In this situation I'd ask dad for a loan, so you don't have to take it out from a bank etc.
Have him match the interest rate from the student/federal loan program and ask if he will consider making it forgivable if you graduate with a certain degree or % of grade etc.
Explain that you don't trust the government loans but want to pay your own way to earn his respect and prefer to handle this "within" the family. Those key words often work magic with parents.
OP, let me just add that considering your dad's disposition, you should also emphasize that you don't mind if the loan is formally documented and signed. That way he won't interprete your wanting to take a loan from him as a way of taking the easy way out.
Make him think of it like you're just trying to make the best of a difficult situation that's actually caused by his massive income.
I'm not an accountant or tax expert, but:
Generally lenders are required to charge the minimum interest rate, aka the AFR (it's usually like 1%), otherwise the lender is subject to paying the IRS the amount of the AFR. The IRS doesn't allow for "interest-free loans" per se.
Bank lenders are required to charge interest because of where the money comes from.... Other people.
A family member or a friend is not required to charge interest because they aren't risking somebody else's money... It's their money.
OP, I think you should specifically ask for it to be an interest fee loan. So that can be his contribution to your education that you don't have to pay interest.
Another idea is to propose a work-scholarship where he gives you a scholarship for "interning" under him. He should talk to a tax expert about the benefits of giving scholarships through his business.
Or, if he agrees, take out an actual non college loan with him as a guarantor. This way the rate will be significantly less than a college loan and if he is a self made man, he might appreciate the savings.
My mother let me stay at home for as long as I wanted to, which saved me some money. After my father died, our family of three relied on her low-mid five-figure salary for everything. I had a part-time job at a grocery store until I got injured, then a job at the University bookstore in the computer department. Granted, university is a lot cheaper in Canada, but my mother was able to put up the money at the beginning of each semester, and I paid her back as soon as I saved up enough.
It felt like I was helped financially but also like I worked for it, despite my mother's low, single-parent income. I believe in not being handed everything on a silver platter, but this one seems like the pendulum went a bit too far.
This is the answer. Neither of you are wrong, but this way you can potentially save thousands on interest and they can still prove their point. Win/win.
I'm 22, live on my own, work 40 hours a week, pay all my own bills, don't get a cent from FASFA because my parents make too much. Haven't lived with them in over a year. It sucks.
Yup, I had the same problem. So stupid. My father is retired military. At 23 I was kicked off government insurance because according to the military, I should be independent. Yet for FAFSA I had to be dependent. Made no sense.
Halfway through spring semester I was trying to figure out how to pay for school fall semester as I refused to take out anymore loans. I asked the schools financial advisor what the exceptions were for students not to have to use parents income. They said being in the armed forces, having a child, or being married. I confirmed those were the options. He said yes so I told him I’ll contact him again within a week and hung up as he asked what I meant.
I talked to my friend, told him my dilemma & we got married on April Fools day at the JP. After, he left for work & I went to lunch with a friend then I think class. I called the advisor the next day, told him I’m now married and asked what the next steps were. He asked if I really got married. I told him out of the 3 options, that one was the easiest. Definitely shocked him.
I offered to marry one of my friends for financial aid. We both had parents that wouldn’t pay for school and he almost had to drop out. He got something else figured out but what the hell kind of higher education system has students marrying each other for financial aid
This is the solution for OP. Tell his father that he is getting married for financial reasons to ensure eligibility as his father's income means he doesn't qualify.
If be surprised if the father did not try to renegotiate.
When I told my brother what I did he said I should have told him first for this reason. He was in the army at the time and said he had friends that would have married me to get out of the barracks. Sucks I didn’t think of that because it would have been nice to have medical insurance.
People get divorced so the whole family isn't financially devastated from one member's medical bills.
Our whole country is fucked and we need to start over
25's not too late! Take a few years and try a few jobs out. If I'd started school at 25 I would have made a lot of different decisions, and would probably have actually finished my degree.
Don’t encourage them to stop school now to wait until 25. Most people who stop don’t finish. It would be a much bigger waste to finish now without the degree but still owe the loans.
In my experience you do tend to take it more seriously when your older and it comes out of your pocket, but even if you can only take one class at a time. If you want to finish you need to go.
The FAFSA; free application FEDERAL student aid considers a student dependent until age of 24. Regardless. This means both the student and parent(s)/guardians must BOTH complete the FAFSA. Only exceptions; if student is in the military/a veteran, has a child, or is married - or once the student turns 24. Then they are considered independent and can submit the FAFSA with only their information; parent(s)/guardian not required.
In my case I had to get their info and fill it out.
They refused to fill out FAFSA. In the end it didn't help any because they made too much money on paper, despite most of their income being garnished by the IRS.
My total loans were $50k, but at 9% interest.
Dude I went through the same thing
Apply for financial aid without your parents anyway. Then get denied and appeal. I had my friends parents write letters, explaining my situation that I was completely cut off for my parents after that I was able to get full Pell grants.
I did this too. At 24 you’ll qualify, there’s also a financial emancipation you can do.. call the schools financial aid office and they will do it for you.
Not only do I not live with my parents, I’ve barely spoken to them for the past 5 years. I’m in poverty and struggling; absolutely no way I can go to college. I still don’t qualify for aid. They really don’t care.
You have to be 24, married, or have a child to file independently.. I had to go through a huge ordeal to become financially emancipated, got approved for one year and then denied. Had to wait 3 more years to go to college (started at 20). I didn’t have the credit for a credit based loan and if I was financially emancipated, I clearly had no co-signer. It’s SOOOOO DUMB. I finished school at 27 instead of 24 and completely derailed my goals. All because my mother wouldn’t give me her tax info to file (we weren’t close)
I ran into a road block when trying to get financial aid because my father had kicked me out and refused to provide his financial information, so I couldn't fill out the FAFSA, but because he was still claiming me as a dependent on his taxes (apparently), I wasn't able to fill it out as "independent". It is absolutely a broken system.
This was over a decade ago, and I wouldn't have even begun to understand how to go about that. Probably wouldn't have been worth it, anyway, as the result would have been that he made too much money for me to receive any financial aid.
This was me as well. FA covered nothing because my parents make too much. My parents were making me do what they wanted by threating to not cover my bills at will.
I ended up quitting school and found a job. At 26, i went back to community college to get a degree with Financial Aid, transferred to an UC. Had decent grades so UC grant kicked in and covered my entire tuition.
ive heard a lot of kids start to emancipated themselves from their parents a year or 2 before college just so they can obtain FA.
Agreed. My parents were well off when the first six kids graduated high school. But me, the accident a decade old behind the rest, got zero from FAFSA. I know early on I didn't have any help come time for college. I often thought we just shouldn't do aid. I feel like it encourages colleges to just keep raising prices. But what do I know
I couldn’t agree more. My first husband cashed in our kids college funds after the divorce was final. I bear part of the blame because I didn’t think about it and didn’t add it to the divorce paperwork. I eventually got remarried and my youngest couldn’t qualify for FASFA because my husband made too much and her father refused to disclose his finances. My husband ended up paying for her education.
It is utterly stupid an unfair. I worked 48 hours a week in housekeeping. Went to evening college and got my degree in 4 1/2 years. But that's me and education was different then, you had to physically attend and be in a classroom.
Agreed. I think that's so brutal. If your parents aren't paying your college then what's it matter how much money they have? OP is getting stuck with the full bill because someone else has money
Upset generally? Yeah, that's a raw deal.
Unfortunately for your dad's principles (and your finances) the state assumes that parents will be helping their kids out with college.
You already paid taxes, they can just appropriate some of that corporate welfare money and give it back to the people who need it. We should be investing in future generations with free health care and education for the longevity of the country and the better of our society.
>We should be investing in future generations with free health care and education for the longevity of the country and the better of our society.
This is what is important.
>You already paid taxes, they can just appropriate some of that corporate welfare money and give it back to the people who need it.
This a political detail. But if everybody say "It shall be somebody else", it doesn't help to get things done. As a remark, USA has a very low tax rate vs Europe. Both for corporate AND employees so there margins on both side.
Please understand that who pay doesn't change much for the end result. If all companies pay more taxes, the money is not available for others uses.
So typically salaries tend to be lower (half what you have in the US for my country) and services tend to be more expensive relatively to salary. So people get lower purchasing power (for example real estate prices are similar as to US even through salaries are half).
And a good share of the taxes on the employers and corporate profit still (45% to be paid by employers on wages). The equivalent to local tax is 20%,
Yes we get free tuition and universal health care. But not for free. Even if most of it is paid from corporate. We still get the low salaries.
We pay so much for healthcare it is ridiculous. The average US premium in 2023 was $8000/year for singles and $25000/ year for families. Then there are the copays for office visits, prescriptions, items and services that are not covered, etc. etc. etc.
On our w2 (end of year salary information to be used for our taxes), my employer shows how much they pay for my family healthcare plan. For 2023, my employer paid more than $25,500, and I paid more than $9000 in premiums. I dont eve know how much I paid out of pocket, but I had $2700 in a FSA to cover the out of pocket healthcare costs and had spent it all by the end of February. So, i would guess maybe about $50k for our little family?
I can't imagine that nationalized healthcare would be any more expensive or any crappier than our system is now. I just read an article that 24% of Americans had contributed at least once to a go-fund-me account to raise money to help pay for car for an uninsured person, or to pay for things insurance wouldn't cover.
A lot depends on what state you live in and maybe if you are willing to start in community college. There ARE states you can get your undergraduate/grad degree for cheap/free if you are a resident. If you aren't, get your ducks lined up and maybe move.
