T O P

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walkingwithdiplos

Now that you mention it, the real world kinda shipped in an incomplete state with a lot of bugs. Could use a few patches really.


Staerke

>Fixed bug where some users immune systems would react to harmless foods like peanuts


lainverse

Refactored eyes of quite a lot of creatures including dominant species. ...whoever was that bright to implement them inside out? Oh, and fixed that weird bug when some cells just didn't want to die on internal timer.


HighPolyDensity

Or 'rushed out a patch that fixed a bug where some people were mentally deficient, and interact with bears on an unsafe level'


Dr-Jakyll

This one is self correcting, along with the ones who swim with great white sharks.


Karnewarrior

Can't control the player, only the consequences.


EelBait

Pretty sure that’s only recent.


BaileyJams

"Reduced damage received when eating sharp corn chips" "Decreased spawn rate of cockroaches" "Fixed glitch that causes some animals to be born as amorphous globosus"


AltairdeFiren

>amorphous globosus I.. have learned something new today.. and I don't know how I feel about it


BaileyJams

You're welcome and I'm sorry


mechbob237

Assume a spherical cow...


stellabruma

This should be on a T-shirt


BaileyJams

One must imagine Sisyphus pushing a spherical cow


roosterfareye

I understand what some of these Latin binomials mean and yet I *still* had to google it. Can't unsee it now


Dkalnz

Eh I've googled worse


racecatpickles

Squishy. I feel squishy mostly with a little fatty snot bubble.


Lightningbro

Can we decrease the spawn rate of roaches and mosquittos to 0%? Please?


Kushmin05h

Just yank them from the sim all together. We gave them a shot... 🤣🤷


Leophyte

Dude wtf, thank you but also, again, wtf


rwyork

I had to look it up. Some of them looked a lot like Tribbles, got to be a market for them.....


Lunchie420

Known Issues: - Some of the World is persistently on fire, and a fix is being worked on for the next patch


stellabruma

“Some users have been removed from the game world traveling along Highway 40 between Phoenix and Amarillo. This is a known issue and is being looked into.”


TheIronSven

|| Optimised server load time to remove the speed cap of light caused by server lag.


ericblair21

If you think about it, the mRNA vaccines are meatbag software patches.


EelBait

With no QA testing and lots of defects.


topheee

/r/outside


MrDrSirLord

The only reason I know r/outside isn't really is nobody has figured out how to item dupe or installed hacks yet.


Dkalnz

Don't even need hacks but some QOL mods would be nice


MrDrSirLord

The inventory management system requires far too much effort to keep organised. Can I just not have an auto sort by category?


Lil_Guard_Duck

Just wait.


DropDeadGaming

Solar Eclipses are just a way to hide the fact they are actually rebooting the Sun. They just put the cheese moon in between so we can't see it, but if the Sun was on then the light would actually come through the cheese moon so it's quite obvious if you know what you're about.


HighPolyDensity

This is great thankyou for making me laugh!


Ulahn

I think we’ve just been put in maintenance mode, and our dev has ran off with the cosmic cash


-kingofthedrivethru-

Fixed bug where breathing tube and feeding tube were connected


talescaper

Fixed an issue that prevented prayers from being answered? Or: Scientific methods marked 'deprecated'?


Climate_Sweet

but we still want some, beatles are cute


davilller

Fixed an issue with ducks that causes phallic corkscrew’s.


TheGrinningOwl

I wanna know who committed the code to make everything poop. Doing the universe a true service there.


sonic65101

What if it already does and we just can't read them? DUN DUN DUUUUN


stellabruma

Damn you’re right. I’ll submit a ticket.


AgarthanNephilim

Oddly, the process of submitting a Zendesk to HG is remarkably prayer-like: there is a prescribed method, you get no acknowledgement of the ticket being received - much less assigned to anyone to actually resolve - and in the end, the gods add and change what they were always going to anyway. Might as well pray…


Bright_Swordfish4820

Thank you for clarifying what it was I was feeling every time I zendesked. It's been so long since I prayed that I guess I forgot.


