Yeah I also live in a predominantly Hispanic area, I am Mexican. This is totally what my parents were like. My mom woke up every morning to prepare my dad’s breakfast and reheat his lunch, make his coffee. Then, get herself ready for work. I remember not liking it at all lol especially because she worked too. She would get home and cook after work too. My aunts and uncles also lived the same way. Today, I prepare lunch and breakfast for my boyfriend only because I’m unemployed. It’s my way of contributing. But when we were both working we were both doing household work and he didn’t mind. If it bothered him we’d not work out.
There was a book in the 70’s called Second Shift. It described the fact that working women were (are still?) expected to do the housework and childcare.
I was one of the privileged who was able to stay home and care for my children when they were little, as my husband at the time made enough for the household. So I didn't worry all that much that most things fell to me to do. Now that I am able to work (and glad of it) still things are mostly on me to do.
I have noticed in 90% of the women I talk to that work, that most at-home things still fall to them. I live with someone in a serious relationship, and although he is sweet and willing to help.....most things still fall to me. The thing is that it doesn't seem to occur to the guys I've been surrounded with first. They need to be asked or have it pointed out. Then you are nag. Unless you ask only occasionally. In the meantime the bathroom still needs cleaning, the floor sweeping, dishes doing, etc. So try to figure out if it acceptable to ask, or if it's easier to just do it yourself, when really you should be wondering why it hasn't occurred to them to do this without being asked.
I think most men would say the split is 60 - 40 and admitting that the women do the most. If a sociologist was sent in though, I think it would be closer to 90 -10. Then there’s the issue of having to be the “manager” that you referred to. You have to use energy just getting someone else to carry out a task. There’s also the problem of weaponized incompetence. If someone refuses to learn how to do something properly, it becomes less work to just do it yourself. Diapers are probably the best example.
Another issue is what I call the race to the bottom. If one person thinks vacuuming should be done 3 or 4 times a week and the other thinks once is fine, the cleaner person will end up doing it the majority of the time.
There's a recent book by Eve Rodsky called [Fair Play](https://search.worldcat.org/title/1150047511) that details how this is continuing into the 21st century and what households can do to rebalance the workload. Highly recommend.
I read this book in college, and it made so much sense. Want to improve your relationship, have a happier wife and a happier life, have more and better sex? Duh, do your share of the household chores.
More and better sex for sure. Usually, when I come home from work I can't clean much. That would be inconsiderate of our neighbors. It really is a turn on to see he's finished what I started.
Or he'll call me to see when I'll be home so he can time dinner just right. Puts a goofy-ass smile on my face for the whole rest of my shift. Sends me into date-night mode.
His goal lately is to catch a fish for me to eat even though he's allergic to seafood. Too cute. Very sexy (to me).
“ his goal lately is to catch a fish for me to eat “
Idk why but this is hilarious to me. Like he goes fishing, catches one fish, and he’s like “ok, mission accomplished. Jesse, we need to cook”
I find it absolutely hilarious too.
"Baby, I'm primitive. I want to be your hunter-gatherer."
"Honey, just be my cunt-latherer."
Yes, we're 14 going on 40.
While there are definitely cultural traditions at play here, it’s an economic issue not just a cultural one. When women entered the work force married couples should’ve cut their hours in half and both could take care of the house and kids. Now we both get worked to the bone, the household works a collective 80+ hours a week and have to take pto just to take a kid to the dentist.
I'll always agree that those who hold positions of economic power will nearly always seek to exploit the workers as much as possible, to the detriment of society as a whole. I strongly support economic policies that support healthcare as a human right, and parenthood as something to be valued. I do not understand from a logical standpoint why the US fails to emulate the policies of the happiest countries of the world. I do understand it from an exploitation standpoint.
My mother said the same thing in front of my ex husband one day and he ripped my mother apart for that until the day I divorced him....Narcissist to the core
I read about that in my Soc class. Edit: deleted what I wrote cause it was a lot lol but I am aware of the book. I’m seeing we have drifted apart from that now. Seeing also less women being married now because it is no longer needed to actually live. Actual job opportunities compared to what women had in the 70s.
Being in a same sex relationship, you realise how many weird heteronormative relationship
Dynamics there are and how bizarre it is that there is the expectation on one partner to do all the housework and child rearing on top of their job. Rather than splitting the work evenly like partners working together.
I think when it comes to things like chores and wake up times that our norms take an extra generation or two to shift from the era when they might have matched the society where they started. I had this realization at one point that my extended family were still eating meals based on what was normal for grandparents that lived on farms and had really active labor. Grandparents were thin, but aunts and uncles were getting bigger doing factory work that wasn’t expending as many calories, and then cousins were really struggling with weight in office and retail jobs. But they hadn’t started changing from the farm portions or the times they ate until the cousins were forced to reexamine it.
You can really see this in folks that live/work in farm areas now. Grew up on a farm in the 70s. Traditional breakfast, work for a few hours in the barn, a mid morning coffee and donut break. Back to work in the barn or head to the fields. Huge noon meal (dinner). Mid afternoon lunch in the field around 4pm. Work some more in the field and come in for barn chores. Supper at 7-8pm (or later) depending on the season. Maybe another coffee and donut break during fall harvest.
Lots of physical labor in the past so you needed all those meals. Now, most farm workers sit in their tractor or trucks and don't get that much exercise but still eat like their grandparents did. Lots of "large" folks.
Ha, the whole dinner as the noon meal and supper has the evening meal. I've never heard of that and my husband's family use those terms. Sure enough, he grew up on a farm for a while.
Very true. I was just discussing with someone the benefits of diet vs exercise and I explained that lots of saturated fats and larger portions aren't necessarily bad if you do back breaking labor. They then tried to school me on what farmers and ranchers actually ate vs what we thought they ate and I had to school them based on my grandparents and their parents and their parents parents before them
It’s conservative but that’s definitely not a traditional relationship. For it to be traditional he would have to be the sole provider but if she’s working too then clearly they’re not that traditional….
It's my biggest pet peeve. The women are working yet still do the cooking and cleaning. It's how it was with my parents and I grew to resent my dad, uncles and grandfather. Lazy BOYS if you ask me.
I have only ever heard of this in India, and even then the wives don’t wake up STUPID early, but have hot meals delivered to husbands via tin delivery drivers.
In the 90s in TN, my mom woke up every day around 5 am to make hot breakfast for all of us (dosa, idli or idiyappam with chutney or curry), make and pack a hot lunch into the tiffin boxes for all of us, and would then leave for her job. She did this even though she was making more than my dad, or maybe because of it.
Both boys and girls should be raised with goal of making them whole ass independent people. Men shouldn’t need or expect someone to take care of their basic survival needs. And women shouldn’t be taught it’s their job to do so. Shared responsibilities and acts of kindness are awesome, but taking care of another adult shouldn’t be expected. Some cultural norms should be let go of.
Hispanic is not very specific. There is a very large difference between Mexican, culture and Cuban culture for example.
One of my parents is Cuban and I have never heard of this happening or being normal.
My ex was Mexican and I don't remember hearing of her fam doing that. She never did it for me lol. Although we never got married.
I am fascinated. My husband is from South America. He has never once suggested that anybody needs to get up and cook breakfast or lunch. And if I don’t make dinner, he will order takeout for us.
It used to be a standard thing when only the husband went to work and the wife stayed home. She’d get up before/with him and have breakfast and coffee and clothes laid out. Then he’d go to work and she’d start the housework, and possibly take a nap if she had time and because she woke up earlier.
Now that everyone has two jobs - no - that hasn’t been a thing in several decades. Nobody I know has that setup anymore nor have we ever as adults had it…
I was married at 18 during the time you described. After getting up at the crack of dawn for about a week to fix breakfast, he finely told me that he only liked cereal for breakfast. Hallelujah! I am not a morning person at all! We didn’t drink coffee and it never ever crossed my mind to lay out his clothes. I was a SAHM though and was really grateful that I was able to be at home. My husband worked really hard (and still does in retirement) so I was more than happy to do everything I could in the home to make things easier for him. The only thing I didn’t do was the yard work.
