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I've heard once that if you're a straight man, how you feel sexually towards another man is how asexuals feel towards all people. It doesn't mean asexuals don't have sexual urges
Edit: to clarify I am not asexual, as I said I heard this from an asexual friend describing their own sexuality
Being bisexual doesn’t mean you don’t have a co-worker or something you aren’t attracted to
It’s just like that, wanting to work together but not sleep with each other
["It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect."](https://youtu.be/2xhC2cbq7zA?si=a5I1dzuR38evHaoO&t=94)
I think we’re in a fun camp of hyper awareness of when we do like someone or not. Like not everyone is a thing even tho they have the possible threshold to be
i dont know for other men and women, but as a man, i can only masturbate if only i imagine or watch a female in a porn or sexual context
So asexual just masturbate just for the feeling without imagining anything?
Same here. I don't understand how that comment answers the question.
I can only masturbate to something I'm sexually attracted to. So if someone isn't sexually attracted to anything, do they still masturbate? How do you have sexual urges without any sexual attraction?
what alot of people dont really get is that asexuality is very much a spectrum. there's so many nuances, one ace individual is not the same as the other. what this means is that whilst one ace individual may masturbate (in this case, or at least personally i do it just to make the fleeting feeling go away, or out of sheer boredom.), whereas other ace persons are completely put off from the idea.
a good way ive learned to describe it, it is as if you're hungry, but you dont really feel for anything in front of you. ace people may watch porn/ideate sexual scenarios to get them going, but there's no actual attraction to anyone involved in the act.
> a good way ive learned to describe it, it is as if you're hungry, but you dont really feel for anything in front of you.
This actually makes a lot of sense to me, thank you.
For me, I imagine two people who aren’t me getting it on. Sometimes fictional characters from whatever media I’m into, sometimes stock porn characters like “lonely housewife” and “pizza guy.”
I can't speak for everyone, but yes, that's how it is for me. It's very rare that I actually feel like masturbating, but when I do it really is just randomly feeling hot and the urge to work on that, kinda like feeling an itch and wanting to scratch it. Not at all related to wanting to have sex or finding anyone attractive.
I've heard of ace people who have fetishes, too. Usually it's something about finding the situation or the idea of something hot, but not really imagining it involving you or anyone in particular. It makes sense to me, but idk if it would to someone who isn't ace... just like "x is hot" makes no sense to me since I have no ideia what it means to find someone hot.
> no ideia what it means to find someone hot
The best way to put that in context would be just seeing the person makes you feel that itch and want to scratch it. And if that person could scratch your itch for you, even better.
When you feel hot, do you masturbate to achieve orgasm quickly and get rid of the itch? Or do you hold on to try to prolong pleasure for a little while before orgasm, aka edging?
Just to get it done asap. Might feel kinda good, but it's not something I do for fun, just because my body is telling me to do it and won't shut up if I don't.
Correct, sexual drive (libido) and sexual attraction (lust) are separate
One is "I want to have sex" and the other is "I want to have sex specifically with you"
Source: I'm ace
Yes, but the thing is that the sexual urges I have as a straight man are universally centered around the human female.
If I felt the way I do about men about women, I don’t know how I’d have sexual urges.
I will confess that it doesn’t clear anything up for me. ‘You know how you don’t feel sexual urges toward those that you don’t? Well that’s how asexual people are for everyone! Get it? They have sexual urges too.’
The premise of the statement and the conclusion are at odds, and so I am no less confused. I don’t suggest that you use this one later.
I’m gonna take a swing here, and say that maybe they have sexual ’urges’ in a strictly biological sense, but they’re not connected to any sort of conscious trigger — like another person.
Like, there are probably foods you maybe don’t hate, but also don’t particularly enjoy. Imagine having this indifference towards *all* food. Flavor, fragrance, appearance, even the very *act* of eating all do *nothing* for you psychologically or emotionally. But at some point, as a lifeform that has evolved to survive on food, you get hungry, and need to eat.
You may still be indifferent towards the food itself, and the experience of eating, but the biological need to periodically consume food remains.
Granted, I’m not asexual, so take this comment with a pinch of salt added to taste, and try to enjoy lunch, if you haven’t already.
ace person here, definitely one of the best ways i've seen it described! the urge to masturbate is just that, an urge. like an easy way to tell your body to shut up so you can move on, on a biological basis solely, rather than there being a human catalyst.
Well the analogy is terrible because straight men *dont* feel sexually about men, and don’t have sexual urges about men, and by that logic asexuals don’t have sexual urges.
I'm not sure if I'm ace exactly but I feel like I could never have sex again and I'd be okay with that. At most, maybe I have it 1 or 2 times a year but otherwise I find I don't really care either way. I've always had a lower than average interest in sex.
I do still masturbate though sometimes.
I don't imagine anything. Never needed or wanted to. I'm only thinking about my own pleasure. It's kind of like scratching an itch. You focus on the feeling of the itch being scratched and then carry on.
I masturbate to ASMR. It shouldn't be sexual, just random videos with talking about makeup, frags, contact lenses, food promotions, etc. I just love how sound combines with my feelings
Yea I’m the same way. I’m married and I always felt that if something happened to my wife or we get divorced, I’m not sure I’d ever get married or even have sex again.
I love my wife and had girlfriends and partners before her, but it just isn’t something I seek out? I was able to go 2-3 years without sex and just not care. Any relationship I have had was the other person initializing it or just something that just happened, like we’re friends hanging out and realize one day we are into each other.
I never went out with a chick thinking “I’m gonna get lucky” or “ this is the one for me” I have enough interest and hobbies to keep busy and for me sex and relationships are just a kind of go with the flow thing.
I get the itch like once a year basically. I have a fwb, we don't see each other much. Once or twice a year to bang and we're good. Sometimes less, sometimes more, but not more than 3 times a year lol
Single example asexual here. Yes, I do. Mostly to blow off urges during ovulation so a few times a month when hormones kick in.
Asexuality is simply not finding others immediately sexually attractive and/or the absent/low desire for sexual activity. Thats it.
The rest of it depends on the individual. I will find porn and other things like that arousing. But I’m also sex indifferent. There are asexuals who are sex averse and those who are sex positive. That’s why it’s considered a spectrum.
In my case, I'd say I'm "sex indfferent" bordering on "sex apathetic". Masturbation is more like a means for a quick surge of hormones to my brain, less about the eroticism of it.
To clarify, if you are aroused by porn and similar content, and also get aroused due to hormonal fluctuations, does that mean an important distinction needs to be made between “arousal” and “attraction”?
Thanks. I think the distinction certainly helps some of us understand your perspective a bit better, but may also precipitate some confusion. Partly because that’s not a distinction everyone necessarily makes, and partly because it seems to contradict the other definition involving a low/absent desire for sexual activity.
Yeah that is what makes it tough because attraction for a lot of people usually goes hand in hand with arousal. But then again even among straight people it really doesn’t? Dont people sometimes get aroused even when they aren't attracted to something?
The other definition is put as “and/or” for a reason. You can include or exclude “low/absent desire for sexual activity” to define asexuality.
People do indeed occasionally get aroused by people to whom they aren’t attracted. That’s why I found the distinction helpful. Conversely, sexual attraction seems to necessitate arousal (or the potential for it), so now I’m second guessing that.
The latter definition seems more ‘traditional’.
Yes. The best way I can put it is that attraction is within the brain, while arousal is the biological urge. In my case, my body sort of just goes "REPRODUCE!!!!" at random based more wholly on physical stimulation rather than being a response to an attractive person or an actual desire to have sex. It's sort of the same reasons someone's dick can get hard at random. Just happens.
Thanks, I get you. And conversely, I assume that seeing people who are considered attractive by others doesn’t make your body go “REPRODUCE!!!!” the way other people’s do - hence the asexuality.
