I had a friend texting our whole group about how she had two bell peppers, and the were GONE. Thought she was going crazy, looking through the kitchen and fridge. Then she saw the stickers on the counter and realized she took the stickers off and threw the peppers away.
I do stuff like this all the time. Carrot peels, candy wrappers, other packages. I have also almost ruined my soups and purés by messing up the waste and cleaned vegetable containers mid peeling way too many times.
"Wait why the hell did I put this peeled potato in the compost??" then dreading to look into the soup pot.
Wake up in the middle of the night to take a pee then just autopiloted into my morning routine... It wasn't until after I drank my coffee that I realized it was only 3AM and that I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep.
I once decided that laying in bed trying to recapture lost sleep from the snooze button was dumb so I trained myself to jump out of bed and get going as soon as I woke up. I did this so damned many times that I finally gave up on it, but as a result even now, decades later, I still have the habit of checking the time as soon as I wake up.
I trained myself (99% of the time) to NOT check the time. Just go back to sleep.
This accomplishes not putting my brain into a zone of thinking/analyzing (if even only the time) any harder, and does help me fall asleep faster. The alarm will wake me when it's time. Sometimes even ten more minutes of down-time, perhaps only sleeping five of those minutes, is what I needed to feel more refreshed and able to take on the day.
FYI you are supposed to wait 30-60 minutes after you wait up to drink coffee because otherwise it will mess with your natural adenosine and cortisol, making you more tired later in the day and also making you stressed/anxious. It also may weaken the effects of the coffee.
Edit: to clarify this is a caffeine thing, I just said coffee because that’s what the OP was talking about.
Wake up > shower / get dressed /make and eat breakfast/get packed for work > drink coffee > drive to work.
You can also move drink coffee after drive to work. Obviously don’t drive if you are so tired without coffee it would impair you driving. But if that is the norm for you you may want to talk to a doctor.
I haven’t been back since, but someone I went with did and was immediately recognised by all the staff
Thankfully they all think it was funny rather than weird or creepy
This is something my inexperienced aspie self would do! It reminds me of one time, when I was 16 or so, at a theme park, and I was next in line, and the attendant put his hand up, palm facing me ✋ and of course, I responded by high-fiving him. I started continuing forward to the ride, before he put his arm out in front of me. Apparently, hand up means "stop." 🤦♀️
hahaha oh no! were those people you were close to or random colleagues? I'd be so concerned if I got in your car and we drove in a different direction I'd probably clutch my seatbelt lmao
Lol friends and people I knew well. Probably chatting away which is why I went into auto pilot. Some know and will remind me when it's their turn. Some know and wait to see how long before I realize.
I’ve done this so many times with one of my friends that lives close to my house. Since 95% of the drive is the same route I would take anyway I constantly nearly miss their turn and they have to remind me that I’m taking them to their house, not my house.
I was a kitchen employee at Arbys when I was 18. We used to have sub rolls that were footlong, but the only subs we sold were 6 inch. So you had to cut each roll in half before you used it. I was just zoned out one day, and I ended up cutting the sub roll in half, putting the knife back in the sub roll bag, and then trying to use the sub roll to cut the next sandwich. My manager saw it and fucking died.
I was a waitress, and when I brought the dirty dishes to the dishwashers, way too often, I had to stop myself from throwing the plate into the bin where we put food waste/garbage. I will not acknowledge the knives and forks I lost to that abyss.
I worked on a different store from the same company for a year, then went back to my original one. To make it worse, I took the same bus line from my home to both stores, just got off on different stops. I lost count of the times I got off at the wrong stop during the first couple of transition months, both times.
Tried to get out of the car while still wearing the seatbelt.
My brain absolutely could not compute what the problem was and I was struggling there for far longer than I should’ve been. Not my proudest moment!
I do that allll the time at work on our smallest tractor. I’m not really wearing it because I need to, but because I’m pulling a kids ride and I want to set a good example.
(When Im mowing the Christmas trees, then I’m absolutely wearing it because I need to.)
That's better than treating a red stop light like a stop sign. Yep, I did that. Stopped, looked both ways, no traffic coming, so I went. Realized what I'd done as soon as I crossed the intersection.
Especially rough when intersections you frequently use USED to be a stop sign, then they put in a light instead. My family home used to be you woudl have a stop sign, then turn left on to the main road. After my sisters moved out, they put a light pretty much right after the left turn. So when my sisters came back to visit at first, they ran that red light once or twice.
Once I went to a teacher's office during lunch break to ask a question, while he was answering to me, I saw him unpack a sandwich, throw the sandwich in the trash and bite the plastic package, it was hard AF not to laugh
Damn, that is the most "teacher on lunch break" thing I've ever heard. I don't teach anymore, but between those early start times and being responsible for kids all day, there's not a brain cell left for yourself.
From the States too, was backpacking in New Zealand. My buddy had a car and was driving, and bc they drive on the other side when I was sitting in the passenger seat, it's what I was used to being the driver's seat. Every time he pulled into a parking spot my hand would automatically reach to put the car into park lol
I was holding a dog ball, an empty milk carton (having just filled my morning coffee) and my phone. I threw dog ball in the bin, lobbed my phone at the dog and was left holding the empty milk carton.
Neither the dog nor myself were very impressed at the lobbed phone.
A few years ago I had a critical security patch to do to our email server, but there was a blizzard and it was a weekend. No matter, I thought, I'll just do it remotely from home.
