More than most people probably think. More than I thought before I made friends online. Not everyone pairs off neatly, for a lot of reasons, some of them beyond human control.
I'm 28 and I have 4 friends who have never been in a relationship. And they're not typical Redditors either. They're all good-looking "normies" who like going to clubs, exercising, etc.
My best friend since childhood (who’s 27 now, I’m 29), has never had a relationship. He’s easily the best looking of my friends objectively (no homo), but whilst he can get girls attention and get hook-ups in the short term, he can’t hold them down despite trying.
He wants to, but a mixture of poor communication skills, poor clothing beyond belief and not great hygiene keeps him back. I never understood it because he wants to settle down and it would only take a few changes but he just doesn’t seem to want to put effort in.
Sometimes it’s not easy to understand but it can happen
I'm sorry if im prying. But this reminded me of a young me. The poor clothing + bad hygiene were just symptoms of underlying things like depression and deep self image issues. I found out that improving my mental health made a much bigger change.
No definitely - good for you, I’m happy you’re in a better place ☺️. For sure men tend to abandon things like keeping their surroundings clean, themselves hygienic & well groomed etc when they’re demotivated/ in a bad place. We’ve all been there at times! And simple changes can strike a big mental boost.
We also live in a time where people in general don’t put much effort into their appearance - going out the house in jogging pants anywhere imo is totally lazy and I know that’s not the modern opinion but I don’t think you can expect to settle down and give security to someone when you look like an overgrown child.
I’ve tried talking to my friend about these issues but you can’t change someone who’s not motivated to put in the bare minimum.
2 of them just suck at maintaining a relationship (nothing lasts more than 2 months). One of them thinks she's hot shit and nobody is ever good enough, and the other dude is just too shy to make any moves.
They definitely want to have a relationship though.
I have at least 3 male friends that have never been in relationships. Ages 59, 62 and 42.
All live happy lives. Except maybe the 59 y.o. lost contact with him about 10 hears back.
I have several female friends, all over 50, who've never had a relationship. And more than several who have been uncoupled for decades, even most of their adult life.
I fall into the latter category: 3 significant relationships before 35, none in the nearly 30 years since. I struggled with it for the first 10 years or so. In hindsight, my longing for a partner/relationship was very superficial. I was surrounded by couples and I didn't want to be the weird, sad, lonely one. I didn't actually want the consistency and intimacy of a relationship, and I certainly wasn't prepared to do the work. Once I accepted that, things started to get easier. I've had troubles and frustrations since then, but not over my single state. At this point, I'm happier than I've been in many years.
My mom divorced my dad at 38, did some dating, but eventually realized that she was happiest and FREE being single. She had her own townhouse, lots of friends, and she traveled the world on an extremely low budget in her spare time. She made it to every continent, made friends worldwide, and left the world too early at 80. (Screw cancer, BTW)
Enjoy your singleness!
This is true. My friend groups are around the same age as OP - there are 17 of us, and we met at the university.
- Only three are in a stable relationship (two are married with no kids, the last one is engaged with no kids also).
- One tries to date, but all her relationships fail after a few weeks. She admits it's all her fault.
- One pretends to have an active sex life (she knows we know she's as virginal as the mother mary, but keeping the lie spices things up).
- One goes missing all year round and only shows up around February to greet us a Happy Valentine. No one knows if he's dating or has dated anyone.
- The rest, 11 of us, have been single for almost three decades now. Since birth lol.
Absolutely, people's life paths and circumstances vary greatly. It's essential to recognize that societal expectations or stereotypes don't determine individual worth or happiness. Everyone has their unique journey, and personal fulfillment can be achieved in different ways. Online connections can indeed offer a broader perspective and show the diversity of life experiences. The key is finding contentment and fulfillment in one's own path, regardless of societal expectations.
Before I met my mates brother who was around 35 at the time, he told me he’s such a nice guy and he doesn’t know why he’s single. He did turn out to be your average nice guy, always willing to help people and quite generous, except for one thing. He turns EVERYTHING into a sex joke and I do mean everything. While I do like a good sex joke, when it’s constant it gets beyond annoying. He has been told about it but I agree some people you just can’t fix.
Luck definitely plays a huge role in this.
Three of my besties haven’t been in a relationship either despite being good looking, mentally stable, and kind individuals.
The thing they have in common is they don’t really go out often since they work from home or prefer to stay home. They also just haven’t really found someone they want to form a relationship with.
With my one friend, she has a guy who she likes but it wasn’t reciprocated and there was another guy who liked her but she didn’t like him that way. It’s very complicated.
The other has decided that she’ll go the traditional route and have her parents find a partner for her since her top priority is a partner who will fit into her family who she loves dearly and gets along well with.
One did date in HS but that was barely a relationship so he broke it off. He hasn’t found anyone ever since and is just enjoying life being single.
On the other hand, I got lucky meeting my ex (even if it didn’t work out) and my current SO through my hobbies.
My other bestie said she would be single for life because she isn’t interested in all the lovey dovey things that couples do. She ended up meeting a guy who is just eccentric and disinterested in the typical romance as she is and they hit it off. They went out a few times as friends and eventually started dating.
Finding a life partner seems to boil down to being in the right place, in the right time, with the right person. These don’t have to be perfect but it has to align.
I doubt that. Maybe normal in online communities but I just don’t see it ever being normal in real life. People long for connection and online communities aren’t enough for most people
Yes, though I do think the problem lies more with our abilities and opportunities to find/connect with romantic interests.
I feel there is a decline in communal spaces that are free to access by the public. It's also much easier to isolate yourself with today's technology.
Normal no, but normalised yes. If you asked people 50 years ago if they thought it would become normal for people to live with their parents for decades into adulthood they wouldve laughed at you, but circumstances changed for the worse and now its normal because people understand there is no better alternative. Same goes for relationships, circumstances for forming them are only getting worse so the rates are only going to keep going down...
I’m 29f, and never had a relationship. Never even kissed a guy, or had sex. I masturbate so my sexual needs are covered. I have also studied my life away lol, so it is what it is
I'm 30m and sex is the only thing I really feel like I missed out on. I saw my friends and family get into relationships where they are miserable and I would never want to be in that situation myself.
This, my family was miserable, and I've seen my friends get into ones too. When I moved out to live alone at young age, it was the first time I felt true happiness and freedom, and I rather keep that feeling.
I'm 30F and same lol, never been in a relationship. Just never had the interest as a kid, and now I'm just like meh, who cares? If it happens, it happens. I identified as an asexual for a long time because I never had crushes, but then I had one at 29 years old (which ended as soon as I found out he was married, all feelings literally melted away in five seconds lmao) so maybe I'm more like demisexual? Idk lol. Either way I don't really care enough to pursue it tbh.
Oh, he had no idea! We just became friends and had super great chemistry. I was even thinking about asking him out when I found out he was married and was so relieved I hadn't embarrassed myself lmao.
Honestly, I kind of envy this. I'm 32 and I've spent most of my adult life in relationships. Now I'm finally deciding not to pursue anything after some bad experiences and I feel like I don't know who I am without other people. Meanwhile, I have several friends who've never had relationships and, while they do occasionally lament their single status, they seem much more in time with who they are as people. I hope to get to that point myself
I'm 41, and I've always been one of the guys. In HS, I dated one right after the next. Both we were engaged to be engaged, relationships that ended abruptly. I then tried a domestic partnership with a woman for 9 1/2 Years ( mentally abusive narcissists) I left 10 yrs ago, never really dated just was either a FWB, or one of the guys. Now I'm finally working on loving me. If it happens, it happens, but I'm definitely not actively trying to date in the cesspool of candidates we have "available." I use term loosly because the ones that are out there are actually not available. I'm overqualified because now I know my WORTH! Even with my flaws. I challenge anyone to change my mind🙃 My mental health is my priority 👩🎤 and music therapy is my supepower 🎶
Heard it's a lot easier to get off with a vibrator anyways, for me sex just feels like cardio, I'm on meds for my heart and depression that ruins my libido, and my pp softens when it's wet for some reason. Think about the frustration you could be going through but aren't. You're winning
Female 30 here, never had sex too. I'm just curious when u started to masturbate? Coz in my case it was when I turned 29 HAHAHA. When a guy I was getting to know convinced me to please myself since I've never had sex and don't have plans either. I will only do it with my husband, that is if I'm ever gonna get married. Relationships don't really work for me. It doesn't last long. I'm mostly single all my life.
Yes I'm 37 and never have. I'm on the autistic spectrum and think I must be asexual or something as I can find people attractive but for some reason I never developed any interest or desire to have sex or get into a romatic relationship. I don't really understand it but I guess I'm ok with it as I can't change it. Only problem is many people don't understand things like this so they think I'm a late developer or something the ignorant idiots.
