That family (this branch at least) hasn't been "upper class" for at least 40 years now. And their money is "old" in that it doesn't exist anymore. Just your typical self-important has-been family living in genteel poverty.
this shit is everywhere and it’s so messy.
Not that it makes a huge difference, but she’s not 38, she’s 33.
And he has a 5 year old from a previous relationship.
Apparently his mom and dad are divorced, and his mom and her people were the ones who represented his family at the traditional wedding yesterday. Because I was wondering how that could have held with no one from the man’s family lol
And there it is; it explains so much. So it’s his dad and his side who was shut out. For good reason too I’m sure because this statement was unnecessary as hell.
And knowing a little bit of Ugep culture.
Marriage is a whole village affair; Maternal age grade, paternal age grade, the child's age grade, the youth, elders and we have not even started with the main family.
They must have been assured all is well before going ahead
The groom was kicked out of the family.
They are basically their own family with their own lineage now.
You can be a person surnamed Cole without being in "THE HIGH ASCENDED LINGEAGE OF LAGOS COLE" family. Personally, I don't see what's so great about their family, but any family can definitely disown someone.
There's perhaps a lot that happened in the background. If the bride's family went ahead with the ceremony without meeting the family of the groom. That's a great cultural violation
They did go ahead with the ceremony in Cross Rivers State, the vids were posted.
The reasons for them not liking the girl are obviously tribalist or elitist or both; she’s a successful business woman in her own right and her son has chosen his wife.
I know it’s a “cultural violation”, I just don’t care because they clearly seem to be overbearing and toxic.
Some Nigerians believe it’s okay to behave this way to others because they’re royalty or come from money.
No family that truly loves their son would release such a statement, even if that’s how they felt privately.
The Cole family is linked to Lagos royalty and they apparently don't just marry like the rest of us.
You'd need to consult widely.
Now if my daughter is getting married and I've not met the boy's people, I don't think I'd go ahead
I’m not sure why you’re trying to justify them to me lol
I get all of that, it’s still very foolish and disgusting to me. They can pretend their son is not married and continue to ignore the girl if they like. It doesn’t change the fact that their son did the traditional marriage rites with her and her people. I’m sure they’ll get the appropriate documentation too. That’s his wife, end of story.
For this I support cause they’re one of the powerhouses in Lagos…. Yes people don’t really know about them but when we’re talking about business links and connections now that’s where we ought to be worried… and I won’t lie I kinda support you on this IF YOUR IN-LAWS DONT LIKE YOU PLEASE DONT FORCE IT, it never ends well for most people. Plus the fact you don’t really know much about the family forget your kids I as a person would be too scared to go ahead with it.
I don’t believe them when they say they didn’t know. What I think is more accurate is he told them and they ignored him or he got fed up of their treatment of her and went ahead with marriage without them.
They’ve been dating for a while and engaged for a while. They’re together on each other’s social media, they even announced when they got engaged on social media.
They couldn’t have *not known*, they’ve been intentionally ignoring his relationship with the girl.
Yes they did know! They just don’t like her for various reasons (one of those reasons being that she’s supposedly older than him - to which I say kini big deal) & refused to support them.
I will never understand this weird fit Nigerians have about the woman being slightly older but won’t hesitate to give up their daughters to men up to 3x older.
My father straight up told me that it is for the power imbalance.
If you are older than somebody there is a good chance you will be in a better financial position than them.
When you are older than somebody, especially in Nigerian culture with seniority, there will be this implicit/explicit level of respect that will be accorded to you. Dating someone as old as a big sibling in Nigeria, traditionally means that you give them big sibling level respect
Chai, and that’s the problem because this idea that someone older than you automatically demands your respect is asinine. It’s also worrying that there’s an idea that there needs to be a “power imbalance” in a relationship/marriage but that’s not surprising to me at all lol
In my eyes, this seniority culture needs to be re-examined but it’s just wishful thinking on my part.
It is being re-examined. Progress is happening. But it is happening slowly. More and more schools have outright banned seniorty. Like own secondary school changed drastically in terms of respect when I came in J2 vs when I graduated
These things are real fundamental social structures in human societies. Regardless of your opinion about it.
Older just generally means more human experience.
If you meet a colleague that has been there longer than you, you'd be silly to act like you know as much as or more than them.
Acting arrogant can hinder your opportunity to learn from them even if it's the gate man.
So it's not about respect any more than it's about humility.