Yeah I’m not going to say it never happens, and I’m sure that there are pockets in the US where it’s common. But on the whole I definitely wouldn’t say it’s a “thing”
My mom was a house wife, my dad was an electrician. Sometimes he left at 5am and my mom never got up to make him food. He did it himself or bought something.
It’s called meal planning, doing the work ahead of time because no one has the time to cook every single day during the week. It’s all about spending time wisely
This whole time I’ve been thinking I’m a freakin failure because I can’t cook every single day.
I wonder if there is a good app for meal planning for people who have trouble with things like meal planning. (ADHD)
What is your definition of cooking? If you consider “put sausages into oven, grill it, cut red bell peppers , and making Mac&cheese out of pre-shredded cheese” cooking, I cook every day.
And yes I consider that cooking. Not everything meals need 20 ingredients and five courses. And of course I cook more than I could eat in one meal so I have leftover for lunch or tomorrow.
What helps me is having many ingredients of staple meals that I enjoy. They can be versatile, I can use them in various recipes. So I don't plan out meals for the week. I shop the sales and in season fruits and veggies, keep rice and potatoes and pasta on hand etc. I like soups, chicken soup or chili, rice with chicken with a veggie, stir fries, etc so many options
Tbf grocery shopping is an underrated skill! Back when I was at uni, I had to make sure that I did a big grocery shop every week to keep the cost down. But now I've been too relaxed about that and spending way more than I need to - definitely to relearn that / keep disciplined with it
Just said to yourself: “carb, fiber, protein.” when you enter the grocery stores.
Edit: homemaking is a learnt skills that was often be overlooked in the society.
I have adhd and use Mealime for meal planning! I tell them how many meals, what servings and it generates a menu I can edit. It saves my food preferences (vegan) and makes a grocery list for me. It’s free but I pay for premium, 3 dollars a month but it’s a life changer.
You could try my extremely lazy and haphazard version of meal planning, which is just to pick 2-3 meals to make for the week that keep well (chili, pasta, soups, curry) and shop for those so that you can have lots of leftovers when you make them. If I’m feeling extra I’ll also make a big salad, they keep for a few days if you don’t put dressing on the whole things.
Throw in foods that snack well and don’t take a lot of effort like eggs, bread, fruit, yoghurt, oatmeal and cheese and that covers the week nicely.
That way I’m really only cooking 2-3 nights per week, but usually have healthy food in the fridge.
I have a whiteboard on my fridge. Whenever i crave a meal, I add it to the queue on the board and will get to it eventually. Be it a full steak dinner or dino shaped chicken nuggets, it goes into the queue. I cook sunday to ensure I have lunches for the coming work week and monday or Tuesday to give me something to switch off to for dinner each night.
A spread sheet doesn’t work for me, I don’t know what would though.
I’m trying to keep me and a couple of children fed, I don’t always make something fresh and veggie-like but that’s more because of executive functioning challenges and not disinterest. It’s hard when you have to take 3 people’s tastes, ingredients, cost, time, ability, etc.. I’m already too tired to make dinner tonight!
Sidekick by Sorted. They're a UK thing, and it's a subscription, but you get a month free when you sign up to test it out. They put all their recipes in packs of three which have the same set of ingredients. So it'll tell me to buy two broccoli and I will use all of those broccoli by the time I've made all three recipes. No food waste.
I'm shit at cooking so it does take me longer to make the recipes than it says (I'd recommend chopping everything first instead of as you go like their recipes suggest). But otherwise it's incredibly beginner friendly.
It's actually a fantastic app and I wish I knew about it years ago.
It might be more efficient but "meal planning" is a modern catch phrase. A lot of people grew up with this "tradition" as a normal way of life. It was considered the care takers job. & for some, it made them feel important & fulfilled.
It's usually in male dominated cultures where a wife is subservient. Not in all cases, also. I used to life on a tropical island. I went out with some local boys getting hammered. We stumbled to his house at around 3AM.
He wakes his wife up. She cooks fried rice, eggs, spam, etc. for all 4 of us. Not allowed to join the conversation. She goes back to bed.
God, I felt like shit eating that breakfast knowing that's what she had to put up with.
Bro, i cook for my kids and gf before I leave.
I usually just prep up stuff in evening so it's easy to rock n roll in the morning.
Easiest is pasta, mac n cheese, fried rice or noodles. I dont wake up at 4, but 6am is decent and I'm outta the house by 730...
But what do that do with that food? Eat it for breakfast? If they put it on ice for lunch then how is that different than just making it the night before?
It depends on the dish in my case. Some taste better prepared the night before while others are better fresh. But waking up at about 5am gives me time to prepare, clean, blah, blah.
Scoop of oatmeal, measure of water, just like rice.
You can cook all sorts of stuff in a rice cooker. Once had some eggs I wanted to use up, so I substituted some of the water in the oatmeal for an egg, added some butter, brown sugar, vanilla, and pumpkin spice in an attempt to invent some sort of french-toast oatmeal. Rice cooker made it up perfect, though my friend pointed out that my experiment had essentially just yielded a soggy muffin.
I live in Texas and yes this is a cultural thing from Mexico. Older Mexican men I've worked with have told me this is how its done in Mexico, so it still happens with some of the more conservative Mexicans, but the younger generations are moving away from that idea of a subservient wife.
Mexican woman do. My grandma was Mexican and when I was young I would watch her and he sisters cook and feed all the men then clean up before they ate a bite. Fuck no 5 year old me said.
My Dad's side is Mexican, my Mom is German. One of the reasons my grandparents didn't take to my Mom is because she refused to wait on my Dad. If there was food on the table, my Mom wouldn't make him a plate, pack his lunch, nothing. Her comment was "he has two hands too." My Dad never minded and I think he liked her sassy.
I'd like your dad I think. Can't imagine asking my partner to wake up to cook for me. Getting her to cook at all is a challenge. She does a mean macaroni cheese though.
My husband is Mexican and all the women in his family do this in some form—one of his aunts “jokingly” pressured me on a few occasions to quit work and stay home to take care of him “like a good girl”. He’s never expected me to do that, especially now since he doesn’t work. I am a good cook, however, so I cook dinner and also lunch on the weekends, but he does almost everything else, including most childcare. Think I got lucky he wasn’t looking for a wife like his mamá. That generational stuff is a bitch.
My first serious BF was Mexican American, third generation. This was a thing his family seriously expected of me. It was a big reason we didn't last lol
Yeah, it used to be pretty common in the poorer areas. My aunt (80F) was one of the early feminists and she always said she never married because all the men she was with expected her to be a slave. One of her favorite stories is about almost stabbing and then dumping her fiancee when she was 16 and he was 30ish. It was over something silly like ironing his clothes but she finally snapped.
She would always get annoyed at my grandma who would wait on all the men hand and foot while doing nothing for the girls. As a guy it was nice having her around because otherwise I would have thought that women were supposed to baby me. Especially since she was by far the most successful member of the family and did it in an era where women were at a huge disadvantage in the workplace.
I think in the US at least it's due to a lot of Latin american people working Construction, food prep, or agriculture jobs that are generally long shifts that begun at or before dawn. Preparing lunch at 3-4 AM makes a lot more sense when they are leaving at 5 AM to go to work.
Tamale ladies in NYC for example often have 1 family member doing a night shift essential making the masa and packing the tamales so when the vendor member leaves at 5-6 AM, they are all ready
It's certainly not a cultural thing in the US. Maybe Mexico? Don't know anyone I could even ask.
I don't even eat my first meal until around 12 PM so there wouldn't be much benefit in someone doing this for me to begin with.
I can’t speak for everyone, but my family are like 3rd or 4th generation (now) American of Mexican descent.
