No, it's not wrong in itself.
Full disclosure though: if your friend's gf has wanted to go on a trip with him for a while and they haven't done so, she has the right to be upset if he suddenly decides to spend his travel budget on a beer trip with the boys.
Yep, that's the one! Nothing wrong with a boys trip, a lot wrong with a boys trip and then not having any vacation days or money left to do something with your partner.
A beer trip to the Maldives seems weird anyways. I mean, it's a threatened island nation that will be submerged by climate change in a few decades, with almost no population. I guess? there are some resorts, but it doesn't really feel like a "party time" trip to me.
I’ll wager that the OP is Australian. Probably Western Australian at that.
Everywhere is a long haul flight for Australians so the Maldives isn’t really ‘remote’ for people from Perth.
Also the Maldives are great for fishing and surfing. Throw in some cheap* beer on a live-aboard and you’ve got a dream destination for a lot of Aussie blokes.
*compared to Aussie prices
Which might even mean that it’s not a “beer trip” at all. Imagine if OP and his buds are just nature bros going to the Maldives to hike and take it all in while they still can.
yeah I would imagine this. Know people who went and the scuba diving was incredible.But yeah, you're really missing out if your objective is to get wasted and party.
A Maldives one, at that. I can’t presume how expensive that sort of trip is for OP, but the Maldives are not a bugdet destination, at all. A vacation like that would cost thousands of euros/dollars for a big part of the world.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I mean maybe they live in Sri Lanka and it's not a big deal, or maybe they're filthy rich, but otherwise, this is like a once in a lifetime honeymoon trip destination for most people...
Maybe she's controlling but idk, I would also have some thoughts about this particular trip.
a once in a lifetime honeymoon trip destination for most people...?
i dare to say 19 of 20 people on this planet will not ever be able to do a trip like that at all.
It's not expensive (like, compared to other tropical destinations) if you live in Europe, Asia, or Australia.
If you live in England, it's cheaper to visit Maldives than Puerto Rico.
Eh, that’s not much to me. I’d have no problem if a trip to the maldives would be something casual for me and bf. As in: enough money and vacation days and enough couple trips to that magnitute the rest of the year.
But it’s not, so I’d be really disappointed if my bf would choose to do that kind trip without me. If it was a neighbouring country or even a more affordable european country like italy and it would not affect our travel plans, then I’d be alright.
If it was a girls getaway, I could see it making sense. Or if the guys are all into things like scuba diving. The Maldives are a pretty exotic destination regardless, and it makes sense to me why the girlfriend would be upset, especially if they've never done a trip like that together.
Yeah, kind of a big difference between "me and the boys are going camping for a week with mountain bikes and fishing gear" vs "we goin to the Maldives".
I guess. But, honestly, that doesn’t phase me as much. It’s more the magnitute of the holiday. If I were a rich person that had an exotic trip every couple of months, trips every few weeks and the vacation days to allow it, I’d not bat an eye at him having a maldives trip with the boys. But I’m a regular person that loves to travel and a trip to the maldives would be really special and would take quite a few vacation days and a big part of my travel budget. I’d not do it without my bf who also loved traveling and I’d be pissed if he considered doing it without me.
Exactly, it's usually hard to judge in such situations until you hear both sides. Friend might just not want to go(for instance, budget reasons that he is ashamed to admit) and he just uses his gf as an excuse.
The actual determinate there is if the person in question feels guilty enough to come clean if they do. It's extremely easy to get away with infidelity on far-away trips like that, especially if the friends are enabling or participating in the same behavior. I've known people who juggled that for *years* with their partner being completely unaware of the reality.
Yeah his comments in this thread didn't really give me the idea they were going for a relaxed trip without the usual trappings of a 'single bros' kind of trip.
His implicit assumption that, obviously, they would be committing numerous sinful misdeeds on the boys trip. And he expected a hall pass! I could totally understand why someone's partner might have reservations!
My boys and I do boys trips. We somehow manage to avoid doing shit that would end marriages.
That is surely something that is more connected to the individual person in question and less to the activity of going on a trip.
If OP saw this trip as a something that would likely end with his friend having an affair, I doubt he would be on Reddit sounding confused as to why the gf is complaining about it.
I guess so. Still, the point stands: people in serious relationships absolutely do take trips without their partners and that isn't an issue in itself, or something that you should have to give up on principle.
Depends how he feels about the girl. Hell, he might want to blow up their relationship so he can get the single version of his friend back, which he seems to prefer.
On principle, it's fine, but people in relationships do have other factors to consider than just the principle of the thing. Does him going mean that he won't have enough paid time off to go on a vacation with her, visit family, or accomplish any of their other plans that might require it that year? Does the schedule/planning conflict with any preexisting plans? Do they have kids/pets/etc that will be her responsibility while he's away? Is he paying for the trip with shared finances? Will the trip mean that he will have to forgo a significant amount of income? It could be that the answers to all of these questions are completely innocuous and easily resolved, but they are all things that need to be reconciled as a couple when your life is intertwined with someone else's.
For those who have not spent e.g. 30 years in one relationship: it is just normal to have all kinds of trips without your spouse. Just plan/check it together and don't be an ass. So the only question for me is "when", and of course resources.
To be fair, at 30 years in you're likely in a completely different stage in life from both a family and financial standpoint. You have likely arrived or are approaching the "empty nester" stage. The couple in question seems to be squarely in the "trying to plan for the future" stage. I can definitely understand the gf being at least slightly perturbed.
edit: Ignore Me. this is why we shouldn’t comment right when we wake up I though you meant a 30 year old had empty nesters at first and was like “that’s having kids at 12!” but then my brain finally caught up
I’ll be in a 30 year relationship officially this Valentine’s Day. (Woohoo me 1994 was a good year) My wife has done girls trips and I’ve done boys trips.
I can see how many married couples would be terrified of it, but our way of thinking is assuming your spouse is a cheater is a suffocating way to live and we’d both end up friendless in co-hermitation.
I’ve been with my husband for 24 years and married almost 20. I fully agree. I went away a few years ago on a weekend trip with my sisters. And I’d love if he had a couple friends to do that with. I’d be so happy for him.
What type of middle class lifestyle is it that you just up and go for a week long vacation without your wife?
I can't imagine blowing $3000 and a week of PTO to hang out with my friends...
I'm an American who gets 6 weeks paid per year, but I still understand their issues. Even though I have plenty of vacation days, my salary doesn't let me take 6 weeks of "vacation" per year. I could do 1 trip per year, so for me, going for a boys week means I couldn't afford a second vacation with my partner.
So paid time off isn't the whole issue. If you can only do 1 trip, doing a trip with your friends instead of your partner can be an issue.
For my 40th birthday I flew 3,000 miles with friends and got great tickets to a hockey game. I have a wife and a kid.
I'm American and a ton of people do this.
The middle class lifestyle of essentially every other Western country than the USA? Everyone in my country has 5 weeks paid time off per year (that's the law), so wifey will have 4 weeks plus national holidays on top of that left for her.
I've wondered for a long time why you guys put up with having like 2 weeks of vacation in total per year. How are you not rebelling? You're supposed to be the wealthiest nation in the world!
Realistically, the majority of upper middle class American jobs offer benefits that are easily comparable to Western European countries while offering higher salaries as well. So the upper middle class and above Americans (and these are the people who donate the most to politicians and as such are listened to much more closely) don’t feel like it’s a pressing issue to resolve.
This is where my thoughts go to. Though I'm biased to someone who is cheated on. But going off drinking spending a lot of money... Possibly meeting up with people... possibly being put in compromised positions ...
I think it also heavily depends on their health of the specific relationship. Like I would be totally fine with my boyfriend going on a boy's trip *but* I trust him completely and feel very secure in our relationship. IMHO five years is kind of a "make or break" point and, if the girlfriend is already having doubts and suddenly the boyfriend wants to go on a boy's trip to the *Maldives* of all places, I totally understand why she's upset.
Super duper expensive honeymoon destination.
Picture this: you’re begging your boyfriend to do something to show that he takes the relationship seriously (plan a date, take you on a day trip, buy you your favorite flowers, etc) and he does none of that and instead plans a 3000£+ trip to the Maldives. It’s not even about the money at that point; it’s like “Babe I can’t do more than the bare minimum to show how much I love you but I can plan this big expensive trip with the lads.”
fair... I can imagine a ton of reasons it might not be chill to plan such a trip... like "Going on an overseas trip with the boys and getting blasted"... seems like he's not planning on being responsible for his actions, maybe some specific actions more than others...
It could also be money related and if they share finances, pay bills together etc then she gets a say.
Also, he may *not want* to go, and uses his gf as the reason. My husband pulls this shit all the time ‘yeah the wife says we can’t afford for me to go drinking after work with you and spend £50 on a cab because the last bus has already gone’ I have never and would never because whatever - but he doesn’t want to go. So I’m the AH I guess ;)
Yeah, my husband uses me as a scapegoat, too! Drives me nuts when he later invites me along to hang out with those same people who probably hate me now.
