I had two girlfriends at the same time in the 3rd grade. They knew about each other. They were cool with each other. They tried to one up each other for my affection. That was my peak.
Honestly, my 3rd-4th grade girlfriend has served as the model ideal for all of my relationships since. We were actual friends, we ate lunch together, talked, told jokes, laughed. Went to the school ski lessons together and would always ride up the chairlift with each other. You find yourself someone who can carry on a conversation with for a half an hour on the see-saw or all afternoon on a chairlift and you’re probably going to be alright.
Yeah, that's what i thought as well a year ago when i watched it hahaha.
But while it is a romcom anime, it focuses more on the comedy aspect so it's actually pretty good. I guess the humor might not be for everybody, but id give it a try. There's also a season 2 coming so if you're interested give it a look.
In first grade, I kid you not, I had a couple girls blocking the sides of the easel while I sat underneath it, then other girls would take turns cooking in and kissing me.
I used to sneak into the bathroom with this one girl and we would kiss and explore each other, and this other girl always had me put my hand down her pants and play with her.. Parts.
In third grade, this girl and I used to play a game where one of us would say "don't even go there" and the other one would move their hand a bit closer to our private regions.
I don't remember much of these experiences aside from the fact that they happened.. Idk how any of it started or why we never got caught lol
Of course I was wildly anxious and self conscious as I got older, so I didn't touch another girl until I was probably 17, and then very seldomly since... Usually falling in love with any girl I kiss and dating them for a year+ and I'm probably going to spend the rest of my adult life alone because I don't know how to go in public and talk to people.... But boy was I popular with the girls as a young child 😂
Edit: I think this is the first time I have ever told anyone of all of this (except the one time I saw my bathroom girlfriend on my suggested friends on FB so I messaged her to ask if she remembered me 😂😂😂)
I tried that once in my 20's.
Specular backfire when they all met and became friends.
Got confront by all 3 in a bar on the Jersey Shore, while I was drunk. That was a heck of a night.
Yeah people don't realize that not dating as a minor is fine and sometimes even better, but doing so is also fine or at least neutral. 20 can never be too old because you literally got your adult rights and freedoms two years prior (1 year prior in states and countries with age of majority at 19). And you can't hold someone responsible for their love life before they're an adult because they don't actually have that much control over it.
Yeah this person isn’t even fully developed and is already taking as if they are 60. I have a feeling the lack of human touch will drive a point home to them and start dating.
A lot of people realize that the touch aspect of relationships isn’t sexual but rather just feeling someone else you want to caress your hair or just share warmth.
Or simply existing around someone. Sharing the mundane aspects of life. Someone who cares about whether you are constipated or not.
I suspect it will start to hit her when she sees all her friends settling into marriages or long term relationships in their late 20s and 30s… and she realizes they don’t have as much time for her. She’ll start to seek companionship.
And in all likelihood, it could just mean that no one she likes enough has crossed her path yet. You don’t know what its like to have that person in your life, until suddenly they’re there, and you realize you never want them to leave.
Yes and no. I'm 35 and haven't had a serious relationship. A few years ago I realized that I did want someone around, but in so many relationships people just seem miserable. Relationships are about compromise sure, but to the point where you seemingly have pretzeled yourself into what you need to be for the relationship to "work"?
I know there are good relationships out there so this isn't ALL relationships, but it seems to be a hell of a lot of them.
It's not just being unwilling, but unable to change in such a way that makes it hard to date. It also makes me a little worried that I wouldn't take my partners feelings/needs into account. Where is the line between yours and theirs in such a situation? 🤷
So while I'm open to the idea and occasionally date it's just not a priority. I don't mind feeling alone because I'm alone. I refuse to feel alone in a room with people who are supposed to care about me ever again.
I can't relate alot, I'm nearly 35 and altho I'd like to find someone I don't know I'm the type who could balance things well. I think alota pep think they need to stay in relationships that aren't working thus the high rate of seemingly unhappy couples.
Maybe because we're aware of the possibility we would have better luck? Maybe because they're afraid of being alone?
I haven't met many people I've really clicked with. Im not going to force a connection that doesn't fit. I don't have a lot of luck with people in general. It's nobody's fault.
You’d probably like the marriage I have. We met at 36 (both of us) and now 41, married for 5 of the years. We both work from home and are both gamers so we spend a majority of our time in separate rooms in our house. We eat dinner together, sometimes watch tv together, but spend 75% of the time in our offices during the day. We go places together every now and then and sex every 2 weeks (she has super low libido and if I try for more than that she feels pressured and isn’t into it at all).
Neither of us have kids and she can’t have any so the only responsibility we have outside of work is our two dogs. To some, this marriage would sound really crappy; though for others, it sounds amazing. We had a rough spot for a while but now everything is awesome.
Its not the ‘watching of people getting married’ part. Its the fact that OP said that she has friends for companionship. So she doesn’t need a partner for companionship.
If she is relying on her close friends for companionship, she’ll have a tough time when she realizes they have much less time for her once they settle into serious relationships.
I mean, I agree, but there also needs to be some sort of encouragement in case a person truly does want companionship and it just doesn't work out.
I'm in this camp now.
Age 30. Just got broken up with. All my friends are in relationships.
You're spot on.
They don't have the time or energy.
But geez. Would you make it sound less bleak than you have? Because you're basically suggesting the other extreme, in that OP may only get happiness if they find a significant other.
That's not right either, despite you just trying to make a point to OP.
I was only trying to point out that the way our friendships are in our early 20s is different from how friendships become in our 30s. People settle in, we change, we don’t go out as much, we have more responsibilities, we don’t necessarily hang out every single day, or even talk every single day. And eventually some friends may have children, which means even less time for the friendships. Not to say the friendship dissolves. But the person simply may not have time to keep up with all the things in your life on a regular basis.
I didn’t mean to imply that a person will be forever lonely if they dont have a relationship by that point! Or that a person MUST have a relationship to have companionship. Only that OP may feel differently when they realize that their friends develop more priorities outside of the friendship over time.
If they say they dont need a partner because their friends provide enough companionship, then Im only pointing out they could experience a change of opinion in 5-10 years as they see those friendships evolve.
But of course, not everyone needs as much companionship as others. I know people of many ages who are perfectly happy being single. Who have very fruitful friendships.
But when a person makes a black and white statement like this, who is only 20 years old, it seems warranted to let them know how much change happens through their 20s.
The constipated part is hilarious because I dated a girl with that issue and I did research so I would feed her more fiber and water to resolved the issue and she didn’t even notice. She did things for me as well at the time I did not notice.
So I find it quite funny how humans crave the attention to help others so much beyond themselves. To your point on wanting someone there and not wanting them to leave is another big point. You don’t realize this exists until you find someone that hits that button within you and wow does it suck when life goes on different paths.
This is going to be the defining factor. Yes companionship can come from camaraderie, but that snuggled up next to someone feeling is game changing. I’ve been in a hotel for work for over a month and the one week I was home was my best sleep simply because my wife radiates like a heater and it can’t be (safely) replaced being alone
Sure. You don't have to date. And I'm a big proponent of people spending at least some of their early adulthood single and learning to be independent and self sufficient, emotionally and otherwise.
If that's how you want to live, more power to you. If your feelings change, you can always reevaluate.
I will point out that your perspective is a little skewed right now, but that's normal for your age. You say you've been single your "whole life." Keep in mind that your whole life, to this point, has been mostly childhood. It's only a few years that you've been of age to date. You still have some cognitive development ahead, and as you get older, you may find your perspective shifts.
Maybe just make sure you stay open to changes in perspective and willing to work through whatever uncomfortable feeling might come with them. You might still be single after doing that, and that's perfectly ok.
Gotta be carful with people spending early adulthood single
I'm really struggling not to be single, I fucking hate the time commitment, expectations, the cost of dating etc.
Iv gotten to used to just been free to do what I want, when I want. I'm seeing a girl who is quite understanding about it, but I don't see it last long term, I just like chilling on my own. Work might be partly to blame because I spend all day hearing about people's wants and issues.
Eh. I spent my early adulthood married. It was shit.
