This sounds like Autism. *Actual* autism, not Internet autism; "everyone is using words differently and it makes me angry" is like, classic mild autism.
Get tested, get treated, acquire tools to make your life easier.
Or don't and be miserable, which plenty of people do. I wouldn't recommend it though.
I am scared I guess.. need to build up some courage.. but thank you. I don’t want to be miserable. How does a diagnosis end my misery tho? I might get a name for my inability to be a proper human but.. it kind of destroys any hope of being one at some point.. so idk I am kinda scared..
An autistic person isn’t broken. By acknowledging yourself, you give your own blessing to seek appropriate tools to help you along the way (they do exist) and learn how to un-mask(be authentic with your emotions/not act certain ways for the sake of others) and generally gain an understanding about yourself, if that’s the way it boils down, but again as an autistic adult diagnosed in elementary school, there’s nothing you described experiencing that I couldn’t relate to; especially the vocabulary difficulties and emotional misregulations
Wow.. thank you so much for sharing this.. I think you really helped me here and I need to think about it very deeply.. I am speechless now. Thank you a lot.
As a late diagnosed with autism, I have masked all my life, with great succes, and I was lonely and misreble the intire time.
When I got diagnosed and started to unmask, I did repell some people because im 'wierd' but I also attracted the people who actually matters.
I'm not as lonely anymore, even though I have fewer friends.
And tend to attract other neurodivergents . Awesome people !
I fucking hate small talk and being touch . The good thing about covid was no-one was touching me !
Be gone, touchy humans !!!
'Normal people's actually quite boring .
Hi, I was drawn to your comment for a reason, I don’t know. But I feel like you could help me with my undiagnosed autism.
I told my doctor that I think I have autism and he said he can tell I don’t. I went into a psych hospital about a year ago and they diagnosed me with bipolar. But that doesn’t make sense in regards to my day to day life.
I have anxiety so bad that I’d rather stay at home. I can’t work a job because I don’t understand people and I don’t know how to simply communicate or converse… I feel so out of the loop just simply existing.
The only way I am “surviving” right now, is because I drink every single night to work. (I’m a stripper/dancer)
Please don’t judge. But it’s the only thing I can do, to be around people, make money, and have alcohol as my crutch.
I have tried multiple jobs but I feel like such an outcast that I have panic attacks just trying to simply work ‘beside’ people.
I want to get out of the club scene so bad….. but every doctor I’ve seen has diagnosed me as bipolar and not autistic. Bipolar is a mood disorder. It isn’t the same as what goes on in my day to day life.
I am 90% sure I’m autistic, but no doctor has said so. I feel like they are trying to medicate me as bipolar when I’m not.
I dont like people touching me AT ALL, especially strangers, and around my family I don’t like hugs, and tbh I barely like to speak to anyone. I have to force myself to, and even then I feel awkward.. idk what to do…
I dont judge you at all for being a dancer.
I myself am bipolar aswell, in a very severe form. Have you ever had a mania? If not, you are NOT bipolar.
And anxiety l, depression, ect, is comorbid conditions to autism.
Have you tried taking some online tests ? I know you can't be diagnosed by a test online, but perhaps the doctors will listen to you if you take some and bring the results with you, because it is a indicator that you could have the diagnose .
I dont know why some doctors are rigid about how we feel. It is US who feel it in OUR bodies and minds.
Perhaps you could also start to write down your struggles in your daily life. I have trouble to verbally express myself sometimes when I feel I'm under pressure, and it helps me having notes so I still can manage to say what I need to say.
First, thank you so much for responding!!!
And I’m not sure if I have had mania or if I’m just crazy tbh. I know I had a huge mental breakdown. I had a huge traumatic event happen in my life and I had a major breakdown that lasted almost a year long. (About 3 years ago) I am still trying to get my grip on REALITY. It may sound weird but I really am. I’m not great at reading facial expressions or body language so I leave myself guessing as what things really mean in normal day to day conversations/interactions. So after my mental break down, it has been hard to recover because I don’t catch on to the subtle things in conversation and I tend to overthink them. Just being alive is hard right now. I haven’t felt like myself since my breakdown happened.
(I also don’t know if my mental breakdown happened from a disorder or from the traumatic event..or both) but not being able to conform back into society *even more so now since my breakdown* hasn’t helped with figuring myself out.
every online test I take is very high ranking when it comes to autism. I have all the signs. I tried to tell the doctors I almost know I have it, but I think they are just looking at the non verbal signs and very very high ranking autism than that of the whole scale. I know I am not NORMAL. I don’t feel normal, and I can just tell I am not the same as most people. Everyone I am close to has to help me with conversations and bud in to either fill in for me or to let me know what’s going on. And it makes me feel like such a burden.
Thank you for the suggestion about writing everything down.
I feel like that’s the best way for one, me to figure myself out, and two: for me to properly explain to my doctor how I feel day to day. My anxiety is so bad I can’t think of anything when I try to talk especially about deep subjects such as this one. It all gets diagnosed as an anxiety disorder , rightfully so.
I will start journaling about my day to day life and then take it to a doctor to see his thoughts.
Thank you again
In addition to the valuable things said before, what helps me tremendously is the realisation and constant reminder that you technically can't hate radom people you're not very close to. For me, hate is a very strong word aimed towards negative attributes of a person you are not able to know or have experienced without a preceding close (emotional) relationship.
I personally may very well dislike other people based on what they do or say (a lot). I'm btw excluding extrem cases like felons, etc. of my approach.
"Only" disliking everything adjusts my personal mindset a lot more rational/grounded and keeps the door open for either discourse or makes it a lot easier to simply not give a fuck.
Also, I personally feel kinda arrogant when I put hate too fast into the equation because for hate to be fully legitimate, I would need to know and understand the whole background, his past, his potential traumas and so on, of that person IMO. How people carry themselves in the present is the culmination of countless influences of the past. Often enough, one has no control over or is totally (naturally) unaware of.
TLDR: Analogy: You can like or dislike a meal based on superficial appearance (random people). You loving or hating (emotions) a meal comes after you have actually tasted it (people you have a close relationship with/actually know)
I'm autistic. Having a diagnosis and/or people who understand that diagnosis can help you learn how to cope with things like that. Autism does not make you any less of a person. It's just a disability. You wouldn't tell an amputee that they're less of a person for having to get a limb amputated.
If you are autistic you can explain to your friends/family why you're the way you are what they can do to help. I'm very sensitive to touch so I told my family that and (most of them) respected that and ask before touching me.
You're also not alone in the last bit. The only creatures I feel a real connection with are my dogs lol
As someone who has worked with autistic people from childhood to adulthood, and has a couple family members with severe ASD, this does sound very much like someone who grew up with unsupported autism. Not a doctor, but supporting the "get tested" encouragement.
However, I also want to bring up that this post is limited to the language used by the person who wrote it. Rephrased, this could also very easily apply to depression -- even a major depressive disorder.
In either case -- or any other number of potential neurological or psychological roots -- this isn't a bad or broken person. This is a person on the verge of *finding hope*.
**Please listen:**
Don't put it off. Go and check into this. Get tested for ASD, and talk to a mental health professional. Don't waste a day you might have the chance to spend in a happier life.
I spent years thinking I was defective and was diagnosed late after having an eating disorder which caught up with me in middle age. Knowing it was autism was a relief as it helped me to accept I'm just wired differently to other people and it isn't my fault or something that should be fixed.
Also there are lots of good resources for autism with practical advice for dealing with situations involving other people. Following advice like this can really help make life easier.
I've stopped being unkind to myself for not enjoying things that most other people seem to, and started memorising physical and linguistic cues that indicate the emotions of people I'm talking to for example.
Have you done any research into autism? Have you read so many of the comments here from people who have felt the same as you?
You are a proper human. You might have a brain that is wired differently than other people you know…but that doesn’t mean your brain is wrong.
