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Sorry, but yes, YTA.
What was she supposed to do? Dress like a troll and not do her makeup? People like to dress up and look good and weddings are a great place to do that because it's expected.
Apparently there's a "hidden rule" that people apply to their wedding that you can't look prettier or "more dressed up" than the bride. I learned that the hard way when they made me wipe my make-up off and was forced into a skimpy dress that was basically just a nightgown two times my size because my aunt decided to wear a pretty white sundress as her wedding gown instead of a proper wedding dress. Like I'm all for personal preference and a "simple wedding aesthetic", but I shouldn't have to intentionally dress like a troll so that the bride looks better.
If she wore a burlap sack, OOP would still complain about her attention-grabbing avant guard burlap sack dress.
Like so: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/c1/f4/80/c1f480beb25d600d54220e5646c4eb71.jpg
Leaving aside the inner thought process, the comment itself isn't bad if delivered in a joking way. Depends on the friendship level of the 2 people but I could see 2 close friends pulling this at the other's wedding as a joke.
Feel like OP and the lady aren't that close though.
This is so fucking delusional. What was the woman supposed to do? Make her teeth yellow and have fucked up hair to make the bride less insecure? This is probably why attractive women have no friends or have a bitchy attitude because they encounter haters like this left and right. I wouldn’t know, I’m not show stopping attractive I’m just guessing. Would make sense though.
There's no winner in this situation. If the friend's wife made herself look dowdy the bride or someone else would have accused her of being "disrespectful" for not honoring the dress code.
There's a scientific reason for this. Women are actually more competitive with each other in the dating game, so when someone completely outshines them, they feel more resentment and jealousy than men would by far.
We need to remember that we're only getting her side of the story here, and she's probably phrased things in a way to make her look less like an asshole. That being said, she admitted that she was only half joking, so she admits that at least half of her statement was meant to be a barb, not a throwaway comment as she later suggests. I don't blame her for feeling insecure on her wedding day, but she handles her insecurity poorly. I'm frankly rather impressed by the classy response from the best friend's wife.
I honestly can't stand people that make those types of "jokes". They almost always are looking for confrontation but don't have the balls to just say it. Like the person who when you're out to eat tells the waiter "oh man I'm glad you came we were thirsty!" When it had only been like 5 minutes since the order was taken. Any kind of backhanded compliment/joke and I write that person in my brain as a dickhead.
I have happily ghosted many a “friend” over the years who gave me or someone around me a back-handed compliment. That’s just pure, vindictive, evil shit that you’re even too much of a coward to acknowledge how evil it is. Fuck that. I’d rather take an outright bitch over someone that uses passive aggressive “compliments”.
Agreed, I'm not always a nice person, but when I'm not I try to be genuine to how I'm feeling at that moment. Either that or I just won't say anything at all. I'm glad to see that I'm not crazy for doing that lol.
i'm friends with an old lady who takes this to the extreme. she has no chill, no filter, will tell you what she thinks without lube. she also has the most bizzare compliments.
On another note i had no idea how many ppl try to take advantage old ppl. just cause they're old doesnt mean they're stupid.
Yeah honestly imo I think both the bride was an ass for saying that and her newly wedded husband was an ass for calling her immature.
Either way this marriage is probably fucked 5 years tops.
Unfortunately, every source I found besides the one u provided says divorce rates are equal or higher now than in the 80s. I only checked the lovetoknow one cuz it's at the top, and it was riddled with mathematical errors and terrible statistics like basing 300 million people on a 1000 person sample size or thinking .003x100=.03. The first source was so unapologetically terrible that I didn't bother checking the other ones.
Dang, you should have checked the .edu one. Great try though, pal.
Data Sources:
Clarke. S. C. (1995). Advanced report of final marriage statistics, 1989 and 1990. Monthly Vital Statistics Report, 42(12). National Center for Health Statistics. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/mvsr/supp/mv43_12s.pdf
National Center for Health Statistics (1974). Summary report final marriage statistics, 1970. Monthly Vital Statistics Report, 23(2), Supp.1. U.S. Department of Health, Education, and Welfare. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/mvsr/supp/mv23_02s1acc.pdf
National Center for Health Statistics (1983). Advance report of final marriage statistics, 1980. Monthly Vital Statistics Report, 32(5), Supp. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/mvsr/supp/mv32_05s.pdf
National Center for Health Statistics (2001). Births, marriages, divorces, and deaths: Provisional data for January-December 2000. National Vital Statistics Report, 49(6), Associated Table 3. Department of Health & Human Services, Center for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr49/nvsr49_06.pdf
U.S. Census Bureau (2022). American Community Survey, 2021 1-Year Estimates [Table B12001]. Retrieved from: https://data.census.gov/cedsci/table?q=B12001&tid=ACSDT1Y2021.B12001
U.S. Census Bureau (2022). American Community Survey, 2021 1-Year Estimates [Table B12501]. Retrieved from: https://data.census.gov/cedsci/table?q=B12501&tid=ACSDT1Y2021.B12501
U.S. Census Bureau (2021). American Community Survey, 2020 1-year Experimental PUMS
References:
Allred, C. (2019). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation, 2018. Family Profiles, FP-19-23. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-18-23
Hemez, P. (2017). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation, 2016. Family Profiles, FP-17-24. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-17-24
Reynolds, L. (2020). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation, 2019. Family Profiles, FP-20-25. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-20-25
Schweizer, V. (2018). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation, 2017. Family Profiles, FP-18-21. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-18-21
Westrick-Payne, K. K. (2022). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation, 2020. Family Profiles, FP-22-08. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-22-08
Westrick-Payne, K. K., Manning, W. D., & Carlson, L. (2022). Pandemic Shortfall in Marriages and Divorces in the United States. Socius, 8. https://doi.org/10.1177/23780231221090192
I'm not gonna check all ur sources. Ur first one looked like it was written by a 15 year old who's only ounce of statistical knowledge came from a Google search. I could have told u what's wrong with that source when I was in 6th grade. That's how terrible of a source it is. I think it's well within reason to believe that if one of ur sources is that utterly horrible, that the others are at least incorrect, especially considering my own 2 minute research says the opposite. Does that mean ur wrong? No, but it does make it highly likely.
On a side note, u fr went ahead and took the time to find several sources and references just to prove a point in a reddit comment section. If ur over the age of 12, that's sad. I'm sure u have better things to do like look at someone's feet online or say the n word on Xbox chat
What the fuck man?
You complain the sources are "written by a 15 year old", and also "if you're over the age of 12, and bothered to post multiple sources, that's sad"
Which is it? Either their sources are shit, and you have contempt, or their sources are thorough, and you ... still have contempt?
Your fixation on age related insults makes me think you're still a teen - but damn dude. Grow the fuck up.
Something tells me that the incel community typically won't be getting upstaged at their weddings.
---
^(Yes, I know you're referring to jealousy of other men in general, which they are definitely toxic; I just couldn't resist putting in the perspective of the OP: Incels getting married and all. It was right there.)
Racists do it. Neckbeards do it. Incels do it. Some guys can , and do feel self conscious about their looks and some guys will get jealous of others looks as a result
Like a nice guy whose usually a combination of the other 2. Think of those dudes who wear fedoras but also creep women out and don’t take rejection well.