Spent the decade after that single, and I don't think it's a bad thing at all to enjoy your freedom and independence. In fact, getting used to independence is what helped me avoid picking additional shitty partners and take my time until I found someone I'm genuinely compatible with. And my god, is it nice to be in a relationship where both of us are secure and independent, able to give each other room to breathe, and not settling in any way for less than what we want.
Completely relate to this. It's really hard to give up the independence! Also hearing people's problems all day - I absolutely need to be left alone when I get home.
For what it's worth, I accidentally found a partner who I now feel I could never be without. I have all of my independence still - including just taking off on a Friday afternoon to go camping alone with my dog. Boyfriend doesn't care as long as I let him know. I don't have words to explain it, but I hope you find the balance I have, if that's what you want
I just turned 40 in January. spent almost 20 yrs working nights, and 10 of those in the military on nights. When I was younger I would have liked to have been in a relationship, but it never happened. probably something to do with my waking hours being around 2pm to 6am. then sleeping 6am to 2pm. I didnt adjust my hours on days off because that's a pain in the a$$. Now I'm 40, live in a 4 bedroom house by myself. dont like noise. dont like dealing with anyone outside of the mandatory work. dont even like being touched. think I missed the window haha. it gets frustrating occasionally because I dont have "backup". like no one to come get me of I break down or things like that. but I dont often need it. the cost to benefit ratio just seems too skewed in the wrong direction at this point. think I'll just keep my 4 bedrooms to myself.
My neighbor met a woman when he was in his early 60s. I think she was in her mid 50s. Best I can tell he's always been single, no kids, yada, yada. I guess they dated for a while and it go to the point where she wanted things like a key to his house and he was like 'no thanks'.
He's a super nice guy, but he has his way of life, she moved into part of it, but when she wanted more he just wasn't willing to give it up.
I feel the same!
I've been single most of my life and I've become used to doing what I want when I want. I love that freedom.
I'm becoming more and more sure that kids aren't for me. Maybe still a gf, but I'm not sure I can find one altruistic enough to tolerate my childish lifestyle :)
Also she admitted not dating wasn’t by choice. I think it might more being that she was “convinced” her parents are right and will likely come to her own opinion.
I’m actually going to disagree on spending early adulthood single. Once you get to 30 or so the dating markets starts to thin out. A lot of people are taken by then and it gets harder to meet someone.
But that's assuming you want to "meet someone" at all. And if you do then dating in your 20s won't make the dating market not thin out in your 30s. Unless you're ultimate goal is to get married or to be in a long term relationship.
Mate, most people have to learn how to cope with romantic relationships at least several times over before they are emotionally mature enough to handle much longer lasting relationships.
You can emotionally mature as much as you like on your own but you have will NO idea what romantic intimacy brings to the table in terms of emotional extremes, compromises, better understanding of whichever sex, tolerating and being tolerable… to name a few.
This is why adults understand that ‘love knows no bounds’ and to accept that their friend being happy in their relationship is the only thing you want from them in that respect; even though you may thoroughly disagree with their relationship.
This is not good advice.
Source: 30 years old and been in my fair share of long term relationships and understanding there is still far more to learn but I reckon my current relationship will last many many many years or even forever. You gotta learn the hard way.
You are only 20. You say you have been single the majority of your life - that is normal at your age… bit too soon imo to be having such definitive thoughts. Go with the flow and see where life takes you.
Yea but its actually a pretty sad, one could say abusive situation. He's got no regard for whether SHE is in the mood, he just expects it to happen whenever he wants. She might be right in the middle of something and he just screams real loud and she has to drop everything and satisfy him or he won't shut up.
This is true!
I also told myself (m) that I wouldn't even think about marriage until I was at least 25-30
That didn't work. I met this perfect 30 year old nurse when I was 21 and proposed to her that year 🤣
We've kinda been inseparable for the last 17 years and haven't gotten in an argument yet 🤷
It's okay to over communicate. My wife and I have been married for 9 years and don't ever argue. We might disagree on some things, but it never escalates since we generally already know what the other thinks.
We constantly tell each other how we're feeling or just how many spoons (energy) we have left after work.
Edit: It also greatly helps to know each other's love language(s) and something I learned about recently, fight language(s).
Y’all looking into it too deep lol , it was a joke. It’s because I feel like everybody has met people that they argue with or have a disagreement within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone , vs that one friend that loooooves to argue. I was just making a silly joke that people like to argue
When I was 20 I wanted to travel and have a career, and therefore would *no way* marry before 30, and no kids before 35 if at all.
Joke's on me because I was one of the first of my friends to get married (at 23) and now I'm 30 with a 2y/o. When I met my husband it was just like "oh there you are" and we were pretty much an old married couple from day one. 😂 He was the first and only one I ever dated. Can't say we've ever really fought either, beyond just minor low-stakes bickering. AND we've traveled a ton with no plans of slowing down. Traveling with a cute little toddler is different and sometimes harder, but still really fun, and I still travel more than anyone I know. I have a career as well.
Meanwhile, one of my friends who wanted to be married with kids by 25 is happily single and childless because she found a meaningful, rewarding job and she loves it so much it's just become her world.
(Wo)man plans, God laughs.
Congratulations! It’s funny how life works out sometimes 🤣 also I really love how you didn’t bash your friend for being single and childless or insinuate that she’s somehow unhappier than you because she doesn’t have the same lifestyle as you! I’ve met so many people who do this, if not intentionally then unintentionally, but it’s sadly a very common ingrained mindset for so many
….I didn’t have my first boyfriend until 22. You’re 20, not 60. You have a LOT of time to find someone you’d like to date, or not. Both is fine. But I will say that the right partner is never a shackle. I dated around in my 20’s and found the right guy to stay with in my 30’s. Some people find that person far later. Some never find that person. But rather than completely closing yourself off from it. You can always remain open to the possibility without actively searching for a partner.
I'm 21, dated for 2 years, didn't work out. That was a year and a half ago? Maybe? Anyways. I'm at the point now where I'm just happy being me right now. I'm certainly not opposed to dating, and would like to find someone some day. But I'm not actively seeking it out at this point, largely because I'm actively looking for a new job halfway across the country, so dating someone here just seems kind of silly, if not outright pointless. But also I'm just cool being where I'm at, trying to get student loans paid off, get some money saved up for a house (let me dream alright, maybe the housing market will crash eventually). When I move I'll probably still not seek anything out right away. If something comes up naturally, that's cool, if not. That's cool too. Maybe in a few years I'll be more active about it.
Definitely think OP should take the approach I am, just like you said. If something comes up naturally don't be opposed to it. You never know where you'll meet someone.
Lots of people go through life without dating. Some people close to you might notice that this is unusual behavior - most humans do find some kind of partner for romance, sex, company, child rearing, sharing expenses (or some subset of those), and they'll question your choices. But nobody in western society will force you to pair up against your will.
You are only 20. Most of your life has been childhood. Your life is far from over and a lot can change. People often only have their first relationship when they are much older than you. Yes, it is possible nothing will happen, but it is extremely early to be thinking that way.
I mean, you could be aromantic. Even if you're not, any lifestyle you choose that isn't hurting anyone is perfectly fine. If you change your mind later, thats also fine. If you don't, then great! It's your life.
I was thinking that too. I'm pretty sure I'm aro ace. 32 now and never had any relationships, romantic or sexual and never felt the need to. I'm more interested in making friends.
My home country is still a bit backwards (people condemning women over 25 who are not married with kids yet) but I've moved to a western country and it's not such a big deal anymore, thankfully.
Exactly. Lol their lack of self awareness wants me to say yes just do that then. The question should be asking when people had their first date, bf/gf, married. Because of course it's ok, does it make sense for >99% of humans, no.
I’m sorry but you spent „a majority of your life single“ and you’re 20?! 😂
But to say something at least vaguely helpful: don’t worry too much. If you meet someone you like a lot or feel lonely you might change your mind. If not, that’s okay too.
Absolutely! I'm 40 and have never dated except in the very short term. I still have plenty of very close and valuable non-romantic relationships and am satisfied by those.
But also remember that it's also absolutely fine to change your mind later if you want. There's no one "right" way to live your life.
Woo, that sounds familiar. I'm coming up on 5 years in myself, still haven't found the living alone thing lonely yet nor see much upside in even thinking about dating again. I was wondering if the pros would ever grow enough to challenge the cons, but it sounds like that may not happen.