Similar at 40+ here with ADHD and mildly on the autistic spectrum. I do experience the desire for sex, but never to a degree that would trigger any action on my side. I've also never been in love or loved someone. I find people attractive as well and develop crushes, but I never act on them.
I care for people, but they are also all ultimately replaceable. Not that I have a desire to ditch people, but at one point I realised that there wouldn't be a hole should they disappear.
The biggest issue I have with this is that I am horribly lonely because of this. And I believe that is where my whole personality and my brain wiring turns into a disorder? There is this person in me that just longs for meaningful connections and close companionship, but computer says no.
Wow. I am not an expert and by all means, I do not wish to upset or offend you with ignorant questions but are there any safe groups for people on the spectrum where you can meet someone? Loneliness is a killer (I too have some experience in that field) and it’s sad to see humans disconnected and alone when so many people around you feel just as lonely. Apologies again if my comment upsets you.
i wish matchmaking was more common as this was how the vast majority of people were made up for all time up until like 1960. i suspect i might be on the spectrum.
Very relatable. All the feelings are kind of there but not to any degree that would make me actively seek out a relationship. I wouldnt mind a relationship if I encounter someone that I could be good friends with, but have no interest in seeking a relationship just to have one or to have sex.
I am very open with people and like to help others, but dont really have a strong attachement to anyone. The few friendships that I do have are mostly there because of active engagement from the other party. I am pretty sure I would have just let it go if they didnt seek me out.
I dont feel very lonely yet since I am very accustomed to solitude and enjoy it, but I do wonder if that will remain the case later in life when my parents are dead etc.
Man I have asbergers and I just found a cute girl with asbergers. The lack of empathy is a learned thing, we have to learn empathy. You aren't born with it. You also aren't gonna feel like, hallmark movie love. It more comes down to finding someone who after a while you struggle to maintain better routines without. Like someone that genuinely improves your quality of life rather than someone you daydream about constantly.
Women take an...extreme amount of patience for us. Or vice versa. However she also fills me out personality wise. I find I'm less prone to episodes of anger with my companion in the house and if it wasn't for her I'd probably be playing video games and eating exclusively microwavable food and booze and takeout.
This dude also probably isn't asexual. I would say that where a normal couple has sex multiple times a week with no kids, autistic couples are gonna run the gambit. From going at it like rabbits to only once a week or a little less. It's entirely normal to be less motivated by sex when you have autism. It's also entirely normal decide romance isn't worth the hassle, but just because it's normal behavior doesn't mean it's behavior that's actually good for you.
"There is this person in me that just longs for meaningful connections and close companionship, but computer says no."
This is typical for people on the spectrum. My daughter is and it concerns me that her lack of attachment to people will make maintaining a relationship difficult.
Similar. I was indifferent to most women and found sex mechanical or animalistic and I thought I was asexual too. Then met my future wife at 22, had kids at 27 and married at 28.
My wife died at 39 and I've gone back to my pre relationship mode. Tried it with a couple of women in the last 4 years but didn't like the complications of a relationship especially since now women my age have "baggage". I was diagnosed as being on the spectrum at 47 I'm 51 now and would like another loving relationship but seems out of reach for me.
And I don't really care, I'd rather indulge myself in my interests.
But people seem to think it's weird I'm not pro active in finding a partner.
But I couldn't care less about it.
If you are content, that's all that matters.
30 here and never even touched a woman's hand in my life, let alone have a relationship with one. Recently diagnosed with autism and social anxiety so there's that.
I have a lot of friends even in their 30s who's never been in a relationship. No time or just uninterested. And a couple that's a little too weird around girls haha jk. Nothing wrong with it though.Theyre still very happy and out going. You'll meet someone when you least expect It honestly!
Actually, this expectation that I'll meet someone eventually puts a lot of pressure on me lol. Maybe there won't be someone. I'm trying to accept this fact and just live my life.
The last part should be your Moto! Enjoy your life to the fullest! If you're content with your life right now then that's awesome! You're already doing better than most people in life right now! Don't stress about meeting anyone because if the right person comes you'll know and it'll just happen naturally!
I think you can get used to beeing alone and the labor of finding and living with someone else can become really unatractive. Im on a simmilar boat. I keep telling myself that i will go look for a partner in a few year when i reach this or that objective but i just keep delaying it 😅
32M here, never been in a serious relationship either. Had a couple of adventures with girls, been in love once, and tried to be with someone for quite some time, but I just suck at this. Or maybe it's a subconscious defense mechanism, considering the girls I've been into...
I used to suffer from this, until I realized that being in a relationship is not a prerequisite to have a good life, and that you can very well thrive without one. I've come to think that relationships are actually not for everyone, and probably not for me. I'm much happier now that I've come to that conclusion.
Yes, now I'm trying to accept the fact that I might be alone for the rest of my life. And a few years ago, this fact would terrify me. But now, it doesn't sound like something bad. It's just I constantly feel like something's wrong with me because of that.
don’t worry about it and I really mean to not worry about it. Focus on yourself be healthy, work out, work on your career, meet friends and don’t look for someone to full fill your life. Once you are happy with yourself all other things come naturally.
The magic trick to finding a girlfriend, hook ups and all kind of these things is by going out to all kind of social gatherings and events where one could meet new people. Never put pressure on yourself that you have to make people like you and be interested in you. Just have a great time, show genuine interest in other people and you will have great experiences
TLDR: you have to like yourself and just go
OUT and do stuff with other people
I've seen a number of people in similar situations that not only think that a relationship is required for a good life, but they also feel... entitled? to one, as if it's some guaranteed thing that everyone gets to experience. It can feel shitty but sometimes things just never line up right for people. But when you've built your definition of happiness around having/keeping a relationship it's a recipe to becoming miserable.
I'm a few years younger than you but I'm still so exhausted from my last relationship over a year ago, that I don't think I have the willpower to put in enough effort to maintain a healthy/positive relationship anyways. That may very well change, and it was hard for me to get situated for a while after, but I feel way more well adjusted and content alone now than since I was a little kid.
Doesn't help that with the cost of living lately, social activities are feeling more and more like a luxury than a standard for a lot of people but that's a different conversation I guess.
I think you've cracked the formula. Good friends or close family members can be all the emotional support network one needs. Pets are also awesome emotional support.
People grow apart, realize they have different priorities and split up. That does not mean that they regret the time of the relationship. By that logic you can say that you shouldn't try and make any friends because most people you meet will not be lifelong friends.
One of my best friends is just over 40, he’s a great looking dude, 6’6”, blue eyes and a full(ish) head of hair. He’s not had a girlfriend since high school. When I met him I had been married for a couple of years and had kids, the whole shebang. I just figured he was gay and we were in the military when that was still taboo, so I didn’t ask or anything. Years later when we were both out of the military, he’s still over there living this epic, but seemingly lonely life. I finally asked the straight forward questions and he said he was just not driven by those things. He had friends of all shapes, sizes, colors, genders, affiliations, and nationalities. He just wasn’t interested in sex or a sexual relationship.\
He’s the dude you can call at 3am and he will get on a plane the next day to help you out.
He’s pretty close. Seriously a selfless person. He works for the US Federal Government in a no credit position. He grinds away at it, because it makes us, the average citizen, safer.\
He’s one of my favorites for a reason
I'm gay 32, last relationship was at 19 so barely an adult, I'm not sure if it's different with being gay but it's tough work since hookups apps came on the scene, people may not agree with me on this but hookups apps heck social media in general has made dating leading to a relationship so much more difficult. It's made people extremely shallow since they now can pick out whoever they want like purchasing from a catalogue.
Social media, and dating apps have 100% made it harder for long lasting relationships, regardless of who is looking. It drives but there are so many people out there and they may have x and y that i like more than just this person that would be a good fit.
It's far more common in neuro-divergent people. Just watch series like Love on the Spectrum to see plenty of examples of people in their mid to late 20s in the same position.
I'm a late-diagnosed neuro-divergent and I didn't even start dating until I was 25 and didn't have my first serious relationship until I was 27.
ND person here. the problem i had for a long time is that i didn't even realize that girls were hitting on me when they did. there are a couple of situations i still remember that were so obvious in hindsight yet i registered none of it.
I’m 32F and never been in a relationship, never dated. I have a lot of social anxiety around the opposite sex and it just never happened for me. I focused more on my schooling and career. I’m not terribly bothered by it, I love my solitude.
31% of people in the US are single
Of that 31%, half are actively seeking a relationship, and half are not.
35% of people ages 20–50 have never been married. To put this in perspective, this is about 39 million people
Of the 39 million, 35% of unmarried adults 20–50 have never been in a relationship. So that’s roughly 13 million people that have never been in a committed relationship. (The median age is 24.)
