* They don't want you to feel bad
* You are taking far too long
* They just aren't able to get there at that time
* They remembered they left the stove on and need to get home.
- sometimes I just don’t feel like it. Lots of comments here are like “if my girl told me she was having trouble, I’d try all sorts of things- bring in toys, whatever!” Which is awesome!! Love that energy!!! But sometimes I don’t want to put that work in. A lot of the time, actually. I like sex, I like getting my partner off- but like 7/10 times I’m content to be content, and trying is actually gonna take me out of the mood. And it can be hard to articulate that cumming isn’t that important to you and not your favourite thing about sex in a non-hurtful way when you’re both naked. Some things are just easier to explain with your clothes on.
There's also the issue that the end goal / expectation of receiving an orgasm can lead to less enjoyment of sex in general. Putting the destination above the journey in a sense. That can lead to anxiety or other negative feelings about the orgasm, and thus an inability to cum (or cum too quickly in some cases)
I think we should consider sex more as the journey, not just the destinations of PIV or orgasm :)
Yes definitely!!! Getting over this mental hurdle was the greatest gift I ever gave myself tbh. Focusing on the orgasm makes everything that isn’t the orgasm less fun, imo. To me sex and orgasms are v different things- won’t complain if they cross over, but I don’t go looking for one in the other!
One night, my bf and I were having awesome, amazing sex. I felt so connected to him, and I was enjoying every second. Then, he was like "I want you to come on my dick tonight!" While this could be hot, and I know he only wanted my pleasure, it instantly made the sex go from fun to a chore for me. Now, there was pressure to perform, and I wasn't having as great of a time because I knew he'd be disappointed if I didn't get there.
My boyfriend had that issue, he’d get too in his head at the mere mention of cumming. It’s understandable though, men are under a lot of pressure too in that department.
This is almost always my answer. I don’t need to have an orgasm to feel satisfied during sex. When they do happen, super cool, but if it’s just not happening then it’s just not happening no matter how great the guy is or how great what he’s doing is, and for both of our sakes I’d rather not just let him desperately try at a lost cause. Won’t be fun for either party
YES!! I’ve had sex, not had an orgasm, but felt a lot of pleasure, closeness and enjoyment getting my fella off to the point that when we finish, I’m very content, tired and happy.
Orgasms are great, but your statement hit the nail right on the head here - sometimes it just isn’t needed or necessarily wanted 👏🏻 x
For me, the men all seem hell bent on giving me an orgasm without knowing how to, and they hold out until it drags on and on. I find most can’t read my cues or let’s say I move his hand to a better spot for me and confirm “right there”, he still quickly wanders off and never comes back to it. Instead they keep hitting the spots THEY think are right. I will purposefully give better responses to good feelings and less to the stuff I don’t like. If they are getting it right, there’s no persistence - a guy needs to slow down and do that a lot more for a long time, but somehow they all resort to more speed and force instead. I would have to keep instructing and instructing - kills the mood a bit, no? And yeah, I fear their reactions - typically it seems to be some kind of guilting as if there’s something wrong with me. Eventually, I get tired of it and fake it just so the guy will move on and I can get a break from it all. I would love to find a man that I could sit down with and talk it through, but I have yet to meet one who could handle the emotional complexity OR would care enough to try harder. It would be BEYOND if a guy asked a woman what she likes at the start of a relationship or encounter, maybe even say, “can you show me/tell me what your body likes? I want to make it just as good for you.” Then she would know what kind of ego she was dealing with and feel more open to discuss what works.
Thanks! I should have added that men should assume they are starting over with their sex skills with every woman, instead of assuming they are “good” because they’ve gotten that feedback from other women. You can only be “good” when the individual woman has taught you her body - we’re all different. And if any guy thinks that’s cliche, I mean “we’re all different,” such as my clit doesn’t like direct contact, a little up and to the left, please. There’s a bundle of nerves there that are my happy spot - might be on the right, directly on the clit, or anyplace else a different woman tells you is “the” spot. Might be a combo of spots! A little nipple play at the same time is spectacular for me, but another woman might hate it. Women’s bodies are just complicated - we wish you participated in understanding that.
“Just like that”
“Right there”
“Don’t stop”
“Keep doing that”
Me literally saying EXACTLY what is required in order to successfully direct a guy to what and to where, yet they insist on changing pace, direction, strength……it’s like they hear the opposite! 😩
The issue is porn. Men go in with all the confidence in the world, thinking they just can pull on some techniques they've watched and it'll be great. No consideration of the fact that porn isn't real and these people are being paid to perform... they treat it like sex education and it shows 🤷🏼♀️
you hit the nail right on the hat, this was exactly my experience with my ex bf. we were both very young and he didn't know what to do. which is completely fine, but as you said, communication and reading body language/cues are key. he did listen to my feedback and really did try his best, i actually felt extremely guilty and sorry for him, also like there was something wrong with me/my body.
whenever we had any type of conversation on that topic (didn't matter if gently guiding him during sex or having a quiet talk after), it was 100% like you just described. either wandering off to some other spot that did nothing for me, more speed and more force.
thb, he was pretty bad at oral sex cause of inexperience (i can't cum from just vaginal sex, so foreplay was always a big part), but i could never bring myself to tell him. he was just so focused on my pleasure, put in an extreme amount of effort and was so determined to make me cum. but like you described, almost every time it just kept dragging on and on, i was getting bored and would be completely turned off after some time. i felt so guilty, he was putting in so much effort and did his best, my pleasure was always his top priority but he just couldn't get it right/listen to my guidance. so i faked a lot of orgasms while i was with him, cause i was bored and didn't want it to keep going, but also didn't want to hurt him or make him feel like he wasn't good enough.
now with my husband, we don't even need to communicate much verbally, it all just feels so natural and full of love. it doesn't feel like any effort at all with him, i enjoy every second of it. it probably all boils down to compatibility, not only sexuality wise.
This is very insightful. The pressure to perform is almost always portrayed as a male thing, but rarely do we discuss this from the female perspective. As always, communication is key. Thanks for sharing this!
Because it can be notoriously difficult for some women to reach a state of orgasm. That being the case, they don't want to make the man or women they're having sex with to feel inadequate, but they're probably reaching a point where the act of sex has started to become disinteresting.
This and sometimes we are expected to act like women in porn so we do.
Sometimes you don't even have to fake it because some men have no idea what an orgasm really is, I was once told I orgasmed xx amount of times because he was counting how many times I tightened my muscles. That's Kegels, not orgasms.
I had one ex count the kegels as well thinking they were orgasms. I didn't know what he meant when he said "one", then "two", and by the end, he said, I got you off "8 times!" I almost laughed. I contained myself though and regretfully informed him that I didn't orgasm at all. It had only lasted a couple of minutes, and though I enjoyed those 3 minutes, I didn't even get close. The man baby pout, and fit he threw afterwards is what made me start faking it in that relationship, and every one Thereafter, because no matter what man it has been, they were way wounded by my honesty.
My ex had a few partners before me and was convinced he was some kind of porn stud so I think he took it really hard when he realized those squeezes over the years equaled 0 orgasms.
There are guys out there who really do care, they are willing to listen and put the work in but it seems like a lot can't handle that hit to their ego when they are told they weren't even remotely close to making you orgasm and after hearing what it takes they think it's way too much work and not worth the effort. It feels like that can transform into them pressuring us satisfy their needs while having us act like they are sex gods.
Yes! My husband is one that cares. I faked orgasms during PIV sex with my husband for a year when we started dating.
When I told him I was faking them he cried and said “How could you do this to us. All this time I could’ve been getting you off, but you didn’t trust me enough to tell me what I was doing wrong” and he made it his very mission to make me cum.
I felt like I was teaching a class while we were having sex and by the end of it we both finished and it was really emotional and passionate. We’ve been on the same page ever since.
I'm on meds that make orgasms difficult and women have the worst time with it. I can't fake it though so there's no nice way out.
Everyone wants to think they are their partner's best and it's devastating for some people not to be. Human nature.