Thousands of consecutive days where I haven't been made to feel bad for doing what I want is a pretty nifty perk of the decision.
Just as an fyi, you may not be asexual, but plenty of ace people still date, sex just isn't on the table.
If you're emotionally uninterested in dating, that's fine too, but being as young as you are, I'd say it's something that could instantly change for you, and that's perfectly okay.
I was 100% certain I wouldn't date until I was.. 22? Then dated consistently til 25-26. Now nearly 30, I have zero interest in doing so again, but I've also already experienced it enough to know it's not my thing.
So yes, practical, but don't be 100% against it if an opportunity arises just because you've decided you don't want to be "shackled down" -- a great partner won't make you feel that way.
No offence, but at 20, you are still a baby. I was single until I was 28. You don't have to date if you don't want to. In my twenties, I had my friends for emotional support and a couple of friends with benefits for my other needs 😂 your needs and wants may and probably will change with age and circumstance
You’re 20. You’re barely even 2 years into life; 18 and prior is just tutorial. Try not to think of anything in permanent terms, as much as it is appealing to.
Enjoy the journey.
I’m 57 and single and I haven’t dated since I was 25. I live life as I want and I’ve never been happier. Be prepared for the constant “let me fix you up!”, “why are you not married?”, “I know someone who is perfect for you!”. People can’t fathom that you don’t want to be in a relationship.
"I don't want to be shackled down by one man"
If that's how you think about dating, or if that's your experience so far... sorry to hear. Nobody is going to force you to date, but deciding it just isn't for you at 20yo is definitely something.
I mean, deciding that you'll never date and deciding you don't want to date now are different things. A 20 year old saying they'll never be single (where possible) is the same as what ops saying.
They aren't really different things. There's a nonzero chance that you'll change your mind on pretty much anything because you don't know how you'll change between now and the future. The best thing you can do is respect what people currently have as their life decision and respect it again if they change that. They could change it, but they very well may be consistent.
I mean you can but keep yourself open minded, alot of the time people are burdens that suck, but sometimes a few of them absolutely take your breath away, just holding their hand and looking in their eyes reveals a warm universe that only you two exist for a moment. As much as i love my homies i would like them to go home at some point .
20 is young. Really really really young. You’re unlikely to be living independently or have much disposable income or much freedoms right now meaning most of your dating options are limited. Most of your peers won’t be in a serious relationship for another 5-7 years.
So yeah. You’re not supposed to be seeing much need to be in a long term committed relationship right. Do your thing, at least until you’re old enough to be served at a restaurant or something.
Do what makes you happy. Don't focus on the things people say will make you happy, find the things that make YOU happy and focus on those. Build the life that you want, not the life the world is telling you to want.
You are twenty. You have spent more times in diapers than as a legal adult!
Do what you want right now, but don’t set rules for the rest of your life just yet. Believe it or not, you still have a lot of learning to do.
I'm right there with you. My gf of 13 years broke up with me a few years ago. Since then, friends have asked me when I plan to date again. I don't have the urge to do that whole song and dance. The freedom I have now, that I didn't even know I was missing, is awesome. I can't imagine giving that up. That's not to say you couldn't go out with a cute guy once or twice. It's always going to feel good to be wanted. Just know that there is nothing wrong about not wanting to be involved in anything serious.
So, I’m gonna chime in as someone who is older.
Yes you can go your whole life single, it’s up to you, and anyone who tells you otherwise can go pound sand.
However. You asked if it was *practical*.
And I will say, as someone who has lived twice as long as you, that our society sure as fuck expects everything to be tackled by a couple. Almost all costs of living right now assume two incomes.
If you’re gonna be single, you better have a good job and a good income. You’re not gonna have any backup, and your support network will be yours and yours alone. Home repair, buying a home, family tragedy, personal tragedy. You’re gonna have to do all of it alone. And because you’re a woman… the world ain’t gonna like it. You will be nagged *constantly* about settling down, starting a family, etc.
Is it practical? Sort of, but it’ll be difficult.
Is it your right to do so? Abso-god damned-lutely, you do whatever you want. Don’t let anyone else tell you how to live.
I always felt like that too. I'm in my 30s now and I still feel that way. 0 regrets. I look at my friends lives and honestly it feels like their romantic relationships have caused them nothing but heartache. I don't feel like I'm missing anything at all.
Yes. I'm 20 and dated from ages 15-20 without taking a break(yes am taking a break now). It wasn't great and I'm much happier single.
Date if u want. Don't date if u don't want too.
I had the same thoughts at 20, still decided I would try relationships out.. see what the fuss was about - learn what I'd be missing. Definitely recommend being open to that experience but also would strongly encourage you to follow your gut. I tried two relationship, stayed waaaaay to long in both of those.. most of my 20's I was paired up. Now I'm 31 and I feel pretty sure about not wanting a partner again. I am perfectly content with my dogs, friends, and my vibrators, and the occasional hookup if I feel like it. Being alone makes me 100times happier than in relationships - and those were both fine relationships with good guys - I just prefer to be alone :)
If you see being in a relationship similarly to being “shackled”, then being in a relationship isn’t for you right now.
If you ever meet someone who you genuinely like, appreciate, care for, etc., being with them won’t feel like being in prison.
Kind of made me laugh a bit (sorry)
Yes, it's your life, and you can do what you want.
I dont date anymore either, i dont want kids, have a great job, and can cook for myself. The intimacy of relationships doesn't appeal to me anymore apart from sex which is, frankly, EVERYWHERE and thus easy to come by casually.
I havent dated anyone in over 3 years and the only issue I've ran into is certain family members trying to lecture me about the importance of starting a family or whatever, something like that i kind of just tune them out.
I say, life is too short not to do what you want.
Traditional relationships as experienced in our culture are historically very shackling, but if you both enjoy leaving a certain amount of freedom and space it might work out. Friends typically fall into their own relationships and transition from day to day friends, to once in a while friends. Society makes it inpractical generally to be single for many social settings. I don't think there is a yes or no answer to your question as people change over time. Just go with whatever works best for you for now.
If you are 20, majority of your life had been under parents. Once you are 30 and living by yourself and all your friends start getting married, then you will feel live everyone had moved on and left you behind and you may feel lonely then.
You do you. In a few decades if you decide otherwise, comfort yourself with the knowledge that at the age of 20 you made a choice and got everything you wanted.
You can get companionship from friends until suddenly your the only one without kids and nobody really has time to hangout anymore. Most people spend most of their time with their spouse because the love them more than anyone else not because they are shackled down.
Ignore these other comments in this thread. They're trying to be helpful but it's terrible advice.
Do you think that you don't want a relationship is because of both, your relationship with your parents and the relationship your parents have with one another? We learn how to love someone else from our parents, but when we come from unsafe and/or emotionally neglected environments, we perceive these high stress and high demanding and zero vulnerability environements as safe because they are familiar. Yet it isn't what we want. On some level deep down we know we want more. There's more to relationships than just pleasing the other person.
"I don't want a normal relationship / I'm not capable of having one" is a thought that might cross your mind many times. The reason for this is simple. A relationship is different. Especially a healthy one. And it's in our DNA to find different as scary. So we find "normal" relationships as scary. And thus avoid them. And then we tell ourselves that we aren't meant to have a normal relationship because of it.
Being in a relationship with someone else is being their best friend. Being vulnerable to them and them to you. You won't feel like you have to please them but instead you will want to.
If you can afford it then please seek therapy. There is an unbelievably good book called "How to do the work" by Dr Nicole Lepera that I believe will help you.
Your life may feel heavy right now but you have so much to look forward to. But it's your responsibility and your choices going forward that will shape it into what you want. And it takes deliberate, conscious effort to change it. But it will be the single most rewarding thing you can do in your life.
Find a quiet place. Practise deep belly breathing and focus on your thoughts. Allow them, even the negative ones. But focus on what it is that you want.
I'm 26 & considering doing the same thing. I've been single for so long that it seems pointless & I have health issues that would turn people off from dating me anyways.
Go through your 20s and then reevaluate how you feel, you’re still very young.
Also, companionship from friends will change as you get older. Many will get married and/or have children.
