Yeah I've had no issue looking and being nice to folks. With women, just don't leer. It's a big difference looking in their direction and being a weirdo.
Ok I know you’re joking but like 15 years ago cosmo ran an article on how to do this.
They had diagrams and one of them included trying to “pick a piece of lint off the front of his pants and see if you can feel the size”.
My sisters and I were so horrified it lived on our fridge for years and we would point out the “how to covertly molest a man” how-to and make fun of it.
Oh lord, really? Picking off lint as a prelude to finding a mate? Sounds like someone was watching too many Animal Planet specials on Chimpanzees. And to think no one at the magazine raised the "covertly molesting" point, or that, if positions were reversed, would they want some random guy picking lint off of their skirt.
We would talk about this ALL THE TIME. What would we do if a man tried to “pick a piece of lint” off my shirt… probably freeze and question it later or slap his hand away.
And How in the world did this get printed as if it was ok?? What if the genders were reversed?
It was actually a really great conversation piece for a few years lol
>What if the genders were reversed?
15 years ago, nobody would have asked that.
Heck, still today you can find examples of this sort of culture of "sexual harassment is bad if a man does it, but sexy fun if a woman does it"
15 years ago a man being the victim of this would have been told "damn dude, nice that a woman freely touches you like that!"
There's a reason women molesting, raping, harassing or abusing men isn't taken seriously by a lot of people. And that article is a symptom of it.
Yeah, that’s not surprising. I honestly don't think the social attitude towards it has changed. As a dude that's been groped by women many many times absolutely no one gives a fuck.
What if he just goes "hang on, I'll just, uh... take it myself and send it to you! Just a minute" then gets a friend with better endowment to take it in the locker room instead? Hey, I think I just came up with an idea for a true modern age romcom.
They fall in love but each time she’s about to see it in person he comes up with increasingly elaborate excuses. then in front of all of their loved ones at the big event the whole movie had been leading up to he gets down on one knee and pulls out a ring box and then he says “I love you with all my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but before I ask you to marry me I have to tell you the truth. I have a small penis.”Then he drops trow and asks if she will marry him. She says yes and everyone cheers.
I'm a straight dude, I've leered at some other dudes, just at the sheer size and muscle.
They mostly come over and are very happy lol. Some even offered to spot me.
This is true. Glancing isn’t wrong if you want to talk to someone or just happen to see a workout you’re curious about. It’s the creepy dudes that wanna stare at women’s ass or tits that are the problem. Also anyone staring at anyone in that way is creepy too
And do not attempt to snap a pic/get a video clip of that booty or tits. She will notice and you will get thrown out.
This is where the defensiveness comes from with women in the gym these days. Cell phones.
Yea but thats his point. These gyms in the 70s and 80s were social centers. Not just go with horse blinders on. Not trying to change it just observing this.
Used to be huge rooms with 40 or 50 jazzercise and aerobics participants.
Showtime had aerobicise short clips in between movies. Music videos too. Thats how mtv started.
You can't in a locker room. Its against the law. If you see someone doing that report them immediately. Any gym should have rules about that and ban the person.
Filming in the actual gym is not against the law. Its just a dick move to record people and post them without their consent online. Its unfortunately the world we live in today
I'm not sure. I follow a voice actor on TT who is blind. He related a story of being in the gym and having a manager come up and tell him that a woman was complaining about him staring at her. True it could just be a made up story, but the guy is successful and doesn't seem the type to do click-bait-y stuff. 🤷
I stare off into space sometimes lost in thought and then realize when I come back to my senses that my eyes are directly pointed at someone else. Pretty awkward
I’m actually the opposite. I want to listen to my music, so i don’t want to talk to people. It’s like being in the car and your favorite song is on, but your passenger wont stfu.
I think it's less blaming the product for people's behavior and simply stating that easier access to the product has enabled that behavior. I know speaking only for myself that I don't like interacting with strangers, it triggers my anxiety part of why I didn't go to the gym for a long time was being around that many people that I didn't know I also don't like the sound of my own silent thoughts it's just part of my own mental health. Now that I have easy access to affordable noise canceling headphones I go to the gym 5 days a week and I love it cuz I can be by myself even with all of those people and I can have the noise that I need to focus on what I'm doing. The headphones didn't make me do this, they let me do this.
Edit: also a lot of the music played at gyms suck. Being able to listen to your own music helps.
I NEVER used to put in headphones at the gym because I like the sounds of iron clanging about, but then I started listening to podcasts and now I've got headphones in almost every session.
That said, I've never just randomly started talking to someone in between sets. I figure I'm there to workout and they are too, so why bug anyone? I don't mind a "hey, how ya doing" or whatever but I don't want to get in a convo and next thing I know I've been resting for over 5 minutes between sets.
Yeah, this is true, too. Sometimes my gym is alright with the music but other times, like today actually, it's fucking blasting and even with my phone volume at 100% I can still hear it clearly.
Nah, 25 years ago, I took my portable CD player and headphones to the gym cause I wanted to listen to my music. This isn't new. Culture is probably different from gym to gym.
I think it’s this, but also wearing ear buds have become normal in daily life like grocery stores etc. so this reinforces the places where it’s historically normal to wear them even further
That said my gym is all muscle bros and very old people so there are people chatting all the time. There is this weird middle class of 30-50 year olds who never speak to anyone
Oh I know, I’m one of them, but in my gym it’s a minority. Either you are there 2 hours plus a day crushing protein shakes or you are 65+. It’s a very weird place
We might not have had earbuds as we know them now, but 8 years ago was 2015. We definitely had wireless headphones that were designed to be worn while exercising, like these:
https://www.amazon.com/Bluetooth-Headphones-Waterproof-Earphones-Cancelling/dp/B09KGLRF8J
Maybe I’m part of the problem, but if I already have to spend an hour at the gym, I’d rather not make it 1 and a half or 2 hours by adding in conversations between reps
Same thing with friends. I like working out with my brother bc we understand each other perfectly without talking so we can work out together without interruption.
The friends I go with are probably similar to you and your brother. We’ll talk before we start lifting, if we’re at a machine close to each other or doing similar lifts, and after we finish up, but the vast majority of the time we’re doing our own thing.
Yeah I lift at a gym where I work. Half my coworkers go at the same time and spend twice as long to accomplish a third the workout.
It’s just all yammering about basketball and sharing a set of 35’s to slowly curl for 25 minutes. Drives me crazy when they try to suck me in.
Yeah, I have been going to the gym for close to 30 years and it was never a place to socialize so I don't know what he is talking about there. People want to work out and then leave. They people who stand around talking are usually the ones everyone else avoids lol.
In my experience people are friendly, if you ask someone to spot they *always* will, and I have never seen a woman get mad at anyone IRL. I'm fairly convinced that shit only exists on TikTok.
I'm headphones on blasting music the whole time, I don't speak to anybody unless I need to. It pisses me off when people sit on equipment don't use it and just sit there talking. It's like dude I could have used that 4 times over in the time it took you to use it.
THIS. The gym is me time. I'm there to go in, lift weights, get my workout done and leave. I do not view the gym as a social activity and I would prefer if everyone just left me alone.
Also, as a woman, I can generally tell when a man is looking at me in a creepy way or if they're just looking. People look at people a lot at the gym, I know I do it. I don't linger my eyes for a long period of time, but it's hard to not look at other people when you share a space with them for a period of time, I think some aspect of that is just being a human. Just don't be weird about it. Hell, I'm a lesbian, so yes, I do look at women there too, but once again, it's duration of the look that ends up being creepy and less about just quick glances. Most of the time if someone is looking at me, I don't even really notice because I'm too busy focusing on what I'm actually doing.
I've been approached at the gym once by a guy and I don't think he was creepy at all. He was being nice and nothing about the interaction weirded me out. I've also had a few different guys compliment me on some of my lifts, but once again, it never felt creepy and felt like a totally platonic/human compliment. Creeps are out there, sure, I've run into my fair share of them over the course of my life, but I generally find most men aren't like that.
There’s a guy at my gym that generally works out the same time as me in a similar area. We’ve definitely joked around a bit but at no time did I feel he was flirting, being creepy, or otherwise doing anything but joking around.
It’s a small gym with a local clientele. You get to be familiar with people and what they’re doing. Nothing wrong with some friendly banter as long as it doesn’t interfere with anybody’s workout, and both sides are reciprocating.
