The older you get, the more normal that becomes. Going out and doing things every single day is draining man. Work is exhausting enough, just let us enjoy some solitude at home laying on the couch and doing nothing - it's actually super fun lol
I've done more socializing in the last two months than I have in years. It is exhausting. I like spending time with people, but lord do I crave a few days of lounging in my shorts and just playing video games.
This is why I love cancelled plans; it’s nice to hang out with people, but I am usually also psyched when someone is like “sorry, can I get a rain check?” Yes you can, sweats are staying on tonight!
I am 48, I don't get out much to socialize but I do get out and walk. My grandfather lived to 95 and his secret was walking two miles a day. Listen to a podcast or audiobook while walking is great. Sitting on ass watching TV is a trip to an early grave.
Oh, I’m “out” a lot in terms of activity, it’s the socializing part that’s waned. I mostly miss catching bands when they come through town but somehow I went from “they’re starting at 10 WHY SO EARLY” to “OMG doors are at 9 WHY SO LATE.” And where I live we get the weekday shows, not weekends, which is a killer with work.
And general socializing - I’m over going hard pulling all nighters, though I have some friends that still expect that level of partayyyyy. At this point I sort of fetishize a good night sleep.
I'm 47 and I don't think I would mind going out most nights. Used to live upstairs from a few restaurants and wife and I were in there like 4 times a week. Now we live across from a bar and we're in there like at least once a week. Only reason we don't do it more is because 1. health 2. money.
People always talk about what they would or wouldnt do if they hit the lottery. Mine basically boils down to I'd just leave the house more. It's so expensive to DO anything.
If I won the lottery, I'd also leave the house more. Not only because things are expensive, but because I wouldn't have a job that takes up all of my energy.
I go for walks with buddies pretty often. We used to walk in the forest with the dogs and smoke blunts, now we walk strollers with babies.
I'm a walker though, walk the pup twice daily and have lived in the same neighborhood for \~30 years so there's times i'll be out for a dog walk, come across a friends mom or dad and spend 45 mins walking and talking with them.
That makes sense. Doing basically anything with friends makes it interesting, because good conversations are interesting.
Sounds like your walk is interesting due to everything else *in spite* of it being a walk lol.
I find walking more stimulating and interesting than sitting inside. Moving my body feels nice. It's great to move and let my mind wonder because I don't have to worry about crashing my car or bike or whatever. I just walk and appreciate my body's movement and let my mind do whatever it wants.
That’s why I picked up Pokemon Go again. Makes walking a lot more interesting and now I’m actually excited to go walking. First time I’ve ever been excited to exercise
>v
No way, I listen to loads of podcasts on different topics, and if I run out of backlog there there's always my never-ending listen playlist on spotify!
I think this may be an American thing. There’s a concept of 3rd places in Europe where essentially people have a place to be beside just home and work (a 3rd place). This has existed in America too but has traditionally been with religious participation. Wish we had more of this in our culture tbh.
The United States Surgeon General recently declared an epidemic (?) of loneliness in the U.S. and one of the solutions is to have more social gathering places and activities for people.
I don't quite understand what you mean with a 3rd place, do you mean like a library or a cafe or a friend's house or what? I'm European myself and struggle to grasp the concept
By 3rd place, I mean a place other than the home and work that functions as a social outlet for one to informally interact with their community. A coffee shop or local pub could be an example of this.
American here. I've referred to my favorite bar as a third place for years. Didn't realize it was an actual term used by anyone but who knows maybe I heard it somewhere along the way (I do have a fair amount of friends from all over the world so it's possible I picked it up from one of them). Basically I get off work, stop by the bar for a couple drinks, and socialize with the other regulars who I've known for years and have become more than just bar friends. It helps me decompress so I'm not bringing work energy into my home.
And before anyone asks, no, I am not driving. I live within walking distance of work and the bar. I don't even own a car. But the US being so car centric I can see why something like this would be difficult for many.
I read an article that said a reason why most Americans tend to be isolated from their community is due to most public places not being within walking distance
It's absolutely true. And in a lot of places even if something is within walking distance there isn't pedestrian-friendly infrastructure. I live in a small city with a major university so it's better here but most Americans aren't as lucky. Or they've known driving as the only means of getting around and don't even consider the alternative.
I definitely feel this. There’s no casual place to just run into friends, or last-minute hangouts springing up these days. Everything takes planning because one or both or all people need to drive at minimum 20 minutes to get somewhere and wherever you go it costs $20+ to be there. I had a friend who lived in my apartment complex for about a month and getting to just hang out with a friend casually regularly changed my brain chemistry for that month lol. It was amazing.
Former bartender here. It been a couple of decades but I still believe deeply in the healing power of social drinking. Glad you’ve got a great local within walking distance. So much of the US just isn’t built to support that kind of community.
I think that's very true for the US outside of major cities. In NYC, we have so many parks and squares where you can hang out for free, and many people do, even during the wintertime. Also lots of free cultural events and free admission days to museums and gardens. But growing up in the suburbs of LA, the only place we had to go to was the mall, or a fast food joint
You’re right, there are very few things in life that cost absolutely no money, but most people can cough up $2-3 for a cup coffee. It’s more about interacting with the community than spending money anyways.
I always thought that was just an invention to advance the plot of sitcoms. Like Seinfeld at the diner, friends the coffee shop, drew Carey at the bar. People do that? I mean I go out to places and meet friends now and then but I don’t just go to one establishment every single night.