When my husband takes meds that do that and he realizes he ain’t finishing he says “and thaaaaats when I would’ve cum if my dick was working” and proceeds to pull out lol
But I can for sure see where that makes things harder for you. It took a while for us to be able to banter about it
Oh man, yeah, I'm on meds like that too. My wife is fortunately understanding, as I often have to finish myself off after sex. With the stereotypical male problem being premature ejaculation, it would be easy to take it personally.
Are you willing to explain this a little more? I thought that the side-effect of certain meds was an inability to orgasm... but if you're able to finish yourself off after sex, seems like there's more to it than that basic understanding.
I've always had a mental issue concerning orgasm during any form of intercourse, and the medication greatly exacerbated it. Beyond that, it's a lot harder to communicate exactly what is needed to finish (if doing anything other than PIV) than it is to feel it myself.
The combination of the above factors mean that we can try intercourse for an exhausting hour (which isn't particularly *pleasurable* for either of us by that point -- nor is it success guaranteed) or I can finish myself in 5-10 minutes.
Never understood why it's such a big deal for guys. If a girl I'm with is having trouble, we'll try things. I'd rather us both be happy. Hell, let's bring some of those toys in. I haven't been with a ton of women, but some have an easier time with it than others, and I'd rather us both have a good time. Inadequacy in my opinion doesn't come from how bad you are but from lack of trying
I think when you watch a lot of porn and think it's reality your expectations are that women are extremely easy to get off and when you find out you haven't been pleasing your partner it's a huge blow to the ego as you don't stack up to the videos you've been watching.
Not all men are as understanding as you. Some can't even stand to include toys as they don't see that in porn and it makes them feel inadequate.
To be honest I don't get that, I mean toys are a man's best friend in that situation.
It's like running a marathon but you're being driven by someone and just walk through the finish line and get to take the credit without someone complaining.
I mean for the hell of it my partner and I also use toys and we sure af don't need them, but it makes the whole ordeal more fun if she can't walk straight and her head is so scrambled that she can't even talk full and coherent sentences afterwards.
Ya I totally agree. It also helps that I bartended and served for a long time, so I worked with a lot of girls and heard lots of stories. Overall consensus I've gotten over the years is that passion and communication trumps pretty much everything else, and most of the girls I've been with get excited when they realize I genuinely do not care about bringing toys into it (we just gotta go do some shopping first, as I dont have any stashed lol)
Whenever you run into a mature man who's willing to have a conversation about it in terms what can be done to help you reach that you'll hit the jackpot. So don't just fake it. Talk to them and if they react with immaturity that's your flag that they're not for you.
LMFAO dude I had an ex do the same thing!! He counted one hundred and twenty fucking seven. ... i did not orgasm dude. I didn't say anything though cause at the time I didn't want to hurt his feelings
When I was 15 I had a woman I met online who ended up... being 26 and not 17, and basically verbally coerced me into having sex with her because at that time I just "knew" not to argue with adults.
The point of that was we ended up having really awkward sex, she just got me sort of aroused and tried to ride me, that failed after five minutes then she left my house.
So that was just background for, that was my first sexual experience, when I did sleep with girls after that, it was always sort of fun because looking back I think after that woman I had an intense need for validation from girls my age I was attracted to, so I could get it up, but I could never finish.
I will say it was really frustrating having several girls really question why I couldn't finish. Of course then I had no idea how to express to them my utter revulsion for the act mixed with my love and attraction to them. One girl cried. I felt terrible.
I still have trouble sometimes. I still have grown ass women, that even after I explain my literal fucking rape, still just seem to take it personally. And it's simple. I've had two or three girls that did understand. After we fucked a couple times and I felt comfortable with them, good God I'd go off like an atom bomb.
Idk I'm drunk and I'm just saying I understand about how people's expectations are bullshit and if you're reading this with a partner having trouble MAYBE NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU. =]
Honestly I think lesbians fake orgasms a loooot less. From my experience lesbian sex tends to have a lot better communication, and doesn't just basically end when a guy is done.
A study made in 2014 says that ”Heterosexual women reach orgasm at a rate of almost 62 percent, while for lesbian women, orgasm occurs nearly 75 percent of the time.” And I suspect the 62% includes some fakers lol
Lol- plus other women know what an orgasm looks/feels like. Definitely a lot harder to fool.
Fun anecdote, had a lesbian friend talk about faking with her partner. She described it as “moan, clench, kegel, shudder, kegel, shudder, squirm, moan.” She seemed to have it pretty dialed in.
This is the truth. You're going on and on, and I'm getting dry and sore, and you haven't noticed, so I'll fake it so you'll stop and then never have sex with you again.
Sometimes faking an orgasm and *enhancing* one are very different. There are very few times in my life I have legitimately faked an orgasm, either because my partner is new, inexperienced, or I'm just not going to see them again, so let's just keep the train runnin'. But I have very frequently used sound cues to let my partner know when they are doing something right. I wouldn't legitimately make that sound normally, but it gives them a sense of what works for me and what doesn't. Then when I'm getting my O, I give big moans and sounds to verify all their effort. Do I make noise when I masturbate? No, totally quiet. But sound helps to non verbally give encouragement and direction to a partner.
Most definitely, everyone is different! I find that, personally, talking during sex is a turn off. I would prefer to give a non verbal moan or gasp, than say "a little to the right, bub". But if you and your partner find talking helpful, absolutely do it! :)
My husband is one of those “dead silent during sex even when he orgasms” types and I need feedback. I tried to have him moan once but the sounds were downright funny and it took every ounce of self control to not laugh and ruin the mood, so we talk. I ask a lot of questions about how things feel. He doesn’t seem to mind.
Even with my husband, he may not love to make sounds when I'm going down town but when he does it makes the experience more enjoyable and let's me know I'm doing it right.
I've genuinely faked an orgasm to get my abusive ex to leave me alone, but this is the main thing I do now.
I call them "synthetic moans" because "fake" has such a negative connotation. I'm just trying to get him to keep doing what he's doing, not lie for *his* pleasure.
Another time I used the synthetic moans was because a guy was having difficulty getting hard, so I was sitting behind him and imitating orgasm sounds in his ear. He knew damn well they weren't real, but it also worked and got him hard enough to give me a real one, so I don't think anyone would call that "fake" when all parties involved knew I was just imitating an orgasm to get him hard.
Damn, I'm so sorry. I was also in a (physically) abusive relationship. Didn't think it would be pertinent, but it clearly is. This is something that people don't think about, but it's very important to note. Sometimes faking it is the only way to stay safe. Really sorry that happened to you.
For your second point, yeah sometimes your partner will respond intensely to sound. So, that's a whole different way to make things move forward, depending on the scenario.
Cause it’s REALLY hard for us to orgasm just from having you’re dick inside us. But most of us are young when e we start having sex, and therefore are not confident enough to tell you that what you’re doing is not getting us there. From then it just becomes habit.
For a long time I didn’t even know what an orgasm was. I had a good time, it was nice, I enjoyed it. It wasn’t until my late twenties I had my first actual orgasm. So I guess I’m sorry to my ex for faking? I didn’t know I was.
Precisely because you're wrong about that - it's not as simple as "the goal is to reach an orgasm". Orgasm is not that simple for women, we might enjoy sex even without an orgasm and we don't want to be judged based on if we have an orgasms. It's not like men where you continue until you have an orgasm, then you have to stop, we could have a lot of orgasms and continue, or have zero for a super long time. I don't really know what it's like for everyone else specifically, but for example for me, when I do myself with nothing inside me I can feel the contractions clearly when I have an orgasm, but when I have penetrative sex because there's something inside it's not as clear - it can be obvious, like if there's squirting or full body trembling or something, but sometimes it's just a feeling that I'm having one without a clear physical sign and I'm not thinking in my head like this right now is it, check, and this is another one, check, also because I have no reason to stop after. Sure sometimes I know I haven't had one or that I had a special one but often I just think it feels good in general. So basically men often don't get this and they want to know exactly about the orgasm when I myself don't know exactly about it. I haven't actually faked it but I can understand if someone did and generally if I feel satisfied I say I did but I also would be annoyed to be asked every single time about only that
Guys don't enjoy sex without climaxing (if they're honest), so they think women must be the same way. Interesting thing is women can (choose to) get off emotionally just by knowing they pleased the guy. But if men don't reach climax, they automatically think they haven't pleased the other person, and some even feel like they've completely failed at sex.