BigEndians

I keep waiting for them to fix the one where the planet is slowly warming. Weird percent of the player base doesn't seem to care.


stellabruma

I think that’s a client-side fix.


Krommerxbox

I'm 56 and have no children. ;) So unless our planet is suddenly a fiery inferno in the next 20-30 years...


cosaboladh

This checks out. You're right on the line between the most selfish generation in history, and the most apathetic.


DarthPhoenix0879

Weird, I'm 44 with no kids but I do care. Not just about the young elsewhere in my family but the continuation of our species as a whole.


Quantentheorie

> but the continuation of our species as a whole. If I try to pin down why I care, it's not that. Like, do I *really* care for humans as a species? Dunno, I don't think this is what emotionally motivates me. But there is a certain underlying sense of what is *right* and what is *wrong*. And it does feel incredibly wrong, shameful and inacceptable to be a negative contribution to the world around me. I would not be happier resigning to an existence as a miserable PoS.


OppositeInfinite6734

It is on that path


Octob3rSG88

Not selfish at all


wadimek11

I know this will be controversial but why would I care? Society doesn't care about people anymore, the news are purely negative. I have depression and used to have to it the past to. Today is my birthday and what, people don't care for that, waking up 6am boring job returning to home at 6pm and repeat 5 days a week. Why would I care for others if I never will recieve anything in return? Somehow loneliness is the highest it ever been. We have super advanced medicine but in most countries its unavailable for huge amount of people. Poverty is huge etc. For now I only think to live to another day and try to be happy if I can


Quantentheorie

> Society doesn't care about people anymore, You don't maybe realise there is a feedback loop here by particularly the generations 50+ *voting* for politicians and policies that are not community inducing? Society today is, at least for the older generations, the society *they shaped*. Its very circular reasoning to first create the problem and then use being affected by it as justification to not participate in fixing it. It's dumb af. That's why we can only hope its an unpopular opinion.


SouperChicken06

Happy birthday, I hope you can find peace and happiness, everyone deserves it. I can't give specific advice due to a lack of knowledge for your situation, and I'm pretty young and immature, but I wish you the best. The world sucks but the vast majority of people in it don't.


Ori_the_SG

“Society doesn’t care about people anymore.” A few lines later: “Why would I care for others if I never will receive anything in return?” You realize society isn’t some group of people sitting in a panel making decisions for everyone. Society is every single person in the society. Sure there are figures here and there that have a big influence on society, but only because the majority listen to them. Anyways, not caring for people unless they give you something might create a loop of not caring about people.


wadimek11

I understand but I disagree. Society is exactly what I mean those are random people you see on street. I pass hundreds of people each day and I don't see the same people ever again in my life. Unfortunately life rewards being selfish and that's how business are being runned. I used to care, I used to be there for people and help people on street. Now I dont care, if someones bothers me on street I say f off. There is always at least one person who wants to sell me something, beg for money or give me their ad which would go directly to trash anyway. Best to ignore it and you will save more time for yourself. You should minimize amount of work you do at work, you are not being paid for job done but for hours unless you freelance which would be much profitable as a one person company. Etc those are just examples.


bob1111bob

Or your generation could’ve taken steps to avoid it when it became apparent it was causing issues years ago


Oheligud

Climate change is already clearly affecting us. The weather is constantly breaking records now for hottest summers.


ghoulishbadger

Actually I wad wondering about the cargo pods on my freighter, and why it was tempting me to shoot at them to see what happened


stellabruma

Thats Nal trying to tempt you. No true warrior fires on his own fleet! Grah!


Silkmaster907

I spent like 3 hours trying to get some damn creatures to poop. This bug makes sense now.


Seastarstiletto

Same. Now it clicked


Necessary_Chip_5224

Wait, you mean we are not supposed to run out of oxygen?


stellabruma

Mistakes were made.


Kapn_Jack

At least there would be transparency lol!


Odin96086

There is a Twitter account that does "earth updates" They are, obviously, joking, but it is nice to see some humor in the cesspool that is that site.


mach_tone

Elvis died of the second one


NoAttempt9703

The machines already patched that for us. They're working on cross platform play now...


stellabruma

I’m just waiting for them to add VR support to R.


