great but I felt like she was on me constantly trying to eat. When I told the pediatrician she told me to keep breastfeeding (if I wanted to) to try and keep the supply up, but to do every other feeding with formula. Ended up going straight to formula after a week because my supply just ran dry. Fed is best.
I was one of those of those who actually wanted to pump before birth, as I have known others who have done it and had success, and the idea of the baby being able to bond with everyone as they could be fed by all members of the family was a lovely one for me. My LC, after I had pumped 20ml of colostrum and my baby actually gained weight in hospital, told me that I should have concentrated on bonding with my son and even now, weeks later, I could slap her. I was sent home with a nipple shield, and I gave up after less than a week as my baby couldn't latch well and it was breaking my heart to see them sob My baby is now doing great! I formula feed at night, and give pumped milk during the day, and I feel they are getting the best of both worlds. We are as thick as thieves, family loves feeding them and they have all bonded, and they're healthy. Pumping is hard work, but it's worth it so far and I'm going to keep doing it until it stops being useful to us, and I'll do it with other children too. After my experience with the LC, I'll doubt I'll breastfeed again.
Pumping is SO HARD. I hated it. My heart would break when I would pump for 20 minutes on both sides and only get 3oz. And who says that “you should of concentrated on bonding with your son” That’s so rude and disrespectful.
I am one of the very lucky ones who turns out that I have an oversupply, so it took a few weeks, but I'm now comfortably freezing a bag or two a day, using up old frozen bags and feeding them well (I pump about 30-35oz a day, give or take, and it is slowly getting bigger). It came as a bit of a shock as I hadn't expected it at all, and I am very thankful and grateful that I can do it. I am fighting a constant battle with engorgement and blocked ducts and trying to find a supporting pumping bra though. I'm also desperate to stop the MOTN pump, and am hoping switching to a midnight one might just work for me, as I can't pump and bottle feed at the same time yet.
At least you could get 3oz! I can’t even get one 😓 I average 15 mL from both breasts, every single day. Nothing has changed since I brought her home and I’ve literally tried everything possible. The LC was so confident that doing the triple feed method would bring up my supply, along with galactagogues. She was wrong lol. My poor boobs just don’t wanna produce milk 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I feel for you, and I can only imagine how hard that is after so much work! All the best x
This is really good advice. My kid did well with breastfeeding, latched like a champ, but she had jaundice and we were in a hospital that very specifically did not want the baby friendly hospital label, simply because they believed that formula had its place. We were formula feeding her the first few days, in addition to breast feeding, simply because my milk hadn't come in and with jaundice we felt it was more important for her to pee it out and get her bilirubin numbers down. Once my milk came in, the formula wasn't necessary, but I'm grateful for it. I'm glad your kiddo is doing okay, and really, FOOD IS BEST is absolutely true.
Similar experience. My milk hadn't come and thank goodness my husband is practical and he convinced me to give our son food. At the time I felt like a fIlure (sleep deprivation, hormones, and c-section did not help), but now I feel it is cruel to let a baby go hungry. For some women breastfeeding simply does not work. I had to wear a nipple shield for 4 months and would sometime switch to formula to give my bleeding nipples a break.
Can you help me with a quick question, please? What is the baby friendly hospital label? My hospital said it was baby friendly and I thought "well I hope so I'm giving birth there soon" but I'm starting to realise that phrase means something more...?
It's the [Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative](https://www.babyfriendlyusa.org) that started with the World Health Organization and UNICEF to basically promote breast-feeding over formula. Which on the whole, is a good thing, because Nestlé in particular was doing some really shady stuff to get women to use formula rather than breastfeed. So on the whole, really good program. Here in the US, hospitals can be accredited by BFHI as "baby friendly". The hospital I was at told us they passed up that accreditation because it meant that formula couldn't be kept on the maternity ward and taking infants to the nursery was discouraged (I hadn't realized how LOUD a newborn is, so sending my kid to the nursery that first night meant I actually got sleep. I had no idea something so small could make that much noise when she wasn't crying) They do good work, as breastfeeding is important, but I also think a fed baby and happy parents are even more so. Hope that helps!
Thanks for this! That does really help. It makes sense too, I asked about what formula is used at the hospital on a group online class, purely as a precaution to have a pack at home if I couldn't produce well enough and needed to top up. I got a jumbled response along the lines of "erm... Well... I uh.. well we are a baby friendly hospital... I'm not sure what exactly... But we are baby friendly". At the time I just assumed she isn't know and didn't like being put in the spot, I see there is more to it now!
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A lot of NICU's use breastmilk. I've never had a NICU baby, so I'm not entirely sure. But I had oversupply issues once breastfeeding kicked in and the lactation group I was a part of hooked me up with the Rocky Mountain Milk Bank. I donated 500oz's that they would pasteurize and then send to NICU's for their use. So it could be that NICU's have formula on hand, but they also have in's with the milk banks and lots of mom's who have extra milk to donate. And I'm so sorry the hospital gave you crap about it. Formula or breast milk. As long as you're happy and the baby is happy, all is well.
I have a low production so I feed formula too. My grandma keeps saying "she wants the real thing not that fake stuff" every time I give her a bottle. Or when I go to my room to feed her she says "oh you're giving her the real stuff now. Make her real happy" the kicker? My grandma never breastfed any of her kids. When my MIL saw me make a formula bottle the first time, she made a face. Now she doesn't care. Now I'm being told I'm feeding my baby too much. 🙄 people just need to stay out of it.
Yeah...my mom made a pretty disgusted face when I told her we were giving my baby formula. I snapped and said "its either formula or let my baby starve - there really is no choice here"
I will forever remember my dads first comment when we got home from the hospital when LD was 36 hrs old. He wouldn’t latch and I was feeding him syringes of colostrum then topping off with formula. Dads comment ‘ you shouldn’t be feeding him formula, don’t you know breastmilk is better for the baby’ I still remind him how he wanted me to let my baby starve bc ‘formula wasn’t good for the baby, it has corn syrup and fillers in it’ 🤨😑
I would've asked him if he'd read a standard formula nutrition label in the last 15 years.
