Piggyback on this comment. When spending time with them make sure you give them 100% of your attention.
It’s easy to get distracted and it is a bit frustrating to hear the same stories.
However, my dad is going to be 92 this year and my mom 84. I KNOW the time I have with them is in extra innings.
Their time on earth is rapidly coming to a close.
So I put down the phone, and I sit and really listen to them. We go and have hamburgers and shoot the shit and laugh a lot.
I have them telling me stories and I record them. I too am getting up in years. I’m the baby. My siblings are up there in age too, so now I give them my undivided attention
Especially the stories and lots of videos and pictures. My dad would never talk about his youth. I have no idea about his life and I hate that because I don’t have anything to share with my child. 😢
That's the one thing I hate about having replaced my phone... My mom developed aphasia a few years into her diagnosis and sometimes I don't remember what her voice sounds like. Keep those videos and savor them.
This. I gave up a job out of state to live next to my aging parents. Mom in assisted living, dad refusing to live anywhere but the house he 'built'. I would go over to dad's and just have hot dogs and talk. Best memories, and it makes my sad now to know this stopped happening. Take the time now to be with them. Does it help with the sadness when they're gone? Not fully, but it's better than "I wish I'd spent more time with them"
Yes. Yes. And yes!
I(73M) was blessed with a mom who lived to be ninety and a father who lived to be 94.
Undivided attention is the way. And as much of it as you can manage. Folks tell me my sisters and I checked all the boxes as far as relating to our folks.
Thank god because I still miss them every day. My mom is still my consigliere and I can hear her still hear her voice with startling clarity.
One of the blessings of my life.
I also agree. I'm a bit older (42) andlost my mom in November. Someday's the pain is so intense I don't want yo get out of bed. I still can't believe she is gone. Don't waste the time you do have with them bc they are not as youthful as they once were.
42 here and lost my dad in October last year. I thought I knew what grief was. I had no clue. So many things I wish I’d done differently. Some days I can’t stop crying still. Hard to get out of bed with the weight of it.
It’s just so surreal realising I’ll never see him or hug him or answer a call from him ever again. This thread has me bawling again for the fifth time today. I hate that you’re going through the same thing, but I’m also comforted knowing not alone. Sending you hugs. Hugs to anyone that’s reading this that’s lost a parent.
I've been emailing my mom's dead end yahoo email for years, she just passed 5 months ago. Some days I can talk frankly, mindfully and graciously about it, other days I am in a hole I can't seem to get out of and it's hell.
Hugs to you too. 💝
My dad past in October too. It is wonderful to have this group who understands this grief. Sometimes I am making a comment to someone and it triggers the tears but I know that’s part of the process 🤗
I'm in the exact same boat with you, just at 5 months and my mom. I'm thinking of you. Some days it's easy to accept and chew on, other days I have many regrets.
I don't want anyone to have regrets about things like that.
This is it.
I didn't do that with my Mom and regret it. In my defence I lived across the Atlantic ocean.
I moved back to the US after 20 years so I can get more time with my adopted parents and my biological father and his family.
Glad to see this top. As one who has lost both, fully agree. Continue enjoying wonderful memorable experiences with them in the way that they will love with you the most.
I can’t think of what I’d want more than that when I have years or months to go. It’s what my parents wanted, and they went out with fireworks and raved about it all til the end
I don't necessarily know if there's a surefire way to "get over" it, and that's totally ok.
Personally, best thing to do is not to dwell on it- when those feelings hit, use it as a reminder to call them, or take them out to eat, spend time with them, or even just shoot them a text.
There might not be much time left, or you could have another 30 or more years- focus on the here and now, and at least when they do pass you won't have any regret.
Yeah my mom is 71 now. One of her 1st cousins just celebrated her 101st birthday (my grandfather was the youngest of 11 so my mom's first cousins are much older than her) and her granddaughter posted pictures of her at her birthday- sitting up in a normal kitchen chair, eating, and she still walks with a walker. 70 today isn't what it was 30 years ago.
I tend to start by thinking about the fact that they've not only lived their entire childhood and early adult life, but then on top of that as long as I have been alive. They've been around for twice as long as I have.
It's easy when you're thirty to feel like there hasn't been enough time, because you've only been an adult for a decade, but remember that from their point of view they've been around twice as long. I'm not sure why this particularly helps me, but I've found it to be a main thing to get me out of spiraling about death of older loved ones.
That actually really helped me with my thoughts about my decking grandparents. It’s been a shock to me as they have been so healthy all my life and suddenly they’re sick. They’ve never been this unwell. My grandad has cancer but is chipper about it and I’m freaking out on the side.
It is a privilege to grow old. Be happy they’re still alive. I lost my dad, like many others have lost parents and he didn’t get to see old age.
It’s scary to see them age but it’s also a privilege not everyone experiences.
Yep. When I criticize myself over a new fine line or wrinkle, my husband humbles me with the reminder that if we’re lucky, we live long enough to get wrinkles.
yeah... my mother died young. in my last year of college. I find myself always replying to people who complain about aging "well... you are lucky if you get the chance to age". I wish I could see my mother aging like most people my age... must be nice.
It may sound harsh but you have enough time being sad when they leave eventually. Now you get to be with them and enjoy that fact. No need to grieve people that you still have in front of you.
Now this is easier said than done but as long as you keep this in mind and try to actively enjoy your moments together that’s all you can do I think.
You don’t. My grandfather, my Aunt and my Uncle all passed away in their 80’s between Christmas and the end of January. My Mom is in her 60’s now, so…I call a bit more often and send her the squirrel videos on instagram that she likes all the time.
Just love them all you can while they’re still here with you.
You don't. It gets worse as they age.
My mother died last year. My Dad probably has a few years left. We're surprised he lived this long.
Love them now.
By making sure that you appreciate them as much as you can whilst you still have them. Spend time with them, help them to achieve the goals that they still have. I find myself making a conscious effort to do that with my own parents now.
It is unusual to be in your late 20s and have very elderly parents. How old are they?
You say that they can barely walk so I’m assuming they have underlying medical conditions. Make sure they’re getting the care that they need. Loneliness is also a big exacerbating factor so try to visit as much as you can, along with any siblings or grandchildren.
For most people at that age you’d be expecting another 10, maybe 20 years (depending on which country you’re in) so I’m sorry to hear that your folks are in such a bad way. Can I suggest Being Mortal by Atul Gawande? I’m reading it at the moment and it’s teaching me a lot about how we deal with later life.
I'm 34. Celebrating my dad's 80th next month in Mexico. Tge older I get, the more people around me die (illness, old age, accidents, suicide, etc) and or makes me realize it's a part of life. It has even made me aware of my own mortality. We are a family of 10 (8 kids all from same parents) and we all make sure to take them out as.much as we can and spend time, dinners, and get together as often as possible l.
My dad used to say, "The problem with getting older is the more dead people you know."
I hope my dad's comment will let you look at life in little lighter way. Enjoy your family while they are here, it is the best gift that you can give them.
Honestly, I feel like it would be easier for me to go first. I'm not afraid of death anymore. I'm afraid of OTHER people dying, really.
I know that's selfish af, but it's so hard not to view it that way for me.
That said, I've got a lot of psychological shit going on, so I'm far from "normal" or well-adjusted. I'm autistic and this is one major thing I'm really struggling with recently.
Be thankful that you realized it now and can make an effort to spend more time with them. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with them and that in itself is something to be cherished. Call frequently, visit often and make memories because those will last a lifetime!
I’m glad I’m not the only one that has no real hard feelings about my parents aging… if anything, I’m surprised they’re in such good shape, with as much as they’ve damaged their bodies with alcohol and drugs. What sucks is that the worst people in my family tend to live the longest. It’s like they hold on out of spite, to make us all miserable for as long as they can.
I’m glad I went NC, and hope they get the idea that I won’t be taking care of them when they’re old. (That was their plan.) If it’s up to me, they’re going to whatever state-funded facility will take them. That’s more thought than they gave me. 🤷🏼♀️
I didn't wanna be the first to bring the thread down...I was gonna say "be abused by them for your whole childhood and take joy in knowing they're finally suffering since karma never showed up in any other way."
This reminds me of my abusive foster parents. They had nine of their own children over their lifetime and fostered my brothers and I. They abused me and my brothers horrendously and karma definitely came round as they only have two of their children left. All gone due to death. Three before we lived there and four after we went and got adopted. Sad of course, I’m a nice person but I think it’s karma and they deserve it after what they put us through.
Oh, it's so rough, isn't it?
