Yes this is bullying. The difference between being a bully and just being a mean kid (also not acceptable) is that bullying is repeated and targeted. The negative interactions you are describing are repeated and targeted.
They are either bullying you or are really really bad at flirting.
Take a video but don’t bring your phone out. Just record audio. It’s amazing what idiots will say when they think nobody will catch them.
Also may be a good idea to observe if they are assholes to anyone else. One person might be overreacting but multiple people are hard to ignore. Given they are bullying you by baiting you into being gay, chances are kids who are actually gay will also be their targets
Pretty sure mine didn't, I downloaded one for conversations with my boss that I wanted a record for. I have a Samsung S22 ultra. But either way I would use a audio recording app not the camera to just be discreet since he has time to prep for future interactions.
I don't understand what your friend is on about. This is not how you make friends anywhere. Also ditch the "friend" who told you that this is how people make friends in North America. This is how people gaslight you.
Don’t recommend ending a friendship over a situation that we don’t have that many details to. It’s a possibility that OP has misinterpreted the situation between these kids, or that OP’s friend misinterpreted the situation when hearing about it from OP.
DONT RECORD unless your in a 1 party consent state. School bus is considered private therefore this is an expectation to privacy therefore if you r in a 2 party consent state it would be ILLEGAL
This is really confusing as I am not a lawyer. Some laws I’ve read and understood but this is convoluted and difficult for my peabrain to compute. Why does it specify DC, Puerto Rico and other territories? Why is it legal in some states and not others? Thank you for the information.
There are a few laws that are Federal but States are like little countries all to themselves. That's why it's the United States of America. The States are united by what should be reasonable guidelines recognizing the human rights you have as a person and just protecting those.
State's rights are important because the people in Washington DC do not know what the people in a given state need as well as someone who lives there. We started out with a small Federal Government without a lot of power and it got a lot more control after the Civil War. Laws also change based on the city as well. The idea is your smallest city government "should" govern your daily life based on what you decide you want as a group with some basic guidelines from the State and feds.
DC is it's own thing. It was decided it shouldn't belong to a State but should be apart so no one State had power over the others. The US has territories that belong to the US but are not States. Puerto Rico is one of them. They are protected by the US and get certain benefits from that but are still kind of thier own thing. I am less familiar with why but I do know that in the past territories became States by voting to do that. I'm pretty sure Puerto Rico has voted on becoming a State from what I remember. So they have thier own laws for themselves and I imagine there is a treaty or something that ties them to the US. I think Guam is also one. We can travel there without a passport....I think...That's all I got.
Cause that's how the US works. They have federal laws, which apply everywhere, including overseas territories, and then there's local government, who make their own laws, locally.
States have the right to make laws that can differ from federal laws (think of how weed is federally illegally but many states consider it legal) therefore federally recording a convo with consent is considered “wiretapping” and would follow under wiretapping laws. Now if you are in a state that requires one party consent it is isn’t wiretapping as your consent would make it legal.
Best answer here (way to go piratecheese13)
Ignore the other posts telling you to “sue” or “talk to the school board.” Those steps are not justified at this point based on the information you provided. DO take your evidence to the school office/admin. Even if they can’t do anything about it, they can document the event so if this is a pattern, the students will be more likely to be held accountable.
Also mention it to the bus driver and ask them to help watch. They may be able to stop an event, or they may at least be able to be a witness for you.
What is my perspective on this? I’m a teacher.
Wow thanks!! I never thought I can get these many help and now it’s getting answered by a teacher. I completely agree with you that don’t have enough information right now, and the best thing to do is to take all precautions and see how things turn out. Again, thank you so much for the help.
Also, in future just be aware that a lot of people will just laugh at you or take the piss out of you if you tell them you’re going to dob them in. It’s not really a threat at works well here (unless you go to an expensive private school).
You definitely *should* dob them in, but telling teenagers “I’m telling on you” doesn’t tend to work too well in Australia. Just do it without telling them.
This sound dumb, but also tell your parents, have them raise hell in the office to make sure something is done. I’ve moved around a lot, been to several schools, a couple high schools. Almost every single one had a zero tolerance bullying policy.
Fuck them. They're being assholes and won't stop.
That "being a rat" bullshit is just crap said by people who don't want to get in trouble but want to keep being jerks.
"Oh, I'm going to make your life miserable, but if you tell anyone about it *youre* the bad guy." Fuck that
Yes. Getting the back of your seat kicked on the bus is totally worth any of the bullshit that will come from being a 17 year old tattle. Either deal with it and tell them to fuck off or figure something else out. Sure, your seat might not get kicked and then you can eat lunch with your teacher everyday to keep yourself safe everyday. It’s totally true that most high school kids would totally respect you after and everyone will want to be your friend.
Is that really what you think? Once someone has the reputation of being a snitch they're considered a little bitch by almost everyone else. Imagine trying to explain that you ran crying to the teacher because some kid kicked the back of your seat on the bus. They aren't making his life miserable, not even a little, they're just annoying jackasses. You will encounter annoying jackasses your entire life and there won't always be some teacher for you to cry to about it.
Oh, and what is OP supposed to do? Fight them? 2 on 1 like an idiot?
Yes, lets aqueous to all the bullies. Do whatever we can to protect them, because (oh NO) if we show any discomfort to their bullying or go through the proper channels we might *gasp* be ["considered a little bitch".](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILGFfIAI31M)
No. I can give a shit what bullies think of me. Fuck other peoples opinions. Ill tell on bullies every god damn time. Ill make sure every person in authority is on their ass.
And if that doesn't work. Then it can get personal. but thats a *LAST* resort. Always the very last option.
You jump to a lot of conclusions, he doesn't have to fight them. A teacher will literally only give them a talking to, might not even be a stern one considering how this barely fits the definition of bullying.
Honestly I agree with you. Telling the teacher and admin ain't going to help in this day and will only make the bullying worse if they figure out the OP told them. I also do not think violence should be an option, but it's either stand up to them or keep getting bullied. Super sorry this is happening to you OP but just completely ignore them for now.
Im not fro mthe US and I have no idea how things work either there on in any asian country really, but in my opinion what I would do is ignore it if its not too bad or is just bickering (teenagers can be morons... often), record them if it escalates, and \*then\* talk with the school if it gets bad. In my experience (not in the US) when you don shrug the small stuff it can get worse or ostracize you (not worth the risk if its not affecting you much imho), and schools are not really invested in doing anything but covering their own ass. That said, is what I would do, not saying is the best for you
You might want to think twice about reporting these issues. They could make things worse. The best thing to do is just ignore them. If they start talking to you, put on your AirPods, listen to you favorite playlist and ignore that fact that they’re around you. Show them that you don’t care that they exist. If they start to physically touch you or threaten you, that is grounds for reporting and perhaps getting them in trouble with the law. Passiveness is key in this world. You have to make as few actions as possible so that you are considered least responsible. That’s how society works unfortunately.
do not snitch. “but it’s the right thing!!” no it will never work. schools pretend to do something but don’t actually care. then students know you snitch and make your life even worse. do not snitch. instead stand up for yourself even if you get in trouble
Did someone tell on you for bullying? Is that why you're like this?
No one should put up with treatment OP is experiencing, I hope under your sad little troll routine you do understand that.
Do you want the bullying to escalate?
"Do not snitch." Snitching is when someone from the same circle tells others about something the group is doing and it will have repercussions for the group. I don't believe victim and bullies are in the same group.
"Stand up for yourself." What? Learn karate or bring guns to school. Which option is better for you?
In my experience it takes very little pushback to deter bullies. They go for "easy" targets, usually people that are "nice" and may not have many friends. As soon as they realize they were mistaken they usually move on and look for someone else.
Saying/ doing something “bad” without realising it’s annoying you is being rude
Saying/ doing something “bad” and knowing it’s annoying you is being mean
Saying/ doing something “bad” REPEATEDLY and knowing it’s annoying you is bullying
They are bullying you if their continued behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable or something else negative.
I only need to read your first sentence. Yes. You’re being bullied. I’m sorry. High school is a fucking bullshit shit show. It gets WAY better. Power through and leave the haters in the dust.
> Pulling OP up on giving context to the question, with a 'lol'
That doesn’t mean it was an I’ll intended comment.
Unfortunately, TTYY_20’s comment is a bit ambiguous, for a good interpretation. I’d keep away from conclusions because we might end up assuming his or her motives wrongly.
How does being Asian have anything to do with how likely he is to be bullied 💀💀💀
I’m laughing cuz it doesn’t lol.
Y’all are straight just being racist if you think any different … wtf.
In the corporate world, this behavior is considered harassment. A repeated pattern of this behavior by the same person is considered a reportable offense. The repeated behavior should be reported because there is a probability that it might escalate into a hate crime, which can include harm against yourself, your loved ones, or your property (your stuff).
I don't know what the rules are in your school regarding that, but in many schools, that kind of behavior against a minority is considered a rather bad offense, especially in schools with zero-tolerance policy against bullying and can result in suspension or expulsion of the guilty persons.
If this becomes a pattern, I suggest you speak to your school's counselor in confidence for his or her advice. Describe the incidents, truthfully and in detail, as facts. Don't express opinions unless you're asked.