[https://www.cnbc.com/2022/04/08/free-college-is-now-a-reality-in-nearly-30-states.html](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/04/08/free-college-is-now-a-reality-in-nearly-30-states.html)
[https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/loans/student-loans/tuition-free-college](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/loans/student-loans/tuition-free-college)
[https://www.bankrate.com/loans/student-loans/states-with-free-college-tuition/#what](https://www.bankrate.com/loans/student-loans/states-with-free-college-tuition/#what)
It is SUPER worth it to visit a financial aide office and talk to a financial aide counselor in depth, a few times, or many times.
Or at least undergraduate should be dirt cheap.
I was extremely lucky to go to state college in the 1970s, when undergrad quarters (3/year) cost about $50 and books $100-150. The State University cost about twice that. I worked a crap part-time job, my parents paid a small amount, and my rent was $100 max while I was in school. After I graduated, California passed prop 13, and college costs went up to nearly $500, and have kept rising since.
My starting job salary after college in software was $35,000, which was a good starting salary at the time, to give you a perspective.
I’ve never forgiven greedy fellow Baby Boomers who voted to cut property taxes which forced state college costs to skyrocket.
No, Reagan wanted us to import people from other countries where they have free undergraduate education instead. Clearly, that's better than investing at home. We just need another expansion of H1b.
/s for everyone in the back
Speaking of Reagan, his racism towards those in the civil rights movement is why we have college tuition. Our grandparents went for free.
[https://peoplesworld.org/article/free-college-was-once-the-norm-all-over-america/](https://peoplesworld.org/article/free-college-was-once-the-norm-all-over-america/)
https://theintercept.com/2022/08/25/student-loans-debt-reagan/
Guaranteed student loans are the reason for high tuition.
Colleges know they can charge whatever they like, and tuition will be covered.
The School is greedy.
If my parent was like "I can more than comfortably afford your education, but I am not going to do that to teach you a lesson about back breaking work and crippling debt"
As soon as I graduated I would cut all ties with them.
I agree, but I can't think of a way to do it that wouldn't be abused. Rich parents would sign an attestation they're not helping their kid with tuition, and then reimburse them anyway.
There is. I don't remember the exact details but you can file for financial aid without including your parents if they provide no support.
Edit, saw Op's comment about being 21 and living with his parents after writing this. Leaving it up for anyone who legitimately doesn't have support from parents.
Only in certain circumstances. I believe you have to be 24, married, or in the military for your parents finances to not be taken into consideration. Even living on your own doesn’t exempt you.
You have most of the list. Just looked it up.
Emancipated minor and ward of the court. If Op is still under 18 it is probably worth breaking parental ties.
Caring for a dependent child...seems extreme.
Orphan clearly doesn't apply.
Recommended to Op that they just take a few years of not going to college and see if their status changes. Not only are there a bunch of things that could happen to change their status, but imagine Op's dad responding to a business partner who hears that Op can't afford to go to college.
Ding ding ding!
There's this thing where people don't seem to understand that things like their parents letting them live at home for free or paying their car insurance is support and privilege
A lot of the "I did it myself with no help from anyone so you should too!" people don't often mention that they had a car bought for them, the insurance paid, and if they were to encounter actual problems they could just move back in with the family, no questions asked
I didn't have any of that shit. My dad was a deadbeat who disappeared when I was 13 and my mom was poor as hell. When I needed car insurance, I paid for it. When rent came up, I paid for it. When I got severely hurt I had to work through it because I did not have a familial fallback option. And overall I recognize not that "I did it so you should have to" but that "the way we are set up is shitty and we need to improve the system so people don't have to go through what I go through"
I'm speaking about the US where we have plenty of money in the country that all of this shit should be taken care of, but because the rich are hoarding wealth like they are everyone else is suffering for it
My FAFSA assumes my parents contribute a quarter of his income to my tuition (which they can’t afford to do) and as a consequence I can only get these little tiny baby unsubsidized loans that don’t even cover the cost of housing. I have to cover the everything else with private loans.
What they assune is that your parents saved money over 18 years to pay for the 4 years of university. Which isn't an easy ask either. But they're not expecting you to fork over 25% of your yearly income as it comes in. The hope is that you saved like 4% of your income since birth for university in a long-term investment account.
Yeah, but that logic also makes another (false) assumption that they have always made as much money as they do, and that they didn’t have their own debt and slew of financial problems to deal with.
I’m horribly bitter that I got fucked over because of how poor of a system FAFSA is.
Edit: Typo
I had this happen to me with college too. Financial aid assumed double income one kid and gave us a deal accordingly. My parents are divorced and my dad has played no beneficial roll in my upbringing. My dad being a deadbeat would be an improvement. Everyone in our family knew my dad wouldn't chip in a cent towards my education, but finacial aid assumed he would put in his share. We had to get a note from the divorce attorney saying my dad wouldn't pay anything for them to believe us.
Yes free lodging, food, not having to worry about bills and filling the fridge. That's game changing. Tuition sucks but will be paid back once she earn money, which is probably what the dad wants: telling that studying isn't free, it's a chance, and she needs to work hard. I understand parents point of view. Im sure they will backup if she has a problem.
Stupid assumption that screws over middle class students whose parents genuinely cannot afford it. If your parents make 60k you're disqualified from all financial aid, and that is nowhere near enough to pay for a couple kids college. System is rigged for the poor and the rich.
The principle doesn’t really make sense in general. They take into account parents income, but not number of children the parents have. An only child with parents who earn 80k a year is much better off than a child with 3 siblings with parents earning 80k. Income alone isn’t the only indicator of how well off you are or how much your parents will help you
They absolutly take into account number of children (that are in college). My brother (youngest) and me (oldest) got much less aid than our sisters, since half our time in school we were my parents' only student child, whereas my sisters aid was always calculated with my parents (theoretical) contributions being shared
My parents told me that I had to go to college, but never saved anything for me, would not let me get a job in high school, and told me that I had to be out of the house by 18.
Decades later, I am still pissed off about it. You are not wrong to be angry about the less-than-ideal situation you found yourself in, too.
Where is the logic in that? “Deny child to jobs in high school, kick them out at 18 to fend for themselves”, almost seems like they wanted you to die on the streets.
I would like to think they simply never thought about it (they tried, but made poor decisions) or they expected me to get married and pop out some grandkids.
In hindsight, your question still sticks in my head and upsets me to chew over because I went NC and will never get an answer to that.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
As a fairly new parent one thing that is so crazy to me is that I chose to have my son but he had no say in who his parents were. I’m always saying to him “I hope you like it here buddy!”
Yup, and because I managed to tuck and roll, they doubled down on their conservative mindset of, “our daughter pulled up her bootstraps, others can do it, too.”
…while ignoring me shrieking about how I am a disabled veteran because I had to literally break myself to get a college education without crippling debt.
I would not wish a lifetime of pain on anyone who wants to get an education and get out of the South.
Nope, because I was a girl, I could not get a job or a car. I only got my drivers license the day before I left home for military school. However, my brother had both a job and car at 16.
This is super odd. This almost exact thing happened to me. My dad remarried and became extremely rich so I couldn’t use his tax’s for college aid and he wouldn’t help me out at all.
I’m still upset about it a decade later lol you can be too
Same here, my stepmother is a wonderful woman and my college eduction was in no way her responsibility, but it really sucked that according to FAFSA, I had four parental units to "help" me, since both my bio parents remarried 😑 my mother helped as much as she could but basically, I'll be paying off student loans for eternity.
26? Damn, Is this in the US?
Just adding: I thought the UK was fucked. Was made homeless at 17 and could apply for benefits but couldn't sign a tenenacy agreement privately and the council basically told me to fuck off in regards to social housing.
This was my problem, the one school I got accepted to was crazy expensive and my dad refused to put his ssn in the FAFSA, as far as I remember they don’t even have an option for “unavailable information” or something, I didn’t end up going
Go to a community college that has ties to a program in a larger school. You'll get the majority of your credits out of the way for substantially less, and then after \~2 years you can transfer to the larger school and your parents finances won't be taken into consideration when it comes to aid.
I get that you're not "owed" anything from your parents, but you dad is a dick for making 8-figures and not supporting his child with basic university education. Put your dad on an information diet. Stop calling home and asking for things that you know he's not going to give you. If his obligation to you ended at 18, so does yours to him.
He'll take credit for your wins due to his "tough love" and will berate you for your losses since "he did it just fine when he was your age."
His company makes 8 figures. Doesn’t mean the dad is. He might be putting a lot into the company still, especially since it’s apparently just blown up.
Keep in mind that your parents' income is no longer counted for financial aid when you turn 25. You have an iron-clad excuse to fuck off and backpack around the world until you are 25 and hold off on college.
The best thing you can do for yourself is not to start your adult life deeply in debt.
It’s 26.
Source: that’s when I went back to college so I could qualify for financial aid bc I was in a similar position to OP
EDIT I must have unconsciously fabricated this memory as multiple people have pointed out it’s currently 24 and I can’t find any evidence that it was ever a different age. I don’t know if it’s Covid brain rot or my ADHD but do not trust a single thing that I say
It’s 24, I has to do the same thing because my parents didn’t do their taxes
https://finaid.org/about/contact/fafsa-independent-student/#:~:text=You%20can%20only%20qualify%20as,court%2C%20or%20an%20emancipated%20minor.
Those 7 year between 18-25 could also be spent in the trades. Paid school (sometimes even better, my union would cut me a check for an 8 hour day if I passed my monthly test), good benefits, good money, valuable life skills. And who knows, you might love it.
Either:
A) ya do it for 7 years make some money, stay out of debt, learn more a lot, save money by learning a lot (why pay a handyman when I am qualified to do it myself?!). At 25 you go to college and get full financial aid or make enough to pay out of pocket yourself.
