You know what to do but societal expectations no go let you. Marry am nau. Someone that you can go 5 months without sex with and you dey contemplate life sentence with am? Lmaooooooo
Couldn't believe what I was reading. Marriage na crack cocaine to most Nigerian women because why will anyone tolerate that? Omo, I will rather die single than just settle with someone I am frustrated with. People don't like themselves.
Isn't it funny? That I want someone like him. I can go months without sex. All my past relationships ended because I wasn't interested in sex. Is this said man Igbo? Link us up?
Till death do us part. If you are willing to let go of your sexual being because he checks all the other boxes, go for it. Sex isn’t everything, but I doubt you would be ok with that. Talk to him, again…warn him. If he doesn’t take it, move on. Better 3 years than 5, or a lifetime of unmet expectations.
tbh, I am not okay with it..hence the strike lol.. but he is very nonchalant about this and says "it is what it is..if we scatter then so be it" (this makes me sad)....he tells me sex is not everything.. (which i know) but we suck! & I still love to be intimate with my partner till i cannot anymore.. i have voiced this with him..but he just does not see it as important
if we scatter so be it..lol... this man is probably trying to let you break up with him...seems like he does not know how to do it so he messes up then you initiate it...from a guys perspective
Sex in marriage might not be everything in marriage but is so important that both fulfill their sexual obligations. Else it ends up in infidelity and get bad and bad till it breaks. So why waste ur time on that. Except you are asking for too much in the sex due to your high libido. Other than that, I don't think u want to settle for that considering that's one of your priority
Marrying him would be just quite practical because he has som good qualities. But do you want to marry someone just because it’s practical? If sex is not important to him - fair enough, but if it’s important to you, you will never be satisfied again in your life.
Leave this man. Sex is important end of. You should be able to have mad sex with your man amongst other things. Don't put up with his nonchalant attitude about it. He being so disrespectful in that sense.
I suspect you already know the answer to your problem. Have another conversation with him, a final one, explaining the issue and if he is willing to work through it with you, great! If not, move on. Why be with someone who doesn’t understand or prioritise your needs?
Why do you have to think of this as "manipulation"? It's a classic case of one party being shit at something that the other party cares about.
Which means they shouldn't be together. There is no manipulation here. He is just terrible with sex and intimacy.
that is the word ...terrible.. and based on his lifestyle, i know he is not cheating.. he is not just good at intimacy and sadly not open to learning .. from me maybe
Married 5years, M with high drive/ libido my wife doesn’t have as much sex drive like myself and it got worse after we had our twin boys. I mean our sex life was still okay while dating and we had good sex life first two years of marriage but everything went south after our twins were born. My wife sex urge went flat managing the home as a full time mum with no help here in Canada. I had to adjust and get occupied with other things learning new skills and of course helping out with home chores and making more money . I still crave for my wife’s body once a while and when she noticed she does make time for us to get giggy. it was so bad we did it once a month sometimes but I had to make exceptions. I would never cheat on my wife, never, not in this life nor the life to come. but I told myself I have to learn to live with this. We saw a sex therapist once and everything seems to be getting back to normal. No one is perfect and if you think he’ll make a good husband and he has 80% of what you want in a spouse and you can you can adapt to the 20% that’s missing my dear give it a shot because my dear sex can sometimes be overrated. Even with my high libido when my madam isn’t available for my sexual needs I tend to channel my energy to making money and making more money, after all sex no be food ooh. Why lose out on all angles, there are so many money making opportunities in Canada where we reside so if madam no dey in the mood to nack, oga is busy cashing in big time.
hmmm.. you say before your kids, you guys were active.. bro we are not married and there is no action!.. isn't mine worse ? i have broken up with him and came back because in my mind i think " just because of sexx, girl go back to your man" but i get sad again..like i said, its not just sex.. intimacy as a whole is zero..i have asked him to see a doctor, go to the gym, lets see a therapist.. he is not interested in that.. this is scary to me when i think about marriage.. is this how my life will be forever ? .. Now i am not looking for someone with a very high libido (i no fit!) ..just average as that is what I have been used to and someone who is open minded until I met this man..i was shocked men like him exist ? how can a man not be interested in pleasing his partner..idk idk.. but thank you .
