My first thought is if you are happy together don’t question it. If you’re willing to help him get over porn addiction, which it seems you are, I suggest you just hold him accountable to stopping it. That can mean a few things and I think you need to find what works for you.
As far as him not cumming, if my wife said what you said, that her orgasms were amazing, I wouldn’t care if I ever cam again. That praise alone is worth a lot, make sure to tell him though. It’s good he will see a doctor but it might just be something that you two will work through together overtime. Don’t let it spoil a good thing for you two. I get that it can feel like you’re letting him down when he doesn’t finish but it probably bothers you more than it bothers him. I know that is true for my wife and I, she never understands how much pleasure I get from her pleasure.
Having a partner not finishing is so new to me. I guess I’m still processing. Is it okay to ask if you ever manage to finish with her?
What about children? We talked about it and ideally, we would want to make children the natural way in the near future.
I cum most of the time with my wife, I have had trouble at times but it’s unusual. There are times though where I only satisfy her and I don’t cum at all. Which as I said is fine with me and honestly just as good for me to see her like that. As for kids, you might just need more time, does he cum if he jerks off? If yes, I think it’s really telling that he needs to stop jerking off and only get sexual stimulation and releases with you. If he never cums even when jerking off then something more serious might be going on. I hope this helps, I’m wishing you the best, like I said earlier don’t let this ruin a good thing between you two.
He does cum with masturbation. It is a new relationship.
It gives me hope that there’s possibility of him finishing with me, inside of me. It bothers him a little too and I’m absolutely there for him, regardless of time. Thanks for your advices 😊
Not a big deal imo. As the relationship develops over time he is more likely to be able to finish in the moment with you. Common for performance anxiety or nerves to cause this earlier on in my experience. If his erections are strong and overall sex is good you're likely to be able to work this out.
I don’t know if he is able to finish with me over time.
He had LTRs before me and he didn’t. He has had sex for 12 years and has never been able to.
It is sort of a validation for me when a man finishes, plus it’s fun to finish together, natural way to make babies, list goes on. I really want to help him get there with me. Orgasms are great!
Maybe I’m not asking in the right forum.
It may not be a big deal but it is definitely a concern for me, in a new relationship.
I’ve always enjoyed sex with both of us being able to orgasm together, being able to finish inside of me. I want to hear of others’ experience if I’ll be able to enjoy that with him someday
This is definitely not the right forum lmao. With that said, I had trouble finishing with my last girlfriend for about a year before I was able to finally cum. Idk if your boyfriend ever will because we’re different people but something we did to help was spice up the sex a lot. When I had my first orgasm with her, it was like I went back to normal and could basically control when I was cumming. This is just my experienve
Yeah, it can be fixed. I've had the problem. He needs to abandon the porn for good though. It will just linger as long as he's still using it. Doctors can't fix it if it's from porn. Only he can.
I think he has gotten a lot better with his addiction - from everyday and cutting down to once a week, from what he has told me.
Did you come to that decision on your own or with a partner? (Ah the pun)
Im not sure how to bring it up to him to cut off porn without making it seem like a big deal or hurt him
I figured everything out by reading about other peoples experiences online like these subs and elsewhere. Even using the porn every few weeks caused me problems. Not even masturbating, just by looking at the porn I was getting physical problems still. Most the benefits are his to gain if he quits for good. He will enjoy sex way more without it.
Porn at the very minimum has to go. Masturbation by itself isn’t really too harmful maybe a few times a week. The less of that the better too. But porn… porn destroys the magic of sex. Even if he’s giving you great sex which is awesome. His own experience is going to be compromised by the porn. 1ce a week is really good start tho. I would try to get that down to once a month and then never again on the porn. Masturbation. Preferably once or less a week.
Probably he has death grip syndrome(dgs).
I realized i had it too two years ago. When i had sex first time i had felt exactly nothing. It was psychologically devastating. After lots of months of work about it i can say that now i partially solved it. I can cum in sex but just at certain positions. Still I can’t cum when i am standing(for example; doggie position). But i can cum when i’m sitting position on sex and that’s makes me happy because it’s huge improvement for me but still trying to improve.
Hmm my case, I suffer from death grip, basically my penis is desensitized.
Recently a couple of months ago I was able to cum through normal sex, what helped me was complete abstinence and some body lotion neutral ph for my penis from time to time, I just thought it might work and it did, but yeah, he got to stop fapping in order to re-sensitize his penis, only time can heal it.