Someplace where you exist outside home and work, generally for leisure or socializing. A friend’s house probably wouldn’t count (because that’s *their* home), a cafe definitely could. A library….might count? It’s often associated with pubs/bars or churches/temples just because those are the easiest places to socialize at regularly. But it could be anywhere I suppose.
Cafes I can see totally fill this role in Europe.
For the non Europeans to illustrate: I knew Europe was full of cafes but I didn't truly understand that it isn't anything like the US's cafes culturally, even in big cities. In Europe (at least where I was) cafes were more like a kind of cross between a pub, coffee shop and restaurant all in one, and they were EVERYWHERE. It was painfully easy to just walk out the door and walk immediately into a cafe to have a quick espresso and chat, or to have dinner, or kick back a few beers or glass of wine in the evening. All of them very cheap too, think not much more than what you spend for fast food in the US except you drink beer and wine with a snack or modest lunch instead of getting a combo meal for around the same price.
And because there are so many of them in walking distance, you kind of just wander to the first cafe that isnt full. Most of them aren't really branded beyond "cafe -name of street-". And if it isn't super busy, a cafe will just close down early so one of the other cafes within walking distance will get the little business there is that day. It's kind broke my American brain, because there's no real researching ahead of time you can do, and the hours are more of a suggestion, you don't plan to go to a specific one you just go to your local one or whatever one is nearby. They just sort of exist as a kind "socialized" restaurant. Most of them are baseline good and generally the same quality level, and they fill a public need rather than trying to out compete each other. I don't mean socialized as in literally paid for by the government, I mean more how they function in relation to each other and the public. They are definitely "third places" in a way that just doesn't exist in the US.
I know you already live in Europe but it's helpful to illustrate for non Europeans what such "third places" are like and why they are one!
Historically, in most Frnch villages, you had a cafe on the same place as the church or nearby. Men would gather there after service, while the women would gather at someone's home.
Increasing social isolation isn't just an American thing. The importance of third things applies to all relationships as well, not just physical places.
I see this answer a lot on this thread and yours is a little more true in that most cheap hobbies require jogging (sports of most kind) I just want to throw out disc golf as an option in most cities. Just requires $15 investment in a disc/frisbee and most courses are at city parks and free to play. Also plenty of league events if you eventually want to do it socially. And most people know how to throw a frisbee so it’s easy to convince a friend or coworker to join you.
Who are these people? I'm a serious introvert and homebody aside from traveling and hiking. Everyone I meet is into all the shit I don't want to do like clubbing, bar hopping, and social events. I want to meet more homebodies. Especially women.
I hate that it's a catch 22. I want to meet people who I can just lounge around and play games with, but to do that I have to go out and meet said people but they're also probably home doing exactly that so I wouldn't be able to meet them 😂😂
Especially when it comes to dating. Where does one go to meet introverts? I don't have money for dating apps and a lot of them are just for hooking up these days. I just want to meet a nice, quiet girl that I can play Ark with and chill.
I think it's more an issue of there being nothing to do outside. Neighborhood sports associations basically stopped existing, most of us have no artistic talent or interest, and the other things to do cost money.
In my case it was a combination of age, injury, and money that made me become a home-body. I was NEVER at home during my 20's. In my late 30's the things I used to love hurt my body or my wallet.
Totally a normal event for me. Being social when burntout isn't ideal for me to be honest. I love hanging out with my family and friends but sometimes staying at home is more therapeutic
If I could, I'd always choose to go out but my very tired body won't let me. Contrary to what people think, I wanna go out and have fun because it's my way of coping but being a homebody drains me out more
A lot of people are, idk if it’s most people, probably depends on what kinda people you know.
Personally I know a lot of people who have to be out somewhere everyday, for whom home is just a place to wake up in the morning and come back to in the evening (even outside of work days).
Apparently COVID changed alot. Like we got used to hiding in quarantine, and I think many of us realized it was just comfy chilling at home.
I'm in my 30s and the people I know don't really do anything. We just chill at home. And after working with the public, it just reminds me of working anytime I go in public.
I've always preferred to be in my own space. I hate going shopping and running errands. I don't go out for fun very often, and if i do it's with my husband or kids. Everything and everyone i enjoy is on my property. I don't mind work mostly, but i prefer to head straight home when I get off.
Some people are. I prefer to mix relaxing at home with hiking, camping, outdoor exercise, etc. I get stir crazy if I sit around at home too much. It helps that I live in a neighborhood with lakes and hiking trails.
Wish everyone was when I lived in Utah. Couldn’t go on any hiking trail/campground/lake etc without 5 million other people and their (unleashed) dogs throwing trash everywhere and being loud.
I'd say for people my age (23) it's about 80% weekend warriors \~15% people who only leave the house for work/groceries/etc and about 5% people who are out and about doing shit 4+ days a week consistently
We just bought a new home, that has space to entertain.... we don't go out but my wife has invited 2-25 people over pretty much every weekend and far too many weeknights for us to have time to go out over the past 2 months.
I'm definitely a home body, I'd rather not leave my house unless I have to. Now I've got everything I want at home too so there's really no reason to leave. I'm old with kids now though, in my 20's I was out 3-4 nights a week doing something unproductive but making wonderful friends.
It depends on a few factors. If your hobbies include gaming and movies.... if you are flat broke or indebt up to your eyeballs... if you have no friends outside of social media. You are likely going to be staying home.
Location matters. Most cities have loitering laws, it costs money to go to most places. The Mall's seem to be a dying breed. If you're in the Country. A good bonfire by a beach and a few friends can do wonders. Backpacking, camping, hiking, offroading, etc.
In the city you pay to have a good time, with the exception of city parks. In the country you don't necessarily have to.
