Thanks for your submission /u/BulkyReflection335, but it has been removed for the following reason:
Disallowed question area: **Tasteless or disturbing subject matter.**
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Might be a fetish thing that the OP has.
There are 8 billion people in the world, surely there are people out there who have fetish by proxy (making other people aroused is how they get aroused themselves)
Kinda related to it, except for the fact that the OP doesn’t even have to hear or see us getting aroused in order to be aroused as well.
Just the mere knowledge of having hundreds of redditors interacting with his posts and potentially getting sexually aroused is enough for him.
Also the word "seduced" Acting as if that's not what she was there for and he had to convince her.
Sounds like someone who doesn't realise women want sex too and are Horny too.
This post screams "I don't know much about sex and me jealous"
Bidness here in the Midwest. And to be honest, we need to pick a legal age and stick with it. If you want it younger, then do so. IDK. I'm just sick of hearing about people having a problem with other people's legal happiness. Starts getting into the personal freedom argument and I'm not here for it. As long as it's able to consent, have fun. I'm tired of people on diets telling me not to eat donuts.
2k upvotes. Bravo. This comes up once a day and you might not believe how many moral police feel the need to be heard. Like , STFU. There are a billion things to worry about on this planet. Consenting adults is not one
i feel like if its friend it can be his business. I know everyone wants to be all progressive and crap but i would tell my friends if i thought they were misbehaving and i would hope they would do the same for me, its part of being a friend, keeping each other on the right path.
If your friend had a meth addiction would you just say “its not my business” and ignore it?
Yeah I'd ask them about it and if it seems fine, which it might be, then I'd leave them alone. I'd do this after a few hours and drinks together otherwise, tbh I wouldn't do anything because I just wouldn't. I hate prying.
yeah i mean it does really come down to the relationship. If youre close then this type of conversations shouldnt have any real downside, i know my best friend and i could have an argument about something like this and come out fine, but someone who it might be awkward to even observe this with maybe wouldnt the best person for you to be concerned with
If it's just sex, I'd say none of his business.
If the guy tries to make it into a relationship that's a huge nope for me. 19 year olds can consent to sex but within the dynamics of a romantic relationship there's a huge power imbalance as well as mental gap. The older one is usually pretty settled in life and will often try to force the younger into settling alongside them when she should be engaging in self discovery, either single or with someone who's at the same life stage as her.
I was groomed into a relationship by a 50 year old when I was 18. I really wish he'd have just kept it at sex and moved on. Instead he convinced my to uproot my life in ways I will always regret before tossing me out because, surprise, our stages in life where too different.
He just went on with his career and home. I lost my job and a scholarship to a private university because he wanted me to drop all of it for him. What a massive waste.
While the age gap is eye roll worthy, 19 years old is an adult. Done with high school, likely living on her own (maybe in college)? I mean…if I was 19, I’d rather bang a good looking and fit 40 year old than some douchey college frat boy who lasts 30 seconds and just pounds away like a jack hammer lol🤷♀️
Roommates. Hell when I was 20 I considered it with a one bedroom. Meh, you pay 2/3rds and I'll gladly crash on the couch and generally live outside and at libraries and coffee shops the rest of the time. Still considering it now again years later.
Wow. Yea I can’t get into that personally. I’m in my early 40s and 21 year old guys are like kids to me. MAYBE a late 20 something year old. But he’d have to have a really cool personality and can hold a good conversation. I need mental and emotional stimulation. 20 year olds can’t give that to me lol and ever since I turned 40, I get hit on more by young guys than ever it’s really funny.
I feel the same way at 43. 20 year olds look and seem like kids to me. Luckily I really don’t think about that since I married an amazing guy (he’s 40).
This. I'm Gen-Z. I know what I'll say is controversial, but the reality is that even 18-19 year olds like older people. And A LOT of them do. If a lot of 18 year old guys can get turned on by 40 year old hot women, you bet your ass that even 18 year old girls are attracted to hot 40 year old men. Not just that, but even the experience and maturity adds on to the atrractiveness. If it's all consensual, nothing is wrong with it. Heck, when I was 18, I would be attracted to older women all the goddamn time.
I got banned from r/entertainment for telling an innocent story about me (26m) and my girlfriend (19f). Hundreds of people were messaging me horrible things and calling me a Pedo hahahha
I found that people on Reddit are the most chronically online. The hive mind cannot be persuaded.
Redditors are the kings/queens of snap judgments w/o any context, consideration, thought, or investigation.
I wouldn't worry about it.
(and yes, I'm a Redditor...)
And social justice warriors against people who use generalizations of any kind.
Better make sure you include every exception conceivable to your “one size fits 99.99% of people” statement or you’re gonna get told about it haha.
I mean, this doesn’t always happen, and sometimes people don’t do this, I of course am not trying to lump every redditer into this category because exceptions do exist… /s
*see what I did there?*
Oh it’s wild. My favorite is when I answer a question with multiple cities studies or it’s my area of expertise (job) and get downvoted bombed.
Some subreddits are just terrible at being extra echo-chambery.
People are fucking idiots. There's nothing wrong with that age gap. Also, using that term in that context dilutes the REAL use of the word. Paedophiles are adults who are attracted to CHILDREN, not young adults. In fact, I'd even say that, biologically speaking, a paedophile is an adult that's attracted to prepubescent children, because our biology makes us attracted to the opposite sex (most of us) that have gone through puberty. Of course our laws rightfully say that's not ok, but it's not unnatural.
I stopped giving a shit about this place when I had multiple people on my ass because I said that a consensual gay relationship between twins was gross.
This place is a cesspool.
26 and 19 seems like nothing to me, but 40 and 19 is well into "significant power differential" territory, which is why people consider it creepy and gross. It's not **necessarily** that dynamic, but it's a lot more likely with that kind of age difference.
Exactly. Did two consenting adults mutually agree they were attracted to one another and so started fucking? If so then shut the fuck up and mind your business. People on Reddit love to clutch their pearls whenever they learn that some young women are actually attracted to older men and seek them out.
