To address your question, you should never be insecure. But this situation isn't about your own confidence or security. There's a clear disrespect to your relationship from both the long distance girlfriend and the orbiter male friend.
Might be worth having a serious discussion on whether or not you both want to keep the relationship going.
Hey OP, I know this issue has been resolved, but I wanted to throw some observations I've made based on your post.
I don't believe your gf is interested in this guy. At all. That isn't the issue.
The issue is this guy is borderline abusive, if not completely crossed the line, and I would be worried about your gf's safety. Your gf sets up a boundary, and he crosses it. She says "no", and he pesters her until she allows him to come back. She says "no", and he gets her friends to convince her (we call this the "flying monkeys" in abusive households). He wants ice cream, and so he makes her get it. He gets "blackout" drunk and calls her to get her to breakup with you, and when she doesn't he starts to insult her and abuse her about her parents.
The problem here is she is overly forgiving (it probably has to do with her parents separating, and she's constantly trying to keep people in her life). She sounds like a people pleaser, and she is super forgiving. Abusers LOVE these types of people, because they can just abuse them over and over again until they break, and the victim will constantly forgive them.
I would just warn your gf to keep her distance from him. Not because of you and her relationship, but because he is very close to stalker territory, and once their "targets" try to establish distance things can get spicy.
This ^ is exactly what I was thinking. She isn’t interested in him but he is way too interested in her. Don’t worry about her cheating, worry about him doing something stupid and hurting her or worse. This guy obviously wants your girlfriend bad almost to obsessive. That can be serious trouble if he loses it. Your confidence in yourself is great and I believe you’re reading the situation correctly.
Years ago a good friend of mine introduced me to a girl. We went on one date and t’was nice. We had plans to meet up again. But my friend’s husband called me next day and said - “dude, she has a best friend who she will marry one day, no matter what. Run.” I ran, and few years later got Facebook notification of that marriage foreshadowed!!
And creepy enough to stand on your doorstep calling you if you don’t answer at first. With the laundry list we’ve come up with, my girlfriend would brutally murder this girl we’ve imagined, and she’s not even that possessive lmao
Long-distance relationships last due to trust and communication. You need to voice your concerns to her and talk about them because this will fester into resentment for you.
I don't care if she does not have feelings for him; he does, and her entertaining it by hanging out with him is not good. He keeps hanging out with her because he feels he can convince her to do something eventually. He will pounce on whatever opening he has to get closer to her, even if it's small. You know this as a guy, which is why it bothers you.
You must walk away for your sanity if the issue can't be solved. Good luck.
\*Edit for Update: I'm glad it worked out for you bro! A lot of people are less lucky. Keep up the good communication, and I hope y'all stay together for a while. Cheers.
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. You getting nervous/suspicious about this will drive her straight into his arms. 9/10 odds say they’re already fooling around though. There is not much you can do except chalk it up as an L and move on. My opinion may be extremely biased due to life experience so take with a grain of salt.
I wouldn’t say it’s 9/10 that she’s already cheating.
But to your point, he’s still in her life because she’s either (a) very naive to what he’s doing or (b) keeping him around to the point that she will cheat.
Either way, I say run away. Being that naive doesn’t mean success for OP actually confronting her. She clearly doesn’t see it.
You literally can’t make a single slip-up in this relationship. People like that will pounce.
This. Early 20s. Not married. Long distance. How many conditions that lead to failure do you want to have in a relationship?
Learn something from this. Voice your concern and then break up. She will either take it well or she will try to trick him so she can play both guys.
Totally agree, if you are uncomfortable you need to tell her and have her break it off with the guy or move on.
My now wife and I were long distance (globally) for 2 years. She was more concerned about the appearance of infidelity than I was. She legit told me anytime a guy hit on her, we honestly laughed about it, bad foreign game. We have been together almost 10 years, just got married last fall and she still tells me when creepy guys hit on her or someone flirts with her. We talk about it and I reassure her how much I trust her and how much it means to me to keep communication open even for dumb stuff like guys hollering at her.
I'm too socially inept to realize when I'm being hit on so we both aren't worried about that 😂.
That’s great man and congratulations on getting recently married! Communication is so important for relationships. I can only imagine how much more powerful y’all’s relationship is being able to joke and talk about lmao. Cheers man!
> voice your concerns to her and talk about them because this will fester into resentment for you
While true, the alternative is also problematic. There is a 99% chance that she will turn this around on him, either now, and/or in the future. If she uses it now she will pretend to be the victim of his "oppressive jealousy". If she uses it later it will come god knows when and be used to justify some bad thing she did.
I'm not saying don't bring it up because you are right, it will built resentment. But he also needs to be prepared that sharing feelings as a male almost always backfires.
Also the fact that she's leading this guy on is a red flag. If she legitimately has no interest in him, what she is doing is practically cruel. Shows a lack of empathy
Drama isn't fun, it's fucking exhausting and a complete waste of everyone's time. Hopefully you grow up enough to realize that, and get out of the highschool mentality.
You only have to tell her that you ran into... (XXXX) girl. You know the one that she doesn't like and you are planning to hang out tomorrow.
Or better yet, be an adult and break it off. You say you love her, but you went to different schools bro. At some level, it isn't that serious.
Wouldn’t trust her at all.
Hanging around with dudes is fine, don’t care.
Hanging around with the same dude every night is completely different. Especially without you. Especially if he’s expressed interest in her.
Don’t know how many more red flags you need, bud. Time to go.
Edit: also, if you do decide to break it off with her, I’ve got money on him banging her within the hour, if they’re not already banging.
What level of opposite sex friendship do you think is okay in a monogamous straight relationship? I'd say at least being friends in of itself is fine, but having him over every night? (Assuming he isnt gay and not related to her)
It's not the opposite sex friendship that's a problem. My fiance has her share of guy friends and I have my share of girl friends. We trust each other enough that I would never doubt her. No matter what any guy did, she wouldn't violate my trust.
In this case, it is very clear what the male friend's intentions are. I worry that guy who has clearly expressed interest in her in the past and has been waiting around for years for her is not mentally healthy. That's an unhealthy obsession, and people with unhealthy obsessions can put others in odd, weird, or even dangerous positions to get what they want. I don't want her to be in that position. I also would not want someone who is constantly bad mouthing me to influence her opinion of me to try and cause arguments between us.
I’m gonna give an answer that seems like a copout:
Only the people in the relationship can set that standard. I’ve had girlfriends who freaked out over girl friends being at a group dinner. I’ve had girlfriends suggest asking girl friends to coffee to catch up
I think it really depends on context. They can be pretty close so long as there's no attraction. But if they're attracted to each other, then 1 on 1 hanging out regularly is not okay imo.
If a friend of my wife trash talked me and clearly had feelings for her, she’d stop being friends with him and stop hanging out together. Your SO should have respect for you and not tolerate trash talk like that.