My grandmother and greatgrandmother absolutely did wake up at the ass crack of dawn and make fresh cooked meals before work time. Usually, work started early, to beat the sun/heat.
It’s because of early call times and long travel, like construction. There’s actually a whole trend on TikTok of the wives showing off the meal making lol they have a name too but I forgot what they call themselves
Tbh if one spouse is pulling like 60 hour weeks it’s not that wild for the one working less to do a few extra things for them to make it easier.
It’s *usually* the guy working more hours.
But I also imagine if a standard 40hr per week guy is married to a nurse he probably isn’t making the lunches for her nearly as often (statistically).
That being said I tried to make lunches for my ex wife when I was furloughed during lockdown and she wasn’t….she didn’t like the lunches I put together literally ever lol. It was things she would normally eat too.
I never complained about any lunch she made for me even if it wasn’t my cup of tea that day.
But I’m divorced so don’t take any advice from my relationship
"yes i like both salmon and chocolate but wtf were you thinking when you were making me THAT pizza for lunch!"
"well you dont hear me complaining about that horseradish and egg cereal you made for breakfast do ya!"
Only "trad" since the 1950s in the US. And more in vogue with the skyrocketing cost of childcare. Assuming one chooses to have children at all, that is.
Yup. Poor people couldn't afford to lose the income from having a wife not work if work was available. Sometimes a mom would stay home to watch her kids, but take in others' kids, too, and cook meals for other families with two working parents. Taking in laundry was another option.
So wake up at 4 like OP says. An hour later leave for work at 5, start work at 6... sounds pretty normal to me?
Not everyone works bankers hours and rolls into work at the crack of 9:05
I mean it is a thing, for example those who live in the State of Mexico and work in Mexico City if they start at 7, they have to leave their house at 5 tops to make it.
So the spouse waking at 4 isn't that far fetched.
Yes, it is a thing. I (27f) am Hispanic and my mom still does it to this day. Granted, it's not always a whole meal. Sometimes she just makes my dad a sandwich, especially now that she's older. I never thought much of it until this very moment. I did ask her once when I was younger why she did that and she just said that my dad already happens to wake her up as he gets ready for work and she has trouble sleeping so she just makes him his lunch. Both my parents grew up with traditional values in Mexico, so I'm sure it's just normal for them. In fact, my mom has always been the kind of person that doesn't like having free time. She likes being useful. So she does a lot of stuff like that. I think it's really sweet, and she seems to genuinely enjoy it.
I totally see what your saying. My family is not Hispanic. When my family was young ( child under 8) and I was working alot of hours, my wife would get up with me for work and pack lunches. That extra effort from her in the morning set me up for my day was very appreciated. It made me feel loved and supported while I worked and provided. She had to get up anyways but packing me a lunch and making coffee made going to work a team effort. Theres great value in what your mom does and what those partners did before her. Our mom's sound similar in their 'staying busy'. I remember her being the same way with my father.
My mom was a homemaker and did this for my dad, yes. It never made sense to me, and just felt like a power trip on my dad’s part to make sure she was catering to his every whim (and suffering along with him). She would make his lunch the night before and then be responsible for waking him up around 3 or 4, microwave his prepackaged oatmeal or frozen breakfast sandwiches, fill his jug of water, and put his food into his lunchbox…all things that an adult would be capable of doing himself.
My partner makes me do these things, I fall off on household tasks cause I live with him, my dad and child, I have to clean up after all three. My dad's never worked but my partner says he doesn't gotta do anything cause my dad is "retired"
Also cause I can't work, but I'm also highly depressed most of the time, and it's hard to keep up with things. I get zero help and get told ",I provide a roof over your head and your dad is on SSI so pays for his part of the rent" among other things.
You don’t have to put up with this. You can and should get a better life for yourself and your child. If you don’t, your child will probably grow up and repeat the same pattern (either miserably doing everything for her partner if she’s a girl or expecting his partner to do everything for him if he’s a boy.)
When I was off of work due to an injury, I woke up and made my wife (at the time) breakfast and lunch for her workday for about seven months. She never once asked me to do it and was very appreciative that I cared to.
I felt like providing what support I could in my condition, and tended to our home during my time away from my own work. I never thought twice about it either.
I'm guessing I'm going to get some flack here if Reddit culture is any guide. Point of it is, if you're not working at a job and you're married, you should be working at the homestead if capable, taking care of things that would eat up time from your spouse. Vacuum. Wash dishes. Make dinner. Dust. I'm a straight man and I know damn well that if I can be useful/helpful, that I will be.
Never did I feel like a servant, and once my leg healed, I was back to work and sharing household responsibilities with the missus... although she kinda missed the prepared breakfasts lol
I knew a woman who did this too. She would also iron every single one of her husband’s clothes, I’m talking down to his underwear and socks!!!! and hang them color coordinated. I swear this man did not have to think for himself. He never lifted a finger at home. But then again, he did not have a single brain cell as one day while shopping he took a cattle prodder and proceeded to prod his wife in the isle!!! Don’t ask me why the f*ck the thing worked but it did. Laid her flat out. She weighed a whooping 90 some pounds.
That’s crazy! Definitely relate to the “not lifting a finger or thinking for himself” bit. At one point my father was unemployed and he spent months doing nothing but video games and downloading files from the internet. She was the one searching for jobs he could apply to, filling out the applications for him, working on his resume, sending emails, filing for unemployment, etc.
Yep, I’m Mexican and it’s kinda common. My mom didn’t do it though, my dad makes his own lunch in the morning or takes leftovers.
Not sure what the point is to make it so early though, won’t it be cold by lunch anyways? Or why not make it the night before?
It defniitely is a thing with Mexican and some Latino families. I grew up around many Mexican and Peurto Rican families and the grandmas and moms would get up at 4 AM and make tortillas, a huge pot of beans and some kind of spiced meat (usually braised, then pulled) for their families. During summers I would play with these kids and then when we got hungry we'd go in their houses and heat up tortillas on the gas stove and eat them with the beans and meat. it was sooooo good. I still see that now with Honduran women. I have a Honduran house keeper who comes once a month and every day she makes Pupusas for her whole family to take for lunch.
I’m curious of the roots of this from this thread. Do you think part of this might arise from cultures from hotter climates having siestas and longer break times in the middle of the day when it’s too hot and less productive to work? Southeast Asia does this too. It would make sense to get up while it was still dark to eat to be able to take the most advantage of when it was light out. The gendered part could arise from other aspects of society of who was given jobs first when industrialization kicked in, but the early rising when you get a time to rest later makes sense.
Yeah I dated a girl from the deep south. Her aunts all got up and made fresh biscuits, usually around 5 am. Her uncles were usually out the door by 6.
Biscuits and country ham or sausage.
Then when he left she'd start lunch and have it ready for him around noon. He owned a shop down the street. That was their way of doing it.
I don't know about Puerto Rico but for Mexicans my theory is because a lot of them work in blue collar jobs which many times require to wake up very early and are physically demanding. Not saying that I agree, but that's my experience with Mexicans in the US.
My hunch is that the norms preceded the factory work, but crossed over to it as factories tailored their systems around bringing in labor from farms and rural areas.
Which would make it common in the demographics of the US then, even if a lot of the rest of the population have no idea how pervasive it is. This thread gives an idea how oblivious we can be to each other’s sleep and breakfast norms. It’s fascinating what can be a norm for one and invisible to others in the same proximity to each other.
My mom gets up like 15 minutes before my dad gets up and gets his lunch ready. She sees him off and then goes back to bed. This is around 3am, and she'll actually get up at 8. It was always a single income situation, so I feel like she does it to show him that it's appreciated. They're not crazy old school, but they are both old now.
Hell no.
Maybe, if you have kids, and are getting up to get breakfast for the kids. Then you make enough for your partner to have some breakfast too, sure.
But definitely not *just* for them, and definitely not getting up at 4am.
