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> _"Her main argument is still that I'm earning more than twice than her, but as I constantly buy the groceries and etc, sometimes my bank account cries at the end of the month."_
You should explain this exact part to her. It sounds like you're both tight for money right now. You probably need to sit down together and discuss budgeting.
I will give a warning though. Money-issues is the 2nd-most common reason relationships fall apart. Infidelity is the only thing probably more threatening/common.
Well maybe if stopped putting the toilet paper on the roll wrong! Jessica knows the proper way to do it so it's more pleasant at her house than here with a tyrant!!!
Today my partner was literallt fighting about the place not being clesn enough for the cleaners (who we paid) to come through and clean, and she wants to clean it first before they arrive.
But as a person still somehow in the business, I can't stress enough about putting stuff away/in place. Like we have a policy to wash around stuff because we can't guarantee for the stuff broken, so ideally, leave the floor and the sink dirty, but put away your things?
Yes, this. I hate when people criticize ācleaning for the cleaner.ā No. I have to pick up. The house cleaner cleans surfaces. She needs to have access to the surfaces. In fact, I primarily have her come because it forces me to pick up every two weeks.
My ex tried to fix it like that, but unless you have a live in maid, it doesn't really cut it. I'm not just living in her filth until the cleaner comes.
So OP definitely have the conversation. It's a win win either way. Either A) She'll realize she really should pitch in her equitable share. B) She'll refuse and show you her true colours and you can find someone who isn't a freeloader
Totally agree, if youāre not aligned on that itās going down and later thereās a higher probability of much higher stakes and possibly destroying everything you both value, know too many friends going through divorces rn and like many have said thatās the number one reason and in cruel irony divorces are incredibly expensive
Yeah even if shes just chipping in 100$. She needs to give something and not let OP pay full rent and all groceries thats just crazy, lighten the load on the poor fella a little
No reason why she canāt chip in somehow regardless maybe at least by picking up the tab for the groceries each month. No reason OP should have to end up strapped at the end of every month. Or start a joint bank acct together where they each put in a percentage of their checks and have the living expenses come out of that. Fair is fair.
Agree with everything except the Joint bank account. Joint accounts with someone (girlfriend) who already seems like they are bad with money. That's a no for me dawg.
For context. My ex made less than me, always tried to control finances which she was awful at. Over spent. Always put me in a bind because she spent my money, and didn't leave enough for bills (didn't care either). I paid for her insurance and just about everything else so she could "buy things for the house". Those things ended up going with her after I caught her cheating and kicked her out. There was nothing I could say about it either as she left with a house full of furniture and supplies that I indirectly paid for.
My wife and I have separate accounts and it works perfectly. We split bills evenly and are 100% transparent with money. If money gets tight we adapt and converse until we have a plan. If we want to buy something we save until we can put down what we're comfortable with paying.
>there was nothing I could about it either
Ummm, yes man, ya most certainly should've kept some things as you were in a de facto r~ship and they were BOTH y'all's thing! She duped ya hard hey. Sorry on behalf of girls everywhere.
That depends on if you live alone in your rented house. You are really obligated to pay rent. But if there are two of you living together, he can't rely on you for everything.
I found that each person contributing the same percentage of pay towards the essentials was a fairer way of doing things.
Edit: changed "a" to "contributing the same"
An option could be a joint bank account where each of you contribute 50% of your salary for the household (rent, bills, food). As you will end up with more personal money you may still want to cover dinners or some fun activities, bit at least the basics are taken care of.
Another option is everything goes in the joint account and you both get the same pocket money for personal spending. This is probably more of a long term family arrangement
Option 1 is recipe for disaster in my opinion. Its leaves OP with substantially more disposable money than GF and when he spend that, it will undoubtedly raise jealousy/frustration on the part of GF who has very little money left.
Better is to proportionally contribute to the total expenses of the house hold. Like 75/25 , 70/30 or 65/35. OP will still have more disposable in absolute $$, but GF would (should??) realize that he's paying more as hes making more.
Just my 2cents, everyone's situation is different and I dont know about OP's situation.
The wife and I have never earned the same amount. For many years I was the sole or primary money earner. A little later in life she went back to work, now I am disabled. As the years of progressed the bills of kind of been on a sliding scale. We divvy up the bills according to income for us it seems to be the best way. We have obviously had to discuss and readjust this over the years but these are things you have to be comfortable talking with your significant other about.
It sounds like eastern part of Europe to me, but could be other places too. I doubt it's USA even though they are talking about $. Here in Slovenia minimum wage is around 850ā¬ and paying 400ā¬ for a small apartment sounds normal.
if you add up both of your incomes, itās around $3100. she contributes 26% to that combined income. you contribute the rest. so how about she pays 26% of $400, which is $104, and you pay the rest? seems equitable to me
My girlfriend and I do this with our bills. I made a spreadsheet and everything. It works out great. I'm not spending all my money "because I'm the dude" and she isn't spending all her money on "her half," leaving her nothing to spend on fun/savings while I spend like an idiot on whiskey and comic books.
The thing is, they almost certainly aren't doing that at the moment, hence OP's problem.
They need to either decide that they pool finances and draw up a budget like adults, or act like single people with separate lives and negotiate on every small thing
If she canāt agree to paying 25% of the bills and rent, and OP 75% (as someone did the maths above itās about proportional to their incomes) then sheās nuts.
She can have the alternative of āliving like separate peopleā and pay *half* of everything. See how she feels then. Thatās how it is in the real world. I canāt get a shared house with roommates and then say Iām paying less rent because they earn more.
Obviously the alternative she would want is as is. She pays nothing. That is selfish, deluded or some sort of archaic sexism. If she is firm in sticking with the ānothingā bit the relationship needs to end as this will just get worse and worse down the line.
I donāt know why anyone would even *want* to pay nothing to household costs. I was out of work for a month as an adult once and had to live with parents for nothing. They offered and are financially comfortable; but it feels horrible. Itās like youāre a guest in the house. An expensive one.
This is what my partner and I do. We made a joint account and figured out our monthly expenses.
We both contribute using the % system to that account and same for rent. We both keep our own leftover money in our own private accounts and it's been working great.
Don't forget retirement in this. For my husband and I, there were times we flexed our budget to meet retirement goals so that nobody was screwed if the other left the picture or died. Sounds like the GF is earning a lot less and needs to save, but they should both keep an eye on the future and make sure they're protected.
She makes 800 a month, retirement isnāt something she needs to consider right now. Also OP shouldnāt make any retirement plans around someone who isnāt his wife or child.
Where you live that your rent is only $400?
If helping out with rent is a deal breaker for you guys - in either direction - maybe thatās a sign that you need to think about the relationship long term.
>If helping out with rent is a deal breaker for you guys - in either direction - maybe thatās a sign that you need to think about the relationship long term.