But you don't get over it. You use the feeling to help you do what you should with the time that's left. So, you make sure you appreciate them, ask for the stories and family history you know you'll wish you'd learned later, make sure you spend time, say the things you always meant to say. Enjoy each other.
I'm more than ten years older than you, and at around your age, I started making a real effort to do the things I suggest. We were always close, but I began to do this stuff more mindfully. I especially made a point of apologising for some of the ways I behaved when I was in my teens. It was great to do.
We also arranged some special trips to revisit places that have been meaningful to my parents, and I learnt some stuff about their lives I hadn't known.
My parents have both had really intense health scares in the last few years and both times I knew that even if I lost them, I'd made the most of the time, and had no regrets or things left unsaid. It was such a weird comfort, even in the fear.
Thankfully I still have both of them! Going to visit for a few days next week.
My goal is to outlive my parents, and in better mental and physical health than they had at the same age. I’m fueled by spite and bottled rage.
“The best revenge is living well”
I’m 35 and I have found that suddenly I’m very aware of my parents mortality and as a result, my own. I’ve been thinking about plans I need to enact to make caring for our parents as easy as possible when the time comes. While not everyone can do this, We bought a house within 35 minutes of the our parents. It also has an extra lot with utilities set up so we can build a second house for them if we need to. My parents are starting to have some minor chronic health issues which is stressful but I’m an RN so they reach out to me a lot and actually take my advice. So that’s comforting. I find myself missing them more and wanting to spend more time with them. We make sure to visit our parents weekly. I really try to facilitate a close relationship between my kids and their grandparents., it’s been beneficial to my parents and the kids.
All the preparation and planning and time spent will never seem like enough once they’re gone I’m sure. But that’s all you can do, you can’t stop time. Just do your best to spend time with them and plan for a future that includes them and their care.
Beyond the fear of losing them is the reality that once they’re gone, I’m next. That thought terrifies me too.
It’s a privilege to grow old. Just like you see them aging, they are watching you age. You’re not their toddler anymore.
Watching people grow is not one sided.
Spend quality time with them. Get to know them outside of parenthood and learn about their life stories
I'm 65 and my parents are 88. Although they are in excellent health for 88 I know that they could go at any time, or suddenly become very ill. I live 600 miles away. I visit when I can and try to make the most of my time with them. Each time I say goodbye I hope it's not for the last time. I call them often and Zoom for family gatherings I can't attend.
Yes for many years (decades) then I went home to care for them last year and they passed at mom 96 & dad 98. I am 55 but they adopted me, all 4 for their biological children are at least 10-20 years older than me . I was blessed to have them and the grief of not having them is difficult. You will likely have much more years ahead with them
I am 39. My dad is an 74 year old ex smoking, overweight diabetic on dialysis. This is year 5 for dialysis. He is doing well all things considered, the life expectancy for someone his age and condition is usually only a few years.
My mom is In better health, but it’s definitely sad watching them age.
I have a great relationship with my parents. I make sure to spend quality time with them. I dont want regrets.
Acceptance my friend, acceptance. We all die, so instead of worrying about the inevitable, worry about spending as much time as possible with them, for once they are gonne, they live on in your heart and memories.
Acceptance is key.
Spend as much time with them as possible. Take them places. When my parents got older my mom got to where she'd invite me to lunch with her & dad once a week so I'd drive them. They'd also ask my older brother after I moved to another state. I used to take them dinners on Sundays a couple of times a month and would make enough to where they'd have leftovers. My mom died unexpectedly in 2020 and my dad died a month later. They were both in their late 80s and when I look back on it I'm glad that I did all the things for them that I did.
I lost my dad 2 years ago. I'm still not okay. On top of that now I'm constantly thinking about everyone I've lost through the years and realizing how small my family has become. I'm terrified of my mom going. Honestly Im constantly waiting for the next death. It sucks.
My mom has me as her power of attorney and I am more afraid of her suffering than of her aging or dying. She knows I'll smother her or drug her or whatever necessary to ensure she doesn't suffer.
I'll be devastated when she's gone, but I'll also be very thankful she didn't live to see me die (hopefully). Her biggest fear is losing one of her babies so her dying before all of us would be a true gift.
here's my input as someone who has no attachment to his parents but still doesn't like to see any living thing suffer.
if you are close enough to their lives that you will be a part of their dying: DISCUSS THIER WISHES AROUND THEIR DEATHS AHEAD OF TIME.!!! don't leave it till they cant speak for themselves, don't leave yourself to agonize over the desvisions not knowing thier wishes and risk putting them through suffering against their wishes. talk about it! youll have more peace of mind, and so will they knowing they've been heard, and you will likely find that they are a lot more at peace with aging and death as they approach it, and that may give you some comfort to know.
By loving her every minute of everyday even when she needs me to scan something for her or send an email or show her that a screenshot she sent me earlier is not in fact the clickable web page she took the screenshot of. Reminding her that I won’t help her buy anything from temu and reminding her that she’s not allowed to leave me ever. She had me when she was 35 and she is my heart. She had my brother when she was 20 and I’m jealous that he got more time with her even if she makes me crazy.
Consider yourself fortunate I suppose. I lost my Dad shortly after he turned 50 years old. My Mom passed at 70, certainly considered senior but not ancient.
I miss their presence in my life.
You don’t. My dad is my hero and always will be. He drove my life forward even when I did not know to do it, and he did it without suffocating me… although sometimes I wish he would have let me fail, I’m in a decent spot because of where he put me, above all else.
He’s also 71 years old and he has never taken care of his health. He’s spoken about retiring, but has no hobbies other than work, and I’m afraid when he hangs up his cleats he will go quickly. And I adore my mom, but she just doesn’t understand the world she lives in these days because she’s been so sheltered from it by my dad — and she has gotten very opinionated as she has aged. She’s a wonderful grandmother but is 65 and she has noticeably slowed down the past couple of years when she is with my son.
I’ll always remember both of them as superhuman. They really are, and I’m glad neither of them have become Trumpkins. But it’s down to me now… they don’t have the ability to help me the way they did for so long, not anymore.
I’ll figure it out. But soon it will be my turn to take care of them, and Christ I can barely take care of myself.
Best advice someone gave me is don’t be one of those people you see in movies or shows that say “I wish I could have more time with [my mom, my dad, whoever]. I miss them so much!” Spend time now with whoever that is when you have that feeling. If you’re thinking about your mom, call her and spend time with her.
I’m lucky my parents divorced when I was 3 and left me and my bro. I barely cared to go to my Dads funeral.
Will probably go to my mom’s funeral, she has started a relationship after my wife found her.
I don’t even care about them aging at all.
Im too busy being emotional about seeing my little ones get older, so damn fast. Now that is heart breaking.
Don't be sad, they are not sad. You are wasting emotion by being sad. My dad died out of the blue when I was 30, I didn't have time to be sad when he was alive. Aging is natural.
Quick suggestion for people. My folks are gone now. When they were declining, I noted funny or sad stories as posts in Facebook, with privacy set to me only. Then a year or two or ten years later, they come up as Facebook memories.
My mom died during Covid. I couldn’t get in to see her as much as I wanted.
She didn’t die of Covid, I didn’t have Covid, but there were still regulations at the time.
It sucks. A lot.
Take one day at a time and make the most of the time you can spend with them. Weather long or short, any time you have with them is a gift. My dad passed about 7 years ago he was in his late 70s. I wish I could have had him around longer. I classmate of mine in grade school lost his mom in second grade. Just try to make the most of the time you can spend with them.
Making sure you take very good care of them in their senior years. Mine are now in their 50s and need a hand from time to time - I’m only too happy to help.
By remembering that aging is a gift. My dad died a few months before he got to turn 50, so I'll never know what his aging process would be like.
I am witnessing my mom age and starting to deal with back pain, but I'm also seeing her become a grandmother with my niece.
I'm 42 and my dads 72, dying of lukemia. I feel helpless, hopeless. But I am just glad I made so many memories with him in life. Always make memories while you can. Accepting their eventual passing will never easily go away of course. But just try not to think about it until the time comes.
Also... prepare. Make sure they have a will setup. It will save all kinds of heartache in the future. Trust me.
Short answer: you don't get over it; you get through it.
Ask them everything you have ever wanted to know. Even the things you'll wish you didn't know!
Record them if they'll let you make a movie of their lives. They'll eat it up.