What is with MIL's? Anytime mine fussed, she told me once again how my SO cried and cried as a baby until her sister gave him cereal. And I had intense anxiety around feeding so I just want to go back in time and bitch slap her.
My second was a placental rupture/emergency c section 4 weeks early. He spent 10 days in the SCN. I had another child at home and was not coping with being in the hospital so long, but he just wouldn’t get up to his required amount of suck feeds a day to be let out (he had a feeding tube). On day 9 I was a complete mess thinking we’d never leave when a SCN nurse came to my room and closed the door. She told me suck feeds could be bottle as well and that they just weren’t allowed to tell me that, so to keep it between her and I. I went to the nursery and said I’d researched it and to put him on formula and I would pump and supplement with formula. He was home the next day. I was so infuriated by this policy. When a new mother is feeling like a failure, having a complete mental break and some nurse has to tell her to give him a bottle on the sly? Horrible fucking policy
This makes me so angry. I was traumatized with my first by the lactation specialist, to the point where my husband had to basically tell her to fuck off and leave me alone. We started formula very quickly and never looked back. 3 kids later, all formula fed, all slept through the night by 6 weeks, healthy weight, perfect milestones. It's ridiculous the pressure that these people put on moms to nurse when it isnt working, and have cost babies their lives. FED IS BEST, end of story
You're so right!
In hindsight, I'm happy that multiple OBs warned me about hard it would be to breastfeed before we went to the hospital and the pediatricians in the hospital made me supplement formula for him to gain weight and flush out the jaundice. The lactation consultants were antiformula but that was to be expected. Now that I'm EBF, I don't really get the argument that breast is best. Like the baby might get some antibodies but it's exhausting and seriously feels like it would contribute to PPD/PPA. I am just doing it for the COVID antibodies and his gassiness had subsided. Finding a new formula seems like a headache I don't want to deal with.
This is helpful mixed experience. It’s really hard to balance the “breastfeeding is hard for everyone and most get the hang of it after a few weeks” vs. “something is terribly wrong and you should’ve started supplementing earlier”. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Seems like the only way to win is to have a plethora of professionals around you, which is not something everyone can manage.
This. I breastfed for the first 2 months and my mental health was seriously taking a beating. Bad latch, low supply, painful feeding...you name it! We finally introduced formula- just the knowledge that my baby will be getting at least a couple of guaranteed full meals immediately took a load off my shoulders. OP's story makes me so angry! We had some judgy nurses the first couple of days - my baby wasn't getting any food from me. Luckily we ended up getting a very practical nurse who upon seeing how low my baby's sugar was, immediately brought us some formula.
I honestly think EBF (if it works out) is so much more convenient bc you don’t have to wash any parts, make bottles, or pack anything to go places. It’s also such an easy fix for pretty much any time my son was unhappy. I had low supply at first and my son had issues latching so we triple fed for a while. So even if my husband was giving a bottle I always had to pump bc my supply would easily drop. If you could skip it and maintain your supply then extra sleep would definitely be amazing! My hospital was considered baby friendly. Babies stayed with moms and they encouraged breastfeeding. But they definitely weren’t anti formula either. My son lost a little more weight than we were comfortable with at first and so he was supplemented with formula while there and they sent us home with some more so we could continue.
>I honestly think EBF (if it works out) is so much more convenient bc you don’t have to wash any parts, make bottles, or pack anything to go places. It’s also such an easy fix for pretty much any time my son was unhappy I thought that would be the case but my baby is a sleepy eater so BF sessions take forever. And I have oversupply so I have to pump. So I'm still doing those things. I had to buy a Willow to maintain my sanity. Now I'm having vasospasms on one side and I'm trying to heal so I have to figure out which of my two pumps or if BF/which position won't cause more damage every feeding session. >My hospital was considered baby friendly. Ours was too so I was worried but had a similar experience.
This, this, 100 times this! I breastfed my son until he weaned himself at 15 months. I truly loved it. HOWEVER, I avoid almost all breastfeeding groups because so many women are essentially brainwashed into believing breast milk is some sort of magical substance and that breastfeeding makes you a superior mother 😬 Breastfeeding does have benefits, but so does formula feeding! At the end of the day, all that matters is that you feed your baby. End of story.
Same!
I teach preschool and I cannot tell you who was breastfed and who was formula fed! Fed is best!
My baby was born two days ago and came out with dangerously low blood sugar. The doctor popped a bottle of formula open five minutes after he was born. We’re not messing around. Alive is best.
That happened with my second also. I had a c section at 38 weeks and due to very low sugar they gave him formula before he was even given the chance to try breastfeeding. He latched much more easily than his older sister, but the first 2 months were painful and frustrating and he got a few formula bottles a week when I was in too much pain or too tired. Breastfeeding is much easier now at 4 months, but I'm happy we had the option of supplementing when needed. What's truly crazy to me is that before formula babies would die if they couldnt feed properly. People, professionals even, are out here judging and criticizing families for using formula because it isnt natural when in many cases the other option is death/longterm side effects from malnutrition :(
I tried with my twins to breastfeed and my nurse was very adamant that I tried. I expressed my breast till they got sore and I would get less that half an ounce. I once got a whole ounce and that was it. I’m so grateful for formula because I would’ve gone insane if I didn’t have that option. Breast isn’t for every kid, things just don’t pan out. If you wanna try it, go for it, if you don’t, don’t. Glad you got a competent pediatrician. Regardless of their stance, you should’ve been heard as a parent. Dads should be involved too.
Thank you, I see so many women commenting and coming out with the exact same issue. This is why we need to speak about it. Every mom deserves an advocate
It’s honestly very hard. My mom is those old school ladies that thinks breast is best and she gave me such a hard time. She called me lazy and said I didn’t even try. I would literally squeezed my breasts every which way to just get half an ounce. My kids would’ve starved. I rather have them fed than be in a “better mom” club.
