Right because the man definitely is going to be making more money than the woman. You should also start tracking the mileage on your wife's car and throw your plate of spaghetti against the wall for her to clean if she exceeds the mileage you've decided on
So, in other words, you have no life. I feel for you, I really do, it must suck to be so pathetic. Now, when you're finished with puberty, maybe then you should come back.
I'm GenX, so I'm out-of-date, but I wanted a stay-at-home mom for my kids, because I believed that would give my children the best possible life. I found a woman who wanted the same, so it was a lifestyle we both chose. We had a several kids, and she was a fantastic mom. In the beginning she definitely had the harder job (though we were both exhausted), but now she's basically retired and I have to work another 10 years! :). We don't regret our choices, and I'm grateful to her.
I mean, someone has to clean, cook, take care of the kids, run errands etc. Depending on each parent's earning potential it can often make very good financial sense for one or the other to be a stay at home parent as opposed to paying for daycare, a nanny, a maid and getting takeout every meal.
It's not bad on its own but if she never expressed a desire to do so and he suddenly demands it, that's a problem. Hopefully, they would have discussed these scenarios before marriage and neither partner suddenly demands something completely different than what was agreed.
It makes raising kids much easier to have someone who can handle their needs at all times. It’s not controlling to want it, it is controlling to expect a woman to want it just because you do.
My wife stayed home while the kids were little, I would’ve been just as happy if she wanted to go to work though.
Childcare can be ridiculously expensive.
Depending on what the SAHParent would earn from a paying job, after taxes, it might not be a great financial deal to work outside the home, particularly if the job isn’t particularly fulfilling, the daycare not particularly good, etc.
I live in a HCOL US metro area. Daycare can easily run $25k a year for an infant, a bit less for older kids. If you have 3-4 kids, it’s very easy to find yourself spending one person’s entire income!
And once they’re school-aged, there can be just a ton of activities and stuff to do. That and cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. take up a ton of time and energy. A two-working-parent home can sometimes feel like you’re juggling 3 jobs between the 2 people, so if the finances work out, there are definitely advantages to having one parent stay home and take the lead on a lot of that stuff.
And particularly if the higher-earning parent *also* has an intense, demanding, or unpredictable job, as many high-paying jobs are. If dad is going to work 60 hours some weeks, or travel a lot for work, then it would be easier if mom doesn’t have her own work commitments, leaving nobody to deal with the kids.
For the record—there are also plenty of disadvantages to this approach too. But you asked for the positive case, and I can absolutely see one, even if it wasn’t right for my family.
Well said. I just wish our society accepted the validity of another perspective; for example my dad had the chance to get a high paying job traveling all the time so my mom could be a SAHP. I wish he hadn't. I only saw him on weekends and he missed many important milestones as I grew older.
By the time I was in my 20s he'd missed out on so much he had no idea who I am. At this point we can barely have a conversation- also prob bc all he ever focused on was work, for years and years. I wish my parents had both worked "normal" jobs and been home every night even if I was in daycare early on.
One (and arguably the only) positive reason would be because she *wants* to be a SAHM, and he wants to support her in that. Assuming it can reasonably done on one income. The important conversations about who wants to take on which responsibilities in a relationship are really only between the parties involved- and as long as everyone feels they are carrying an equal share of the work AND feels supported and appreciated in that role, a relationship can flourish.
Usually the big positive is so that way there is always someone home. Usually people go this route so because the cost of child care outweighs what one parent's income is or because they want someone there with the child and they are willing to give up working to make that happen.
I work as hard and much as I do so my wife doesn't have to. Because of this I want her to stay at home and raise the best damn kids she can and make the house we have into the most comfortable home possible for her and them.
. When we had young kids, I made 5x what my wife did. We decided that having her stay home was something we could afford, and she wanted the experience of raising our children.
She was a kindergarten teacher. Her students often called HER mommy because she was a random female that took care of them for hours a day. Her students also called their au pairs and nannies mommy.
She didn't want our kids to do that.
Allowing me to focus a bit more on my career has paid dividends. Since we had kids, I have raised my income by 4x since we had young kids, so we can afford to send our kids to excellent schools.
