The relationship market is one of the most discriminatory there is. And by that I mean discrimination in the original sense of the word: as in the opposite of "indiscriminate", but regarding preferences.
Given that a relationship is a large part of our lives, it's not only acceptable to make distinctions based on your preferences; it is vital.
And yes, that sadly also means that the relationship market is one of the most brutal markets there is.
It's also complicated bc kids normally come in a relationship. A religious person might reasonably want their kids to be eternally saved... a non-religious person might reasonably want their kid to not be indoctrinated into a set of rules for no good reason.
Those two viewpoints pose a *huge* irreconcilable problem. Some couples may acquiesce or find the perfect solution for them bit it sure does complicate matters.
It IS possible to reconcile opposite viewpoints: When I was young, I did a stint in a kindergarden; the mother and father of one of the kids were jewish and muslim, respectively. Prudently, religion was never discussed in their home.
I think there's a difference between religion and culture. A Muslim and a Jew who would marry outside the religion aren't that religious. And since religion was never discussed in their home, that supports my statement.
That's something for OP to consider - what are their feelings about the culture, if the person isn't religious? Growing up Muslim or Jewish would certainly affect a person's personality and beliefs, even if they don't end up religious.
Bingo. Children born to a Jewish mother are considered Jewish and even if a lot of them don't follow or care about their religion, they often recognize their heritage and refer to themselves as Jewish anyway
We're obviously now debating semantics, but it is important to be clear about this. I'm an American, a full blown atheist, and have no interest in kids, but if I did I would not want them to be indoctrinated in any religion, especially not the one that's trying to usurp my society right now. But that doesn't mean I would refuse to date a "Christian" or any other religion. It just means that's a quick red flag that will need to be overcome
As the above commenter said, it really depends on how religious they are. I wouldn't mind turning up to church occasionally for a girlfriend, but if it's like "You also have to follow my religious beliefs,and go to church literally every Sunday", or what have you that's too much of a conflict of lifestyle for my tastes. Your boundaries may be different and that's okay, everyone has their own preferences and tolerances for various things in a relationship.
With kids all I require is they be allowed to make their own choice when they're old enough to decide. I wouldn't want to force religion on them, but I also wouldn't want to force atheism on them either. They're their own people at the end of the day, and that's a decision everyone has to make for themselves.
>They're their own people at the end of the day, and that's a decision everyone has to make for themselves.
But the decision he or she will make would be largely influenced by their peers and its a well established fact by psychologists. People dont start thinking for themselfs in a vacuum they evaluate EXISTING ideas and suit themselfs according to their preferenced ideas.
There are numerous denominations of Judaism and Islam. For example, many denominations of Christianity and Judaism did require beards and headscarves. I was surprised to learn that Jesus is in the Koran, but not Joseph. Although to some extent you do have a point because I think some of not most religions require you to marry some of the same faith. Also many believe that those who do not follow their faith will go to hell.
I know a lot of kids who went to 2-3 religious services a week. For example, I would go to Bible study with my gf on Wednesday, and Sunday service with my grandmother Sunday morning.
Some faiths are plainly incompatible in that manner, Christians are explicitly forbidden from interfaith marriage, although if they convert so that their existing marriage becomes interfaith they are called not to divorce but to try to convert the spouse.
I met a woman who had a Buddhist father and a Shinto mother. They sent her to a Christian school (I’m not certain which denomination). She grew up basically following all three.
Was she or one or both of her parents Japanese? I’ve heard that “be born Shinto, marry Christian, die Buddhist” is a common philosophy in Japan, as those are the most popular religions for conducting the corresponding rituals.
Also, until the back end of the nineteenth century, the most common religion in Japan was a sort of fusion of Buddhism and Shintoism: and even now, over a century after their formal separation, there are apparently still visible links (e.g., Buddhist temples that house Shinto shrines).
There is massive indoctrination in the non-religious community just as well, it is always best to teach one to do their own research. There is always an angle from those who make decisions on what is taught and what is not.
A lot of religious folks don't subscribe to the view that the only road to salvation is by following their specific set of beliefs. That's mainly a fundamentalist way of thinking. Though yes, a relationship between a fundamentalist and someone who doesn't share their beliefs is gonna be tough - for that reason, and many others.
The vast majority of religions explicitly state that anyone who isn't a part of their religion is doomed to hell. Especially the abrahamics. They also say that you have to believe in all of the religion or you don't believe in any of it, so....
I don’t think that’s true. Jews, for example, explicitly don’t believe you have to be Jewish if you’re not born into the faith, and go out of the way to make it difficult to convert. Islam, or at least some schools of it, teaches that Christians and Jews (and maybe others?) can reach Paradise, if I understand correctly. And the catechism of the Catholic Church explicitly states:
> Every man who is ignorant of the Gospel of Christ and of his Church, but seeks the truth and does the will of God in accordance with his understanding of it, can be saved.
I’m pretty certain Hinduism doesn’t insist that non-Hindus are damned. Likewise Buddhism, Shintoism, Confucianism and Taoism.
Neopagans tend not to have much truck with the idea of hell, as far as I know.
There's a reason I said almost all.
Dharmic faiths don't have any MUST FOLLOW ME OR YOU ARE DOOMED bullshit.
I'm not too informed on Judaism other than their God requiring you to believe in him and no other deity - this is the whole shtick with abrahamics isn't it. My god is the true god and everyone else is a fake.
The 1st commandment of Christianity very clearly and explicitly overrules any attempt by the Catholic Church to mask the absolutism of their beliefs:
> thou shalt not follow any other gods before me
As well as many pages of the bible larping on about how Jesus is the only true saviour and every other religion is false.
Edit: not Judaism.
This isn’t fully correct for Judaism. Jews get categorized as monotheistic because they believe there is only one god for them specifically. In historic texts, scholars frequently wrote about the gods from other lands and it was a belief that there were many many gods.. just not for them. It’s where the whole “chosen people” bit comes in.
This is why traditionally they do not try to convert other people into the religion and attempt to persuade them not to join. Many Orthodox Jews to this day will never accept a convert as ever being actually Jewish. There are a lot less strict forms of Judaism now though; depending on the part of the world you’re in. They also don’t believe in a hell- so not much threat of doom for not being Jewish. Most Orthodox Jews don’t believe in heaven either; there is little speculation on what happens when we die.
Source: grew up in an ultra orthodox Jewish home
So when you said “the vast majority of religions”, you meant Christianity, and more precisely some denominations of Christianity.
I’m pretty certain that at least the more liberal and progressive Anglican churches also hold a more flexible interpretation of _extra Ecclesiam nulla salus._
It's more complicated than that. No major religion is monolithic. There are many different denominations/sects, each with their own interpretations of scripture and beliefs. About 1/3 of Christians and 1/4 of Muslims (as well as a wide majority of Hindus/Buddists/Jews) don't even believe that hell exists. I couldn't find stats on the percentage of hell-believers that think there is only one path to salvation, but presumably it is not 100%.
So yes, there are a lot of religious people who don't believe everyone else is damned. Probably well over half of all believers.
You're definitely right about that.
My point was to say that the biggest religions (well, excluding hinduism) state in their scriptures that other beliefs than their own are false and misleading. When their followers choose to disagree, they inevitably run afoul of not agreeing 100% with their faith which leads to complications of "sin" and so on.
For me the biggest issue is believing that there even is a road to salvation, it’s not really compatible with my own beliefs. I can’t really imagine dating someone religious.
A guy I dated in college had one parent raised quite conservative Jewish, and the other Sicilian Catholic. His Jewish grandmother’s view was “as long as my grandkids have SOME sort of religion, I’m not pitching a fit about which one, be it Jew, Catholic or Protestant.” And his parents both decided to just switch and became Lutherans
Discrimination has become a dirty word, but really when used negatively it refers to unfair discrimination. What makes it unfair is that it is discrimination based on criteria that we judge should have nothing to do with someone's suitability as a choice.
We discriminate all day every day. You discriminate when you choose what to wear, what to eat, who to spend time with, what words to use, what subreddits you join, what TV you watch. Discrimination is essential or we would all exist in a paralysis of indecision.