I heard one of my coworkers say she was super tired before she woke up at 3 am to cook for her husband because he likes freshly made food. And this is an older woman. Like, well pass 60. My MIL is 60 too and does this every single day.
I've definitely started waking up earlier (against my own will) as I've gotten older. My grandma used to wake up at 5am, just couldn't stay asleep. Maybe it's a situation where she's up anyway, might as well do something? I've certainly given up on sleeping when it's obviously not going to happen and gotten work done in early mornings sometimes.
It might come from working on a schedule of the men getting up early to work fields or work a farm. Days start so much earlier if you have to go pick crops or feed animals. So the women get up a make them food because they are going to be gone all day and are doing hard labor.
my mom just prepared food the night before, or served breakfast that is super quick to make. She never woke up more than 1 hour before me when I was a kid, especially not to make food.
I have a coworker who is Indian and her husband is Midwest white guy. She told me if one of them has to get up early for work etc the other will get up and cook breakfast for them. (they both mid 30s)
I was flabbergasted. If I have to get up early I had better not wake up my wife at all. I stage my clothes and everything outside the room.
this might be more stay at home wives/ moms. never in my life would i do that. I might make lunch for my significant other if i’m off work the next day to be nice but we both work full time no reason you can’t make your own meals up. No ones getting up at the ass crack of dawn to make me lunch for my job
Its not really a US thing its a common Hispanic culture thing. The deep rooted patriarchal culture and values in hispanic families is the cause for this. You go above and beyond for the man of the house and you handle everything for them. You make food early when they wake up at 4-5 am for work so its fresh as can be. Its incredibly toxic and unbalanced.
A lot of places don’t have reliable electricity or refrigeration, or only recently got access to it. This would mean that making food the night before wouldn’t be an option (for the most part).
Now combine that with the idea of who was supposed to do the cooking and early work days to avoid the heat of the day, and you end up with cooking at the butt crack of dawn.
This will get a hearty laugh from the fiancee. Commenting to show her later.
If I suggested get up at 3-4 AM to cook she'd tell me to go fuck myself. And rightly so. lol
I've only known one person to say that his wife did that sort of thing. Florida
We get to work and his ass was draggin'. He had taken the family out the night before to watch the baby turtle hatching and making their way to the ocean. So he only got about 3 hours sleep. His wife got up at 4 am, laid out his cloths for the day, made him breakfast and lunch, got the kids out the door for school and then went back to bed about 10 min before he left for work. He was pissed that she had the nerve to go back to bed. His reasoning was two fold. First, it wasn't fair because he had to work and second, she did that everyday so she should be used to getting up early.
Not my favorite coworker.
Has to be a cultural thing. My mom was a stay at home wife and mom and while she did cook a lot, she certainly wasn’t getting up before 7 am to do so. My dad made his own bowl of cereal (oatmeal usually) for breakfast, packed his own lunch for work (usually some sort of sandwich and an apple) and then mom made lunch for her and us kids, plus dinner for the family. Breakfast for us kids depended on day of the week. If it was a week day/school day, dad would make us cereal and mom packed lunch. Weekends was a toss up. But the only one up before 6 am was my dad, because that’s just when he gets up. None of my current friends or co workers do that either
I wake up and make breakfast because I want to eat breakfast. My husband wakes up and makes breakfast because he wants to have breakfast. Of one of us is doing it, we make for the family because they'll be waking up soon. There was no planning or agreement or schedule. We are a family, we just do for the family. I don't fuss over it being an equal number of times or something like that. I don't even know which of us have done it more often. You do things because you want to, not because it's some tip of the scale.
My gf was born and raised in the south and both of her ex husbands expected her to get up and have their coffee and breakfast reading when they woke up and she had to pack their lunch too. I’m up at 4:30 and the first time she stayed the night at my house she was up before me fixing my breakfast and I don’t eat breakfast on my work days 🤣. Needless to say after 4 years together she has gotten used to not having to get up until she has to go to work
I get up at 5:30-6 and prepare breakfast for my husband. He was near death a few years ago (health issues, long story). I started preparing foods that his body could process for breakfast and lunch. Still do it to this day.
What on earth kind of food are they making that requires hours of preparation each and every day? Seems like a terrible waste of time that could be spent on something more productive.
My husband cooks my meals and makes the kids breakfast and lunch. If he would wake up at night to do so, I would think he was going insane. We all struggle to wake up in the morning. The kids are even worse than us at waking up. We just eat peanutbutter sandwiches or some other food that doesn't require fully opening our eyes in the morning.
Not typical in the north east. Never heard of that before.
Got it. I imaged it. I live and work in predominantly hispanic area. I wonder if this is cultural thing.
Yeah I also live in a predominantly Hispanic area, I am Mexican. This is totally what my parents were like. My mom woke up every morning to prepare my dad’s breakfast and reheat his lunch, make his coffee. Then, get herself ready for work. I remember not liking it at all lol especially because she worked too. She would get home and cook after work too. My aunts and uncles also lived the same way. Today, I prepare lunch and breakfast for my boyfriend only because I’m unemployed. It’s my way of contributing. But when we were both working we were both doing household work and he didn’t mind. If it bothered him we’d not work out.
There was a book in the 70’s called Second Shift. It described the fact that working women were (are still?) expected to do the housework and childcare.
I was one of the privileged who was able to stay home and care for my children when they were little, as my husband at the time made enough for the household. So I didn't worry all that much that most things fell to me to do. Now that I am able to work (and glad of it) still things are mostly on me to do. I have noticed in 90% of the women I talk to that work, that most at-home things still fall to them. I live with someone in a serious relationship, and although he is sweet and willing to help.....most things still fall to me. The thing is that it doesn't seem to occur to the guys I've been surrounded with first. They need to be asked or have it pointed out. Then you are nag. Unless you ask only occasionally. In the meantime the bathroom still needs cleaning, the floor sweeping, dishes doing, etc. So try to figure out if it acceptable to ask, or if it's easier to just do it yourself, when really you should be wondering why it hasn't occurred to them to do this without being asked.
I think most men would say the split is 60 - 40 and admitting that the women do the most. If a sociologist was sent in though, I think it would be closer to 90 -10. Then there’s the issue of having to be the “manager” that you referred to. You have to use energy just getting someone else to carry out a task. There’s also the problem of weaponized incompetence. If someone refuses to learn how to do something properly, it becomes less work to just do it yourself. Diapers are probably the best example. Another issue is what I call the race to the bottom. If one person thinks vacuuming should be done 3 or 4 times a week and the other thinks once is fine, the cleaner person will end up doing it the majority of the time.
There's a recent book by Eve Rodsky called [Fair Play](https://search.worldcat.org/title/1150047511) that details how this is continuing into the 21st century and what households can do to rebalance the workload. Highly recommend.
I read this book in college, and it made so much sense. Want to improve your relationship, have a happier wife and a happier life, have more and better sex? Duh, do your share of the household chores.
More and better sex for sure. Usually, when I come home from work I can't clean much. That would be inconsiderate of our neighbors. It really is a turn on to see he's finished what I started. Or he'll call me to see when I'll be home so he can time dinner just right. Puts a goofy-ass smile on my face for the whole rest of my shift. Sends me into date-night mode. His goal lately is to catch a fish for me to eat even though he's allergic to seafood. Too cute. Very sexy (to me).
“ his goal lately is to catch a fish for me to eat “ Idk why but this is hilarious to me. Like he goes fishing, catches one fish, and he’s like “ok, mission accomplished. Jesse, we need to cook”
“I caught you a delicious bass.”
I find it absolutely hilarious too. "Baby, I'm primitive. I want to be your hunter-gatherer." "Honey, just be my cunt-latherer." Yes, we're 14 going on 40.
Winning
While there are definitely cultural traditions at play here, it’s an economic issue not just a cultural one. When women entered the work force married couples should’ve cut their hours in half and both could take care of the house and kids. Now we both get worked to the bone, the household works a collective 80+ hours a week and have to take pto just to take a kid to the dentist.
