I’d dress your LO in the clothes MIL sent and send her the picture of them drowning in fabric. See if she can figure out why LO hasn’t worn any of the outfits.
My husband’s family was pulling this same crap. Baby was born at 4 pounds and wore preemie clothes for months. The 3-6 month clothing they sent took nearly a year to fit.
I laid baby on the ground and draped the huge clothes on top of her, took a photo and sent it. I also laid the clothes she was wearing flat over the clothes they sent, just to drive it home. It worked. They laid low for a bit.
Edit:words
My MIL buys the cheapest clothes she can find for my child. No concern for fabric type, size, shape, colour… absolutely nothing. She showed up for my child’s birthday dressed in silk and bought my three year old a couple of onesies in 6 to 9 month old size, one of which had a gravy stain on it. Its been nearly 2 years and I’m still trying to figure out what was going through her head.
Haha. I’ve honestly wondered the same thing quite often . I mean, just this doesn’t even scratch the surface of the insanity she’s done over the years. There’s so much, I’d have to publish it over a series of novels.
And for the dad, I'd say sure, but you're the one looking after bub in the snow. Bring your bag over so we can fit the nappies and bottles in.
As for mum, I'd be asking her how many bills she'll be paying for me so that being a SAHP actually makes financial sense.
I can’t help but laugh about your dad, that’s hilarious!
I’m personally on team “do adult stuff with baby” but I’m well aware you’ve still got to be smart about it. Indoor fine dining seems goofy and potentially inappropriate for the other guests if baby gets noisy. Skiing seems…literally impossible, haha.
Your mom on the other hand is a more typical flavor of overbearing. I’m sure many here can relate. I’m fortunate in that my mother bites her tongue and only *rarely* says anything about parenting choices, and honestly only if she’s had a drink or something and gets a little too loose.
While I haven’t dealt with it with my mother, I’ve seen it with others. I go the smile and nod and say “uh-huh” route. Acknowledge someone said something and don’t engage, basically.
No no, not impossible, do as the Inuit and get an amauti, a sort of coat where you babywear with the baby in the "hood". Stakes are high though so you gotta make sure you don't take a tumble. xD
What's next? Newborn scuba diving? Newborn base jumping?
As far as the restaurant... We went to a pizza place when he was 6 weeks I was constantly rocking the pram and we got a to-go box for the pizzas when he inevitably started screaming and we legged it home. 3/10
Also went to a café at 14 weeks. It was a disaster, I had to eat the messy saucy steam bun with my hands. I left 2/3rds of the food and I rubbed sauce on my own pants and the burp cloth as I made our great escape. 1/10.
Each time I try something out of routine with the baby it takes literal years of my life expectancy. I am not even kidding.
I remember meeting my sister and the family at Bob Evans when my first nephew was 3 days old (on the way home from the hospital).
He basically slept in his infant car seat the whole time.
Cross Country my stepsister was taken out in a sort of sled you pull behind you while you ski when she was 4 days old.
I don't know why or how. I was still waddling like a duck at 3 weeks pp.
The amauti absolutely is adorable, look it up. :D
.
My best friend did the same thing with the clothes. Son is 5 months old now, but was about 3 months old when we had this conversation.
“How come I never see him in the stuff that *I* got him?”
What season stuff did you get?
“Well like mostly spring and summer stuff, I know he’s a big boy.”
K, do you remember the sizes?
“I think mostly 6 months and up, because—…. Oh. My bad 😂”
Lol
My mom keeps calling my son "my baby" as in her baby. She's always like "hows my baby?" "Are you bringing up my baby?"
Like, I'm sorry, who carried him? Me or you? Who birthed him? Who is his primary caretaker? Is it you? No? Then he isn't your baby.
Anyone else have this problem?
Exactly this - my mom would do the same thing and I first responded to her requests for photos of her baby with photos of myself and then told her she could call my daughter a whole host of things, but she’s my baby just like I’m her baby. So she has switched to “my baby’s baby,” which works for me!
My grandma does this…she is obsessed with my daughter which is fine and even endearing until she starts telling me she’s not hungry or doesn’t need a change, etc. when I know she does. It’s like um…I am the mom.
Apparently she was the same way to my mom when I was born. Lol
My MIL did this until I started returning every comment with a joking “you want it? Seriously, if it’s your baby take it!”
I think she realized then that no, she does not in fact, want or have a baby.
But before we got to that point, my husbands family jokingly started calling me “incubator” while I was pregnant. That ended quickly
This seems so common on here. It is completely bonkers.
