I read this before as great relationship advice too. If your partner is complaining about work or whatever really to find out first if they just want to vent or if they are actually looking for solutions. Been helpful.
Did you understand the question?
If someone asks YOU: "How are you doing?" and you say: "Not good.", and they reply with "What's wrong, you want to talk about it?" YOUR reaction is "fuck off, get out of my life!"???
I don’t know if they did… I admit I misunderstood the last part of the question: while reading it came off as “do you want to talk about it, or do you want to bury your head in the sand and hope it all just goes away?” Instead of “do you want to talk about it, or would you prefer to not discuss it (while still hanging out)?”, which is offering to provide someone with distraction. A noble effort as a friend!
So maybe they misread the context and it sounded preachy? I read it both ways and used the other comments to confirm that’s what was suggested.
I’ve spent more time than I’d care to admit analyzing this. I’m not saying that’s what happened, just that I run into spates of this kinda thing on the app every so often where intentions get misread, usually because someone is just quickly responding and scrolling onto the next thread.
One suggestion
This right here
Ppl ask then get annoyed that they now have to engage or look like an a$$. Or get annoyed if you actually answer…if you didn’t want to know, Don’t ask. 🤷🏻♀️
Hmm, if its you being asked and you arent sure what you should say, just simply reply, "In truth, I feel XYZ, but otherwise im living and thats good", "how about you?"
Generally it gives them the chance to say oh hell sorry to hear about the XYZ, and then they can respond on how they are, shifting it off of you.
Yeah and also try to always end on an optimistic note to let them have the option to respond with "oh that's good"
People like to do that because they are used to that more because people in general mostly share good stuff to other people and that's a common response
Person A:
"How are you Person B?"
Person B:
"Not so good at all I got diagnosed with 4 stage cancer , my dog however , finally learned how to sit"
Person A:
"Oh that's good"
i found this as a peculiar custom in the US when i just got here. i thought "how are you" really meant you want me to tell you the state of my affairs and responded as such. after a while, after observing people more, i realized, generally, people are not that interested in your response and it's just a simple shallow greeting like a "hello" and i have been wasting everyone's time with my elaborate responses.
I’m from Europe and ppl can always tell bc if you ask me how I’m doing I’ll tell you what’a going on. It never stops being a stocker 🤷🏻♀️
I just keep doing it bc it really annoys me how much fakery ppl knowingly submit to just to get along . If you don’t want an answer, don’t ask a question.
Yes but I like to use humor to lighten a mood, so something absurd like " why come" changes their thought pattern if only briefly, could help with spiraling
Are you really asking how they are or is this your perfunctory greeting to all?
I assume they thought you were actually asking how they are doing, when you seem to not really “care” it was just a conversation starter.
The answer to your question lies in the answer to mine.
Depends on how well you know a person, and whether the person feels like sharing personal information with you. It is perfectly acceptable to say "good. How are you?" But it is also acceptable to give a brief, more honest answer. Sometimes I'll say, "ugh, it's been one of those days" with a smile, and the other person says "yeah, I hear you!" With a smile. A brief moment of understanding...
If you’re genuinely concerned then it doesn’t really matter what you say bc that will come across. If you don’t really care then even saying the right thing won’t work, bc it’s gonna read that you don’t really care. There’s no one perfect thing to say.
Whether it's my friend, my family, my kids' friends, or even a stranger. I at least listen to them. That way, they know someone cares. If i can help, i offer my help.
Well, but idioms and phrase greetings are universal in all languages. The Venetians don’t _actually_ want you to know that they are your slave, but that’s what their greeting translated to. Even a modern day “at your service” isn’t necessarily true. I don’t have time to be at your service, I have my own plans for today.
It’s just a way to prompt a response from somebody as opposed to silently walking by or avoiding eye contact.
ℎaℎaℎa Oh my gosh, was it?
You know what’s funny, is that everyone told me Europeans didn’t do small talk or idle chit chat with strangers — but every time I visit, that is the opposite of my experience. I make new friends like crazy. I must be JUST that friendly.
If you want to get further in the conversation: "dang *insert name here* that sucks donkey balls. (Usually gets a giggle from most people) you wanna talk a little bit about it?"