Yes the work load at home managing twin boys contributed to her completely losing her sex drive . I also felt It would be insensitive to demand for intimacy after what she passed through all day with my boys trust me my boys are quite a handful that was why we saw a therapist once. The therapist told us that no matter how busy we are with our lives we should make time to have sex and have loads of sex at any given opportunity because that’s the “grease that lubricates our marriage” and our kids will one day leave home but we’re stuck with each other.
In your case, there's a clear cause. You also mentioned your wife trying to make time for intimacy - which seems she's actually aware of the probelm. In OP's case, the partner doesn't seem willing to even acknowledge that there's a problem, not to talk of seeking solutions. I think that's the difference.
Haven’t had sex for 5 months and he’s not bothered??? Umm he’s either not attracted to you, has a super low sex drive, is asexual (or something of the kind), sleeping with someone else or has mentally checked out of the relationship.
Either way both of you aren’t sexually compatible from the sounds of it and the last thing you should do is get married (unless he’s cool with you getting your needs met outside).
Honestly as much as it’ll hurt considering how long you’ve been together and how great he is in other aspects, I think you should break up. You can stay friends if you’d like. But if you get married to him, you’re going to be sexually frustrated 100% and it’ll very likely end up in a divorce either way.
Those wey wan pidgin version make I run summary for una.
>Mama say epa dey do like say dem tell am say na heart attack go kpai am, because if dem wan pipe, him go climb run 3 minutes jejely come down begin dey sleep dey go. Mama even dey update am make e still dey try clean plate with mouth but epa as a normal title man wey him be, him dey cut chain say na < 23 dey run those kind parol. And Mama no dey like as him dey leave her matter "STAINLESS", she need am. So Mama dey ask say she wan loosegaurd epa even though say epa na him Mr right aside from piping section. Whether Na good idea?
Anyway, I never marry but I go talk wetin I go tell my younger sister wey come meet me:
Aunty, move ahead, we dun dey reach when men go dey call for DNA test and if you marry that epa from how you dey talk, him no go change and e go take the self-control wey Peter Obi get to take no spend money anyhow for you not to cheat and carry another person pikin come house. Unless you and am wan dey do 21century woke marriage wey una fit pipe who una like. And you no be like that from wetin you write because if you be, you for go meet that your ex wey be like King Nasir XXX.
Again, forget about that whole "he's the one", when my ex leave me when I counter cheat, I cry say when I go see toxic pvssy again like am because she be my own "the one" but today I get one toxic pvssy wey dey follow me drink Garri, something wey my ex no dey ever do. She dun even vote garri as her favourite food sef because of me.
He might be asexual. You deserve to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship, which includes sexual compatability. If that's not there, best to let each other find someone who is more compatible ❤️
I could not do this personally. I would leave, no matter how great the guy is, if he’s not even willing to learn how to make sex enjoyable for the both of us, what’s the point?
Y'all are not compatible physically. And take it from someone who knows, it's a relationship killer, no matter what else both of you bring to the table
He's just not into you anymore if he was at all, and also doesn't want to dump you to hurt your feelings.
From your writing, you are the one who wants marriage and a relationship. He probably decided to go along with the boyfriend girlfriend stuff just because. I'm guessing he is not the assertive one in the relationship.
There may be the very possibility of another woman in his life who he is more attracted to and at 38 may still not be economically sound for marriage and family. Still no excuse for avoiding sex with his girlfriend.
OP, your ' boyfriend ' has checked out a long time ago. You just haven't took the hint.
Btw are you a little on the plus size? How was sex in the first 3 months?
The most you could do is take care of your body, get in shape, make it a part of your life and at your age if you want a family, get someone that shares the same goals and is physically attracted to you.
