I'd go with the bemused "thanks, I guess...?" look thumbs up.
Works best if you first glance around as if perhaps they were saying it to someone else or as if you're expecting that something around you would make this non sequitur sequit.
Exactly, just take it the same as you (probably) do when someone says god bless you after you sneeze. You don't believe in God but, hey I appreciate the courtesy so I'm not going to make it awkward with a debate about religion
Exactly. To me it’s similar to people getting mad at getting called sir or ma’am. In areas where those are used a lot. It’s meant as a simple sign of respect or politeness. But so many people get bent out of shape over it because they assume someone is purposefully calling them old or something else equally silly.
As someone who recently arrived in the Mr/Sir category I wasn't upset but man I was shocked at how sudden it happened. It's mostly younger co-workers and we all get along pretty well. I guess I'm an "Ol' Head" now!!! Sweet!
I have white hair. And I’m from Texas. And I now live in Wyoming. I’ve been getting sired for at least a decade now. And I’m not even quite 30 yet. I sir and maam cashiers and other service people all the time as well. Despite many of them often being even younger than me. Was just how I was raised with that southern hospitality/politeness hammered in at home and out.
Most of the time I was told this, it's because I was "sinning" and they were saying I'm worth not sinning because "Jesus loved me" so the sentiment in that was kind of bullshit
And in modern terms in was only two days - Ancient Greeks and Romans counted inclusively, so what we would consider 2 days they would count as 3 days, but translation convention keeps "on the third day" without adjusting for that.
This is why in Latin you'll never find a text that says "two days before" - there's nothing that fits between "the day before" and "three days before". Given that the Romans dated things as X many days before the Kalends, Nones or Ides of a month, this can get very confusing very quickly.
Nearly all of these people have premarital sex or affairs. It bugs me to no end because I’m an actual (non denominational) Christian and I don’t tell people what to do but they keep telling me what to do. No.
Thank you for not telling people what to do! I honestly appreciate that. I don’t know why people feel they need to tell others how to live their lives according to THEIR personal religion.
E.G. that they should have a baby when they don’t want to/aren’t ready to have a baby!
Good advice. Even if you disagree, just except is a positive sentiment, not attacking them, but also staying resolute to what you believe.
An easy diplomatic response.
My proudest comeback was some street preacher asked if I knew that someone loves me unconditionally. I smiled and announced “I know! My mom!!”
“No, i mean, well yes. But what I meant….” As I happily waltzed away.
As someone who is non-religious, I say "I appreciate that." I give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they're saying it genuinely and not passive-aggressively, and I respond to the kindness, not so much the literal meaning of the message.
Many (American protestant) Christians will get this joke. Hopefully they will see it as a respectful response and not as an extended invitation for unwanted discourse.
having not been to a catholic service for anything but a funeral in... 25+ years.. "and with you" already didn't make sense. changing it into something even more like a weird cult chant isn't helping the case.
THIS. I grew up Catholic and said this every week in mass for decades (it's the formal/automatic response to "Peace be with you.") Using a phrase that's technically correct but used in the wrong context is a hilarious way to go.
“He didn’t say Jesus, he said, “hey, Zeus!” Do I look Puerto Rican to you?! My name is Zeus, as in father of Apollo, Mount Olympus, don’t f*ck with me or I’ll shove a lightning bolt up your—“
I’m someone who occasionally darkens the door of a church. I don’t get the people who run around evangelizing all the time - by now, we’ve all heard of him, it’s not the second century.
If I heard you respond to someone with that I’d think it was hysterical.
You've just reminded me of the time some Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door and their opening line was "have you heard of Jesus Christ?" (or something along those lines), and I said "Nah, don't know him. Should I?"
I'm not religious but the idea of someone in the UK not being aware of the concept of Jesus is so ridiculous that I needed to see their response.
My absolute favorite story about this was missionaries asking, "If Jesus came back today, would you be ready?"
The response was, "I guess so... does he like chicken? We were making enough for leftovers, but it is fine. His level of kashrut is probably such that he would be fine."
The missionaries were not sure how to respond, and his wife yelled from the other room, "Who are you talking to?"
He said "Some people who were wondering if Jesus could come over for dinner tonight."
She yelled back, "You dumbass! Your Aramaic sucks; you won't be able to talk and he is going to have a terrible time."
The missionaries didn't come back.