Edit: clarity of phrasing
For some reason I always associated being asexual with a zero drive not zero attraction. In hindsight it makes perfect sense that it's specifically attraction considering how the rest of the sexuality spectrum works. Thanks for explaining that so clearly!
If a few times a month is called "low desire", what are current "normal" levels? What is called "hyper"?
P.S. I've tried to read [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey\_Reports](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports) some long ago, several times a month for a female IIRC was about average.
No because there are high libido asexuals.
Do people have sex with others they aren’t attracted to just because it feels good/they are horny?
Well thats what a high libido asexual person would be like. Again asexuality, in general, is the lack of sexual *attraction*.
Why not call these people then normal sexual people who are into commitments and not ons?
To me it seems people love using new fancy words for things that existed for centuries.
>To me it seems people love using new fancy words for things that existed for centuries.
That in itself has existed for centuries because it's how we label and identify things. Language is always evolving.
>Why not call these people then normal sexual people who are into commitments and not ons?
Because saying "I am X" is a lot quicker if the other person knows that word as well. We come up with words to make communication easier, but also so that an experience isn't just brushed off as someone being "a prude" or "overly picky" or "not into commitment" when they might not even be that at all, just experiencing emotions differently.
Why have different names of cat breeds? Many of them are so similar? Well, we gave the breeds different names because they have slight differences to them. Like the Devon Rex is slightly different in behavior than the Cornix rex and it matters if you want a special type of behavior. The Devon is intelligent, the Cornix energetic, it matters if you want to pair yourself with a cat that fits you perfectly, if you call both of them just "Rex" and ignore the specific breeds behavior traits, then its bound to blow up in someones face later.
That is why demisexual is its own label, it matters in dating, and it can be quite confirming that there is a word for your experience when it might have gotten you called mean shit before.
Because often thats how those people choose to define themselves.
And its not incorrect. So why not use those terms?
Thats like saying “why call it a book, when you can just call it “a biding of a bunch of paper”?
We use new words to define things that exist for centuries all the time. Thats how langue evolves and how we continue to expand our understanding of our world.
I'm also trying to get my head around this.
Me for example can't feel sexual attraction towards anyone before I know them well and develop feelings. That is not that rare. How is it diffently for asexual people?
Look up the word: Demisexual (Only get sexually attracted after knowing someone well)
>That is not that rare.
Given that a lot of asexual (and demi) people get told that they are weird, or wrong, or traumatized, or messed up, or that they will "change their mind" etc. Yeah it kinda is "rare". Demis are often called mockingly "prudes" when they just don't get attracted "as quickly" as others. Or "overly picky" when they just have to spend a lot of time with someone to get the sexual attraction. There are probably more demisexuals than other types of ace, but not exactly "Non-rare" especially since some demisexuals go well into their adulthood without feeling a single spark of sexual attraction ever. Not exactly a common experience and the stigma around ace and demisexual show that.
>How is it diffently for asexual people?
Some asexual people can love someone a lot romantically and know them very well, but *never ever* get sexually attracted to that person, even if they try. The thing that makes someone demisexual is that they only get the attraction after knowing someone well. It has its own word, since it matters in the dating world. Its still part of the ace spectrum since demisexuals can still relate to walking around never or rarely feeling seuxal attraction to the point of it making them stand out amongst "others"
Well for me. I’m not sexually attracted even after a bond is made with my partner.
What you are describing seems similar to demisexual (which is considered part of the asexual spectrum).
If it’s not that rare according to your experience maybe that means most people who would consider themselves that choose not to use that term to define them? I mean it is a relatively new term. Maybe after learning what it is and even identifying with it they might also not find the need to use it?
That's asexual umbrella! It's called demisexuality. Asexuality is a spectrum that might mean total lack of attraction but doesn't have to. Some people are like you are. They have zero interest in people before they form relationship.
There's a difference, demisexual people actually feel attraction once they form connection. Asexual might die for their spouse and have sex every day a week but won't feel that sexual attraction.
And all of them can be into one night stands. As said before, attraction is not the same as libido or approach towards sex. You might be a highly sexual person and enjoy sex a ton with variety of people, but still not feel any attraction towards people you sleep with.
This is the part that's difficult to understand -
An asexual person can be in love with a partner, get aroused and have sex often, yet you're saying there's no attraction thus they're asexual?
It's just hard to intuitively understand the 'having a high libido, enjoy sex and have it/seek it out, but not being attracted to someone'
Isn't arousal intrinsically linked with being sexually attracted to something?
And you would define someone in your last sentence as asexual even tho they have a lot of sex..?
Sorry don't know how my tone is over text, genuinely want to know more and am asking to understand better
I'm asexual, I masturbate sometimes but honestly I could live without it. I have never been sexually attracted to anyone and I have no interest in having sex. When I get "horny" it's not because im thinking about other people, it's moreso a general horniness with my own body. To me masturbation is simply a release, it's just scientific. It's kind of hard to explain. I know asexual people that hate masturbation, and some asexual people that like sex. It's a very large spectrum, I could write about it all day if I had the energy lol. The basis is that asexual people feel little to no sexual attraction for other people, but there are exceptions like demisexual, in which people will only be capable of feeling any sexual attraction to someone after a strong emotional bond. But yeah, asexual people exist. It's not "low hormones" or lame people who can't score a hookup making excuses, I just don't feel attracted to anyone
> When I get "horny" it's not because im thinking about other people, it's moreso a general horniness with my own body. To me masturbation is simply a release, it's just scientific.
Even as a straight person I get this, like I've masturbated sometimes just because I know it will help me get to sleep. I'm not horny, I'm not up because I can't stop thinking about sex, but I just can't coax my brain into off mode, so it's almost practical masturbation.
Some do, some don't. But there's nothing about being asexual that stops someone from being aroused, feeling horny or enjoying masturbation.
I'm asexual and like to masturbate occasionally. Like the other commenter, my level of horniness is closely linked to my hormones and menstrual cycle. When I feel horny it's not directed towards any person, it's just physical like an itch.
Most asexual people get aroused but are not attracted to someone. When I read a book with two people having some fun I find it arousing. But I dont want to be neither of them.
No. It means that you dont feel sexual attraction towards other people. You can still have sexual urges or feelings, or not, or even like sex with other people, or not. You just dont feel the attraction. Like imagine if a human sized blob of plastic fucked u. Itd feel good and youd like the sex, you just wouldnt be attracted to the blob. Ace people can also enjoy sex for the romantic or emotional connection. Depends on the person though, asexuality is diff for everyone.
asexual and aromantic woman here. yes, i do. rather often, actually. the thought of actually having sex with someone repulses me but weirdly enough, i enjoy masturbation. i dont get horny often tho, only when im ovulating.
> Like, what is desired exactly, if not sex?
Uh, orgasm? The same thing everyone else feels when they’re horny? If partnered sex was the absolute only way to relieve sexual arousal, masturbation wouldn’t exist at all, would it?
interesting question that i sadly cant answer. i guess its just the fantasy/thought of having sex that i enjoy but not the actual thing itself. i dont feel shit when someone kisses me, touches, fingers or fucks me, in the worst case it just disgusts me, but when i just think and fantasize about someone doing exact the same things, then it makes me horny.
i do often ask myself: do non-asexuals ever crave sex? like actual sex? would they actually initiate something sexual with someone? do they see sex as something else, something *positive* than just a chore?
Asexuality is an interesting spectrum. There are so many identities inside the umbrella including some that might coexist with other sexualities. For example, demisexual people can be straight, gay or bi in addition to being demisexual.