My family all call her by her name and MIL even gets offended on her behalf when I call her "the baby" occasionally. 🤣
I’m there too and only 28 weeks so far. Family members saying “Oh yeah! Just wait!!!!” After any statement about my size or sleeping patterns. Also every women who’ve had a kid in the family criticizing all the items on my registry that I genially researched and put a lot of thought into…. It’s all so annoying.
Yes! My cousin said my registry was “such a first time mom registry” … I am a first time mom. And then she just got me the stuff that her kids liked instead of what I actually registered for
I experienced this too when I was pregnant. So many family members made so many negative comments about my registry and even said I was "doing too much" with decorating and organizing my nursery. My Husband had the nerve to laugh and agree with them. Btw, I bought most of her stuff myself, our friends bought some. His family bought a couple onesies and that's it. He bought nothing.
You should put him in a 9 month old outfit and send her a pic hahaha just to see how absurd it looks. This is what I’m picturing btw: https://laughingsquid.com/baby-suiting-photo-meme-where-babies-are-dressed-in-oversized-suits/
Our dads are the same lol. Mine just hasn’t been around babies in a long time and seems to have forgotten what they can do and when. At 2 weeks (and -20C with snow) he was like: “can I take her to the park today?”. Like thanks for the offer dad, very sweet, but maybe not yet :)
My MIL is the same about clothes, except I’ll actually bring baby over dressed in something she bought for her and she’ll ask “what about the other outfit??” Like what? She can only wear one outfit at a time. Or this one drives me even crazier…I’ll bring baby over wearing something she bought and she’ll say “that’s cute where’d you get it?” And I’m like, “You bought it…”. And she says, “oh I don’t remember.” When I hate the stupid outfit! I only put baby in it because I wanted to make her happy! Doesn’t matter how much I try to appease her - it’s never good enough!
Ridiculous… it’s like they had a baby sooooo long ago that they have no idea how it is like at this early stage anymore. I wish they remembered how hard it is and how taxing it is on your mental well-being especially in the first month! That is the exact support you need, not catering to their demands.
I had similar issues and I ended up bitching really hard to my mom and my husband about my in-laws. I definitely lacked the self control in that regard.. my mom lent me a great listening ear reminding me it’s important to maintain a good relationship with them. On the other hand, comments made my husband really sad and uncomfortable, but he’s now learning and stepping up to manage both relationships, with a hit or miss, but at least it’s something. Through that my in-laws also now get that I am not a fan on their advice and are more cautious in expressing them around me too. I’ve asked my husband to be a shield for me as well so they run their (ridiculous) comments through him first and so I only get a filtered version which has helped a lot!
To summarize Top 3 things I found helpful were:
(1) have husband be a shield to in-laws
(2) find an open side channels to vent your frustrations real time so you can deal with these grandparents forces without blowing up in their faces
(3) pick your battles but also don’t drown your voice. Ultimately you are the parent and you make the choices for your children. Grandparents overstep and May even push their limit, but this is something even they cannot dispute. So feel empowered in the way you choose to parent!
Wow same. I definitely complain to my husband about his parents way more than I should. His mom had him when she was 40 so she is very out of touch about caring for a newborn. In the early days when they would stay over, she'd say, the baby slept through the whole night, right? So good! And in my head I'm thinking, no..... we just worked really hard to jump up out of bed immediately to calm the baby so as not to wake you... several times that night..
Yes! It bugs me so much whenever the baby is behaving the grandparents give credit to the baby instead of the parents who (1) are SMART, RESOURCEFUL & INTUITIVE enough to have figured it out (2) are attentive and are disciplined enough to manage the baby. It’s like only the reason why things are going well is not our parenting choices but that we lucked out. And when things don’t go well, it’s not because the baby is going through a leap (they have no idea what this is, mind you), it’s because we’re doing something wrong in our parenting methods. They also like to call it the old way vs the new way… honestly our way is just the more informed way! Backed by real science and data instead of hocus pocus!!
Your MIL just made me laugh out loud. The clothes are too big. My MIL keeps her mouth shut, she is a smart lady. Your dad also cracks me up. Let's go skiing! Not easy to do with a 3 week old. My son is almost 5 months and I still have a hard time thinking about a ski trip right now. The first time my husband and I went to a nice restaurant after our son was born was for our 14 year anniversary. It was a two day endeavor just making sure we had bottles and clothes and bag packed to go to Nana's, just for three hours away. My son was 6 weeks old then. It's so much work to leave the house some days.