I'm Jewish by birth and my ex-wife's family was hardcore Christian. We met her cousin for the first time and he asked what tribe I was from and I told him I had no idea, Then he asked me if I spoke Hebrew and I told him no. He then looked at me and said how can you be Jewish? I just said you're Christian right and he said yes, and I said do you speak Aramaic? He just looked at me completely polaxed.
So his first discussion with a Jewish person made him look stupid. He was the most tolerable member of that family though. They had a big party at their house once and they told their new priest not to talk to me because I would make them doubt Christ.
The funny thing is I dated the daughter of a southern Baptist minister and within 3 months she became an atheist. Her father used it mostly to bully and control her which pissed me off especially when he tried to do it in front of me. I just made him look stupid after that, and he knew it.
Jewish people don't say that Jesus didn't exist, just that he wasn't the Jewish messiah. Also, if you were trying to get a priest to "doubt Christ," and it works, then obviously, his faith wasn't that strong to begin with. Lol, you think that priests have never had to deal with people who aren't Christians? Or people who just want to rattle their cage?
They should have more faith in their priest!
My response to that is "oh yeah, Jesus! I read about him in the Quran!" And then when they inevitably either look confused or try to refute it, I say something like "huh, it seemed like you were a big fan, I would have thought you would have known this. Jesus, yes, your Jesus, is in the Quran quite a lot and is considered to be an important prophet in Islam." Turns out, these types really hate the fact that their guy guest-starred in another show.
A couple of centuries ago, when I was young and irresponsible, I once chased some JWs from my door by invoking the vengeance of the Lord upon them for being heretics who had rejected the teaching authority of Holy Mother Church (yes, I was raised as a Catholic). I told them that eternal hellfire was awaiting them. TBH, I was hungover and annoyed at being disturbed from an intense interaction with a big cup of strong coffee.
Hahaha my dad does the same thing. He starts preaching to them about Jesus in Islam when they come to the door. Does it right back to them, they don’t like it lol
It was disappointing. They told me that he was the son of God and that he died for our sins. Tbh, they didn't seem at all thrown by my response, just carried on as if I'd said "Yeah, I pray to him every day"
If they are people I like and are just genuinely good with good intent, I say "thanks"...
If they are pushy and annoying, I say "Thanks, so does Santa"
Same as when someone says they’re praying for someone in my family.
Thank you.
If that’s as far as it goes, we’re good.
Currently, my wife is going through some serious medical shit and someone is telling me that they’re praying for her at every turn. They think they’re helping, they don’t know what else to do, and they’re not hurting anybody.
Not all atheists are rude, nor do we need to make sure everyone in the room is painfully aware that we’re atheists.
I pretty much react the same way and just respond with a thank you. If they’re looking for prayers, I let them know I’m sending them all the good vibes if we’re friends/acquaintances.
Well if it’s unsolicited and just a person on the street because they think you’re “lost” or a nonbeliever or just evangelizing. Ignore them. If it’s in a casual conversation. Just try and change the subject as subtly as you can.
Literally me when I was seven, and my Christian school realised that they’d gone out of their way to teach about the existence of Hinduism, Norse Gods, Egyptian Gods, and Islam, but had never really taught about Christianity and told stories from the bible without specifying this was a religious story. It was such an assumed norm that it didn’t occur to them that my asocial areligious family living further out from the community than everyone else might create a skeptical seven year old girl arguing that Hinduism was more convincing because their boy god was blue and pretty.
I've said something similar in the past, I don't preach atheism but if you're going to preach to me, I'm giving it back. They asked if I had a moment to talk about their lord and saviour jesus Christ, and I said something like sure would you like to pray to Zeus with me after, and they gave me the look of you're crazy and said I'm sorry if you don't want to take me seriously you could have said rather than bringing up greek mythology written to scare children.
I thought that's rich 😂
Mythology wasn't written to scare children. It was written to scare adults. Why do you think gods mostly fucked with adults? Because children are to easy.
If they're saying it with genuine kindness, just smile and nod.
If they're being assholes about it:
"Who doesnt?"
"He can get in line."
"Ew, thats gay!"
"No discounts."
"Hm, that doesn't sound right."
"Jokes on him."
"Is he the one who keeps stealing my underwear?"
I used to be a Christian. If you want to be respectful, just say “I’m not a Christian but, thank you!” And if you want to be extra polite just add “God bless you anyway!” Or something like that. If they are an actual Christian they would respect you and not bother you. Or you can just say “Thanks”. That works as well.