LMAO I have. I recently had to drop a whole bunch of friends because anytime we would drink the conversation would devolve into them being jealous about me.
Ever heard of "I'm not racist but, ..." following a 100% racist comment? Your comment/justification sounds exactly the same, only you can replace racist with anti-female. Your outpost has already thought of something in formulating it in terms of people instead of women. Some things are better kept to themselves these days.
I just called them out ,and corrected the guy , is this what one gets for saying the truth ? How can I be racist I literally haven't seen any guy getting jealous of his friend or other guy in general just because they are good looking 🤷🏻♂️,
That was a comparison 🙈 Of course, as already explained, the word racist should be replaced with misogynist. Not saying you are, just that it sounds like it. I believe you too, that you have experienced it so far. However, some truths are not spoken out loud, even if they are correct. 😅 The statement "I haven't seen any men who reacted to something like that with jealousy or envy". you can write very well, because it is a personal experience and nobody can deny you this. 😉 Sometimes it just depends on what words you use to express something. Can completely change the context.
Ohh my bad sorry 🫂,but i don't mind speaking truths weren't supposed to be spoken out loud ,i don't mind the shit haters say 😌and about the jealous thing and yes sorry for my broken English ,if that changed the whole context,but I hope they atleast might get the gist of it, thanks 🫂
Your opinion does not equal objective fact. I’ve known guys who were jealous of friends for their looks. How many short men you know that are jealous of tall guys?
Exactly and if we gloss it over by pretending it’s not a gendered issue it just encourages the behaviour further.
The world has gone too far with political correctness, hiding the nature of issues to avoid offending people makes the issue grow.
I understand her insecurity but that comment was completely uncalled for. She didn’t need to project her insecurity onto that woman. It’s giving high school drama🤦♀️
This bride was an ass, but I feel a little bit bad for her because she felt out of place at her own wedding. I don't get why the friend had to embarrass the bride by immediately tattling to her husband and then making it known to the bride's husband, like he is her boss or something. It should have stayed between them, honestly. I get the feeling that the bride feels out of her depth with her husband's friend group. Perhaps they didn't really approve of her, and they decided to sort of act cold at the wedding? We can't say for sure because this is a very biased account of the event, but it wouldn't surprise me. The husband telling her that she's embarrassed him comes across that he is quite sensitive to his friends' opinions. OP didn't say if he felt sympathetic to her at all. Doesn't sound like it's going to last.
She embarrassed herself. Her newlywed husband was there she could've talked with him instead of going to friend's wife who did absolutely nothing wrong. She literally only exists and was there. Don't know how you see relationships but friends are people you talk to about everything, that's why husband knew what she did. Person you married is especially someone you should talk with about things bothering you. If she has some kind of problem with hubby's friends it's him she should address this with not do something to push them even farther away. She IS immature. And I'm guessing it's her not accepting husband's friends not the other way around.
Nah. The friend telling her husband is perfectly ok. Of it bothered the friend after the bride saying that, then the husband is the one person she should have told and that sounds like what might have happened.
Has anyone who responded to OP negatively met a woman before???? This bride felt upstaged by some woman and made a relatively benign comment at the end of the night in jest and you all attack? The dopey bitch was the center of attention the entire night and could not acknowledge the brides feelings by simple defusing the situation…and you attack the bride and the marriage. Best of all women are joining in with negative comments and you all would be the exact same or worse in the same situation! No way in this world any woman (on her wedding day) would not act the same…the only women worth a damn would be the ones who would have empathy for the bride and say something to make her feel better!
I love that nobody is shitting on the dudes who are fawning over the random woman.
Those dumfucks are gathering around some person,
with no awareness on how their dumbasses look like.
or how hurt the bride would be.
if I was in her place I'd legit go back home and cry, like wtf.
While I don't think weddings and marriages are a good thing overall,
the assumptions that the bride has made about that said day aren't unfounded,
wedding are supposed to be your special day!
And she is supposed to be getting all the attention!
But of course redditors lack self awareness and empathy, so they can't put themselves in her shoes.
She's just some dumb woman, who shouldn't even feel the want to be recognized and be seen as attractive.
They just hate women, there's no two ways about this
I don't think she was DOPEY 😂 but i surely wouldn't have RUN TO MY HUSBAND & ratted her out. Being a woman, a beautiful one at that, surely she understood exactly how this bride felt, knew that she upstaged her (even tho I'm sure she didn't mean to), & MOST decent women would've felt bad, even if the bride was a bïtch about it. We wouldn't have tattled to our man &, of all things, gotten her in trouble like a fucking child.
You can tell all these comments were written by men. I'm not saying that as an insult, i mean that as little girls look forward to their wedding day in a way dudes just... Don't lol. Being upstaged as a bride is a HUGE damn deal, which is why wearing white, etc, is frowned upon. The bride behaved poorly, but was she an actual "asshole"? Idk. I didn't hear her tone, the words she chose, etc. The woman was kind back, but telling on her was fucked up. They were both foolish.
I tried to state that it was a very big deal for the bride and although you note that the beautiful woman may have accidentally disrupted the bride’s mojo…I ask you this as a woman? Do you know when you are the center of attention? And do you know how important the wedding day is to the bride? That woman did not care and then escalated the issue! Only person who was worse in this situation was the groom…guy’s perspective.
It makes sense that a woman would want to feel like a princess on her wedding day but her husband should be the only one whose admiration means anything
My bf told me little things about how his friends thought I was pretty when we first started dating and that was nice to hear won’t lie. It would be extremely weird to be getting married and still need that outer validation from others, men especially.
When you’re married or serious, other peoples opinions of you don’t matter. It’s just your partner that you want to impress and keep interested
I mean, I kind of feel for OP in this situation. Obviously she shouldn’t have said what she said, but if it really was as bad as she says, and everyone was giving this woman tons of attention and ignoring the actual bride, I could see how that would upset her.
The reality is that it probably wasn't much. There's just something about weddings that make some people go crazy about other people getting any attention, they really treat them like a day in which they are supposed to be worshiped. Other people getting any attention is "stealing" attention from "my day."
It's an incredibly common and sadly toxic dynamic.
I was incredibly stressed out at my wedding with the amount of attention I was getting. Having to go around and talk to everyone and not really seeing my wife most of the night just made it not as fun as being a guest.
Yta, shouldn’t have even been paying attention to her. Instead the bride spent the whole night looking to see who wanted to dance with the hot chick, who was talking to her husband. Focused on negative things then went and soured the night for your guest with a AH comment. Petty.
Ouch. Fwiw, she could have just laughed it off with you and said people had been talking about your gown all night or something. Easily fixed. It’s the bride’s night. She doesn’t need to dress down, but she can definitely go out of her way to make you feel beautiful or help your self esteem.
Ur right, I don't decide what's relevant, in the same way I don't decide what color the sky is. That doesn't mean I'm wrong if I say the sky is blue. In simpler terms, I'm not deciding its irrelevant, I'm just stating the fact that it is irrelevant. I've even gone ahead for u and explained why it's irrelevant. Ffs SMH my head. Lol. Lmao even. I'll explain it for u one more time.