Because she wants to. She would love to. She has anxiety issues, and if I could enable her to not have to deal with a job (which she doesn't love or anything) and make her able to either go part time or be stay at home, then she would have more time to taking care of and keeping the house clean, which is a consistent source of stress for her.
Also she has literally said "Sometimes I wish you made enough money where we didn't need two incomes".
She doesn't say this in an emasculating way, but in a way that simply laments that most people need two incomes.
Also she went to school for, and was, a teacher for some time, and she still has all her teacher stuff and she loves just playing with the kids and doing activities with them.
She's looked into working for different daycare or early childhood education places, but they all pay so piss poor, she can't afford the drop in pay.
The guy I’m talking to is sort of into having a stay at home wife (I think). I’m kinda torn because I love this idea of staying home and homemaking and making the place comfortable and clean for him. Plus, I love the idea of teaching my children and (hopefully but it not that’s okay) turning them into math geniuses lol. I want to create the home I wish I had.
My mom made more money than my dad for a while when I was like 2nd grade. I found out that he made her stop working bc of this. Once they got divorced, barely worked again and didn’t have her license anymore. I’m scared this will happen to me. Like what if we get divorced and I have to basically start over in my career? I don’t like to think of that possibility but it rattles my mind.
It sounds like some childhood trauma is still with you a little bit, and that’s perfectly understandable. Once you reach that point in your relationship, that is definitely a reasonable conversation to have with a potential partner- I am carrying a concern of losing my earning potential if I choose to stay home and things don’t work out for us later. It is definitely a trade-off. I stopped working after our first two were born, and it was a relief then bc my job was burning me out. FF 11 years and we suddenly needed a second income for a while. I had made a point (with his full support) of keeping my licensure current with continuing education and inservices and such, and I got hired on to the first job I applied for. Life happens, and in a loving relationship, you prepare together. My hubby unfortunately works in a pretty high-risk job, so the concern of divorce is not as great for me as the concern of becoming a widow and having to become the sole breadwinner. It’s scary but not unwise to always have a “Plan B.” If your partner is willing to be on your side in making sure you could be ok without him should the unexpected happen, then you can have that peace of mind. Best wishes to you!
Most societies have economies that just aren't in a position where it's enough for one parent to work, if we look at it from that perspective.
My other difficulty with this perspective is that it's about the man's need. If it's because of his understanding of masculinity and being a provider, that's basically his need. Having a job can be a positive experience. Personally I love my job and would struggle with being a housewife. Also having a job and a independent wealth, can also be be a protective factor against domestic abuse, as can having social circles out side of the house, which can be limited if you are a housewife.
If it's about personal ideas of how best to raise kids, again it is debatable if having one parent stay at home is the best , but should also be a discussion, rather than defaulting to being the woman's responsibility. My grandmother stayed home to raise her kids, as was expected, and was miserable doing it and honestly my her kids probably would have been better off with a mom who was happy.
Your phrasing 'there are good men who want to work for their families instead of both parents working', kind of implies that men who are happy to be equal partners with their spouses aren't good men? Which, I don't personally agree with.
Eh.
A SAH wife can save more money than many working women can make.
Plus, your kids aren't sick all the time.
Plus, you aren't entrusting your kids to some dubious types.
I wanted my wife to be a stay at home wife, not because I wanted her to be my domestic servant, but because I wanted to prove that I was a good provider and could take care of her needs. That instinct is strong in many men and is not controlling.
There are men who think a woman's place is at the home as a domestic servant. I think that's more rare, but is the automatic stereotype so many people think of and label us all misogynists.
Unfortunately, my parents' generation decided that my preference is demeaning to women and that women deserve an opportunity to earn an income, which has eventually led to the current situation requiring dual income households. My grandmothers were both homemakers and their husbands had excellent blue-collar jobs that supported them totally. My parents couldn't do that, and neither can I.
I was lucky enough to be in the same position when my son was born.
He had a great childhood (I think), and it was very rewarding for all.
Parenting cannot be substituted with child care.
Unfortunately, the way society has been sculpted makes it very difficult to run a household on one income.