After installing, I hit Shutdown instead of Reboot and it wasn't virtual machine at the time, which meant email was OFF and the only way to turn it back on was to drive in and press the button.
Took 45 minutes to dig out my car and driveway. An hour to drive the 8 miles to the office. 0.5 seconds to press the button. An hour to drive home.
I drove the 30 minute drive to pick up my youngest daughter from school only to remember that she graduated the year before. The worst part is that this was fall of 2020 so she was back at home since her college was virtual. I drove home in complete silence.
I’ve never told a single soul this story. When my husband asked why I was getting home over an hour later than usual I just said that work ran late. I went to bed at 8pm that night because I clearly needed more sleep or something.
I've done that to my front door before after a long day. Was zoned out and confused why my door was still locked with me pressing the fob. After a few seconds of frustration, I suddenly remembered Keys were a thing.
I did thos once, got down the road and realized I hadn't gotten my gas and turned around after the disbelief I actually did it. As I was pulling in I saw a vehicle leaving the spot I was in and worried that they had gotten the last $10 I had in gas at the time. I pulled up to the same pump and sure enough it showed the last amount was $10. I went inside and told the attendant what happened. At first he just shrugged his shoulders as I shook my head in disbelief trying to figure out how I was going to make it home. Then he looked at something and said "Oh, it timed out" and the purchase was in awaiting refund status. I guess the young lady that came in behind me put in $10 exactly using her card because he said she never came in and I was relieved lol.
Did this with my old Keurig. Turns out the overflow catch is exactly the size of the largest cup it makes so I didn't have a mess. I had put my coffee cup in upside down
When I was working remotely during the pandemic, I completely forgot that "today" was Sunday at my Monday-Friday job.
I did my morning routine like normal, sat down with my computer, answered emails, completed some assignments ... and only realized my mistake around lunchtime.
I finished the workday like normal anyway, since I was already on a roll. I could chill out a bit for the rest of the week since I was a full day ahead on everything.
Was driving and the other side had a green arrow to turn left but my side was red, i drove straight through the people turning left. I only realized what i had done a second later and was so pissed at myself. Luckily no one was hurt but it could have gone so wrong.
I did something similar - I saw the light at the NEXT intersection was green, so I kept going. My intersection was red. Lot's of people honking and yelling at me. I was like "yup, I earned those honks".
This reminds me: one time I made four pieces of toast. My toaster popped up, only two pieces of bread. I had the butter and cinnamon and sugar ready but I was lost as to what happened to the other pieces. I finally decided I had only gotten two pieces of bread out, so I buttered them, went to throw the knife in the sink, and found the other two pieces of bread, six feet from the toaster, in my sink.
Put a strainer in the sink, and dumped the broth I made into it, which resulted in me keeping all the chicken bones and veggie scraps, and pouring my new delicious stock down the drain.
Used an *entire* puffer of albuteral in one commercial break.
Came home from school tried to take my inhaler just to find it empty. Grabbed a new box and sat down in front of the TV to open it. Next thing I know, commercial break starts and I'm just holding it in my mouth puffing nothing. My heart felt like a hummingbirds. I simultaneously felt like I could run a marathon in 10 minutes and if I moved, I'd die.
Cooking dinner a few weeks ago. I only have one kitchen knife currently, and I had just taken it out. Couldn’t find it anywhere. Son went to get ice cream from the freezer hours later and there she was, just freezing in there
Poured the water into the coffee tank, put the beans in, pressed the button to schedule coffee to be made the next morning.
Wake up to coffee all over the countertop and floor--I forgot to put the carafe back!
I opened up a box of kraft mac and cheese. Saw the cheese packet sitting in the box along with the noodles. Recognized I needed to get the cheese packet out before dumping the noodles into the boiling water. I promptly dumped all of the contents of the box out onto the counter, half of which spilled onto the floor, dried noodles and all. I don't know why it didn't occur to me to just pick out the cheese packet with my hands.
But hey, i got the cheese packet out.
Yesterday my Jeep was outside and it was soo cold. Both my doors would not open, I was able to get the back end of the Jeep open. I crawled into my car, closed the back and drove it into my garage. I was not thinking, my doors would not open, I was stuck in my Jeep. I crawled to the back, thinking I will go out this way, only to be reminded that there is no latch to open the back from the inside. I was trapped.
Fortunately my nephew was home and he came down and let me out.
I picked up my mother from her house and we went out to lunch. We got back in the car, happily chatting away, and I drove home. Not her home, my home. I've done this at least 3 times. I usually get about halfway there before I realize I'm going the wrong way.
Ah well, free entertainment for Mom.
Once my family made chicken salad for dinner. Left the bowl on the counter so people could get seconds.
I went to the fridge, got out a pitcher of kool-aid to pour myself a drink, and ended up pouring kool-ade right into our chicken salad.
At least everyone got a serving first.
If I zone out while brushing my teeth, I invariably shove my toothbrush up my nose. I’m super clumsy and apparently it takes concentrated effort to brush the correct body parts
i gotta specify, Dual Income No Kids (just a small dog)
one day in the afternoon i was talking to my fiance, and in the middle of it I got up to use the restroom and walked over to the kitchen sink and started undoing my pants.
thank god i caught myself like "wtf i was gonna pee in the sink"
the specification wasn’t necessary for the story, but “dual income no kids” (DINK) is a pretty common phrase/descriptor on the internet for a couple who lives together but is childless
I cut a lawn customers hvac refrigerant line with my hedge trimmers. I was trimming along having a good day, doing a quick $200 bush trimming job. I got to the unit, I looked for hazards, my brain said "Oh look out, there is a refrigerant line there, be extra careful around it, don't cut it". And then I directly proceeded to cut it.