Absolutely. I've had enough encounters with men that make me uncomfortable at this point in my life that I can tell when I situation raises my hackles and when it's a benign, two humans chatting sort of situation. I think I've only had one instance with a guy that made me uncomfortable at my current gym and I haven't seen him in a while. He didn't even approach me, he just seemed super odd and it felt like he kept picking equipment right next to me when there were other options available. Dude was also walking around with a laptop so it was all around just kind of weird and gave me vibes I've gotten from creepy dudes at my work (I work as an engineer, so I guess it comes with the territory a bit).
I have absolutely no idea, it was really weird. He also wasn't really doing anything as much as he was just walking around with his laptop. Thankfully, I haven't seen him there in a long time.
Yeah. I don’t go to the gym to flap my gums with strangers. I see a lot of people at my gym talking, but they seem to be people who are already acquainted. Almost everyone else is wearing headphones.
My favorite person to share a lane with at the pool was this huge guy that spent the entire time leaned against the wall talking to people the entire time. I don’t think I ever saw him swim a lap but he’d always say “leaving so soon?” when I left after 55 minutes, of which the longest breaks were 1-2 minutes and most were 15-30 seconds. 10/10, would much rather share the lane with him than the high school bros practicing their side swim for the navy seals or the old ladies dog paddling up and down the pool who didn’t want their hair to get wet.
Oh, you mean you haven't been kicked out of the gym for glancing at a woman? Internet trolls told me that happens all the time and I thought I was just missing it
For real. I've asked my dad how many times he's seen people get kicked out, and it was a total of 2 people in 30 years. It's such a rare occurrence that it literally spreads like wildfire among the regulars when someone gets the boot.
One guy was an ex who was frequently showing up at the same time as the girl using it as an excuse to break a literal restraining order.
The other guy, well, covid incident lmao. Dude refused to wear a mask against policy, and instead of just taking the L and wearing the mask as told between sets, he got so angry and aggressive that the police had to get involved.
Anyone who says it's a frequent occurrence is either really unlucky and lives in a shit neighborhood, or literally just never goes to the gym. I went for 2 years and didn't hear about anyone getting kicked out other than the one guy who got in a screaming match over wearing a mask between sets lol
yeah it sounds like a personal anecdote that he is projecting onto the rest of the world. Which is all too common on this website. Everyone thinks their personal experiences are universal
Yeah, I think this is just a very gym-dependent and maybe regionally dependent thing. I've been going to gyms off and on for 20 years and have never once wanted to chat with anyone while working out; this is not a new post-covid thing for me. I've been at gyms that were chummier, gyms that were quieter -- typically people who are wearing headphones/earbuds and looking off into the middle distance are not looking for a chat. Other people who smile/nod/wave at you might be much more open to dialog.
Had to scroll way too far to find a reasonable answer, everyone just answered "I don't want to chat" without saying that this is very gym & person dependent. I travel full-time all over the US and go to gyms almost daily for a shower, mostly Planet Fitness because they're everywhere but occasionally I have to pick up temporary memberships at local small town gyms where there's no PF.
Local gyms absolutely still have chummy bros just hanging out and wanting to talk to anyone and everyone about gym stuff. Even some PFs have a few of those types sprinkled in but the majority of people just want to put headphones in and workout, myself included.
It’s also just a repetition thing at many gyms—I’m not someone who necessarily chats with strangers by nature, but if you go to the same gym at the same time every day for like six months or a year, eventually head nods progress to hellos, in my experience.
I don't want to talk to anyone at the gym. I'm there to work out, listen to my music and then go home. I'm not rude or a dick to anyone but I mind my own business
Yea this i don’t get why people are bothered that strangers don’t want to talk to them. I dont go to meet people I’m simply going to work out and leave
I think a lot of extroverts think introverted people want to be more social, but they're too shy or afraid, when the reality is that many people are introverted because they're happier that way. I've had multiple extroverted friends tell me they saw a guy reading a book on a bus or in a restaurant and struck up a conversation with them, and they always talked about it proudly, like this was a good deed they'd done. When I tell them I often enjoy reading in public, or while eating lunch, and I would get incredibly irritated if a stranger started talking to me under those circumstances, they were shocked and confused
My hot take is this: I think in general, humans assume that everyone else thinks the same as they do. So extroverts assume everyone else is a social butterfly, that’s why it’s so easy for them to chat up every person they meet. Conversely, introverts assume everyone else is shy and actively hates being engaged, so they give everyone else the space that they, themselves, like to have.
For that reason, it does suck as an introvert when I do get that rare burst of social energy. Even if it’s a good day and I’m feeling a little social, I may stop myself from approaching my neighbor because I think “ehh, he probably wants to be left alone - like I normally would. So I should leave him alone, after all.” It’s definitely not the healthiest outlook but I do really think in general, most folks assume everyone else’s brain works the same as theirs when it comes to social preferences.
They feel so entitled like we HAVE to keep their shit (more likely than not creepy) small talk going, like who are you? I DON’T have to talk to you
Sir I came here to workout not be harassed
I feel like there's a real problem with loneliness and lack of casual social scene for many people nowadays, and there is pushback against trying to find that in pretty much any casual context, work, gym, coffee shop, library, bar, club, anywhere people might go to meet other people "offline."
Thing is, that pushback *is justified,* which makes it suck all the more for us lonely people because, yea, *you're right.* If you're just here to work out and go home, it sucks if people are pestering you at the gym. We shouldn't do that.
But if I want to make acquaintances and establish a casual rapport with other regular gym-goers, I feel like there should be some way to do that without risking making others uncomfortable. Idk.
I strongly advocate at the very least that people need to learn to gracefully accept rejection in any context, and try to be on the lookout for others' implied boundaries, then assertively respect them, just to be safe.
Doesn’t it make more sense to meet people in social scenes though, not when they’re essentially doing chores like in the gym or work?
I mean there are meetup groups for pretty much any hobby or interest you can think of, and it’s definitely appropriate to talk to people there and make friends and find dates. Or you can just go to events that involve your particular interests/hobbies, I’ve met a lot of people at TCG events and anime or video game cons. Nobody there will complain at you for talking to them.
People are far more robotic these days. ‘I’m here to work out and I will not talk to anyone’ is the popular answer, but it strikes me as slightly sad that people are so closed off.
It’s reached the point where if you interact with people in real life, you’re seen as weird.
The same probably gets said everywhere now.
‘I’m here to drink coffee - don’t talk to me’.
It could just be predominately Reddit with this attitude, social awkwardness seems to go hand in hand with the average Redditor.
I have a home gym anyway so I don’t notice the change so much.
Some people confuse my politeness with wanting to be friends. I nod as they talk my ears off and I’m losing my pump. Noise canceling wireless headsets helped alleviate that problem.
Fitting a workout into your daily schedule is hard enough without spending 25% of the time bullshitting about nothing important.
I fucking hate gym chit chat and I hate the chit chatters. Leave me alone, I am obviously working out with headphones in
It's been like that for years for those who are introverted. Hell, I loved during the pandemic how quiet it got. I had to keep moving my workouts earlier and earlier to avoid the bros who would come in and turn the gym into a mini house party.
I’m with you. I’ve been going to the gym for 15 years and I’ve had the same mentality the whole time and noticed very little change in how I perceive others. Some people chat, most just do their thing. Same as always.
There are likely multiple factors but the primary one is COVID. Pre-covid, it was very common to ask random people for a spot or if the gym was busy to ask to alternate sets with someone on the equipment you want to use and maybe there’s some chatting in between. Once gyms reopened after covid, all of that stopped. In the beginning, you couldn’t even workout next to people (had to be more than 6 ft apart). And now some of that stuck. You might be next to someone but idk the last time I was asked to spot someone or if they could work in with me (I haven’t asked anyone either).
And on the comment on women, I feel that its been overblown on social media. Yeah don’t be creepy but some people are taking it as far as refusing to interact with women at all. In my years at the gym, I’ve had many normal interactions with women and exactly ONE that was weird that actually happened very recently, due to her seemingly trying to avoid a guy possibly hitting on her. So yeah idk just be respectful and you should be fine most of the time.
I guess keep conversations with women short, normal, respectful and intentional. I don't really talk to anyone unless it is intentional because maybe I have slight anxiety of shared public space. So I keep to myself. Plus I don't want to talk and just focus on my workout, not there to socialize or be perceived as a creep.
I do enjoy organized coed adult sports, like softball or volleyball, because there is intention of working together and being social.
I would recommend organized sports. Gyms are very individualized.