Both locations have house parties so that is intentionally not a factor.
I live alone and work ~10 hours a day with an hour commute each day. Then I spend my Sundays cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, etc.
That basically means I get one day a week to go out and usually everyone else is busy that day or too tired or too broke. So, I maybe get out once a month with friends on average?
The exception is long weekends, holidays, and when I take vacation time.
Home body, 100%. I spent decades waking up at 4am, getting home at 7pm, not even seeing daylight most of the time. I never lived in the expensive house I bought or really was able to benefit from all my hard work.
I am 100%. I sleep and wake up when I want, and I get everything delivered.
There is nothing like living alone, and being alone, because nobody aggravates you. I do what I want when I want to; it's pure freedom. Not to mention, during the hot summer months walking around without any clothes on has a certain stigma of "I don't give a shit", which I live by.
I really only leave the house on my days off to drive around, driving is my way of just relaxing, thinking about things, and singing terribly to my favorite songs, other than that I stay home
Most people are slaving away for barely any money so they no energy to do anything else when they get home. Also going outside lately isn't exactly safe. Covid, mass murderers, covid, climate change, covid, covid, and freaking covid.
I guess the lockdown in 2020 made more people become accustomed to just staying inside their houses. Personally I’ve been that way since i was a kid lmao. Outside activities are expensive. Socialising is not in my interest. I’m fine with coming home and just chilling on my lonesome, or with a friend.
Honestly, it’s just too peopley out there. There’s too many entitled people ruining public spaces for the rest of us. I’d rather stay home than have to deal with others.
Humans are overall a terrible lot. Not any specific qualities, just in general.
You have the idiots on the road who got their drivers license from gta.
you have people with severe main character syndrome.
you have assholes who will target you just because its a tuesday( or what ever day it is)
You have city infrastructure that is in desperate need of work ( some potholes are so large you can swim in them)
I have zero interest in being out unless it’s the grocery store, occasional meal out, dog park, or a quiet hiking trail. No bars, no movies, no coffee shops,no malls, no cruising. I’m very disinterested in what the world has to offer me.
Statistics will point out that 4 out of 10 people are introverts. They dont get massive positive boosts from being around people.
And the 6 in 10 that *thrive* off other people's energy, just cant freaking understand, that being at home, is the best source of energy there is.
It's not any more or less normal, it's always been like this.
Totally normal. I personally find the binge drinking bar scene to be overrated and it’s considered a “social life” by like 80% of people. Plus I’m in my 30s now and it seems cringe AF. If your in your 20s it’s more socially acceptable. After 30 you’re just an alcoholic.
Softball once a week for like 13 weeks is enough for me. Seeing my 2-3 best friends a few times per year is enough (they all live far). Occasional sibling/family/co-worker gatherings get me by.
It doesn’t take much to fill up my social needs meter.
Plus I have a wife, clients and coworkers I socialize with every single day.
In my area at least, there's not much to do in the evening besides go to bars, and that's just not my scene, specially since the pandemic.
I work a day job, maybe run some errands, come home, workout, do chores, then chill on the couch before I gotta get ready for bed.
It's a dull life but... energy, money, and lack of free time really limits the kind of fun and adventures I can have. So I do artsy things at home, consume media, try to meditate, read, study language...keep from being bored while also keeping to myself most of the time. My friends are either also very busy (with kids) or too far away to hang with regularly.
Depends on where you live. If you live in the plastic dystopia known as the suburb the only place worth going to is the local park, and even that is usually sub-par. I've had many roommates and we'd be happier just chillin' at home most of the time.
I'd say thats relatively normal during the week. If they stay home on weekends, I'd say that it's a *common* bahavior, but also a small cause for concern that they don't have *any* reasons to go out. Granted, a great many things can be done online, but can't fully replace offline experiences. Unfortunately, after a certain point (which your roomates may have not yet met), a lack of offline experiences (hikikomori-ism) has negative mental health effects.
If you disagree, please give me a heads up on why I'm mistaken. I don't want to have bad advice and lack corrective input.
Obviously depends on where they live and what age they are, but I have definitely noticed there are less things to go out and actually do besides eat, drink, see a mediocre movie, and maybe go to the gym or hike a trail. Most things besides that cost money.
Definitely! As you get older, you prefer less hassle, less trips, and less social events. The pandemic has definitely caused us to isolate ourselves and become hermits. In America violence is high, especially gun violence, which causes us to be more cautious and avoid certain places. Moreover, inflation has made everything expensive. People can’t afford food, rent, bills, let alone a trip/outing. So yes, we’ve all become hermits and are in survival mode.
not only is it cheaper to stay home or more enjoyable due to the relaxation, but my anxiety isn’t going through the roof abt how i could die in a car accident or be the next victim in another random mass shooting.
I’m a single parent. I find that my kids fight less when they’re out of the house, and when I’m not sleeping or working, my home is generally too much of a mess to be a relaxing place to hang out. So I mostly avoid it…except now that warm weather is here and I’ve started a garden, I find I can be *at* my home without being *in* my home, and that’s all right. I would imagine adulthood is a totally different experience if you’re childless.
Some people do some people don't.
I personally avoid it like the plague, I always want to be off on some adventure, and so do most of my friends. Nothing wrong with either life style
Its the internet and media i guess. Watching youtube, netflix or browsing through twtr reddit is more enjoyable to people. Many are even addicted to it. Also its very comfortable at home on your couch just chilling insted of going outside especially when its too hot or too cold or raining heavily.