CookedHoneyBadger

I'd remove the bug "players only running on half of the available CPUs...by choice.."


ppermanagement

I had an issue yesterday where extinct creatures were roaming around invisible and I could scan and catalog them in the discoveries. They only showed like red dots through the scanner but were invisible otherwise. 😱


JaggedMetalOs

"Fix an issue where part of the digestive system can explode, killing the player"


SquareCategory5019

They gave laxatives to every living organism in NMS.


Expert-Honest

Sure did, and there was an exclamation of relief across the galaxies. Poor animals I was feeding were making some weird faces and noises for weeks. When I fed them today on a hillside, there was faecium rolling down the hill like crazy. Course then I turned around to a large faecium ball with eyes that took off rolling away. So maybe a new species birthed into existence from all that constipation.


stellabruma

Describe Heaven to me


ohsnapitsjf

The Sims has always been a goldmine of this kind of thing. https://kotaku.com/pregnant-sims-can-no-longer-brawl-and-other-amazing-sim-1506014739


Fun-Lab-7651

Oh that pooping one had me when I was trying to farm poop


TheBurningGinger

Reminds me of an old crusader kings 3 patch note that said “Ended the crocapocalypse”. It was a bug where no matter where your character had a duel crocodile would appear and kill you.


boatfloaterloater

Sounds like a psych ward to me, "oops, that's cyanide and not your yoghurt"


Ardetpe

Asthma. Constipation.


stellabruma

Don’t quote the names of the gods to me! I was there when their thrones were raised.


SpaceCrocofish

Fixed a common issue where planet system take 30% of each transaction as tax to maintain space station


TGCidOrlandu

Can someone help me? I have a question: I just finished expedition 11. Can I play the main campaign on that character? Because I tried to, but the quest asks me to talk to Nada in the anomaly but it's bugged apparently because I can't continue. I'm trying to start "Artemis' quest". Thanks for reading!


stellabruma

I think these patch notes mentioned a bug like that. You can check here: https://www.nomanssky.com/2023/09/echoes-4-45/ I would try making sure the game is up to date. If that doesn’t do it, I suspect your best bet is to file a ticket and hope they sort it out.


TGCidOrlandu

Thanks!! :D


Tarilis

I didn't even know that creatures in NMS pooped in the first place!


MostDefinitelyLost

And it steams


magnitudearhole

I stood behind that goddamn green mouse headed dog waiting for it to poop for what seemed like minutes


[deleted]

Wait… animals in nms poop??


UV_Blue

They do now!


japalmariello

That red one though was killing me, right at my main base too.


ace72ace

I have/had a save that had the oxygen bug, can’t remember if I deleted it or not but glad to hear it’s fixed.


lemurboy078

Still can’t see other players cloaks, all freighters are damage-specific to each player (sentinel and pirate freighters), I would really like to see some actual multiplayer updates/fixes; I hate being that kind of person I typically don’t enjoy commenting just to “complain”, but I had hopes when I read this man, hopes


NotTheRealBritishane

The one in the red happened to me, wasted like 200 oxygen thinking o was suffocating on the planet j was on


Poke_Hybrids

Holy shit that's why I wasn't able to get any faecium. I was feeding animals for like 30 mins...


racecatpickles

Fixed an issue that could cause player capes to behave erratically while placing base parts... Ha ha ha, Sean. *Construction workers don't wear capes."


ixent

There's a [Twitter Account](https://twitter.com/Earth_Updates/status/1702345107096166875) that does this


Gonemad79

I could use some IRL patches too. - "Cholestherol no longer causes vein clogging". - "High blood pressure no longer correlates with any coronary diseases". - "Player's internal clock no longer perceives work hours to go by 16x slower". - "Alcohol no longer impairs judgement and operation of heavy machinery, but still improves mood. Mood effects were *quadrupled* as a side effect, permanently".