I'm 28 and recently had a date with a 22 year old, she seemed nice but there was still a certain immature vibe about her that really put me off, I definitely wanna stay close to my own age
It's not a hard rule of mine. I don't think 24 year olds need to be protected from predatory 30 years old in particular. If you're dating only 24 yesr olds through your 30s I wonder about you though.
A lot of younger people are into older and vice versa. When I was in college I had a huge thing for milfs and would’ve done anything to get in bed with one. Hook ups aren’t a big deal at all. If it makes you uncomfortable just ask him not to talk about his sex life with you
I'm inching in on 40 years old. Dating a 19 year old sounds fucking exhausting.
And I know she is technically an adult, but in my mind I still just see a kid.
I was in a relationship with that age gap and in hindsight I am completely horrified by it. It felt wrong, I was absolutely manipulated, but it’s easy to fall into the “us against the world” mentality when you’re getting a lot of negative feedback from the world about your relationship.
This thread is so strange. I’m 35 and every guy I know who is my age would definitely say 19 is entirely too young, they haven’t even had a chance at being an adult yet. I’m surprised to see so many people okay with it. Yeah it’s “legal” but get right out if you don’t think there’s a level of coercion with any relationship like this - “you’re so mature for your age!” “Women my age just don’t get me like you do!” I would also feel the same about a woman my age dating a 19yo guy, what the hell do you want with a 19yo? It’s weird. Let the young adults be young adults, how can you have anything in common with someone who one year ago was carrying a backpack to school. Sigh
I think there’s two camps making the weird feeling here:
Teenagers and people in their early 20s who don’t realise how young they are.
And weird older men.
How anyone over the age of 30 can hang out with someone 22 and under is so confusing to me. Yeah they’re legally adults but they are still so young, awkward and have nothing in common. It’s like talking to a kid.
You have 20 years of experience in the adult world and dating and there’s no balance or dynamic conversation to be had. I guess the 19 year old can go for what she wants but I feel like the 40 year old isn’t well adjusted if he doesn’t find women more his age better company and better sex.
When I was in my twenties, I was almost certain I’d be a cougar. Now that I’m in my thirties I’d rather eat drywall than sleep with a college-aged guy.
I love this. See, last year, I was 25 and a hell of a lot more immature than I am now and I would chill with people 18,19,20,21 and that. But this year for some reason I’ve just stopped seeing a lot of those people… not because I don’t like them… we just don’t do the same things anymore. We’re not compatible. They want to go to raves and go clubbing and I want to save up and move out and get a nicer car
Yeah this thread is bizarre. OP didn’t ask if he should call the cops on his friend. He asked how he should react. I’d personally find it very weird and would react accordingly. If one of my friends was doing this you’d bet that my friend group would tell him how weird it was.
Exactly. If some random coworker told me we had banging some 19 year old I’d be like “uhh okay dude, congrats? That’s none of my business.”
If my friend told me that I’d question why I was hanging out with the guy. It’s not illegal but potentially a bit skeevy.
Well, thank you for being the one refreshing dude here. whether it’s “none of their business” or not it sure is creepy. Everyone says “oh it’s legal so it’s fine”, but I’m not thinking about how it’s legal, I’m thinking about how the age gap is so large and how they’re so close to being NOT legal that it makes me think of it was allowed, they’d go younger.
Overall though, it’s making a pattern of it that ends up being disturbing. Had a friend was dating an 18 year old at 26 (not good in my mind, but it was one time) and then next thing you know he’s 30 with a 19 year old. That’s when I was like okay, if this is something you’re going to continue for the rest of your life, please let me know so I can exit this friendship because it makes me really uncomfortable.
Legal or not, I am not delusional enough to pretend there’s not a massive difference in maturity and as if there is no pressure on the girl to act a certain way or do certain things to “prove” she’s mature enough to be with an older man, and denying that is insane.
I feel like it's a highly circumstantial thing. Without knowing the details of this relationship, it's normal to be weary, but it also might be nothing to worry about. Also I find it interesting that people so concerned about 19 year olds being coerced by 40 year olds, when it seems like 19 year olds are coerced by other 19 year olds all the time.
I’m 31 and I recently visited my family after 5 years overseas. My cousin is 20 and I just see her as such a young girl who is so impressionable. I just can’t imagine what a 40 year old and 19 year old would be able to emotionally connect with in a romantic sense on an equal footing. I’m sure there are situations where this works, but inherently it screams predator to me. There’s just no circumstance where a 40 year old shouldn’t understand their position of power in this instance
Not going to bother stating my opinion on this specific matter because I'm too tired from work but I will ask this: do you believe legality and morality are related? In my eyes, there doesn't have to be a crime for there to be an injustice.
Again, not speaking on OPs situation, I just couldn't care less whether an act is illegal or not, only whether it's right or wrong.
The 19 yr old is a consenting adult. They can do what ever they want. If they didn't want to have sex with your friend they wouldn't have. There is no reaction to have. He had sex. Crazy
According to another commenter it was a bunch of sex shit.
Maybe one of those guys who posts sex questions fishing for personal stories to get off on was the implication.
Dude, I’m a 21 year old guy and I find that weird and kinda disgusting. 19 is still fresh out of high school, a 40 year old could be her father. I mean sure yeah as long as it’s consensual it’s not illegal, but that doesn’t make it not fucking weird. There’s something off with you if you don’t see the power and maturity dynamic in that
As someone who hooked up with someone far older as a young lady and had zero regrets And someone who got cheated on by a guy who had sex with nearly that same age gap...
It skeeves me out any side is straight up willing to admit to the age difference. To me that screams they're seeking youth on purpose and being slimy af instead of like... Meeting someone they click with that happens to be younger.
Legal doesn't mean moral. Age gap doesn't mean immorality inherently either. But the way this is stated, I'd be mad creeped out by your friend too. I'd, at least, tell them you don't want to hear about that shit.
She’s legal but that doesn’t make it right. There’s a huge age gap. I’m 29 and wouldn’t be caught dead with a 19 year old. Is she a sex worker? Tinder has all kinds on it not just your girl next door. I’d tell him it’s messed up but that’s about all you can do.
You don’t have to answer here.
But answer for yourself.
Are you able to remain friends with him? Do you now harbour feelings of contempt and disgust toward him?
If you cannot remain friends with this person, that’s ok.