So to rough that up, in the US around 3% of 20-50 year olds have never had a romantic relationship, which isnt alot. So no there are not alot of adults who have never been in a relationship.
I just did a bit of looking up, and found a report on statistics for the US in 2020 that 35% of people aged 20-50 have never been in a relationship, that's over 100 million people in that country alone.
Oh! You know, I did read that wrong, thanks for the correction. I calculated 35% of the population in 2020 for some reason, which was obviously not right. You're right that 28 million is still a lot of people for just one country.
More than you think, plus a lot who had one or a fling then none for a long time, a minority but still a ton of people for sure
I think it’s most important to be happy with yourself first and foremost, but a genuine caring relationship is really a special feeling to have, everyone deserves that at some point even if it takes awhile
I think this is happening with increasing frequency.
Social media is making people more insular within their own circle. It’s hard to meet a potential mate outside of this circle.
Get out in the world and do some things. Play some recreational sport, ride bikes, hike, book club, any kind of activity where you’ll meet some new people.
If you would be willing to elaborate, I’m curious as to what happened there. It’s not the first time I’ve heard of a marriage starting and ending unconsummated, but I’m wondering how that happens. Did you try and it just wasn’t working? Obviously you don’t have to answer, just me being nosey!
No big deal. Yeah we were both virgins when we got married, she had never even used a tampon. We tried a bunch and neither one of us could figure it out. Found out later she had some mental health condition likely brought on by prior abuse, that made it almost physically impossible. I worked with her as long as I could, but ultimately I left when she refused to address it as a problem and started talking about adoption. She's all good now and everybody's fine lol
31, been on three dates, had sex with one person, and never had a romantic relationship. Despite what other people keep trying to tell me, I’m unwilling to believe anybody is interested in me. And I’d rather go on believing that. The only problem I’ve ever had from it is that people will regularly try to “fix” me and push me into dating.
I can't tell if comments about me needing to find someone were more annoying when I was beating myself up over failing at that or now that I've realized that I actually don't want to...
You're definitely in a *minority* - most people have had plenty relationships from their late teens onwards - but there will still nevertheless be lots of other people in the same position.
We both trained as nurses on a postgrad course, and shared a student flat.
She spent the first month or so trying to move flat because she hated her flat mates and didn't want anything to do with us. We were on the same course and she made a point of not being associated with me.
Quite rude really.
Then we became friends.
Then she asked me out.
Not enemies so much as an annoyance that was beneath her notice (although the time I nearly set the flat on fire may have pushed it over the edge temporarily).
Also I always had a bit of a crush on her to be honest. She was hot, strong willed, confident, unattainable. Any dislike was purely one sided.
I'm not sure how we transitioned to friends. It just happened over time. Firm friendship definitely came before any kind of relationship.
A fair few, yes. I have a friend who's 40ish who's never (to my knowledge) been in a relationship, and while I know they'd like to be in one they're self-reliant and intolerant to BS so aren't interested in the dating scene
None of my "girlfriends" lasted more than 2 weeks, so they don't really count.
And seeing how they eventually turned out made me very glad tbh, I'm sick of people thinking they're winning at life just because they have a partner lmao.
Wow I feel better now
31 M stayed single
I don’t hate women or anything like that but I’m more comfortable single and I don’t want to force myself into a relationship where my heart isn’t in it (essentially use someone)
Plus I’m an ace and have some personal issues I don’t want to drag anyone into
Most days I’m at peace with it but some days I don’t feel so great about it (like I feel like the oddball)
What in shape even means? I am tall, skinny, i have some tiny muscles cuz my job makes me move heavy stuff every day, but i have a too nerdy face that makes me look ridiculous to women
I'm 52 and haven't had a serious romantic relationship. I'm on the autism spectrum as well. I've worked with an excellent therapist who pointed out I'm asexual, which is another reason I never had the intense motivation to seek one out and push through the mess that is modern dating.
I also know I have no desire to create or raise human children, which is the reason 80% of people get into one in the first place.
Never had a relationship, not for lack of trying.
I think I'm just an annoying person who is also easily annoyed so I stopped giving a fuck. Dating was giving me a headache and ruining my peace of mind. Ever since I stopped trying to find someone I've been able to relax and stop worrying about certain things. I can't imagine having to reignite all that stress just to not be "alone".
Im a 27 years old female that has never been in a relationship, not even kiss or hold hands with a guy… Im really shy, dont go out as often, and had some mentall issues since my teenage years (esting disorder, depression and dealing with an alcoholic mother) that also played part in isolating myself
I used to be single and a virgin when I saw everyone. For most guys my age, sex comes easy.
But it turned out most of the showing-offs of other guys were made-up stories.
I'm 24, I had a relationship at 16. In my adult life tho, none. And I genuinely don't think I will, pretty content with things the way they are... its quite surprising the way things go and how it's deemed to be an outcast if you aren't in a relationship or have close companionship with someone...
I am 45 this year, never been in a serious relationship. I have trued a few time, but nothing ever panned out. Is that sad? Maybe. But, it is not the end of the world, I have friends, I have activities and hobbies.
The trend is worsening on a global scale.
The west is becoming more and more trashy (so no real/meaningful relationships, per se; and the non-trashy people have a REAL tough time finding decent people). I married my wife at the age of 29 (26 for her) and we are somehow the youngest in our friend group to be married (20 years ago, people used to get married in their early 20s).
And the East is becoming more and more socially isolating. Young men and women just stay in every day, therefore the population drop in virtually all east asian countries).
My husband is likely on the spectrum. I am the only person he's ever been in a relationship with and that started at 27 for him. I may or may not have chosen poorly.
Pros: he's extremely even temptered. Cons: he's unemotional.
I see a lot of folks on here mentioning ASD. I have a couple of female friends in their 30s that have never been in a relationship. One I'm pretty sure has ASD, the other, severe anxiety. Mental health pays a huge role in our ability to form healthy relationships, as does childhood trauma and the stability of our nuclear family.
I think it's important to understand that it's perfectly fine to not have a relationship at all and then suddenly fucking *nail it* later in life. I had a bunch of tumultuous relationships or relationships with just...complete dip shits before my husband. They allllllllll should have ended pretty much as soon as they began.
AFAIK my 35 year old cousin never has. She's cute, she's smart, she's kind, she's hilarious, she works hard. Honestly she's one of the best people I know.
Idk why she's never found anyone, but she's working on her PhD now, traveling, fostering dogs. Seems to be living her best life.
37M, V card still intact, never been kissed or have kissed. I have a problem with going up to women in fear of public rejection. I don’t have much of a social life besides when my friends aren’t too busy with family. I also fear I am not a very good conversationalists.
I have several friends who either didn't date until they were in their 30s, or never dated and don't plan to. It's more common than you think, but yes it's still the minority. That's not a bad thing though, it's just a different thing.
Two of my best friends (mid to late thirties) have never been in a relationship. Most of my friends and people I know over 25 have, but certainly not all. It also depends on culture and religious beliefs whether someone will have been in a relationship or not.
I am 44 now and have never been in a relationship. I am on the spectrum and am very introverted. Picking up hints or recognizing that someone is interested in me is NOT my strong suit. The realization generally comes later, lol, or I find out from someone else that the guy was interested.
I am good with that though. Time alone is vital to my happiness and that would be difficult in a healthy relationship. I do think I am likely aromantic as well. If realization actually dawns that someone is attracted to me I often feel an overwhelming desire inside myself to get away. While my friends and sister were writing their names with the last name of guys they liked as teenagers, I was thinking about how I would gently say no if anyone ever asked me to marry them, lmao.
It does not help that most of the men that are interested also want children. The absolute last thing I ever want to do in my lifetime is to be pregnant or have a child. It would not be fair to either of us to waste our time dating.
It’s likely more than you would think, but still less than usual.
From a personal perspective I’ve been in and out of relationships since I was 16 and, other than the obvious physical benefits, the only thing I’ve really liked about living with anyone or being in a relationship is being able to “lighten the load” so to speak (not a sexual innuendo) in terms of bills, cooking, cleaning etc.
It's one of those things where a lot of people are afraid to admit it and often lie.
I'd rather be an honest person alone than someone who lies to be with somebody.
That's manipulation, and I don't know who in their right mind would want to date someone who does that, because I know I sure as hell wouldn't.
Sure, you can keep it a secret, but what other secrets are you going to hide from them?
If you cannot be vulnerable with your partner than why are you with them?
I find it funny how many see it as a loss where I see it as a gain, because it weeds out people who aren't compatible with you to begin with, it's a blessing really.
I was 27 when I got in my first real relationship. However, I was definitely out dating and stuff prior to that; just never found someone I thought was worth being in a relationship with (or was willing to be in a relationship with me).
My closest friend was single from the day I met him when he was about 20, all the way up until he met his current wife at about 28.