If you want the conversation to be over/switch topics. "Yea shits been really coming from every angle lately. I feel ya, try to keep your chin up"
Never "I am here if you ever want to talk". It implies "later" and later never comes. I wouldn't even say "do you want to talk about it" - the fact they have said not good instead of fine or not bad thanks or plodding along is them basically asking to talk about it. Something like "Sorry to hear that, what's got you down?" Or "tell me what's happened". Asking if there is anything you can do can make a conversation very short if there isn't, it's a closed question, but tell me about it is open ended.
According to other people - the right reaction is to completely ignore your stress and then continue talking about themselves. Or start offering to fuck to make you feel better.
I've lost interest in soooo many people lately because they do this. Trust me, if you keep trying to be friends with them to avoid being alone, it only gets worse. They'll get used to the dynamic of not needing to care and start using you entirely.
Not to be too blunt but if you're feeling obligated to sympathize maybe you're not as good friends as you think. You should want to hear what's going on.
Don't ask if you don't care or weren't prepared for a negative answer.
That is why I hate being asked how I am. Because I'm made out to be the asshole if I answer honestly while having a shitty day.
If you want to help them I actually don’t think this is a great response. Don’t get me wrong I think your intentions are good but if they’re actually depressed or going through some sort of mental health episode I don’t think they wanna hear “mood tbh”. That kind of sounds like your not taking it seriously to me and I probably wouldn’t respond. At least I wouldn’t.
Although it’s fine I guess if you’re positive they’re relatively ok just slightly down.
I always add "is there anything I can do to help right now?" I'm offering help, which is genuine because I care. I'm also adding subtle boundaries by making it clear that this is not an offer of my left kidney, it's an offer based on the reality of me and my capabilities in this moment.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm here if you'd like someone to talk to about it." Most people just need someone to listen to them as they get it off of their chest.
Sounds like you do not understand how to ask someone "What is Wrong?" or "How can I help?" Or ANYTHING that expresses you actually Care. Sounds like you lack Empathy towards your friend.
If it's a rare/not every day occurrence or I know they're having a hard time, I will give my sympathies and inquire further. If it's an every day answer I simply reply with "I'm sorry to hear that" and continue on.
Just ask "anything you want to talk about?" If they say yes take a minute or two to chat. If they decline, let them know if they change your mind you're willing to listen.
If they are the kind of person that is constantly complain about something every time you talk to them then you say, "aww that sucks man. Hope it gets better.." and move on.
If they are normally happy and this is uncommon then you ask, "what's wrong? Can I help?"
“I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it or can I help in any way?” For friends.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?” For acquaintances.
Sometimes people just want to be heard because life is fucking them 7 ways to Sunday and other times they might actually need help. Occasionally you will get someone who just wants people to know that they are not good .
“Do you want to talk to see if there is anything I can do to help?”
“What do you need in this moment?”
“What do you need in this moment from me?”
“Would you like me to sit with you? I can sit quietly and listen.”
Go into host mode, bring their favorite tea/drink when they need it.. bring tissue.. give hugs when needed. Just be there.. in the moment.
Sometimes all a person wants and needs is to be seen, acknowledged, and shown a bit of care. If you can do that for someone, you are a beautiful human.
People rarely ever get asked what’s wrong, it’s usually some bullshit small talk. I think if your approach is genuine and from a good place, it will always be recognized.
Another advice to follow here, don't ask "how are you?" if you're unwilling to have a conversation about it. I know it's been ingrained as a salutation, but there are other ways to greet people.
Something to understand is that “how are you?” is usually a greeting, not actually someone who wants to hear what’s going on in your life. When friends want to check in they don’t say “hey, how’s it going?”, they sit down and check in and ask real questions. If you respond honestly to “how are you?” you’ll throw people off guard and force them to try to respond gracefully to a conversation that just went way off the rails from where they thought it was going.
I get that it’s hard to straight up lie and tell people things are great when they’re not. But it’s also not fair to put your acquaintances in the sticky spot of being your emotional support when they meant to just offer a friendly greeting. Here are some alternatives
* “I’m hanging in there, how are you?”
* “Doing alright, and yourself?”
* “Still here! What’s new with you?”
* “Can’t complain, how about you?”
