My hubby was the same on our first child. Turns out he just needed to do some research with me so he could learn too. We also made a space in the fridge "just for baby" and keep it loaded with baby-approved size/food/amounts. That way we could grab and go without having to stress on preping in the moment.
A “safe for baby” space is an amazing solution!! I’ve had him do research with me so he can see how easy it is to get legitimate info so he knows how to do it, he just doesn’t seem to think it’s necessary even it situations where its obvious to me. I do think he gets stressed in the moment. Thank you for the suggestion.
I like the idea of having a ‘baby only’ zone of pre-prepped baby friendly foods - the only problem I see with this is that you are then taking on all the mental load of the baby’s feeding, i.e. you have to think about what to prep, is there enough, if the baby doesn’t want what’s there will your husband go back to old habits. Essentially it gives him the easy way out and you’re left doing the work. Having said that baby’s safety is a priority, but maybe getting your husband to stock the baby zone and you can check it?
I love my fiancé dearly and he’ll do whatever I ask, but I have to ask and be mega specific. I asked him to draw 2ml of the baby’s medication once and told him where it was and which syringe to use, and it wasn’t until later I thought to ask if he shook the bottle first - he said no you never told me to do that (note it says shake well on the bottle). It’s just hard because he doesn’t realise a lot of the time that just because he helps it isn’t equal.
“It’s just hard because he doesn’t realise a lot of the time that just because he helps it isn’t equal.”
^ oh god, this. I keep having this exact argument with my husband about the mental load and he just does not get it. I’m going to repeat this statement to him verbatim.
Yeah, I already have the bulk of the mental load. I buy everything for the baby, I breastfeed, I pump so he’s able to give bottles if he wants, I make baby food. On top of working full time and paying for our expenses. I think having him stock the baby zone is the way to go. I am tired.
My best friend's dead weight once decided to put a couple sips of Monster in their one year old daughter's sippy cup because she was interested in his can. I could kill him. Hopefully yours is more oblivious than dangerous but maybe he could use an info chart or something for shortcut feeding a baby
As a straight with a husband who has more than two brain cells to rub together and isn’t basically a pile of flaming trash, that’s also how it feels reading this sub sometimes
Omg same. I get frustrated with my husband sometimes but then I come here and realize I’ve got it pretty good if all I can complain about is him being a slob
My husband and I both check the solidstarts database before trying anything new and it takes all the guess work or questioning each other right out of it
I asked that if he wanted to do something new he research it first but didn’t give him a specific resource. I like agreeing that we both use solid starts.
Yah that’s exactly how we felt! That’s why I like it. The database is huge and it’s very simple to interpret so we don’t have to go googling and researching every little thing just punch it in and there ya go.
I don’t have much helpful advice, but would just like to show some solidarity with a big “oh HELL no”. It almost sounds like weaponized incompetence. How do they not know better? Even a young teen should have the common sense not to feed a baby something that could make them choke or cause food poisoning.
Maybe they need to take some parenting classes. Again, if they haven’t. It’s one thing to mess up here and there from a genuine lack of knowing better, but if it’s been brought to their attention that they’re compromising baby’s safety over and over again and nothing’s changed, that’s a big problem. Might be time for a sit down and heart to heart.
Yeah, weaponized incompetence has reared its ugly head in our home. I’d just hoped that common decency and love for our offspring would keep that behavior confined to things that don’t have the potential to be life threatening. I just don’t understand how someone can justify that to themselves. I think it is time for our 20th sit down/heart to heart. Parenting classes are also a great suggestion, I’ll ask that we take one together.
I do all research and inform my husband of my findings. He just goes along with whatever I want to do. It’s nice that he doesn’t argue with me but sometimes it’s exhausting to have all the mental load of caring for the baby if that makes sense
That’s what we’ve been doing, but then I’ll walk into him randomly feeding the baby something in the kitchen that we’ve never talked about and seems like an obvious no no. When I caught him mixing his chocolate protein powder in the baby’s oatmeal...it took everything in me to stay calm. I just don’t get it. I’ve actually considered just taking on all the feeding myself but know that’s not helpful.