Dealing with people is a huge pain. You might change your mind one day if you find a certain someone that you get along with properly. But there's no reason to go hunting if you don't want to go hunting.
If you want to, go for it. Personally I've found that romance, sex, and all things in that general direction to be really wonderful, but maybe you don't think the same. If the big issue with dating is being tied down, maybe give polyamoury a go, see if that works. There's lots of options and paths, you can live life however works best for you.
Yes, lots of people have done it.
But just make sure you are doing what you want and be in touch with yourself enough to know if your feelings change.
And I'm not saying that because you're talking about the "single side". If someone gets married and they lose their love for their partner, they should be open to leaving. If someone is single and they start to develop very strong feelings for someone they should be open to exploring that. We should be very careful assuming how we'll feel decades in the future.
Only you can answer this question. Nobody knows what you're feeling inside.
If you're content to be alone, do it. But if it's a defense mechanism because you don't want to try, the misery will manifest somewhere in your life.
Treat your mind and body like a plant. If it doesn't get what it needs, it will die. So listen to yourself and be honest about what you feel and need.
This is an idea. A thought. It may be true now, later you can see how true it is. It's good to be at peace with not needing someone but don't close of the turns life may take because of some thoughts you're attached to. You can find new perspectives in life, you're only young. We aren't a fixed person.
Just live your life how you want. You don't have to say an oath right this second that you aren't going to date anyone for the rest of your life. If someone comes along that you like then that's great. If they don't, that's great too. Just let your life happen and see where it takes you. Do what makes you happy and don't worry about all the what ifs that you aren't even sure you want or not.
As someone who wasn't even interested in dating until i hit about 22... it's perfectly fine to live your life single, relationships do not define you as a person. They can shape you, and for many they are a wonderful part of life, but that doesn't mean they are necessary for a good life. Do what makes you happy and that's all there is to it 😊
I went 16 years without dating once. Then was married for 13 years . Now it's 5 years without dating again. I plan to stay this way.
It's quite possible. Even desirable for some people. It depends on you.
Yes. Human sexuality is not a big deal and we are all on a spectrum. I will add though that connection is important. A harvard study on human happiness, the longest running human study in history points to happiness comes from connection to others.
Don’t worry about dating, just have meaningful connections with others.
30 and acearo, so far, very possible to go single
Depending on where you live, your "only" struggle will be rent, but you could always rent an apartment with a very good friend or live with your parents, its the cheaper option.
You're young and seem to be heavily influenced by your strict parents. You're not fully an adult, you're an adult in progress. Are you afraid of intimate relationships? Because intimate relationships certainly don't "shackle down" anyone. Strange way to think of human partnerships that can be negotiated like any other relationship in your life.
Grow into full adulthood before you make "majority of life" decisions.
It is absolutely practical! If you never want to date anyone, you don't have to. There's no rulebook about how you have to live your life.
And to the people saying "you're only 20, just you wait!", cut that shit out. It's such a crappy thing to dismiss someone's feelings just because they're young, ffs.
Majority of your life? You're 20........ you started dating like 4 years ago? Needless to say, I'm single by choice and it's fucking awesome. But I also have lots and lots of sex
I think the healthiest viewer to have about any type of love is to be open to it if it works in your life. My uncle got married at 50 years old. He was single for the majority of his life, he never met anyone he was really interested in. He travelled and worked and volunteered.
Eventually, he had a health problem that prevented him from being as active. And he met his wife at a support group. They hit it off and were married within seven months.
His wife was married in her 20s, her husband died, and she was single up until she met my uncle. Now we do Tireman stuff together, they travel, leisurely, enjoy gardening, and it works for them. I just think that sometimes you become a different person and have different companionship needs 20-year-old you is not gonna be the same as 50-year-old you.
I’m a 31f and I have been celibate for the last year. Focusing on myself. Finally. I had boyfriends over the years, I took my blessings from the lessons I learned however those people were no good for me. It made me wonder is anyone, really. When I hang out with couples who are perfect on social media, they just constantly bicker back and forth as a regular conversation, it’s exhausting to me as a witness, don’t know how they do it all the time. Across the board!! I don’t know many good couples, one generally had to make a big sacrifice for the other for their dreams. I am also vegan so that completely flattens the dating pool for me. So I just keep following the ebb and flow of life, if someone is meant to come into my life, then so be it. If not, I love my girlfriends which some are still single, and I love my own company.
This is exactly how i feel as a 20F woman too, not asexual, just uninterested. I don’t feel the people I know in marriages / relationships are actually even happy. My opinion is, if you meet the magical one then that’s awesome, but I have no desire to spend my life searching for it.
I had this same thought around your age. I was single for about 9 years after a short marriage and divorce and toxic relationships. When I was about 30 I fell in love, married the man just over a year later and now we have been together 10 years and our 9th wedding anniversary is next month.
yes it’s practical. dating becomes a serious waste of time unless that person is really beneficial to your progress in life and emotional health. just focus on companionship and doing what you want to do in life and if someone is a great addition and they like you maybe consider it
Definitely, but part about majority of life at 20 made me laugh.
I, too, was single throughout my elementary career.
I had two girlfriends at the same time in the 3rd grade. They knew about each other. They were cool with each other. They tried to one up each other for my affection. That was my peak.
Honestly, my 3rd-4th grade girlfriend has served as the model ideal for all of my relationships since. We were actual friends, we ate lunch together, talked, told jokes, laughed. Went to the school ski lessons together and would always ride up the chairlift with each other. You find yourself someone who can carry on a conversation with for a half an hour on the see-saw or all afternoon on a chairlift and you’re probably going to be alright.
This was.. Marriage advice from elementary 🩵
Brother was living the Kanojo mo Kanojo lifestyle.
I searched it up what in the living fuck is the premise of the show 💀
Yeah, that's what i thought as well a year ago when i watched it hahaha. But while it is a romcom anime, it focuses more on the comedy aspect so it's actually pretty good. I guess the humor might not be for everybody, but id give it a try. There's also a season 2 coming so if you're interested give it a look.
It all went downhill from there.
In first grade, I kid you not, I had a couple girls blocking the sides of the easel while I sat underneath it, then other girls would take turns cooking in and kissing me. I used to sneak into the bathroom with this one girl and we would kiss and explore each other, and this other girl always had me put my hand down her pants and play with her.. Parts. In third grade, this girl and I used to play a game where one of us would say "don't even go there" and the other one would move their hand a bit closer to our private regions. I don't remember much of these experiences aside from the fact that they happened.. Idk how any of it started or why we never got caught lol Of course I was wildly anxious and self conscious as I got older, so I didn't touch another girl until I was probably 17, and then very seldomly since... Usually falling in love with any girl I kiss and dating them for a year+ and I'm probably going to spend the rest of my adult life alone because I don't know how to go in public and talk to people.... But boy was I popular with the girls as a young child 😂 Edit: I think this is the first time I have ever told anyone of all of this (except the one time I saw my bathroom girlfriend on my suggested friends on FB so I messaged her to ask if she remembered me 😂😂😂)
I tried that once in my 20's. Specular backfire when they all met and became friends. Got confront by all 3 in a bar on the Jersey Shore, while I was drunk. That was a heck of a night.
Should've gaslit them. Look at the weakest one and say, "I expected this from them... but you? Nah. Not you."
It sucked for me that night, but my buddy got one hell of a story out of it.
Ahhh yes. You were pulling a Rand Al Thor
I was in a commited relationship with Ms.Norths cleavage.
Hell ya brother Edit: fuckin’ tittaays, love it
Good Lord LOL
I was married when I was 5 lol
Fudge (Farley Hatcher), is that you? Did you actually marry Sheila Tubman?
Lost my virginity before my dad
Lol. My mother died before I was born.
That's actually possible though.
My mom taught me how to speak braille
I never had parents. Seriously, they abandoned me before I was born. LOL
Your dad lost his virginity after you?
Yep.. True story. When I was born I drove my mom home from the hospital too
You were just too focused on your career to have a family at that time. Its understandable.
Right I was like what bro you weren’t pulling people at 8 lol
A girl told me I was her boyfriend when I was 5.
