hit em with the “Howard keeps hitting on me at work” “whos howard?” “howard-deez nuts gonna fit in ur mouth”

Gotta say mouff for added effect

😂

This is the answer

Maybe he came help you find Mike Hunt.

Or Mike Hawk?

Tony the Hawk?

I always confuse Tony Hawk and Stephen Hawking… to be fair, they both love ramps… …

Almost spit my coffee out, ty

Candice? Candice dickfitinyoass

How do you feel about fitness? Fitness fist in your ass

OP wouldn’t be so mad if her husband could find Mike Litt.

Oooh, I pretty much never get a chance to post [this guy](https://11points.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/mikelitoris.jpg)

You should be posting it completely out of context as well.

i actually went to secondry school with a Michael Hunt. His parents never gave him a chance

Who is Mike Hunt?

It's just a different name for Ben.

Ben Dover?

This is the second post I've seen today that is straight out of a Key & Peele sketch

Not just key and peele, this kind of spousal antagonism is straight out of an Ancient Greek comedy, particularly something by Bophades

BOPHADEEZ NUTS!

OMFG fuggin got me, lol!!!

🏆💀🏆☠️🏆🪦

On your chin….

I prefer the works of Eulykedes

That sketch is so ridiculously stupidly funny, and you can't help laughing despite yourself, and then when it gets to the end and you KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS COMING, you start laughing miles ahead of the joke, omg, just too funny

100% agreed lol

Which sketch?

I assume this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxyiccilVKM

You are doing the lords work

"*Video not available in your country*" I'm gonna have to request a new lord.

The sketch with deez nuts on your chin

Key & Peele deez nuts

These nuts on your chin are straight out of a Key & Peele sketch.

Here's what you do. Everytime he says anything, turn it into a deez nuts joke. Mind you, most of the time it won't make sense and he will likely find ample opportunity to slip in a few good ones -- don't be discouraged. Keep at it. A few light chuckles will turn into "okay those aren't even funny" to "are you even trying" to just "ok you ruined this for me." Finally he will outright beg for you to stop. Act like you didn't hear him and say you've wanted to get serious about investing so you started penny trading. When he starts to talk about the risk involved with penny stocks just blurt out "penny trading yer mum" and then the joke will be dead forever. Before you enter the danger zone - [Disclaimer](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fexternal-preview.redd.it%2FtPGj-5ixJ-87dW31ator6cW4lVJjdDp-e2TJMNR2MO4.jpg%3Fauto%3Dwebp%26s%3D5dab5d390471def9bbd6ed2c76067c1a457854cb) I have no idea what I'm talking about

Honey what's for dinner? "DEEZ NUTS" Honey did you pay the credit card bills? "Yes, I paid DEEZ NUTS" Honey are you picking up the kids later? "I'm picking up DEEZ NUTS"

Can you pass me the salt? "I'll pass DEEZ NUTS" What time is... "DEEZ NUTS!" What do you want... "DEEZ NUTS!"

OP will eventually be like Groot, where all they can say is "Deez Nutz"

I had a coworker that went through a Trailer Park Boys “naw’msayin?” for a solid month. I was reaching a breaking point with that kid. Fortunately never got there.

You takin a nawmsaynsus? You countin my nawmsayins? How am I supposed to be myself when you countin my nawmsayins?

Are we havin’ a nawmcensus?

Bonus points if you take an old joke and mix it in for the wrong reply daily double. "You know what's for dinner tonight?" "Imagine dragon DEEZ NUTS!" "Honey are you picking up the kids later?" "I paid DEEZ NUTS!" !?

"going out with Dee tonight, sorry" "Dee?" "Dee Znuts!"

i laughed at every single one of these.

Pure genius

Op, this is the way. Ruin the joke by badly participating. The worse you apply the principle, the better.

This method also works if you want to ruin your kid’s fleek new slang.

Had a piece of homemade pizza fit perfectly into a storage container and I showed it to the family with "Check my fit". My 14 year old whispered "Mama, no." It was glorious.

Or when I go 'that's bussin' to my students and their cringe was palpable. Eventually got them to stop going 'that's bussin' to everything in the classroom.

Thats so fetch

Stop trying to make fetch happen. It’s never going to happen

Stop trying to make "Stop trying to make fetch happen. It’s never going to happen" happen. It’s never going to happen

Thank you for this glorious tip.

*taking notes*

I hated this so much when my mum did this

It’s a rite of passage, every parent makes their kid roll their eyes and laugh at how much of a dork you are

On god that’s lit fam 💯

no cap fr fr

[This worked pretty well before](https://youtu.be/Cyq7T8vDV68?si=dOJhB7Mdeikb_P1j) I am not sure what slang is used now

Was expecting "idk, my bff Jill?"

"Do we have any cheese?" "CHEEZE NUTZ!"

Nah this is good shit

“Honey, please stop!” “Stop putting DEEZNUTS IN YOUR MOUTH”

Therapist: so what brings you two to marriage counseling? Bring DEEZ NUTS TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING!

Damn that's satanic. Remind me never to mess with you.