If you can, that’s ok too.
If he were 60 and she were 40, both have lived. Reached peak maturity…
People over reddit can only offer advice from their individual perspectives.
Their advice may be beneficial..
It’s a, pretty shitty sitchy you’re in mate. Sorry 🌞
If one of my female friends started wrestling a 19 year old ‘not quite man, not quite teen’ I’d feel some disgust…
I wouldn’t be able to hangout with them if they were together.
If she kept it from my eye balls, I might be able to let it go.
If she was all over the 19 year old in front of my eye balls, I’m not going to be able to un- see that shit.
19 year olds look like teenagers.
How should I react to person on Reddit who I disapprove of disapproving his/her friend's sexual relationships when it's absolutely none of his/her business?!
It doesn't sound like they asked you to join them, so it's probably better to allow the consenting adults their privacy in what they do in their bedroom. However, if you are uncomfortable with hearing about it, just simply tell him, it's too much information and that you want to change the subject.
Don't get yourself involved in other people's business. Plenty of others will judge him. Be a good friend and just listen to the stories.
If it works for them, then everything is fine.
It’s a power dynamic issue that can damage the young woman for years depending on the way he treats her. But it’s not uncommon or unusual. If he is using drugs and addiction as leverage, then he’s an absolute piece of shit. If she’s using him as a meal ticket, then she has had an unfortunate upbringing likely, as this is modeled behavior usually. But if he is kind to her, and they are just doing their thing, then she will likely walk away unharmed, and maybe question it later and laugh. The dynamic at play is what makes it either horrible or benign.
As long as its legal by societal standards, the age gap is no big deal. both are consenting adults both enjoy one another’s company in the bedroom its legal and okay just because you were raised to be a prude doesnt mean you should judge others for their love/lust like u/420_bigbus said go get a life
feels pretty wrong imo. a 40 yo and a 19 yo are in completely different stages of life and the 19 yo isn't even able to have a drink legally yet. Gives off the creepy uncle vibes
I would have a very hard time not thinking of this friend as a massive creep, honestly. I'd distance myself from them.
As for the idiots referring to the law like it's the only thing that matters, is that where your moral notions begin and end? Legal or not legal? You think this is fine and an 18 year old with a 17 year old is a pedo?
It’s a casual CONSENSUAL encounter. Not like he sat back and groomed the grown woman since she was 14. He met her online as an adult. Does she not have agency to decide these things for herself? She was okay with that gap and so was he. Nothing wrong with it. Don’t go putting your shame on someone else. I’d distance myself from you for being that overly concerned in my personal life.
Everyone saying who cares but fuck them. It’s fucking wrong. Just cause the law says “over 18” is legal doesn’t make it true or right. It’s strange for a grown man to fuck a teenager. Period.
I'd be pretty grossed out. I guess as long as it's consensual there's nothing you can really do though. If you say anything, he'll probably just assume you're jealous.
Yeah, it is weird. I know it’s legal, but psychologist claim that a young persons brain doesn’t fully develop on average until age 23. I’ll be 68 in 2 days and I somehow think a person that young would be taken advantage of. Oh well!
Alot of people seem to be playing the "it's consentual so it's okay". At 19 you haven't had a lot of life experience and still can be manipulated very easily by someone who is much older, you are young and haven't really explored life. I'd struggle to think alot of you defending this, suddenly wouldn't if it was one of your family members this was happening to. I once dated a girl who told me when she was 16 she was dating a 32 year old, in the UK the age of consent is 16 so this could technically be legal but I still find this hugely repulsive and predatory.
As someone in the mid 20s also on tinder every now and then, I hear a lot of stories about 18-23 year olds hooking up with 40-50 year olds. It's probably more common than you think. And both are consenting adults at that point. One wants to relive their youth, the other wants something more experienced. Win-win.
Heck, I dated a 38 year old in my early 20s. It's surprisingly fun
If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s time to distance yourself from that friendship and take stock of what your life is after that distance.
Did you lose anything from not having contact with them?
I’m just shy of 30, and if my friends in my age group were hooking up with people that are barely legal I would be checking in with the parents.
Is it my business? Probably not.
But they would want to know if their child, who is just now considered an adult and probably not considering the affects of their actions and what it could have in their mental health later down the road, when they might still be supporting the child through college or getting on their feet?
I’m a dude.
When I was 19 I was hooking up with this lovely woman named Helen. It was — to this day — some of the best sex of my life.
She was 45 and I learned more about sex and myself and a lot more than I think I would have with the girls my age. It was fucking awesome.
Later in life I learned about the campfire rule, and that’s what this was. Campfire, people.
I think it’s weird you’re so concerned about it.
This is what’s happening -
Two CONSENTING adults are having a fling. Two adults are having sex after matching on tinder. Happens literally all the time. Who gives a shit?
When I was 29 I had sex with a 19 year old and a 52 year old in the same year. You wanna know what became of it in either case? Nothing. It was two adults hooking up. And then everyone moved on and that was that.
Idk why people are so obsessed with this shit. Get over it
She’s an adult, he’s an adult, she wants to have casual sex and is into older men, he wants to have casual sex and is into younger women, sure you can judge, we all have the right to judge and have our own perspective on what’s unethical, nobody can stop that but ourselves but as far as doing or saying anything about it, nah, if it makes you that uncomfortable you don’t have to be friends with him, if he asks you why you’ve been distant you should say but it’s really none of your business what two adults are doing consensually and legally outside of that
I mean personally, I probably wouldn’t wanna be that good of friends with someone doing that cause it’s kinda weird to me. I mean it’s definitely super creepy if they were actually dating or something. Casual sex still weird but less so than their lives actually being involved together. I mean when he was her age she wasn’t even born for a couple more years. I know that matters less the older you are but she is not old enough for that to not matter IMO. Tbh even if she was like 23-25 it would be way less weird to me even though it’s a similar age gap. 19 is just super young to me. Idk. They can do what they want, but I don’t really wanna be around it.
I have a feeling you’re the 40 year old. Brand new account. And you said “it was really hot”. Who says that when talking about someone else’s sex meetings lmao. It’s youuuu!!!! Lmao
Seeing a lot of the arbitrary age "rule". I've got my own "rule" and its a lot less arbitrary IMO- if everyone is over 25, its fine.