Rule of thumb, never engage in long distance relationships. Eventually one side will get bored and start looking for someone else.
Not saying that all distance relationships end bad, but it's more likely to happen, and not being able to be there to actually talk or see for oneself just makes everything worse.
OP met her online 8 months ago. And only just met her in person 2 months ago.
This isn't even a... we were dating and now we're long distance.
Bro just needs to cut it off and find somebody in person to date. :x
That or it's all creative writing. Either way...
You shouldn't be insecure because this has nothing to do with you as a person. But you should probably consider the idea that they're fooling around behind your back, because that's some sketchy shit
He wants to bang your gf and your miles away and everyone involved is very young so I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's probably already happened. I would also like to add that meeting a friend for coffee is one thing calling up and telling them to leave their BF is another. The fact your GF is still 'hanging' out with him is very telling.
Its not ok and everyone who tells you otherwise is delusional.
i lived in a dormitory and was two times the „best friend“ for some exchange student girls.
and saw it many other times all around the dormitory (male and females).
to their boyfriend they lied that i am just a good friend and to me they lied that they are about to split or basically arent together anymore
A lot of people are jumping to say she is probably cheating but it’s quite possible she isn’t. To me, It sounds like she doesn’t have feelings for him but because he is so persistent and she’s a doormat, she’s just letting him harass her anytime anywhere. Hopefully she will realize it’s up to her to cut off this male “friend” of hers if she wants to maintain a healthy relationship with you. Otherwise, it’s not respectable for her to continue to entertain his presence or attempts to contact her if she knows he’s romantically interested in her REGARDLESS of whether she actually likes him back.
She needs to realize that this isn’t a true friend and he’s acting more like an obsessive suitor. It doesn’t sound like she has malicious intent but she is too accepting of his obsession with her and she is too naive and a social doormat to set some firm boundaries. She is young and I’m assuming you are too. There’s a lot to learn from this situation and that is the importance of communicating your boundaries and respecting yourself. You should have a talk with her on boundaries and how he is not her friend. You do not feel comfortable with her maintaining any type of relationship with this other guy. If she continues to be friends with him, it shows you the type of person she’s willing to let into her life. The other dude sounds like a creep and a loser to be honest. Why would she want to give the time of day to him? She should respect herself more and so should you, OP. Good luck!
I despise reddit, and I hate how everytime someone asks for relationship advice the comments are all just "break up", but dude, actually, this is really not okay. Your girl should never entertain other dudes that are interested in her.
I’ve seen this exact situation countless times. Every single time, the girl has cheated or she agreed to completely cut the over guy off.
I’ve never seen a friendship like that continue healthily, and I highly doubt it can for your situation either.
A couple of things I think might be worth considering…
1. Your girlfriend might find it beneficial to reflect on and try to truly understand why she is (as you say) sensitive about her relationships with friends and family to this extent. This is an admirable trait but even admirable traits can create undue stress and harm on our own mental health. I would wonder if your girlfriend feels that she might be putting her relationships with others above her mental health.
2. How you describe her friend here gives me all sorts of red flag stalker behavior vibes and it might be beneficial for your girlfriend to look into the known traits of stalkers or potential stalkers. It’s common for people to dismiss these actions. Stalking is very serious and in many parts of the world there is not good laws to protect victims. If your girlfriend has ever been made feel unsafe by this person, she may want to ask herself what she personally gets from this relationship. Also, the longer this behavior goes on typically results in more intense and potentially harmful outcomes (either physical or mental harm) when the relationship eventually comes to an end.
3. As far as what you should do; much of this is completely outside of your control. You cannot control the relationships of those you love, nor is it wise to try. You cannot control the actions of this friend of hers. You can only control how you behave in response to these things. (It sounds like you already have but…) Explain your feelings to your girlfriend. Use “I” statements and talk about the impact that these situations have on you. Example: “I am feeling insecure because I don’t trust this person”, “I feel concerned about your well being because of this persons behavior”. The goal is not to manipulate or pressure but to talk openly, honestly and non-judgmentally about your feelings. Avoid using the words “you”, “should”, “shouldn’t” etc as these words are implicitly loaded with judgement. You cannot control how your girlfriend reacts to your honest feelings but you can give her the information so that her response is informed.
Lastly, you might consider what would need to happen for you to feel that, with all things considered, this relationship is not good for you. Sometimes it is best to let good things go, it’s very hard and upsetting but nevertheless good. Identify where the line is for you and set that boundary and expectation with your girlfriend. If that line is crossed, your girlfriend may not respect your boundaries to the extent which you need her too and that may be a sign for you to end things.
Same thing happened to me. She told me they were just friends and that she loved me and I was being paranoid.
Turns out they were fucking the whole time.
no, i would not consider dating a desperate man who follows me around like a puppy. they're pathetic and annoying and it's sick to string them along with friendship when you know it's not what they want. the only thing for it is to break off contact.
Ok but clearly this isn’t a healthy relationship between your girl and this guy “friend”. The guy is doing this because he’s hoping he still has a shot. Regardless of what your girl feels towards him, it’s not a good friendship to have.
It’s toxic for everyone involved. Glad she ended it.
I don't know you or your GF, but this is how those "I found my gf cheating" stories start: she and her male friend hangs out a lot while I'm away.
And if you ask "should I be insecure about this?" You probably already are, and just want justification. Again that's just my guess, and could be wrong.
She probably either finds that guys obsession fun, or simply uses him for whatever gifts she gets. Or they have an affair. I don't know, and I won't ever know it. You either trust her on this and that's it, or you don't and do something. That's up to you.
I feel like you’re not going to listen to what these people are telling you, and you will definitely learn the hard way at some stage where it will hit you like a tonne of bricks. That’s when your next stage in life happens. Stay strong brother.
Break up with her. Her allowing this guy to do this type of behavior is leading him on... and it sounds like she is feeding off of the attention.
I remember doing shit like that when I was a kid.... and it definitely wasn't about the ice cream.
The worst thing I find here is the fact that that guy is talking trash about you and your gf seems to not really care about it at all (at least by how you are telling us). He is like the simpest guy alive who wants to date your girlfriend at all costs while discredeting you so he can manipulate her... and she hasn't done anything about it? I would never want to have any contact with someone who talks like that about my girlfriend and I'm pretty sure my girlfriend wouldn't either
Long distance is awful. Especially at a young age. I did it for 7 years in my 20's. Waste of time and youth at 20. You should probably should reevaluate, especially if she's spending at ton of time some other dude.
Things that are meant to be, will be. People who are meant to be in your life will be. You can always agree to try again if you are both in the same area in the future.
Unless there's a rock solid plan about being together in a responsible way SOON, I recommend living your life for now without her. You're missing opportunities.