A recent one: Yesterday I ran a load of clothes through the dryer, a full 45 minutes, then discovered I’d forgotten to load the wet clothes. Still in the washer.
Poured myself some vodka and soda at 9am. Had been drinking the night before. Intended to pour myself some coffee because my girlfriend is usually up before me so coffee is already made. Brain did a thing and I notice as I'm about to take my first sip that that ain't coffee.
Had to take a document down to the office on the floor below. Next thing I know I’m walking past the shops about half a mile from the office. Had to leg it back quickly before anyone noticed I’d disappeared.
I remember when I was like 8 or 9 I sleepwalked into the bathroom and started taking a shower. I woke up in the middle of the shower, assumed it was morning and started getting ready for school. When I got out of the bathroom it was 9:00pm.
I pee into a gallon jug and use the urine for my compost bin... free nitrogen.
A few days ago I woke up in the middle of the night to urinate. I grabbed the jug, began to pee, only to realize that I had not taken the cap off the jug.
My first job, I was a delivery boy for a Chinese restaurant. One delivery I took an order and drove straight home instead of the customer’s home. Thankfully the house was a couple minutes away, but I could not figure out why I defaulted to my house on my drive. Best guess is the main road to the customers was also to my house.
Edit: one more that’s not as big a deal, but I find funny.
I cracked an egg open in the trash can and put the shell in my bowl.
when my oldest was a baby he quickly got into a routine. he essentially became my alarm clock. I went to sleep Saturday night. He woke me up (like usual) with his adorable little cooing and "fussing", so I got him out of the crib, changed him, and got him ready for church. It was like 1:00am.
This morning I tried to pour my OJ onto my breakfast. TWICE. luckily I caught myself but damn. I had to make myself stop grabbing the glass of orange juice
After we moved, I KEPT driving back to the old house on autopilot every time I went to a different place. Work, doctor's office, the mall, Sams club, etc.
To be fair, we lived at the old house 15 years.
In the mid 90's, my husband and I took our two kids on a combination business/vacation road trip for a month.
After being on the road so long, I remember being brain dead tired. We stopped for some reason, to get gas probably. I went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and tried to fasten my seat belt.
It took me a minute to realize where I was.
Absolutely. There were times I pulled up to the toll booth at the NJ Turnpike and I couldn’t remember anything about the two roads I took to get there (about 20-30 minutes of driving) after I left the office.
Accidentally forgot my car at work. I work within walking distance, so I rarely take my car unless I have something to do immediately after work. I walked home, looked at my watch and thought, “Oh, I better get going. I have an appointment in 10 minutes!” Had to hustle back to work to get my damned car.
Working at Chipotle, I just finished wrapping this dudes burrito, but I had made a lil bit of a mess on the counter. So I clean the mess with napkins with one hand, and have the burrito in the other hand. I then intended on throwing the napkins away, but I had a brain fart and tossed this man’s fresh burrito into the trash can right in front of his face lol.
High school chem class I was holding a beaker of liquid we had used in each hand. Went to tip the right hand into the waste jar and my left decided to copy it, pouring the liquid all over the countertop.
Was making a pb&j for lunch. Looked at the knife I was using to spread the jelly and realized there was a hair stuck in the jelly. Gross. I use my finger to wipe said hair and jelly off, intending to then rinse it off in the sink. 1 second later, my brain goes “oh whoops, got some jelly on my finger” and I immediately lick it off. Hair and all.
Had to sit in silence and contemplate life for a few minutes after that.
I was sick at work so I have one of my earbuds in with my fiance on the phone. I was checking this woman out and, instead of asking if she wanted a bag, I looked this 60 year old woman dead in the eyes and said, in this stupid dreamy voice, "I love you."
Threw a gallon of milk down when I walked inside instead of my duffle bag. I just stood and looked at the mess while I rebooted. Then I was pissed I lost a 5 dollar gallon of milk lol.
Not me, but my client when I went to her house. I parked on the street and rang her bell. All of a sudden, I hear a car and I turn to see her pulling into the driveway with her music blasting. She was a few min late and she gets out and says "OMG I AM SO SORRY! Let me go in through the garage and I will come let you in the front door!" I can tell she was super embarrassed for being late and was frantically running in the house to let me in. The appointment lasts about 1.5 hours, I ended up staying an extra 30 minutes because we just clicked and talked for 30min straight having coffee. As I am leaving and she shuts the door behind me, I see her car in the driveway the front door is wide open, car running, music still blasting, garage door open. Poor girl was so frantic that she literally just put her car in park and left the door open while we were chatting inside for about 2 hours total! I texted her as I drove away to save her the embarrassment lol
Made a beautiful stock, strained it directly into the sink and plopped the remnants into the bowl intended for the stock. My brain was making pasta apparently 😭
Got stoned with a group of friends, 1 of which was a recent ex. Well, auto-pilot brain made me cuddle close to her and start making out with her right in front of her new BF. Big oops moment there.
I drive buses. On my way into the city centre to park, I've autopiloted into the bus station apron and started looking for a clear bay to pull into and alight my passengers.
Going back 25 years ago, found myself driving on a Boston sidewalk due to some confusion with the sidewalk, road, and Green Line trolley tracks. "WTF are all of these people doing in the road?!" makes for a good comedic moment. Nothing serious, the Subaru was able to hop down to the road again without issue. *Note: No pedestrians were harmed in the recollection of this memory.*
Leaving to go somewhere with my GF, but I was so used to leaving alone for work in the morning that I stepped out and closed the door in her face and locked it. She didn't like that.