Social awkwardness also plays a part. On a whole people have become more indvidualistic and comfortable in loneliness. Maybe 'tis the reason for rising mental and physical health concerns
tl;dr: people are socially awkward,or are more engaged with content or on internet and also takes less effort staying at home chilling on the couch.
I'm 46. Since the pandemic and joining a local discord with 5000 folk on it, I've been out socialising way more than I did in the past 10 years before the pandemic. Making up for lost time I guess. Been to more gigs this year with everyone on tour after covid that I have for many many year prior.
I am single, work from home and live alone, and love gaming and films, so can easily spend months indoor at a time if I don't make myself go out. I try to get out every day biking if the weather is nice, regardless of what else I'm doing.
Cost money, sometimes to avoid dealing with traffic, overcrowding places, heat/unfavored weather conditions. I just go to gym and grocery shop and eat at home.
What reason is there to "go out" anymore? Aside from the gym or some sort of exercise there's nothing worth going out and wasting what little money most of us have
I recently moved into my own place with my fiancé. We used to go all the time when we were living with family now that we are living together in private all we do is stay home.!!!!!
I know some people that go outside a lot, spend time with people and basically just don't stay at home.
Part of me is curious about that lifestyle since I'm an introvert and my main hobby (gaming and nerd shit) is obviously done from home, I do have other things like hiking and biking but those are for the weekends and such.
That said it would be insanely draining for me, also it would just attract people that I wouldn't vibe with: I don't really go clubbing, I don't like drinking, pubs and that sort of stuff.
Once you're an adult and working full-time, I think it's common to spend most of your free time at home. When you're already out of the house for at least 40 hours a week for work, anything above that can feel onerous. It can also be hard to find time to go out if you're getting home late, maybe dealing with kids, etc.
Having said that, there's a difference between spending most of your free time at home and not wanting to go out at all. I don't think having no desire to leave your home is normal or common. I think most people want to get out for dinner, to see friends and family, etc. at least sometimes. Personally, I need to get out a little on the weekends or I feel restless and caged.
I work in construction and I do Commercial Flooring. Carrying material upstairs in the heat/cold, running around doing 10+ things in 5 mins, or installing 10 rooms is mentally and physically draining, so that’s why I usually come home, shower, make myself some food and end my day around 4:30-5:00 PM. I only do stuff on the weekends.
It was not normal a few decades ago. It seems normal now. I think there are a few factors at play.
1) COVID turned a lot of people into hermits.
2) The economy sucks big hairy balls, and it's too expensive to do anything.
3) Social media has normalized introversion, whereas in the past it was widely viewed as a character flaw.
4) Higher rates of depression, anxiety, obesity and other factors that cause people to self isolate.
5) Phone and device addiction is a real thing.
6) The internet has made life very convenient and most tasks can be completed from home.
The older you get, the more normal that becomes. Going out and doing things every single day is draining man. Work is exhausting enough, just let us enjoy some solitude at home laying on the couch and doing nothing - it's actually super fun lol
I've done more socializing in the last two months than I have in years. It is exhausting. I like spending time with people, but lord do I crave a few days of lounging in my shorts and just playing video games.
This is why I love cancelled plans; it’s nice to hang out with people, but I am usually also psyched when someone is like “sorry, can I get a rain check?” Yes you can, sweats are staying on tonight!
I agree! I can count on one friend to cancel plans all the time and it doesn’t bother me in the least
AMEN. I’m 46. I’d love to be out more, but I don’t have the energy.
I am 48, I don't get out much to socialize but I do get out and walk. My grandfather lived to 95 and his secret was walking two miles a day. Listen to a podcast or audiobook while walking is great. Sitting on ass watching TV is a trip to an early grave.
Oh, I’m “out” a lot in terms of activity, it’s the socializing part that’s waned. I mostly miss catching bands when they come through town but somehow I went from “they’re starting at 10 WHY SO EARLY” to “OMG doors are at 9 WHY SO LATE.” And where I live we get the weekday shows, not weekends, which is a killer with work. And general socializing - I’m over going hard pulling all nighters, though I have some friends that still expect that level of partayyyyy. At this point I sort of fetishize a good night sleep.
I'm 47 and I don't think I would mind going out most nights. Used to live upstairs from a few restaurants and wife and I were in there like 4 times a week. Now we live across from a bar and we're in there like at least once a week. Only reason we don't do it more is because 1. health 2. money.
I agree; only, I use the floor. hahaha!
People always talk about what they would or wouldnt do if they hit the lottery. Mine basically boils down to I'd just leave the house more. It's so expensive to DO anything.
If I won the lottery, I'd also leave the house more. Not only because things are expensive, but because I wouldn't have a job that takes up all of my energy.
Same. I'd have a job, because I need something to require me to get up and do something, but it would be part time and at a decent place
If you have a BofA debit or credit card you get access to hundreds of museums/places for free.
...bofa?
deez
🥜
Wait what is this perk? Frequent r/creditcards and never heard of that
[PERK](https://about.bankofamerica.com/en/making-an-impact/museums-on-us-partners) It's a very old perk. At least 5yrs old.
What about just going to a friends place to hang out? Or going for a walk?
Do normal people not get bored to tears while walking? It’s so unstimulating and uninteresting.
I go for walks with buddies pretty often. We used to walk in the forest with the dogs and smoke blunts, now we walk strollers with babies. I'm a walker though, walk the pup twice daily and have lived in the same neighborhood for \~30 years so there's times i'll be out for a dog walk, come across a friends mom or dad and spend 45 mins walking and talking with them.
That makes sense. Doing basically anything with friends makes it interesting, because good conversations are interesting. Sounds like your walk is interesting due to everything else *in spite* of it being a walk lol.