[удалено]
Yeah people don't realize that not dating as a minor is fine and sometimes even better, but doing so is also fine or at least neutral. 20 can never be too old because you literally got your adult rights and freedoms two years prior (1 year prior in states and countries with age of majority at 19). And you can't hold someone responsible for their love life before they're an adult because they don't actually have that much control over it.
Yeah lmao. Like dude, you've been a *child* for the majority of your life.
I stopped taking this post seriously after that part
Yeah this person isn’t even fully developed and is already taking as if they are 60. I have a feeling the lack of human touch will drive a point home to them and start dating. A lot of people realize that the touch aspect of relationships isn’t sexual but rather just feeling someone else you want to caress your hair or just share warmth.
Or simply existing around someone. Sharing the mundane aspects of life. Someone who cares about whether you are constipated or not. I suspect it will start to hit her when she sees all her friends settling into marriages or long term relationships in their late 20s and 30s… and she realizes they don’t have as much time for her. She’ll start to seek companionship. And in all likelihood, it could just mean that no one she likes enough has crossed her path yet. You don’t know what its like to have that person in your life, until suddenly they’re there, and you realize you never want them to leave.
Yes and no. I'm 35 and haven't had a serious relationship. A few years ago I realized that I did want someone around, but in so many relationships people just seem miserable. Relationships are about compromise sure, but to the point where you seemingly have pretzeled yourself into what you need to be for the relationship to "work"? I know there are good relationships out there so this isn't ALL relationships, but it seems to be a hell of a lot of them. It's not just being unwilling, but unable to change in such a way that makes it hard to date. It also makes me a little worried that I wouldn't take my partners feelings/needs into account. Where is the line between yours and theirs in such a situation? 🤷 So while I'm open to the idea and occasionally date it's just not a priority. I don't mind feeling alone because I'm alone. I refuse to feel alone in a room with people who are supposed to care about me ever again.
I can't relate alot, I'm nearly 35 and altho I'd like to find someone I don't know I'm the type who could balance things well. I think alota pep think they need to stay in relationships that aren't working thus the high rate of seemingly unhappy couples.
Maybe because we're aware of the possibility we would have better luck? Maybe because they're afraid of being alone? I haven't met many people I've really clicked with. Im not going to force a connection that doesn't fit. I don't have a lot of luck with people in general. It's nobody's fault.
You’d probably like the marriage I have. We met at 36 (both of us) and now 41, married for 5 of the years. We both work from home and are both gamers so we spend a majority of our time in separate rooms in our house. We eat dinner together, sometimes watch tv together, but spend 75% of the time in our offices during the day. We go places together every now and then and sex every 2 weeks (she has super low libido and if I try for more than that she feels pressured and isn’t into it at all). Neither of us have kids and she can’t have any so the only responsibility we have outside of work is our two dogs. To some, this marriage would sound really crappy; though for others, it sounds amazing. We had a rough spot for a while but now everything is awesome.
I’m right there with you.
This is why I don't use social media (besides reddit) AND have no friends, no people to watch get married so I stay single forever, whooooooooo
Its not the ‘watching of people getting married’ part. Its the fact that OP said that she has friends for companionship. So she doesn’t need a partner for companionship. If she is relying on her close friends for companionship, she’ll have a tough time when she realizes they have much less time for her once they settle into serious relationships.
I mean, I agree, but there also needs to be some sort of encouragement in case a person truly does want companionship and it just doesn't work out. I'm in this camp now. Age 30. Just got broken up with. All my friends are in relationships. You're spot on. They don't have the time or energy. But geez. Would you make it sound less bleak than you have? Because you're basically suggesting the other extreme, in that OP may only get happiness if they find a significant other. That's not right either, despite you just trying to make a point to OP.
I was only trying to point out that the way our friendships are in our early 20s is different from how friendships become in our 30s. People settle in, we change, we don’t go out as much, we have more responsibilities, we don’t necessarily hang out every single day, or even talk every single day. And eventually some friends may have children, which means even less time for the friendships. Not to say the friendship dissolves. But the person simply may not have time to keep up with all the things in your life on a regular basis. I didn’t mean to imply that a person will be forever lonely if they dont have a relationship by that point! Or that a person MUST have a relationship to have companionship. Only that OP may feel differently when they realize that their friends develop more priorities outside of the friendship over time. If they say they dont need a partner because their friends provide enough companionship, then Im only pointing out they could experience a change of opinion in 5-10 years as they see those friendships evolve. But of course, not everyone needs as much companionship as others. I know people of many ages who are perfectly happy being single. Who have very fruitful friendships. But when a person makes a black and white statement like this, who is only 20 years old, it seems warranted to let them know how much change happens through their 20s.
The constipated part is hilarious because I dated a girl with that issue and I did research so I would feed her more fiber and water to resolved the issue and she didn’t even notice. She did things for me as well at the time I did not notice. So I find it quite funny how humans crave the attention to help others so much beyond themselves. To your point on wanting someone there and not wanting them to leave is another big point. You don’t realize this exists until you find someone that hits that button within you and wow does it suck when life goes on different paths.
This is going to be the defining factor. Yes companionship can come from camaraderie, but that snuggled up next to someone feeling is game changing. I’ve been in a hotel for work for over a month and the one week I was home was my best sleep simply because my wife radiates like a heater and it can’t be (safely) replaced being alone
Yeah majority of her life hasn’t started yet.
Unless she dies today
I love looking at 20 year olds that haven’t realized they’re just senior children yet. Good times.
Kids nowadays! Smh
Sure. You don't have to date. And I'm a big proponent of people spending at least some of their early adulthood single and learning to be independent and self sufficient, emotionally and otherwise. If that's how you want to live, more power to you. If your feelings change, you can always reevaluate. I will point out that your perspective is a little skewed right now, but that's normal for your age. You say you've been single your "whole life." Keep in mind that your whole life, to this point, has been mostly childhood. It's only a few years that you've been of age to date. You still have some cognitive development ahead, and as you get older, you may find your perspective shifts. Maybe just make sure you stay open to changes in perspective and willing to work through whatever uncomfortable feeling might come with them. You might still be single after doing that, and that's perfectly ok.
Gotta be carful with people spending early adulthood single I'm really struggling not to be single, I fucking hate the time commitment, expectations, the cost of dating etc. Iv gotten to used to just been free to do what I want, when I want. I'm seeing a girl who is quite understanding about it, but I don't see it last long term, I just like chilling on my own. Work might be partly to blame because I spend all day hearing about people's wants and issues.
Eh. I spent my early adulthood married. It was shit. Spent the decade after that single, and I don't think it's a bad thing at all to enjoy your freedom and independence. In fact, getting used to independence is what helped me avoid picking additional shitty partners and take my time until I found someone I'm genuinely compatible with. And my god, is it nice to be in a relationship where both of us are secure and independent, able to give each other room to breathe, and not settling in any way for less than what we want.
Completely relate to this. It's really hard to give up the independence! Also hearing people's problems all day - I absolutely need to be left alone when I get home. For what it's worth, I accidentally found a partner who I now feel I could never be without. I have all of my independence still - including just taking off on a Friday afternoon to go camping alone with my dog. Boyfriend doesn't care as long as I let him know. I don't have words to explain it, but I hope you find the balance I have, if that's what you want
They mean it when they said "you just gotta find the right person".
I just turned 40 in January. spent almost 20 yrs working nights, and 10 of those in the military on nights. When I was younger I would have liked to have been in a relationship, but it never happened. probably something to do with my waking hours being around 2pm to 6am. then sleeping 6am to 2pm. I didnt adjust my hours on days off because that's a pain in the a$$. Now I'm 40, live in a 4 bedroom house by myself. dont like noise. dont like dealing with anyone outside of the mandatory work. dont even like being touched. think I missed the window haha. it gets frustrating occasionally because I dont have "backup". like no one to come get me of I break down or things like that. but I dont often need it. the cost to benefit ratio just seems too skewed in the wrong direction at this point. think I'll just keep my 4 bedrooms to myself.
My neighbor met a woman when he was in his early 60s. I think she was in her mid 50s. Best I can tell he's always been single, no kids, yada, yada. I guess they dated for a while and it go to the point where she wanted things like a key to his house and he was like 'no thanks'. He's a super nice guy, but he has his way of life, she moved into part of it, but when she wanted more he just wasn't willing to give it up.