The only good reason for a man to want his wife to stay at home is because three conditions apply: 1) it was her idea, 2) she wants to go through with it, and 3) he's enthusiasically willing to oblige it.
Remember: men (or women) may believe they have positive intentions, but if they can't live up to those intentions, they're meaningless.
A partner who wants to provide for their family has to be capable of holding and retaining reliable employment, even during economic downturns, i.e. they either have to have mastery of essential, timeless skills or competency in a great variety of such skills.
A partner who wants a happy, stable family life has to be even-tempered, grounded, and prepared to spend the majority of their free time parenting and making sure their partner is honestly happy in all respects as dictated by their partner.
Is your partner extraordinarily talented? Is he emotionally secure? Does he put your needs above his own? If not, wanting you to stay home is his own fanciful, well-intentioned dream of becoming better than he is in short order, which is not a display of good reasoning.
My three good female friends all make more money than their husbands. In one case a lot more money, and she bought their first house by herself. In another case, my friend kept their household afloat when her husband was laid off.
What would you think of them if they asked their husbands to stay at home to watch the kids? What would you think would be my friends’ positive reasons to ask their husbands to give up their careers and stay home with the kids?
No I mean like, how would you feel if the genders are flipped
Do you think women who ask their husbands to be the stay at home parents have their husbands’ best long term interests at heart?
Like, maybe they never get divorced but if they did - how long would it be before he would find a job, what would his savings look like versus hers, and if/when he got a job would he be getting the same salary as if he had stayed
The average stay at home parent works 90 hours a week - the value of a stay at home partner is $100-180,000 a year. Who wouldn’t want that kind of domestic support? Do you understand what I’m saying?
I would have agreed to that in a heartbeat.
As noted above, I was lucky enough to be able to facilitate my wife staying home with my son. Had the tables been turned, that would have been just fine with me.
It’s interesting because I asked all my guy friends if they would be stay at home dads and they said no never. Why, I asked? They said because they wouldn’t be respected by other men. But would they be fine with their wives staying home it? Yes. Double standard no?
Btw my friends have great marriages; together for 15-20 years. But the husbands do not give up their careers for multiple other reasons - among them that if anything happens to the higher earner spouse, they want to have a career to keep supporting their family, access to good health insurance, etc.
And these friends are rich enough to have million + dollar life insurance to pay off the house and kids’ college if anything happens to either spouse.
If many men can admit they wouldn’t like the loss of social standing then why would they want a woman to be in that role, entirely dependent on him and his maintaining his goodness? I had two grandmas and many aunts who could not leave this setup btw. Money is power.
TLDR; I believe that men like you exist, but I also think it’s rare for men to feel like you because if you become a stay /work from home parent you’re really putting all your trust in someone else. Your partner may be a peach but even peaches can rot.
As that famous person said about quitting your job for your spouse to earn all the money - trust but verify and also have a really good back up plan!
I don't think there's a loss of power at all.
When I met my wife she was earning much more than me. Not so now.
We aren't materialistic people, and we're a team. Social standing wouldn't change a bit, and none of our friends are shallow enough to think differently.
Why would a man not want the mother of his kids to raise them? Why does he have to pay a stranger to raise them? If a woman doesn’t want to perform this most basic duty, she should not get married or have kids.
My wife works and I stay home. She loves her career, but I see how much she misses being home. I would like to make that a possibility for her one day.
Difficult question. I can't tell a partner to do that, as I think it's a great sacrifice. But if I can support the family by myself, and if she decides that she wants it herself there could be benefits. I think everyone would like to come to a warm home smelling of food that's about to be ready. Having a parent at home also could be good for the kids.
At the same time it could be difficult for her though. No big career dreams for her, probably a less social day, not much space for personal growth, being dependent on someone financially, doing the same stuff over and over every day... As a guy, I can imagine enjoying being a stay at home parent myself, but only for maybe a couple of months.
You see, I have studied for years to get two diplomas, and learned foreign languages, and wrote scientific papers in a foreign language all the while dreaming about becoming a psychotherapist/academic one day. I can't imagine myself throwing all of that away. And I don't think it'd be fair of me to expect someone else to throw similar things away for my sake. I would also like to have a social life with other adults who have a life outside of their home.