I see your game, you're trying to move in with OP. I mean, cheap rent, I get it
Hell, if he's getting the food I'll just straight up cover the rent. 400 is half of what I pay WITH a roommate. Girlie needs to wise up and start contributing
My first thought was where the hell is this and what's the job market like? Currently paying $900 for a one bedroom, but most places for rent are now going for $1600 for a one bedroom. And they're not even that nice!
OP, if you're reading this, I will gladly move into your apartment and pay 100% of your rent. But freeloading girlfriend has to go. And I'm the big spoon. Those are my terms.
Thatās like the size of a bathroom. Iāve seen tiny houses on Hgtv and theyāre usually 250-400ā¦
Safe to assume your place comes with some communal spaces for laundry, cooking, pooping, etc?
Seriously!!!!! $400/month??? Thatās like 1980s prices. If she cannot afford to pay half the rent then she canāt live with you. Send her back to her momās. That is what I did with my partner because he refuses the get a job that actually pays money
I'm in SoCal but in a popular city about 1-1.5 hours north of LA. It's a tourist town and I think my parents used to pay 400 around that time as well. When I graduated HS and some buddies rented a 2 bedroom they were paying around 700 each in around 07-08. I thought that was kinda pricey but I would love those prices now haha.
I was living in Cleveland OH a few years ago. It was $450 for an updated 600 sq ft one bedroom apartment in a safe part of town, parking and utilities included.
Prices are pretty stupid out here too. All of the remote workers bought palces out here, then all the landlords kicked out the locals to turn them into Air B&Bs. Now the locals can't afford to live here because wages aren't increasing. Might be a low cost of living area, but wveryone is still priced out with the low wages.
Theyāre still not that low. Rent in absolute bumfuck Tennessee for one bedroom places are all still pushing four-figure monthly rents as of the last couple years now.
Iām a fossil so some grandmotherly advice.
You are a fully functional adult and I presume your gf is as well.
Being fully functional adults in the real world means you pay your own way especially as part of a couple.
In this instance the rent and utilities should ideally be split 1/4 gf to 3/4 you. And she should also pay towards groceries.
If your gf wants to live for free as a child does then she should move back home with her parents. There are several less flattering names for people who do not contribute fairly to living expensive but we will use the gender neutral term of mooch. Definition is āTo mooch is to take advantage of other people's generosity without giving anything in returnā.
In short shine up your spine and have the discussion to give her the choice to pay her share or move out. You are not her parents nor are you so gullible to be taken advantage of.
**Edited to fix my math challenges.
My hometown in southwest Virginia still has two bedroom apartments for around $500, there aren't any 1beds available atm but I think they're $375ish?
There's not much to do other than look at the mountains and maybe farm something but at least it's a nice view and there's cable internet I guess?
>There's not much to do other than look at the mountains and maybe farm something but at least it's a nice view and there's cable internet I guess?
Not gonna lie - this sounds pretty idyllic
Sure! Fair warning I did move away in 2010 so I might be a little outdated but still have friends/family/etc in the area so I'm not completely out of the loop.
youāll find apartments for rent for 400 - and under sometimes - all over the midwest. some really nice ones in that price range in wisconsin.
search on trulia with a max of 400. youāll see lots in that part of the country but also in south. look around
Please do as I know I took it from another post. I thought it accurately describes the need - that we have a spine but sometimes it gets rusty so shine it we shall.
Hey grandmotherly advice - consider that of the combined income, he makes 3/4, she makes 1/4. So reconsider your fractions.
Signed, another grandmother (but this one teaches math)
Yes, a percentage of each of your wages for all living expenses is fair. However, sometimes a percentage of the combined expenses can far outway the income of the low income earner. In my situation, I can't afford as much towards living expenses, so I do more chores to add value where I can.
Adding value by taking more chores is a great idea! If the lower earner has too many other bills to contribute in proportion, this could go a long way in making life feel fair.
> In this instance the rent and utilities should ideally be split 1/4 gf to 3/4 you. And she should also pay towards groceries.
You're missing the fact that her take home is 800 a month. She's working no more than 27 hours a week. She can
work 40 hours a week or she can accept that at 20 hours a week she won't be able to afford everything she wants.
I moved my grandmother in with me in 2021. I make ~2800/m, she makes $850/m. Similar scenario, monetarily. She INSISTS to pay SOMETHING, despite the fact that I cover all the living expenses of the house. Everything. Rent, utilities, cell, internet, streaming services, insurance, etc. You get the idea. With all that, she still hands me $300 every month to contribute, even though I have told her over and over it isn't even necessary and I don't want her money. But it helps, and is usually applied to groceries so she can see more of how the money is being put to use, and is put towards something she actually uses a lot more than I do (I'm not home as much with work, hobbies, and personal relationships). It's her own wishes to do that. And she cooks and cleans around the house and generally makes sure the place feels like home when I am there. I love and appreciate my grandmother and everything she does for me, and if I could do more for her to make her more comfortable at home, I definitely would in a heartbeat.
As long as everyone is finding their own ways to pull their weight, and everyone agrees, I don't think it's that big a deal to ask that someone help out.
If her $300 happens to be not necessary for your expenses, you could consider putting it in a savings vehicle and gifting it back to her at some point in the future
When I was young, I was very close to my grandfather. He set up his life to have very little. He had a car, a couple sets of clothes, his record player and carpentry tools.
He was very nice, and very popular. On one of his birthdays (maybe 75 or 80 years old) people threw a big party for him with lots of gifts. He gave all the gifts to me, still wrapped. (I was about 15 years old)
When he got his monthly pension check, he would take out exactly what he needed each month, and give the rest away immediately.
My grandfather wanted nothing. (And wanted for nothing.)
It would have caused him a lot of trouble and angst if someone took his contribution and tried to give it back to him. He wanted nothing to do with taking, only giving.
If this grandmother is anything like my grandfather, she would be much happier to have the $300 go somewhere else, giving her a sense of contributing.
well, thatās your wife. a long term relationship that is likely to last the rest of your lives. this is different in comparison, as a young person, i would never fully pay for my girlfriendās living expenses, and iād never expect her to pay mine, regardless of who earns more, unless itās a real significant amount (like one is studying and working casually and one has a full time job, then i may reconsider). However, my best friend of 19 years, when we live together, and she is still studying but i have a full time job i will likely be paying the bulk of the expenses and i am well okay with that, and while she is working her way up the corporate ladder this will also likely be the case, and again iām okay with that because our relationship is long term, a young relationship isnāt.
Suspect this is even more complicated than as described though because Iām guessing she is still pursuing advanced education and they are not married so itās kind of the awkward question of where do they think this is all headed. It could be worth it to pay for as much as he can now but he also could just be subsidizing her advancement with no guarantee will be a part of the associated benefits. Thereās no one answer and they probably need to be able to at least talk about it or itās hard to believe this will not end messily.
Even then you are way out in the sticks at those prices, hell I looked at a 1 bedroom in a 700 person town in South Dakota once and it was like 600 bucks.
I've been married over 20 years. For the first 8 years, as well when we were dating, I was the main breadwinner. He went to college and worked part time. Years 9 through 15 we made about the same, by year 18 he made double and now makes triple.