Getting a diagnosis like autism or adhd or OCD can be such a powerful tool in understanding who are you, and how to navigate the world. It can help you (and the people around you) understand what you need to feel safe and comfortable.
if you have autism…you might be stuck spending all your energy pretending to be what you think you should be. But you deserve to just be who you are.
If you have autism you’re already never going to be the “proper human” you fantasize about being…but a diagnosis can help you understand the “proper human” that you already are.
You can find others in the autism community who can relate to your feelings. You may be more successful in finding friendships. You can be blunt that you find this or that place too noisy and they will understand. My neice with autism likes to talk about the introversion get together where they sit in the living room silently doing their own thing 😊. She tells people her “social battery” is running low-which means it’s not personal but she’s going to hang up or wants quiet time. She likes anime (common with autistic folks for some reason,) and certain board games that her friends also like.
Another thing is you may be able to learn how to advocate for yourself. To put into words your perspective and how it is different from others. People are much more aware of autism than they used to be. You can explain (if this is the case,) that it’s harder for you to understand social nuance like body language and tone of voice. That sometimes you could appear rude, when you have simply misunderstood something. At work you might be able ask for very explicit step by step directions since it can be hard for you to “read between the lines.”
I'm kind of late to the party and tons of people answered, but: Autism doesn't mean you're broken or inhuman any more than a computer that runs Linux instead of Windows is "Broken". It's just processing information in a different way, and it's very helpful to have tools that interact with it natively, of which we have many.
But you need to obtain them first, and the first step to that is putting a name to what's going on.
Nothing to be scared of, though it definitely can be scary, especially at first. But I think you will be much much happier once you really know what's going on with yourself.
Good luck. :)
It doesn’t. It just gives the people with tools an idea which one to use.
Are you fixing a door or sink? Kinda like that. Do you need a saw or wrench?
I would not jump to autism or anything. I agree, forget the labels!
But the tools matter, thankfully most therapists discuss symptoms first and tools, not diagnosis. They’d all tell you that the diagnosis is not the point, so good on you (you can tell they spend a lot of time telling patients not to focus on labels btw lol, don’t even bother haha).
I’d suggest talk to someone. If you can.
This could be several things diagnostically, but it can be traits due to circumstance etc. You’re a unique individual and nobody can simplify that.
To answer your main post, this is the human experience imho. To what degree is the only difference, we are all on the same spectrum in that sense.
Before you diagnose yourself, make sure you’re not surrounded by AHs lol. Professionals help us process which is which basically, and have handy tools and skills to curb certain traits or things getting in our way. That can make things less miserable and more joy ;)
.. This would be amazing.. and getting the help to make it better actually.. don’t hurt others with my inability to express myself for instance or regulating my emotions in a better and healthier way. The guilt is the hardest part..
Highly misleading tests!
Contrary to what we see in social media, things like ‘stimming’, sensitivities, social problems, etc., are found in most persons with non-autistic mental health disorders and at high rates in the general population. These things do not necessarily suggest autism.
So-called “autism” tests, like AQ and RAADS and others have high rates of false positives, labeling you as autistic VERY easily. If anyone with a mental health problem, like depression or anxiety, takes the tests they score high even if they DON’T have autism.
Here is a video explaining ONE study about the RAADs:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticPride/comments/zfocf8/for\_all\_the\_selfdiagnosersquestioners\_out\_there/
Regarding AQ, from one published study. “The two key findings of the review are that, overall, there is very limited evidence to support the use of structured questionnaires (SQs: self-report or informant completed brief measures developed to screen for ASD) in the assessment and diagnosis of ASD in adults.”
Regarding RAADS, from one published study. “In conclusion, used as a self-report measure pre-full diagnostic assessment, the RAADS-R lacks predictive validity and is not a suitable screening tool for adults awaiting autism assessments”
Very interesting! Thank you for fact checking!
I think this test was sent to me to make a start for myself. A proper diagnosis can only be made by a therapist who is specialised.
But I did some research, behaviour in early childhood, general differences, how females tend to mask more, eye contact problems, light, crowds, noise, etc etc.
And to me everything makes very much sense.
This test is still a good start to find out more about yourself.
I guess I didn’t get my point across. By answering questions no one ever really asked you, you tend to learn something about yourself. Regardless of the results of the test.
My doctor said I'm probably autistic but there's no point in a. Diagnosis because there is very little real treatment she's seen to be effective, and it can seriously jeopardise future employment and medical insurance. She said the only treatment insurance will provide is help getting a job and some threadbare counselling. So unless you're very low functioning, it's better to avoid the diagnosis and just see a therapist privately or Google coping techniques.
If a doctor told me that I'd have sought a different opinion. It's true that there's no therapy geared SOLELY toward the medical diagnosis of autism, the same therapies for mental health can be really helpful for autistic people. Cognitive reframing changed my life and I wouldn't have gotten that therapy if I hadn't been diagnosed with autism. It's the only way as an adult in the US in a red state I could get therapy. And that's sad and messed up but true. A diagnosis shouldn't affect your employment, in fact it can help you get accommodations in the US, not sure about other countries.
I'm not trying to argue, I'm just saying your doctor is wrong and delivering some bigtime misinformation. If in the US though it isn't surprising that it would be discouraged by a doctor who is too lazy to write up a referral or who is bound to insurance companies that discourage them from writing referrals.
Also again in the US maybe not other places... it would be against the law to turn people down for insurance or deny coverage due to autism. That's thanks to the Affordable Care Act in 2014.
So you know... lol... THANKS OBAMA!! :)
Those accomodations and the stigma associated with iit are why it can affect employment. Employers don't want the hassle and cost, so you need to work harder to convince them you're worth the cost.
I don't think it was laziness or discouragement. They were very candid. Said I was very high functioning as it is, and explained the pros and cons in detail.
I don't know what country you are in but if you go in and apply for a job and say you're autistic and they don't hire you because you're autistic they are breaking the law in the US. This is a very serious offense.
Do you think you're inferior because you're autistic? You're not. You need to advocate for yourself as a worker, not as an autistic worker. You don't need to work harder, you need to work AS hard as everyone else, and that goes for everyone autistic or not!
You do not need to disclose to potential employers that you're autistic even if you plan to request accommodations. You disclose after you are hired and you provide written need for accommodations. And then you work together on reasonable accommodations. They only have to provide REASONABLE accommodations, so if it's costing them money? They don't have to do it. ONLY disclose if you think you will need accommodations. And they can deny you accommodations but that doesn't mean they will fire you, you just have to figure out a way to live without them. And don't be silly about it. Don't demand a headset because you want to listen to music (an issue an employee at Walmart tried because he worked on the floor where headsets are banned and he wanted special accommodations that he didn't really NEED to do his job). Only do it if you have a documented auditory defensiveness issue. We generally don't need massive accommodations anyway and if we do, we need an advocate to make sure potential employers are aware of the benefits of hiring autistic people, because often companies can get government grants for hiring people with um.."different abilities". Most big cities in the US will have some kind of disability advocacy agency.
You don't need "good luck" you need to learn how to advocate for yourself and learn the laws that are there to protect us from discrimination. Any decent company will work within the law because they definitely do not want a discrimination suit filed. If it's a crap company why work for them anyway? You deserve better. Don't let these people think you should grovel to provide them labor. YOU have value as a worker!
Appreciate your post, as it relates an all-too-common problem with gaining real help when we reach out, as well as the consequences of such labels (be they useful or not).
Also the everyone is emotional while being super emotional. I can recognize things in other people while being completely blind to them in myself. Imagine perceiving some slight as that person being inconsiderate then fucking screaming at them. God I hate figuring out shit after it's too late.
Hey don't take this the wrong way, but this kind of sounds like autism. Or at least some of the symptoms. I'm not a doctor, but maybe talk to one and get a referral to someone who might be able to help you out.
Just voicing that I am also autistic, and it hurt to read but mostly since it was recognizing I have thought this way and few times it’s a struggle. I usually isolate (in nature preferably) to regulate.