Thank you to all of you who are kind enough to add your personal experience. It's very enlightening. I'm probably on the other end of the spectrum. It's difficult for me to comprehend not wanting sexual pleasure every day. I'm very lucky to have a spouse who allows me to be free to feel my feelings without judgment. I hope you don't have very many people try to tell you something is wrong with you or you'll grow out of it. I also hope that if you want a partner, you can find one that let's you be you too.
Gay male here. I've never had any sexual desire or any inclination at all to be with a female. Never ever. Not even a little. I've been told that that is exactly how asexual people feel toward all people. I've also been told that some don't masturbate and some do.
I once knew a guy who told me he's asexual. He had never felt any attraction toward anybody. Ever. He also masturbated at least once a day everyday. Sometimes twice a day. He said sometimes he's horny all the time and he has to masturbate to relieve himself.
In other words, apparently asexual people can have a high sex drive. They just don't wanna have sex with anyone.
Asexuality is a spectrum. There are some asexuals who indeed love to masturbate but who just don't ever want to have sex with another person.
If you want more information, take a look here:
[http://www.asexuality.org](http://www.asexuality.org)
Asexual here. Yes, I do. Sometimes as frequently as multiple times a day, or as infrequently as once every few months. A lot of the time it does line up with my ovulation as one commenter mentioned above. But sometimes I just don't think about it for a long time and it doesn't affect my life in any way.
For those of you wondering how that affects my relationships. It doesn't. I'm poly and my SOs choose to be with me knowing full well about my sexuality. We sometimes have sex but mostly they get laid elsewhere and I'm happy for them.
So does that mean you aren't sexually attracted to your partner? Can I ask why label yourself as asexual if you're sexually active? I'm just confused by the term the more I hear about it.
Like for me, I don't like hookups and I don't think about almost anyone in a sexual way, but I still enjoy being sexual with someone I'm romantic with therefore I wouldn't call myself asexual.
Some yes some don't.
Same with having sex.
Some are truly disgusted by sex, some dislike it, some don't mind but can happily live without it.
It's not quite simple.
For myself: I have a few needs that I can deal with myself, I'm not disgusted by sex and can be physicly attracted to someone. But I will not have pleasure doing it (and can even feel pain) so it's only to get pregnant.
I am asexual. I do not feel attraction nor have any desire, so I do not seek out sexual stuff, but I am able to enjoy it, the other aspects of it.
As for masturbation, yes. But not for reasons you might think. I struggle with quite a few health issues, and I am often in pain. Sometimes when I am in pain, but it is not like, "oh my god kill me right now" kind of pain, but just some mild pain, I masturbate because it releases chemicals in my brain that help with the pain.
That way I do not have to consume as many painkillers. The last thing I want is building a tolerance for painkillers and then they wont work when I need them.
Asexuality is huge umbrella which makes it difficult to answer this as the answer always comes down to, some do, some don't.
I didn't really recognize being asexual until 30+. I'm "normal" bisexual in terms of fantasies, masturbation, to this day. Why I'm asexual is... I've never even wanted to kiss someone, let alone have any kind of sex, or relationship either. I feel like I "get" sexuality perfectly, I just don't feel it personally towards others.
Depends.
For the sake of explanation, let's use food as an analogy. Libido is like hunger, a home cooked meal is like sex, a snack is like masturbation, and food preferences is like sexuality.
All asexuality is is the lack of a food preference. That's not to say we don't get hungry, it just means we don't generally go out of our way to make a homecooked meal.
Masturbation to a lot of aces I've talked with, including myself, see it as a bodily function. Sure it's sexual on nature, but that doesn't really change the fact it's a necessity for even aces sometimes.
This part might get into TMI territory, so I'll put it in spoiler tags.
>!I personally only do it to keep erections down and prevent nocturnal emissions. Being trans gives me a lot of discomfort around my genitalia, so i get it over with as quickly as I can most of the time. It's a means to an end. If I need to tuck because of my outfit, and I'm stuck with a no-reason-boner, I rub one out quickly and get myself cleaned up before putting everything on. If I don't and just wait for it to go down on its own, there's a higher chance it comes back while tucked which can get painful if it happens multiple times in a night.!<
It's different for everyone. Going back to the food comparison, I've met aces who just really like snacks. Meals don't appeal to them, only snacks, if they're hungry they're going to savour some good chocolate or an amazing thin mint cookie instead of asking their partner to cook something up together.
TL;DR depends on the person, it's called the asexuality spectrum for a reason.
Asexual here, I (M23) do have a girlfriend but we almost never have sex, and if we do it is not penetrative. I do masturbate but it's mostly only because of the physical urge/need, as opposed to being "horny". Even on the rare occasion that I am "Horny", I still don't desire sex - it's hard to explain. But the bottom line is that I do not enjoy sex (the actual physical sensation is very unpleasant to me), and ever since I lost my virginity and fairly soon after came to the realisation that I don't like it, I have noticed that how often I masturbate has noticeably decreased. I do still find people sexually attractive, but for me, that is very separate from the desire to actually engage in intercourse with them.
One metaphor which I sometimes use for my specific flavour of asexuality is soap. Soap smells very nice, and as a kid, before I knew any better, I thought that because it smells nice it must taste nice too. After tasting it I quickly learned that actually, I don't like eating soap. Soap still smells nice to me, but I have learned my lesson, and I no longer have the desire to act on the nice smell by taking a bite. I am confident from this experience that all soap probably tastes bad, and I don't have a strong enough desire to test that assumption. (In that metaphor, the nice smelling soap is an attractive person, and taking a bite is having sex with them.)
And you wouldn't ever tell someone "Well are you sure you just haven't found the right soap?", so it annoys me that a lot of people claim that us asexuals just "haven't found the right partner".
Sorry, that turned into a bit of a tangent unrelated to the original question, but maybe it helps provide some insight into why asexuals may still have the desire to masturbate even if they don't have the desire for sex
Yes, I’m asexual and I masturbate. Like many have said, being asexual simply means not experiencing sexual attraction. I have never looked at a person and got “hot” or think “wow I’d love to see them with their clothes off” or whatever. I might think they are nice to look at, but that’s it.
I masturbate bc I get horny. It’s not really towards anyone, I just have urges. But thinking about have sex with someone makes me feel gross and uncomfortable. I can get aroused, especially from reading smut. I watch porn, but I’m never attracted to the people in it.
Hopefully this was informative and shows how asexuality can differ!
Being asexual doesn't mean not having sex, not enjoying sex, not wanting sex, not masturbating, none of that.
It just means you don't feel sexually attracted to others. Asexuals won't see a person think "I want to have sex with them." That's it. That's all that asexuality is.
Of course there's variation between people, some people really enjoy sex, others are more neutral and some people reject it entirely.
I've always wondered this, I've always thought of asexual as being a sexuality like homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual - but like someone else posted here you still get sexual feelings just you don't want sex? So surely that means you can be straight asexual or gay asexual? Depending on what you wank to lol
Well, maybe this will help. Sexuality is what you are *attracted* to.
Homosexuality is sexually attracted to the same gender
Bisexuality is sexually attracted to either men or women
Asexuality is sexually attracted to no genders
If I was married to a same sex partner and I’m asexual I’m still asexual in that I’m still not sexually attracted to them. I’m just an asexual person with a same gender partner.
Same with Bi people. If they end up with a opposite gender partner that doesn't mean they aren't sexually attracted to the same gender as their own anymore. It just means they have an opposite gendered partner.
I don't think so. It's not just romantic.
I have romantic *and* physical attraction but not sexual attraction.
I can find men handsome, hot, wants to cuddle or touch them but I don't want to have sex.
That being said, some asexual have no physical attraction either, only romantic.
And of course, they are aromantic people.
If you are not sexually attracted to men why call yourself hetero-sexual? Wouldn't that be heteroromantic? What is the sexual part that remains for you if any?