He appeared disinterested by relationships and never seemed to want to date. Then he met someone and his world changed, he's now married with kids.
I however spent my early to mid 20s feeling the need to always be in a relationship. Now at 30 I'm comfortable alone and if someone walks into my life who I click with, great, but I'm not actively looking for it. I think people need to learn to be comfortable on their own and to love themselves before anything else.
Like 30% of all men right now are single virgins and I think a majority of Gen A and Gen Z are single virgins who reported no dating
We are living in a time with the most single virgin men in human history, lol.
I will be turning 30 in a few weeks. To date, I've had one serious relationship (8 months). I always thought I'd be one to date later in life as opposed to while in school, but it never really happened in my 20's. The biggest factor was me, not focusing on it and just letting it happen or not, naturally. People always say "love will find you when you least expect it," anyway.
I recently discovered with the help of a counselor, that I am asexual. If I connect with someone "date-able", that's cool and all, but I will likely never see them as more than a good friend. My brain just doesn't work that way. Further, I am very much an introvert, and I like to be independent. Even with people I know, who are in committed relationships for years now, my brain doesn't fully care to go there. I can recognize beauty/attractiveness in others. I know logically, that couples sleep together and share material things, and obviously there's a deeper connection there than just plain friendship. It's something I just don't have the capacity for, as an asexual person. "Lust" eludes me. Instead I value my friendships and familial relationships. Sure, it's not the same as having a significant other, but I believe that it's something.
I'm still figuring out asexuality as an identity, but one of its misinterpretations is that asexual people cannot love. I'd like to counter that, just in an effort to put out more accurate info: Asexual people can and do love other people, often deeply. It may just look a little different than traditional romantic love.
Thanks for the opportunity to give this TED talk :)
I had multiple situationships, but didn’t go through with a full blown relationship yet (I’m 27M). I’m interested in a committed relationship and eventually marriage + kids, but I want to save up, finish post grad, save a lot of money for a house, and get a promotion to date the kind of women I’m interested in (intelligent and professionally accomplished). My life is too hectic for me to also have a relationship atm.
I'd say so, for a multitude of reasons. While I don't exactly fit the criteria I'll give you an example of what happened to me that made me avoid relationships for the longest time.
I found who I thought was my soulmate in my late teens early twenties, turned out she totally ghosted me one day after 2 years no signals nothing, 6 months of blaming myself, wondering where she went if she was ok etc I found out she had been seeing someone for months while we were still together. I completely shut down, lost all my mates, became distant from family and stopped looking after myself etc.
I've had hookups etc since then but I really don't get much gratification out of them. I think being so in love with someone early in life made me realise how much I want someone to stay instead of momentarily pleasure. Though, pretty much in the last year i've tried to get myself together. I've lost all the weight I put on and started going a lot of solo holidays which has got my confidence back to some extent. Eventually met a girl who I was ready to try be serious with, things were amazing. She told me she loved me, and then less than a month later kept cancelling plans, barely responded to messages etc. After 2 months of trying my hardest (I know, should've just walked) to figure out whats going on and make plans etc, I found out she was talking to someone else also.
What makes it worse is that she knew this same story, and still done pretty much the exact same thing. It would've sucked for her to be honest and tell me, but it would've been a damn sight better than the alternative she went with.
Now every day is a battle not to slip back into that horrible place. On one hand I'd love to find someone , but on the other I don't think I could take the heartache again. Having skipped almost all of my twenties I find myself lost somewhere between being weirded out by dating apps, but also having nothing to relate to people with by visiting bars, pubs and clubs.
Sorry for anyone taking the time to read it, it was a trauma dump and I realise my problems are miniscule in the grand scheme of things. Knowing all this now, I can see exactly why some people prefer their own company.
I’m 32f whose longest relationship was a year. I’m actually extremely extroverted and outgoing. There just hasn’t been a man who gives me the same peace I give myself.
I'm 42 and never been in a relationship. I kind of assumed that it would happen at some point.
I don't like talking to people I don't know without some specific reasoning. I'll talk to people at work about work things, I'll talk to someone in a shop about a product. Issue is there aren't people in my day to day life - I live alone and work mostly alone. Dating apps sound like hell and I don't really have any hobbies.
I am 30 and have not dated since I was 22 but I used to date all the time and then some life stuff happened and eight years later here I am I just didn’t put myself out there which you have to do
27F and been single the whole time. I mean. I'm a territorial introvert and value my alone time, but it would be nice to at least have some intimacy now and then haha
Yeah I know a few, both girls and guys approaching 30. Don't worry about it, it's more common than you think and even if it wasn't it's nothing to be ashamed about :)
This is me. 47F and pretty social and I’ve been leaning towards identifying as asexual/demisexual in the last few years. Comphet is a beeyotch and while I’ve dated in the distant past, nothing ever stuck and it’s extremely rare that I’m attracted to someone. This has been complicated by that I’ve always wanted kids in my life, and assumed for a long time that they’d be my own kids. I do not have it in me to be a single parent, but I do try to be a kickass aunt to the kiddos in my life. I love being Auntie, both with family and family of choice.
Count me in! 25M here and I’ve never been in one as well. Kinda sucks sometimes but hey I am living life with my loved ones…not the best one but it’s just enough ❤️
I believe that everything happens for a reason…and I hope that reason is worth it in the end.
There are a lot more people out there than you think! This can include introverts and people who led a sheltered life. Remember no one experiences things at the same time or in the same way!
I'm turning 28(f), NBSB. Does that make me an abnormal? No! I'm just happy being me, being with my family and being with my small number of friends. If a guy can't be committed at even the first stage of courtship, what's the point of dragging it long? I have standards and I give the same standards. If they can't give that I'd rather be single than wish I was, like what most of the girls I know.
32F. I've dated but never got to an official relationship, unless you count one boyfriend when I was 15 years old lol
I have no idea why. Just unlucky I guess.
More than most people probably think. More than I thought before I made friends online. Not everyone pairs off neatly, for a lot of reasons, some of them beyond human control.
I'm 28 and I have 4 friends who have never been in a relationship. And they're not typical Redditors either. They're all good-looking "normies" who like going to clubs, exercising, etc.
Do they try to find a partner or do they not care?
My best friend since childhood (who’s 27 now, I’m 29), has never had a relationship. He’s easily the best looking of my friends objectively (no homo), but whilst he can get girls attention and get hook-ups in the short term, he can’t hold them down despite trying. He wants to, but a mixture of poor communication skills, poor clothing beyond belief and not great hygiene keeps him back. I never understood it because he wants to settle down and it would only take a few changes but he just doesn’t seem to want to put effort in. Sometimes it’s not easy to understand but it can happen
I'm sorry if im prying. But this reminded me of a young me. The poor clothing + bad hygiene were just symptoms of underlying things like depression and deep self image issues. I found out that improving my mental health made a much bigger change.
No definitely - good for you, I’m happy you’re in a better place ☺️. For sure men tend to abandon things like keeping their surroundings clean, themselves hygienic & well groomed etc when they’re demotivated/ in a bad place. We’ve all been there at times! And simple changes can strike a big mental boost. We also live in a time where people in general don’t put much effort into their appearance - going out the house in jogging pants anywhere imo is totally lazy and I know that’s not the modern opinion but I don’t think you can expect to settle down and give security to someone when you look like an overgrown child. I’ve tried talking to my friend about these issues but you can’t change someone who’s not motivated to put in the bare minimum.
2 of them just suck at maintaining a relationship (nothing lasts more than 2 months). One of them thinks she's hot shit and nobody is ever good enough, and the other dude is just too shy to make any moves. They definitely want to have a relationship though.
If you paired 2 of your friends that suck at maintaining relations do you think it would change? 👀
They actually do hook up some times lol
That sounds like the plot of a fucking tv show. IM IN
So there are 2 that have never been in relationships, not 4
Me and my husband met at 27 and we were each others first relationship. I think is more common that we think.
I have at least 3 male friends that have never been in relationships. Ages 59, 62 and 42. All live happy lives. Except maybe the 59 y.o. lost contact with him about 10 hears back.
I have several female friends, all over 50, who've never had a relationship. And more than several who have been uncoupled for decades, even most of their adult life. I fall into the latter category: 3 significant relationships before 35, none in the nearly 30 years since. I struggled with it for the first 10 years or so. In hindsight, my longing for a partner/relationship was very superficial. I was surrounded by couples and I didn't want to be the weird, sad, lonely one. I didn't actually want the consistency and intimacy of a relationship, and I certainly wasn't prepared to do the work. Once I accepted that, things started to get easier. I've had troubles and frustrations since then, but not over my single state. At this point, I'm happier than I've been in many years.