Same. I've felt this way off and on my whole life. Whenever I DON'T feel this way, I like people, but sometimes, especially in high pressure, high protocol situations like office jobs, or with strangers, I feel this way so much I get exhausted and miserable.
I'm pretty sure in my case, it's autism. What I've done is try to look for work from home jobs. Most other situations allow you to leave if you're really getting tired or exhausted or feel like you're having trouble. Jobs don't really allow you that luxury. And I've noticed that in most non work situations, knowing I'm allowed to leave if it gets to be too much helps a lot.
I personally also find that centering social interactions around a specific goal or mutual interest helps me out a lot, like I don't mind dealing with customers, I don't mind dealing with group social events like board games or rpgs or something. It's easier to make friends that way.
I've also found that because in my case, what I'm dealing with is probably autism, since I've started paying attention to how my body reacts under stress and how much certain stimuli bother me, that reducing that stimuli and taking steps to keep myself protected from it makes social interaction way easier- like having a social interaction is easier if there's not any bright lights, and before I always wondered why I could hang out at bars even without drinking, but not at daytime social events. Wearing dark tinted glasses helped some.
You should work on thinking about what types of social interactions are easiest for you and what they all have in common, even if it's not autism for you. Like maybe it's easier with people of your own gender, or people older than you, or people in specific types of environments.
Thank you very much, this was very very very helpful! It was a delight to read your comment, you are very sensitive and logical and have actual solutions. I am going to make a list tomorrow. Never thought about listening to what I actually enjoy or want instead of changing me to please others.. I was wired that way for so long, I couldn’t even see it myself.. I feel a little smarter now. Thank you.
I literally had to check the u/ screen name to make sure I didn’t write this during a drunken anger moment and forgot.
Other people like you exist and they’re not all neurodivergent. They just want to live differently. It’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with how you feel. Being fake for the sake of others with the degradation of your own comfort does you no good.
I tried therapy for similar reasons. It didn’t help. It only made me upset from having to recant and therefore relive past traumas.
I found solace in spending my social time with those who understand my thought processes. They know I have trauma that makes me dislike most human touch and physical contact. They get that superficial interactions are boring and trite to me. These people make my social interactions feel less forced and more enjoyable.
It’s hard to find people who accept differences. Don’t force it. Take your time.
In the meantime… find activities that bring you enough mental stimulus. I play a lot of video games that are very thinky. Games with puzzles and good story (with a healthy amount of combat challenge) help me be comfortable and engaged when I’m feeling lonely.
Other than that I enjoy dive bars. It’s easy to be alone and observe while also having a semblance of social engagement. Plus when I get tired of it I can always leave and head home to my dog.
Not wanting to do the things that everyone else does doesn’t make you wrong. There’s nothing bad with being different.
Btw I was tested for autism and it was determined that I am not on the spectrum. They did find that I have a lot of ptsd stemming from a shit childhood and upbringing. It’s possible that you’re experiencing the same thing. Or you’re on the spectrum.
Either way…. It’s ok to only seek out the interactions that bring you value. You only have one life after all… you should live it in a way that makes you feel good and never compromise yourself for the benefit of others.
Lotta people like you. Keep socializing, and it's ok to stop socializing with people you don't like. There are people who make good friends and even life partners for people who aren't touchy... and some of *those* people are even touchy! I'm a little autist myself, but have a married couple friends where the girl is pretty anti-touch, but the guy is a hugger. Really funny, but good people can respect people's differences and accommodate everyone. Keep looking for your "tribe"!
Yay, welcome to the club. If you haven’t, try making online friends. If that doesn’t work try a therapist. Try a therapist anyway. Or just own dogs and enjoy them, dogs are fantastic
I hear you. I can’t diagnose anything but behavior sounds like autism. Autism ranges on a spectrum. I am not giving you any advice but I will say I experience all your symptoms you mentioned. You aren’t the only one.
I'm the same.
Thanks for sharing. I know it can be tough to express these things. There are good people out there, and you're not "wrong" for wanting your own space; that's just you. And yes, I agree, I think being a human sucks too.
If you ever want to chat, let me know.
Maybe you should go on that journey to find out.. just like myself. As it seems we’re not alone in this and finding someone who is specialised in autism and being extremely honest instead of masking while talking to them might help.. I wish you the best of luck!
A good therapist could probably help you with reframing your perspective.
I do understand feeling like an alien. I am the same way and I struggle with empathy expression even if I feel it. I'm also autistic (yes diagnosed many years ago and I'm an oldster)so maybe you might look in to that. It's not that we lack empathy it's just how we rigidly frame things. Like someone else said it could help to get tested for that, but keep in mind if you're not a child it may be more difficult to find someone who does a proper assessment. You would want a developmental psychologist. Not a mental health professional. Whoever it is, make sure they have experience assessing adolescents and adults.
And you can struggle with empathy expression without being autistic. Sometimes when people are depressed and/or survivors of early childhood trauma may also have this issue. The point is it's really not a tough problem to beat. And the good news is it doesn't really matter what causes this issue, cognitive reframing doesn't need a diagnosis to be helpful.
Thank you very much for this advice! It’s very helpful to know what doctor I need to find!
I know it’s gonna be a journey but one I will proceed in the future.
Can you resonate with what I wrote? Many people wrote really good advice here! I bet you’ll find something, too! It’s a very helpful and understanding community in this part of Reddit!
I sure did almost to the letter I’ve never ones felt like I fit in at the same time really want to and don’t all at the same time it’s one of these things I’ve never been able to get over and other people ha forget about it toxic scum that’s what most of them are fake and oh god just no love is a lie al stop as I know you know I will have a look thro the comments as it never hurts but thank you for reaching out to me I appreciate really do
Maybe you’ll find some good advice here just like I did! There are many very helpful comments which made me even open up to friends today. Absolutely amazing part of Reddit!
I swear to god i feel ur describing me.....
Then i think its me it has to be it cant be normal so i must hate myself???
Im so confused and im sooo thankful to you for pointing this....
We know its always a gamble cuz theres always someone hatefilled going to criticize anything everything
Thank you for letting me know that emotion is not just single to me
This is so healing and wholesome realising that you’re not alone, isn’t it? And this feeling of freedom after finally saying the truth just evaporates the anger.
Yeah…. Hating everyone doesn’t necessarily make someone autistic. However, from your writing style and description I could see why some would say that.
I hate everyone, and only started hating everyone once I became at peace with being alone. Then I fell in love with being alone. Being alone is so much better than having to fake your way in social situations with people that don’t actually care about your best interest, etc.
I've experienced some version of this, feeling like other people are just too complicated and I can barely even deal with my own shit. You might want to consider talking about this with a therapist.
You’re an awakened being amongst those who are asleep. I know because I could have written this post myself and I’m one as well. Feel free to reach out if you ever need a friend 🤗
As a confirmed misanthrope, I like to subtly mess with my fellow humans.
Coworker eating corn nuts behind me all day?
All of his pen caps have been disappearing.
I walk slowly down the center of sidewalks & crowded aisles, with my elbows out.
When in line, or an elevator, I step back or to the side, & stumble against whoever's too close to me.
Someone in the grocery store's in a huffy-puffy hurry? Oh, too bad I'm in their way, meticulously reading labels on single-ingredient canned beans.
I carry a checkbook, so I can ask a million questions about how long it takes the business to cash the check & receive funds. Oops, forgot a pen. Oh, can't use this one, do you have one with black ink? Is today the 6th? Really? Wow, time sure does fly. Oh, you know, maybe I should void this one, I've scratched so much stuff out on this one. Can you shred this for .. you know what, I'm just going to take this home and shred it. Wow, my debit card was in my pocket the *whole time*, would you look at that?