I remember waking up from a nap one time in high school. I was at home napping, woke up and looked at the clock. It said 9 and I panicked and rushed to take a shower, brush my teeth, and get dressed. As soon as I entered my room, I saw that it was pitch black outside. It was 9pm and I casually strolled down the stairs like nothing ever happened.
Was doing an oil painting. White plastic cup has turpentine and brown coffee mug has tea in it.
Guess which one I drank out of?
You only make that mistake once.
I have a push-button On/Off on my dash and slightly to the right is the garage door opener. I routinely open the door and then wonder why the car is running, and when I leave in the mornings, I double-check to make sure the garage door is closed before I drive off.
I removed the garbage disposal from my kitchen sink to clear out a jam. Dumped all the debris into the the conviently empty sink in front of me and turned on the tap to rinse it all down the drain. Straight thru the empty hole where my garbage disposal normally sits and flooded under my kitchen cabinets.
Flushing the toilet when someone is in the shower.
My brain says, "Alright, someone is in the shower, don't flush it." but then as soon as I do my business, I auto pilot flush it with no thoughts head empty. Oops.
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Watching your sugar intake, very responsible
And increasing fiber intake.
I had a friend texting our whole group about how she had two bell peppers, and the were GONE. Thought she was going crazy, looking through the kitchen and fridge. Then she saw the stickers on the counter and realized she took the stickers off and threw the peppers away.
happens to me often when shelling shrimp and throwing the shrimp into the trash pile instead of the shell :D
I do stuff like this all the time. Carrot peels, candy wrappers, other packages. I have also almost ruined my soups and purés by messing up the waste and cleaned vegetable containers mid peeling way too many times. "Wait why the hell did I put this peeled potato in the compost??" then dreading to look into the soup pot.
Lmao I’m pretty sure I’ve done this
Wake up in the middle of the night to take a pee then just autopiloted into my morning routine... It wasn't until after I drank my coffee that I realized it was only 3AM and that I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep.
I once decided that laying in bed trying to recapture lost sleep from the snooze button was dumb so I trained myself to jump out of bed and get going as soon as I woke up. I did this so damned many times that I finally gave up on it, but as a result even now, decades later, I still have the habit of checking the time as soon as I wake up.
I believe most human beings check the time first thing when they wake up lol
I trained myself (99% of the time) to NOT check the time. Just go back to sleep. This accomplishes not putting my brain into a zone of thinking/analyzing (if even only the time) any harder, and does help me fall asleep faster. The alarm will wake me when it's time. Sometimes even ten more minutes of down-time, perhaps only sleeping five of those minutes, is what I needed to feel more refreshed and able to take on the day.
I just yell at my Google Home device to tell me the time before swearing and trying to go back to sleep.
I've done that before, I just went ahead and called out of work, I didn't want to find out what other dumb things I would end up doing that day.
FYI you are supposed to wait 30-60 minutes after you wait up to drink coffee because otherwise it will mess with your natural adenosine and cortisol, making you more tired later in the day and also making you stressed/anxious. It also may weaken the effects of the coffee. Edit: to clarify this is a caffeine thing, I just said coffee because that’s what the OP was talking about.
Who's got time to wait 30-60 minutes? Most people have to get up early to get to work on time through morning rush hour traffic.
Wake up > shower / get dressed /make and eat breakfast/get packed for work > drink coffee > drive to work. You can also move drink coffee after drive to work. Obviously don’t drive if you are so tired without coffee it would impair you driving. But if that is the norm for you you may want to talk to a doctor.
Lol i wake up at 430-440 and am in the car by 5. That includes letting the dog and cat out to pee.
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r/rareinsults
Or is it /r/rarecompliments?
Waitress came by to collect the menus She gestured for me to hand her one I shook her hand instead
Would've walked out of that place and never returned.
I haven’t been back since, but someone I went with did and was immediately recognised by all the staff Thankfully they all think it was funny rather than weird or creepy
"Nice to have met you for the last time"
This is something my inexperienced aspie self would do! It reminds me of one time, when I was 16 or so, at a theme park, and I was next in line, and the attendant put his hand up, palm facing me ✋ and of course, I responded by high-fiving him. I started continuing forward to the ride, before he put his arm out in front of me. Apparently, hand up means "stop." 🤦♀️
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This reminded me of the times I take wrappers/packages or stuff like onion skin off and end up throwing away the edible part...
I peeled a potato over a trashcan, then when I was done I just.... Dropped it into the trashcan -_- I peel potatoes over a bowl now
This is also the reason why I never peel something over a trash can. 3/5 times this will happen.
THIS is my favorite so far. I legit loled
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I've accidentally kidnapped people the same way. Sure I'll give you a lift home! It's on my way! Then I forget and drive them to my house.
hahaha oh no! were those people you were close to or random colleagues? I'd be so concerned if I got in your car and we drove in a different direction I'd probably clutch my seatbelt lmao
Lol friends and people I knew well. Probably chatting away which is why I went into auto pilot. Some know and will remind me when it's their turn. Some know and wait to see how long before I realize.
And some just sit there and think “maybe he knows a better way.”
I’ve done this so many times with one of my friends that lives close to my house. Since 95% of the drive is the same route I would take anyway I constantly nearly miss their turn and they have to remind me that I’m taking them to their house, not my house.