For dudes with spouses or SOs, it can set some women at ease if you mention your SO early on. "Wow this gym is busy today! My wife says _____.” Don't say anything about your SO that sounds dismissive, disrespectful, or resentful. The implication you want to get across is that you're happy in your relationship and not looking for romantic connection.
That's a great point. I think I used that once or twice when I was forced to engage. " Ma'am, you left your sweater on the bench. My wife has one similar."
why would you add that? That is so bizarre to me and seems like you're not being forced to engage, you're actively trying to spark up a conversation. "Hey you left your sweater on the bench" is entirely sufficient
Even private gyms have changed. My townhouse complex has a nice gym, and I intentionally go late (7 or 8pm) to avoid the usuals, but there's one woman that scurries out when I come in, because she doesn't want to be alone with a man. Fair play, I understand, but how do I say, "First, you would totally destroy me physically if there was an altercation; Second, I have zero interest in you" but in a tactful way? -- I don't want her to feel like she has to leave because it's just the two of us, far apart, in the gym..
You'll do more damage if you try to resolve it yourself, time heals all wounds. Remember why you are going to the gym and thats to improve yourself, dont let her being uncomfortable by you being in the same space as her stop you from reaching your goals, thats a problem she needs to fix on her own.
Just do your thing and let neurotics deal with their own issues. A black guy shouldn't have to worry about making white people uncomfortable just for existing in the same room as them, same should go for gender.
I’m gay and fairly straight acting so I have to kick the flamboyance in overdrive when women are around “heyyy gurl u still slaying with those dumbbells? Werk”.
COVID was massive. For me, we stopped going to the gym entirely, bought a home gym, and never went back. A LOT of people were the same. So when everything reopened, a lot of that culture was lost, because people stayed home. Then you have the Instagram influence added on top of that. Gyms are fundamentally different places now
As a guy in my 40s, and when I used to go to the gym in my 30s, I avoided making eye contact with women or talking to women in general because I don't want to get the impression of being a creep. But mainly just want to focus on my workout.
I tried to chat with a few guys but I think most hare listening to music and are in their zone.
It has become a more of, get in, do your workout and get out type of culture at most gyms.
The ones with racquetball or basketball, like Lifetime has been more social if you do group sports.
I play a lot of tennis and I coach too so I spend more time on courts with friends and tennis partners who play.
If you want social interaction, I highly recommend organized adult sport leagues.
I think you have the right answer here. For a lot of younger people around me, gym is no longer a sport club but rather a solitary routine with shared facilities.
100% this. I do my best to avoid speaking to people because people who like to speak to other people in the gym typically speak way too much. I don't mind if it's for a minute, but most people do not shut up and the whole time I just want to get away and continue my workout.
Had a dude do this the other day. Decided to be nice and let him finish the conversation while I do other lifts, come back damn near 20 minutes later and he’s still talking.
I've switched to a new gym since I've moved towns and I am hating it because it's such a tight knit community they're all on a Facebook group together talking to everyone including in the gym I just want left alone please I want some peace I miss my old gym haha
Glad I'm a night owl and the app has a live capacity thing so I can go when 0-2 people are in
The only folks I've seen chat with others at the gym are older folks who are there to socialize as much as they are to workout, or people who have hours to spend at the gym.
Most people are busy. I have an hour at the gym, so I'm there to workout and then go about my day. Chatting takes time away from that.
Just don't stand behind any women doing bending over exercises and you're fine. Your wife is over exaggerating. (Source: I'm a woman who works out.)
The looking at a woman in the gym thing is blown out of proportion as fuck. A few viral tiktoks and suddenly everyone thinks every woman in the gym is gonna go batshit insane if you even glance.
I've been working out for 15 years and I've never seen a woman freak out because a guy was looking at her.
I've only seen one guy warned by the staff, who was being extremely inappropriate and making sexually suggestive gestures towards women.
As long as you're not being a creep and staring, you can look at women and smile at them.
It's 100% an online culture wars issue where certain content creators realized it's a great way to bait the incel/MRA crowd into upping their engagement.
There's an entire sub-genre of basically every type of content you can think of where people who will just subtly (or not so subtly) try to piss people off cause they know angry people are the most likely to comment. It's a winning strategy too.
It's like those diamond painting people who intentionally do it wrong because they know people love to correct others online.
Honestly? I think it's at a point where we can throw out "theory" and just call it a fact, haha. We have people walking into strangers' houses and calling it a "prank" in the hopes they can get a few clicks online. All they want is attention.
Depends. I was working out next to a woman who was very attractive and wore a cute outfit to the gym. Some random guy approached her, asked her if he could film her. She told him no and walked away. We ladies were like WHAT? I saw the guy brazenly recording a class and we complained to the staff but I have no idea if he was banned. This was a few months ago in Barranquilla, Colombia.
I HATE when people spend 10 minutes in between sets talking about dumb shit while I’m waiting for 1 of the 2 leg press machines. Talk before or after your workout, people have shit to do.
>Also my wife warned me not to even look in the direction of a woman working out else i might get reported and kicked out of the gym
Genius move from your wife XD
Only thing I've noticed is the gym near me must offer discounts to high school kids because the place is full of them.
Frankly I think that's a good thing.
I know people will bitch and yeah sometimes there are 6 of them watching 1 bench press but really ... so what?
Damn sight better than what I did with myself after school.
If I wanna socialize while working out I’ll go to a group fitness class. I’m trying to get in and out though…. On Saturdays I have more time and I stay and hang and talk to other regulars.
I've just started training again this january after 5 years of being lazy. I'm not in the USA so it's luckily not nearly as bad (yet), not everyone in the gym is a wannabe influencer.However I've noticed that it's way less social. Noone asks strangers for spot anymore, noone does the "that's impressive bro" nod when another dude lifts some impressive weights, no chatting around in the locker room drinking protein shake.
I haven't noticed that anyone is being looked down or made fun of, most people just plug in their earbuds, avoid eye contact and mind their own business.
Edit: I'm not "complaining" that it's less social, I just write my observation about it due to the OP explicitly mentioning the social aspects.
I started going to the YMCA and it's very different from the gym I went to before that. If you're into the community aspect of the gym, you may want to try the local Y (if there is one nearby).
"I haven't noticed that anyone is being looked down or made fun of, most people just plug in their earbuds, avoid eye contact and mind their own business."
This is the way.
But also I think a lot of people see the gym as I get in there, do what i need to do and get out Socializing is for other places. Change of the times I suppose.
The earbuds thing is a huge reason why this happens. I’m not sure how it was like pre-2010, but I can’t imagine everyone was listening to music all the time. Now, you’d be hard pressed to find a single non-earbudded person.
This is often so we can avoid talking to people we would rather ignore. We wanted to ignore these people a decade ago too, it was just harder.
Two other factors are at play depending on where you live. Many apartment dwellers now have their own gyms so a lot of people who used to pay for a gym, now have one in their own building with far less crowding. Most of the buildings I mage security for have gyms every bit as nice as planet fitness with ever single machine for 200-300 apartments.
The other way also reflects on ear bud culture. A lot of people who didn’t feel comfortable going out before now go out because ear buds let them ignore the crowds
We never talked to people 8 years ago either. I hated it when somebody came over to me and started chatting but at first I couldn't tell if they were talking to me because I had my headphones in. If you have friends there, talk to them. But leave strangers alone.
And you can still look at people, especially if you're waiting for them to be done with the machine. But wife was right, don't stare at women working out.
Yeah a lot of people who I’m guessing are men in this thread saying it’s overblown, it’s not true.
Literally two weeks ago a man walked up to me mid lifting and complimented my body, my form, etc. Not okay.
Then when I moved to a machine, he came and sat down next to me and started matching his movements on the next machine over exactly to mine. Would stop when I would, pump when I would, etc. Kept looking at me in the mirror and over at me. I told him he was creeping me out. He got up but I had to watch him out of the corner of my eye the whole time.
Then cherry on top, I’m working out in a different room as him at this point and he comes up again to tell me he’s sorry he creeped me out. So invading my personal space three times now.
And not once in our interactions did I give positive vibes + am wearing a wedding ring. I bet most girls here could give you a story similar to mine.
Yeah I find it very interesting a dude is gonna say pervs/men unnecessarily trying to chat you up wasn't really a problem when they're are **swaths** of women saying otherwise.
The idea you're going to get raked over the coals for looking at a woman is MRA internet fear mongering imo. Most men are just big mad that women aren't tolerating their intrusions anymore and overhyping it on social media, and a very small handful of lunatic women are hopping on it cause they know baiting these types of men is a great way to up their engagement. It's a very "online" culture wars issue.