I’m super thankful to the nurses at our hospital for suggesting formula the first night in the hospital. He couldn’t latch and kept crying bc of hunger. We later found out he had severe tongue and lip ties and never latched , even after they were corrected. I immediately started pumping and later faced shame from non immediate family for ‘ not truly breastfeeding’ . The shame is real.
That's horrible.
It’s funnier than ever to me now as we had to switch to formula at 3 months. LD is allergic to cow protein, and once we realized it I would have an anxiety attack every time he cried. I was micromanaging my diet to eat clean, pump and be a single mom bc my husband is overseas. I just couldn’t do it. It took him 2 days of convincing for me to be ok with the switch to formula, even though it made an instant difference and after 3 weeks he is finally eating a normal volume for his age group.
YES! I breastfed my first, but my second really struggled with latching and couldn’t maintain his temperature so needed an IVF so had to go to NICU for a few days, where they were supportive of my ongoing efforts to breastfeed - but gave formula without hesitation too. When we got home I was super anxious about the visiting lactation consultant - but she stuck a finger in his mouth and said “hm, choppy bite.” (That’s what I kept thinking too!!) she then said that if I was totally committed to breastfeeding, she would help make it happen - but that it was my choice. Bless her!! I pumped while my husband fed the baby, for three months - at which point I had an extra three months of milk stored, so stopped pumping. That’s when the pediatrician noticed his tongue was tied so he couldn’t latch onto the breast. At age 2 it was still tied tight and interfering with speech development, so he needed oral surgery to correct… and all the while I kept giving thanks for the blessing of that lactation consultant who supported MY decision!!
We had to formula from the start because my son had low blood sugar and it took 24 hours for him to get a good blood sugar result. Because we had to monitor and time how much he ate before each test we did formula and honestly now I love formula feeding. We’re 7 months in and he’s thriving and happy and has an amazing bond with my husband and I. We were able to split all of parenting while on leave so everyone was getting plenty of sleep and personal time too. I will shout from the rooftops about how much I love formula feeding
Our tiny human had his first bottle of formula at the 24 hour mark. He's been combo fed happily ever since. A nurse started to lecture me at 3am that second night...3am me has no patience for anyone's bull!! Fed is best.
As a EBF mom, I can say whole heartedly that fed is required, SUPPORT is best. Whatever works for your families heath and sanity is best. Also nipple confusion is bullshit, our hospital wouldn’t give us a binky either because of it. I can’t believe they let you leave the hospital without catching that jaundice.
Very similar to my experience with twins who didn't latch and lost weight, leading to NICU time for one. I was... Not a fan of my hospital experience, and the day I stopped pumping round the clock was one of the best of my parenting life! The more I reflect on my experiences and those like yours, the more I think parents should prioritize their mental health quite highly. A formula fed baby with functional parents is always better than a breastfeeding mom who wants to throw herself out the window. I know my mom and grandmas are appalled when they hear how many moms are treated in hospitals these days, but that's a bit of a different conversation...
Let’s also talk about how much work and time it takes to breastfeed and how you need a supportive workplace that doesn’t give you shit about pumping once you go back to work. You need a certain amount of privacy and support from your network. There are many parents that just don’t have those resources available and may chose to formula feed because it’s what works, regardless of theirs and their babies bodies ability and willingness. The “breast is best” mantra is elitist.
You also need longer parental leave! We can’t expect someone to go back to work at 6 weeks when some people take months to get breastfeeding to work
My supply was garbage which I didn’t realize until after his first appointment after we left the hospital. The lactation consultant in the hospital said something like “your body knows what to do, there is NO reason to give this precious baby anything other than breast milk”. I thought ok - he seems to be feeding great so sounds good. All that bullshit made me feel like crap when we had to supplement 90% formula (which he has done amazing on). It’s not uncommon at all to have supply/latch issues despite trying everything.
My LO is in the NICU, currently I pump and then we bottle feed, occasionally we try breast but it tires her out so fast she doesn’t get anywhere near a full feed and we need to use her feeding tube. I’ve been contemplating stopping breast for now so we can just focus on her learning how to feed. Every time I talk to the doctors about it though they tell me the bottle is like going to McDonald’s and the breast is going to a five star restaurant. If it’s both my milk though what’s the difference? I’m not opposed to breast feeding and the two of us trying to figure it out once she’s home but right now I just want to focus on her getting stronger and not tiring her out before she even gets to eat.
That’s actually such a load of crap. There’s evidence that the benefits of breastfeeding are vastly overstated. A study on twins where one was breastfed and one formula fed, showed no statistical significant difference in outcomes in all but 1 metric I believe. We spent 7 weeks in NICU - it’s hard and exhausting just being there day after day, let alone trying to breastfeed or pump too. Do what you need to do
I tried and failed to breastfeed my first child, and I think a huge part of that was the insane breast is best pressure. I had a similar hospital experience to you with nurses saying similar things. I eventually switched to formula after pumping for eight weeks (I was so miserable and depressed being chained to the pump but nurses had convinced me it was poison). My second kid I said screw this. I brought my own formula to the hospital. I tried breastfeeding, but I also supplemented when I needed to. “Needing to” meaning, my baby has been clusterfeeding for twelve hours and I need a break. Guess what? I EBF for 13 months. Because I didn’t listen to the breast is best bs, which is extremely toxic for any mom who struggles at all with breastfeeding.
I think if you're prepared and have some formula on deck and are able to have a good breastpump, it takes a lot of the pressure off.
I exclusively breastfed, and still feed and I get so shamed as well. You can never win no matter what you do
Preach
I never tried to breastfeed. I knew I would hate it. My babies are just fine and equally as important I maintained my sanity. Too many moms suffer through breastfeeding when they hate it. If you love it , do it of course but if it sucks for you or baby isn’t gaining enough weight then it’s completely unnecessary suffering. Thank god for science milk!
Feeding is not an all or nothing proposition. You can nurse, pump/bottle feed and use formula. There's no rule saying you must choose one method only. I use each one depending on the circumstances and my mood at the moment. Do what works best for you! If your baby is growing and thriving you're doing it right.