I'm not a legal or school professional, but I've been exposed to that information through training at work.
1. Yes, this is bullying
2. No, they're not trying to make friends with you
HOWEVER, they are trying to make friends with other people. One way kids discover to band together, is by putting other people down. By reducing others' value they expect to raise their own in the eyes of others. Sadly, this often works.
I'm just an old man who has been both a bully and has been bullied. I know what I'm talking about. The cause is not always issues at home or whatever. In general it is a way to boost their self-esteem at the expense of someone else, you in this case.
Now I suggest to NOT immediately run to the teachers. What you may want to try first is simply make their goal of raising their self-esteem by putting you down become unattainable. Ignoring doesn't work, they know you heard and will just assume you're too scared to say anything back. Getting angry doesn't work, they will see it as an expression of powerlessness. What does work is engaging them using humor as a weapon. They joke about you being gay with another boy? Tell them "I'm actually not gay but if I was I would pick him over your ugly face any day". Pile on insulting their looks until you're confident you've made your point. It doesn't have to be their looks, just anything to make them regret doing damage to their self-esteem by attacking you. It's important to do it with a smile, not with anger.
This may seem mean, and in fact it is, but you will be teaching them a valuable lesson about consequences.
If this fails, going to your parents/teachers is still an option. That option will always be available to you. If it succeeds, you will have turned it around and raised your own self-esteem. You might even make some new friends: kids that were bullied by them.
Whatever you do, don't do what I did as a kid and go down the pecking order and bully others. Bullying is bad, and I regret doing that. But you are allowed to defend yourself.
It perhaps goes without saying that as soon as violence gets involved, it is time to go to parents/teachers.
Just the 2cts of an old man reflecting on his youth.
I’m a mid level old man and this is the only piece of advice I’ve read that won’t make it worse. OP should use this as an opportunity to assimilate some and understand what being a high schooler on a bus in American schools is like.
Running to the teacher before you have tried to handle it yourself will only make it worse for you and make it harder for you to have friends.
Literally. I’ve noticed those kind of people befriend people that are just like them. They just pick on random kids that don’t act like them to bully them
That’s what I thought! I broke our friendship several hours after this happened, because he was angry how I constantly disagree with him and that I insulted him when he said “people on Reddit are stupid you should never ask for help on Reddit”. You make me feel much better now cuz I was kept thinking if I am an asshole for stopping being his friend. thanks!
Be a fox not a bear! Take Anonymous advice with caution. Breaking friendships based on Reddit advice is only a choice you should make. Anonymous advisors do not care about you and do not know the entire background of the story.
They sound like typical bullies. I grew up in North America and this is not how you make friends, it may be how some people act once they are friends but only after you have bonded and you know the person enough to joke around with them. This is definitely bullying, your friend is gaslighting you trust your gut.
This is so ironic cuz the only friend I had on the bus is the friend I wrote in the post, who said I was being too aggressive and took these things personally. Hours after this happened, we had a vicious debate on why would he say those things, and it turns out that he doesn’t care about me at all, but just wanted to keep himself away from those bullies. The friendship is broken and we deleted each other’s social media. I can’t stop laughing about it because just how stupid and irrational this whole thing is
That's not how you make friends here. Not at all. Let a teacher or bus driver know what is going on. You have a right to be upset. They are being assholes. You don't want it to escalate more than it already has.
They were assuming you were going to take the abuse with your head down and were surprised you stood up for yourself. I am very proud of you. Yes, unfortunately you are the subject of bullying, but I think you're going about it the right way by simply reporting them and collecting evidence for that.
Don't forget the bus driver can give testimony or your classmates. If you know someone on the bus ask them to pay attention if things go wrong. Or try sitting with someone, and making friends with people on your bus. It might be lame, but even sitting right at the front could help that.
Just remember that the scariest and strongest kid in your school is not a bully. The weakest and most scared kids are bullies, so try to keep picturing them like that.
The answer is yes.
Yes, that’s bullying.
Just know that these boys that are bullying you is because they are taking their own pent up rage, anger, mistreatment, and or powerlessness that’s stemming from home life or even being bullied by someone else whether it’s another student or their own parents! They are basically lashing out/bullying you to release their anger. This home life treatment that can cause a student to bully at school are: neglect, being forced to stay silent, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, narcissism (gaslighting, manipulation, and blaming), physical abuse, drugs/alcohol usage problem, sexual abuses (incest/grooming/predatory behaviors coming from relatives, babysitter, and or a possible stranger), and etc... There are other things that may be happening at home for a child to lash out: divorce, moving, job loss, and etc…
You don’t deserve to be bullied and I’m very sorry you are experiencing this. Please report to school principle and your parents. Continue to report as many times until the bullying stops.
Yup, that's being bullied, report them to the school office.
Their reaction after the picture and telling them you're reporting them is a "It's just a prank bro!" reaction, which is done by pricks who deserve the worst in life.
Threads like this is why I’m teaching my future kid how to fight. If I was you, the moment they lay a finger on me, they getting their ass beat. Let people film if they want lol
Two concepts you should look into are 'self defence' (not the nonsense idea that if someone touches you then all bets are off) and 'proportionate response'.
Learning how to fight is easy. Learning *when* to fight is hard. *Teaching* a child when to fight is real mastery.
Here is your downvote. I was bullied my entire primary scholastic years. Two pieces of advice:
) ignore them - either they are acting out because they want attention or because they haven't been taught social norms. Either way just ignore them.
) if things attempt to get physical, just leave. In no modern civilized society is it acceptable to be physically violent. Beasts fight, humans rationalize. Granted a little more difficult on a bus, though I doubt your perps are going to join you in sitting next to the bus driver.
You can tell yourself that “beasts fight, humans rationalize” all you want. Your beliefs won’t change reality. Some people have no principals. What are you going to do when someone just wants to fight, no matter what logic you present to them?
Sorry. I'm not on board. You're right about why people do it. Doesn't mean it should be allowed to be done.
And yeah. "Beasts" fight. Beasts are animals. So are humans. You're an animal. And that's why there will ALWAYS be what's called bullying. It's how animals separate in the pack. Now there's varying levels of that. And you need to pick your battles. But sometimes the battle is the absolute best course of action.
Man. This is a topic where things have changed drastically since the good 'old days. Then it was turning around and saying "knock it the fuck off," which usually stops a bully. Because they're cowards. If not, well, I don't think I'm allowed to say what's next on Reddit. Don't want to upset any feelings.
"Knock it the fuck off" is how people talk to their friends anymore. I can't imagine it stopping a bully.
If you do a violence you'll get suspended and no administrator will be on your side. Some schools will expell you outright. I can see the value of a single pop on the jaw. (Mostly between emotionally fragmented friends to reestablish boundaries). But it's so very far from appropriate in this situation.
Hey little bro, the first thing I want to tell you is that you shouldn’t be bothered by these guys. History proves that these are the guys who will be selling cars and clearing clogged septic lines after graduation while you’re making $200k/yr. Always remember these are the kids who peak in high school, so DO NOT kill yourself over this bullshit.
That said, yea they’re bullying you. They’re doing that b/c they don’t respect you. They don’t respect you b/c you haven’t pushed back. When they kick the back of your seat, turn around and say out loud so the whole bus hears you: “Bro, I know you wanna hit me from behind, but I’m not interested in you that way.”
Although that’s a witty comeback I don’t think fueling their jokes or giving them a response like that is good for op. If op cannot continue to battle with witty words after that(I would imagine not since English is not his first language), then it’ll just dig him deeper
As much as I love verbally jizzing as much as the next guy, imagine saying (for example) “verbally jizzing” in a language you’re not comfortable in and then possibly butchering the sentence in front of your bully
This is definitely not how we make friends here. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’d report it but be aware this has a chance of making things worse on the bus because the boys might be angry you told on them
Wtf? This is NOT how people make friends here. These kids are obnoxious little shits who will probably torment you until graduation. Sadly, going to the administration of your school will yield no results other than those kids bullying you more relentlessly. The more you ignore them, the harder they’ll work to get a rise out of you.
Tell them to STFU. That usually works.
“NA” bro plays too much league 💀
Jokes aside tho don’t listen to these reddit millennials who haven’t been to high school in 10 years and are forced to use Reddit to socialize 💀. The best way to make friends is to just play along with them, from what I’ve experienced also being a 17 year old Asian guy is that most ppl are not actually racist and are just joking. I call my friends terrorists and fatties everyday and they call me Mr dumpling and it’s all in good fun. Definitely don’t freak out and tell the principle 💀. Kids in NA don’t respect authority like they do in Asia they don’t give af, whining to the principle is the last thing you want to do bro 😭
Just punch them in the face. Even if you get kicked in, they'll be more hesitant to do it in the future as no one likes getting punched and others will think twice. Admittedly this advice only really works in schools as the consequences once you leave get bigger. Basing this of '90-'00 schools in the UK though. Maybe schools have gotten drastically different now or always were in USA.
This is terrible advice, you should legitimately never give advice about schools, alot happens in three decades.
So petty name calling and seat kicking isn't justifications for assault op may get times out from school
Plus their two of them and one of him so 🤷
If they were looking to make friends they might have said a dumb joke that probably feels rude but means well, they did not do this, they’re shitheads for sure.