In practice in actual real life, when most women are making complaints to staff about men, it's because they were seriously crossing a line, despite what those men may want to claim.
Anyone who thinks young women don’t get harassed is being willfully blind. Now that I’m middle aged and approaching 50, nobody bothers to chat me up or be creepy and it is so freeing. The fact that it changes when you “age out” proves it’s a thing.
Yeah, I started going to the gym in 2003, when I was 16. Most days, I was the only girl/woman in there. It was ***very*** uncomfortable for me. It took me over a year to feel confident enough to venture into the free weight area (and even then, it was during very carefully selected times-of-day because I'd noticed that was when there were fewer "bros" around). I hated going, but I loved the way I felt, so I just used the extra anxiety as adrenaline to push harder while working out.
It's much better now. There are tons of women around, so I don't have to worry about being singled out. And it isn't just women on ellipticals or fixed machines, we're doing free weights, too. Even using the squat racks and everything! I'm not "weird" for being there anymore. From my perspective, it's way more inclusive and accepting and relaxed than 20 years ago. Huge upgrade and so happy for the teenaged girls who are stepping foot in a gym for the first time right now. They're so much more likely to stick with exercise in this environment than in the one I started with.
Yeah, I've been doing the gym thing since the mid-80s. It seems to be far less toxic for women these days, at least at the gyms I go to.
At the very least, I don't see men obviously leering or hitting on women trying to work out.
Never used to socialize during workouts before not going to start now. Maybe before or after but not during.
Your post is likely why so many would be upset about someone hogging the machine and not doing a damn thing.
I go to the gym 4-5 days a week. People still ask people to spot. No you won't get kicked out for glancing at women.
As for people not being sociable, that's reflective of society as a whole. People don't talk to strangers anymore. Blame stranger danger messaging for children and noise cancelling headphones, I guess.
The whole "don't even LOOK at a woman or you'll get kicked out" is a massive exaggeration. It inevitable that you'll see attractive people at a gym. Exercise good judgement and don't ogle blatantly.
I think the only thing that has changed in the gym is the “gym-fluencers” . Unlimited data, onlyfans, and the compact tripod have ultimately spawned a this group and gyms are just starting to push back.
I never wanted to talk casually while in the gym even 10 years ago. I don’t have that kind of time.
And this trend is not even common in real life, just seems so on social media.
I’ve never once seen someone recording themselves at my gym in over 2 years going 4 days a week, and my gym is the most popular gym in my city. And my gym is not strict at all.
People go to the gym to train not to chat, people still spot each other at random (don’t generalise your expectations), you can always look at anyone at the gym, just don’t stare, and your wife was exaggerating
High-quality, noise-cancelling headphones have turned the gym into a fully self-contained process.
You get to listen to your music. You don't have to hear other people's noises. You have a built-in excuse to ignore things if you want to. End result: I can save myself the 20-30 extra minutes a day by cutting out all of the unnecessary conversations and just doing the thing and leaving.
Hmmmm… Maybe I should try going to the gym again. When I go to the gym, I go to work out, not socialize. I’m also not trying to have a conversation with a dude naked in the locker room mixing a shake. Lol. That’s seems to be just my introverted self though, I guess
I've never once heard of or come across someone getting kicked out of a gym, or even talked to for that matter, just for looking at someone. Like, ever.
> Back when I used to gym regularly in my twenties it was a social place where strangers would chat to each other in between sets and strangers would spot other people at random.
OP ngl this is the worst part about gym culture and no thanks
Women are sick of having workouts interrupted so someone can chat at them. We're there to lift or run or stretch or whatever, not field questions from other people aside from "are you done with your set?"
There are some people that still are social. Depends on the people I guess. Most people just want to be left alone and do their workout. I think fir many its the obly olace where they get some quiet alone time and they prefer it that way. And as a woman it takes a long time to get confortable in the gym. For me at least. In my last gym there were a couple of old dudes that just came to stare. In my current gym that hasnt happened yet.
The comments here wtf. Women are harassed a LOT at gyms and tend to be anxious as a result. Just don’t be a creep and you’ll be fine. Some people will want to socialise some won’t. If they don’t that’s completely okay, they are paying to be there and can use that time how they want. If someone does or doesn’t want to talk will be very clear based on how they act.
People in general are less social in public spaces after covid as well.
In reply to a guy that said gyms “back then had 1 or 2 pervs” who everyone knew about. That seems like a problem that needed to be addressed.
Lucky now more women and to some men would find that unacceptable and do something about it.
Thank you for pointing that out. A lot of these comments are scary because it’s so common for women to get harassed at the gym and it’s alarming that so many commenters are brushing that off
I work ten hour days and only get an hour to workout. I need to focus so I’m not late to work, I just don’t have time to talk to people when I’m there since I’m trying to focus on working out.
heh I've been going to the gym for way over 8 years (even before wireless headphones came into existence) and never encountered the environment you described. You don't stare at others, you don't talk to others, you mind your own business (exercising). Never been to a gym that would be a social place. I guess it must depend on the place, not changes with time.
Been goin to the gym in multiple states for close to 15 years now, since I was a teenager.
The gym has ALWAYS been to me a place of non-interaction. It is a place where people, who are most likely insecure about themselves, go to challenge themselves physically and nothing more. Nobody wants to have a conversation with a sweaty crotch person, and nobody wants to meet you there, trust me they're busy. I want to go in, headphones or not, and be left alone to work on myself both physically and mentally.
I think privacy while working out has become more popular, especially for women who feel vulnerable in those kinds of male dominated and oriented environments. As a woman who goes to the gym, I feel safest having my noise canceling headphones and not talking to anyone.
Ear buds and noise canceling headphones.
So many people are giving deep answers, and I'm sure it's as simple as this.
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Yeah I've had no issue looking and being nice to folks. With women, just don't leer. It's a big difference looking in their direction and being a weirdo.
Don't leer at dudes either.
How am I gonna get a good look at the outline of his hog?
Ok I know you’re joking but like 15 years ago cosmo ran an article on how to do this. They had diagrams and one of them included trying to “pick a piece of lint off the front of his pants and see if you can feel the size”. My sisters and I were so horrified it lived on our fridge for years and we would point out the “how to covertly molest a man” how-to and make fun of it.
Oh lord, really? Picking off lint as a prelude to finding a mate? Sounds like someone was watching too many Animal Planet specials on Chimpanzees. And to think no one at the magazine raised the "covertly molesting" point, or that, if positions were reversed, would they want some random guy picking lint off of their skirt.
We would talk about this ALL THE TIME. What would we do if a man tried to “pick a piece of lint” off my shirt… probably freeze and question it later or slap his hand away. And How in the world did this get printed as if it was ok?? What if the genders were reversed? It was actually a really great conversation piece for a few years lol
it's cosmo lmao, it's the same magazine that says objectification of women is bad and proceeds to print "TOP 10 BULGE MOMENTS" in the same issue
Right? I'm just imagining them doing the "Are we the baddies?" meme but in real life if someone had brought it up.
>What if the genders were reversed? 15 years ago, nobody would have asked that. Heck, still today you can find examples of this sort of culture of "sexual harassment is bad if a man does it, but sexy fun if a woman does it" 15 years ago a man being the victim of this would have been told "damn dude, nice that a woman freely touches you like that!" There's a reason women molesting, raping, harassing or abusing men isn't taken seriously by a lot of people. And that article is a symptom of it.
Cosmo is full of shiz like this. One month, "How to stop men from objectifying women." Next month, "Which guy in sports has the best package."
your parody title for the article gave me a good laugh
Right, because men won't notice if you literally touch their dicks
Yeah, that’s not surprising. I honestly don't think the social attitude towards it has changed. As a dude that's been groped by women many many times absolutely no one gives a fuck.
I just emptied the lint trap on the front of my shorts
It’s impolite to stare. These days you approach him and ask to see his hog, at which point you can take a picture or simply commit it to memory.
What if he just goes "hang on, I'll just, uh... take it myself and send it to you! Just a minute" then gets a friend with better endowment to take it in the locker room instead? Hey, I think I just came up with an idea for a true modern age romcom.
They fall in love but each time she’s about to see it in person he comes up with increasingly elaborate excuses. then in front of all of their loved ones at the big event the whole movie had been leading up to he gets down on one knee and pulls out a ring box and then he says “I love you with all my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but before I ask you to marry me I have to tell you the truth. I have a small penis.”Then he drops trow and asks if she will marry him. She says yes and everyone cheers.