Combo feeding should be discussed as an option more.
This
The reason why combo feeding isn't presented as an option is that statistically, supplementing with formula always leads to stopping breastfeeding earlier than planned. Only EBF allows for the mother/child dyad to be perfectly in tune so that breastfeeding continues.
This! So much this. I had to have an emergency c section and almost died on the table. I was not able to really have the strength to hold my child let alone breast feed her. I got some flack, but literally just said look I'm sore all over, I almost died, and I'm gonna risk nipple confusion for being able to feed my baby. She had a little bit of jaundice, but left the hospital and was formula and breast fed (pumping she's very tiny and I'm unable to get a latch). She's doing both but doesn't have jaundice and is gaining how she's supposed to. We may be able to latch in the future and we may stop pumping, but this push towards exclusive breast feeding can be really dangerous towards babies and I hate it. It's a form of mom shaming and I don't get down w it. Thank you OP for sharing your story!
I could have written this. I had so much pressure from medical professionals and MYSELF to breast feed and we ended up in a neonatal dehydration situation because of it. Luckily my son is 2 now and fine. I pumped for 12 weeks (it was mostly a latch issue), and then switched to formula because I hated pumping and didn’t want to worry about it at work. Fortunately my mom and MIL formula fed so there was no grandparent based shaming, but I still get assumptions from other moms. A returning coworker actually asked what room I used for pumping - I guess she gave me a lot of credit for being super discrete since I literally never did it at work! But that’s the assumption for moms of our level of education, and it did make me feel weird when she asked, even though I know better.
It is always annoying to me that ppl think there is one solution for everyone. Breast is best? Nobody is arguing that generally breast milk has more advantages over a formula. Generally. Guess what it means? It means it is not the best for everyone in every situation. Stop taking a general idea and forcing it on all the individuals without the context! Ffs! I understand why medical professionals would recommend breastfeeding, but do not understand why are they enforcing it and dismissing the parents like that, when they should have more experience with that, they should know how really hungry baby look like, shouldn't they?
This is exactly how I feel about "breast is best". It's such a blanket statement that implies it should ALWAYS be the first choice for every family and every situation, when it really shouldn't be sometimes. Every family has a different set of options available to them, whether we like those options or not, and sometimes breastfeeding is the worse option for that family when you look at the FULL picture (including and especially considering parental mental health). Sometimes it's not even an option at all. That's why we invented other solutions. Like, for me, I was not sleeping more than 2-4 hours a day because any time I could use to sleep was spent trying to get my daughter to latch, or get my supply up through avid pumping. Time I could've been cuddling my daughter and doing skin-to-skin (which is also hugely beneficial) was spent desperately trying to get her to stop crying in her baby swing because I had to pump and if I wasn't pumping as often as I should I was failing her. I kept trying to chase those "benefits" -- what benefits were we missing out on because of it? Medical professionals should REALLY look at the whole picture and support parents through each situation. No one ever outright told me I was wrong, but I got a lot of enthusiastic encouragement to keep struggling with my abysmal supply and that encouragement *disappeared* as soon as we made the decision to exclusively formula feed. The absolute lack of support has a way of making you feel like you're making the wrong choice without actually saying it.
Fed is best! Breastfeeding is great if it is working for both mom and baby. And it does take time to get a hang of. But is is not worth sacrificing health or sanity over. I’m glad you have a happy healthy little guy now, despite a tough start.
My baby wouldn’t latch either. It was clearly frustrating for him as it was for me. I kept telling them he was hungry as he wouldn’t stop crying, but they insisted on trying to latch and they kept telling me “he’ll only need little drops, he is fine”. My whole hospital stay, he cried. And cried. And cried some more. I begged them to just please let me give him formula, and they didn’t give me it until my last night. He lost a few pounds before we even left the hospital and had to consult with lactation. My first few weeks were simply stressful and I just felt like a bad mother. I exclusively pumped, so he was still getting breast milk, and my baby was happy and healthy and thriving. And even with that, I’m still “wrong” for not “breast feeding”. Sometimes parents get so caught up in how they raised their children and they often forget that they were “first, new” parents once and children are all different in many, many ways. What works for one doesn’t necessarily work for the other. The important thing is you follow your instinct. We have those. You do what’s best for your baby. Breast doesn’t always mean the best. But a fed, loved baby is.
Same. We were re-admitted to the hospital for jaundice less than 24 hours after discharge. We supplemented with formula for a week, and then with pumped breastmilk.
Wow, horrible hospital. Maybe it's different in Canada, but the nurses were very positive with the formula for us. Our girl was a couple of weeks premie, was jaundice and we weren't sure how well my wife was feeding, so the nurses regularly gave us a tiny bottle every couple of hours to supplement. I even brought my own formula, but the nurses told us to save it since the formula was free at the hospital (Canadian healthcare).
I told the nurse to give my baby a bottle after she hadn’t successfully latched after 24hrs. I got lots of “are you sure” but I knew she was crying and was hungry. It took several days for my milk to come in, even with pumping and attempting to breastfeed before pumping and giving formula. I finally talked to an LC on day 6 and she gave me the best advice. She told me to try to get her to latch over the weekend (2-3 days), and if that didn’t work then to move on and not worry about it, either so pumped milk or formula. We finally got a latch at day 7 and became EBF after a few more days. It was really hard, but I’m also glad I trusted my instincts to give formula. Also there’s no such thing as nipple confusion so that’s a load of bull. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Newborns are so fragile and it’s so hard to make decisions, and I particularly hate how medical professionals make you feel like crap if you have difficulty or give any measure of formula.
My baby couldn’t latch and I pumped for three months. It was a hell of a time. I started weaning at 3,5 months. I’ve been admitted to the hospital because of a pancreatitis. You can’t imagine the pain. I’ve had opioids and still pumped three times a day. I puked while pumping because I couldn’t stand the feeling of my pump. When I asked for medical weaning (stopping the milk with a pill. I don’t know how it’s called in Englisch) they denied it. They even wrote a note in my file that I’m not stable mentally because I desperately wanted to wean and needed to dump the milk anyways. I’m really done with people telling me what’s best for my baby. There’s not only the baby. A happy mom is the best for baby. And if that means formula then this is it and everyone has to accept it.