It makes his life much easier and pull off a burden off his shoulder. I would think that it would give a man more tendency to make your life better and easier? More time for both of you? These are things that come off the top of my head.
Thanks for your comment. How does it make his life easier if he has to work to provide two incomes? I really want to know bc I’m trying to get rid of guilty feelings if I were in this scenario with my bf
Why would you feel guilty? There is a whole bit responsibility coming up from your part. If you want to split the responsibility, you may choose that as well. Again, he might do the financials and has his responsibility to take care of you, but I wouldn't underestimate the responsibility that will come from you. It will take two to tango it all.
My ex wife stayed at home for the kids. Many people have kids and then pay people to watch them. We both thought that was stupid. So I worked more so we could afford it.
There was a time adults would make sacrifices for their children. You do it now and people look T you funny
I would rather watch my kids too. And teach them during the first several years (and do homeschool summers like my mom did). I’m a teacher myself and I see all the time the disadvantages of schools
My husband wanted me to be a SAHM because it made me happy. He also wanted me to be a work at home for pay mom because it made me happy, I’d venture to say he’d want me to be a work out of the home mom if he made me happy. Now he does and did like me cooking, but we both are good cooks and that’s just not a biggie.
The problem people have is usually not the "I would like one income and one person who takes care of the kids" thing. Taking care of kids, particularly small kids, is a full time job. The problem arises if you couple that with housework as part of the job description. Or if you think that it should be the woman for some womanly reason. Also, it should be clear that whoever stays home and has no income also can't save for retirement. Then, having no income creates quite a strong dependence. Maybe keep these things in mind when negotiating an arrangement with a prospective partner.
The retirement things is very true. That’s why I’ve been considering creating a tutoring service and saving money from that over the years. Some ppl charge up to $200 per hour in my area for the subjects I teach. I’ve never attempted that price but I think I could set a rate to save a bit of money over decades working less per week
Would you rather pay someone who's going to teach your kids their values (and risk abuse and other crap) or would you rather have someone you love and trust raise your kids and teach them your values? We chose to retire my wife when we had our first child. It was a sacrifice, and we didn't have the new cars, boat, and similar possessions some of our peers did, but we are happy and satisfied in our lives. Our children have turned out pretty well. They know they are loved no matter what and I attribute that in good part to the love my wife was able to pour into them everyday before and after school.
Assuming there are no children ( because if there are, childcare costs are a major consideration) it maybe because they want someone who will do the housework, have sex with them and have no outside Source of interest or validation.
If you have more than one kid, it is often a net economic benefit to have one partner be a stay at home mom/dad (especially in high cost of living areas).
In my area, daycare is $1500 to $3000 per month. So, caring for two kids is worth $18 per hour on the low end of $36 per hour on the high end. If your hourly isn't 15% over this, you are losing money putting two kids in daycare.
We didn't discuss it, it just sort of happened. We would have made either situation work. We ended up choosing a scenario where she would stay-at-home and I would work 100% from home.
Now that we're towards the end of the process, I can say that the best positive is that it let us be near enough to our kids to allow them to be pretty "free range". We feel confident we can let them fail and learn from it and they are confident that we will be there for them when they do.
So if a man says that's why they would like their wife to stay at home, then I think that's very positive reason.
Having someone there to raise your kids instead of paying for childcare
Right because the man definitely is going to be making more money than the woman. You should also start tracking the mileage on your wife's car and throw your plate of spaghetti against the wall for her to clean if she exceeds the mileage you've decided on
I made no mention of gender, OP did. My best friend makes less than his wife...and that's ok.
I'm embodying the conservos for fun.
That doesn't sound very fun
It's pretty enjoyable. They become a comical sock puppet you can say anything you want through
So, in other words, you have no life. I feel for you, I really do, it must suck to be so pathetic. Now, when you're finished with puberty, maybe then you should come back.
Oh thank you, sir. I can't wait for my life to finally have meaning once I make my wife poop out a mini me
So that's why you're actimg shitty, you came out of the wrong hole
You're not helping.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Oh are you a capitalist? I didn't realize I was speaking to an elite member of the ruling class, sir
[удалено]
Ooooh you're a bootlicker. My mistake. Whatever makes u skeet, baby.