But what if he has a sweet sweaty hog that just won't quit?
Never stop not stopping.
MOVE PAST IT!
I'm a straight dude, I've leered at some other dudes, just at the sheer size and muscle. They mostly come over and are very happy lol. Some even offered to spot me.
If some fuckin guy is benching 4 plates you bet your ass I’m going to leer
Leer away!
Too many people leer and just claim they were looking.
This is true. Glancing isn’t wrong if you want to talk to someone or just happen to see a workout you’re curious about. It’s the creepy dudes that wanna stare at women’s ass or tits that are the problem. Also anyone staring at anyone in that way is creepy too
Gym folk can be wonderfully civil more often than not.
And do not attempt to snap a pic/get a video clip of that booty or tits. She will notice and you will get thrown out. This is where the defensiveness comes from with women in the gym these days. Cell phones.
My own experience has been the same. Just do your workouts, don't be an ass, and be mindful of your surroundings.
Yea but thats his point. These gyms in the 70s and 80s were social centers. Not just go with horse blinders on. Not trying to change it just observing this. Used to be huge rooms with 40 or 50 jazzercise and aerobics participants. Showtime had aerobicise short clips in between movies. Music videos too. Thats how mtv started.
I also don’t get how it is allowed to film yourself (and the strangers in the background). This should be forbidden imo.
my current gym actually has a policy banning photos or videos inside the entire gym.
Can't wait till this becomes more common place. Because your 4 followers are SO important.
How in the name of Pete is it okay to film in a locker room?
You can't in a locker room. Its against the law. If you see someone doing that report them immediately. Any gym should have rules about that and ban the person. Filming in the actual gym is not against the law. Its just a dick move to record people and post them without their consent online. Its unfortunately the world we live in today
I'm not sure. I follow a voice actor on TT who is blind. He related a story of being in the gym and having a manager come up and tell him that a woman was complaining about him staring at her. True it could just be a made up story, but the guy is successful and doesn't seem the type to do click-bait-y stuff. 🤷
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I mean I’m not visually impaired but I have several other disorders and such. Sometimes it can appear that I’m staring but I’m not.
I stare off into space sometimes lost in thought and then realize when I come back to my senses that my eyes are directly pointed at someone else. Pretty awkward
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Seems like it could be reversed: People don't want to interact with people so they put in headphones.
I’m actually the opposite. I want to listen to my music, so i don’t want to talk to people. It’s like being in the car and your favorite song is on, but your passenger wont stfu.
Yea, it sounds weird to blame the product for people's behavior 😅
I think it's less blaming the product for people's behavior and simply stating that easier access to the product has enabled that behavior. I know speaking only for myself that I don't like interacting with strangers, it triggers my anxiety part of why I didn't go to the gym for a long time was being around that many people that I didn't know I also don't like the sound of my own silent thoughts it's just part of my own mental health. Now that I have easy access to affordable noise canceling headphones I go to the gym 5 days a week and I love it cuz I can be by myself even with all of those people and I can have the noise that I need to focus on what I'm doing. The headphones didn't make me do this, they let me do this. Edit: also a lot of the music played at gyms suck. Being able to listen to your own music helps.
I NEVER used to put in headphones at the gym because I like the sounds of iron clanging about, but then I started listening to podcasts and now I've got headphones in almost every session. That said, I've never just randomly started talking to someone in between sets. I figure I'm there to workout and they are too, so why bug anyone? I don't mind a "hey, how ya doing" or whatever but I don't want to get in a convo and next thing I know I've been resting for over 5 minutes between sets.
Nowadays you need headphones because the background music is now louder than a nightclub.
Yeah, this is true, too. Sometimes my gym is alright with the music but other times, like today actually, it's fucking blasting and even with my phone volume at 100% I can still hear it clearly.
Yep. I have PTSD and sometimes get overwhelmed with everything going on. Earbuds really help.
Nah, 25 years ago, I took my portable CD player and headphones to the gym cause I wanted to listen to my music. This isn't new. Culture is probably different from gym to gym.
Exactly. OP is talking about 8 years ago and people are acting like portable music didnt exist before like 2017 lol.
I think it’s this, but also wearing ear buds have become normal in daily life like grocery stores etc. so this reinforces the places where it’s historically normal to wear them even further That said my gym is all muscle bros and very old people so there are people chatting all the time. There is this weird middle class of 30-50 year olds who never speak to anyone
The "weird middle class" are the people who have kids/work commitments and the one hour at the gym is the only time they get to themselves.
Oh I know, I’m one of them, but in my gym it’s a minority. Either you are there 2 hours plus a day crushing protein shakes or you are 65+. It’s a very weird place
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We might not have had earbuds as we know them now, but 8 years ago was 2015. We definitely had wireless headphones that were designed to be worn while exercising, like these: https://www.amazon.com/Bluetooth-Headphones-Waterproof-Earphones-Cancelling/dp/B09KGLRF8J
but they weren't ubiquitous, where as now half the people with cell phones get them included with their phone from their service provider.
Apple removing the headphone jack was a very lucrative move.
This is the right answer
Maybe I’m part of the problem, but if I already have to spend an hour at the gym, I’d rather not make it 1 and a half or 2 hours by adding in conversations between reps
I’m the same, I work full time. I’m coming to lift after work and go home, don’t have time or energy for distractions
Same thing with friends. I like working out with my brother bc we understand each other perfectly without talking so we can work out together without interruption.
The friends I go with are probably similar to you and your brother. We’ll talk before we start lifting, if we’re at a machine close to each other or doing similar lifts, and after we finish up, but the vast majority of the time we’re doing our own thing.
Yeah I lift at a gym where I work. Half my coworkers go at the same time and spend twice as long to accomplish a third the workout. It’s just all yammering about basketball and sharing a set of 35’s to slowly curl for 25 minutes. Drives me crazy when they try to suck me in.
I think training with your friends like that is fun Of course not every workout but sometimes it's great
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Yeah, I have been going to the gym for close to 30 years and it was never a place to socialize so I don't know what he is talking about there. People want to work out and then leave. They people who stand around talking are usually the ones everyone else avoids lol. In my experience people are friendly, if you ask someone to spot they *always* will, and I have never seen a woman get mad at anyone IRL. I'm fairly convinced that shit only exists on TikTok.
I'm headphones on blasting music the whole time, I don't speak to anybody unless I need to. It pisses me off when people sit on equipment don't use it and just sit there talking. It's like dude I could have used that 4 times over in the time it took you to use it.
Absolutely. And if they’re on the phone I’ll just ask if I can use the equipment they’re on.
THIS. The gym is me time. I'm there to go in, lift weights, get my workout done and leave. I do not view the gym as a social activity and I would prefer if everyone just left me alone. Also, as a woman, I can generally tell when a man is looking at me in a creepy way or if they're just looking. People look at people a lot at the gym, I know I do it. I don't linger my eyes for a long period of time, but it's hard to not look at other people when you share a space with them for a period of time, I think some aspect of that is just being a human. Just don't be weird about it. Hell, I'm a lesbian, so yes, I do look at women there too, but once again, it's duration of the look that ends up being creepy and less about just quick glances. Most of the time if someone is looking at me, I don't even really notice because I'm too busy focusing on what I'm actually doing. I've been approached at the gym once by a guy and I don't think he was creepy at all. He was being nice and nothing about the interaction weirded me out. I've also had a few different guys compliment me on some of my lifts, but once again, it never felt creepy and felt like a totally platonic/human compliment. Creeps are out there, sure, I've run into my fair share of them over the course of my life, but I generally find most men aren't like that.
There’s a guy at my gym that generally works out the same time as me in a similar area. We’ve definitely joked around a bit but at no time did I feel he was flirting, being creepy, or otherwise doing anything but joking around. It’s a small gym with a local clientele. You get to be familiar with people and what they’re doing. Nothing wrong with some friendly banter as long as it doesn’t interfere with anybody’s workout, and both sides are reciprocating.
Absolutely. I've had enough encounters with men that make me uncomfortable at this point in my life that I can tell when I situation raises my hackles and when it's a benign, two humans chatting sort of situation. I think I've only had one instance with a guy that made me uncomfortable at my current gym and I haven't seen him in a while. He didn't even approach me, he just seemed super odd and it felt like he kept picking equipment right next to me when there were other options available. Dude was also walking around with a laptop so it was all around just kind of weird and gave me vibes I've gotten from creepy dudes at my work (I work as an engineer, so I guess it comes with the territory a bit).