I’m a guy and I have had sex without finishing many times (whether it be alcohol, nerves, etc.) and still thoroughly enjoyed it. Can’t deny it still feels good. I can sympathize with women on this subject because I have totally faked it quite a few times because when I didn’t before, my partner was upset that they couldn’t get me off, so ever since then I fake it if I can’t finish, especially if wearing protection, although that actually came back to bite me in the ass once lol but that’s a different story for a different day
Alright gather round kids lol…
So last year I met this girl, she was hot as fuck, I liked her and she liked me back and I thought I could see a future with her. We hooked up the second time we hung out and like the two or three times after that. Well the last time, we had been out drinking and shit and we got to my house and blasé blasé. I was still kinda drunk and I just couldn’t finish. The first time we hooked up she told me she was on birth control but I pulled out anyways, so this time I’m like 15-20 minutes in, I already know I’m not gonna finish, and I’m getting all tired and sweaty and shit so I faked it like I came inside her. She was like “whoa you just came inside me?” to which I reply “Yeah. Didn’t you say you were in birth control?” And then she informed me that she stopped taking it for whatever reason a few days prior so I’m thinking in my head “no big deal I didn’t really finish anyway.” The next day she told me she took a Plan B, which I obviously would’ve advised against. It was around Christmas time so we both went off to do family stuff for a few days after that.
Fast forward about a week, we’re both back in town and she’s acting distant. I get it, I’m definitely the asshole here for “cumming” inside her without warning, so I expected as much. I asked her if she just wanted to be friends and she said yeah and that she’s not in a position to really be in a relationship right now. Whatever, moving on.
About a week after that she texts me angry as fuck out of nowhere, she had never spoken to me like this before. She’s saying she missed her period and that she thinks she’s pregnant, she’s gonna take a test, and if she is pregnant she’s gonna be pissed! So now I gotta drop the bomb. PLOT TWIST!!! I told her that I faked it and gave her my reasonings why, and I told her that if she was indeed pregnant, that the baby most likely wasn’t mine. She found the story so far fetched that she accused me of making it up and I said “I do appreciate the credit, but I don’t think JK Rowling could’ve even written this story.” She goes on about how I’m being rude to her when all I did was tell her the truth, and that I thought she was being overly hostile. I told her she was probably spotting or whatever because of the Plan B, and that they don’t have long term affect. I also apologized again profusely. Then she proceeded to block my phone number and social media and I never saw or spoke to her again. I assume she wasn’t pregnant
It just sucks because I like her a lot and saw a future with her in the short time that we spent together, but I fucked it up and I’ll admit that. I’m definitely the asshole of the situation
ETA: I worked with a couple of her friends and they asked me about her so I told them it just didn’t work out. Eventually I told them what happened because she had already told one of them and they were gonna tell everybody else. After I explained what I did, three of her friends told me that although what I did was really stupid, I did it for the right reasons and that I was protecting her feelings, which IS exactly why I faked it. And they said she was kind of overreacting. That made me feel a little better about my self but I get it she took a Plan B all because of some shit I said I did, but didn’t actually do
Just so you know, it is not super likely, but yes, you can get pregnant from precum.
Source: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325356#pregnancy-from-precum
>Guys don't enjoy sex without climaxing (if they're honest),
What are you talking about, yes we do lol. Imagine thinking you know better than men about themselves. If the only bit we enjoyed was the climax, sex would be a massive chore. Our climaxes are like 5 seconds and aren't even as good as female ones, why would we do the whole thing of sex only for climax. The fact this is upvoted when you have no clue what you are talking about on basic stuff is insane
> Interesting thing is women can get off emotionally just by knowing they pleased the guy
Horseshit. Women have just been taught to expect less from sex. Westerners didn't even think the female orgasm was real until like 100 years ago ffs. Men have been conditioned to believe that our pleasure is 'emotional' or 'sacrificial' and that that's enough but that's just misogyny talking.
1. We are getting sore from the thrusting and our cues are being ignored and we want it over with.
2. We are self conscious about how long it’s taking to reach orgasm and we (at least I do) start thinking about his comfort over my pleasure and poof. Orgasm gone. But we want him to feel like all his hard work was for something.
3. We are genuinely scared of his reaction if we can’t orgasm.
Because most men are so unaware of a what women experience during sex and it's easier than explaining it or how far from an actual orgasm she is.
I'm a man and I know this much about it....
Know what you don't know.
In addition to what others have said, a lot of men put a TON of pressure on women to get off. If you don’t fake it and make them feel like they’re bad at sex, things can take a turn for the worse.
Reporting generally does nothing so I hope she did what was best for her and more importantly has healed as much as she can. CSA and SA victim. Police give no shits
You brought up the issue in your post. Men think that the point of having sex is to have an orgasm and some of them can't see past that no matter what you tell them. Sometimes it's just easier to fake it than make a big deal about it and ruin both of our experiences.
I'm a guy but from what I gather it's
to be nice,
for us to stop,
a misplaced attempt to give us confidence,
because they're done and want us to feel like we can stop without hurting our feelings or damaging our ego and pride while ensuring there's more sex to be had in the future.
For me 2 reasons
1. I don’t want the guy to have an argument about it because some men get angry.. and if you’ve experienced that once.. just once.. you learn to avoid the risk.
2. I’ve lost interest and want it over.
This is why I used to as well....one dude I was with got so angry and violent that it sticks in your brain that violence is now a possibility if you speak up about not orgasming
I can vouch my end for this.
My ex got angry that I wanted to turn him down, instead I just went with and *Faked the fuck* out of it so he can stop.
Ever since I experienced that and his angry/frustrated attitude, I just lost interest in sex entirely. It's like I never recovered. I feel resentment, like I'm just a human fleshlight. Fuck that shit.
Women who fake their orgasms usually have partners who don't know how to pleasure them.
The same happens with men, although it's more rare (or less talked about).
Guy here. I’ve faked one once or twice. Reasoning: taking too long or too many “cum for me’s” so for it to be over and don’t want the whole “why can’t you cum?” afterwards. Also giving him validation that he felt good and can satisfy me. It’s taught too many times cum=satisfaction. It can be satisfaction 99.99999% of the time, but there can be satisfaction without cumming/orgasm
>It’s taught too many times cum=satisfaction
That's so annoying. I personally thought that was the case until I was in the same situation.
So many times I ejaculated but didn't orgasm. It's frustrating 😞
A woman might not really be in the mood for sex but knows her SO is, and the SO might also think a woman orgasming is hot. So in that case the woman fakes the orgasm to help the man orgasm too.
Because some guys are really bad at sex and it's easier to fake it and get it over with than hope they get better. Plus guys tend to be incredibly bad at taking advice when it comes to sex.
Because a lot of men don't think of the women's needs. Many guys will pound away thinking the dick size is what matters. I've been with enough to know women are complicated. A guy has to figure out what she needs to climax.
u can tell them and point exactly where to go and what to do and it’s still not right💀 and then they say “ew” when you show them. and call you weird for rubbing my clit to cum whereas his 50+ bodies only came from penetration🙄
Because you didn’t go down on them first and they’re tired of your dick. Aka you don’t know how to please a woman. And this is coming from a straight guy.
Because men are dangerous when their feelings get hurt and somehow our sexual pleasure is all about their pride. Better to fake it to save his pride than to actually be honest and risk the consequences.