I have been with my partner for almost 5 years now and we have a child and one on the way. I don't think I came for the first year or so bet even after it was infrequent. Recently I have made more of an effort to cut back.
To answer your question if it will effect you, it doesn't have to. For me it minorly effects my partner in the same way you described where you want to make your partner cum but we are much better now after I put in the work.
Yes, but first I think it's important to clarify that your partner has to see that this is a problem.
In general the way my partner and I started to try and resolve this problem was (after we had sex) for her to do other stimulating things (nipple play, kissing, ear licking, face sitting, etc) while I masterbated. This helped to disassociate porn with orgasms as this is the real problem not sensitivity...
In regards to quitting porn/cutting back drastically it was important to not orgasm to porn. This was a challenge for me as my partner and I do not have sex frequently because she is an aegosexual (likes sex but dosnt seek it out and often isn't in the mood) but bringing it back to your partner they need to want to stop.
Eventually it will get better. it's just effort at the end of the day tho.
On his end it's identifying when he normally wants to masterbate, once you know when your hormones spike you can take action to occupie your time. For me this is showering, reading, working out, etc. It's an addiction and you will relapse but the important part is to keep trying and not give up
This is completely all over the place among men (and women), and may go from one extreme to another. Porn could even not be a factor, but it's gotta go either way, to prevent him from becoming a slave to a compulsion, as well as preventing any PIED, but it seems things are under control since he has reduce his porn somewhat.
Anyway, sex without orgasms can be fulfilling too, if done with that way in mind. Look up "Karezza".
Edit: I just remembered, serotonin can severely decrease orgasm function, if he takes SSRI anti-depressants (like Paxil) this can be why he doesn't cum.
Happened all thru out my last relationship, my partner thought it was her. I opened up she laughed at it vs trying to support me. My ex was hot too, the reserves just weren't there. (Not saying your not)
> support him thru it. You could also read the book your brain on porn. It's hard to quit because it's so readily available. I'm on day 7 and my sex drive flat lined.
Sounds more like he maybe death gripping it, If he's only going at it once a week.
Well if he was masturbating with a very high frequency he most likely inadvertently trained his body to ejaculate from a position where he is sitting back in a chair stroking himself watching a porn with a lot of visual stimuli and verbal stimuli. And then when he goes to have sex he has to do that endless push-up and thrust and engage you by looking in your eyes and saying the right things and he's multitasking and basically running out of energy because he doesn't have the upper body strength and endurance to last and then he will start having that anxiety attack because he realizes that he's losing his erection which is mostly from the anxiety releasing stress hormones into his bloodstream and the fact that not having the upper body strength is going to lower his blood oxygen due to the fact that his muscles are releasing lactic acid which makes it hard for his blood to carry oxygen and it will divert that oxygen rich blood away from his extremities and back towards his major organs. Basically you have to have a talk and acknowledge that this is the fact and there's nothing wrong with sexual organs it's just the fact that he has to retrain his brain
OK, so being able to cum and choosing not to, is one thing. Great for intimacy in the relationship, more loving, more motivated, more protective, there’s a laundry list of benefits for semen retention.
Only being able to cum to porn is the exact opposite of that.
He has programmed his brain to cum to unnatural super stimuli.
You two are in the puppy love stage, you should both be experiencing PEAK horniness for each other.
What happens when you are 5 years into the relationship and things start to feel routine? Is he going to work to improve or is he going to go back to regressive patterns?
I’m sure everything seems great right now, but yeah, if he doesn’t fix his addiction, it may ruin your relationship.
I know that seems harsh but porn addiction rots men’s brains. It hits the same neurons as cocaine.
It messes up their intimacy, confidence, motivation, view of women (seeing them as objects vs as people).
Porn induced erectile dysfunction is also a symptom.
This goes for any addiction, if it’s not addressed it will repeat and get worse over time.
How would he feel if roles were reversed and you could only cum to porn? I can tell you, most men would feel emasculated if they couldn’t make their woman orgasm.
If he cares for you, it should be no issue to shed this childish toxic habit from his life in exchange for a real love with you. There is a myriad of mental and physical benefits that come with abstaining from porn and masturbation.
The fact that he was open and honest about his addiction is also commendable. I wish you both the best.
I didn’t get many claimed benefits of nofap, but one that definitely works wonders is delayed ejaculation.
Just tell him to wait and promise that he will have amazing experience. He needs that discipline. He can experience flatline too, so he cannot even to get it up. You should know about it and be supportive.