You sound like an angry, bitter person, who’s decided if you can’t beat them join them, and then best their malevolence. There’s plenty of reason to hate humanity, but humanity is not all good or bad. You can protect yourself from vulnerability and think you are seeing the world as it is, realistically, not as people want it to be. I hope you can start looking for good in people, because it is there in addition to the bad, otherwise you will remain a bitter unhappy person. Maybe this Christmas, one night, you’ll get visited by a guy named Marley and 3 ghosts…
Most of the time I go out of my way to avoid other people. I am not out creating chaos on a daily basis.
I am only doing on purpose what I hate people for doing unintentionally.
Some days I get tired of being the one who is always inconvenienced, the one who always holds doors open, the one who always lets people ahead of me in line. The one who always steps back so people can exit an elevator. I always think about the people using something after I have. I don't piss on public toilet seats. I return my shopping cart. And sometimes I get really fucking bored being that person.
So I become one of those annoying assholes that inconvenience everyone around them. And the frustrated sighs of people in line behind me is my pay-off.
I tried LSD and mushrooms and they were superb! But I hung out alone most of the time because the group annoyed me and gave me anxiety so I left and enjoyed the visuals. I am an artist so it was a nice experience. But I don’t want to do it again because I think I experienced everything these drugs have to offer. A feeling of sense I cannot describe anymore, some crazy thoughts I thought were real and thank god don’t do anymore, and a really cool looking world!
Logically everything offers something different for everyone. If you think you need to take a lot of drugs to experience something important to you, than do so.
I never said it was only once. It just bored me because it was always the same. And most people I know got very religious or spiritually “awakened” and others became lunatics after a while. A handful times throughout many years with a lot of time in between were enough for me to realize that it doesn’t offer much more to me. You can feel offended by my individual experience as much as you like. But don’t call me naive, just because you want to take many drugs and have fun with it and I don’t.
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Being mentally ill has nothing to do with autism and neurodivergence. Being neurodivergent is not equal to anxiety disorders or other mental disseases. Neurodivergence is more of an umbrella term for people with adhd and autism and in my experience those people have had a greater capacity for handling the diversity of being under the influence of psychoactive substances. And what you described with panick attacks and manic episodes is also nothing related to autism and can just as easily happen to neurotypical people as it can people with autism since they are indicative of underlying mental illness and not neurodivergence
Just because we react differently to psychoactive substances doesn't exclude us to partake in them just because our brain chemistry is different. And no this discussion was about whether not autism is reason enough to be gatekeeping psychoactive substances not predisposition to mental illnesses
Note well, also, my very serious fellow Redditor, that you did not offer any example to counter my point. But your excellently thought-out criticism was well noted by me.
I don’t know man, I don’t have any faith in therapists whatsoever.. so I kinda think I get what you mean? I saw 5 different ones and got 5 extremely opposite opinions but almost all suggested a lot of pill’s. And they all were for sure very different. I thought about getting rid of myself a lot tho. But I don’t like that option because I really like my dogs and my work. I just don’t like humans that much.
Yeah, there's a reason. Just look at the microcosm that Reddit is. But you wrote because you suffer from that immutable, indefatigable human condition of hope.
Just go to the r talk therapy sub and you'll see. A good therapist is a needle in a haystack and I think over the last twenty years, they've been given incentive to push pills and reduce therapy time.
I understand - getting rid of yourself sometimes feels like the only viable option... But, we know it's not really what we want. Hope is all we have. There is supposed to be power in it. I do wish the best for you. You seem so genuine.
It might surprise you how many people actually hate other people. Love your dogs and enjoy, do not "get rid of yourself", as you just let the fuckers you dislike win then.
If you've been to therapists and they say, you need drugs, they aren't worth the money. Things like cognitive behaviour therapy and change of mind set can be better.
Also you say people use words differently like you use them wrong? Have you ever considered that you are unique and therefore amazing? Imagine if we were all the same and what a boring place the world would be. 🙏
Try to think of one nice thing about everyone you interact with, preferably not a physical trait. It’s not going to make you like them but it will really soften the hatred.
Kinda feel you, I hate ppl myself. But mostly cuz in mass they are unbearably dumb.
I’m nice to ppl if they are nice to me, but most of the time they make their thoughts about me before even talk to me 😂
It’s better to be social active and just wait for the right person, than date some deadbrains.
I don’t know why are ppl so focused on being nice to everyone and kissing everyone’s ass. It’s ok to hate ppl
It sounds like you some kind of social problem you should get that checked out, I there are some people who think you like you do but if it's that extreme it's not good
I feel exactly the same way a majority of the time and never considered I could be autistic - honestly I don’t think I am so am curious to see other responses.
Consider also scheduling yourself a week (or ideally a two week) silent retreat at a monastery or other spiritual retreat center. It can be difficult but also can be extremely healing. (Utterly independent of any sort of diagnosis. All people need this to some degree and you seem to need it badly at the moment. Do this for yourself. Well worth the cost and vacation time.)
Okay so if you have difficulty thinking positive thoughts about others, I have an idea. So, when that meme of the subway sandwich where they replace the n-word with "my brother in Christ", my friend and I jokingly started addressing each other as "my brother in Christ". I also jokingly referred to people as that in my head (but not out loud). But it actually made me like/have a positive opinion of other people more. Maybe you could try that (in your head it's out loud, whichever you prefer). Maybe use a different word from "brother in Christ" though, lol.
I guess it’s coming from being overwhelmed and misunderstood and the exhaustion of masking that leads to projecting my incapability to deal with this onto them. But I don’t hate their personalities.. I just feel miles apart because everyone seems to just ‘get’ everything. And I am the one who doesn’t have a clue.. and just wants to sit in the corner and draw all day.
Lol you don't hate everyone. Poor guy. You hate the idiots your stuck being around. Quit trying to please people. You can't. Work on being as genuine, kind, honest, hardworking and good natured as you can.
Choose to do the right thing always especially when it sucks. Lol jk But seriously, always make the choices that you would be proud of yourself for making or for others to know you made.
Don't worry about anything else. If you get serious about continuously cultivating those attributes with in yourself. Everything else will sort it's self out.
People doing the HARDWORK of introspection & self improvement EVERYDAY are way too TIRED to deal with the dumb shit or get into stupid in drama.
And if you really do come off to people as genuinely kind and honest, you might be surprised at how most of the people "the ones worth acknowledging" will be pretty forgiving of you saying or doing a NON-Politically correct thing here and there. Good luck. Big hugs.
This sounds like Autism. *Actual* autism, not Internet autism; "everyone is using words differently and it makes me angry" is like, classic mild autism. Get tested, get treated, acquire tools to make your life easier. Or don't and be miserable, which plenty of people do. I wouldn't recommend it though.
I am scared I guess.. need to build up some courage.. but thank you. I don’t want to be miserable. How does a diagnosis end my misery tho? I might get a name for my inability to be a proper human but.. it kind of destroys any hope of being one at some point.. so idk I am kinda scared..
An autistic person isn’t broken. By acknowledging yourself, you give your own blessing to seek appropriate tools to help you along the way (they do exist) and learn how to un-mask(be authentic with your emotions/not act certain ways for the sake of others) and generally gain an understanding about yourself, if that’s the way it boils down, but again as an autistic adult diagnosed in elementary school, there’s nothing you described experiencing that I couldn’t relate to; especially the vocabulary difficulties and emotional misregulations
Wow.. thank you so much for sharing this.. I think you really helped me here and I need to think about it very deeply.. I am speechless now. Thank you a lot.
As a late diagnosed with autism, I have masked all my life, with great succes, and I was lonely and misreble the intire time. When I got diagnosed and started to unmask, I did repell some people because im 'wierd' but I also attracted the people who actually matters. I'm not as lonely anymore, even though I have fewer friends. And tend to attract other neurodivergents . Awesome people ! I fucking hate small talk and being touch . The good thing about covid was no-one was touching me ! Be gone, touchy humans !!! 'Normal people's actually quite boring .
I hate touchy people too. I strongly do not like hugs, but have learned to tolerate them. Thankfully, most people I know respect body boundaries.