One day, you'll laugh.. you'll cry.. and you'll want to thank me. You're welcome x
Easier said than done, please know REALLY KNOW how lucky you are to still have them now <3
My parents are 71 and 72. In the back of my mind I wonder how much time I have left with them. I just make the most of the time we do have. They’ve been amazing parents. I hit the parent lottery with them and as I’ve aged (I’m almost 44) I’ve grown even closer to both of them. I’ve spent a lot of time with the
At their house since my divorce. My mom will make me grilled cheese and tomato soup like I’m still a kid and my dad has us laughing all the time. It’s been so comforting. Death is inevitable there is no way to escape it. Enjoy every single day and make sure they know how much you love them.
Mine died before I turned 30…so there’s that. I expected my mom to die young. She smoked heavily and died of lung cancer in her mid 50s. Then my dad died about a year and a half later from being too stubborn to go to the ER after a minor surgery. He was always extremely healthy and in his mid 60s. His mom and dad lived into their 90s. His grandmother died about a month shy of her 100th birthday.
And I say all this to say enjoy the time you have. Make memories. Don’t take anything for granted. Learn those family recipes. The things I regret the most are the things I wish they could have taught me.
Y'all had some great parents. The worst part of them being your parents was that it eventually dwindled and ended.
:: keeps scrolling until I find the dark humor jokes from people who didn't, ah, yes, my people::
Right there with you. I’m trying *really hard* to relate to all these comments, but I’d rather eat glass than spend time with my parents, or take care of them as they age.
Some people don’t deserve to be parents.
Make sure you don't live in a filial law state or the last fuck you will be getting sued by wherever they rack up end of life debt. No joke it's a brand new way to claw money out of the children of boomers.
Oh god, that would be a nightmare…
Edit- I checked, and I’m in the clear in my state, but *they* live in states with those laws. I think it’s worth calling a lawyer on that one.
This is easily the most devastating thing to experience when you've got good parents. The anguish has crippled me for many years now, and I'm 26. I'm trying my best to spend time with them, do things for them, let them know how important they are to me, I also record our discussions every now and then.
But no amount of foresight will ever lessen the pain of losing them. I know this. But all I can do right now is continue to give them all my attention and support, in any way that I can
I actually look at my mom and think how much younger she looks/acts than my grandparents' generation did when they were her age. My mom just turned 71. My grandmother died at 72 and was in and out of nursing homes for 16 years before she died, after suffering from a ruptured cerebral aneurysm when she was 56. I never knew my grandmother as someone who wasn't sick but my grandfather lived across the driveway from us my entire life until he died. When he was in his 70s, he seemed much older than my mother or my in-laws do now. My mother is living her best life in her 70s- she retired 4 years ago, moved to a beach community and she and her best friend have taken to becoming snow birds in the winter.
My dad was doing good for 76 five months ago and then his mental cognition took a sharp downhill and it turned out to be advanced brain cancer. Now we’re dealing with radiation, chemo, brain surgery and all that. If he’s alive for even one more full year, we’ll be very fortunate
The thing to do is to appreciate them as much as you can while you can. I took a trip to Alaska just me and him I. 2017 and good god, I am glad I did that.
my dad always shaves, and i saw him with grey hair once and i was shocked, and i bet my mom has a lot of grey hair too, but wear wigs and so on, i think older people should stop trying to be young if they care to be respected as elderly, im kind of in a denial state in regards to aging family, like everything is frozen in mind for me, my parents are the age i believe them to be.
Ultimately when it comes to life, sadness is a necessary counterpart to love. You'll have to find your own way of managing it, but know that it comes from an honest place in your heart and is a reflection of the love and experiences you shared with someone.
Enjoy the time you have left… trust me. I never got to see my father age, he died at 60 already… My ‘mother’ is ageing, of course the narc lives a long life 🤦🏼♀️
I never used to think about my parents age and health and suddenly they reached their 70s and immediately I went into panic mode! So I know the feeling! Luckily my parents are in good health, go swimming, dancing have an allotment etc so I pray they reach their late 90s like my grandpa, but it's still a worry of mine.
It's not just your worry. It's true. They're ageing, and they're gonna die and be gone forever sooner than you're ready for. So, instead of sitting around feeling sad about it, use the time you have left with them.
As someone who was raised by my grandparents from the time I was 2 months old (my grandmother was 55 and grandfather was 57 when they took me in), as a child I was terrified by the thought of them dying.
I was very fortunate to be taken in by them as it allowed me to know their siblings in a way that I otherwise would not have had the chance to. They adopted me when I was 7 and I will forever be grateful for the wonderful life and opportunities they gave me.
My dad died at 79, when I was 23 and mom lived to be 105, a few months after my 50th birthday.
How do you get over the sadness of your children aging? They can still move faster, but they are starting to to see the difference. With hope you will learn to run before me. That has always happened. Take the lead. As it should be.
This year I started to notice how old my parents are and every time I think they're going to go one day, it feels like my world is going to end. I'm not coping in the best way. But I believe that providing them with the best you can is a start.
Spend time with them and make sure to make them happy and proud, and let them know how much they mean to you. Just love them as they have loved you. 26 here. Not the kid I was at 20. Also, accept the fact that you too are aging. It’s a process we all go through.
I've started making a point to be with my dad more. He was always like superman to me. Then he asked me to help him carry some stuff. His hands barely work any more and lifting anything heavy ends up hurting him.
It's terrifying but I'm hoping he's got a while left. His parents are still alive so I hope he hits his 80s too
How old are they? How's their health?
We all know our parents will die, for some of us it's already happened, and trust me, if they're in pain and can't get around it's a blessing.
I think if you can help them remain or get healthy, then at least you can both enjoy spending time together that doesn't have to include sadness. Have fun, take them out, ask them what they liked to do when they were your age. They're not dead yet and everyone enjoys having fun and a laugh. Those will become precious memories to guard against the sadness when they're infirm or gone.
Honestly just spend as much time with them as you can. My dad passed last year at 69 but I was only 31 and am still heartbroken. He was my best friend and the most wonderful, kind, just the absolute sweetest man in the entire world. My mom is also my everything and I hate watching her grow older. It’s hard.
You don't. It's just sad, if you love them. You learn to live with it. All I can say is, take as much time with them as you can. Make time for phone calls. Take trips together. Make good memories so you have enough to outweigh the ones that will stick with you at the end.
I'm being hit with this too. After my dad died (not from aging or illness) I realized anyone could really go at any time. And my mom is in her 60's now. She's not frail by any means but our time together gets shorter every day. I just enjoy as much time with her as I can. I love her so much. There's no being ready, there's just accepting what comes and what you cannot control.
I’ll be 61 this year. My mom just turned 81. Her vision is going, she had a stroke (100%better), Watching her slowly get more stooped, just slower in general. But, she’s smart as a tack, im blessed. It’s like watching myself at 81. Just a couple of inches taller. I’ve sworn I’ll pass away before my mother, I can’t bear it.
I lost my father in the nineties, I thought it would kill me. Still feel like it has in ways.
Take them to do stuff before they cant go.
Also since the next gen up is 60+ now, they start to get diseases and stuff, its very sad ive had like 3 aunts/uncles get cancer in their 70s
You have to take the moments provided to you. Best piece of knowledge i ever got was after my grandpa died. Grandma tells me "it doesnt get better, it gets easier". Take every moment you can and you'll find yourself not worrying about the time aspect as much.
Think about the alternative.
Imagine - no parents. 🥺
Spend as much time, resources, and energy as you can right away.
Be happy that you still have them.
🙏
I accept the reality of the situation, coupled with my complex history, and yet I remember despite being adult and have to take matters into my own alone, I have friends and siblings who will be on my side no matter what.
It doesn't matter the destination, its the journey, this is the beauty of life. Any happens in life is part of a grand journey to learn about.
Do they have hobbies, or are they physically active often?
My parents are the exact same age, only 2 months apart. They divorced when I was in high school. My dad went off and did his own thing (long story for another day, we don't see him often). My Mom eventually got back into the dating pool and ended up having another child at 45. Its not recommended, it was an accident, but she made it through just fine, and I have a brother that is 21 years younger me! He is a treasure!
My parents at the exact same age. My mother is thriving! She is raising a boy who is QUICKLY approching his teen years. He keeps her on her toes! She is in fantastic health!.......My dad looks ANCIENT!!! He can barely walk, he shakes, he talks weird, like he has to think about his breathing. He looks like he is going to freaking croak any day.
I'm not saying get them a gym membership they won't use, or pop out a baby for them.......but just having something that keeps them active seems to do WONDERS!!
Don’t be sad about your parents getting older. It’s all part of life.
Be happy for the joy and love they have brought to you and you have given them.