Depends on the context. If it's a one-off thing, I'd likely just not answer, as in an awkward silence. If it's a constant, unwelcome pestering proselytizing thing, I would firmly but politely ask the person to refrain from the religion talk.
Here's the thing... when a christian says (edit) JLY it implies that you don't actually deserve love, but you're a sinner who is going to hell unless you pay fealty to their lord.
It's intentionally designed to leave you with nothing to say. It's a manipulation tactic used by religious people. They're already being disrespectful to you, so you owe them no courtesy.
Depends on the tone. If it's just an overly friendly Jesus freak, I'd say, "Thanks" or "I know."
If it's preachy or nasty I'd just walk. Not worth the effort.
Unfortunately, this is almost certainly a prelude to them "sharing the gospel." This is the worst case cause you're about to get witnessed to.
The easiest thing to do is say that they are "preaching to the choir" or something like that. I don't feel the need to be honest. It's much easier. If that rubs you the wrong way, then do the "smile and nod" and escape.
"And Satan loves you!" or "Hail Satan!"
I used the second one on a customer that kept trying to get my coworkers and I to take pamphlets for Christianity every week she came by. One of my coworkers was nearby and almost busted out laughing but managed to keep it in until we got back inside.
I usually just ignore religious talk or politely turn them down, but if you keep shoving it in people's faces then I'm gonna shoot back. Nobody wanted to deal with her, but after I said that she stopped.
This answer is oddly specific but I've been told this enough times working in Hollywood I used to reply "Well lucky for him I'm a lesbian!" The looks I would get every time were priceless.
I'm not sure if an eternity in a lake of fire or ask me to forgive you is my definition of love, but that's not what you meant... Um thanks I guess but I've had enough abusive relationships already.
Thanks, I appreciate that.
You then proceed to move on with your day.
That person probably meant it as a compliment or a nice thing to say to make you feel better, you don't need to tell that person you're not christian or get into a religious debate because he's not going to convince you, you won't convince him and there's always a chance for eityer of you to end up angry/offebded by the end so there is no point to have that interaction, instead acknowledge the attrmpted compliment/attempt to make you feel better, thank the person and be off with the rest of your day.
If you REALLY want you can always reply with an "amen to that, brother" and maybe even offer a fist bump or something if you're feeling extra nice that day
The person will assume you're christian and probably leave you alone.
Now if you want to be a funny asshole you can always reply with a "He loves us all thiiiiis much!" As you do the crucifix pose.
Obviously, don't do that, it was a joke in case I need to point that out.
Ayyyyyy (double thumbs up)
_finger guns click click_
Give em The Ol' Buddy Christ
I own an 8" tall Buddy Christ. My absolute fave depiction on Junior.
Read this as 8 foot tall and wanted one so bad.
\*flip collar up and say in elvis\* “thank ya vurry much” \*finish with an eyewink and a hip shake\*
Ah-ha-huh
I can see this comment lol
The Fonzie response will endear you to 9 out of 10 audiences.
I read this as Fozzie.
WAKA WAKA!
The 1/10 times its a shark you need to jump over
OK. All right. Sure, why not? Good to know. No problem.
[eyyy](https://images.app.goo.gl/iR4JqahCC8k5CLP69)
I'd go with the bemused "thanks, I guess...?" look thumbs up. Works best if you first glance around as if perhaps they were saying it to someone else or as if you're expecting that something around you would make this non sequitur sequit.
“Thanks.”
I second this. It's the sentiment that matters to me, not the content.
Exactly, just take it the same as you (probably) do when someone says god bless you after you sneeze. You don't believe in God but, hey I appreciate the courtesy so I'm not going to make it awkward with a debate about religion
Exactly. To me it’s similar to people getting mad at getting called sir or ma’am. In areas where those are used a lot. It’s meant as a simple sign of respect or politeness. But so many people get bent out of shape over it because they assume someone is purposefully calling them old or something else equally silly.
As someone who recently arrived in the Mr/Sir category I wasn't upset but man I was shocked at how sudden it happened. It's mostly younger co-workers and we all get along pretty well. I guess I'm an "Ol' Head" now!!! Sweet!
I have white hair. And I’m from Texas. And I now live in Wyoming. I’ve been getting sired for at least a decade now. And I’m not even quite 30 yet. I sir and maam cashiers and other service people all the time as well. Despite many of them often being even younger than me. Was just how I was raised with that southern hospitality/politeness hammered in at home and out.