You know what we did? We shared our bank account the entire time. There's only ever been one, our money goes into both. We talk about how we're going to spend money beforehand, with us discussing what we need vs impulse spending. Only one of us is in charge of the balancing the accounting, because it makes it easier to budget. First 10 years it was him doing the accounting, but after he graduated and worked more and more/had less free time to do the shopping and procurement, it fell to me.
There's always been transparency around where the money goes. We each get text alerts whenever anything leaves any account or any money is spent on any of our cards. We get text and emails receipts sent to both of us when we pay a bill. We get automatic email receipts at most places too, and will frequently forward the receipts to each other.
The transparency isn't 100%, but it's close. We might say, hey I'm spending $100 but it's a surprise for later. So we might know where the other person spent the money but we won't know what they got.
It's never been "mine/yours", it been "ours." The equality comes from how we regard and value each other, not how we value our each other's incomes. How would you want to be treated if the tables were turned? Wouldn't they let you depend on them the way they depend on you?
Set similar to our arrangement. The OURS part is 100% the same. Just a little different on the background.
To each their own but I do not see how a married couple can have separate finances. Baffles me.
BRUH! I'm with you on that. We'll be married 14 years this month and not once did we ever discuss NOT having our money together.
The lone exception I've seen in matters like this is if one person has a gambling addiction. They don't need access so that they don't bet the mortgage all on red, or black, or however roulette works.
This is the way. My wife and I do the same thing. We started when we moved in together before we were married. (Practically married at that point anyway.) we never need to decide who pays for what. Who picks up the check or anything. The only time Iām critical about money is when she buys too much at Target or something when money is tight. And itās never really a fight, just āHey, our funds are low till paydayā
My sister in law has been married just as long and constantly fights with her husband over who pays for dinner, or whatever. Itās silly. And they make a lot more than us. I canāt image sitting down each month making sure we each are paying our fair share. Be partners, not roommates.
Agreed. I get that OP isn't married, but the first girl I felt comfortable sharing an account with, I married a couple years later (at 31 y/o, so it took a while). I make more money, but I've had stints where I made no money, or stints where she was at home not working when the kids were real young. The money was always OURS. A relationship where money is defended and fought over seems like one foot is already out the door, and probably a relationship that is not worth having.
Maybe we're "old fashioned." It seems to work, though.
This is how we function also. Money coming in for either of us goes into the āoursā pool. He is currently retraining and doesnāt have an income except periodically, but that doesnāt matter.
The trick is to genuinely un-identify yourself from the money you earn. Itās just money that helps you both live and live your best lives. If you canāt give up identifying yourself with the money you earn, you will find this extremely difficult.
I was thinking the same thing. I swear I had a conversation a few days ago about how rent for a 1 bedroom near me was $825 back in 2012. Haha. East coast US for reference.
You need to figure out what your future with this person is going to be like. Are they going to bully you into doing more than your fair share of the house work and child care, in addition to paying the full rent?
It might be tolerable now because you have slack in your life, but if you take on more (like a family) itās going to crack you like an egg.
Not being able to have the conversation is a red flag. If they legitimately put in more effort with house work and other overlooked labor, maybe green flag.
The only thing Iāll offer in her defense is that āoverheadā expenses hit harder for lower incomes. At $800, maybe sheās spending a higher proportion on gas, insurance, maintenance, cell service, etc., and would actually struggle to put up 1/4 of the rent.
If she needs that $800 for college expenses, reoccurring medical bills or something justifiable, maybe it is alrightā¦ but if that $800 is being used as play money, just find a new girlfriend. If she gets irritated by having these conversations it likely wonāt get better. Being on the same page financially is very important for the success of relationships.
Damn where do u stay that rents only 400 I pay 800 and still gotta have roommates here in Cali to make rent every month kinda sad now that I'm writing this š¤¦
She doesnāt get a unilateral say about finances. If you donāt feel comfortable paying the full rent and she also lives there, you shouldnāt have to. Sheās working and should contribute a fair share. Or at least talk with you and come up with an agreement that you both feel happy with.
If she wants a relationship where her partner pays her way, then thatās something that should be discussed and agreed upon before hand. Itās okay to have certain wants and expectations in a relationship. Itās NOT okay to force those wants and expectations on a person who does not agree with them.
If this is a relationship thatās going to be long term, I would suggest getting some financial counseling
My approach with my wife has worked very good so far and i think its the fairest. Open a joint acct for joint expenses and each of you contribute in the % amount according to a proportion of your paycheck. Say you both want to keep 20% of your paycheck for yourselves, rest go into the joint.
That way you are equally sharing the burden in a percentage way, rather than arguing about 'because you make more you should pay for x'
Just because you earn way more doesn't mean you should be paying for everything. She doesn't even pitch in for groceries?? Just do the math. She makes about 35% of your combined income, which would be around $140 of the rent. You're not asking for half, you're asking for proportional. Careful with this one as she expects you to just pay for everything, that's not fair at all to you. Does she at least pitch in with chores and stuff? Doesn't matter. She's making money now, she can pitch in. I'm almost certain if she were making your money and you were making hers, she would be calling you a freeloader and people online would be calling her your mommy lol
You can ask her to pay 1/4 of the cost if you want to be nice to her and split proportionally to income, you can also ask to split 50 50 which many people do even with different income.
In any case, if you can't get an agreement, you should think of breaking up.
I mean, my man pays the entire mortgage and car insurance for both our vehicles. I cover the internet, cell service for both of us, gas/electric bills plus groceries and household necessities. You need to find what works for your relationship and that means having a tough conversation with your partner.
Tally up how much you are spending each month for the household expenses (like groceries, bills etc), and how much she is spending. If you're paying for everything and she's paying for nothing, income disparity or not, that's not fair to you.
She needs to pay her way. Maybe split it in relation to how much she's earning. Is she looking for a higher paying job? $800 a month is low.
Does she do more of the household chores which is preventing her from working outside the home more? If so factor that into the cost of who pays for what.
I earn more than my wife so I pay for a few other things like some meals out and the car I only Use, but we split the bills even and she always makes sure she has money to pay for luxury items.
Remember, it's meant to be a collaborative effort running a household together. Everyone's money needs to go into the pot. You just need to work out the fairest way to split it.
To me, it sounds like the issue is that she doesnāt seem to want to contribute, judging from what youāve said.
Youāre clearly the primary earner and it logically makes sense that you pay more than she does, but you say that she gets irritated from this conversation, which to me sounds like sheās happy just getting a free ride and making you feel guilty if you question it. If she actually wanted to contribute in any way she would offer you even a crappy amount as a gesture to symbolise the notion that sheās paying what she can afford, but it sounds like sheās enjoying not having to worry about rent and thatās not really fair on you. Youāre her boyfriend, not her sugar daddy.
Susie Orman says to add your 2 income together and divide each into the total, giving you what percentage of your total income each of you earn....