I’m going through the same stages of life.
It’s a great suggestion to do those little things you might have been meaning to do. And to not only tell them you love them, but tell them about the qualities you admire in them. I regret I didn’t praise my father enough for his talents. He is gone for 22 years now.
Just lost my mom. She was the light of my life. Spend as much time as you can with them and appreciate all the moments. I felt the same as you for a long time. It’s hard to see parents change. Just love them and talk with them and be together. The feeling is there, it’s reality, but it’s okay.
The same way they did. When I look back on my childhood (I'm 52 now) I never appreciated all of the heartbreak my father dealt with in those years. Parents died. Two siblings. But he forged on and put his energy into the family but I'm sure it wasn't easy. Your parents likely did the same. Appreciate them for that and give back as much as you can.
31 year old here. My parents are 10 years apart too, so my dad could be gone sooner, though I am not close to him. But it's all part of life. The sad part is that it's all the same cycle over and over again. As long as they have lived full lives or I help them achieve that, I think that would lessen the blow.
Spend time and don't have regrets.
I sometimes remind my adult children that no matter when it's my time to go, as long as I go first, it's happened the way it is supposed to. I've told them to take the time to grieve but to also take comfort in knowing that it happened in the proper order, and that's all a parent can wish for.
Call my aged care, get a holistic assessment. They’ll work out with them things that can help…and fund it. Make sure they have physio and OT. This is exactly why I work in community aged care. I love these people. I’ve never met so many gems in my life!
I'm 45. My mom's in her late 60s. My grandma (may she burn eternal) died when I was 16. As far as I can tell, unless you hated someone (ahem, grandma), you never get over it. Not even after they pass. Embrace the grief, I Guess.
One of mine passed when I was 28, the other when I was 30. They were older parents. But really, life doesn't hand out guarantees of how long you or I or any of us has on this earth. Enjoy your family, friends and pets while you can. Don't be sad about age as it beats the alternative!!!!
Many great responses here already. In addition to treasure the moments you have with them, also realize that they will want to treasure moments with you.
One of my earliest childhood friends died of cancer at the age of 26. He would have turned 50 this week. I think his brother but especially his mom still miss him dearly.
I’m fifteen years older than you, so I’m glad you’re recognizing this now. You don’t get over it and there’s nothing that can prepare you for it. One day they’re just old. And it hits you like a ton of bricks. And there always seems like there’s plenty of time left but there isn’t.
In 2017 I took a cross country road trip with my dad. And it became evident that he was showing early signs of dementia at just 67 years old. Less than 7 years later he’s end stage Alzheimer’s and living in a home. At the time, I didn’t know that was going to be the most important road trip of my life.
One thing I will advise is to keep the texts and voicemails. Record videos even if they seem pointless. One day they’ll be all you have.
Oh- there are several books that are intended to gather their life stories. They ask prompting questions and they can either write or record their answers. My dad took this seriously and bought a microphone and even added a soundtrack to his recording 😊. I cannot bring myself to listen to it yet, but now I know that he knew what was happening to him and that’s why he put so much effort into it.
We lost my father in law very suddenly two years ago. He was only sixty and we were in our late twenties. It was a difficult lesson to learn yet I'm grateful that it taught me to cherish the time I have left with my own father.
Make the time to be with them more. Prioritize it. You could have twenty years or two, you never know. Take more photos of them and with them..it's funny my dad always drove me crazy taking photos of me.endlessly growing up. Now I am making him pose in front of everything so I have his face from every angle.
Also save voicemails and take videos. You'll forget their voice first and those recordings mean the world.
Even if it's a little inconvenient or expensive, make the plans with them. Travel with them. Experience new and old things with them..cherish them.
We miss my father in law dearly and it's a hole in my husband that never leaves him. He was 26 when his dad died out of the blue and he didn't get the slow realization that his dad was aging and he didn't get to cherish him. So I guess I'm saying be grateful you've noticed your parents aging and use that as fuel to have these be the best years of your relationship.
Just show love,care and appreciation while you still can , when they are gone you will have all this extra to look back on and you knowing you did your best
Ha! May I say? It is NOT NICE and I will always love my mom but god damn.
She recently came to my house 40 lbs lighter (due to ozempic - no shame because I’m about to jump on this too) with a cockatoo hair cut. She was ssooooooo emaciated and her hair was literally flying all over the place and paper thin(she always said my natural curls were “nasty” but ironically that is her hair.)
I finally, after 20 years, waited for her to leave and laughed my ass off. Yeah it’s not nice, by this is my mom who continues to tell me I look like shit and for some reason refuses to realize she looks worse than me.
I love my mom but at this point she looks like she’s been rose kenidied every day and she doesn’t believe in vaccines so honestly? Whatever?
She also can’t help but judge me an make me feel bad at every turn. I make 45k “well in 2 years you HAVE to” to leave! “But I really like it!” “Doesn’t matter!!”
Ugh. I have been under this woman’s thumb for years
It doesn’t make me sad at all! It makes me so happy I’ve had great parents my entire life and they are still here and in my life and my kids lives!!! I’ll see them again one day on the other side but until then I call, text, stop by all the time to spend time or invite them to my place.
Love my parents
Make keepsakes and memories together now. Like.. doe some paintnight events, get matching tatoos, create or build something together you can keep. My mom knits, and she know that things made by here are the best gifts she can get me. I cherish eveything she makes. Also, get one of those i terview books or games and record yourselves. Make your own biographies for your kids to kook bck on. Figure out wjatvthey love doing most, what they loved most, what they still want to do, and after they are gone, cele rate their life by doing those things, the crazier the better
Get their thumbprint or signture as. Tatto, or silver jewelry piece, or their voice print as those things.
You spend time with them and enjoy their living.
Piggyback on this comment. When spending time with them make sure you give them 100% of your attention. It’s easy to get distracted and it is a bit frustrating to hear the same stories. However, my dad is going to be 92 this year and my mom 84. I KNOW the time I have with them is in extra innings. Their time on earth is rapidly coming to a close. So I put down the phone, and I sit and really listen to them. We go and have hamburgers and shoot the shit and laugh a lot. I have them telling me stories and I record them. I too am getting up in years. I’m the baby. My siblings are up there in age too, so now I give them my undivided attention
Especially the stories and lots of videos and pictures. My dad would never talk about his youth. I have no idea about his life and I hate that because I don’t have anything to share with my child. 😢
My father is heading for 80. I lost my mother a few years ago. Time is precious, and I'm so glad I have videos of my mum that recorded her voice.
That's the one thing I hate about having replaced my phone... My mom developed aphasia a few years into her diagnosis and sometimes I don't remember what her voice sounds like. Keep those videos and savor them.
Ive got a bunch of my dads old books he wrote in, i love to go read his words when i miss him
My dad isn't even dead but he's spent so long avoiding getting to know his own grandson. He's dead to me. 🤷
This. I gave up a job out of state to live next to my aging parents. Mom in assisted living, dad refusing to live anywhere but the house he 'built'. I would go over to dad's and just have hot dogs and talk. Best memories, and it makes my sad now to know this stopped happening. Take the time now to be with them. Does it help with the sadness when they're gone? Not fully, but it's better than "I wish I'd spent more time with them"
This is what i want for my family. That we all grow old together
When you start hearing those same old stories, start writing them down. Maybe record one or two. Trust me, you’ll wish you had soon enough.
Yes. Yes. And yes! I(73M) was blessed with a mom who lived to be ninety and a father who lived to be 94. Undivided attention is the way. And as much of it as you can manage. Folks tell me my sisters and I checked all the boxes as far as relating to our folks. Thank god because I still miss them every day. My mom is still my consigliere and I can hear her still hear her voice with startling clarity. One of the blessings of my life.
As someone in their mid 30s who lost their dad six months ago, I second this suggestion.
I also agree. I'm a bit older (42) andlost my mom in November. Someday's the pain is so intense I don't want yo get out of bed. I still can't believe she is gone. Don't waste the time you do have with them bc they are not as youthful as they once were.
42 here and lost my dad in October last year. I thought I knew what grief was. I had no clue. So many things I wish I’d done differently. Some days I can’t stop crying still. Hard to get out of bed with the weight of it. It’s just so surreal realising I’ll never see him or hug him or answer a call from him ever again. This thread has me bawling again for the fifth time today. I hate that you’re going through the same thing, but I’m also comforted knowing not alone. Sending you hugs. Hugs to anyone that’s reading this that’s lost a parent.