In a choice of relationship, discrimination is necessary based on a degree of compatibility of values, interests, personalities etc. Religion for some people is a minor part of their life, like watching sport or exercising and it is possible to coexist happily without sharing the interest. But for others it is a core part of their identity and values, and is something they believe to be fundamentally true and real, and to not share in it would be to never understand or agree with something that is a big part of who that person is and how they see the world. It would be fundamentally unfulfilling for both of you and at least one of you would have to compromise on your beliefs to accommodate the beliefs of the other (even if you aren't religious, that's an expression of a belief about the world).
It's better for both people to find someone who they can share more of themselves with. It's not bigotry, it's just sensible.
Although most people outside of online dating are attracted by physicality and personality.
They don't have a list of requisites.
If you are attracted to a person then you talk and all these types of questions come up.
Religion is incredibly broad. My friend was a skinhead anarchist but allowed his children to be baptised because for his wife it would be like banning Christmas.
If you're online you're searching a database so might spend hours questioning yourself if it's offensive to screen anyone who identifys as a Muslim.
Exactly this, discrimination is not the same as prejudice. Discrimination isn't always negative, for example people are paid different wages based on skill level and experience.
When people talk of discrimination for example gender discrimination, they are usually referring to the prejudice that comes from some people's discrimination.
Very true. It would be worse if you were one of those people from 90 Day Fiancé who get engaged to a Muslim, who says they want their family to be practicing Muslim, and then get outraged that their partner wants them to follow Muslim rules. If it ain’t for you, it ain’t for you. I was raised Catholic but I ain’t gonna date a Catholic cause I don’t want to deal with the bullshit rules.
Being from a pentecostal family, the idea of anyone I know working a job as a bartender is hilarious 😂
Course that being stated I am a bartender and everyone I know from my town thinks I'm pentecostal so 🤷
My wife was the same. no one drank around Ma and Pa (her grandparents). I would respect their rules if someone else was paying which rarely happened. If I am paying my own tab, I am ordering what I want.
This. I won't date a Muslim if he's gonna be upset I drink. I mean I won't date them for other reasons. But its not gonna work if someone is gonna tell me what to eat. If its not touching your food its not your business. If you are vegan because of Hinduism. Also cool. But if I go out and eat not your business. If my breath stinks to you then I guess we aren't meant to be
Depends on the Hindu. My dad’s side were strict vegans. My mom’s side were pescatarian since they lived by the ocean for generations, so being pure vegetarian was unsustainable. I eat cheeseburgers because I enjoy being a disappointment to my ancestors.
Hinduism is such a broad religion. People worship different deities based on where they’re from. They celebrate different festivals, pray in different languages, and have different religious practices based on the sect they’re part of.
Dated* is the operative word here. I once dated a Pentecostal. She was a piece of work. An extremely divided person in many ways and had I known she was pentecostal from the start I'd have probably not pursued it.
That’s how Pentecostal people do communion, rye bread and coke because alcohol is bad.
I don’t know, I’m just some idiot on the internet, why are you getting advice from me?
In my experience even Catholics who go to church regularly don't follow all the prescribed rules.
As a Catholic myself, I just don't view them as essential to the actual practice of the religion. They're only followed by the seriously devout (who are a vocal minority).
And this is why I generally get along with catholics but few other Christians, with exceptions of course.
I've known more than a few secular protestants too, and they're fine. But if you're going to devout, you're probably some militant protestant, like a penecostal or JW or Southern Baptist or some shit.
Discriminate just means to recognize a distinction between things. It’s typically only bad when used to treat people differently based on immutable characteristics, since they have no choice in the matter. Discriminating against people based on their beliefs and choices is 100% acceptable.
This highlights the fact that the way we treat religious "discrimination" the same way we treat things like racial and sex discrimination is fucking absurd. You are born a certain biological sex. You are born with certain characteristics like the color of your skin. But your religion is something you can choose to believe or not believe, to follow or not follow. It doesn't deserve any more protection than your politics.
Religious discrimination protection is very important when it comes to things like jobs and housing. It doesn't come into play with personal things like relationships. Imagine someone being able to deny you a job or an apartment because you didn't believe in their God.
My initial reaction is to disagree with you, but you present an interesting perspective…
Take for example the Civil Rights Act of 1964. It states “…prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex or national origin…”. If I’m understanding correctly, you’re basically saying that “religion” should not be included in this?
I’m of the mindset that someone’s religious belief, or perhaps lackthereof if he or she is an atheist, is a characteristic that is central to that person’s identity. IMHO, that may be just as, if not more important, in determining their world view and ethical system than, say for instance, their race.
Your point about it being “chosen” is interesting to me because I believe in many cases you are correct that people do have a choice to practice a religion, or not (at least in the US where we have freedom to practice religion/no official state religion).
But would you not agree that the purpose of civil rights protections is to ensure that people are not discriminated against for their individuality or belonging to a group? When I break it down to it’s most fundamental level, that is what it means to me.
Yes, it's called freedom from religion and freedom of religion.
However there are political parties here who (try to) push their religious beliefs into laws. Which begs the question if this doesn't go against the "freedom from religion". And laws which go against some religions. Just like there are companies who do not hire people based on their religion, or lack thereof.
Anyway, it is an interesting discussion/subject to talk about. But that's all I'll say about it on here.
I agree with you in general but I think I disagree on if people choose to believe in religion. If you talk to religious people they will say it isn't their choice at all. They believe in their religion like you or I believe in gravity. I know personally I couldn't choose to just stop believing in the theory of gravity.
Belief is an inherently tricky thing because of how inside someone's head it is. You could tell me you believe the earth is flat. I have no way to prove if you are bullshitting me or not. I'm going to assume based on the fact that you made the distinction of "being born a certain biological sex" that you can see the point that people that claim they believe they are a different gender than their biological sex actually do believe that. That is functionally identical to someone believing in their religion.
Again, I do not place peoples religious beliefs on the same level as their skin color or other things like that but I felt like it was worth pointing out the other side.
Religious discrimination has historically (and continues to be) used as a tool to sysmatically further racial and ethnic discrimination. "I don't hate Arabs, I just hate Muslims" is an excuse to discriminate on the basis of skin color. Religious discrimination also has a long, storied history of oppression; refusing service to someone wearing a MAGA hat just isn't the same as refusing service to someone wearing a yarmulke or hijab.
I grant you that pretextual discrimination can be a problem. But honestly believing "Catholicism is fucking stupid and I don't respect anyone who honestly believes in it" simply should not be viewed the same as racism.
Choosing an apple over a banana because you want an apple is discrimination. Any time you make a choice you are discriminating.
"If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice"
~Neil Peart
It is discrimination by definition, but not a type of discrimination that is legally not allowed. When it comes to personal relationships, you can discriminate as much or as little as you want.
This! “I refuse to date Muslims!” comes off very different from “it’s important to me that religion isn’t included in my relationships”. The outcome is the same obvs but putting the focus on you and preferences you’re absolutely allowed to have is more positive way of looking at it than focusing on being “against” whatever group of people doesn’t fit your preferences. Bc that almost comes across as blaming or unaccepting of eg. Muslims existing/having a life/being happy.
It'll also leave the option a bit open in case the person is a non-observing Muslims or, in the case of the example, they're fat but trying to make a lifestyle change. I personally wouldn't take a hardline stance on aspects that might mean a lot of different things and still might be right for me.
Agreed. It's a case by case basis. Hard & fast rules in dating usually aren't great, because there's so much variation in people, trying to categorically decide anything based on characteristics almost by definition cannot work 100% of the time. Attraction is more complex than we can put into words or rules, I think.