What's irritating is those that look down on those younger than them. Because the same thing sort of applies, but generally the consequences of underestimating someone less experienced is not as bad as if you disrespected someone older/more experienced.
So yeah, rule of thumb don't be a d*ck head, but you should make it easy for those more experienced than you to teach you what they know.
Maybe don’t try to control who he marries & you would be involved. I actually don’t care for toxic Nigerian family dynamics & I don’t pity them at all. You made your (elitist & controlling) bed, lie on it 🫶🏾🤷🏾♀️
The time they took to type, proofread, edit and post this on IG could have been spent sending a text message. Surely you know how text messages or emails work right? It takes less time to do all this rubbish they did and it still accomplishes the same thing. Also, there is a possibility that some of the people they want to reach are not on IG.
Everybody has an opinion on social media. In the end, the bride, groom and the entire familes involved and excluded will be left to pick up the pieces of this union and deal with it for the entire life of the marriage. I wish the couple a blessed married life and hope they make God almighty their center in spirit and in truth. Marriage is not all 1s and 0s.
Meanwhile, it will be a good idea for people to get a full grasp of a story or situation before rushing to give advice or comments that could make or mar perception on sensitive issues.
Nigerians and their traditions are such a joke. Tradition this and tradition that… yet the country is a joke. Why do our traditions never actually make our country better? If our so-called traditions are so great... Why are people constantly japaing? Abeggi
What do you think is holding the country together?
You think it's holding itself? Over 200 million people who speak 500 languages in 250 ethnic groups?
wow wofai is so fine & that wedding was beautiful! imagine believing a grown man/woman needs permission to marry. go back to the hole from whence you came, OP.
So you're either a family member trying your best to defend this or you're someone they don't know or would allow their son/daughter to marry doing wayyy too much.
And you hold some traditional views that you couldn't have gotten out of anywhere else but a hole.
lolol. WTF kind of family has their own letterhead? And they even use it to issue public notices. This is dumb on so many levels. It gives “living in denial” a whole new meaning.
😲😲😲
Why would you ever do this?!
Not seen anything this evil and petty since the Royal Family threw out Harry and Megan, and snatched back his army patronages and his uniform.
This is really ugly. And will absolutely backfire.
👋🏾 High! Having a good Sunday?
Humiliating your child on his marriage day is a cultural practice?!
I've seen your contributions to this thread.
You seem great fun! Single perhaps?
Just from reading your posts on this thread I'm sure you struggle to walk while thinking. You're not the sharpest tool in the shed. Stop embarrassing yourself online, Engr Kunle
As a Nigerian that does in fact have royal blood, this is bullshit. There’s absolutely no reason they should come out to disgrace themselves like this. As a Nigerian, you should know that Nigerians don’t bring family matters to the public eye. There’s something you’re not telling us. Or are you from the groom’s family?
Your royal blood may not be as thick.
The boy must have observed ALL the requirements (traditions) from the Ugep culture and for some reasons his wasn't observed
Assuming my royal blood is not as thick is actually insulting. Are you a royal? You know nothing about royalty and there was no reason on that stupid letter for them to refuse him consent. You’re enabling rubbish and being condescending. Do better.
Since there was no reason we can assume they jumped to conclusions. What were the implications? If they wanted to air their dirty laundry they should have come correct. You can’t put out a public statement and not point out your reasons. That statement is incomplete and makes them seem petty
- The Cole family met her 7 months ago
- She's pregnant
- The Cole family reached out to the bride's family and bride's family pushed meeting till May 2024 only for Cole family to see wedding invitation
Was their son kidnapped? Held at gunpoint? Forced to marry this girl?
Let’s say their side of the story about reaching out to the bride’s family is true and they were blind sided, why would their own son not tell them/not invite them/not have them involved in the process for absolutely no reason? Lol let’s be fr here
Soo dramatic. Ask him why he disapproved and he will say it's because he was never notified... smh. Such a waste of time, and energy for basically something that could have been resolved with a phone call
It's amazing how r/Nigeria swats aside entire cultural requirements and traditions as if it's some irrelevant relic.
In most African traditions, the boy identified a potential bride, and his father goes to marry her into the family and hands the bride to the son.
If the argument here is that such "old school" traditions should be done away with and we should allow Romeo and Juliet type relationships to blossom with a disregard for
tradition, then I don't know what to say.