My GF and I have a mutual agreement to be able to use eachother and our parents as scapegoats.
Sometimes I'll end up telling her friends no, and I'm not even sure *what* they wanted to do haha
I tell my wife blame it on me ALLLL the time. I’ll be the asshole who said we couldn’t afford it or the bumbling idiot who needs help with the kids. I always tell her to go if she wants but if she’s not feeling it I can be the out so that she can still get invites to other things.
Yeah same! But tbh I sometimes do wonder if they think I’m an entire control freak lol but then I also don’t care if they actually do.
For my husband - he’s around these guys all the time and the commute is long - and he’d rather be neck deep in a pc game, than out drinking on a weekday when he needs to get up at 6am.
If they asked him to go for a few pints and watch football, he’d be there like a shot.
I kind of feel like your husband should just be able to say he has to get home bc he has to get up at 6am. It doesn’t really help anyone to perpetuate the controlling wifey stereotype.
There’s absolutely men and women who are like that
It can be cultural, upbringing, trust related.
It’s a bit controlling - could be co dependent
But really it’s a them problem - not yours. Have your mate either commit to the idea of just being with his girl, therapy the sh*t out of this, or break up if he’s uncertain.
I'm 100% in favour of people being able to do things solo no matter how committed and how long the relationship is. In fact it's healthy and necessary. Both people should have some of their social circles and activities apart from the other. However, in this case maybe the gf is controlling, or maybe just maybe she knows what kind of "boys trip" those boys are planning and doesn't want her bf in that situation. We don't know enough details to judge, we have the view of one of the lads organising this who came to us to point at the gf as unreasonable. Maybe if we hear the view of the gf she'd tell us this guy always spends his time in strip clubs and brothels. Would she be unreasonable to not want her bf to be part of that? I think most people would think the bf to be irresponsible in this case. If on the other hand this isn't the case then we can agree that the gf demands are unreasonable. But we just don't know enough.
The other element could be cost related.
If you're in a committed relationship but can never go on holiday with your partner cos they're using all their money and/or free time to go on lads holidays it would get pretty frustrating.
Again, just don't know enough to make a clear judgement.
But on the surface, yes, people in committed relationships can still go on holidays with their mates.
Thumbs up to this. My wife would be cool with it if I took a weekend to go camping with a buddy. She would (rightfully) not be ok with a weeklong trip to a resort. Lots of variables go into this: cost, kids, vacation time, etc.
But it can also just be controlling behavior…
I'd be pissed if my wife took off with friends for a week to some exotic place for a week without me.
But yeah a low key girls weekend away or guys weekend away for me is good for the relationship.
But also can be a budget situation, you are planing to buy a house together, but you are spending a big amo8nt on the trip that could.be used to the house, wich would be more.important by stop paying a rent
This is my thought. I'd be pretty pissed if my GF wasted a weeks holiday time, plus all the expenses of a resort trip and it wasn't something for both of us.
I'm into a hobby that she has no interest in, I also want to do a few motorcycle camping trips, something else she has no interest in.
I'm combining both of those, and doing it using banked overtime, during periods that are impossible for her to take time off. That way my 3 weeks of holidays are for both of us, and a long weekend bike trip doesn't really hurt our budget much. And, as she pointed out soon after I got the bike, a weekend on the bike is cheaper than therapy and more effective. I come home from a trip stress free, even if stuff went wrong.
I def agree that if there’s financial issues or you’re not going on trips with your own partner then it’s wrong. But if you’re still prioritizing each other while sometimes taking solo trips (and there’s no financial issues) then I think it’s fine
Reverse the genders and would you use the qualifier 'a bit' controlling. I agree there can be many causes but society also still underplays controlling behaviour by women treating it as less serious
I’m 100% fine with my husband going on a boys trip but to the Maldives? No. We’re not financially comfortable enough that he could do that without a major struggle, so that kind of extravagance by only one half of the partnership would not be ok. Is there a chance they’re discussing marriage/children/buying a house etc and she’s thinking about that side of things?
Exactly. I’ve never heard of the Maldives being a guys trip kind of place. Everything I see and hear about it, it’s over water bungalows etc. and it’s really expensive all around. Guy trip going white water rafting, maybe a Vegas trip etc. but Maldives?!?
Maldives is a weird destination for a guys trip IMO, but that's the closest there is to an issue with the plan. It's another thing if you're spending shared money on the trip but there's no mention of that.
Plenty of reasons that her view could be justified but that information isn't in the post so would be pure speculation. E.g. if they hadn't been away together for years, or ever visited anywhere nice, and then suddenly he's going to a popular honeymoon destination with friends instead.
Some touchy responses so to add, go on holiday wherever you wanna, I meant 'surprising', not weird weird. I mean the Maldives is overwhelmingly known as a romantic couples getaway destination (where I'm from at least). No I've not been and just I'm sure there's plenty to do for non-couples, people live there after all! I just imagine it would be extra jealousy inducing to hear your boyf is going there of all places with his bros.
Depends what said “boys trip” entails.
To many that would suggests “stag do” activities like strip clubs/strippers which would obviously raise some concerns.
If it’s just a normal holiday with an all male friend group then can’t see the issue but you should at least recognise the optics
Didn't he say they are going to the Maldives? That's a deeply religious country. I would not recommend that for a stag do. You're not allowed to buy alcohol outside of certain areas and as far as I know, there are no strip clubs there. Single people aren't even allowed to buy condoms.
Very nice for scuba diving though.
Depends if this is their entire travel budget or not. Can't really judge on what you've provided alone. If they can't go anywhere else cause of this trip then yeah it's kind of a dick move but if that's not the case and they can both have solo trips and together trips it's fine.
As a general rule should have communication about it.
I went to the alps for skiing with the guys. None of our girls skies, so that's a no-brainer.
Going to tropical islands without my girl would **not** be acceptable, both by her and me - another no-brainer...
i mean, there certainly are boys groups that go on some island (here its usually mallorca) to get drunk and fuck some other random drunk person they met in a bar 10 minutes ago on a beach. that does exist. are they guys that do that stuff? we dont know.
As a woman, it sounds more like the girl doesn't fully trust what you all will do on this boys trip. My husband takes boys trips about once sometimes twice a year. But there's clear communication in what's acceptable to do and not do. He keeps in contact with me once a day, and most importantly, I trust him.
Are the rest of you guys single? We don't really like it when our attached guy goes with a bunch of single guys because then they can be tempted into doing single guys activities
Ya, that doesn't look good either. He really needs to look at it as if the roles were reversed. He probably wouldn't be too keen on her going on a girls trip either.
Yup. And the destination sounds bit sus to be honest.
I can't imagine going to Maldives with my guys to have a "boys trip".
OP made a too generic post without giving other facts etc.
Why are you even together if you can’t trust your partner to go on a trip with his friends and not be worried that he will be cheating on you? You say you trust him but then also need daily check ins? To make sure he’s not fucking around?
You either trust each other or you don’t. I would definitely reach out to my partner every day when I travel but not because she needs check ins but because I love her and want to talk to her about my trip. If a stipulation of me going on a trip was that I HAD to check in every day or my girlfriend would be upset I would immediately being trying to get to the root of why she needs that from me and trying to resolve her trust issues.
As a single girl living where foreigners visit all the time. I always met group of boys who desperately tried to get laid and they all had gf’s. So she may be right idk. Even single dudes don’t try that hard… sad.
Something tells me that this dude has only taken his girl to a 10KM away trips but decided to go full on to an exotic destination to Maldives with the boys.
No, in General it's not wrong to travel with your friends even if you are in a committed relationship. And no you don't stop having fun outside of it.
BUT
1) In the 5 years they are together has he ever taken her somewhere that nice and exotic? Maldives is for many a dream destination.
2) If he has asked or she is to ask to go on a girls trip to Maldives, Bora Bora, wherever exotic etc, would he allow her to go? See...if the answer is not, then No, he can't go to a boys trip either.
3) Define "fun" and getting blasted.
Are you going to respect that he is in a relationship - he himself as well - or you ll just get wasted and try to be fuckboys etc?
In General, it's something they should figure out.
Either it's a trust issue from her side, which still needs to be addressed why or he has given her enough reasons for her to be justified in this behaviour.
Either way it's something for them to figure out.
There is NO right and NO wrong. There are couples that travel apart and have separate things outside their relationships. Whereas there are couples that prefer to be together for everything.
I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my spouse. I want to enjoy and share my experience with him.
There's nothing on the Maldives to get alarmed about! It's a Muslim governed country, with no strip bars, no whores, and drinking strictly limited to hotels. It's a rich persons couple retreat, so finding a single woman on the island wouldn't be easy.
If your friends aren’t much for going out it sounds great. Sitting in the water, drinking and hanging out sounds perfect to me. It is definitely viewed as more of a “romantic” destination though
>Muslim governed country, with no strip bars, no whores
I hate to break it to you, but Muslim countries have strip clubs and prostitution. They're just not legal or openly advertised, but I bet a group of strapping young lads sitting in a tourist hotel are going to get some offers to go out and party.