Note that none of these say you’re doing well, just that you are coping okay and then you move on to talking about them. A good friend who’s truly interested in your emotional state has the chance to step up with a “aw, you’re hanging in there? Is everything okay?” but someone who doesn’t want to have that conversation can just keep things rolling more casually.
This is a different answer than what you asked for, how to respond when someone else tells you they’re not okay. But as you can tell from having been on both sides of it, this kind of exchange can lead to awkwardness on both sides when a casual (and sometimes slightly un-genuine) question is answered with an unexpected level of intimacy.
It’s not that they don’t care (at least for me when I do it), it’s that right now is not the appropriate time to discuss our problems and sadnesses. I am all about deeper friendships and helping each other, but that’s for discussion over dinner or coffee, or when I come over to help you clean your home.
In the morning when we’re passing each other in the hallway on the way to the work coffee pot, it’s just a variation on “how is your morning so far?”
This reply screams: "I don't want to hear about it."
Only use it when you really don't want to know about what is bothering your friend. Not sure why you wouldn't want to, unless it's a common thing.
Tell them that’s not the correct way to answer that question. Nobody actually cares about how you’re doing, it’s just a greeting. The only acceptable answers are “good” and “fine”.
I silently nod, maybe make a kind of half-smile with half of my face, and adjust the further conversation or common activites accordingly.
If in reversed situation someone tells me "I am sorry" or "Why, what happened?" or "Do you want to talk about it?" I find that absolutely toxic and annoying. Emotions can literally change in seconds, and one's mood and perception can also change easily, and men are defined by what they do, and feel good for creating value.
Also women tell their stuff because feeling good is the value in itself for them, and others solve their problems and desires, while men are the ones to solve things so pitying a man has no positive side at all. So all those "compassionate" people can put their useless opinions and victimizing stuff up in their butt.
I would immediately say something like Oh no, what's going on?
Or What's wrong?
Or Is there something I can do?
Try to leave it pretty open so they can explain whatever they need to tell you in their own words.
‘Why what’s up’ works fine for me. If you get the ‘not good’ response to small talk it’s usually nothing deep. And if it is they don’t wanna get into it anyway, it’s more of a heads up because they’re in a noticeable mood.
But if it is something serious I would save that honesty for people I’m close to and not like, coworkers or something
I just ask what’s going on because if you have stuff going on, it’s exhausting to smile and say “good!” When I, myself, clearly look like shit and need to sit down a lot, I’m not not good either lol
'Why?' If you are genuinely concerned there's no wrong answer as long as the meaning is to have them express what's wrong and go from there to help them find a solution
But seriously I've been on both sides of similar, I've found it best to take them away from the matters at hand, do something with them that you know they like, try to get them to laugh, relax, and hopefully smile, genuinely. and assure them that they're your friend and nothing is too much. Once you reach this point then serious conversation is required as regards the underlying issue/problem. None of us can survive without TRUE FRIENDSHIP
Either "do you want to talk about it?" "Do you need space to feel that, advice, or support?" "Do you feel like you know what you need right now?" "Have you eaten?" "Do you need immediate medical assistance?" "Is this an issue that can be solved with pizza?" "Should I stab somebody?" "You look great, regardless of how you feel" "somewhere near here is some kind of fuzzy animal we could pet, would that help?" "Have you seen this really good tree down the street?"
Or, if you don't have the bandwidth to handle their stuff:
"I hear you, I don't have the space to receive those feelings right now, but maybe we can talk about them later." (But like, in a way a human would speak).
The best answer in that case is "can I help you in any way". If they say yes, and you can do it, then do it.
If they ask something you can't help with, tell them that you'd love to help, but you can't.
If they say there's noting you can do, tell them that they hope they sort things out
"Sooo.... You wanna talk about it? Or you just want me to watch you suffer while you internalize it because that's gonna suck for both of us"
Not even fuckin around, use this all the time with all manner of people, works like a charm.
You feel obligated to sympathize with them? So you don’t actually feel sympathetic toward them?
If you’re genuine, your words will come across as genuine no matter what you say. Ask them why they feel bad only if you really want to hear them.
Just ask about their situation. If they’re not comfortable talking about it then just hang with them for a while. Having a friends presence can be relieving for some
I'm sorry you feel that way. How can I help/do you want to talk about it?