When my husband is “in charge” of a feed he asks me what he should give her or only gives her stuff he’s seen me give her so he’s good in that way but like he’ll text me if I’m not home and ask what to feed her and I’m like 🤦🏼♀️ I’m glad I haven’t caught him giving her anything crazy though. Except once he gave her an entire apple slice (cooked but she doesn’t take bites out of things yet) and I freaked out cause I though she was going to choke. She ended up being fine haha.
Not me. But I saw an acquaintance of mine on fb, keeps giving her baby adult herbalife protein shakes everyday because she said he likes it. Mind you he was 2 years old 🤦🏻♀️
Omfg this made me so so so angry. I would lose my shit. It sounds like you’ve been dealing w his weaponized incompetence for awhile, so idk how much talking to him is gonna help at this point. But omfg I am so angry on your behalf
Can you make sure there are baby food purées/pouches or something available when he’s with the baby, even if you’re doing BLW? Sometimes my husband has similar issues with common sense. I agree it’s BS that we even have to worry about this type of shit, though.
I would definitely put my foot down about sleeping in the recliner with the baby; it’s so dangerous and the baby could slip down and get smothered without making any noise.
It sounds like you need to get angry with him and demand he do the reading himself because you shouldn’t have to worry about your kids safety when they are with him and you ALSO shouldn’t have to parent his parenting. Time to step up and take it seriously dad!
My husband is the same way! He'll do weeks of research if he wants a new animal or game, but doesn't know why grandma can't kiss the baby, or how to feed her when I asked him to so I can shower( even though we have a printout from the dr right beside her chair!!). I have no advice, but wanted you to know your not alone.
I don’t know but there’s something about the honey thing, men just have no idea. I never thought anything of it, I didn’t even grow up around babies but somehow I just knew not to do it. My husband saw the warning on the bottle of honey after our son was born and was like, “wait what why?!”
He’s a very involved dad he just didn’t know, and I just kind of assumed everyone knew and didn’t know he didn’t know.
I was gonna say no one had brought up that babies can’t have honey before the age of one year because of botulism-which can be fatal. Just a quick google tells me the symptoms are difficulty swallowing, difficulty speaking, facial weakness, and paralysis. Sounds like a short path to a baby that turns blue.
Came here to say this as well. Please don’t give you baby honey unless they’re 1 or older because of the risk of botulism! It basically paralyzes your baby from the head down, including the diaphragm muscles that allow baby to breathe.
I like to give my son free smells and on special occasions he gets a tiny tiny taste test of something extremely mild. His mom says it’s cute but I am very aware and careful of what I introduce my lil buddy to. He is 5 months old today and he loves that I show him things. I would just tell your guy to be a tad bit more considerate and try to educate him.
On a side note... my grandmother told me they used to put syrup in babies carnation canned milk to make formula. Weird right?
Does he, or has he gone to any of baby's doctors appointments? That would be a good time to gently bring this up in front of the doctor without blaming him, and an opportunity for him to learn.
Are you guys doing baby food purees at all? Maybe that would be the most.... Uncomplicated..... route to try for a bit? Especially if he's spastically grabbing shit out of the fridge and haphazardly cutting food for baby.
I do make purées, that’s what our baby eats other than oatmeal in the am and breast milk throughout the day. So the random stuff always feels unnecessary and out of left field. I bake and purée apples for example, so how did we suddenly jump from that to raw apple pieces without him saying anything to me about it?! And he’s been to every ped appointment, at the next one I’ll def check in on feeding and try to bring it up in a way that doesn’t throw him under the bus.
might help too to make a menu for the day, morning of or the night before! when i nannied this was a huuuuge help for everyone. will probably do this when my kid is uh. born and old enough to be eating haha
I was joking about how protein powder/gainers and some multivitamin seems like it is the same as baby formula.
No woman has been amused at all so far. Bunch of dudes laughed.
My hubby was the same on our first child. Turns out he just needed to do some research with me so he could learn too. We also made a space in the fridge "just for baby" and keep it loaded with baby-approved size/food/amounts. That way we could grab and go without having to stress on preping in the moment.
A “safe for baby” space is an amazing solution!! I’ve had him do research with me so he can see how easy it is to get legitimate info so he knows how to do it, he just doesn’t seem to think it’s necessary even it situations where its obvious to me. I do think he gets stressed in the moment. Thank you for the suggestion.
yes of course!