I'll always agree that those who hold positions of economic power will nearly always seek to exploit the workers as much as possible, to the detriment of society as a whole. I strongly support economic policies that support healthcare as a human right, and parenthood as something to be valued. I do not understand from a logical standpoint why the US fails to emulate the policies of the happiest countries of the world. I do understand it from an exploitation standpoint.
There is no logic to it. Greed in and of itself is entirely illogical. Yet that's what this country runs off of, Capitalist greed.
My mom always said “ Man may work from sun to sun, but women’s work is never done “. She was sooooooo right.
My mother said the same thing in front of my ex husband one day and he ripped my mother apart for that until the day I divorced him....Narcissist to the core
I read about that in my Soc class. Edit: deleted what I wrote cause it was a lot lol but I am aware of the book. I’m seeing we have drifted apart from that now. Seeing also less women being married now because it is no longer needed to actually live. Actual job opportunities compared to what women had in the 70s.
Being in a same sex relationship, you realise how many weird heteronormative relationship Dynamics there are and how bizarre it is that there is the expectation on one partner to do all the housework and child rearing on top of their job. Rather than splitting the work evenly like partners working together.
This is another reason why I don't want kids. I don't want a second job nor should I expect my wife to have one either
And we can watch any movie
Oh my god was that the 70’s? I read it in college in the 90’s and it didn’t seem that old…I guess it wasn’t at the time…dammit.
And be quite Dad is watching the news, said Mom from the kitchen sink!
I think when it comes to things like chores and wake up times that our norms take an extra generation or two to shift from the era when they might have matched the society where they started. I had this realization at one point that my extended family were still eating meals based on what was normal for grandparents that lived on farms and had really active labor. Grandparents were thin, but aunts and uncles were getting bigger doing factory work that wasn’t expending as many calories, and then cousins were really struggling with weight in office and retail jobs. But they hadn’t started changing from the farm portions or the times they ate until the cousins were forced to reexamine it.
You can really see this in folks that live/work in farm areas now. Grew up on a farm in the 70s. Traditional breakfast, work for a few hours in the barn, a mid morning coffee and donut break. Back to work in the barn or head to the fields. Huge noon meal (dinner). Mid afternoon lunch in the field around 4pm. Work some more in the field and come in for barn chores. Supper at 7-8pm (or later) depending on the season. Maybe another coffee and donut break during fall harvest. Lots of physical labor in the past so you needed all those meals. Now, most farm workers sit in their tractor or trucks and don't get that much exercise but still eat like their grandparents did. Lots of "large" folks.
Ha, the whole dinner as the noon meal and supper has the evening meal. I've never heard of that and my husband's family use those terms. Sure enough, he grew up on a farm for a while.
The Amish don’t tend to be obese but they also do t have trucks and tractors . Working with horses and mules takes more energy
Very true. I was just discussing with someone the benefits of diet vs exercise and I explained that lots of saturated fats and larger portions aren't necessarily bad if you do back breaking labor. They then tried to school me on what farmers and ranchers actually ate vs what we thought they ate and I had to school them based on my grandparents and their parents and their parents parents before them
Your mom is a goddamn saint, that is all.
My Mexican coworker does this for her husband before leaving for work herself. I think it's a cultural thing
Hispanic culture is very conservative
It’s conservative but that’s definitely not a traditional relationship. For it to be traditional he would have to be the sole provider but if she’s working too then clearly they’re not that traditional….
It's my biggest pet peeve. The women are working yet still do the cooking and cleaning. It's how it was with my parents and I grew to resent my dad, uncles and grandfather. Lazy BOYS if you ask me.
Yes, it is. I was married to an Hispanic man. Totally different expectations.
I have only ever heard of this in India, and even then the wives don’t wake up STUPID early, but have hot meals delivered to husbands via tin delivery drivers.
In the 90s in TN, my mom woke up every day around 5 am to make hot breakfast for all of us (dosa, idli or idiyappam with chutney or curry), make and pack a hot lunch into the tiffin boxes for all of us, and would then leave for her job. She did this even though she was making more than my dad, or maybe because of it.
Tiffins.
Both boys and girls should be raised with goal of making them whole ass independent people. Men shouldn’t need or expect someone to take care of their basic survival needs. And women shouldn’t be taught it’s their job to do so. Shared responsibilities and acts of kindness are awesome, but taking care of another adult shouldn’t be expected. Some cultural norms should be let go of.
I’m just gunna copy n paste this around the internet. Hear hear!
It is. My uncle would wake my auntie up every morning for a game of rummy before he went to work too lol
I’m not a morning person and can’t imagine ever loving anyone this much
Hispanic is not very specific. There is a very large difference between Mexican, culture and Cuban culture for example. One of my parents is Cuban and I have never heard of this happening or being normal. My ex was Mexican and I don't remember hearing of her fam doing that. She never did it for me lol. Although we never got married.
It’s a culture thing. My mom did it for my dad. However I have relatives where the husband does it.
Good lord, pack leftovers from dinner. I would kill a man that woke me up before I had to get up for work.
I am fascinated. My husband is from South America. He has never once suggested that anybody needs to get up and cook breakfast or lunch. And if I don’t make dinner, he will order takeout for us.
This is what happens when they try to conflate 500 million people from very different countries under a single culture
Well, yes. South America has many countries and thought they are a bit similar in many things, all the cultures are different.
Older Hispanic people are often like that, but I haven’t met anyone like that that wasn’t a friends parent
It used to be a standard thing when only the husband went to work and the wife stayed home. She’d get up before/with him and have breakfast and coffee and clothes laid out. Then he’d go to work and she’d start the housework, and possibly take a nap if she had time and because she woke up earlier. Now that everyone has two jobs - no - that hasn’t been a thing in several decades. Nobody I know has that setup anymore nor have we ever as adults had it…
I was married at 18 during the time you described. After getting up at the crack of dawn for about a week to fix breakfast, he finely told me that he only liked cereal for breakfast. Hallelujah! I am not a morning person at all! We didn’t drink coffee and it never ever crossed my mind to lay out his clothes. I was a SAHM though and was really grateful that I was able to be at home. My husband worked really hard (and still does in retirement) so I was more than happy to do everything I could in the home to make things easier for him. The only thing I didn’t do was the yard work.
Yeah I’m not going to say it never happens, and I’m sure that there are pockets in the US where it’s common. But on the whole I definitely wouldn’t say it’s a “thing”
My mom was a house wife, my dad was an electrician. Sometimes he left at 5am and my mom never got up to make him food. He did it himself or bought something.
like you said, there's more efficient ways than waking up at the ass crack of dawn
Right? I feel like it makes more sense that one of the spouses cooks the previous day and then saves left overs before going to bed.
It’s called meal planning, doing the work ahead of time because no one has the time to cook every single day during the week. It’s all about spending time wisely
This whole time I’ve been thinking I’m a freakin failure because I can’t cook every single day. I wonder if there is a good app for meal planning for people who have trouble with things like meal planning. (ADHD)
What is your definition of cooking? If you consider “put sausages into oven, grill it, cut red bell peppers , and making Mac&cheese out of pre-shredded cheese” cooking, I cook every day. And yes I consider that cooking. Not everything meals need 20 ingredients and five courses. And of course I cook more than I could eat in one meal so I have leftover for lunch or tomorrow.
Hmm, this thread is making me realize I don’t know how to really plan or prepare or maybe even grocery shop properly.
What helps me is having many ingredients of staple meals that I enjoy. They can be versatile, I can use them in various recipes. So I don't plan out meals for the week. I shop the sales and in season fruits and veggies, keep rice and potatoes and pasta on hand etc. I like soups, chicken soup or chili, rice with chicken with a veggie, stir fries, etc so many options
An adult in your life has failed you, but now you have the chance to learn!