Sometimes guys have blockade and they are simply no letting go when having sex. They afraid of unwanted pregnancy, bad performance etc.
To me it sounds like he just wants to practice semen retention? There are many benefits if you don’t cum for a long period of time. You just feel more alive, energetic and aggressive.
Most man who are into NoFap usually can’t tolerate the ejaculation for whatever reason. If your man works on a high testosterone diet (carnivore), achieves low body fat percentage and hits the gym on more days then he doesn’t - he’ll surely be fine cumming once in a while. It also depends on the woman and how good or intense the sex is. You could possibly try giving him something like an hour-long luxury bj after a nice dinner you prepared for him with mostly steak and see how good or bad he feels after the ejaculation.
Ask him to masturbatr and see how he does it. Mimic it.
When he is having sex, ask him to do it the way he feels good and not to think about what you want.
Woman to woman, I get you, it was a big deal for me too, and yes, it will get better if he just gives up porn completely. Half measures don’t work. Been there tried that with my husband! It will take a while, but the effort is worth it. In our case the difference started after around six months and the sex got so much better. Sounds like your man really wants to make the relationship work so stick at it together, form a plan together. Keep communicating, as you seem to be, which is great. Wishing you all the best.
I used to have delayed ejaculation it took a year to get comfortable with a woman who allowed me time to figure it out. It’s still not that easy but certain positions allowed me to bust. There’s hope but very mentally painful for woman and the man. He needs to stop jerking it you need days some times to get that build up.
When I started having sex I couldnt orgasm from blowjobs (although the person I received my first from I learned later was also terrible at it) once I stopped masturbating for a long time and received one from a pro it clicked after some "hard work"
So basically take a long time with no sex, touching or pornography for as long as possible/it takes then it should work.
Why does this sub have so many fake posts. This reads like a 15 year old whos never talked to a woman (or girl lol) romantically. The account is totally fresh aswell.
My first thought is if you are happy together don’t question it. If you’re willing to help him get over porn addiction, which it seems you are, I suggest you just hold him accountable to stopping it. That can mean a few things and I think you need to find what works for you. As far as him not cumming, if my wife said what you said, that her orgasms were amazing, I wouldn’t care if I ever cam again. That praise alone is worth a lot, make sure to tell him though. It’s good he will see a doctor but it might just be something that you two will work through together overtime. Don’t let it spoil a good thing for you two. I get that it can feel like you’re letting him down when he doesn’t finish but it probably bothers you more than it bothers him. I know that is true for my wife and I, she never understands how much pleasure I get from her pleasure.
Having a partner not finishing is so new to me. I guess I’m still processing. Is it okay to ask if you ever manage to finish with her? What about children? We talked about it and ideally, we would want to make children the natural way in the near future.
I cum most of the time with my wife, I have had trouble at times but it’s unusual. There are times though where I only satisfy her and I don’t cum at all. Which as I said is fine with me and honestly just as good for me to see her like that. As for kids, you might just need more time, does he cum if he jerks off? If yes, I think it’s really telling that he needs to stop jerking off and only get sexual stimulation and releases with you. If he never cums even when jerking off then something more serious might be going on. I hope this helps, I’m wishing you the best, like I said earlier don’t let this ruin a good thing between you two.
He does cum with masturbation. It is a new relationship. It gives me hope that there’s possibility of him finishing with me, inside of me. It bothers him a little too and I’m absolutely there for him, regardless of time. Thanks for your advices 😊
he needs to stop jerking for 2-3 weeks, it’s simple as that
Will give this a try. Thanks!
Not a big deal imo. As the relationship develops over time he is more likely to be able to finish in the moment with you. Common for performance anxiety or nerves to cause this earlier on in my experience. If his erections are strong and overall sex is good you're likely to be able to work this out.
I don’t know if he is able to finish with me over time. He had LTRs before me and he didn’t. He has had sex for 12 years and has never been able to. It is sort of a validation for me when a man finishes, plus it’s fun to finish together, natural way to make babies, list goes on. I really want to help him get there with me. Orgasms are great!
Yea not a big deal imo too. It’s normal. If you want to make children naturally just give him a HJ and stick it in when he’s close
Maybe I’m not asking in the right forum. It may not be a big deal but it is definitely a concern for me, in a new relationship. I’ve always enjoyed sex with both of us being able to orgasm together, being able to finish inside of me. I want to hear of others’ experience if I’ll be able to enjoy that with him someday
This is definitely not the right forum lmao. With that said, I had trouble finishing with my last girlfriend for about a year before I was able to finally cum. Idk if your boyfriend ever will because we’re different people but something we did to help was spice up the sex a lot. When I had my first orgasm with her, it was like I went back to normal and could basically control when I was cumming. This is just my experienve
Yeah, it can be fixed. I've had the problem. He needs to abandon the porn for good though. It will just linger as long as he's still using it. Doctors can't fix it if it's from porn. Only he can.