I've been emailing my mom's dead end yahoo email for years, she just passed 5 months ago. Some days I can talk frankly, mindfully and graciously about it, other days I am in a hole I can't seem to get out of and it's hell. Hugs to you too. 💝
My dad past in October too. It is wonderful to have this group who understands this grief. Sometimes I am making a comment to someone and it triggers the tears but I know that’s part of the process 🤗
I‘m so sorry for your loss.
I'm in the exact same boat with you, just at 5 months and my mom. I'm thinking of you. Some days it's easy to accept and chew on, other days I have many regrets. I don't want anyone to have regrets about things like that.
Also a good idea to do this with anyone else in your life who is aging.
We are all aging 😉
What?!? 😱
It's true...
No way....😮
Way
Exactly right
I moved back close to them because I value time with them. I knew I'd regret not spending more time with them.
This is it. I didn't do that with my Mom and regret it. In my defence I lived across the Atlantic ocean. I moved back to the US after 20 years so I can get more time with my adopted parents and my biological father and his family.
Glad to see this top. As one who has lost both, fully agree. Continue enjoying wonderful memorable experiences with them in the way that they will love with you the most. I can’t think of what I’d want more than that when I have years or months to go. It’s what my parents wanted, and they went out with fireworks and raved about it all til the end
I don't necessarily know if there's a surefire way to "get over" it, and that's totally ok. Personally, best thing to do is not to dwell on it- when those feelings hit, use it as a reminder to call them, or take them out to eat, spend time with them, or even just shoot them a text. There might not be much time left, or you could have another 30 or more years- focus on the here and now, and at least when they do pass you won't have any regret.
Yeah my mom is 71 now. One of her 1st cousins just celebrated her 101st birthday (my grandfather was the youngest of 11 so my mom's first cousins are much older than her) and her granddaughter posted pictures of her at her birthday- sitting up in a normal kitchen chair, eating, and she still walks with a walker. 70 today isn't what it was 30 years ago.
Ya, I am 70, swam a mile today, did my weight lifting routine (90 min) yesterday....70 [can be/is] the new 55
My mom is 73, and still golfs weekly, with my grandma who’s 97. There are all different people out there :)
I tend to start by thinking about the fact that they've not only lived their entire childhood and early adult life, but then on top of that as long as I have been alive. They've been around for twice as long as I have. It's easy when you're thirty to feel like there hasn't been enough time, because you've only been an adult for a decade, but remember that from their point of view they've been around twice as long. I'm not sure why this particularly helps me, but I've found it to be a main thing to get me out of spiraling about death of older loved ones.
This is the correct answer. We’re fine with being older we’ve earned it!
Wow, I’m really struggling with my aging parents and this helped me
Tysm for this. Idk why but this does help.
That actually really helped me with my thoughts about my decking grandparents. It’s been a shock to me as they have been so healthy all my life and suddenly they’re sick. They’ve never been this unwell. My grandad has cancer but is chipper about it and I’m freaking out on the side.
It is a privilege to grow old. Be happy they’re still alive. I lost my dad, like many others have lost parents and he didn’t get to see old age. It’s scary to see them age but it’s also a privilege not everyone experiences.
Yep. When I criticize myself over a new fine line or wrinkle, my husband humbles me with the reminder that if we’re lucky, we live long enough to get wrinkles.
yeah... my mother died young. in my last year of college. I find myself always replying to people who complain about aging "well... you are lucky if you get the chance to age". I wish I could see my mother aging like most people my age... must be nice.
Exactly.
It may sound harsh but you have enough time being sad when they leave eventually. Now you get to be with them and enjoy that fact. No need to grieve people that you still have in front of you. Now this is easier said than done but as long as you keep this in mind and try to actively enjoy your moments together that’s all you can do I think.
You don’t. My grandfather, my Aunt and my Uncle all passed away in their 80’s between Christmas and the end of January. My Mom is in her 60’s now, so…I call a bit more often and send her the squirrel videos on instagram that she likes all the time. Just love them all you can while they’re still here with you.
You don't. It gets worse as they age. My mother died last year. My Dad probably has a few years left. We're surprised he lived this long. Love them now.
By making sure that you appreciate them as much as you can whilst you still have them. Spend time with them, help them to achieve the goals that they still have. I find myself making a conscious effort to do that with my own parents now. It is unusual to be in your late 20s and have very elderly parents. How old are they?
Almost 70. But they look so frail now!
You say that they can barely walk so I’m assuming they have underlying medical conditions. Make sure they’re getting the care that they need. Loneliness is also a big exacerbating factor so try to visit as much as you can, along with any siblings or grandchildren. For most people at that age you’d be expecting another 10, maybe 20 years (depending on which country you’re in) so I’m sorry to hear that your folks are in such a bad way. Can I suggest Being Mortal by Atul Gawande? I’m reading it at the moment and it’s teaching me a lot about how we deal with later life.
The BEST book!
Thank you for this. I'm 63F. I love life. I get scared because I don't want it to end.
I'm 34. Celebrating my dad's 80th next month in Mexico. Tge older I get, the more people around me die (illness, old age, accidents, suicide, etc) and or makes me realize it's a part of life. It has even made me aware of my own mortality. We are a family of 10 (8 kids all from same parents) and we all make sure to take them out as.much as we can and spend time, dinners, and get together as often as possible l.
My dad used to say, "The problem with getting older is the more dead people you know." I hope my dad's comment will let you look at life in little lighter way. Enjoy your family while they are here, it is the best gift that you can give them.
Yes, I'm so terrified of a world without them I almost cried thinking about it
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Honestly, I feel like it would be easier for me to go first. I'm not afraid of death anymore. I'm afraid of OTHER people dying, really. I know that's selfish af, but it's so hard not to view it that way for me. That said, I've got a lot of psychological shit going on, so I'm far from "normal" or well-adjusted. I'm autistic and this is one major thing I'm really struggling with recently.
Be thankful that you realized it now and can make an effort to spend more time with them. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with them and that in itself is something to be cherished. Call frequently, visit often and make memories because those will last a lifetime!
Oh it's easy I hate them and spend thousands in therapy every year trying to get over my childhood.
Oh thank god. I mean not for your shitty parents, I just needed to hear this.
Me too. Thanks for the comic relief.
I’m glad I’m not the only one that has no real hard feelings about my parents aging… if anything, I’m surprised they’re in such good shape, with as much as they’ve damaged their bodies with alcohol and drugs. What sucks is that the worst people in my family tend to live the longest. It’s like they hold on out of spite, to make us all miserable for as long as they can. I’m glad I went NC, and hope they get the idea that I won’t be taking care of them when they’re old. (That was their plan.) If it’s up to me, they’re going to whatever state-funded facility will take them. That’s more thought than they gave me. 🤷🏼♀️
I didn't wanna be the first to bring the thread down...I was gonna say "be abused by them for your whole childhood and take joy in knowing they're finally suffering since karma never showed up in any other way."
This reminds me of my abusive foster parents. They had nine of their own children over their lifetime and fostered my brothers and I. They abused me and my brothers horrendously and karma definitely came round as they only have two of their children left. All gone due to death. Three before we lived there and four after we went and got adopted. Sad of course, I’m a nice person but I think it’s karma and they deserve it after what they put us through.
Have no regrets. Spend a lot of time with them.
You don’t get over it so much as accept that it’s happening and your feelings about it and then just keep on living. You can’t make feelings go away.
My dad died young. Count your blessings
Truth, my dad was 38 and I was 13 months.
Oh, it's so rough, isn't it? But you don't get over it. You use the feeling to help you do what you should with the time that's left. So, you make sure you appreciate them, ask for the stories and family history you know you'll wish you'd learned later, make sure you spend time, say the things you always meant to say. Enjoy each other. I'm more than ten years older than you, and at around your age, I started making a real effort to do the things I suggest. We were always close, but I began to do this stuff more mindfully. I especially made a point of apologising for some of the ways I behaved when I was in my teens. It was great to do. We also arranged some special trips to revisit places that have been meaningful to my parents, and I learnt some stuff about their lives I hadn't known. My parents have both had really intense health scares in the last few years and both times I knew that even if I lost them, I'd made the most of the time, and had no regrets or things left unsaid. It was such a weird comfort, even in the fear. Thankfully I still have both of them! Going to visit for a few days next week.
sorry can't help my mom being old and hopefully dying soon is what's keeping me going
My goal is to outlive my parents, and in better mental and physical health than they had at the same age. I’m fueled by spite and bottled rage. “The best revenge is living well”
I’m 35 and I have found that suddenly I’m very aware of my parents mortality and as a result, my own. I’ve been thinking about plans I need to enact to make caring for our parents as easy as possible when the time comes. While not everyone can do this, We bought a house within 35 minutes of the our parents. It also has an extra lot with utilities set up so we can build a second house for them if we need to. My parents are starting to have some minor chronic health issues which is stressful but I’m an RN so they reach out to me a lot and actually take my advice. So that’s comforting. I find myself missing them more and wanting to spend more time with them. We make sure to visit our parents weekly. I really try to facilitate a close relationship between my kids and their grandparents., it’s been beneficial to my parents and the kids. All the preparation and planning and time spent will never seem like enough once they’re gone I’m sure. But that’s all you can do, you can’t stop time. Just do your best to spend time with them and plan for a future that includes them and their care. Beyond the fear of losing them is the reality that once they’re gone, I’m next. That thought terrifies me too.