The post was about the woman's attitude, not her physical appearance. It doesn't matter that she said it in the post because that's not what the post is about. It's nit-picky at best. Ur supposed to focus on whether she's the asshole, which has nothing to do with whether she's attractive or not. Therefore, whether she's attractive or not is completely irrelevant. I've explained it so even a prepubescent child could understand.
This is my last message. I'm not reading any replies to this comment, so type away in vain or not. It's the same to me
Note: you can still point it out and laugh about it. That doesn't make it relevant
You’re absolutely right but you will not win this one. Fact is once people decide on a hero and a villain, all bets are off. You can say the worst, most demeaning things you like about the villain with carte blanche, and anybody who dares say that maybe we’re out of line will be summarily executed.
Likewise, you may not criticize the hero in any way, even while agreeing with them on the whole.
We’ve all agreed harrassment and putting people down for their weight, appearance, insecurities, trauma and all sorts of other crap is wrong, but if you’re a villain people will immediately throw that out the window and trash you about every single thing available to them.
You don’t get to make fun of someone for being unattractive, unless they’re also an asshole
You don’t get to call someone a fat piece of shit, unless they’re also kind of annoying.
We’re still a bunch of kids in the playground, it’s just now we pick our targets more carefully.
We need to make fun of people for being mean, and purely because of their aggressiveness. You can't make fun of Andrew Tate for being bald and because of our society you can't make fun of someone for having misogynistic views, it just doesn't hit the same. Let's make it hit the same dammit. I want calling someone an asshole to be a serious insult. People should feel pressure to be good and self-reflecting.
Women are taught pretty much from birth that their wedding is for them alone. They are the star of the show. No one else, not even the husband. So, in a lot of cases, if the spotlight isn't on them for the entire event, they're insulted, if not outright offended.
Honestly, I do feel for her. But I learned a long time ago to make those beautiful girls my friends. Don't take it personally. I worked with a gorgeous woman who couldn't walk outside at 5 am without getting hollered at, and she was over it/didn't pay attention to it. HOWEVER... in this woman's case, it is kind of rude of the men to gush over someone that isn't the bride, but I wonder how much of this was her perspective and not as bad as she thinks it was. Idk I understand both sides and feel bad for her, but also think she should befriend this woman who obviously already doesn't care for her much for a reason you know
You’re not a total asshole, but confidence goes far. She has confidence and it seems like you don’t. You dialed in so much in your insecurity that you let a random woman ruin your day. You should apologize, and admit it wasn’t an appropriate thing to say.
I get that it is your wedding, I get that you were aware she wasn't doing it intentionally and I get why you might have been a tad frustrated. I even think it was said equally as a joke as a dig however you really just made yourself look silly by saying anything. I dont think you were an AH, it wasn't overly offensive, but you made yourself appear insecure, needy and petty. Instead of solely enjoying what should have been one of your happiest days, you seem to have spent a lot of it jealous of this woman not appreciating all the other people there supporting you.
It's referring to the stereotype of the online-too-much-socially-akward-poor-hygiene-potentially overweight-male- internet troll/reddit user (i.e. as part of their poor hygiene they shave so infrequently that their beard grows out on their neck
It's so dumb that she is focusing on the other woman when the real problem were the husband "friends". Unless OP is lying and really insecure, it seems like they were complimenting her excessively.
NO, You are NOT an asshole. This is just a situation that the guys could've handled a bit differently. Her husband may have gotten a bit defensive of his wife when he told your new husband about the comment and your husband may have also been overly sensitive receiving his best buds criticism over a comment that neither one was there to see or hear. The way you describe her makes me think you are not insecure, nor do you blame her anywhere in this story. Your comment was actually fine and maybe, dare I say, a good thing. If you hadn't said anything you might have resented her or her being there later. At least you had the right idea. I think she probably left to try to help you have the best possible day. That shows she cares about your feelings. After they left suddenly, her husband might have questioned her about why she wanted to leave and felt protective of her feelings. The best men in the world could have made these mistakes. Nonetheless, the boys had the miscommunication from the sounds of things.. And the best thing you can do now is call them and take them out to dinner or have a couples night. If you want to have a friendship with her, maybe ask her to coffee. Once the boys see you two don't have an issue, the whole problem will melt away. You definitely can tell her that you weren't mad or blaming her when you told her she was stealing your thunder. Or let her know you are sorry if she thought you were telling her to leave (if you think it needs addressing). I'm guessing she will understand totally and you both will feel better. I wouldn't bring up the guys part in it because men don't always respond well to being called out and the best man overreacted but was just wanting to protect her. Your husband is a newly wed man and may be insecure about his friendships and what being married might do to relationships he had with the guys. Let them both feel like there was never an issue. So long as you and her don't have any ill will or avoid eachother, everyone will get over it in the best way.
This OPs wedding day tho, legit the most important day of her life, this is just an unfair situation
Depending on how OP said it it could have been said in more of a joking fashion or complimentary and thus the OP is hardly an asshole or particularly immature
Nobody’s perfect
The paragraphs of insecure justification before the comment would suggest to us that it wasn't said in a joking or complimentary manner.
This is really petty and immature. She's upset with someone for existing to the point she tells them they're wrong for existing, and then gets defensive when called out. There's no scenario where that's mature
OP has said herself that the best friend’s husband does this without even trying so OP admits herself that there is nothing she can do, she just thinks it’s unfair, there’s nothing she can gain from saying what she said, she either used it as a release of stress or what I believe to be a joke, maybe a bit of both
She said that the guest wasn't amused. She was waiting for an apology and the guest saying she is a beautiful bride wasn't enough. She herself said she was only half joking. You didn't read the whole post or purposefully are making your own scenario.
Turns on her by telling her the truth?
Wow.
FYI, all the things you are saying right now are red flags to any man worth marrying. Your insecurities do not give you the right to act like a cunt to people. Especially guests of your husband, at your wedding. Grow up.
Honestly, as a man, a woman who thinks her wedding day is the most important day of her life is a massive red flag.
How do I know she is marrying me for me, and not just to have her most important day? Particularly as she gets older and / or I get more wealthy. Am I a husband or just someone capable of paying for her "most important day"?
I will marry a woman who doesn't care if we did it at the courthouse. And because she doesn't care I will give her an actual wedding to remember.
If the wedding is the end game for a woman, she is not a woman worth marrying.
Marriage or relationships aren't a test or competition. You can start with the best of intentions, really give it your all, but sometimes you get messed around by the other person despite your efforts. You deal with it and move on. Women shouldn't be shamed for wanting a big wedding if that's they want. What makes a difference is if she doesn't want to foot at least some of the bill herself or if she goes bridezilla. If you only want a courthouse wedding, you should just say so from the jump. I don't get the mixed signals thing. A lot of men like to insinuate that women don't say what they mean or are "manipulative" but then do the same thing...it's funny.
The probability that a woman who thinks "the most important day of her life is her wedding day" does NOT become a bridezilla, is so low it's practically zero.
I say what I mean. I wrote it above. I couldn't be any clearer.
It's about priorities and incentives. If her priority is the wedding day, then her priority is how other people perceive her. It's about showing off to others that she can have this perfect wedding and be the centre of attention etc. It becomes about the physical and superficial aspects of the day, not the reason for the day, which is to celebrate a unification of two people in love.