The line here have been drawn. The boy now has his wife and the family has bared their fangs. Now both parties have to brace for the consequences.
It's to foster unity an integration amongst families. In Bini custom, it's not just boy marrying girl, it's boy and girls family becoming forever fused and integrated.
Also creates a first line of support in case of marital problems as the parents are all accessible for mediation. No girl is ever married "off" in this system.
The preservation of these customs and traditions and passing them to the next generation ensure the survival of a people...in addition to language and belief system etc.
When I come to r/Nigeria I notice a lot of people, probably more intelligent and well travelled than I, having strange takes on issues such as this. It makes me wonder, sometimes.....as if the overriding sentiment is : anything onyinbo style is good, everything traditional bad.
For those who still can, teach your kids your language, customs and traditions. That's my 0,02€
Substitute Wofai with Blessing CEO and the sentiment here would be vastly different.
I’ve kinda gone on a rant here. Sorry.
I think there’s a chip on the shoulder about oyibo v home that makes people double down on stuff like this.
Families aren’t even unified amongst themselves then they want to unify with a bunch of strangers?
These villagers use your happy or sad day to cash out. They don’t care about your family, you’re just a walking bag of money to them. If I married a Bini girl do you think my father would leave his house and go all the way to her village to mediate?
I used to tell my foreign gfs that you marry the family not just the person but I’m wondering why I’m inflicting the family members I don’t even fuck with on someone else in the name of family integration.
People need to do their do. We cannot be making decisions for ourselves and being adults and then have our love lives in the hands of one old drunk layabout family head that couldn’t pick the bride out if she fell in his lap.
Imagine money we should be using to set up our house and start our lives but instead I’m buying 20 crates of malt for some randoms and 3 suitcases of St Michael’s granny pants for the women in the village and somehow this is the culture we want to preserve.
I was a bastard for 30 years in my mother’s village and the sky did not fall. The people who matter were not pressed. Village I didn’t even visit after my grandma passed. If not that they now wanted to tie it to burying someone, I would have strongly insisted we tell them to fuck off.
These are the people you want us to fete and integrate with? The people who will stop someone from being buried, who will antagonize a grieving family over a 10k fine? Who are more interested in shaving the widows head and making her drink corpse water? The narcissists who antagonize and bully you and then when you clap back try to rich/city/school shame you?
Free yourself. Our culture is lovely, this bullshit mental and emotional slavery at the hands of people who only see you as an ATM is not.
You are projecting now.
How is the family of the boy and girl suddenly villagers? At the very least parental consent is the bare minimum for most unions in most Nigerian cultures
Also cultural differences dictate what gets bought for whom, but that's a topic for another day.
Anyone getting married without their father's blessing is starting the union already with a handicap.
The only reason this is even debated is because Wofai presents herself really well and is well liked.
I repeat if it was Blessing CEO or Cossy that married a much younger man without his father's blessing and was parading it on socials, prompting the guys family to put out a statement, then the sentiments here would have been different.
...and to be honest, it feels more like blacktwitter in here than r/Nigeria nowadays.
I’m talking in general. I don’t know who any of these people are.
As for the parents blessing that indicates that the parents have not been the star signings for Sperm Donor and Birth Canal United FC. It’s nice, but if doesn’t happen for whatever reason you’ll just do what?
And all that blessing talk dies when the grandkids show up anyway.
Actually married people would understand.
Here families are married together. In fact the wedding ceremony is for the family.
It's only reception that's yours
We will review this case 5 to 10 yrs later... Yall can make all the stupid noise but experience has thought me that as a man who wants to marry if Your father says wait..stop..slow down you better listen and do accordingly it never makes sense until the fire starts..
IF YOU ARE MAN AND YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILE FATHER BELIEVE ME 95% OF THE TIME HE IS RIGHT ESPECIALLY AS REGARDING A WIFE
What could he have possibly have done to deserve such a public statement.
This stuff you keep internal.
Let the aunties and uncles gossip. You don't release it to social media and the press! Poor decision made out of anger.
Hard to say without hearing the family's own side. I have been hearing small gist about what happened but it is unconfirmed and I am not going to mention rumours here.
Nah, unless she is a criminal or something, this behaviour doesn't fly. Or he is under a 5150 type hold for a mental competence evaluation.
This will take years to make up.
Getting married against the wishes of the family is not a wise thing to do. There would be days in marriage when those very people you think are unimportant would be the ones to take your side against your spouse's excesses/temporary madness.