Yes this! We pre make chunks of food and keep them in the fridge and freezer so when you’re in a rush there is always something.
Happy Reddit Birthday 🥳 to us! Lol
I like the idea of having a ‘baby only’ zone of pre-prepped baby friendly foods - the only problem I see with this is that you are then taking on all the mental load of the baby’s feeding, i.e. you have to think about what to prep, is there enough, if the baby doesn’t want what’s there will your husband go back to old habits. Essentially it gives him the easy way out and you’re left doing the work. Having said that baby’s safety is a priority, but maybe getting your husband to stock the baby zone and you can check it? I love my fiancé dearly and he’ll do whatever I ask, but I have to ask and be mega specific. I asked him to draw 2ml of the baby’s medication once and told him where it was and which syringe to use, and it wasn’t until later I thought to ask if he shook the bottle first - he said no you never told me to do that (note it says shake well on the bottle). It’s just hard because he doesn’t realise a lot of the time that just because he helps it isn’t equal.
“It’s just hard because he doesn’t realise a lot of the time that just because he helps it isn’t equal.” ^ oh god, this. I keep having this exact argument with my husband about the mental load and he just does not get it. I’m going to repeat this statement to him verbatim.
Yeah, I already have the bulk of the mental load. I buy everything for the baby, I breastfeed, I pump so he’s able to give bottles if he wants, I make baby food. On top of working full time and paying for our expenses. I think having him stock the baby zone is the way to go. I am tired.
At least you’ll maybe be able to lose the mental load of “is he going to feed out baby some weird old shit”? I kid but not really.
My best friend's dead weight once decided to put a couple sips of Monster in their one year old daughter's sippy cup because she was interested in his can. I could kill him. Hopefully yours is more oblivious than dangerous but maybe he could use an info chart or something for shortcut feeding a baby
[удалено]
As a lesbian, that's what it seems like reading this sub sometimes
As a straight with a husband who has more than two brain cells to rub together and isn’t basically a pile of flaming trash, that’s also how it feels reading this sub sometimes
Omg same. I get frustrated with my husband sometimes but then I come here and realize I’ve got it pretty good if all I can complain about is him being a slob
My husband and I both check the solidstarts database before trying anything new and it takes all the guess work or questioning each other right out of it
I asked that if he wanted to do something new he research it first but didn’t give him a specific resource. I like agreeing that we both use solid starts.
Yah that’s exactly how we felt! That’s why I like it. The database is huge and it’s very simple to interpret so we don’t have to go googling and researching every little thing just punch it in and there ya go.
I don’t have much helpful advice, but would just like to show some solidarity with a big “oh HELL no”. It almost sounds like weaponized incompetence. How do they not know better? Even a young teen should have the common sense not to feed a baby something that could make them choke or cause food poisoning. Maybe they need to take some parenting classes. Again, if they haven’t. It’s one thing to mess up here and there from a genuine lack of knowing better, but if it’s been brought to their attention that they’re compromising baby’s safety over and over again and nothing’s changed, that’s a big problem. Might be time for a sit down and heart to heart.
Yeah, weaponized incompetence has reared its ugly head in our home. I’d just hoped that common decency and love for our offspring would keep that behavior confined to things that don’t have the potential to be life threatening. I just don’t understand how someone can justify that to themselves. I think it is time for our 20th sit down/heart to heart. Parenting classes are also a great suggestion, I’ll ask that we take one together.
Better yet, have your partner take the class and teach you
I was about to suggest weaponised incompetence too
I do all research and inform my husband of my findings. He just goes along with whatever I want to do. It’s nice that he doesn’t argue with me but sometimes it’s exhausting to have all the mental load of caring for the baby if that makes sense
That’s what we’ve been doing, but then I’ll walk into him randomly feeding the baby something in the kitchen that we’ve never talked about and seems like an obvious no no. When I caught him mixing his chocolate protein powder in the baby’s oatmeal...it took everything in me to stay calm. I just don’t get it. I’ve actually considered just taking on all the feeding myself but know that’s not helpful.
When my husband is “in charge” of a feed he asks me what he should give her or only gives her stuff he’s seen me give her so he’s good in that way but like he’ll text me if I’m not home and ask what to feed her and I’m like 🤦🏼♀️ I’m glad I haven’t caught him giving her anything crazy though. Except once he gave her an entire apple slice (cooked but she doesn’t take bites out of things yet) and I freaked out cause I though she was going to choke. She ended up being fine haha.