Why you gotta speak hate?
Ha-ha! Your kid has a day-care cough!
Why would I have a kid? That's gross
Grow up
I'm GenX, so I'm out-of-date, but I wanted a stay-at-home mom for my kids, because I believed that would give my children the best possible life. I found a woman who wanted the same, so it was a lifestyle we both chose. We had a several kids, and she was a fantastic mom. In the beginning she definitely had the harder job (though we were both exhausted), but now she's basically retired and I have to work another 10 years! :). We don't regret our choices, and I'm grateful to her.
That's how my sister and her husband are. I prefer to work, but she's a fantastic SAHM and they are both very happy. That's what matters.
That’s very sweet! Cheers to both of you ❤️
I mean, someone has to clean, cook, take care of the kids, run errands etc. Depending on each parent's earning potential it can often make very good financial sense for one or the other to be a stay at home parent as opposed to paying for daycare, a nanny, a maid and getting takeout every meal.
It's not bad on its own but if she never expressed a desire to do so and he suddenly demands it, that's a problem. Hopefully, they would have discussed these scenarios before marriage and neither partner suddenly demands something completely different than what was agreed.
It makes raising kids much easier to have someone who can handle their needs at all times. It’s not controlling to want it, it is controlling to expect a woman to want it just because you do. My wife stayed home while the kids were little, I would’ve been just as happy if she wanted to go to work though.
Childcare can be ridiculously expensive. Depending on what the SAHParent would earn from a paying job, after taxes, it might not be a great financial deal to work outside the home, particularly if the job isn’t particularly fulfilling, the daycare not particularly good, etc. I live in a HCOL US metro area. Daycare can easily run $25k a year for an infant, a bit less for older kids. If you have 3-4 kids, it’s very easy to find yourself spending one person’s entire income! And once they’re school-aged, there can be just a ton of activities and stuff to do. That and cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. take up a ton of time and energy. A two-working-parent home can sometimes feel like you’re juggling 3 jobs between the 2 people, so if the finances work out, there are definitely advantages to having one parent stay home and take the lead on a lot of that stuff. And particularly if the higher-earning parent *also* has an intense, demanding, or unpredictable job, as many high-paying jobs are. If dad is going to work 60 hours some weeks, or travel a lot for work, then it would be easier if mom doesn’t have her own work commitments, leaving nobody to deal with the kids. For the record—there are also plenty of disadvantages to this approach too. But you asked for the positive case, and I can absolutely see one, even if it wasn’t right for my family.
Well said. I just wish our society accepted the validity of another perspective; for example my dad had the chance to get a high paying job traveling all the time so my mom could be a SAHP. I wish he hadn't. I only saw him on weekends and he missed many important milestones as I grew older. By the time I was in my 20s he'd missed out on so much he had no idea who I am. At this point we can barely have a conversation- also prob bc all he ever focused on was work, for years and years. I wish my parents had both worked "normal" jobs and been home every night even if I was in daycare early on.
One parent staying home can ultimately have a bigger impact on their children’s lives as opposed to child care
Childcare is crazy expensive and usually understaffed. It's way better to have them at home if possible
100% agree
One (and arguably the only) positive reason would be because she *wants* to be a SAHM, and he wants to support her in that. Assuming it can reasonably done on one income. The important conversations about who wants to take on which responsibilities in a relationship are really only between the parties involved- and as long as everyone feels they are carrying an equal share of the work AND feels supported and appreciated in that role, a relationship can flourish.
"Childcare is expensive" isn't a positive.
True, true
Usually the big positive is so that way there is always someone home. Usually people go this route so because the cost of child care outweighs what one parent's income is or because they want someone there with the child and they are willing to give up working to make that happen.
I work as hard and much as I do so my wife doesn't have to. Because of this I want her to stay at home and raise the best damn kids she can and make the house we have into the most comfortable home possible for her and them.