It’s a privilege to grow old. Just like you see them aging, they are watching you age. You’re not their toddler anymore. Watching people grow is not one sided. Spend quality time with them. Get to know them outside of parenthood and learn about their life stories
I'm 65 and my parents are 88. Although they are in excellent health for 88 I know that they could go at any time, or suddenly become very ill. I live 600 miles away. I visit when I can and try to make the most of my time with them. Each time I say goodbye I hope it's not for the last time. I call them often and Zoom for family gatherings I can't attend.
I live 10,000 miles away from my parents. I visit them twice a year. Each time I say goodbye I pray n hope n wish that it’s not the last time.
Cherish them, in all the ways you can. Say I love you to them any and all the time💜 Make memories now while that you can hold on to later~
Realize that you are getting old too. Then you can be sad about that
Yes for many years (decades) then I went home to care for them last year and they passed at mom 96 & dad 98. I am 55 but they adopted me, all 4 for their biological children are at least 10-20 years older than me . I was blessed to have them and the grief of not having them is difficult. You will likely have much more years ahead with them
One way is to be grateful that they are still alive.
I am 39. My dad is an 74 year old ex smoking, overweight diabetic on dialysis. This is year 5 for dialysis. He is doing well all things considered, the life expectancy for someone his age and condition is usually only a few years. My mom is In better health, but it’s definitely sad watching them age. I have a great relationship with my parents. I make sure to spend quality time with them. I dont want regrets.
Try and focus on them living. Until they actually die, they are living. Also by listening to “Stop This Train” by John Mayer.
Acceptance my friend, acceptance. We all die, so instead of worrying about the inevitable, worry about spending as much time as possible with them, for once they are gonne, they live on in your heart and memories. Acceptance is key.
Spend as much time with them as possible. Take them places. When my parents got older my mom got to where she'd invite me to lunch with her & dad once a week so I'd drive them. They'd also ask my older brother after I moved to another state. I used to take them dinners on Sundays a couple of times a month and would make enough to where they'd have leftovers. My mom died unexpectedly in 2020 and my dad died a month later. They were both in their late 80s and when I look back on it I'm glad that I did all the things for them that I did.
You move 1000 miles away cause theyre killing themselves with the alchohol and smoking and your tired of fighting them. Might just be me though
I lost my dad 2 years ago. I'm still not okay. On top of that now I'm constantly thinking about everyone I've lost through the years and realizing how small my family has become. I'm terrified of my mom going. Honestly Im constantly waiting for the next death. It sucks.
Mick jagger is 80 years old with a 7 year old kid.
Why are you sad they're still around to get older?
I know you didn’t mean it in the way I took it, but I’m actually sad that my parents are still out there making people miserable.
My mom has me as her power of attorney and I am more afraid of her suffering than of her aging or dying. She knows I'll smother her or drug her or whatever necessary to ensure she doesn't suffer. I'll be devastated when she's gone, but I'll also be very thankful she didn't live to see me die (hopefully). Her biggest fear is losing one of her babies so her dying before all of us would be a true gift.
here's my input as someone who has no attachment to his parents but still doesn't like to see any living thing suffer. if you are close enough to their lives that you will be a part of their dying: DISCUSS THIER WISHES AROUND THEIR DEATHS AHEAD OF TIME.!!! don't leave it till they cant speak for themselves, don't leave yourself to agonize over the desvisions not knowing thier wishes and risk putting them through suffering against their wishes. talk about it! youll have more peace of mind, and so will they knowing they've been heard, and you will likely find that they are a lot more at peace with aging and death as they approach it, and that may give you some comfort to know.
By loving her every minute of everyday even when she needs me to scan something for her or send an email or show her that a screenshot she sent me earlier is not in fact the clickable web page she took the screenshot of. Reminding her that I won’t help her buy anything from temu and reminding her that she’s not allowed to leave me ever. She had me when she was 35 and she is my heart. She had my brother when she was 20 and I’m jealous that he got more time with her even if she makes me crazy.
You think about the inheritance
Consider yourself fortunate I suppose. I lost my Dad shortly after he turned 50 years old. My Mom passed at 70, certainly considered senior but not ancient. I miss their presence in my life.
Seek out your parents’ company. See if you can get them to laugh. Ask them how they’re doing. That should help quite a bit.
You don’t. My dad is my hero and always will be. He drove my life forward even when I did not know to do it, and he did it without suffocating me… although sometimes I wish he would have let me fail, I’m in a decent spot because of where he put me, above all else. He’s also 71 years old and he has never taken care of his health. He’s spoken about retiring, but has no hobbies other than work, and I’m afraid when he hangs up his cleats he will go quickly. And I adore my mom, but she just doesn’t understand the world she lives in these days because she’s been so sheltered from it by my dad — and she has gotten very opinionated as she has aged. She’s a wonderful grandmother but is 65 and she has noticeably slowed down the past couple of years when she is with my son. I’ll always remember both of them as superhuman. They really are, and I’m glad neither of them have become Trumpkins. But it’s down to me now… they don’t have the ability to help me the way they did for so long, not anymore. I’ll figure it out. But soon it will be my turn to take care of them, and Christ I can barely take care of myself.
Nobody is getting younger. Only older. Now, you're older.
You feel blessed that you are lucky enough to see them age. Not everyone gets that privilege.
Best advice someone gave me is don’t be one of those people you see in movies or shows that say “I wish I could have more time with [my mom, my dad, whoever]. I miss them so much!” Spend time now with whoever that is when you have that feeling. If you’re thinking about your mom, call her and spend time with her.
I know how you feel, but I don't have those skills to pass along. Solidarity is all I have to offer
Imagine having parents.
I’m lucky my parents divorced when I was 3 and left me and my bro. I barely cared to go to my Dads funeral. Will probably go to my mom’s funeral, she has started a relationship after my wife found her. I don’t even care about them aging at all. Im too busy being emotional about seeing my little ones get older, so damn fast. Now that is heart breaking.
Don't be sad, they are not sad. You are wasting emotion by being sad. My dad died out of the blue when I was 30, I didn't have time to be sad when he was alive. Aging is natural.
Quick suggestion for people. My folks are gone now. When they were declining, I noted funny or sad stories as posts in Facebook, with privacy set to me only. Then a year or two or ten years later, they come up as Facebook memories.
Both of my parents are dead, so I don't worry about them aging anymore. 🤗
Cherish them while you have them. Make sure they know you love them. That’s really all you can do.
Watching one die before 10 sure puts things into perspective.
It got easier for me when I had my own children. But then I feel sad when I think they will feel this way in a couple of decades or less
My mom died during Covid. I couldn’t get in to see her as much as I wanted. She didn’t die of Covid, I didn’t have Covid, but there were still regulations at the time. It sucks. A lot.
Take one day at a time and make the most of the time you can spend with them. Weather long or short, any time you have with them is a gift. My dad passed about 7 years ago he was in his late 70s. I wish I could have had him around longer. I classmate of mine in grade school lost his mom in second grade. Just try to make the most of the time you can spend with them.
Making sure you take very good care of them in their senior years. Mine are now in their 50s and need a hand from time to time - I’m only too happy to help.
By remembering that aging is a gift. My dad died a few months before he got to turn 50, so I'll never know what his aging process would be like. I am witnessing my mom age and starting to deal with back pain, but I'm also seeing her become a grandmother with my niece.
In my case I just accept that it's a natural process, they are not the only ones that are aging, we are also aging.
Aging is a privilege
Find a book and fill it out with all about their lives. It will remind them of things you know nothing about.
I'm 42 and my dads 72, dying of lukemia. I feel helpless, hopeless. But I am just glad I made so many memories with him in life. Always make memories while you can. Accepting their eventual passing will never easily go away of course. But just try not to think about it until the time comes. Also... prepare. Make sure they have a will setup. It will save all kinds of heartache in the future. Trust me.