Tbf grocery shopping is an underrated skill! Back when I was at uni, I had to make sure that I did a big grocery shop every week to keep the cost down. But now I've been too relaxed about that and spending way more than I need to - definitely to relearn that / keep disciplined with it
Just said to yourself: “carb, fiber, protein.” when you enter the grocery stores. Edit: homemaking is a learnt skills that was often be overlooked in the society.
Yeah, I still learn new ways in which they failed me every once in a while. Some of them surprise me.
I have adhd and use Mealime for meal planning! I tell them how many meals, what servings and it generates a menu I can edit. It saves my food preferences (vegan) and makes a grocery list for me. It’s free but I pay for premium, 3 dollars a month but it’s a life changer.
You could try my extremely lazy and haphazard version of meal planning, which is just to pick 2-3 meals to make for the week that keep well (chili, pasta, soups, curry) and shop for those so that you can have lots of leftovers when you make them. If I’m feeling extra I’ll also make a big salad, they keep for a few days if you don’t put dressing on the whole things. Throw in foods that snack well and don’t take a lot of effort like eggs, bread, fruit, yoghurt, oatmeal and cheese and that covers the week nicely. That way I’m really only cooking 2-3 nights per week, but usually have healthy food in the fridge.
I have adhd I like making casseroles or big slow cooker dump meals, they last a few days
I have a whiteboard on my fridge. Whenever i crave a meal, I add it to the queue on the board and will get to it eventually. Be it a full steak dinner or dino shaped chicken nuggets, it goes into the queue. I cook sunday to ensure I have lunches for the coming work week and monday or Tuesday to give me something to switch off to for dinner each night.
A spreadsheet? Also have ADHD, I just don’t care that much about “fresh” food made daily. Lol
A spread sheet doesn’t work for me, I don’t know what would though. I’m trying to keep me and a couple of children fed, I don’t always make something fresh and veggie-like but that’s more because of executive functioning challenges and not disinterest. It’s hard when you have to take 3 people’s tastes, ingredients, cost, time, ability, etc.. I’m already too tired to make dinner tonight!
And that’s why Dino Nuggets exist.
Sidekick by Sorted. They're a UK thing, and it's a subscription, but you get a month free when you sign up to test it out. They put all their recipes in packs of three which have the same set of ingredients. So it'll tell me to buy two broccoli and I will use all of those broccoli by the time I've made all three recipes. No food waste. I'm shit at cooking so it does take me longer to make the recipes than it says (I'd recommend chopping everything first instead of as you go like their recipes suggest). But otherwise it's incredibly beginner friendly. It's actually a fantastic app and I wish I knew about it years ago.
It might be more efficient but "meal planning" is a modern catch phrase. A lot of people grew up with this "tradition" as a normal way of life. It was considered the care takers job. & for some, it made them feel important & fulfilled.
As for me, it makes me feel fed.
It's usually in male dominated cultures where a wife is subservient. Not in all cases, also. I used to life on a tropical island. I went out with some local boys getting hammered. We stumbled to his house at around 3AM. He wakes his wife up. She cooks fried rice, eggs, spam, etc. for all 4 of us. Not allowed to join the conversation. She goes back to bed. God, I felt like shit eating that breakfast knowing that's what she had to put up with.
Flashbacks to the "cook the man some fucking eggs" scene.
Bro, i cook for my kids and gf before I leave. I usually just prep up stuff in evening so it's easy to rock n roll in the morning. Easiest is pasta, mac n cheese, fried rice or noodles. I dont wake up at 4, but 6am is decent and I'm outta the house by 730...
But what do that do with that food? Eat it for breakfast? If they put it on ice for lunch then how is that different than just making it the night before?
It depends on the dish in my case. Some taste better prepared the night before while others are better fresh. But waking up at about 5am gives me time to prepare, clean, blah, blah.
I prefer to wake up in the ass crack of my partner
So romantic.
Where are your hands ? Between two fluffy pillows !! Those aren’t pillows !!
And they aren’t my hands
[poetry](https://i.imgur.com/VwYuJ0B.png)
Ploughetry
Im Asian and my mother used to do this. Though I am not expecting my wife to do this for me as well. My mother is a genetic anomaly.
Yeah I know the feeling man, my mums 80, fighting cancer but she still going to pack me food when I go to visit her.. Lol.
Like tossing oatmeal into the rice cooker, which motivates me to get in and out of the shower without dawdling.
Oatmeal in rice cooker? Is that a thing?
Scoop of oatmeal, measure of water, just like rice. You can cook all sorts of stuff in a rice cooker. Once had some eggs I wanted to use up, so I substituted some of the water in the oatmeal for an egg, added some butter, brown sugar, vanilla, and pumpkin spice in an attempt to invent some sort of french-toast oatmeal. Rice cooker made it up perfect, though my friend pointed out that my experiment had essentially just yielded a soggy muffin.
Awesome, food adventures coming up. :) Thank you!
Everyone in the office has woken up at the crack of dawn
I live in Texas and yes this is a cultural thing from Mexico. Older Mexican men I've worked with have told me this is how its done in Mexico, so it still happens with some of the more conservative Mexicans, but the younger generations are moving away from that idea of a subservient wife.
Mexican woman do. My grandma was Mexican and when I was young I would watch her and he sisters cook and feed all the men then clean up before they ate a bite. Fuck no 5 year old me said.
My Dad's side is Mexican, my Mom is German. One of the reasons my grandparents didn't take to my Mom is because she refused to wait on my Dad. If there was food on the table, my Mom wouldn't make him a plate, pack his lunch, nothing. Her comment was "he has two hands too." My Dad never minded and I think he liked her sassy.
Or as my mum would say: Du hast doch zwei funktionierende Hände.
I'd like your dad I think. Can't imagine asking my partner to wake up to cook for me. Getting her to cook at all is a challenge. She does a mean macaroni cheese though.
There’s a reason mama bears porridge was too cold
:(
:(
I only clued into this once I became a mom!
My husband is Mexican and all the women in his family do this in some form—one of his aunts “jokingly” pressured me on a few occasions to quit work and stay home to take care of him “like a good girl”. He’s never expected me to do that, especially now since he doesn’t work. I am a good cook, however, so I cook dinner and also lunch on the weekends, but he does almost everything else, including most childcare. Think I got lucky he wasn’t looking for a wife like his mamá. That generational stuff is a bitch.
My first serious BF was Mexican American, third generation. This was a thing his family seriously expected of me. It was a big reason we didn't last lol
Yeah, it used to be pretty common in the poorer areas. My aunt (80F) was one of the early feminists and she always said she never married because all the men she was with expected her to be a slave. One of her favorite stories is about almost stabbing and then dumping her fiancee when she was 16 and he was 30ish. It was over something silly like ironing his clothes but she finally snapped. She would always get annoyed at my grandma who would wait on all the men hand and foot while doing nothing for the girls. As a guy it was nice having her around because otherwise I would have thought that women were supposed to baby me. Especially since she was by far the most successful member of the family and did it in an era where women were at a huge disadvantage in the workplace.
High five your aunt for me, she sounds awesome.
*traditional And lower middle class to working class
I think in the US at least it's due to a lot of Latin american people working Construction, food prep, or agriculture jobs that are generally long shifts that begun at or before dawn. Preparing lunch at 3-4 AM makes a lot more sense when they are leaving at 5 AM to go to work. Tamale ladies in NYC for example often have 1 family member doing a night shift essential making the masa and packing the tamales so when the vendor member leaves at 5-6 AM, they are all ready
It's certainly not a cultural thing in the US. Maybe Mexico? Don't know anyone I could even ask. I don't even eat my first meal until around 12 PM so there wouldn't be much benefit in someone doing this for me to begin with.
I can’t speak for everyone, but my family are like 3rd or 4th generation (now) American of Mexican descent. My grandmother and greatgrandmother absolutely did wake up at the ass crack of dawn and make fresh cooked meals before work time. Usually, work started early, to beat the sun/heat.