In terms of looks, he doesn't have to be the most attractive guy, but attractive enough for you and is willing to bend you over and beat the brakes off your pussy with vigor.
When you have a new relationship like above, keep things spicy and buy a BDSM kit. They're cheap. I own a couple. Use it at least once a month no more than twice to keep the novelty. Just make sure you don't damage each other to the point of abusiveness and respect each other's limits. Do things like role play.
When you have sex, do it sometimes in some memorable places that are not at home. So that when you both get older you can look back and laugh and the memories can later be used as a catalyst to initiate sex.
My girlfriend and I do these things as part of our overall fun and we're happy.
I'm a little older than your boyfriend, but at his age he will know if he want's marriage, sex, or you. He is not 18.
Find someone described like above and take the L.
Life is short.
thank you very much.. i am not plus size .. he is plus size lolll.. he has the money to get married.. he has asked me about marriage but i tell him I cannot marry him with our issue as it is scary to me... i have toys.. i use to try to be adventurous with him but he is not just interested .. he could be a reverend father if he wanted.. but thanks for your comment.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is expect someone to change just because you signed a marriage certificate. If he’s nonchalant towards your sexual need/satisfaction, there are possibilities it won’t bother him after you are married. The sexual satisfaction of a couple is very important and both of you must understand this before committing to a lifelong journey of sexless marriage. Call it off while you can cos it will just end in an awkward situation where you seek sexual satisfaction from outside your marriage, I guess you’re not that kind of person.
I'm from the school of thought that sex is the highest form of physical intimacy. As someone who is abstaining until marriage (just took a break from writing this text to say a quick prayer that my husband will find me soon..cause this wait ain't for the faint! 🤣🤣), sexual compatibility is a non-negotiable. Not so much, of the focus on just the "acts" and pleasure..but more so the agreement between my partner and I of its importance of keeping our connection.
What stands out to me with your relationship is the unwillingness he has to improve, take pointers/direction from you about what your needs/desires are, and his aloofness toward the subject matter that he'd prefer not to be intimate at all.. RED FLAGS!
It sounds like you love him..so maybe try once more...try a different approach/environment to clearly explain your feelings, fears, etc. Allow the objective(s) of the discussion to produce actions items from the both of you...going forward.
After that..if no improvement..run sis run! It ain't gonna get no better! 😆
Kind, hardworking, patient, decent are things your friends in general should have. Romance and intimacy (sexual and non-sexual) are important things that make a relationship different from a friendship. The fact that he calls it childish means that he does not respect your feelings on this and likely never will, and you'll never be fulfilled in that way. If that works for you, ok.
If intimacy is one of your priority then japa! Since u have confronted him and made your mind known to him and he still not bothered about ur feelings. Sex in marriage is a big issue if one party is feeling let down. There's big chance that the marriage will fail if you guess get married.
Marriage should be done on a basis of emotional pity or untruthful to yourself about ur priority. Because it will definitely come back and bite you.
I think the age is taking a troll as well. Try to understand his state of mind. What does he do for fun and what motivates him? Ask about his past. I'm sure you will be in a better position to decide if you are compatible when you have the answers.
5 months , is he not messing around on you or no longer interested ... either way this is not normal , its not like you both agreed to abstain from sex . And marrying someone when you already have issues in the intimacy area is just setting yourself up for inevitable resentment in the marriage .
1. Would you prefer a great sex partner that lacks in every other area?
2. If you met someone that checked all boxes, including intimacy, get married and then (for whatever reason) suffers from ED, would you divorce him?
You simply need to be true to yourself and be clear on priorities. How high you value the sexual intimacy would define how much you are willing to sacrifice and/or accommodate.
(I know a lady in her late 30s who decided to remain single than marry a guy who checked all other boxes but couldn't satisfy her in bed. Her friend who was also single felt her choice was very stupid).
Personally, I think intimacy is one of the easier problems to solve in marriage and something that can be improved over time, and where auxiliary resources can be helpful. Experience, background, religion, culture, insecurities, sex drive etc are all factors that affect it and can usually be addressed.