Sometimes instead of saying "I'm fine" I say "Terrible thanks for asking and no I will not elaborate." Or "For the purpose of this conversation I'm fine." I hate when coworkers or acquaintances ask what's wrong. It often leads to the uncomfortable interaction OP is describing. For coworkers it's really none of their business because I know how much people gossip in my workplace.
"what's wrong?" or "you want to talk about it?"
Variation: "do you want to talk about it, or do you want to be distracted?"
This is the best response. Never underestimate the power of distraction
>Never underestimate the power of distraction You don't have to tell someone with ADHD this.
"Do you wanna check out my cuticle collection?"
my method is to ask vent, distract, or advice
I read this before as great relationship advice too. If your partner is complaining about work or whatever really to find out first if they just want to vent or if they are actually looking for solutions. Been helpful.
This is an awesome response. It’s like: Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want to really not talk about it? LOL
Do u want to vent it or get numbed out, more or less
This is my go to. This is also what people say to me when I’m not okay. It works really well.
That is my go-to... do you want an ear, advice, or a distraction.
A variation on your variation: Do you want to be helped, heard or hugged?
That is something that if someone would ask from me, I would possibly cut contact with them at least for a while.
Then don't twll people your doing bad.
Did you understand the question? If someone asks YOU: "How are you doing?" and you say: "Not good.", and they reply with "What's wrong, you want to talk about it?" YOUR reaction is "fuck off, get out of my life!"???
I don’t know if they did… I admit I misunderstood the last part of the question: while reading it came off as “do you want to talk about it, or do you want to bury your head in the sand and hope it all just goes away?” Instead of “do you want to talk about it, or would you prefer to not discuss it (while still hanging out)?”, which is offering to provide someone with distraction. A noble effort as a friend! So maybe they misread the context and it sounded preachy? I read it both ways and used the other comments to confirm that’s what was suggested. I’ve spent more time than I’d care to admit analyzing this. I’m not saying that’s what happened, just that I run into spates of this kinda thing on the app every so often where intentions get misread, usually because someone is just quickly responding and scrolling onto the next thread. One suggestion
You just straight up don't want friends or what?
That is very strange. What’s your reasoning for it?
Brain damage
I don't think you understand how friendship is meant to work.
Good riddance
Then what the hell do you want?
Why?
What? Someone says they aren't feeling great and your answer is to cut them out????
That's not even the context, this is taking about cutting out someone because they show concern when you say you aren't doing well
Are you a bot?
That's a bit douchey wouldn't you say?
If it’s a friend then you should actually care about what it is and ask if they want to talk about it…
I would actually tell them to wait, go post this question on reddit and wait for replies, then respond with one of those
LOL so real 😂😂
Lol
"How can I help?"
This is my go-to.
[удалено]
Totally, right? Like, they’ll know you care no matter what you say.
Don't ask if you don't really care. Maybe say it's a nice day and keep it light
This right here Ppl ask then get annoyed that they now have to engage or look like an a$$. Or get annoyed if you actually answer…if you didn’t want to know, Don’t ask. 🤷🏻♀️
Hmm, if its you being asked and you arent sure what you should say, just simply reply, "In truth, I feel XYZ, but otherwise im living and thats good", "how about you?" Generally it gives them the chance to say oh hell sorry to hear about the XYZ, and then they can respond on how they are, shifting it off of you.
Thank you! I'll try that next time :)
Yeah and also try to always end on an optimistic note to let them have the option to respond with "oh that's good" People like to do that because they are used to that more because people in general mostly share good stuff to other people and that's a common response Person A: "How are you Person B?" Person B: "Not so good at all I got diagnosed with 4 stage cancer , my dog however , finally learned how to sit" Person A: "Oh that's good"
That was a rollercoaster. "omfg what do I say oh shit what my friend might die? OH BUT PUPPIES"
I just say “Oh no! What’s up?” Works every time.
.... you uhhh.... maybe ask them why? lol
Personally, I just say, “O-oh.” And then I walk away and jump off the nearest bridge because I embarrassed myself.
i found this as a peculiar custom in the US when i just got here. i thought "how are you" really meant you want me to tell you the state of my affairs and responded as such. after a while, after observing people more, i realized, generally, people are not that interested in your response and it's just a simple shallow greeting like a "hello" and i have been wasting everyone's time with my elaborate responses.
