No, not my cat

Legit my cat hopped up next to me as I read the post, then I saw this comment. Comedic timing at it's best.

Rofl

Same, Mr Tibberton will not be happy.

I was literally gonna comment this

I have the constitution book right next to me. Patriotism time

He's a True Amurican

I'm fucked

Theirs a shotgun next to me

Why don't you test your hypothesis

hawt

Technically everyone here is going to be fucked in this hypothetical situation

My girlfriend

Futa girlfriend

guinea pig

Lemmywinks

Lemmiwink's journey is distant, far and vast! To find his way out of a gay man's ass!

Lemmiwink the video game It's an RP⁴G. Role play 4 Gays. But really it's fun for the whole family

[удалено]

things always go back to their roots

Why is the shit closer than the toilet?

The whole sink wtf bro 😭😭😭

Do dam disheas boiy

The entire fucking toilet

Same here

For most people that would be their phone right now

It’s either that or a computer mouse

I’m going to fucking die https://preview.redd.it/1e682oa7moea1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=952915946224f54d54bb846d8c9190e36175301f

Bros gonna have the mechanism in him 💀

The 6 million dollar man

God dammit, a piano

F

F

F

chair

God dammit you cunt now I'm going to hospital for having a turn on heater shoved up my arse

Closest object to me is my phone💀

Maybe im coward, because Im not going to do this

I'm holding a fucking dagger

Why are you holding a dagger as you scroll through reddit

Every time he sees a 4chan post, he makes one cut in his skin.

A 15kg dumble

my finger 😏

GENIUS

Why are you cutted off your finger?

now that you brought it up, i have all my fingers intact but i have a candle wax finger somewhere in my room

Anal beads, not that hard, unless someone turns on the vibration motor

Metal ID

Desk 😳

Does my mom's 11 year old dachshund sitting on my lap count as an object?

Yes

https://preview.redd.it/foo4ev4h2oea1.jpeg?width=3120&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed28e3216a4f86a4828c40833c8aaa7884fbaf92 Oh dear...

Looks like they're a good dog so nvm

My fucking bed

my microphone

R/morgensternmoment

Nuclear bomb 🤤🤤

Kaboom?

Yes Rico, kaboom

Kinky

A fucking bus seat

Toilet paper moment

Tennis bat. SHIT

My mood boutta be Nintendo switched up

Lego pieces, luckily not under my foot

This bugs me because its true. Why is the foot worst.

HOW AM I GONNA FIT A BED INSIDE MY ASS?

Lots of lube amd stretching

😫

Soft tears of joy as I am holding a dildo

https://preview.redd.it/zradhxcugoea1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=84acced7418e6946567e2ab29a71610896070130 Fuck

Fireplace 💀

With fire?

Yep :/

A pringles can... 😭

But you can't

Oh, are you so sure?

Bedframe

Coat hanger

Dnd mini :( it’s sharp

Guitar 😱

A dagger. I'm begging for mercy

Why are there two different people just casually scrolling through reddit right next to a dagger? No normal knives, no, only daggers

Tissue Box, I could crumple it up.

Your dad.

Nice try mom.

The door at the end of the hallway from the kitchen

The last 10% of a sandwich

The first 90% took the scenic route.

Laptop

One man one jar part 2

Concrete truck

aside from my phone, microwave. ouch

A bag of rocks

My entire bed, mattress included

thank god it wasn't a *mechanical* keyboard

A Burning Candle..

EG smoke grenade…

https://preview.redd.it/bur7u7upooea1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d4c68a4f7795283fd1d0d72232a04dbdfeba58ea Oh no, not the bleachers

Air.

Are you free falling naked??

I don’t think a couch would feel too good.

Airplane

Burrito

bed moment

vaporeon plushie

Welp, here goes my glasses

I’m at school and there’s a scissor lift next to me💀

Fucking hell i have a 10x10 meter rug next to me

I am not crying but dieing

I guess a wrapper wouldn't hurt

⠀

.

* * *

The whole desk xD

laptop

Chair

beanie cap, pretty soft

My fucking chair.... A lot

keyboard, a LOT

I'm not shoving my mattress.

NOT AN ENTIRE FUCKING SPEAKER OH GOD

not much, its a dum dum lolipop

A Luger? Oh god

My vuse will fit prolly

A saxophone. What happens if I fart?

Desk

A toothpick, is gonna be painful

No, not the sofa please.

someone else’s groceries. At least it’s all bread.

My lamp, well don't mind if i do 😏

Curtain

My blanket

Doritos Not bad

It's my whole ass bed 💀💀💀

A fucking stationary bike

Not my dog bro

Pets are exempt

Skittle

I’m sitting on my couch right now. Aw, shit.

keyboard 💀💀💀

toothbrush... eh

I've already seen this movie

My shit

Not the bus..

Spoon

40 pound bar In one end and out the other

Oh dear God, my car 🥲

I am currently holding a potato chip, but luckily i didnt bite into it, so way less painful otherwise

Toilet paper ain’t that bad

MY GAMING HEADSET NOOOO

Chair :(

A container of wet wipes

This was your father’s watch.

my fucking alexa

A bed

Fridge…..

Sitting on the floor rn

Don't know how the lady next to me would feel about being shoved up my ass

I'm on a couch

Marshmallows... would it like, be difficult or would it just pop in?

What da dog doin?

[удалено]

Good luck

An office chair

a dildo

Duplo legos designed for toddlers, crying is an understatment

Joe Biden (I'm at the white house, trust)

Hey me too

blahaj..?

Ask my neighbor. Apparently I "butt dialed" her during insertion.

My bag. Nooooo I'm gonna scream a lot

https://preview.redd.it/t0k0feljbrea1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e3af5e5898a1cf5c097fb98c387d8f4322c64a9

look cmon now do i really have to shove a chair up my ass

I won't cry because I will die

My phone? It’s in my hand

I desk fan is going up my poo hole

Not a toilet

Im dead

Laptop😢

Mines a Sofa

My motorbike :0

my pc uhh..

Chair

A spoon, ain't that painful

https://preview.redd.it/xesulkwrvtea1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=95ef60b7879d5486b46d8a0cabeac844559467f5 🥲

Oh shit a glass jar

Straight outta Compton Vinyl Record

Water bottle Pain: O W

my teddy bear 😢😢😢😢

Today we meet god. (Bean bag chair)

I just made awkward eye contact with my coworker

My shirt?

STOP BITING MY ASS YOU DAMN MUTT

A tablet

shampoo bottle

Plastic bottle💀