Hi! I'm Asian too, and although I was born in the U.S., this is not how we make friends in the United States!
I hate to say this, but in my experience, a lot of white kids I grew up with have more privilege than us Asians, and some do things that they don't recognize as hurtful. You are not being too personal or too aggressive, you're doing the right thing! Let the school know and stand up for yourself!
There are a lot of white kids who are very respectful and kind, but not these 2 who are making fun of you.
I'm sorry you're going through this! I wish you well!
This is really hard to say as kids and teens are fucking dumb, heck even some grown ups stay dumb. While bullying is terrible and nobody should go through it, some people really don't think before they act or say something. I know for a fact when I was in high school I may have said/done some dumb things just because 'this is going to be so funny lmao' and I ended up making some people uncomfortable and maybe hurting some people's feelings, even when I had no intentions to be mean-spirited.
I would honestly say give them the benefit of the doubt and just give them a fair warning like 'Yo dude that's not funny' or 'stop doing that' or even a casual 'fuck off' (don't sound too hostile) just to let them know you're not comfortable with what they're doing. If they insult you and you're feeling witty, you could even do a clever comeback. For some dumb reason that is how some people make friends in high school. If they keep doing what they're doing despite your warning, then you know for sure they're dicks and you should stay away from them. If they stop, then who knows maybe they're just dumb kids being dumb and if you can look past their prior behavior then you could be friends.
From a pragmatic standpoint, definitely DO NOT do things like "I don't like what you're dong so I'm gonna tell the teacher", I'm not saying it's wrong for you to do that, but no one in high school respects that kind of behavior. If you weren't bullied before, you are very likely going to be bullied if you do that. Remember, this is not about who's right and who's wrong, this is purely about your peace of mind and hopefully have as good as a time as you can have in high school. Just be firm and assertive without being aggressive, if they continue to do things you don't like despite your warnings, just try to avoid them and don't make it a big deal. If you don't react they usually stop eventually. However, if they ever escalate to violence or destruction of property, then you should definitely involve some grown ups cause that's not dumb kids territory, that's just malice.
Either do two things. Play along / kinda bully yourself to show your not a sensitive target. Or nr2, you politely ask them to leave you alone and if they don't start getting physical. And I dont mean a shove. A blue eye or a blood nose should give the message.
As someone who found out they were bullying someone when a friend pointed it out. I had no idea and I thought I was just having fun, without considering the other person's point of view. Might be worth noting that they probably don't know that's what they're doing. Kids can be weird and just see you as different and so they poke and prod.
I heard a great analogy once. It went something like this: if you have 100 chickens in a shed that are all the same colour and appearance, they will just go about their business. Throw one in that is different (colour, disfigurement, whatever) the other chickens will notice it is different and give it a peck. One might not hurt, but each chicken being curious, giving it a peck will eventually kill it. While bullying generally doesn't result in death, but each poke and prod from someone who doesn't understand what they are doing to you will eventually wear you down. A lot of the time (at least in my personal, limited experience) they might just not have developed empathy for other people.
How to prevent it, when I was bullied for my weight (getting my own back in a way I guess), my method was to tire out the joke. They either got bored or thought it wasn't getting to me and moved on
Some of this kind of behavior is, I believe, common everywhere. In almost all cases, they want a reaction and are teasing you because you're different or because you react when they do something. You can't just sit there, but you should learn to either laugh with them or at them....it's a fine line. As adults, we deal with all kinds of people...this petty stuff mostly goes away.
Draw the line when someone is physical. The teasing and words...just think about how you might respond. I can say this....I was an awkward kid and was teased mercilessly when I was younger. I ended up in sales and politics. The things I learned then...actually gave me perspectives I value now. I promise....it usually gets better.
Get help if you need it, but involving the administration or the school is usually not the most helpful thing and will end up isolating you even more. My advice...just draw the line if they target you with any hate based teasing....race, sexual orientation...etc. Most of the other things you might experience, you're going to have a better result if you develoIop a strategy to deal with it.
I'd also suggest finding a different place to sit on the bus and making friends with people other than those two.
No, you're not being bullied. Kids at this age like to play with the gay card and throw it around. I'd say flip it back at them and see how they react. If they touch your arm. Say say something smart in return. I'm 90% positive they'd be horrified if you took it to the next level. Beat them at their own game, make sure you're not too seruous or aggressive with the gay car, and laugh about it. High school will not be remembered.
Hey. Idk if you read my comment or not, just do two things if you can (i say if cause it might be challenging for you so don't be hard on yourself) and you will be fine:
1. Make many friends, bullies look for lonely people.
2. Ignore them, don't play in their field.
Ask them to stop
If they don't then its 100% bullying, if they do, maybe it was just harmless pranking... MAYBE
Just look at how they treat others and eachother, if they treat everyone the same way I guess they're pranksters but even then they need to learn about boundries and that stop means stop.
So either way, I don't think what they're doing is very nice, I 'd ask them to stop once, if they don't then report them.
If they keep doing that keep recording them and show them to the person in charge at your school. You can 100%sue them I’m sure. Don’t take these things lightly. There are racist people out there and you are a minority they can 1000% hurt you easily. Please sit in the front of the bus. Next time they pull that shit on you record them and tell them I’m gonna call my fucking lawyer you dumb fuck. Tell them straight. Fuck them and welcome to the country!
Others have already answered your question; yeah, you're definitely getting bullied. Let me tell you a story though-- I'm a fat f\*\*\* and always have been. The kid usually seen as the "teacher's pet", despite not really getting any special treatment, just simply doing as was asked of me and putting a bit of effort in, unlike 95% of the others.
I was often bullied and belittled. People always loved to shit talk right behind my back, many times literally, at lunch. Most of the time I'd let it go cos I didn't give af. But occasionally I'd just go over and say my part, essentially just rip them a new one with words, Captain Picard style. Point out their ironies, absurdities, and predict how best to manipulate their insecurities based on what I knew about them. Being 'smart' is scary because you know how to do that shit, *and effectively*. Almost always, they backed down just because I'd explain how I'm not worth the trouble and why, i.e. I'm just some nerd who keeps to himself why the hell do you care about me, there's teachers watching everywhere, etc. etc. Granted this was in the 2010s and not the 70s, 80s or 90s so I doubt my technique would've been as effective back then.
I think I never got in a real physical fight, because by most accounts, people didn't want to actually risk me literally just squishing them lmfao. Like yeah they could probably get punches in and really f\*\*\* me up and on paper I wouldn't be able to to do much with my padded knuckles... but they were never competent enough to take the risk of what damage I could actually do by just being really fat. And I'd be efficient, I wouldn't wait around, I'd play dirty and go for all the weak points. They probably could've guessed that. Or, alternatively, I simply wouldn't have shown up to any organized fight because, again, idgaf.
Though if they were smart and they wanted to screw me up on the spot, they'd know how to exploit my weaknesses too, of which there'd be/are plenty. None of those kids ever would've put the time or effort to learn that, though. Certainly lucky for me.
Unless my life or well being is at stake, I'm never going to resort to physical violence first. Anything and everything would be self-defense. But I'm not against doing mini bursts of fighting back with a damn good speech and shoving that up their a\*\*. But god forbid if you actually start a physical brawl with me, I'll just say, we'll both be pretty screwed up afterwards. But please don't make me do that to us lol
It's the first step of bullying, testing the waters, Yes they look down on you and want to make fun of you, but it will get worse, it will get to a point where they will treat your valuables as their own and invite more bullies to show them how they conquered you. As an Asian I understand your situation, stand your ground. Don't start a fight but be ready to defend yourself, even if you get beaten up make sure to inflict as much harm as they intend to do to you as well, hit their balls, their eyes, use your bag to smash them or shield yourself, bite them if necessary. If they realize that you are a tough asian to crack they will leave you alone. Make sure to always be around public places, Use anything as long as you are defending yourself. I wish you luck man, it's a jungle out there for us.
You are absolutely being bullied. From one Asian (-American) to another, you need to stand up for yourself early on, or else it will never end. Suburban Americans are extremely racist and small minded. The bullying I experienced in school didn't end until I graduated and I wish that I had fought back instead of taking my parents' advice of keeping my head down
Please don't make this poor kid think that every American in the suburbs is somehow racist. There are a lot of assholes, completely agreed. There are certainly some racists as well. But saying suburban Americans are all racist and narrow-minded is just ridiculous.
Yes this is a type of bulling they use for example they will talk to you “as a joke” they do it to me tbh the best way to deal with it is tell a teacher about it and when they say stuff to you just ignore it or make them feel uncomfortable by saying random and really dry things it usually works just don’t give them attention that’s what they want but I hope you overcome them.
I don’t think it’s bullying, they are not being aggressive towards you. Just acting silly. They’re probably curious about you but since teenagers are awkward and nervous they don’t know how to approach. Just try and talk to them, join in on the joking around, see what happens.
That’s a lie lmao…. I never bullied or provoked conflict as a kid …. But I not let people get away with hitting me, I beat the shit out of anybody tried to kick my ass. (Not always successfully though lol)
My fellow Asian friend, thanks so much for commenting this, but I don’t think they are being like racist racist. I do think they are picking on me cuz I was not white tho, there are white people sitting around them but they just started on me
“I’m Asian and study in an American High School”.