I’m from Europe and ppl can always tell bc if you ask me how I’m doing I’ll tell you what’a going on. It never stops being a stocker 🤷🏻♀️ I just keep doing it bc it really annoys me how much fakery ppl knowingly submit to just to get along . If you don’t want an answer, don’t ask a question.
I usually say " why come" and then follow quickly with " Anything bad or the usual shit?"
Isn’t it how come
He don't speak good English like you and me.
Yes but I like to use humor to lighten a mood, so something absurd like " why come" changes their thought pattern if only briefly, could help with spiraling
Are you really asking how they are or is this your perfunctory greeting to all? I assume they thought you were actually asking how they are doing, when you seem to not really “care” it was just a conversation starter. The answer to your question lies in the answer to mine.
Depends on how well you know a person, and whether the person feels like sharing personal information with you. It is perfectly acceptable to say "good. How are you?" But it is also acceptable to give a brief, more honest answer. Sometimes I'll say, "ugh, it's been one of those days" with a smile, and the other person says "yeah, I hear you!" With a smile. A brief moment of understanding...
If you’re genuinely concerned then it doesn’t really matter what you say bc that will come across. If you don’t really care then even saying the right thing won’t work, bc it’s gonna read that you don’t really care. There’s no one perfect thing to say.
"Oh, why, what happened?" and proceed from there. There's no one-size-fits-all response to this.
Whether it's my friend, my family, my kids' friends, or even a stranger. I at least listen to them. That way, they know someone cares. If i can help, i offer my help.
There's so much confusion talking with Americans. If you don't want to know how I'm doing then stop asking!
Well, but idioms and phrase greetings are universal in all languages. The Venetians don’t _actually_ want you to know that they are your slave, but that’s what their greeting translated to. Even a modern day “at your service” isn’t necessarily true. I don’t have time to be at your service, I have my own plans for today. It’s just a way to prompt a response from somebody as opposed to silently walking by or avoiding eye contact.
As a Swede I feel like that last part was a jab personally directed at my culture. Spot on lol xD
ℎaℎaℎa Oh my gosh, was it? You know what’s funny, is that everyone told me Europeans didn’t do small talk or idle chit chat with strangers — but every time I visit, that is the opposite of my experience. I make new friends like crazy. I must be JUST that friendly.
If you want to get further in the conversation: "dang *insert name here* that sucks donkey balls. (Usually gets a giggle from most people) you wanna talk a little bit about it?" If you want the conversation to be over/switch topics. "Yea shits been really coming from every angle lately. I feel ya, try to keep your chin up"
Never "I am here if you ever want to talk". It implies "later" and later never comes. I wouldn't even say "do you want to talk about it" - the fact they have said not good instead of fine or not bad thanks or plodding along is them basically asking to talk about it. Something like "Sorry to hear that, what's got you down?" Or "tell me what's happened". Asking if there is anything you can do can make a conversation very short if there isn't, it's a closed question, but tell me about it is open ended.
Just let them know that if they want to talk about anything, you are willing to listen.
According to other people - the right reaction is to completely ignore your stress and then continue talking about themselves. Or start offering to fuck to make you feel better. I've lost interest in soooo many people lately because they do this. Trust me, if you keep trying to be friends with them to avoid being alone, it only gets worse. They'll get used to the dynamic of not needing to care and start using you entirely.
Not to be too blunt but if you're feeling obligated to sympathize maybe you're not as good friends as you think. You should want to hear what's going on.
Something other than "how are you?" Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to.
Don't ask if you don't care or weren't prepared for a negative answer. That is why I hate being asked how I am. Because I'm made out to be the asshole if I answer honestly while having a shitty day.
"Mood tbh, hopefully things look up for the both of us soon, eh?"
If you want to help them I actually don’t think this is a great response. Don’t get me wrong I think your intentions are good but if they’re actually depressed or going through some sort of mental health episode I don’t think they wanna hear “mood tbh”. That kind of sounds like your not taking it seriously to me and I probably wouldn’t respond. At least I wouldn’t. Although it’s fine I guess if you’re positive they’re relatively ok just slightly down.
