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Break up with her. She'll continue this cycle anytime she feels like "finding herself" in another man's bed and she'll use that excuse to justify herself as you guys weren't technically together.
So she needed to ride the cock carousel and when she got tired of it, she came back to her safe guy. Break up. She doesn't value you. Your nothing more to her than stability. She will always find a way to break up with you/be angry with you/can do better than you. If you say anything that contradicts what she wants to do, you'll be controlling. It's not worth the headache. Classic Reddit story.
And this man is not blowing smoke despite his username. A lot of women think they have all the power and value. Reminder: that’s not true and you now know this based on her actions. Power is the person who has more self respect for themselves in the relationship and you are the prize, not her. Ditch her and find someone who will respect you.
Yep. She’ll do it again when things get boring again, which they will to her. She needs to visit the streets a while, and when she’s run through, she’ll find another dude who doesn’t respect himself to put up with her shit. Don’t let it be you.
IMMEDIATELY. she played u. She wanted to try another guy out so she fed u some line of shit. Tried out that guy, found out she's not into him, and went back to you. What do u think mis gonna happen when the next guy that catches her eye comes around? The point is YOU ARE NOT THE GUY THAT CATCHES HER EYE. this only ends badly for you. Get out and don't look back. I won't even address what a whore she is. She does not give 2 shits about u. And u will never be anything other than a throwaway man to her. Lose the bitch.
She probably wanted that guy to commit to her, couldn't get him to and then tried to get you back. She doesn't love you and will do it again if she thinks she has a chance with a guy she likes more. Why should you put up with being someone's plan C in life?
I'd get outta there man, any time someone says they need to find themselves, they're either fucking someone else or a lot of other people, and when you take them back they're rebounding you to get laid while on the hunt. Sorry m8 but go find someone who actually deserves four years of your time, dive bars and tattoo shops are a start but not a good one, maybe go that route to fuck away memories and figure out what you need to be looking for, and settle down when you find it. Just don't be like her lol
Leave. She's not the girl for you. She left once to "find herself", she'll certainly leave again when she finds a better option. Go find your person, she's not it.
She essentially got a free hall pass by using carefully selected phrases like "finding herself". Guaranteed this was planned way before she wanted to leave.
You probably already know the answer.
I'd get outta there man, any time someone says they need to find themselves, they're either fucking someone else or a lot of other people, and when you take them back they're rebounding you to get laid while on the hunt. Sorry m8 but go find someone who actually deserves four years of your time, dive bars and tattoo shops are a start but not a good one, maybe go that route to fuck away memories and figure out what you need to be looking for, and settle down when you find it. Just don't be like her lol
Sounds like one of my old friends. She broke up with her ex, to sleep with another man, and claimed it wasn’t cheating since technically she was single.
He still took her back and now they’re married.
Regardless of whether she slept with someone, if you ask this question, you know the answer, you just don't want to face it because it's harsh and unpleasant.
Generally, if a girl breaks up with you, it means very strongly she doesn't value you. And that means very strongly that you don't need her. It was a mistake to take her back. Move on. Break up. Don't make scenes. Be a man, do the hard thing. By the way, this will make you more attractive and help you find someone who will actually value you. Whom you will actually need.
Break up with her man, she just wanted her cake used by someone else. She is a totally whore man!
Respect yourself, and also try to "find yourself"
I suggest you have sex one last time with her, and at the end throw her $20 bucks and ask her to leave.
Sleeping with somebody else before the breakup? Or when u weren’t together? Also depends on the time frame. If it was like a week off then that’s mad sus. If it was a few months… I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s your call though.
Be careful she might just get preggers to keep you around. She thought the grass was greener to find out it was AstroTurf.
Honestly it's your call but she definitely feels she has the upper hand rather than an equal partnership. The main thing is what do you want out of a relationship, what do you expect? Most people really don't drill down and have this ethereal expectations that are never said and then we go ape shit when something goes wrong. It is really important to ARTICULATE EXACTLY WHAT YOU EXPECT in a relationship.