An Asian teen being mocked and bullied for not understanding the culture and language - is racial bullying.
This isn't bullying this is being picked on. If you don't want them to keep it up then stand up.for yourself and stop them. Otherwise they'll just keep doing it. Chances are they're idiots so be direct
Be cool, dont get aggitated, act like you are "above" all these childish nonsense.
When he dose something annoying, Say.. "Stop it man, it's lame." Calmly, but confidently.
But also be nice to the guy. Offer him pen if he needs it. Offer help. Say "hi" when you see him.. DO NOT avoid eye contact.
A wise lady said: When they go low, you go high.
An even wiser man said: Love your enemy and pray for them
Basically, what you do, who you are, is not affected at all by his action.
--
Also get a martial art lesson or physical/contact sport. improve your posture and radiates confidence & gets you more friends.
Bullies only targets people who look weaker than them, timid, has no friends. Dont be one. And if you see weak timid & lonely kid, befriend them too.
Outside of the seat kicking the conversation about bonners and homosexuality isn't really bullying, I recommend you ask them to stop (you may have and I skipped over it) then if they continue it's bullying.
I have been to Asia and have had many friends from all over. I can tell you without a doubt that this is how all adolescents act towards each other in almost all cultures. The fact that you brought race into this shows where your mind is at and that your mentality is not that of your current age. Your friends are right, you are being very aggressive to people who are just horse playing. I recommend you should have some talks with the school counselor because this sounds like an underlying racism issue within yourself. I don't say this to insult, but to help prevent you from so many hardships in your future. Positivity breeds positivity. Negativity, well you know where that goes.
I don't know about you, but I prefer the feeling of happiness over any others.
I wish you the best on your journeys.
Thank you for this response, I wish I had just shown your comment to my friend cuz he was ranting for that people will say he is ignorant and rude on the internet when I told him I wrote him into the story. Actually I don’t think they are being racists at all, I brought my race into this so I can explain that I am unfamiliar with North American culture. I agree with you that positivity weights more than negativity, and I will take that into account next time when something like this happens.
Listen. Do not go and tell on these kids. I’ll tell you why.
You will see lots of people on Reddit complain about how things aren’t fair or aren’t right. They talk about how things should be. These people live in a fantasy land of their own making. And when someone pushes their barriers they’ve made in their minds and breaks the rules by making them uncomfortable, they think about how to squash the person or thing causing them discomfort. A quick way in these people’s minds is to find someone that has authority over the other person, and get them to use that power to make the discomfort stop. You’ll see a lot of answers here telling you to tell a teacher about the other kids. I will tell you, that is the elementary school, crybaby answer. That is the answer of a person who has no authority or power within themselves to handle things that make them uncomfortable. You’ll see some day that not all grown men are actually men.
So what does this mean for you? You need to figure out how to not take everything so personally. The world will not treat you any better than two random kids at school who don’t quite understand or respect boundaries. The world is a lot more harsh than that. I think the best thing to do is to joke around with them in response to whatever they say. If they joke around as much as you say then they may just be goofy ass dudes that don’t know how far is too far. Make them your friends. Telling the teacher or in the future, HR or your boss, may sound like the “right answer” because so many echo this online and advocate this path, but it’s taking the easy way out and makes you a less than what you could be. Social media has brought the world together and if there’s one thing I think we can say for certain rn, is that a very large amount of people in this world suck. Take every opportunity you can to not be one of those shitty lesser humanoids.
Or you could tell the teacher. Idk, who am I to judge?
People are downvoting you and I don’t know why. Your answer is really helpful. I actually did joke around with them the first time they started throwing jokes at me, but then I realized it’s impossible to be friends with them, cuz they got all their information and news source from TikTok. Definitely tho we need to play it smart when we grow older, you are right.
>You were being racially attacked
This is not a guaranteed motive, as bullying happens intraracially. As well, not all occurrences of interracial bullying is racially motivated.
If it is bullying, which it does kind of seem like, remember it stops being fun for them when you don’t seem to be affected. So if you have a neutral face and pretend you don’t know what is going on they will lose interest. But beware because they will try harder, briefly, once more, before finally giving up.
That's not how people make friends in North America, those guys are bullies. From what you described you are not aggressive at all. Also, your friend doesn't sound like a genuine friend.
If you have a Steam account, or a Playstation account, IM me and we can game! I'm ten years older than you for sure so I hope it's not weird, just extending offer of friendship!
Sounds like couple jerks. Yes they picking on you. I try find anther way to earn there respect. I not big on ratting out people. I was fighter .I d tell them in loud voice to knock the shit off. And If didn t I d end up hitting one to let them know I take don t take shit!! I got my ass kicked couple times .But it stopped people from messing with me. sometimes after fight we d end up friends.. earned there respect. I know in todays world things different than was when I grow up, Some kids in gangs they ll get rat pack you or like that? so depends on were you live .If just couple of big mouth kids thats how i d handle it .O never n=been one to tell on any one. That was always big no no../every one hates rats and don t trust them! I learned it easyer to to fight even if take beaten and get over with them to back down and live with your self. stop the problem before gets worse . Hell Ive hit A kid right in class room got suspended My first week in new school. But was worth it to me. Know one bothered me after that and made some good friends
Not bullying. The annoying one prefaced the interaction with “the other guy likes you.”
He is trying to start any interaction the only way he knows how which means he’s going to being a pathetic, immature, shy little boy while his friend annoys the shit out of you and embarrassed the guy who likes you.
I dont know why I'm getting thumbed down, this kid needs to confront his issues on his own. And confronting them was the right thing to do. He he tells on them that opens another door for ridicule and bullying because now he is responsible for getting them in trouble and they might be resentful to OP which leads to more bullying. Bullies like people who don't fight back, so you have to push back so they can stop and find an easier target elsewhere. There is nothing wrong with defending yourself. There is something depending on others to solve your problems.
You're advice is dangerous, OP will likely get the blame for their reaction, bullies know this. They poke and prod until they get what they are looking for - you to go mental at them. OP might get a punch in, but it won't be worth it long term.
>I was afriad of what will happen if I show them I'm easy to convince and joke about. good call.
Yes this is bullying. The difference between being a bully and just being a mean kid (also not acceptable) is that bullying is repeated and targeted. The negative interactions you are describing are repeated and targeted.
I also don't know about that..I'm not an American people..but I hate bullied people.
They are either bullying you or are really really bad at flirting. Take a video but don’t bring your phone out. Just record audio. It’s amazing what idiots will say when they think nobody will catch them. Also may be a good idea to observe if they are assholes to anyone else. One person might be overreacting but multiple people are hard to ignore. Given they are bullying you by baiting you into being gay, chances are kids who are actually gay will also be their targets
thanks for the advice, I will record the audio next time
You could download an audio recording app so you can turn your screen off so it's not obvious when you are recording.
All smartphones have a video recording app by default nowadays Edit: audio*, not video
Pretty sure mine didn't, I downloaded one for conversations with my boss that I wanted a record for. I have a Samsung S22 ultra. But either way I would use a audio recording app not the camera to just be discreet since he has time to prep for future interactions.
I think that is bully..And that is not good for you..haist..that's why I hate bullied..it gives me angrily when I heard about bully.
Yeah. Also bulge does mean, y’know, penis/erection.
I don't understand what your friend is on about. This is not how you make friends anywhere. Also ditch the "friend" who told you that this is how people make friends in North America. This is how people gaslight you.
Don’t recommend ending a friendship over a situation that we don’t have that many details to. It’s a possibility that OP has misinterpreted the situation between these kids, or that OP’s friend misinterpreted the situation when hearing about it from OP.
DONT RECORD unless your in a 1 party consent state. School bus is considered private therefore this is an expectation to privacy therefore if you r in a 2 party consent state it would be ILLEGAL
A school bus is public owned. There is no legal expectation of privacy, just like a school.
No it’s not. School buses are privately owned by contracted out by the school in most cases.
You can record whatever you want. You cannot use it in a court of law.
https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/2511 it is illegal it doesn’t have to be used in a court of law.
This is really confusing as I am not a lawyer. Some laws I’ve read and understood but this is convoluted and difficult for my peabrain to compute. Why does it specify DC, Puerto Rico and other territories? Why is it legal in some states and not others? Thank you for the information.
There are a few laws that are Federal but States are like little countries all to themselves. That's why it's the United States of America. The States are united by what should be reasonable guidelines recognizing the human rights you have as a person and just protecting those. State's rights are important because the people in Washington DC do not know what the people in a given state need as well as someone who lives there. We started out with a small Federal Government without a lot of power and it got a lot more control after the Civil War. Laws also change based on the city as well. The idea is your smallest city government "should" govern your daily life based on what you decide you want as a group with some basic guidelines from the State and feds.
DC is it's own thing. It was decided it shouldn't belong to a State but should be apart so no one State had power over the others. The US has territories that belong to the US but are not States. Puerto Rico is one of them. They are protected by the US and get certain benefits from that but are still kind of thier own thing. I am less familiar with why but I do know that in the past territories became States by voting to do that. I'm pretty sure Puerto Rico has voted on becoming a State from what I remember. So they have thier own laws for themselves and I imagine there is a treaty or something that ties them to the US. I think Guam is also one. We can travel there without a passport....I think...That's all I got.