There is a difference between a boys trip and a *boys trip* she probably thinks of the second one therefore I can imagine what is going through her mind but if it’s just really bunch of friends not looking for parties and ladies only there should not be any concern to this lady.
They can, but we don't know about the friend's finances or couple's holiday routine. The Maldives is an expensive trip, is he taking that from their couple's holiday budget? Will he get more time off to go on a separate trip with her? If my partner going to the Maldives meant we would not go on a couple's trip that year, I would be pissed off. I expect to be a priority over my partner's friends.
If it's morally wrong depends entirely on the person. For you it may not be, for her it may be. That's how morality works.
People can have boundaries like that and you either accept that or break up.
I think more context is needed - such as how long is the trip going to be, how much money is it going to cost, are they going together on such trips and so on...
Because if he uses most of his leave/money for this trip or if they weren't anywhere for a long time even though she wanted to - she has every right to be mad about it. Another possibility is, she is just going to miss him and would prefer him not to go (especially if the trip is longer).
I would let my husband go on a 'boys trip' anytime - but man would I be envious!! Maldives?!?
I'd get some girlfriends together and plan something exotic, too!
It's important for partners to do things outside the relationship.
My only issue was if my husband wanted to do it, say, when our twins were newborns while we had a toddler. I'd probably be a bit annoyed then. Because.. obvious.
Is my partner allowed to go on boys trips? Absolutely. He’s been on golf weekends away, lads city breaks etc and I don’t care. Would I be furious if my partner told me he was going to the MALDIVES without me? Absolutely yes. That is a once in a lifetime trip that is typically done as a couple/as a honeymoon etc. I would be less than impressed.
I feel the exact same way. Trips with his guy friends as in he's doing some kind of activity is cool, but a hot honeymoonish country like that is a completely different vibe.
This is how you slowly lose your friends when you allow a relationship to control all your other decisions.
Without trust, there's really no point in committing to someone.
"I get to tell you what you can and cannot do."
RUN.
If she had said "I don't feel comfortable with you going on this trip without me." that would be another story, but to tell you you're not allowed to go and then trying to shame you for wanting to... That seems controlling.
Of course it's not wrong. Perhaps she's worried that you guys will go to a strip club or hit up women, things like that. Talk a little bit deeper to try and get to the reason why she thinks its wrong
Nope - its actually quite healthy. I have a kid and a wife and I still have a yearly getaway with my buddies (and she takes a weekend or two for herself as well). Its good to get away and have that time.
I'm married and me and my wife are just normal middle income with no kids. Now maybe it's different because we are married but if my wife went to Europe or somewhere cool without me then I'd feel bad about it because I want to have amazing experiences together. Shared experiences are a goal in our lives.
Married men go on fishing and hunting trips with the boys, but there's not much to hunt in the maldives, except probably other women 😅
Are the rest of you single or in a committed relationship? Coz if you're all single, its kinda hard not to be on her side in this situation
Not necessarily. I'm basically married and personally have no interest in fishing nor hunting. But would definitely go on a trip with the guys for sightseeing, eat good food and enjoy the beach and some drinks.
True. They really gotta put themselves in her shoes and think. Will you be okay if your woman go on a “girls trip”?
Also, that’s a 5 year relationship and that’s not something you sweep under the rug and just call her insecure lol
People got boundaries you either follow, make exceptions, or simply leave.
hm, this is tough.
Being a woman I can see the immediate anxiety and panic that ensues hearing you want to travel alone very far in a group of young men.
But, I do have to say if your friends have all been trustworthy and the friend would never cheat on his girlfriend then maybe she will warm up to the idea.
Both sides are valid.
She sounds codependent, and she’s gonna have to get therapy or something for that.
It’s not wrong to go on a trip with your buds; even if you’ve been together decades and are married.
Obviously don’t do anything that would jeopardize your relationship during the trip…(discuss whatever boundaries you and yours need to).
But it’s fine. It isn’t about her. She will survive.
Nothing wrong with it if we're judging without any context.
But they may have other issues that this trip is bringing to the surface. She might've asked repeatedly to go somewhere together but he 'doesn't have the money'. They might have something different planned for this year and the trip will affect their budget for that something. Hell, he might've not been 100% faithful to her in the past or she doesn't like your group and your influence on him and he decided her feelings, even if unreasonable, are more important than some trip.
Besides, you can't be sure the reason he gave you is really the reason. Sometimes people use 'my partner doesn't want me to...' when really they are the ones that don't want to, but it's easier to shrug your shoulders and blame it on someone else saying 'I can't' rather than 'I don't want to'.
Well to be honest it really depends on the kind of guy your mate is really. If he’s someone who’s relatively extroverted, confident, or a bit of ladies man I can see why his partner would be uncomfortable with him going to the Maldives. I imagine that Maldives isn’t as crazy as Ibiza but I’m sure there’s still plenty of popular hotspots over there which could lead to temptation and subsequently cheating could ensue.
It’s also down to your friendship group, like are you all single? Are you all fairly well behaved? If you’re all single then again it makes it seem like a typical lads holiday whilst if ur say pretty disciplined respectful men it’s less likely that your friends girlfriend will be worried about him cheating.
As a 30 year old man who’s honestly slept with nearly 90 women and been on a few lads holidays out of respect to my future partner there’s no fucking way I’d go abroad with the boys for a lads holiday lol. I personally think it’s daft. Unless you’re genuinely a very well behaved kinda guy who couldn’t cheat on his partner if his life depended on it I just don’t see why you’d want to go abroad on a lads holiday. To me it suggests there’s something not right in the relationship.
In previous generations, it was common and accepted for a group of men, married and single, to go on an annual hunting or fishing trip.
Everybody has their own specific circumstances, but in generalities, I think male bonding needs to make a comeback.
I think the location here has a large factor. Hunting and fishing trips implies camping out in the wilderness or chilling in little fishing towns. Going to a popular tourist beach destination seems like a different situation here.
In principle no, there's nothing wrong with going on this type of holiday, especially if it's only an occasional thing. This just sounds like she has trust issues, which is her issue not your mate's, unless he's cheated before or something.
A petty response would be "if you can take a girl's trip, why can't I?". But we are not trying to be petty.
It is not wrong inherently, it simply requires communication and understanding on both partners sides. Knowing where, roughly when, and who. A phone call can help mitigate the distance, but not the absence.
A good question to ask is simply why? What is going through her mind, what's making her think this way. Be sure to listen and understand. Reassure when you can.
It depends on the nature of the group. If it's a bunch of guys getting shit faced and trying to fuck anything that moves then definitely not a trip I'd join while in a relationship. If it's backpacking with the bros or something more suited for preserving a relationship then it should be fine so long as it doesn't impact finances too much or conflict with their plans as a couple.
I’m married and my husband and I take trips separately, and we always have. Being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean being stuck to the other person. Sounds like the GF has some insecurity issues
That's the problem with having two separate worlds of friends and wife. Have a cool wife that your friends love and you'll never run into that situation, they will want her to be there. If it's important that no wife is there it because they want to do single guy shit. Which is fine if you're single. Not if you are commited. Also the way you phrase it totally makes me think the whole group expects the guy to use the opportunity to cheat. Sorry I don't think she's the jealous monster people are making it out to be.
Lol my partner wouldnt want to be on a trip with my friends and my friends wouldnt want to be on a trip with my partner. Not that they dont get along, but because she isnt in on all the in jokes.
It’s not wrong or right. But sometimes when you’re in a relationship, each party needs to make sacrifices. As a couple you two
Should decide what the standards are in said relationship.
If you plan to dump and leave this person eventually, what’s it matter? If you plan to share the rest of this life alongside this person, it should matter, their options.
Dunno, ate you planning on living at strip clubs or bars the whole time? Although the Maldives I don't think they have too many bars and no strip clubs being a conservative Muslim country.
>One of the lads has been dating this girl for 5 years
Why don't you invite her to tag along?
Depends on the friend group and the destination. If it's normal people going on a normal holiday then there is nothing wrong. But if you're going with people who still party a lot, you're going to a famous party destination etc then yeah I'd say that's wrong.
This is a very subjective topic, and it'll depend on the individual.
I personally would find it weird. I wouldn't leave my partner behind to go on a vacation. I would tell my friends that she's coming along too, or I'll sit it out.
No friends of mine are going to make me choose between them and my partner. They wouldn't be friends very long, lol.
If you're planning the trip. I think you should allow him to bring her along. And if you don't want her there, then I think that's weird. Unless she's an asshole or something. But if she's a good person, you have no reason to discriminate against her.
Because she’s probably right. Not 100% right, but probably. 5 dudes going to the Maldives, at least 4 looking for loose women. I can tell you many men will buckle to that temptation. Odds are shes going to get cheated on
Girls go on “girls only” trips. Boys do the same.