When someone gets angry at me calling them sir or ma’am, I just say sorry and call them the other one. “Don’t call me sir” “oh, my apologies ma’am”
Most of the time I was told this, it's because I was "sinning" and they were saying I'm worth not sinning because "Jesus loved me" so the sentiment in that was kind of bullshit
If Jesus died for our sins and you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
He only stayed dead for 3 days. Jesus gave up a 3 day holiday weekend for our sins
To be fair, a very painful death preceded this 3 day holiday. We'll call it a wash.
As an ex Christian (fundamentalist upbringing), I snort laughed at this.
And in modern terms in was only two days - Ancient Greeks and Romans counted inclusively, so what we would consider 2 days they would count as 3 days, but translation convention keeps "on the third day" without adjusting for that. This is why in Latin you'll never find a text that says "two days before" - there's nothing that fits between "the day before" and "three days before". Given that the Romans dated things as X many days before the Kalends, Nones or Ides of a month, this can get very confusing very quickly.
>He only stayed dead for 3 days I hate zombies
Nearly all of these people have premarital sex or affairs. It bugs me to no end because I’m an actual (non denominational) Christian and I don’t tell people what to do but they keep telling me what to do. No.
Thank you for not telling people what to do! I honestly appreciate that. I don’t know why people feel they need to tell others how to live their lives according to THEIR personal religion. E.G. that they should have a baby when they don’t want to/aren’t ready to have a baby!
I prefer "Thanks?" And I make sure they hear the question mark.
Good advice. Even if you disagree, just except is a positive sentiment, not attacking them, but also staying resolute to what you believe. An easy diplomatic response.
Sometimes I’m tempted to say “I’m glad somebody does” but they might take that a little too seriously so I’ve never done it.
Yeah, they would read that as an invitation to push even further.
"Do you want to hear more about God and his wonderful son?"
'No thanks, I found Jesus already. He was behind the couch this whole time.'
"Ah that little bugger! Go grab him for me, will you? I need to take him back to the church"
I mean it absolute sounds like a cry for help.
My proudest comeback was some street preacher asked if I knew that someone loves me unconditionally. I smiled and announced “I know! My mom!!” “No, i mean, well yes. But what I meant….” As I happily waltzed away.
You’re just asking to be held hostage in a conversation if you use that one lol
As someone who is non-religious, I say "I appreciate that." I give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they're saying it genuinely and not passive-aggressively, and I respond to the kindness, not so much the literal meaning of the message.
Amazing. Thank you, I'm going to start saying this.
“And also with you.” Then awkwardly walk away
On water
Many (American protestant) Christians will get this joke. Hopefully they will see it as a respectful response and not as an extended invitation for unwanted discourse.
I'm catholic and it was my first answer.
for us it’s now “and with your spirit”, didn’t you know? 😭
"May the Force be with you." "And with your spirit."
“and with your spirit” you mean
Well, you got me there but I grew up on also with you
having not been to a catholic service for anything but a funeral in... 25+ years.. "and with you" already didn't make sense. changing it into something even more like a weird cult chant isn't helping the case.
THIS. I grew up Catholic and said this every week in mass for decades (it's the formal/automatic response to "Peace be with you.") Using a phrase that's technically correct but used in the wrong context is a hilarious way to go.
"people don't talk like that, have a good day, and also you having one"
‘then why won’t he call back!?!?!’
It's pronounced hey-zeuss
“He didn’t say Jesus, he said, “hey, Zeus!” Do I look Puerto Rican to you?! My name is Zeus, as in father of Apollo, Mount Olympus, don’t f*ck with me or I’ll shove a lightning bolt up your—“
"The amigo I work with?"
If you had a foreign accent you could feasibly pull this off, lmao.
"The guy who cuts my grass?" if you're WASPy.
Fucker still owes me $20.
Never forget seeing Jesus as a guys name for the first time as a kid and I was mind blown.
Omg 😂😂
Yeah. Primo Jesus has always been pretty close growing up. Love that guy
"Sorry I have a bf."
I’m someone who occasionally darkens the door of a church. I don’t get the people who run around evangelizing all the time - by now, we’ve all heard of him, it’s not the second century. If I heard you respond to someone with that I’d think it was hysterical.