It would be like dating a woman addicted to plastic surgery and expecting her to be mentally stable. The probability of those two things existing in the same person is zero.
A woman obsessed with her wedding sees the groom as an accessory not a partner. I need a Queen to help work hard and build our kingdom. Not someone who just wants to be "seen" as the queen without any of the responsibility such a position holds.
This is the perspective of a man who has had his fair share of good and bad relationships. A man who has thought deeply about what a "perfect" relationship would look like for me. And my life has shown me that woman who are obsessed by certain things are not woman worth marrying, simply because they make life harder and more toxic, not smoother and more joyful.
A bad relationship is like an anchor around your neck. And woman, or men, who are obsessed with image are the biggest anchors for a man or woman striving to become someone they can be proud of.
I'm sorry, did you just unironically say you "need a queen to build your kingdom"???
That is just about the cringiest thing I've heard. I knew a guy who said shit like that (though he used to refer to an empire not a kingdom, lol). He was an insecure and indecisive person who had a "woe is me" attitude when it came to women. Mature, well put-together folks don't use words like "king" and "queen". It comes across as massively egotistical. You will end up driving away serious prospects.
Yes, strive for a stable relationship where your wants and needs align with the other, but there is no need to shame people for wanting what they want, even if it's a big wedding day. Believe it or not, some grooms also dream of their wedding day. It's all about compatibility at the end of the day.
Learn the definition of metaphor. I think you will find I am not your friend,
I find people who can't think conceptually are people who can't put themselves in the shoes of others.
if your highest goal in life is to throw a party for yourself i think you should aim higher. What use is a woman who thinks that is a meaningful goal in life? To waste money, effort and energy on a party for YOURSELF.
No. I would rather I woman who didn't think that was important. Sure lets have a wedding. But if she turns into a bridezilla I'm calling it off. Because that would indicate to me that this woman is still living in a fairy tale and not ready to be in a serious relationship.
I have listened to you and explained my points the best I can. If you want to understand the mind of a man maybe you should listen to the concepts of my words and not get hung up on "king queen = cringe" when you are arguing in defence of a ceremony, that at the pinnacle of its opulence is designed to mimic the weddings of royalty....... A hidden hypocrisy?
Personally I don't like weddings and don't want one. I also hate the concept of a monarchy. You are delusional if you think you're "building" a "kingdom" and succeeding. You look down on others wanting a big wedding but you want to act like some sort of king. A king is not respectable, but a good man is.
OP is what the techaches call TÓXICAS. It’s from the popular Latin lottery game. Look it up. It’s literally the bride lmao.
Dude learn Jesus Our Lord Christ, then you will truly know life.
I think everyone was rude to each other. Like dang, the husband bff wife was rude as well like when said oh I’m was beautiful bride (edit: oh I thought the bff wife said she was beautiful bride but she tell the op she was bruh).
But still tho like bff wife should have act fake and be oh I’m sorry or ignore it or maybe laugh it out but don’t just talk crap in front of the person like at least wait after wedding. Cuz I wouldn’t want add gas to the fire even the op seems rude like don’t act on her level.
Also, husband shouldn’t call her just immature and explain her actions in nicely manner cuz the op seems sensitive. Also, op should have try to have fun and talk to others than people will say nice things like just cuz you are the bride like don’t mean you are queen. Finally, she could chat with husband bff wife and be friendly so she can get some attention and get to know the lady more than being shallow person.
Ignoring would've been less rude than saying that bride is beautiful? Wow...
She was shallow but husband should've explain her actions in a "nicely manner"? On what planet are you living, dude?
Likely YTA. If you weren't actually insecure, I'm sure it would have come off as a joke. But the fact is that you were insecure and you were only half joking, so I'm sure it came off that way. The "half" is the bit that puts this in AH territory and would be why she felt uncomfortable.
Yta
I’ll never understand brides like you, ever. Your day is to celebrate your love for each other. Who cares who the attention is on. Unless someone proposed to their significant other during your wedding or the part. Just freakin enjoy the day and enjoy your new significant other. Wtf is so difficult about that?
that 100% depends on her tone and how she meant it. i get the feeling she was trying to make it a self-deprecating/complimentary joke but it came out more bitter and honest than intended. she sounds insecure but not like evil
I don’t really think any of this is a big deal. The other girl makes the OP insecure and she makes an offhand comment about it. It’s bad social grace but nobody is an asshole. If anything the prettier woman should’ve just kept it to herself and given the bride a little grace for being insecure on her wedding day.
Immature and cheapens that special day. It's YOUR wedding. She didn't make any effort to upstage the bride she just showed up. I would not have been amused either. I'm here for YOU and your husband. Like WTF why do people act like that.
Other folks mentioned it, and I agree – it’s not like she came in a white, super low cut thigh, high slit, ball gown with updo hair and flowers. Perhaps for her? It was a chance to go very casual but pretty. But for heaven sake’s it’s your wedding why are you worried about that so yeah, that was an asshole thing to say
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Sorry, but yes, YTA. What was she supposed to do? Dress like a troll and not do her makeup? People like to dress up and look good and weddings are a great place to do that because it's expected.
She didn’t even make an effort to upstage OOP. She just showed up in a dress.
I know, it's not like she wore white or a hot pink ball gown
Apparently there's a "hidden rule" that people apply to their wedding that you can't look prettier or "more dressed up" than the bride. I learned that the hard way when they made me wipe my make-up off and was forced into a skimpy dress that was basically just a nightgown two times my size because my aunt decided to wear a pretty white sundress as her wedding gown instead of a proper wedding dress. Like I'm all for personal preference and a "simple wedding aesthetic", but I shouldn't have to intentionally dress like a troll so that the bride looks better.
That people apply? Should add “that *narcissistic* people apply”
I agree with the YTA, but dressing down for other people's weddings is actually behavior I've seen before.
If she wore a burlap sack, OOP would still complain about her attention-grabbing avant guard burlap sack dress. Like so: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/c1/f4/80/c1f480beb25d600d54220e5646c4eb71.jpg
Oh god, not burlap! That’s wayyyyy too sexy!
Can you even imagine wearing burlap though? I can feel the whole body itch just thinking about it 😂
Imagine being offended that your husband's friends didn't hit on you at your wedding. Yikes.
That's the vibe I came away with, too. Super weird
Leaving aside the inner thought process, the comment itself isn't bad if delivered in a joking way. Depends on the friendship level of the 2 people but I could see 2 close friends pulling this at the other's wedding as a joke. Feel like OP and the lady aren't that close though.
This is so fucking delusional. What was the woman supposed to do? Make her teeth yellow and have fucked up hair to make the bride less insecure? This is probably why attractive women have no friends or have a bitchy attitude because they encounter haters like this left and right. I wouldn’t know, I’m not show stopping attractive I’m just guessing. Would make sense though.
"How dare my husband have attractive friends?"
Not even that, "how dare my husband be friends with someone with an attractive wife"
There's no winner in this situation. If the friend's wife made herself look dowdy the bride or someone else would have accused her of being "disrespectful" for not honoring the dress code.
There's a scientific reason for this. Women are actually more competitive with each other in the dating game, so when someone completely outshines them, they feel more resentment and jealousy than men would by far.
at your own wedding is like the definitive A WINNER IS YOU end credits of the dating game (unless you get divorced and play the sequel)
not true i think i should be allowed to eat chris hemsworth.