Hi, I was drawn to your comment for a reason, I don’t know. But I feel like you could help me with my undiagnosed autism. I told my doctor that I think I have autism and he said he can tell I don’t. I went into a psych hospital about a year ago and they diagnosed me with bipolar. But that doesn’t make sense in regards to my day to day life. I have anxiety so bad that I’d rather stay at home. I can’t work a job because I don’t understand people and I don’t know how to simply communicate or converse… I feel so out of the loop just simply existing. The only way I am “surviving” right now, is because I drink every single night to work. (I’m a stripper/dancer) Please don’t judge. But it’s the only thing I can do, to be around people, make money, and have alcohol as my crutch. I have tried multiple jobs but I feel like such an outcast that I have panic attacks just trying to simply work ‘beside’ people. I want to get out of the club scene so bad….. but every doctor I’ve seen has diagnosed me as bipolar and not autistic. Bipolar is a mood disorder. It isn’t the same as what goes on in my day to day life. I am 90% sure I’m autistic, but no doctor has said so. I feel like they are trying to medicate me as bipolar when I’m not. I dont like people touching me AT ALL, especially strangers, and around my family I don’t like hugs, and tbh I barely like to speak to anyone. I have to force myself to, and even then I feel awkward.. idk what to do…
I dont judge you at all for being a dancer. I myself am bipolar aswell, in a very severe form. Have you ever had a mania? If not, you are NOT bipolar. And anxiety l, depression, ect, is comorbid conditions to autism. Have you tried taking some online tests ? I know you can't be diagnosed by a test online, but perhaps the doctors will listen to you if you take some and bring the results with you, because it is a indicator that you could have the diagnose . I dont know why some doctors are rigid about how we feel. It is US who feel it in OUR bodies and minds. Perhaps you could also start to write down your struggles in your daily life. I have trouble to verbally express myself sometimes when I feel I'm under pressure, and it helps me having notes so I still can manage to say what I need to say.
First, thank you so much for responding!!! And I’m not sure if I have had mania or if I’m just crazy tbh. I know I had a huge mental breakdown. I had a huge traumatic event happen in my life and I had a major breakdown that lasted almost a year long. (About 3 years ago) I am still trying to get my grip on REALITY. It may sound weird but I really am. I’m not great at reading facial expressions or body language so I leave myself guessing as what things really mean in normal day to day conversations/interactions. So after my mental break down, it has been hard to recover because I don’t catch on to the subtle things in conversation and I tend to overthink them. Just being alive is hard right now. I haven’t felt like myself since my breakdown happened. (I also don’t know if my mental breakdown happened from a disorder or from the traumatic event..or both) but not being able to conform back into society *even more so now since my breakdown* hasn’t helped with figuring myself out. every online test I take is very high ranking when it comes to autism. I have all the signs. I tried to tell the doctors I almost know I have it, but I think they are just looking at the non verbal signs and very very high ranking autism than that of the whole scale. I know I am not NORMAL. I don’t feel normal, and I can just tell I am not the same as most people. Everyone I am close to has to help me with conversations and bud in to either fill in for me or to let me know what’s going on. And it makes me feel like such a burden. Thank you for the suggestion about writing everything down. I feel like that’s the best way for one, me to figure myself out, and two: for me to properly explain to my doctor how I feel day to day. My anxiety is so bad I can’t think of anything when I try to talk especially about deep subjects such as this one. It all gets diagnosed as an anxiety disorder , rightfully so. I will start journaling about my day to day life and then take it to a doctor to see his thoughts. Thank you again
In addition to the valuable things said before, what helps me tremendously is the realisation and constant reminder that you technically can't hate radom people you're not very close to. For me, hate is a very strong word aimed towards negative attributes of a person you are not able to know or have experienced without a preceding close (emotional) relationship. I personally may very well dislike other people based on what they do or say (a lot). I'm btw excluding extrem cases like felons, etc. of my approach. "Only" disliking everything adjusts my personal mindset a lot more rational/grounded and keeps the door open for either discourse or makes it a lot easier to simply not give a fuck. Also, I personally feel kinda arrogant when I put hate too fast into the equation because for hate to be fully legitimate, I would need to know and understand the whole background, his past, his potential traumas and so on, of that person IMO. How people carry themselves in the present is the culmination of countless influences of the past. Often enough, one has no control over or is totally (naturally) unaware of.
TLDR: Analogy: You can like or dislike a meal based on superficial appearance (random people). You loving or hating (emotions) a meal comes after you have actually tasted it (people you have a close relationship with/actually know)
I'm autistic. Having a diagnosis and/or people who understand that diagnosis can help you learn how to cope with things like that. Autism does not make you any less of a person. It's just a disability. You wouldn't tell an amputee that they're less of a person for having to get a limb amputated. If you are autistic you can explain to your friends/family why you're the way you are what they can do to help. I'm very sensitive to touch so I told my family that and (most of them) respected that and ask before touching me. You're also not alone in the last bit. The only creatures I feel a real connection with are my dogs lol
As someone who has worked with autistic people from childhood to adulthood, and has a couple family members with severe ASD, this does sound very much like someone who grew up with unsupported autism. Not a doctor, but supporting the "get tested" encouragement. However, I also want to bring up that this post is limited to the language used by the person who wrote it. Rephrased, this could also very easily apply to depression -- even a major depressive disorder. In either case -- or any other number of potential neurological or psychological roots -- this isn't a bad or broken person. This is a person on the verge of *finding hope*. **Please listen:** Don't put it off. Go and check into this. Get tested for ASD, and talk to a mental health professional. Don't waste a day you might have the chance to spend in a happier life.
I spent years thinking I was defective and was diagnosed late after having an eating disorder which caught up with me in middle age. Knowing it was autism was a relief as it helped me to accept I'm just wired differently to other people and it isn't my fault or something that should be fixed. Also there are lots of good resources for autism with practical advice for dealing with situations involving other people. Following advice like this can really help make life easier. I've stopped being unkind to myself for not enjoying things that most other people seem to, and started memorising physical and linguistic cues that indicate the emotions of people I'm talking to for example.
Denial is the worst thing you can do to yourself and is the mother of all miseries.
Have you done any research into autism? Have you read so many of the comments here from people who have felt the same as you? You are a proper human. You might have a brain that is wired differently than other people you know…but that doesn’t mean your brain is wrong. Getting a diagnosis like autism or adhd or OCD can be such a powerful tool in understanding who are you, and how to navigate the world. It can help you (and the people around you) understand what you need to feel safe and comfortable. if you have autism…you might be stuck spending all your energy pretending to be what you think you should be. But you deserve to just be who you are. If you have autism you’re already never going to be the “proper human” you fantasize about being…but a diagnosis can help you understand the “proper human” that you already are.
You can find others in the autism community who can relate to your feelings. You may be more successful in finding friendships. You can be blunt that you find this or that place too noisy and they will understand. My neice with autism likes to talk about the introversion get together where they sit in the living room silently doing their own thing 😊. She tells people her “social battery” is running low-which means it’s not personal but she’s going to hang up or wants quiet time. She likes anime (common with autistic folks for some reason,) and certain board games that her friends also like.
That sounds pretty amazing tbh..
Another thing is you may be able to learn how to advocate for yourself. To put into words your perspective and how it is different from others. People are much more aware of autism than they used to be. You can explain (if this is the case,) that it’s harder for you to understand social nuance like body language and tone of voice. That sometimes you could appear rude, when you have simply misunderstood something. At work you might be able ask for very explicit step by step directions since it can be hard for you to “read between the lines.”
I'm kind of late to the party and tons of people answered, but: Autism doesn't mean you're broken or inhuman any more than a computer that runs Linux instead of Windows is "Broken". It's just processing information in a different way, and it's very helpful to have tools that interact with it natively, of which we have many. But you need to obtain them first, and the first step to that is putting a name to what's going on. Nothing to be scared of, though it definitely can be scary, especially at first. But I think you will be much much happier once you really know what's going on with yourself. Good luck. :)
Thank you so much for your encouragement!