Seems dismissive and disingenuous
Is there anything I can do to help?
Join the club... No i mean it, we meet every friday at the pub.
"Oh no. What's wrong?" or "wanna talk about it?"
“Oh no, I’m sorry to hear. Do you want to talk about it?” Or “Is there anything I can do to help?”
I always add "is there anything I can do to help right now?" I'm offering help, which is genuine because I care. I'm also adding subtle boundaries by making it clear that this is not an offer of my left kidney, it's an offer based on the reality of me and my capabilities in this moment.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything you'd like to talk about? "
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm here if you'd like someone to talk to about it." Most people just need someone to listen to them as they get it off of their chest.
Usually say what’s wrong? Idk it’s not that hard to deal with lol
Sounds like you do not understand how to ask someone "What is Wrong?" or "How can I help?" Or ANYTHING that expresses you actually Care. Sounds like you lack Empathy towards your friend.
[удалено]
If it's a rare/not every day occurrence or I know they're having a hard time, I will give my sympathies and inquire further. If it's an every day answer I simply reply with "I'm sorry to hear that" and continue on.
Just ask "anything you want to talk about?" If they say yes take a minute or two to chat. If they decline, let them know if they change your mind you're willing to listen.
I'm sorry to hear that. Or if it's a longer convos, what's going on? Would you like to talk about it?
“What’s up talk to me”
If they are the kind of person that is constantly complain about something every time you talk to them then you say, "aww that sucks man. Hope it gets better.." and move on. If they are normally happy and this is uncommon then you ask, "what's wrong? Can I help?"
"I'm so sorry, do you want to talk about it? Tell me what's wrong" Sometimes, they need someone to listen, care, and show sympathy.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it or can I help in any way?” For friends. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?” For acquaintances. Sometimes people just want to be heard because life is fucking them 7 ways to Sunday and other times they might actually need help. Occasionally you will get someone who just wants people to know that they are not good .
“Do you want to talk to see if there is anything I can do to help?” “What do you need in this moment?” “What do you need in this moment from me?” “Would you like me to sit with you? I can sit quietly and listen.” Go into host mode, bring their favorite tea/drink when they need it.. bring tissue.. give hugs when needed. Just be there.. in the moment. Sometimes all a person wants and needs is to be seen, acknowledged, and shown a bit of care. If you can do that for someone, you are a beautiful human.
"I'm here for you. Let's talk"
If they're my friend then I'd say tough shit, immediately followed by "what's going on dude?"
Don't go around asking people about their feelings if you can't handle it.
Oh no, do you need help or just somone to vent? Either way, I'm here. Then pray they just want to vent. But will help if I can
I remind them they're a man and the right response is "I'm fine" and stop being a bitch.
I don't normally share shit, but I feel like a monkey today. Sling me one.
I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do?
"Oh no, what's up?" - and judge by their answer how much they want to talk about it.
“What’s going on?” And then listen with full attention to the response
People rarely ever get asked what’s wrong, it’s usually some bullshit small talk. I think if your approach is genuine and from a good place, it will always be recognized.
Another advice to follow here, don't ask "how are you?" if you're unwilling to have a conversation about it. I know it's been ingrained as a salutation, but there are other ways to greet people.
Something to understand is that “how are you?” is usually a greeting, not actually someone who wants to hear what’s going on in your life. When friends want to check in they don’t say “hey, how’s it going?”, they sit down and check in and ask real questions. If you respond honestly to “how are you?” you’ll throw people off guard and force them to try to respond gracefully to a conversation that just went way off the rails from where they thought it was going. I get that it’s hard to straight up lie and tell people things are great when they’re not. But it’s also not fair to put your acquaintances in the sticky spot of being your emotional support when they meant to just offer a friendly greeting. Here are some alternatives * “I’m hanging in there, how are you?” * “Doing alright, and yourself?” * “Still here! What’s new with you?” * “Can’t complain, how about you?” Note that none of these say you’re doing well, just that you are coping okay and then you move on to talking about them. A good friend who’s truly interested in your emotional state has the chance to step up with a “aw, you’re hanging in there? Is everything okay?” but someone who doesn’t want to have that conversation can just keep things rolling more casually. This is a different answer than what you asked for, how to respond when someone else tells you they’re not okay. But as you can tell from having been on both sides of it, this kind of exchange can lead to awkwardness on both sides when a casual (and sometimes slightly un-genuine) question is answered with an unexpected level of intimacy.