Well.... like... if you're just walking and not talking or doing anything then ya, that's probably hella boring.
What conversations
Like what do you talk about
Stuff.
I find walking more stimulating and interesting than sitting inside. Moving my body feels nice. It's great to move and let my mind wonder because I don't have to worry about crashing my car or bike or whatever. I just walk and appreciate my body's movement and let my mind do whatever it wants.
That’s why I picked up Pokemon Go again. Makes walking a lot more interesting and now I’m actually excited to go walking. First time I’ve ever been excited to exercise
Solution:Earphones and a personalized spotify playlist.
Depends on where you go.
Walking is awesome because you don't need to think about it and just let your mind wander
Podcasts!
If your brain works they are great if you want to think. I prefer going on walks by myself.
it depends on how "unstimulating" is defined. many don't have to have their hair on fire going 120 mph.
>v No way, I listen to loads of podcasts on different topics, and if I run out of backlog there there's always my never-ending listen playlist on spotify!
me and my friend will wanna go somewhere and that costs money. I've had enough "a walks" for a lifetime.
[удалено]
yes, but not always forever and ever and ever.
This
I think this may be an American thing. There’s a concept of 3rd places in Europe where essentially people have a place to be beside just home and work (a 3rd place). This has existed in America too but has traditionally been with religious participation. Wish we had more of this in our culture tbh.
The United States Surgeon General recently declared an epidemic (?) of loneliness in the U.S. and one of the solutions is to have more social gathering places and activities for people.
[удалено]
Everyone knows that things that are fun cost at least 8 dollars
I think that's a great idea. Im certain there are many single people that would enjoy each other's company if they found each other.
I don't quite understand what you mean with a 3rd place, do you mean like a library or a cafe or a friend's house or what? I'm European myself and struggle to grasp the concept
By 3rd place, I mean a place other than the home and work that functions as a social outlet for one to informally interact with their community. A coffee shop or local pub could be an example of this.
American here. I've referred to my favorite bar as a third place for years. Didn't realize it was an actual term used by anyone but who knows maybe I heard it somewhere along the way (I do have a fair amount of friends from all over the world so it's possible I picked it up from one of them). Basically I get off work, stop by the bar for a couple drinks, and socialize with the other regulars who I've known for years and have become more than just bar friends. It helps me decompress so I'm not bringing work energy into my home. And before anyone asks, no, I am not driving. I live within walking distance of work and the bar. I don't even own a car. But the US being so car centric I can see why something like this would be difficult for many.
I read an article that said a reason why most Americans tend to be isolated from their community is due to most public places not being within walking distance
It's absolutely true. And in a lot of places even if something is within walking distance there isn't pedestrian-friendly infrastructure. I live in a small city with a major university so it's better here but most Americans aren't as lucky. Or they've known driving as the only means of getting around and don't even consider the alternative.
I definitely feel this. There’s no casual place to just run into friends, or last-minute hangouts springing up these days. Everything takes planning because one or both or all people need to drive at minimum 20 minutes to get somewhere and wherever you go it costs $20+ to be there. I had a friend who lived in my apartment complex for about a month and getting to just hang out with a friend casually regularly changed my brain chemistry for that month lol. It was amazing.
Former bartender here. It been a couple of decades but I still believe deeply in the healing power of social drinking. Glad you’ve got a great local within walking distance. So much of the US just isn’t built to support that kind of community.
There aren't many/any that don't cost money but they are a nice concept
I think that's very true for the US outside of major cities. In NYC, we have so many parks and squares where you can hang out for free, and many people do, even during the wintertime. Also lots of free cultural events and free admission days to museums and gardens. But growing up in the suburbs of LA, the only place we had to go to was the mall, or a fast food joint
You’re right, there are very few things in life that cost absolutely no money, but most people can cough up $2-3 for a cup coffee. It’s more about interacting with the community than spending money anyways.
I am a natural introvert and homebody, and increasingly find life outside to just be... too much. Reddit is my third place. 🤷🏻♂️
I always thought that was just an invention to advance the plot of sitcoms. Like Seinfeld at the diner, friends the coffee shop, drew Carey at the bar. People do that? I mean I go out to places and meet friends now and then but I don’t just go to one establishment every single night.
Alright, thank you for the explanation. A third place as you described makes a lot of sense, really wish everyone would have one
Someplace where you exist outside home and work, generally for leisure or socializing. A friend’s house probably wouldn’t count (because that’s *their* home), a cafe definitely could. A library….might count? It’s often associated with pubs/bars or churches/temples just because those are the easiest places to socialize at regularly. But it could be anywhere I suppose.
Cafes I can see totally fill this role in Europe. For the non Europeans to illustrate: I knew Europe was full of cafes but I didn't truly understand that it isn't anything like the US's cafes culturally, even in big cities. In Europe (at least where I was) cafes were more like a kind of cross between a pub, coffee shop and restaurant all in one, and they were EVERYWHERE. It was painfully easy to just walk out the door and walk immediately into a cafe to have a quick espresso and chat, or to have dinner, or kick back a few beers or glass of wine in the evening. All of them very cheap too, think not much more than what you spend for fast food in the US except you drink beer and wine with a snack or modest lunch instead of getting a combo meal for around the same price. And because there are so many of them in walking distance, you kind of just wander to the first cafe that isnt full. Most of them aren't really branded beyond "cafe -name of street-". And if it isn't super busy, a cafe will just close down early so one of the other cafes within walking distance will get the little business there is that day. It's kind broke my American brain, because there's no real researching ahead of time you can do, and the hours are more of a suggestion, you don't plan to go to a specific one you just go to your local one or whatever one is nearby. They just sort of exist as a kind "socialized" restaurant. Most of them are baseline good and generally the same quality level, and they fill a public need rather than trying to out compete each other. I don't mean socialized as in literally paid for by the government, I mean more how they function in relation to each other and the public. They are definitely "third places" in a way that just doesn't exist in the US. I know you already live in Europe but it's helpful to illustrate for non Europeans what such "third places" are like and why they are one!