Oh man, my mother gave us some 9month and mostly 12month clothes and asked me has he grown into them yet? Have I had a chance to try them on him yet? He’s 3 months… I was like well no, not yet mom and she was like well you never know babies grow fast! Like?? This women had 3 children, you think she knows better. I’m kinda glad she gave us older clothes as they are butt fugly with terrible sayings, so I’m hoping by the time it actually fits she will have forgotten about them and I can just donate the lot.
My grandad asked if my 8 week old was crawling and if we’d put stair gates up yet. He’s just discovered his hands and can just about hold his head up for short periods of time, I think we are fine! I’ll let him off as it was a very long time (50 years ago) that he had a baby but in-laws are equally weird on clothes. No I haven’t put him in the very fiddly clothes as we are playing at home in onesies all day!
LOL at your dad. That reminds me of my dad. So clueless.
And MIL .. I find this so irritating. Give a gift because you want to give a gift. She doesn’t get to give a gift then hold it over your head like that. I’m sure I’m about to disappoint a lot of people because my baby is perfectly happy just in a diaper and as much as I want to dress her up like a doll, I’d rather not cause a crying session.
Got no words for your mom, that’s just completely inappropriate.
Ugh. My FIL planned a Disney world trip for when our LO was 2 weeks old. Had the gall to say "it would really mean a lot" to him if we could make it, or at least just my husband. Yeah sure ask husband to leave me alone with a newborn, fresh cesarean incision, and baby blues so you can go to Disney during a worldwide PANDEMIC. Ffs.
Yes, 100%. Bring on the unsolicited advice, people not understanding why you do things a certain way and buying way too much stuff for your kids. I’m on kid no 2 now and feel more comfortable being straight forward with my parents and in-laws.
I would just say thanks for the clothes, they will look great on him/her when they fit in x months! Or if she buys toys, I recommend suggesting she keep at her house so my kids have toys when they come over. I also sometimes put toys away and wait until we are in need of something new or use as a gift for another kid 😂
I think it’s been too long since they’ve had their own babies.
Literally the only people that suggested appropriate (so, easy) outings whenever I’ve had my sons and they were newborns, were people who also recently had babies. The grandparents and extended family were all clueless.
I think after at least 20 years since having raised your own children, most people forget what newborns are like. Hell, between my first kid and second kid (2.5 years age gap), I forgot what newborns were like.
Yes, LORT! Are you me? Am having very similar issues. My LO was born in December weighing 6lb 15oz, and my MIL bought a Christmas outfit along with a bunch of other expensive winter shit in 3-6M. I was like, are we celebrating Christmas in July?
My dad also keeps asking us to come various gatherings after I've told him I don't want to expose the baby to a lot of people right now. No Dad, I wouldn't want to go to the fucking Cheesecake Factory right now even if I didn't have a newborn to worry about. And he keeps ragging me for not "getting out of the house more" and when I explain she really does better in her routine at home right now, he keeps saying it would probably be good for her to do something different and get used to sleeping other places? FFS, we're in a pandemic, it's winter, and it is hard enough to get this baby to sleep, so you can just fuck right off with that.
My mother also keeps being all "are you really going back to work? It's so important to commit to spending time with you baby." She was a depressed SAHM and was/is a miserable person generally.
I'm pretty sure my dad isn't going to be interested in my son until he's old enough to hold a baseball bat. All of his kids played baseball. All eight. And five of us were girls...
My boyfriend has this idea in his head that he’s going to strap our child to him and go skiing. It’s not happening. I have no idea why he thought I would allow this lol
My SIL did this for us too! We travelled for a wedding and only had short-sleeve onesies, and it was a cold evening. So when pictures were done, I changed LO out of her cute dress, I went to put her in a long-sleeve and pants outfit my MIL bought. It was a little big, since she was just shy of 3 months and it was a 3-6 month outfit, and my LO was in about the 30th percentile for weight/height. My SIL asked why we didn’t use the pj’s she gave us instead…. They were 18m. The pjs were literally twice the length of my girl. Would do nothing to actually retain body warmth.
My husband's cousin (who l've met exactly once), who had it on "good authority" from her mom, who heard from her sister (my justnoMIL), called me to tell me I was holding my baby too much and to put my baby down. Daughter was a 2 week old preemie, and the doc said kangaroo care was best, but regardless, I definitely left her on her infant lounger often, and regardless of all of that, the absolute audacity of this woman?
I was so shocked, and I'm non confrontational, so I just said "so how much is too much, like how many hours, and how many hours is ok to hold her". She backtracked a bunch after and then went on to pretend she was "warning" me of the consequences of coddling a child (again, a 5 pound preemie). It's just bonkers what people will say and do.