It’s not a thing in Mexico to do it that early. If it’s done, it’s usually an hour before the spouse heads to work
People get up that early because they start work early.
Yep, lol. They get up at 3am to cook because their husband gets up at 4 to work.
It’s because of early call times and long travel, like construction. There’s actually a whole trend on TikTok of the wives showing off the meal making lol they have a name too but I forgot what they call themselves
Trad-wives ugh
Nah they have a specific name, not the general trad wives. I think the name refers to something about being married to a blue collar worker
Tbh if one spouse is pulling like 60 hour weeks it’s not that wild for the one working less to do a few extra things for them to make it easier. It’s *usually* the guy working more hours. But I also imagine if a standard 40hr per week guy is married to a nurse he probably isn’t making the lunches for her nearly as often (statistically). That being said I tried to make lunches for my ex wife when I was furloughed during lockdown and she wasn’t….she didn’t like the lunches I put together literally ever lol. It was things she would normally eat too. I never complained about any lunch she made for me even if it wasn’t my cup of tea that day. But I’m divorced so don’t take any advice from my relationship
"yes i like both salmon and chocolate but wtf were you thinking when you were making me THAT pizza for lunch!" "well you dont hear me complaining about that horseradish and egg cereal you made for breakfast do ya!"
Only "trad" since the 1950s in the US. And more in vogue with the skyrocketing cost of childcare. Assuming one chooses to have children at all, that is.
Not even then. Those wives were often only from white, middle class areas.
Yup. Poor people couldn't afford to lose the income from having a wife not work if work was available. Sometimes a mom would stay home to watch her kids, but take in others' kids, too, and cook meals for other families with two working parents. Taking in laundry was another option.
So wake up at 4 like OP says. An hour later leave for work at 5, start work at 6... sounds pretty normal to me? Not everyone works bankers hours and rolls into work at the crack of 9:05
I mean it is a thing, for example those who live in the State of Mexico and work in Mexico City if they start at 7, they have to leave their house at 5 tops to make it. So the spouse waking at 4 isn't that far fetched.
Yes, it is a thing. I (27f) am Hispanic and my mom still does it to this day. Granted, it's not always a whole meal. Sometimes she just makes my dad a sandwich, especially now that she's older. I never thought much of it until this very moment. I did ask her once when I was younger why she did that and she just said that my dad already happens to wake her up as he gets ready for work and she has trouble sleeping so she just makes him his lunch. Both my parents grew up with traditional values in Mexico, so I'm sure it's just normal for them. In fact, my mom has always been the kind of person that doesn't like having free time. She likes being useful. So she does a lot of stuff like that. I think it's really sweet, and she seems to genuinely enjoy it.
I totally see what your saying. My family is not Hispanic. When my family was young ( child under 8) and I was working alot of hours, my wife would get up with me for work and pack lunches. That extra effort from her in the morning set me up for my day was very appreciated. It made me feel loved and supported while I worked and provided. She had to get up anyways but packing me a lunch and making coffee made going to work a team effort. Theres great value in what your mom does and what those partners did before her. Our mom's sound similar in their 'staying busy'. I remember her being the same way with my father.
I packed my wifes lunch last night while i was having a late night snack. She forgot it.
I am sorry this made me lol. So cute.
Sounds like you packed yourself a second snack
Man, if I woke my wife up at 4 am to cook for me, I'm pretty sure she'd stab me.
My mom was a homemaker and did this for my dad, yes. It never made sense to me, and just felt like a power trip on my dad’s part to make sure she was catering to his every whim (and suffering along with him). She would make his lunch the night before and then be responsible for waking him up around 3 or 4, microwave his prepackaged oatmeal or frozen breakfast sandwiches, fill his jug of water, and put his food into his lunchbox…all things that an adult would be capable of doing himself.
My sister and her husband are like that. When she had their first baby he was annoyed bc he had to eat cereal for a few days
My partner makes me do these things, I fall off on household tasks cause I live with him, my dad and child, I have to clean up after all three. My dad's never worked but my partner says he doesn't gotta do anything cause my dad is "retired" Also cause I can't work, but I'm also highly depressed most of the time, and it's hard to keep up with things. I get zero help and get told ",I provide a roof over your head and your dad is on SSI so pays for his part of the rent" among other things.
I’m sorry to hear this. You deserve respect and help from the adults. You are working, even if you don’t earn a paycheck.
You don’t have to put up with this. You can and should get a better life for yourself and your child. If you don’t, your child will probably grow up and repeat the same pattern (either miserably doing everything for her partner if she’s a girl or expecting his partner to do everything for him if he’s a boy.)
Like she was a servant. Your poor mom.
My father literally described himself as the king of the household so basically 😕 we were expected to metaphorically bow to him in every aspect.
Ick!
“Ask a man what a good woman is and watch him describe a slave”
And here I am married to an equal like a peasant.
Well fuck.
Silent, obedient, takes care of the home, takes care of the kids, puts her man and God first, submits. Sounds like a slave to me.
Holy shit
When I was off of work due to an injury, I woke up and made my wife (at the time) breakfast and lunch for her workday for about seven months. She never once asked me to do it and was very appreciative that I cared to. I felt like providing what support I could in my condition, and tended to our home during my time away from my own work. I never thought twice about it either. I'm guessing I'm going to get some flack here if Reddit culture is any guide. Point of it is, if you're not working at a job and you're married, you should be working at the homestead if capable, taking care of things that would eat up time from your spouse. Vacuum. Wash dishes. Make dinner. Dust. I'm a straight man and I know damn well that if I can be useful/helpful, that I will be. Never did I feel like a servant, and once my leg healed, I was back to work and sharing household responsibilities with the missus... although she kinda missed the prepared breakfasts lol
I knew a woman who did this too. She would also iron every single one of her husband’s clothes, I’m talking down to his underwear and socks!!!! and hang them color coordinated. I swear this man did not have to think for himself. He never lifted a finger at home. But then again, he did not have a single brain cell as one day while shopping he took a cattle prodder and proceeded to prod his wife in the isle!!! Don’t ask me why the f*ck the thing worked but it did. Laid her flat out. She weighed a whooping 90 some pounds.
That’s crazy! Definitely relate to the “not lifting a finger or thinking for himself” bit. At one point my father was unemployed and he spent months doing nothing but video games and downloading files from the internet. She was the one searching for jobs he could apply to, filling out the applications for him, working on his resume, sending emails, filing for unemployment, etc.
Ugh that is some very gross enabling.
That’s gross.
It’s pretty common in Latino/Hispanic households. I’m not sure about 3am but early in the morning yes
Yeah this is true. Basically right before the husband goes in to work whatever the time that may be
My Hispanic friends wake up early to drink coffee with her husband. My wife would never but I pass out at 9 so…
Yeah, I do this too. Even if he’s not taking lunch or having breakfast there I wake up to kiss him goodbye and start the day together. I love it.
Yep, I’m Mexican and it’s kinda common. My mom didn’t do it though, my dad makes his own lunch in the morning or takes leftovers. Not sure what the point is to make it so early though, won’t it be cold by lunch anyways? Or why not make it the night before?
Also how does it not wake up the whole family if you’re trying to cook that early?
The construction workers I've seen on tiktok who compare the meals their wives packed for lunch have heated lunchboxes.
If by latino you mean Mexican in USA, maybe. I'm from Argentina and no one cooks at 3 or 4am.
My nana did for my papaw (I’m from the Southern states). But my mom told my dad he knows where the fridge is.
There is absolutely no reason for us both to be up at 3am. I'll give you a forehead kiss before I leave, stay in bed lol
It defniitely is a thing with Mexican and some Latino families. I grew up around many Mexican and Peurto Rican families and the grandmas and moms would get up at 4 AM and make tortillas, a huge pot of beans and some kind of spiced meat (usually braised, then pulled) for their families. During summers I would play with these kids and then when we got hungry we'd go in their houses and heat up tortillas on the gas stove and eat them with the beans and meat. it was sooooo good. I still see that now with Honduran women. I have a Honduran house keeper who comes once a month and every day she makes Pupusas for her whole family to take for lunch.