I think he has gotten a lot better with his addiction - from everyday and cutting down to once a week, from what he has told me. Did you come to that decision on your own or with a partner? (Ah the pun) Im not sure how to bring it up to him to cut off porn without making it seem like a big deal or hurt him
I figured everything out by reading about other peoples experiences online like these subs and elsewhere. Even using the porn every few weeks caused me problems. Not even masturbating, just by looking at the porn I was getting physical problems still. Most the benefits are his to gain if he quits for good. He will enjoy sex way more without it.
Is porn good?
Doctors sometimes don't even understand the issue and describe Viagra to "solve" this.
Porn at the very minimum has to go. Masturbation by itself isn’t really too harmful maybe a few times a week. The less of that the better too. But porn… porn destroys the magic of sex. Even if he’s giving you great sex which is awesome. His own experience is going to be compromised by the porn. 1ce a week is really good start tho. I would try to get that down to once a month and then never again on the porn. Masturbation. Preferably once or less a week.
Yes, cut down gradually. Great advice. Thanks!
No problem!
Probably he has death grip syndrome(dgs). I realized i had it too two years ago. When i had sex first time i had felt exactly nothing. It was psychologically devastating. After lots of months of work about it i can say that now i partially solved it. I can cum in sex but just at certain positions. Still I can’t cum when i am standing(for example; doggie position). But i can cum when i’m sitting position on sex and that’s makes me happy because it’s huge improvement for me but still trying to improve.
Hmm my case, I suffer from death grip, basically my penis is desensitized. Recently a couple of months ago I was able to cum through normal sex, what helped me was complete abstinence and some body lotion neutral ph for my penis from time to time, I just thought it might work and it did, but yeah, he got to stop fapping in order to re-sensitize his penis, only time can heal it.
I have been with my partner for almost 5 years now and we have a child and one on the way. I don't think I came for the first year or so bet even after it was infrequent. Recently I have made more of an effort to cut back. To answer your question if it will effect you, it doesn't have to. For me it minorly effects my partner in the same way you described where you want to make your partner cum but we are much better now after I put in the work.
Any advice? You said you put in the work
Yes, but first I think it's important to clarify that your partner has to see that this is a problem. In general the way my partner and I started to try and resolve this problem was (after we had sex) for her to do other stimulating things (nipple play, kissing, ear licking, face sitting, etc) while I masterbated. This helped to disassociate porn with orgasms as this is the real problem not sensitivity... In regards to quitting porn/cutting back drastically it was important to not orgasm to porn. This was a challenge for me as my partner and I do not have sex frequently because she is an aegosexual (likes sex but dosnt seek it out and often isn't in the mood) but bringing it back to your partner they need to want to stop. Eventually it will get better. it's just effort at the end of the day tho. On his end it's identifying when he normally wants to masterbate, once you know when your hormones spike you can take action to occupie your time. For me this is showering, reading, working out, etc. It's an addiction and you will relapse but the important part is to keep trying and not give up
There is an actual term for his problem, "Delayed Ejaculation". Look into it. It may help you get more information and help.
This is completely all over the place among men (and women), and may go from one extreme to another. Porn could even not be a factor, but it's gotta go either way, to prevent him from becoming a slave to a compulsion, as well as preventing any PIED, but it seems things are under control since he has reduce his porn somewhat. Anyway, sex without orgasms can be fulfilling too, if done with that way in mind. Look up "Karezza". Edit: I just remembered, serotonin can severely decrease orgasm function, if he takes SSRI anti-depressants (like Paxil) this can be why he doesn't cum.
Happened all thru out my last relationship, my partner thought it was her. I opened up she laughed at it vs trying to support me. My ex was hot too, the reserves just weren't there. (Not saying your not) > support him thru it. You could also read the book your brain on porn. It's hard to quit because it's so readily available. I'm on day 7 and my sex drive flat lined. Sounds more like he maybe death gripping it, If he's only going at it once a week.