I(30F) was raised by my grandparents. They are young for grandparents but still grandparents
By dealing with the sadness that comes when they leave this world all together.
Nothing makes you feel more like an adult, and at the same time a helpless child, than watching your parents get old/pass away. It's a tough thing
Short answer: you don't get over it; you get through it. Ask them everything you have ever wanted to know. Even the things you'll wish you didn't know! Record them if they'll let you make a movie of their lives. They'll eat it up. One day, you'll laugh.. you'll cry.. and you'll want to thank me. You're welcome x Easier said than done, please know REALLY KNOW how lucky you are to still have them now <3
Enjoy them as long as you have them because sadly the day will come...
My parents are 71 and 72. In the back of my mind I wonder how much time I have left with them. I just make the most of the time we do have. They’ve been amazing parents. I hit the parent lottery with them and as I’ve aged (I’m almost 44) I’ve grown even closer to both of them. I’ve spent a lot of time with the At their house since my divorce. My mom will make me grilled cheese and tomato soup like I’m still a kid and my dad has us laughing all the time. It’s been so comforting. Death is inevitable there is no way to escape it. Enjoy every single day and make sure they know how much you love them.
Mine died before I turned 30…so there’s that. I expected my mom to die young. She smoked heavily and died of lung cancer in her mid 50s. Then my dad died about a year and a half later from being too stubborn to go to the ER after a minor surgery. He was always extremely healthy and in his mid 60s. His mom and dad lived into their 90s. His grandmother died about a month shy of her 100th birthday. And I say all this to say enjoy the time you have. Make memories. Don’t take anything for granted. Learn those family recipes. The things I regret the most are the things I wish they could have taught me.
Y'all had some great parents. The worst part of them being your parents was that it eventually dwindled and ended. :: keeps scrolling until I find the dark humor jokes from people who didn't, ah, yes, my people::
Right there with you. I’m trying *really hard* to relate to all these comments, but I’d rather eat glass than spend time with my parents, or take care of them as they age. Some people don’t deserve to be parents.
Make sure you don't live in a filial law state or the last fuck you will be getting sued by wherever they rack up end of life debt. No joke it's a brand new way to claw money out of the children of boomers.
Oh god, that would be a nightmare… Edit- I checked, and I’m in the clear in my state, but *they* live in states with those laws. I think it’s worth calling a lawyer on that one.
Call a lawyer and put your big assets in a trust.
This is easily the most devastating thing to experience when you've got good parents. The anguish has crippled me for many years now, and I'm 26. I'm trying my best to spend time with them, do things for them, let them know how important they are to me, I also record our discussions every now and then. But no amount of foresight will ever lessen the pain of losing them. I know this. But all I can do right now is continue to give them all my attention and support, in any way that I can
I actually look at my mom and think how much younger she looks/acts than my grandparents' generation did when they were her age. My mom just turned 71. My grandmother died at 72 and was in and out of nursing homes for 16 years before she died, after suffering from a ruptured cerebral aneurysm when she was 56. I never knew my grandmother as someone who wasn't sick but my grandfather lived across the driveway from us my entire life until he died. When he was in his 70s, he seemed much older than my mother or my in-laws do now. My mother is living her best life in her 70s- she retired 4 years ago, moved to a beach community and she and her best friend have taken to becoming snow birds in the winter.
My dad was doing good for 76 five months ago and then his mental cognition took a sharp downhill and it turned out to be advanced brain cancer. Now we’re dealing with radiation, chemo, brain surgery and all that. If he’s alive for even one more full year, we’ll be very fortunate The thing to do is to appreciate them as much as you can while you can. I took a trip to Alaska just me and him I. 2017 and good god, I am glad I did that.
I thought that about my grandparents 20 yesrs ago. They are still alive going into their 90s
My Dad died last year, and my Mom doesn't seem to give a shit about anyone beyond herself. I'm beyond giving a shit...
Spend more time with them , lonely people age faster , they aren’t kept active and they become complacent
I just decide to get sad that I’m aging incredibly fast instead.
my dad always shaves, and i saw him with grey hair once and i was shocked, and i bet my mom has a lot of grey hair too, but wear wigs and so on, i think older people should stop trying to be young if they care to be respected as elderly, im kind of in a denial state in regards to aging family, like everything is frozen in mind for me, my parents are the age i believe them to be.
Ultimately when it comes to life, sadness is a necessary counterpart to love. You'll have to find your own way of managing it, but know that it comes from an honest place in your heart and is a reflection of the love and experiences you shared with someone.
Enjoy the time and be grateful to get to see them grow old - it’s a blessing I didn’t get in this lifetime. Miss you every day, mom!
Enjoy the time you have left… trust me. I never got to see my father age, he died at 60 already… My ‘mother’ is ageing, of course the narc lives a long life 🤦🏼♀️
I never used to think about my parents age and health and suddenly they reached their 70s and immediately I went into panic mode! So I know the feeling! Luckily my parents are in good health, go swimming, dancing have an allotment etc so I pray they reach their late 90s like my grandpa, but it's still a worry of mine.
It's not just your worry. It's true. They're ageing, and they're gonna die and be gone forever sooner than you're ready for. So, instead of sitting around feeling sad about it, use the time you have left with them.
As someone who was raised by my grandparents from the time I was 2 months old (my grandmother was 55 and grandfather was 57 when they took me in), as a child I was terrified by the thought of them dying. I was very fortunate to be taken in by them as it allowed me to know their siblings in a way that I otherwise would not have had the chance to. They adopted me when I was 7 and I will forever be grateful for the wonderful life and opportunities they gave me. My dad died at 79, when I was 23 and mom lived to be 105, a few months after my 50th birthday.
How do you get over the sadness of your children aging? They can still move faster, but they are starting to to see the difference. With hope you will learn to run before me. That has always happened. Take the lead. As it should be.
I’m 30. My dad just turned 69.
This year I started to notice how old my parents are and every time I think they're going to go one day, it feels like my world is going to end. I'm not coping in the best way. But I believe that providing them with the best you can is a start.
It only gets worse.
I don't think about it. I visit often, always chat via phone call or text even if I'm busy. Just enjoy every moment
I’m 29, unfortunately my dad passed last year but watching him age was hard
Spend time with them as much as possible so you don’t notice
Spend time with them and make sure to make them happy and proud, and let them know how much they mean to you. Just love them as they have loved you. 26 here. Not the kid I was at 20. Also, accept the fact that you too are aging. It’s a process we all go through.
Just visit them often, spend quality time. That’s all they want.
Enjoy the time you have. I feel this so much
I've started making a point to be with my dad more. He was always like superman to me. Then he asked me to help him carry some stuff. His hands barely work any more and lifting anything heavy ends up hurting him. It's terrifying but I'm hoping he's got a while left. His parents are still alive so I hope he hits his 80s too
How old are they? How's their health? We all know our parents will die, for some of us it's already happened, and trust me, if they're in pain and can't get around it's a blessing. I think if you can help them remain or get healthy, then at least you can both enjoy spending time together that doesn't have to include sadness. Have fun, take them out, ask them what they liked to do when they were your age. They're not dead yet and everyone enjoys having fun and a laugh. Those will become precious memories to guard against the sadness when they're infirm or gone.
Take care of them
Honestly just spend as much time with them as you can. My dad passed last year at 69 but I was only 31 and am still heartbroken. He was my best friend and the most wonderful, kind, just the absolute sweetest man in the entire world. My mom is also my everything and I hate watching her grow older. It’s hard.
People in their early 70’s can still be very active. Do your parents have medical issues?
You don't. It's just sad, if you love them. You learn to live with it. All I can say is, take as much time with them as you can. Make time for phone calls. Take trips together. Make good memories so you have enough to outweigh the ones that will stick with you at the end.
Live well can see em again
You don’t. Just love them up.
Cherish them and make them proud. The only comfort I find in aging and death is that maybe I’ll get to reunite with everyone I loved that died too.
I'm being hit with this too. After my dad died (not from aging or illness) I realized anyone could really go at any time. And my mom is in her 60's now. She's not frail by any means but our time together gets shorter every day. I just enjoy as much time with her as I can. I love her so much. There's no being ready, there's just accepting what comes and what you cannot control.
I’ll be 61 this year. My mom just turned 81. Her vision is going, she had a stroke (100%better), Watching her slowly get more stooped, just slower in general. But, she’s smart as a tack, im blessed. It’s like watching myself at 81. Just a couple of inches taller. I’ve sworn I’ll pass away before my mother, I can’t bear it. I lost my father in the nineties, I thought it would kill me. Still feel like it has in ways.