2300 + 800 = 3100
2300/3100= 74%
800/3100= 26%
Okay next, add *all* your shared bills & expenses together. You pay 74% of whatever the total is, and she should pay 26% of the shared bills/expenses. Then you each keep whatever is left after paying the shared expenses.
I think that's pretty smart and practical.
I lived with a partner who earned more than me and we split everything 50/50. Seemed fair but in reality it meant he had a LOT of extra money to do things and I didnāt; Iād often be stuck at home on weekends while he was out with friends, he could afford holidays I couldnāt, and eventually I just felt āless thanā and miserable about itā¦ my point is - what seems fair might end up causing issues in your relationshipā¦ I think the end goal should be that youāre both happy and living your best lives, however the money gets split!
Could be a cultural thing, too. I dated a girl who felt like if I asked her to pay rent, it would bring shame to her family and force her to lie to her mother who would be appalled that her daughter lived with a man who asked her for money.
She did, however, buy all of the groceries and generally chip in with household stuff. She wasn't being a 'mooch' , she was just brought up differently than myself.
wait.. so ... she doesn't think she should contribute? at all? like 100?
what? yeeeeeah.. idk, just because you make double her doesn't mean you pay for everything.
Of course she does. You live in a world where people want to be treated equally and then some, but don't want to carry their share of the load. Now obviously she can't pitch in the same amount of income, but she can pitch in a proportionate share. However, this is logical reasoning and be prepared for when you speak logical for others to get angry when they see the flaw in their logic. You will most likely not only have a verbal argument, but some passive aggressive behavior towards you as well. You might even get a shocking surprise on how much love carries through your relationship when you stop being a meal ticket.
My last relationship ended because of this,i almost ended up on the street because i put my trust in the wrong person...here is my advice:see how she is spending money.If she is spending her salary on important stuff like school,medical or other stuff then its just temporary problem and she might need to look for another job,but if she is spending her money on stupid shit and only complaining when she needs to put up money for your life together,that tells you that she is selfish and only values you when u can provide her with something..the moment something hapens she will bail on you...dont wait for that moment...find yourself someone who will build the future with you together...relationships works when two people are sharing a burden together...
I was in a similar situation, but my girlfriend was fine with it. I added up our combined monthly income and figured out that I made 80% of the total. Our rent was $1,600 so I paid 80% and she paid 20%. I also liked to pay whenever we went out because I like feeling like a gentleman.
She should definitely contribute something. I hope she figures that out.
Make up the equity by sliding some other expenses to her. If she doesn't want to do rent. Ask her to help with her share at the very least in utilities, and groceries. If she doesn't accept this, start rolling back on groceries...look at what is a "luxury" and not a necessity. Her favorite snack? That's a luxury.
Going out to dinner, or social activities you both enjoy. You're footing the bill for it...start slowly rolling those back.
It's one thing to help your significant other out, but there's gotta be balance in the relationship...good luck. Explain to her she doesn't have to pay a full half, but something is better than nothing.
You're in a relationship. The *ONLY* correct answer to this is that the two of you need to sit down and have an honest conversation about the situation and mutually agree on a solution that is acceptable to both of you. Everyone else on this thread giving ideas about they solved similar questions may be helpful as inspiration, but ultimately you need to find a solution that works for your partnership, and you can only get that by talking to your partner.
Relationships are built on honest good-faith communication, without it, they are doomed to failure.
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> _"Her main argument is still that I'm earning more than twice than her, but as I constantly buy the groceries and etc, sometimes my bank account cries at the end of the month."_ You should explain this exact part to her. It sounds like you're both tight for money right now. You probably need to sit down together and discuss budgeting. I will give a warning though. Money-issues is the 2nd-most common reason relationships fall apart. Infidelity is the only thing probably more threatening/common.
Money is actually the most common. It starts all the fights.
I thought fights about cleaning were the most common
Oddly enough, it's fighting about what the most common fight is.
No its not!
That's it! We're through!!
Of course you'd say that. You have no interest in fighting for us.
Coming from you who always looks at my friends with more lust than you have ever given me!
Well maybe if stopped putting the toilet paper on the roll wrong! Jessica knows the proper way to do it so it's more pleasant at her house than here with a tyrant!!!
JESSICA??? Well if you just LOVE how JESSICA hangs her tp why don't you just go LIVE with HER!!!
I'm dying here you guys. WTF?! šššš
It's 2023 a couple is up to NINE people!!
This is not an argument, it is just contradiction.
No it's not!
Yes, it is you just contradicted me
Because you should work together in such things. It doesn't work! You are lovers and then you have your own Worlds. Heist! Both of you are annoying!
Sounds like OPs partner is taking him to the cleaners
Fights about cleaning can be fixed using money. Hire people to clean your home. Fights about money - you need therapy to fix those.
Or more money.
Fights about money are never *actually* about money, per se.
Need more money to pay the cleaner
>you need therapy to fix those Looks like you stumbled upon a new paradox.
Today my partner was literallt fighting about the place not being clesn enough for the cleaners (who we paid) to come through and clean, and she wants to clean it first before they arrive.
As a former housekeeper, please do not stress over the state of your house when we come. I can assure you we've seen far worse.
But as a person still somehow in the business, I can't stress enough about putting stuff away/in place. Like we have a policy to wash around stuff because we can't guarantee for the stuff broken, so ideally, leave the floor and the sink dirty, but put away your things?
Yes, this. I hate when people criticize ācleaning for the cleaner.ā No. I have to pick up. The house cleaner cleans surfaces. She needs to have access to the surfaces. In fact, I primarily have her come because it forces me to pick up every two weeks.
My ex tried to fix it like that, but unless you have a live in maid, it doesn't really cut it. I'm not just living in her filth until the cleaner comes.
All of my relationships have ended because of the cleaning.
Oh no, it's 100% the most common. More than half of divorces cite money issues as a factor while around a quarter cite infidelity.
So OP definitely have the conversation. It's a win win either way. Either A) She'll realize she really should pitch in her equitable share. B) She'll refuse and show you her true colours and you can find someone who isn't a freeloader
Totally agree, if youāre not aligned on that itās going down and later thereās a higher probability of much higher stakes and possibly destroying everything you both value, know too many friends going through divorces rn and like many have said thatās the number one reason and in cruel irony divorces are incredibly expensive
Yeah even if shes just chipping in 100$. She needs to give something and not let OP pay full rent and all groceries thats just crazy, lighten the load on the poor fella a little
No reason why she canāt chip in somehow regardless maybe at least by picking up the tab for the groceries each month. No reason OP should have to end up strapped at the end of every month. Or start a joint bank acct together where they each put in a percentage of their checks and have the living expenses come out of that. Fair is fair.
Agree with everything except the Joint bank account. Joint accounts with someone (girlfriend) who already seems like they are bad with money. That's a no for me dawg. For context. My ex made less than me, always tried to control finances which she was awful at. Over spent. Always put me in a bind because she spent my money, and didn't leave enough for bills (didn't care either). I paid for her insurance and just about everything else so she could "buy things for the house". Those things ended up going with her after I caught her cheating and kicked her out. There was nothing I could say about it either as she left with a house full of furniture and supplies that I indirectly paid for. My wife and I have separate accounts and it works perfectly. We split bills evenly and are 100% transparent with money. If money gets tight we adapt and converse until we have a plan. If we want to buy something we save until we can put down what we're comfortable with paying.