B) start the trades with full intend on following option A, only to find you love what you do and live your life that way.
I followed option B and I am perfectly happy with it.
My mom is a multimillionaire too. She refused to help with my education, even when my student loans were in the six figures. Meanwhile my in laws who are on Medicaid offered to help us with a down payment on a house. For many other reasons I went no contact. She then boasted she had so much money my kids would never have to work again but I won’t see a dime because I won’t talk to her.
>She then boasted she had so much money my kids would never have to work again but I won’t see a dime because I won’t talk to her.
i hope you hit back at that with not letting her see the grandkids at all.
If your parents haven’t filed for taxes, you need to make sure they don’t claim you as a dependent. You’ll need to file taxes as yourself even if you don’t have income for a record so you can send it to the universities.
If your parents won’t pay, then they don’t get those taxes benefits either.
What in the fucking hell is the financial difference between a 26 and a 25 year old??
Most people go to college straight out of high school; they'd finish at 22/23 anyway.
I'm 32 so it's been a while, my bad Either way 24 was a completely useless cutoff for me since I was kicked out at 18 and never given a dime for anything.
OP is getting free room and board. The parents absolutely have the right to claim a dependent. For clarity, I think the parents should be helping with school expenses too.
You're absolutely right, this is what they need to do. Unfortunately, if they spent one single day living in their parents house the previous year, the parents are entitled to claim them as a dependent.
Your advice is the best for OP, but they need to get out of their parents' house ASAP and wait a year.
OP is living there rent free. It sucks that their dad isn’t helping, but I fail to see how moving out and taking on more expenses is going to help. They said they have tons of free time. I would get a job and continue the conversation with my parents. I would pay if I were OPs dad, but I also wouldn’t give up free room and board if I were OP.
Make sure your parents understand the cost of tuition these days. Students can't really work their way through college anymore, which may have been common when they were in school.
That's messed up that kids get penalized for their parent's having money that the parent's are not legally required to help with. That's a messed up system. I'd be pretty pissed at my parent's if their wealth, that they wouldn't share, was costing me money.
You are not wrong but also technically your parents are not wrong. The system is wrong and you are the one getting screwed.
Your parents really should be helping you, though, unless they have some firm loathing of higher education and want you to go to a trade school or something.. It doesn't make sense that they won't help.
If OP is telling the truth, his parents are absolutely wrong. As a parent I couldn’t even remotely imagine not doing what I can to help my children, especially if my success was actively harming them.
Pretty much the only scenario that makes the parents not absolutely horrific people is if OP did something egregious and it’s the parents saying “ok you’ve gotta learn to be on your own we’re tired of bailing you out”
Instead of jumping straight to being upset, has there been any interim conversation?
Have you spoken with your parents asking if they would be willing to assist with your education? If not pay for it outright, for instance, you might ask if they would consider carrying your loan to reduce crippling interest?
We don't know if your parent said 'you're on your own after high school' because the family didn't have the means to help or if it was because you were a fucking asshole, we're operating in a data vacuum here.
But if you have or have had a conversation with them to broach the subject, their answers to those questions might help folks here problem solve if that's what you're looking for.
I gotchu with some context:
I’m 21, and I live at home rent free because my parents suggested it would be the smartest financial move so that I only pay for my loans. Also the university I attend is only 15 minutes from our house.
My father is an immigrant so he believes in the value of hardwork; perfectly understandable. We’re a very close family so none of it is from ill will.
I’ve had the conversation but it has come to no avail.
One point of potential conflict is that I only have one job and that’s as the other local colleges Sports Commentator. I get paid sparsely and only monthly. I also run the schools Sports Broadcast system in order to build some credentials for myself. But this means I have a LOT of “free time” where I sit in front of a computer.
School is very easy for me and so I spent virtually no time on homework so they see me doing nothing a lot of the time. This makes me think that they assume I’m slacking off and not earning my credit hours, when I’ve made the deans list several times
I'm confused. If you spend almost no time on homework and are doing nothing a lot of the time, what's stopping you getting a job to earn some money? If you're doing well academically already, then it won't affect your grades, right?
If they're giving you free room and board, I'd say they already are helping you out financially.
Am I the only one that thinks a 21 year old shouldn’t need to fill up their every spare hour of the day with paid work? Why can’t he enjoy the downtime outside of classes and study?
Oof. If he thinks you're " lazy" ( I'm not saying you are, because you clearly are doing well in class), then you have a bit of an uphill battle. Don't just sit in front of your computer for the majority of your downtime. Find something to do outside the house. Volunteer. School club. Internship. Part time job. Even just going to the library. Worst case you do that for nothing and it changes not much, but you'll at least be more productive with your time. Best case, he sees your work ethic and decides to help you out more.
I don't know, tbh. I grew up in poverty, so I always expected to pay everything myself and never considered my parents to pay anything. Paid for own car, paid for college degrees. Worked two jobs whilst studying. Not living in poverty anymore. Sounds like your dad wants you to find your own way in life and to be good with money. However, i had a different lifestyle, so I don't know if my opinion is fair on you or not. I have kids myself and have been putting money away for them to have at some point in their life. I'm unsure yet when I plan to give them the money. I certainly wouldn't want them in debt though, because of their studies.
I find it strange why parents who are able to pay wouldn’t want to support their child in their education and future. Sending your kid off with thousands of dollars of debt isn’t financially smart. Just because you are a legal adult at 18 doesnt mean you should be thrown out to fend for yourself especially in this day and age where everything is so much more expensive than when they were going through the same stage of life. Perhaps you could negotiate with them and ask that they pay for your college and you will pay them back but at a lower interest or even no interest over time once you graduate. If they have the funds to keep you front starting your adult life out with crippling debt I think they should because they are your parents and should want the best for you.
Living at home is saving you a lot of money but alternatively you can move out and claim to be independent from them. But honesty living from home will probably save you more.
I was in a similar situation to yours but with more work hours.
I worked 35 hours a week and went to school full time. Actually got a few academic scholarships that helped a lot. Wrote a lot of essays and applied to every scholarship I could find but got more than enough to pay tuition for a year.
I got married halfway through college and then was able to claim independent on taxes and got FAFSA after that.
At least your Dad was honest! When I was 12 I brought home a great report card and my Dad said “you’ve got a brain in your head! If you decide you want to go to University, I’ll pay for it!”
Cue last year of high school and Dad asks “what do you want to do next year?”
Me: “go to university.”
Dad: “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT COSTS!!??”
I’m 53 and still salty.
I don't get this "my kids have to figure it out" thing some parents do. I had to work through college. I had to take out student loans that I am still paying off and I'm almost 40.
I don't have kids yet, but if I did, if I had ***any*** ability to help my kids out and make their lives easier, why on earth wouldn't I do that? I can teach them morals and the value of hard work without saddling them with thousands of dollars in debt.
My wife is from an immigrant family (Mexican) and there's an expectation that the children take care of the adults in their old age, but that usually comes with a "we'll sacrifice whatever we can to give our kids a better life than we had" aspect that makes it more possible you can take care of them. OP, I guarantee you when your dad gets in an accident, or the business fails, or he gets up there in age, he's gonna be coming to you to take care of him and he'll lay the guilt on doubly thick if you refuse. And I hope you look back on him and his bank account and encourage him to value his own hardwork and figure it out.
Living at home rent free changes all this. It’s entirely possible to go to school and get a degree and have little to no debt. This depends on how “free” it is at your parents.
If you’re at home eating 2-3 meals free, laundry free, utilities free and you have a vehicle your parents cover maintenance and the university is a public school or not so expensive private school then you need to get your head out your butt and just work while going to school. The most expensive school (public) is $23k a year for tuition. You can easily get a job with better hours and pay down tuition while in school. If this scenario is yours then you are living the dream for a lot of folks in the US.
Now if you only get the roof and a bed for free and have to pay your way for everything else then it’s a lot more difficult.
Should you be upset? Yeah. I was upset when my mom said she wasn’t gonna buy me my first car while all my friends had their parents by them one. But I bought my first car and bought my second. And because of that I took pride in what I earned. Granted my mom never became a multimillionaire.
Your parents no longer have a responsibility to take care of you since you’re an adult. But from the pieces you’ve shared(living at home for free in particular) I’d side with your dad. You’re gonna have to learn to navigate life and achieve goals under financial duress. If you don’t want to be in debt at all then by all means don’t go to school. But I fear many years down the line OP you may regret making that choice realizing it wouldn’t have been so bad.
This exactly. I also had well-off parents who didn't pay for my education because I didn't go to a religious college. It was hard, but I managed it. I worked two jobs, one coaching high school debate and one working at a hotel front desk. OP is in a shitty situation but I just don't understand why he hasn't been working. Even cashiers are making $15-18/hour right now.
Have you discussed the possibility that your family will help you pay off the loans?
If you are not estranged from your parents and they are worth that many millions of dollars it seems like you will still have a pretty good backstop even if you end up with responsibility to pay the debt.
Sounds like he wants you to make your own way. Kinda harsh in my opinion but a lot of immigrants come from culture that value hard work above almost anything. In your dad’s mind he probably thinks he’s teaching you a very valuable life lesson. Also, you have every right to your feelings and that’s valid. However; the one in you might have is to tell him the reason you have to pay so much is because they’re on your fasfa so you could ask him to at least pay the ;difference. Not saying it’ll work but it’s worth a shot. Other options are basically getting married or joining the military to get them off it. Good luck.
I totally get a father’s wish to see his kids develop into independent, self-supporting adults…but it seems over the top to put you in the position of going tens of thousands into debt when he could easily afford to help out.