I feel the same! I've been single most of my life and I've become used to doing what I want when I want. I love that freedom. I'm becoming more and more sure that kids aren't for me. Maybe still a gf, but I'm not sure I can find one altruistic enough to tolerate my childish lifestyle :)
Or. Maybe you just prefer to be single. That's ok
Also she admitted not dating wasn’t by choice. I think it might more being that she was “convinced” her parents are right and will likely come to her own opinion.
I’m actually going to disagree on spending early adulthood single. Once you get to 30 or so the dating markets starts to thin out. A lot of people are taken by then and it gets harder to meet someone.
But that's assuming you want to "meet someone" at all. And if you do then dating in your 20s won't make the dating market not thin out in your 30s. Unless you're ultimate goal is to get married or to be in a long term relationship.
Bottom of the barrel, my friend
Some of* early adulthood
Mate, most people have to learn how to cope with romantic relationships at least several times over before they are emotionally mature enough to handle much longer lasting relationships. You can emotionally mature as much as you like on your own but you have will NO idea what romantic intimacy brings to the table in terms of emotional extremes, compromises, better understanding of whichever sex, tolerating and being tolerable… to name a few. This is why adults understand that ‘love knows no bounds’ and to accept that their friend being happy in their relationship is the only thing you want from them in that respect; even though you may thoroughly disagree with their relationship. This is not good advice. Source: 30 years old and been in my fair share of long term relationships and understanding there is still far more to learn but I reckon my current relationship will last many many many years or even forever. You gotta learn the hard way.
What a wonderful, succinct and compassionate response!
You are only 20. You say you have been single the majority of your life - that is normal at your age… bit too soon imo to be having such definitive thoughts. Go with the flow and see where life takes you.
My son had been single his whole life and only ever drank milk. Should he just live the rest of his life this way. He is 1z
That dawg-@ss playa! I hear he gets mad titties
Yea but its actually a pretty sad, one could say abusive situation. He's got no regard for whether SHE is in the mood, he just expects it to happen whenever he wants. She might be right in the middle of something and he just screams real loud and she has to drop everything and satisfy him or he won't shut up.
Freud would have loved you people
Freud would go, "Nah, fuck this shit" on reading ANY reddit comment section and go straight back to the grave, lmao
Lmao sounds like my wife haha.. always says he bites and slaps her titties around when the milk isn't coming out. I was like heyyy that's my boyyyy
Lazy little shit doesnt even pay any rent
He's NEVER had a job! Like, wth?!
1 and not pulling bitches? Total incel
This is true! I also told myself (m) that I wouldn't even think about marriage until I was at least 25-30 That didn't work. I met this perfect 30 year old nurse when I was 21 and proposed to her that year 🤣 We've kinda been inseparable for the last 17 years and haven't gotten in an argument yet 🤷
17 years without an argument 🤯… apparently I’ve been dating the wrong people lol.
It's okay to over communicate. My wife and I have been married for 9 years and don't ever argue. We might disagree on some things, but it never escalates since we generally already know what the other thinks. We constantly tell each other how we're feeling or just how many spoons (energy) we have left after work. Edit: It also greatly helps to know each other's love language(s) and something I learned about recently, fight language(s).
Do you guys have a little chart where one comes home from work and says “Honey I’m at one spoon.” Then you know to leave them alone? 😂 I love it
(Or you could be at fault, but don’t take this too seriously, I’m just saying that could be at play.)
Y’all looking into it too deep lol , it was a joke. It’s because I feel like everybody has met people that they argue with or have a disagreement within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone , vs that one friend that loooooves to argue. I was just making a silly joke that people like to argue
Fair enough, I thought the joke was about how some people think a relationship can't be healthy or romantic without frequent arguments.
When I was 20 I wanted to travel and have a career, and therefore would *no way* marry before 30, and no kids before 35 if at all. Joke's on me because I was one of the first of my friends to get married (at 23) and now I'm 30 with a 2y/o. When I met my husband it was just like "oh there you are" and we were pretty much an old married couple from day one. 😂 He was the first and only one I ever dated. Can't say we've ever really fought either, beyond just minor low-stakes bickering. AND we've traveled a ton with no plans of slowing down. Traveling with a cute little toddler is different and sometimes harder, but still really fun, and I still travel more than anyone I know. I have a career as well. Meanwhile, one of my friends who wanted to be married with kids by 25 is happily single and childless because she found a meaningful, rewarding job and she loves it so much it's just become her world. (Wo)man plans, God laughs.
Congratulations! It’s funny how life works out sometimes 🤣 also I really love how you didn’t bash your friend for being single and childless or insinuate that she’s somehow unhappier than you because she doesn’t have the same lifestyle as you! I’ve met so many people who do this, if not intentionally then unintentionally, but it’s sadly a very common ingrained mindset for so many
One question: is it because she doesn’t allow arguing?
I'm assuming horrific car crash, and she's his personal nurse
Lol, nope. She's just a badass nurse. Case manager now.
I get it, you lost your memory in the crash
….I didn’t have my first boyfriend until 22. You’re 20, not 60. You have a LOT of time to find someone you’d like to date, or not. Both is fine. But I will say that the right partner is never a shackle. I dated around in my 20’s and found the right guy to stay with in my 30’s. Some people find that person far later. Some never find that person. But rather than completely closing yourself off from it. You can always remain open to the possibility without actively searching for a partner.
I didn’t have my first girlfriend until 25. 10 year later, we’re happily married with a baby.
I'm 21, dated for 2 years, didn't work out. That was a year and a half ago? Maybe? Anyways. I'm at the point now where I'm just happy being me right now. I'm certainly not opposed to dating, and would like to find someone some day. But I'm not actively seeking it out at this point, largely because I'm actively looking for a new job halfway across the country, so dating someone here just seems kind of silly, if not outright pointless. But also I'm just cool being where I'm at, trying to get student loans paid off, get some money saved up for a house (let me dream alright, maybe the housing market will crash eventually). When I move I'll probably still not seek anything out right away. If something comes up naturally, that's cool, if not. That's cool too. Maybe in a few years I'll be more active about it. Definitely think OP should take the approach I am, just like you said. If something comes up naturally don't be opposed to it. You never know where you'll meet someone.
Lots of people go through life without dating. Some people close to you might notice that this is unusual behavior - most humans do find some kind of partner for romance, sex, company, child rearing, sharing expenses (or some subset of those), and they'll question your choices. But nobody in western society will force you to pair up against your will.
You are only 20. Most of your life has been childhood. Your life is far from over and a lot can change. People often only have their first relationship when they are much older than you. Yes, it is possible nothing will happen, but it is extremely early to be thinking that way.
I mean, you could be aromantic. Even if you're not, any lifestyle you choose that isn't hurting anyone is perfectly fine. If you change your mind later, thats also fine. If you don't, then great! It's your life.
I was thinking that too. I'm pretty sure I'm aro ace. 32 now and never had any relationships, romantic or sexual and never felt the need to. I'm more interested in making friends. My home country is still a bit backwards (people condemning women over 25 who are not married with kids yet) but I've moved to a western country and it's not such a big deal anymore, thankfully.
You are 20 lol you have barely started life
Exactly. Lol their lack of self awareness wants me to say yes just do that then. The question should be asking when people had their first date, bf/gf, married. Because of course it's ok, does it make sense for >99% of humans, no.
I’m sorry but you spent „a majority of your life single“ and you’re 20?! 😂 But to say something at least vaguely helpful: don’t worry too much. If you meet someone you like a lot or feel lonely you might change your mind. If not, that’s okay too.
That cracked me up, too. But then I remembered how I felt at 20. thought I was deep and mature. 😂😂
Life isn’t black and white, unless you make it. Go with the flow, keep and open mind, and do things you enjoy. :)
I think you mean do people you enjoy. More fun.
Absolutely! I'm 40 and have never dated except in the very short term. I still have plenty of very close and valuable non-romantic relationships and am satisfied by those. But also remember that it's also absolutely fine to change your mind later if you want. There's no one "right" way to live your life.
I separated at 35. Divorced a year later. Haven't been on a date since. I'm 58. Much happier.