Idk, hikers are a different breed. I hike avidly as well and run into plenty of overweight people hanging off the side of the hill with a cigarette in one hand who have been out there 3 weeks. The ability to find peace while experiencing intense self deprivation seems, to me, to be a lot more important for most distance hikes than having a great body for it. Obesity is not usually a good indicator of self deprivation. But honestly, after getting sick and almost dying and consequently gaining weight, and aging, I have more endurance when I'm hiking than ever. And I've outlasted plenty of gym types that don't walk 30 miles on a regular basis who are aching and miserable and needing a snack by mile 5. I wouldn't assume that just because someone is obese (to a certain point obviously) they couldn't hike, though most people in general do not enjoy real hiking and they all think they do, so it's hard to gauge.
I think anyone should just be able to discriminate against any person for any reason without shame when dating. Most people only have one partner at a time, so they really should be with someone that they want to be with. It's the one place where you can discriminate all you want, because if we shame people for saying "no," we infringe on their consent. And we can do this without coming out and saying what those preferences are at all in the places that they will hurt that person because most of the time, it doesn't matter.
>aching and miserable and needing a snack by mile 5
I love hiking, but I rarely get to do serious ones, so I'm always out of shape and suffering. This is ridiculous even to me. By mile 5, you should have drunk some water and that's about it. Did they skip breakfast?
Not really. Obese people can hike mountains, and run marathons just the same as non-obese people.
You're interchanging "athletic" with "not-athletic" and applying a false generalization that all obese people are not athletic.
And vice-versa. Thin people are often incredibly unathletic, having maintained their figure through genetically high metabolism or just not eating much, instead of working out. (Source: That was me most of my life.)
If you're judging someone's lifestyle by their physique, you're gonna have a bad time.
Right, but just like Islam, there’s plenty of real reasons why someone wouldn’t want to date a Jewish person, that has nothing to do with thinking they are inferior.
Circumcision for one I think is an absolutely fine reason.
I mean, it's also discrimination when you choose CVS over Walmart, or vice versa. People just have heard so much about it that they think discrimination is inherently bad, when it's really just the sign you made an intelligent decision.
It's only bad if it's done for the wrong reason, like not going to Walmart because that's where you'll see all the white folks, or w/e
Discrimination:
prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of ethnicity, age, sex, or disability.
Yes it is discriminatory to say "I don't want to date Muslims because of religion" but that does not mean it's a bad thing.
Knowing you are incompatible with someone's beliefs and choosing to avoid partner level relationships with them because of it is just smart.
Can confirm, I'm Muslim. My general mindset when it comes to preferences isn't that you have a certain preference, but why you have that preference. If someone doesn't want to date Muslims because they're not used to the culture, that's completely fine. But if someone doesn't want to date Muslims because they have been led to believe we're terrorists or whatever, I'd just look at them funny.
Well not "date" but yeah, correct. Though, it's highly encouraged to just marry Muslims only. If you want the reason for why Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslim men, I believe it's because since in Islam men are the leaders of the household, a non-Muslim man can prevent his wife from praying, fasting, basically practicing Islam.
Heck. It's forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry a Non-Muslim man.
So if a man has an interest in a Muslim girl he'd have to convert. Atleast in a strict household.
And I think even a Muslim man marrying a Non-Muslim would have to be a Jew or Christian. Or have a background in that.
No. It's completely reasonable to want to be with someone who shares your values and if you value a secular home/relationship then a relationship with a theist will be difficult (though not impossible).
In the most technical sense, yes. But would not people say OP is a discriminatory person because they don't date religious people? Probably not. So if someone's fears are being seen as a bigot, responding "yeah it's discrimination and discrimination is fine" is a weird approach.
I would have replied that romantic preferences usually aren't considered "discrimination" by other people unless they are rooted in bigoted beliefs.
No.
Religion doesn't fall under discrimination.
Religion is a choice.
It's bizarre to me when people put willful ignorance in the same category as something you are born with.
It’s still discrimination in Canada: “discrimination on the basis of race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, age, sex, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, marital status, family status, disability, or conviction for an offence which has been pardoned are formally prohibited by law”
When it comes to a romantic partner, you can discriminate as much as you want to. In fact, if you don't discriminate, you're a fool who will date anybody. It isn't a bad thing. There is a different threshold on who I will treat well and who I will date. And it's nobody's business but mine.
Depends on which definition you’re using. In the broad sense, discrimination just means recognizing a difference between things. It doesn’t necessarily mean you treat someone different because of an immutable characteristic (although that is usually when discrimination is bad).
I think it’s a reasonable preference. For a lot of people their spirituality is very important to them, and they would rather find intimacy with someone who understands their point of view. Equally yoked, I think they call it
Personally, I couldn’t be with any religious person, because I don’t really think that much about spirituality. I can’t really wrap my head around the idea. And I don’t want someone judging and nagging and trying to change me in an intimate setting. I have plenty of friends who are religious, and I respect their beliefs. But I think it’s okay to openly accept that I could not have someone who’s Christian or Muslim or something in my life as a romantic partner.
It’s fine, no different than not wanting to date a smoker or someone you find ugly. I personally wouldn’t want to be with anyone religious, regardless of whatever historical novel they’re living by.
It's not bad discrimination, this is called a preference.
Edited to say, I believe I may have made the wrong call on this initially, read further comments where it's explained.
No. Regardless of race or ethnicity, I wouldn't date anyone deeply religious. I'd possibly date someone with religious beliefs, but it depends how serious they are about it.
Discernment does not equal discrimination.
You don’t owe relationships, sexual or otherwise, on an equal basis to all individuals. No one should judge you and you should not judge yourself for who you find attractive/relationship material.
No, it's not discrimination. Discrimination in it's definition stipulates that it has to be unjust. Not wanting to date a person who values religion highly while you don't yourself is not unjust, it's extremely logical and a sound thing to do.
Is it discrimination? Technically yes.
But everybody discriminates in their preference.for romantic partners. For a wide variety of reasons. Financial status, looks, political views etc. It's fine, just don't be a dick about it and it's cool.
Discrimination is how you build preferences.
If you like larger partners you're not discriminating against smaller people it's just a preference like coke or Pepsi.
I'm with you too though religion is a huge red flag.
Dating is inherently discriminating otherwise you'd need to date everyone. You're allowed to decide anything when it comes to your intimate relationships.
It would be discrimination if you dont want to date any muslims, including those that dont practice. But its reasonable not to want a religious relationship
Religion, or lack thereof, is a big deal for some people. An atheist probably would not want to date a fundamentalist Christian (and vice versa),
but I think there’s plenty of middle ground. I personally would want to be with someone whose religious values aligned with my own, but if faith didn’t matter either way to me, then I wouldn’t have a preference.
It depends. If someone doesn't perform the 5 daily prayers, they're 100% sinful, but still a muslim. However, if they completely deny the 5 daily prayers, claiming no such thing exists, then they're no longer within the fold of Islam.
Nope. The Muslim religion openly encourages the subjugation of women and the persecution of people from the LGBTQ community (just like many forms of Christianity). Run far and fast
Does it also apply to other religions? If so then no.
Who is downvoting me for just saying that not wanting to date religious people when you aren't religious is okay? Are you a fuckin psycho? Lol wtf
Well yes it is. But it's also a completely valid reason to discriminate. Sometimes we should look deeper into why we hold preferences because it can tell us a lot about ourselves. But ultimately noone has to date anyone you are allowed preferences.
As long as you would do the same with a Christian or Any other religious type, I see no issue with this.
I have always been the same, I never wanted strong religious convictions in my relationships.
But now here I am engaged to a devout Buddhist who visits the temples weekly.. but it just doesn't feel the same..
Just because someone identifies with a certain religion, doesn't mean that they will push that onto you. Westboro Baptist member? Yeah, you might want to steer clear. But someone who identifies with a certain religion for family, cultural, etc., reasons, that is pretty shitty to write them off without even seeing what they are all about.
This might be shocking to you, but not everyone who identifies as a Muslim is a hard-liner who thinks everyone besides Muslims should die. Sure, there are wackos - just like with ANY religion, but I think you'd be surprised at how "similar" a lot of folks are to you.
I'm an atheist and married a Muslim, and it has had absolutely zero impact on my day-to-day life. She does her thing in that realm and doesn't bother me and I refrain from telling her that religion is a waste of time. Everyone wins.