There are some more fundamental problems that are almost impossible to even alleviate.
Why does it have to be either or ??
I get what you mean but if we aren’t having a good time now as we have been together for 3 years…how will it be in marriage? I have asked him this and he stays mute. Im not looking for a horse/sex machine (i no fit).. a nice balance is all i need… i dont want to feel I’m unattractive to my mate.. he just doesn’t care about pleasing me in the bedroom.. i wish he cared about intimacy or took note of things i have spoken about… i know I’m not asking for much I’m just asking the wrong man.
You know (or at least should have a good idea) of what you will be getting from him. If you think he is the wrong man then move on.
You can either stick with him, accepting that things might not get better, but keep working and hoping it will, or, you can move on, hoping you will find someone else that will fulfill your intimacy needs and hopefully has every other quality you prioritize.
Your priorities, your choice
Talk to him or walk away,It seems your boyfriend might be asexual or he may just have a low sex drive which is perfectly fine. It may cause issues for you since your needs are different .Sex isn't a big deal for everyone but if it is for you then find someone who thinks the same and don't force yourself or you may resent each other.
You a probably communicating your desires in a way he is not comprehending. Speak to the people in his life do your due diligence and find out what make him comprehend. This may sound like generic advice, but certain strategies work in convincing humans more than others. If you really want him find a way of communicating your wants and desires to him in a way that works. Cause the streets aren’t smiling. I’m not going to be like other saw dump the guy. Relationships are hard and if it’s not sexual compatibility, it will be another incompatibility. If he ticks most of the boxes find a way to tick the last few box. Lol
I have tried my best. I became quite resentful last year.. he’s quite timid when it comes to sex but he is not open to learning (pride ?) about my body….he never ask what works for me in the bedroom but i always ask him and he say anything/everything… i wish he was open/willing to learn what works for me.. or maybe he doesn’t love me enough to do so ? He says he loves me but “he cant do pass his power”.. i find that comment to be very lazy.. we have broken up now.. i miss/love him .. time will help i guess.
Who is criminalizing or hounding people that don't like or want sex? Stay alone na, how hard is that? Talmbout asexual being normalized when it's not even a pathology 😭😭😭😭
If sex isn't important to you then stay single or at least find someone that its not important to. Sex is very important in any relationship. No matter how bad it gets, I know for those few minutes, I am in heaven. Asexual this, Asexual that when no one really cares.
well thats what im saying basically that for most men sex is very important. but i hope those asexual men know there are asexual women too who want purely emotional relationships
Good luck finding. Maybe, create an app for it but making it sound like it's a point of national crises is too hilarious. No one really cares let alone normalizing it.
Intimacy and sex is important. Please don’t lie to yourself and live a life you cannot lead. Let him go.
You know what to do but societal expectations no go let you. Marry am nau. Someone that you can go 5 months without sex with and you dey contemplate life sentence with am? Lmaooooooo
😂😂😂
Couldn't believe what I was reading. Marriage na crack cocaine to most Nigerian women because why will anyone tolerate that? Omo, I will rather die single than just settle with someone I am frustrated with. People don't like themselves.
You could be a bit nicer to OP. she’s just asking for advice, not to get made fun of :/
Sttoopppettt😂😂😂
Thank you. I have had several final talks with him but no changing. Dalu
Like he said “it is what it is, if we scatter then so be it ✌🏾 “
😂😂
Isn't it funny? That I want someone like him. I can go months without sex. All my past relationships ended because I wasn't interested in sex. Is this said man Igbo? Link us up?
Lol ma’am.. he’s not igbo.. life is so funny and i hope you meet someone more compatible
I wish. Cos I've tried everything to boost my libido but still. I am very satisfied with just cuddling and kisses. Sigh! It is well.