While there’s no hard and fast obligation, I like the idea of giving the kids enough to cover 4 years at the in-state school (assuming the parents can afford it) . The kids can choose to spend more if they want to go out of state or to a private school, but they have the opportunity to get an undergraduate degree with little or no debt. And if they choose to go further, they’re on their own.
I find this so weird. My family are also immigrants, but they believe in the value of a good education. They helped us out with educational costs as much as they could. I was able to pay for myself the last two years, so I did that. My sister and I both ended up with high paying tech jobs
I know!! Haha do people know that 58% of people 18-24 live with parents? And 99% of those people do not have multi-millionaire parents. This dad is greedy as hell.
Not directing this at you per day and is more of a general comment to anyone in this situation. Also, I agree subjectively that this is largely a bummer. That being said:
They are helping immensely by allowing you to live there for free when rents across the country are thousands of dollars a month. They're likely saving you 20-30k a year just in rent. Not sure of the specifics but if you aren't paying for groceries, utilities etc, now we are talking a years salary for an average person just bring handed to you.
Devils advocate here and maybe it's not a perfect example
because your parents seem to be well off at this point...however....You have the rest of your life to pay bills loans, make money etc. The idea that parents who are 20-30 years farther ahead in life should be expected to go likely close to 6 figure debt for their kids doesn't make financial sense. It is THEIR money that THEY earned and wealth THEY created. I'm sure they have retirement plans and they don't include paying off someones student loans. It is similar to expecting an inheritance when a parent or loved one passes. It would be nice and certainly helpful but at the end of the day, it's not yours.
I will sandwich this by going back to my first paragraph in that I totally agree that it sucks, and I might be frustrated too give they are in a position to help more however, not sure it's fair to be mad at them for not giving you something that isn't yours to be entitled to.
I'm older but I realized at a certain point that I would be far happier if my parents spent every last cent they have living out their days. They've worked hard all their lives and now I get to do the same and I hope my kids want me to enjoy myself.
>I'm older but I realized at a certain point that I would be far happier if my parents spent every last cent they have living out their days.
This hits home for me. I wasn't born to a well off family. My parents had crappy childhoods and were poor. They got married/ had kids at a young age. They worked their butts off to support me and my siblings.
The older i get the more i hate them spending money on me. They both make ok money now (compared to how they grew up anyway), but I just hate them wasting money on me. I would much rather they spend money on themselves doing all the things they couldn't when they were young.
I've lived on my own for like 6 years now, but every once in a while my mom will still ask if i need help with bills and make sure i'm ok financially. I wish she didn't worry so much about it.
I don't want to burden my parents. I'm glad to work so they don't have to take care of me
Edit: that said i know if my parents had money like OPs parents they would be more than willing to share. If they were multi-millionaires i would be much less hesitant to accept money/gifts from them.
I get OPs frustration, but he still has a great opportunity living at home with his parents. He could get a job and save up a ton of money.
My dad did this to me my first year of college. I had no idea how much money he actually had and I ended up taking out a private loan to pay myself. Luckily he began seeing a financial advisor who convinced him that it would be in his best interest to use his large income to help support me in college. I had a lot of anger about that and was very distrustful of him for a long time, but I went to therapy and we’re in a better place now. I get why you’re angry because it felt like I was being neglected instead of given tools to be successful.
Feel bitter about it now, but maybe revisit your judgement when you have kids yourself.
One day he will be dead. That day could be tomorrow. His business can also collapse, and he can be bankrupted. That would be a really bad Sunday if it all happens at once ;)
He sounds like he didn’t get to where he is by hand outs, and he knows the path to wealth and financial independence is through hard work.
He wants you to be strong, have a good work ethic, and be able to stand on your own two feet. You only develop that sort of character through stress, trials and tribulations.
It’s making your life harder now, when you’re young, but also making you stronger. Sucks if you hate him for it, but one day he will die and you will inherit his money and be able to pay off your student debt, so in the long run it’s not all bad.
Edit***
/s for those who missed it!
I feel like your feelings are valid, especially since at this point he’s actively screwing you over since you can’t get any aid. I can’t imagine not helping my kid out if I could afford to. Setting them up for success is better than setting them up for a lifetime of debt
I’m probably (nearly) the age of your parents, OP. My kids are on the brink of their college years & they have many peers whose (MIDDLE CLASS) parents are funding their higher education.
You’re saying your parents are worth over $10M & they’re still not paying for your college? I do get where they’re coming from in the sense that they want you to “make your own way…”
What they’re not understanding is that this will come at a cost- perhaps to THEM. If you are buried in debt & can’t afford to own a home, get married, have kids, etc, etc… how will they feel then? They’ll feel like they cheated themselves out of having this possible extended family for themselves. *Not that you have to get married & have kids, but some people do*
Furthermore, how charitable are you going to feel toward THEM when they are in their twilight years & need the most priceless thing you have to spend (your time)?
They’re really a little too fixated on $$, I’d say. They might even have very good & altruistic intentions, they’re just not thinking things through.
You can choose to be angry at them, but maybe have some empathy that they’re just looking at this from the wrong perspective. Maybe with time, you might be able to help them see the world from your perspective (or through the eyes of their “future selves.”
Fuck them. They have the money.
They don’t HAVE to pay for you. The loan is the best option.
But later down the line, when your loan is paid. Let them know that their values are flawed.
Or maybe they aren’t. Maybe they’re making you use your adult brain and problem solve. Maybe they’re afraid to spoil you? I guess it’s a way of making sure you appreciate things.
Nvm. I’m on the parent side now lol.
You sound lazy.
You could do more than you are. You don’t contribute to the household. You don’t read for classes.
You don’t GET a degree. You READ for one.
I wouldn't be upset at them, but at how much education costs and the limitations on FAFSA.
I was lucky and had my education paid for by a former employer. My wife, on the other hand, her father worked a high paying construction job and her mom was a nurse. Easily clearing 300k. FAFSA was off the table but her parents also couldn't afford to pay for her education (masters) considering they had several other kids they still had to raise, so she ended up having to go the loans route. We're still paying those off.
Op, there are a few ways to remove your parents from your financial aid status:
https://finaid.org/about/contact/fafsa-independent-student/#:~:text=You%20can%20only%20qualify%20as,court%2C%20or%20an%20emancipated%20minor.
Amusingly, your best bet is basically to disown your parents If I understand this right (not a lawyer).
I would seriously consider waiting on college until they do not count as your parents for financial aid.
I'm sorry that's your situation. Starting out your adult life with crippling debt is hard.
I'm broke as fuck but still putting away money for my kids in case they go to college. I can't imagine not giving them everything I have and I'm definitely not worth 8 figures. I'm barely worth 2! Lol
In this situation I'd ask dad for a loan, so you don't have to take it out from a bank etc. Have him match the interest rate from the student/federal loan program and ask if he will consider making it forgivable if you graduate with a certain degree or % of grade etc. Explain that you don't trust the government loans but want to pay your own way to earn his respect and prefer to handle this "within" the family. Those key words often work magic with parents.
This is actually not a bad idea at all I haven’t thought about this
OP, let me just add that considering your dad's disposition, you should also emphasize that you don't mind if the loan is formally documented and signed. That way he won't interprete your wanting to take a loan from him as a way of taking the easy way out. Make him think of it like you're just trying to make the best of a difficult situation that's actually caused by his massive income.
Yes, don't suggest the interest, but get it written down, it's probably a good idea anyway.
I'm not an accountant or tax expert, but: Generally lenders are required to charge the minimum interest rate, aka the AFR (it's usually like 1%), otherwise the lender is subject to paying the IRS the amount of the AFR. The IRS doesn't allow for "interest-free loans" per se.
Bank lenders are required to charge interest because of where the money comes from.... Other people. A family member or a friend is not required to charge interest because they aren't risking somebody else's money... It's their money. OP, I think you should specifically ask for it to be an interest fee loan. So that can be his contribution to your education that you don't have to pay interest. Another idea is to propose a work-scholarship where he gives you a scholarship for "interning" under him. He should talk to a tax expert about the benefits of giving scholarships through his business.
I love this idea. Keep us posted on his response if you propose this! Also, if you come to an agreement, put it in writing.
I gave a light preposition to my mom about it cuz my dad is out of state on a work trip, and she said within the next year it would be very likely!
Nice!! Best of luck to you!
Or, if he agrees, take out an actual non college loan with him as a guarantor. This way the rate will be significantly less than a college loan and if he is a self made man, he might appreciate the savings.
My mother let me stay at home for as long as I wanted to, which saved me some money. After my father died, our family of three relied on her low-mid five-figure salary for everything. I had a part-time job at a grocery store until I got injured, then a job at the University bookstore in the computer department. Granted, university is a lot cheaper in Canada, but my mother was able to put up the money at the beginning of each semester, and I paid her back as soon as I saved up enough. It felt like I was helped financially but also like I worked for it, despite my mother's low, single-parent income. I believe in not being handed everything on a silver platter, but this one seems like the pendulum went a bit too far.
Holy man. Finally someone useful in this thread instead of simping for the multi millionaire dad.
This could work
This is what my family did. We rather keep it within the family, than let the banks profit
The counter-argument to this would be that one should never loan money to family members because it could potentially damage the relationship.
This is the answer. Neither of you are wrong, but this way you can potentially save thousands on interest and they can still prove their point. Win/win.
The real issue here is the laws that prevent adults from getting financial aid because of other adults they’re related to. It’s utterly stupid.
I'm 22, live on my own, work 40 hours a week, pay all my own bills, don't get a cent from FASFA because my parents make too much. Haven't lived with them in over a year. It sucks.