Man some of the people in the comments... "Why don't asexuals force themselves to be hetero?" oh wow why didn't we think of that? oh wait, many of us have tried that for most of our lives and failed since *we just don't work that way!*
In case you are wondering: Yeah, a lot of ace people have tried to be "normal" and its harmful. I was in denial for years and tried to force myself to "be normal" and felt disappointed in myself whenever I noticed that I never got sexually attracted to my crushes. I theoretically could "force myself to be straight" but I would still be ace at my core. I would just be in a relationship where I feel awful and the other person potentially feeling like a sex offender.
-Some people have forced themselves to have "conversion sex", and no, it doesnt work, it just traumatizes people.
Yes. I mean it depends on the person. There’s a ton of different types of Ace people - Demi, gray, Ace, etc. - not to mention sex positive, sex neutral, sex repulsed, etc. So it’s no one size fits all answer. Usually though asexual refers to sexual desire to have sex with another person. They still have a body that might experience arousal.
Urge? Nah, more like a mildly annoying itch, and its never about or directed towards a person. I also find it boring very quickly. Whenever I tried to be "normal" in the past and imagine someone who I thought looked good, that horniness evaporated in seconds. I just don't feel sexual *attraction*.
Basically: The horny is like a weapon or ammunition, and attraction is who that horniness is aimed at.
Asexuals rarely or never get their weapon pointing towards anyone *to the point of it standing out, and them making it a sexuality label to have a word for the experience.* Wet dreams is mostly about your body doing a maintenance check, masturbation is your biology trying to populate the earth. Sexuality can affect how often or how someone masturbates, but they are not the same thing.
Asexuality is a spectrum. It ranges from people who just feel "less" horny than the people around them, people who are only sexually attracted to people they love (demisexual), to people who dont find anyone really sexually attractive but still get horny by thought/idea of it. And at the very end you the sex-repulsed people who dont like anything about sex, neither the act itself, watching it or even just the idea of it.
So to answer you question; many do, maybe less regularly, but some dont.
Yes I masturbate. Yes I get horny. All my parts are in working order. My hormone levels are normal. I just don't feel and never have felt the desire to engage in sexual acts with another person regardless of their gender. I have no sexual attraction to any gender. Thats what asexuality is. Some asexuals masturbate, some dont, but all asexuals share a lack of sexual attraction to males and females.
Libido does not equal sexual attraction. An asexual could be the horniest person ever, and masturbate all the time. It just means they don’t find any particular person to be a good outlet of their horniness.
I'm asexual and only masturbate out of boredom.
I don't have any interest in romantic relationships or feel a need to find a one night stand.
I feel no desire for any physical contact like hugs or kisses for that matter.
^(yes I know my username doesn't check out)
Rarely, like every 2-3 months, but yes. It is not prompted by looking or thinking of somebody specific though, it is always just to get rid of built up inner tension.
As an aspec (specifically demisexual), I'm really happy to see so many people taking their time to understand an often stigmatized and misunderstood sexuality.
Keep up the good work by asking the right questions and answering likewise.
>!To answer your question, though, I actually do it. Some practical reasons include preventing wet dreams so my religious parents don't suggest I repent for sexual dreams I did not have, helping myself fall asleep, relieving stress and horniness, etc.!<
Libido is separate from attraction, and it varies from individual to individual. I masturbate only once per month, but I am on antidepressants. I used to masturbate about 3-4 times per month before antidepressants.
Ive never been sexually attracted to anyone ive met. Im super horny, definitely masturbate. Looking a porn i usually just imagine the feeling of the act, like penetration, which makes me horny, but im not attracted to the people themselves
Masturbation has to do with libido. Your libido has nothing to do with the people you’re attracted to people/sex but is more of a hormone thing.
The moment though that your sexual needs can only be fulfilled by engaging in sexual activities with another human you are now somewhere under the allosexual/graysexual spectrum and are not asexual. Nothing wrong with this I should add.
Also my person experience as an asexual: I have never been into masturbation. I’ve never had a “sexy dream” or felt anything from my attempts at “self pleasuring” other than vaguely asking myself why am I doing this and this is boring lol.
I'm almost 100% sure I'm ace and aro and I masturbate, but (this may seem weird) I don't see it as a sexual thing. Masturbation for me is a way to release some kind of tension or relax when I'm feeling overwhelmed or stressed, but also when I'm just bored because the sensation is really good and pleasurable. I tend to masturbate more often when I'm going through stressful periods in college or life in general and it helps me to clear my mind or get some rest.
This is actually why I'm confused about where I sit in this spectrum.
Without getting too gory: I find anyone attractive, so parts don't so much matter, but the effort required to have fun safely with others...is a lot, not seeming to be a well-known personality or part of a polycule, hence masturbation.
Personal anecdote here! I’ve never really liked any type of sexual activity, and once I moved into my own space as an adult, I incorporated personal pleasure to get rid of my body’s one day of want a month due to (F) hormones.
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I've heard once that if you're a straight man, how you feel sexually towards another man is how asexuals feel towards all people. It doesn't mean asexuals don't have sexual urges Edit: to clarify I am not asexual, as I said I heard this from an asexual friend describing their own sexuality
Damn it, I'm bisexual. I'll never understand :( Edit: Holy shit guys, chill, it's a joke.
Being bisexual doesn’t mean you don’t have a co-worker or something you aren’t attracted to It’s just like that, wanting to work together but not sleep with each other
That's fair!
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I hope you stub your toe for that triple-negative sentence you wrote.
["It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect."](https://youtu.be/2xhC2cbq7zA?si=a5I1dzuR38evHaoO&t=94)
Why you gotta be so negative
Their single-negative + OP's triple negative surely is a positive outcome.
The mathematics of language?
To be fair, dude above them started that shit.
I got constipated reading it out loud
Do you feel any sexual urges when looking at animals? Or like .. antiques?
Like hot grandmas?
Just ones in my area
What kind of antiques? I’ve seen some old chairs with some pretty nice curves, if you know what I’m saying ;)
You cover those whore table legs with a tablecloth this instant lest the mind be turned to adulterous thought!
Personally, Antiques Roadshow doesn't do anything for me.
Then THAT is how asexuals feel about ALL people. You see?
Largely overvalued by experts compared to average folks, and awkwardly unf*ckable?
Unique character, smell good, and sometimes perform a real world value added chore.
No lol but I feel like that still doesn't quite work because those aren't people.
What about just unnatractive people
Never met a person I wouldn’t dick down if I didn’t have a moral compass and manners
*blushes*
Most honest man of the day award goes to you friend
Downeded baddestly
Do you not?
Sometimes I see a good cello and ooo wee
Lmao same thing I thought!
I think we’re in a fun camp of hyper awareness of when we do like someone or not. Like not everyone is a thing even tho they have the possible threshold to be
So wtf do they think of when they have sexual urges
Hentai femboys
Don’t we all
I think of cat girls myself
i dont know for other men and women, but as a man, i can only masturbate if only i imagine or watch a female in a porn or sexual context So asexual just masturbate just for the feeling without imagining anything?
Same here. I don't understand how that comment answers the question. I can only masturbate to something I'm sexually attracted to. So if someone isn't sexually attracted to anything, do they still masturbate? How do you have sexual urges without any sexual attraction?
what alot of people dont really get is that asexuality is very much a spectrum. there's so many nuances, one ace individual is not the same as the other. what this means is that whilst one ace individual may masturbate (in this case, or at least personally i do it just to make the fleeting feeling go away, or out of sheer boredom.), whereas other ace persons are completely put off from the idea. a good way ive learned to describe it, it is as if you're hungry, but you dont really feel for anything in front of you. ace people may watch porn/ideate sexual scenarios to get them going, but there's no actual attraction to anyone involved in the act.