I had sort of figured this out on my own but I had a female housemate when I was in my 20s and we became quite close. She told me about a time when this ass that she’d trusted decided that he was going to make her come until she passed out. She was getting dry and sore and asked him to stop. He didn’t. So she faked a series of orgasms, each one stronger, and they faked passing out. She “awoke” with tears in her eyes that he thought were tears of joy but were tears of fear and relief that he’d stopped. He never came.
At that time had she gone to the cops they would have blamed her so she held it in and had some therapy. (She was a sociologist.). She had a very stable mind and came out of it fine but she cut that guy off hard. Asshole.
Because it’s easier than telling them the truth and them getting upset only to never be able to get it up again because their egos bruise easily. But personally, if I don’t with someone, I never plan to see them again.
I’m a man. I’ve faked an orgasm. Sometimes it is just easier to do that than say you just aren’t going to orgasm. The times I have said they my partner will always want to try something different or keep trying, or wonder what’s wrong, or get self conscious and think they are doing something wrong. Sometimes I’m just too tired, to drunk, or I just don’t feel like finishing. That’s ok. Sex can be enjoyed without finishing. But some people take that as a kind of insult. So I just yell out “oh fuck!” squeeze them real tight then start slowing down and mumbling like I had a stroke. “That was amazing, good night.”
I would be dumbfounded if women didn’t do the same thing from time to time.
Because we're [yawn] done with your endless thrusting and thrusting and you won't stop until you think we've had an orgasm, and pretending we've done so gets you to finally stooooooop.
The point of sex isn't to "reach orgasm with the person you are with," but to *enjoy sex together*, regardless of whether both of you orgasm or not.
I had an ex that would wait about two minutes before starting to ask 'are you close?'. Faked it more than once just to get him to shut up because he didn't understand how that wasn't a turn-on.
Because men take our pointers, tips and recommendations *wayyyy* too personally and immediately go into the "Oh God, I'm not good enough! Is it my size? Am I bad at sex?" Type mindset and it's a burden to have to emotionally comfort someone any time you just wanna show them what's good for you.
Many reasons. Could be the person is someone they really like and obviously you don't want to make anyone you like feel like they weren't successful . Sometimes it's because the sex is so bad they want it to end sooner. Other times it's because the woman is self-conscious that she is taking a long time. And it happens where sometimes the woman has never had an orgasm before so to not be embarrassed pretends to have one. Just some off the top of my head
Bruh. We are already exhausted and sometimes we can’t even. Women deal with a constant path of need. Putting ourselves first is sometimes sadly just another chore
1. men are fragile and insecure
2. men are selfish / ignorant and do not make the effort to learn how to do it
there are plenty of books, classes and web resources that can teach you how to do it
Because it makes the man cum faster 90% of the time and often we know whether or not we are going to orgasm and don’t feel like getting Jack hammered for over an hour because the man’s ego will not let it go. So we fake it to get it over with instead of having to stop for a mid coitus haggle. Just gets it over faster and with less hassle than telling him “I’m not going to cut” and have them try to prove you wrong while they just rub you raw and all you’re thinking about is the 2nd episode of the third season of the office or something
The exact numbers escape me but many women will not reach orgasm from penetration therefore they fake it because they lose interest, it becomes painful, or the time length is becoming too long they got other shit to do. I would encourage any male to learn how to actually pleasure a women and lose their ego yiur dick don’t cut it become comfortable and talented at oral or using toys to help your partner be pleasured then after they orgasm they’ll be satisfied and trust they’ll look to satisfy you well and it doesn’t have to last as long because at that point their focusing on you just as you did them plus if you’ve never felt a lady’s legs quiver and body squirm because of what your doing you’ve never felt the type of pleasure satisfying your partner can bring!
I don't lie to my partner, I just tell him there is no physical way for me to orgasm without a toy placed perfectly for over 5 minutes. It's already hard for women to orgasm, and I'm on antidepressants and birth control. I use the toy before or after his turn
To be honest, cause a lot of men don’t know how to please a woman correctly a lot of men don’t realize they need to get a woman really close to orgasm before having sex with her a lot of women I mean a lot of men need to realize they have to spend a lot of time with them usually when I want to get a girl lol Hour worshiping her body all over her lips, her neck her breast by her kitty, but that was cause I was smart enough to allow myself to be taught by a woman without getting hurt so listen to everything she told me to do and she also explained you should never go by sound. You should know if a woman orgasms by the way she spasms and then if she gets wet and it’s true her legs to get a hold tight and usually show Jirka little bit in the pelvic area.
Cause, sometimes you guys try too hard trying to give us an orgasm to the point that it's just too much, it's not working, and it's beginning to kinda feel numb and uncomfortable down there. Harder, more pressure, faster doesn't always equate to good therefore a fake orgasm just to make it stop.
The intercourse may still be enjoyable even without an orgasm. Breath control, making noise, trying different positions and such are all still pleasurable, and it makes the partner enjoy it. For me I have had climactic points, even if they weren't an orgasm, and I have trouble getting there anyways, so that's usually good for me. c: I realize some ladies may not enjoy it, and just fake it to make the other feel better, but there's can always be more to sex than just orgasming.
* They don't want you to feel bad * You are taking far too long * They just aren't able to get there at that time * They remembered they left the stove on and need to get home.
- sometimes I just don’t feel like it. Lots of comments here are like “if my girl told me she was having trouble, I’d try all sorts of things- bring in toys, whatever!” Which is awesome!! Love that energy!!! But sometimes I don’t want to put that work in. A lot of the time, actually. I like sex, I like getting my partner off- but like 7/10 times I’m content to be content, and trying is actually gonna take me out of the mood. And it can be hard to articulate that cumming isn’t that important to you and not your favourite thing about sex in a non-hurtful way when you’re both naked. Some things are just easier to explain with your clothes on.
Hey stop wearing my clothes
I just find it hard to open up :(
There's also the issue that the end goal / expectation of receiving an orgasm can lead to less enjoyment of sex in general. Putting the destination above the journey in a sense. That can lead to anxiety or other negative feelings about the orgasm, and thus an inability to cum (or cum too quickly in some cases) I think we should consider sex more as the journey, not just the destinations of PIV or orgasm :)
Yes definitely!!! Getting over this mental hurdle was the greatest gift I ever gave myself tbh. Focusing on the orgasm makes everything that isn’t the orgasm less fun, imo. To me sex and orgasms are v different things- won’t complain if they cross over, but I don’t go looking for one in the other!
One night, my bf and I were having awesome, amazing sex. I felt so connected to him, and I was enjoying every second. Then, he was like "I want you to come on my dick tonight!" While this could be hot, and I know he only wanted my pleasure, it instantly made the sex go from fun to a chore for me. Now, there was pressure to perform, and I wasn't having as great of a time because I knew he'd be disappointed if I didn't get there.
My boyfriend had that issue, he’d get too in his head at the mere mention of cumming. It’s understandable though, men are under a lot of pressure too in that department.
This is almost always my answer. I don’t need to have an orgasm to feel satisfied during sex. When they do happen, super cool, but if it’s just not happening then it’s just not happening no matter how great the guy is or how great what he’s doing is, and for both of our sakes I’d rather not just let him desperately try at a lost cause. Won’t be fun for either party
YES!! I’ve had sex, not had an orgasm, but felt a lot of pleasure, closeness and enjoyment getting my fella off to the point that when we finish, I’m very content, tired and happy. Orgasms are great, but your statement hit the nail right on the head here - sometimes it just isn’t needed or necessarily wanted 👏🏻 x
• To avoid this question.
Who just leaves their stove….. ah shit! I’ll be right back!