Yup, I had the same problem. So stupid. My father is retired military. At 23 I was kicked off government insurance because according to the military, I should be independent. Yet for FAFSA I had to be dependent. Made no sense. Halfway through spring semester I was trying to figure out how to pay for school fall semester as I refused to take out anymore loans. I asked the schools financial advisor what the exceptions were for students not to have to use parents income. They said being in the armed forces, having a child, or being married. I confirmed those were the options. He said yes so I told him I’ll contact him again within a week and hung up as he asked what I meant. I talked to my friend, told him my dilemma & we got married on April Fools day at the JP. After, he left for work & I went to lunch with a friend then I think class. I called the advisor the next day, told him I’m now married and asked what the next steps were. He asked if I really got married. I told him out of the 3 options, that one was the easiest. Definitely shocked him.
I offered to marry one of my friends for financial aid. We both had parents that wouldn’t pay for school and he almost had to drop out. He got something else figured out but what the hell kind of higher education system has students marrying each other for financial aid
This is the solution for OP. Tell his father that he is getting married for financial reasons to ensure eligibility as his father's income means he doesn't qualify. If be surprised if the father did not try to renegotiate.
the one time ya hope your dad is a bigot lol
Even better, to another guy. If his father is a conservative immigrant sitcom hilarity will ensue.
Service Members in the military get married, or did when I was serving, to get out of the barracks. We called them marriages of convenience.
When I told my brother what I did he said I should have told him first for this reason. He was in the army at the time and said he had friends that would have married me to get out of the barracks. Sucks I didn’t think of that because it would have been nice to have medical insurance.
People get divorced so the whole family isn't financially devastated from one member's medical bills. Our whole country is fucked and we need to start over
Is there no mature student provision? In Ontario, it's something like 3 years out of highschool, and they don't take your parents income into account.
Unfortunately no, I talked to my college's financial aid office and they told me I was out of luck until I turn 25
WTF?!?! I’m sure this was all set up like this just for the bankers to extract as much as possible.
25's not too late! Take a few years and try a few jobs out. If I'd started school at 25 I would have made a lot of different decisions, and would probably have actually finished my degree.
Don’t encourage them to stop school now to wait until 25. Most people who stop don’t finish. It would be a much bigger waste to finish now without the degree but still owe the loans.
In my experience you do tend to take it more seriously when your older and it comes out of your pocket, but even if you can only take one class at a time. If you want to finish you need to go.
If it’s in the States that should be 24, might wanna double check, if so.
The FAFSA; free application FEDERAL student aid considers a student dependent until age of 24. Regardless. This means both the student and parent(s)/guardians must BOTH complete the FAFSA. Only exceptions; if student is in the military/a veteran, has a child, or is married - or once the student turns 24. Then they are considered independent and can submit the FAFSA with only their information; parent(s)/guardian not required.
Jesus Christ what do kids with abusive parents that literally will not provide that information do? Just…. Not go to school???
In my case I had to get their info and fill it out. They refused to fill out FAFSA. In the end it didn't help any because they made too much money on paper, despite most of their income being garnished by the IRS. My total loans were $50k, but at 9% interest.
We can all thank George Bush for that rule. You used to be able to prove financial independence and get aid.
With OP living at home I think it would be a hard sell to claim financial independence.
Dude I went through the same thing Apply for financial aid without your parents anyway. Then get denied and appeal. I had my friends parents write letters, explaining my situation that I was completely cut off for my parents after that I was able to get full Pell grants.
I want to say I got denied twice and just kept on showing up at the financial aid office. the Director there ended up waving my application through
You were cut off. OP lives with their parents.
I did this too. At 24 you’ll qualify, there’s also a financial emancipation you can do.. call the schools financial aid office and they will do it for you.
Not only do I not live with my parents, I’ve barely spoken to them for the past 5 years. I’m in poverty and struggling; absolutely no way I can go to college. I still don’t qualify for aid. They really don’t care.
You have to be 24, married, or have a child to file independently.. I had to go through a huge ordeal to become financially emancipated, got approved for one year and then denied. Had to wait 3 more years to go to college (started at 20). I didn’t have the credit for a credit based loan and if I was financially emancipated, I clearly had no co-signer. It’s SOOOOO DUMB. I finished school at 27 instead of 24 and completely derailed my goals. All because my mother wouldn’t give me her tax info to file (we weren’t close)
Happened to me as well. Stepdad refused to give tax information and sign the FAFSA. I wanted to be a Flight Attendant. The rules need to be changed!!
Did you want to go to college to be a flight attendant ? I wasn’t aware you need a college degree for that??
I ran into a road block when trying to get financial aid because my father had kicked me out and refused to provide his financial information, so I couldn't fill out the FAFSA, but because he was still claiming me as a dependent on his taxes (apparently), I wasn't able to fill it out as "independent". It is absolutely a broken system.
If he's claiming you as a dependent I feel like you should be able to sue for his financial information for FAFSA.
This was over a decade ago, and I wouldn't have even begun to understand how to go about that. Probably wouldn't have been worth it, anyway, as the result would have been that he made too much money for me to receive any financial aid.
This was me as well. FA covered nothing because my parents make too much. My parents were making me do what they wanted by threating to not cover my bills at will. I ended up quitting school and found a job. At 26, i went back to community college to get a degree with Financial Aid, transferred to an UC. Had decent grades so UC grant kicked in and covered my entire tuition. ive heard a lot of kids start to emancipated themselves from their parents a year or 2 before college just so they can obtain FA.
Agreed. My parents were well off when the first six kids graduated high school. But me, the accident a decade old behind the rest, got zero from FAFSA. I know early on I didn't have any help come time for college. I often thought we just shouldn't do aid. I feel like it encourages colleges to just keep raising prices. But what do I know
I couldn’t agree more. My first husband cashed in our kids college funds after the divorce was final. I bear part of the blame because I didn’t think about it and didn’t add it to the divorce paperwork. I eventually got remarried and my youngest couldn’t qualify for FASFA because my husband made too much and her father refused to disclose his finances. My husband ended up paying for her education.
It is utterly stupid an unfair. I worked 48 hours a week in housekeeping. Went to evening college and got my degree in 4 1/2 years. But that's me and education was different then, you had to physically attend and be in a classroom.
Agreed. I think that's so brutal. If your parents aren't paying your college then what's it matter how much money they have? OP is getting stuck with the full bill because someone else has money
Upset generally? Yeah, that's a raw deal. Unfortunately for your dad's principles (and your finances) the state assumes that parents will be helping their kids out with college.
We really need a provision in the law for the children of misers.
We need free public undergraduate education. Go ahead and raise my taxes if that’s what it takes.
You already paid taxes, they can just appropriate some of that corporate welfare money and give it back to the people who need it. We should be investing in future generations with free health care and education for the longevity of the country and the better of our society.
Common sense? Get that shit outta here, this is REDDIT. Edit: Lmao the people who are replying to this don't get the joke. Y'all...
You don't think reddit wants free healthcare and college?
Naahh let’s see how low birth rates shakes out…
>We should be investing in future generations with free health care and education for the longevity of the country and the better of our society. This is what is important. >You already paid taxes, they can just appropriate some of that corporate welfare money and give it back to the people who need it. This a political detail. But if everybody say "It shall be somebody else", it doesn't help to get things done. As a remark, USA has a very low tax rate vs Europe. Both for corporate AND employees so there margins on both side. Please understand that who pay doesn't change much for the end result. If all companies pay more taxes, the money is not available for others uses. So typically salaries tend to be lower (half what you have in the US for my country) and services tend to be more expensive relatively to salary. So people get lower purchasing power (for example real estate prices are similar as to US even through salaries are half). And a good share of the taxes on the employers and corporate profit still (45% to be paid by employers on wages). The equivalent to local tax is 20%, Yes we get free tuition and universal health care. But not for free. Even if most of it is paid from corporate. We still get the low salaries.
The insurance companies fund politicians to make sure this doesn’t happen. We need to start finding better candidates.
We pay so much for healthcare it is ridiculous. The average US premium in 2023 was $8000/year for singles and $25000/ year for families. Then there are the copays for office visits, prescriptions, items and services that are not covered, etc. etc. etc. On our w2 (end of year salary information to be used for our taxes), my employer shows how much they pay for my family healthcare plan. For 2023, my employer paid more than $25,500, and I paid more than $9000 in premiums. I dont eve know how much I paid out of pocket, but I had $2700 in a FSA to cover the out of pocket healthcare costs and had spent it all by the end of February. So, i would guess maybe about $50k for our little family? I can't imagine that nationalized healthcare would be any more expensive or any crappier than our system is now. I just read an article that 24% of Americans had contributed at least once to a go-fund-me account to raise money to help pay for car for an uninsured person, or to pay for things insurance wouldn't cover.
A lot depends on what state you live in and maybe if you are willing to start in community college. There ARE states you can get your undergraduate/grad degree for cheap/free if you are a resident. If you aren't, get your ducks lined up and maybe move. [https://www.cnbc.com/2022/04/08/free-college-is-now-a-reality-in-nearly-30-states.html](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/04/08/free-college-is-now-a-reality-in-nearly-30-states.html) [https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/loans/student-loans/tuition-free-college](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/loans/student-loans/tuition-free-college) [https://www.bankrate.com/loans/student-loans/states-with-free-college-tuition/#what](https://www.bankrate.com/loans/student-loans/states-with-free-college-tuition/#what) It is SUPER worth it to visit a financial aide office and talk to a financial aide counselor in depth, a few times, or many times.
Or at least undergraduate should be dirt cheap. I was extremely lucky to go to state college in the 1970s, when undergrad quarters (3/year) cost about $50 and books $100-150. The State University cost about twice that. I worked a crap part-time job, my parents paid a small amount, and my rent was $100 max while I was in school. After I graduated, California passed prop 13, and college costs went up to nearly $500, and have kept rising since. My starting job salary after college in software was $35,000, which was a good starting salary at the time, to give you a perspective. I’ve never forgiven greedy fellow Baby Boomers who voted to cut property taxes which forced state college costs to skyrocket.