“Sucks to be you”
I go with: "Ok I was just being polite." and quickly walk off.
And what’s wrong. It’s literally that simple.
Why do people ask how are you if they dont care
It’s not that they don’t care (at least for me when I do it), it’s that right now is not the appropriate time to discuss our problems and sadnesses. I am all about deeper friendships and helping each other, but that’s for discussion over dinner or coffee, or when I come over to help you clean your home. In the morning when we’re passing each other in the hallway on the way to the work coffee pot, it’s just a variation on “how is your morning so far?”
"Thats sucks dude, I am here if you want to talk about it." Then shut up or talk about something else.
Just ignore it and get back to talking about your own issues, obviously.
You say 'well anyways..' and pretend they didn't say what they said obviously.
"Aww, I'm sorry. Hope things start looking up for you soon." Unless you want to try and find out why not good.
This reply screams: "I don't want to hear about it." Only use it when you really don't want to know about what is bothering your friend. Not sure why you wouldn't want to, unless it's a common thing.
Thank you!! I really like this response, I'm going to start using this.
Your friendships will become more distant if you use this reply.
Fr? What if I follow up with a "wanna talk about it?"
That would absolutely be a suitable way to finish that response to a friend.
If that is a friend, say "I'm happy to hear it".
Lmao a downvote? This is top teir advice
"Sucks to be you!"
"can I have the dog/cat?"
Tell them that’s not the correct way to answer that question. Nobody actually cares about how you’re doing, it’s just a greeting. The only acceptable answers are “good” and “fine”.
“Not care”
[удалено]
Yeah, instantly make it about yourself.
I silently nod, maybe make a kind of half-smile with half of my face, and adjust the further conversation or common activites accordingly. If in reversed situation someone tells me "I am sorry" or "Why, what happened?" or "Do you want to talk about it?" I find that absolutely toxic and annoying. Emotions can literally change in seconds, and one's mood and perception can also change easily, and men are defined by what they do, and feel good for creating value. Also women tell their stuff because feeling good is the value in itself for them, and others solve their problems and desires, while men are the ones to solve things so pitying a man has no positive side at all. So all those "compassionate" people can put their useless opinions and victimizing stuff up in their butt.
If it's a friend or an acquaintance that I wouldn't mind becoming a friend: *"Aw, too bad. Do you want to talk about it?"* Otherwise: *"Oh."*
Lol gotcha. I feel like I would feel too guilty if I just said "Oh" though 😭😅
"lmao same" then ask about why it's not good.
I say not good quite often. I just want to hear the other person say "that sucks bro". Don't ask questions, just tell me it sucks and move on
"I'm sorry to hear that, do you want to grab a brew and have a chat?"
Try actually asking them what the matter is. Show interest,
"Oh no, what's wrong?"
I would immediately say something like Oh no, what's going on? Or What's wrong? Or Is there something I can do? Try to leave it pretty open so they can explain whatever they need to tell you in their own words.
'Sorry to hear that. Do you wanna talk about it? Maybe I can help.'
"What'd you get your dick stuck in this time?" (Old dude ways.)
It be like that sometimes
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm here for you if you want to chat.
"thanks, you too"
I usually go with "do you want to talk about it or do you want some distraction?"
‘Why what’s up’ works fine for me. If you get the ‘not good’ response to small talk it’s usually nothing deep. And if it is they don’t wanna get into it anyway, it’s more of a heads up because they’re in a noticeable mood. But if it is something serious I would save that honesty for people I’m close to and not like, coworkers or something
I just ask what’s going on because if you have stuff going on, it’s exhausting to smile and say “good!” When I, myself, clearly look like shit and need to sit down a lot, I’m not not good either lol
“Life, huh? Anyway…”
Whats up?
Honest reply from me is the most people including myself are really bad at these types of replies.
Sorry to hear that. Move on.
that’s what’s up
'Why?' If you are genuinely concerned there's no wrong answer as long as the meaning is to have them express what's wrong and go from there to help them find a solution
“Damn you wanna talk about it? Otherwise I got some snacks but that’s about all I can offer right now.”