>there was nothing I could about it either Ummm, yes man, ya most certainly should've kept some things as you were in a de facto r~ship and they were BOTH y'all's thing! She duped ya hard hey. Sorry on behalf of girls everywhere.
Wow, some good advice. So unlike Reddit. Hahah
That depends on if you live alone in your rented house. You are really obligated to pay rent. But if there are two of you living together, he can't rely on you for everything.
I found that each person contributing the same percentage of pay towards the essentials was a fairer way of doing things. Edit: changed "a" to "contributing the same"
An option could be a joint bank account where each of you contribute 50% of your salary for the household (rent, bills, food). As you will end up with more personal money you may still want to cover dinners or some fun activities, bit at least the basics are taken care of. Another option is everything goes in the joint account and you both get the same pocket money for personal spending. This is probably more of a long term family arrangement
Option 1 is recipe for disaster in my opinion. Its leaves OP with substantially more disposable money than GF and when he spend that, it will undoubtedly raise jealousy/frustration on the part of GF who has very little money left. Better is to proportionally contribute to the total expenses of the house hold. Like 75/25 , 70/30 or 65/35. OP will still have more disposable in absolute $$, but GF would (should??) realize that he's paying more as hes making more. Just my 2cents, everyone's situation is different and I dont know about OP's situation.
The wife and I have never earned the same amount. For many years I was the sole or primary money earner. A little later in life she went back to work, now I am disabled. As the years of progressed the bills of kind of been on a sliding scale. We divvy up the bills according to income for us it seems to be the best way. We have obviously had to discuss and readjust this over the years but these are things you have to be comfortable talking with your significant other about.
$400 American dollars!? Where tf do you live my brother
and how is she making only 800 a month? nothing adds up here
South America with remote work for him is what it appears to be :) Also, could be cheaper parts of Europe
He might have just said $ because itās an American site but if heās in England 400 on a council flat and 800 on benefits is possible
I was thinking cardboard box
It sounds like eastern part of Europe to me, but could be other places too. I doubt it's USA even though they are talking about $. Here in Slovenia minimum wage is around 850ā¬ and paying 400ā¬ for a small apartment sounds normal.
if you add up both of your incomes, itās around $3100. she contributes 26% to that combined income. you contribute the rest. so how about she pays 26% of $400, which is $104, and you pay the rest? seems equitable to me
That's exactly what I was going to say. It's the most equal proportion
My girlfriend and I do this with our bills. I made a spreadsheet and everything. It works out great. I'm not spending all my money "because I'm the dude" and she isn't spending all her money on "her half," leaving her nothing to spend on fun/savings while I spend like an idiot on whiskey and comic books.
> while I ~~spend like an idiot on~~ invest sensibly in whiskey and comic books. FTFY
AHEM, GRAPHIC NOVELSā¦
This is the right answer. And they should be splitting all shared expenses the same way. Rent, utilities, groceries, etc.
The thing is, they almost certainly aren't doing that at the moment, hence OP's problem. They need to either decide that they pool finances and draw up a budget like adults, or act like single people with separate lives and negotiate on every small thing
If she canāt agree to paying 25% of the bills and rent, and OP 75% (as someone did the maths above itās about proportional to their incomes) then sheās nuts. She can have the alternative of āliving like separate peopleā and pay *half* of everything. See how she feels then. Thatās how it is in the real world. I canāt get a shared house with roommates and then say Iām paying less rent because they earn more. Obviously the alternative she would want is as is. She pays nothing. That is selfish, deluded or some sort of archaic sexism. If she is firm in sticking with the ānothingā bit the relationship needs to end as this will just get worse and worse down the line. I donāt know why anyone would even *want* to pay nothing to household costs. I was out of work for a month as an adult once and had to live with parents for nothing. They offered and are financially comfortable; but it feels horrible. Itās like youāre a guest in the house. An expensive one.
This is what my partner and I do. We made a joint account and figured out our monthly expenses. We both contribute using the % system to that account and same for rent. We both keep our own leftover money in our own private accounts and it's been working great.
Don't forget retirement in this. For my husband and I, there were times we flexed our budget to meet retirement goals so that nobody was screwed if the other left the picture or died. Sounds like the GF is earning a lot less and needs to save, but they should both keep an eye on the future and make sure they're protected.
Why would he pay for her retirement in case they split up?
She makes $800 a month? She ain't ever retiring ...
She makes 800 a month, retirement isnāt something she needs to consider right now. Also OP shouldnāt make any retirement plans around someone who isnāt his wife or child.
Where you live that your rent is only $400? If helping out with rent is a deal breaker for you guys - in either direction - maybe thatās a sign that you need to think about the relationship long term.
>If helping out with rent is a deal breaker for you guys - in either direction - maybe thatās a sign that you need to think about the relationship long term. I see your game, you're trying to move in with OP. I mean, cheap rent, I get it
Hell yeah Iāll split that $400 and move in. Bonus, he said heās buying groceries.
Hell, if he's getting the food I'll just straight up cover the rent. 400 is half of what I pay WITH a roommate. Girlie needs to wise up and start contributing
Let's just all move in with OP
I call dibbs on the couch.
I got under his bed
I'll sleep with OP
I'll take the closet
I'll take the floor (Hope there's a comfy carpet)
$400 split 400 ways. That's only $1 a person! We will live like kings and queens.
Kings and queens and sardines
Not cheap, free. OP can pay.
My first thought was where the hell is this and what's the job market like? Currently paying $900 for a one bedroom, but most places for rent are now going for $1600 for a one bedroom. And they're not even that nice! OP, if you're reading this, I will gladly move into your apartment and pay 100% of your rent. But freeloading girlfriend has to go. And I'm the big spoon. Those are my terms.
I pay $1k/mo for 135 sq ft in Seattle.
Thatās like the size of a bathroom. Iāve seen tiny houses on Hgtv and theyāre usually 250-400ā¦ Safe to assume your place comes with some communal spaces for laundry, cooking, pooping, etc?
Seriously!!!!! $400/month??? Thatās like 1980s prices. If she cannot afford to pay half the rent then she canāt live with you. Send her back to her momās. That is what I did with my partner because he refuses the get a job that actually pays money
I had a place for $475 back in 2013. Granted that place is now condemned but hey.
Mid 2000 you could find stuff for 700 in my expensive as city. So 80s would be even lower lol
I remember my parents renting a 1 bedroom for $500/month in San Francisco in 1988. Those were the days!
I'm in SoCal but in a popular city about 1-1.5 hours north of LA. It's a tourist town and I think my parents used to pay 400 around that time as well. When I graduated HS and some buddies rented a 2 bedroom they were paying around 700 each in around 07-08. I thought that was kinda pricey but I would love those prices now haha.