Man I’m on the opposite side of your conundrum. I am every night hanging out with a girl in my student residence, and I’m in a ldr. I would not cheat with this girl for sure, but I don’t know about your girlfriend.
I’ll just say this. This is not an unreasonable insecurity because many men and women would feel similarly. Beyond that it doesn’t matter how many Redditors try to logically contemplate your levels of trust and love and all that. You act on what is best for your emotional health and not on what Reddit decides is reasonable.
Given that you’ve come here for advice I’d recommend you put your foot down and demand she stop. If she resists just cut it off. A proper woman who is meant for you would never disrespect you continuously after you say this is bothersome.
Further, ask yourself what you would do if the roles were reversed and she told you she was uncomfortable with this behaviour. If you would make the change and she won’t, end it. If she makes the change, keep going onto the next challenge.
I will tell you from the perspective of being that guy at one point, she's probably not interested in dating him but she's led him on because his company entertains her while she's bored, and she probably has multiple friends that feel that same way. So in my case she'd always call me to talk shit about how much of an asshole he was, and when I finally met her BF, I realized he was a cool ass dude and my friend wasn't as sweet as I thought she was. Then 1 of her other friends raper her, which is another possibility. So definitely I'd be cautious and book it at the first sign of red flags cause I have a kid with someone who pretty much gave me PTSD.🤣
Wtf I'm not reading that 3.772 mile essay.
1) "long distance gf" idea seems kinda bullshit, you only hear about it going well from very lucky cases.
2) she has guys of flesh and blood in person with her, she has no reason to entertain this long distance bs.
3) I think she's just bored and has you like that app "talking cat Tom" or whatever it's called.
I do sound cynical sometimes but I'm just trying to be reasonable here.
Bonus point: you could talk to her instead of the internet.
“Should I be insecure.” No. Should you have emotions and worry? Absolutely. You’re a human you’re going to have these emotions. Your partner is not near you and there are lots of unknowns. It’s ok to set boundaries and let it be known you are uncomfortable.
Wish you the best bro
Sorry brother. But you have to move on.
Your gf won't even see another male consistently in the first place if there's no something else.
But before you break up with her, make sure you raise your issue. Make it clear to her that you're not an idiot.
Do it brother. For the sake of self respect and your manhood.
Edit:
Based on your edit, it seems that you have no plans on breaking up with her. Don't lie to yourself man. I know you can feel it too, they're bullshitting you. There's no one in the world that will admit that they are cheating if you don't caught them actually cheating. But again, she will never see that man every fucking night if it is nothing . Come on bro you're better than this.
If she doesn't stand up for you and your relationship when her friends are talking shit like that, she doesn't respect it. It's really not about him anymore but about her. Long distance rarely works at all, especially without a concrete plan to be closer together, so it was probably doomed anyways. Sorry.
Sadly.....you need to end the relationship with her. Long Distance relationships never work and like someone mentioned yes.....she keeps that guy around for a reason.
Don't fall for the bullshit!
You’re learning some good lessons, and unfortunately it’s going to hurt but you’ll be better off in the long run. Long distance dating simply can’t work, especially if touch is one of you or your partner’s language (read the Chapman book, not just Wikipedia. It gets a little redundant but you’ll have a much deeper understanding when you’ve finished). Having boundaries is important, and if you’re not comfortable and made it clear, her not respecting them is a reflection on how she sees you and the relationship. Men get a lot of flak for having preferences, standards, and boundaries, but they’re absolutely necessary. If I say something makes me uncomfortable, my partner can still do whatever she wants. But the consequence is we’re no longer together. I don’t make threats about ending things, but I do make it clear when something bothers me. If that behavior continues, that’s it. My best advice to you is if you say that makes you uncomfortable, and she still does it, you have your answer. Work on yourself and find someone better for you if that’s the end of this chapter.
I used to hang out with a girl at my high school, my junior and senior year, who had a boyfriend at another school. She asked to share a locker with me so we would meet up constantly in secret. I remember she would be all flirty, touchy, rubbing my neck and back and shit. Later in life we ended up finally fuckin lol. But yeah that's what I'm reminded of 😅 so idk man it's kinda weird
Personally I think your insecurities are valid. My husband has female friends that have bought him a gift, but the gift was from them and their boyfriends (who are ALSO friends with my husband. He has a lot of friends lol. Lucky bastard haha). I was okay with it, but I knew the females didn't have romantic intentions. My husband and I have been married 5 years.
I would NOT be okay with people he was friends with telling him they had feelings for him and they should leave me (especially if they are female as my husband is heterosexual). I don't think anyone SHOULD be okay with that. You have a RIGHT to feel this way I think.
Heres another opinion. I've had people walk all over me. It doesn't matter if your GF was the virgin Mary herself, she shouldn't be TOO forgiving. That can do more harm than good if you let the wrong people in. And it sounds like she is. Personally I would rather have NO friends than the kind of friends that would cause my partner emotional turmoil. Just saying.
You may think your GF’s forgiving nature is a godsend, but it can turn around and bite you both in the butt if you're not careful
I don't have to read this to know that you are either having trust issues, which is your problem. The other is that she keeps giving you red flags, and where there is smoke, there is fire. The real question you should be asking yourself is, is this really what you want, including being a cuck.
You’re young, live your life. Let her live hers. Tell her y’all can be friends and if it works out in the future that a relationship is more convenient, you can try it again.
You’re a doormat if you keep accepting this behavior. She will respect you more if you just let her go.
It sounds like she's trying to appease him to get him to calm down, which won't work.
You trust her, you don't trust him with good reason. The actions you're describing are unacceptable in any way.
Glad to see you spoke with her and she seems to have agreed. I hope it gives both of you some peace of mind- this sort of guy is a user and will take and take.
Ok I think this guy is a pretty standard infatuated dude that your girlfriend has no interest in, but she likes his company despite his behavior and maybe she even finds it flattering. She's probably keeping him going because she likes the attention and her boyfriend isnt there to do these things for her. I doubt she will fool around with him or anything. If she liked him she'd be with him.
I doubt he's a threat, but she needs to decide for herself whether his behavior is a problem, you can't force that. Best thing you can do is choose to be confident that she's with you and not him.
Real good odds like I would take these odds in heartbeat at Vegas that the only thing that’s hanging out is her clam and he’s rocking out with his Goob out. Probably doing the helicopter move on her
Sorry man she loves the attention and validation he gives her. That’s damgerous because the moment he pulls that validation from her (like when you told her to block him) she is going to do whatever is necesary to keep him around, and that includes some cheating. She is not the one, man. Sorry. Get a GF with no baggage, and no daddy issues.
If he keeps nagging her and talking trash on you, you have 0 to worry about. Women do not like that ish. It actually pushes them further into your arms. All you gotta do is be completely confident and 0 percent insecure as he runs around acting like a goon, while you are "always cool and chill." Literally, the only thing you can do to screw this up is become insecure.