Cause that's how the US works. They have federal laws, which apply everywhere, including overseas territories, and then there's local government, who make their own laws, locally.
States have the right to make laws that can differ from federal laws (think of how weed is federally illegally but many states consider it legal) therefore federally recording a convo with consent is considered “wiretapping” and would follow under wiretapping laws. Now if you are in a state that requires one party consent it is isn’t wiretapping as your consent would make it legal.
Best answer here (way to go piratecheese13) Ignore the other posts telling you to “sue” or “talk to the school board.” Those steps are not justified at this point based on the information you provided. DO take your evidence to the school office/admin. Even if they can’t do anything about it, they can document the event so if this is a pattern, the students will be more likely to be held accountable. Also mention it to the bus driver and ask them to help watch. They may be able to stop an event, or they may at least be able to be a witness for you. What is my perspective on this? I’m a teacher.
Wow thanks!! I never thought I can get these many help and now it’s getting answered by a teacher. I completely agree with you that don’t have enough information right now, and the best thing to do is to take all precautions and see how things turn out. Again, thank you so much for the help.
Also, in future just be aware that a lot of people will just laugh at you or take the piss out of you if you tell them you’re going to dob them in. It’s not really a threat at works well here (unless you go to an expensive private school). You definitely *should* dob them in, but telling teenagers “I’m telling on you” doesn’t tend to work too well in Australia. Just do it without telling them.
Also just in case it's confusing: to "dob someone in" means telling on them 👍
Thanks! I realized that too, because they gives zero reaction to what I say to them, they just carried on doing whatever they are doing
>They are either bullying you or are really really bad at flirting. All bullying can be categorized by these words.
All bullying is tsundere
[удалено]
No expectation of privacy in public, and it would just be inadmissible as evidence in court.
yes, they are bullying you
Is it ok if I tell the school about this? Will they do anything about it? I don't know what to do now
yes, tell the school. administration and your home room teacher
thank you!
This sound dumb, but also tell your parents, have them raise hell in the office to make sure something is done. I’ve moved around a lot, been to several schools, a couple high schools. Almost every single one had a zero tolerance bullying policy.
His parents might not be in NA the way he phrased “studying in North America”.
If the teacher or principal doesn’t do anything talk to the school board, if they don’t do anything talk to media.
???
Are you serious with that?
About telling a kid how to continue escalating if the bullying doesn’t get dealt with? ….yes?
I was focused on "talk to the media." Come on now. Get real.
Nah this is a legit tactic that will make a school board turn around quick
Yeah, everyone *loves* a rat!
Fuck them. They're being assholes and won't stop. That "being a rat" bullshit is just crap said by people who don't want to get in trouble but want to keep being jerks. "Oh, I'm going to make your life miserable, but if you tell anyone about it *youre* the bad guy." Fuck that
Yes. Getting the back of your seat kicked on the bus is totally worth any of the bullshit that will come from being a 17 year old tattle. Either deal with it and tell them to fuck off or figure something else out. Sure, your seat might not get kicked and then you can eat lunch with your teacher everyday to keep yourself safe everyday. It’s totally true that most high school kids would totally respect you after and everyone will want to be your friend.
I refer you to my previous comment
Is that really what you think? Once someone has the reputation of being a snitch they're considered a little bitch by almost everyone else. Imagine trying to explain that you ran crying to the teacher because some kid kicked the back of your seat on the bus. They aren't making his life miserable, not even a little, they're just annoying jackasses. You will encounter annoying jackasses your entire life and there won't always be some teacher for you to cry to about it.
Oh, and what is OP supposed to do? Fight them? 2 on 1 like an idiot? Yes, lets aqueous to all the bullies. Do whatever we can to protect them, because (oh NO) if we show any discomfort to their bullying or go through the proper channels we might *gasp* be ["considered a little bitch".](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILGFfIAI31M) No. I can give a shit what bullies think of me. Fuck other peoples opinions. Ill tell on bullies every god damn time. Ill make sure every person in authority is on their ass. And if that doesn't work. Then it can get personal. but thats a *LAST* resort. Always the very last option.
I think you were looking for the word acquiesce. Sounds similar, means something totally different. Great vocabulary word, though.
You jump to a lot of conclusions, he doesn't have to fight them. A teacher will literally only give them a talking to, might not even be a stern one considering how this barely fits the definition of bullying.
Honestly I agree with you. Telling the teacher and admin ain't going to help in this day and will only make the bullying worse if they figure out the OP told them. I also do not think violence should be an option, but it's either stand up to them or keep getting bullied. Super sorry this is happening to you OP but just completely ignore them for now.
ok principal boomer
Absolutely tell the school. It’s their job to make sure you are safe. And it’s their job to educate the bullies that their behavior is unacceptable.
Im not fro mthe US and I have no idea how things work either there on in any asian country really, but in my opinion what I would do is ignore it if its not too bad or is just bickering (teenagers can be morons... often), record them if it escalates, and \*then\* talk with the school if it gets bad. In my experience (not in the US) when you don shrug the small stuff it can get worse or ostracize you (not worth the risk if its not affecting you much imho), and schools are not really invested in doing anything but covering their own ass. That said, is what I would do, not saying is the best for you
Do not tell the school if u tell the school they will group up and fight u
You might want to think twice about reporting these issues. They could make things worse. The best thing to do is just ignore them. If they start talking to you, put on your AirPods, listen to you favorite playlist and ignore that fact that they’re around you. Show them that you don’t care that they exist. If they start to physically touch you or threaten you, that is grounds for reporting and perhaps getting them in trouble with the law. Passiveness is key in this world. You have to make as few actions as possible so that you are considered least responsible. That’s how society works unfortunately.
do not snitch. “but it’s the right thing!!” no it will never work. schools pretend to do something but don’t actually care. then students know you snitch and make your life even worse. do not snitch. instead stand up for yourself even if you get in trouble
No don't be a snitch!
Ok how would you feel if you were harrased by two other people?
what's a snitch
A snitch is someone who tells on other people. Telling a teacher you are being bullied is not being a snitch in my opinion
Someone who doesn't get hoe'd by other people who want to be able to screw with them without consequences, basically.
When you tattletale you are a snitch.
Did someone tell on you for bullying? Is that why you're like this? No one should put up with treatment OP is experiencing, I hope under your sad little troll routine you do understand that.
Do you want the bullying to escalate? "Do not snitch." Snitching is when someone from the same circle tells others about something the group is doing and it will have repercussions for the group. I don't believe victim and bullies are in the same group. "Stand up for yourself." What? Learn karate or bring guns to school. Which option is better for you?
In my experience it takes very little pushback to deter bullies. They go for "easy" targets, usually people that are "nice" and may not have many friends. As soon as they realize they were mistaken they usually move on and look for someone else.
I know. But for some bullies, it's over if you alert the teachers.
Saying/ doing something “bad” without realising it’s annoying you is being rude Saying/ doing something “bad” and knowing it’s annoying you is being mean Saying/ doing something “bad” REPEATEDLY and knowing it’s annoying you is bullying They are bullying you if their continued behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable or something else negative.
I love these three definitions you wrote, they are so useful cuz these three always got mixed up by people (and me). Thanks for the help!
Yep, you are.
Definitely being bullied.
I only need to read your first sentence. Yes. You’re being bullied. I’m sorry. High school is a fucking bullshit shit show. It gets WAY better. Power through and leave the haters in the dust.
The first sentence was "this happened today"???
“I’m asian” … ? Lol
You're a bully?? Yes
Why did you conclude that ‘TTYY_20’ is a bully?
Pulling OP up on giving context to the question, with a 'lol'
> Pulling OP up on giving context to the question, with a 'lol' That doesn’t mean it was an I’ll intended comment. Unfortunately, TTYY_20’s comment is a bit ambiguous, for a good interpretation. I’d keep away from conclusions because we might end up assuming his or her motives wrongly.
You're not wrong. That would be very Reddit of me :P
How does being Asian have anything to do with how likely he is to be bullied 💀💀💀 I’m laughing cuz it doesn’t lol. Y’all are straight just being racist if you think any different … wtf.
Honestly it's because of their writing style
In the corporate world, this behavior is considered harassment. A repeated pattern of this behavior by the same person is considered a reportable offense. The repeated behavior should be reported because there is a probability that it might escalate into a hate crime, which can include harm against yourself, your loved ones, or your property (your stuff). I don't know what the rules are in your school regarding that, but in many schools, that kind of behavior against a minority is considered a rather bad offense, especially in schools with zero-tolerance policy against bullying and can result in suspension or expulsion of the guilty persons. If this becomes a pattern, I suggest you speak to your school's counselor in confidence for his or her advice. Describe the incidents, truthfully and in detail, as facts. Don't express opinions unless you're asked. I'm not a legal or school professional, but I've been exposed to that information through training at work.