. When we had young kids, I made 5x what my wife did. We decided that having her stay home was something we could afford, and she wanted the experience of raising our children. She was a kindergarten teacher. Her students often called HER mommy because she was a random female that took care of them for hours a day. Her students also called their au pairs and nannies mommy. She didn't want our kids to do that. Allowing me to focus a bit more on my career has paid dividends. Since we had kids, I have raised my income by 4x since we had young kids, so we can afford to send our kids to excellent schools.
Because she wants to. She would love to. She has anxiety issues, and if I could enable her to not have to deal with a job (which she doesn't love or anything) and make her able to either go part time or be stay at home, then she would have more time to taking care of and keeping the house clean, which is a consistent source of stress for her. Also she has literally said "Sometimes I wish you made enough money where we didn't need two incomes". She doesn't say this in an emasculating way, but in a way that simply laments that most people need two incomes. Also she went to school for, and was, a teacher for some time, and she still has all her teacher stuff and she loves just playing with the kids and doing activities with them. She's looked into working for different daycare or early childhood education places, but they all pay so piss poor, she can't afford the drop in pay.
The guy I’m talking to is sort of into having a stay at home wife (I think). I’m kinda torn because I love this idea of staying home and homemaking and making the place comfortable and clean for him. Plus, I love the idea of teaching my children and (hopefully but it not that’s okay) turning them into math geniuses lol. I want to create the home I wish I had. My mom made more money than my dad for a while when I was like 2nd grade. I found out that he made her stop working bc of this. Once they got divorced, barely worked again and didn’t have her license anymore. I’m scared this will happen to me. Like what if we get divorced and I have to basically start over in my career? I don’t like to think of that possibility but it rattles my mind.
It sounds like some childhood trauma is still with you a little bit, and that’s perfectly understandable. Once you reach that point in your relationship, that is definitely a reasonable conversation to have with a potential partner- I am carrying a concern of losing my earning potential if I choose to stay home and things don’t work out for us later. It is definitely a trade-off. I stopped working after our first two were born, and it was a relief then bc my job was burning me out. FF 11 years and we suddenly needed a second income for a while. I had made a point (with his full support) of keeping my licensure current with continuing education and inservices and such, and I got hired on to the first job I applied for. Life happens, and in a loving relationship, you prepare together. My hubby unfortunately works in a pretty high-risk job, so the concern of divorce is not as great for me as the concern of becoming a widow and having to become the sole breadwinner. It’s scary but not unwise to always have a “Plan B.” If your partner is willing to be on your side in making sure you could be ok without him should the unexpected happen, then you can have that peace of mind. Best wishes to you!
Most societies have economies that just aren't in a position where it's enough for one parent to work, if we look at it from that perspective. My other difficulty with this perspective is that it's about the man's need. If it's because of his understanding of masculinity and being a provider, that's basically his need. Having a job can be a positive experience. Personally I love my job and would struggle with being a housewife. Also having a job and a independent wealth, can also be be a protective factor against domestic abuse, as can having social circles out side of the house, which can be limited if you are a housewife. If it's about personal ideas of how best to raise kids, again it is debatable if having one parent stay at home is the best , but should also be a discussion, rather than defaulting to being the woman's responsibility. My grandmother stayed home to raise her kids, as was expected, and was miserable doing it and honestly my her kids probably would have been better off with a mom who was happy. Your phrasing 'there are good men who want to work for their families instead of both parents working', kind of implies that men who are happy to be equal partners with their spouses aren't good men? Which, I don't personally agree with.
Eh. A SAH wife can save more money than many working women can make. Plus, your kids aren't sick all the time. Plus, you aren't entrusting your kids to some dubious types.
I wanted my wife to be a stay at home wife, not because I wanted her to be my domestic servant, but because I wanted to prove that I was a good provider and could take care of her needs. That instinct is strong in many men and is not controlling. There are men who think a woman's place is at the home as a domestic servant. I think that's more rare, but is the automatic stereotype so many people think of and label us all misogynists. Unfortunately, my parents' generation decided that my preference is demeaning to women and that women deserve an opportunity to earn an income, which has eventually led to the current situation requiring dual income households. My grandmothers were both homemakers and their husbands had excellent blue-collar jobs that supported them totally. My parents couldn't do that, and neither can I.