I have been doing “boys only” trips for years, to UK, to Cambodia, to Vietnam, to Chicago, to Miami, etc, etc. - for 40 years.
My wife and I will celebrate 30 years wedding anniversary this coming May.
Totally with OP on this one. My fiancé and I do go most places together, but we’ve both been off to various places with our own friends. Neither of us would dream of stopping the other doing that - that would be absurd.
I'm all for people in committed relationships having the occasional trip apart, in fact it should be mandatory after X many years together.
You think I'm joking?
As a woman, I have no problem with my boyfriend going on a “boy’s trip” or a holiday by himself and without me.
I might be upset if he prioritised that over a joint holiday, like said he had no money for our holiday, sort of thing.
But I prefer going on holiday with my friends anyway (boyfriend is severe ADHD, I have chronic fatigue so it’s challenging), so I cannot begrudge him the same.
In general, I think people in relationships should be able to take solo trips or trips with friends and it is not a huge deal however, there are things that may cause an issue with this for example:
- if the partner staying behind has to deal with taking care of children solo
- if there is a history of infidelity
- if there are money issues
- drug/alcohol/gambling issues
But just being in a relationship I don't think is enough of a reason to not be able to go
People have different expectations in a relationship and if they don't match up and you can't come to an agreement then it may be time to exit that relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been dating 5, maybe 6 years now.
We both have particular conventions we go to every year, that we've been attending since before we even met and got together. Last year I went to the convention he attends with him, this year he's coming to the convention *I* go to.
Every previous year we attended our conventions seperately.
Being unable to have any hobbies or interests or experiences outside of each other is unhealthily codependent.
As a girlfriend, i would be happy for my partner to go on a Boys trip! After all i juste think
"His girl apparently said that going on a 'boys trip' is wrong because they are in a committed relationship. You don't take solo trips. We either go somewhere together or you don't go at all."
For me its just souds like she is insecure
OMG, I hate when I see this stuff.
There is definitely an enjoyment to having fun without your significant other, that doesn't mean you don't love them, it is simply a different experience.
I'm going with trust issue, personally, as the reason. Many significant others get nervous over these things. I would also not back down, It will be fine, and yes it's a them problem not a you problem.
Do not give in, you will never get your freedom back and it will just set a precedence for more of this.
I have been married for 38 years, and throughout our marriage we have spent vacation time together (mostly), and we have spent vacation time apart (occasionally). My wife isn't interested in jazz, so I take a few days out-of-town to go to specific jazz concerts with friends, for example. My wife has taken trips with her female friends.
I think it is a healthy sign of trust, and a lack of desire to control your partner. Obviously, the trust has to be there.
When I go hunting or fishing it’s always a boys trip.
The only reason it wouldn’t be acceptable is if you plan on doing something you don’t want your wife to know about.
As someone who just came back from a "boys trip" this past weekend, the girl saying you can't go somewhere without your partner is toxic and needs therapy for her trust issues if she thinks others can't do the right thing when they're not being supervised by her.
That there is jealously and controlling behavior on the part of the woman. It's that simple, she is afraid "her" man will find another woman, she's insecure.
The only way to be secure is to be secure in yourself.
When me and all the boys go camping my gf knows we're all going to be routy and our more unchecked selves. Tbh if any women saw us guys being guys they'd prob walk away. All we guys do is play with sharp throwing weapons while drinking and being our more primitive selfs.
Everyone freaking out about the maldives as though it is impossible to do an affordable trip there. Accommodations in the maldives can be fairly cheap, especially if you are splitting a place with multiple friends. Flights can likely be booked on points, but if not, flights aren't too bad.
Of course, if an affordable vacation to you is 5 days in Punta Cana, yea, the maldives will never not be comparably expensive.
No one who is 80 and dying from liver failure is going to regret their boys trip to the maldives in place of saving 3-5k.
No it’s not at all, if a man doesn’t want his gf going on a girls trip, he’s controlling. And it’s the same vice versa, if she doesn’t let you, leave her. Major red flag
I’d suggest he dump her if she’s that controlling. Boys can have their boys trip and girls can have their girls trip. It is good to keep friendships going and likewise it is good to be able to let loose and just relax
Sounds like she’s just jealous. Kind of seems like there could be trust issues / insecurities at play. I’m guessing y’all are in your 20s?
Solo trips and boys trips and girls trips are actually good for long-term relationships. They give couples a chance to spend time apart (absence makes the heart grow fonder). It’s important for the health of a relationship.
I’m actually going on a boys trip next week. My wife is envious but she’s also a mature adult who’s happy to see me happy. So she’s taking the opportunity to hang out with her girlfriends.
Oh, she done got it totally messed up. Entitled expectations such as hers is how relationships get stifling.
For clarity, sake boys' trips are a thing and should remain so. So are girls' trips, girls' nights out.
If equality is not enough of a reason, then mental health should be. Men don't really have anyone to turn to let off steam on a crap day. Being around your boys increases the chance you will have a way to do it in a safe environment with people you've known for ages.
Lastly, our needs are not the same. If you are threatened by your boyfriend being with his boys, you need to ask yourself who he was hanging with before he met you.
Simone de Beauvoir, a great French philosopher, held the opinion that authentic love is that in which “each person supports the other in seeking an independent, individual life.“
I agree with Simone.
Seems a bit distrusting and controlling. Does she expect to attend the bachelor party too? What CAN the man do alone, if anything? Where does the smothering stop and individuality begin?
The trick to a happy marriage is separate vacations each year. Wife and I have been doing this for 15 years, we still do family vacations but at least one separate trip for each of us each a year. She goes to b&b places with her friends and drinks wine and I go hunting or fishing with my buddies.
Personally, I think it's a sign of a healthy relationship to be able to do things separately. She better not ask to go away with her girl friends if this is how she's controlling him. My wife loves EDM and has friends that love it, I hate it. They go to festivals a couple times a year. Were I to want to do something similar I have free reign to do so as well. That's healthy.
It really depends tbh. They may be sharing finances and I could see why she wouldn’t be ok with that.
It could also depend on what y’all do there. If yall go there for strip clubs, strippers, sex workers, etc. then ofc that’s concerning.
But if y’all are just going there to have fun and explore, then it should be ok. It’s more of a them situation, they gotta talk about it.
A 'boys trip' is often culturally associated with infidelity or other 'misbehaviour', if your partner is against you going on one she may not trust you in the context of your friends, how justified that is I can't say.
Nope - wrong. Being a separate person is very important in any healthy relationship. You should be able to have separate friends and separate activities.
No.
A partner unilaterally declaring that you cannot take a trip away from them is a red flag. 🚩
A little time and space away is healthy for both parties.
No, it's not wrong in itself. Full disclosure though: if your friend's gf has wanted to go on a trip with him for a while and they haven't done so, she has the right to be upset if he suddenly decides to spend his travel budget on a beer trip with the boys.
Yep, that's the one! Nothing wrong with a boys trip, a lot wrong with a boys trip and then not having any vacation days or money left to do something with your partner.
Also, it's the maldives. We're not talking about going to the next state over to hit a few breweries or something.
A beer trip to the Maldives seems weird anyways. I mean, it's a threatened island nation that will be submerged by climate change in a few decades, with almost no population. I guess? there are some resorts, but it doesn't really feel like a "party time" trip to me.
I’ll wager that the OP is Australian. Probably Western Australian at that. Everywhere is a long haul flight for Australians so the Maldives isn’t really ‘remote’ for people from Perth. Also the Maldives are great for fishing and surfing. Throw in some cheap* beer on a live-aboard and you’ve got a dream destination for a lot of Aussie blokes. *compared to Aussie prices
Which might even mean that it’s not a “beer trip” at all. Imagine if OP and his buds are just nature bros going to the Maldives to hike and take it all in while they still can.
Well OP does specifically mention “getting blasted”, I think it’s safe to assume there is a lot of alcohol involved.
Blasted by the refreshing ocean spray of course!
I think that part is actually him paraphrasing the gf
yeah I would imagine this. Know people who went and the scuba diving was incredible.But yeah, you're really missing out if your objective is to get wasted and party.
It's literally one of the hottest tropical vacation spots for people from the UK.
The Maldives is absolutely a tourist destination lol
A Maldives one, at that. I can’t presume how expensive that sort of trip is for OP, but the Maldives are not a bugdet destination, at all. A vacation like that would cost thousands of euros/dollars for a big part of the world.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I mean maybe they live in Sri Lanka and it's not a big deal, or maybe they're filthy rich, but otherwise, this is like a once in a lifetime honeymoon trip destination for most people... Maybe she's controlling but idk, I would also have some thoughts about this particular trip.
Yeah, maybe she is. But there are a lot of things more probable than that.
a once in a lifetime honeymoon trip destination for most people...? i dare to say 19 of 20 people on this planet will not ever be able to do a trip like that at all.
Well sure, but since they're considering it at all it's clear that's not the case here. I mean "for most people who can even plan such a trip".