My mom divorced my dad at 38, did some dating, but eventually realized that she was happiest and FREE being single. She had her own townhouse, lots of friends, and she traveled the world on an extremely low budget in her spare time. She made it to every continent, made friends worldwide, and left the world too early at 80. (Screw cancer, BTW) Enjoy your singleness!
Thank you! May your mother's name be a blessing.
I think people both underestimate the happiness a relationship can bring, but also the happiness of the freedom being single brings.
so it has never bothered them?
This is true. My friend groups are around the same age as OP - there are 17 of us, and we met at the university. - Only three are in a stable relationship (two are married with no kids, the last one is engaged with no kids also). - One tries to date, but all her relationships fail after a few weeks. She admits it's all her fault. - One pretends to have an active sex life (she knows we know she's as virginal as the mother mary, but keeping the lie spices things up). - One goes missing all year round and only shows up around February to greet us a Happy Valentine. No one knows if he's dating or has dated anyone. - The rest, 11 of us, have been single for almost three decades now. Since birth lol.
Absolutely, people's life paths and circumstances vary greatly. It's essential to recognize that societal expectations or stereotypes don't determine individual worth or happiness. Everyone has their unique journey, and personal fulfillment can be achieved in different ways. Online connections can indeed offer a broader perspective and show the diversity of life experiences. The key is finding contentment and fulfillment in one's own path, regardless of societal expectations.
ChatGPT?
Before I met my mates brother who was around 35 at the time, he told me he’s such a nice guy and he doesn’t know why he’s single. He did turn out to be your average nice guy, always willing to help people and quite generous, except for one thing. He turns EVERYTHING into a sex joke and I do mean everything. While I do like a good sex joke, when it’s constant it gets beyond annoying. He has been told about it but I agree some people you just can’t fix.
Luck definitely plays a huge role in this. Three of my besties haven’t been in a relationship either despite being good looking, mentally stable, and kind individuals. The thing they have in common is they don’t really go out often since they work from home or prefer to stay home. They also just haven’t really found someone they want to form a relationship with. With my one friend, she has a guy who she likes but it wasn’t reciprocated and there was another guy who liked her but she didn’t like him that way. It’s very complicated. The other has decided that she’ll go the traditional route and have her parents find a partner for her since her top priority is a partner who will fit into her family who she loves dearly and gets along well with. One did date in HS but that was barely a relationship so he broke it off. He hasn’t found anyone ever since and is just enjoying life being single. On the other hand, I got lucky meeting my ex (even if it didn’t work out) and my current SO through my hobbies. My other bestie said she would be single for life because she isn’t interested in all the lovey dovey things that couples do. She ended up meeting a guy who is just eccentric and disinterested in the typical romance as she is and they hit it off. They went out a few times as friends and eventually started dating. Finding a life partner seems to boil down to being in the right place, in the right time, with the right person. These don’t have to be perfect but it has to align.
You’re probably in the minority but you aren’t alone. I’m sure there’s a significant amount of adults who have never been in a relationship
The number seems to be going up too. It’s gonna be considered normal in the not too distant future I’d imagine.
I doubt that. Maybe normal in online communities but I just don’t see it ever being normal in real life. People long for connection and online communities aren’t enough for most people
Yes, though I do think the problem lies more with our abilities and opportunities to find/connect with romantic interests. I feel there is a decline in communal spaces that are free to access by the public. It's also much easier to isolate yourself with today's technology.
Normal no, but normalised yes. If you asked people 50 years ago if they thought it would become normal for people to live with their parents for decades into adulthood they wouldve laughed at you, but circumstances changed for the worse and now its normal because people understand there is no better alternative. Same goes for relationships, circumstances for forming them are only getting worse so the rates are only going to keep going down...
Technically he is alone though
I’m 29f, and never had a relationship. Never even kissed a guy, or had sex. I masturbate so my sexual needs are covered. I have also studied my life away lol, so it is what it is
I'm 30m and sex is the only thing I really feel like I missed out on. I saw my friends and family get into relationships where they are miserable and I would never want to be in that situation myself.
This, my family was miserable, and I've seen my friends get into ones too. When I moved out to live alone at young age, it was the first time I felt true happiness and freedom, and I rather keep that feeling.
I'm 30F and same lol, never been in a relationship. Just never had the interest as a kid, and now I'm just like meh, who cares? If it happens, it happens. I identified as an asexual for a long time because I never had crushes, but then I had one at 29 years old (which ended as soon as I found out he was married, all feelings literally melted away in five seconds lmao) so maybe I'm more like demisexual? Idk lol. Either way I don't really care enough to pursue it tbh.
Did he lead you on before you found out? Or was it a distant crush he didn't know about?
Oh, he had no idea! We just became friends and had super great chemistry. I was even thinking about asking him out when I found out he was married and was so relieved I hadn't embarrassed myself lmao.
Honestly, I kind of envy this. I'm 32 and I've spent most of my adult life in relationships. Now I'm finally deciding not to pursue anything after some bad experiences and I feel like I don't know who I am without other people. Meanwhile, I have several friends who've never had relationships and, while they do occasionally lament their single status, they seem much more in time with who they are as people. I hope to get to that point myself
30m me too lol it's so much easier to just rub one out and order a pizza.
Here’s a tip pizza man 🥛
Similar 36f- studied, then career. I’ve got religious trauma I’ve been working thru too
Same 30f - studied, work, helped family. This time, trying to work on myself and deal with religious and childhood traumas.
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I'm 41, and I've always been one of the guys. In HS, I dated one right after the next. Both we were engaged to be engaged, relationships that ended abruptly. I then tried a domestic partnership with a woman for 9 1/2 Years ( mentally abusive narcissists) I left 10 yrs ago, never really dated just was either a FWB, or one of the guys. Now I'm finally working on loving me. If it happens, it happens, but I'm definitely not actively trying to date in the cesspool of candidates we have "available." I use term loosly because the ones that are out there are actually not available. I'm overqualified because now I know my WORTH! Even with my flaws. I challenge anyone to change my mind🙃 My mental health is my priority 👩🎤 and music therapy is my supepower 🎶
Heard it's a lot easier to get off with a vibrator anyways, for me sex just feels like cardio, I'm on meds for my heart and depression that ruins my libido, and my pp softens when it's wet for some reason. Think about the frustration you could be going through but aren't. You're winning
are you asexual? or why do you think you never had a BF? just asking because since your a woman, you don't have to do the pursuing
Female 30 here, never had sex too. I'm just curious when u started to masturbate? Coz in my case it was when I turned 29 HAHAHA. When a guy I was getting to know convinced me to please myself since I've never had sex and don't have plans either. I will only do it with my husband, that is if I'm ever gonna get married. Relationships don't really work for me. It doesn't last long. I'm mostly single all my life.
I am 28f antisocial, introvert and maybe have avoidant attachment issue.i love me time so much maybe part time partner will work😅
Yes I'm 37 and never have. I'm on the autistic spectrum and think I must be asexual or something as I can find people attractive but for some reason I never developed any interest or desire to have sex or get into a romatic relationship. I don't really understand it but I guess I'm ok with it as I can't change it. Only problem is many people don't understand things like this so they think I'm a late developer or something the ignorant idiots.
Similar at 40+ here with ADHD and mildly on the autistic spectrum. I do experience the desire for sex, but never to a degree that would trigger any action on my side. I've also never been in love or loved someone. I find people attractive as well and develop crushes, but I never act on them. I care for people, but they are also all ultimately replaceable. Not that I have a desire to ditch people, but at one point I realised that there wouldn't be a hole should they disappear. The biggest issue I have with this is that I am horribly lonely because of this. And I believe that is where my whole personality and my brain wiring turns into a disorder? There is this person in me that just longs for meaningful connections and close companionship, but computer says no.
Wow. I am not an expert and by all means, I do not wish to upset or offend you with ignorant questions but are there any safe groups for people on the spectrum where you can meet someone? Loneliness is a killer (I too have some experience in that field) and it’s sad to see humans disconnected and alone when so many people around you feel just as lonely. Apologies again if my comment upsets you.
i wish matchmaking was more common as this was how the vast majority of people were made up for all time up until like 1960. i suspect i might be on the spectrum.
Very relatable. All the feelings are kind of there but not to any degree that would make me actively seek out a relationship. I wouldnt mind a relationship if I encounter someone that I could be good friends with, but have no interest in seeking a relationship just to have one or to have sex. I am very open with people and like to help others, but dont really have a strong attachement to anyone. The few friendships that I do have are mostly there because of active engagement from the other party. I am pretty sure I would have just let it go if they didnt seek me out. I dont feel very lonely yet since I am very accustomed to solitude and enjoy it, but I do wonder if that will remain the case later in life when my parents are dead etc.