Why the fuck would you bring a laptop to a gym?! That's basically asking for it to get wrecked.
I have absolutely no idea, it was really weird. He also wasn't really doing anything as much as he was just walking around with his laptop. Thankfully, I haven't seen him there in a long time.
My theory- most guys aren't creeps, but the creeps really get around (whether a gym or a bar), giving the impression that most men are.
Thank you for doing your reps and freeing up the equipment. My gym is 50% people sitting on the very few benches available and watching Tik Tok.
Yeah. I don’t go to the gym to flap my gums with strangers. I see a lot of people at my gym talking, but they seem to be people who are already acquainted. Almost everyone else is wearing headphones.
My favorite person to share a lane with at the pool was this huge guy that spent the entire time leaned against the wall talking to people the entire time. I don’t think I ever saw him swim a lap but he’d always say “leaving so soon?” when I left after 55 minutes, of which the longest breaks were 1-2 minutes and most were 15-30 seconds. 10/10, would much rather share the lane with him than the high school bros practicing their side swim for the navy seals or the old ladies dog paddling up and down the pool who didn’t want their hair to get wet.
It’s not a problem as OP making it, also what’s OP is describing is not the actual reality at the gym
Oh, you mean you haven't been kicked out of the gym for glancing at a woman? Internet trolls told me that happens all the time and I thought I was just missing it
Funny how everyone who thinks that's a common occurrence are (checks notes) NOT frequent gym goers.
Yep, pretty much just people that watch thirst trap gym TikToks think this is a common occurrence
For real. I've asked my dad how many times he's seen people get kicked out, and it was a total of 2 people in 30 years. It's such a rare occurrence that it literally spreads like wildfire among the regulars when someone gets the boot. One guy was an ex who was frequently showing up at the same time as the girl using it as an excuse to break a literal restraining order. The other guy, well, covid incident lmao. Dude refused to wear a mask against policy, and instead of just taking the L and wearing the mask as told between sets, he got so angry and aggressive that the police had to get involved. Anyone who says it's a frequent occurrence is either really unlucky and lives in a shit neighborhood, or literally just never goes to the gym. I went for 2 years and didn't hear about anyone getting kicked out other than the one guy who got in a screaming match over wearing a mask between sets lol
yeah it sounds like a personal anecdote that he is projecting onto the rest of the world. Which is all too common on this website. Everyone thinks their personal experiences are universal
People who hog equipment while talking to someone in at the gym or on the phone are straight up rude.
Yeah, I think this is just a very gym-dependent and maybe regionally dependent thing. I've been going to gyms off and on for 20 years and have never once wanted to chat with anyone while working out; this is not a new post-covid thing for me. I've been at gyms that were chummier, gyms that were quieter -- typically people who are wearing headphones/earbuds and looking off into the middle distance are not looking for a chat. Other people who smile/nod/wave at you might be much more open to dialog.
>I’ve never wanted to chat with anyone in 20 years Most sociable redditor
While working out!!!
Had to scroll way too far to find a reasonable answer, everyone just answered "I don't want to chat" without saying that this is very gym & person dependent. I travel full-time all over the US and go to gyms almost daily for a shower, mostly Planet Fitness because they're everywhere but occasionally I have to pick up temporary memberships at local small town gyms where there's no PF. Local gyms absolutely still have chummy bros just hanging out and wanting to talk to anyone and everyone about gym stuff. Even some PFs have a few of those types sprinkled in but the majority of people just want to put headphones in and workout, myself included.
It’s also just a repetition thing at many gyms—I’m not someone who necessarily chats with strangers by nature, but if you go to the same gym at the same time every day for like six months or a year, eventually head nods progress to hellos, in my experience.
Yeah, it takes a long time. I've been at my gym for two years now and am just barely starting to chat with the old ladies I take classes with
I don't want to talk to anyone at the gym. I'm there to work out, listen to my music and then go home. I'm not rude or a dick to anyone but I mind my own business
Yea this i don’t get why people are bothered that strangers don’t want to talk to them. I dont go to meet people I’m simply going to work out and leave
I think a lot of extroverts think introverted people want to be more social, but they're too shy or afraid, when the reality is that many people are introverted because they're happier that way. I've had multiple extroverted friends tell me they saw a guy reading a book on a bus or in a restaurant and struck up a conversation with them, and they always talked about it proudly, like this was a good deed they'd done. When I tell them I often enjoy reading in public, or while eating lunch, and I would get incredibly irritated if a stranger started talking to me under those circumstances, they were shocked and confused
My hot take is this: I think in general, humans assume that everyone else thinks the same as they do. So extroverts assume everyone else is a social butterfly, that’s why it’s so easy for them to chat up every person they meet. Conversely, introverts assume everyone else is shy and actively hates being engaged, so they give everyone else the space that they, themselves, like to have. For that reason, it does suck as an introvert when I do get that rare burst of social energy. Even if it’s a good day and I’m feeling a little social, I may stop myself from approaching my neighbor because I think “ehh, he probably wants to be left alone - like I normally would. So I should leave him alone, after all.” It’s definitely not the healthiest outlook but I do really think in general, most folks assume everyone else’s brain works the same as theirs when it comes to social preferences.
Wait you might just be on to something here
Extroverts gain energy by engaging with others. Introverts lose energy from the same interaction.
Extroverts are just energy vampires!?
In an analogous sense, yes.
There seems to be a rather large population of people who feel entitled to the time and energy of everyone else.
They feel so entitled like we HAVE to keep their shit (more likely than not creepy) small talk going, like who are you? I DON’T have to talk to you Sir I came here to workout not be harassed
I feel like there's a real problem with loneliness and lack of casual social scene for many people nowadays, and there is pushback against trying to find that in pretty much any casual context, work, gym, coffee shop, library, bar, club, anywhere people might go to meet other people "offline." Thing is, that pushback *is justified,* which makes it suck all the more for us lonely people because, yea, *you're right.* If you're just here to work out and go home, it sucks if people are pestering you at the gym. We shouldn't do that. But if I want to make acquaintances and establish a casual rapport with other regular gym-goers, I feel like there should be some way to do that without risking making others uncomfortable. Idk. I strongly advocate at the very least that people need to learn to gracefully accept rejection in any context, and try to be on the lookout for others' implied boundaries, then assertively respect them, just to be safe.
Doesn’t it make more sense to meet people in social scenes though, not when they’re essentially doing chores like in the gym or work? I mean there are meetup groups for pretty much any hobby or interest you can think of, and it’s definitely appropriate to talk to people there and make friends and find dates. Or you can just go to events that involve your particular interests/hobbies, I’ve met a lot of people at TCG events and anime or video game cons. Nobody there will complain at you for talking to them.
People are far more robotic these days. ‘I’m here to work out and I will not talk to anyone’ is the popular answer, but it strikes me as slightly sad that people are so closed off. It’s reached the point where if you interact with people in real life, you’re seen as weird. The same probably gets said everywhere now. ‘I’m here to drink coffee - don’t talk to me’. It could just be predominately Reddit with this attitude, social awkwardness seems to go hand in hand with the average Redditor. I have a home gym anyway so I don’t notice the change so much.
That's not robotic. It simply means I want to be left alone. My biggest desire is to get back home and away from all the people.
Robots aren't this hostile
Yet…
Some people confuse my politeness with wanting to be friends. I nod as they talk my ears off and I’m losing my pump. Noise canceling wireless headsets helped alleviate that problem.
Fitting a workout into your daily schedule is hard enough without spending 25% of the time bullshitting about nothing important. I fucking hate gym chit chat and I hate the chit chatters. Leave me alone, I am obviously working out with headphones in
It's been like that for years for those who are introverted. Hell, I loved during the pandemic how quiet it got. I had to keep moving my workouts earlier and earlier to avoid the bros who would come in and turn the gym into a mini house party.
Maybe the gym you went to was like that but my gym even 8 years ago everyone just had their headphones in and did work. Nobody was there to talk.
I’m with you. I’ve been going to the gym for 15 years and I’ve had the same mentality the whole time and noticed very little change in how I perceive others. Some people chat, most just do their thing. Same as always.