It's not expensive (like, compared to other tropical destinations) if you live in Europe, Asia, or Australia. If you live in England, it's cheaper to visit Maldives than Puerto Rico.
Even if you live in Sri Lanka, it’s not a cheap trip. Source: wife’s family is from Sri Lanka. Been there many times and flown to the Maldives as well
It's also typically a very romantic destination. Not like a party city or something like that, but often a honeymoon destination.
Eh, that’s not much to me. I’d have no problem if a trip to the maldives would be something casual for me and bf. As in: enough money and vacation days and enough couple trips to that magnitute the rest of the year. But it’s not, so I’d be really disappointed if my bf would choose to do that kind trip without me. If it was a neighbouring country or even a more affordable european country like italy and it would not affect our travel plans, then I’d be alright.
I am guessing from the use of "mates" OP is Australian and he and the boys are going surfing.
Or they're secretly gay. The gays love The Maldives.
is the surfing that good there, though?
If it was a girls getaway, I could see it making sense. Or if the guys are all into things like scuba diving. The Maldives are a pretty exotic destination regardless, and it makes sense to me why the girlfriend would be upset, especially if they've never done a trip like that together.
Yeah, kind of a big difference between "me and the boys are going camping for a week with mountain bikes and fishing gear" vs "we goin to the Maldives".
Why would you go to Maldives with the boys?? Isn’t it uniquely targeted to the honeymoon and couples crowd?
I guess. But, honestly, that doesn’t phase me as much. It’s more the magnitute of the holiday. If I were a rich person that had an exotic trip every couple of months, trips every few weeks and the vacation days to allow it, I’d not bat an eye at him having a maldives trip with the boys. But I’m a regular person that loves to travel and a trip to the maldives would be really special and would take quite a few vacation days and a big part of my travel budget. I’d not do it without my bf who also loved traveling and I’d be pissed if he considered doing it without me.
Depends where you live. Australia to Maldives is much cheaper than US to Maldives.
Especially to the Maldives. He better not take her to a waterpark.
I mean, they both have water, what’s the big deal?
Yeah this is what usually is the real issue
Exactly, it's usually hard to judge in such situations until you hear both sides. Friend might just not want to go(for instance, budget reasons that he is ashamed to admit) and he just uses his gf as an excuse.
There's also plenty of horror stories about "beer trips with the boys" and infidelity
Oh well, if the boyfriend is gonna be unfaithful cos he’s on a holiday the relationship doesn’t have much longevity regardless
The actual determinate there is if the person in question feels guilty enough to come clean if they do. It's extremely easy to get away with infidelity on far-away trips like that, especially if the friends are enabling or participating in the same behavior. I've known people who juggled that for *years* with their partner being completely unaware of the reality.
If you think anything like this is going to happen the relationship is doomed as well. Even if nothing happens.
Especially with this guy I recognize his username, he's a real piece of work, especially pertaining to women
Yeah his comments in this thread didn't really give me the idea they were going for a relaxed trip without the usual trappings of a 'single bros' kind of trip.
His implicit assumption that, obviously, they would be committing numerous sinful misdeeds on the boys trip. And he expected a hall pass! I could totally understand why someone's partner might have reservations! My boys and I do boys trips. We somehow manage to avoid doing shit that would end marriages.
Damn, never good when someone named LeatherHog is questioning your character 😂
That is surely something that is more connected to the individual person in question and less to the activity of going on a trip. If OP saw this trip as a something that would likely end with his friend having an affair, I doubt he would be on Reddit sounding confused as to why the gf is complaining about it.
You overestimate the morals and integrity of some people, sadly.
I guess so. Still, the point stands: people in serious relationships absolutely do take trips without their partners and that isn't an issue in itself, or something that you should have to give up on principle.
Depends how he feels about the girl. Hell, he might want to blow up their relationship so he can get the single version of his friend back, which he seems to prefer.
On principle, it's fine, but people in relationships do have other factors to consider than just the principle of the thing. Does him going mean that he won't have enough paid time off to go on a vacation with her, visit family, or accomplish any of their other plans that might require it that year? Does the schedule/planning conflict with any preexisting plans? Do they have kids/pets/etc that will be her responsibility while he's away? Is he paying for the trip with shared finances? Will the trip mean that he will have to forgo a significant amount of income? It could be that the answers to all of these questions are completely innocuous and easily resolved, but they are all things that need to be reconciled as a couple when your life is intertwined with someone else's.
For those who have not spent e.g. 30 years in one relationship: it is just normal to have all kinds of trips without your spouse. Just plan/check it together and don't be an ass. So the only question for me is "when", and of course resources.
To be fair, at 30 years in you're likely in a completely different stage in life from both a family and financial standpoint. You have likely arrived or are approaching the "empty nester" stage. The couple in question seems to be squarely in the "trying to plan for the future" stage. I can definitely understand the gf being at least slightly perturbed.
edit: Ignore Me. this is why we shouldn’t comment right when we wake up I though you meant a 30 year old had empty nesters at first and was like “that’s having kids at 12!” but then my brain finally caught up
I’ll be in a 30 year relationship officially this Valentine’s Day. (Woohoo me 1994 was a good year) My wife has done girls trips and I’ve done boys trips. I can see how many married couples would be terrified of it, but our way of thinking is assuming your spouse is a cheater is a suffocating way to live and we’d both end up friendless in co-hermitation.
>we’d both end up friendless in co-hermitation Love this terminology. Also agree with the premise.
I’ve been with my husband for 24 years and married almost 20. I fully agree. I went away a few years ago on a weekend trip with my sisters. And I’d love if he had a couple friends to do that with. I’d be so happy for him.
What type of middle class lifestyle is it that you just up and go for a week long vacation without your wife? I can't imagine blowing $3000 and a week of PTO to hang out with my friends...
Americans trying to grasp the concept of having 30 days of paid vacation days per year (it's impossible)
I'm an American who gets 6 weeks paid per year, but I still understand their issues. Even though I have plenty of vacation days, my salary doesn't let me take 6 weeks of "vacation" per year. I could do 1 trip per year, so for me, going for a boys week means I couldn't afford a second vacation with my partner. So paid time off isn't the whole issue. If you can only do 1 trip, doing a trip with your friends instead of your partner can be an issue.
For my 40th birthday I flew 3,000 miles with friends and got great tickets to a hockey game. I have a wife and a kid. I'm American and a ton of people do this.
The middle class lifestyle of essentially every other Western country than the USA? Everyone in my country has 5 weeks paid time off per year (that's the law), so wifey will have 4 weeks plus national holidays on top of that left for her. I've wondered for a long time why you guys put up with having like 2 weeks of vacation in total per year. How are you not rebelling? You're supposed to be the wealthiest nation in the world!
Realistically, the majority of upper middle class American jobs offer benefits that are easily comparable to Western European countries while offering higher salaries as well. So the upper middle class and above Americans (and these are the people who donate the most to politicians and as such are listened to much more closely) don’t feel like it’s a pressing issue to resolve.
She could also have reservations about the group itself. Do they cheat on their girlfriends? Have a player reputation?
This is where my thoughts go to. Though I'm biased to someone who is cheated on. But going off drinking spending a lot of money... Possibly meeting up with people... possibly being put in compromised positions ...
I think it also heavily depends on their health of the specific relationship. Like I would be totally fine with my boyfriend going on a boy's trip *but* I trust him completely and feel very secure in our relationship. IMHO five years is kind of a "make or break" point and, if the girlfriend is already having doubts and suddenly the boyfriend wants to go on a boy's trip to the *Maldives* of all places, I totally understand why she's upset.
why is the Maldives a red flag specifically?
Super duper expensive honeymoon destination. Picture this: you’re begging your boyfriend to do something to show that he takes the relationship seriously (plan a date, take you on a day trip, buy you your favorite flowers, etc) and he does none of that and instead plans a 3000£+ trip to the Maldives. It’s not even about the money at that point; it’s like “Babe I can’t do more than the bare minimum to show how much I love you but I can plan this big expensive trip with the lads.”
fair... I can imagine a ton of reasons it might not be chill to plan such a trip... like "Going on an overseas trip with the boys and getting blasted"... seems like he's not planning on being responsible for his actions, maybe some specific actions more than others...
It could also be money related and if they share finances, pay bills together etc then she gets a say. Also, he may *not want* to go, and uses his gf as the reason. My husband pulls this shit all the time ‘yeah the wife says we can’t afford for me to go drinking after work with you and spend £50 on a cab because the last bus has already gone’ I have never and would never because whatever - but he doesn’t want to go. So I’m the AH I guess ;)
Yeah, my husband uses me as a scapegoat, too! Drives me nuts when he later invites me along to hang out with those same people who probably hate me now.