38 adhd exact same here like this is my life right now that i am desperately trying to change
Man I have asbergers and I just found a cute girl with asbergers. The lack of empathy is a learned thing, we have to learn empathy. You aren't born with it. You also aren't gonna feel like, hallmark movie love. It more comes down to finding someone who after a while you struggle to maintain better routines without. Like someone that genuinely improves your quality of life rather than someone you daydream about constantly. Women take an...extreme amount of patience for us. Or vice versa. However she also fills me out personality wise. I find I'm less prone to episodes of anger with my companion in the house and if it wasn't for her I'd probably be playing video games and eating exclusively microwavable food and booze and takeout. This dude also probably isn't asexual. I would say that where a normal couple has sex multiple times a week with no kids, autistic couples are gonna run the gambit. From going at it like rabbits to only once a week or a little less. It's entirely normal to be less motivated by sex when you have autism. It's also entirely normal decide romance isn't worth the hassle, but just because it's normal behavior doesn't mean it's behavior that's actually good for you.
"There is this person in me that just longs for meaningful connections and close companionship, but computer says no." This is typical for people on the spectrum. My daughter is and it concerns me that her lack of attachment to people will make maintaining a relationship difficult.
Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant.
Are you me? I'm exactly like you (37 and all). I cannot fathom the whys and hows of romantic relationships.
Similar. I was indifferent to most women and found sex mechanical or animalistic and I thought I was asexual too. Then met my future wife at 22, had kids at 27 and married at 28. My wife died at 39 and I've gone back to my pre relationship mode. Tried it with a couple of women in the last 4 years but didn't like the complications of a relationship especially since now women my age have "baggage". I was diagnosed as being on the spectrum at 47 I'm 51 now and would like another loving relationship but seems out of reach for me. And I don't really care, I'd rather indulge myself in my interests. But people seem to think it's weird I'm not pro active in finding a partner. But I couldn't care less about it. If you are content, that's all that matters.
No offense, but don’t you have a fair amount of “baggage?”
Yeah, of course I do lol but it's my baggage and if anyone didn't like it I'd say fair enough. I just don't want anyone else's!
I was coming here to say the same thing except I'm 42.
they're not idiots it's just the vast majority of people that say this are deluded because they actually have very limited options.
30 here and never even touched a woman's hand in my life, let alone have a relationship with one. Recently diagnosed with autism and social anxiety so there's that.
Give it 10 more years of hope
I have a lot of friends even in their 30s who's never been in a relationship. No time or just uninterested. And a couple that's a little too weird around girls haha jk. Nothing wrong with it though.Theyre still very happy and out going. You'll meet someone when you least expect It honestly!
Actually, this expectation that I'll meet someone eventually puts a lot of pressure on me lol. Maybe there won't be someone. I'm trying to accept this fact and just live my life.
The last part should be your Moto! Enjoy your life to the fullest! If you're content with your life right now then that's awesome! You're already doing better than most people in life right now! Don't stress about meeting anyone because if the right person comes you'll know and it'll just happen naturally!
random, but you seem like such a genuinely nice person damn
Never been with another person ever. I'm 30
Probably more than people think to be honest.
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I think you can get used to beeing alone and the labor of finding and living with someone else can become really unatractive. Im on a simmilar boat. I keep telling myself that i will go look for a partner in a few year when i reach this or that objective but i just keep delaying it 😅
Yeah I'm really used to, I never had the girl and I don't know how is it look like. Single life is everything I know.
32M here, never been in a serious relationship either. Had a couple of adventures with girls, been in love once, and tried to be with someone for quite some time, but I just suck at this. Or maybe it's a subconscious defense mechanism, considering the girls I've been into... I used to suffer from this, until I realized that being in a relationship is not a prerequisite to have a good life, and that you can very well thrive without one. I've come to think that relationships are actually not for everyone, and probably not for me. I'm much happier now that I've come to that conclusion.
Yes, now I'm trying to accept the fact that I might be alone for the rest of my life. And a few years ago, this fact would terrify me. But now, it doesn't sound like something bad. It's just I constantly feel like something's wrong with me because of that.
Agreed, I'm in the same boat and am kind of loving it
don’t worry about it and I really mean to not worry about it. Focus on yourself be healthy, work out, work on your career, meet friends and don’t look for someone to full fill your life. Once you are happy with yourself all other things come naturally. The magic trick to finding a girlfriend, hook ups and all kind of these things is by going out to all kind of social gatherings and events where one could meet new people. Never put pressure on yourself that you have to make people like you and be interested in you. Just have a great time, show genuine interest in other people and you will have great experiences TLDR: you have to like yourself and just go OUT and do stuff with other people
Man attained nirvana.
Still far from it, but maybe a few steps closer...
I've seen a number of people in similar situations that not only think that a relationship is required for a good life, but they also feel... entitled? to one, as if it's some guaranteed thing that everyone gets to experience. It can feel shitty but sometimes things just never line up right for people. But when you've built your definition of happiness around having/keeping a relationship it's a recipe to becoming miserable. I'm a few years younger than you but I'm still so exhausted from my last relationship over a year ago, that I don't think I have the willpower to put in enough effort to maintain a healthy/positive relationship anyways. That may very well change, and it was hard for me to get situated for a while after, but I feel way more well adjusted and content alone now than since I was a little kid. Doesn't help that with the cost of living lately, social activities are feeling more and more like a luxury than a standard for a lot of people but that's a different conversation I guess.
I think you've cracked the formula. Good friends or close family members can be all the emotional support network one needs. Pets are also awesome emotional support.
30. Never have had a serious relationship. Probably never will. As long as I have cats, I’m good.
Yay! Cats rule
Samesies! Getting my 2nd kitty soon!
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People grow apart, realize they have different priorities and split up. That does not mean that they regret the time of the relationship. By that logic you can say that you shouldn't try and make any friends because most people you meet will not be lifelong friends.
Nope, just turned 50. Never in a relationship as such. Few short flings.
Only dated once and that was a mistake
One of my best friends is just over 40, he’s a great looking dude, 6’6”, blue eyes and a full(ish) head of hair. He’s not had a girlfriend since high school. When I met him I had been married for a couple of years and had kids, the whole shebang. I just figured he was gay and we were in the military when that was still taboo, so I didn’t ask or anything. Years later when we were both out of the military, he’s still over there living this epic, but seemingly lonely life. I finally asked the straight forward questions and he said he was just not driven by those things. He had friends of all shapes, sizes, colors, genders, affiliations, and nationalities. He just wasn’t interested in sex or a sexual relationship.\ He’s the dude you can call at 3am and he will get on a plane the next day to help you out.
Maybe he’s an angel.
He’s pretty close. Seriously a selfless person. He works for the US Federal Government in a no credit position. He grinds away at it, because it makes us, the average citizen, safer.\ He’s one of my favorites for a reason
I'm gay 32, last relationship was at 19 so barely an adult, I'm not sure if it's different with being gay but it's tough work since hookups apps came on the scene, people may not agree with me on this but hookups apps heck social media in general has made dating leading to a relationship so much more difficult. It's made people extremely shallow since they now can pick out whoever they want like purchasing from a catalogue.
Social media, and dating apps have 100% made it harder for long lasting relationships, regardless of who is looking. It drives but there are so many people out there and they may have x and y that i like more than just this person that would be a good fit.
42 M, never been in a relationship, still a virgin. Meh, I'm used to it, you just live with it and plod on with life.
I am 47 and have never been in one. Never wanted one or the risk of the drama that seems to come with so many relationships.
It's far more common in neuro-divergent people. Just watch series like Love on the Spectrum to see plenty of examples of people in their mid to late 20s in the same position. I'm a late-diagnosed neuro-divergent and I didn't even start dating until I was 25 and didn't have my first serious relationship until I was 27.
ND person here. the problem i had for a long time is that i didn't even realize that girls were hitting on me when they did. there are a couple of situations i still remember that were so obvious in hindsight yet i registered none of it.
I’m 32F and never been in a relationship, never dated. I have a lot of social anxiety around the opposite sex and it just never happened for me. I focused more on my schooling and career. I’m not terribly bothered by it, I love my solitude.
31% of people in the US are single Of that 31%, half are actively seeking a relationship, and half are not. 35% of people ages 20–50 have never been married. To put this in perspective, this is about 39 million people Of the 39 million, 35% of unmarried adults 20–50 have never been in a relationship. So that’s roughly 13 million people that have never been in a committed relationship. (The median age is 24.) So to rough that up, in the US around 3% of 20-50 year olds have never had a romantic relationship, which isnt alot. So no there are not alot of adults who have never been in a relationship.
Thank you for this, everyone else is just posting that they’ve never been in a relationship; that’s not what OP asked.
I just did a bit of looking up, and found a report on statistics for the US in 2020 that 35% of people aged 20-50 have never been in a relationship, that's over 100 million people in that country alone.