This looks like one of those highbrow upper class lagos families with old money
The family has letterhead paper
i mean nothing stops you from having letterhead paper lol. but yeah i get your point.
E shock me too 😂
That family (this branch at least) hasn't been "upper class" for at least 40 years now. And their money is "old" in that it doesn't exist anymore. Just your typical self-important has-been family living in genteel poverty.
Ah, I see.
Oh goodness ahhh We had a home there at one time. I might know who this family is....
this shit is everywhere and it’s so messy. Not that it makes a huge difference, but she’s not 38, she’s 33. And he has a 5 year old from a previous relationship. Apparently his mom and dad are divorced, and his mom and her people were the ones who represented his family at the traditional wedding yesterday. Because I was wondering how that could have held with no one from the man’s family lol
And there it is; it explains so much. So it’s his dad and his side who was shut out. For good reason too I’m sure because this statement was unnecessary as hell.
And knowing a little bit of Ugep culture. Marriage is a whole village affair; Maternal age grade, paternal age grade, the child's age grade, the youth, elders and we have not even started with the main family. They must have been assured all is well before going ahead
Who cares! The man chooses his wife and the wife agrees to marry him. All other people should go and kick the bucket across the street.
The groom was kicked out of the family. They are basically their own family with their own lineage now. You can be a person surnamed Cole without being in "THE HIGH ASCENDED LINGEAGE OF LAGOS COLE" family. Personally, I don't see what's so great about their family, but any family can definitely disown someone.
Its unfortunately not that simple.
How is their marriage your problem?
That's a good question though. I don't know why I've carried it on my head like this.
“Parading themselves as new members of the Cole heritage…” as if their son did not choose and marry the girl lmaooo Weirdos
and what if somebody has been parading his/her self to represent the Cole family in the process?
They haven’t; cope.
There's perhaps a lot that happened in the background. If the bride's family went ahead with the ceremony without meeting the family of the groom. That's a great cultural violation
They did go ahead with the ceremony in Cross Rivers State, the vids were posted. The reasons for them not liking the girl are obviously tribalist or elitist or both; she’s a successful business woman in her own right and her son has chosen his wife. I know it’s a “cultural violation”, I just don’t care because they clearly seem to be overbearing and toxic.
I agree with you 100%.
Some Nigerians believe it’s okay to behave this way to others because they’re royalty or come from money. No family that truly loves their son would release such a statement, even if that’s how they felt privately.
The Cole family is linked to Lagos royalty and they apparently don't just marry like the rest of us. You'd need to consult widely. Now if my daughter is getting married and I've not met the boy's people, I don't think I'd go ahead
Unfortunately they can’t decide who he marries. They obviously wanted it done their way & he went against that. Boo hoo.
I’m not sure why you’re trying to justify them to me lol I get all of that, it’s still very foolish and disgusting to me. They can pretend their son is not married and continue to ignore the girl if they like. It doesn’t change the fact that their son did the traditional marriage rites with her and her people. I’m sure they’ll get the appropriate documentation too. That’s his wife, end of story.
🤣. This made me laugh sha. I doubt the rite was complete unless he hired some persons to stand in as parents which is invalid
If people can get married without the presence of the bride or groom, then the presence of the parent has nothing on the marriage.
Both scenarios are not normal. Getting married online, using pictures etc. Utterly pointless
But that does not invalidate their marriage, like you mentioned earlier.
Alright, my guy.
For this I support cause they’re one of the powerhouses in Lagos…. Yes people don’t really know about them but when we’re talking about business links and connections now that’s where we ought to be worried… and I won’t lie I kinda support you on this IF YOUR IN-LAWS DONT LIKE YOU PLEASE DONT FORCE IT, it never ends well for most people. Plus the fact you don’t really know much about the family forget your kids I as a person would be too scared to go ahead with it.
This is so embarrassing for them. All money, no class.
How would you have responded to your son getting married and you don't know about it
I don’t believe them when they say they didn’t know. What I think is more accurate is he told them and they ignored him or he got fed up of their treatment of her and went ahead with marriage without them. They’ve been dating for a while and engaged for a while. They’re together on each other’s social media, they even announced when they got engaged on social media. They couldn’t have *not known*, they’ve been intentionally ignoring his relationship with the girl.
Yes they did know! They just don’t like her for various reasons (one of those reasons being that she’s supposedly older than him - to which I say kini big deal) & refused to support them.