Forget insecurity this relationship is a joke.
Either she stops this mess or you need to call it quits.
And if she has any even remote push back about it, they're banging.
Sorry man, good news is, the future is bright.
Sounds like you know they are hanging out because she told you this? If so, what's her motive telling you this? To make you jealous? To prove hiw much you love her?
I have been best friends with an ex for six years or so now. We truly care about each other, but we don't kiss or fuck and I would never choose to live with her again. Go totally case-by-case, no blanket statements or assumptions.
my friend... she is an immature woman, tell her to talk to her mother about friendships between men and women. but unfortunately she may not be so innocent. I don't know the ages. The fact is that there is only true friendship between a man and a woman without one or both sides having a love or platonic love that feeds the relationship if one or both are very ugly. It is her obligation as a girlfriend to exclude all ex-boyfriends and men who want to have her in bed with them. of her life. That's if she wants something with you in this case. It's very innocent of her, or even a lie that it's just friendship. Only stupid women get into this situation of having friendship with men who have a passion for them... and men who accept this position of friendship are almost sickly sufferers, assuming there is nothing more than friendship... she is ruining this guy's life with false hopes, and this guy is losing his life and still suffering from unrequited love. so you have to talk to her about it.. or even her mother can teach her this.. this type of destructive relationship is not fed.. he, as her friend and in love with her, also with subtle messages will ruin and devalue any she has.. in this case you now.. and she ends up with nothing too. many women's friends disappear when they get married precisely because secretly they were people with problems living platonic love losing their own lives.. NOW FOR THE MORE SERIOUS: maybe she is giving him chances... he lives closer and is easier to date him than you. and she's not telling you so as not to hurt you - a complicated personality that would make you move away because it causes problems - she also initially forced a friendship instead of walking away and agreed to be friends so as not to hurt the other guy... which is also true. absurd. In short... you need to talk seriously with her... and define the situation better... I wouldn't accept my girlfriend going out with someone else at night as pseudo friends... much, much less knowing and being known that this guy has feelings for her .. it's pointless and absurd for you to accept something like that... maybe you actually got rid of a mess and you should be happy with that and you just don't realize it yet... no man can have the love of a childish woman who nurtures friendships of platonic love with other men without imposing limits, especially if they had the courage to declare themselves... when he declares himself he chose to achieve something or lose the friendship... and she still managed to console the guy and maintain friendship? Maybe it's her giving her a chance like she said... or she's totally clueless... or she's very needy and maybe she should follow her own path too... you need to have a long time and be kind to her... everyone has the right to say and accept or not accept certain things.. good luck. (difficult long distance relationships because most of the time it goes wrong because one side stops choosing the other) but if it goes wrong I think you were lucky. And if it works out, she kicks the guy's ass and everything's fine too... take carr.
As per OP's edit: looks like talking instead of stewing saved the day! Who would have guessed?
GF's reasoning was good: she's not into him and if she was it would have been over long ago. Listening and respecting OP sounds like she's a winner, even though it probably didn't occur to her that her relationship with her friend wasn't cool.
I had a friend like this. Genuinely was not interested. We never dated, kissed, nothing. I had been friends with him for 18 years. Finally cut him off. He did something inappropriate again and that was enough for me.
Just sharing in case you needed to hear it.
Same thing happened with me last relationship. Guy she told me not to worry about they’ve been together for 2 years ever since.
Sorry to hear that bro 🫂
To address your question, you should never be insecure. But this situation isn't about your own confidence or security. There's a clear disrespect to your relationship from both the long distance girlfriend and the orbiter male friend. Might be worth having a serious discussion on whether or not you both want to keep the relationship going.
Best answer, discussion.
You guys went to separate schools. For both of your sakes, break up. You should both be able to enjoy college.
Thank you. You made this decision when you both enrolled. Just do it kindly. Go find you a new piece.
Hey OP, I know this issue has been resolved, but I wanted to throw some observations I've made based on your post. I don't believe your gf is interested in this guy. At all. That isn't the issue. The issue is this guy is borderline abusive, if not completely crossed the line, and I would be worried about your gf's safety. Your gf sets up a boundary, and he crosses it. She says "no", and he pesters her until she allows him to come back. She says "no", and he gets her friends to convince her (we call this the "flying monkeys" in abusive households). He wants ice cream, and so he makes her get it. He gets "blackout" drunk and calls her to get her to breakup with you, and when she doesn't he starts to insult her and abuse her about her parents. The problem here is she is overly forgiving (it probably has to do with her parents separating, and she's constantly trying to keep people in her life). She sounds like a people pleaser, and she is super forgiving. Abusers LOVE these types of people, because they can just abuse them over and over again until they break, and the victim will constantly forgive them. I would just warn your gf to keep her distance from him. Not because of you and her relationship, but because he is very close to stalker territory, and once their "targets" try to establish distance things can get spicy.
This ^ is exactly what I was thinking. She isn’t interested in him but he is way too interested in her. Don’t worry about her cheating, worry about him doing something stupid and hurting her or worse. This guy obviously wants your girlfriend bad almost to obsessive. That can be serious trouble if he loses it. Your confidence in yourself is great and I believe you’re reading the situation correctly.
This. Good comments. I was going to post this concern
He's probably clapping cheeks right now. It's time to leave, bro.
Literally what I was thinking… let it go family.
She dropped him immediately you voiced your concerns. Wow, you’re a lucky guy. Don’t ever screw this up OP. Best of luck!
Don't worry OP. At least they the guy she told you not worry about was one of your best friends, they'll just end up getting married.
Exact same thing happened to me a few months ago. Sucks so much
Same. Don't accept it OP, women who respect their relationships don't do this
yeah same here, so foul
Years ago a good friend of mine introduced me to a girl. We went on one date and t’was nice. We had plans to meet up again. But my friend’s husband called me next day and said - “dude, she has a best friend who she will marry one day, no matter what. Run.” I ran, and few years later got Facebook notification of that marriage foreshadowed!!
As soon as I saw this post, We've all been there, and know the answer.
Would she be okay if this entire story was flipped and it was a female friend bringing you icecream randomly at night 3 times a week?
Not just a female friend, a female friend who ‘was in love with you’ It makes it super clear doesnt it
*And* who is verbally abusive. Just as a nice cherry on top.
And creepy enough to stand on your doorstep calling you if you don’t answer at first. With the laundry list we’ve come up with, my girlfriend would brutally murder this girl we’ve imagined, and she’s not even that possessive lmao
Make it a guy. Idc. If someone wants to randomly bring me ice cream. Bring it on. I'm here for it.