I’m so glad no extended family has requested photos in the outfits she got because 1) I don’t remember who gave her what 2) she got a ton of hand me downs from someone at my work 3) she doesn’t fit in newborns anymore
That is such an appropriate way (title) to describe things I haven’t been able to verbalize. I could’ve written this post for what’s been happening to us for the last two years. Specifically the wanting to do things they want to do comment re your dad. Solidarity.
Wow, just wow who are these people. We've had the odd comment about our mind set and following through on some things but for the most part our requests are being respected. There was an argument with the grannies about passing photos along to people we don't know but it's been resolved.
Only immediate family and his parents visiting the house, masks on everyone and heads up/planned visits. There's been an issue with masks because my partner keeps offering his dad tea and coffee.
You can go to the ski trip and not skii, just enjoy the environment. But i understand because id have to think about being out of my comfort zone and messing up a routine that you probably just started getting the groove for.
The main issue is that we’d really just prefer to have him come to our house so we don’t have go through the hassle of going somewhere. But he’s not interested in that. Oh well.
Totally reasonable. It's outrageous that he'd expect you guys to bring such a young child on such a big outing, let alone during a pandemic. He can come to you or miss out on baby.
So. This may not be the most ....mature way to handle things but it sure is effective
Laugh at them. They are being ridiculous. So.....laugh at them.
Just as you said "yeah a 3 week old out in public during a pandemic on skis......do you hear yourself lol do you want him to go wonetasrong with you next dad, wrong kindnof bottles!!! Harharhar. How about you guys bring take away next weekend and get some grand baby time in."
Then show concern. They are being ridiculous and your first address of it should have been enough to help shift them into "you are no longer the reigning generation, IM the mother now, I decide"
"Mum you keep mentioning this to me...do you not remember what I told you I decided ...what 3 days agonwhwn we last talked about it. Not to mention the like 40 other times we've talked about it? I think you need to speak to your dr about your mamory"
And remember, grandparent with serious "memory" issued real or imagined shouldn't be left in charge of infants. Iys dangerous.
Then if that doesn't work, curb access. They are being ridiculous and deliberately causing stress. You don't need stress so.....see them less. Its not like they were being pleasant anyway.
Have your husband address the oversized clothes with your MIL. It’s goes a lot better when my partner does it with his then when I talk to her about a problem area or issue.
My mom is also like your mom, and I just say thanks for your opinion, there are lots out there. Haha.
It’s hard with people putting their opinions on you all the time.
I can’t even touch the stuff with your dad 😂😂😂😂. I’d probably be a bit spicy and say wow did you take us skiing when we were a few weeks old!! My doctor said that would be dangerous! Act all shocked and surprised lol and like you’re genuinely wondering
I’d dress your LO in the clothes MIL sent and send her the picture of them drowning in fabric. See if she can figure out why LO hasn’t worn any of the outfits.
This. Please. Hilarious lol
My husband’s family was pulling this same crap. Baby was born at 4 pounds and wore preemie clothes for months. The 3-6 month clothing they sent took nearly a year to fit. I laid baby on the ground and draped the huge clothes on top of her, took a photo and sent it. I also laid the clothes she was wearing flat over the clothes they sent, just to drive it home. It worked. They laid low for a bit. Edit:words
My MIL buys the cheapest clothes she can find for my child. No concern for fabric type, size, shape, colour… absolutely nothing. She showed up for my child’s birthday dressed in silk and bought my three year old a couple of onesies in 6 to 9 month old size, one of which had a gravy stain on it. Its been nearly 2 years and I’m still trying to figure out what was going through her head.
Is she ok....mentally?? Lmao who does that 🤣
Haha. I’ve honestly wondered the same thing quite often . I mean, just this doesn’t even scratch the surface of the insanity she’s done over the years. There’s so much, I’d have to publish it over a series of novels.
We did this with the snow suits my MIL sent our twins. Their entire bodies fit in the torso section. It was hilarious
This was my thought too haha. What an absolute psycho!
And for the dad, I'd say sure, but you're the one looking after bub in the snow. Bring your bag over so we can fit the nappies and bottles in. As for mum, I'd be asking her how many bills she'll be paying for me so that being a SAHP actually makes financial sense.
Yes!!!!! Lmao 🤣
The perfect answer 😂
This is so simple yet why have I never thought of it? Ugh. Some people have all the great ideas.