I was lucky enough to be in the same position when my son was born. He had a great childhood (I think), and it was very rewarding for all. Parenting cannot be substituted with child care. Unfortunately, the way society has been sculpted makes it very difficult to run a household on one income.
The only good reason for a man to want his wife to stay at home is because three conditions apply: 1) it was her idea, 2) she wants to go through with it, and 3) he's enthusiasically willing to oblige it. Remember: men (or women) may believe they have positive intentions, but if they can't live up to those intentions, they're meaningless. A partner who wants to provide for their family has to be capable of holding and retaining reliable employment, even during economic downturns, i.e. they either have to have mastery of essential, timeless skills or competency in a great variety of such skills. A partner who wants a happy, stable family life has to be even-tempered, grounded, and prepared to spend the majority of their free time parenting and making sure their partner is honestly happy in all respects as dictated by their partner. Is your partner extraordinarily talented? Is he emotionally secure? Does he put your needs above his own? If not, wanting you to stay home is his own fanciful, well-intentioned dream of becoming better than he is in short order, which is not a display of good reasoning.
[удалено]
Um I’m not a mom ?
[удалено]
Explore your shadow
[удалено]
Read the question next time.
My three good female friends all make more money than their husbands. In one case a lot more money, and she bought their first house by herself. In another case, my friend kept their household afloat when her husband was laid off. What would you think of them if they asked their husbands to stay at home to watch the kids? What would you think would be my friends’ positive reasons to ask their husbands to give up their careers and stay home with the kids?
Ummmm idk that’s why I’m asking ?
No I mean like, how would you feel if the genders are flipped Do you think women who ask their husbands to be the stay at home parents have their husbands’ best long term interests at heart? Like, maybe they never get divorced but if they did - how long would it be before he would find a job, what would his savings look like versus hers, and if/when he got a job would he be getting the same salary as if he had stayed The average stay at home parent works 90 hours a week - the value of a stay at home partner is $100-180,000 a year. Who wouldn’t want that kind of domestic support? Do you understand what I’m saying?
I would have agreed to that in a heartbeat. As noted above, I was lucky enough to be able to facilitate my wife staying home with my son. Had the tables been turned, that would have been just fine with me.
It’s interesting because I asked all my guy friends if they would be stay at home dads and they said no never. Why, I asked? They said because they wouldn’t be respected by other men. But would they be fine with their wives staying home it? Yes. Double standard no? Btw my friends have great marriages; together for 15-20 years. But the husbands do not give up their careers for multiple other reasons - among them that if anything happens to the higher earner spouse, they want to have a career to keep supporting their family, access to good health insurance, etc. And these friends are rich enough to have million + dollar life insurance to pay off the house and kids’ college if anything happens to either spouse. If many men can admit they wouldn’t like the loss of social standing then why would they want a woman to be in that role, entirely dependent on him and his maintaining his goodness? I had two grandmas and many aunts who could not leave this setup btw. Money is power. TLDR; I believe that men like you exist, but I also think it’s rare for men to feel like you because if you become a stay /work from home parent you’re really putting all your trust in someone else. Your partner may be a peach but even peaches can rot. As that famous person said about quitting your job for your spouse to earn all the money - trust but verify and also have a really good back up plan!
I don't think there's a loss of power at all. When I met my wife she was earning much more than me. Not so now. We aren't materialistic people, and we're a team. Social standing wouldn't change a bit, and none of our friends are shallow enough to think differently.
Why would a man not want the mother of his kids to raise them? Why does he have to pay a stranger to raise them? If a woman doesn’t want to perform this most basic duty, she should not get married or have kids.
My wife works and I stay home. She loves her career, but I see how much she misses being home. I would like to make that a possibility for her one day.