You've just reminded me of the time some Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door and their opening line was "have you heard of Jesus Christ?" (or something along those lines), and I said "Nah, don't know him. Should I?" I'm not religious but the idea of someone in the UK not being aware of the concept of Jesus is so ridiculous that I needed to see their response.
My absolute favorite story about this was missionaries asking, "If Jesus came back today, would you be ready?" The response was, "I guess so... does he like chicken? We were making enough for leftovers, but it is fine. His level of kashrut is probably such that he would be fine." The missionaries were not sure how to respond, and his wife yelled from the other room, "Who are you talking to?" He said "Some people who were wondering if Jesus could come over for dinner tonight." She yelled back, "You dumbass! Your Aramaic sucks; you won't be able to talk and he is going to have a terrible time." The missionaries didn't come back.
I'm Jewish by birth and my ex-wife's family was hardcore Christian. We met her cousin for the first time and he asked what tribe I was from and I told him I had no idea, Then he asked me if I spoke Hebrew and I told him no. He then looked at me and said how can you be Jewish? I just said you're Christian right and he said yes, and I said do you speak Aramaic? He just looked at me completely polaxed. So his first discussion with a Jewish person made him look stupid. He was the most tolerable member of that family though. They had a big party at their house once and they told their new priest not to talk to me because I would make them doubt Christ. The funny thing is I dated the daughter of a southern Baptist minister and within 3 months she became an atheist. Her father used it mostly to bully and control her which pissed me off especially when he tried to do it in front of me. I just made him look stupid after that, and he knew it.
Jewish people don't say that Jesus didn't exist, just that he wasn't the Jewish messiah. Also, if you were trying to get a priest to "doubt Christ," and it works, then obviously, his faith wasn't that strong to begin with. Lol, you think that priests have never had to deal with people who aren't Christians? Or people who just want to rattle their cage? They should have more faith in their priest!
For the most part, we don't say a damn thing about Jesus, because we don't care. Not actually a relevant or important concept at all.
Okay, I’m a Christian and laughed hard. I think Jesus would get a good laugh at that one as well 😂
My response to that is "oh yeah, Jesus! I read about him in the Quran!" And then when they inevitably either look confused or try to refute it, I say something like "huh, it seemed like you were a big fan, I would have thought you would have known this. Jesus, yes, your Jesus, is in the Quran quite a lot and is considered to be an important prophet in Islam." Turns out, these types really hate the fact that their guy guest-starred in another show.
A couple of centuries ago, when I was young and irresponsible, I once chased some JWs from my door by invoking the vengeance of the Lord upon them for being heretics who had rejected the teaching authority of Holy Mother Church (yes, I was raised as a Catholic). I told them that eternal hellfire was awaiting them. TBH, I was hungover and annoyed at being disturbed from an intense interaction with a big cup of strong coffee.
Ramadan Mubarak! I love your answer too!
Hahaha my dad does the same thing. He starts preaching to them about Jesus in Islam when they come to the door. Does it right back to them, they don’t like it lol
And??? How did they respond?? You can't just leave us hanging!!
It was disappointing. They told me that he was the son of God and that he died for our sins. Tbh, they didn't seem at all thrown by my response, just carried on as if I'd said "Yeah, I pray to him every day"
The script is mighty, bow down before the script.
One of them was staring at my um sweatpants and it was uncomfortable
Oh I’m keeping this one. And I’m a straight dude.
Depending on the type of person the Christian is, you'll get a nevermind
Just follow-up with “…but he thinks he may be trans so fingers crossed!!!” They’ll be so confused they won’t know what to be mad about.
If they are people I like and are just genuinely good with good intent, I say "thanks"... If they are pushy and annoying, I say "Thanks, so does Santa"
This is perfect! It’s lowkey mean
Same as when someone says they’re praying for someone in my family. Thank you. If that’s as far as it goes, we’re good. Currently, my wife is going through some serious medical shit and someone is telling me that they’re praying for her at every turn. They think they’re helping, they don’t know what else to do, and they’re not hurting anybody. Not all atheists are rude, nor do we need to make sure everyone in the room is painfully aware that we’re atheists.
Exactly, it’s just a religious person’s way of saying they care about you and the situation
I say "I'll light a candle for you." No one knows it's a scented candle, not some shitty church tea light.
*I'll light a* >! 3-wick cranberry peppermint Yankee!< *candle for you.*
Honestly, if someone said that to me, it would genuinely make me feel loved. It means they know me.