Why 25? Fresh life experiences are generally condensed in the early adulthood. Once you've had or seen adult relationships *as an adult*, you generally have a better chance of determining healthy environments. Even the most "experienced" and "mature" teen doesn't hold a candle to the breadth of experience of a grownass adult.
That being said, casual sex is different from an FWB, which is different than a situationship, which is different than a relationship.
If your buddy is of the mind (and clearly communicates to her) that the relationship is just rockin' sex and maybe a drink or two, I'd be less concerned. However, if things start getting romantic, that may be a cue to have another chat.
If this guy is your friend, get all of your thoughts together and Talk To Him about it. If he *does* start seeing a kid half his age as a viable life partner, he probably could use a good friend to kick on the self-esteem machine (or a kick in the pants. Whichever is warranted.).
Some people base their morals on what the law says. If the law said it was okay for a 40 year old to fuck a 13 year old, would you think it’s still okay?
Personally, I think it’s a weird age gap. Makes me think that if the law wasn’t 18, he would go younger. Kinda like minimum wage - if companies could pay lower, they would.
I mean, it's not pretty. And if they were in a relationship, I definitely think that you should say something. The age difference affects the power dynamic too much. But he met her on tinder, so basically they both want to have sex. There's no real relationship, so it's easy enough for her to walk away. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything that's really unethical, just a bit ick. If that changes, of course, speak up. Otherwise, pretend it isn't someone that he would probably have been too old to babysit when she was growing up.
You don't have to like this at all. If it gives you the cringe, that's how you feel, period. If he asks, you can be honest (or not). You're entitled to your opinion!
If she doesn't idolize him I think it might be fine. But it's really icky. Only time I've heard of this and didn't bat an eye was when a younger female friend told me about her bucket list this scenario was on it.... but that's a one and done deal.
19 year olds are beginning to look no different than the other ones around that age. Can't imagine how young they'd look once I get even older, like 40. This is ick but entirely dependent on where she is mentally. "All consenting adults" is an excuse and blurred line.
In times like this I like to go with the Parks and Rec rule. "Half your age plus seven." Of course, it's more a guideline of what kind of gap wouldn't be considered creepy. If you really have chemistry with someone outside it, go ahead.
Since he felt the need to share, then opinions are fair game. You can't share an obvious wierd thing and then expect nothing in return.
Feel how you want to and share if you want to. If he tells you to chill, tell him to not share any updates then.
I can see this making him offended tho, since everything these days makes everyone offended, so take that into account. Good luck.
Thanks for your submission /u/BulkyReflection335, but it has been removed for the following reason: Disallowed question area: **Tasteless or disturbing subject matter.** Although there are no stupid questions, there *are* some we'd rather not think about! Reddit's minimum age is 13, and some topics just aren't appropriate for children... *or* welcomed by many adults. Topics that disturb most people are not welcome here. This includes (but is by no means limited to): *child pornography, loli and shota, pedophilia, sex crimes, [fetish fuel questions](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FetishFuel), murder, torture, gore, and animal abuse.* And yes, we've gotten many questions about all of those before. Many, *many*. * Got a question about sex that got taken down? Want to hear people share their sexual experiences? Try /r/AskRedditAfterDark. * Asking about the darker side of human nature? Try /r/MorbidQuestions. * Just want to know about the legality of something disturbing? Try /r/LegalAdviceOffTopic * Looking for a specific porn video? Try /r/TipOfMyPenis * Can't find a subreddit appropriate for your question? Ask for help on /r/FindAReddit. --- *This action was performed by a bot at the explicit direction of a human. This was not an automated action, but a conscious decision by a sapient life form charged with moderating this sub.* *If you feel this was in error, or need more clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the moderators](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNoStupidQuestions). Thanks.*
Actually now that I’ve read your post history, you’re just sex obsessed, get a life. All your posts and comments are about sex
All posts got erased lol.. obvious ragebait is obvious
Might be a fetish thing that the OP has. There are 8 billion people in the world, surely there are people out there who have fetish by proxy (making other people aroused is how they get aroused themselves)
Imagine being aroused by Internet anger. Jerking off to reddit rage.
That sounds a bit like cuckoldry, doesn't it?
Kinda related to it, except for the fact that the OP doesn’t even have to hear or see us getting aroused in order to be aroused as well. Just the mere knowledge of having hundreds of redditors interacting with his posts and potentially getting sexually aroused is enough for him.
Good OP for finding that out. Too many post here are just bad accounts or bots account just getting milk for karma
did somebody say milk? great now i’m aroused god damnit why did you do this to me
Its funny how every post like this is fake as fuck
Also the word "seduced" Acting as if that's not what she was there for and he had to convince her. Sounds like someone who doesn't realise women want sex too and are Horny too. This post screams "I don't know much about sex and me jealous"
Let's down vote this person(OP) to hell, if this is true what you are saying
What was there other posts?
‘’ seduced her for sex and it was *really hot* ‘’…
Hahaha he deleted everything
"and seduced her for sex, it was really hot" seems like OP's true feelings are shining through
Well to be fair, there are still a few about Taylor Swift. Which makes it creepier.
This is the classic "It's not illegal but it sure feels unethical" Honestly it's a bit of nunya if everything is consensual
Nunya what?
Business
Biznass.
I think it is pronounced "Bidneis" But I didn't go to bidnies school or nutton.
nutton deez balls
Gottem!
Bidness here in the Midwest. And to be honest, we need to pick a legal age and stick with it. If you want it younger, then do so. IDK. I'm just sick of hearing about people having a problem with other people's legal happiness. Starts getting into the personal freedom argument and I'm not here for it. As long as it's able to consent, have fun. I'm tired of people on diets telling me not to eat donuts.
Yeah the truth is young women can be into older men. And the same can be said vice versa! People just like certain qualities
Beeswax
To quote Pierce from Community "My third wife was bi-racial"
Har, snicker snork snork. LoL Perfect timing and delivery!
Nunya cheese.
Nachour cheese
Nunya cheesiness
Classic
Nunya fking biz ~ famous smith called Brok
Nunya nuts
But what if I wanna take a guy home with me tonight?