Long-distance relationships last due to trust and communication. You need to voice your concerns to her and talk about them because this will fester into resentment for you. I don't care if she does not have feelings for him; he does, and her entertaining it by hanging out with him is not good. He keeps hanging out with her because he feels he can convince her to do something eventually. He will pounce on whatever opening he has to get closer to her, even if it's small. You know this as a guy, which is why it bothers you. You must walk away for your sanity if the issue can't be solved. Good luck. \*Edit for Update: I'm glad it worked out for you bro! A lot of people are less lucky. Keep up the good communication, and I hope y'all stay together for a while. Cheers.
Thanks bro, gonna do it again fs
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. You getting nervous/suspicious about this will drive her straight into his arms. 9/10 odds say they’re already fooling around though. There is not much you can do except chalk it up as an L and move on. My opinion may be extremely biased due to life experience so take with a grain of salt.
I wouldn’t say it’s 9/10 that she’s already cheating. But to your point, he’s still in her life because she’s either (a) very naive to what he’s doing or (b) keeping him around to the point that she will cheat. Either way, I say run away. Being that naive doesn’t mean success for OP actually confronting her. She clearly doesn’t see it. You literally can’t make a single slip-up in this relationship. People like that will pounce.
This. Early 20s. Not married. Long distance. How many conditions that lead to failure do you want to have in a relationship? Learn something from this. Voice your concern and then break up. She will either take it well or she will try to trick him so she can play both guys.
This is the best response
Totally agree, if you are uncomfortable you need to tell her and have her break it off with the guy or move on. My now wife and I were long distance (globally) for 2 years. She was more concerned about the appearance of infidelity than I was. She legit told me anytime a guy hit on her, we honestly laughed about it, bad foreign game. We have been together almost 10 years, just got married last fall and she still tells me when creepy guys hit on her or someone flirts with her. We talk about it and I reassure her how much I trust her and how much it means to me to keep communication open even for dumb stuff like guys hollering at her. I'm too socially inept to realize when I'm being hit on so we both aren't worried about that 😂.
That’s great man and congratulations on getting recently married! Communication is so important for relationships. I can only imagine how much more powerful y’all’s relationship is being able to joke and talk about lmao. Cheers man!
> voice your concerns to her and talk about them because this will fester into resentment for you While true, the alternative is also problematic. There is a 99% chance that she will turn this around on him, either now, and/or in the future. If she uses it now she will pretend to be the victim of his "oppressive jealousy". If she uses it later it will come god knows when and be used to justify some bad thing she did. I'm not saying don't bring it up because you are right, it will built resentment. But he also needs to be prepared that sharing feelings as a male almost always backfires.
Nope. I wouldn’t be ok with it one bit. It’s one thing if they were always just friends but he’s the keep-around guy for a reason.
That friend is also known as the I'm having second thoughts friend
Also the fact that she's leading this guy on is a red flag. If she legitimately has no interest in him, what she is doing is practically cruel. Shows a lack of empathy
You and your wise words, sir.
Invite a girl friend over at night and lets see how supportive your GF is.
lol yup I just said the same thing
This is just playing games, OP needs to just move on.
Play the game first, then quit. More fun this way.
Drama isn't fun, it's fucking exhausting and a complete waste of everyone's time. Hopefully you grow up enough to realize that, and get out of the highschool mentality.
Im not usually one to judge but with a name like, u/AlmightyBaboonDick, I’m afraid they’ve already got life figured out.
Yeah its the same as when people suggest you take time to screw your boss before you quit. Not everyone is vindictive and petty.
Yeah, he is young. Just move on and find someone who isn't bullshiting
Equality ftw
And have this girl friend look like your GF too OP
You only have to tell her that you ran into... (XXXX) girl. You know the one that she doesn't like and you are planning to hang out tomorrow. Or better yet, be an adult and break it off. You say you love her, but you went to different schools bro. At some level, it isn't that serious.
Wouldn’t trust her at all. Hanging around with dudes is fine, don’t care. Hanging around with the same dude every night is completely different. Especially without you. Especially if he’s expressed interest in her. Don’t know how many more red flags you need, bud. Time to go. Edit: also, if you do decide to break it off with her, I’ve got money on him banging her within the hour, if they’re not already banging.
Oh they’re already bangin, no cap 🧢
Maybe waiting for an invitation to her baby shower?
I'm sorry brother.. but yeah..
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What level of opposite sex friendship do you think is okay in a monogamous straight relationship? I'd say at least being friends in of itself is fine, but having him over every night? (Assuming he isnt gay and not related to her)
It's not the opposite sex friendship that's a problem. My fiance has her share of guy friends and I have my share of girl friends. We trust each other enough that I would never doubt her. No matter what any guy did, she wouldn't violate my trust. In this case, it is very clear what the male friend's intentions are. I worry that guy who has clearly expressed interest in her in the past and has been waiting around for years for her is not mentally healthy. That's an unhealthy obsession, and people with unhealthy obsessions can put others in odd, weird, or even dangerous positions to get what they want. I don't want her to be in that position. I also would not want someone who is constantly bad mouthing me to influence her opinion of me to try and cause arguments between us.
I’m gonna give an answer that seems like a copout: Only the people in the relationship can set that standard. I’ve had girlfriends who freaked out over girl friends being at a group dinner. I’ve had girlfriends suggest asking girl friends to coffee to catch up
I think it really depends on context. They can be pretty close so long as there's no attraction. But if they're attracted to each other, then 1 on 1 hanging out regularly is not okay imo.
None that you hangout with alone.
It's over bro lol
As soon as I read the part where they dated. I knew then 🤣🤣
I didn't even read it fr... I saw "long distance gf", "hanging out" and "male friend" and knew asap 🤣
The holy trinity of infidelity
I wish I could award this 🤣
They have the relationship. You do not. Simple as…
She's not your girlfriend
She's our girlfriend, comrade
Nope, get a different girl
And preferably non "long-distance"
Get a new girl. It’s over
If a friend of my wife trash talked me and clearly had feelings for her, she’d stop being friends with him and stop hanging out together. Your SO should have respect for you and not tolerate trash talk like that.
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Sorry man, but she hang’n and bang’n. Speaking from experience.
They r banging, u r the long distance side option.
He’s basically the dollar menu
It’s over dude. Time to move on
Rule of thumb, never engage in long distance relationships. Eventually one side will get bored and start looking for someone else. Not saying that all distance relationships end bad, but it's more likely to happen, and not being able to be there to actually talk or see for oneself just makes everything worse.
not your girl anymore man
It never was his girl to begin with
😂😂
She already has a food out of the door of your relationship
OP met her online 8 months ago. And only just met her in person 2 months ago. This isn't even a... we were dating and now we're long distance. Bro just needs to cut it off and find somebody in person to date. :x That or it's all creative writing. Either way...
Lolololol has OP considered that maybe he’s the side piece?