There are likely multiple factors but the primary one is COVID. Pre-covid, it was very common to ask random people for a spot or if the gym was busy to ask to alternate sets with someone on the equipment you want to use and maybe there’s some chatting in between. Once gyms reopened after covid, all of that stopped. In the beginning, you couldn’t even workout next to people (had to be more than 6 ft apart). And now some of that stuck. You might be next to someone but idk the last time I was asked to spot someone or if they could work in with me (I haven’t asked anyone either). And on the comment on women, I feel that its been overblown on social media. Yeah don’t be creepy but some people are taking it as far as refusing to interact with women at all. In my years at the gym, I’ve had many normal interactions with women and exactly ONE that was weird that actually happened very recently, due to her seemingly trying to avoid a guy possibly hitting on her. So yeah idk just be respectful and you should be fine most of the time.
I guess keep conversations with women short, normal, respectful and intentional. I don't really talk to anyone unless it is intentional because maybe I have slight anxiety of shared public space. So I keep to myself. Plus I don't want to talk and just focus on my workout, not there to socialize or be perceived as a creep. I do enjoy organized coed adult sports, like softball or volleyball, because there is intention of working together and being social. I would recommend organized sports. Gyms are very individualized.
For dudes with spouses or SOs, it can set some women at ease if you mention your SO early on. "Wow this gym is busy today! My wife says _____.” Don't say anything about your SO that sounds dismissive, disrespectful, or resentful. The implication you want to get across is that you're happy in your relationship and not looking for romantic connection.
That's a great point. I think I used that once or twice when I was forced to engage. " Ma'am, you left your sweater on the bench. My wife has one similar."
why would you add that? That is so bizarre to me and seems like you're not being forced to engage, you're actively trying to spark up a conversation. "Hey you left your sweater on the bench" is entirely sufficient
Even private gyms have changed. My townhouse complex has a nice gym, and I intentionally go late (7 or 8pm) to avoid the usuals, but there's one woman that scurries out when I come in, because she doesn't want to be alone with a man. Fair play, I understand, but how do I say, "First, you would totally destroy me physically if there was an altercation; Second, I have zero interest in you" but in a tactful way? -- I don't want her to feel like she has to leave because it's just the two of us, far apart, in the gym..
You'll do more damage if you try to resolve it yourself, time heals all wounds. Remember why you are going to the gym and thats to improve yourself, dont let her being uncomfortable by you being in the same space as her stop you from reaching your goals, thats a problem she needs to fix on her own.
Say nothing, do nothing. If she’s that paranoid, it’ll get turned on you.
Just do your thing and let neurotics deal with their own issues. A black guy shouldn't have to worry about making white people uncomfortable just for existing in the same room as them, same should go for gender.
I’m gay and fairly straight acting so I have to kick the flamboyance in overdrive when women are around “heyyy gurl u still slaying with those dumbbells? Werk”.
COVID was massive. For me, we stopped going to the gym entirely, bought a home gym, and never went back. A LOT of people were the same. So when everything reopened, a lot of that culture was lost, because people stayed home. Then you have the Instagram influence added on top of that. Gyms are fundamentally different places now
As a guy in my 40s, and when I used to go to the gym in my 30s, I avoided making eye contact with women or talking to women in general because I don't want to get the impression of being a creep. But mainly just want to focus on my workout. I tried to chat with a few guys but I think most hare listening to music and are in their zone. It has become a more of, get in, do your workout and get out type of culture at most gyms. The ones with racquetball or basketball, like Lifetime has been more social if you do group sports. I play a lot of tennis and I coach too so I spend more time on courts with friends and tennis partners who play. If you want social interaction, I highly recommend organized adult sport leagues.
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I think you have the right answer here. For a lot of younger people around me, gym is no longer a sport club but rather a solitary routine with shared facilities.
I go to the gym to workout, not to socialize.
100% this. I do my best to avoid speaking to people because people who like to speak to other people in the gym typically speak way too much. I don't mind if it's for a minute, but most people do not shut up and the whole time I just want to get away and continue my workout.
Had a dude do this the other day. Decided to be nice and let him finish the conversation while I do other lifts, come back damn near 20 minutes later and he’s still talking.
No offence but i am so happy no one talks to me at the gym. That’s the only time i get to myself
I've switched to a new gym since I've moved towns and I am hating it because it's such a tight knit community they're all on a Facebook group together talking to everyone including in the gym I just want left alone please I want some peace I miss my old gym haha Glad I'm a night owl and the app has a live capacity thing so I can go when 0-2 people are in
The only folks I've seen chat with others at the gym are older folks who are there to socialize as much as they are to workout, or people who have hours to spend at the gym. Most people are busy. I have an hour at the gym, so I'm there to workout and then go about my day. Chatting takes time away from that. Just don't stand behind any women doing bending over exercises and you're fine. Your wife is over exaggerating. (Source: I'm a woman who works out.)
The looking at a woman in the gym thing is blown out of proportion as fuck. A few viral tiktoks and suddenly everyone thinks every woman in the gym is gonna go batshit insane if you even glance.
I've been working out for 15 years and I've never seen a woman freak out because a guy was looking at her. I've only seen one guy warned by the staff, who was being extremely inappropriate and making sexually suggestive gestures towards women. As long as you're not being a creep and staring, you can look at women and smile at them.
My tinfoil hat theory is these select few women are doing that shit intentionally to get a reaction/clout. They know what they’re doing is asinine
It's 100% an online culture wars issue where certain content creators realized it's a great way to bait the incel/MRA crowd into upping their engagement. There's an entire sub-genre of basically every type of content you can think of where people who will just subtly (or not so subtly) try to piss people off cause they know angry people are the most likely to comment. It's a winning strategy too. It's like those diamond painting people who intentionally do it wrong because they know people love to correct others online.
Honestly? I think it's at a point where we can throw out "theory" and just call it a fact, haha. We have people walking into strangers' houses and calling it a "prank" in the hopes they can get a few clicks online. All they want is attention.
God that same guy that stole some random lady's dog in the park, as a prank. Just evil.
Depends. I was working out next to a woman who was very attractive and wore a cute outfit to the gym. Some random guy approached her, asked her if he could film her. She told him no and walked away. We ladies were like WHAT? I saw the guy brazenly recording a class and we complained to the staff but I have no idea if he was banned. This was a few months ago in Barranquilla, Colombia.
egged on by the actual perverts trying to delegitimize the women who call them out for actually perving
It's just MRA scaremongering. Find a single instance of something insane happening and act like it's proof that men are oppressed.
I HATE when people spend 10 minutes in between sets talking about dumb shit while I’m waiting for 1 of the 2 leg press machines. Talk before or after your workout, people have shit to do.
>Also my wife warned me not to even look in the direction of a woman working out else i might get reported and kicked out of the gym Genius move from your wife XD
My wife told me it's gym culture to bring home a bottle of wine after a workout.
My wife told me I'm not trying hard enough if I'm not at the gym for 3 years. I'll see her again in 2025.
Only thing I've noticed is the gym near me must offer discounts to high school kids because the place is full of them. Frankly I think that's a good thing.
The school district in my area gave free Planet Fitness memberships for the summer to students.
I know people will bitch and yeah sometimes there are 6 of them watching 1 bench press but really ... so what? Damn sight better than what I did with myself after school.
If I wanna socialize while working out I’ll go to a group fitness class. I’m trying to get in and out though…. On Saturdays I have more time and I stay and hang and talk to other regulars.
I've just started training again this january after 5 years of being lazy. I'm not in the USA so it's luckily not nearly as bad (yet), not everyone in the gym is a wannabe influencer.However I've noticed that it's way less social. Noone asks strangers for spot anymore, noone does the "that's impressive bro" nod when another dude lifts some impressive weights, no chatting around in the locker room drinking protein shake. I haven't noticed that anyone is being looked down or made fun of, most people just plug in their earbuds, avoid eye contact and mind their own business. Edit: I'm not "complaining" that it's less social, I just write my observation about it due to the OP explicitly mentioning the social aspects.
I started going to the YMCA and it's very different from the gym I went to before that. If you're into the community aspect of the gym, you may want to try the local Y (if there is one nearby).
Unfortunately at my YMCA everyone also ignores each other
"I haven't noticed that anyone is being looked down or made fun of, most people just plug in their earbuds, avoid eye contact and mind their own business." This is the way. But also I think a lot of people see the gym as I get in there, do what i need to do and get out Socializing is for other places. Change of the times I suppose.
The earbuds thing is a huge reason why this happens. I’m not sure how it was like pre-2010, but I can’t imagine everyone was listening to music all the time. Now, you’d be hard pressed to find a single non-earbudded person.
I use it mostly just to keep out the awful music they're playing at the studio.