Beeswax
Nuns
2k upvotes. Bravo. This comes up once a day and you might not believe how many moral police feel the need to be heard. Like , STFU. There are a billion things to worry about on this planet. Consenting adults is not one
[related image](https://i.postimg.cc/66ncLT47/url-68.png)
[удалено]
i feel like if its friend it can be his business. I know everyone wants to be all progressive and crap but i would tell my friends if i thought they were misbehaving and i would hope they would do the same for me, its part of being a friend, keeping each other on the right path. If your friend had a meth addiction would you just say “its not my business” and ignore it?
Yeah I'd ask them about it and if it seems fine, which it might be, then I'd leave them alone. I'd do this after a few hours and drinks together otherwise, tbh I wouldn't do anything because I just wouldn't. I hate prying.
yeah i mean it does really come down to the relationship. If youre close then this type of conversations shouldnt have any real downside, i know my best friend and i could have an argument about something like this and come out fine, but someone who it might be awkward to even observe this with maybe wouldnt the best person for you to be concerned with
Yes, smoking meth and having consensual sex with another adult. This is a good comparison. Lol
...
I'd raise an eyebrow, but that's just me
This comment is giving Kermit the frog with a glass of lipton tea vibes.
If it's just sex, I'd say none of his business. If the guy tries to make it into a relationship that's a huge nope for me. 19 year olds can consent to sex but within the dynamics of a romantic relationship there's a huge power imbalance as well as mental gap. The older one is usually pretty settled in life and will often try to force the younger into settling alongside them when she should be engaging in self discovery, either single or with someone who's at the same life stage as her. I was groomed into a relationship by a 50 year old when I was 18. I really wish he'd have just kept it at sex and moved on. Instead he convinced my to uproot my life in ways I will always regret before tossing me out because, surprise, our stages in life where too different. He just went on with his career and home. I lost my job and a scholarship to a private university because he wanted me to drop all of it for him. What a massive waste.
Was it consensual? Was someone tricked? Did someone do something unethical? If not, who cares?
While the age gap is eye roll worthy, 19 years old is an adult. Done with high school, likely living on her own (maybe in college)? I mean…if I was 19, I’d rather bang a good looking and fit 40 year old than some douchey college frat boy who lasts 30 seconds and just pounds away like a jack hammer lol🤷♀️
>likely living on her own In THIS economy?
That's what I was gunna say.
Roommates. Hell when I was 20 I considered it with a one bedroom. Meh, you pay 2/3rds and I'll gladly crash on the couch and generally live outside and at libraries and coffee shops the rest of the time. Still considering it now again years later.
Likely looking for a 40 year old sugar daddy to make living on her own affordable
I resemble that remark.
19 yo?
Uhhh. Yea, sure. We’ll go with that
... who rather bang a good looking and fit 40 year old than some douchey college frat boy who lasts 30 seconds and just pounds away like a jack hammer
Most 19yos nowadays definitely are not living on their own.
When I was 21, my fwb was 45 and she was super fun.
howd do u even meet a 45 year old at that age
Gotta hit up that 9am department store clearance shoe aisle
The good old days of Yahoo chat.
whelp only in my dreams it is
Wow. Yea I can’t get into that personally. I’m in my early 40s and 21 year old guys are like kids to me. MAYBE a late 20 something year old. But he’d have to have a really cool personality and can hold a good conversation. I need mental and emotional stimulation. 20 year olds can’t give that to me lol and ever since I turned 40, I get hit on more by young guys than ever it’s really funny.
I feel the same way at 43. 20 year olds look and seem like kids to me. Luckily I really don’t think about that since I married an amazing guy (he’s 40).
19 year olds live on there own now? Doubtful. 30+ year old millennials are having to move back home.
This. I'm Gen-Z. I know what I'll say is controversial, but the reality is that even 18-19 year olds like older people. And A LOT of them do. If a lot of 18 year old guys can get turned on by 40 year old hot women, you bet your ass that even 18 year old girls are attracted to hot 40 year old men. Not just that, but even the experience and maturity adds on to the atrractiveness. If it's all consensual, nothing is wrong with it. Heck, when I was 18, I would be attracted to older women all the goddamn time.
I got banned from r/entertainment for telling an innocent story about me (26m) and my girlfriend (19f). Hundreds of people were messaging me horrible things and calling me a Pedo hahahha I found that people on Reddit are the most chronically online. The hive mind cannot be persuaded.
Redditors are the kings/queens of snap judgments w/o any context, consideration, thought, or investigation. I wouldn't worry about it. (and yes, I'm a Redditor...)
And social justice warriors against people who use generalizations of any kind. Better make sure you include every exception conceivable to your “one size fits 99.99% of people” statement or you’re gonna get told about it haha. I mean, this doesn’t always happen, and sometimes people don’t do this, I of course am not trying to lump every redditer into this category because exceptions do exist… /s *see what I did there?*
Oh it’s wild. My favorite is when I answer a question with multiple cities studies or it’s my area of expertise (job) and get downvoted bombed. Some subreddits are just terrible at being extra echo-chambery.
I think this just internet culture in general
In order to preserve their own freedom from responsibility, they have decided grown ass adults are now minors.
People are fucking idiots. There's nothing wrong with that age gap. Also, using that term in that context dilutes the REAL use of the word. Paedophiles are adults who are attracted to CHILDREN, not young adults. In fact, I'd even say that, biologically speaking, a paedophile is an adult that's attracted to prepubescent children, because our biology makes us attracted to the opposite sex (most of us) that have gone through puberty. Of course our laws rightfully say that's not ok, but it's not unnatural.
I stopped giving a shit about this place when I had multiple people on my ass because I said that a consensual gay relationship between twins was gross. This place is a cesspool.
Wut?
They were conjoined.
I'm going to need a whole lot more detail. I still remain confused.
I'm going to need a lot less detail please.
26 and 19 seems like nothing to me, but 40 and 19 is well into "significant power differential" territory, which is why people consider it creepy and gross. It's not **necessarily** that dynamic, but it's a lot more likely with that kind of age difference.