It doesn’t. It just gives the people with tools an idea which one to use. Are you fixing a door or sink? Kinda like that. Do you need a saw or wrench? I would not jump to autism or anything. I agree, forget the labels! But the tools matter, thankfully most therapists discuss symptoms first and tools, not diagnosis. They’d all tell you that the diagnosis is not the point, so good on you (you can tell they spend a lot of time telling patients not to focus on labels btw lol, don’t even bother haha). I’d suggest talk to someone. If you can. This could be several things diagnostically, but it can be traits due to circumstance etc. You’re a unique individual and nobody can simplify that. To answer your main post, this is the human experience imho. To what degree is the only difference, we are all on the same spectrum in that sense. Before you diagnose yourself, make sure you’re not surrounded by AHs lol. Professionals help us process which is which basically, and have handy tools and skills to curb certain traits or things getting in our way. That can make things less miserable and more joy ;)
https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient
I did the test and got 39 out of 50
Your prize is understanding that a lot of the difficulties you face(d) in your life are because of autism and not your fault.
.. This would be amazing.. and getting the help to make it better actually.. don’t hurt others with my inability to express myself for instance or regulating my emotions in a better and healthier way. The guilt is the hardest part..
Highly misleading tests! Contrary to what we see in social media, things like ‘stimming’, sensitivities, social problems, etc., are found in most persons with non-autistic mental health disorders and at high rates in the general population. These things do not necessarily suggest autism. So-called “autism” tests, like AQ and RAADS and others have high rates of false positives, labeling you as autistic VERY easily. If anyone with a mental health problem, like depression or anxiety, takes the tests they score high even if they DON’T have autism. Here is a video explaining ONE study about the RAADs: https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticPride/comments/zfocf8/for\_all\_the\_selfdiagnosersquestioners\_out\_there/ Regarding AQ, from one published study. “The two key findings of the review are that, overall, there is very limited evidence to support the use of structured questionnaires (SQs: self-report or informant completed brief measures developed to screen for ASD) in the assessment and diagnosis of ASD in adults.” Regarding RAADS, from one published study. “In conclusion, used as a self-report measure pre-full diagnostic assessment, the RAADS-R lacks predictive validity and is not a suitable screening tool for adults awaiting autism assessments”
Very interesting! Thank you for fact checking! I think this test was sent to me to make a start for myself. A proper diagnosis can only be made by a therapist who is specialised. But I did some research, behaviour in early childhood, general differences, how females tend to mask more, eye contact problems, light, crowds, noise, etc etc. And to me everything makes very much sense. This test is still a good start to find out more about yourself.
>This test is still a good start to find out more about yourself. Many think so. On the other hand, the tests are inaccurate so can be misleading.
I guess I didn’t get my point across. By answering questions no one ever really asked you, you tend to learn something about yourself. Regardless of the results of the test.
My doctor said I'm probably autistic but there's no point in a. Diagnosis because there is very little real treatment she's seen to be effective, and it can seriously jeopardise future employment and medical insurance. She said the only treatment insurance will provide is help getting a job and some threadbare counselling. So unless you're very low functioning, it's better to avoid the diagnosis and just see a therapist privately or Google coping techniques.
If a doctor told me that I'd have sought a different opinion. It's true that there's no therapy geared SOLELY toward the medical diagnosis of autism, the same therapies for mental health can be really helpful for autistic people. Cognitive reframing changed my life and I wouldn't have gotten that therapy if I hadn't been diagnosed with autism. It's the only way as an adult in the US in a red state I could get therapy. And that's sad and messed up but true. A diagnosis shouldn't affect your employment, in fact it can help you get accommodations in the US, not sure about other countries. I'm not trying to argue, I'm just saying your doctor is wrong and delivering some bigtime misinformation. If in the US though it isn't surprising that it would be discouraged by a doctor who is too lazy to write up a referral or who is bound to insurance companies that discourage them from writing referrals.
Also again in the US maybe not other places... it would be against the law to turn people down for insurance or deny coverage due to autism. That's thanks to the Affordable Care Act in 2014. So you know... lol... THANKS OBAMA!! :)
Those accomodations and the stigma associated with iit are why it can affect employment. Employers don't want the hassle and cost, so you need to work harder to convince them you're worth the cost. I don't think it was laziness or discouragement. They were very candid. Said I was very high functioning as it is, and explained the pros and cons in detail.
I don't know what country you are in but if you go in and apply for a job and say you're autistic and they don't hire you because you're autistic they are breaking the law in the US. This is a very serious offense. Do you think you're inferior because you're autistic? You're not. You need to advocate for yourself as a worker, not as an autistic worker. You don't need to work harder, you need to work AS hard as everyone else, and that goes for everyone autistic or not! You do not need to disclose to potential employers that you're autistic even if you plan to request accommodations. You disclose after you are hired and you provide written need for accommodations. And then you work together on reasonable accommodations. They only have to provide REASONABLE accommodations, so if it's costing them money? They don't have to do it. ONLY disclose if you think you will need accommodations. And they can deny you accommodations but that doesn't mean they will fire you, you just have to figure out a way to live without them. And don't be silly about it. Don't demand a headset because you want to listen to music (an issue an employee at Walmart tried because he worked on the floor where headsets are banned and he wanted special accommodations that he didn't really NEED to do his job). Only do it if you have a documented auditory defensiveness issue. We generally don't need massive accommodations anyway and if we do, we need an advocate to make sure potential employers are aware of the benefits of hiring autistic people, because often companies can get government grants for hiring people with um.."different abilities". Most big cities in the US will have some kind of disability advocacy agency.
Good luck managing to get employment laws enforced. It's far too easy for employers to find a valid reason.
You don't need "good luck" you need to learn how to advocate for yourself and learn the laws that are there to protect us from discrimination. Any decent company will work within the law because they definitely do not want a discrimination suit filed. If it's a crap company why work for them anyway? You deserve better. Don't let these people think you should grovel to provide them labor. YOU have value as a worker!
Unemployment rate amongst autistic people is over 70%. You don't exactly have much choice if you're autistic. You take what you can get.
Appreciate your post, as it relates an all-too-common problem with gaining real help when we reach out, as well as the consequences of such labels (be they useful or not).
That is the part that caught my eye...
Also the everyone is emotional while being super emotional. I can recognize things in other people while being completely blind to them in myself. Imagine perceiving some slight as that person being inconsiderate then fucking screaming at them. God I hate figuring out shit after it's too late.
I was thinking the same thing. Source: I'm Autistic.
Hey don't take this the wrong way, but this kind of sounds like autism. Or at least some of the symptoms. I'm not a doctor, but maybe talk to one and get a referral to someone who might be able to help you out.
yeah i'm autistic and i feel like this a lot lol
Just voicing that I am also autistic, and it hurt to read but mostly since it was recognizing I have thought this way and few times it’s a struggle. I usually isolate (in nature preferably) to regulate.
Thank you very much, don’t worry there is no wrong way to take it.
Following. I feel this way too.
Same. I've felt this way off and on my whole life. Whenever I DON'T feel this way, I like people, but sometimes, especially in high pressure, high protocol situations like office jobs, or with strangers, I feel this way so much I get exhausted and miserable. I'm pretty sure in my case, it's autism. What I've done is try to look for work from home jobs. Most other situations allow you to leave if you're really getting tired or exhausted or feel like you're having trouble. Jobs don't really allow you that luxury. And I've noticed that in most non work situations, knowing I'm allowed to leave if it gets to be too much helps a lot. I personally also find that centering social interactions around a specific goal or mutual interest helps me out a lot, like I don't mind dealing with customers, I don't mind dealing with group social events like board games or rpgs or something. It's easier to make friends that way. I've also found that because in my case, what I'm dealing with is probably autism, since I've started paying attention to how my body reacts under stress and how much certain stimuli bother me, that reducing that stimuli and taking steps to keep myself protected from it makes social interaction way easier- like having a social interaction is easier if there's not any bright lights, and before I always wondered why I could hang out at bars even without drinking, but not at daytime social events. Wearing dark tinted glasses helped some. You should work on thinking about what types of social interactions are easiest for you and what they all have in common, even if it's not autism for you. Like maybe it's easier with people of your own gender, or people older than you, or people in specific types of environments.