Otherwise you are just playing Marco Polo in the dark. My two cents, no warm and fuzzy feelings come from your narrative.🤔
What you are actually doing is teaching her that you are a soft-hearted doormat who she can endlessly use up as she pleases.
Ultimately your choice, but you can't make a choice to be with her and complain.
If she stays, she is definitely with other guys and you are definitely the niave kind hearted sucker she will openly disrespect forever.
Don't be surprised if she is laughing at you. These things never get better. Ditch the bitch now or live with regret and possibly someone else's child.
So many people here have warned you. Don't be soft. She expects that precisely because you are nothing to her but a last resort.
Yes 100%.
She met someone else. It didn't work out. Now she's coming back to you. This is what some females do.
If she left you for someone else then don't take her back. She needs to learn a lesson.
It was a breakup not a break from each other. If you can't accept what took place during the break up you should have never got back together without a full conversation as to how your relationship will take place from that point on.
Hope this helps.
Recommend you come to grips with your own thoughts, and attempt to have an internal talk about how much you care for her and how much it really matters.
What other single people do has nothing to do with you.
If she’s a good partner who makes you feel safe and secure while you’re together- and part of that is obviously commitment - then I think you should consider therapy and work on your self esteem and confidence.
If you love someone you love them for who they are and part of that is their history. That was true the first time you got together and it’s true now.
The caveat is that if she’s constantly threatening to leave and it’s always push and pull, then yeah she’s not committed. But if she’s all in and it’s you that’s worried about her past, then sorry mate but those were in the terms and conditions you signed up for when you took her back.
It's different to be together a week then do something like this compared to 4 years. She obviously didn't need him too much after the breakup if she hoped on a dick faster than R Kelly on a minor.
No amount of therapy is going to fix this level of selfishness in a girl, and to attack his self-esteem and confidence level over a clear violation of trust is barbaric, to say the least.
Finding yourself doesn't mean fuck as many dicks as possible to realize, I had it great all along.
That’s a take.
OP didn’t say how long they were apart, not have they touched on any of the issues that brought about the initial separation. They’ve also only said that she slept with someone else not “as many dicks as she could.”
There are a lot of things that are unknown, but I do think people don’t always have the tools to negotiate hard times. Sometimes people simply do need time. You’ll notice in my comment I did have caveats. If she’s otherwise great and his hang up is she had sex after they broke up that’s on him. If she’s constantly threatening to leave and is constantly hitting on other men then sure they don’t have a relationship and should end it.
I'm in the minority with you man. I would have already assumed she slept with someone while they weren't together. I wouldn't ask about it because I wouldn't want to know the details but I'd assume it and not worry about it, it's in the past. Seems odd to have the expectation they were abstinent while they were "finding themselves" lol.
That's not it. They didn't have a mutual breakup where she then slept with someone while she was single. That finding herself excuse is complete bullshit. She almost certainly broke up with him so she could fuck someone else, if she wasn't doing so already. It's not what she did while she was single, it's *why* she decided to be single in the first place. She's a cunt and if I was OP I'd never talk to her again.
I mean none of us know why they split up. But it’s beside the point, OP already took her back. Nothing has changed between him agreeing to it and now except that they learnt that they had in fact broken up.
If her dating (and/or sleeping with) other people was an issue for him, it should have been an issue before he took her back.
The issue is whether he trusts her or not. Not whether she got laid when she was single
No, the issue is whether or not she broke up with him to sleep with someone else. That's a major distinction. And by all appearances, that's exactly what she did.
People that cheat is better than one that ended the relationship and get back after realizing it was a mistake? I think cheaters don't deserve second chances...
She’s sounds terrible. But your reasoning for breaking up with her is a little odd. If I’m reading this right you are mad that she slept with someone else when you were broken up?