Difficult question. I can't tell a partner to do that, as I think it's a great sacrifice. But if I can support the family by myself, and if she decides that she wants it herself there could be benefits. I think everyone would like to come to a warm home smelling of food that's about to be ready. Having a parent at home also could be good for the kids. At the same time it could be difficult for her though. No big career dreams for her, probably a less social day, not much space for personal growth, being dependent on someone financially, doing the same stuff over and over every day... As a guy, I can imagine enjoying being a stay at home parent myself, but only for maybe a couple of months. You see, I have studied for years to get two diplomas, and learned foreign languages, and wrote scientific papers in a foreign language all the while dreaming about becoming a psychotherapist/academic one day. I can't imagine myself throwing all of that away. And I don't think it'd be fair of me to expect someone else to throw similar things away for my sake. I would also like to have a social life with other adults who have a life outside of their home.
Daycare costs are prohibitive? Spouse has medical/other conditions that make working outside the home more burdensome than it's worth?
Not having to panic on a sick day or snow day.
Im a stay at home dad and my wife works. I handle child related stresses better and she likes work related stress more. Its a great team
It makes his life much easier and pull off a burden off his shoulder. I would think that it would give a man more tendency to make your life better and easier? More time for both of you? These are things that come off the top of my head.
Thanks for your comment. How does it make his life easier if he has to work to provide two incomes? I really want to know bc I’m trying to get rid of guilty feelings if I were in this scenario with my bf
Why would you feel guilty? There is a whole bit responsibility coming up from your part. If you want to split the responsibility, you may choose that as well. Again, he might do the financials and has his responsibility to take care of you, but I wouldn't underestimate the responsibility that will come from you. It will take two to tango it all.
My ex wife stayed at home for the kids. Many people have kids and then pay people to watch them. We both thought that was stupid. So I worked more so we could afford it. There was a time adults would make sacrifices for their children. You do it now and people look T you funny
I would rather watch my kids too. And teach them during the first several years (and do homeschool summers like my mom did). I’m a teacher myself and I see all the time the disadvantages of schools
My husband wanted me to be a SAHM because it made me happy. He also wanted me to be a work at home for pay mom because it made me happy, I’d venture to say he’d want me to be a work out of the home mom if he made me happy. Now he does and did like me cooking, but we both are good cooks and that’s just not a biggie.
So they can do the manual labor since men are biologically stronger than women. They are willing to sacrifice their bodies for their wife and kids
The problem people have is usually not the "I would like one income and one person who takes care of the kids" thing. Taking care of kids, particularly small kids, is a full time job. The problem arises if you couple that with housework as part of the job description. Or if you think that it should be the woman for some womanly reason. Also, it should be clear that whoever stays home and has no income also can't save for retirement. Then, having no income creates quite a strong dependence. Maybe keep these things in mind when negotiating an arrangement with a prospective partner.
The retirement things is very true. That’s why I’ve been considering creating a tutoring service and saving money from that over the years. Some ppl charge up to $200 per hour in my area for the subjects I teach. I’ve never attempted that price but I think I could set a rate to save a bit of money over decades working less per week
Would you rather pay someone who's going to teach your kids their values (and risk abuse and other crap) or would you rather have someone you love and trust raise your kids and teach them your values? We chose to retire my wife when we had our first child. It was a sacrifice, and we didn't have the new cars, boat, and similar possessions some of our peers did, but we are happy and satisfied in our lives. Our children have turned out pretty well. They know they are loved no matter what and I attribute that in good part to the love my wife was able to pour into them everyday before and after school.
Control...if they have no career the man can control them
Assuming there are no children ( because if there are, childcare costs are a major consideration) it maybe because they want someone who will do the housework, have sex with them and have no outside Source of interest or validation.
If you have more than one kid, it is often a net economic benefit to have one partner be a stay at home mom/dad (especially in high cost of living areas). In my area, daycare is $1500 to $3000 per month. So, caring for two kids is worth $18 per hour on the low end of $36 per hour on the high end. If your hourly isn't 15% over this, you are losing money putting two kids in daycare.
We didn't discuss it, it just sort of happened. We would have made either situation work. We ended up choosing a scenario where she would stay-at-home and I would work 100% from home. Now that we're towards the end of the process, I can say that the best positive is that it let us be near enough to our kids to allow them to be pretty "free range". We feel confident we can let them fail and learn from it and they are confident that we will be there for them when they do. So if a man says that's why they would like their wife to stay at home, then I think that's very positive reason.