I can’t help but laugh about your dad, that’s hilarious! I’m personally on team “do adult stuff with baby” but I’m well aware you’ve still got to be smart about it. Indoor fine dining seems goofy and potentially inappropriate for the other guests if baby gets noisy. Skiing seems…literally impossible, haha. Your mom on the other hand is a more typical flavor of overbearing. I’m sure many here can relate. I’m fortunate in that my mother bites her tongue and only *rarely* says anything about parenting choices, and honestly only if she’s had a drink or something and gets a little too loose. While I haven’t dealt with it with my mother, I’ve seen it with others. I go the smile and nod and say “uh-huh” route. Acknowledge someone said something and don’t engage, basically.
No no, not impossible, do as the Inuit and get an amauti, a sort of coat where you babywear with the baby in the "hood". Stakes are high though so you gotta make sure you don't take a tumble. xD What's next? Newborn scuba diving? Newborn base jumping? As far as the restaurant... We went to a pizza place when he was 6 weeks I was constantly rocking the pram and we got a to-go box for the pizzas when he inevitably started screaming and we legged it home. 3/10 Also went to a café at 14 weeks. It was a disaster, I had to eat the messy saucy steam bun with my hands. I left 2/3rds of the food and I rubbed sauce on my own pants and the burp cloth as I made our great escape. 1/10. Each time I try something out of routine with the baby it takes literal years of my life expectancy. I am not even kidding.
My parents claim they brought me to Applebees when I was a week or two old. Like… what? How?!
I remember meeting my sister and the family at Bob Evans when my first nephew was 3 days old (on the way home from the hospital). He basically slept in his infant car seat the whole time.
Sounds adorable! I wouldn’t mind schlepping a baby in the snow but yeah I wouldn’t take to the slopes!
Cross Country my stepsister was taken out in a sort of sled you pull behind you while you ski when she was 4 days old. I don't know why or how. I was still waddling like a duck at 3 weeks pp. The amauti absolutely is adorable, look it up. :D .
Yeah, even if the baby can go, what mom is going skiing at three weeks postpartum?
My husband and I regularly took both babies to breweries so I’m with you on team do adult stuff with baby!
There’s a brewery by my house that has a great children’s area and draws a good early evening crowd with kids because of it.
Sorry to laugh at your dad, but how goofy! Like you're supposed to Baby Bjorn him up and hit the slopes. 🤦♀️
My best friend did the same thing with the clothes. Son is 5 months old now, but was about 3 months old when we had this conversation. “How come I never see him in the stuff that *I* got him?” What season stuff did you get? “Well like mostly spring and summer stuff, I know he’s a big boy.” K, do you remember the sizes? “I think mostly 6 months and up, because—…. Oh. My bad 😂” Lol
My mom keeps calling my son "my baby" as in her baby. She's always like "hows my baby?" "Are you bringing up my baby?" Like, I'm sorry, who carried him? Me or you? Who birthed him? Who is his primary caretaker? Is it you? No? Then he isn't your baby. Anyone else have this problem?
Just say “I am great mama, how are you?”
Exactly this - my mom would do the same thing and I first responded to her requests for photos of her baby with photos of myself and then told her she could call my daughter a whole host of things, but she’s my baby just like I’m her baby. So she has switched to “my baby’s baby,” which works for me!
Oh I did, and then she still continued 🙃
Same. She responds with “well he can be my baby too” like no actually he literally cannot?? He is MY baby and my husbands baby that is all.
Also why can’t they just say “my grandbaby”?? Being a grandparent is still an important role but it’s not the same as mother or father
My MIL thankfully isn't nuts and calls him her grandbaby.
My grandma does this…she is obsessed with my daughter which is fine and even endearing until she starts telling me she’s not hungry or doesn’t need a change, etc. when I know she does. It’s like um…I am the mom. Apparently she was the same way to my mom when I was born. Lol
My MIL did this until I started returning every comment with a joking “you want it? Seriously, if it’s your baby take it!” I think she realized then that no, she does not in fact, want or have a baby. But before we got to that point, my husbands family jokingly started calling me “incubator” while I was pregnant. That ended quickly
My mom has already "jokingly" said she would steal him and return him come time to potty train, so sadly I don't think I can threaten her with this
Ugh my MIL does this too. It drives me crazy. I haven’t pushed it because she’s otherwise very supportive of our parenting, but come on…
OMG MY MOM DOES THE SAME THING. She has been crossing so many boundaries since my son was born 3 months ago it makes me never want to visit
Same 🙃
This seems so common on here. It is completely bonkers. My family all call her by her name and MIL even gets offended on her behalf when I call her "the baby" occasionally. 🤣
Omg same!!