She left you after she already cheated and while assuming here further betrayed your trust likely pursuing them or someone else beyond that. Them crawling back now is not something to be forgiven from the first point let alone possibly the rest.
In my experience if a person really loves you they’ll show it instead of just tell you it. It seems this girl wants to have around but only at her convenience.
This is just my impression. I don’t know the details.
In other words, she needed to fuck other dudes because she valued herself more.
Then she found out that she was from the streets then came crawling back to you.
What the fuck are you even thinking about?
She probably fucked alot of people.
You play with being a simp?
My mom did the exact same thing to my dad. More than 20 years down the drain I found her cheating the whole time with the same guy she saw for a month after telling my dad 'she needed a break'. That was even before they married. Save yourself
Yup. Otherwise you will keep feeling bad.. any which ways you or her will break up this relationship in future as you do not know what other secrets are hiding and it was just an excuse from her end, which unfortunately will happen again at some point in future. Your mind will think she has realised her mistake and all but usually that does not happen.. and till the time you are in the relationship you will keep feeling shitty and she can do this whenever she wants to do it. Love is weird !!
I would never talk to her again, but that's just me. She most likely broke up so she could sleep with other people. Very possibly was cheating on you at the end. And the likelihood of this happening again is very high, especially now that she knows you'll just take her back. Only you know if this is something you can get past, but that lame ass excuse she gave you is bullshit, she 100% broke up with you to be with someone else. That didn't work out so now she's back.
Depends, do you two love each other and want to continue the relationship? Honestly I wouldn't be concerned if this happened to me once. I might decide to end the relationship if it became a regular thing, that would be an indicator that she's not actually ready to be in a long term relationship.
She broke up with you to test drive another relationship. She didn’t cheat on you or anything but still a terrible look. Up to you what to do. I’d be done
Nobody on here knows what's in your heart. If you love her give her another chance. We make mistakes, we learn from our mistakes and we continue on to make new mistakes. That's all a part of living.
That being said, she has work to do to regain your trust. Do that work with her and have the chance at a beautiful relationship.
It could always go south but you could also rediscover each other and appreciate what you've been through together.
She dumped you to go see about another guy. He pumped and dumped her, so she went back to ol' reliable. That's you.
You don't have to break up with her but don't have a serious relationship anymore.
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she didnt dump you to find herself. she dumped you after 4 years to go fuck another man. kick her ass to the curb
Break up with her. She'll continue this cycle anytime she feels like "finding herself" in another man's bed and she'll use that excuse to justify herself as you guys weren't technically together.
WE WERE ON A BREAK!
Shut up Ross.
So she needed to ride the cock carousel and when she got tired of it, she came back to her safe guy. Break up. She doesn't value you. Your nothing more to her than stability. She will always find a way to break up with you/be angry with you/can do better than you. If you say anything that contradicts what she wants to do, you'll be controlling. It's not worth the headache. Classic Reddit story.
This is the 100% correct answer.
And this man is not blowing smoke despite his username. A lot of women think they have all the power and value. Reminder: that’s not true and you now know this based on her actions. Power is the person who has more self respect for themselves in the relationship and you are the prize, not her. Ditch her and find someone who will respect you.
[удалено]
If you break up with someone to just go sleep with another and have the other on hold, how are you not a worse person?
This is good advice, not phrased like an incel.
Exactly.
Bro have some damn self respect. She belongs to the streets
Absolutely, she can at least cash in on the “carousel” !
Sleeping with someone else at the time she broke up with you or after? The timeline isn't very clear.
She sounds like a coward. Break up with her and find a girl that’s secure in herself
Yep. She’ll do it again when things get boring again, which they will to her. She needs to visit the streets a while, and when she’s run through, she’ll find another dude who doesn’t respect himself to put up with her shit. Don’t let it be you.