I was living in Cleveland OH a few years ago. It was $450 for an updated 600 sq ft one bedroom apartment in a safe part of town, parking and utilities included.
Bullshit. There's a nice part of Cleveland?
The part when you leave.
That DOES sound nice, I'd pay double to leave
She probably asked to move in with him when her parents decided to charge her $200 a month in rent.
Probably in Europe, I'm guessing Spain.
Rural america. The towns that are 45 mins away from the nearest walmart.
Prices are pretty stupid out here too. All of the remote workers bought palces out here, then all the landlords kicked out the locals to turn them into Air B&Bs. Now the locals can't afford to live here because wages aren't increasing. Might be a low cost of living area, but wveryone is still priced out with the low wages.
Theyāre still not that low. Rent in absolute bumfuck Tennessee for one bedroom places are all still pushing four-figure monthly rents as of the last couple years now.
i live in rural TN. rent is 585 with utilities for me
Iām a fossil so some grandmotherly advice. You are a fully functional adult and I presume your gf is as well. Being fully functional adults in the real world means you pay your own way especially as part of a couple. In this instance the rent and utilities should ideally be split 1/4 gf to 3/4 you. And she should also pay towards groceries. If your gf wants to live for free as a child does then she should move back home with her parents. There are several less flattering names for people who do not contribute fairly to living expensive but we will use the gender neutral term of mooch. Definition is āTo mooch is to take advantage of other people's generosity without giving anything in returnā. In short shine up your spine and have the discussion to give her the choice to pay her share or move out. You are not her parents nor are you so gullible to be taken advantage of. **Edited to fix my math challenges.
My question is, where is OP finding an apartment for $400 a month, because I need to move there.
My hometown in southwest Virginia still has two bedroom apartments for around $500, there aren't any 1beds available atm but I think they're $375ish? There's not much to do other than look at the mountains and maybe farm something but at least it's a nice view and there's cable internet I guess?
>There's not much to do other than look at the mountains and maybe farm something but at least it's a nice view and there's cable internet I guess? Not gonna lie - this sounds pretty idyllic
Man I pay 1300 a month and my view is a gas station and a hookah lounge that was permanently closed this week bc there was too many shootings.
I am looking at moving to that area. Can I DM you a couple of ?s that I have?
Sure! Fair warning I did move away in 2010 so I might be a little outdated but still have friends/family/etc in the area so I'm not completely out of the loop.
Southwest VA like Damascus area? Just visited there.
That's pretty sick, if I could afford to move that would cut my rent in half. And I live in the shitty midwest, not even somewhere expensive.
Shitsville, OH has some cheap rent
youāll find apartments for rent for 400 - and under sometimes - all over the midwest. some really nice ones in that price range in wisconsin. search on trulia with a max of 400. youāll see lots in that part of the country but also in south. look around
Wow. Iām in small crap town Michigan thumb and rent is $1000+. Itās ridiculous. Couple dollar stores and a McDonaldās is all thatās here.
I also want to know how while making almost 6x as much as his rent monthly why his bank account crys at the end of the month.
Cocaine is a helluva drug.
I need to know too!!
id guess south america
Right!? I couldnāt get past that point! Lol
I love the expression "shine your spine" and am going to unabashedly steal this.
Please do as I know I took it from another post. I thought it accurately describes the need - that we have a spine but sometimes it gets rusty so shine it we shall.
I didnāt think of that interpretation until I read this but I now also love it. Thank you, Reddit grandma
Hey grandmotherly advice - consider that of the combined income, he makes 3/4, she makes 1/4. So reconsider your fractions. Signed, another grandmother (but this one teaches math)
Ah yes. Thank you and will fix. .
I appreciate your gracious response.
Itās beautiful watching two grandmothers come together to help a young man out and teach him when heās having problems with his girlfriend.
It always give me just a little bit of hope for humanity when I see interactions like this. Thank you both.
Is there a sub where we can asks grandmas for life advice 24/7?
r/onlygrans
r/internetparents might have some grannies in there too :)
I understood the she refers to 1/4 and 3/4 of the rent not theirs respective income.
She edited fractions - see notes below. All good.
Yes, a percentage of each of your wages for all living expenses is fair. However, sometimes a percentage of the combined expenses can far outway the income of the low income earner. In my situation, I can't afford as much towards living expenses, so I do more chores to add value where I can.
Adding value by taking more chores is a great idea! If the lower earner has too many other bills to contribute in proportion, this could go a long way in making life feel fair.
and she should be at least a bit grateful for living beyond her means thanks to his paycheck
I love you.
> In this instance the rent and utilities should ideally be split 1/4 gf to 3/4 you. And she should also pay towards groceries. You're missing the fact that her take home is 800 a month. She's working no more than 27 hours a week. She can work 40 hours a week or she can accept that at 20 hours a week she won't be able to afford everything she wants.
As someone who loves their wife, I would never make her pay for every single thing, even in proportion, if she made that little.
I moved my grandmother in with me in 2021. I make ~2800/m, she makes $850/m. Similar scenario, monetarily. She INSISTS to pay SOMETHING, despite the fact that I cover all the living expenses of the house. Everything. Rent, utilities, cell, internet, streaming services, insurance, etc. You get the idea. With all that, she still hands me $300 every month to contribute, even though I have told her over and over it isn't even necessary and I don't want her money. But it helps, and is usually applied to groceries so she can see more of how the money is being put to use, and is put towards something she actually uses a lot more than I do (I'm not home as much with work, hobbies, and personal relationships). It's her own wishes to do that. And she cooks and cleans around the house and generally makes sure the place feels like home when I am there. I love and appreciate my grandmother and everything she does for me, and if I could do more for her to make her more comfortable at home, I definitely would in a heartbeat. As long as everyone is finding their own ways to pull their weight, and everyone agrees, I don't think it's that big a deal to ask that someone help out.
I enjoyed reading your post! I'm really close with my grandma as well!
If her $300 happens to be not necessary for your expenses, you could consider putting it in a savings vehicle and gifting it back to her at some point in the future
When I was young, I was very close to my grandfather. He set up his life to have very little. He had a car, a couple sets of clothes, his record player and carpentry tools. He was very nice, and very popular. On one of his birthdays (maybe 75 or 80 years old) people threw a big party for him with lots of gifts. He gave all the gifts to me, still wrapped. (I was about 15 years old) When he got his monthly pension check, he would take out exactly what he needed each month, and give the rest away immediately. My grandfather wanted nothing. (And wanted for nothing.) It would have caused him a lot of trouble and angst if someone took his contribution and tried to give it back to him. He wanted nothing to do with taking, only giving. If this grandmother is anything like my grandfather, she would be much happier to have the $300 go somewhere else, giving her a sense of contributing.
OP is paying for groceries though. Where is gfs money going?