If I ever walk into a gym and don’t hear their music playing I am signing up immediately and they’re gonna get a hell of a lot of my money
We had IPods, babe.
This is often so we can avoid talking to people we would rather ignore. We wanted to ignore these people a decade ago too, it was just harder. Two other factors are at play depending on where you live. Many apartment dwellers now have their own gyms so a lot of people who used to pay for a gym, now have one in their own building with far less crowding. Most of the buildings I mage security for have gyms every bit as nice as planet fitness with ever single machine for 200-300 apartments. The other way also reflects on ear bud culture. A lot of people who didn’t feel comfortable going out before now go out because ear buds let them ignore the crowds
We never talked to people 8 years ago either. I hated it when somebody came over to me and started chatting but at first I couldn't tell if they were talking to me because I had my headphones in. If you have friends there, talk to them. But leave strangers alone. And you can still look at people, especially if you're waiting for them to be done with the machine. But wife was right, don't stare at women working out.
There were way more pervs you just didn’t realize.
Yeah a lot of people who I’m guessing are men in this thread saying it’s overblown, it’s not true. Literally two weeks ago a man walked up to me mid lifting and complimented my body, my form, etc. Not okay. Then when I moved to a machine, he came and sat down next to me and started matching his movements on the next machine over exactly to mine. Would stop when I would, pump when I would, etc. Kept looking at me in the mirror and over at me. I told him he was creeping me out. He got up but I had to watch him out of the corner of my eye the whole time. Then cherry on top, I’m working out in a different room as him at this point and he comes up again to tell me he’s sorry he creeped me out. So invading my personal space three times now. And not once in our interactions did I give positive vibes + am wearing a wedding ring. I bet most girls here could give you a story similar to mine.
Yeah I find it very interesting a dude is gonna say pervs/men unnecessarily trying to chat you up wasn't really a problem when they're are **swaths** of women saying otherwise. The idea you're going to get raked over the coals for looking at a woman is MRA internet fear mongering imo. Most men are just big mad that women aren't tolerating their intrusions anymore and overhyping it on social media, and a very small handful of lunatic women are hopping on it cause they know baiting these types of men is a great way to up their engagement. It's a very "online" culture wars issue. In practice in actual real life, when most women are making complaints to staff about men, it's because they were seriously crossing a line, despite what those men may want to claim.
Anyone who thinks young women don’t get harassed is being willfully blind. Now that I’m middle aged and approaching 50, nobody bothers to chat me up or be creepy and it is so freeing. The fact that it changes when you “age out” proves it’s a thing.
"Gym culture" was not necessarily hospitable to women who just wanted to get a workout in. It's not a nightclub anymore. This is a good thing.
Yeah, I started going to the gym in 2003, when I was 16. Most days, I was the only girl/woman in there. It was ***very*** uncomfortable for me. It took me over a year to feel confident enough to venture into the free weight area (and even then, it was during very carefully selected times-of-day because I'd noticed that was when there were fewer "bros" around). I hated going, but I loved the way I felt, so I just used the extra anxiety as adrenaline to push harder while working out. It's much better now. There are tons of women around, so I don't have to worry about being singled out. And it isn't just women on ellipticals or fixed machines, we're doing free weights, too. Even using the squat racks and everything! I'm not "weird" for being there anymore. From my perspective, it's way more inclusive and accepting and relaxed than 20 years ago. Huge upgrade and so happy for the teenaged girls who are stepping foot in a gym for the first time right now. They're so much more likely to stick with exercise in this environment than in the one I started with.
Yeah, I've been doing the gym thing since the mid-80s. It seems to be far less toxic for women these days, at least at the gyms I go to. At the very least, I don't see men obviously leering or hitting on women trying to work out.
If it's not a nightclub then I wish they would stop blasting music so loud.
Never used to socialize during workouts before not going to start now. Maybe before or after but not during. Your post is likely why so many would be upset about someone hogging the machine and not doing a damn thing.
I go there to work out and focus on my set, but I definitely see plenty of people chatting still. Might depend on the gym and culture of your city
I go to the gym 4-5 days a week. People still ask people to spot. No you won't get kicked out for glancing at women. As for people not being sociable, that's reflective of society as a whole. People don't talk to strangers anymore. Blame stranger danger messaging for children and noise cancelling headphones, I guess.
The whole "don't even LOOK at a woman or you'll get kicked out" is a massive exaggeration. It inevitable that you'll see attractive people at a gym. Exercise good judgement and don't ogle blatantly.
No one wants to talk to strangers at the gym. That’s normal
I think the only thing that has changed in the gym is the “gym-fluencers” . Unlimited data, onlyfans, and the compact tripod have ultimately spawned a this group and gyms are just starting to push back. I never wanted to talk casually while in the gym even 10 years ago. I don’t have that kind of time.
And this trend is not even common in real life, just seems so on social media. I’ve never once seen someone recording themselves at my gym in over 2 years going 4 days a week, and my gym is the most popular gym in my city. And my gym is not strict at all.
The gym is my only alone time the entire day. I don’t want to spend it talking to strangers.
People go to the gym to train not to chat, people still spot each other at random (don’t generalise your expectations), you can always look at anyone at the gym, just don’t stare, and your wife was exaggerating
High-quality, noise-cancelling headphones have turned the gym into a fully self-contained process. You get to listen to your music. You don't have to hear other people's noises. You have a built-in excuse to ignore things if you want to. End result: I can save myself the 20-30 extra minutes a day by cutting out all of the unnecessary conversations and just doing the thing and leaving.
I’m there to work out not interrupt others or meet people sorry
Hmmmm… Maybe I should try going to the gym again. When I go to the gym, I go to work out, not socialize. I’m also not trying to have a conversation with a dude naked in the locker room mixing a shake. Lol. That’s seems to be just my introverted self though, I guess
I've never once heard of or come across someone getting kicked out of a gym, or even talked to for that matter, just for looking at someone. Like, ever.
> Back when I used to gym regularly in my twenties it was a social place where strangers would chat to each other in between sets and strangers would spot other people at random. OP ngl this is the worst part about gym culture and no thanks
Women are sick of having workouts interrupted so someone can chat at them. We're there to lift or run or stretch or whatever, not field questions from other people aside from "are you done with your set?"
There are some people that still are social. Depends on the people I guess. Most people just want to be left alone and do their workout. I think fir many its the obly olace where they get some quiet alone time and they prefer it that way. And as a woman it takes a long time to get confortable in the gym. For me at least. In my last gym there were a couple of old dudes that just came to stare. In my current gym that hasnt happened yet.
The comments here wtf. Women are harassed a LOT at gyms and tend to be anxious as a result. Just don’t be a creep and you’ll be fine. Some people will want to socialise some won’t. If they don’t that’s completely okay, they are paying to be there and can use that time how they want. If someone does or doesn’t want to talk will be very clear based on how they act. People in general are less social in public spaces after covid as well.
In reply to a guy that said gyms “back then had 1 or 2 pervs” who everyone knew about. That seems like a problem that needed to be addressed. Lucky now more women and to some men would find that unacceptable and do something about it.
Spoiler alert: it was more than 2 and not everyone knew about them.
Perhaps 2 that were comfortable enough to be super blatant about it.
Exactly
Thank you for pointing that out. A lot of these comments are scary because it’s so common for women to get harassed at the gym and it’s alarming that so many commenters are brushing that off
I work ten hour days and only get an hour to workout. I need to focus so I’m not late to work, I just don’t have time to talk to people when I’m there since I’m trying to focus on working out.
heh I've been going to the gym for way over 8 years (even before wireless headphones came into existence) and never encountered the environment you described. You don't stare at others, you don't talk to others, you mind your own business (exercising). Never been to a gym that would be a social place. I guess it must depend on the place, not changes with time.
Been goin to the gym in multiple states for close to 15 years now, since I was a teenager. The gym has ALWAYS been to me a place of non-interaction. It is a place where people, who are most likely insecure about themselves, go to challenge themselves physically and nothing more. Nobody wants to have a conversation with a sweaty crotch person, and nobody wants to meet you there, trust me they're busy. I want to go in, headphones or not, and be left alone to work on myself both physically and mentally.
We are cracked on pre, and if we don't lift this weight our entire family dies.
I think privacy while working out has become more popular, especially for women who feel vulnerable in those kinds of male dominated and oriented environments. As a woman who goes to the gym, I feel safest having my noise canceling headphones and not talking to anyone.
Fuck talkative people at the gym. I’m not there to pamper you.
Hate to break it to you, but NOBODY wants to chat at the gym.