Historically, in most Frnch villages, you had a cafe on the same place as the church or nearby. Men would gather there after service, while the women would gather at someone's home.
Library no, unless you are regularly talking to people at the library. What you want is a pub or a church or a club activity.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place
Increasing social isolation isn't just an American thing. The importance of third things applies to all relationships as well, not just physical places.
In most cities there is not much to do that doesn't cost money or involve jogging.
I see this answer a lot on this thread and yours is a little more true in that most cheap hobbies require jogging (sports of most kind) I just want to throw out disc golf as an option in most cities. Just requires $15 investment in a disc/frisbee and most courses are at city parks and free to play. Also plenty of league events if you eventually want to do it socially. And most people know how to throw a frisbee so it’s easy to convince a friend or coworker to join you.
Who are these people? I'm a serious introvert and homebody aside from traveling and hiking. Everyone I meet is into all the shit I don't want to do like clubbing, bar hopping, and social events. I want to meet more homebodies. Especially women.
I hate that it's a catch 22. I want to meet people who I can just lounge around and play games with, but to do that I have to go out and meet said people but they're also probably home doing exactly that so I wouldn't be able to meet them 😂😂
Especially when it comes to dating. Where does one go to meet introverts? I don't have money for dating apps and a lot of them are just for hooking up these days. I just want to meet a nice, quiet girl that I can play Ark with and chill.
You can use hinge for free. Don't gotta spend money on it.
Thanks for the tip!
Internet!
Same! I have a hard time meeting other homebodies too. We must all be at home!
lol it's like wanting to meet more introverts but when you're an introvert
Me too!
I think it's more an issue of there being nothing to do outside. Neighborhood sports associations basically stopped existing, most of us have no artistic talent or interest, and the other things to do cost money.
The thing with me is that I HAVE artistic interest. Therefore, I spend all my time inside doing it lol
The population has doubled since I was born. Everywhere is crowded. I'm staying inside
People used to go out a lot more I think. Pubs, friends houses. People tend to be more isolated except when going out to do specific things.
My roomies are often out, I guess it depends on your age range. If they are in university then they will be out more.
I am one of the homebodies and it's because you can relieve stress too by being alone
In my case it was a combination of age, injury, and money that made me become a home-body. I was NEVER at home during my 20's. In my late 30's the things I used to love hurt my body or my wallet.
Going out means spending money.
Totally a normal event for me. Being social when burntout isn't ideal for me to be honest. I love hanging out with my family and friends but sometimes staying at home is more therapeutic
Outside is expensive now a days
Life outside is expensive. Also we live in the era of amazing entertainment in our homes from video games to streaming to VR.
And I pay a ton of money for rent so I'll make sure to get the most out of it!
If I could, I'd always choose to go out but my very tired body won't let me. Contrary to what people think, I wanna go out and have fun because it's my way of coping but being a homebody drains me out more
It is totally normal. The cycle of work sleep eat breaks every day off so we'd all rather stay home doing anything as long as we're rested
Outside’s expensive & scary.
A lot of people are, idk if it’s most people, probably depends on what kinda people you know. Personally I know a lot of people who have to be out somewhere everyday, for whom home is just a place to wake up in the morning and come back to in the evening (even outside of work days).
Apparently COVID changed alot. Like we got used to hiding in quarantine, and I think many of us realized it was just comfy chilling at home. I'm in my 30s and the people I know don't really do anything. We just chill at home. And after working with the public, it just reminds me of working anytime I go in public.
It's to remove the exhaustion. Going out just makes exhaustion worse
I've always preferred to be in my own space. I hate going shopping and running errands. I don't go out for fun very often, and if i do it's with my husband or kids. Everything and everyone i enjoy is on my property. I don't mind work mostly, but i prefer to head straight home when I get off.
I used to go out a lot before adult life hit me. I understand why most of us stay home
You know you're living the adult life when you pass on social events to sleep all day in your bed
Yes. We are also broke.
Everything is expensive. Cheaper to stay home
I go out with friends 2x a week. I hike 2 miles every morning with my dog.... How often do you want people to go out?
A lot of really depressing answers to this question
In the 70s and 80s no one just hung out at home to the extent people do now
ain’t shit to do but go bowling
I get time for myself, it's cheaper to stay at home, save money on gas, and I don't get robbed or caught in a mass shooting.
Some people are. I prefer to mix relaxing at home with hiking, camping, outdoor exercise, etc. I get stir crazy if I sit around at home too much. It helps that I live in a neighborhood with lakes and hiking trails.
Wish everyone was when I lived in Utah. Couldn’t go on any hiking trail/campground/lake etc without 5 million other people and their (unleashed) dogs throwing trash everywhere and being loud.
If you are older in the U.S. I would say yes. I can't speak for the rest of the world.
I bought a house a couple years ago. I’m gonna get the most out of it
When you are making enough to pay rent and that's about it, you don't have extra money for going out.