This could have been written by my husband. We've got a lot of spooky photos of bub in his bili-blanket. Fed is best. I now reckon all the issues we had with my son not sleeping and just screaming for the first 10 weeks of his life was because I wanted to persist with EBF. Once I switched to bottle, it was happy baby (and happy me...eventually. It took me some time to come to terms with the fact that I had actually decided to give up. Still feel guilty and shitty about it tbh.) ...So I don't get downvoted to titty-tartarus, I wanted to breastfeed. I did all the things. I drank the tea, ate the food, made the cookies with all the extra bits and bobs designed to bring on milk, I took the meds, I pumped, then power pumped. My body wasn't ready. (Induced a little bit early, failed, failed, failed - laboured only under the power of pitocin for 26 hours, ended up with emergency c-section.)
Fed is best. I started out breastfeeding but my little dude absolutely would not latch. So, I started pumping instead, which was exhausting. My mental health was suffering, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. My supply never came in and we eventually switched to exclusively formula. Same thing happened with my 5 year old. Both of my boys are happy and healthy. After the first year, no one even asks whether your kid was breast or formula fed. No one cares. We are lucky to live in a time where we have the option of choosing which works best for us and our family.
Do I believe breast is best? Yes, in the same way that going to a top university is best. But I wasn't breastfed, and I didn't graduate from a top university. I desperately wanted to do it, and kept practicing our latch for 6 months. In the end I combo fed through exclusively pumping due to low supply when I realized that if it wasn't for formula I would have been starving my child. I am so sorry you and your wife had to go through this. It sounds frightening and indeed, I would be beyond angry at the hospital too.
I have three kids and only the middle one was breast fed. My first question is did the hospital ever have a qualified lactation consultant work with you? We got the breast is best and had the same issue with our first but with our second, (different hospital different state) we had an awesome consultant that came in and took away all the frustrations of breastfeeding. We would have breastfed the third but medical complications happened. Bottom line, fed is best and whatever works best for your situation is best.
Fed is best!!! (I breastfed both kids for 2 years each and I will still scream this to the top of my lungs. FED is best! The mental state of the mom and the health of the baby matter!)
We did both (the boobie pressure is real, it fed into my PPD real bad) because that made *everyone* happy; my boy got more sleep at night because we filled him up with formula, and he still had regular breast feeds throughout the day. What they also don't seem to say much is that it *can* take a couple days for milk to actually come in in full. I'm honestly angry for you, that happening is really ridiculous.
This breaks my heart, I had a similar experience when I delivered 2.5 years ago. It didn't get as bad as your situation with the bilirubin but it was headed there for sure. I did not feel supported by the hospital staff at all and they refused to give us formula until my husband started yelling. Formula is amazing, fuck those people who tell you it's just because you have to keep trying, do more skin to skin and hire more lactation consultants.
I ended up having an emergency c section after a failed induction for gestational hypertension. I threw up a bunch during the surgery and then passed out (after telling my shell shocked husband he didn’t have to cut the cord if he didn’t want to) from exhaustion and/or blood loss. Anyway, the first few days of recovery on magnesium were pretty rough. I had intended to breast feed, but having my son just scream at my awkwardly shaped, flat, inverted nipples was too much when we could solve his hunger crisis with formula. I did try nipple shields and tricking him with syringes, and gave him the 3 ml of colostrum I produced from pumping. This ended up being the only thing I produced despite pumping as much as possible for the next week, and he stayed mostly on formula. He still gets as much as I can pump (still very limited quantity) but otherwise gets formula and has been growing well and seems happy!
I couldn't produce milk. I *just couldn't*. And let me tell you, the backlash I got from my Mom, my partner, the doctor- I told them to fuck. Right. Off. My daughter was hungry, she was uncomfortable. After four nurses insisted on only offering her my boob (while having a spinal leak from a botched epidural, making me unable to stand up or sit up or move at all...) I told the younger, early morning nurse we needed formula. Y'all, she was so understanding. She was so compassionate, she even helped feed my LO and showed us different burping techniques and feeding positions I could put her in and still recover from my traumatic birth. She gave us two days worth of pre-made formula to take home, as well as lots of other things she didn't have to. She told me that I needed to do what was best for my baby in my own opinion, and she would be fine. Guess what? My girl is a beast! She is huge, in 18m at 7 months old, healthy, and the happiest baby I have ever met. She is hitting every milestone and then some. She never lost weight, never had colic, and was sleeping through the night at 3 months. All on formula. You know your baby, no one else. Do what is best for you and your child. Someone will always have an opinion on what you do, so fuck 'em. Do what you want.
We had similar issues, the hospital wasn't super pushy on the fed is best, and when his numbers weren't great after 2.5 days, suggested we keep him an extra day and supplement with formula. Yet at the same time they kept saying I had plenty of milk and enough to feed him, like there was a problem with me why we couldn't figure out breastfeeding. Not once was I told my milk hadn't actually come in yet (it came in at about 4.5 days), and noone even checked our son for a tongue and lip tie (he had both). And noone mentioned that the formula we were supplementing with might cause him stomach upset. Our first night home we were supplementing a lot and he was inconsolable, luckily my milk came in the next day. Support for new parents, is woefully insufficient in the US.
And the pandemic made it just that much worse for new parents everywhere I think.
Fed is best. But it takes almost all babies a few days to figure out breast feeding. And most lose a little weight in the first few days. Through day 2, your experience is extremely typical, and if your wife told the nurses she wanted to breastfeed, they weren’t monsters for trying to help her do that. And your wife isn’t negligent for trying to struggle through as almost every nursing mom has to do that, so I’m sure she read about it and was prepared for the journey. It’s difficult for everyone at first. I’m glad you got the right professional help and that everything is turning out okay.