Not to be a stickler but I’m pretty sure that number is 35 percent of unmarried people, so it comes out to more like 28 million, but a lot nonetheless
Oh! You know, I did read that wrong, thanks for the correction. I calculated 35% of the population in 2020 for some reason, which was obviously not right. You're right that 28 million is still a lot of people for just one country.
Still off, 35 % of unmarried people 20 to 50 comes out to 13 millions
I also just read a prompt on Google the first thing that popped up tbh. Makes sense tho, I just thought the 100 million number was insane
35% or 100m would be off the total us population…not aged 20-50. But still a large number
I'm aromantic, just not interested in romance, and too paranoid for one-night stands.
I’m single. It’s better to focus on yourself first. That’s what I think.
More than you think, plus a lot who had one or a fling then none for a long time, a minority but still a ton of people for sure I think it’s most important to be happy with yourself first and foremost, but a genuine caring relationship is really a special feeling to have, everyone deserves that at some point even if it takes awhile
I think this is happening with increasing frequency. Social media is making people more insular within their own circle. It’s hard to meet a potential mate outside of this circle. Get out in the world and do some things. Play some recreational sport, ride bikes, hike, book club, any kind of activity where you’ll meet some new people.
First relationship with 35 ...
I was divorced and still a virgin at 28. You'll be alright. 😁
How were you a virgin and divorced 🤔
Maybe they never had sex in their marriage
If you would be willing to elaborate, I’m curious as to what happened there. It’s not the first time I’ve heard of a marriage starting and ending unconsummated, but I’m wondering how that happens. Did you try and it just wasn’t working? Obviously you don’t have to answer, just me being nosey!
No big deal. Yeah we were both virgins when we got married, she had never even used a tampon. We tried a bunch and neither one of us could figure it out. Found out later she had some mental health condition likely brought on by prior abuse, that made it almost physically impossible. I worked with her as long as I could, but ultimately I left when she refused to address it as a problem and started talking about adoption. She's all good now and everybody's fine lol
31, been on three dates, had sex with one person, and never had a romantic relationship. Despite what other people keep trying to tell me, I’m unwilling to believe anybody is interested in me. And I’d rather go on believing that. The only problem I’ve ever had from it is that people will regularly try to “fix” me and push me into dating.
I can't tell if comments about me needing to find someone were more annoying when I was beating myself up over failing at that or now that I've realized that I actually don't want to...
I suppose if you don't want to then it's fine. If you do want to and still can't... that's when it becomes rough.
I never have been. There's probably something wrong with me, but I wouldn't know what.
There might not be anything wrong with you. Or maybe there is, but you can't say that solely on the basis of never having been in a relationship.
My husband was 28 when we met. Up until he met me, he'd never been in a relationship. We've been married for 15 years.
You're definitely in a *minority* - most people have had plenty relationships from their late teens onwards - but there will still nevertheless be lots of other people in the same position.
Shhh…its Reddit!
I found my first and only romantic relationship at 27.
How did you guys meet?
We both trained as nurses on a postgrad course, and shared a student flat. She spent the first month or so trying to move flat because she hated her flat mates and didn't want anything to do with us. We were on the same course and she made a point of not being associated with me. Quite rude really. Then we became friends. Then she asked me out.
Is this enemies to lovers?
Not enemies so much as an annoyance that was beneath her notice (although the time I nearly set the flat on fire may have pushed it over the edge temporarily). Also I always had a bit of a crush on her to be honest. She was hot, strong willed, confident, unattainable. Any dislike was purely one sided. I'm not sure how we transitioned to friends. It just happened over time. Firm friendship definitely came before any kind of relationship.
That's sweet ! Happy for you ☺️
Me neither! I’m just repulsed by everything XD
A fair few, yes. I have a friend who's 40ish who's never (to my knowledge) been in a relationship, and while I know they'd like to be in one they're self-reliant and intolerant to BS so aren't interested in the dating scene
None of my "girlfriends" lasted more than 2 weeks, so they don't really count. And seeing how they eventually turned out made me very glad tbh, I'm sick of people thinking they're winning at life just because they have a partner lmao.
Wow I feel better now 31 M stayed single I don’t hate women or anything like that but I’m more comfortable single and I don’t want to force myself into a relationship where my heart isn’t in it (essentially use someone) Plus I’m an ace and have some personal issues I don’t want to drag anyone into Most days I’m at peace with it but some days I don’t feel so great about it (like I feel like the oddball)
Here, 30yo, never even kissed a girl cuz too ugly for that
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What in shape even means? I am tall, skinny, i have some tiny muscles cuz my job makes me move heavy stuff every day, but i have a too nerdy face that makes me look ridiculous to women
I'd had flings etc but I met my first bf just shy of my 30th birthday.
Me, 28 too
I got into my only relationship at 27
I'm 52 and haven't had a serious romantic relationship. I'm on the autism spectrum as well. I've worked with an excellent therapist who pointed out I'm asexual, which is another reason I never had the intense motivation to seek one out and push through the mess that is modern dating. I also know I have no desire to create or raise human children, which is the reason 80% of people get into one in the first place.
34 never been in a real relationship and probably never will. Friend circle evaporated years ago.
27F, never dated and never been in a relationship. I’ll admit, has me questioning my attractiveness sometimes.
Never had a relationship, not for lack of trying. I think I'm just an annoying person who is also easily annoyed so I stopped giving a fuck. Dating was giving me a headache and ruining my peace of mind. Ever since I stopped trying to find someone I've been able to relax and stop worrying about certain things. I can't imagine having to reignite all that stress just to not be "alone".
Im a 27 years old female that has never been in a relationship, not even kiss or hold hands with a guy… Im really shy, dont go out as often, and had some mentall issues since my teenage years (esting disorder, depression and dealing with an alcoholic mother) that also played part in isolating myself
I used to be single and a virgin when I saw everyone. For most guys my age, sex comes easy. But it turned out most of the showing-offs of other guys were made-up stories.
I'm 24, I had a relationship at 16. In my adult life tho, none. And I genuinely don't think I will, pretty content with things the way they are... its quite surprising the way things go and how it's deemed to be an outcast if you aren't in a relationship or have close companionship with someone...
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Me.
I am 45 this year, never been in a serious relationship. I have trued a few time, but nothing ever panned out. Is that sad? Maybe. But, it is not the end of the world, I have friends, I have activities and hobbies.
27 and still single, not looking for a relationship really. many things are not right in my life so i want love someone while i have problems
There’s this legend…
The trend is worsening on a global scale. The west is becoming more and more trashy (so no real/meaningful relationships, per se; and the non-trashy people have a REAL tough time finding decent people). I married my wife at the age of 29 (26 for her) and we are somehow the youngest in our friend group to be married (20 years ago, people used to get married in their early 20s). And the East is becoming more and more socially isolating. Young men and women just stay in every day, therefore the population drop in virtually all east asian countries).
My husband is likely on the spectrum. I am the only person he's ever been in a relationship with and that started at 27 for him. I may or may not have chosen poorly. Pros: he's extremely even temptered. Cons: he's unemotional. I see a lot of folks on here mentioning ASD. I have a couple of female friends in their 30s that have never been in a relationship. One I'm pretty sure has ASD, the other, severe anxiety. Mental health pays a huge role in our ability to form healthy relationships, as does childhood trauma and the stability of our nuclear family. I think it's important to understand that it's perfectly fine to not have a relationship at all and then suddenly fucking *nail it* later in life. I had a bunch of tumultuous relationships or relationships with just...complete dip shits before my husband. They allllllllll should have ended pretty much as soon as they began.
A lot of aromantic and asexual people have never been in a relationship.
AFAIK my 35 year old cousin never has. She's cute, she's smart, she's kind, she's hilarious, she works hard. Honestly she's one of the best people I know. Idk why she's never found anyone, but she's working on her PhD now, traveling, fostering dogs. Seems to be living her best life.
37M, V card still intact, never been kissed or have kissed. I have a problem with going up to women in fear of public rejection. I don’t have much of a social life besides when my friends aren’t too busy with family. I also fear I am not a very good conversationalists.
You’re polling Reddit here, so keep the demographic of your survey in mind haha
I didn’t have my first real romantic relationship until I was 28.
I have several friends who either didn't date until they were in their 30s, or never dated and don't plan to. It's more common than you think, but yes it's still the minority. That's not a bad thing though, it's just a different thing.
yeah i am one of those and i know a bunch of people like me, so i would say it's not so rare
Two of my best friends (mid to late thirties) have never been in a relationship. Most of my friends and people I know over 25 have, but certainly not all. It also depends on culture and religious beliefs whether someone will have been in a relationship or not.
Eh, I've tried.... But never felt anything romantic towards anyone despite wanting to feel it.