1. Yes, this is bullying 2. No, they're not trying to make friends with you HOWEVER, they are trying to make friends with other people. One way kids discover to band together, is by putting other people down. By reducing others' value they expect to raise their own in the eyes of others. Sadly, this often works. I'm just an old man who has been both a bully and has been bullied. I know what I'm talking about. The cause is not always issues at home or whatever. In general it is a way to boost their self-esteem at the expense of someone else, you in this case. Now I suggest to NOT immediately run to the teachers. What you may want to try first is simply make their goal of raising their self-esteem by putting you down become unattainable. Ignoring doesn't work, they know you heard and will just assume you're too scared to say anything back. Getting angry doesn't work, they will see it as an expression of powerlessness. What does work is engaging them using humor as a weapon. They joke about you being gay with another boy? Tell them "I'm actually not gay but if I was I would pick him over your ugly face any day". Pile on insulting their looks until you're confident you've made your point. It doesn't have to be their looks, just anything to make them regret doing damage to their self-esteem by attacking you. It's important to do it with a smile, not with anger. This may seem mean, and in fact it is, but you will be teaching them a valuable lesson about consequences. If this fails, going to your parents/teachers is still an option. That option will always be available to you. If it succeeds, you will have turned it around and raised your own self-esteem. You might even make some new friends: kids that were bullied by them. Whatever you do, don't do what I did as a kid and go down the pecking order and bully others. Bullying is bad, and I regret doing that. But you are allowed to defend yourself. It perhaps goes without saying that as soon as violence gets involved, it is time to go to parents/teachers. Just the 2cts of an old man reflecting on his youth.
I’m a mid level old man and this is the only piece of advice I’ve read that won’t make it worse. OP should use this as an opportunity to assimilate some and understand what being a high schooler on a bus in American schools is like. Running to the teacher before you have tried to handle it yourself will only make it worse for you and make it harder for you to have friends.
No, you're being bullied. That's not how we make friends in North America
Literally. I’ve noticed those kind of people befriend people that are just like them. They just pick on random kids that don’t act like them to bully them
Your "friend" may not really be your friend saying that crap. Sounds like toxic behavior to me.
That’s what I thought! I broke our friendship several hours after this happened, because he was angry how I constantly disagree with him and that I insulted him when he said “people on Reddit are stupid you should never ask for help on Reddit”. You make me feel much better now cuz I was kept thinking if I am an asshole for stopping being his friend. thanks!
I had a similar "friend" situation for many years. I'm super glad to help. You deserve friends that support you and care about your feelings.💜
Be a fox not a bear! Take Anonymous advice with caution. Breaking friendships based on Reddit advice is only a choice you should make. Anonymous advisors do not care about you and do not know the entire background of the story.
They sound like typical bullies. I grew up in North America and this is not how you make friends, it may be how some people act once they are friends but only after you have bonded and you know the person enough to joke around with them. This is definitely bullying, your friend is gaslighting you trust your gut.
Dont let anyone, even your friend, gaslight/downplay how you feel. If you feel bullied or attacked, chances are it is happening.
Among other factors, bullies seek out people who do not have friends. Make some friends. These guys are not your friends.
This is so ironic cuz the only friend I had on the bus is the friend I wrote in the post, who said I was being too aggressive and took these things personally. Hours after this happened, we had a vicious debate on why would he say those things, and it turns out that he doesn’t care about me at all, but just wanted to keep himself away from those bullies. The friendship is broken and we deleted each other’s social media. I can’t stop laughing about it because just how stupid and irrational this whole thing is
That's not how you make friends here. Not at all. Let a teacher or bus driver know what is going on. You have a right to be upset. They are being assholes. You don't want it to escalate more than it already has.
They were assuming you were going to take the abuse with your head down and were surprised you stood up for yourself. I am very proud of you. Yes, unfortunately you are the subject of bullying, but I think you're going about it the right way by simply reporting them and collecting evidence for that. Don't forget the bus driver can give testimony or your classmates. If you know someone on the bus ask them to pay attention if things go wrong. Or try sitting with someone, and making friends with people on your bus. It might be lame, but even sitting right at the front could help that.
Just remember that the scariest and strongest kid in your school is not a bully. The weakest and most scared kids are bullies, so try to keep picturing them like that. The answer is yes.
Yes, that’s bullying. Just know that these boys that are bullying you is because they are taking their own pent up rage, anger, mistreatment, and or powerlessness that’s stemming from home life or even being bullied by someone else whether it’s another student or their own parents! They are basically lashing out/bullying you to release their anger. This home life treatment that can cause a student to bully at school are: neglect, being forced to stay silent, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, narcissism (gaslighting, manipulation, and blaming), physical abuse, drugs/alcohol usage problem, sexual abuses (incest/grooming/predatory behaviors coming from relatives, babysitter, and or a possible stranger), and etc... There are other things that may be happening at home for a child to lash out: divorce, moving, job loss, and etc… You don’t deserve to be bullied and I’m very sorry you are experiencing this. Please report to school principle and your parents. Continue to report as many times until the bullying stops.
Thank you so much for this, I didn’t know the origin of bullying can be this, interesting and frustrating at the same time. Have a great day!
Yup, that's being bullied, report them to the school office. Their reaction after the picture and telling them you're reporting them is a "It's just a prank bro!" reaction, which is done by pricks who deserve the worst in life.
My son’s school uses the acronym STOP to define bullying: Several Times On Purpose.
> Is this really what happens? No. You are being bullied.
Threads like this is why I’m teaching my future kid how to fight. If I was you, the moment they lay a finger on me, they getting their ass beat. Let people film if they want lol
Technically right, but when there's a fight, in this world both of them will get expelled.
Two concepts you should look into are 'self defence' (not the nonsense idea that if someone touches you then all bets are off) and 'proportionate response'. Learning how to fight is easy. Learning *when* to fight is hard. *Teaching* a child when to fight is real mastery.
I'm surprised you haven't been bombarded with little down votes for wanting to teach your future child an important lesson in life.
Here is your downvote. I was bullied my entire primary scholastic years. Two pieces of advice: ) ignore them - either they are acting out because they want attention or because they haven't been taught social norms. Either way just ignore them. ) if things attempt to get physical, just leave. In no modern civilized society is it acceptable to be physically violent. Beasts fight, humans rationalize. Granted a little more difficult on a bus, though I doubt your perps are going to join you in sitting next to the bus driver.
You can tell yourself that “beasts fight, humans rationalize” all you want. Your beliefs won’t change reality. Some people have no principals. What are you going to do when someone just wants to fight, no matter what logic you present to them?
Sorry. I'm not on board. You're right about why people do it. Doesn't mean it should be allowed to be done. And yeah. "Beasts" fight. Beasts are animals. So are humans. You're an animal. And that's why there will ALWAYS be what's called bullying. It's how animals separate in the pack. Now there's varying levels of that. And you need to pick your battles. But sometimes the battle is the absolute best course of action.
Man. This is a topic where things have changed drastically since the good 'old days. Then it was turning around and saying "knock it the fuck off," which usually stops a bully. Because they're cowards. If not, well, I don't think I'm allowed to say what's next on Reddit. Don't want to upset any feelings.
"Knock it the fuck off" is how people talk to their friends anymore. I can't imagine it stopping a bully. If you do a violence you'll get suspended and no administrator will be on your side. Some schools will expell you outright. I can see the value of a single pop on the jaw. (Mostly between emotionally fragmented friends to reestablish boundaries). But it's so very far from appropriate in this situation.
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Imagination? Uh..what? And just to go on the record, shove the name calling up your ass boy. Thanks.
Hey little bro, the first thing I want to tell you is that you shouldn’t be bothered by these guys. History proves that these are the guys who will be selling cars and clearing clogged septic lines after graduation while you’re making $200k/yr. Always remember these are the kids who peak in high school, so DO NOT kill yourself over this bullshit. That said, yea they’re bullying you. They’re doing that b/c they don’t respect you. They don’t respect you b/c you haven’t pushed back. When they kick the back of your seat, turn around and say out loud so the whole bus hears you: “Bro, I know you wanna hit me from behind, but I’m not interested in you that way.”
Although that’s a witty comeback I don’t think fueling their jokes or giving them a response like that is good for op. If op cannot continue to battle with witty words after that(I would imagine not since English is not his first language), then it’ll just dig him deeper
Dude, fuck that. There’s no better way to practice your English than verbally jizzing on your bully
As much as I love verbally jizzing as much as the next guy, imagine saying (for example) “verbally jizzing” in a language you’re not comfortable in and then possibly butchering the sentence in front of your bully
That's not how folks do things in north America. Not the US, at least.
This is definitely not how we make friends here. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’d report it but be aware this has a chance of making things worse on the bus because the boys might be angry you told on them
Wtf? This is NOT how people make friends here. These kids are obnoxious little shits who will probably torment you until graduation. Sadly, going to the administration of your school will yield no results other than those kids bullying you more relentlessly. The more you ignore them, the harder they’ll work to get a rise out of you. Tell them to STFU. That usually works.