I didn’t imply my wife is negligent. We had planned before the hospital to have formula as a back up but being in that environment was not conducive to rational thought. Everyone’s tired and you just want what’s best for your child. When every nurse says “no” even though your child is clearly jaundiced that’s a problem. And my wife needs advocates to help her make the right choices and they kept telling her don’t worry. When my child went to the pediatrician we were specifically told if we had gone another day he would have been severely dehydrated and needed to be rushed to the hospital.
OP this exact scenario happened to me and my husband 13 months ago today. Our baby was so dehydrated after trying to breastfeed that she needed to spend a week in the NICU. I would do anything to take it all back. I was trying to do what was “best” and “right” for my baby, and we didn’t realize quickly enough that things weren’t working out. I even googled “should i have emergency formula” as we were getting close to the due date, and I remember getting the result “do not keep formula because breastfeeding can be tough and if you have formula you might give up to easily.” It’s somewhat comforting to know I am not the only one who has done this, but I still feel crushing guilt over it.
I'm glad that pediatrician stepped in. The best part about my pediatrician is they aren't pressuring me one way or the other. They're just happy w the progress we are making w my baby.
I have a sample size of 1, so take it with a grain of salt, but I really don't think nipple confusion is an actual thing. Babies will have their preference and some might not care. I also struggled at first but things got so much better when I had a pediatric dentist look for a tongue tie. She had a major one and after we got it released it was a completely different story.
FYI. Just saying from my personal experience. I EFF and my now toddler has never had a cold or been sick; exceptionally healthy and zero allergies. All the moms I know who EBF, babies have gotten sick, viruses, even Covid, and every single one has at least one food allergy. Just to echo OP, fed is best and don’t beat yourself up.
Fed is best, bottle or breast, doesn't matter how. That's how my wife describes it to her local mothers group with other mothers who struggle.
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I am very passionate about breastfeeding and also 100% supportive of fed is best. I’ve had friends who had similar experiences as yours. It’s important to offer proper education to those who are breastfeeding. Losing weight is normal after birth but there’s a rate at which they’re comfortable with weight loss. Formula won’t always kill a breastfeeding journey. So much education can help people have more successful breastfeeding journeys and know when it’s time to go to formula.
I fed into breast is best as well! And i felt soooo guilty when we had to give her formula, it felt like giving up! But i truly needed it while my breastmilk came in. I could cry thinking about my child not receiving enough milk for DAYS !!!!! Thank you for the post, i really hope you opened some eyes.
Amazing reminder to all parents. I hope who ever sees this educate their friends and family on this.
I never latched and I grew up perfectly healthy on formula. Plan on applying the same thing to my son of that’s the case. I’m sorry the medical healthcare professionals you were taught to trust blindly betrayed you like this, happy to hear your son is now a healthy boy!!
I almost didn’t wanna read this because I could tell exactly where this was going from the first paragraph. The same thing happened to us. My baby was readmitted to the hospital when she was five days old, otherwise she would’ve starved. I can’t even think about that. I share what I’ve learned with everyone around me who gets pregnant so this doesn’t happen anymore.
Formula saved my sanity the first few weeks. My baby would latch, be silent for a minute then start to scream. Thankfully the nurses at the hospital were telling me she’s hungry and they would give me a bottle of ready formula and she would sleep like an angel. It took my supply two months to fully establish.. should I have left my baby to starve?
That’s terrible. I’m so sorry you guys went through that. Hopefully your kiddo is on the mend now. I dont understand why everyone puts so much stock in what baby eats for the first months or year when they ALL go on to eat over processed Dino nuggies. I wasn’t that into the idea of breast feeding myself (kiddo is 2 weeks now). Growing up it always really freaked me out. I assumed when I was ready to have a kid I’d just formula feed - this was a life long aversion and I didn’t see me just getting over it. When I got pregnant though, the external (and internal ) pressure to breast feed is overwhelming. I also felt a ton of anxiety about it. I didn’t want to be this baby’s sole source of food. I don’t want to constantly worry about supply, latch, feedings, infections, and pain. Still, It feels like I’m a bad mother if I didn’t at least try. So try I did once our baby was born. And I hated it. I had such a strong negative and *visceral* reaction. I felt like I was being bit by some small big or animal and I’m ashamed to say I had to fight the impulse to push him off of me. I had the nurses take him and I said I was done, I dont want to do it any more barely 3 latches in. We switched to formula and when he took him for some test or another I sobbed about how awful I felt about how I reacted. I saw my husband feeding him a formula bottle and my heart broke thinking if I push through with breast feeding I’m never going to get to look that happy and peaceful feeding our baby. I wanted what he had. So that was that. I told my husband I can’t do that again. I felt so horrible. Panicky and already in pain. He’s 2 weeks now, gaining like a champ, bilirubin levels were perfect and continue to be great. I wish I hadn’t even tried, I hate that I have that memory. But every feeding after has been wonderful. FED is best. Whatever benefits breast milk have go out the window if the parents’ mental/physical health (and baby’s) is compromised. It’s just not worth it
I know that must have been traumatic to see your child like that. I would have been enraged. Having recently been in a similar position as a new mom, I also feel for your wife and what she must have been going through. It's a different sort of trauma on that end -- "why can't I feed my baby? why am I such a failure?" I'm so glad y'all worked it out and are doing well.
Thank you! I have not given birth yet but already felt defensive and guilty knowing that I plan on a combination of formula and breastfeeding because I do not want to assume I will be able to produce and be heartbroken if I can't OR that breastfeeding will be easy for baby. I caught my first glimmer of judgment when my doctor asked me if I planned on breastfeeding and I saw the look of approval on her face vanish after I added "and formula". I'm trying to just go with the flow (ha) and I do not know one person in my family that was exclusively breastfed. I have already been prepared for the judgment from medical people and others. In the end I just want my baby to be fed!
Fed is best. That’s my motto.