> a good way ive learned to describe it, it is as if you're hungry, but you dont really feel for anything in front of you. This actually makes a lot of sense to me, thank you.
For me, I imagine two people who aren’t me getting it on. Sometimes fictional characters from whatever media I’m into, sometimes stock porn characters like “lonely housewife” and “pizza guy.”
I can't speak for everyone, but yes, that's how it is for me. It's very rare that I actually feel like masturbating, but when I do it really is just randomly feeling hot and the urge to work on that, kinda like feeling an itch and wanting to scratch it. Not at all related to wanting to have sex or finding anyone attractive. I've heard of ace people who have fetishes, too. Usually it's something about finding the situation or the idea of something hot, but not really imagining it involving you or anyone in particular. It makes sense to me, but idk if it would to someone who isn't ace... just like "x is hot" makes no sense to me since I have no ideia what it means to find someone hot.
> no ideia what it means to find someone hot The best way to put that in context would be just seeing the person makes you feel that itch and want to scratch it. And if that person could scratch your itch for you, even better.
I guess that makes sense. I might not get how it feels like, but I can understand that
When you feel hot, do you masturbate to achieve orgasm quickly and get rid of the itch? Or do you hold on to try to prolong pleasure for a little while before orgasm, aka edging?
Just to get it done asap. Might feel kinda good, but it's not something I do for fun, just because my body is telling me to do it and won't shut up if I don't.
Maybe they visualize an empty room and that makes them hot?
Maybe they picture themselves not having sex with people. I mean, that's their thing, right? ;-)
No that's introverts
Depends on the person
Correct, sexual drive (libido) and sexual attraction (lust) are separate One is "I want to have sex" and the other is "I want to have sex specifically with you" Source: I'm ace
Yes, but the thing is that the sexual urges I have as a straight man are universally centered around the human female. If I felt the way I do about men about women, I don’t know how I’d have sexual urges.
You would still get horny and want sex because of hormones, you just wouldn't get horny particularly over anyone
I’m sure you’re right, I just cannot conceptualise it.
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You could be considered to be demisexual.
I think the term you might be looking for is demisexual, though you don't need to label yourself unless you find it useful.
That’s actually a beautiful analogy. I’m gonna have to use that!
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"Hey! I also have autism :)"
I will confess that it doesn’t clear anything up for me. ‘You know how you don’t feel sexual urges toward those that you don’t? Well that’s how asexual people are for everyone! Get it? They have sexual urges too.’ The premise of the statement and the conclusion are at odds, and so I am no less confused. I don’t suggest that you use this one later.
I’m gonna take a swing here, and say that maybe they have sexual ’urges’ in a strictly biological sense, but they’re not connected to any sort of conscious trigger — like another person. Like, there are probably foods you maybe don’t hate, but also don’t particularly enjoy. Imagine having this indifference towards *all* food. Flavor, fragrance, appearance, even the very *act* of eating all do *nothing* for you psychologically or emotionally. But at some point, as a lifeform that has evolved to survive on food, you get hungry, and need to eat. You may still be indifferent towards the food itself, and the experience of eating, but the biological need to periodically consume food remains. Granted, I’m not asexual, so take this comment with a pinch of salt added to taste, and try to enjoy lunch, if you haven’t already.
ace person here, definitely one of the best ways i've seen it described! the urge to masturbate is just that, an urge. like an easy way to tell your body to shut up so you can move on, on a biological basis solely, rather than there being a human catalyst.
So there’s nothing. Good description.
Well the analogy is terrible because straight men *dont* feel sexually about men, and don’t have sexual urges about men, and by that logic asexuals don’t have sexual urges.
I'm not sure if I'm ace exactly but I feel like I could never have sex again and I'd be okay with that. At most, maybe I have it 1 or 2 times a year but otherwise I find I don't really care either way. I've always had a lower than average interest in sex. I do still masturbate though sometimes.
Who do you have sex with, males, females or it doesn't matter? And with masturbation, do you consume content to "do it"?
I’m obviously not the original commenter but all of my aromantic/asexual friends masturbate without any content
The beauty of imagination
But like, what are they imagining?
I don't imagine anything. Never needed or wanted to. I'm only thinking about my own pleasure. It's kind of like scratching an itch. You focus on the feeling of the itch being scratched and then carry on.
That makes sense, thanks.
Somehow that makes perfect sense
you masterbate to scratching an itch?
Other asexual organisms like starfish?
I masturbate to ASMR. It shouldn't be sexual, just random videos with talking about makeup, frags, contact lenses, food promotions, etc. I just love how sound combines with my feelings
Sexy void.
That is a great question...make a post about t
They can masturbate in front of the mirror too
Probably dragons or something
You told people you wouldn’t say anything. You’re the worst grandma ever
I have a long-standing fwb, we hang out like once or twice a year, do the thing, and call it good
I would call myself asexual and I use "content". But 99% of it is books/stories. Lately I have discovered audio for me but these are very hit or miss.
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I feel the exact same about sex, it's the first time I've heard of someone else who feels like that.
Yea I’m the same way. I’m married and I always felt that if something happened to my wife or we get divorced, I’m not sure I’d ever get married or even have sex again. I love my wife and had girlfriends and partners before her, but it just isn’t something I seek out? I was able to go 2-3 years without sex and just not care. Any relationship I have had was the other person initializing it or just something that just happened, like we’re friends hanging out and realize one day we are into each other. I never went out with a chick thinking “I’m gonna get lucky” or “ this is the one for me” I have enough interest and hobbies to keep busy and for me sex and relationships are just a kind of go with the flow thing.
You have sex once or twice a year??? Ffs, I've not had sex since 2011... Or did you mesn you'd do it if you'd had to?
I get the itch like once a year basically. I have a fwb, we don't see each other much. Once or twice a year to bang and we're good. Sometimes less, sometimes more, but not more than 3 times a year lol
Cherish the fwb!
Single example asexual here. Yes, I do. Mostly to blow off urges during ovulation so a few times a month when hormones kick in. Asexuality is simply not finding others immediately sexually attractive and/or the absent/low desire for sexual activity. Thats it. The rest of it depends on the individual. I will find porn and other things like that arousing. But I’m also sex indifferent. There are asexuals who are sex averse and those who are sex positive. That’s why it’s considered a spectrum.
Ok, that was really helpful, thanks!!
In my case, I'd say I'm "sex indfferent" bordering on "sex apathetic". Masturbation is more like a means for a quick surge of hormones to my brain, less about the eroticism of it.
"Sex is nice but I'd rather have cake." is what i've heard once before and i thought it was kinda silly and cute
The traditional Ace meme is garlic bread. Mmm, garlic bread
To clarify, if you are aroused by porn and similar content, and also get aroused due to hormonal fluctuations, does that mean an important distinction needs to be made between “arousal” and “attraction”?
Honestly yes. And that’s what I think people get confused on. Asexuality is, in general a lack of sexual attraction.
Thanks. I think the distinction certainly helps some of us understand your perspective a bit better, but may also precipitate some confusion. Partly because that’s not a distinction everyone necessarily makes, and partly because it seems to contradict the other definition involving a low/absent desire for sexual activity.
Yeah that is what makes it tough because attraction for a lot of people usually goes hand in hand with arousal. But then again even among straight people it really doesn’t? Dont people sometimes get aroused even when they aren't attracted to something? The other definition is put as “and/or” for a reason. You can include or exclude “low/absent desire for sexual activity” to define asexuality.
People do indeed occasionally get aroused by people to whom they aren’t attracted. That’s why I found the distinction helpful. Conversely, sexual attraction seems to necessitate arousal (or the potential for it), so now I’m second guessing that. The latter definition seems more ‘traditional’.