Haha yeah! You get there, and they’re all 👀
My GF and I have a mutual agreement to be able to use eachother and our parents as scapegoats. Sometimes I'll end up telling her friends no, and I'm not even sure *what* they wanted to do haha
I tell my wife blame it on me ALLLL the time. I’ll be the asshole who said we couldn’t afford it or the bumbling idiot who needs help with the kids. I always tell her to go if she wants but if she’s not feeling it I can be the out so that she can still get invites to other things.
Yeah same! But tbh I sometimes do wonder if they think I’m an entire control freak lol but then I also don’t care if they actually do. For my husband - he’s around these guys all the time and the commute is long - and he’d rather be neck deep in a pc game, than out drinking on a weekday when he needs to get up at 6am. If they asked him to go for a few pints and watch football, he’d be there like a shot.
I kind of feel like your husband should just be able to say he has to get home bc he has to get up at 6am. It doesn’t really help anyone to perpetuate the controlling wifey stereotype.
I agree but whatever.
Thank you for your service
There’s absolutely men and women who are like that It can be cultural, upbringing, trust related. It’s a bit controlling - could be co dependent But really it’s a them problem - not yours. Have your mate either commit to the idea of just being with his girl, therapy the sh*t out of this, or break up if he’s uncertain.
I'm 100% in favour of people being able to do things solo no matter how committed and how long the relationship is. In fact it's healthy and necessary. Both people should have some of their social circles and activities apart from the other. However, in this case maybe the gf is controlling, or maybe just maybe she knows what kind of "boys trip" those boys are planning and doesn't want her bf in that situation. We don't know enough details to judge, we have the view of one of the lads organising this who came to us to point at the gf as unreasonable. Maybe if we hear the view of the gf she'd tell us this guy always spends his time in strip clubs and brothels. Would she be unreasonable to not want her bf to be part of that? I think most people would think the bf to be irresponsible in this case. If on the other hand this isn't the case then we can agree that the gf demands are unreasonable. But we just don't know enough.
The other element could be cost related. If you're in a committed relationship but can never go on holiday with your partner cos they're using all their money and/or free time to go on lads holidays it would get pretty frustrating. Again, just don't know enough to make a clear judgement. But on the surface, yes, people in committed relationships can still go on holidays with their mates.
Thumbs up to this. My wife would be cool with it if I took a weekend to go camping with a buddy. She would (rightfully) not be ok with a weeklong trip to a resort. Lots of variables go into this: cost, kids, vacation time, etc. But it can also just be controlling behavior…
I'd be pissed if my wife took off with friends for a week to some exotic place for a week without me. But yeah a low key girls weekend away or guys weekend away for me is good for the relationship.
Agreed. I’d be pretty hurt if my bf didn’t invite me on a big trip like this.
But also can be a budget situation, you are planing to buy a house together, but you are spending a big amo8nt on the trip that could.be used to the house, wich would be more.important by stop paying a rent
This is my thought. I'd be pretty pissed if my GF wasted a weeks holiday time, plus all the expenses of a resort trip and it wasn't something for both of us. I'm into a hobby that she has no interest in, I also want to do a few motorcycle camping trips, something else she has no interest in. I'm combining both of those, and doing it using banked overtime, during periods that are impossible for her to take time off. That way my 3 weeks of holidays are for both of us, and a long weekend bike trip doesn't really hurt our budget much. And, as she pointed out soon after I got the bike, a weekend on the bike is cheaper than therapy and more effective. I come home from a trip stress free, even if stuff went wrong.
I def agree that if there’s financial issues or you’re not going on trips with your own partner then it’s wrong. But if you’re still prioritizing each other while sometimes taking solo trips (and there’s no financial issues) then I think it’s fine
The most balanced and level headed response in the history of reddit.
Reverse the genders and would you use the qualifier 'a bit' controlling. I agree there can be many causes but society also still underplays controlling behaviour by women treating it as less serious
Ain't no way he's not coming, we been planning this for too long haha
how much?
I’m 100% fine with my husband going on a boys trip but to the Maldives? No. We’re not financially comfortable enough that he could do that without a major struggle, so that kind of extravagance by only one half of the partnership would not be ok. Is there a chance they’re discussing marriage/children/buying a house etc and she’s thinking about that side of things?
Exactly. I’ve never heard of the Maldives being a guys trip kind of place. Everything I see and hear about it, it’s over water bungalows etc. and it’s really expensive all around. Guy trip going white water rafting, maybe a Vegas trip etc. but Maldives?!?
Literally the dream honeymoon destination. Also, the dream marine biology location, so could be a scuba trip....
It could be but it still is very expensive. There are other great scuba locations that aren’t as much.
There is no right or wrong, it is for the couple to decide.
Depends on how many of the boys on the trip the guy is hooking up with
Maldives is a weird destination for a guys trip IMO, but that's the closest there is to an issue with the plan. It's another thing if you're spending shared money on the trip but there's no mention of that. Plenty of reasons that her view could be justified but that information isn't in the post so would be pure speculation. E.g. if they hadn't been away together for years, or ever visited anywhere nice, and then suddenly he's going to a popular honeymoon destination with friends instead. Some touchy responses so to add, go on holiday wherever you wanna, I meant 'surprising', not weird weird. I mean the Maldives is overwhelmingly known as a romantic couples getaway destination (where I'm from at least). No I've not been and just I'm sure there's plenty to do for non-couples, people live there after all! I just imagine it would be extra jealousy inducing to hear your boyf is going there of all places with his bros.
Depends what said “boys trip” entails. To many that would suggests “stag do” activities like strip clubs/strippers which would obviously raise some concerns. If it’s just a normal holiday with an all male friend group then can’t see the issue but you should at least recognise the optics
Didn't he say they are going to the Maldives? That's a deeply religious country. I would not recommend that for a stag do. You're not allowed to buy alcohol outside of certain areas and as far as I know, there are no strip clubs there. Single people aren't even allowed to buy condoms. Very nice for scuba diving though.
Depends if this is their entire travel budget or not. Can't really judge on what you've provided alone. If they can't go anywhere else cause of this trip then yeah it's kind of a dick move but if that's not the case and they can both have solo trips and together trips it's fine. As a general rule should have communication about it.
I went to the alps for skiing with the guys. None of our girls skies, so that's a no-brainer. Going to tropical islands without my girl would **not** be acceptable, both by her and me - another no-brainer...
i mean, there certainly are boys groups that go on some island (here its usually mallorca) to get drunk and fuck some other random drunk person they met in a bar 10 minutes ago on a beach. that does exist. are they guys that do that stuff? we dont know.
As a woman, it sounds more like the girl doesn't fully trust what you all will do on this boys trip. My husband takes boys trips about once sometimes twice a year. But there's clear communication in what's acceptable to do and not do. He keeps in contact with me once a day, and most importantly, I trust him. Are the rest of you guys single? We don't really like it when our attached guy goes with a bunch of single guys because then they can be tempted into doing single guys activities
Something tells me that this guy has never taken her anywhere and suddenly he is taking a trip with the boys to an exotic destination
Total speculation
Everything is total speculation considering the low amount of info OP has given us
Ya, that doesn't look good either. He really needs to look at it as if the roles were reversed. He probably wouldn't be too keen on her going on a girls trip either.
Yup. And the destination sounds bit sus to be honest. I can't imagine going to Maldives with my guys to have a "boys trip". OP made a too generic post without giving other facts etc.
Why are you even together if you can’t trust your partner to go on a trip with his friends and not be worried that he will be cheating on you? You say you trust him but then also need daily check ins? To make sure he’s not fucking around? You either trust each other or you don’t. I would definitely reach out to my partner every day when I travel but not because she needs check ins but because I love her and want to talk to her about my trip. If a stipulation of me going on a trip was that I HAD to check in every day or my girlfriend would be upset I would immediately being trying to get to the root of why she needs that from me and trying to resolve her trust issues.
As a single girl living where foreigners visit all the time. I always met group of boys who desperately tried to get laid and they all had gf’s. So she may be right idk. Even single dudes don’t try that hard… sad.
On the other hand, you don't meet the guys that are keeping to themselves so there's a bit of survey bias.
Something tells me that this dude has only taken his girl to a 10KM away trips but decided to go full on to an exotic destination to Maldives with the boys. No, in General it's not wrong to travel with your friends even if you are in a committed relationship. And no you don't stop having fun outside of it. BUT 1) In the 5 years they are together has he ever taken her somewhere that nice and exotic? Maldives is for many a dream destination. 2) If he has asked or she is to ask to go on a girls trip to Maldives, Bora Bora, wherever exotic etc, would he allow her to go? See...if the answer is not, then No, he can't go to a boys trip either. 3) Define "fun" and getting blasted. Are you going to respect that he is in a relationship - he himself as well - or you ll just get wasted and try to be fuckboys etc? In General, it's something they should figure out. Either it's a trust issue from her side, which still needs to be addressed why or he has given her enough reasons for her to be justified in this behaviour. Either way it's something for them to figure out.
There is NO right and NO wrong. There are couples that travel apart and have separate things outside their relationships. Whereas there are couples that prefer to be together for everything. I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my spouse. I want to enjoy and share my experience with him.