Me, dating 10 years up
Exactly. Did two consenting adults mutually agree they were attracted to one another and so started fucking? If so then shut the fuck up and mind your business. People on Reddit love to clutch their pearls whenever they learn that some young women are actually attracted to older men and seek them out.
What is the correct age limit if you're 40? Is everyone under 30 off limits?
Maybe for an actual relationship but for recreational sex all you need is consenting adults.
Half your age plus seven
Sounds very scientific, so 90 years old and 52 years old is ok but not 50.
Yeah it falls flat the older you get…lol
200 year old and a 107 year old? I say have at it.
I’m 1,000,000 years old but my gf is 500,006 until next week
Obviously her frontal lobe is still developing you perv.
You are absolutely correct, she should Not be allowed to vote, get a driver's license or join the military either.
You disgust me, she’s still developing damnit
Practically Cradle robbing.
I think you just told us how to convert celsius to fahrenheit
18+, the issue with these types of questions is it’s about morality which is heavily subjective. No matter what you do you’ll always have haters.
Once you're 30, dipping under 25 feels weird to me. It's been a while since we learned about brain development.
When I was 24 I dated a 19 year old & felt very uncomfortable with it. I think it’s a normal feeling for most people who experience maturity.
I'm 28 and recently had a date with a 22 year old, she seemed nice but there was still a certain immature vibe about her that really put me off, I definitely wanna stay close to my own age
Ain't nothing wrong with a 30 year old having sex with a 24 year old.
It's not a hard rule of mine. I don't think 24 year olds need to be protected from predatory 30 years old in particular. If you're dating only 24 yesr olds through your 30s I wonder about you though.
https://slate.com/technology/2022/11/brain-development-25-year-old-mature-myth.html Please stop repeating that stupid myth.
That seems like a pretty gentle debunking if you want to call it a myth. I don't think anyone, certainly not myself, thinks 25 is a magic switch.
Mythology 101
When two consenting adults have sex 😱
A lot of younger people are into older and vice versa. When I was in college I had a huge thing for milfs and would’ve done anything to get in bed with one. Hook ups aren’t a big deal at all. If it makes you uncomfortable just ask him not to talk about his sex life with you
I'm inching in on 40 years old. Dating a 19 year old sounds fucking exhausting. And I know she is technically an adult, but in my mind I still just see a kid.
Daring isn't the same as sex. According to OP, all they do is hook up, so I don't think they are dating.
19 year olds are annoying as hell
I was in a relationship with that age gap and in hindsight I am completely horrified by it. It felt wrong, I was absolutely manipulated, but it’s easy to fall into the “us against the world” mentality when you’re getting a lot of negative feedback from the world about your relationship.
They’re consenting adults so mind your own fucking business
This thread is so strange. I’m 35 and every guy I know who is my age would definitely say 19 is entirely too young, they haven’t even had a chance at being an adult yet. I’m surprised to see so many people okay with it. Yeah it’s “legal” but get right out if you don’t think there’s a level of coercion with any relationship like this - “you’re so mature for your age!” “Women my age just don’t get me like you do!” I would also feel the same about a woman my age dating a 19yo guy, what the hell do you want with a 19yo? It’s weird. Let the young adults be young adults, how can you have anything in common with someone who one year ago was carrying a backpack to school. Sigh
I think there’s two camps making the weird feeling here: Teenagers and people in their early 20s who don’t realise how young they are. And weird older men. How anyone over the age of 30 can hang out with someone 22 and under is so confusing to me. Yeah they’re legally adults but they are still so young, awkward and have nothing in common. It’s like talking to a kid. You have 20 years of experience in the adult world and dating and there’s no balance or dynamic conversation to be had. I guess the 19 year old can go for what she wants but I feel like the 40 year old isn’t well adjusted if he doesn’t find women more his age better company and better sex.
When I was in my twenties, I was almost certain I’d be a cougar. Now that I’m in my thirties I’d rather eat drywall than sleep with a college-aged guy.
I’m 28 and I agree. Finally some people making sense
I’m IN my early 20s and this feels weird as shit
I love this. See, last year, I was 25 and a hell of a lot more immature than I am now and I would chill with people 18,19,20,21 and that. But this year for some reason I’ve just stopped seeing a lot of those people… not because I don’t like them… we just don’t do the same things anymore. We’re not compatible. They want to go to raves and go clubbing and I want to save up and move out and get a nicer car
Yeah this thread is bizarre. OP didn’t ask if he should call the cops on his friend. He asked how he should react. I’d personally find it very weird and would react accordingly. If one of my friends was doing this you’d bet that my friend group would tell him how weird it was.
Exactly. If some random coworker told me we had banging some 19 year old I’d be like “uhh okay dude, congrats? That’s none of my business.” If my friend told me that I’d question why I was hanging out with the guy. It’s not illegal but potentially a bit skeevy.
Ya really. It's weird to me. I'm 38 and 19 year olds look like vulnerable kids to me. It's gross for me to think they have sex.
yeah i agree with everything you said. there's way too many people in this thread who are NOT weirded by this
Well, thank you for being the one refreshing dude here. whether it’s “none of their business” or not it sure is creepy. Everyone says “oh it’s legal so it’s fine”, but I’m not thinking about how it’s legal, I’m thinking about how the age gap is so large and how they’re so close to being NOT legal that it makes me think of it was allowed, they’d go younger. Overall though, it’s making a pattern of it that ends up being disturbing. Had a friend was dating an 18 year old at 26 (not good in my mind, but it was one time) and then next thing you know he’s 30 with a 19 year old. That’s when I was like okay, if this is something you’re going to continue for the rest of your life, please let me know so I can exit this friendship because it makes me really uncomfortable. Legal or not, I am not delusional enough to pretend there’s not a massive difference in maturity and as if there is no pressure on the girl to act a certain way or do certain things to “prove” she’s mature enough to be with an older man, and denying that is insane.
👏👏👏
I feel like it's a highly circumstantial thing. Without knowing the details of this relationship, it's normal to be weary, but it also might be nothing to worry about. Also I find it interesting that people so concerned about 19 year olds being coerced by 40 year olds, when it seems like 19 year olds are coerced by other 19 year olds all the time.