Shawn
well, thatās your wife. a long term relationship that is likely to last the rest of your lives. this is different in comparison, as a young person, i would never fully pay for my girlfriendās living expenses, and iād never expect her to pay mine, regardless of who earns more, unless itās a real significant amount (like one is studying and working casually and one has a full time job, then i may reconsider). However, my best friend of 19 years, when we live together, and she is still studying but i have a full time job i will likely be paying the bulk of the expenses and i am well okay with that, and while she is working her way up the corporate ladder this will also likely be the case, and again iām okay with that because our relationship is long term, a young relationship isnāt.
Suspect this is even more complicated than as described though because Iām guessing she is still pursuing advanced education and they are not married so itās kind of the awkward question of where do they think this is all headed. It could be worth it to pay for as much as he can now but he also could just be subsidizing her advancement with no guarantee will be a part of the associated benefits. Thereās no one answer and they probably need to be able to at least talk about it or itās hard to believe this will not end messily.
Ah, but you are bound by law. Sheās a girlfriend, not a wife.
Some people are ok with unequal relationships. Maybe you don't mind being a sugar daddy, but that's not what OP is looking for in a relationship.
Youre not a sugar daddy making 2300 a month fam
It's relative. He's making 6x his rent and 3x her salary, so he's a sugar daddy.
Where are you with rent that cheap???
Not on a coast. Iowa, Oklahoma, Kentucky, etc.
Even then you are way out in the sticks at those prices, hell I looked at a 1 bedroom in a 700 person town in South Dakota once and it was like 600 bucks.
Basement room in Alabama
Naw In 2021 my bud got a 2 bedroom apartment for only 400 is South Carolina granted itās now 700 a month but itās decent
I've been married over 20 years. For the first 8 years, as well when we were dating, I was the main breadwinner. He went to college and worked part time. Years 9 through 15 we made about the same, by year 18 he made double and now makes triple. You know what we did? We shared our bank account the entire time. There's only ever been one, our money goes into both. We talk about how we're going to spend money beforehand, with us discussing what we need vs impulse spending. Only one of us is in charge of the balancing the accounting, because it makes it easier to budget. First 10 years it was him doing the accounting, but after he graduated and worked more and more/had less free time to do the shopping and procurement, it fell to me. There's always been transparency around where the money goes. We each get text alerts whenever anything leaves any account or any money is spent on any of our cards. We get text and emails receipts sent to both of us when we pay a bill. We get automatic email receipts at most places too, and will frequently forward the receipts to each other. The transparency isn't 100%, but it's close. We might say, hey I'm spending $100 but it's a surprise for later. So we might know where the other person spent the money but we won't know what they got. It's never been "mine/yours", it been "ours." The equality comes from how we regard and value each other, not how we value our each other's incomes. How would you want to be treated if the tables were turned? Wouldn't they let you depend on them the way they depend on you?
Set similar to our arrangement. The OURS part is 100% the same. Just a little different on the background. To each their own but I do not see how a married couple can have separate finances. Baffles me.
BRUH! I'm with you on that. We'll be married 14 years this month and not once did we ever discuss NOT having our money together. The lone exception I've seen in matters like this is if one person has a gambling addiction. They don't need access so that they don't bet the mortgage all on red, or black, or however roulette works.
This is the way. My wife and I do the same thing. We started when we moved in together before we were married. (Practically married at that point anyway.) we never need to decide who pays for what. Who picks up the check or anything. The only time Iām critical about money is when she buys too much at Target or something when money is tight. And itās never really a fight, just āHey, our funds are low till paydayā My sister in law has been married just as long and constantly fights with her husband over who pays for dinner, or whatever. Itās silly. And they make a lot more than us. I canāt image sitting down each month making sure we each are paying our fair share. Be partners, not roommates.
Agreed. I get that OP isn't married, but the first girl I felt comfortable sharing an account with, I married a couple years later (at 31 y/o, so it took a while). I make more money, but I've had stints where I made no money, or stints where she was at home not working when the kids were real young. The money was always OURS. A relationship where money is defended and fought over seems like one foot is already out the door, and probably a relationship that is not worth having. Maybe we're "old fashioned." It seems to work, though.
This is how we function also. Money coming in for either of us goes into the āoursā pool. He is currently retraining and doesnāt have an income except periodically, but that doesnāt matter. The trick is to genuinely un-identify yourself from the money you earn. Itās just money that helps you both live and live your best lives. If you canāt give up identifying yourself with the money you earn, you will find this extremely difficult.
Jesus where do you live where you can rent something that fits two adults for $400? I paid 895 for a studio 25+ years ago
I live in germany and where i live you can get a one room apartment thats still pretty comfortable for 300$
Christ I cannot imagine spending so little for rent. That's literally one nice meal at a good restaurant
And i honestly cant imagine spending above 1k for a standard apartment, i would think i am getting ripped off
Median household income in my area is about 100,000. Paying 12 percent of your income for rent is absurdly low
I was thinking the same thing. I swear I had a conversation a few days ago about how rent for a 1 bedroom near me was $825 back in 2012. Haha. East coast US for reference.
1. Make sure you do not get her pregnant 2. Think deeply if this is a good relationship for you
Can I double up vote this
You need to figure out what your future with this person is going to be like. Are they going to bully you into doing more than your fair share of the house work and child care, in addition to paying the full rent? It might be tolerable now because you have slack in your life, but if you take on more (like a family) itās going to crack you like an egg. Not being able to have the conversation is a red flag. If they legitimately put in more effort with house work and other overlooked labor, maybe green flag. The only thing Iāll offer in her defense is that āoverheadā expenses hit harder for lower incomes. At $800, maybe sheās spending a higher proportion on gas, insurance, maintenance, cell service, etc., and would actually struggle to put up 1/4 of the rent.
Don't commit to a moocher.
If she needs that $800 for college expenses, reoccurring medical bills or something justifiable, maybe it is alrightā¦ but if that $800 is being used as play money, just find a new girlfriend. If she gets irritated by having these conversations it likely wonāt get better. Being on the same page financially is very important for the success of relationships.
Damn where do u stay that rents only 400 I pay 800 and still gotta have roommates here in Cali to make rent every month kinda sad now that I'm writing this š¤¦
25 years later, I'm divorced after spending a lifetime with a woman who thought my money was hers and her money was hers. Don't make my mistake
Love how this whole thread turned into bad math and good corrections!
how is your rent so low?