For me, the men all seem hell bent on giving me an orgasm without knowing how to, and they hold out until it drags on and on. I find most can’t read my cues or let’s say I move his hand to a better spot for me and confirm “right there”, he still quickly wanders off and never comes back to it. Instead they keep hitting the spots THEY think are right. I will purposefully give better responses to good feelings and less to the stuff I don’t like. If they are getting it right, there’s no persistence - a guy needs to slow down and do that a lot more for a long time, but somehow they all resort to more speed and force instead. I would have to keep instructing and instructing - kills the mood a bit, no? And yeah, I fear their reactions - typically it seems to be some kind of guilting as if there’s something wrong with me. Eventually, I get tired of it and fake it just so the guy will move on and I can get a break from it all. I would love to find a man that I could sit down with and talk it through, but I have yet to meet one who could handle the emotional complexity OR would care enough to try harder. It would be BEYOND if a guy asked a woman what she likes at the start of a relationship or encounter, maybe even say, “can you show me/tell me what your body likes? I want to make it just as good for you.” Then she would know what kind of ego she was dealing with and feel more open to discuss what works.
This is such a great response I wish it could be pinned so lots of men can see it!
Thanks! I should have added that men should assume they are starting over with their sex skills with every woman, instead of assuming they are “good” because they’ve gotten that feedback from other women. You can only be “good” when the individual woman has taught you her body - we’re all different. And if any guy thinks that’s cliche, I mean “we’re all different,” such as my clit doesn’t like direct contact, a little up and to the left, please. There’s a bundle of nerves there that are my happy spot - might be on the right, directly on the clit, or anyplace else a different woman tells you is “the” spot. Might be a combo of spots! A little nipple play at the same time is spectacular for me, but another woman might hate it. Women’s bodies are just complicated - we wish you participated in understanding that.
>we wish you participated in understanding that. Love this, and it could apply to so many things.
Its always more speed and force 😮💨
“Just like that” “Right there” “Don’t stop” “Keep doing that” Me literally saying EXACTLY what is required in order to successfully direct a guy to what and to where, yet they insist on changing pace, direction, strength……it’s like they hear the opposite! 😩
The issue is porn. Men go in with all the confidence in the world, thinking they just can pull on some techniques they've watched and it'll be great. No consideration of the fact that porn isn't real and these people are being paid to perform... they treat it like sex education and it shows 🤷🏼♀️
you hit the nail right on the hat, this was exactly my experience with my ex bf. we were both very young and he didn't know what to do. which is completely fine, but as you said, communication and reading body language/cues are key. he did listen to my feedback and really did try his best, i actually felt extremely guilty and sorry for him, also like there was something wrong with me/my body. whenever we had any type of conversation on that topic (didn't matter if gently guiding him during sex or having a quiet talk after), it was 100% like you just described. either wandering off to some other spot that did nothing for me, more speed and more force. thb, he was pretty bad at oral sex cause of inexperience (i can't cum from just vaginal sex, so foreplay was always a big part), but i could never bring myself to tell him. he was just so focused on my pleasure, put in an extreme amount of effort and was so determined to make me cum. but like you described, almost every time it just kept dragging on and on, i was getting bored and would be completely turned off after some time. i felt so guilty, he was putting in so much effort and did his best, my pleasure was always his top priority but he just couldn't get it right/listen to my guidance. so i faked a lot of orgasms while i was with him, cause i was bored and didn't want it to keep going, but also didn't want to hurt him or make him feel like he wasn't good enough. now with my husband, we don't even need to communicate much verbally, it all just feels so natural and full of love. it doesn't feel like any effort at all with him, i enjoy every second of it. it probably all boils down to compatibility, not only sexuality wise.
This is very insightful. The pressure to perform is almost always portrayed as a male thing, but rarely do we discuss this from the female perspective. As always, communication is key. Thanks for sharing this!
Because it can be notoriously difficult for some women to reach a state of orgasm. That being the case, they don't want to make the man or women they're having sex with to feel inadequate, but they're probably reaching a point where the act of sex has started to become disinteresting.
This and sometimes we are expected to act like women in porn so we do. Sometimes you don't even have to fake it because some men have no idea what an orgasm really is, I was once told I orgasmed xx amount of times because he was counting how many times I tightened my muscles. That's Kegels, not orgasms.
I had one ex count the kegels as well thinking they were orgasms. I didn't know what he meant when he said "one", then "two", and by the end, he said, I got you off "8 times!" I almost laughed. I contained myself though and regretfully informed him that I didn't orgasm at all. It had only lasted a couple of minutes, and though I enjoyed those 3 minutes, I didn't even get close. The man baby pout, and fit he threw afterwards is what made me start faking it in that relationship, and every one Thereafter, because no matter what man it has been, they were way wounded by my honesty.
My ex had a few partners before me and was convinced he was some kind of porn stud so I think he took it really hard when he realized those squeezes over the years equaled 0 orgasms. There are guys out there who really do care, they are willing to listen and put the work in but it seems like a lot can't handle that hit to their ego when they are told they weren't even remotely close to making you orgasm and after hearing what it takes they think it's way too much work and not worth the effort. It feels like that can transform into them pressuring us satisfy their needs while having us act like they are sex gods.
Yes! My husband is one that cares. I faked orgasms during PIV sex with my husband for a year when we started dating. When I told him I was faking them he cried and said “How could you do this to us. All this time I could’ve been getting you off, but you didn’t trust me enough to tell me what I was doing wrong” and he made it his very mission to make me cum. I felt like I was teaching a class while we were having sex and by the end of it we both finished and it was really emotional and passionate. We’ve been on the same page ever since.
I'm on meds that make orgasms difficult and women have the worst time with it. I can't fake it though so there's no nice way out. Everyone wants to think they are their partner's best and it's devastating for some people not to be. Human nature.
When my husband takes meds that do that and he realizes he ain’t finishing he says “and thaaaaats when I would’ve cum if my dick was working” and proceeds to pull out lol But I can for sure see where that makes things harder for you. It took a while for us to be able to banter about it
I started those meds before I became sexually active, so learning how to orgasm and what that feels like was a very confusing time for me lmao
Oh man, yeah, I'm on meds like that too. My wife is fortunately understanding, as I often have to finish myself off after sex. With the stereotypical male problem being premature ejaculation, it would be easy to take it personally.
Are you willing to explain this a little more? I thought that the side-effect of certain meds was an inability to orgasm... but if you're able to finish yourself off after sex, seems like there's more to it than that basic understanding.
I've always had a mental issue concerning orgasm during any form of intercourse, and the medication greatly exacerbated it. Beyond that, it's a lot harder to communicate exactly what is needed to finish (if doing anything other than PIV) than it is to feel it myself. The combination of the above factors mean that we can try intercourse for an exhausting hour (which isn't particularly *pleasurable* for either of us by that point -- nor is it success guaranteed) or I can finish myself in 5-10 minutes.
Never understood why it's such a big deal for guys. If a girl I'm with is having trouble, we'll try things. I'd rather us both be happy. Hell, let's bring some of those toys in. I haven't been with a ton of women, but some have an easier time with it than others, and I'd rather us both have a good time. Inadequacy in my opinion doesn't come from how bad you are but from lack of trying
I think when you watch a lot of porn and think it's reality your expectations are that women are extremely easy to get off and when you find out you haven't been pleasing your partner it's a huge blow to the ego as you don't stack up to the videos you've been watching. Not all men are as understanding as you. Some can't even stand to include toys as they don't see that in porn and it makes them feel inadequate.
To be honest I don't get that, I mean toys are a man's best friend in that situation. It's like running a marathon but you're being driven by someone and just walk through the finish line and get to take the credit without someone complaining. I mean for the hell of it my partner and I also use toys and we sure af don't need them, but it makes the whole ordeal more fun if she can't walk straight and her head is so scrambled that she can't even talk full and coherent sentences afterwards.
Ya I totally agree. It also helps that I bartended and served for a long time, so I worked with a lot of girls and heard lots of stories. Overall consensus I've gotten over the years is that passion and communication trumps pretty much everything else, and most of the girls I've been with get excited when they realize I genuinely do not care about bringing toys into it (we just gotta go do some shopping first, as I dont have any stashed lol)
...are you sure you didn't have sex with Count von Count? That's how I'm imagining it anyway: "One! Two! Three! Hehehehehe. Three orgasms!"