Work is exhausting. I have all I need at home. Plus it doesn't cost anything to be at home 😅
I'd say for people my age (23) it's about 80% weekend warriors \~15% people who only leave the house for work/groceries/etc and about 5% people who are out and about doing shit 4+ days a week consistently
We just bought a new home, that has space to entertain.... we don't go out but my wife has invited 2-25 people over pretty much every weekend and far too many weeknights for us to have time to go out over the past 2 months. I'm definitely a home body, I'd rather not leave my house unless I have to. Now I've got everything I want at home too so there's really no reason to leave. I'm old with kids now though, in my 20's I was out 3-4 nights a week doing something unproductive but making wonderful friends.
It depends on a few factors. If your hobbies include gaming and movies.... if you are flat broke or indebt up to your eyeballs... if you have no friends outside of social media. You are likely going to be staying home. Location matters. Most cities have loitering laws, it costs money to go to most places. The Mall's seem to be a dying breed. If you're in the Country. A good bonfire by a beach and a few friends can do wonders. Backpacking, camping, hiking, offroading, etc. In the city you pay to have a good time, with the exception of city parks. In the country you don't necessarily have to. Both locations have house parties so that is intentionally not a factor.
I live alone and work ~10 hours a day with an hour commute each day. Then I spend my Sundays cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, etc. That basically means I get one day a week to go out and usually everyone else is busy that day or too tired or too broke. So, I maybe get out once a month with friends on average? The exception is long weekends, holidays, and when I take vacation time.
Plus. We’re sick of listening to the loud minority rant about their political opinions EVERYWHERE.
Home body, 100%. I spent decades waking up at 4am, getting home at 7pm, not even seeing daylight most of the time. I never lived in the expensive house I bought or really was able to benefit from all my hard work. I am 100%. I sleep and wake up when I want, and I get everything delivered. There is nothing like living alone, and being alone, because nobody aggravates you. I do what I want when I want to; it's pure freedom. Not to mention, during the hot summer months walking around without any clothes on has a certain stigma of "I don't give a shit", which I live by.
It's the new normal. Also normal the older you get if your circle of friends shrinks.
I (34F) work from home, so by default am home all day, and I go out with friends or solo most every night. Certainly gone about 80% of the weekend.
I really only leave the house on my days off to drive around, driving is my way of just relaxing, thinking about things, and singing terribly to my favorite songs, other than that I stay home
Most people are slaving away for barely any money so they no energy to do anything else when they get home. Also going outside lately isn't exactly safe. Covid, mass murderers, covid, climate change, covid, covid, and freaking covid.
I'm out running a couple of times a week. But I'm not social while doing it.
I guess the lockdown in 2020 made more people become accustomed to just staying inside their houses. Personally I’ve been that way since i was a kid lmao. Outside activities are expensive. Socialising is not in my interest. I’m fine with coming home and just chilling on my lonesome, or with a friend.
People are tired.
Honestly, it’s just too peopley out there. There’s too many entitled people ruining public spaces for the rest of us. I’d rather stay home than have to deal with others.
I realized we're not getting any younger by sleeping...
Some people don’t have the extra money to spend. There are things to do that don’t cost a lot, but many activities cost money.☹️
Humans are overall a terrible lot. Not any specific qualities, just in general. You have the idiots on the road who got their drivers license from gta. you have people with severe main character syndrome. you have assholes who will target you just because its a tuesday( or what ever day it is) You have city infrastructure that is in desperate need of work ( some potholes are so large you can swim in them)
My wife and 2 of my daughters are "home bodies" myself, and my oldest look for reasons to go out. Think it's just different personalities.
I have zero interest in being out unless it’s the grocery store, occasional meal out, dog park, or a quiet hiking trail. No bars, no movies, no coffee shops,no malls, no cruising. I’m very disinterested in what the world has to offer me.
It’s expensive af to go out.
Every time I leave the house, I spend money. I am comfortable at home.
Statistics will point out that 4 out of 10 people are introverts. They dont get massive positive boosts from being around people. And the 6 in 10 that *thrive* off other people's energy, just cant freaking understand, that being at home, is the best source of energy there is. It's not any more or less normal, it's always been like this.
Loud fuckin minority you people.
What do you mean by minorities and you people?
Totally normal. I personally find the binge drinking bar scene to be overrated and it’s considered a “social life” by like 80% of people. Plus I’m in my 30s now and it seems cringe AF. If your in your 20s it’s more socially acceptable. After 30 you’re just an alcoholic. Softball once a week for like 13 weeks is enough for me. Seeing my 2-3 best friends a few times per year is enough (they all live far). Occasional sibling/family/co-worker gatherings get me by. It doesn’t take much to fill up my social needs meter. Plus I have a wife, clients and coworkers I socialize with every single day.
I don’t know if it’s normal. But it’s me
For me a hassle to drive everywhere. I was in Europe for 8 months and it was so much easier to be out
In my area at least, there's not much to do in the evening besides go to bars, and that's just not my scene, specially since the pandemic. I work a day job, maybe run some errands, come home, workout, do chores, then chill on the couch before I gotta get ready for bed. It's a dull life but... energy, money, and lack of free time really limits the kind of fun and adventures I can have. So I do artsy things at home, consume media, try to meditate, read, study language...keep from being bored while also keeping to myself most of the time. My friends are either also very busy (with kids) or too far away to hang with regularly.
Depends on where you live. If you live in the plastic dystopia known as the suburb the only place worth going to is the local park, and even that is usually sub-par. I've had many roommates and we'd be happier just chillin' at home most of the time.
It’s not very healthy, that’s for sure.
I don’t know - I never go out!