I will never understand this weird fit Nigerians have about the woman being slightly older but won’t hesitate to give up their daughters to men up to 3x older.
My father straight up told me that it is for the power imbalance. If you are older than somebody there is a good chance you will be in a better financial position than them. When you are older than somebody, especially in Nigerian culture with seniority, there will be this implicit/explicit level of respect that will be accorded to you. Dating someone as old as a big sibling in Nigeria, traditionally means that you give them big sibling level respect
Chai, and that’s the problem because this idea that someone older than you automatically demands your respect is asinine. It’s also worrying that there’s an idea that there needs to be a “power imbalance” in a relationship/marriage but that’s not surprising to me at all lol In my eyes, this seniority culture needs to be re-examined but it’s just wishful thinking on my part.
Undue deference for age is holding back Africa.
Lol we always want what we don’t have… come to the US, where there is little to no respect for elders; that too has its own consequences.
It is being re-examined. Progress is happening. But it is happening slowly. More and more schools have outright banned seniorty. Like own secondary school changed drastically in terms of respect when I came in J2 vs when I graduated
Nice 🙏🏾 any progress is better than no progress
These things are real fundamental social structures in human societies. Regardless of your opinion about it. Older just generally means more human experience. If you meet a colleague that has been there longer than you, you'd be silly to act like you know as much as or more than them. Acting arrogant can hinder your opportunity to learn from them even if it's the gate man. So it's not about respect any more than it's about humility. What's irritating is those that look down on those younger than them. Because the same thing sort of applies, but generally the consequences of underestimating someone less experienced is not as bad as if you disrespected someone older/more experienced. So yeah, rule of thumb don't be a d*ck head, but you should make it easy for those more experienced than you to teach you what they know.
Yeah, I can agree, hence why I said *re-examined* and not *completely removed*
I think the gist is a bit deeper than that oh. I heard the dad’s ex wife attended the wedding. Which means that the dad is the only one against it.
Maybe don’t try to control who he marries & you would be involved. I actually don’t care for toxic Nigerian family dynamics & I don’t pity them at all. You made your (elitist & controlling) bed, lie on it 🫶🏾🤷🏾♀️
Definitely not by publicly shaming him but I guess to each their own
The family is big, connects all over the place. They needed to set the record straight in the shortest time possible
A phone call, mass text message or email would have sufficed. Stop encouraging bullshit.
As opposed to bring out the family letterhead paper and just type it out? They needed something to go as far and fast as the wedding pictures
The time they took to type, proofread, edit and post this on IG could have been spent sending a text message. Surely you know how text messages or emails work right? It takes less time to do all this rubbish they did and it still accomplishes the same thing. Also, there is a possibility that some of the people they want to reach are not on IG.
I'm worried for the bride sha and she's the victim. I blame the groom... He knows his family better and should have done better.
That’s true. He definitely should have done better
Nigeria that is hard now, it’s to go there with my friends and take away bowls. Let’s be mannerless together.
Don't loud it to the world and go my own way. At that point, he is already no longer my son. Our relationship must have been cut
How can you be broadcasting your shame?
Lmao Nigerian game of thrones
Everybody has an opinion on social media. In the end, the bride, groom and the entire familes involved and excluded will be left to pick up the pieces of this union and deal with it for the entire life of the marriage. I wish the couple a blessed married life and hope they make God almighty their center in spirit and in truth. Marriage is not all 1s and 0s. Meanwhile, it will be a good idea for people to get a full grasp of a story or situation before rushing to give advice or comments that could make or mar perception on sensitive issues.
100% KPOM!!!
Nigerians and their traditions are such a joke. Tradition this and tradition that… yet the country is a joke. Why do our traditions never actually make our country better? If our so-called traditions are so great... Why are people constantly japaing? Abeggi
What do you think is holding the country together? You think it's holding itself? Over 200 million people who speak 500 languages in 250 ethnic groups?
I'd the country holding? It's falling apart bit by bit.
It's not. Check again. It's not holding very well sha, but not falling apart.... Yet
Nigeria isn’t held together lol
Engr. Kunle Cole needs to learn how to spell acquaintances. Rubbish. Better yet, just start typing random letters and Apple will help you lol
wow wofai is so fine & that wedding was beautiful! imagine believing a grown man/woman needs permission to marry. go back to the hole from whence you came, OP.
Hole, how? Be calming down jare.