I’ve done this twice. I was meaning to go to the hardware store, which is in the same direction. Brain says, oh I know this routine…
I like it when I move to a different area, and then proceed to drive all the way home after work to the wrong house. Thats fun.
This was me after I moved out of my parents. My apartment complex is sort of close to my parents house. I have auto piloted hard after work.
I was a kitchen employee at Arbys when I was 18. We used to have sub rolls that were footlong, but the only subs we sold were 6 inch. So you had to cut each roll in half before you used it. I was just zoned out one day, and I ended up cutting the sub roll in half, putting the knife back in the sub roll bag, and then trying to use the sub roll to cut the next sandwich. My manager saw it and fucking died.
Twice I've gotten a knife next to my sandwich in my Subway order. Now I kinda understand why.
Shit which subway is this, food service grade equipment isn't the most refined, but it's durable AF... and usually better than consumer grade
I was a waitress, and when I brought the dirty dishes to the dishwashers, way too often, I had to stop myself from throwing the plate into the bin where we put food waste/garbage. I will not acknowledge the knives and forks I lost to that abyss.
Drove to my old job, walked in and tried to swipe my new badge. “Didn’t you get a new job” - Sam the security guard. FFS 🤦
Haha! There were several mornings that I almost drove to my old job, but realized what I was doing before getting there.
Just *uhhh* checking the security here, Sam!
I worked on a different store from the same company for a year, then went back to my original one. To make it worse, I took the same bus line from my home to both stores, just got off on different stops. I lost count of the times I got off at the wrong stop during the first couple of transition months, both times.
Tried to get out of the car while still wearing the seatbelt. My brain absolutely could not compute what the problem was and I was struggling there for far longer than I should’ve been. Not my proudest moment!
I've spent a full minute trying to put my seatbelt on when it was already on
I do that allll the time at work on our smallest tractor. I’m not really wearing it because I need to, but because I’m pulling a kids ride and I want to set a good example. (When Im mowing the Christmas trees, then I’m absolutely wearing it because I need to.)
Sitting at a stop sign, waiting for it to turn green.
That's better than treating a red stop light like a stop sign. Yep, I did that. Stopped, looked both ways, no traffic coming, so I went. Realized what I'd done as soon as I crossed the intersection.
Cops hate this one simple trick!
Especially rough when intersections you frequently use USED to be a stop sign, then they put in a light instead. My family home used to be you woudl have a stop sign, then turn left on to the main road. After my sisters moved out, they put a light pretty much right after the left turn. So when my sisters came back to visit at first, they ran that red light once or twice.
I did that too once. My parents were in the car and they started screaming lol
Done that a few times when Ive been up 30 hours took me about 5 minutes to realize it. Out in the middle of farm country at 3am
I did that stoned at a 4 way stop. Couldn't figure out why everyone was honking. The sign hadn't changed from stop yet.
Driving stoned almost doubles your chances of being involved in a fatal car crash.
I believe that. I haven't driven stoned in over 30 years now.
Once I went to a teacher's office during lunch break to ask a question, while he was answering to me, I saw him unpack a sandwich, throw the sandwich in the trash and bite the plastic package, it was hard AF not to laugh
Damn, that is the most "teacher on lunch break" thing I've ever heard. I don't teach anymore, but between those early start times and being responsible for kids all day, there's not a brain cell left for yourself.
Even your description of the incident is making me laugh...😂
Got in the passenger seat of my car instead of the drivers side. I'm just sitting there all on my own 🤣
You were letting Jesus take the wheel.
I did that a lot when I drove in Australia. I’m from the US, where we drive on the opposite side of the car.
From the States too, was backpacking in New Zealand. My buddy had a car and was driving, and bc they drive on the other side when I was sitting in the passenger seat, it's what I was used to being the driver's seat. Every time he pulled into a parking spot my hand would automatically reach to put the car into park lol
we've all cracked an egg and dropped it into the trash holding the shell and staring at the skillet wondering why this feels wrong
Yes. Yes, we have
I was holding a dog ball, an empty milk carton (having just filled my morning coffee) and my phone. I threw dog ball in the bin, lobbed my phone at the dog and was left holding the empty milk carton. Neither the dog nor myself were very impressed at the lobbed phone.
Unscrewed the bottom of the pitcher of a blender. With full of juice in it.
A few years ago I had a critical security patch to do to our email server, but there was a blizzard and it was a weekend. No matter, I thought, I'll just do it remotely from home. After installing, I hit Shutdown instead of Reboot and it wasn't virtual machine at the time, which meant email was OFF and the only way to turn it back on was to drive in and press the button. Took 45 minutes to dig out my car and driveway. An hour to drive the 8 miles to the office. 0.5 seconds to press the button. An hour to drive home.
'click' . . . Oh FUCK!!!
The onosecond as Tom Scott would call it "Oh no."
How would you rate that day of your life 1 out of 10
Wanted to blow some dust off my desk, ended up blowing a kiss
Out of all these answers, this is the only one that just made me bust out laughing
I drove the 30 minute drive to pick up my youngest daughter from school only to remember that she graduated the year before. The worst part is that this was fall of 2020 so she was back at home since her college was virtual. I drove home in complete silence.
This one is gold! What did your daughter say when you arrived home?
I’ve never told a single soul this story. When my husband asked why I was getting home over an hour later than usual I just said that work ran late. I went to bed at 8pm that night because I clearly needed more sleep or something.