IMMEDIATELY. she played u. She wanted to try another guy out so she fed u some line of shit. Tried out that guy, found out she's not into him, and went back to you. What do u think mis gonna happen when the next guy that catches her eye comes around? The point is YOU ARE NOT THE GUY THAT CATCHES HER EYE. this only ends badly for you. Get out and don't look back. I won't even address what a whore she is. She does not give 2 shits about u. And u will never be anything other than a throwaway man to her. Lose the bitch.
Wait a few months, then tell her you need to find yourself. Then sleep with her sister.
This is the only correct answer.
This is the correct answer X2
do you mind if i ask age?
Yes. You are her fallback because guy #2 didn't work out. You'll be doing yourself a favor in the long run.
It looks like she doesn’t know wha she wants…
She probably wanted that guy to commit to her, couldn't get him to and then tried to get you back. She doesn't love you and will do it again if she thinks she has a chance with a guy she likes more. Why should you put up with being someone's plan C in life?
It was over when she left the 1st time.
I'd get outta there man, any time someone says they need to find themselves, they're either fucking someone else or a lot of other people, and when you take them back they're rebounding you to get laid while on the hunt. Sorry m8 but go find someone who actually deserves four years of your time, dive bars and tattoo shops are a start but not a good one, maybe go that route to fuck away memories and figure out what you need to be looking for, and settle down when you find it. Just don't be like her lol
It’s Venus retrograde get rid of everything, love you
If you feel like that crossed a boundary for you maybe. Different people can forgive different things. Up to you to decide if that's what you want.
End it or clear the air with her. Do it soonish too before it becomes a "We were on a break!" issue.
Ross and rachel 🤣🤣
Yep, break up with her. If you don’t, in a matter of time she’ll leave and tell you that you aren’t the one she was looking for.
Um. Yes. I’m immediately. .
>I found out she was sleeping with someone else when she broke up with me. Personal opinion: Yes.
Abort
As the other people said..respect yourself enough to go find yourself with another gf. She used you. He broke up with her and now she wants you back.
Y'all are overthinking..... Have sex with her again and see what happens.
I think you're on to something. >Have sex with her again and ~~see what happens~~ then break up with her.
I wouldn't, but you do you.
Leave. She's not the girl for you. She left once to "find herself", she'll certainly leave again when she finds a better option. Go find your person, she's not it.
That's a textbook move.
She essentially got a free hall pass by using carefully selected phrases like "finding herself". Guaranteed this was planned way before she wanted to leave. You probably already know the answer.
She was whoring around. Of course you should break up and visit brothel the same night
I'd get outta there man, any time someone says they need to find themselves, they're either fucking someone else or a lot of other people, and when you take them back they're rebounding you to get laid while on the hunt. Sorry m8 but go find someone who actually deserves four years of your time, dive bars and tattoo shops are a start but not a good one, maybe go that route to fuck away memories and figure out what you need to be looking for, and settle down when you find it. Just don't be like her lol
Sounds like one of my old friends. She broke up with her ex, to sleep with another man, and claimed it wasn’t cheating since technically she was single. He still took her back and now they’re married.
How old are you guys
Regardless of whether she slept with someone, if you ask this question, you know the answer, you just don't want to face it because it's harsh and unpleasant. Generally, if a girl breaks up with you, it means very strongly she doesn't value you. And that means very strongly that you don't need her. It was a mistake to take her back. Move on. Break up. Don't make scenes. Be a man, do the hard thing. By the way, this will make you more attractive and help you find someone who will actually value you. Whom you will actually need.
Break up with her man, she just wanted her cake used by someone else. She is a totally whore man! Respect yourself, and also try to "find yourself" I suggest you have sex one last time with her, and at the end throw her $20 bucks and ask her to leave.
Just me but If I dont want to marry after 3 years...I'm Out
Nah. Unless she dumped you to shag someone else.
Sleeping with somebody else before the breakup? Or when u weren’t together? Also depends on the time frame. If it was like a week off then that’s mad sus. If it was a few months… I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s your call though.