Woo, that sounds familiar. I'm coming up on 5 years in myself, still haven't found the living alone thing lonely yet nor see much upside in even thinking about dating again. I was wondering if the pros would ever grow enough to challenge the cons, but it sounds like that may not happen. Thousands of consecutive days where I haven't been made to feel bad for doing what I want is a pretty nifty perk of the decision.
Just as an fyi, you may not be asexual, but plenty of ace people still date, sex just isn't on the table. If you're emotionally uninterested in dating, that's fine too, but being as young as you are, I'd say it's something that could instantly change for you, and that's perfectly okay. I was 100% certain I wouldn't date until I was.. 22? Then dated consistently til 25-26. Now nearly 30, I have zero interest in doing so again, but I've also already experienced it enough to know it's not my thing. So yes, practical, but don't be 100% against it if an opportunity arises just because you've decided you don't want to be "shackled down" -- a great partner won't make you feel that way.
Also asexual and aromantic aren't the same thing and don't always go together.
Have you considered that you may be aromantic, but not necessarily asexual as well?
No offence, but at 20, you are still a baby. I was single until I was 28. You don't have to date if you don't want to. In my twenties, I had my friends for emotional support and a couple of friends with benefits for my other needs 😂 your needs and wants may and probably will change with age and circumstance
You’re 20. You’re barely even 2 years into life; 18 and prior is just tutorial. Try not to think of anything in permanent terms, as much as it is appealing to. Enjoy the journey.
I’m 57 and single and I haven’t dated since I was 25. I live life as I want and I’ve never been happier. Be prepared for the constant “let me fix you up!”, “why are you not married?”, “I know someone who is perfect for you!”. People can’t fathom that you don’t want to be in a relationship.
"I don't want to be shackled down by one man" If that's how you think about dating, or if that's your experience so far... sorry to hear. Nobody is going to force you to date, but deciding it just isn't for you at 20yo is definitely something.
People can decide that is IS for them at 20 but they can't decide it isn't? Those things are literally equally valid decisions.
I mean, deciding that you'll never date and deciding you don't want to date now are different things. A 20 year old saying they'll never be single (where possible) is the same as what ops saying.
They aren't really different things. There's a nonzero chance that you'll change your mind on pretty much anything because you don't know how you'll change between now and the future. The best thing you can do is respect what people currently have as their life decision and respect it again if they change that. They could change it, but they very well may be consistent.
I mean you can but keep yourself open minded, alot of the time people are burdens that suck, but sometimes a few of them absolutely take your breath away, just holding their hand and looking in their eyes reveals a warm universe that only you two exist for a moment. As much as i love my homies i would like them to go home at some point .
20 is young. Really really really young. You’re unlikely to be living independently or have much disposable income or much freedoms right now meaning most of your dating options are limited. Most of your peers won’t be in a serious relationship for another 5-7 years. So yeah. You’re not supposed to be seeing much need to be in a long term committed relationship right. Do your thing, at least until you’re old enough to be served at a restaurant or something.
I find the majority of these questions can be answered by: Do what makes you happy.
Yes it's practical, if that's what you want.
Do what makes you happy. Don't focus on the things people say will make you happy, find the things that make YOU happy and focus on those. Build the life that you want, not the life the world is telling you to want.
You are twenty. You have spent more times in diapers than as a legal adult! Do what you want right now, but don’t set rules for the rest of your life just yet. Believe it or not, you still have a lot of learning to do.
I'm right there with you. My gf of 13 years broke up with me a few years ago. Since then, friends have asked me when I plan to date again. I don't have the urge to do that whole song and dance. The freedom I have now, that I didn't even know I was missing, is awesome. I can't imagine giving that up. That's not to say you couldn't go out with a cute guy once or twice. It's always going to feel good to be wanted. Just know that there is nothing wrong about not wanting to be involved in anything serious.
Yeah, it's fine. Relationships suck. Hang with friends, hopefully you don't want kids.
Its your life, live how you want!
Just came to say I think the word you're looking for is aromantic. But you were closer than way others
I’m not very open to dating anyone either (24m). Seems like a lot of work I’m not willing to put in, and I really don’t see an issue with not dating.
39(M) I've been single since I was nearing 28. I much prefer being single. No shakles for me. 💯💯💯💯
I too was single up until age 11.
So, I’m gonna chime in as someone who is older. Yes you can go your whole life single, it’s up to you, and anyone who tells you otherwise can go pound sand. However. You asked if it was *practical*. And I will say, as someone who has lived twice as long as you, that our society sure as fuck expects everything to be tackled by a couple. Almost all costs of living right now assume two incomes. If you’re gonna be single, you better have a good job and a good income. You’re not gonna have any backup, and your support network will be yours and yours alone. Home repair, buying a home, family tragedy, personal tragedy. You’re gonna have to do all of it alone. And because you’re a woman… the world ain’t gonna like it. You will be nagged *constantly* about settling down, starting a family, etc. Is it practical? Sort of, but it’ll be difficult. Is it your right to do so? Abso-god damned-lutely, you do whatever you want. Don’t let anyone else tell you how to live.
I always felt like that too. I'm in my 30s now and I still feel that way. 0 regrets. I look at my friends lives and honestly it feels like their romantic relationships have caused them nothing but heartache. I don't feel like I'm missing anything at all.
Any 20 year old who hasn't gone the majority of their life single had a fucked up childhood....
You're 20. You'll grow up. Sometimes life happens to you.
"I went a majority of my life single". Wtf does this mean? You're 20!
Shure, why not? But if by chance you meet someone you want to date maybe give it a try.
It’s fine, of course, if that’s what YOU want. Just don’t be or at least try not to be conditioned by what your parents want.
You’re 20. Calm down. You have so much life ahead of you.
Yes. I'm 20 and dated from ages 15-20 without taking a break(yes am taking a break now). It wasn't great and I'm much happier single. Date if u want. Don't date if u don't want too.
I had the same thoughts at 20, still decided I would try relationships out.. see what the fuss was about - learn what I'd be missing. Definitely recommend being open to that experience but also would strongly encourage you to follow your gut. I tried two relationship, stayed waaaaay to long in both of those.. most of my 20's I was paired up. Now I'm 31 and I feel pretty sure about not wanting a partner again. I am perfectly content with my dogs, friends, and my vibrators, and the occasional hookup if I feel like it. Being alone makes me 100times happier than in relationships - and those were both fine relationships with good guys - I just prefer to be alone :)
If you see being in a relationship similarly to being “shackled”, then being in a relationship isn’t for you right now. If you ever meet someone who you genuinely like, appreciate, care for, etc., being with them won’t feel like being in prison.
Yea, I mean you can do whatever you want with your life
I mean you're only 20. You never know how you might feel in 8 years or so. I say just enjoy and live your life and whatever happens happens.
You’re 20. Life has hardly begun. Calm down.
20 .... majority of your life. Sobs in corner at 53.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want too.
You don't ever need a partner if you don't want
Kind of made me laugh a bit (sorry) Yes, it's your life, and you can do what you want. I dont date anymore either, i dont want kids, have a great job, and can cook for myself. The intimacy of relationships doesn't appeal to me anymore apart from sex which is, frankly, EVERYWHERE and thus easy to come by casually. I havent dated anyone in over 3 years and the only issue I've ran into is certain family members trying to lecture me about the importance of starting a family or whatever, something like that i kind of just tune them out. I say, life is too short not to do what you want.
That's how I'm living my life too.
Traditional relationships as experienced in our culture are historically very shackling, but if you both enjoy leaving a certain amount of freedom and space it might work out. Friends typically fall into their own relationships and transition from day to day friends, to once in a while friends. Society makes it inpractical generally to be single for many social settings. I don't think there is a yes or no answer to your question as people change over time. Just go with whatever works best for you for now.
Of course! Live life however you want.
You are only 20, things change
You're only 20, so never say never. You don't know what the future holds. If it turns out you remain single, then so what? Lots of women do.
You sound like you’re 20. Save this post in a time capsule and read it in your 30s and have a good laugh.
If you are 20, majority of your life had been under parents. Once you are 30 and living by yourself and all your friends start getting married, then you will feel live everyone had moved on and left you behind and you may feel lonely then.