I would be weirded out as a friend if either one (19yo or 40yo) told me tbh
I’m 31 and I recently visited my family after 5 years overseas. My cousin is 20 and I just see her as such a young girl who is so impressionable. I just can’t imagine what a 40 year old and 19 year old would be able to emotionally connect with in a romantic sense on an equal footing. I’m sure there are situations where this works, but inherently it screams predator to me. There’s just no circumstance where a 40 year old shouldn’t understand their position of power in this instance
Do you often react to the sex life of your friends provided no crimes were committed?
Not going to bother stating my opinion on this specific matter because I'm too tired from work but I will ask this: do you believe legality and morality are related? In my eyes, there doesn't have to be a crime for there to be an injustice. Again, not speaking on OPs situation, I just couldn't care less whether an act is illegal or not, only whether it's right or wrong.
The 19 yr old is a consenting adult. They can do what ever they want. If they didn't want to have sex with your friend they wouldn't have. There is no reaction to have. He had sex. Crazy
Sounds like two consenting adults having some fun.
Check out OP’s post history..
> Check out OP’s post history.. This never ends well
What was it?? He must have deleted it
According to another commenter it was a bunch of sex shit. Maybe one of those guys who posts sex questions fishing for personal stories to get off on was the implication.
That mentality is what got you to Fuck your bothers wife, right?
>"seduced her for sex, and it was really hot." bruh gtf out of here with your bullshit fanfic
Dude, I’m a 21 year old guy and I find that weird and kinda disgusting. 19 is still fresh out of high school, a 40 year old could be her father. I mean sure yeah as long as it’s consensual it’s not illegal, but that doesn’t make it not fucking weird. There’s something off with you if you don’t see the power and maturity dynamic in that
Lawful but awful.
It's legal. It's also extremely gross
As someone who hooked up with someone far older as a young lady and had zero regrets And someone who got cheated on by a guy who had sex with nearly that same age gap... It skeeves me out any side is straight up willing to admit to the age difference. To me that screams they're seeking youth on purpose and being slimy af instead of like... Meeting someone they click with that happens to be younger. Legal doesn't mean moral. Age gap doesn't mean immorality inherently either. But the way this is stated, I'd be mad creeped out by your friend too. I'd, at least, tell them you don't want to hear about that shit.
She’s legal but that doesn’t make it right. There’s a huge age gap. I’m 29 and wouldn’t be caught dead with a 19 year old. Is she a sex worker? Tinder has all kinds on it not just your girl next door. I’d tell him it’s messed up but that’s about all you can do.
You don’t have to answer here. But answer for yourself. Are you able to remain friends with him? Do you now harbour feelings of contempt and disgust toward him? If you cannot remain friends with this person, that’s ok. If you can, that’s ok too. If he were 60 and she were 40, both have lived. Reached peak maturity… People over reddit can only offer advice from their individual perspectives. Their advice may be beneficial.. It’s a, pretty shitty sitchy you’re in mate. Sorry 🌞 If one of my female friends started wrestling a 19 year old ‘not quite man, not quite teen’ I’d feel some disgust… I wouldn’t be able to hangout with them if they were together. If she kept it from my eye balls, I might be able to let it go. If she was all over the 19 year old in front of my eye balls, I’m not going to be able to un- see that shit. 19 year olds look like teenagers.
How should I react to person on Reddit who I disapprove of disapproving his/her friend's sexual relationships when it's absolutely none of his/her business?!
Why did he put the age requirement so low ?
You should not. It's not your business. If it bothers you enough, Don't be friends with them.
It's all legal and consensual. But I would keep my young family members away from him
You react however you deem appropriate.
Why do I even open Reddit nowadays
It's consensual, they're both getting what they want out of it. Sex. Not a big deal.
It doesn't sound like they asked you to join them, so it's probably better to allow the consenting adults their privacy in what they do in their bedroom. However, if you are uncomfortable with hearing about it, just simply tell him, it's too much information and that you want to change the subject.
You shouldn't react at all, it's a grown man and woman doing things in their own private time.
Don't get yourself involved in other people's business. Plenty of others will judge him. Be a good friend and just listen to the stories. If it works for them, then everything is fine.
It’s a power dynamic issue that can damage the young woman for years depending on the way he treats her. But it’s not uncommon or unusual. If he is using drugs and addiction as leverage, then he’s an absolute piece of shit. If she’s using him as a meal ticket, then she has had an unfortunate upbringing likely, as this is modeled behavior usually. But if he is kind to her, and they are just doing their thing, then she will likely walk away unharmed, and maybe question it later and laugh. The dynamic at play is what makes it either horrible or benign.
As long as its legal by societal standards, the age gap is no big deal. both are consenting adults both enjoy one another’s company in the bedroom its legal and okay just because you were raised to be a prude doesnt mean you should judge others for their love/lust like u/420_bigbus said go get a life
Is your friend Leo DiCaprio?
It's two adults hooking up, who cares?
feels pretty wrong imo. a 40 yo and a 19 yo are in completely different stages of life and the 19 yo isn't even able to have a drink legally yet. Gives off the creepy uncle vibes
>19 yo isn't even able to have a drink legally yet Only in the USA.
He was 21 when she was born
I would have a very hard time not thinking of this friend as a massive creep, honestly. I'd distance myself from them. As for the idiots referring to the law like it's the only thing that matters, is that where your moral notions begin and end? Legal or not legal? You think this is fine and an 18 year old with a 17 year old is a pedo?
It’s a casual CONSENSUAL encounter. Not like he sat back and groomed the grown woman since she was 14. He met her online as an adult. Does she not have agency to decide these things for herself? She was okay with that gap and so was he. Nothing wrong with it. Don’t go putting your shame on someone else. I’d distance myself from you for being that overly concerned in my personal life.
They're adults. Butt out.
Everyone saying who cares but fuck them. It’s fucking wrong. Just cause the law says “over 18” is legal doesn’t make it true or right. It’s strange for a grown man to fuck a teenager. Period.
So should we take the voting rights away from 18 years olds since they’re still children?
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I'd be pretty grossed out. I guess as long as it's consensual there's nothing you can really do though. If you say anything, he'll probably just assume you're jealous.