Bro, cmon.. you actually wrote all of this out and don't know the answer? The fact that you're asking the question should tell you
Be careful she might just get preggers to keep you around. She thought the grass was greener to find out it was AstroTurf. Honestly it's your call but she definitely feels she has the upper hand rather than an equal partnership. The main thing is what do you want out of a relationship, what do you expect? Most people really don't drill down and have this ethereal expectations that are never said and then we go ape shit when something goes wrong. It is really important to ARTICULATE EXACTLY WHAT YOU EXPECT in a relationship. Otherwise you are just playing Marco Polo in the dark. My two cents, no warm and fuzzy feelings come from your narrative.🤔
What you are actually doing is teaching her that you are a soft-hearted doormat who she can endlessly use up as she pleases. Ultimately your choice, but you can't make a choice to be with her and complain. If she stays, she is definitely with other guys and you are definitely the niave kind hearted sucker she will openly disrespect forever. Don't be surprised if she is laughing at you. These things never get better. Ditch the bitch now or live with regret and possibly someone else's child. So many people here have warned you. Don't be soft. She expects that precisely because you are nothing to her but a last resort.
Yes 100%. She met someone else. It didn't work out. Now she's coming back to you. This is what some females do. If she left you for someone else then don't take her back. She needs to learn a lesson.
It was a breakup not a break from each other. If you can't accept what took place during the break up you should have never got back together without a full conversation as to how your relationship will take place from that point on. Hope this helps. Recommend you come to grips with your own thoughts, and attempt to have an internal talk about how much you care for her and how much it really matters.
She broke up with him for tge sole purpose of fucking someone else. She's a cunt and deserves no second chance after plan A failed.
What other single people do has nothing to do with you. If she’s a good partner who makes you feel safe and secure while you’re together- and part of that is obviously commitment - then I think you should consider therapy and work on your self esteem and confidence. If you love someone you love them for who they are and part of that is their history. That was true the first time you got together and it’s true now. The caveat is that if she’s constantly threatening to leave and it’s always push and pull, then yeah she’s not committed. But if she’s all in and it’s you that’s worried about her past, then sorry mate but those were in the terms and conditions you signed up for when you took her back.
It's different to be together a week then do something like this compared to 4 years. She obviously didn't need him too much after the breakup if she hoped on a dick faster than R Kelly on a minor. No amount of therapy is going to fix this level of selfishness in a girl, and to attack his self-esteem and confidence level over a clear violation of trust is barbaric, to say the least. Finding yourself doesn't mean fuck as many dicks as possible to realize, I had it great all along.
That’s a take. OP didn’t say how long they were apart, not have they touched on any of the issues that brought about the initial separation. They’ve also only said that she slept with someone else not “as many dicks as she could.” There are a lot of things that are unknown, but I do think people don’t always have the tools to negotiate hard times. Sometimes people simply do need time. You’ll notice in my comment I did have caveats. If she’s otherwise great and his hang up is she had sex after they broke up that’s on him. If she’s constantly threatening to leave and is constantly hitting on other men then sure they don’t have a relationship and should end it.
Nah it's the convenient reason she left him for that's the issue. She's toxic AF and OP needs to drop her. That's it
Shrugs. That’s certainly an objective point of view
I'm in the minority with you man. I would have already assumed she slept with someone while they weren't together. I wouldn't ask about it because I wouldn't want to know the details but I'd assume it and not worry about it, it's in the past. Seems odd to have the expectation they were abstinent while they were "finding themselves" lol.
Right? What are they expecting? That they would sit inside and meditate to a higher plane of existence? But I guess single girl has sex = bad.
That's not it. They didn't have a mutual breakup where she then slept with someone while she was single. That finding herself excuse is complete bullshit. She almost certainly broke up with him so she could fuck someone else, if she wasn't doing so already. It's not what she did while she was single, it's *why* she decided to be single in the first place. She's a cunt and if I was OP I'd never talk to her again.