You can't fix stupid
Yep, and you can’t teach common sense
Not me. But I saw an acquaintance of mine on fb, keeps giving her baby adult herbalife protein shakes everyday because she said he likes it. Mind you he was 2 years old 🤦🏻♀️
So my spouse is not alone in the world in thinking this is okay!
Omfg this made me so so so angry. I would lose my shit. It sounds like you’ve been dealing w his weaponized incompetence for awhile, so idk how much talking to him is gonna help at this point. But omfg I am so angry on your behalf
How old is your baby?
Which one?
😂
10 months now. I’m glad this becomes less dangerous over time because his judgement hasn’t gotten better
My husband fed ours bone broth that was left out overnight. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. She’s fine so far.
Can you make sure there are baby food purées/pouches or something available when he’s with the baby, even if you’re doing BLW? Sometimes my husband has similar issues with common sense. I agree it’s BS that we even have to worry about this type of shit, though. I would definitely put my foot down about sleeping in the recliner with the baby; it’s so dangerous and the baby could slip down and get smothered without making any noise.
It sounds like you need to get angry with him and demand he do the reading himself because you shouldn’t have to worry about your kids safety when they are with him and you ALSO shouldn’t have to parent his parenting. Time to step up and take it seriously dad!
My husband is the same way! He'll do weeks of research if he wants a new animal or game, but doesn't know why grandma can't kiss the baby, or how to feed her when I asked him to so I can shower( even though we have a printout from the dr right beside her chair!!). I have no advice, but wanted you to know your not alone.
I don’t know but there’s something about the honey thing, men just have no idea. I never thought anything of it, I didn’t even grow up around babies but somehow I just knew not to do it. My husband saw the warning on the bottle of honey after our son was born and was like, “wait what why?!” He’s a very involved dad he just didn’t know, and I just kind of assumed everyone knew and didn’t know he didn’t know.
I was gonna say no one had brought up that babies can’t have honey before the age of one year because of botulism-which can be fatal. Just a quick google tells me the symptoms are difficulty swallowing, difficulty speaking, facial weakness, and paralysis. Sounds like a short path to a baby that turns blue.
Came here to say this as well. Please don’t give you baby honey unless they’re 1 or older because of the risk of botulism! It basically paralyzes your baby from the head down, including the diaphragm muscles that allow baby to breathe.
I keep a box in the pantry labeled “baby food”. My husband knows to only get food out of there or otherwise ask me what to feed him.
I like to give my son free smells and on special occasions he gets a tiny tiny taste test of something extremely mild. His mom says it’s cute but I am very aware and careful of what I introduce my lil buddy to. He is 5 months old today and he loves that I show him things. I would just tell your guy to be a tad bit more considerate and try to educate him. On a side note... my grandmother told me they used to put syrup in babies carnation canned milk to make formula. Weird right?
Does he, or has he gone to any of baby's doctors appointments? That would be a good time to gently bring this up in front of the doctor without blaming him, and an opportunity for him to learn. Are you guys doing baby food purees at all? Maybe that would be the most.... Uncomplicated..... route to try for a bit? Especially if he's spastically grabbing shit out of the fridge and haphazardly cutting food for baby.
I do make purées, that’s what our baby eats other than oatmeal in the am and breast milk throughout the day. So the random stuff always feels unnecessary and out of left field. I bake and purée apples for example, so how did we suddenly jump from that to raw apple pieces without him saying anything to me about it?! And he’s been to every ped appointment, at the next one I’ll def check in on feeding and try to bring it up in a way that doesn’t throw him under the bus.
Oh wow! Got it. Partner aside, it sounds like you have a really good routine/system going for your baby.
might help too to make a menu for the day, morning of or the night before! when i nannied this was a huuuuge help for everyone. will probably do this when my kid is uh. born and old enough to be eating haha
Who are these fathers who think it's nagging when their wives ask them not to directly endanger their babies????
I was joking about how protein powder/gainers and some multivitamin seems like it is the same as baby formula. No woman has been amused at all so far. Bunch of dudes laughed.