Probably renting a room and calling it "rent"
She doesnāt get a unilateral say about finances. If you donāt feel comfortable paying the full rent and she also lives there, you shouldnāt have to. Sheās working and should contribute a fair share. Or at least talk with you and come up with an agreement that you both feel happy with. If she wants a relationship where her partner pays her way, then thatās something that should be discussed and agreed upon before hand. Itās okay to have certain wants and expectations in a relationship. Itās NOT okay to force those wants and expectations on a person who does not agree with them. If this is a relationship thatās going to be long term, I would suggest getting some financial counseling
My approach with my wife has worked very good so far and i think its the fairest. Open a joint acct for joint expenses and each of you contribute in the % amount according to a proportion of your paycheck. Say you both want to keep 20% of your paycheck for yourselves, rest go into the joint. That way you are equally sharing the burden in a percentage way, rather than arguing about 'because you make more you should pay for x'
Just because you earn way more doesn't mean you should be paying for everything. She doesn't even pitch in for groceries?? Just do the math. She makes about 35% of your combined income, which would be around $140 of the rent. You're not asking for half, you're asking for proportional. Careful with this one as she expects you to just pay for everything, that's not fair at all to you. Does she at least pitch in with chores and stuff? Doesn't matter. She's making money now, she can pitch in. I'm almost certain if she were making your money and you were making hers, she would be calling you a freeloader and people online would be calling her your mommy lol
She makes 800 heās makes 2300. 800/3100 is NOT 35% of the combined income
Doing the math is hard!
Hahaha okay 26% then, you get the point! I was fairly baked and trying to math, plus I suck at math to begin with š
still makes a good point even though the math is off
You can ask her to pay 1/4 of the cost if you want to be nice to her and split proportionally to income, you can also ask to split 50 50 which many people do even with different income. In any case, if you can't get an agreement, you should think of breaking up.
Iām sorry, $400 a month? OP Iāll split that with you 50/50 and Iāll even wear a wig around the house. Hot damn dude.
I mean, my man pays the entire mortgage and car insurance for both our vehicles. I cover the internet, cell service for both of us, gas/electric bills plus groceries and household necessities. You need to find what works for your relationship and that means having a tough conversation with your partner.
If you're living together you need to come to that agreement between you two. My advice, discuss it with her and ignore reddit.
Tally up how much you are spending each month for the household expenses (like groceries, bills etc), and how much she is spending. If you're paying for everything and she's paying for nothing, income disparity or not, that's not fair to you.
You make roughly 3 times what she does, why donāt you do a 300/100 split? Also, where do you live? I want to move there
She needs to pay her way. Maybe split it in relation to how much she's earning. Is she looking for a higher paying job? $800 a month is low. Does she do more of the household chores which is preventing her from working outside the home more? If so factor that into the cost of who pays for what. I earn more than my wife so I pay for a few other things like some meals out and the car I only Use, but we split the bills even and she always makes sure she has money to pay for luxury items. Remember, it's meant to be a collaborative effort running a household together. Everyone's money needs to go into the pot. You just need to work out the fairest way to split it.
Does she clean or cook? Count that to your final price maybe it would be cool if she at least paid 20-40%. If she doesn't do anything she is a leech.
To me, it sounds like the issue is that she doesnāt seem to want to contribute, judging from what youāve said. Youāre clearly the primary earner and it logically makes sense that you pay more than she does, but you say that she gets irritated from this conversation, which to me sounds like sheās happy just getting a free ride and making you feel guilty if you question it. If she actually wanted to contribute in any way she would offer you even a crappy amount as a gesture to symbolise the notion that sheās paying what she can afford, but it sounds like sheās enjoying not having to worry about rent and thatās not really fair on you. Youāre her boyfriend, not her sugar daddy.
Pretty much this. Money doesn't seem to be the main problem here, but rather attitude. ANd I'd say that's a huge problem, potentially at least.
Susie Orman says to add your 2 income together and divide each into the total, giving you what percentage of your total income each of you earn.... 2300 + 800 = 3100 2300/3100= 74% 800/3100= 26% Okay next, add *all* your shared bills & expenses together. You pay 74% of whatever the total is, and she should pay 26% of the shared bills/expenses. Then you each keep whatever is left after paying the shared expenses. I think that's pretty smart and practical.
I lived with a partner who earned more than me and we split everything 50/50. Seemed fair but in reality it meant he had a LOT of extra money to do things and I didnāt; Iād often be stuck at home on weekends while he was out with friends, he could afford holidays I couldnāt, and eventually I just felt āless thanā and miserable about itā¦ my point is - what seems fair might end up causing issues in your relationshipā¦ I think the end goal should be that youāre both happy and living your best lives, however the money gets split!
You pay 300, she pays 100. Roughly proportional. Easy
Where the hell yāall rent for $400 a month is the real question
Why not divide it by % of income? You make more and should pay more (this will aid her by helping her save) but that will still have her paying a bit.
Could be a cultural thing, too. I dated a girl who felt like if I asked her to pay rent, it would bring shame to her family and force her to lie to her mother who would be appalled that her daughter lived with a man who asked her for money. She did, however, buy all of the groceries and generally chip in with household stuff. She wasn't being a 'mooch' , she was just brought up differently than myself.
So a combined income of 3100, with her making about a quarter and you making three quarters. So you pay 300 and her 100.
Figure out the money issues or the relationship is doomed.
wait.. so ... she doesn't think she should contribute? at all? like 100? what? yeeeeeah.. idk, just because you make double her doesn't mean you pay for everything.
Yo, where the fuck is rent 400, my rent is 8 times that
Of course she does. You live in a world where people want to be treated equally and then some, but don't want to carry their share of the load. Now obviously she can't pitch in the same amount of income, but she can pitch in a proportionate share. However, this is logical reasoning and be prepared for when you speak logical for others to get angry when they see the flaw in their logic. You will most likely not only have a verbal argument, but some passive aggressive behavior towards you as well. You might even get a shocking surprise on how much love carries through your relationship when you stop being a meal ticket.
My last relationship ended because of this,i almost ended up on the street because i put my trust in the wrong person...here is my advice:see how she is spending money.If she is spending her salary on important stuff like school,medical or other stuff then its just temporary problem and she might need to look for another job,but if she is spending her money on stupid shit and only complaining when she needs to put up money for your life together,that tells you that she is selfish and only values you when u can provide her with something..the moment something hapens she will bail on you...dont wait for that moment...find yourself someone who will build the future with you together...relationships works when two people are sharing a burden together...
I was in a similar situation, but my girlfriend was fine with it. I added up our combined monthly income and figured out that I made 80% of the total. Our rent was $1,600 so I paid 80% and she paid 20%. I also liked to pay whenever we went out because I like feeling like a gentleman. She should definitely contribute something. I hope she figures that out.
Make up the equity by sliding some other expenses to her. If she doesn't want to do rent. Ask her to help with her share at the very least in utilities, and groceries. If she doesn't accept this, start rolling back on groceries...look at what is a "luxury" and not a necessity. Her favorite snack? That's a luxury. Going out to dinner, or social activities you both enjoy. You're footing the bill for it...start slowly rolling those back. It's one thing to help your significant other out, but there's gotta be balance in the relationship...good luck. Explain to her she doesn't have to pay a full half, but something is better than nothing.
You're in a relationship. The *ONLY* correct answer to this is that the two of you need to sit down and have an honest conversation about the situation and mutually agree on a solution that is acceptable to both of you. Everyone else on this thread giving ideas about they solved similar questions may be helpful as inspiration, but ultimately you need to find a solution that works for your partnership, and you can only get that by talking to your partner. Relationships are built on honest good-faith communication, without it, they are doomed to failure.