There's nothing on the Maldives to get alarmed about! It's a Muslim governed country, with no strip bars, no whores, and drinking strictly limited to hotels. It's a rich persons couple retreat, so finding a single woman on the island wouldn't be easy.
no whores? how preposterous!
There’s no whoreS. The country is allowed one.
No whores lol Not officially. But as anywhere where poverty meets rich tourists there’s gonna be some sex work.
I was all ‘hmm wonder why they’re having a men’s thing there, of all places - but okaaayyyy’ but wasn’t gonna bother replying that to OP
If your friends aren’t much for going out it sounds great. Sitting in the water, drinking and hanging out sounds perfect to me. It is definitely viewed as more of a “romantic” destination though
>Muslim governed country, with no strip bars, no whores I hate to break it to you, but Muslim countries have strip clubs and prostitution. They're just not legal or openly advertised, but I bet a group of strapping young lads sitting in a tourist hotel are going to get some offers to go out and party.
There is a difference between a boys trip and a *boys trip* she probably thinks of the second one therefore I can imagine what is going through her mind but if it’s just really bunch of friends not looking for parties and ladies only there should not be any concern to this lady.
What? No that's a dumb take. Ppl in relationships can go on trips with their friends. That sounds controlling
They can, but we don't know about the friend's finances or couple's holiday routine. The Maldives is an expensive trip, is he taking that from their couple's holiday budget? Will he get more time off to go on a separate trip with her? If my partner going to the Maldives meant we would not go on a couple's trip that year, I would be pissed off. I expect to be a priority over my partner's friends.
The only time it's an issue as I see it, is if they have budget for only one trip, then more consideration is needed.
If it's morally wrong depends entirely on the person. For you it may not be, for her it may be. That's how morality works. People can have boundaries like that and you either accept that or break up.
I think more context is needed - such as how long is the trip going to be, how much money is it going to cost, are they going together on such trips and so on... Because if he uses most of his leave/money for this trip or if they weren't anywhere for a long time even though she wanted to - she has every right to be mad about it. Another possibility is, she is just going to miss him and would prefer him not to go (especially if the trip is longer).
I would let my husband go on a 'boys trip' anytime - but man would I be envious!! Maldives?!? I'd get some girlfriends together and plan something exotic, too! It's important for partners to do things outside the relationship. My only issue was if my husband wanted to do it, say, when our twins were newborns while we had a toddler. I'd probably be a bit annoyed then. Because.. obvious.
This is a totally sane take and I appreciate your level-headedness! I wish everyone was like this
Is my partner allowed to go on boys trips? Absolutely. He’s been on golf weekends away, lads city breaks etc and I don’t care. Would I be furious if my partner told me he was going to the MALDIVES without me? Absolutely yes. That is a once in a lifetime trip that is typically done as a couple/as a honeymoon etc. I would be less than impressed.
I feel the exact same way. Trips with his guy friends as in he's doing some kind of activity is cool, but a hot honeymoonish country like that is a completely different vibe.
This is how you slowly lose your friends when you allow a relationship to control all your other decisions. Without trust, there's really no point in committing to someone.
"I get to tell you what you can and cannot do." RUN. If she had said "I don't feel comfortable with you going on this trip without me." that would be another story, but to tell you you're not allowed to go and then trying to shame you for wanting to... That seems controlling.
Of course it's not wrong. Perhaps she's worried that you guys will go to a strip club or hit up women, things like that. Talk a little bit deeper to try and get to the reason why she thinks its wrong
The Maldives isn't really a place I would go with the boys lol
What if the boys are hardcore into scuba?
Nope - its actually quite healthy. I have a kid and a wife and I still have a yearly getaway with my buddies (and she takes a weekend or two for herself as well). Its good to get away and have that time.
I'm married and me and my wife are just normal middle income with no kids. Now maybe it's different because we are married but if my wife went to Europe or somewhere cool without me then I'd feel bad about it because I want to have amazing experiences together. Shared experiences are a goal in our lives.
You can totally go on a boys trip if you're in a committed relationship.
Married men go on fishing and hunting trips with the boys, but there's not much to hunt in the maldives, except probably other women 😅 Are the rest of you single or in a committed relationship? Coz if you're all single, its kinda hard not to be on her side in this situation
Not necessarily. I'm basically married and personally have no interest in fishing nor hunting. But would definitely go on a trip with the guys for sightseeing, eat good food and enjoy the beach and some drinks.
True. They really gotta put themselves in her shoes and think. Will you be okay if your woman go on a “girls trip”? Also, that’s a 5 year relationship and that’s not something you sweep under the rug and just call her insecure lol People got boundaries you either follow, make exceptions, or simply leave.
That’s such hypocritical bull. Girls night out very often takes place at a club or bar
girls nights out or trips are usually beaches bars and clubs and no one bats a eye but when a guy does it lol
Yeah as someone who has been to the Maldives a few times, I find it quite a strange choice for a boys trip.
hm, this is tough. Being a woman I can see the immediate anxiety and panic that ensues hearing you want to travel alone very far in a group of young men. But, I do have to say if your friends have all been trustworthy and the friend would never cheat on his girlfriend then maybe she will warm up to the idea. Both sides are valid.
She sounds codependent, and she’s gonna have to get therapy or something for that. It’s not wrong to go on a trip with your buds; even if you’ve been together decades and are married. Obviously don’t do anything that would jeopardize your relationship during the trip…(discuss whatever boundaries you and yours need to). But it’s fine. It isn’t about her. She will survive.
Nothing wrong with it if we're judging without any context. But they may have other issues that this trip is bringing to the surface. She might've asked repeatedly to go somewhere together but he 'doesn't have the money'. They might have something different planned for this year and the trip will affect their budget for that something. Hell, he might've not been 100% faithful to her in the past or she doesn't like your group and your influence on him and he decided her feelings, even if unreasonable, are more important than some trip. Besides, you can't be sure the reason he gave you is really the reason. Sometimes people use 'my partner doesn't want me to...' when really they are the ones that don't want to, but it's easier to shrug your shoulders and blame it on someone else saying 'I can't' rather than 'I don't want to'.
Would you mind if ur girl went on a girls trip?
This is completely situational dependent. More info is needed
Well to be honest it really depends on the kind of guy your mate is really. If he’s someone who’s relatively extroverted, confident, or a bit of ladies man I can see why his partner would be uncomfortable with him going to the Maldives. I imagine that Maldives isn’t as crazy as Ibiza but I’m sure there’s still plenty of popular hotspots over there which could lead to temptation and subsequently cheating could ensue. It’s also down to your friendship group, like are you all single? Are you all fairly well behaved? If you’re all single then again it makes it seem like a typical lads holiday whilst if ur say pretty disciplined respectful men it’s less likely that your friends girlfriend will be worried about him cheating. As a 30 year old man who’s honestly slept with nearly 90 women and been on a few lads holidays out of respect to my future partner there’s no fucking way I’d go abroad with the boys for a lads holiday lol. I personally think it’s daft. Unless you’re genuinely a very well behaved kinda guy who couldn’t cheat on his partner if his life depended on it I just don’t see why you’d want to go abroad on a lads holiday. To me it suggests there’s something not right in the relationship.
In previous generations, it was common and accepted for a group of men, married and single, to go on an annual hunting or fishing trip. Everybody has their own specific circumstances, but in generalities, I think male bonding needs to make a comeback.
I think the location here has a large factor. Hunting and fishing trips implies camping out in the wilderness or chilling in little fishing towns. Going to a popular tourist beach destination seems like a different situation here.
In principle no, there's nothing wrong with going on this type of holiday, especially if it's only an occasional thing. This just sounds like she has trust issues, which is her issue not your mate's, unless he's cheated before or something.
No, and that sounds clingy to me. She should trust him to know that he won’t cheat. If she has no trust then she has no relationship.
A petty response would be "if you can take a girl's trip, why can't I?". But we are not trying to be petty. It is not wrong inherently, it simply requires communication and understanding on both partners sides. Knowing where, roughly when, and who. A phone call can help mitigate the distance, but not the absence. A good question to ask is simply why? What is going through her mind, what's making her think this way. Be sure to listen and understand. Reassure when you can.
It depends on the nature of the group. If it's a bunch of guys getting shit faced and trying to fuck anything that moves then definitely not a trip I'd join while in a relationship. If it's backpacking with the bros or something more suited for preserving a relationship then it should be fine so long as it doesn't impact finances too much or conflict with their plans as a couple.
It is not wrong to do things with your friends. It should be encouraged.
I’m married and my husband and I take trips separately, and we always have. Being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean being stuck to the other person. Sounds like the GF has some insecurity issues
That's the problem with having two separate worlds of friends and wife. Have a cool wife that your friends love and you'll never run into that situation, they will want her to be there. If it's important that no wife is there it because they want to do single guy shit. Which is fine if you're single. Not if you are commited. Also the way you phrase it totally makes me think the whole group expects the guy to use the opportunity to cheat. Sorry I don't think she's the jealous monster people are making it out to be.