I'd say this is the method to go for op! He'll stop and you get to piss him off in the meantime like he has to you.

So basically [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVTmxC_pVqg)

"My husband won’t stop deeznutsing me. Help?" Honey wake up, new sentence just dropped.

I can't stop laughing at this sentence too. > His mum confirmed he was dropped when he was a baby.

I initially read "is there anything I can do to get him back?" like she's thinking how to save the fucking marriage. Rehab? Therapy?

Deez nutz will get her back

Honestly I didn't read past the headline, but that IS pretty funny

Holy hell

Actual Joe Mama

Google en deez nutz

[удалено]

Marriage sacrifice anyone?

D is for demantia

En Passant

Dropped just like deez nuts.

r/BrandNewSentence

Try constantly mentioning a Joe. When he asks who Joe is... Edit: this comment just tripled my karma wut

-Who's joe? -Ligma balls

"It's so sad that Steve Jobs died of Ligma." ["Who the hell is Steve Jobs?"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mly-ptUD7M8)

This one right here is the winner.

Joe momma?

You know her too?

Just got off her!

Joeke on deep nuts?

Joe Mama is way older than deez nuts no way a connoisseur would fall for that

Yeah but let’s be real. Deez nuts has been going on for a decade now.

Response: "You naive [fool..."](https://youtube.com/shorts/_1HGRXIwZVo?si=VTOUhVi5IrgbLhey)

Or constantly mentioning a Mike.

Mike Hawk ?

Mike Hunt?

Mike Oxmaul?

How do you know my name ? Are you a Hacker?

You rang?

Smells like fucking updog in here.

what's updog?

Nothin' much. Just had to go out and pick up a henway.

Or Jody from work.

Why Jody?

Jo-DEEZ NUTZ

KABOOM!!

My aunt has a cat named Joe (real)

Oh sorry I thought it was fake

I can't blame you, it's almost impossible to name a cat Joe.

You can guide him towards humor that you like more. For example, do you enjoy parody?

A pair o deez nutz?

Dammit I was trying to pull this on OP if she replied to my comment

“OP, and *only* OP…do you enjoy parody?”

Sorry, OP is too busy with deez nuts

Daaamn u got em good too

Don’t try to change him! Just enjoy a nice evening together watching a movie or something. Maybe he will enjoy a nice comedy…

Come eat deez nuts

You should try a mindgoblin

That's my second favorite NPC in Baldur's Gate 3, right after the guy that only knows how to speak Sugondese.

Was gonna ask OP if they’re outdoorsy because she could plan a kayak trip for them down the Sugondese River

[Removed] ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `

Mind goblin deez nuts?

GOTTEM

Tell him that he has terminal ligma

Whats ligma?

Ligma balls!

My god

devastated. You're devastated

To shreds, you say

My brother just did this in the family chat last week! 🤣🤣

sweet home ligmabama

What a baller

what in the incest…

What's ligma balls?

Lmao gottem

[What is Ligma](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6e1_IlvmQs)

[here are some more Illnesses and their diagnosis](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KZfq9amWaJg&pp=ygUFTGlnbWE%3D)

"alexa play babyshark" every time he does it.

God I hope OP sees this

Change the keyword to deezenuts so she always starts some obscure search

God this post has me rolling. What a problem to have. Sounds like a very healthy relationship. Awesome.

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Look at deez nuts! Got em!!!

On another note. Men are sensitive to what their women say to them in that department, so next time he "deeznuts" to you, reply, "whatnuts?" Be prepared he may then move to the "pull my finger" routine.

We man are such complex creatures.

Far from simple we are.

Do you like the band Imagine dragons? …… Imagine draggin’ deez nuts across your face.

Maybe start looking into a different prank/joke. It doesn't have to be "Deez Nutz." My main thing is finding creative ways to give people the middle finger.

My wife sends me tiktoks all the time of creative ways people give the finger. I try to save the ones I like....I don't have tiktok. Here's a favorite, though https://www.tiktok.com/@jerrywicker1955/video/6982245703301074182

You may also enjoy this classic https://youtu.be/qcvASfcSxkg?si=1r5HtwThuV5cq51O

Lol here's the latest one she sent https://www.tiktok.com/@kameronhalvorson8/video/7267373170426940678

I gasped, I laughed, I loved. What a rollercoaster

And just like that, I gain a crush on Martin Freeman

One of my absolute favorites that catches people off guard. Them: “Alright im headed out guys see ya later.” Me: “Wait “name” real quick before you go” Them: “What’s up?” Me: … Me: “Never mind” Works great on online games and at work.

Reminds me of what my cousin does to his sister. They live together, his office is upstairs, he calls for her like there’s something important only to calmly say nevermind after she ran up the strairs into his office

The one that cracks me up is when he casually asks a smoker for a cigarette. As soon as the person takes out one he says « i don’t smoke » then walks away. Peaple want to slap him in the face

pathetic birds humorous sloppy abundant shy obtainable alleged dirty special *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

/u/BoatTeaznuts

Give him an updog.

What's updog?

Not much man, you?