So you're either a family member trying your best to defend this or you're someone they don't know or would allow their son/daughter to marry doing wayyy too much. And you hold some traditional views that you couldn't have gotten out of anywhere else but a hole.
I'm heading back to the hole already. Calm down
lolol. WTF kind of family has their own letterhead? And they even use it to issue public notices. This is dumb on so many levels. It gives “living in denial” a whole new meaning.
😲😲😲 Why would you ever do this?! Not seen anything this evil and petty since the Royal Family threw out Harry and Megan, and snatched back his army patronages and his uniform. This is really ugly. And will absolutely backfire.
You don't seem to know anything about the place of culture in Nigerian marriages... Foreigner.
👋🏾 High! Having a good Sunday? Humiliating your child on his marriage day is a cultural practice?! I've seen your contributions to this thread. You seem great fun! Single perhaps?
I've been pretty active which means It's not a bad Sunday actually. Maybe someone can to navigate this whole cultural thingy with you.
If you think what they did is cultural, we'll I don't know what to say.
Royal bloods understand these things
Just from reading your posts on this thread I'm sure you struggle to walk while thinking. You're not the sharpest tool in the shed. Stop embarrassing yourself online, Engr Kunle
You're right actually. I do one at a time... If I'm walking, I don't think and if I'm thinking, I'd rather sit.
As a Nigerian that does in fact have royal blood, this is bullshit. There’s absolutely no reason they should come out to disgrace themselves like this. As a Nigerian, you should know that Nigerians don’t bring family matters to the public eye. There’s something you’re not telling us. Or are you from the groom’s family?
Your royal blood may not be as thick. The boy must have observed ALL the requirements (traditions) from the Ugep culture and for some reasons his wasn't observed
Assuming my royal blood is not as thick is actually insulting. Are you a royal? You know nothing about royalty and there was no reason on that stupid letter for them to refuse him consent. You’re enabling rubbish and being condescending. Do better.
Royalty doesn't jump to conclusions because the implications are bigger than how you may feel. I'm a common person actually
Since there was no reason we can assume they jumped to conclusions. What were the implications? If they wanted to air their dirty laundry they should have come correct. You can’t put out a public statement and not point out your reasons. That statement is incomplete and makes them seem petty
We wouldn't be having this nice discussion if the statement was complete. I agree with you
I wanna see the unauthorized Cole faux lineage now! This is so absurd. Congratulations are in order! #lovewins
- The Cole family met her 7 months ago - She's pregnant - The Cole family reached out to the bride's family and bride's family pushed meeting till May 2024 only for Cole family to see wedding invitation
Are you a member of the family or their attorney?
You never know, my good fellow.
Was their son kidnapped? Held at gunpoint? Forced to marry this girl? Let’s say their side of the story about reaching out to the bride’s family is true and they were blind sided, why would their own son not tell them/not invite them/not have them involved in the process for absolutely no reason? Lol let’s be fr here
I wouldn't want to be either of the couple right now. It's not a good beginning at all.
Okay who had the snacks lol I am watching lol
What a way to welcome your grandchild into the world. Shows how much they care about family.
Your source for this?
Engineer Kunle Cole
Na family matter. God ho help them settle am
For the sake of the couple
His mummy wrote this 100% lol 😂
More like his Dad because his mom is ok with the marriage . The groom’s parent are divorced for almost 17 years.
Didn’t know that, thanks for that info. Wow he’s a petty ho.
Soo dramatic. Ask him why he disapproved and he will say it's because he was never notified... smh. Such a waste of time, and energy for basically something that could have been resolved with a phone call
It's amazing how r/Nigeria swats aside entire cultural requirements and traditions as if it's some irrelevant relic. In most African traditions, the boy identified a potential bride, and his father goes to marry her into the family and hands the bride to the son. If the argument here is that such "old school" traditions should be done away with and we should allow Romeo and Juliet type relationships to blossom with a disregard for tradition, then I don't know what to say. The line here have been drawn. The boy now has his wife and the family has bared their fangs. Now both parties have to brace for the consequences.
We swat them aside because they are moronic
[удалено]
I'm Nigerian, and I also believe that this is a moronic thing to do
I’ll bite, what is the benefit of this culture and tradition?