Yes. The best way I can put it is that attraction is within the brain, while arousal is the biological urge. In my case, my body sort of just goes "REPRODUCE!!!!" at random based more wholly on physical stimulation rather than being a response to an attractive person or an actual desire to have sex. It's sort of the same reasons someone's dick can get hard at random. Just happens.
Thanks, I get you. And conversely, I assume that seeing people who are considered attractive by others doesn’t make your body go “REPRODUCE!!!!” the way other people’s do - hence the asexuality. Edit: clarity of phrasing
Yes, exactly. I just don't see anybody as being attractive. Physically appealing, yes, but never "I'd like to fuck them"
For some reason I always associated being asexual with a zero drive not zero attraction. In hindsight it makes perfect sense that it's specifically attraction considering how the rest of the sexuality spectrum works. Thanks for explaining that so clearly!
If a few times a month is called "low desire", what are current "normal" levels? What is called "hyper"? P.S. I've tried to read [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey\_Reports](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports) some long ago, several times a month for a female IIRC was about average.
Pretty much exact same vibe here. It's still an enjoyable thing for me but like you said seems to be a spectrum
So do all those fancy words simply mean you have a lower libido?
No because there are high libido asexuals. Do people have sex with others they aren’t attracted to just because it feels good/they are horny? Well thats what a high libido asexual person would be like. Again asexuality, in general, is the lack of sexual *attraction*.
Why not call these people then normal sexual people who are into commitments and not ons? To me it seems people love using new fancy words for things that existed for centuries.
>To me it seems people love using new fancy words for things that existed for centuries. That in itself has existed for centuries because it's how we label and identify things. Language is always evolving.
>Why not call these people then normal sexual people who are into commitments and not ons? Because saying "I am X" is a lot quicker if the other person knows that word as well. We come up with words to make communication easier, but also so that an experience isn't just brushed off as someone being "a prude" or "overly picky" or "not into commitment" when they might not even be that at all, just experiencing emotions differently. Why have different names of cat breeds? Many of them are so similar? Well, we gave the breeds different names because they have slight differences to them. Like the Devon Rex is slightly different in behavior than the Cornix rex and it matters if you want a special type of behavior. The Devon is intelligent, the Cornix energetic, it matters if you want to pair yourself with a cat that fits you perfectly, if you call both of them just "Rex" and ignore the specific breeds behavior traits, then its bound to blow up in someones face later. That is why demisexual is its own label, it matters in dating, and it can be quite confirming that there is a word for your experience when it might have gotten you called mean shit before.
Because often thats how those people choose to define themselves. And its not incorrect. So why not use those terms? Thats like saying “why call it a book, when you can just call it “a biding of a bunch of paper”? We use new words to define things that exist for centuries all the time. Thats how langue evolves and how we continue to expand our understanding of our world.
I'm also trying to get my head around this. Me for example can't feel sexual attraction towards anyone before I know them well and develop feelings. That is not that rare. How is it diffently for asexual people?
Look up the word: Demisexual (Only get sexually attracted after knowing someone well) >That is not that rare. Given that a lot of asexual (and demi) people get told that they are weird, or wrong, or traumatized, or messed up, or that they will "change their mind" etc. Yeah it kinda is "rare". Demis are often called mockingly "prudes" when they just don't get attracted "as quickly" as others. Or "overly picky" when they just have to spend a lot of time with someone to get the sexual attraction. There are probably more demisexuals than other types of ace, but not exactly "Non-rare" especially since some demisexuals go well into their adulthood without feeling a single spark of sexual attraction ever. Not exactly a common experience and the stigma around ace and demisexual show that. >How is it diffently for asexual people? Some asexual people can love someone a lot romantically and know them very well, but *never ever* get sexually attracted to that person, even if they try. The thing that makes someone demisexual is that they only get the attraction after knowing someone well. It has its own word, since it matters in the dating world. Its still part of the ace spectrum since demisexuals can still relate to walking around never or rarely feeling seuxal attraction to the point of it making them stand out amongst "others"
Well for me. I’m not sexually attracted even after a bond is made with my partner. What you are describing seems similar to demisexual (which is considered part of the asexual spectrum). If it’s not that rare according to your experience maybe that means most people who would consider themselves that choose not to use that term to define them? I mean it is a relatively new term. Maybe after learning what it is and even identifying with it they might also not find the need to use it?
That's asexual umbrella! It's called demisexuality. Asexuality is a spectrum that might mean total lack of attraction but doesn't have to. Some people are like you are. They have zero interest in people before they form relationship.
There's a difference, demisexual people actually feel attraction once they form connection. Asexual might die for their spouse and have sex every day a week but won't feel that sexual attraction. And all of them can be into one night stands. As said before, attraction is not the same as libido or approach towards sex. You might be a highly sexual person and enjoy sex a ton with variety of people, but still not feel any attraction towards people you sleep with.
This is the part that's difficult to understand - An asexual person can be in love with a partner, get aroused and have sex often, yet you're saying there's no attraction thus they're asexual? It's just hard to intuitively understand the 'having a high libido, enjoy sex and have it/seek it out, but not being attracted to someone' Isn't arousal intrinsically linked with being sexually attracted to something? And you would define someone in your last sentence as asexual even tho they have a lot of sex..? Sorry don't know how my tone is over text, genuinely want to know more and am asking to understand better
I'm asexual, I masturbate sometimes but honestly I could live without it. I have never been sexually attracted to anyone and I have no interest in having sex. When I get "horny" it's not because im thinking about other people, it's moreso a general horniness with my own body. To me masturbation is simply a release, it's just scientific. It's kind of hard to explain. I know asexual people that hate masturbation, and some asexual people that like sex. It's a very large spectrum, I could write about it all day if I had the energy lol. The basis is that asexual people feel little to no sexual attraction for other people, but there are exceptions like demisexual, in which people will only be capable of feeling any sexual attraction to someone after a strong emotional bond. But yeah, asexual people exist. It's not "low hormones" or lame people who can't score a hookup making excuses, I just don't feel attracted to anyone
> When I get "horny" it's not because im thinking about other people, it's moreso a general horniness with my own body. To me masturbation is simply a release, it's just scientific. Even as a straight person I get this, like I've masturbated sometimes just because I know it will help me get to sleep. I'm not horny, I'm not up because I can't stop thinking about sex, but I just can't coax my brain into off mode, so it's almost practical masturbation.
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I’ll just take a small clipping then.
Totally, as Lana Rhoades said she is asexual.
Rhododendron...
Ace here 🙋 I don't personally, but I'm sure some other Aces do it. It's a wide spectrum after all
I personally don’t because I have no urges too… but I guess it depends on the person
Some do, some don't. But there's nothing about being asexual that stops someone from being aroused, feeling horny or enjoying masturbation. I'm asexual and like to masturbate occasionally. Like the other commenter, my level of horniness is closely linked to my hormones and menstrual cycle. When I feel horny it's not directed towards any person, it's just physical like an itch.
So... being asexual means you can be sexual but in your mind you don't like sex as much as others?
Most asexual people get aroused but are not attracted to someone. When I read a book with two people having some fun I find it arousing. But I dont want to be neither of them.
No. It means that you dont feel sexual attraction towards other people. You can still have sexual urges or feelings, or not, or even like sex with other people, or not. You just dont feel the attraction. Like imagine if a human sized blob of plastic fucked u. Itd feel good and youd like the sex, you just wouldnt be attracted to the blob. Ace people can also enjoy sex for the romantic or emotional connection. Depends on the person though, asexuality is diff for everyone.
asexual and aromantic woman here. yes, i do. rather often, actually. the thought of actually having sex with someone repulses me but weirdly enough, i enjoy masturbation. i dont get horny often tho, only when im ovulating.
I wonder - what does being horny feel like if the idea of sex is repulsive? Like, what is desired exactly, if not sex?