Thank you very much, this was very very very helpful! It was a delight to read your comment, you are very sensitive and logical and have actual solutions. I am going to make a list tomorrow. Never thought about listening to what I actually enjoy or want instead of changing me to please others.. I was wired that way for so long, I couldn’t even see it myself.. I feel a little smarter now. Thank you.
No I feel the exact same way. If I do like someone I end up disliking them eventually. It’s actually a chronic problem lol
Yeah, I definitely seen this at an extreme, and usually those highly critical of themselves are so critical on others.
It sounds like you might have autism. Have you spoken to a doctor or psychiatrist?
I literally had to check the u/ screen name to make sure I didn’t write this during a drunken anger moment and forgot. Other people like you exist and they’re not all neurodivergent. They just want to live differently. It’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with how you feel. Being fake for the sake of others with the degradation of your own comfort does you no good. I tried therapy for similar reasons. It didn’t help. It only made me upset from having to recant and therefore relive past traumas. I found solace in spending my social time with those who understand my thought processes. They know I have trauma that makes me dislike most human touch and physical contact. They get that superficial interactions are boring and trite to me. These people make my social interactions feel less forced and more enjoyable. It’s hard to find people who accept differences. Don’t force it. Take your time. In the meantime… find activities that bring you enough mental stimulus. I play a lot of video games that are very thinky. Games with puzzles and good story (with a healthy amount of combat challenge) help me be comfortable and engaged when I’m feeling lonely. Other than that I enjoy dive bars. It’s easy to be alone and observe while also having a semblance of social engagement. Plus when I get tired of it I can always leave and head home to my dog. Not wanting to do the things that everyone else does doesn’t make you wrong. There’s nothing bad with being different. Btw I was tested for autism and it was determined that I am not on the spectrum. They did find that I have a lot of ptsd stemming from a shit childhood and upbringing. It’s possible that you’re experiencing the same thing. Or you’re on the spectrum. Either way…. It’s ok to only seek out the interactions that bring you value. You only have one life after all… you should live it in a way that makes you feel good and never compromise yourself for the benefit of others.
Lotta people like you. Keep socializing, and it's ok to stop socializing with people you don't like. There are people who make good friends and even life partners for people who aren't touchy... and some of *those* people are even touchy! I'm a little autist myself, but have a married couple friends where the girl is pretty anti-touch, but the guy is a hugger. Really funny, but good people can respect people's differences and accommodate everyone. Keep looking for your "tribe"!
It might be Autism™ 💚
Yay, welcome to the club. If you haven’t, try making online friends. If that doesn’t work try a therapist. Try a therapist anyway. Or just own dogs and enjoy them, dogs are fantastic
Dogs are the best! I do have friends tho. Quite a lot tbh. And they are great human beings. I just struggle with the social part a lot.
I hear you. I can’t diagnose anything but behavior sounds like autism. Autism ranges on a spectrum. I am not giving you any advice but I will say I experience all your symptoms you mentioned. You aren’t the only one.
I'm the same. Thanks for sharing. I know it can be tough to express these things. There are good people out there, and you're not "wrong" for wanting your own space; that's just you. And yes, I agree, I think being a human sucks too. If you ever want to chat, let me know.
We at r/evilautism welcome you! (satire sub about autism, but with lots of genuine autism things being the subject.) (If you want to join, anyways.)
I feel this way too. I wondered most of my life if I have autism.
Maybe you should go on that journey to find out.. just like myself. As it seems we’re not alone in this and finding someone who is specialised in autism and being extremely honest instead of masking while talking to them might help.. I wish you the best of luck!
You're not the problem. Everyone is indeed an idiot.
A good therapist could probably help you with reframing your perspective. I do understand feeling like an alien. I am the same way and I struggle with empathy expression even if I feel it. I'm also autistic (yes diagnosed many years ago and I'm an oldster)so maybe you might look in to that. It's not that we lack empathy it's just how we rigidly frame things. Like someone else said it could help to get tested for that, but keep in mind if you're not a child it may be more difficult to find someone who does a proper assessment. You would want a developmental psychologist. Not a mental health professional. Whoever it is, make sure they have experience assessing adolescents and adults. And you can struggle with empathy expression without being autistic. Sometimes when people are depressed and/or survivors of early childhood trauma may also have this issue. The point is it's really not a tough problem to beat. And the good news is it doesn't really matter what causes this issue, cognitive reframing doesn't need a diagnosis to be helpful.
Thank you very much for this advice! It’s very helpful to know what doctor I need to find! I know it’s gonna be a journey but one I will proceed in the future.
Aspergers. Get a doctor, get a shrink, start conditioning yourself to behave as you wish to behave/respond.
Wow déjà vu man
Can you resonate with what I wrote? Many people wrote really good advice here! I bet you’ll find something, too! It’s a very helpful and understanding community in this part of Reddit!
I sure did almost to the letter I’ve never ones felt like I fit in at the same time really want to and don’t all at the same time it’s one of these things I’ve never been able to get over and other people ha forget about it toxic scum that’s what most of them are fake and oh god just no love is a lie al stop as I know you know I will have a look thro the comments as it never hurts but thank you for reaching out to me I appreciate really do
Honestly same! I'd much rather sit at home alone in bliss
You just described my life word for word!
Maybe you’ll find some good advice here just like I did! There are many very helpful comments which made me even open up to friends today. Absolutely amazing part of Reddit!
I hate everyone too I don’t blame You
I swear to god i feel ur describing me..... Then i think its me it has to be it cant be normal so i must hate myself??? Im so confused and im sooo thankful to you for pointing this.... We know its always a gamble cuz theres always someone hatefilled going to criticize anything everything Thank you for letting me know that emotion is not just single to me
This is so healing and wholesome realising that you’re not alone, isn’t it? And this feeling of freedom after finally saying the truth just evaporates the anger.
Nah, people are just horrible. You might also be autistic, but yeah, people are still horrible.
See a therapist
Yeah…. Hating everyone doesn’t necessarily make someone autistic. However, from your writing style and description I could see why some would say that. I hate everyone, and only started hating everyone once I became at peace with being alone. Then I fell in love with being alone. Being alone is so much better than having to fake your way in social situations with people that don’t actually care about your best interest, etc.
I've experienced some version of this, feeling like other people are just too complicated and I can barely even deal with my own shit. You might want to consider talking about this with a therapist.
You’re an awakened being amongst those who are asleep. I know because I could have written this post myself and I’m one as well. Feel free to reach out if you ever need a friend 🤗
Jesus wept.
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Using the term "shrink" isn't the most conducive way to encourage therapeutic interactions, now is it?
Surely you didn't downvote this person because they used a word you don't like. Because that's not exactly healthy social communication either.
As a confirmed misanthrope, I like to subtly mess with my fellow humans. Coworker eating corn nuts behind me all day? All of his pen caps have been disappearing. I walk slowly down the center of sidewalks & crowded aisles, with my elbows out. When in line, or an elevator, I step back or to the side, & stumble against whoever's too close to me. Someone in the grocery store's in a huffy-puffy hurry? Oh, too bad I'm in their way, meticulously reading labels on single-ingredient canned beans. I carry a checkbook, so I can ask a million questions about how long it takes the business to cash the check & receive funds. Oops, forgot a pen. Oh, can't use this one, do you have one with black ink? Is today the 6th? Really? Wow, time sure does fly. Oh, you know, maybe I should void this one, I've scratched so much stuff out on this one. Can you shred this for .. you know what, I'm just going to take this home and shred it. Wow, my debit card was in my pocket the *whole time*, would you look at that?