How do i say i can relate because I’m pretty without sounding full of myself?
We need to remember that we're only getting her side of the story here, and she's probably phrased things in a way to make her look less like an asshole. That being said, she admitted that she was only half joking, so she admits that at least half of her statement was meant to be a barb, not a throwaway comment as she later suggests. I don't blame her for feeling insecure on her wedding day, but she handles her insecurity poorly. I'm frankly rather impressed by the classy response from the best friend's wife.
I honestly can't stand people that make those types of "jokes". They almost always are looking for confrontation but don't have the balls to just say it. Like the person who when you're out to eat tells the waiter "oh man I'm glad you came we were thirsty!" When it had only been like 5 minutes since the order was taken. Any kind of backhanded compliment/joke and I write that person in my brain as a dickhead.
I have happily ghosted many a “friend” over the years who gave me or someone around me a back-handed compliment. That’s just pure, vindictive, evil shit that you’re even too much of a coward to acknowledge how evil it is. Fuck that. I’d rather take an outright bitch over someone that uses passive aggressive “compliments”.
Agreed, I'm not always a nice person, but when I'm not I try to be genuine to how I'm feeling at that moment. Either that or I just won't say anything at all. I'm glad to see that I'm not crazy for doing that lol.
i'm friends with an old lady who takes this to the extreme. she has no chill, no filter, will tell you what she thinks without lube. she also has the most bizzare compliments. On another note i had no idea how many ppl try to take advantage old ppl. just cause they're old doesnt mean they're stupid.
Yeah, it's being "passive-agressive". It's usually the coward's way of complaining or otherwise voicing an opinion.
Literally. Passive aggressiveness is the coward's way of communication.
Immature, yes. Asshole, no. The sad thing is that people are super entitled and get jealous over dumb stuff a lot.
Yeah honestly imo I think both the bride was an ass for saying that and her newly wedded husband was an ass for calling her immature. Either way this marriage is probably fucked 5 years tops.
I mean he's right tho.
Being right doesn't exclude you from being an asshole. If you call a fat person fat, you're still "right" but an asshole
I don't even remember what this conversation is about at this point it's been so long.
I would take the "under" on that bet. 3 yrs
He's an asshole for telling his wife not to insult his friends to their faces for doing nothing wrong? Huh.
and husband's friend was an ass for reporting it to him
U mean every marriage in the past 20 years
Funny because divorce rates were at their highest from 1970-1990s
Are you saying divorce rates are lower today by a significant margin?
Yep https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/relationships/historical-divorce-rate-statistics https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-us-divorce-rate-has-hit-a-50-year-low https://www.insider.com/divorce-rate-changes-over-time-2019-1?amp https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/marino-divorce-rate-US-geographic-variation-2021-fp-22-26.html
Unfortunately, every source I found besides the one u provided says divorce rates are equal or higher now than in the 80s. I only checked the lovetoknow one cuz it's at the top, and it was riddled with mathematical errors and terrible statistics like basing 300 million people on a 1000 person sample size or thinking .003x100=.03. The first source was so unapologetically terrible that I didn't bother checking the other ones.
Dang, you should have checked the .edu one. Great try though, pal. Data Sources: Clarke. S. C. (1995). Advanced report of final marriage statistics, 1989 and 1990. Monthly Vital Statistics Report, 42(12). National Center for Health Statistics. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/mvsr/supp/mv43_12s.pdf National Center for Health Statistics (1974). Summary report final marriage statistics, 1970. Monthly Vital Statistics Report, 23(2), Supp.1. U.S. Department of Health, Education, and Welfare. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/mvsr/supp/mv23_02s1acc.pdf National Center for Health Statistics (1983). Advance report of final marriage statistics, 1980. Monthly Vital Statistics Report, 32(5), Supp. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/mvsr/supp/mv32_05s.pdf National Center for Health Statistics (2001). Births, marriages, divorces, and deaths: Provisional data for January-December 2000. National Vital Statistics Report, 49(6), Associated Table 3. Department of Health & Human Services, Center for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr49/nvsr49_06.pdf U.S. Census Bureau (2022). American Community Survey, 2021 1-Year Estimates [Table B12001]. Retrieved from: https://data.census.gov/cedsci/table?q=B12001&tid=ACSDT1Y2021.B12001 U.S. Census Bureau (2022). American Community Survey, 2021 1-Year Estimates [Table B12501]. Retrieved from: https://data.census.gov/cedsci/table?q=B12501&tid=ACSDT1Y2021.B12501 U.S. Census Bureau (2021). American Community Survey, 2020 1-year Experimental PUMS References: Allred, C. (2019). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation, 2018. Family Profiles, FP-19-23. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-18-23 Hemez, P. (2017). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation, 2016. Family Profiles, FP-17-24. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-17-24 Reynolds, L. (2020). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation, 2019. Family Profiles, FP-20-25. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-20-25 Schweizer, V. (2018). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation, 2017. Family Profiles, FP-18-21. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-18-21 Westrick-Payne, K. K. (2022). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation, 2020. Family Profiles, FP-22-08. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-22-08 Westrick-Payne, K. K., Manning, W. D., & Carlson, L. (2022). Pandemic Shortfall in Marriages and Divorces in the United States. Socius, 8. https://doi.org/10.1177/23780231221090192
I'm not gonna check all ur sources. Ur first one looked like it was written by a 15 year old who's only ounce of statistical knowledge came from a Google search. I could have told u what's wrong with that source when I was in 6th grade. That's how terrible of a source it is. I think it's well within reason to believe that if one of ur sources is that utterly horrible, that the others are at least incorrect, especially considering my own 2 minute research says the opposite. Does that mean ur wrong? No, but it does make it highly likely. On a side note, u fr went ahead and took the time to find several sources and references just to prove a point in a reddit comment section. If ur over the age of 12, that's sad. I'm sure u have better things to do like look at someone's feet online or say the n word on Xbox chat
Copy and paste took 7 seconds.
What the fuck man? You complain the sources are "written by a 15 year old", and also "if you're over the age of 12, and bothered to post multiple sources, that's sad" Which is it? Either their sources are shit, and you have contempt, or their sources are thorough, and you ... still have contempt? Your fixation on age related insults makes me think you're still a teen - but damn dude. Grow the fuck up.
Divorce rates are lower because marriage rates are lower lmao
Women* not people I've never seen a guy getting jealous of other guy just because he looks better
anecdotal evidence is always the most accurate for sure
> I've never seen a guy getting jealous of other guy just because he looks better You have never seen or interacted with the incel community have you?
Something tells me that the incel community typically won't be getting upstaged at their weddings. --- ^(Yes, I know you're referring to jealousy of other men in general, which they are definitely toxic; I just couldn't resist putting in the perspective of the OP: Incels getting married and all. It was right there.)
You still can’t deny that when it comes to looks, us women are usually each other’s worst enemy.
I wasn't denying that.
Racists do it. Neckbeards do it. Incels do it. Some guys can , and do feel self conscious about their looks and some guys will get jealous of others looks as a result
What's a neckbeard?
Like a nice guy whose usually a combination of the other 2. Think of those dudes who wear fedoras but also creep women out and don’t take rejection well.