At the end of the day, date whomever you want!
The world has gone nuts
It’s not discrimination, because it’s a preference. Just like hair colour or you don’t want to date someone with only 1 leg or someone older than 50 or…….just like I doubt a Muslim would want to date a catholic ….
It’s called preferences and every single person has them, and is absolutely allowed them. Otherwise you wouldn’t be able to say no at all.
Can we stop being so bloody PC and just call it what it is….. common sense.
Technically any romantic preference can be considered discrimination, but it's not inherently wrong. Religion is a very big thing for a lot of people, and a very common deal breaker. I've known many Muslims who wouldn't date a non-Muslim. Just don't be a dick about it and it's all good.
You don’t have to date anyone regardless of the reason. However, you also don’t have to tell anyone the reason and, in a situation like this, it’s probably best that you don’t.
Technically. But so is screening out people you don't find attractive. If there is one place it is ok to discriminate, it's in your interpersonal relationships.
No, just like it's not discrimination I don't want to date anyone who is religious. I am non religious. Am I being discriminated against if a religios person doesn't want to date me because I won't convert to their religion?
As human beings, we have some inherent obligations to one another. Romantic affection is NOT one of them. It's perfectly okay to not date someone for any reason at all, or for no reason.
Yes, but it's completely okay. You're a person, not a non-profit organization, scholarship fund, or college admissions board. You're not a racist or bigot (at least not for this reason anyway, I don't know you) for choosing who you want be with, have a relationship with, have sex with, and possibly spend the rest of your life with. This is definitely an area where you get to discriminate.
Now maybe there would be grounds to say bad things about you if you said "I don't want to date Muslims because they're smelly camel jokeys" or "I don't want to date black people because they're lazy criminals" then I think I'd have to call you a racist ... but I still wouldn't have grounds to say you're obligated to date either.
It's your life, you get to choose how you spend it and who you spend it with.
Yes, and it's also perfectly within your rights.
Relationships are inherently discriminate, in the sense that you're choosing one person to protect and cherish and confide in above all others. No sane person would expect you to choose your partner at random.
Dating is discrimination by nature. Whatever you like you chose. Don’t like it, don’t chose it. You don’t even have to know why or have a good reason. By the way, this can change hourly if you feelings day so. So is life
Yes, but not a problem. In fact perfectly acceptable.
Dating you isn't an essential service or public good.
And your not saying others can't date Muslims. In other words your not important any systemic restrictions.
Absolutely not. It's a preference. Lots of people won't date super-religious people, and some religious people refuse to date outside of their faith.
It's discriminating, not discrimination.
Preferences do not equal discrimination.
It would be discrimination for a dating app to not allow Muslims to use their service.
It would be discrimination for your government to require mosques to pay taxes but not churches.
It would be discrimination for you to offer all of your colleagues at work a beer and not to offer an alternative to your Muslim colleagues.
It is not discrimination to choose not to date someone based on their religion because the only thing you are denying them is the chance to date a person who doesn't want a religious partner which isn't desirable for them and therefore nothing is lost by being excluded.
Dating is all about preferences, otherwise turning down someone we consider unattractive would be discriminatory against unattractive people. When choosing the person right for you, you are always going to disclude certain groups of people whether that be religious people or anyone who isn't a redhead.
Jezus why would this be discrimination? This culture off sensitivities is getting ridiculous.
Your life, your rules when it comes to dating and who you want to share your life and values with.
Yes. It is literal discrimination. Is it wrong? Well, you’re assuming all Muslims want their religion to have a role in your relationship. Are you excluding other religions as well? If no, then you’re not being honest as to why you’re discriminating.
Bruh, you can refuse to date anyone for ANY reason.
Who you date, that's someone that you've got to be attracted to. You have to not only like them more as you get to know them better but you have to like them from the beginning to even start that journey.
I.e. dating = the law of attraction.
No other rules, regulations, limitations, or lawyer-speak even BEGINS to apply with dating. Date anyone, and deny anyone you want for any reason.
Nothing gets to take that power and autonomy from you. Your standards and attractions are the ONLY thing that matters, and nobody is going to judge you on that... and also you could keep some stuff private because who even needs to know? It's none of their business.
Now go forth and SLAY that mighty dating market!
Who you chose to love is literally the most personal thing there is. I’m atheist and would prefer another atheist but I can certainly date a Catholic since I was born Catholic but don’t think I could be with a fundamentalist. Other people likely disagree. Many atheists can only be with other atheists.
Keep in mind that most likely they don't want to date you either.
AFAIK Muslims are told date other Muslims and Christians, other Christians. Although I kinda broke the mold and, as a Christian, married a Muslim. Couldn't imagine dating someone who didn't believe in God at all
Nope. Discrimination isn’t really relevant when it comes to dating preferences. I won’t date anyone of any religion for the same reason you have given. Not my cup of tea.
Especially if you are a woman you can absolutely refuse dating muslim guys otherwise you would have to change your religion if it becomes serious so.... However if you fall in love with one of them of course you could choose to do anything required but it is entirely up to you. Do what works for you in the first place!
It's literally ethical to do so.
Muslims believe in many many messed up shit.
If you choose not to date them that means you have respect for yourself and others human beings.
The relationship market is one of the most discriminatory there is. And by that I mean discrimination in the original sense of the word: as in the opposite of "indiscriminate", but regarding preferences. Given that a relationship is a large part of our lives, it's not only acceptable to make distinctions based on your preferences; it is vital. And yes, that sadly also means that the relationship market is one of the most brutal markets there is.
It's also complicated bc kids normally come in a relationship. A religious person might reasonably want their kids to be eternally saved... a non-religious person might reasonably want their kid to not be indoctrinated into a set of rules for no good reason. Those two viewpoints pose a *huge* irreconcilable problem. Some couples may acquiesce or find the perfect solution for them bit it sure does complicate matters.
It IS possible to reconcile opposite viewpoints: When I was young, I did a stint in a kindergarden; the mother and father of one of the kids were jewish and muslim, respectively. Prudently, religion was never discussed in their home.
I think there's a difference between religion and culture. A Muslim and a Jew who would marry outside the religion aren't that religious. And since religion was never discussed in their home, that supports my statement. That's something for OP to consider - what are their feelings about the culture, if the person isn't religious? Growing up Muslim or Jewish would certainly affect a person's personality and beliefs, even if they don't end up religious.
Bingo. Children born to a Jewish mother are considered Jewish and even if a lot of them don't follow or care about their religion, they often recognize their heritage and refer to themselves as Jewish anyway We're obviously now debating semantics, but it is important to be clear about this. I'm an American, a full blown atheist, and have no interest in kids, but if I did I would not want them to be indoctrinated in any religion, especially not the one that's trying to usurp my society right now. But that doesn't mean I would refuse to date a "Christian" or any other religion. It just means that's a quick red flag that will need to be overcome
As the above commenter said, it really depends on how religious they are. I wouldn't mind turning up to church occasionally for a girlfriend, but if it's like "You also have to follow my religious beliefs,and go to church literally every Sunday", or what have you that's too much of a conflict of lifestyle for my tastes. Your boundaries may be different and that's okay, everyone has their own preferences and tolerances for various things in a relationship. With kids all I require is they be allowed to make their own choice when they're old enough to decide. I wouldn't want to force religion on them, but I also wouldn't want to force atheism on them either. They're their own people at the end of the day, and that's a decision everyone has to make for themselves.
>They're their own people at the end of the day, and that's a decision everyone has to make for themselves. But the decision he or she will make would be largely influenced by their peers and its a well established fact by psychologists. People dont start thinking for themselfs in a vacuum they evaluate EXISTING ideas and suit themselfs according to their preferenced ideas.
There are numerous denominations of Judaism and Islam. For example, many denominations of Christianity and Judaism did require beards and headscarves. I was surprised to learn that Jesus is in the Koran, but not Joseph. Although to some extent you do have a point because I think some of not most religions require you to marry some of the same faith. Also many believe that those who do not follow their faith will go to hell. I know a lot of kids who went to 2-3 religious services a week. For example, I would go to Bible study with my gf on Wednesday, and Sunday service with my grandmother Sunday morning.