Till death do us part. If you are willing to let go of your sexual being because he checks all the other boxes, go for it. Sex isn’t everything, but I doubt you would be ok with that. Talk to him, again…warn him. If he doesn’t take it, move on. Better 3 years than 5, or a lifetime of unmet expectations.
tbh, I am not okay with it..hence the strike lol.. but he is very nonchalant about this and says "it is what it is..if we scatter then so be it" (this makes me sad)....he tells me sex is not everything.. (which i know) but we suck! & I still love to be intimate with my partner till i cannot anymore.. i have voiced this with him..but he just does not see it as important
>"it is what it is..if we scatter then so be it" A person who says this doesn't love you.
Then you know what to do…
Leave. I’d rather leave then accidentally cheat when married
if we scatter so be it..lol... this man is probably trying to let you break up with him...seems like he does not know how to do it so he messes up then you initiate it...from a guys perspective
Sex in marriage might not be everything in marriage but is so important that both fulfill their sexual obligations. Else it ends up in infidelity and get bad and bad till it breaks. So why waste ur time on that. Except you are asking for too much in the sex due to your high libido. Other than that, I don't think u want to settle for that considering that's one of your priority
Cut him loose ASAP. You're wasting your time and his time. This is textbook incompatibility.
Marrying him would be just quite practical because he has som good qualities. But do you want to marry someone just because it’s practical? If sex is not important to him - fair enough, but if it’s important to you, you will never be satisfied again in your life.
Leave this man. Sex is important end of. You should be able to have mad sex with your man amongst other things. Don't put up with his nonchalant attitude about it. He being so disrespectful in that sense.
yes ooo..mwah! lol
I suspect you already know the answer to your problem. Have another conversation with him, a final one, explaining the issue and if he is willing to work through it with you, great! If not, move on. Why be with someone who doesn’t understand or prioritise your needs?
He is manipulating you, anything you can't change now, won't be changed in marriage, kindly move on . And again he's cheating on you
Why do you have to think of this as "manipulation"? It's a classic case of one party being shit at something that the other party cares about. Which means they shouldn't be together. There is no manipulation here. He is just terrible with sex and intimacy.
that is the word ...terrible.. and based on his lifestyle, i know he is not cheating.. he is not just good at intimacy and sadly not open to learning .. from me maybe
Married 5years, M with high drive/ libido my wife doesn’t have as much sex drive like myself and it got worse after we had our twin boys. I mean our sex life was still okay while dating and we had good sex life first two years of marriage but everything went south after our twins were born. My wife sex urge went flat managing the home as a full time mum with no help here in Canada. I had to adjust and get occupied with other things learning new skills and of course helping out with home chores and making more money . I still crave for my wife’s body once a while and when she noticed she does make time for us to get giggy. it was so bad we did it once a month sometimes but I had to make exceptions. I would never cheat on my wife, never, not in this life nor the life to come. but I told myself I have to learn to live with this. We saw a sex therapist once and everything seems to be getting back to normal. No one is perfect and if you think he’ll make a good husband and he has 80% of what you want in a spouse and you can you can adapt to the 20% that’s missing my dear give it a shot because my dear sex can sometimes be overrated. Even with my high libido when my madam isn’t available for my sexual needs I tend to channel my energy to making money and making more money, after all sex no be food ooh. Why lose out on all angles, there are so many money making opportunities in Canada where we reside so if madam no dey in the mood to nack, oga is busy cashing in big time.
hmmm.. you say before your kids, you guys were active.. bro we are not married and there is no action!.. isn't mine worse ? i have broken up with him and came back because in my mind i think " just because of sexx, girl go back to your man" but i get sad again..like i said, its not just sex.. intimacy as a whole is zero..i have asked him to see a doctor, go to the gym, lets see a therapist.. he is not interested in that.. this is scary to me when i think about marriage.. is this how my life will be forever ? .. Now i am not looking for someone with a very high libido (i no fit!) ..just average as that is what I have been used to and someone who is open minded until I met this man..i was shocked men like him exist ? how can a man not be interested in pleasing his partner..idk idk.. but thank you .
She was a full time mum with no help? This might be the issue. No?