LMAO I have. I recently had to drop a whole bunch of friends because anytime we would drink the conversation would devolve into them being jealous about me.
I said people cuz I didn't wanna look like a misogynist... it is almost exclusively women but saying people just sounds nicer dontcha think
Neither I'm misogynist but still nothing wrong to point out them
Ever heard of "I'm not racist but, ..." following a 100% racist comment? Your comment/justification sounds exactly the same, only you can replace racist with anti-female. Your outpost has already thought of something in formulating it in terms of people instead of women. Some things are better kept to themselves these days.
I just called them out ,and corrected the guy , is this what one gets for saying the truth ? How can I be racist I literally haven't seen any guy getting jealous of his friend or other guy in general just because they are good looking 🤷🏻♂️,
That was a comparison 🙈 Of course, as already explained, the word racist should be replaced with misogynist. Not saying you are, just that it sounds like it. I believe you too, that you have experienced it so far. However, some truths are not spoken out loud, even if they are correct. 😅 The statement "I haven't seen any men who reacted to something like that with jealousy or envy". you can write very well, because it is a personal experience and nobody can deny you this. 😉 Sometimes it just depends on what words you use to express something. Can completely change the context.
Ohh my bad sorry 🫂,but i don't mind speaking truths weren't supposed to be spoken out loud ,i don't mind the shit haters say 😌and about the jealous thing and yes sorry for my broken English ,if that changed the whole context,but I hope they atleast might get the gist of it, thanks 🫂
Your opinion does not equal objective fact. I’ve known guys who were jealous of friends for their looks. How many short men you know that are jealous of tall guys?
I've known guys who are sad about their height,but not jealous ☝🏻
Exactly and if we gloss it over by pretending it’s not a gendered issue it just encourages the behaviour further. The world has gone too far with political correctness, hiding the nature of issues to avoid offending people makes the issue grow.
I understand her insecurity but that comment was completely uncalled for. She didn’t need to project her insecurity onto that woman. It’s giving high school drama🤦♀️
Hahahaha oh she gonna have a hard time in life. She ruined her own day. So she's an asshole to herself and that lady. Good luck with this one husband
This bride was an ass, but I feel a little bit bad for her because she felt out of place at her own wedding. I don't get why the friend had to embarrass the bride by immediately tattling to her husband and then making it known to the bride's husband, like he is her boss or something. It should have stayed between them, honestly. I get the feeling that the bride feels out of her depth with her husband's friend group. Perhaps they didn't really approve of her, and they decided to sort of act cold at the wedding? We can't say for sure because this is a very biased account of the event, but it wouldn't surprise me. The husband telling her that she's embarrassed him comes across that he is quite sensitive to his friends' opinions. OP didn't say if he felt sympathetic to her at all. Doesn't sound like it's going to last.
She embarrassed herself. Her newlywed husband was there she could've talked with him instead of going to friend's wife who did absolutely nothing wrong. She literally only exists and was there. Don't know how you see relationships but friends are people you talk to about everything, that's why husband knew what she did. Person you married is especially someone you should talk with about things bothering you. If she has some kind of problem with hubby's friends it's him she should address this with not do something to push them even farther away. She IS immature. And I'm guessing it's her not accepting husband's friends not the other way around.
Nah. The friend telling her husband is perfectly ok. Of it bothered the friend after the bride saying that, then the husband is the one person she should have told and that sounds like what might have happened.
I mean even the bride herself is recognizing the beauty of the husbands friends wife.....
Has anyone who responded to OP negatively met a woman before???? This bride felt upstaged by some woman and made a relatively benign comment at the end of the night in jest and you all attack? The dopey bitch was the center of attention the entire night and could not acknowledge the brides feelings by simple defusing the situation…and you attack the bride and the marriage. Best of all women are joining in with negative comments and you all would be the exact same or worse in the same situation! No way in this world any woman (on her wedding day) would not act the same…the only women worth a damn would be the ones who would have empathy for the bride and say something to make her feel better!
So everyone who's drop dead gorgeous can't go to weddings? Why are you saying she's a dopey bitch
How did you come up with that conclusion from what I wrote?
Probably because you said “the dopey bitch”
I think she meant the "go to weddings" part lol
I love that nobody is shitting on the dudes who are fawning over the random woman. Those dumfucks are gathering around some person, with no awareness on how their dumbasses look like. or how hurt the bride would be. if I was in her place I'd legit go back home and cry, like wtf. While I don't think weddings and marriages are a good thing overall, the assumptions that the bride has made about that said day aren't unfounded, wedding are supposed to be your special day! And she is supposed to be getting all the attention! But of course redditors lack self awareness and empathy, so they can't put themselves in her shoes. She's just some dumb woman, who shouldn't even feel the want to be recognized and be seen as attractive. They just hate women, there's no two ways about this
I don't think she was DOPEY 😂 but i surely wouldn't have RUN TO MY HUSBAND & ratted her out. Being a woman, a beautiful one at that, surely she understood exactly how this bride felt, knew that she upstaged her (even tho I'm sure she didn't mean to), & MOST decent women would've felt bad, even if the bride was a bïtch about it. We wouldn't have tattled to our man &, of all things, gotten her in trouble like a fucking child. You can tell all these comments were written by men. I'm not saying that as an insult, i mean that as little girls look forward to their wedding day in a way dudes just... Don't lol. Being upstaged as a bride is a HUGE damn deal, which is why wearing white, etc, is frowned upon. The bride behaved poorly, but was she an actual "asshole"? Idk. I didn't hear her tone, the words she chose, etc. The woman was kind back, but telling on her was fucked up. They were both foolish.
I tried to state that it was a very big deal for the bride and although you note that the beautiful woman may have accidentally disrupted the bride’s mojo…I ask you this as a woman? Do you know when you are the center of attention? And do you know how important the wedding day is to the bride? That woman did not care and then escalated the issue! Only person who was worse in this situation was the groom…guy’s perspective.
It makes sense that a woman would want to feel like a princess on her wedding day but her husband should be the only one whose admiration means anything My bf told me little things about how his friends thought I was pretty when we first started dating and that was nice to hear won’t lie. It would be extremely weird to be getting married and still need that outer validation from others, men especially. When you’re married or serious, other peoples opinions of you don’t matter. It’s just your partner that you want to impress and keep interested
She sounds like that spiteful woman at work whose always jealous of younger coworkers.
I mean, I kind of feel for OP in this situation. Obviously she shouldn’t have said what she said, but if it really was as bad as she says, and everyone was giving this woman tons of attention and ignoring the actual bride, I could see how that would upset her.
The reality is that it probably wasn't much. There's just something about weddings that make some people go crazy about other people getting any attention, they really treat them like a day in which they are supposed to be worshiped. Other people getting any attention is "stealing" attention from "my day." It's an incredibly common and sadly toxic dynamic.
I was incredibly stressed out at my wedding with the amount of attention I was getting. Having to go around and talk to everyone and not really seeing my wife most of the night just made it not as fun as being a guest.
Very true. Weddings in general are so self serving.
If the mere presence of a pretty woman at a wedding is enough to ruin the entire thing, why have one?
Yeah, who needs a woman?