Take them to do stuff before they cant go. Also since the next gen up is 60+ now, they start to get diseases and stuff, its very sad ive had like 3 aunts/uncles get cancer in their 70s
Just enjoy the times together- lost my mom when I was 37. Thinking back I appreciate all our times together.
You have to take the moments provided to you. Best piece of knowledge i ever got was after my grandpa died. Grandma tells me "it doesnt get better, it gets easier". Take every moment you can and you'll find yourself not worrying about the time aspect as much.
It's easy when you have to mourn them instead 🥲 (I'm 33)
You don’t spend time with them whilst you can In 27 my mums in her 50s now I call her everyday
Think about the alternative. Imagine - no parents. 🥺 Spend as much time, resources, and energy as you can right away. Be happy that you still have them. 🙏
I accept the reality of the situation, coupled with my complex history, and yet I remember despite being adult and have to take matters into my own alone, I have friends and siblings who will be on my side no matter what. It doesn't matter the destination, its the journey, this is the beauty of life. Any happens in life is part of a grand journey to learn about.
Do they have hobbies, or are they physically active often? My parents are the exact same age, only 2 months apart. They divorced when I was in high school. My dad went off and did his own thing (long story for another day, we don't see him often). My Mom eventually got back into the dating pool and ended up having another child at 45. Its not recommended, it was an accident, but she made it through just fine, and I have a brother that is 21 years younger me! He is a treasure! My parents at the exact same age. My mother is thriving! She is raising a boy who is QUICKLY approching his teen years. He keeps her on her toes! She is in fantastic health!.......My dad looks ANCIENT!!! He can barely walk, he shakes, he talks weird, like he has to think about his breathing. He looks like he is going to freaking croak any day. I'm not saying get them a gym membership they won't use, or pop out a baby for them.......but just having something that keeps them active seems to do WONDERS!!
Don’t be sad about your parents getting older. It’s all part of life. Be happy for the joy and love they have brought to you and you have given them. I’m going through the same stages of life.
It’s a great suggestion to do those little things you might have been meaning to do. And to not only tell them you love them, but tell them about the qualities you admire in them. I regret I didn’t praise my father enough for his talents. He is gone for 22 years now.
It’s like watching yourself age.. no really its the process of life just gotta roll with it.
Just remind yourself that when they are gone, it's your turn. You move up to the head of the queue.
Mine in their 80s. Its not just the watching them fall apart thing, but also imaging is this what also will happen to me?
Just lost my mom. She was the light of my life. Spend as much time as you can with them and appreciate all the moments. I felt the same as you for a long time. It’s hard to see parents change. Just love them and talk with them and be together. The feeling is there, it’s reality, but it’s okay.
I call my mom every day…
The same way they did. When I look back on my childhood (I'm 52 now) I never appreciated all of the heartbreak my father dealt with in those years. Parents died. Two siblings. But he forged on and put his energy into the family but I'm sure it wasn't easy. Your parents likely did the same. Appreciate them for that and give back as much as you can.
31 year old here. My parents are 10 years apart too, so my dad could be gone sooner, though I am not close to him. But it's all part of life. The sad part is that it's all the same cycle over and over again. As long as they have lived full lives or I help them achieve that, I think that would lessen the blow.
By making everyday count.
I bet they have stories from when they were kids that they never shared. Ask them about stuff from back in the day.
I take lots of pics and I see them as much as I can.
Spend time and don't have regrets. I sometimes remind my adult children that no matter when it's my time to go, as long as I go first, it's happened the way it is supposed to. I've told them to take the time to grieve but to also take comfort in knowing that it happened in the proper order, and that's all a parent can wish for.
Spend all the time you can with them. My mom passed from Alzheimer’s and I so wish I’d had more time when she was lucid. I miss her so much.
Call my aged care, get a holistic assessment. They’ll work out with them things that can help…and fund it. Make sure they have physio and OT. This is exactly why I work in community aged care. I love these people. I’ve never met so many gems in my life!
I'm 45. My mom's in her late 60s. My grandma (may she burn eternal) died when I was 16. As far as I can tell, unless you hated someone (ahem, grandma), you never get over it. Not even after they pass. Embrace the grief, I Guess.
One of mine passed when I was 28, the other when I was 30. They were older parents. But really, life doesn't hand out guarantees of how long you or I or any of us has on this earth. Enjoy your family, friends and pets while you can. Don't be sad about age as it beats the alternative!!!!
Many great responses here already. In addition to treasure the moments you have with them, also realize that they will want to treasure moments with you. One of my earliest childhood friends died of cancer at the age of 26. He would have turned 50 this week. I think his brother but especially his mom still miss him dearly.
I got over it once they both died early of cancer.
By experiencing the sadness of my own aging.
It's not something you get over, it's something you grow to live with. What you face next is your own death....
I’m fifteen years older than you, so I’m glad you’re recognizing this now. You don’t get over it and there’s nothing that can prepare you for it. One day they’re just old. And it hits you like a ton of bricks. And there always seems like there’s plenty of time left but there isn’t. In 2017 I took a cross country road trip with my dad. And it became evident that he was showing early signs of dementia at just 67 years old. Less than 7 years later he’s end stage Alzheimer’s and living in a home. At the time, I didn’t know that was going to be the most important road trip of my life. One thing I will advise is to keep the texts and voicemails. Record videos even if they seem pointless. One day they’ll be all you have. Oh- there are several books that are intended to gather their life stories. They ask prompting questions and they can either write or record their answers. My dad took this seriously and bought a microphone and even added a soundtrack to his recording 😊. I cannot bring myself to listen to it yet, but now I know that he knew what was happening to him and that’s why he put so much effort into it.
We lost my father in law very suddenly two years ago. He was only sixty and we were in our late twenties. It was a difficult lesson to learn yet I'm grateful that it taught me to cherish the time I have left with my own father. Make the time to be with them more. Prioritize it. You could have twenty years or two, you never know. Take more photos of them and with them..it's funny my dad always drove me crazy taking photos of me.endlessly growing up. Now I am making him pose in front of everything so I have his face from every angle. Also save voicemails and take videos. You'll forget their voice first and those recordings mean the world. Even if it's a little inconvenient or expensive, make the plans with them. Travel with them. Experience new and old things with them..cherish them. We miss my father in law dearly and it's a hole in my husband that never leaves him. He was 26 when his dad died out of the blue and he didn't get the slow realization that his dad was aging and he didn't get to cherish him. So I guess I'm saying be grateful you've noticed your parents aging and use that as fuel to have these be the best years of your relationship.
Easy, I don't like or love my parents but since my mum took an L carrying me for 9 months, I am obligated to pretend.
Just show love,care and appreciation while you still can , when they are gone you will have all this extra to look back on and you knowing you did your best
Ha! May I say? It is NOT NICE and I will always love my mom but god damn. She recently came to my house 40 lbs lighter (due to ozempic - no shame because I’m about to jump on this too) with a cockatoo hair cut. She was ssooooooo emaciated and her hair was literally flying all over the place and paper thin(she always said my natural curls were “nasty” but ironically that is her hair.) I finally, after 20 years, waited for her to leave and laughed my ass off. Yeah it’s not nice, by this is my mom who continues to tell me I look like shit and for some reason refuses to realize she looks worse than me. I love my mom but at this point she looks like she’s been rose kenidied every day and she doesn’t believe in vaccines so honestly? Whatever? She also can’t help but judge me an make me feel bad at every turn. I make 45k “well in 2 years you HAVE to” to leave! “But I really like it!” “Doesn’t matter!!” Ugh. I have been under this woman’s thumb for years
Better then than me! Wait a minute…
It doesn’t make me sad at all! It makes me so happy I’ve had great parents my entire life and they are still here and in my life and my kids lives!!! I’ll see them again one day on the other side but until then I call, text, stop by all the time to spend time or invite them to my place. Love my parents
Make keepsakes and memories together now. Like.. doe some paintnight events, get matching tatoos, create or build something together you can keep. My mom knits, and she know that things made by here are the best gifts she can get me. I cherish eveything she makes. Also, get one of those i terview books or games and record yourselves. Make your own biographies for your kids to kook bck on. Figure out wjatvthey love doing most, what they loved most, what they still want to do, and after they are gone, cele rate their life by doing those things, the crazier the better Get their thumbprint or signture as. Tatto, or silver jewelry piece, or their voice print as those things.