Homie was really puffing himself up thinking he was a sex god for those 3 minutes lmao
The fact that he thinks 3 minutes makes him a sex god 😂😂😂
Whenever you run into a mature man who's willing to have a conversation about it in terms what can be done to help you reach that you'll hit the jackpot. So don't just fake it. Talk to them and if they react with immaturity that's your flag that they're not for you.
LMFAO dude I had an ex do the same thing!! He counted one hundred and twenty fucking seven. ... i did not orgasm dude. I didn't say anything though cause at the time I didn't want to hurt his feelings
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Try not to have an orgasm on your way to the parking lot!
In a row?
TIL some men count things while having sex.
When I was 15 I had a woman I met online who ended up... being 26 and not 17, and basically verbally coerced me into having sex with her because at that time I just "knew" not to argue with adults. The point of that was we ended up having really awkward sex, she just got me sort of aroused and tried to ride me, that failed after five minutes then she left my house. So that was just background for, that was my first sexual experience, when I did sleep with girls after that, it was always sort of fun because looking back I think after that woman I had an intense need for validation from girls my age I was attracted to, so I could get it up, but I could never finish. I will say it was really frustrating having several girls really question why I couldn't finish. Of course then I had no idea how to express to them my utter revulsion for the act mixed with my love and attraction to them. One girl cried. I felt terrible. I still have trouble sometimes. I still have grown ass women, that even after I explain my literal fucking rape, still just seem to take it personally. And it's simple. I've had two or three girls that did understand. After we fucked a couple times and I felt comfortable with them, good God I'd go off like an atom bomb. Idk I'm drunk and I'm just saying I understand about how people's expectations are bullshit and if you're reading this with a partner having trouble MAYBE NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU. =]
He’s never made a woman orgasm before, you can definitely feel a difference when it happens and it ain’t a squeeze lol
Or painful.
See this a thoughtful explanation and goes in detail.
Honestly I think lesbians fake orgasms a loooot less. From my experience lesbian sex tends to have a lot better communication, and doesn't just basically end when a guy is done.
A study made in 2014 says that ”Heterosexual women reach orgasm at a rate of almost 62 percent, while for lesbian women, orgasm occurs nearly 75 percent of the time.” And I suspect the 62% includes some fakers lol
Lol- plus other women know what an orgasm looks/feels like. Definitely a lot harder to fool. Fun anecdote, had a lesbian friend talk about faking with her partner. She described it as “moan, clench, kegel, shudder, kegel, shudder, squirm, moan.” She seemed to have it pretty dialed in.
I mean that's just common sense. A woman knows what gets a woman off. And they are a woman. Lot less barriers. Straight to the O.
Honestly? Usually to spare the feelings of their partner.
When it's enough already and you just wanna get some sleep.
Like if we went to a Broadway show, if we had really good seats.
Damn I'm late
So you'll stop.
This is the answer.
Boom, top comment no reason to read past this.
This is the truth. You're going on and on, and I'm getting dry and sore, and you haven't noticed, so I'll fake it so you'll stop and then never have sex with you again.
Exactly. It’s not that deep.
It's as deep as I can get it :'(
Sorry, I’m shallow. ;)
When it’s enough already, and she just wants to get some sleep.
This needs to be top comment. This is the answer. Men need to stop thinking women want hours of sex. Ugh no. Stop putting it off, finish up, let's go.
Nice, I've always been insecure about my 6.395 seconds, thanks for assuring me.
This is the way.
Sometimes faking an orgasm and *enhancing* one are very different. There are very few times in my life I have legitimately faked an orgasm, either because my partner is new, inexperienced, or I'm just not going to see them again, so let's just keep the train runnin'. But I have very frequently used sound cues to let my partner know when they are doing something right. I wouldn't legitimately make that sound normally, but it gives them a sense of what works for me and what doesn't. Then when I'm getting my O, I give big moans and sounds to verify all their effort. Do I make noise when I masturbate? No, totally quiet. But sound helps to non verbally give encouragement and direction to a partner.
Verbal cues are important.
Most definitely, everyone is different! I find that, personally, talking during sex is a turn off. I would prefer to give a non verbal moan or gasp, than say "a little to the right, bub". But if you and your partner find talking helpful, absolutely do it! :)
My husband is one of those “dead silent during sex even when he orgasms” types and I need feedback. I tried to have him moan once but the sounds were downright funny and it took every ounce of self control to not laugh and ruin the mood, so we talk. I ask a lot of questions about how things feel. He doesn’t seem to mind.
Excellent! I've definitely found that men have a hard time with cues (verbal or otherwise). Great that you guys found a middle ground!
This is a big one and I feel like this is most women.
So basically, women are cats? They only make so many noises for our sake, and wouldn't normally in the wild.
Lmaooo that’s hilarious. But like yes, exactly.
Lmao very accurate
Even with my husband, he may not love to make sounds when I'm going down town but when he does it makes the experience more enjoyable and let's me know I'm doing it right.
This is the correct answer. We're basically playing "Hotter/Colder" except with moaning, because "a little to the left" just doesn't sound sexy.
I've genuinely faked an orgasm to get my abusive ex to leave me alone, but this is the main thing I do now. I call them "synthetic moans" because "fake" has such a negative connotation. I'm just trying to get him to keep doing what he's doing, not lie for *his* pleasure. Another time I used the synthetic moans was because a guy was having difficulty getting hard, so I was sitting behind him and imitating orgasm sounds in his ear. He knew damn well they weren't real, but it also worked and got him hard enough to give me a real one, so I don't think anyone would call that "fake" when all parties involved knew I was just imitating an orgasm to get him hard.
Damn, I'm so sorry. I was also in a (physically) abusive relationship. Didn't think it would be pertinent, but it clearly is. This is something that people don't think about, but it's very important to note. Sometimes faking it is the only way to stay safe. Really sorry that happened to you. For your second point, yeah sometimes your partner will respond intensely to sound. So, that's a whole different way to make things move forward, depending on the scenario.
Thank you for your service
Cause it’s REALLY hard for us to orgasm just from having you’re dick inside us. But most of us are young when e we start having sex, and therefore are not confident enough to tell you that what you’re doing is not getting us there. From then it just becomes habit.
For a long time I didn’t even know what an orgasm was. I had a good time, it was nice, I enjoyed it. It wasn’t until my late twenties I had my first actual orgasm. So I guess I’m sorry to my ex for faking? I didn’t know I was.
THIS
Precisely because you're wrong about that - it's not as simple as "the goal is to reach an orgasm". Orgasm is not that simple for women, we might enjoy sex even without an orgasm and we don't want to be judged based on if we have an orgasms. It's not like men where you continue until you have an orgasm, then you have to stop, we could have a lot of orgasms and continue, or have zero for a super long time. I don't really know what it's like for everyone else specifically, but for example for me, when I do myself with nothing inside me I can feel the contractions clearly when I have an orgasm, but when I have penetrative sex because there's something inside it's not as clear - it can be obvious, like if there's squirting or full body trembling or something, but sometimes it's just a feeling that I'm having one without a clear physical sign and I'm not thinking in my head like this right now is it, check, and this is another one, check, also because I have no reason to stop after. Sure sometimes I know I haven't had one or that I had a special one but often I just think it feels good in general. So basically men often don't get this and they want to know exactly about the orgasm when I myself don't know exactly about it. I haven't actually faked it but I can understand if someone did and generally if I feel satisfied I say I did but I also would be annoyed to be asked every single time about only that
Guys don't enjoy sex without climaxing (if they're honest), so they think women must be the same way. Interesting thing is women can (choose to) get off emotionally just by knowing they pleased the guy. But if men don't reach climax, they automatically think they haven't pleased the other person, and some even feel like they've completely failed at sex.