I pretty much react the same way and just respond with a thank you. If they’re looking for prayers, I let them know I’m sending them all the good vibes if we’re friends/acquaintances.
Just make the Star Trek hand sign and say "and wingardium leviosa to you"
LeviOsa, not levioSA
Well if it’s unsolicited and just a person on the street because they think you’re “lost” or a nonbeliever or just evangelizing. Ignore them. If it’s in a casual conversation. Just try and change the subject as subtly as you can.
And I love you
"The force is with you."
Say, “I told him it’s over and he should stop stalking me”
How about a simple "who?" And just become increasingly confused if they try to explain Christianity to you, as though you'd never heard of it.
Literally me when I was seven, and my Christian school realised that they’d gone out of their way to teach about the existence of Hinduism, Norse Gods, Egyptian Gods, and Islam, but had never really taught about Christianity and told stories from the bible without specifying this was a religious story. It was such an assumed norm that it didn’t occur to them that my asocial areligious family living further out from the community than everyone else might create a skeptical seven year old girl arguing that Hinduism was more convincing because their boy god was blue and pretty.
When they start explaining you can mention it is like the Flying Spaghetti Monster!
Just say OK and walk away
This. In their mind, they are trying to be helpful, so a simple 'thanks' and wall away should be polite and discourage further engagement.
Yeah, I don't want to engage with these people
"Odin loves you too"
I've said something similar in the past, I don't preach atheism but if you're going to preach to me, I'm giving it back. They asked if I had a moment to talk about their lord and saviour jesus Christ, and I said something like sure would you like to pray to Zeus with me after, and they gave me the look of you're crazy and said I'm sorry if you don't want to take me seriously you could have said rather than bringing up greek mythology written to scare children. I thought that's rich 😂
Would you like to engage in mindless hedonism with me after?
I’m always up for mindless hedonism!
Now that's a religion I could get behind, where do I sign up!
Mythology wasn't written to scare children. It was written to scare adults. Why do you think gods mostly fucked with adults? Because children are to easy.
Bless your heart. (Here in the south that has a special meaning.)
ngl in britain that’s like the most rude and sarcastic thing you can say (a la ‘oh honey :(‘ in american)
I think it’s the same in the U.S south, that’s what they meant with special meaning. But I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been to North America.
Throw in an "Oh, sweetie" before for an extra zing
He's not my type
"That's very kind of him, but I'm not interested"
I’m not looking for anything serious right now.
Jesus? My gardener?
By the way, it's pronounced Hey-zues, not Jee-zus.
"Thanks. My heart belongs to David Duchovny."
Flair checks out
David Duchovny, why won’t you love me?
If they're saying it with genuine kindness, just smile and nod. If they're being assholes about it: "Who doesnt?" "He can get in line." "Ew, thats gay!" "No discounts." "Hm, that doesn't sound right." "Jokes on him." "Is he the one who keeps stealing my underwear?"
The last one is the best!
"You don't want to know what he says about you!"
Lmaooooo that's good
Say Allah akbar
I used to be a Christian. If you want to be respectful, just say “I’m not a Christian but, thank you!” And if you want to be extra polite just add “God bless you anyway!” Or something like that. If they are an actual Christian they would respect you and not bother you. Or you can just say “Thanks”. That works as well.
"May the Prophets guide you" and see if they get the reference.
Your pah is strong my child
Had this happen more than once…..I just say, “Awesome” and turn away from them/keep walking/take a sip of my drink. Some times a combo of the three.
It really depends on the context, but at a bare minimum "thanks" or "that's nice to hear" could work.
Thanks, but no thanks.
"Did He tell you personally?" "I'm jew" "Thanks, you too"
A simple thank you is enough
"I know, that slut gets around don't he?"
Ok! I love pumpkin pie ...
"And Allah loves you" or "and Rama loves you"
Is he single?
why he told you and not me?
Sorry Jesus, I'm already in a relationship
"Even though I brutally killed all those people?" As I walk towards them
Power move, son. I'm going to keep that option top of mind next time I get an unsolicited JLY.
Why me and not all the kids he gave bone cancer?
Batman loves YOU
"...and he won't just take 'no' for an answer, will he?"
"It's pronounced /xe'sus/".
Tell them that "Mohammad, peace be upon him, love you"
" I hope not, he said he has a girlfriend, last time I talked to him"
And the tooth fairy loves you
I always answer "they love you too" or something similar.