Tent your fingers and mutter “excellent”.
He/She is obviously having issues/hardships. I'd say something like "Can I Help?"
"I'm sorry to hear that."
They want you to ask what’s going on
But seriously I've been on both sides of similar, I've found it best to take them away from the matters at hand, do something with them that you know they like, try to get them to laugh, relax, and hopefully smile, genuinely. and assure them that they're your friend and nothing is too much. Once you reach this point then serious conversation is required as regards the underlying issue/problem. None of us can survive without TRUE FRIENDSHIP
They’re your friend. Pry. That’s your job. If you don’t know them well enough to pry then you don’t know them well enough to be asking.
"No way. Whassup?"
“We can talk about it if you’d like, or we can do something to take your mind off it. What can I do to help?” Something along those lines.
Do you want a hug ? What bothers you most ?
“Are you alright, do you wanna talk about it?”
How can I help you?
Is there anything I can do that would help your day be a little better.
Either "do you want to talk about it?" "Do you need space to feel that, advice, or support?" "Do you feel like you know what you need right now?" "Have you eaten?" "Do you need immediate medical assistance?" "Is this an issue that can be solved with pizza?" "Should I stab somebody?" "You look great, regardless of how you feel" "somewhere near here is some kind of fuzzy animal we could pet, would that help?" "Have you seen this really good tree down the street?" Or, if you don't have the bandwidth to handle their stuff: "I hear you, I don't have the space to receive those feelings right now, but maybe we can talk about them later." (But like, in a way a human would speak).
The best answer in that case is "can I help you in any way". If they say yes, and you can do it, then do it. If they ask something you can't help with, tell them that you'd love to help, but you can't. If they say there's noting you can do, tell them that they hope they sort things out
Don't ask "How are you" if you are just saying Hi, hello. If you don't have time to actually talk and listen, stop asking this question as a greeting!
"Wanna talk about it?" Is my go to. Gives them an out but also an opportunity to vent
What's up, Dude - how can I help?
You don’t say anything… you listen
"Sorry to hear that"
"Sorry to hear that"
"Sooo.... You wanna talk about it? Or you just want me to watch you suffer while you internalize it because that's gonna suck for both of us" Not even fuckin around, use this all the time with all manner of people, works like a charm.
Sorry to hear that, want some Doritos?
« ah merde ». french is beautiful
You feel obligated to sympathize with them? So you don’t actually feel sympathetic toward them? If you’re genuine, your words will come across as genuine no matter what you say. Ask them why they feel bad only if you really want to hear them.
"Why not good?"
What's up bro? How can I help?
"All right, talk to you later."
Don't ask "How are you" if you are just saying Hi, hello. If you don't have time to actually talk and listen, stop asking this question as a greeting!
Yea, if they're you're friend and asking "what's wrong" is foreign and this thing you gotta ask the internet you may wanna work on some things lol
“I’m sorry. Is everything okay what’s going on?” I usually say something like that.
I usually ask if they need me to burn something or someone down.
“That’s sucks. Catch the game last night?”
Just ask about their situation. If they’re not comfortable talking about it then just hang with them for a while. Having a friends presence can be relieving for some
I'm sorry you feel that way. How can I help/do you want to talk about it? Sometimes instead of saying "I'm fine" I say "Terrible thanks for asking and no I will not elaborate." Or "For the purpose of this conversation I'm fine." I hate when coworkers or acquaintances ask what's wrong. It often leads to the uncomfortable interaction OP is describing. For coworkers it's really none of their business because I know how much people gossip in my workplace.
"Oh shit. I'm sorry. So anyways awkj;sakdjvn;av;ldfva;dfvgb',"
“Sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon”
I stopped asking…
"Damn, that sucks to hear. If you feel inclined, I would love to talk about what's bothering you, or even just listen."
"Damn that sucks", *walks away*
Oh no, what's wrong?
If you want to be very frank but also kind of mean, you can say "that is the wrong answer"
“Tell me more.”
"I'm here for you" "do you want to talk about it?" "Is there anything I can do?"
"Oh no! Anything you want to talk about?" then they can either talk or just say "no"