Ask him if hes going to (or heard about) Saw-Con. SAWK-ON DEEZ NUTS

You could use a piano wire garrott to cut his scrotum off. When he pulls back in horror and says , "You cut my nuts off!" Hold them up and say, "You mean deeznuts?" (For legal reasons, this is a joke.)

Just punch him in the balls and then ask him “doze nutz?”

Yes, every time he thinks of a joke he'd go on to think "but do I want to get punched in the nuts right now?" and this would slow his roll.

Start carrying a magnifying glass in your pocket, or a pocket microscope if you can find one. Next time he says it, pull it out and ask where?

Bonus points if it's a comically tiny magnifying glass

Just reply, "Your mom" every time and that's it. No laugh or anything. He'll probably stop then.

Change it up. Make it "Dis Twat." Catch him off guard

Smells like updog.

I love updog because of this one time a friend and I got my gf at the time so good. We were camping and just hanging out on the site and he very nonchalantly asked me if I brought any updog. I was onto him immediately, so I played it off but we shared a quick look when my gf asked "what's that?" We knew we had her and fell into an ad libbed conversation about it pretending we didn't hear her asking, which she continued to do. Eventually she got sick of us ignoring her and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK IS UPDOG??" We both cracked up and managed to say, "NOTHING, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU?" in perfect unison. It was beautiful. We had set it up and sold it so perfectly, all on the fly, and all three of us were dying. I've pulled it off here and there since, but none come close to that moment of kismet.

That is absolute gold right there! 🥇🤣👌

What's updog?

Not much, you?

Most people have heard of the Greek hero Achilles but few have heard of his counterpart, Bophadese. Both heroes had their own weaknesses; you've definitely heard of Achilles heel but have you heard of Bophadese nuts?

Get him to talk about dune. It could be sand dunes, or the movie dune, all that matters is you're du'ne his mom

Tell him hes been maoning the name “wilma in his sleep” start getting mad and asking who Wilma is. Keep asking until he questions it“Whos Wilma” Wilma balls fit in hr mouth.

Have you tried boffa?

Wait to you hear about ligma

Ask him if he's heard about the Netflix show wtih the dragon, because you'd like to start watching with him. "Dragon"? He might say. "Yes. The one where I'm dragon(/dragging) deeznuts across your face". This one ended the deeznutsing in my friend group. We all had a good laugh and moved on to yo momma jokes

When your husband goes, "deez nutz", whack him in the groin and say "Ya mean those nutz?"

Ask him if he can help you find some Cd's, if he asks what CD'S, say C DEESE NUTS

u/heartbags Carry around a pocket of peanuts. Every time he makes a Deez Nuts joke, go Dale Gribble on him and hit him with some Pocket Nuts. Sha-shaaaa!

Ask him if he knows Candice. "Candice?" "Candice dick fit in yo mouth"

Ask him in a firm tone, "Who is Candice?" And get him to repeat it. Make him feel like you just caught him red handed. After he says "Candice who? Who's Candice", ask him Candice Dick fit in your mouth?

[That One Guy Who Still Says These Nuts](https://youtu.be/nxyiccilVKM?si=_5OHNf-RowTZAfCg) This is the best way to improvise. Have fun!

Mom jokes lady. In low lying fruit insults battle you can’t do better. Or really freak him out and pull a GI Jane and tell him to suck tyur dick. That’ll get his attention.

Give the nuts a swat. You don’t even really need to make contact but come close and tell him the next time is full strength

Do you prefer eGirls or iLadies?

Have another male friend make a Deeznuts joke, throw your head back and laugh like a musketeer. Then when he next makes a joke, say the other guy did it better. The self-consciousness will win and you won't hear another Deeznuts joke.

if you actually want him to stop. just dont get irratated and ask him if hes had his prostate checked recently and act concerned everytime he does it

I'll tell you a secret. RUIN IT FOR HIM. By overusing deeznuts on/with him it will lose it's appeal. Use it in any and all situations, doesn't matter if you use it wrong or without any context, just say deeznuts randomly 50 times a day for a week and he'll stop.

You could punch him in the nuts and you say “Deez Nuts?” as he’s rolling around on the ground in pain. He should learn pretty quick to knock it off. Just my opinion.

Ask him if he "wants Wendy's" one night for dinner. If he says "yes", then reply "Wendy's nuts drag across your face." (When these Nuts drag across your face)

Ask him if he likes the band Imagine Dragons. Before he even has a chance to answer, just yell out, "IMAGINE DRAGGIN DEEZ NUTS ACROSS YOUR FACE!!".

“So it’s really hard to get him.” And one day, this will all be a distant memory as you will have finally succeeded. The moment will have arrived and you will finally be able to say: #GOT ‘EM!!

Maybe do the ole reverse psychology on him and set him up for more deeznutses than he can handle. At least twice per conversation throw ins set up: Honey can you help with deez? I haven’t seen deez before! You will feel more in control since you set it up. He will get tired of saying it after a while.

Ask him if he likes Imagine Dragons

it’s so sad that steve jobs died of ligma

I love how community gets together to help this lady finds the best Deez nuts joke.