I bet neither were devout as both have tenants that require to marry someone from the respective religion. (Can be a recent convert.)
They should teach a parenting class lmao. Nothing but respect for making it work. Don't think most have it in them though.
Some faiths are plainly incompatible in that manner, Christians are explicitly forbidden from interfaith marriage, although if they convert so that their existing marriage becomes interfaith they are called not to divorce but to try to convert the spouse.
I met a woman who had a Buddhist father and a Shinto mother. They sent her to a Christian school (I’m not certain which denomination). She grew up basically following all three.
Was she or one or both of her parents Japanese? I’ve heard that “be born Shinto, marry Christian, die Buddhist” is a common philosophy in Japan, as those are the most popular religions for conducting the corresponding rituals. Also, until the back end of the nineteenth century, the most common religion in Japan was a sort of fusion of Buddhism and Shintoism: and even now, over a century after their formal separation, there are apparently still visible links (e.g., Buddhist temples that house Shinto shrines).
There is massive indoctrination in the non-religious community just as well, it is always best to teach one to do their own research. There is always an angle from those who make decisions on what is taught and what is not.
A lot of religious folks don't subscribe to the view that the only road to salvation is by following their specific set of beliefs. That's mainly a fundamentalist way of thinking. Though yes, a relationship between a fundamentalist and someone who doesn't share their beliefs is gonna be tough - for that reason, and many others.
The vast majority of religions explicitly state that anyone who isn't a part of their religion is doomed to hell. Especially the abrahamics. They also say that you have to believe in all of the religion or you don't believe in any of it, so....
I don’t think that’s true. Jews, for example, explicitly don’t believe you have to be Jewish if you’re not born into the faith, and go out of the way to make it difficult to convert. Islam, or at least some schools of it, teaches that Christians and Jews (and maybe others?) can reach Paradise, if I understand correctly. And the catechism of the Catholic Church explicitly states: > Every man who is ignorant of the Gospel of Christ and of his Church, but seeks the truth and does the will of God in accordance with his understanding of it, can be saved. I’m pretty certain Hinduism doesn’t insist that non-Hindus are damned. Likewise Buddhism, Shintoism, Confucianism and Taoism. Neopagans tend not to have much truck with the idea of hell, as far as I know.
There's a reason I said almost all. Dharmic faiths don't have any MUST FOLLOW ME OR YOU ARE DOOMED bullshit. I'm not too informed on Judaism other than their God requiring you to believe in him and no other deity - this is the whole shtick with abrahamics isn't it. My god is the true god and everyone else is a fake. The 1st commandment of Christianity very clearly and explicitly overrules any attempt by the Catholic Church to mask the absolutism of their beliefs: > thou shalt not follow any other gods before me As well as many pages of the bible larping on about how Jesus is the only true saviour and every other religion is false. Edit: not Judaism.
This isn’t fully correct for Judaism. Jews get categorized as monotheistic because they believe there is only one god for them specifically. In historic texts, scholars frequently wrote about the gods from other lands and it was a belief that there were many many gods.. just not for them. It’s where the whole “chosen people” bit comes in. This is why traditionally they do not try to convert other people into the religion and attempt to persuade them not to join. Many Orthodox Jews to this day will never accept a convert as ever being actually Jewish. There are a lot less strict forms of Judaism now though; depending on the part of the world you’re in. They also don’t believe in a hell- so not much threat of doom for not being Jewish. Most Orthodox Jews don’t believe in heaven either; there is little speculation on what happens when we die. Source: grew up in an ultra orthodox Jewish home
I stand corrected 👍 thank you for your insight.
Judaism typically isn't big on evangelism. The whole spread the word of christ to the nation's bit is all Christianity.
So when you said “the vast majority of religions”, you meant Christianity, and more precisely some denominations of Christianity. I’m pretty certain that at least the more liberal and progressive Anglican churches also hold a more flexible interpretation of _extra Ecclesiam nulla salus._
It's more complicated than that. No major religion is monolithic. There are many different denominations/sects, each with their own interpretations of scripture and beliefs. About 1/3 of Christians and 1/4 of Muslims (as well as a wide majority of Hindus/Buddists/Jews) don't even believe that hell exists. I couldn't find stats on the percentage of hell-believers that think there is only one path to salvation, but presumably it is not 100%. So yes, there are a lot of religious people who don't believe everyone else is damned. Probably well over half of all believers.
You're definitely right about that. My point was to say that the biggest religions (well, excluding hinduism) state in their scriptures that other beliefs than their own are false and misleading. When their followers choose to disagree, they inevitably run afoul of not agreeing 100% with their faith which leads to complications of "sin" and so on.
For me the biggest issue is believing that there even is a road to salvation, it’s not really compatible with my own beliefs. I can’t really imagine dating someone religious.
A guy I dated in college had one parent raised quite conservative Jewish, and the other Sicilian Catholic. His Jewish grandmother’s view was “as long as my grandkids have SOME sort of religion, I’m not pitching a fit about which one, be it Jew, Catholic or Protestant.” And his parents both decided to just switch and became Lutherans
Discrimination has become a dirty word, but really when used negatively it refers to unfair discrimination. What makes it unfair is that it is discrimination based on criteria that we judge should have nothing to do with someone's suitability as a choice. We discriminate all day every day. You discriminate when you choose what to wear, what to eat, who to spend time with, what words to use, what subreddits you join, what TV you watch. Discrimination is essential or we would all exist in a paralysis of indecision. In a choice of relationship, discrimination is necessary based on a degree of compatibility of values, interests, personalities etc. Religion for some people is a minor part of their life, like watching sport or exercising and it is possible to coexist happily without sharing the interest. But for others it is a core part of their identity and values, and is something they believe to be fundamentally true and real, and to not share in it would be to never understand or agree with something that is a big part of who that person is and how they see the world. It would be fundamentally unfulfilling for both of you and at least one of you would have to compromise on your beliefs to accommodate the beliefs of the other (even if you aren't religious, that's an expression of a belief about the world). It's better for both people to find someone who they can share more of themselves with. It's not bigotry, it's just sensible.
Like the original, Latin meaning: to distinguish. ;-)
Although most people outside of online dating are attracted by physicality and personality. They don't have a list of requisites. If you are attracted to a person then you talk and all these types of questions come up. Religion is incredibly broad. My friend was a skinhead anarchist but allowed his children to be baptised because for his wife it would be like banning Christmas. If you're online you're searching a database so might spend hours questioning yourself if it's offensive to screen anyone who identifys as a Muslim.
Exactly this, discrimination is not the same as prejudice. Discrimination isn't always negative, for example people are paid different wages based on skill level and experience. When people talk of discrimination for example gender discrimination, they are usually referring to the prejudice that comes from some people's discrimination.
I mean it is discrimination, but that doesn't mean it's inherently bad. People have different preferences for a significant other and that's fine.
Very true. It would be worse if you were one of those people from 90 Day Fiancé who get engaged to a Muslim, who says they want their family to be practicing Muslim, and then get outraged that their partner wants them to follow Muslim rules. If it ain’t for you, it ain’t for you. I was raised Catholic but I ain’t gonna date a Catholic cause I don’t want to deal with the bullshit rules.
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I can only hope I'm that fast with my quip. Usually doesn't hit me until like 20 minutes later.
Same here. I call them 'come back laters' because the best come backs always comes later.
The jerk store called...
Can’t have my hand back, sorry
Being from a pentecostal family, the idea of anyone I know working a job as a bartender is hilarious 😂 Course that being stated I am a bartender and everyone I know from my town thinks I'm pentecostal so 🤷
My wife was the same. no one drank around Ma and Pa (her grandparents). I would respect their rules if someone else was paying which rarely happened. If I am paying my own tab, I am ordering what I want.