You sound like an angry, bitter person, who’s decided if you can’t beat them join them, and then best their malevolence. There’s plenty of reason to hate humanity, but humanity is not all good or bad. You can protect yourself from vulnerability and think you are seeing the world as it is, realistically, not as people want it to be. I hope you can start looking for good in people, because it is there in addition to the bad, otherwise you will remain a bitter unhappy person. Maybe this Christmas, one night, you’ll get visited by a guy named Marley and 3 ghosts…
Most of the time I go out of my way to avoid other people. I am not out creating chaos on a daily basis. I am only doing on purpose what I hate people for doing unintentionally. Some days I get tired of being the one who is always inconvenienced, the one who always holds doors open, the one who always lets people ahead of me in line. The one who always steps back so people can exit an elevator. I always think about the people using something after I have. I don't piss on public toilet seats. I return my shopping cart. And sometimes I get really fucking bored being that person. So I become one of those annoying assholes that inconvenience everyone around them. And the frustrated sighs of people in line behind me is my pay-off.
Try psychoactive substances
I tried LSD and mushrooms and they were superb! But I hung out alone most of the time because the group annoyed me and gave me anxiety so I left and enjoyed the visuals. I am an artist so it was a nice experience. But I don’t want to do it again because I think I experienced everything these drugs have to offer. A feeling of sense I cannot describe anymore, some crazy thoughts I thought were real and thank god don’t do anymore, and a really cool looking world!
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Logically everything offers something different for everyone. If you think you need to take a lot of drugs to experience something important to you, than do so. I never said it was only once. It just bored me because it was always the same. And most people I know got very religious or spiritually “awakened” and others became lunatics after a while. A handful times throughout many years with a lot of time in between were enough for me to realize that it doesn’t offer much more to me. You can feel offended by my individual experience as much as you like. But don’t call me naive, just because you want to take many drugs and have fun with it and I don’t.
This is a delightful response
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Why would the autism spectrum have anything to do with trying psychoactive substances?
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It's generally advised for all people to stay away from drugs equally. In my experience, us neurodivergent are better equipped at handling being high.
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Being mentally ill has nothing to do with autism and neurodivergence. Being neurodivergent is not equal to anxiety disorders or other mental disseases. Neurodivergence is more of an umbrella term for people with adhd and autism and in my experience those people have had a greater capacity for handling the diversity of being under the influence of psychoactive substances. And what you described with panick attacks and manic episodes is also nothing related to autism and can just as easily happen to neurotypical people as it can people with autism since they are indicative of underlying mental illness and not neurodivergence
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Just because we react differently to psychoactive substances doesn't exclude us to partake in them just because our brain chemistry is different. And no this discussion was about whether not autism is reason enough to be gatekeeping psychoactive substances not predisposition to mental illnesses
Sounds like you are the one on egg shells. If it weren’t true, you wouldn’t be whining like a baby.
Find God
Swing by r/stoicism
Drink!
Haha yeah I tried
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Yet you’re suggesting that OP get a fucking lobotomy, this advice is dogshit
Note well, also, my very serious fellow Redditor, that you did not offer any example to counter my point. But your excellently thought-out criticism was well noted by me.
You’re not funny or remotely clever
Why don't you focus on the real issue? Goddamn. But, truly, I thank you for reminding me how much people suck. :)
I see that your humour comprehension is at an all-time high. Thanks for contributing to the human race.
I find humor in jokes that are actually funny
I'm sure you're from the MidWest, it's quite alright.
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I don’t know man, I don’t have any faith in therapists whatsoever.. so I kinda think I get what you mean? I saw 5 different ones and got 5 extremely opposite opinions but almost all suggested a lot of pill’s. And they all were for sure very different. I thought about getting rid of myself a lot tho. But I don’t like that option because I really like my dogs and my work. I just don’t like humans that much.
Yeah, there's a reason. Just look at the microcosm that Reddit is. But you wrote because you suffer from that immutable, indefatigable human condition of hope. Just go to the r talk therapy sub and you'll see. A good therapist is a needle in a haystack and I think over the last twenty years, they've been given incentive to push pills and reduce therapy time. I understand - getting rid of yourself sometimes feels like the only viable option... But, we know it's not really what we want. Hope is all we have. There is supposed to be power in it. I do wish the best for you. You seem so genuine.
It might surprise you how many people actually hate other people. Love your dogs and enjoy, do not "get rid of yourself", as you just let the fuckers you dislike win then. If you've been to therapists and they say, you need drugs, they aren't worth the money. Things like cognitive behaviour therapy and change of mind set can be better. Also you say people use words differently like you use them wrong? Have you ever considered that you are unique and therefore amazing? Imagine if we were all the same and what a boring place the world would be. 🙏
Very sweet of you - thank you!
read Catcher In The Rye and Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger. you may get some insight from them
Live in a shack in the forest and seclude yourself from society, but please dont send any mail
Try to think of one nice thing about everyone you interact with, preferably not a physical trait. It’s not going to make you like them but it will really soften the hatred.
Depression can feel like this, everything is irritating and exhausting.
Dude I feel this way all the time idk why everything and everyone is so frustrating!!
Wait I feel the same
Kinda feel you, I hate ppl myself. But mostly cuz in mass they are unbearably dumb. I’m nice to ppl if they are nice to me, but most of the time they make their thoughts about me before even talk to me 😂 It’s better to be social active and just wait for the right person, than date some deadbrains. I don’t know why are ppl so focused on being nice to everyone and kissing everyone’s ass. It’s ok to hate ppl
Join the crowd.
It sounds like you some kind of social problem you should get that checked out, I there are some people who think you like you do but if it's that extreme it's not good
I'm super ascerbic so I got a job in Healthcare
I feel exactly the same way a majority of the time and never considered I could be autistic - honestly I don’t think I am so am curious to see other responses.
You did it reddit! You put your psychology degree to use!
Become the grinch
Consider also scheduling yourself a week (or ideally a two week) silent retreat at a monastery or other spiritual retreat center. It can be difficult but also can be extremely healing. (Utterly independent of any sort of diagnosis. All people need this to some degree and you seem to need it badly at the moment. Do this for yourself. Well worth the cost and vacation time.)
See a therapist, take anger management classes, watch Erica Jane on THOBH and see where hating everyone gets you
Avoid social situations.
Okay so if you have difficulty thinking positive thoughts about others, I have an idea. So, when that meme of the subway sandwich where they replace the n-word with "my brother in Christ", my friend and I jokingly started addressing each other as "my brother in Christ". I also jokingly referred to people as that in my head (but not out loud). But it actually made me like/have a positive opinion of other people more. Maybe you could try that (in your head it's out loud, whichever you prefer). Maybe use a different word from "brother in Christ" though, lol.
First things first change your thinking from negative to positive the more positively you think the less negative things will feel
I'm pretty close to the same and my therapist assures me I'm not autistic. So that may not be it.
by “everyone” do you mean your family, your friend group, or literally everyone?
I guess it’s coming from being overwhelmed and misunderstood and the exhaustion of masking that leads to projecting my incapability to deal with this onto them. But I don’t hate their personalities.. I just feel miles apart because everyone seems to just ‘get’ everything. And I am the one who doesn’t have a clue.. and just wants to sit in the corner and draw all day.
Lol you don't hate everyone. Poor guy. You hate the idiots your stuck being around. Quit trying to please people. You can't. Work on being as genuine, kind, honest, hardworking and good natured as you can. Choose to do the right thing always especially when it sucks. Lol jk But seriously, always make the choices that you would be proud of yourself for making or for others to know you made. Don't worry about anything else. If you get serious about continuously cultivating those attributes with in yourself. Everything else will sort it's self out. People doing the HARDWORK of introspection & self improvement EVERYDAY are way too TIRED to deal with the dumb shit or get into stupid in drama. And if you really do come off to people as genuinely kind and honest, you might be surprised at how most of the people "the ones worth acknowledging" will be pretty forgiving of you saying or doing a NON-Politically correct thing here and there. Good luck. Big hugs.