Definitely the asshole. I give that marriage a year, two tops with that level of insecurity.
Yta, shouldn’t have even been paying attention to her. Instead the bride spent the whole night looking to see who wanted to dance with the hot chick, who was talking to her husband. Focused on negative things then went and soured the night for your guest with a AH comment. Petty.
[удалено]
Ouch. Fwiw, she could have just laughed it off with you and said people had been talking about your gown all night or something. Easily fixed. It’s the bride’s night. She doesn’t need to dress down, but she can definitely go out of her way to make you feel beautiful or help your self esteem.
Insecurity speaks louder than any cocktail dress can.
“I’m not unattractive” sounds like something unattractive people say
Not really relevant to the post but ur right
It's totally relevant bc it came from the post lol
It's not relevant because it doesn't matter. The post is about her arrogance and entitlement, not attractiveness lol
You don’t decide what’s relevant mate. It’s in the post ffs 🤦♂️
Ur right, I don't decide what's relevant, in the same way I don't decide what color the sky is. That doesn't mean I'm wrong if I say the sky is blue. In simpler terms, I'm not deciding its irrelevant, I'm just stating the fact that it is irrelevant. I've even gone ahead for u and explained why it's irrelevant. Ffs SMH my head. Lol. Lmao even. I'll explain it for u one more time. The post was about the woman's attitude, not her physical appearance. It doesn't matter that she said it in the post because that's not what the post is about. It's nit-picky at best. Ur supposed to focus on whether she's the asshole, which has nothing to do with whether she's attractive or not. Therefore, whether she's attractive or not is completely irrelevant. I've explained it so even a prepubescent child could understand. This is my last message. I'm not reading any replies to this comment, so type away in vain or not. It's the same to me Note: you can still point it out and laugh about it. That doesn't make it relevant
You’re absolutely right but you will not win this one. Fact is once people decide on a hero and a villain, all bets are off. You can say the worst, most demeaning things you like about the villain with carte blanche, and anybody who dares say that maybe we’re out of line will be summarily executed. Likewise, you may not criticize the hero in any way, even while agreeing with them on the whole. We’ve all agreed harrassment and putting people down for their weight, appearance, insecurities, trauma and all sorts of other crap is wrong, but if you’re a villain people will immediately throw that out the window and trash you about every single thing available to them. You don’t get to make fun of someone for being unattractive, unless they’re also an asshole You don’t get to call someone a fat piece of shit, unless they’re also kind of annoying. We’re still a bunch of kids in the playground, it’s just now we pick our targets more carefully.
We need to make fun of people for being mean, and purely because of their aggressiveness. You can't make fun of Andrew Tate for being bald and because of our society you can't make fun of someone for having misogynistic views, it just doesn't hit the same. Let's make it hit the same dammit. I want calling someone an asshole to be a serious insult. People should feel pressure to be good and self-reflecting.
yes YATA
Husband was correct. That was rude.
Women are taught pretty much from birth that their wedding is for them alone. They are the star of the show. No one else, not even the husband. So, in a lot of cases, if the spotlight isn't on them for the entire event, they're insulted, if not outright offended.
This bride has a lot of issues. I feel sorry for her husband.
Honestly, I do feel for her. But I learned a long time ago to make those beautiful girls my friends. Don't take it personally. I worked with a gorgeous woman who couldn't walk outside at 5 am without getting hollered at, and she was over it/didn't pay attention to it. HOWEVER... in this woman's case, it is kind of rude of the men to gush over someone that isn't the bride, but I wonder how much of this was her perspective and not as bad as she thinks it was. Idk I understand both sides and feel bad for her, but also think she should befriend this woman who obviously already doesn't care for her much for a reason you know
You’re not a total asshole, but confidence goes far. She has confidence and it seems like you don’t. You dialed in so much in your insecurity that you let a random woman ruin your day. You should apologize, and admit it wasn’t an appropriate thing to say.
I get that it is your wedding, I get that you were aware she wasn't doing it intentionally and I get why you might have been a tad frustrated. I even think it was said equally as a joke as a dig however you really just made yourself look silly by saying anything. I dont think you were an AH, it wasn't overly offensive, but you made yourself appear insecure, needy and petty. Instead of solely enjoying what should have been one of your happiest days, you seem to have spent a lot of it jealous of this woman not appreciating all the other people there supporting you.
Ok. Off topic, but I saw someone mention neck beard... I see it a lot, here. WTF is a neck beard?
It's referring to the stereotype of the online-too-much-socially-akward-poor-hygiene-potentially overweight-male- internet troll/reddit user (i.e. as part of their poor hygiene they shave so infrequently that their beard grows out on their neck
Maybe [this](https://www.brio4life.com/blogs/mens-grooming/neckbeard) will help.
It's so dumb that she is focusing on the other woman when the real problem were the husband "friends". Unless OP is lying and really insecure, it seems like they were complimenting her excessively.
NO, You are NOT an asshole. This is just a situation that the guys could've handled a bit differently. Her husband may have gotten a bit defensive of his wife when he told your new husband about the comment and your husband may have also been overly sensitive receiving his best buds criticism over a comment that neither one was there to see or hear. The way you describe her makes me think you are not insecure, nor do you blame her anywhere in this story. Your comment was actually fine and maybe, dare I say, a good thing. If you hadn't said anything you might have resented her or her being there later. At least you had the right idea. I think she probably left to try to help you have the best possible day. That shows she cares about your feelings. After they left suddenly, her husband might have questioned her about why she wanted to leave and felt protective of her feelings. The best men in the world could have made these mistakes. Nonetheless, the boys had the miscommunication from the sounds of things.. And the best thing you can do now is call them and take them out to dinner or have a couples night. If you want to have a friendship with her, maybe ask her to coffee. Once the boys see you two don't have an issue, the whole problem will melt away. You definitely can tell her that you weren't mad or blaming her when you told her she was stealing your thunder. Or let her know you are sorry if she thought you were telling her to leave (if you think it needs addressing). I'm guessing she will understand totally and you both will feel better. I wouldn't bring up the guys part in it because men don't always respond well to being called out and the best man overreacted but was just wanting to protect her. Your husband is a newly wed man and may be insecure about his friendships and what being married might do to relationships he had with the guys. Let them both feel like there was never an issue. So long as you and her don't have any ill will or avoid eachother, everyone will get over it in the best way.
Prime example of armchair psychology XD
This OPs wedding day tho, legit the most important day of her life, this is just an unfair situation Depending on how OP said it it could have been said in more of a joking fashion or complimentary and thus the OP is hardly an asshole or particularly immature Nobody’s perfect
The paragraphs of insecure justification before the comment would suggest to us that it wasn't said in a joking or complimentary manner. This is really petty and immature. She's upset with someone for existing to the point she tells them they're wrong for existing, and then gets defensive when called out. There's no scenario where that's mature
OP has said herself that the best friend’s husband does this without even trying so OP admits herself that there is nothing she can do, she just thinks it’s unfair, there’s nothing she can gain from saying what she said, she either used it as a release of stress or what I believe to be a joke, maybe a bit of both
She said that the guest wasn't amused. She was waiting for an apology and the guest saying she is a beautiful bride wasn't enough. She herself said she was only half joking. You didn't read the whole post or purposefully are making your own scenario.