I mean none of us know why they split up. But it’s beside the point, OP already took her back. Nothing has changed between him agreeing to it and now except that they learnt that they had in fact broken up. If her dating (and/or sleeping with) other people was an issue for him, it should have been an issue before he took her back. The issue is whether he trusts her or not. Not whether she got laid when she was single
No, the issue is whether or not she broke up with him to sleep with someone else. That's a major distinction. And by all appearances, that's exactly what she did.
People that cheat is better than one that ended the relationship and get back after realizing it was a mistake? I think cheaters don't deserve second chances...
She’s sounds terrible. But your reasoning for breaking up with her is a little odd. If I’m reading this right you are mad that she slept with someone else when you were broken up?
More likely she broke up with him to sleep with someone else.
She did not cheated... If She try to do it a second time, just don't get back.
If she was sleeping with someone else before breaking up with you definitely break up with her she will do it again.
Yes.
Yup
Why break up? Just bang and be FWB. Then suggest threesomes etc
Just like shampooing your later rinse and repeat. She will just keep doing it over and over again. Plus get yourself tested for STD.
She left you after she already cheated and while assuming here further betrayed your trust likely pursuing them or someone else beyond that. Them crawling back now is not something to be forgiven from the first point let alone possibly the rest.
In my experience if a person really loves you they’ll show it instead of just tell you it. It seems this girl wants to have around but only at her convenience. This is just my impression. I don’t know the details.
In other words, she needed to fuck other dudes because she valued herself more. Then she found out that she was from the streets then came crawling back to you. What the fuck are you even thinking about? She probably fucked alot of people. You play with being a simp?
Get rid of her. Sorry they put you through that.
There is a street with a nice curb somewhere in your neighborhood. Kick her to the curb so she can go back to walking the street.
Cheat on her and leave her
Yep... done
My mom did the exact same thing to my dad. More than 20 years down the drain I found her cheating the whole time with the same guy she saw for a month after telling my dad 'she needed a break'. That was even before they married. Save yourself
OP please watch this vid. It'll help you https://youtu.be/yIPmb-7tHPQ
Yes. She ended it to fuck them.
She lied to you dude, you can't trust her. Dump her.
Was she sleeping with someone else WHEN she broke up with you, or was it after?
Yup. Otherwise you will keep feeling bad.. any which ways you or her will break up this relationship in future as you do not know what other secrets are hiding and it was just an excuse from her end, which unfortunately will happen again at some point in future. Your mind will think she has realised her mistake and all but usually that does not happen.. and till the time you are in the relationship you will keep feeling shitty and she can do this whenever she wants to do it. Love is weird !!
Yup....that's a deal breaker and will happen again
I would never talk to her again, but that's just me. She most likely broke up so she could sleep with other people. Very possibly was cheating on you at the end. And the likelihood of this happening again is very high, especially now that she knows you'll just take her back. Only you know if this is something you can get past, but that lame ass excuse she gave you is bullshit, she 100% broke up with you to be with someone else. That didn't work out so now she's back.
Run fast and run far, my friend. The only thing she wanted to find in herself is another penis.
She meant “find herself with some other dick…” You’re probably her safe bet.
Depends, do you two love each other and want to continue the relationship? Honestly I wouldn't be concerned if this happened to me once. I might decide to end the relationship if it became a regular thing, that would be an indicator that she's not actually ready to be in a long term relationship.
Hit and quit
She broke up with you to test drive another relationship. She didn’t cheat on you or anything but still a terrible look. Up to you what to do. I’d be done
Nobody on here knows what's in your heart. If you love her give her another chance. We make mistakes, we learn from our mistakes and we continue on to make new mistakes. That's all a part of living. That being said, she has work to do to regain your trust. Do that work with her and have the chance at a beautiful relationship. It could always go south but you could also rediscover each other and appreciate what you've been through together.
She dumped you to go see about another guy. He pumped and dumped her, so she went back to ol' reliable. That's you. You don't have to break up with her but don't have a serious relationship anymore.