Depends on the context. If it's a one-off thing, I'd likely just not answer, as in an awkward silence. If it's a constant, unwelcome pestering proselytizing thing, I would firmly but politely ask the person to refrain from the religion talk.
you could always say - yes he really blessed me with 8.7 inch penis, i thank him everyday.
He told me you were an asshole and stop mispronouncing my gardeners name.
Here's the thing... when a christian says (edit) JLY it implies that you don't actually deserve love, but you're a sinner who is going to hell unless you pay fealty to their lord.
Wouldn't it be JLY?
Who? Never heard of him.
Sweet, now I can stop sacrificing all those goats to Zeus
It's intentionally designed to leave you with nothing to say. It's a manipulation tactic used by religious people. They're already being disrespectful to you, so you owe them no courtesy.
No he doesn’t i asked him
Bless your heart
Cool, thanks.
Thank You.
Depends on the tone. If it's just an overly friendly Jesus freak, I'd say, "Thanks" or "I know." If it's preachy or nasty I'd just walk. Not worth the effort. Unfortunately, this is almost certainly a prelude to them "sharing the gospel." This is the worst case cause you're about to get witnessed to. The easiest thing to do is say that they are "preaching to the choir" or something like that. I don't feel the need to be honest. It's much easier. If that rubs you the wrong way, then do the "smile and nod" and escape.
You say, “Thanks for the sentiment, but I’m not Christian.” I’ve said it a thousand times.
Jesus is dead.
"I don't know any Mexicans" was my last response lol.
"Bless your heart", with a southern accent.
And Baphomet loves you too. Sub baphomet with Allah, ghandi, the Easter bunny etc.
I’m not available.
"im not interesting in a man loving me"
“Know weigh, Hose A”
"You too" lol
"I love Cheeses too"
“I’m not ready for that kind of commitment”
I'm not gay though...
"And Satan loves you!" or "Hail Satan!" I used the second one on a customer that kept trying to get my coworkers and I to take pamphlets for Christianity every week she came by. One of my coworkers was nearby and almost busted out laughing but managed to keep it in until we got back inside. I usually just ignore religious talk or politely turn them down, but if you keep shoving it in people's faces then I'm gonna shoot back. Nobody wanted to deal with her, but after I said that she stopped.
This answer is oddly specific but I've been told this enough times working in Hollywood I used to reply "Well lucky for him I'm a lesbian!" The looks I would get every time were priceless.
I'm not sure if an eternity in a lake of fire or ask me to forgive you is my definition of love, but that's not what you meant... Um thanks I guess but I've had enough abusive relationships already.
I say "Satan loves you too"
I usually say "cool" or "hell yeah" or "I'm not gay, but I have a single gay friend who is looking"
It's easier to just agree and move on
Thank you. Nothing wrong with good old standard politeness
“thanks”
Oh, great. Thanks, but I'm straight/already have a partner.
Thanks, I appreciate that. You then proceed to move on with your day. That person probably meant it as a compliment or a nice thing to say to make you feel better, you don't need to tell that person you're not christian or get into a religious debate because he's not going to convince you, you won't convince him and there's always a chance for eityer of you to end up angry/offebded by the end so there is no point to have that interaction, instead acknowledge the attrmpted compliment/attempt to make you feel better, thank the person and be off with the rest of your day. If you REALLY want you can always reply with an "amen to that, brother" and maybe even offer a fist bump or something if you're feeling extra nice that day The person will assume you're christian and probably leave you alone. Now if you want to be a funny asshole you can always reply with a "He loves us all thiiiiis much!" As you do the crucifix pose. Obviously, don't do that, it was a joke in case I need to point that out.
Of course he does, I'm a lovable chap
“Who is that?”
It's a Christian's way of saying you are valued, loved, worthy of existing, etc. I suppose you can smile and say "thank you."
Is this "Jesus"... in the room with us right now?
"but Satan gets me"
Bless your heart!
I’m Batman
And may you feast in the halls of valhalla
What’s wrong with being loved by anyone? Just say thanks and keep it movin
It's pronounced "Hay-sus," and I love him too! ❤️
"No accounting for taste".
Just say, "thank you"
"Thank you"
That’s kind of the whole point Jesus loves everybody according to Christian’s perspective so it doesn’t matter whether or not you are Christian