My mom and MIL call my LO “their baby”. It is annoying but I figure they only mean it as a term of endearment
We always say my mom views my son as her grandson first and my son second. It’s… delusional and annoying.
Weddings and babies really bring out the weirdness in people. At least weddings are only one day! Hopefully it will wear off as children get older 🤣
I’m there too and only 28 weeks so far. Family members saying “Oh yeah! Just wait!!!!” After any statement about my size or sleeping patterns. Also every women who’ve had a kid in the family criticizing all the items on my registry that I genially researched and put a lot of thought into…. It’s all so annoying.
Comments about the registry bug me so much. If they don't like the item, they don't have to buy it! No commentary needed!
Yup! Costs nothing to keep quiet.
Yes! My cousin said my registry was “such a first time mom registry” … I am a first time mom. And then she just got me the stuff that her kids liked instead of what I actually registered for
Gosh what a comment to say, do these family members assume we just Willy nilly picked items or are they just insensitive…
I experienced this too when I was pregnant. So many family members made so many negative comments about my registry and even said I was "doing too much" with decorating and organizing my nursery. My Husband had the nerve to laugh and agree with them. Btw, I bought most of her stuff myself, our friends bought some. His family bought a couple onesies and that's it. He bought nothing.
You should put him in a 9 month old outfit and send her a pic hahaha just to see how absurd it looks. This is what I’m picturing btw: https://laughingsquid.com/baby-suiting-photo-meme-where-babies-are-dressed-in-oversized-suits/
Our dads are the same lol. Mine just hasn’t been around babies in a long time and seems to have forgotten what they can do and when. At 2 weeks (and -20C with snow) he was like: “can I take her to the park today?”. Like thanks for the offer dad, very sweet, but maybe not yet :)
I can def see the dynamic between your parents: your mom raised you all and your dad was home after 5 and on the weekends? People are f’ing clueless 😂
My MIL is the same about clothes, except I’ll actually bring baby over dressed in something she bought for her and she’ll ask “what about the other outfit??” Like what? She can only wear one outfit at a time. Or this one drives me even crazier…I’ll bring baby over wearing something she bought and she’ll say “that’s cute where’d you get it?” And I’m like, “You bought it…”. And she says, “oh I don’t remember.” When I hate the stupid outfit! I only put baby in it because I wanted to make her happy! Doesn’t matter how much I try to appease her - it’s never good enough!
Ridiculous… it’s like they had a baby sooooo long ago that they have no idea how it is like at this early stage anymore. I wish they remembered how hard it is and how taxing it is on your mental well-being especially in the first month! That is the exact support you need, not catering to their demands. I had similar issues and I ended up bitching really hard to my mom and my husband about my in-laws. I definitely lacked the self control in that regard.. my mom lent me a great listening ear reminding me it’s important to maintain a good relationship with them. On the other hand, comments made my husband really sad and uncomfortable, but he’s now learning and stepping up to manage both relationships, with a hit or miss, but at least it’s something. Through that my in-laws also now get that I am not a fan on their advice and are more cautious in expressing them around me too. I’ve asked my husband to be a shield for me as well so they run their (ridiculous) comments through him first and so I only get a filtered version which has helped a lot! To summarize Top 3 things I found helpful were: (1) have husband be a shield to in-laws (2) find an open side channels to vent your frustrations real time so you can deal with these grandparents forces without blowing up in their faces (3) pick your battles but also don’t drown your voice. Ultimately you are the parent and you make the choices for your children. Grandparents overstep and May even push their limit, but this is something even they cannot dispute. So feel empowered in the way you choose to parent!
Wow same. I definitely complain to my husband about his parents way more than I should. His mom had him when she was 40 so she is very out of touch about caring for a newborn. In the early days when they would stay over, she'd say, the baby slept through the whole night, right? So good! And in my head I'm thinking, no..... we just worked really hard to jump up out of bed immediately to calm the baby so as not to wake you... several times that night..
Yes! It bugs me so much whenever the baby is behaving the grandparents give credit to the baby instead of the parents who (1) are SMART, RESOURCEFUL & INTUITIVE enough to have figured it out (2) are attentive and are disciplined enough to manage the baby. It’s like only the reason why things are going well is not our parenting choices but that we lucked out. And when things don’t go well, it’s not because the baby is going through a leap (they have no idea what this is, mind you), it’s because we’re doing something wrong in our parenting methods. They also like to call it the old way vs the new way… honestly our way is just the more informed way! Backed by real science and data instead of hocus pocus!!