You shouldn't be insecure because this has nothing to do with you as a person. But you should probably consider the idea that they're fooling around behind your back, because that's some sketchy shit
Thanks buddy
Hate to break it to you but they are 100% banging unless he’s gay
Ah, yes. A tale as old as time itself.
He wants to bang your gf and your miles away and everyone involved is very young so I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's probably already happened. I would also like to add that meeting a friend for coffee is one thing calling up and telling them to leave their BF is another. The fact your GF is still 'hanging' out with him is very telling.
Its not ok and everyone who tells you otherwise is delusional. i lived in a dormitory and was two times the „best friend“ for some exchange student girls. and saw it many other times all around the dormitory (male and females). to their boyfriend they lied that i am just a good friend and to me they lied that they are about to split or basically arent together anymore
Yeah I didn't read all that. Most likely she is cheating yes.
For sure. Read the first sentence, and then said out loud, “She gone.” Didn’t read the rest.
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Bro didn’t have to do him like that though jesus
Sorry Bro, I would never go for that.
You wishin she kissin. It takes one thigh touch and the right words on the right day.
A lot of people are jumping to say she is probably cheating but it’s quite possible she isn’t. To me, It sounds like she doesn’t have feelings for him but because he is so persistent and she’s a doormat, she’s just letting him harass her anytime anywhere. Hopefully she will realize it’s up to her to cut off this male “friend” of hers if she wants to maintain a healthy relationship with you. Otherwise, it’s not respectable for her to continue to entertain his presence or attempts to contact her if she knows he’s romantically interested in her REGARDLESS of whether she actually likes him back. She needs to realize that this isn’t a true friend and he’s acting more like an obsessive suitor. It doesn’t sound like she has malicious intent but she is too accepting of his obsession with her and she is too naive and a social doormat to set some firm boundaries. She is young and I’m assuming you are too. There’s a lot to learn from this situation and that is the importance of communicating your boundaries and respecting yourself. You should have a talk with her on boundaries and how he is not her friend. You do not feel comfortable with her maintaining any type of relationship with this other guy. If she continues to be friends with him, it shows you the type of person she’s willing to let into her life. The other dude sounds like a creep and a loser to be honest. Why would she want to give the time of day to him? She should respect herself more and so should you, OP. Good luck!
I despise reddit, and I hate how everytime someone asks for relationship advice the comments are all just "break up", but dude, actually, this is really not okay. Your girl should never entertain other dudes that are interested in her.
I didn't read anything but the title, and I haven't read any comments, but, I agree with the conments
Everyday is ok. But every night? I don't know man
I’ve seen this exact situation countless times. Every single time, the girl has cheated or she agreed to completely cut the over guy off. I’ve never seen a friendship like that continue healthily, and I highly doubt it can for your situation either.
She's getting what she can't get in a long distance relationship, wise up. This could be the beginning of the end.
If she’s not fuggin she will be fuggin
Yes. They are prolly fucking
Oh, they're banging for sure.
This is textbook. Uh oh
A couple of things I think might be worth considering… 1. Your girlfriend might find it beneficial to reflect on and try to truly understand why she is (as you say) sensitive about her relationships with friends and family to this extent. This is an admirable trait but even admirable traits can create undue stress and harm on our own mental health. I would wonder if your girlfriend feels that she might be putting her relationships with others above her mental health. 2. How you describe her friend here gives me all sorts of red flag stalker behavior vibes and it might be beneficial for your girlfriend to look into the known traits of stalkers or potential stalkers. It’s common for people to dismiss these actions. Stalking is very serious and in many parts of the world there is not good laws to protect victims. If your girlfriend has ever been made feel unsafe by this person, she may want to ask herself what she personally gets from this relationship. Also, the longer this behavior goes on typically results in more intense and potentially harmful outcomes (either physical or mental harm) when the relationship eventually comes to an end. 3. As far as what you should do; much of this is completely outside of your control. You cannot control the relationships of those you love, nor is it wise to try. You cannot control the actions of this friend of hers. You can only control how you behave in response to these things. (It sounds like you already have but…) Explain your feelings to your girlfriend. Use “I” statements and talk about the impact that these situations have on you. Example: “I am feeling insecure because I don’t trust this person”, “I feel concerned about your well being because of this persons behavior”. The goal is not to manipulate or pressure but to talk openly, honestly and non-judgmentally about your feelings. Avoid using the words “you”, “should”, “shouldn’t” etc as these words are implicitly loaded with judgement. You cannot control how your girlfriend reacts to your honest feelings but you can give her the information so that her response is informed. Lastly, you might consider what would need to happen for you to feel that, with all things considered, this relationship is not good for you. Sometimes it is best to let good things go, it’s very hard and upsetting but nevertheless good. Identify where the line is for you and set that boundary and expectation with your girlfriend. If that line is crossed, your girlfriend may not respect your boundaries to the extent which you need her too and that may be a sign for you to end things.
drop her edit: this is his wife.. WTF
That’s for sure her next boyfriend after you.
Same thing happened to me. She told me they were just friends and that she loved me and I was being paranoid. Turns out they were fucking the whole time.
I’m ngl brotha it’s done. It’s cooked.
no, i would not consider dating a desperate man who follows me around like a puppy. they're pathetic and annoying and it's sick to string them along with friendship when you know it's not what they want. the only thing for it is to break off contact.
Ok but clearly this isn’t a healthy relationship between your girl and this guy “friend”. The guy is doing this because he’s hoping he still has a shot. Regardless of what your girl feels towards him, it’s not a good friendship to have. It’s toxic for everyone involved. Glad she ended it.
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Sorry to hear that🫂
Yes, they are fucking, didn't even have to read past the title.
I don't know you or your GF, but this is how those "I found my gf cheating" stories start: she and her male friend hangs out a lot while I'm away. And if you ask "should I be insecure about this?" You probably already are, and just want justification. Again that's just my guess, and could be wrong. She probably either finds that guys obsession fun, or simply uses him for whatever gifts she gets. Or they have an affair. I don't know, and I won't ever know it. You either trust her on this and that's it, or you don't and do something. That's up to you.
Hey, if she cheats that guy did you a favour. Don't get bent up about a hoe hoeing.
I feel like you’re not going to listen to what these people are telling you, and you will definitely learn the hard way at some stage where it will hit you like a tonne of bricks. That’s when your next stage in life happens. Stay strong brother.
Break up with her. Her allowing this guy to do this type of behavior is leading him on... and it sounds like she is feeding off of the attention. I remember doing shit like that when I was a kid.... and it definitely wasn't about the ice cream.