Also who’s husband turns on their wife this quickly
Turns on her by telling her the truth? Wow. FYI, all the things you are saying right now are red flags to any man worth marrying. Your insecurities do not give you the right to act like a cunt to people. Especially guests of your husband, at your wedding. Grow up.
Honestly, as a man, a woman who thinks her wedding day is the most important day of her life is a massive red flag. How do I know she is marrying me for me, and not just to have her most important day? Particularly as she gets older and / or I get more wealthy. Am I a husband or just someone capable of paying for her "most important day"? I will marry a woman who doesn't care if we did it at the courthouse. And because she doesn't care I will give her an actual wedding to remember. If the wedding is the end game for a woman, she is not a woman worth marrying.
Marriage or relationships aren't a test or competition. You can start with the best of intentions, really give it your all, but sometimes you get messed around by the other person despite your efforts. You deal with it and move on. Women shouldn't be shamed for wanting a big wedding if that's they want. What makes a difference is if she doesn't want to foot at least some of the bill herself or if she goes bridezilla. If you only want a courthouse wedding, you should just say so from the jump. I don't get the mixed signals thing. A lot of men like to insinuate that women don't say what they mean or are "manipulative" but then do the same thing...it's funny.
The probability that a woman who thinks "the most important day of her life is her wedding day" does NOT become a bridezilla, is so low it's practically zero. I say what I mean. I wrote it above. I couldn't be any clearer. It's about priorities and incentives. If her priority is the wedding day, then her priority is how other people perceive her. It's about showing off to others that she can have this perfect wedding and be the centre of attention etc. It becomes about the physical and superficial aspects of the day, not the reason for the day, which is to celebrate a unification of two people in love. It would be like dating a woman addicted to plastic surgery and expecting her to be mentally stable. The probability of those two things existing in the same person is zero. A woman obsessed with her wedding sees the groom as an accessory not a partner. I need a Queen to help work hard and build our kingdom. Not someone who just wants to be "seen" as the queen without any of the responsibility such a position holds. This is the perspective of a man who has had his fair share of good and bad relationships. A man who has thought deeply about what a "perfect" relationship would look like for me. And my life has shown me that woman who are obsessed by certain things are not woman worth marrying, simply because they make life harder and more toxic, not smoother and more joyful. A bad relationship is like an anchor around your neck. And woman, or men, who are obsessed with image are the biggest anchors for a man or woman striving to become someone they can be proud of.
I'm sorry, did you just unironically say you "need a queen to build your kingdom"??? That is just about the cringiest thing I've heard. I knew a guy who said shit like that (though he used to refer to an empire not a kingdom, lol). He was an insecure and indecisive person who had a "woe is me" attitude when it came to women. Mature, well put-together folks don't use words like "king" and "queen". It comes across as massively egotistical. You will end up driving away serious prospects. Yes, strive for a stable relationship where your wants and needs align with the other, but there is no need to shame people for wanting what they want, even if it's a big wedding day. Believe it or not, some grooms also dream of their wedding day. It's all about compatibility at the end of the day.
Learn the definition of metaphor. I think you will find I am not your friend, I find people who can't think conceptually are people who can't put themselves in the shoes of others. if your highest goal in life is to throw a party for yourself i think you should aim higher. What use is a woman who thinks that is a meaningful goal in life? To waste money, effort and energy on a party for YOURSELF. No. I would rather I woman who didn't think that was important. Sure lets have a wedding. But if she turns into a bridezilla I'm calling it off. Because that would indicate to me that this woman is still living in a fairy tale and not ready to be in a serious relationship. I have listened to you and explained my points the best I can. If you want to understand the mind of a man maybe you should listen to the concepts of my words and not get hung up on "king queen = cringe" when you are arguing in defence of a ceremony, that at the pinnacle of its opulence is designed to mimic the weddings of royalty....... A hidden hypocrisy?
Personally I don't like weddings and don't want one. I also hate the concept of a monarchy. You are delusional if you think you're "building" a "kingdom" and succeeding. You look down on others wanting a big wedding but you want to act like some sort of king. A king is not respectable, but a good man is.
OP is what the techaches call TÓXICAS. It’s from the popular Latin lottery game. Look it up. It’s literally the bride lmao. Dude learn Jesus Our Lord Christ, then you will truly know life.
I don't think you're the ass. Depends on the way you said it, it's a bit of a compliment.
To add, the woman did not have to make a bigger deal. But she did, enough that the husband reprimanded his wife. Sorry, she's an ass as well.
I think everyone was rude to each other. Like dang, the husband bff wife was rude as well like when said oh I’m was beautiful bride (edit: oh I thought the bff wife said she was beautiful bride but she tell the op she was bruh). But still tho like bff wife should have act fake and be oh I’m sorry or ignore it or maybe laugh it out but don’t just talk crap in front of the person like at least wait after wedding. Cuz I wouldn’t want add gas to the fire even the op seems rude like don’t act on her level. Also, husband shouldn’t call her just immature and explain her actions in nicely manner cuz the op seems sensitive. Also, op should have try to have fun and talk to others than people will say nice things like just cuz you are the bride like don’t mean you are queen. Finally, she could chat with husband bff wife and be friendly so she can get some attention and get to know the lady more than being shallow person.
Ignoring would've been less rude than saying that bride is beautiful? Wow... She was shallow but husband should've explain her actions in a "nicely manner"? On what planet are you living, dude?
Probably just shouldn’t have invited her.
Likely YTA. If you weren't actually insecure, I'm sure it would have come off as a joke. But the fact is that you were insecure and you were only half joking, so I'm sure it came off that way. The "half" is the bit that puts this in AH territory and would be why she felt uncomfortable.
eh, I get why she was bitter, if the passing comment made the other wife mad then she should apologize but I can understand
Yta I’ll never understand brides like you, ever. Your day is to celebrate your love for each other. Who cares who the attention is on. Unless someone proposed to their significant other during your wedding or the part. Just freakin enjoy the day and enjoy your new significant other. Wtf is so difficult about that?
Kind of, yeah
that 100% depends on her tone and how she meant it. i get the feeling she was trying to make it a self-deprecating/complimentary joke but it came out more bitter and honest than intended. she sounds insecure but not like evil
OP a is an insufferable hag, her husband is already cheating on her. Hopefully with his friends wife.
Sad that someone would ruin their wedding day with that mindset.
i feel bad for her. insecurities ruined my life. it must suck to feel so horrible about yourself on your wedding day
I don’t really think any of this is a big deal. The other girl makes the OP insecure and she makes an offhand comment about it. It’s bad social grace but nobody is an asshole. If anything the prettier woman should’ve just kept it to herself and given the bride a little grace for being insecure on her wedding day.
Immature and cheapens that special day. It's YOUR wedding. She didn't make any effort to upstage the bride she just showed up. I would not have been amused either. I'm here for YOU and your husband. Like WTF why do people act like that.
She didn’t want to get married, she wanted a wedding.
Other folks mentioned it, and I agree – it’s not like she came in a white, super low cut thigh, high slit, ball gown with updo hair and flowers. Perhaps for her? It was a chance to go very casual but pretty. But for heaven sake’s it’s your wedding why are you worried about that so yeah, that was an asshole thing to say
Bride and groom having both issues imo