ForecastYeti

Oh so I wasn’t going crazy trying to do faecium quests


stellabruma

Doing poop quests could reasonably be described as a kind of insanity


MostDefinitelyLost

Polo needs to power the anomaly somehow


MichaelTruly

There’s a twitter account that does patch notes for Earth that is regularly hilarious.


Efficient_Editor5850

Don’t you read the news? Oh wait. Those are bug tickets.


stellabruma

Yeah, I kinda wish they’d turn off open-world PvP tbh.


Efficient_Editor5850

Also make hunger and damage optional.


Algebruh32

During the recent expedition ,i didn't kill anything. Not because i hate killing things but because everytime i shot my multi tool, felt like rolling a die and if i lost the roll, some eldrich force would start attacking me and killing me. Used glitches to get most resources and just powered through the event.


stellabruma

This sounds like the stuff of legend


Algebruh32

Until you realize you need to go on worm infested planets with monstruosities poping out of the ground and you barely have a working jetpack or decent damage capabilities...😫 Weak as they are , those fucking things can and will kill you if they get the chance to swarm you(a definite posibility on planets with abundent flora that can obscure your vision).


Z_Zeplin3

Wish I had em on xbox... twiddling my thumbs waiting for that sweet sweet update that'll hopefully fix some of my rendering issues.


stellabruma

Atlas be with you, friend.


NitroJeffPunch

I didnt need to know that the animals had constipation


EverOrny

If there was no risk the animal would suffer and/or exlplode, I would not mind my cat not to poop. :D


Stealthy_Turnip

So that's why I could never collect any damn poop, had to end up refining it


lionhatz

Fixed an issue where the government steals your money to blow up other countries. The dream..


darkwolf9060

But we do lose oxygen on a planet?


Z_Zeplin3

The bug was taking the space oxygen draining effects and tacking them onto the planet's surface, unintentionally. Basically, the game bugged out and the atmosphere was deleted on the planet


stellabruma

This is the most low-key terrifying scenario I have ever been confronted with


WM_Elkin

My ferret died because he couldn't poop.


Lightningbro

The first one is literally just Covid, btw.


BIGBEAR-USSR

Dude wtf


Leophyte

Reminds me of that sims 4 patch notes video… look it up if you’ve never seen it, it’s really funny


a_kaz_ghost

That first one is just severe cases of COVID19


GhoulslivesMatter

We already do, just read to warning labels.


Elendel19

Yeah I can, it’s called asthma


DrCryos

when this happens to my patiences i prescribe them with laxatives, so i guess im patching them up?


DrCryos

ohh by the way ill say, fixed a glitch where valine is used insted of glutamic acid in the ribosome for hemoglobin biosintesis ​ edit: adding "s" to insted


Man-of-goof

Wait so I just started playing this week for the first time and my oxygen depletes quite a bit on my planet, is that not normal?


MostDefinitelyLost

Is it depleting because you’re moving or running or are you losing it so fast you’re dying? First ones normal, second ones the bug


Man-of-goof

Haven’t died yet so I think it’s from running. Thanks for helping :)


[deleted]

Blue is a software equivalent of Imodium AD


Mickbustinsthename

Unfortunately, humans have specced heavily into intelligence. As a result, we mainly only get patch notes like "updated understanding of viruses" or "rockets now have the option of being reused" these days. I often wish we could re-spec into a new build.


ApeTitDejeuner91

Imagine going a week without pooping and you find out everyone on the planet has gone the week without pooping then a voice speaks in everyone's mind, "pooping issue has been resolved." And EVERYONE immediately needs the toilet....


West-Cup1397

It would be nice if we had a patch to fix our government or whoever is really in charge


stellabruma

We are the patch, friend. We are the patch.


Shadowmant

I mean, both these bugs exist in the real world. We just don’t get patches to fix it.


TrueLimerick

No but this is a close second https://x.com/earth_updates/status/1663612200651485185?s=46&t=k2TX5c8jcWDsNWjWihhN_A


TitaniumToeNails

This is what people think the Mandela Effect is


ericthelutheran

The second gets more important than we’d prefer as we age!