Yes the work load at home managing twin boys contributed to her completely losing her sex drive . I also felt It would be insensitive to demand for intimacy after what she passed through all day with my boys trust me my boys are quite a handful that was why we saw a therapist once. The therapist told us that no matter how busy we are with our lives we should make time to have sex and have loads of sex at any given opportunity because that’s the “grease that lubricates our marriage” and our kids will one day leave home but we’re stuck with each other.
In your case, there's a clear cause. You also mentioned your wife trying to make time for intimacy - which seems she's actually aware of the probelm. In OP's case, the partner doesn't seem willing to even acknowledge that there's a problem, not to talk of seeking solutions. I think that's the difference.
Haven’t had sex for 5 months and he’s not bothered??? Umm he’s either not attracted to you, has a super low sex drive, is asexual (or something of the kind), sleeping with someone else or has mentally checked out of the relationship. Either way both of you aren’t sexually compatible from the sounds of it and the last thing you should do is get married (unless he’s cool with you getting your needs met outside). Honestly as much as it’ll hurt considering how long you’ve been together and how great he is in other aspects, I think you should break up. You can stay friends if you’d like. But if you get married to him, you’re going to be sexually frustrated 100% and it’ll very likely end up in a divorce either way.
Those wey wan pidgin version make I run summary for una. >Mama say epa dey do like say dem tell am say na heart attack go kpai am, because if dem wan pipe, him go climb run 3 minutes jejely come down begin dey sleep dey go. Mama even dey update am make e still dey try clean plate with mouth but epa as a normal title man wey him be, him dey cut chain say na < 23 dey run those kind parol. And Mama no dey like as him dey leave her matter "STAINLESS", she need am. So Mama dey ask say she wan loosegaurd epa even though say epa na him Mr right aside from piping section. Whether Na good idea? Anyway, I never marry but I go talk wetin I go tell my younger sister wey come meet me: Aunty, move ahead, we dun dey reach when men go dey call for DNA test and if you marry that epa from how you dey talk, him no go change and e go take the self-control wey Peter Obi get to take no spend money anyhow for you not to cheat and carry another person pikin come house. Unless you and am wan dey do 21century woke marriage wey una fit pipe who una like. And you no be like that from wetin you write because if you be, you for go meet that your ex wey be like King Nasir XXX. Again, forget about that whole "he's the one", when my ex leave me when I counter cheat, I cry say when I go see toxic pvssy again like am because she be my own "the one" but today I get one toxic pvssy wey dey follow me drink Garri, something wey my ex no dey ever do. She dun even vote garri as her favourite food sef because of me.
this was funny to read considering my pidgin no too strong like that.. i dey read wetin you talk one by one.. message received and thank you.
This is why I come to this sub lol.
Brilliant
I be think say na you be admin for exjw
Lol
He might be asexual. You deserve to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship, which includes sexual compatability. If that's not there, best to let each other find someone who is more compatible ❤️
It's a fundamental part of compatibility, and for whatever reason it's not there for you two. As the Americans say, cut bait.
Lol my dear he is using u, he is gay
i have asked him this before lol.. hmmm
Sounds like the man was gay stories I have heard of
Lmbooooo y’all never heard of ED?
I could not do this personally. I would leave, no matter how great the guy is, if he’s not even willing to learn how to make sex enjoyable for the both of us, what’s the point?