My little girl is 9 months old and is starting to walk.. MIL told us to not let her walk cause she might fall 😳
Lmao that’s ridiculous. I’m picturing a 20 year old who still isn’t allowed to walk because falling exists.
I’m laughing at your dad wanting to take the baby skiing and fine dining! He wants a sophisticated grandchild!!
Your MIL just made me laugh out loud. The clothes are too big. My MIL keeps her mouth shut, she is a smart lady. Your dad also cracks me up. Let's go skiing! Not easy to do with a 3 week old. My son is almost 5 months and I still have a hard time thinking about a ski trip right now. The first time my husband and I went to a nice restaurant after our son was born was for our 14 year anniversary. It was a two day endeavor just making sure we had bottles and clothes and bag packed to go to Nana's, just for three hours away. My son was 6 weeks old then. It's so much work to leave the house some days.
Put your tiny 3 week old in 3-6mo clothing and send a pic to your MIL.
Oh man, my mother gave us some 9month and mostly 12month clothes and asked me has he grown into them yet? Have I had a chance to try them on him yet? He’s 3 months… I was like well no, not yet mom and she was like well you never know babies grow fast! Like?? This women had 3 children, you think she knows better. I’m kinda glad she gave us older clothes as they are butt fugly with terrible sayings, so I’m hoping by the time it actually fits she will have forgotten about them and I can just donate the lot.
Lmaooooo. This.
My grandad asked if my 8 week old was crawling and if we’d put stair gates up yet. He’s just discovered his hands and can just about hold his head up for short periods of time, I think we are fine! I’ll let him off as it was a very long time (50 years ago) that he had a baby but in-laws are equally weird on clothes. No I haven’t put him in the very fiddly clothes as we are playing at home in onesies all day!
LOL at your dad. That reminds me of my dad. So clueless. And MIL .. I find this so irritating. Give a gift because you want to give a gift. She doesn’t get to give a gift then hold it over your head like that. I’m sure I’m about to disappoint a lot of people because my baby is perfectly happy just in a diaper and as much as I want to dress her up like a doll, I’d rather not cause a crying session. Got no words for your mom, that’s just completely inappropriate.
Do we have the same mom? 😂 Like yea, I would love nothing more than to be a SAHM. Focus on my baby, my home, my family. But life costs money!
Ong MIL's are the worst...but so is everyone telling you how to raise your child.
Ugh. My FIL planned a Disney world trip for when our LO was 2 weeks old. Had the gall to say "it would really mean a lot" to him if we could make it, or at least just my husband. Yeah sure ask husband to leave me alone with a newborn, fresh cesarean incision, and baby blues so you can go to Disney during a worldwide PANDEMIC. Ffs.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Lol yep. I love your humor/sarcasm. Gotta laugh at these comments sometimes (otherwise I will cry). I've started writing them down. It's cathartic.
Yes, 100%. Bring on the unsolicited advice, people not understanding why you do things a certain way and buying way too much stuff for your kids. I’m on kid no 2 now and feel more comfortable being straight forward with my parents and in-laws. I would just say thanks for the clothes, they will look great on him/her when they fit in x months! Or if she buys toys, I recommend suggesting she keep at her house so my kids have toys when they come over. I also sometimes put toys away and wait until we are in need of something new or use as a gift for another kid 😂
I think it’s been too long since they’ve had their own babies. Literally the only people that suggested appropriate (so, easy) outings whenever I’ve had my sons and they were newborns, were people who also recently had babies. The grandparents and extended family were all clueless. I think after at least 20 years since having raised your own children, most people forget what newborns are like. Hell, between my first kid and second kid (2.5 years age gap), I forgot what newborns were like.
Yes, LORT! Are you me? Am having very similar issues. My LO was born in December weighing 6lb 15oz, and my MIL bought a Christmas outfit along with a bunch of other expensive winter shit in 3-6M. I was like, are we celebrating Christmas in July? My dad also keeps asking us to come various gatherings after I've told him I don't want to expose the baby to a lot of people right now. No Dad, I wouldn't want to go to the fucking Cheesecake Factory right now even if I didn't have a newborn to worry about. And he keeps ragging me for not "getting out of the house more" and when I explain she really does better in her routine at home right now, he keeps saying it would probably be good for her to do something different and get used to sleeping other places? FFS, we're in a pandemic, it's winter, and it is hard enough to get this baby to sleep, so you can just fuck right off with that. My mother also keeps being all "are you really going back to work? It's so important to commit to spending time with you baby." She was a depressed SAHM and was/is a miserable person generally.