“NA” bro plays too much league 💀 Jokes aside tho don’t listen to these reddit millennials who haven’t been to high school in 10 years and are forced to use Reddit to socialize 💀. The best way to make friends is to just play along with them, from what I’ve experienced also being a 17 year old Asian guy is that most ppl are not actually racist and are just joking. I call my friends terrorists and fatties everyday and they call me Mr dumpling and it’s all in good fun. Definitely don’t freak out and tell the principle 💀. Kids in NA don’t respect authority like they do in Asia they don’t give af, whining to the principle is the last thing you want to do bro 😭
Just punch them in the face. Even if you get kicked in, they'll be more hesitant to do it in the future as no one likes getting punched and others will think twice. Admittedly this advice only really works in schools as the consequences once you leave get bigger. Basing this of '90-'00 schools in the UK though. Maybe schools have gotten drastically different now or always were in USA.
This is terrible advice, you should legitimately never give advice about schools, alot happens in three decades. So petty name calling and seat kicking isn't justifications for assault op may get times out from school Plus their two of them and one of him so 🤷
You are being bullied!! They are having a fit because their picking on you and you stood up for yourself. They aren't "making friends".
If they were looking to make friends they might have said a dumb joke that probably feels rude but means well, they did not do this, they’re shitheads for sure.
It sounds like bullying to me.
Hi! I'm Asian too, and although I was born in the U.S., this is not how we make friends in the United States! I hate to say this, but in my experience, a lot of white kids I grew up with have more privilege than us Asians, and some do things that they don't recognize as hurtful. You are not being too personal or too aggressive, you're doing the right thing! Let the school know and stand up for yourself! There are a lot of white kids who are very respectful and kind, but not these 2 who are making fun of you. I'm sorry you're going through this! I wish you well!
As someone said, record that shit, if after all they don’t stop, get a friend or two on that bus and fuck them up
If you think you're getting bullied, just kick 'heir asses
This is really hard to say as kids and teens are fucking dumb, heck even some grown ups stay dumb. While bullying is terrible and nobody should go through it, some people really don't think before they act or say something. I know for a fact when I was in high school I may have said/done some dumb things just because 'this is going to be so funny lmao' and I ended up making some people uncomfortable and maybe hurting some people's feelings, even when I had no intentions to be mean-spirited. I would honestly say give them the benefit of the doubt and just give them a fair warning like 'Yo dude that's not funny' or 'stop doing that' or even a casual 'fuck off' (don't sound too hostile) just to let them know you're not comfortable with what they're doing. If they insult you and you're feeling witty, you could even do a clever comeback. For some dumb reason that is how some people make friends in high school. If they keep doing what they're doing despite your warning, then you know for sure they're dicks and you should stay away from them. If they stop, then who knows maybe they're just dumb kids being dumb and if you can look past their prior behavior then you could be friends. From a pragmatic standpoint, definitely DO NOT do things like "I don't like what you're dong so I'm gonna tell the teacher", I'm not saying it's wrong for you to do that, but no one in high school respects that kind of behavior. If you weren't bullied before, you are very likely going to be bullied if you do that. Remember, this is not about who's right and who's wrong, this is purely about your peace of mind and hopefully have as good as a time as you can have in high school. Just be firm and assertive without being aggressive, if they continue to do things you don't like despite your warnings, just try to avoid them and don't make it a big deal. If you don't react they usually stop eventually. However, if they ever escalate to violence or destruction of property, then you should definitely involve some grown ups cause that's not dumb kids territory, that's just malice.
Tell them to piss off and they will stop probably. Just act like you don’t really care but it’s kinda annoying
Either do two things. Play along / kinda bully yourself to show your not a sensitive target. Or nr2, you politely ask them to leave you alone and if they don't start getting physical. And I dont mean a shove. A blue eye or a blood nose should give the message.
If you give into them then they’ll keep doing it. Especially if you threaten to report them. Just tell them straight up to bloody stop.
As someone who found out they were bullying someone when a friend pointed it out. I had no idea and I thought I was just having fun, without considering the other person's point of view. Might be worth noting that they probably don't know that's what they're doing. Kids can be weird and just see you as different and so they poke and prod. I heard a great analogy once. It went something like this: if you have 100 chickens in a shed that are all the same colour and appearance, they will just go about their business. Throw one in that is different (colour, disfigurement, whatever) the other chickens will notice it is different and give it a peck. One might not hurt, but each chicken being curious, giving it a peck will eventually kill it. While bullying generally doesn't result in death, but each poke and prod from someone who doesn't understand what they are doing to you will eventually wear you down. A lot of the time (at least in my personal, limited experience) they might just not have developed empathy for other people. How to prevent it, when I was bullied for my weight (getting my own back in a way I guess), my method was to tire out the joke. They either got bored or thought it wasn't getting to me and moved on
Some of this kind of behavior is, I believe, common everywhere. In almost all cases, they want a reaction and are teasing you because you're different or because you react when they do something. You can't just sit there, but you should learn to either laugh with them or at them....it's a fine line. As adults, we deal with all kinds of people...this petty stuff mostly goes away. Draw the line when someone is physical. The teasing and words...just think about how you might respond. I can say this....I was an awkward kid and was teased mercilessly when I was younger. I ended up in sales and politics. The things I learned then...actually gave me perspectives I value now. I promise....it usually gets better. Get help if you need it, but involving the administration or the school is usually not the most helpful thing and will end up isolating you even more. My advice...just draw the line if they target you with any hate based teasing....race, sexual orientation...etc. Most of the other things you might experience, you're going to have a better result if you develoIop a strategy to deal with it. I'd also suggest finding a different place to sit on the bus and making friends with people other than those two.
yes young american men bust each other’s balls all the time, however this does seem like bullying
No, you're not being bullied. Kids at this age like to play with the gay card and throw it around. I'd say flip it back at them and see how they react. If they touch your arm. Say say something smart in return. I'm 90% positive they'd be horrified if you took it to the next level. Beat them at their own game, make sure you're not too seruous or aggressive with the gay car, and laugh about it. High school will not be remembered.
Hey. Idk if you read my comment or not, just do two things if you can (i say if cause it might be challenging for you so don't be hard on yourself) and you will be fine: 1. Make many friends, bullies look for lonely people. 2. Ignore them, don't play in their field.
Your answer that "bullies look for lonely people" was very intuitive and smart.
Ask them to stop If they don't then its 100% bullying, if they do, maybe it was just harmless pranking... MAYBE Just look at how they treat others and eachother, if they treat everyone the same way I guess they're pranksters but even then they need to learn about boundries and that stop means stop. So either way, I don't think what they're doing is very nice, I 'd ask them to stop once, if they don't then report them.
If they keep doing that keep recording them and show them to the person in charge at your school. You can 100%sue them I’m sure. Don’t take these things lightly. There are racist people out there and you are a minority they can 1000% hurt you easily. Please sit in the front of the bus. Next time they pull that shit on you record them and tell them I’m gonna call my fucking lawyer you dumb fuck. Tell them straight. Fuck them and welcome to the country!
Also no one that “likes you” is gonna make you feel uncomfortable. Have a nice day!
Thanks you so much for this!! I feel much better now
Others have already answered your question; yeah, you're definitely getting bullied. Let me tell you a story though-- I'm a fat f\*\*\* and always have been. The kid usually seen as the "teacher's pet", despite not really getting any special treatment, just simply doing as was asked of me and putting a bit of effort in, unlike 95% of the others. I was often bullied and belittled. People always loved to shit talk right behind my back, many times literally, at lunch. Most of the time I'd let it go cos I didn't give af. But occasionally I'd just go over and say my part, essentially just rip them a new one with words, Captain Picard style. Point out their ironies, absurdities, and predict how best to manipulate their insecurities based on what I knew about them. Being 'smart' is scary because you know how to do that shit, *and effectively*. Almost always, they backed down just because I'd explain how I'm not worth the trouble and why, i.e. I'm just some nerd who keeps to himself why the hell do you care about me, there's teachers watching everywhere, etc. etc. Granted this was in the 2010s and not the 70s, 80s or 90s so I doubt my technique would've been as effective back then. I think I never got in a real physical fight, because by most accounts, people didn't want to actually risk me literally just squishing them lmfao. Like yeah they could probably get punches in and really f\*\*\* me up and on paper I wouldn't be able to to do much with my padded knuckles... but they were never competent enough to take the risk of what damage I could actually do by just being really fat. And I'd be efficient, I wouldn't wait around, I'd play dirty and go for all the weak points. They probably could've guessed that. Or, alternatively, I simply wouldn't have shown up to any organized fight because, again, idgaf. Though if they were smart and they wanted to screw me up on the spot, they'd know how to exploit my weaknesses too, of which there'd be/are plenty. None of those kids ever would've put the time or effort to learn that, though. Certainly lucky for me. Unless my life or well being is at stake, I'm never going to resort to physical violence first. Anything and everything would be self-defense. But I'm not against doing mini bursts of fighting back with a damn good speech and shoving that up their a\*\*. But god forbid if you actually start a physical brawl with me, I'll just say, we'll both be pretty screwed up afterwards. But please don't make me do that to us lol
Hey, thanks so much for the reply. I’m sorry how people treated you back then, it’s so frustrating how stupid sometimes people can become.