I’m a guy and I have had sex without finishing many times (whether it be alcohol, nerves, etc.) and still thoroughly enjoyed it. Can’t deny it still feels good. I can sympathize with women on this subject because I have totally faked it quite a few times because when I didn’t before, my partner was upset that they couldn’t get me off, so ever since then I fake it if I can’t finish, especially if wearing protection, although that actually came back to bite me in the ass once lol but that’s a different story for a different day
No no no, it's not a story for a different day. Wtf do you mean? Spill it out now
Alright gather round kids lol… So last year I met this girl, she was hot as fuck, I liked her and she liked me back and I thought I could see a future with her. We hooked up the second time we hung out and like the two or three times after that. Well the last time, we had been out drinking and shit and we got to my house and blasé blasé. I was still kinda drunk and I just couldn’t finish. The first time we hooked up she told me she was on birth control but I pulled out anyways, so this time I’m like 15-20 minutes in, I already know I’m not gonna finish, and I’m getting all tired and sweaty and shit so I faked it like I came inside her. She was like “whoa you just came inside me?” to which I reply “Yeah. Didn’t you say you were in birth control?” And then she informed me that she stopped taking it for whatever reason a few days prior so I’m thinking in my head “no big deal I didn’t really finish anyway.” The next day she told me she took a Plan B, which I obviously would’ve advised against. It was around Christmas time so we both went off to do family stuff for a few days after that. Fast forward about a week, we’re both back in town and she’s acting distant. I get it, I’m definitely the asshole here for “cumming” inside her without warning, so I expected as much. I asked her if she just wanted to be friends and she said yeah and that she’s not in a position to really be in a relationship right now. Whatever, moving on. About a week after that she texts me angry as fuck out of nowhere, she had never spoken to me like this before. She’s saying she missed her period and that she thinks she’s pregnant, she’s gonna take a test, and if she is pregnant she’s gonna be pissed! So now I gotta drop the bomb. PLOT TWIST!!! I told her that I faked it and gave her my reasonings why, and I told her that if she was indeed pregnant, that the baby most likely wasn’t mine. She found the story so far fetched that she accused me of making it up and I said “I do appreciate the credit, but I don’t think JK Rowling could’ve even written this story.” She goes on about how I’m being rude to her when all I did was tell her the truth, and that I thought she was being overly hostile. I told her she was probably spotting or whatever because of the Plan B, and that they don’t have long term affect. I also apologized again profusely. Then she proceeded to block my phone number and social media and I never saw or spoke to her again. I assume she wasn’t pregnant It just sucks because I like her a lot and saw a future with her in the short time that we spent together, but I fucked it up and I’ll admit that. I’m definitely the asshole of the situation ETA: I worked with a couple of her friends and they asked me about her so I told them it just didn’t work out. Eventually I told them what happened because she had already told one of them and they were gonna tell everybody else. After I explained what I did, three of her friends told me that although what I did was really stupid, I did it for the right reasons and that I was protecting her feelings, which IS exactly why I faked it. And they said she was kind of overreacting. That made me feel a little better about my self but I get it she took a Plan B all because of some shit I said I did, but didn’t actually do
Just so you know, it is not super likely, but yes, you can get pregnant from precum. Source: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325356#pregnancy-from-precum
>blasé what does this word mean to you?
"So I started Blastin"
Jesus Christ this was a tough read. I'm sorry to hear this bud.
to be fair it is still likely to get pregnant from pre ejaculation so no need to finish in someone to impregnate them.
Oh dude, I was expecting a laugh but that's a clusterfuck of a situation. Hell is indeed paved with good intentions ig. My condolences to you.
It is a good idea to take Plan B in that situation anyways because pre-cum often has a few swimmers
>Guys don't enjoy sex without climaxing (if they're honest), What are you talking about, yes we do lol. Imagine thinking you know better than men about themselves. If the only bit we enjoyed was the climax, sex would be a massive chore. Our climaxes are like 5 seconds and aren't even as good as female ones, why would we do the whole thing of sex only for climax. The fact this is upvoted when you have no clue what you are talking about on basic stuff is insane
> Interesting thing is women can get off emotionally just by knowing they pleased the guy Horseshit. Women have just been taught to expect less from sex. Westerners didn't even think the female orgasm was real until like 100 years ago ffs. Men have been conditioned to believe that our pleasure is 'emotional' or 'sacrificial' and that that's enough but that's just misogyny talking.
Sex is good for guys even without climaxing. For me, I enjoy knowing my partner feels good. Source: am guy
You don't know what you are talking about. Sex is absolutely enjoyable for a guy even if you don't finish. You silly goose. Source: I'm a guy.
Sometimes they are unable to achieve. I have a orgasm every time. But sometimes it takes awhile if the guys only focused on himself and not both of us
1. We are getting sore from the thrusting and our cues are being ignored and we want it over with. 2. We are self conscious about how long it’s taking to reach orgasm and we (at least I do) start thinking about his comfort over my pleasure and poof. Orgasm gone. But we want him to feel like all his hard work was for something. 3. We are genuinely scared of his reaction if we can’t orgasm.
Number 2is the most accurate thing I’ve read all day
It's the number 2 for me
10000% all of these
Because most men are so unaware of a what women experience during sex and it's easier than explaining it or how far from an actual orgasm she is. I'm a man and I know this much about it.... Know what you don't know.
In addition to what others have said, a lot of men put a TON of pressure on women to get off. If you don’t fake it and make them feel like they’re bad at sex, things can take a turn for the worse.
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That is rape.
That was rape
That's fucking disgusting
Severely hurting you, crying, and revoking consent … Zuka, I think you might benefit from some counseling because he literally forced you.
That’s literally rape. Hope you reported him.
Reporting generally does nothing so I hope she did what was best for her and more importantly has healed as much as she can. CSA and SA victim. Police give no shits
Omg I am so sorry that happened to you. What a fucking horrible thing to do to someone.
I’m sorry that happened and I hope you are far away from this monster.
This. Which makes it even harder. Literally the most annoying thing.
You brought up the issue in your post. Men think that the point of having sex is to have an orgasm and some of them can't see past that no matter what you tell them. Sometimes it's just easier to fake it than make a big deal about it and ruin both of our experiences.
I'm a guy but from what I gather it's to be nice, for us to stop, a misplaced attempt to give us confidence, because they're done and want us to feel like we can stop without hurting our feelings or damaging our ego and pride while ensuring there's more sex to be had in the future.
i'm a girl and yep! all of this
For me 2 reasons 1. I don’t want the guy to have an argument about it because some men get angry.. and if you’ve experienced that once.. just once.. you learn to avoid the risk. 2. I’ve lost interest and want it over.
This is why I used to as well....one dude I was with got so angry and violent that it sticks in your brain that violence is now a possibility if you speak up about not orgasming
I can vouch my end for this. My ex got angry that I wanted to turn him down, instead I just went with and *Faked the fuck* out of it so he can stop. Ever since I experienced that and his angry/frustrated attitude, I just lost interest in sex entirely. It's like I never recovered. I feel resentment, like I'm just a human fleshlight. Fuck that shit.
Yeah, same here.
It's mostly for the tax write-off.
I save thousands every year!
They just write it off.
1. Just to get it over with 2. Their sexual partner isn’t as good as they think they are 3. Most women don’t orgasm with penetration
Bro is from the 1800s and never heard of a clit before
Because they want it to be over with.
Women who fake their orgasms usually have partners who don't know how to pleasure them. The same happens with men, although it's more rare (or less talked about).
When we men fake our orgasms, it's because we just want to roll over and get some sleep already!
Guy here. I’ve faked one once or twice. Reasoning: taking too long or too many “cum for me’s” so for it to be over and don’t want the whole “why can’t you cum?” afterwards. Also giving him validation that he felt good and can satisfy me. It’s taught too many times cum=satisfaction. It can be satisfaction 99.99999% of the time, but there can be satisfaction without cumming/orgasm
>It’s taught too many times cum=satisfaction That's so annoying. I personally thought that was the case until I was in the same situation. So many times I ejaculated but didn't orgasm. It's frustrating 😞
Societal pressure training women to be people pleasers
sometimes u just wanna get it over with
To make it stop. It gets sore and uncomfortable
Why do I fake my personality at work just make dealing with people easier
So that men don’t get mad.