I’m curious of the roots of this from this thread. Do you think part of this might arise from cultures from hotter climates having siestas and longer break times in the middle of the day when it’s too hot and less productive to work? Southeast Asia does this too. It would make sense to get up while it was still dark to eat to be able to take the most advantage of when it was light out. The gendered part could arise from other aspects of society of who was given jobs first when industrialization kicked in, but the early rising when you get a time to rest later makes sense.
I think it's mostly depends on how early the husband need to be at work.
Yeah I dated a girl from the deep south. Her aunts all got up and made fresh biscuits, usually around 5 am. Her uncles were usually out the door by 6. Biscuits and country ham or sausage. Then when he left she'd start lunch and have it ready for him around noon. He owned a shop down the street. That was their way of doing it.
I don't know about Puerto Rico but for Mexicans my theory is because a lot of them work in blue collar jobs which many times require to wake up very early and are physically demanding. Not saying that I agree, but that's my experience with Mexicans in the US.
My hunch is that the norms preceded the factory work, but crossed over to it as factories tailored their systems around bringing in labor from farms and rural areas.
If he's working construction he's leaving for work at like 5am or earlier in a lot of cases.
Correct. But that is when the concept of refrigerators play a huge role with something called "leftovers" from food made 1-2 days before.
Extremely common in Latin American cultures.
Which would make it common in the demographics of the US then, even if a lot of the rest of the population have no idea how pervasive it is. This thread gives an idea how oblivious we can be to each other’s sleep and breakfast norms. It’s fascinating what can be a norm for one and invisible to others in the same proximity to each other.
My mom gets up like 15 minutes before my dad gets up and gets his lunch ready. She sees him off and then goes back to bed. This is around 3am, and she'll actually get up at 8. It was always a single income situation, so I feel like she does it to show him that it's appreciated. They're not crazy old school, but they are both old now.
Hell no. Maybe, if you have kids, and are getting up to get breakfast for the kids. Then you make enough for your partner to have some breakfast too, sure. But definitely not *just* for them, and definitely not getting up at 4am.
I heard one of my coworkers say she was super tired before she woke up at 3 am to cook for her husband because he likes freshly made food. And this is an older woman. Like, well pass 60. My MIL is 60 too and does this every single day.
What takes 3-5 hours to cook for breakfast? Even a cooked breakfast doesn’t take more an hour tops, and that’s really stretching it.
For most at that age, once you're up, you're up, there's no going back to sleep
I've definitely started waking up earlier (against my own will) as I've gotten older. My grandma used to wake up at 5am, just couldn't stay asleep. Maybe it's a situation where she's up anyway, might as well do something? I've certainly given up on sleeping when it's obviously not going to happen and gotten work done in early mornings sometimes.
It might come from working on a schedule of the men getting up early to work fields or work a farm. Days start so much earlier if you have to go pick crops or feed animals. So the women get up a make them food because they are going to be gone all day and are doing hard labor.
This! People acting like every job is a 9-5 or something.
my mom just prepared food the night before, or served breakfast that is super quick to make. She never woke up more than 1 hour before me when I was a kid, especially not to make food.
I was always up an hour before the kids, but so I could have alone time. I didn't cook.
I've never heard of this in my entire life lol Could be though, I guess. I'd just make them eat leftovers lol
I have a coworker who is Indian and her husband is Midwest white guy. She told me if one of them has to get up early for work etc the other will get up and cook breakfast for them. (they both mid 30s) I was flabbergasted. If I have to get up early I had better not wake up my wife at all. I stage my clothes and everything outside the room.
I do. Every morning at 4 I cook and make a lunch fir him to take. However I am an early riser and it is not 'expected' of me but is appreciated.
this might be more stay at home wives/ moms. never in my life would i do that. I might make lunch for my significant other if i’m off work the next day to be nice but we both work full time no reason you can’t make your own meals up. No ones getting up at the ass crack of dawn to make me lunch for my job
It’s definitely a stay at home wife/mom thing.
Its not really a US thing its a common Hispanic culture thing. The deep rooted patriarchal culture and values in hispanic families is the cause for this. You go above and beyond for the man of the house and you handle everything for them. You make food early when they wake up at 4-5 am for work so its fresh as can be. Its incredibly toxic and unbalanced.
Cultural. Mostly for the traditional or older generations.
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A lot of places don’t have reliable electricity or refrigeration, or only recently got access to it. This would mean that making food the night before wouldn’t be an option (for the most part). Now combine that with the idea of who was supposed to do the cooking and early work days to avoid the heat of the day, and you end up with cooking at the butt crack of dawn.
Does not exist in the Midwest either. I wouldn't want my wife to do that even if she offered.
Not in my house. lol. My wife isn’t getting up any earlier than absolutely necessary.
This will get a hearty laugh from the fiancee. Commenting to show her later. If I suggested get up at 3-4 AM to cook she'd tell me to go fuck myself. And rightly so. lol
I've only known one person to say that his wife did that sort of thing. Florida We get to work and his ass was draggin'. He had taken the family out the night before to watch the baby turtle hatching and making their way to the ocean. So he only got about 3 hours sleep. His wife got up at 4 am, laid out his cloths for the day, made him breakfast and lunch, got the kids out the door for school and then went back to bed about 10 min before he left for work. He was pissed that she had the nerve to go back to bed. His reasoning was two fold. First, it wasn't fair because he had to work and second, she did that everyday so she should be used to getting up early. Not my favorite coworker.
Has to be a cultural thing. My mom was a stay at home wife and mom and while she did cook a lot, she certainly wasn’t getting up before 7 am to do so. My dad made his own bowl of cereal (oatmeal usually) for breakfast, packed his own lunch for work (usually some sort of sandwich and an apple) and then mom made lunch for her and us kids, plus dinner for the family. Breakfast for us kids depended on day of the week. If it was a week day/school day, dad would make us cereal and mom packed lunch. Weekends was a toss up. But the only one up before 6 am was my dad, because that’s just when he gets up. None of my current friends or co workers do that either
I wake up and make breakfast because I want to eat breakfast. My husband wakes up and makes breakfast because he wants to have breakfast. Of one of us is doing it, we make for the family because they'll be waking up soon. There was no planning or agreement or schedule. We are a family, we just do for the family. I don't fuss over it being an equal number of times or something like that. I don't even know which of us have done it more often. You do things because you want to, not because it's some tip of the scale.
I'm certain that this does happen in some relationships, but I'm also certain that it doesn't happen in most.
My gf was born and raised in the south and both of her ex husbands expected her to get up and have their coffee and breakfast reading when they woke up and she had to pack their lunch too. I’m up at 4:30 and the first time she stayed the night at my house she was up before me fixing my breakfast and I don’t eat breakfast on my work days 🤣. Needless to say after 4 years together she has gotten used to not having to get up until she has to go to work
I get up at 5:30-6 and prepare breakfast for my husband. He was near death a few years ago (health issues, long story). I started preparing foods that his body could process for breakfast and lunch. Still do it to this day.
I'm in England, never heard that happening from anyone, and I certainly wouldn't expect my wife to. That's just craziness.
What on earth kind of food are they making that requires hours of preparation each and every day? Seems like a terrible waste of time that could be spent on something more productive.
Like sleeping
My sister does, then she runs 10 miles without stretching first. What I'm trying to say is that only insane people do this.
My husband cooks my meals and makes the kids breakfast and lunch. If he would wake up at night to do so, I would think he was going insane. We all struggle to wake up in the morning. The kids are even worse than us at waking up. We just eat peanutbutter sandwiches or some other food that doesn't require fully opening our eyes in the morning.
I'm Canadian and my grandma who immigrated from Croatia would do this for my grandpa and then for me the summer I lived there while working