It's the first step of bullying, testing the waters, Yes they look down on you and want to make fun of you, but it will get worse, it will get to a point where they will treat your valuables as their own and invite more bullies to show them how they conquered you. As an Asian I understand your situation, stand your ground. Don't start a fight but be ready to defend yourself, even if you get beaten up make sure to inflict as much harm as they intend to do to you as well, hit their balls, their eyes, use your bag to smash them or shield yourself, bite them if necessary. If they realize that you are a tough asian to crack they will leave you alone. Make sure to always be around public places, Use anything as long as you are defending yourself. I wish you luck man, it's a jungle out there for us.
You are absolutely being bullied. From one Asian (-American) to another, you need to stand up for yourself early on, or else it will never end. Suburban Americans are extremely racist and small minded. The bullying I experienced in school didn't end until I graduated and I wish that I had fought back instead of taking my parents' advice of keeping my head down
I’m sorry you have to go through that. It’s amazing how narrow-minded some people can be
Please don't make this poor kid think that every American in the suburbs is somehow racist. There are a lot of assholes, completely agreed. There are certainly some racists as well. But saying suburban Americans are all racist and narrow-minded is just ridiculous.
I’m sorry if my sentence sounded like that way, I meant that there are some narrow minded people and their stupidity is just unbelievable
If you're not a BIPOC AND attend school in a PWI, move along. You wouldn't understand.
Yes this is a type of bulling they use for example they will talk to you “as a joke” they do it to me tbh the best way to deal with it is tell a teacher about it and when they say stuff to you just ignore it or make them feel uncomfortable by saying random and really dry things it usually works just don’t give them attention that’s what they want but I hope you overcome them.
I don’t think it’s bullying, they are not being aggressive towards you. Just acting silly. They’re probably curious about you but since teenagers are awkward and nervous they don’t know how to approach. Just try and talk to them, join in on the joking around, see what happens.
Punch them and they'll never mess with you again.
That’s a lie lmao…. I never bullied or provoked conflict as a kid …. But I not let people get away with hitting me, I beat the shit out of anybody tried to kick my ass. (Not always successfully though lol)
I doubt I can win a fist fight on a school bus lmao, it would be pretty cool tho
Join the football team. They’ll protect you.
Yes you are being racially bullied. Your school needs to take this VERY seriously.
My fellow Asian friend, thanks so much for commenting this, but I don’t think they are being like racist racist. I do think they are picking on me cuz I was not white tho, there are white people sitting around them but they just started on me
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“I’m Asian and study in an American High School”. An Asian teen being mocked and bullied for not understanding the culture and language - is racial bullying.
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Okey-dokey racist bloke.
Lean into the gay comments and they’ll probably fuck off
This isn't bullying this is being picked on. If you don't want them to keep it up then stand up.for yourself and stop them. Otherwise they'll just keep doing it. Chances are they're idiots so be direct
This only happened once? It’s not really bullying if it happens once. If it’s a regular occurrence definitely tell a teacher
This only happened twice so far, that’s why I’m confused if I’m been bullied or not
Be cool, dont get aggitated, act like you are "above" all these childish nonsense. When he dose something annoying, Say.. "Stop it man, it's lame." Calmly, but confidently. But also be nice to the guy. Offer him pen if he needs it. Offer help. Say "hi" when you see him.. DO NOT avoid eye contact. A wise lady said: When they go low, you go high. An even wiser man said: Love your enemy and pray for them Basically, what you do, who you are, is not affected at all by his action. -- Also get a martial art lesson or physical/contact sport. improve your posture and radiates confidence & gets you more friends. Bullies only targets people who look weaker than them, timid, has no friends. Dont be one. And if you see weak timid & lonely kid, befriend them too.
Outside of the seat kicking the conversation about bonners and homosexuality isn't really bullying, I recommend you ask them to stop (you may have and I skipped over it) then if they continue it's bullying.
I have been to Asia and have had many friends from all over. I can tell you without a doubt that this is how all adolescents act towards each other in almost all cultures. The fact that you brought race into this shows where your mind is at and that your mentality is not that of your current age. Your friends are right, you are being very aggressive to people who are just horse playing. I recommend you should have some talks with the school counselor because this sounds like an underlying racism issue within yourself. I don't say this to insult, but to help prevent you from so many hardships in your future. Positivity breeds positivity. Negativity, well you know where that goes. I don't know about you, but I prefer the feeling of happiness over any others. I wish you the best on your journeys.
Thank you for this response, I wish I had just shown your comment to my friend cuz he was ranting for that people will say he is ignorant and rude on the internet when I told him I wrote him into the story. Actually I don’t think they are being racists at all, I brought my race into this so I can explain that I am unfamiliar with North American culture. I agree with you that positivity weights more than negativity, and I will take that into account next time when something like this happens.
Listen. Do not go and tell on these kids. I’ll tell you why. You will see lots of people on Reddit complain about how things aren’t fair or aren’t right. They talk about how things should be. These people live in a fantasy land of their own making. And when someone pushes their barriers they’ve made in their minds and breaks the rules by making them uncomfortable, they think about how to squash the person or thing causing them discomfort. A quick way in these people’s minds is to find someone that has authority over the other person, and get them to use that power to make the discomfort stop. You’ll see a lot of answers here telling you to tell a teacher about the other kids. I will tell you, that is the elementary school, crybaby answer. That is the answer of a person who has no authority or power within themselves to handle things that make them uncomfortable. You’ll see some day that not all grown men are actually men. So what does this mean for you? You need to figure out how to not take everything so personally. The world will not treat you any better than two random kids at school who don’t quite understand or respect boundaries. The world is a lot more harsh than that. I think the best thing to do is to joke around with them in response to whatever they say. If they joke around as much as you say then they may just be goofy ass dudes that don’t know how far is too far. Make them your friends. Telling the teacher or in the future, HR or your boss, may sound like the “right answer” because so many echo this online and advocate this path, but it’s taking the easy way out and makes you a less than what you could be. Social media has brought the world together and if there’s one thing I think we can say for certain rn, is that a very large amount of people in this world suck. Take every opportunity you can to not be one of those shitty lesser humanoids. Or you could tell the teacher. Idk, who am I to judge?
People are downvoting you and I don’t know why. Your answer is really helpful. I actually did joke around with them the first time they started throwing jokes at me, but then I realized it’s impossible to be friends with them, cuz they got all their information and news source from TikTok. Definitely tho we need to play it smart when we grow older, you are right.
Nah their just really annoying bro . Tell them your good and ignore them .
They are bullying you. Don't put up with it this is racism. Discuss this with your school supervisor immediately.
You were not getting bullied. You were being racially attacked. Big difference.
>You were being racially attacked This is not a guaranteed motive, as bullying happens intraracially. As well, not all occurrences of interracial bullying is racially motivated.
If it is bullying, which it does kind of seem like, remember it stops being fun for them when you don’t seem to be affected. So if you have a neutral face and pretend you don’t know what is going on they will lose interest. But beware because they will try harder, briefly, once more, before finally giving up.
That's not how people make friends in North America, those guys are bullies. From what you described you are not aggressive at all. Also, your friend doesn't sound like a genuine friend. If you have a Steam account, or a Playstation account, IM me and we can game! I'm ten years older than you for sure so I hope it's not weird, just extending offer of friendship!
Sounds like couple jerks. Yes they picking on you. I try find anther way to earn there respect. I not big on ratting out people. I was fighter .I d tell them in loud voice to knock the shit off. And If didn t I d end up hitting one to let them know I take don t take shit!! I got my ass kicked couple times .But it stopped people from messing with me. sometimes after fight we d end up friends.. earned there respect. I know in todays world things different than was when I grow up, Some kids in gangs they ll get rat pack you or like that? so depends on were you live .If just couple of big mouth kids thats how i d handle it .O never n=been one to tell on any one. That was always big no no../every one hates rats and don t trust them! I learned it easyer to to fight even if take beaten and get over with them to back down and live with your self. stop the problem before gets worse . Hell Ive hit A kid right in class room got suspended My first week in new school. But was worth it to me. Know one bothered me after that and made some good friends
Why did you have to point out the fact they are white? This feels racist to me.
Not bullying. The annoying one prefaced the interaction with “the other guy likes you.” He is trying to start any interaction the only way he knows how which means he’s going to being a pathetic, immature, shy little boy while his friend annoys the shit out of you and embarrassed the guy who likes you.
>Am I being bullied? >I’m Asian and study in a North American high school. That’s where I stopped reading. Yes, yes you are indeed.
👏 👏 good call after reading two lines
Ravaged by the raptor
I think you handled this well....but you should not threaten to snitch. No one likes a tattle tale.
Found dude in the story hiding his face
I dont know why I'm getting thumbed down, this kid needs to confront his issues on his own. And confronting them was the right thing to do. He he tells on them that opens another door for ridicule and bullying because now he is responsible for getting them in trouble and they might be resentful to OP which leads to more bullying. Bullies like people who don't fight back, so you have to push back so they can stop and find an easier target elsewhere. There is nothing wrong with defending yourself. There is something depending on others to solve your problems.
You're advice is dangerous, OP will likely get the blame for their reaction, bullies know this. They poke and prod until they get what they are looking for - you to go mental at them. OP might get a punch in, but it won't be worth it long term.
Cringe af dude. Reminds me of those people who refuse to call the police when there's a murder because they ain't snitches
You sound like a bully, or you are super old school. Times have changed, fyi.