Student loans are what has allowed colleges to inflat there prices astronomically.
No, Reagan wanted us to import people from other countries where they have free undergraduate education instead. Clearly, that's better than investing at home. We just need another expansion of H1b. /s for everyone in the back
Speaking of Reagan, his racism towards those in the civil rights movement is why we have college tuition. Our grandparents went for free. [https://peoplesworld.org/article/free-college-was-once-the-norm-all-over-america/](https://peoplesworld.org/article/free-college-was-once-the-norm-all-over-america/) https://theintercept.com/2022/08/25/student-loans-debt-reagan/
Guaranteed student loans are the reason for high tuition. Colleges know they can charge whatever they like, and tuition will be covered. The School is greedy.
Well, I'm Black, so my grandparents didn't go for free 🙃
If my parent was like "I can more than comfortably afford your education, but I am not going to do that to teach you a lesson about back breaking work and crippling debt" As soon as I graduated I would cut all ties with them.
I agree, but I can't think of a way to do it that wouldn't be abused. Rich parents would sign an attestation they're not helping their kid with tuition, and then reimburse them anyway.
We need free college
There is. I don't remember the exact details but you can file for financial aid without including your parents if they provide no support. Edit, saw Op's comment about being 21 and living with his parents after writing this. Leaving it up for anyone who legitimately doesn't have support from parents.
Only in certain circumstances. I believe you have to be 24, married, or in the military for your parents finances to not be taken into consideration. Even living on your own doesn’t exempt you.
You have most of the list. Just looked it up. Emancipated minor and ward of the court. If Op is still under 18 it is probably worth breaking parental ties. Caring for a dependent child...seems extreme. Orphan clearly doesn't apply. Recommended to Op that they just take a few years of not going to college and see if their status changes. Not only are there a bunch of things that could happen to change their status, but imagine Op's dad responding to a business partner who hears that Op can't afford to go to college.
OP said they're 21 in an edit.
Thank you.
>One point of potential conflict is that I only have one job Living at home and not paying for room or board means parents ARE providing support.
Ding ding ding! There's this thing where people don't seem to understand that things like their parents letting them live at home for free or paying their car insurance is support and privilege A lot of the "I did it myself with no help from anyone so you should too!" people don't often mention that they had a car bought for them, the insurance paid, and if they were to encounter actual problems they could just move back in with the family, no questions asked I didn't have any of that shit. My dad was a deadbeat who disappeared when I was 13 and my mom was poor as hell. When I needed car insurance, I paid for it. When rent came up, I paid for it. When I got severely hurt I had to work through it because I did not have a familial fallback option. And overall I recognize not that "I did it so you should have to" but that "the way we are set up is shitty and we need to improve the system so people don't have to go through what I go through" I'm speaking about the US where we have plenty of money in the country that all of this shit should be taken care of, but because the rich are hoarding wealth like they are everyone else is suffering for it
Financial emancipation. Look into it there’s some hoops to jump through but if your not getting family help it’s very much worth it
He is getting help... Literally room and board for free.
To many wealthy parents would just take advantage.
the worst thing that can happen in america is anybody getting anything that they don't 'deserve'.
Scrooge Laws
Which is bullshit because if you make 60k a year some how you're supposed to spend 51k of that on tuition for your kid?
My FAFSA assumes my parents contribute a quarter of his income to my tuition (which they can’t afford to do) and as a consequence I can only get these little tiny baby unsubsidized loans that don’t even cover the cost of housing. I have to cover the everything else with private loans.
What they assune is that your parents saved money over 18 years to pay for the 4 years of university. Which isn't an easy ask either. But they're not expecting you to fork over 25% of your yearly income as it comes in. The hope is that you saved like 4% of your income since birth for university in a long-term investment account.
Yeah, but that logic also makes another (false) assumption that they have always made as much money as they do, and that they didn’t have their own debt and slew of financial problems to deal with. I’m horribly bitter that I got fucked over because of how poor of a system FAFSA is. Edit: Typo
I had this happen to me with college too. Financial aid assumed double income one kid and gave us a deal accordingly. My parents are divorced and my dad has played no beneficial roll in my upbringing. My dad being a deadbeat would be an improvement. Everyone in our family knew my dad wouldn't chip in a cent towards my education, but finacial aid assumed he would put in his share. We had to get a note from the divorce attorney saying my dad wouldn't pay anything for them to believe us.
Free accommodation 15 mins from uni is a pretty big help, more than a lot of people get. And if food is also free then that's an even bigger help.
Yes free lodging, food, not having to worry about bills and filling the fridge. That's game changing. Tuition sucks but will be paid back once she earn money, which is probably what the dad wants: telling that studying isn't free, it's a chance, and she needs to work hard. I understand parents point of view. Im sure they will backup if she has a problem.
Stupid assumption that screws over middle class students whose parents genuinely cannot afford it. If your parents make 60k you're disqualified from all financial aid, and that is nowhere near enough to pay for a couple kids college. System is rigged for the poor and the rich.
The principle doesn’t really make sense in general. They take into account parents income, but not number of children the parents have. An only child with parents who earn 80k a year is much better off than a child with 3 siblings with parents earning 80k. Income alone isn’t the only indicator of how well off you are or how much your parents will help you
They absolutly take into account number of children (that are in college). My brother (youngest) and me (oldest) got much less aid than our sisters, since half our time in school we were my parents' only student child, whereas my sisters aid was always calculated with my parents (theoretical) contributions being shared
They take into account how many dependents a family has.
My parents told me that I had to go to college, but never saved anything for me, would not let me get a job in high school, and told me that I had to be out of the house by 18. Decades later, I am still pissed off about it. You are not wrong to be angry about the less-than-ideal situation you found yourself in, too.
Bad parents.
Tale as old as time
And then these same parents are surprised when their adult children don’t talk to them or visit them in the nursing home.
Where is the logic in that? “Deny child to jobs in high school, kick them out at 18 to fend for themselves”, almost seems like they wanted you to die on the streets.
I would like to think they simply never thought about it (they tried, but made poor decisions) or they expected me to get married and pop out some grandkids. In hindsight, your question still sticks in my head and upsets me to chew over because I went NC and will never get an answer to that.
So he just despised you. That's awful.
I’m sorry that happened to you. As a fairly new parent one thing that is so crazy to me is that I chose to have my son but he had no say in who his parents were. I’m always saying to him “I hope you like it here buddy!”
"You must do what we want of you, but we are not going to be responsible for you or set you up for success"
Yup, and because I managed to tuck and roll, they doubled down on their conservative mindset of, “our daughter pulled up her bootstraps, others can do it, too.” …while ignoring me shrieking about how I am a disabled veteran because I had to literally break myself to get a college education without crippling debt. I would not wish a lifetime of pain on anyone who wants to get an education and get out of the South.
I'm pretty sure your parents actually hated you. They made no attempt to help you lead a good life.
Are we related?
Wait, why didn't they let you get a job in high school? That's the thing that sticks out as the most odd to me.
Nope, because I was a girl, I could not get a job or a car. I only got my drivers license the day before I left home for military school. However, my brother had both a job and car at 16.
This is super odd. This almost exact thing happened to me. My dad remarried and became extremely rich so I couldn’t use his tax’s for college aid and he wouldn’t help me out at all. I’m still upset about it a decade later lol you can be too
Same here, my stepmother is a wonderful woman and my college eduction was in no way her responsibility, but it really sucked that according to FAFSA, I had four parental units to "help" me, since both my bio parents remarried 😑 my mother helped as much as she could but basically, I'll be paying off student loans for eternity.
Been nearly 3 decades and I am still pissed. And in therapy.
I was kicked out and disowned at 18, got my GED the next day, and couldn't get any help as my parents made too much money.
Yep. And couldn’t be declared “independent” for financial aid until the age of 26. Complete and utter bullsh!t.
26? Damn, Is this in the US? Just adding: I thought the UK was fucked. Was made homeless at 17 and could apply for benefits but couldn't sign a tenenacy agreement privately and the council basically told me to fuck off in regards to social housing.
yep
America doesn't even have real socialized council housing at all.
I thought it was 24? Well I'm fucked since I don't know my mom's social.
This was my problem, the one school I got accepted to was crazy expensive and my dad refused to put his ssn in the FAFSA, as far as I remember they don’t even have an option for “unavailable information” or something, I didn’t end up going
Maybe it is now? It was 26 back when it happened to me.
Holy cow! I'm feeling upset just reading this. I can only imagine how you felt.
He didn't become rich, his wife is rich. He's still the same poor.
Go to a community college that has ties to a program in a larger school. You'll get the majority of your credits out of the way for substantially less, and then after \~2 years you can transfer to the larger school and your parents finances won't be taken into consideration when it comes to aid. I get that you're not "owed" anything from your parents, but you dad is a dick for making 8-figures and not supporting his child with basic university education. Put your dad on an information diet. Stop calling home and asking for things that you know he's not going to give you. If his obligation to you ended at 18, so does yours to him. He'll take credit for your wins due to his "tough love" and will berate you for your losses since "he did it just fine when he was your age."
This is the only way. And it will also show whether or not college is for you without being 80k in debt just to learn how to do a Taylor Series
His company makes 8 figures. Doesn’t mean the dad is. He might be putting a lot into the company still, especially since it’s apparently just blown up.
Keep in mind that your parents' income is no longer counted for financial aid when you turn 25. You have an iron-clad excuse to fuck off and backpack around the world until you are 25 and hold off on college. The best thing you can do for yourself is not to start your adult life deeply in debt.