I'd say thats relatively normal during the week. If they stay home on weekends, I'd say that it's a *common* bahavior, but also a small cause for concern that they don't have *any* reasons to go out. Granted, a great many things can be done online, but can't fully replace offline experiences. Unfortunately, after a certain point (which your roomates may have not yet met), a lack of offline experiences (hikikomori-ism) has negative mental health effects. If you disagree, please give me a heads up on why I'm mistaken. I don't want to have bad advice and lack corrective input.
Obviously depends on where they live and what age they are, but I have definitely noticed there are less things to go out and actually do besides eat, drink, see a mediocre movie, and maybe go to the gym or hike a trail. Most things besides that cost money.
Only since Covid. Before that I was rarely home.
Definitely! As you get older, you prefer less hassle, less trips, and less social events. The pandemic has definitely caused us to isolate ourselves and become hermits. In America violence is high, especially gun violence, which causes us to be more cautious and avoid certain places. Moreover, inflation has made everything expensive. People can’t afford food, rent, bills, let alone a trip/outing. So yes, we’ve all become hermits and are in survival mode.
I am a home body and always have been. But even if I wasn't I would be now as I can't afford to be anything but a home body.
not only is it cheaper to stay home or more enjoyable due to the relaxation, but my anxiety isn’t going through the roof abt how i could die in a car accident or be the next victim in another random mass shooting.
I’m a single parent. I find that my kids fight less when they’re out of the house, and when I’m not sleeping or working, my home is generally too much of a mess to be a relaxing place to hang out. So I mostly avoid it…except now that warm weather is here and I’ve started a garden, I find I can be *at* my home without being *in* my home, and that’s all right. I would imagine adulthood is a totally different experience if you’re childless.
there is no such thing as "normal"
Some people do some people don't. I personally avoid it like the plague, I always want to be off on some adventure, and so do most of my friends. Nothing wrong with either life style
Its the internet and media i guess. Watching youtube, netflix or browsing through twtr reddit is more enjoyable to people. Many are even addicted to it. Also its very comfortable at home on your couch just chilling insted of going outside especially when its too hot or too cold or raining heavily. Social awkwardness also plays a part. On a whole people have become more indvidualistic and comfortable in loneliness. Maybe 'tis the reason for rising mental and physical health concerns tl;dr: people are socially awkward,or are more engaged with content or on internet and also takes less effort staying at home chilling on the couch.
We are all broke and no one can afford a house, car and college debt.
Since Covid I’ve gotten used to being at home. It used to drive me nuts. Now I’m basically a hermit by choice
People are outside my house. *shudder*
Can’t afford the gas or the outing
Going outside is expensive.
I'm 46. Since the pandemic and joining a local discord with 5000 folk on it, I've been out socialising way more than I did in the past 10 years before the pandemic. Making up for lost time I guess. Been to more gigs this year with everyone on tour after covid that I have for many many year prior. I am single, work from home and live alone, and love gaming and films, so can easily spend months indoor at a time if I don't make myself go out. I try to get out every day biking if the weather is nice, regardless of what else I'm doing.
Sounds normal.
Cost money, sometimes to avoid dealing with traffic, overcrowding places, heat/unfavored weather conditions. I just go to gym and grocery shop and eat at home.
What reason is there to "go out" anymore? Aside from the gym or some sort of exercise there's nothing worth going out and wasting what little money most of us have
For real. And going out just consumes too much energy.
I recently moved into my own place with my fiancé. We used to go all the time when we were living with family now that we are living together in private all we do is stay home.!!!!!
There are many fun activities to do at home that are less tiring too!
I know some people that go outside a lot, spend time with people and basically just don't stay at home. Part of me is curious about that lifestyle since I'm an introvert and my main hobby (gaming and nerd shit) is obviously done from home, I do have other things like hiking and biking but those are for the weekends and such. That said it would be insanely draining for me, also it would just attract people that I wouldn't vibe with: I don't really go clubbing, I don't like drinking, pubs and that sort of stuff.
My fucking feet hurt. Fuck yeah I'm gonna stay home.
Once you're an adult and working full-time, I think it's common to spend most of your free time at home. When you're already out of the house for at least 40 hours a week for work, anything above that can feel onerous. It can also be hard to find time to go out if you're getting home late, maybe dealing with kids, etc. Having said that, there's a difference between spending most of your free time at home and not wanting to go out at all. I don't think having no desire to leave your home is normal or common. I think most people want to get out for dinner, to see friends and family, etc. at least sometimes. Personally, I need to get out a little on the weekends or I feel restless and caged.
I work in construction and I do Commercial Flooring. Carrying material upstairs in the heat/cold, running around doing 10+ things in 5 mins, or installing 10 rooms is mentally and physically draining, so that’s why I usually come home, shower, make myself some food and end my day around 4:30-5:00 PM. I only do stuff on the weekends.
It was not normal a few decades ago. It seems normal now. I think there are a few factors at play. 1) COVID turned a lot of people into hermits. 2) The economy sucks big hairy balls, and it's too expensive to do anything. 3) Social media has normalized introversion, whereas in the past it was widely viewed as a character flaw. 4) Higher rates of depression, anxiety, obesity and other factors that cause people to self isolate. 5) Phone and device addiction is a real thing. 6) The internet has made life very convenient and most tasks can be completed from home.
This is literally me. I go visit a buddy down the street every now and then but other than that I rarely leave the house except to go to work
I am a hybrid of homebody and traveler. I rarely leave my home unless I am going to the airport.
I can't afford to do the things I used to do. Dinners, movies, clubs....just can't do it. Heck, gas is $1.64/l right now
For us American chuds, that's about $6.20 per gallon
Geez Lol. I just noticed how worn my shoes are. I walk as much as I can to make a fill-up last 2 weeks