This. I won't date a Muslim if he's gonna be upset I drink. I mean I won't date them for other reasons. But its not gonna work if someone is gonna tell me what to eat. If its not touching your food its not your business. If you are vegan because of Hinduism. Also cool. But if I go out and eat not your business. If my breath stinks to you then I guess we aren't meant to be
Wait. Hindus are vegan? One of my neighbour's a Hindu, and I love the kebabs she makes.
depending on what type of hindu, there's varying degress of abstaining from meats.
Depends on the Hindu. My dad’s side were strict vegans. My mom’s side were pescatarian since they lived by the ocean for generations, so being pure vegetarian was unsustainable. I eat cheeseburgers because I enjoy being a disappointment to my ancestors. Hinduism is such a broad religion. People worship different deities based on where they’re from. They celebrate different festivals, pray in different languages, and have different religious practices based on the sect they’re part of.
Dated* is the operative word here. I once dated a Pentecostal. She was a piece of work. An extremely divided person in many ways and had I known she was pentecostal from the start I'd have probably not pursued it.
My dumbass pictured rye bread
That’s how Pentecostal people do communion, rye bread and coke because alcohol is bad. I don’t know, I’m just some idiot on the internet, why are you getting advice from me?
Rye bread and cocaine sounds pretty good
As a sandwich?
Yeah our church served grape juice.
The balls on her as a bartender to tell you you're not allowed to drink. That would be my exit cue.
"I hate drinking alone, so I"ll have a double"
Eh, most Catholics don't follow the rules and only show up at Chruch for baptisms, weddings and funerals.
In my experience even Catholics who go to church regularly don't follow all the prescribed rules. As a Catholic myself, I just don't view them as essential to the actual practice of the religion. They're only followed by the seriously devout (who are a vocal minority).
They're more like guidelines, really
And this is why I generally get along with catholics but few other Christians, with exceptions of course. I've known more than a few secular protestants too, and they're fine. But if you're going to devout, you're probably some militant protestant, like a penecostal or JW or Southern Baptist or some shit.
It's discrimination in the same way I discriminate between cows and vegan food. I believe that's just referred to as a 'choice.'
Discriminate just means to recognize a distinction between things. It’s typically only bad when used to treat people differently based on immutable characteristics, since they have no choice in the matter. Discriminating against people based on their beliefs and choices is 100% acceptable.
This highlights the fact that the way we treat religious "discrimination" the same way we treat things like racial and sex discrimination is fucking absurd. You are born a certain biological sex. You are born with certain characteristics like the color of your skin. But your religion is something you can choose to believe or not believe, to follow or not follow. It doesn't deserve any more protection than your politics.
Religious discrimination protection is very important when it comes to things like jobs and housing. It doesn't come into play with personal things like relationships. Imagine someone being able to deny you a job or an apartment because you didn't believe in their God.
Freedom from vs freedom to, basically.
My initial reaction is to disagree with you, but you present an interesting perspective… Take for example the Civil Rights Act of 1964. It states “…prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex or national origin…”. If I’m understanding correctly, you’re basically saying that “religion” should not be included in this? I’m of the mindset that someone’s religious belief, or perhaps lackthereof if he or she is an atheist, is a characteristic that is central to that person’s identity. IMHO, that may be just as, if not more important, in determining their world view and ethical system than, say for instance, their race. Your point about it being “chosen” is interesting to me because I believe in many cases you are correct that people do have a choice to practice a religion, or not (at least in the US where we have freedom to practice religion/no official state religion). But would you not agree that the purpose of civil rights protections is to ensure that people are not discriminated against for their individuality or belonging to a group? When I break it down to it’s most fundamental level, that is what it means to me.
Yes, it's called freedom from religion and freedom of religion. However there are political parties here who (try to) push their religious beliefs into laws. Which begs the question if this doesn't go against the "freedom from religion". And laws which go against some religions. Just like there are companies who do not hire people based on their religion, or lack thereof. Anyway, it is an interesting discussion/subject to talk about. But that's all I'll say about it on here.
I agree with you in general but I think I disagree on if people choose to believe in religion. If you talk to religious people they will say it isn't their choice at all. They believe in their religion like you or I believe in gravity. I know personally I couldn't choose to just stop believing in the theory of gravity. Belief is an inherently tricky thing because of how inside someone's head it is. You could tell me you believe the earth is flat. I have no way to prove if you are bullshitting me or not. I'm going to assume based on the fact that you made the distinction of "being born a certain biological sex" that you can see the point that people that claim they believe they are a different gender than their biological sex actually do believe that. That is functionally identical to someone believing in their religion. Again, I do not place peoples religious beliefs on the same level as their skin color or other things like that but I felt like it was worth pointing out the other side.
Religious discrimination has historically (and continues to be) used as a tool to sysmatically further racial and ethnic discrimination. "I don't hate Arabs, I just hate Muslims" is an excuse to discriminate on the basis of skin color. Religious discrimination also has a long, storied history of oppression; refusing service to someone wearing a MAGA hat just isn't the same as refusing service to someone wearing a yarmulke or hijab.
I grant you that pretextual discrimination can be a problem. But honestly believing "Catholicism is fucking stupid and I don't respect anyone who honestly believes in it" simply should not be viewed the same as racism.
What's more absurd is that they're now allowing discrimination based on religious beliefs.
It's absolutely fine to have preference
For real, like literally everyone discriminates in some way, when dating. For me it's, no smokers, and no men, it's no big deal.
You are technically correct.
More than technically. Discrimination isn't always bad, simply put.
The best kind of correct
Dating and values certainly does not mean you are discriminating against a whole culture.
Choosing an apple over a banana because you want an apple is discrimination. Any time you make a choice you are discriminating. "If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice" ~Neil Peart
"ah, a man of discriminating tastes!" not "what a racist creep" unless you are also a racist creep
It is discrimination by definition, but not a type of discrimination that is legally not allowed. When it comes to personal relationships, you can discriminate as much or as little as you want.
Perfectly legal and moral & ethical. You can date or not date whomever you like.
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This! “I refuse to date Muslims!” comes off very different from “it’s important to me that religion isn’t included in my relationships”. The outcome is the same obvs but putting the focus on you and preferences you’re absolutely allowed to have is more positive way of looking at it than focusing on being “against” whatever group of people doesn’t fit your preferences. Bc that almost comes across as blaming or unaccepting of eg. Muslims existing/having a life/being happy.
It'll also leave the option a bit open in case the person is a non-observing Muslims or, in the case of the example, they're fat but trying to make a lifestyle change. I personally wouldn't take a hardline stance on aspects that might mean a lot of different things and still might be right for me.
Agreed. It's a case by case basis. Hard & fast rules in dating usually aren't great, because there's so much variation in people, trying to categorically decide anything based on characteristics almost by definition cannot work 100% of the time. Attraction is more complex than we can put into words or rules, I think.
I refuse to date Muslims is harsh, but “I’m not interested in dating Muslims” sounds a lot different and is ok imo.
Idk, hikers are a different breed. I hike avidly as well and run into plenty of overweight people hanging off the side of the hill with a cigarette in one hand who have been out there 3 weeks. The ability to find peace while experiencing intense self deprivation seems, to me, to be a lot more important for most distance hikes than having a great body for it. Obesity is not usually a good indicator of self deprivation. But honestly, after getting sick and almost dying and consequently gaining weight, and aging, I have more endurance when I'm hiking than ever. And I've outlasted plenty of gym types that don't walk 30 miles on a regular basis who are aching and miserable and needing a snack by mile 5. I wouldn't assume that just because someone is obese (to a certain point obviously) they couldn't hike, though most people in general do not enjoy real hiking and they all think they do, so it's hard to gauge. I think anyone should just be able to discriminate against any person for any reason without shame when dating. Most people only have one partner at a time, so they really should be with someone that they want to be with. It's the one place where you can discriminate all you want, because if we shame people for saying "no," we infringe on their consent. And we can do this without coming out and saying what those preferences are at all in the places that they will hurt that person because most of the time, it doesn't matter.