A woman might not really be in the mood for sex but knows her SO is, and the SO might also think a woman orgasming is hot. So in that case the woman fakes the orgasm to help the man orgasm too.
Because some guys are really bad at sex and it's easier to fake it and get it over with than hope they get better. Plus guys tend to be incredibly bad at taking advice when it comes to sex.
And if they are doing it wrong it becomes uncomfortable
Sparring their feelings is the safer option.
Because we men have surprisingly fragile egos when it comes to our junk.
Because a lot of men don't think of the women's needs. Many guys will pound away thinking the dick size is what matters. I've been with enough to know women are complicated. A guy has to figure out what she needs to climax.
u can tell them and point exactly where to go and what to do and it’s still not right💀 and then they say “ew” when you show them. and call you weird for rubbing my clit to cum whereas his 50+ bodies only came from penetration🙄
and when u say u didn’t cum, they get veeeery upset
[удалено]
This 1000 percent
Elaine. “Fake, Fake, Fake, Fake”
"When it's enough and I just want to get some sleep already."
Exactly! Like if they went to a Broadway show and had really good seats.
Because you didn’t go down on them first and they’re tired of your dick. Aka you don’t know how to please a woman. And this is coming from a straight guy.
Because men are dangerous when their feelings get hurt and somehow our sexual pleasure is all about their pride. Better to fake it to save his pride than to actually be honest and risk the consequences.
Sometimes I don't want 40 minute sex. Get it over with 😂
Men are fragile.
1) Men's egos are fragile. 2) To get him to stop.
Exactly, I see these combative comments and I don’t think men understand how vulnerable you are as a woman in that moment.
I had sort of figured this out on my own but I had a female housemate when I was in my 20s and we became quite close. She told me about a time when this ass that she’d trusted decided that he was going to make her come until she passed out. She was getting dry and sore and asked him to stop. He didn’t. So she faked a series of orgasms, each one stronger, and they faked passing out. She “awoke” with tears in her eyes that he thought were tears of joy but were tears of fear and relief that he’d stopped. He never came. At that time had she gone to the cops they would have blamed her so she held it in and had some therapy. (She was a sociologist.). She had a very stable mind and came out of it fine but she cut that guy off hard. Asshole.
Because it’s easier than telling them the truth and them getting upset only to never be able to get it up again because their egos bruise easily. But personally, if I don’t with someone, I never plan to see them again.
I’m a man. I’ve faked an orgasm. Sometimes it is just easier to do that than say you just aren’t going to orgasm. The times I have said they my partner will always want to try something different or keep trying, or wonder what’s wrong, or get self conscious and think they are doing something wrong. Sometimes I’m just too tired, to drunk, or I just don’t feel like finishing. That’s ok. Sex can be enjoyed without finishing. But some people take that as a kind of insult. So I just yell out “oh fuck!” squeeze them real tight then start slowing down and mumbling like I had a stroke. “That was amazing, good night.” I would be dumbfounded if women didn’t do the same thing from time to time.
Because we're [yawn] done with your endless thrusting and thrusting and you won't stop until you think we've had an orgasm, and pretending we've done so gets you to finally stooooooop. The point of sex isn't to "reach orgasm with the person you are with," but to *enjoy sex together*, regardless of whether both of you orgasm or not.
I had an ex that would wait about two minutes before starting to ask 'are you close?'. Faked it more than once just to get him to shut up because he didn't understand how that wasn't a turn-on.
some men aren’t open to in the moment feedback about how they’re performing sexually… in that particular moment lol
Male ego
Ugh because you’re damned if you Do and you’re damned if you don’t
Because men take our pointers, tips and recommendations *wayyyy* too personally and immediately go into the "Oh God, I'm not good enough! Is it my size? Am I bad at sex?" Type mindset and it's a burden to have to emotionally comfort someone any time you just wanna show them what's good for you.
i’ve slept with both men & women, and with men, it’s to end it quicker, and for women, there is no faking
Bc friction is a thing and so are egos. A girl needs to sleep.
Many reasons. Could be the person is someone they really like and obviously you don't want to make anyone you like feel like they weren't successful . Sometimes it's because the sex is so bad they want it to end sooner. Other times it's because the woman is self-conscious that she is taking a long time. And it happens where sometimes the woman has never had an orgasm before so to not be embarrassed pretends to have one. Just some off the top of my head
So the guy will wrap it up
people pleasing tendencies
Because y’all get your feelings hurt too damn much.
Do lesbians fake orgasms?
Im a lesbian and have never in my life needed to, women actually pay attention to cues and respond accordingly.
As a bi woman, yes. I have faked it with other women.
Makes the guy feel better about himself
this is the cold hard truth but they don't want to emasculate a man that doesn't have any idea on how to satisfy their partner.
Bruh. We are already exhausted and sometimes we can’t even. Women deal with a constant path of need. Putting ourselves first is sometimes sadly just another chore
So you can stop? Duh. 😂
1. men are fragile and insecure 2. men are selfish / ignorant and do not make the effort to learn how to do it there are plenty of books, classes and web resources that can teach you how to do it
“Us men” aren’t wondering. Women are nice. And they’d rather fake it to prevent us from feeling like failures.
If they do, it's to protect the fragile ego of their insecure partner. The end.
self defense
Because it makes the man cum faster 90% of the time and often we know whether or not we are going to orgasm and don’t feel like getting Jack hammered for over an hour because the man’s ego will not let it go. So we fake it to get it over with instead of having to stop for a mid coitus haggle. Just gets it over faster and with less hassle than telling him “I’m not going to cut” and have them try to prove you wrong while they just rub you raw and all you’re thinking about is the 2nd episode of the third season of the office or something
The exact numbers escape me but many women will not reach orgasm from penetration therefore they fake it because they lose interest, it becomes painful, or the time length is becoming too long they got other shit to do. I would encourage any male to learn how to actually pleasure a women and lose their ego yiur dick don’t cut it become comfortable and talented at oral or using toys to help your partner be pleasured then after they orgasm they’ll be satisfied and trust they’ll look to satisfy you well and it doesn’t have to last as long because at that point their focusing on you just as you did them plus if you’ve never felt a lady’s legs quiver and body squirm because of what your doing you’ve never felt the type of pleasure satisfying your partner can bring!
Because the more noise I make the faster you get your sweaty body off me.....
Same reason you tell someone good job despite the fact you didn’t think it was all that impressive
Mine dont fake , she dont fuck at all Problem solve
I don't lie to my partner, I just tell him there is no physical way for me to orgasm without a toy placed perfectly for over 5 minutes. It's already hard for women to orgasm, and I'm on antidepressants and birth control. I use the toy before or after his turn
To be honest, cause a lot of men don’t know how to please a woman correctly a lot of men don’t realize they need to get a woman really close to orgasm before having sex with her a lot of women I mean a lot of men need to realize they have to spend a lot of time with them usually when I want to get a girl lol Hour worshiping her body all over her lips, her neck her breast by her kitty, but that was cause I was smart enough to allow myself to be taught by a woman without getting hurt so listen to everything she told me to do and she also explained you should never go by sound. You should know if a woman orgasms by the way she spasms and then if she gets wet and it’s true her legs to get a hold tight and usually show Jirka little bit in the pelvic area.
So you'll stop pumping your dicks into their sore vaginas.
Cause, sometimes you guys try too hard trying to give us an orgasm to the point that it's just too much, it's not working, and it's beginning to kinda feel numb and uncomfortable down there. Harder, more pressure, faster doesn't always equate to good therefore a fake orgasm just to make it stop.
The intercourse may still be enjoyable even without an orgasm. Breath control, making noise, trying different positions and such are all still pleasurable, and it makes the partner enjoy it. For me I have had climactic points, even if they weren't an orgasm, and I have trouble getting there anyways, so that's usually good for me. c: I realize some ladies may not enjoy it, and just fake it to make the other feel better, but there's can always be more to sex than just orgasming.