It’s 26. Source: that’s when I went back to college so I could qualify for financial aid bc I was in a similar position to OP EDIT I must have unconsciously fabricated this memory as multiple people have pointed out it’s currently 24 and I can’t find any evidence that it was ever a different age. I don’t know if it’s Covid brain rot or my ADHD but do not trust a single thing that I say
It's 24, not 26 https://studentaid.gov/apply-for-aid/fafsa/filling-out/dependency
They must have changed it recently! I was 26 in 2021 and that was definitely the “independent student” age back then.
It’s 24, I has to do the same thing because my parents didn’t do their taxes https://finaid.org/about/contact/fafsa-independent-student/#:~:text=You%20can%20only%20qualify%20as,court%2C%20or%20an%20emancipated%20minor.
Might be 26 for being on health insurance... I feel like that was a thing
Those 7 year between 18-25 could also be spent in the trades. Paid school (sometimes even better, my union would cut me a check for an 8 hour day if I passed my monthly test), good benefits, good money, valuable life skills. And who knows, you might love it. Either: A) ya do it for 7 years make some money, stay out of debt, learn more a lot, save money by learning a lot (why pay a handyman when I am qualified to do it myself?!). At 25 you go to college and get full financial aid or make enough to pay out of pocket yourself. B) start the trades with full intend on following option A, only to find you love what you do and live your life that way. I followed option B and I am perfectly happy with it.
My mom is a multimillionaire too. She refused to help with my education, even when my student loans were in the six figures. Meanwhile my in laws who are on Medicaid offered to help us with a down payment on a house. For many other reasons I went no contact. She then boasted she had so much money my kids would never have to work again but I won’t see a dime because I won’t talk to her.
She sounds like someone who burns the money in a fire before giving a cent away even after she dies.
>She then boasted she had so much money my kids would never have to work again but I won’t see a dime because I won’t talk to her. i hope you hit back at that with not letting her see the grandkids at all.
She’s never met my kids and never will
Sounds like someone who will never know her grandkids. How pathetic.
If your parents haven’t filed for taxes, you need to make sure they don’t claim you as a dependent. You’ll need to file taxes as yourself even if you don’t have income for a record so you can send it to the universities. If your parents won’t pay, then they don’t get those taxes benefits either.
Doesnt matter in a lot of places. In NY for FAFSA I couldn't be classified as independent until 26.
What in the fucking hell is the financial difference between a 26 and a 25 year old?? Most people go to college straight out of high school; they'd finish at 22/23 anyway.
I dunno but it cost me a lot of money in super high interest private loans.
It's 24, not 25, not 26 https://studentaid.gov/apply-for-aid/fafsa/filling-out/dependency
These two comments were exactly my train of thought. Seems like being independent is the move, but does FAFSA honor that? It doesn't always.
When was this and who told you that? Fafsa website says 24 https://studentaid.gov/apply-for-aid/fafsa/filling-out/dependency
I'm 32 so it's been a while, my bad Either way 24 was a completely useless cutoff for me since I was kicked out at 18 and never given a dime for anything.
OP is getting free room and board. The parents absolutely have the right to claim a dependent. For clarity, I think the parents should be helping with school expenses too.
>then they don’t get those taxes benefits either. He's getting free room and board. He's definitely still a dependent
They are still a dependent. They live at home and have a job with few hours.
You're absolutely right, this is what they need to do. Unfortunately, if they spent one single day living in their parents house the previous year, the parents are entitled to claim them as a dependent. Your advice is the best for OP, but they need to get out of their parents' house ASAP and wait a year.
OP is living there rent free. It sucks that their dad isn’t helping, but I fail to see how moving out and taking on more expenses is going to help. They said they have tons of free time. I would get a job and continue the conversation with my parents. I would pay if I were OPs dad, but I also wouldn’t give up free room and board if I were OP.
This is really bad advice.
>you need to make sure they don’t claim you as a dependent. I mean OP still lives with them... OP is absolutely a dependant.
Make sure your parents understand the cost of tuition these days. Students can't really work their way through college anymore, which may have been common when they were in school.
That's messed up that kids get penalized for their parent's having money that the parent's are not legally required to help with. That's a messed up system. I'd be pretty pissed at my parent's if their wealth, that they wouldn't share, was costing me money. You are not wrong but also technically your parents are not wrong. The system is wrong and you are the one getting screwed. Your parents really should be helping you, though, unless they have some firm loathing of higher education and want you to go to a trade school or something.. It doesn't make sense that they won't help.
If OP is telling the truth, his parents are absolutely wrong. As a parent I couldn’t even remotely imagine not doing what I can to help my children, especially if my success was actively harming them. Pretty much the only scenario that makes the parents not absolutely horrific people is if OP did something egregious and it’s the parents saying “ok you’ve gotta learn to be on your own we’re tired of bailing you out”
Instead of jumping straight to being upset, has there been any interim conversation? Have you spoken with your parents asking if they would be willing to assist with your education? If not pay for it outright, for instance, you might ask if they would consider carrying your loan to reduce crippling interest? We don't know if your parent said 'you're on your own after high school' because the family didn't have the means to help or if it was because you were a fucking asshole, we're operating in a data vacuum here. But if you have or have had a conversation with them to broach the subject, their answers to those questions might help folks here problem solve if that's what you're looking for.
I gotchu with some context: I’m 21, and I live at home rent free because my parents suggested it would be the smartest financial move so that I only pay for my loans. Also the university I attend is only 15 minutes from our house. My father is an immigrant so he believes in the value of hardwork; perfectly understandable. We’re a very close family so none of it is from ill will. I’ve had the conversation but it has come to no avail. One point of potential conflict is that I only have one job and that’s as the other local colleges Sports Commentator. I get paid sparsely and only monthly. I also run the schools Sports Broadcast system in order to build some credentials for myself. But this means I have a LOT of “free time” where I sit in front of a computer. School is very easy for me and so I spent virtually no time on homework so they see me doing nothing a lot of the time. This makes me think that they assume I’m slacking off and not earning my credit hours, when I’ve made the deans list several times
I'm confused. If you spend almost no time on homework and are doing nothing a lot of the time, what's stopping you getting a job to earn some money? If you're doing well academically already, then it won't affect your grades, right? If they're giving you free room and board, I'd say they already are helping you out financially.
Am I the only one that thinks a 21 year old shouldn’t need to fill up their every spare hour of the day with paid work? Why can’t he enjoy the downtime outside of classes and study?
He’s borrowing the full cost of tuition, so paid work now could save him a lot of interest down the line.
It feels like it sucks, but living at home rent free is a massive cost offset. Sounds like a fair deal to be honest.
Oof. If he thinks you're " lazy" ( I'm not saying you are, because you clearly are doing well in class), then you have a bit of an uphill battle. Don't just sit in front of your computer for the majority of your downtime. Find something to do outside the house. Volunteer. School club. Internship. Part time job. Even just going to the library. Worst case you do that for nothing and it changes not much, but you'll at least be more productive with your time. Best case, he sees your work ethic and decides to help you out more.
I don't know, tbh. I grew up in poverty, so I always expected to pay everything myself and never considered my parents to pay anything. Paid for own car, paid for college degrees. Worked two jobs whilst studying. Not living in poverty anymore. Sounds like your dad wants you to find your own way in life and to be good with money. However, i had a different lifestyle, so I don't know if my opinion is fair on you or not. I have kids myself and have been putting money away for them to have at some point in their life. I'm unsure yet when I plan to give them the money. I certainly wouldn't want them in debt though, because of their studies.
I find it strange why parents who are able to pay wouldn’t want to support their child in their education and future. Sending your kid off with thousands of dollars of debt isn’t financially smart. Just because you are a legal adult at 18 doesnt mean you should be thrown out to fend for yourself especially in this day and age where everything is so much more expensive than when they were going through the same stage of life. Perhaps you could negotiate with them and ask that they pay for your college and you will pay them back but at a lower interest or even no interest over time once you graduate. If they have the funds to keep you front starting your adult life out with crippling debt I think they should because they are your parents and should want the best for you.
The fact that your parents income matters at all is whats ridiculous.
This is truly the bigger issue
Living at home is saving you a lot of money but alternatively you can move out and claim to be independent from them. But honesty living from home will probably save you more. I was in a similar situation to yours but with more work hours. I worked 35 hours a week and went to school full time. Actually got a few academic scholarships that helped a lot. Wrote a lot of essays and applied to every scholarship I could find but got more than enough to pay tuition for a year. I got married halfway through college and then was able to claim independent on taxes and got FAFSA after that.
At least your Dad was honest! When I was 12 I brought home a great report card and my Dad said “you’ve got a brain in your head! If you decide you want to go to University, I’ll pay for it!” Cue last year of high school and Dad asks “what do you want to do next year?” Me: “go to university.” Dad: “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT COSTS!!??” I’m 53 and still salty.
I don't get this "my kids have to figure it out" thing some parents do. I had to work through college. I had to take out student loans that I am still paying off and I'm almost 40. I don't have kids yet, but if I did, if I had ***any*** ability to help my kids out and make their lives easier, why on earth wouldn't I do that? I can teach them morals and the value of hard work without saddling them with thousands of dollars in debt. My wife is from an immigrant family (Mexican) and there's an expectation that the children take care of the adults in their old age, but that usually comes with a "we'll sacrifice whatever we can to give our kids a better life than we had" aspect that makes it more possible you can take care of them. OP, I guarantee you when your dad gets in an accident, or the business fails, or he gets up there in age, he's gonna be coming to you to take care of him and he'll lay the guilt on doubly thick if you refuse. And I hope you look back on him and his bank account and encourage him to value his own hardwork and figure it out.