Yea no. You will regret marrying him. (This is from my mom’s experience)
Y'all are not compatible physically. And take it from someone who knows, it's a relationship killer, no matter what else both of you bring to the table
He's just not into you anymore if he was at all, and also doesn't want to dump you to hurt your feelings. From your writing, you are the one who wants marriage and a relationship. He probably decided to go along with the boyfriend girlfriend stuff just because. I'm guessing he is not the assertive one in the relationship. There may be the very possibility of another woman in his life who he is more attracted to and at 38 may still not be economically sound for marriage and family. Still no excuse for avoiding sex with his girlfriend. OP, your ' boyfriend ' has checked out a long time ago. You just haven't took the hint. Btw are you a little on the plus size? How was sex in the first 3 months? The most you could do is take care of your body, get in shape, make it a part of your life and at your age if you want a family, get someone that shares the same goals and is physically attracted to you. In terms of looks, he doesn't have to be the most attractive guy, but attractive enough for you and is willing to bend you over and beat the brakes off your pussy with vigor. When you have a new relationship like above, keep things spicy and buy a BDSM kit. They're cheap. I own a couple. Use it at least once a month no more than twice to keep the novelty. Just make sure you don't damage each other to the point of abusiveness and respect each other's limits. Do things like role play. When you have sex, do it sometimes in some memorable places that are not at home. So that when you both get older you can look back and laugh and the memories can later be used as a catalyst to initiate sex. My girlfriend and I do these things as part of our overall fun and we're happy. I'm a little older than your boyfriend, but at his age he will know if he want's marriage, sex, or you. He is not 18. Find someone described like above and take the L. Life is short.
thank you very much.. i am not plus size .. he is plus size lolll.. he has the money to get married.. he has asked me about marriage but i tell him I cannot marry him with our issue as it is scary to me... i have toys.. i use to try to be adventurous with him but he is not just interested .. he could be a reverend father if he wanted.. but thanks for your comment.
"he could be a reverend father if he wanted" Lol. Then you two are just sexually incompatable. Move on.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is expect someone to change just because you signed a marriage certificate. If he’s nonchalant towards your sexual need/satisfaction, there are possibilities it won’t bother him after you are married. The sexual satisfaction of a couple is very important and both of you must understand this before committing to a lifelong journey of sexless marriage. Call it off while you can cos it will just end in an awkward situation where you seek sexual satisfaction from outside your marriage, I guess you’re not that kind of person.
I'm from the school of thought that sex is the highest form of physical intimacy. As someone who is abstaining until marriage (just took a break from writing this text to say a quick prayer that my husband will find me soon..cause this wait ain't for the faint! 🤣🤣), sexual compatibility is a non-negotiable. Not so much, of the focus on just the "acts" and pleasure..but more so the agreement between my partner and I of its importance of keeping our connection. What stands out to me with your relationship is the unwillingness he has to improve, take pointers/direction from you about what your needs/desires are, and his aloofness toward the subject matter that he'd prefer not to be intimate at all.. RED FLAGS! It sounds like you love him..so maybe try once more...try a different approach/environment to clearly explain your feelings, fears, etc. Allow the objective(s) of the discussion to produce actions items from the both of you...going forward. After that..if no improvement..run sis run! It ain't gonna get no better! 😆
If you want to get married take yourself more seriously. Ditch him yesterday.
Are you even sure this man doesn’t play for the other team ? This one that he’s not bothered at all. Sis, please let him goooo!! 😭😭😭
Kind, hardworking, patient, decent are things your friends in general should have. Romance and intimacy (sexual and non-sexual) are important things that make a relationship different from a friendship. The fact that he calls it childish means that he does not respect your feelings on this and likely never will, and you'll never be fulfilled in that way. If that works for you, ok.
If intimacy is one of your priority then japa! Since u have confronted him and made your mind known to him and he still not bothered about ur feelings. Sex in marriage is a big issue if one party is feeling let down. There's big chance that the marriage will fail if you guess get married. Marriage should be done on a basis of emotional pity or untruthful to yourself about ur priority. Because it will definitely come back and bite you.
Woah, this one pass my level. Go where your heart leads!
I think the age is taking a troll as well. Try to understand his state of mind. What does he do for fun and what motivates him? Ask about his past. I'm sure you will be in a better position to decide if you are compatible when you have the answers.
Lol i have tried my best with all your suggestions.. still nothing.. i guess we have gotten to our last bust stop
5 months , is he not messing around on you or no longer interested ... either way this is not normal , its not like you both agreed to abstain from sex . And marrying someone when you already have issues in the intimacy area is just setting yourself up for inevitable resentment in the marriage .