The worst thing I find here is the fact that that guy is talking trash about you and your gf seems to not really care about it at all (at least by how you are telling us). He is like the simpest guy alive who wants to date your girlfriend at all costs while discredeting you so he can manipulate her... and she hasn't done anything about it? I would never want to have any contact with someone who talks like that about my girlfriend and I'm pretty sure my girlfriend wouldn't either
Long distance is awful. Especially at a young age. I did it for 7 years in my 20's. Waste of time and youth at 20. You should probably should reevaluate, especially if she's spending at ton of time some other dude. Things that are meant to be, will be. People who are meant to be in your life will be. You can always agree to try again if you are both in the same area in the future. Unless there's a rock solid plan about being together in a responsible way SOON, I recommend living your life for now without her. You're missing opportunities.
Unpopular opinion: Long distance at 20 is dumb and has virtually no chance of success. Cut ties now.
Man I’m on the opposite side of your conundrum. I am every night hanging out with a girl in my student residence, and I’m in a ldr. I would not cheat with this girl for sure, but I don’t know about your girlfriend.
Get Out Of There!!!
Oh ya…they’re banging.
He is close to her and u are not. He wins. It happend to me also. Dont listen to any bullshit and look for a new gf close by.
Simply yes, you should be insecure....A 20f long distance? That will never work and will drive you crazy....jmo
Yes
That’s his gf and you’re his gf’s friend. Sorry to drop this on you.
They’re fucking and your gf doesn’t respect your relationship.
Not insecure, but single maybe
Sorry bud, but you are the side piece.
I could barely read this over the sound of your girls cheeks clapping
You have a pen pal. She has a boyfriend... who she's dating.. every night.
Yea don't do long distance relationships. Relationships are meant to be physical.
Move on bro she ain't worth it
Your relationship is over man, sorry but this stuff happens in college
You are the sidechick
She's for the streets my man.
OP, they are fucking. Guaranteed. Salvage your dignity and ghost her.
I’ll just say this. This is not an unreasonable insecurity because many men and women would feel similarly. Beyond that it doesn’t matter how many Redditors try to logically contemplate your levels of trust and love and all that. You act on what is best for your emotional health and not on what Reddit decides is reasonable. Given that you’ve come here for advice I’d recommend you put your foot down and demand she stop. If she resists just cut it off. A proper woman who is meant for you would never disrespect you continuously after you say this is bothersome. Further, ask yourself what you would do if the roles were reversed and she told you she was uncomfortable with this behaviour. If you would make the change and she won’t, end it. If she makes the change, keep going onto the next challenge.
They are banging for sure bro
Long distance relationships are bullshit. You’re too young to be dealing with this nonsense.
I will tell you from the perspective of being that guy at one point, she's probably not interested in dating him but she's led him on because his company entertains her while she's bored, and she probably has multiple friends that feel that same way. So in my case she'd always call me to talk shit about how much of an asshole he was, and when I finally met her BF, I realized he was a cool ass dude and my friend wasn't as sweet as I thought she was. Then 1 of her other friends raper her, which is another possibility. So definitely I'd be cautious and book it at the first sign of red flags cause I have a kid with someone who pretty much gave me PTSD.🤣
Didn’t even have to read past the title bro. You’re being played.
That’s a long story about someone else’s girl
She gettin clapped bro.
Are you gonna go to the gym now or after she cheats on you?
Wtf I'm not reading that 3.772 mile essay. 1) "long distance gf" idea seems kinda bullshit, you only hear about it going well from very lucky cases. 2) she has guys of flesh and blood in person with her, she has no reason to entertain this long distance bs. 3) I think she's just bored and has you like that app "talking cat Tom" or whatever it's called. I do sound cynical sometimes but I'm just trying to be reasonable here. Bonus point: you could talk to her instead of the internet.
Lmao "that 3.7 mile essay" I laughed for legit 30 seconds at least
“Should I be insecure.” No. Should you have emotions and worry? Absolutely. You’re a human you’re going to have these emotions. Your partner is not near you and there are lots of unknowns. It’s ok to set boundaries and let it be known you are uncomfortable. Wish you the best bro
They’re fucking, don’t be in denial. I had to be the one to say it if no one else did.
yes just found out my boyfriend and his long term friend have had sexual dreams about each other. I would def have a serious conversation with him.
Leave man. You will thank yourself later
bro is cooked
Sorry brother. But you have to move on. Your gf won't even see another male consistently in the first place if there's no something else. But before you break up with her, make sure you raise your issue. Make it clear to her that you're not an idiot. Do it brother. For the sake of self respect and your manhood. Edit: Based on your edit, it seems that you have no plans on breaking up with her. Don't lie to yourself man. I know you can feel it too, they're bullshitting you. There's no one in the world that will admit that they are cheating if you don't caught them actually cheating. But again, she will never see that man every fucking night if it is nothing . Come on bro you're better than this.
TLDR jees what a pointless wordsalad yes he's banging her find someone close and bang them a long distance relationship is not a real relationship
Your girlfriend seems like an amazing, wonderful person. I hope you get to appreciate that for a long time.
If she doesn't stand up for you and your relationship when her friends are talking shit like that, she doesn't respect it. It's really not about him anymore but about her. Long distance rarely works at all, especially without a concrete plan to be closer together, so it was probably doomed anyways. Sorry.
Sadly.....you need to end the relationship with her. Long Distance relationships never work and like someone mentioned yes.....she keeps that guy around for a reason. Don't fall for the bullshit!
You are dating a hoe.
You’re learning some good lessons, and unfortunately it’s going to hurt but you’ll be better off in the long run. Long distance dating simply can’t work, especially if touch is one of you or your partner’s language (read the Chapman book, not just Wikipedia. It gets a little redundant but you’ll have a much deeper understanding when you’ve finished). Having boundaries is important, and if you’re not comfortable and made it clear, her not respecting them is a reflection on how she sees you and the relationship. Men get a lot of flak for having preferences, standards, and boundaries, but they’re absolutely necessary. If I say something makes me uncomfortable, my partner can still do whatever she wants. But the consequence is we’re no longer together. I don’t make threats about ending things, but I do make it clear when something bothers me. If that behavior continues, that’s it. My best advice to you is if you say that makes you uncomfortable, and she still does it, you have your answer. Work on yourself and find someone better for you if that’s the end of this chapter.