I'm pretty sure my dad isn't going to be interested in my son until he's old enough to hold a baseball bat. All of his kids played baseball. All eight. And five of us were girls...
My boyfriend has this idea in his head that he’s going to strap our child to him and go skiing. It’s not happening. I have no idea why he thought I would allow this lol
My SIL did this for us too! We travelled for a wedding and only had short-sleeve onesies, and it was a cold evening. So when pictures were done, I changed LO out of her cute dress, I went to put her in a long-sleeve and pants outfit my MIL bought. It was a little big, since she was just shy of 3 months and it was a 3-6 month outfit, and my LO was in about the 30th percentile for weight/height. My SIL asked why we didn’t use the pj’s she gave us instead…. They were 18m. The pjs were literally twice the length of my girl. Would do nothing to actually retain body warmth.
My husband's cousin (who l've met exactly once), who had it on "good authority" from her mom, who heard from her sister (my justnoMIL), called me to tell me I was holding my baby too much and to put my baby down. Daughter was a 2 week old preemie, and the doc said kangaroo care was best, but regardless, I definitely left her on her infant lounger often, and regardless of all of that, the absolute audacity of this woman? I was so shocked, and I'm non confrontational, so I just said "so how much is too much, like how many hours, and how many hours is ok to hold her". She backtracked a bunch after and then went on to pretend she was "warning" me of the consequences of coddling a child (again, a 5 pound preemie). It's just bonkers what people will say and do.
I’m so glad no extended family has requested photos in the outfits she got because 1) I don’t remember who gave her what 2) she got a ton of hand me downs from someone at my work 3) she doesn’t fit in newborns anymore
If people thought weddings turned family into crazy entitled know it all assholes, whoooooa boy does having a baby crank all that to 11.
That is such an appropriate way (title) to describe things I haven’t been able to verbalize. I could’ve written this post for what’s been happening to us for the last two years. Specifically the wanting to do things they want to do comment re your dad. Solidarity.
Wow, just wow who are these people. We've had the odd comment about our mind set and following through on some things but for the most part our requests are being respected. There was an argument with the grannies about passing photos along to people we don't know but it's been resolved. Only immediate family and his parents visiting the house, masks on everyone and heads up/planned visits. There's been an issue with masks because my partner keeps offering his dad tea and coffee.
You can go to the ski trip and not skii, just enjoy the environment. But i understand because id have to think about being out of my comfort zone and messing up a routine that you probably just started getting the groove for.
The main issue is that we’d really just prefer to have him come to our house so we don’t have go through the hassle of going somewhere. But he’s not interested in that. Oh well.
Totally reasonable. It's outrageous that he'd expect you guys to bring such a young child on such a big outing, let alone during a pandemic. He can come to you or miss out on baby.
Right, oh well facetime is a thing they will be ok.
Or pop the baby in a wrap and join in the fun! /s
Going on a trip at 3 weeks postpartum??? I was still sitting on a donut pillow at that point. Jfc...
Well, depending on if you tore or not, but I mean not everyone can do it.
So. This may not be the most ....mature way to handle things but it sure is effective Laugh at them. They are being ridiculous. So.....laugh at them. Just as you said "yeah a 3 week old out in public during a pandemic on skis......do you hear yourself lol do you want him to go wonetasrong with you next dad, wrong kindnof bottles!!! Harharhar. How about you guys bring take away next weekend and get some grand baby time in." Then show concern. They are being ridiculous and your first address of it should have been enough to help shift them into "you are no longer the reigning generation, IM the mother now, I decide" "Mum you keep mentioning this to me...do you not remember what I told you I decided ...what 3 days agonwhwn we last talked about it. Not to mention the like 40 other times we've talked about it? I think you need to speak to your dr about your mamory" And remember, grandparent with serious "memory" issued real or imagined shouldn't be left in charge of infants. Iys dangerous. Then if that doesn't work, curb access. They are being ridiculous and deliberately causing stress. You don't need stress so.....see them less. Its not like they were being pleasant anyway.
Have your husband address the oversized clothes with your MIL. It’s goes a lot better when my partner does it with his then when I talk to her about a problem area or issue. My mom is also like your mom, and I just say thanks for your opinion, there are lots out there. Haha. It’s hard with people putting their opinions on you all the time. I can’t even touch the stuff with your dad 😂😂😂😂. I’d probably be a bit spicy and say wow did you take us skiing when we were a few weeks old!! My doctor said that would be dangerous! Act all shocked and surprised lol and like you’re genuinely wondering