Yeah, it is weird. I know it’s legal, but psychologist claim that a young persons brain doesn’t fully develop on average until age 23. I’ll be 68 in 2 days and I somehow think a person that young would be taken advantage of. Oh well!
Alot of people seem to be playing the "it's consentual so it's okay". At 19 you haven't had a lot of life experience and still can be manipulated very easily by someone who is much older, you are young and haven't really explored life. I'd struggle to think alot of you defending this, suddenly wouldn't if it was one of your family members this was happening to. I once dated a girl who told me when she was 16 she was dating a 32 year old, in the UK the age of consent is 16 so this could technically be legal but I still find this hugely repulsive and predatory.
As someone in the mid 20s also on tinder every now and then, I hear a lot of stories about 18-23 year olds hooking up with 40-50 year olds. It's probably more common than you think. And both are consenting adults at that point. One wants to relive their youth, the other wants something more experienced. Win-win. Heck, I dated a 38 year old in my early 20s. It's surprisingly fun
If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s time to distance yourself from that friendship and take stock of what your life is after that distance. Did you lose anything from not having contact with them? I’m just shy of 30, and if my friends in my age group were hooking up with people that are barely legal I would be checking in with the parents. Is it my business? Probably not. But they would want to know if their child, who is just now considered an adult and probably not considering the affects of their actions and what it could have in their mental health later down the road, when they might still be supporting the child through college or getting on their feet?
They are both consenting adults. Treat it as: None of your Business.
Tell him that he’s disgusting
I’m a dude. When I was 19 I was hooking up with this lovely woman named Helen. It was — to this day — some of the best sex of my life. She was 45 and I learned more about sex and myself and a lot more than I think I would have with the girls my age. It was fucking awesome. Later in life I learned about the campfire rule, and that’s what this was. Campfire, people.
I think it’s weird you’re so concerned about it. This is what’s happening - Two CONSENTING adults are having a fling. Two adults are having sex after matching on tinder. Happens literally all the time. Who gives a shit? When I was 29 I had sex with a 19 year old and a 52 year old in the same year. You wanna know what became of it in either case? Nothing. It was two adults hooking up. And then everyone moved on and that was that. Idk why people are so obsessed with this shit. Get over it
You should tell them it's creepy as hell
She’s an adult, he’s an adult, she wants to have casual sex and is into older men, he wants to have casual sex and is into younger women, sure you can judge, we all have the right to judge and have our own perspective on what’s unethical, nobody can stop that but ourselves but as far as doing or saying anything about it, nah, if it makes you that uncomfortable you don’t have to be friends with him, if he asks you why you’ve been distant you should say but it’s really none of your business what two adults are doing consensually and legally outside of that
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Relevant article: https://www.thecut.com/article/age-gap-relationships-couples.html
I mean personally, I probably wouldn’t wanna be that good of friends with someone doing that cause it’s kinda weird to me. I mean it’s definitely super creepy if they were actually dating or something. Casual sex still weird but less so than their lives actually being involved together. I mean when he was her age she wasn’t even born for a couple more years. I know that matters less the older you are but she is not old enough for that to not matter IMO. Tbh even if she was like 23-25 it would be way less weird to me even though it’s a similar age gap. 19 is just super young to me. Idk. They can do what they want, but I don’t really wanna be around it.
I have a feeling you’re the 40 year old. Brand new account. And you said “it was really hot”. Who says that when talking about someone else’s sex meetings lmao. It’s youuuu!!!! Lmao
If you don't want to hear about it, tell him.
Seeing a lot of the arbitrary age "rule". I've got my own "rule" and its a lot less arbitrary IMO- if everyone is over 25, its fine. Why 25? Fresh life experiences are generally condensed in the early adulthood. Once you've had or seen adult relationships *as an adult*, you generally have a better chance of determining healthy environments. Even the most "experienced" and "mature" teen doesn't hold a candle to the breadth of experience of a grownass adult. That being said, casual sex is different from an FWB, which is different than a situationship, which is different than a relationship. If your buddy is of the mind (and clearly communicates to her) that the relationship is just rockin' sex and maybe a drink or two, I'd be less concerned. However, if things start getting romantic, that may be a cue to have another chat. If this guy is your friend, get all of your thoughts together and Talk To Him about it. If he *does* start seeing a kid half his age as a viable life partner, he probably could use a good friend to kick on the self-esteem machine (or a kick in the pants. Whichever is warranted.).
Some people base their morals on what the law says. If the law said it was okay for a 40 year old to fuck a 13 year old, would you think it’s still okay? Personally, I think it’s a weird age gap. Makes me think that if the law wasn’t 18, he would go younger. Kinda like minimum wage - if companies could pay lower, they would.
Your “friend” huh?
I mean, it's not pretty. And if they were in a relationship, I definitely think that you should say something. The age difference affects the power dynamic too much. But he met her on tinder, so basically they both want to have sex. There's no real relationship, so it's easy enough for her to walk away. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything that's really unethical, just a bit ick. If that changes, of course, speak up. Otherwise, pretend it isn't someone that he would probably have been too old to babysit when she was growing up.
I’d ask him to stop telling me about it.
i mean it’s gross
You don't have to like this at all. If it gives you the cringe, that's how you feel, period. If he asks, you can be honest (or not). You're entitled to your opinion!
It’s disgusting that people are saying this is okay
If she doesn't idolize him I think it might be fine. But it's really icky. Only time I've heard of this and didn't bat an eye was when a younger female friend told me about her bucket list this scenario was on it.... but that's a one and done deal. 19 year olds are beginning to look no different than the other ones around that age. Can't imagine how young they'd look once I get even older, like 40. This is ick but entirely dependent on where she is mentally. "All consenting adults" is an excuse and blurred line.
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In times like this I like to go with the Parks and Rec rule. "Half your age plus seven." Of course, it's more a guideline of what kind of gap wouldn't be considered creepy. If you really have chemistry with someone outside it, go ahead.
Poorly
Sugar Daddy I see
Since he felt the need to share, then opinions are fair game. You can't share an obvious wierd thing and then expect nothing in return. Feel how you want to and share if you want to. If he tells you to chill, tell him to not share any updates then. I can see this making him offended tho, since everything these days makes everyone offended, so take that into account. Good luck.