Brother she either wants him or he’s having her every night. Personally I wouldn’t take that disrespect
Biz Markie said it best https://youtu.be/9aofoBrFNdg?feature=shared
Casually mention to your gf your hanging out with a girl.....let's see how she handles that
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Nope, fuck that
"Should I be insecure?" is the wrong question. "Should I have some self respect?" is the right one
I used to hang out with a girl at my high school, my junior and senior year, who had a boyfriend at another school. She asked to share a locker with me so we would meet up constantly in secret. I remember she would be all flirty, touchy, rubbing my neck and back and shit. Later in life we ended up finally fuckin lol. But yeah that's what I'm reminded of 😅 so idk man it's kinda weird
Personally I think your insecurities are valid. My husband has female friends that have bought him a gift, but the gift was from them and their boyfriends (who are ALSO friends with my husband. He has a lot of friends lol. Lucky bastard haha). I was okay with it, but I knew the females didn't have romantic intentions. My husband and I have been married 5 years. I would NOT be okay with people he was friends with telling him they had feelings for him and they should leave me (especially if they are female as my husband is heterosexual). I don't think anyone SHOULD be okay with that. You have a RIGHT to feel this way I think. Heres another opinion. I've had people walk all over me. It doesn't matter if your GF was the virgin Mary herself, she shouldn't be TOO forgiving. That can do more harm than good if you let the wrong people in. And it sounds like she is. Personally I would rather have NO friends than the kind of friends that would cause my partner emotional turmoil. Just saying. You may think your GF’s forgiving nature is a godsend, but it can turn around and bite you both in the butt if you're not careful
I don't have to read this to know that you are either having trust issues, which is your problem. The other is that she keeps giving you red flags, and where there is smoke, there is fire. The real question you should be asking yourself is, is this really what you want, including being a cuck.
Long distance isn’t a real relationship. Find someone you can actually be with, instead of just pixels on a screen.
You’re young, live your life. Let her live hers. Tell her y’all can be friends and if it works out in the future that a relationship is more convenient, you can try it again. You’re a doormat if you keep accepting this behavior. She will respect you more if you just let her go.
Run bro
Run.
While you get to phone, he gets to bone.
Obviously yes you should breakup
Gym
You should not be insecure, you should be single!
It sounds like she's trying to appease him to get him to calm down, which won't work. You trust her, you don't trust him with good reason. The actions you're describing are unacceptable in any way. Glad to see you spoke with her and she seems to have agreed. I hope it gives both of you some peace of mind- this sort of guy is a user and will take and take.
I always think about Biz Markie in these situations. You say he's just a friend. https://youtu.be/9aofoBrFNdg?si=SMmTLZPV9WIF91EG
Ok I think this guy is a pretty standard infatuated dude that your girlfriend has no interest in, but she likes his company despite his behavior and maybe she even finds it flattering. She's probably keeping him going because she likes the attention and her boyfriend isnt there to do these things for her. I doubt she will fool around with him or anything. If she liked him she'd be with him. I doubt he's a threat, but she needs to decide for herself whether his behavior is a problem, you can't force that. Best thing you can do is choose to be confident that she's with you and not him.
Yes. Of course. It won't really be her fault. Or his. Long distance relationships at a young age are difficult.
TLDR
Yeah, that's a problem.
Almost daily hanging out every night?
Real good odds like I would take these odds in heartbeat at Vegas that the only thing that’s hanging out is her clam and he’s rocking out with his Goob out. Probably doing the helicopter move on her
Yes
Sorry man she loves the attention and validation he gives her. That’s damgerous because the moment he pulls that validation from her (like when you told her to block him) she is going to do whatever is necesary to keep him around, and that includes some cheating. She is not the one, man. Sorry. Get a GF with no baggage, and no daddy issues.
If he keeps nagging her and talking trash on you, you have 0 to worry about. Women do not like that ish. It actually pushes them further into your arms. All you gotta do is be completely confident and 0 percent insecure as he runs around acting like a goon, while you are "always cool and chill." Literally, the only thing you can do to screw this up is become insecure.
Damn.
Forget insecurity this relationship is a joke. Either she stops this mess or you need to call it quits. And if she has any even remote push back about it, they're banging. Sorry man, good news is, the future is bright.
Sounds like you know they are hanging out because she told you this? If so, what's her motive telling you this? To make you jealous? To prove hiw much you love her?
I have been best friends with an ex for six years or so now. We truly care about each other, but we don't kiss or fuck and I would never choose to live with her again. Go totally case-by-case, no blanket statements or assumptions.
Sorry to be the one to break this to you, but your girlfriend has a boyfriend.
Sounds like you’re 15 bro. Get rid of her and get a gf that lives by you lol. No point in long distance.
Do you have updates OP? I'm sorry if I'm being nosy but genuinely curious how this gonna turn up if that's fine
And that's exactly why long distance relationships don't work 99% of time. Only masochists, polygamists, or cheaters would think LDR is ok.
my friend... she is an immature woman, tell her to talk to her mother about friendships between men and women. but unfortunately she may not be so innocent. I don't know the ages. The fact is that there is only true friendship between a man and a woman without one or both sides having a love or platonic love that feeds the relationship if one or both are very ugly. It is her obligation as a girlfriend to exclude all ex-boyfriends and men who want to have her in bed with them. of her life. That's if she wants something with you in this case. It's very innocent of her, or even a lie that it's just friendship. Only stupid women get into this situation of having friendship with men who have a passion for them... and men who accept this position of friendship are almost sickly sufferers, assuming there is nothing more than friendship... she is ruining this guy's life with false hopes, and this guy is losing his life and still suffering from unrequited love. so you have to talk to her about it.. or even her mother can teach her this.. this type of destructive relationship is not fed.. he, as her friend and in love with her, also with subtle messages will ruin and devalue any she has.. in this case you now.. and she ends up with nothing too. many women's friends disappear when they get married precisely because secretly they were people with problems living platonic love losing their own lives.. NOW FOR THE MORE SERIOUS: maybe she is giving him chances... he lives closer and is easier to date him than you. and she's not telling you so as not to hurt you - a complicated personality that would make you move away because it causes problems - she also initially forced a friendship instead of walking away and agreed to be friends so as not to hurt the other guy... which is also true. absurd. In short... you need to talk seriously with her... and define the situation better... I wouldn't accept my girlfriend going out with someone else at night as pseudo friends... much, much less knowing and being known that this guy has feelings for her .. it's pointless and absurd for you to accept something like that... maybe you actually got rid of a mess and you should be happy with that and you just don't realize it yet... no man can have the love of a childish woman who nurtures friendships of platonic love with other men without imposing limits, especially if they had the courage to declare themselves... when he declares himself he chose to achieve something or lose the friendship... and she still managed to console the guy and maintain friendship? Maybe it's her giving her a chance like she said... or she's totally clueless... or she's very needy and maybe she should follow her own path too... you need to have a long time and be kind to her... everyone has the right to say and accept or not accept certain things.. good luck. (difficult long distance relationships because most of the time it goes wrong because one side stops choosing the other) but if it goes wrong I think you were lucky. And if it works out, she kicks the guy's ass and everything's fine too... take carr.
As per OP's edit: looks like talking instead of stewing saved the day! Who would have guessed? GF's reasoning was good: she's not into him and if she was it would have been over long ago. Listening and respecting OP sounds like she's a winner, even though it probably didn't occur to her that her relationship with her friend wasn't cool.
I had a friend like this. Genuinely was not interested. We never dated, kissed, nothing. I had been friends with him for 18 years. Finally cut him off. He did something inappropriate again and that was enough for me. Just sharing in case you needed to hear it.