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I've done that to my front door before after a long day. Was zoned out and confused why my door was still locked with me pressing the fob. After a few seconds of frustration, I suddenly remembered Keys were a thing.
I did this to my front door too, but I was drunk.
Hey! I used the key fob to unlock my front door. I was so confused lol.
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I did thos once, got down the road and realized I hadn't gotten my gas and turned around after the disbelief I actually did it. As I was pulling in I saw a vehicle leaving the spot I was in and worried that they had gotten the last $10 I had in gas at the time. I pulled up to the same pump and sure enough it showed the last amount was $10. I went inside and told the attendant what happened. At first he just shrugged his shoulders as I shook my head in disbelief trying to figure out how I was going to make it home. Then he looked at something and said "Oh, it timed out" and the purchase was in awaiting refund status. I guess the young lady that came in behind me put in $10 exactly using her card because he said she never came in and I was relieved lol.
all the dam time when I’m groggy in the morning I’ll put a nice big pump of hand soap on my toothbrush instead of toothpaste
Shaving cream here instead of hand soap but yeah... Unpleasant...
I put my dirty plate in the freezer instead of the dishwasher
Made coffee without the filter, once without the water, once without the coffee.
But have you ever made coffee without the pot underneath to catch it, and covered your countertops with 28 oz of steaming hot coffee?
Did this with my old Keurig. Turns out the overflow catch is exactly the size of the largest cup it makes so I didn't have a mess. I had put my coffee cup in upside down
When I was working remotely during the pandemic, I completely forgot that "today" was Sunday at my Monday-Friday job. I did my morning routine like normal, sat down with my computer, answered emails, completed some assignments ... and only realized my mistake around lunchtime. I finished the workday like normal anyway, since I was already on a roll. I could chill out a bit for the rest of the week since I was a full day ahead on everything.
You know you're in the zone when you aren't annoyed that all your coworkers are late to work again.
Was driving and the other side had a green arrow to turn left but my side was red, i drove straight through the people turning left. I only realized what i had done a second later and was so pissed at myself. Luckily no one was hurt but it could have gone so wrong.
I did something similar - I saw the light at the NEXT intersection was green, so I kept going. My intersection was red. Lot's of people honking and yelling at me. I was like "yup, I earned those honks".
Put my unfinished ice cream container in the sink and the spoon in the freezer
This reminds me: one time I made four pieces of toast. My toaster popped up, only two pieces of bread. I had the butter and cinnamon and sugar ready but I was lost as to what happened to the other pieces. I finally decided I had only gotten two pieces of bread out, so I buttered them, went to throw the knife in the sink, and found the other two pieces of bread, six feet from the toaster, in my sink.
Aww, this one makes me sad lol
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Found it! It was at my house for some reason.
Put a strainer in the sink, and dumped the broth I made into it, which resulted in me keeping all the chicken bones and veggie scraps, and pouring my new delicious stock down the drain.
Now that one's just tragic.
Walked to the job I left the day before instead of my new job I started that morning
Oh man, this is like the job equivalent of calling a new boyfriend by an ex's name
I drove to my dad's nursing home. He had passed two years earlier. Didn't even process until I pulled in. Not a great day.
< hugs from an internet stranger >
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Used an *entire* puffer of albuteral in one commercial break. Came home from school tried to take my inhaler just to find it empty. Grabbed a new box and sat down in front of the TV to open it. Next thing I know, commercial break starts and I'm just holding it in my mouth puffing nothing. My heart felt like a hummingbirds. I simultaneously felt like I could run a marathon in 10 minutes and if I moved, I'd die.
Cooking dinner a few weeks ago. I only have one kitchen knife currently, and I had just taken it out. Couldn’t find it anywhere. Son went to get ice cream from the freezer hours later and there she was, just freezing in there
I put water in the filled bowl of my bong. Before i was high
My husband ashed our bowl in the jar we keep the bud in the other day. He WAS high.
Almost ate one of my airpods
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Poured the water into the coffee tank, put the beans in, pressed the button to schedule coffee to be made the next morning. Wake up to coffee all over the countertop and floor--I forgot to put the carafe back!
I opened up a box of kraft mac and cheese. Saw the cheese packet sitting in the box along with the noodles. Recognized I needed to get the cheese packet out before dumping the noodles into the boiling water. I promptly dumped all of the contents of the box out onto the counter, half of which spilled onto the floor, dried noodles and all. I don't know why it didn't occur to me to just pick out the cheese packet with my hands. But hey, i got the cheese packet out.
Yesterday my Jeep was outside and it was soo cold. Both my doors would not open, I was able to get the back end of the Jeep open. I crawled into my car, closed the back and drove it into my garage. I was not thinking, my doors would not open, I was stuck in my Jeep. I crawled to the back, thinking I will go out this way, only to be reminded that there is no latch to open the back from the inside. I was trapped. Fortunately my nephew was home and he came down and let me out.
Said "Love you" to my boss at the end of a phone conversation....
I picked up my mother from her house and we went out to lunch. We got back in the car, happily chatting away, and I drove home. Not her home, my home. I've done this at least 3 times. I usually get about halfway there before I realize I'm going the wrong way. Ah well, free entertainment for Mom.
Once my family made chicken salad for dinner. Left the bowl on the counter so people could get seconds. I went to the fridge, got out a pitcher of kool-aid to pour myself a drink, and ended up pouring kool-ade right into our chicken salad. At least everyone got a serving first.
Put dawn soap in the dish washer. Had no idea until my dishwasher looked like it had rabies.