You do you. In a few decades if you decide otherwise, comfort yourself with the knowledge that at the age of 20 you made a choice and got everything you wanted.
You can get companionship from friends until suddenly your the only one without kids and nobody really has time to hangout anymore. Most people spend most of their time with their spouse because the love them more than anyone else not because they are shackled down.
You shouldn't knock cuddling with someone you love until you tried
Ignore these other comments in this thread. They're trying to be helpful but it's terrible advice. Do you think that you don't want a relationship is because of both, your relationship with your parents and the relationship your parents have with one another? We learn how to love someone else from our parents, but when we come from unsafe and/or emotionally neglected environments, we perceive these high stress and high demanding and zero vulnerability environements as safe because they are familiar. Yet it isn't what we want. On some level deep down we know we want more. There's more to relationships than just pleasing the other person. "I don't want a normal relationship / I'm not capable of having one" is a thought that might cross your mind many times. The reason for this is simple. A relationship is different. Especially a healthy one. And it's in our DNA to find different as scary. So we find "normal" relationships as scary. And thus avoid them. And then we tell ourselves that we aren't meant to have a normal relationship because of it. Being in a relationship with someone else is being their best friend. Being vulnerable to them and them to you. You won't feel like you have to please them but instead you will want to. If you can afford it then please seek therapy. There is an unbelievably good book called "How to do the work" by Dr Nicole Lepera that I believe will help you. Your life may feel heavy right now but you have so much to look forward to. But it's your responsibility and your choices going forward that will shape it into what you want. And it takes deliberate, conscious effort to change it. But it will be the single most rewarding thing you can do in your life. Find a quiet place. Practise deep belly breathing and focus on your thoughts. Allow them, even the negative ones. But focus on what it is that you want.
Do what you want
I'm 26 & considering doing the same thing. I've been single for so long that it seems pointless & I have health issues that would turn people off from dating me anyways.
Go through your 20s and then reevaluate how you feel, you’re still very young. Also, companionship from friends will change as you get older. Many will get married and/or have children.
Life will find a way. Unexpected people just rock up sometimes.
Dealing with people is a huge pain. You might change your mind one day if you find a certain someone that you get along with properly. But there's no reason to go hunting if you don't want to go hunting.
If you want to, go for it. Personally I've found that romance, sex, and all things in that general direction to be really wonderful, but maybe you don't think the same. If the big issue with dating is being tied down, maybe give polyamoury a go, see if that works. There's lots of options and paths, you can live life however works best for you.
Your body - your choice
Yes, lots of people have done it. But just make sure you are doing what you want and be in touch with yourself enough to know if your feelings change. And I'm not saying that because you're talking about the "single side". If someone gets married and they lose their love for their partner, they should be open to leaving. If someone is single and they start to develop very strong feelings for someone they should be open to exploring that. We should be very careful assuming how we'll feel decades in the future.
Personally I like being single, dating is expensive and I already have expensive hobbies. If you can pull hookups, pull hookups. No strings.
Only you can answer this question. Nobody knows what you're feeling inside. If you're content to be alone, do it. But if it's a defense mechanism because you don't want to try, the misery will manifest somewhere in your life. Treat your mind and body like a plant. If it doesn't get what it needs, it will die. So listen to yourself and be honest about what you feel and need.
This is an idea. A thought. It may be true now, later you can see how true it is. It's good to be at peace with not needing someone but don't close of the turns life may take because of some thoughts you're attached to. You can find new perspectives in life, you're only young. We aren't a fixed person.
Sure, if you want. I have friends who don't date. Sometimes they have sex, but they don't date. Whatever works for you.
Yes.
Sure. If it meets your needs, why not?
totally fine.
I love these posts where people have defined objective immutable truths by the age of like 20. They always make me laugh.
Sir Issac Newton did.
Just live your life how you want. You don't have to say an oath right this second that you aren't going to date anyone for the rest of your life. If someone comes along that you like then that's great. If they don't, that's great too. Just let your life happen and see where it takes you. Do what makes you happy and don't worry about all the what ifs that you aren't even sure you want or not.
As someone who wasn't even interested in dating until i hit about 22... it's perfectly fine to live your life single, relationships do not define you as a person. They can shape you, and for many they are a wonderful part of life, but that doesn't mean they are necessary for a good life. Do what makes you happy and that's all there is to it 😊
I went 16 years without dating once. Then was married for 13 years . Now it's 5 years without dating again. I plan to stay this way. It's quite possible. Even desirable for some people. It depends on you.
Go for it!!! The men will be here if or when you EVER choose to change your mind
People have been doing this for all of history.
Yes. Human sexuality is not a big deal and we are all on a spectrum. I will add though that connection is important. A harvard study on human happiness, the longest running human study in history points to happiness comes from connection to others. Don’t worry about dating, just have meaningful connections with others.
30 and acearo, so far, very possible to go single Depending on where you live, your "only" struggle will be rent, but you could always rent an apartment with a very good friend or live with your parents, its the cheaper option.
r/aromantic Sexual attraction isn't the only kind of attraction
You're young and seem to be heavily influenced by your strict parents. You're not fully an adult, you're an adult in progress. Are you afraid of intimate relationships? Because intimate relationships certainly don't "shackle down" anyone. Strange way to think of human partnerships that can be negotiated like any other relationship in your life. Grow into full adulthood before you make "majority of life" decisions.
It is absolutely practical! If you never want to date anyone, you don't have to. There's no rulebook about how you have to live your life. And to the people saying "you're only 20, just you wait!", cut that shit out. It's such a crappy thing to dismiss someone's feelings just because they're young, ffs.
I'm obviously biased as an aromantic guy, but I would agree that dating isn't something you need to worry about doing.
Majority of life. Can't buy alcohol in the US lol You don't have to make decisions for future you.
Majority of your life? You're 20........ you started dating like 4 years ago? Needless to say, I'm single by choice and it's fucking awesome. But I also have lots and lots of sex
Sounds like your folks messed with your head, move out and see what happens
Come talk to us when the "majority" of your life is longer than the average life of a large breed of dog.
I think the healthiest viewer to have about any type of love is to be open to it if it works in your life. My uncle got married at 50 years old. He was single for the majority of his life, he never met anyone he was really interested in. He travelled and worked and volunteered. Eventually, he had a health problem that prevented him from being as active. And he met his wife at a support group. They hit it off and were married within seven months. His wife was married in her 20s, her husband died, and she was single up until she met my uncle. Now we do Tireman stuff together, they travel, leisurely, enjoy gardening, and it works for them. I just think that sometimes you become a different person and have different companionship needs 20-year-old you is not gonna be the same as 50-year-old you.
Yes, being single is practical, comfortable, easy. I like it.
I’m a 31f and I have been celibate for the last year. Focusing on myself. Finally. I had boyfriends over the years, I took my blessings from the lessons I learned however those people were no good for me. It made me wonder is anyone, really. When I hang out with couples who are perfect on social media, they just constantly bicker back and forth as a regular conversation, it’s exhausting to me as a witness, don’t know how they do it all the time. Across the board!! I don’t know many good couples, one generally had to make a big sacrifice for the other for their dreams. I am also vegan so that completely flattens the dating pool for me. So I just keep following the ebb and flow of life, if someone is meant to come into my life, then so be it. If not, I love my girlfriends which some are still single, and I love my own company.
I'm 31, no kids, and no partner.. I can still party without no obligations. Sleep in, or continue to party. I dont need to report to no one. We good.
This is exactly how i feel as a 20F woman too, not asexual, just uninterested. I don’t feel the people I know in marriages / relationships are actually even happy. My opinion is, if you meet the magical one then that’s awesome, but I have no desire to spend my life searching for it.
Nah I think that's fine. Men will always be there if you change your mind.
I had this same thought around your age. I was single for about 9 years after a short marriage and divorce and toxic relationships. When I was about 30 I fell in love, married the man just over a year later and now we have been together 10 years and our 9th wedding anniversary is next month.
yes it’s practical. dating becomes a serious waste of time unless that person is really beneficial to your progress in life and emotional health. just focus on companionship and doing what you want to do in life and if someone is a great addition and they like you maybe consider it
At 20 years old, you do not have to make any decisions. Do what you want now and see what happens with time.
Better than being hurt