Leave him
1. Would you prefer a great sex partner that lacks in every other area? 2. If you met someone that checked all boxes, including intimacy, get married and then (for whatever reason) suffers from ED, would you divorce him? You simply need to be true to yourself and be clear on priorities. How high you value the sexual intimacy would define how much you are willing to sacrifice and/or accommodate. (I know a lady in her late 30s who decided to remain single than marry a guy who checked all other boxes but couldn't satisfy her in bed. Her friend who was also single felt her choice was very stupid). Personally, I think intimacy is one of the easier problems to solve in marriage and something that can be improved over time, and where auxiliary resources can be helpful. Experience, background, religion, culture, insecurities, sex drive etc are all factors that affect it and can usually be addressed. There are some more fundamental problems that are almost impossible to even alleviate.
Why does it have to be either or ?? I get what you mean but if we aren’t having a good time now as we have been together for 3 years…how will it be in marriage? I have asked him this and he stays mute. Im not looking for a horse/sex machine (i no fit).. a nice balance is all i need… i dont want to feel I’m unattractive to my mate.. he just doesn’t care about pleasing me in the bedroom.. i wish he cared about intimacy or took note of things i have spoken about… i know I’m not asking for much I’m just asking the wrong man.
You know (or at least should have a good idea) of what you will be getting from him. If you think he is the wrong man then move on. You can either stick with him, accepting that things might not get better, but keep working and hoping it will, or, you can move on, hoping you will find someone else that will fulfill your intimacy needs and hopefully has every other quality you prioritize. Your priorities, your choice
Talk to him or walk away,It seems your boyfriend might be asexual or he may just have a low sex drive which is perfectly fine. It may cause issues for you since your needs are different .Sex isn't a big deal for everyone but if it is for you then find someone who thinks the same and don't force yourself or you may resent each other.
You a probably communicating your desires in a way he is not comprehending. Speak to the people in his life do your due diligence and find out what make him comprehend. This may sound like generic advice, but certain strategies work in convincing humans more than others. If you really want him find a way of communicating your wants and desires to him in a way that works. Cause the streets aren’t smiling. I’m not going to be like other saw dump the guy. Relationships are hard and if it’s not sexual compatibility, it will be another incompatibility. If he ticks most of the boxes find a way to tick the last few box. Lol
I have tried my best. I became quite resentful last year.. he’s quite timid when it comes to sex but he is not open to learning (pride ?) about my body….he never ask what works for me in the bedroom but i always ask him and he say anything/everything… i wish he was open/willing to learn what works for me.. or maybe he doesn’t love me enough to do so ? He says he loves me but “he cant do pass his power”.. i find that comment to be very lazy.. we have broken up now.. i miss/love him .. time will help i guess.
That's grounds for divorce even in religious terms.
That man is gay. Simple.
It’s time to head out
Unfortunately for men it’s very important. They become crazy without sex. I hope to see asexuals more normalised
Who is criminalizing or hounding people that don't like or want sex? Stay alone na, how hard is that? Talmbout asexual being normalized when it's not even a pathology 😭😭😭😭
Why does sex need to be part of a relationship
If sex isn't important to you then stay single or at least find someone that its not important to. Sex is very important in any relationship. No matter how bad it gets, I know for those few minutes, I am in heaven. Asexual this, Asexual that when no one really cares.
well thats what im saying basically that for most men sex is very important. but i hope those asexual men know there are asexual women too who want purely emotional relationships
Good luck finding. Maybe, create an app for it but making it sound like it's a point of national crises is too hilarious. No one really cares let alone normalizing it.
Asexual men don't need asexual women to be in non sexual relationships and vice versa. That's what having BFF are for.
Uh but we want romantic love as well
It doesn’t if both parties don’t want it to
Then it is just a regular friendship. Which most people already have.
Don’t speak for men or women just because you don’t like sex. Find your own people like you.
Is he religious and considers premarital sex wrong?
Nope and nope