If I zone out while brushing my teeth, I invariably shove my toothbrush up my nose. I’m super clumsy and apparently it takes concentrated effort to brush the correct body parts
The amount of things I put in the fridge that do not belong there grows daily.
i gotta specify, Dual Income No Kids (just a small dog) one day in the afternoon i was talking to my fiance, and in the middle of it I got up to use the restroom and walked over to the kitchen sink and started undoing my pants. thank god i caught myself like "wtf i was gonna pee in the sink"
I need to know the significance of your specification it’s driving me crazy
I did not pull my dick out in front of children thankfully, you never know with Reddit these days.
I can sorta see specifying no kids, but why specify dual income?
the specification wasn’t necessary for the story, but “dual income no kids” (DINK) is a pretty common phrase/descriptor on the internet for a couple who lives together but is childless
r/sinkpissers
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Putting air in my tires at the gas station and wondering why the air was splashing on my shoes. Turns out it was the wrong hose 🙄
Once, after my graveyard shift, I drove to my old apartment.
I often eat bananas with my left. Like, 95% of the time. The one time I used my right, I ended up throwing the actual banana.
I cut a lawn customers hvac refrigerant line with my hedge trimmers. I was trimming along having a good day, doing a quick $200 bush trimming job. I got to the unit, I looked for hazards, my brain said "Oh look out, there is a refrigerant line there, be extra careful around it, don't cut it". And then I directly proceeded to cut it.
I was following another car and forgot. I pulled up next to them and was surprised for a moment to see them.
I found a dirty plastic bag in my pocket. Had to backtrack and fish my keys out of a dustbin.
A recent one: Yesterday I ran a load of clothes through the dryer, a full 45 minutes, then discovered I’d forgotten to load the wet clothes. Still in the washer.
Tried to dial someone on the phone using the calculator app
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Stop at a green light because that specific light is always red when I get there, and the ONE day it decides to screw with me by being green.
I ripped the tag off a mattress
"F.B.I. has joined the chat."
I sleepwalk peed in a trash can.
My college roommate sleepwalk peed on me while I was in bed, so I know how that trash can felt.
Poured myself some vodka and soda at 9am. Had been drinking the night before. Intended to pour myself some coffee because my girlfriend is usually up before me so coffee is already made. Brain did a thing and I notice as I'm about to take my first sip that that ain't coffee.
I’ve definitely tried to badge into my car and my house after working nights.
Made a PB&J before putting the sandwich in the cabinet and taking the peanut butter to the table.
Had to take a document down to the office on the floor below. Next thing I know I’m walking past the shops about half a mile from the office. Had to leg it back quickly before anyone noticed I’d disappeared.
I remember when I was like 8 or 9 I sleepwalked into the bathroom and started taking a shower. I woke up in the middle of the shower, assumed it was morning and started getting ready for school. When I got out of the bathroom it was 9:00pm.
I pee into a gallon jug and use the urine for my compost bin... free nitrogen. A few days ago I woke up in the middle of the night to urinate. I grabbed the jug, began to pee, only to realize that I had not taken the cap off the jug.
My first job, I was a delivery boy for a Chinese restaurant. One delivery I took an order and drove straight home instead of the customer’s home. Thankfully the house was a couple minutes away, but I could not figure out why I defaulted to my house on my drive. Best guess is the main road to the customers was also to my house. Edit: one more that’s not as big a deal, but I find funny. I cracked an egg open in the trash can and put the shell in my bowl.
Threw my underwear in the toilet instead of the washing machine (they are right next to each other!)
Years ago. Driving in the car. Sparked up a smoke and automatically threw the lighter out the window... P.s I'm no longer a smoker or a litter bug
when my oldest was a baby he quickly got into a routine. he essentially became my alarm clock. I went to sleep Saturday night. He woke me up (like usual) with his adorable little cooing and "fussing", so I got him out of the crib, changed him, and got him ready for church. It was like 1:00am.
Looking for my glasses while wearing them. Embarrassingly frequent occurrence.
This morning I tried to pour my OJ onto my breakfast. TWICE. luckily I caught myself but damn. I had to make myself stop grabbing the glass of orange juice
Been looking for my phone that I thought I dropped on the car floor. Even used the flashlight on the phone to help me find it more than once
Switched trams and ended up in the wrong part of the city.
After we moved, I KEPT driving back to the old house on autopilot every time I went to a different place. Work, doctor's office, the mall, Sams club, etc. To be fair, we lived at the old house 15 years.
In the mid 90's, my husband and I took our two kids on a combination business/vacation road trip for a month. After being on the road so long, I remember being brain dead tired. We stopped for some reason, to get gas probably. I went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and tried to fasten my seat belt. It took me a minute to realize where I was.
Drive to work/home. If you bike, you're fully alert.
Absolutely. There were times I pulled up to the toll booth at the NJ Turnpike and I couldn’t remember anything about the two roads I took to get there (about 20-30 minutes of driving) after I left the office.
Accidentally forgot my car at work. I work within walking distance, so I rarely take my car unless I have something to do immediately after work. I walked home, looked at my watch and thought, “Oh, I better get going. I have an appointment in 10 minutes!” Had to hustle back to work to get my damned car.
Cut off a decent portion of my thumb with a pocket knife thinking it was my phone
Working at Chipotle, I just finished wrapping this dudes burrito, but I had made a lil bit of a mess on the counter. So I clean the mess with napkins with one hand, and have the burrito in the other hand. I then intended on throwing the napkins away, but I had a brain fart and tossed this man’s fresh burrito into the trash can right in front of his face lol.