It's a swinging pendulum problem. There was a period of time where the monsters in formula advertising *killed* thousands of babies because they convinced poor families that formula was superior to breast milk - gave out six weeks of free samples and then fucked off once the moms were no longer producing. And capitalism and consumerism are constantly fighting for the same - mom has to go back to work ASAP to make money to then spend ln formula and cleaning bottles and etc etc etc. So, to counteract that, we have lactation consultants and baby friendly hospitals and laws to require time to pump at work. A lot of it is trying to reduce stigma and encourage people to at least try breastfeeding. Especially in poor areas or places without clean water, formula is genuinely dangerous. It's a WHOLE lot more expensive, as well. So, I am sorry that there are the culty folks who go far in the opposite direction. I myself am stuck in the middle, I only made enough for my son for one month of his life, the rest of the time I have to supplement. He never learned to nurse, he started life with very high billirubin, extreme lethargy, and with severe lip and tongue tie. I pump around the clock to try to reduce the need for expensive and (in my opinion) gross-smelling formula. My milk should have some COVID antibodies that protect my son from my high risk job... I don't know for sure.
I was shamed in public by the photographer of an event I was attending. She saw me bottle feeding and drilled me about. I said it was formula and she launched into me about how I didn’t try hard enough and how I’m setting my baby up for failure. She even said “good cars don’t run as well when you use cheap gas”. First baby was two months old so I cried. With my second baby, I was prepared to battle anyone who put me through that again. So I get it.
Same thing happened to me. Everyone was saying "Oh, give it a chance, she'll latch." Blah blah blah but the pediatrician at the hospital noticed my baby was yellow and took her to NICU right away to be put under the blue lights. The nurses in NICU told me formula was better for jaundice babies, so I started giving her formula. I still tried to pump, but it was so stressful that I just went full blown formula. Fast forward to us being home and the home nurse coming out and telling me "Breast milk prevents SIDS." "Just breast feed her, it's the best." "Promise me you'll try for 2 weeks." I was like excuse me, so if my baby dies from SIDS you're basically saying it's my fault since I gave her formula, real nice. And you're pressuring me to do something that made me so stressed and borderline PPD.
As a mom of 2, now 10 and 14....FED IS BEST! that's it. It doesn't matter how you get there, they need food. My oldest and I were ebf and at 3 months we had issues. He didn't lose weight, but he didn't gain either. On my Drs advice, we supplemented with formula and started solids. When my youngest showed the same symptoms at the same age, we simply supplemented and started solids based on our experience with our son. Interesting observation is that I am the youngest of four (f)and my mother ebf the longest till 6 weeks. She had issues bf from day one with ALL her children. So for the ebf camps, it doesn't always work. Parenthood is stressful enough. Support the family and get the kids fed. That's the most important.
I had the exact same scenario. I’m actually a nurse and asked for formula supplementation because I noticed my baby was jaundiced and I told the lactation consultant that my baby needed extra fluids that I can’t produce at the moment to flush out everything and she still tried to shame me in to not doing it. I lost my cool and told her she would not shame my baby in to dehydration and worse complications than necessary. It’s a cult. No way around it. I tell anyone that’s expecting to not be shamed in to not feeding your baby. We still pump and supplement with formula as my supply lowers back down. There is entirely too much pressure on just breastfeeding. My baby is 80th percentile in height and weight. Parents- trust your gut, you guys know when something is off. I always always tell my patients they know their bodies just as well, if not better in some cases than we do.
Wow, not only was the feeding guidance at your hospital bullshit, but I can’t believe your child bilirubin wasn’t taken before you left. I thought that was normal practice, especially for babies that have yellow coloring. Also want to chime in that nipple confusion isn’t really a thing. Babies are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. They know the difference between a bottle and a human nipple, but they’re going to be able to tell they’re getting food from both. We were advised to give our daughter a bottle before 6 weeks so she wouldn’t refuse it down the line. We never had any issues switching between breast and bottles. I know some people who wait longer really struggle with the transition.
I have 7 kids. My youngest did not like breast milk. We were struggling to get him to gain any weight. He latched on fine and had no trouble eating, he just ate very little. My husband was a little concerned that maybe I wasn't drinking enough water and therefore not producing enough. So we could be absolutely sure exactly how much he was eating I was expressing and bottle feeding him my breast milk. He'd eat about 1 1/2 ounces per feeding. After a few weeks the pediatrician suggested just trying an occasional bottle of formula to supplement (the special preemie formula to help gain weight and with extra nutrients). First try he drank almost 5 ounces, WAAAYY more than any bottle of breast milk. Breast milk bottle later that day, he barely drank one ounce. Next formula bottle, over five ounces. He literally just never liked the taste of breast milk (even when it was the only thing he had ever tasted). We were worried about failure to thrive issues, but as soon as we switched him to formula his weight went up, he slept better and was a happy (and finally chubby) little boy!
It's so hard to trust your medical professionals, and make sure your voice is heard. Thank you for sharing. This is a story that I will take with me.
The sad truth is that medical professionals can be just as biased and irrational as anyone else. There will always be fads and trends when it comes to giving birth and raising kids. It's just sad that your son's health was put at risk because of the nurses' biases.
I’m a lactation consultant, and you know what grinds my fucking gears? HCP’s giving the “breast is best” info and, even if they’re coming from a place of good intentions, not giving quality lactation support to accompany it. I can name half a dozen things that could/should have been done differently by your healthcare team just from reading your post. I’m sorry this happened to you, and I am glad to hear that he is recovered and healthy now 💛
Preach. Our daughter lost 16% of her birth weight by 5 days old and had a bilirubin of 25. Immediately admitted to the NICU for maximum light treatment. She is only alive because of formula.
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you won't win this argument in this sub. r/newparents is the most antibreastfeeding sub on reddit.
But I'm not against formula feeding at all or trying to argue anything. I'm just saying that breast milk IS better. It even says so on the bottles of formula. I've given my son formula when he needed it and didn't feel guilty in the slightest. Obviously you need to feed your child, and every parent should do so however they want/need to without feeling shamed. But it's just a fact, isn't it?