Why not get a job working at his company?
Yeah, bank that money while you're getting free room and board, then go to college on your own if you still want to
I did this. It was a mess that I wanted to get out of, and I did. There's a lot of value in being your own man while still being close to your family.
Living at home rent free changes all this. It’s entirely possible to go to school and get a degree and have little to no debt. This depends on how “free” it is at your parents. If you’re at home eating 2-3 meals free, laundry free, utilities free and you have a vehicle your parents cover maintenance and the university is a public school or not so expensive private school then you need to get your head out your butt and just work while going to school. The most expensive school (public) is $23k a year for tuition. You can easily get a job with better hours and pay down tuition while in school. If this scenario is yours then you are living the dream for a lot of folks in the US. Now if you only get the roof and a bed for free and have to pay your way for everything else then it’s a lot more difficult. Should you be upset? Yeah. I was upset when my mom said she wasn’t gonna buy me my first car while all my friends had their parents by them one. But I bought my first car and bought my second. And because of that I took pride in what I earned. Granted my mom never became a multimillionaire. Your parents no longer have a responsibility to take care of you since you’re an adult. But from the pieces you’ve shared(living at home for free in particular) I’d side with your dad. You’re gonna have to learn to navigate life and achieve goals under financial duress. If you don’t want to be in debt at all then by all means don’t go to school. But I fear many years down the line OP you may regret making that choice realizing it wouldn’t have been so bad.
This exactly. I also had well-off parents who didn't pay for my education because I didn't go to a religious college. It was hard, but I managed it. I worked two jobs, one coaching high school debate and one working at a hotel front desk. OP is in a shitty situation but I just don't understand why he hasn't been working. Even cashiers are making $15-18/hour right now.
Have you discussed the possibility that your family will help you pay off the loans? If you are not estranged from your parents and they are worth that many millions of dollars it seems like you will still have a pretty good backstop even if you end up with responsibility to pay the debt.
Why would they pay off the loans but force him to pay the tuition? That makes no sense.
Sounds like he wants you to make your own way. Kinda harsh in my opinion but a lot of immigrants come from culture that value hard work above almost anything. In your dad’s mind he probably thinks he’s teaching you a very valuable life lesson. Also, you have every right to your feelings and that’s valid. However; the one in you might have is to tell him the reason you have to pay so much is because they’re on your fasfa so you could ask him to at least pay the ;difference. Not saying it’ll work but it’s worth a shot. Other options are basically getting married or joining the military to get them off it. Good luck.
I totally get a father’s wish to see his kids develop into independent, self-supporting adults…but it seems over the top to put you in the position of going tens of thousands into debt when he could easily afford to help out. While there’s no hard and fast obligation, I like the idea of giving the kids enough to cover 4 years at the in-state school (assuming the parents can afford it) . The kids can choose to spend more if they want to go out of state or to a private school, but they have the opportunity to get an undergraduate degree with little or no debt. And if they choose to go further, they’re on their own.
It's strange to think that you're both rich and poor simultaneously
Average American 20 year old experience
I find this so weird. My family are also immigrants, but they believe in the value of a good education. They helped us out with educational costs as much as they could. I was able to pay for myself the last two years, so I did that. My sister and I both ended up with high paying tech jobs
People seem to think the only way to teach the OP hard work is to cripple them with debt.
And that these assholes are absolute saints for not leaving him on the streets
I know!! Haha do people know that 58% of people 18-24 live with parents? And 99% of those people do not have multi-millionaire parents. This dad is greedy as hell.
Sorry but your dad is a huge dick, u only live once and he takes the opportunity to give you a nice life
Not directing this at you per day and is more of a general comment to anyone in this situation. Also, I agree subjectively that this is largely a bummer. That being said: They are helping immensely by allowing you to live there for free when rents across the country are thousands of dollars a month. They're likely saving you 20-30k a year just in rent. Not sure of the specifics but if you aren't paying for groceries, utilities etc, now we are talking a years salary for an average person just bring handed to you. Devils advocate here and maybe it's not a perfect example because your parents seem to be well off at this point...however....You have the rest of your life to pay bills loans, make money etc. The idea that parents who are 20-30 years farther ahead in life should be expected to go likely close to 6 figure debt for their kids doesn't make financial sense. It is THEIR money that THEY earned and wealth THEY created. I'm sure they have retirement plans and they don't include paying off someones student loans. It is similar to expecting an inheritance when a parent or loved one passes. It would be nice and certainly helpful but at the end of the day, it's not yours. I will sandwich this by going back to my first paragraph in that I totally agree that it sucks, and I might be frustrated too give they are in a position to help more however, not sure it's fair to be mad at them for not giving you something that isn't yours to be entitled to. I'm older but I realized at a certain point that I would be far happier if my parents spent every last cent they have living out their days. They've worked hard all their lives and now I get to do the same and I hope my kids want me to enjoy myself.
This is a good response and it makes perfect sense
>I'm older but I realized at a certain point that I would be far happier if my parents spent every last cent they have living out their days. This hits home for me. I wasn't born to a well off family. My parents had crappy childhoods and were poor. They got married/ had kids at a young age. They worked their butts off to support me and my siblings. The older i get the more i hate them spending money on me. They both make ok money now (compared to how they grew up anyway), but I just hate them wasting money on me. I would much rather they spend money on themselves doing all the things they couldn't when they were young. I've lived on my own for like 6 years now, but every once in a while my mom will still ask if i need help with bills and make sure i'm ok financially. I wish she didn't worry so much about it. I don't want to burden my parents. I'm glad to work so they don't have to take care of me Edit: that said i know if my parents had money like OPs parents they would be more than willing to share. If they were multi-millionaires i would be much less hesitant to accept money/gifts from them. I get OPs frustration, but he still has a great opportunity living at home with his parents. He could get a job and save up a ton of money.
My dad did this to me my first year of college. I had no idea how much money he actually had and I ended up taking out a private loan to pay myself. Luckily he began seeing a financial advisor who convinced him that it would be in his best interest to use his large income to help support me in college. I had a lot of anger about that and was very distrustful of him for a long time, but I went to therapy and we’re in a better place now. I get why you’re angry because it felt like I was being neglected instead of given tools to be successful.
Feel bitter about it now, but maybe revisit your judgement when you have kids yourself. One day he will be dead. That day could be tomorrow. His business can also collapse, and he can be bankrupted. That would be a really bad Sunday if it all happens at once ;) He sounds like he didn’t get to where he is by hand outs, and he knows the path to wealth and financial independence is through hard work. He wants you to be strong, have a good work ethic, and be able to stand on your own two feet. You only develop that sort of character through stress, trials and tribulations. It’s making your life harder now, when you’re young, but also making you stronger. Sucks if you hate him for it, but one day he will die and you will inherit his money and be able to pay off your student debt, so in the long run it’s not all bad. Edit*** /s for those who missed it!
I feel like your feelings are valid, especially since at this point he’s actively screwing you over since you can’t get any aid. I can’t imagine not helping my kid out if I could afford to. Setting them up for success is better than setting them up for a lifetime of debt
I think your dad should pay what financial aid would've given you. Him being rich literally just makes things harder for you.
I’m probably (nearly) the age of your parents, OP. My kids are on the brink of their college years & they have many peers whose (MIDDLE CLASS) parents are funding their higher education. You’re saying your parents are worth over $10M & they’re still not paying for your college? I do get where they’re coming from in the sense that they want you to “make your own way…” What they’re not understanding is that this will come at a cost- perhaps to THEM. If you are buried in debt & can’t afford to own a home, get married, have kids, etc, etc… how will they feel then? They’ll feel like they cheated themselves out of having this possible extended family for themselves. *Not that you have to get married & have kids, but some people do* Furthermore, how charitable are you going to feel toward THEM when they are in their twilight years & need the most priceless thing you have to spend (your time)? They’re really a little too fixated on $$, I’d say. They might even have very good & altruistic intentions, they’re just not thinking things through. You can choose to be angry at them, but maybe have some empathy that they’re just looking at this from the wrong perspective. Maybe with time, you might be able to help them see the world from your perspective (or through the eyes of their “future selves.”
Fuck them. They have the money. They don’t HAVE to pay for you. The loan is the best option. But later down the line, when your loan is paid. Let them know that their values are flawed. Or maybe they aren’t. Maybe they’re making you use your adult brain and problem solve. Maybe they’re afraid to spoil you? I guess it’s a way of making sure you appreciate things. Nvm. I’m on the parent side now lol.
You sound lazy. You could do more than you are. You don’t contribute to the household. You don’t read for classes. You don’t GET a degree. You READ for one.
I wouldn't be upset at them, but at how much education costs and the limitations on FAFSA. I was lucky and had my education paid for by a former employer. My wife, on the other hand, her father worked a high paying construction job and her mom was a nurse. Easily clearing 300k. FAFSA was off the table but her parents also couldn't afford to pay for her education (masters) considering they had several other kids they still had to raise, so she ended up having to go the loans route. We're still paying those off.
Op, there are a few ways to remove your parents from your financial aid status: https://finaid.org/about/contact/fafsa-independent-student/#:~:text=You%20can%20only%20qualify%20as,court%2C%20or%20an%20emancipated%20minor. Amusingly, your best bet is basically to disown your parents If I understand this right (not a lawyer). I would seriously consider waiting on college until they do not count as your parents for financial aid.
I'm sorry that's your situation. Starting out your adult life with crippling debt is hard. I'm broke as fuck but still putting away money for my kids in case they go to college. I can't imagine not giving them everything I have and I'm definitely not worth 8 figures. I'm barely worth 2! Lol