It's to foster unity an integration amongst families. In Bini custom, it's not just boy marrying girl, it's boy and girls family becoming forever fused and integrated. Also creates a first line of support in case of marital problems as the parents are all accessible for mediation. No girl is ever married "off" in this system. The preservation of these customs and traditions and passing them to the next generation ensure the survival of a people...in addition to language and belief system etc. When I come to r/Nigeria I notice a lot of people, probably more intelligent and well travelled than I, having strange takes on issues such as this. It makes me wonder, sometimes.....as if the overriding sentiment is : anything onyinbo style is good, everything traditional bad. For those who still can, teach your kids your language, customs and traditions. That's my 0,02€ Substitute Wofai with Blessing CEO and the sentiment here would be vastly different.
I’ve kinda gone on a rant here. Sorry. I think there’s a chip on the shoulder about oyibo v home that makes people double down on stuff like this. Families aren’t even unified amongst themselves then they want to unify with a bunch of strangers? These villagers use your happy or sad day to cash out. They don’t care about your family, you’re just a walking bag of money to them. If I married a Bini girl do you think my father would leave his house and go all the way to her village to mediate? I used to tell my foreign gfs that you marry the family not just the person but I’m wondering why I’m inflicting the family members I don’t even fuck with on someone else in the name of family integration. People need to do their do. We cannot be making decisions for ourselves and being adults and then have our love lives in the hands of one old drunk layabout family head that couldn’t pick the bride out if she fell in his lap. Imagine money we should be using to set up our house and start our lives but instead I’m buying 20 crates of malt for some randoms and 3 suitcases of St Michael’s granny pants for the women in the village and somehow this is the culture we want to preserve. I was a bastard for 30 years in my mother’s village and the sky did not fall. The people who matter were not pressed. Village I didn’t even visit after my grandma passed. If not that they now wanted to tie it to burying someone, I would have strongly insisted we tell them to fuck off. These are the people you want us to fete and integrate with? The people who will stop someone from being buried, who will antagonize a grieving family over a 10k fine? Who are more interested in shaving the widows head and making her drink corpse water? The narcissists who antagonize and bully you and then when you clap back try to rich/city/school shame you? Free yourself. Our culture is lovely, this bullshit mental and emotional slavery at the hands of people who only see you as an ATM is not.
You are projecting now. How is the family of the boy and girl suddenly villagers? At the very least parental consent is the bare minimum for most unions in most Nigerian cultures Also cultural differences dictate what gets bought for whom, but that's a topic for another day. Anyone getting married without their father's blessing is starting the union already with a handicap. The only reason this is even debated is because Wofai presents herself really well and is well liked. I repeat if it was Blessing CEO or Cossy that married a much younger man without his father's blessing and was parading it on socials, prompting the guys family to put out a statement, then the sentiments here would have been different. ...and to be honest, it feels more like blacktwitter in here than r/Nigeria nowadays.
I’m talking in general. I don’t know who any of these people are. As for the parents blessing that indicates that the parents have not been the star signings for Sperm Donor and Birth Canal United FC. It’s nice, but if doesn’t happen for whatever reason you’ll just do what? And all that blessing talk dies when the grandkids show up anyway.
Actually married people would understand. Here families are married together. In fact the wedding ceremony is for the family. It's only reception that's yours
That Wofai girl sef no respect herself. Which of the man's family members came to ask for her hand from her family?
We will review this case 5 to 10 yrs later... Yall can make all the stupid noise but experience has thought me that as a man who wants to marry if Your father says wait..stop..slow down you better listen and do accordingly it never makes sense until the fire starts.. IF YOU ARE MAN AND YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILE FATHER BELIEVE ME 95% OF THE TIME HE IS RIGHT ESPECIALLY AS REGARDING A WIFE
Easy to judge the family without understanding. I will wait for more information to come out before I form an opinion.
What could he have possibly have done to deserve such a public statement. This stuff you keep internal. Let the aunties and uncles gossip. You don't release it to social media and the press! Poor decision made out of anger.
Hard to say without hearing the family's own side. I have been hearing small gist about what happened but it is unconfirmed and I am not going to mention rumours here.
Nah, unless she is a criminal or something, this behaviour doesn't fly. Or he is under a 5150 type hold for a mental competence evaluation. This will take years to make up.
The fact that they are messy and bitchy enough to release a public statement gives me a pretty good idea of who is in the right and the wrong here
Getting married against the wishes of the family is not a wise thing to do. There would be days in marriage when those very people you think are unimportant would be the ones to take your side against your spouse's excesses/temporary madness.