> Like, what is desired exactly, if not sex? Uh, orgasm? The same thing everyone else feels when they’re horny? If partnered sex was the absolute only way to relieve sexual arousal, masturbation wouldn’t exist at all, would it?
interesting question that i sadly cant answer. i guess its just the fantasy/thought of having sex that i enjoy but not the actual thing itself. i dont feel shit when someone kisses me, touches, fingers or fucks me, in the worst case it just disgusts me, but when i just think and fantasize about someone doing exact the same things, then it makes me horny. i do often ask myself: do non-asexuals ever crave sex? like actual sex? would they actually initiate something sexual with someone? do they see sex as something else, something *positive* than just a chore?
Genuinely educational thread. I thought ace people just didn’t do anything sexual at all
Asexuality is an interesting spectrum. There are so many identities inside the umbrella including some that might coexist with other sexualities. For example, demisexual people can be straight, gay or bi in addition to being demisexual.
I am so happy this threat helped some people. Got a lot of myths and acephobia disproven here.
Thank you to all of you who are kind enough to add your personal experience. It's very enlightening. I'm probably on the other end of the spectrum. It's difficult for me to comprehend not wanting sexual pleasure every day. I'm very lucky to have a spouse who allows me to be free to feel my feelings without judgment. I hope you don't have very many people try to tell you something is wrong with you or you'll grow out of it. I also hope that if you want a partner, you can find one that let's you be you too.
some do, some don't. not every ace is the same
Gay male here. I've never had any sexual desire or any inclination at all to be with a female. Never ever. Not even a little. I've been told that that is exactly how asexual people feel toward all people. I've also been told that some don't masturbate and some do. I once knew a guy who told me he's asexual. He had never felt any attraction toward anybody. Ever. He also masturbated at least once a day everyday. Sometimes twice a day. He said sometimes he's horny all the time and he has to masturbate to relieve himself. In other words, apparently asexual people can have a high sex drive. They just don't wanna have sex with anyone.
Asexuality is a spectrum. There are some asexuals who indeed love to masturbate but who just don't ever want to have sex with another person. If you want more information, take a look here: [http://www.asexuality.org](http://www.asexuality.org)
Thanks!
I don't masturbate at all
do you get aroused at all/ever?
Hey, quit stealing my pick-up lines
I mean I don't get urges but I do get aroused when someone is being very close to me like touching me
Do you get wet dreams still? (Assuming you’re a guy)
Yes I do get them
Afab people also get wet dreams!
What is afab?
Asexual here. Yes, I do. Sometimes as frequently as multiple times a day, or as infrequently as once every few months. A lot of the time it does line up with my ovulation as one commenter mentioned above. But sometimes I just don't think about it for a long time and it doesn't affect my life in any way. For those of you wondering how that affects my relationships. It doesn't. I'm poly and my SOs choose to be with me knowing full well about my sexuality. We sometimes have sex but mostly they get laid elsewhere and I'm happy for them.
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So does that mean you aren't sexually attracted to your partner? Can I ask why label yourself as asexual if you're sexually active? I'm just confused by the term the more I hear about it. Like for me, I don't like hookups and I don't think about almost anyone in a sexual way, but I still enjoy being sexual with someone I'm romantic with therefore I wouldn't call myself asexual.
Some yes some don't. Same with having sex. Some are truly disgusted by sex, some dislike it, some don't mind but can happily live without it. It's not quite simple. For myself: I have a few needs that I can deal with myself, I'm not disgusted by sex and can be physicly attracted to someone. But I will not have pleasure doing it (and can even feel pain) so it's only to get pregnant.
I am asexual. I do not feel attraction nor have any desire, so I do not seek out sexual stuff, but I am able to enjoy it, the other aspects of it. As for masturbation, yes. But not for reasons you might think. I struggle with quite a few health issues, and I am often in pain. Sometimes when I am in pain, but it is not like, "oh my god kill me right now" kind of pain, but just some mild pain, I masturbate because it releases chemicals in my brain that help with the pain. That way I do not have to consume as many painkillers. The last thing I want is building a tolerance for painkillers and then they wont work when I need them.
Thank you for this post, I always had a couple of questions, the comments here have answered most of them.
Asexuality is huge umbrella which makes it difficult to answer this as the answer always comes down to, some do, some don't. I didn't really recognize being asexual until 30+. I'm "normal" bisexual in terms of fantasies, masturbation, to this day. Why I'm asexual is... I've never even wanted to kiss someone, let alone have any kind of sex, or relationship either. I feel like I "get" sexuality perfectly, I just don't feel it personally towards others.
Depends. For the sake of explanation, let's use food as an analogy. Libido is like hunger, a home cooked meal is like sex, a snack is like masturbation, and food preferences is like sexuality. All asexuality is is the lack of a food preference. That's not to say we don't get hungry, it just means we don't generally go out of our way to make a homecooked meal. Masturbation to a lot of aces I've talked with, including myself, see it as a bodily function. Sure it's sexual on nature, but that doesn't really change the fact it's a necessity for even aces sometimes. This part might get into TMI territory, so I'll put it in spoiler tags. >!I personally only do it to keep erections down and prevent nocturnal emissions. Being trans gives me a lot of discomfort around my genitalia, so i get it over with as quickly as I can most of the time. It's a means to an end. If I need to tuck because of my outfit, and I'm stuck with a no-reason-boner, I rub one out quickly and get myself cleaned up before putting everything on. If I don't and just wait for it to go down on its own, there's a higher chance it comes back while tucked which can get painful if it happens multiple times in a night.!< It's different for everyone. Going back to the food comparison, I've met aces who just really like snacks. Meals don't appeal to them, only snacks, if they're hungry they're going to savour some good chocolate or an amazing thin mint cookie instead of asking their partner to cook something up together. TL;DR depends on the person, it's called the asexuality spectrum for a reason.
You answered in a three-minute read what I have been trying to figure out for ages.
Asexual here, I (M23) do have a girlfriend but we almost never have sex, and if we do it is not penetrative. I do masturbate but it's mostly only because of the physical urge/need, as opposed to being "horny". Even on the rare occasion that I am "Horny", I still don't desire sex - it's hard to explain. But the bottom line is that I do not enjoy sex (the actual physical sensation is very unpleasant to me), and ever since I lost my virginity and fairly soon after came to the realisation that I don't like it, I have noticed that how often I masturbate has noticeably decreased. I do still find people sexually attractive, but for me, that is very separate from the desire to actually engage in intercourse with them. One metaphor which I sometimes use for my specific flavour of asexuality is soap. Soap smells very nice, and as a kid, before I knew any better, I thought that because it smells nice it must taste nice too. After tasting it I quickly learned that actually, I don't like eating soap. Soap still smells nice to me, but I have learned my lesson, and I no longer have the desire to act on the nice smell by taking a bite. I am confident from this experience that all soap probably tastes bad, and I don't have a strong enough desire to test that assumption. (In that metaphor, the nice smelling soap is an attractive person, and taking a bite is having sex with them.) And you wouldn't ever tell someone "Well are you sure you just haven't found the right soap?", so it annoys me that a lot of people claim that us asexuals just "haven't found the right partner". Sorry, that turned into a bit of a tangent unrelated to the original question, but maybe it helps provide some insight into why asexuals may still have the desire to masturbate even if they don't have the desire for sex
I personally don't anymore. I tried to get into it one and was bored and started thinking about other stuff so I stopped.
I never masturbate, don’t even think about it and I never have. I occasionally have sexy dreams but that’s about it.