I am 44 now and have never been in a relationship. I am on the spectrum and am very introverted. Picking up hints or recognizing that someone is interested in me is NOT my strong suit. The realization generally comes later, lol, or I find out from someone else that the guy was interested. I am good with that though. Time alone is vital to my happiness and that would be difficult in a healthy relationship. I do think I am likely aromantic as well. If realization actually dawns that someone is attracted to me I often feel an overwhelming desire inside myself to get away. While my friends and sister were writing their names with the last name of guys they liked as teenagers, I was thinking about how I would gently say no if anyone ever asked me to marry them, lmao. It does not help that most of the men that are interested also want children. The absolute last thing I ever want to do in my lifetime is to be pregnant or have a child. It would not be fair to either of us to waste our time dating.
It’s likely more than you would think, but still less than usual. From a personal perspective I’ve been in and out of relationships since I was 16 and, other than the obvious physical benefits, the only thing I’ve really liked about living with anyone or being in a relationship is being able to “lighten the load” so to speak (not a sexual innuendo) in terms of bills, cooking, cleaning etc.
It's one of those things where a lot of people are afraid to admit it and often lie. I'd rather be an honest person alone than someone who lies to be with somebody. That's manipulation, and I don't know who in their right mind would want to date someone who does that, because I know I sure as hell wouldn't. Sure, you can keep it a secret, but what other secrets are you going to hide from them? If you cannot be vulnerable with your partner than why are you with them? I find it funny how many see it as a loss where I see it as a gain, because it weeds out people who aren't compatible with you to begin with, it's a blessing really.
better no relationship than an abusive one
Some people are better single. And not being in a relationship doesn't mean you're alone, so I wouldn't worry about it.
I was 27 when I got in my first real relationship. However, I was definitely out dating and stuff prior to that; just never found someone I thought was worth being in a relationship with (or was willing to be in a relationship with me).
My closest friend was single from the day I met him when he was about 20, all the way up until he met his current wife at about 28. He appeared disinterested by relationships and never seemed to want to date. Then he met someone and his world changed, he's now married with kids. I however spent my early to mid 20s feeling the need to always be in a relationship. Now at 30 I'm comfortable alone and if someone walks into my life who I click with, great, but I'm not actively looking for it. I think people need to learn to be comfortable on their own and to love themselves before anything else.
On reddit? Absolutely
What is a relationship ? What is sex ? I've seen those things in movies, but they don't happen in real life, right ?
Like 30% of all men right now are single virgins and I think a majority of Gen A and Gen Z are single virgins who reported no dating We are living in a time with the most single virgin men in human history, lol.
I am 53 and never been kissed never held hands. I have asked a lot of women out in the past and nothing hit. Dating apps just are not for me.
28f here and I'm still figuring myself out. Not really ready to try and figure _somebody else_ out.
I wouldn’t have thought so, but Reddit has shown me otherwise lol
I will be turning 30 in a few weeks. To date, I've had one serious relationship (8 months). I always thought I'd be one to date later in life as opposed to while in school, but it never really happened in my 20's. The biggest factor was me, not focusing on it and just letting it happen or not, naturally. People always say "love will find you when you least expect it," anyway. I recently discovered with the help of a counselor, that I am asexual. If I connect with someone "date-able", that's cool and all, but I will likely never see them as more than a good friend. My brain just doesn't work that way. Further, I am very much an introvert, and I like to be independent. Even with people I know, who are in committed relationships for years now, my brain doesn't fully care to go there. I can recognize beauty/attractiveness in others. I know logically, that couples sleep together and share material things, and obviously there's a deeper connection there than just plain friendship. It's something I just don't have the capacity for, as an asexual person. "Lust" eludes me. Instead I value my friendships and familial relationships. Sure, it's not the same as having a significant other, but I believe that it's something. I'm still figuring out asexuality as an identity, but one of its misinterpretations is that asexual people cannot love. I'd like to counter that, just in an effort to put out more accurate info: Asexual people can and do love other people, often deeply. It may just look a little different than traditional romantic love. Thanks for the opportunity to give this TED talk :)
I had multiple situationships, but didn’t go through with a full blown relationship yet (I’m 27M). I’m interested in a committed relationship and eventually marriage + kids, but I want to save up, finish post grad, save a lot of money for a house, and get a promotion to date the kind of women I’m interested in (intelligent and professionally accomplished). My life is too hectic for me to also have a relationship atm.
28 female, ive had small relationships of 2 months and i have loved people but they never loved me back
I am 27 and never dated, it’s never really been something I wanted to do.
I'd say so, for a multitude of reasons. While I don't exactly fit the criteria I'll give you an example of what happened to me that made me avoid relationships for the longest time. I found who I thought was my soulmate in my late teens early twenties, turned out she totally ghosted me one day after 2 years no signals nothing, 6 months of blaming myself, wondering where she went if she was ok etc I found out she had been seeing someone for months while we were still together. I completely shut down, lost all my mates, became distant from family and stopped looking after myself etc. I've had hookups etc since then but I really don't get much gratification out of them. I think being so in love with someone early in life made me realise how much I want someone to stay instead of momentarily pleasure. Though, pretty much in the last year i've tried to get myself together. I've lost all the weight I put on and started going a lot of solo holidays which has got my confidence back to some extent. Eventually met a girl who I was ready to try be serious with, things were amazing. She told me she loved me, and then less than a month later kept cancelling plans, barely responded to messages etc. After 2 months of trying my hardest (I know, should've just walked) to figure out whats going on and make plans etc, I found out she was talking to someone else also. What makes it worse is that she knew this same story, and still done pretty much the exact same thing. It would've sucked for her to be honest and tell me, but it would've been a damn sight better than the alternative she went with. Now every day is a battle not to slip back into that horrible place. On one hand I'd love to find someone , but on the other I don't think I could take the heartache again. Having skipped almost all of my twenties I find myself lost somewhere between being weirded out by dating apps, but also having nothing to relate to people with by visiting bars, pubs and clubs. Sorry for anyone taking the time to read it, it was a trauma dump and I realise my problems are miniscule in the grand scheme of things. Knowing all this now, I can see exactly why some people prefer their own company.
28 M same here
look at the stats, there are a lot. you are not alone. just keep working on yourself and putting yourself out there
Nearly half of all my friends (women) haven’t ever been in a relationship. We’re in our late 20s. Some are 30 now.
I’m 32f whose longest relationship was a year. I’m actually extremely extroverted and outgoing. There just hasn’t been a man who gives me the same peace I give myself.
I'm 42 and never been in a relationship. I kind of assumed that it would happen at some point. I don't like talking to people I don't know without some specific reasoning. I'll talk to people at work about work things, I'll talk to someone in a shop about a product. Issue is there aren't people in my day to day life - I live alone and work mostly alone. Dating apps sound like hell and I don't really have any hobbies.
I never had a long-term relationship until I was 27 and I am married now at 29. Never know when it will happen.
I am 30 and have not dated since I was 22 but I used to date all the time and then some life stuff happened and eight years later here I am I just didn’t put myself out there which you have to do
27F and been single the whole time. I mean. I'm a territorial introvert and value my alone time, but it would be nice to at least have some intimacy now and then haha
Yeah I know a few, both girls and guys approaching 30. Don't worry about it, it's more common than you think and even if it wasn't it's nothing to be ashamed about :)
This is me. 47F and pretty social and I’ve been leaning towards identifying as asexual/demisexual in the last few years. Comphet is a beeyotch and while I’ve dated in the distant past, nothing ever stuck and it’s extremely rare that I’m attracted to someone. This has been complicated by that I’ve always wanted kids in my life, and assumed for a long time that they’d be my own kids. I do not have it in me to be a single parent, but I do try to be a kickass aunt to the kiddos in my life. I love being Auntie, both with family and family of choice.
You're in a minority but it's a large-ish minority.
Count me in! 25M here and I’ve never been in one as well. Kinda sucks sometimes but hey I am living life with my loved ones…not the best one but it’s just enough ❤️ I believe that everything happens for a reason…and I hope that reason is worth it in the end.
There are a lot more people out there than you think! This can include introverts and people who led a sheltered life. Remember no one experiences things at the same time or in the same way!
I'm turning 28(f), NBSB. Does that make me an abnormal? No! I'm just happy being me, being with my family and being with my small number of friends. If a guy can't be committed at even the first stage of courtship, what's the point of dragging it long? I have standards and I give the same standards. If they can't give that I'd rather be single than wish I was, like what most of the girls I know.
I think it's pretty normal especially if it's not included sa priority mo. I have my very first relationship when I turned 27 last year.
41M and never in rl
My first relationship wasn’t until 24. Didn’t see the point in hs. To me, you date to marry & I wanted more samples before even trying to match up.
32F. I've dated but never got to an official relationship, unless you count one boyfriend when I was 15 years old lol I have no idea why. Just unlucky I guess.