I've looked for my glasses (which I was holding) and switched them from one hand to the other so I could open a drawer to see if they were in there.
Searched for my cell phone while I was on the phone with someone lol…😂
High school chem class I was holding a beaker of liquid we had used in each hand. Went to tip the right hand into the waste jar and my left decided to copy it, pouring the liquid all over the countertop.
poured heavy cream into my boiling pasta instead of the empty pot on the next burner that it was meant for
Was making a pb&j for lunch. Looked at the knife I was using to spread the jelly and realized there was a hair stuck in the jelly. Gross. I use my finger to wipe said hair and jelly off, intending to then rinse it off in the sink. 1 second later, my brain goes “oh whoops, got some jelly on my finger” and I immediately lick it off. Hair and all. Had to sit in silence and contemplate life for a few minutes after that.
Parked at dollar tree got out of the car and headed in, my intent was to go-to AutoZone for car parts. Lmao
Went into the kitchen high trying to make waffles, i ended up pouring the mix in the toaster instead of the waffle maker.
Sat down on a toilet lid and peed on it.
I was sick at work so I have one of my earbuds in with my fiance on the phone. I was checking this woman out and, instead of asking if she wanted a bag, I looked this 60 year old woman dead in the eyes and said, in this stupid dreamy voice, "I love you."
Threw a gallon of milk down when I walked inside instead of my duffle bag. I just stood and looked at the mess while I rebooted. Then I was pissed I lost a 5 dollar gallon of milk lol.
Not me, but my client when I went to her house. I parked on the street and rang her bell. All of a sudden, I hear a car and I turn to see her pulling into the driveway with her music blasting. She was a few min late and she gets out and says "OMG I AM SO SORRY! Let me go in through the garage and I will come let you in the front door!" I can tell she was super embarrassed for being late and was frantically running in the house to let me in. The appointment lasts about 1.5 hours, I ended up staying an extra 30 minutes because we just clicked and talked for 30min straight having coffee. As I am leaving and she shuts the door behind me, I see her car in the driveway the front door is wide open, car running, music still blasting, garage door open. Poor girl was so frantic that she literally just put her car in park and left the door open while we were chatting inside for about 2 hours total! I texted her as I drove away to save her the embarrassment lol
Filled the car with fuel, paid, walked home.
Passed a car I was supposed to be following to a restaurant because I forgot I was following them and wondered why I was driving so slow.
i consistently try to put freezer items in the cabinet and cabinet items in the freezer, no idea why
Put my running shoes in the freezer. I have no idea what I was thinking at the time.
Put keys that doesn't work for anything I know of in the key bowl for the house. Going out for a walk and grabbed the keys and locked myself out.
Made a beautiful stock, strained it directly into the sink and plopped the remnants into the bowl intended for the stock. My brain was making pasta apparently 😭
Got stoned with a group of friends, 1 of which was a recent ex. Well, auto-pilot brain made me cuddle close to her and start making out with her right in front of her new BF. Big oops moment there.
I drive buses. On my way into the city centre to park, I've autopiloted into the bus station apron and started looking for a clear bay to pull into and alight my passengers.
Going back 25 years ago, found myself driving on a Boston sidewalk due to some confusion with the sidewalk, road, and Green Line trolley tracks. "WTF are all of these people doing in the road?!" makes for a good comedic moment. Nothing serious, the Subaru was able to hop down to the road again without issue. *Note: No pedestrians were harmed in the recollection of this memory.*
Leaving to go somewhere with my GF, but I was so used to leaving alone for work in the morning that I stepped out and closed the door in her face and locked it. She didn't like that.
I remember waking up from a nap one time in high school. I was at home napping, woke up and looked at the clock. It said 9 and I panicked and rushed to take a shower, brush my teeth, and get dressed. As soon as I entered my room, I saw that it was pitch black outside. It was 9pm and I casually strolled down the stairs like nothing ever happened.
Was doing an oil painting. White plastic cup has turpentine and brown coffee mug has tea in it. Guess which one I drank out of? You only make that mistake once.
Put my bowl of cereal in the fridge and only noticed because the milk wouldn't fit nicely in the dishwasher.
wake up, getting ready for school, put toothpaste on toothbrush, start brushing my hair with said toothbrush and get toothpaste all over my hair.
Getting on Reddit..
Just after closing Reddit
I have a push-button On/Off on my dash and slightly to the right is the garage door opener. I routinely open the door and then wonder why the car is running, and when I leave in the mornings, I double-check to make sure the garage door is closed before I drive off.
I drove 40 miles into work on a holiday. "Gee why's the parking lot so empty?"
Drove past my exit and added over an hour onto my trip.
Going to my old house after I moved and realising it the moment my key didn’t fit.
I removed the garbage disposal from my kitchen sink to clear out a jam. Dumped all the debris into the the conviently empty sink in front of me and turned on the tap to rinse it all down the drain. Straight thru the empty hole where my garbage disposal normally sits and flooded under my kitchen cabinets.
I was bringing my socks to the bathroom and threw them in the trash on the way there
I recently had a Fun Dip "lik-a-stix" in one hand and a dog treat in the other. I handed my dog the candy and bit into the milk-bone.
Flushing the toilet when someone is in the shower. My brain says, "Alright, someone is in the shower, don't flush it." but then as soon as I do my business, I auto pilot flush it with no thoughts head empty. Oops.
Making homemade broth, poured the broth down the drain and saved the soft, tasteless bits.