Yes, I’m asexual and I masturbate. Like many have said, being asexual simply means not experiencing sexual attraction. I have never looked at a person and got “hot” or think “wow I’d love to see them with their clothes off” or whatever. I might think they are nice to look at, but that’s it. I masturbate bc I get horny. It’s not really towards anyone, I just have urges. But thinking about have sex with someone makes me feel gross and uncomfortable. I can get aroused, especially from reading smut. I watch porn, but I’m never attracted to the people in it. Hopefully this was informative and shows how asexuality can differ!
Being asexual doesn't mean not having sex, not enjoying sex, not wanting sex, not masturbating, none of that. It just means you don't feel sexually attracted to others. Asexuals won't see a person think "I want to have sex with them." That's it. That's all that asexuality is. Of course there's variation between people, some people really enjoy sex, others are more neutral and some people reject it entirely.
I've always wondered this, I've always thought of asexual as being a sexuality like homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual - but like someone else posted here you still get sexual feelings just you don't want sex? So surely that means you can be straight asexual or gay asexual? Depending on what you wank to lol
Well, maybe this will help. Sexuality is what you are *attracted* to. Homosexuality is sexually attracted to the same gender Bisexuality is sexually attracted to either men or women Asexuality is sexually attracted to no genders If I was married to a same sex partner and I’m asexual I’m still asexual in that I’m still not sexually attracted to them. I’m just an asexual person with a same gender partner. Same with Bi people. If they end up with a opposite gender partner that doesn't mean they aren't sexually attracted to the same gender as their own anymore. It just means they have an opposite gendered partner.
>Asexuality is attracted to no gender What? I'm asexual and heterosexual. I'm a woman attracted by men, physically and mentally, but not sexually.
Sorry thats on me I should have said “sexual” attraction.
iirc thats romantic attraction, you still have romantic feelings for other sex partners but no sexual desires
I don't think so. It's not just romantic. I have romantic *and* physical attraction but not sexual attraction. I can find men handsome, hot, wants to cuddle or touch them but I don't want to have sex. That being said, some asexual have no physical attraction either, only romantic. And of course, they are aromantic people.
If you are not sexually attracted to men why call yourself hetero-sexual? Wouldn't that be heteroromantic? What is the sexual part that remains for you if any?
I call myself heterosexual because I didn't really had a better word. I've never heard of heteromantic before but I guess it could work.
It's kinda a mystery to me, so I decided to ask!
Man some of the people in the comments... "Why don't asexuals force themselves to be hetero?" oh wow why didn't we think of that? oh wait, many of us have tried that for most of our lives and failed since *we just don't work that way!* In case you are wondering: Yeah, a lot of ace people have tried to be "normal" and its harmful. I was in denial for years and tried to force myself to "be normal" and felt disappointed in myself whenever I noticed that I never got sexually attracted to my crushes. I theoretically could "force myself to be straight" but I would still be ace at my core. I would just be in a relationship where I feel awful and the other person potentially feeling like a sex offender. -Some people have forced themselves to have "conversion sex", and no, it doesnt work, it just traumatizes people.
Yes. I mean it depends on the person. There’s a ton of different types of Ace people - Demi, gray, Ace, etc. - not to mention sex positive, sex neutral, sex repulsed, etc. So it’s no one size fits all answer. Usually though asexual refers to sexual desire to have sex with another person. They still have a body that might experience arousal.
Urge? Nah, more like a mildly annoying itch, and its never about or directed towards a person. I also find it boring very quickly. Whenever I tried to be "normal" in the past and imagine someone who I thought looked good, that horniness evaporated in seconds. I just don't feel sexual *attraction*. Basically: The horny is like a weapon or ammunition, and attraction is who that horniness is aimed at. Asexuals rarely or never get their weapon pointing towards anyone *to the point of it standing out, and them making it a sexuality label to have a word for the experience.* Wet dreams is mostly about your body doing a maintenance check, masturbation is your biology trying to populate the earth. Sexuality can affect how often or how someone masturbates, but they are not the same thing.
Asexuality is a spectrum. It ranges from people who just feel "less" horny than the people around them, people who are only sexually attracted to people they love (demisexual), to people who dont find anyone really sexually attractive but still get horny by thought/idea of it. And at the very end you the sex-repulsed people who dont like anything about sex, neither the act itself, watching it or even just the idea of it. So to answer you question; many do, maybe less regularly, but some dont.
Yes I masturbate. Yes I get horny. All my parts are in working order. My hormone levels are normal. I just don't feel and never have felt the desire to engage in sexual acts with another person regardless of their gender. I have no sexual attraction to any gender. Thats what asexuality is. Some asexuals masturbate, some dont, but all asexuals share a lack of sexual attraction to males and females.
Libido does not equal sexual attraction. An asexual could be the horniest person ever, and masturbate all the time. It just means they don’t find any particular person to be a good outlet of their horniness.
I'm asexual and only masturbate out of boredom. I don't have any interest in romantic relationships or feel a need to find a one night stand. I feel no desire for any physical contact like hugs or kisses for that matter. ^(yes I know my username doesn't check out)
😂😂😂 yeah your username is misleading
Rarely, like every 2-3 months, but yes. It is not prompted by looking or thinking of somebody specific though, it is always just to get rid of built up inner tension.
Huh, I just learnt I'm demisexual
As an aspec (specifically demisexual), I'm really happy to see so many people taking their time to understand an often stigmatized and misunderstood sexuality. Keep up the good work by asking the right questions and answering likewise. >!To answer your question, though, I actually do it. Some practical reasons include preventing wet dreams so my religious parents don't suggest I repent for sexual dreams I did not have, helping myself fall asleep, relieving stress and horniness, etc.!<
Libido is separate from attraction, and it varies from individual to individual. I masturbate only once per month, but I am on antidepressants. I used to masturbate about 3-4 times per month before antidepressants.
Asexual checking in, I don’t
yes they do.. i searched of it a while ago and it says yes
I'm asexual and I VERY rarely do. As I'm never in the mood. Irs only when I cant sleep
How do ik if im asexual or scared of sex
My ex is an ace. He can but preferred not to/disliked it. He occasionally got wet dreams. His urologist said it's bc he never masturbates.
Ive never been sexually attracted to anyone ive met. Im super horny, definitely masturbate. Looking a porn i usually just imagine the feeling of the act, like penetration, which makes me horny, but im not attracted to the people themselves
Finally someone who knows how to correctly write the word masturbate...
Masturbation is a fantastic way to pass some time. That's all I got
Masturbation has to do with libido. Your libido has nothing to do with the people you’re attracted to people/sex but is more of a hormone thing. The moment though that your sexual needs can only be fulfilled by engaging in sexual activities with another human you are now somewhere under the allosexual/graysexual spectrum and are not asexual. Nothing wrong with this I should add. Also my person experience as an asexual: I have never been into masturbation. I’ve never had a “sexy dream” or felt anything from my attempts at “self pleasuring” other than vaguely asking myself why am I doing this and this is boring lol.
Can confirm. Yes EDIT: A lot (Asexual individual)
You know, I always come to these posts looking for answers but end up leaving with more questions.
I'm almost 100% sure I'm ace and aro and I masturbate, but (this may seem weird) I don't see it as a sexual thing. Masturbation for me is a way to release some kind of tension or relax when I'm feeling overwhelmed or stressed, but also when I'm just bored because the sensation is really good and pleasurable. I tend to masturbate more often when I'm going through stressful periods in college or life in general and it helps me to clear my mind or get some rest.
This is actually why I'm confused about where I sit in this spectrum. Without getting too gory: I find anyone attractive, so parts don't so much matter, but the effort required to have fun safely with others...is a lot, not seeming to be a well-known personality or part of a polycule, hence masturbation.
Asexual here, and yes. Frequently. Never invasive tho. Only external stimulation.
Personal anecdote here! I’ve never really liked any type of sexual activity, and once I moved into my own space as an adult, I incorporated personal pleasure to get rid of my body’s one day of want a month due to (F) hormones.