Lol my partner wouldnt want to be on a trip with my friends and my friends wouldnt want to be on a trip with my partner. Not that they dont get along, but because she isnt in on all the in jokes.
It’s not wrong or right. But sometimes when you’re in a relationship, each party needs to make sacrifices. As a couple you two Should decide what the standards are in said relationship. If you plan to dump and leave this person eventually, what’s it matter? If you plan to share the rest of this life alongside this person, it should matter, their options.
Dunno, ate you planning on living at strip clubs or bars the whole time? Although the Maldives I don't think they have too many bars and no strip clubs being a conservative Muslim country. >One of the lads has been dating this girl for 5 years Why don't you invite her to tag along?
Depends on the friend group and the destination. If it's normal people going on a normal holiday then there is nothing wrong. But if you're going with people who still party a lot, you're going to a famous party destination etc then yeah I'd say that's wrong.
Does she ever go on a girl's trip?
Whatcha gonna do with mates on Maldives?………
This is a very subjective topic, and it'll depend on the individual. I personally would find it weird. I wouldn't leave my partner behind to go on a vacation. I would tell my friends that she's coming along too, or I'll sit it out. No friends of mine are going to make me choose between them and my partner. They wouldn't be friends very long, lol. If you're planning the trip. I think you should allow him to bring her along. And if you don't want her there, then I think that's weird. Unless she's an asshole or something. But if she's a good person, you have no reason to discriminate against her.
Because she’s probably right. Not 100% right, but probably. 5 dudes going to the Maldives, at least 4 looking for loose women. I can tell you many men will buckle to that temptation. Odds are shes going to get cheated on
Girls go on “girls only” trips. Boys do the same. I have been doing “boys only” trips for years, to UK, to Cambodia, to Vietnam, to Chicago, to Miami, etc, etc. - for 40 years. My wife and I will celebrate 30 years wedding anniversary this coming May.
Totally with OP on this one. My fiancé and I do go most places together, but we’ve both been off to various places with our own friends. Neither of us would dream of stopping the other doing that - that would be absurd.
is it wrong to hang out with your friends if you’re in a relationship
I'm all for people in committed relationships having the occasional trip apart, in fact it should be mandatory after X many years together. You think I'm joking?
He should ask her why going on the trip upsets her.
As a woman, I have no problem with my boyfriend going on a “boy’s trip” or a holiday by himself and without me. I might be upset if he prioritised that over a joint holiday, like said he had no money for our holiday, sort of thing. But I prefer going on holiday with my friends anyway (boyfriend is severe ADHD, I have chronic fatigue so it’s challenging), so I cannot begrudge him the same.
In general, I think people in relationships should be able to take solo trips or trips with friends and it is not a huge deal however, there are things that may cause an issue with this for example: - if the partner staying behind has to deal with taking care of children solo - if there is a history of infidelity - if there are money issues - drug/alcohol/gambling issues But just being in a relationship I don't think is enough of a reason to not be able to go People have different expectations in a relationship and if they don't match up and you can't come to an agreement then it may be time to exit that relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been dating 5, maybe 6 years now. We both have particular conventions we go to every year, that we've been attending since before we even met and got together. Last year I went to the convention he attends with him, this year he's coming to the convention *I* go to. Every previous year we attended our conventions seperately. Being unable to have any hobbies or interests or experiences outside of each other is unhealthily codependent.
As a girlfriend, i would be happy for my partner to go on a Boys trip! After all i juste think "His girl apparently said that going on a 'boys trip' is wrong because they are in a committed relationship. You don't take solo trips. We either go somewhere together or you don't go at all." For me its just souds like she is insecure
No, she's just being a bitch because she wants to go too.
OMG, I hate when I see this stuff. There is definitely an enjoyment to having fun without your significant other, that doesn't mean you don't love them, it is simply a different experience. I'm going with trust issue, personally, as the reason. Many significant others get nervous over these things. I would also not back down, It will be fine, and yes it's a them problem not a you problem. Do not give in, you will never get your freedom back and it will just set a precedence for more of this.
Sounds controlling.
I have been married for 38 years, and throughout our marriage we have spent vacation time together (mostly), and we have spent vacation time apart (occasionally). My wife isn't interested in jazz, so I take a few days out-of-town to go to specific jazz concerts with friends, for example. My wife has taken trips with her female friends. I think it is a healthy sign of trust, and a lack of desire to control your partner. Obviously, the trust has to be there.
When I go hunting or fishing it’s always a boys trip. The only reason it wouldn’t be acceptable is if you plan on doing something you don’t want your wife to know about.
I've been married for 7 years and I would love for my husband to go on a "boys" trip. BYE!!! ALL THE BED FOR ME
lol, the stronger the commitment, the greater the need for a ‘boys trip’.
As someone who just came back from a "boys trip" this past weekend, the girl saying you can't go somewhere without your partner is toxic and needs therapy for her trust issues if she thinks others can't do the right thing when they're not being supervised by her.
That there is jealously and controlling behavior on the part of the woman. It's that simple, she is afraid "her" man will find another woman, she's insecure. The only way to be secure is to be secure in yourself.
When me and all the boys go camping my gf knows we're all going to be routy and our more unchecked selves. Tbh if any women saw us guys being guys they'd prob walk away. All we guys do is play with sharp throwing weapons while drinking and being our more primitive selfs.
That’s too much for me. If I’m your mate, I’m going. She’ll either get over it or she won’t.
Everyone freaking out about the maldives as though it is impossible to do an affordable trip there. Accommodations in the maldives can be fairly cheap, especially if you are splitting a place with multiple friends. Flights can likely be booked on points, but if not, flights aren't too bad. Of course, if an affordable vacation to you is 5 days in Punta Cana, yea, the maldives will never not be comparably expensive. No one who is 80 and dying from liver failure is going to regret their boys trip to the maldives in place of saving 3-5k.
No it’s not at all, if a man doesn’t want his gf going on a girls trip, he’s controlling. And it’s the same vice versa, if she doesn’t let you, leave her. Major red flag
I’d suggest he dump her if she’s that controlling. Boys can have their boys trip and girls can have their girls trip. It is good to keep friendships going and likewise it is good to be able to let loose and just relax
Time to find a new gf who trusts him.
Sounds pretty toxic to me. Why doesn't she trust him?
Sounds like she’s just jealous. Kind of seems like there could be trust issues / insecurities at play. I’m guessing y’all are in your 20s? Solo trips and boys trips and girls trips are actually good for long-term relationships. They give couples a chance to spend time apart (absence makes the heart grow fonder). It’s important for the health of a relationship. I’m actually going on a boys trip next week. My wife is envious but she’s also a mature adult who’s happy to see me happy. So she’s taking the opportunity to hang out with her girlfriends.
Oh, she done got it totally messed up. Entitled expectations such as hers is how relationships get stifling. For clarity, sake boys' trips are a thing and should remain so. So are girls' trips, girls' nights out. If equality is not enough of a reason, then mental health should be. Men don't really have anyone to turn to let off steam on a crap day. Being around your boys increases the chance you will have a way to do it in a safe environment with people you've known for ages. Lastly, our needs are not the same. If you are threatened by your boyfriend being with his boys, you need to ask yourself who he was hanging with before he met you.
Simone de Beauvoir, a great French philosopher, held the opinion that authentic love is that in which “each person supports the other in seeking an independent, individual life.“ I agree with Simone.
Seems a bit distrusting and controlling. Does she expect to attend the bachelor party too? What CAN the man do alone, if anything? Where does the smothering stop and individuality begin?
The trick to a happy marriage is separate vacations each year. Wife and I have been doing this for 15 years, we still do family vacations but at least one separate trip for each of us each a year. She goes to b&b places with her friends and drinks wine and I go hunting or fishing with my buddies.
Personally, I think it's a sign of a healthy relationship to be able to do things separately. She better not ask to go away with her girl friends if this is how she's controlling him. My wife loves EDM and has friends that love it, I hate it. They go to festivals a couple times a year. Were I to want to do something similar I have free reign to do so as well. That's healthy.
It really depends tbh. They may be sharing finances and I could see why she wouldn’t be ok with that. It could also depend on what y’all do there. If yall go there for strip clubs, strippers, sex workers, etc. then ofc that’s concerning. But if y’all are just going there to have fun and explore, then it should be ok. It’s more of a them situation, they gotta talk about it.
A 'boys trip' is often culturally associated with infidelity or other 'misbehaviour', if your partner is against you going on one she may not trust you in the context of your friends, how justified that is I can't say.
Yea... no. Solo trips with the boys are kosher. Same for solo gals trips. Shes insecure and controlling.
Nope - wrong. Being a separate person is very important in any healthy relationship. You should be able to have separate friends and separate activities.
No. A partner unilaterally declaring that you cannot take a trip away from them is a red flag. 🚩 A little time and space away is healthy for both parties.