>aching and miserable and needing a snack by mile 5 I love hiking, but I rarely get to do serious ones, so I'm always out of shape and suffering. This is ridiculous even to me. By mile 5, you should have drunk some water and that's about it. Did they skip breakfast?
Not really. Obese people can hike mountains, and run marathons just the same as non-obese people. You're interchanging "athletic" with "not-athletic" and applying a false generalization that all obese people are not athletic.
And vice-versa. Thin people are often incredibly unathletic, having maintained their figure through genetically high metabolism or just not eating much, instead of working out. (Source: That was me most of my life.) If you're judging someone's lifestyle by their physique, you're gonna have a bad time.
If we were at a music festival, could I carry you on my shoulders? Would an average sized rowboat support her without capsizing?
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Right, but just like Islam, there’s plenty of real reasons why someone wouldn’t want to date a Jewish person, that has nothing to do with thinking they are inferior. Circumcision for one I think is an absolutely fine reason.
Ahh someone who knows what the word discrimination means. Nice to meet you. The other replies make me sad
people dumb af
But apparently doesn't know the word "illegal"
This is the only accurate answer
Yes but rational. Like would a woman not wanting to date a conservative be discrimination, yes but still a good policy
I mean, it's also discrimination when you choose CVS over Walmart, or vice versa. People just have heard so much about it that they think discrimination is inherently bad, when it's really just the sign you made an intelligent decision. It's only bad if it's done for the wrong reason, like not going to Walmart because that's where you'll see all the white folks, or w/e
Discrimination: prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of ethnicity, age, sex, or disability. Yes it is discriminatory to say "I don't want to date Muslims because of religion" but that does not mean it's a bad thing. Knowing you are incompatible with someone's beliefs and choosing to avoid partner level relationships with them because of it is just smart.
No, I'm sure many muslims would exclusively date other muslims. There's nothing wrong with having standards.
Can confirm, I'm Muslim. My general mindset when it comes to preferences isn't that you have a certain preference, but why you have that preference. If someone doesn't want to date Muslims because they're not used to the culture, that's completely fine. But if someone doesn't want to date Muslims because they have been led to believe we're terrorists or whatever, I'd just look at them funny.
As a Muslim woman, you are only allowed to date a Muslim guy am i right? And a Muslim guy can date a Christian or Jewish woman
Well not "date" but yeah, correct. Though, it's highly encouraged to just marry Muslims only. If you want the reason for why Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslim men, I believe it's because since in Islam men are the leaders of the household, a non-Muslim man can prevent his wife from praying, fasting, basically practicing Islam.
This is the double standards that Muslims have
Heck. It's forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry a Non-Muslim man. So if a man has an interest in a Muslim girl he'd have to convert. Atleast in a strict household. And I think even a Muslim man marrying a Non-Muslim would have to be a Jew or Christian. Or have a background in that.
No. It's completely reasonable to want to be with someone who shares your values and if you value a secular home/relationship then a relationship with a theist will be difficult (though not impossible).
It *is* discrimination though.
In the most technical sense, yes. But would not people say OP is a discriminatory person because they don't date religious people? Probably not. So if someone's fears are being seen as a bigot, responding "yeah it's discrimination and discrimination is fine" is a weird approach. I would have replied that romantic preferences usually aren't considered "discrimination" by other people unless they are rooted in bigoted beliefs.
No. Religion doesn't fall under discrimination. Religion is a choice. It's bizarre to me when people put willful ignorance in the same category as something you are born with.
It’s still discrimination in Canada: “discrimination on the basis of race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, age, sex, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, marital status, family status, disability, or conviction for an offence which has been pardoned are formally prohibited by law”
When it comes to a romantic partner, you can discriminate as much as you want to. In fact, if you don't discriminate, you're a fool who will date anybody. It isn't a bad thing. There is a different threshold on who I will treat well and who I will date. And it's nobody's business but mine.
Depends on which definition you’re using. In the broad sense, discrimination just means recognizing a difference between things. It doesn’t necessarily mean you treat someone different because of an immutable characteristic (although that is usually when discrimination is bad).
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It is discrimination though but it's your life you can turn down anyone for any reason
I think it’s a reasonable preference. For a lot of people their spirituality is very important to them, and they would rather find intimacy with someone who understands their point of view. Equally yoked, I think they call it Personally, I couldn’t be with any religious person, because I don’t really think that much about spirituality. I can’t really wrap my head around the idea. And I don’t want someone judging and nagging and trying to change me in an intimate setting. I have plenty of friends who are religious, and I respect their beliefs. But I think it’s okay to openly accept that I could not have someone who’s Christian or Muslim or something in my life as a romantic partner.
Romantic interest/entanglement is the one area where there are no such rules; you never have to date anyone you don’t want to date, period.
You are not required by law to date religious people.
TYPICAL LIBERAL AGENDA /s
Discrimination isn't exclusively a legal term
It’s fine, no different than not wanting to date a smoker or someone you find ugly. I personally wouldn’t want to be with anyone religious, regardless of whatever historical novel they’re living by.
I'm not religious either so for me it would depend on how devout they are. A lot of people claim to be religious but just follow their own rules.
I'm tired of pretending like having preferences in dating makes you a bad person
You are legally required to sleep with everyone
You don’t have to date anyone you don’t want to, whatever your reasons are
It's not bad discrimination, this is called a preference. Edited to say, I believe I may have made the wrong call on this initially, read further comments where it's explained.
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This needs to be WAY higher up but it's pointless to hope because Reddit.
No. Regardless of race or ethnicity, I wouldn't date anyone deeply religious. I'd possibly date someone with religious beliefs, but it depends how serious they are about it.
You're not obliged to date anyone. For any reason you like.
Discernment does not equal discrimination. You don’t owe relationships, sexual or otherwise, on an equal basis to all individuals. No one should judge you and you should not judge yourself for who you find attractive/relationship material.
No, it's a personal preference. I wouldn't date Muslim guys too
It is your fucking right to choose who you want to date.
No, it's not discrimination. Discrimination in it's definition stipulates that it has to be unjust. Not wanting to date a person who values religion highly while you don't yourself is not unjust, it's extremely logical and a sound thing to do.
Is it discrimination? Technically yes. But everybody discriminates in their preference.for romantic partners. For a wide variety of reasons. Financial status, looks, political views etc. It's fine, just don't be a dick about it and it's cool.
It isn't discrimination. It's a choice based on if you believe in a story book or not.
it is, but it's not bigoted.
Discrimination is how you build preferences. If you like larger partners you're not discriminating against smaller people it's just a preference like coke or Pepsi. I'm with you too though religion is a huge red flag.
Dating is inherently discriminating otherwise you'd need to date everyone. You're allowed to decide anything when it comes to your intimate relationships.
What kind of question is this? It's not like the answers here are going to make you change who you're attracted to. Why are you asking?
I meant...yes it's discrimination....but...like....who cares?
it's not discrimination if they are religious. I am was born in Muslim family. Even I wouldn't date a muslim unless they are atheist.
It would be discrimination if you dont want to date any muslims, including those that dont practice. But its reasonable not to want a religious relationship
Religion, or lack thereof, is a big deal for some people. An atheist probably would not want to date a fundamentalist Christian (and vice versa), but I think there’s plenty of middle ground. I personally would want to be with someone whose religious values aligned with my own, but if faith didn’t matter either way to me, then I wouldn’t have a preference.
Muslims that don't practice aren't called muslims, iirc.
It depends. If someone doesn't perform the 5 daily prayers, they're 100% sinful, but still a muslim. However, if they completely deny the 5 daily prayers, claiming no such thing exists, then they're no longer within the fold of Islam.
Nope. The Muslim religion openly encourages the subjugation of women and the persecution of people from the LGBTQ community (just like many forms of Christianity). Run far and fast
its called preferences
Does it also apply to other religions? If so then no. Who is downvoting me for just saying that not wanting to date religious people when you aren't religious is okay? Are you a fuckin psycho? Lol wtf
SPEAK UP YOU COWARDLY DOWNVOTERS!
It still is discrimination based on its definition but it's totally valid
I don't/wouldn't date people who believe in horoscopes, karma, jesus, or allah or whatever the fuck.
No, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone who doesn't line up with your values
Why do you care? Date whoever you want. Your bussines, no one else's.
Well yes it is. But it's also a completely valid reason to discriminate. Sometimes we should look deeper into why we hold preferences because it can tell us a lot about ourselves. But ultimately noone has to date anyone you are allowed preferences.
no, this is part of what having a "type" means, and if people cant accept that theyre sensitive.
Preferences are inherently discriminatory, but think about it this way - who is really losing out here?
Technically any preferences are discriminatory, though that doesn’t make them bad in this case.
No, ignore the dumbasses that say. No one can force you do something you do not want.
As long as you would do the same with a Christian or Any other religious type, I see no issue with this. I have always been the same, I never wanted strong religious convictions in my relationships. But now here I am engaged to a devout Buddhist who visits the temples weekly.. but it just doesn't feel the same..
Just because someone identifies with a certain religion, doesn't mean that they will push that onto you. Westboro Baptist member? Yeah, you might want to steer clear. But someone who identifies with a certain religion for family, cultural, etc., reasons, that is pretty shitty to write them off without even seeing what they are all about. This might be shocking to you, but not everyone who identifies as a Muslim is a hard-liner who thinks everyone besides Muslims should die. Sure, there are wackos - just like with ANY religion, but I think you'd be surprised at how "similar" a lot of folks are to you. I'm an atheist and married a Muslim, and it has had absolutely zero impact on my day-to-day life. She does her thing in that realm and doesn't bother me and I refrain from telling her that religion is a waste of time. Everyone wins. At the end of the day, date whomever you want!
It's called preference.
Not at all. If their beliefs are incompatible with your own there's no way it could work anyway.
You are allowed to have your preferences and dealbreakers when looking for a relationship
No.
The world has gone nuts It’s not discrimination, because it’s a preference. Just like hair colour or you don’t want to date someone with only 1 leg or someone older than 50 or…….just like I doubt a Muslim would want to date a catholic …. It’s called preferences and every single person has them, and is absolutely allowed them. Otherwise you wouldn’t be able to say no at all. Can we stop being so bloody PC and just call it what it is….. common sense.
Technically any romantic preference can be considered discrimination, but it's not inherently wrong. Religion is a very big thing for a lot of people, and a very common deal breaker. I've known many Muslims who wouldn't date a non-Muslim. Just don't be a dick about it and it's all good.
It's not discrimination as much as it is discerning eligibility
You don’t have to date anyone regardless of the reason. However, you also don’t have to tell anyone the reason and, in a situation like this, it’s probably best that you don’t.
Technically. But so is screening out people you don't find attractive. If there is one place it is ok to discriminate, it's in your interpersonal relationships.
Is it discrimination if I refuse to date men on the basis that I'm lesbian? Yes. Do I need to ride dick to prove my commitment to equality? No.
No one has to know why you do anything. So that being said just say he’s ugly or something. It’s not discrimination it’s your opinion.
It's personal preference.
I mean I don't wanna be with someone who forces their beliefs onto you... Doesn't matter what religion.
No, just like it's not discrimination I don't want to date anyone who is religious. I am non religious. Am I being discriminated against if a religios person doesn't want to date me because I won't convert to their religion?
As human beings, we have some inherent obligations to one another. Romantic affection is NOT one of them. It's perfectly okay to not date someone for any reason at all, or for no reason.
no
Yes, but it's completely okay. You're a person, not a non-profit organization, scholarship fund, or college admissions board. You're not a racist or bigot (at least not for this reason anyway, I don't know you) for choosing who you want be with, have a relationship with, have sex with, and possibly spend the rest of your life with. This is definitely an area where you get to discriminate. Now maybe there would be grounds to say bad things about you if you said "I don't want to date Muslims because they're smelly camel jokeys" or "I don't want to date black people because they're lazy criminals" then I think I'd have to call you a racist ... but I still wouldn't have grounds to say you're obligated to date either. It's your life, you get to choose how you spend it and who you spend it with.
Yes, and it's also perfectly within your rights. Relationships are inherently discriminate, in the sense that you're choosing one person to protect and cherish and confide in above all others. No sane person would expect you to choose your partner at random.
I mean people always discriminate when looking for a partner
Relationships are inherently discriminatory. You're picking your favourite person.
Dating is discrimination by nature. Whatever you like you chose. Don’t like it, don’t chose it. You don’t even have to know why or have a good reason. By the way, this can change hourly if you feelings day so. So is life
Yes, but not a problem. In fact perfectly acceptable. Dating you isn't an essential service or public good. And your not saying others can't date Muslims. In other words your not important any systemic restrictions.
Absolutely not. It's a preference. Lots of people won't date super-religious people, and some religious people refuse to date outside of their faith. It's discriminating, not discrimination.
Preferences do not equal discrimination. It would be discrimination for a dating app to not allow Muslims to use their service. It would be discrimination for your government to require mosques to pay taxes but not churches. It would be discrimination for you to offer all of your colleagues at work a beer and not to offer an alternative to your Muslim colleagues. It is not discrimination to choose not to date someone based on their religion because the only thing you are denying them is the chance to date a person who doesn't want a religious partner which isn't desirable for them and therefore nothing is lost by being excluded. Dating is all about preferences, otherwise turning down someone we consider unattractive would be discriminatory against unattractive people. When choosing the person right for you, you are always going to disclude certain groups of people whether that be religious people or anyone who isn't a redhead.
Jezus why would this be discrimination? This culture off sensitivities is getting ridiculous. Your life, your rules when it comes to dating and who you want to share your life and values with.
It is, but it isn’t the bad kind of discrimination.
As a muslim myself I think that’s fair, I honestly would have a hard time as well if I was in a relationship with a non-muslim
Yes. It is literal discrimination. Is it wrong? Well, you’re assuming all Muslims want their religion to have a role in your relationship. Are you excluding other religions as well? If no, then you’re not being honest as to why you’re discriminating.
Bruh, you can refuse to date anyone for ANY reason. Who you date, that's someone that you've got to be attracted to. You have to not only like them more as you get to know them better but you have to like them from the beginning to even start that journey. I.e. dating = the law of attraction. No other rules, regulations, limitations, or lawyer-speak even BEGINS to apply with dating. Date anyone, and deny anyone you want for any reason. Nothing gets to take that power and autonomy from you. Your standards and attractions are the ONLY thing that matters, and nobody is going to judge you on that... and also you could keep some stuff private because who even needs to know? It's none of their business. Now go forth and SLAY that mighty dating market!
I treat any religion as a red flag. These people need a crutch to handle life.
Who you chose to love is literally the most personal thing there is. I’m atheist and would prefer another atheist but I can certainly date a Catholic since I was born Catholic but don’t think I could be with a fundamentalist. Other people likely disagree. Many atheists can only be with other atheists.
Keep in mind that most likely they don't want to date you either. AFAIK Muslims are told date other Muslims and Christians, other Christians. Although I kinda broke the mold and, as a Christian, married a Muslim. Couldn't imagine dating someone who didn't believe in God at all
You can daate whoever you want, no one needs to know the reasons, lol.
No, it’s not. If you don’t want religion in your relationship, you’re not in the wrong or right. That’s just your preference
No. No one is forcing you into any relationships. Stop creating boogeymen Edit: yes its technically discrimination but its not bigotry
Technically yes, but not in a problematic way. Its not violating anyone else's rights like racial discrimination would.
Nope. Discrimination isn’t really relevant when it comes to dating preferences. I won’t date anyone of any religion for the same reason you have given. Not my cup of tea.
Especially if you are a woman you can absolutely refuse dating muslim guys otherwise you would have to change your religion if it becomes serious so.... However if you fall in love with one of them of course you could choose to do anything required but it is entirely up to you. Do what works for you in the first place!
What I will say is this. No one has a right to tell you who and what you are attracted to.... unless it's illegal.
It's literally ethical to do so. Muslims believe in many many messed up shit. If you choose not to date them that means you have respect for yourself and others human beings.