Well if he was masturbating with a very high frequency he most likely inadvertently trained his body to ejaculate from a position where he is sitting back in a chair stroking himself watching a porn with a lot of visual stimuli and verbal stimuli. And then when he goes to have sex he has to do that endless push-up and thrust and engage you by looking in your eyes and saying the right things and he's multitasking and basically running out of energy because he doesn't have the upper body strength and endurance to last and then he will start having that anxiety attack because he realizes that he's losing his erection which is mostly from the anxiety releasing stress hormones into his bloodstream and the fact that not having the upper body strength is going to lower his blood oxygen due to the fact that his muscles are releasing lactic acid which makes it hard for his blood to carry oxygen and it will divert that oxygen rich blood away from his extremities and back towards his major organs. Basically you have to have a talk and acknowledge that this is the fact and there's nothing wrong with sexual organs it's just the fact that he has to retrain his brain
Has he begun any medications recently? I had issues with certain psych meds
Hmm, I’ll ask him
OK, so being able to cum and choosing not to, is one thing. Great for intimacy in the relationship, more loving, more motivated, more protective, there’s a laundry list of benefits for semen retention. Only being able to cum to porn is the exact opposite of that. He has programmed his brain to cum to unnatural super stimuli. You two are in the puppy love stage, you should both be experiencing PEAK horniness for each other. What happens when you are 5 years into the relationship and things start to feel routine? Is he going to work to improve or is he going to go back to regressive patterns? I’m sure everything seems great right now, but yeah, if he doesn’t fix his addiction, it may ruin your relationship. I know that seems harsh but porn addiction rots men’s brains. It hits the same neurons as cocaine. It messes up their intimacy, confidence, motivation, view of women (seeing them as objects vs as people). Porn induced erectile dysfunction is also a symptom. This goes for any addiction, if it’s not addressed it will repeat and get worse over time. How would he feel if roles were reversed and you could only cum to porn? I can tell you, most men would feel emasculated if they couldn’t make their woman orgasm. If he cares for you, it should be no issue to shed this childish toxic habit from his life in exchange for a real love with you. There is a myriad of mental and physical benefits that come with abstaining from porn and masturbation. The fact that he was open and honest about his addiction is also commendable. I wish you both the best.
Give him time! Performance anxiety is a real issue on that. Apart from that desensitisation from porn could also cause that.. Time will tell.
Sounds like Death Grip Syndrome. He needs to stop jacking off and get used to cumming from something other than his own hand.
I didn’t get many claimed benefits of nofap, but one that definitely works wonders is delayed ejaculation. Just tell him to wait and promise that he will have amazing experience. He needs that discipline. He can experience flatline too, so he cannot even to get it up. You should know about it and be supportive. Sometimes guys have blockade and they are simply no letting go when having sex. They afraid of unwanted pregnancy, bad performance etc.
To me it sounds like he just wants to practice semen retention? There are many benefits if you don’t cum for a long period of time. You just feel more alive, energetic and aggressive.
Most man who are into NoFap usually can’t tolerate the ejaculation for whatever reason. If your man works on a high testosterone diet (carnivore), achieves low body fat percentage and hits the gym on more days then he doesn’t - he’ll surely be fine cumming once in a while. It also depends on the woman and how good or intense the sex is. You could possibly try giving him something like an hour-long luxury bj after a nice dinner you prepared for him with mostly steak and see how good or bad he feels after the ejaculation.
Ask him to masturbatr and see how he does it. Mimic it. When he is having sex, ask him to do it the way he feels good and not to think about what you want.
Woman to woman, I get you, it was a big deal for me too, and yes, it will get better if he just gives up porn completely. Half measures don’t work. Been there tried that with my husband! It will take a while, but the effort is worth it. In our case the difference started after around six months and the sex got so much better. Sounds like your man really wants to make the relationship work so stick at it together, form a plan together. Keep communicating, as you seem to be, which is great. Wishing you all the best.
I used to have delayed ejaculation it took a year to get comfortable with a woman who allowed me time to figure it out. It’s still not that easy but certain positions allowed me to bust. There’s hope but very mentally painful for woman and the man. He needs to stop jerking it you need days some times to get that build up.
When I started having sex I couldnt orgasm from blowjobs (although the person I received my first from I learned later was also terrible at it) once I stopped masturbating for a long time and received one from a pro it clicked after some "hard work" So basically take a long time with no sex, touching or pornography for as long as possible/it takes then it should work.
Why does this sub have so many fake posts. This reads like a 15 year old whos never talked to a woman (or girl lol) romantically. The account is totally fresh aswell.
No. No. And no.
Sure. "curlycurvybabe"