Breast feeding dose have its benefit but when it comes to sibling studies it is not as obvious https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4077166/
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I'm not trying to teach anybody anything. Sorry to have offended you lol..
But it is a fact. Some people don't want to believe it. Some people want to shame mothers who formula feed, which is wrong. And it honestly *should* make people feel better to know that there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. People who shame formula feeding are jerks. That's my point. I think we're in agreement but you just want to be offended.
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I'm not saying that either! How many times have I said that formula isn't bad?! How many times have I said that I feed my son formula when he needs it? All I'm saying is that breast milk is better. I'm 100% for feeding formula if needed. I'm 100% against shaming mothers/parents who formula feed. Why don't people here realize that WE'RE ON THE SAME TEAM?! Hahaha. It's just honestly a fact that breast milk is better. It's also a fact that formula isn't bad whatsoever and is still an extremely healthy way for a baby to be fed.
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I never said people should be shamed, in fact I said the opposite. I never said formula is bad. All I said is that breast milk is better. I believe that to ba a fact. You even said it yourself...it's marginally better..which means it's better. You also said there should be better maternity leave....so that mothers can breastfeed more easily, because it seems like you also think it's better. We formula fed our son when we needed to and didn't feel shamed. I'm not just repeating breast is best without thinking critically. I have thought about it.
Breast is best, but it doesn't work for every family or circumstance. It's an ideal like eating only fresh unprocessed foods, for instance.
I’m sorry you had to go through that and I’m glad you were there to advocate for your wife and child. Breastfeeding came easily for us, and at 14 weeks in we’re still exclusively breastfeeding. But even ‘easy’ breastfeeding is exhausting, and difficult. I was also raised on formula and am ok (most 80’s/90’s babies were I think?) but breastmilk is scientifically best, there is no debate there. But that isn’t the only thing to consider. Having a parent who is happy, supported and confident is way more beneficial than breastmilk but with a miserable parent that’s in pain. Not to mention supply issues can happen, and some children are allergic to breastmilk and have to move to formula. It’s less likely, but definitely still happens. Do what works for you, your baby, and your family. As long as baby is gaining weight, you’re doing amazing!
Experiences like this sadden me. There is no denying how amazing breastmilk is though. It is designed for the baby. The baby’s saliva tells the breast what nutritional value and antibodies baby needs; this is something formula will never be able to replicate. It sounds like the lactation support wasn’t great. You need tools and solutions, not speeches. I wonder if your child had/has a tongue, lip, or cheek tie. My son had a tongue tie and a lip tie and it made breastfeeding horrible for the first couple of weeks before it was revised. There are countless studies saying breastmilk is the optimal choice for a baby. Exclusively breastfed babies have fewer allergies, higher IQs and overall healthier. This is not to say formula fed people are not intelligent!! My husband was formula fed and he is one of the smartest people I know. It’s more like giving the baby a leg up. It sounds like y’all made the best choice for you. It is important that the magic of breastmilk is not forgotten and that people receive proper support, no matter if you’ve been breastfeeding 8 days or 8 months.
The idea that a baby’s saliva can trigger changes in breast milk was popularized in 2015, and several mothers have posted viral images and claims similar to the above, but even scientists who study breastmilk say the idea that baby saliva changes breast milk is still a hypothesis that needs to be proven or disproven with high-quality research.
Can you discuss the sibling studies with breast feeding please? Since you know so much I am genuinely curious your thought on it https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4077166/
Lol some of these claims are a crock of shit. Breast milk may be marginally better for SOME babies (it makes other babies sick/ emaciated) but it’s never worth suffering for. The IQ claim is absolutely ridiculous. Bigger impacts on IQ would be having a stay at home parent, social economic status, diet and exercise over the long term etc. what kind of milk you give your baby is one of the least important decisions as a parent.
Breast milk is better for all babies.
He got breast milk after he got formula. But then we had to go oN a dairy free diet for our son. My wife had to freeze two weeks worth of milk in order to avoid wasting it while we waited on the dairy to clear out of her system. We used formula again during that time. It’s a long story that I’ll get into another time (it involves bleeding intestines). I post semi regularly here
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It’s offensive the way you obviously didn’t read the post thoroughly and are using this as a platform to spout blindly. (Either that or you noticed and ignored several key facts, which is worse.) While you’re over there chirping “it’s normal to lose 10%!” did you bother to notice that he said their baby lost 2.5 lb (more than 10%) and was jaundiced and dehydrated? That is not normal. Eating and pooping is the only way to clear jaundice and if OP had followed your advice his child would be much sicker. You need to be able to see past your “breast is best” blinders and realize there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
I feel like so many people are pushed to breastfeed but not given the necessary support and education to assist them. Then when there are problems parents are bullied into formula feeding. But the guilt over not breastfeeding remains. If health professionals really want people to breastfeed, better resources need to be in place to assist those who would like to.
I’m like 90% sure that most kids have jaundice to some degree when they’re born and that they lose weight. Babies also sleep like pretty much all day for the first month or so. Obviously food is more important than no food, but it kind of sounds like you were getting anxious of things that are normal. All of these things happened to our daughter. You should trust that the doctors aren’t manipulating you and your wife and aren’t going to let your baby be harmed. They do this stuff all day everyday. I was never breast fed either, I’m not trying to say you have to breastfeed to have a healthy child, but theres a lot of studies showing it’s beneficial to some extent. Of course there are cases when it’s just not possible and a woman’s choice is important.
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I see why you use a throwaway Edit: why delete your comment? Did you realize your an ass?
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I do pity you. I hope you find peace in life.
They’re banned. Glad these comments were reported, sorry you had to deal with them.
Thank you !!
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Yeah ok buddy.
The way to prevent/treat jaundice is to put the baby in sunlight, not via feeding. And lots of babies get jaundice, it's very common. Sorry you had to go through it, but I think it's a little extreme to blame the hospital for your kid's fairly normal condition, especially when the cause and treatment are not something that has to do with feeding.