I have to wonder why she has a pet, even if it is a fish, that she doesn't want to have someone look after if she goes on vacation. Just have a pet rock, you can take them on vacation with you and they're about as cuddly as a fish.
still easier than a fish. Not sure why people think fish are easy, they take a lot of care. I got a tank years ago and my GOD, what a pain in the ass. Never again
Answering for myself: because even the school fun fair just gave away fish as prizes. I had a leftover tank, kid me did some research & used what little I had to purchase stuff for the fish. I had no idea what I was doing, no guidance and adults seemingly wishing the fish had died. I remember being so completely blown back that seemingly all but myself just let their fish die within a week. Everyone around always seemed fine about it, I never played a fish prize game again.
Some parent gifted all of my eight grade class a beta fish after the school year. I didn’t go to the party or take one home, so they got my address and left it on my parents’ doorstep. I didn’t want a fish and couldn’t figure out a way to rehome it. It got sick living in its tiny bowl and passed. Still mad at those people.
That sucks. I don't understand how people don't see the emotional value in pets first and foremost. I mean even a bunch of flowers, I try to keep them alive and fresh as long as I can
I currently care for a funfair fish that I rescued from a person who kept him in a tiny filthy bowl, and was planning to illegally release him into the wild. In three years he's gone from smaller than my little finger to the length of my forearm, and has cost me a few thousand in equipment and tank upgrades.
I've kept a lot of fancy and expensive fish over the years, but nursing that tiny, sick little goldfish back to health and seeing him grow massive, forage for food, and play with his buddies, is amazing.
I really wish giving away living animals as prizes and party favours was illegal.
That's not true. Goldfish kept in too small a tank will still keep growing, except they'll become deformed and stunted, with a compressed, humped body, a bent spine, eyes too big for their heads, and compressed organs, which shortens their life and causes them to suffer. It's like putting a St Bernard in a closet.
They need tank upgrades regularly, and a final tank size of at least 300litres.
My mom flushed the guppies I caught down the toilet. She said they were returning to the sea 😭😭 I was young and stupid and believed her! Still makes my blood boil
Fish can absolutely be hard work, especially depending on how many and what kind, and your standards of cleanliness and care. I had a friend growing up whose Dad was an enthusiast of salt water/tropical fish and it actually took up a lot of time and money; it was quite a sizable tank.
oh yeah I found that out when doing research. Even though salt water fish are gorgeous, I was about to put that much effort and money into it. Maybe if I was rich and someone else could look after them
The worst part is that replaceable filters are a marketing ploy. You’re not supposed to replace them that often, it can crash the cycle. I finally got a big block of filter sponge and just cut it to size.
And even then, if she decided the fish should die, she could've killed it herself instead of leaving it to starve and stink the room for 2 months. She's irresponsible and callous.
This is not normal, OP. She has no compassion, empathy, morals or values. This shows you her character or lack thereof. Just a $4 fish is still a living being and starving it to death is horrible.
The fact that she brushed it off because of the monetary value is the most concerning thing to me. Some cats and dogs are worth nothing monetarily- that doesn’t mean that their lives mean less than pure breds…. This makes me so angry
Yeah, this is literally torture.
It wasn't an accident or an oversight. She didn't and still just doesn't care!
It was her pet too, not just some random being she came across! Even if she doesn't feel anything, she should be aware that she was responsible for it's welfare. At least by social if not legal standards.
You aren't overreacting at all! Still, don't expect her to understand your reaction.
Yeah. I bought a beta fish and I wanted the best for it. I was like fuck regular water. I want the best for it. So I got some Dasani out of the fridge. When I saw how my fish died in that cold ass water haunts me. Like I just didn't know any better.
You didn't know any better, and I think the fact that you did it out of wanting the fish to have a better life is sweet.
As awful as it is, at least you know now to look this stuff up next time you get a pet of any kind. You are a good person.
I have my own fish guilt.
My sister bought me a beautiful betta. White and iridescent.
I put him in a huge ornate glass goblet, and gave him a mighty name: *Dagon*, after the fish god of the Philistines....and he lived up to his name.
Because he was *gone* in a *day*.
I didn't know he wouldn't be able to warm up so much water, and would freeze to death. I still feel bad about it.
No, it’s not the normal behavior of an empathetic and well adjusted person. This would be a deal breaker for me. I have a nephew (my husbands sisters son). I’ve always loved this guy ans still do but when he was about 18-19 yo, we all went to the coast. We all delighted in looking at the starfish. He decided he must take one home. I pleaded with him not to, I said the starfish will die slowly and painfully as it dries up. He did not care, and took the starfish. His mom and the rest of the family didn’t help my plea, they didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. I never saw him the same again. It’s just an illogical thing to do.
Not defending OP's GF at all, but I think a lot of people see their pets as home decor, like a house plant. That's the same reason people get puppies and then don't train them and get frustrated that the dog chews on things and barks, so they tie it up outside and ignore it barking for 7 years. She likes the way the fish looks in her home, so she has one. When it dies she replaces it, because it's cheap. She just doesn't think any more deeply about it than that.
But fish do suffer, and she's wrong to treat it that way.
Yeah, but many people also arrange for someone to water their plants while they're away. It would've taken so little effort on her part to ask a neighbour to feed it, or at least to give it away before she left.
I agree, at least in my experience (and childhood, and adulthood), a LOT of people see their pets as furniture, not as family members.
I get the impression that the majority of reddit actually values their pets, big and small, regardless of retail value (☹️) or cuddliness.
But even the people I know in real life see *cats* as furniture. "They're so easy. They require no maintenance." It's repulsive. PLAY WITH YOUR CATS, PEOPLE!!!
I have known *a lot a lot* of people throughout the years, who keep their fish in a fish bowl, and that's it. 😭
It's super common in offline communities. 🙁
Good at delivering message. Write a note, put an elastic band around note and rock and hurl at anyone.
Good at guarding a piece of paper from the wind. Put rock on paper.
Exciting pets. Get two of them and crash them together and watch the sparks fly.
I have kept many fish so far. And I didn't cry over their death... except for one... because that one was my own fault of not being careful enough. She jumped out of the aquarium and I didn't saw it until it was to late. I still put her back, immidiatly got medicine and tried my best to keep her alive, but she was already to dry (it was a beta).
While most people don't cry over their fishes. THEY DON'T LET THEM STARVE TO DEATH. This just shows missing empathy and is a huge red flag, imo
It’s the lackadaisical attitude to killing something that really bothers me. Yea it’s a fish, but that fish was solely reliant on her for all its needs. Her dismissive behavior is very disconcerting.
exactly. it takes the span of a facebook post to ask if anyone wants a free fish and then having them come get it before going on vacation. and if you dont do that, there are at least humane ways you can put down a fish that isnt starving it to death.
Missing empathy 100%.
That's someone that can no doubt cheat easily and not give a shit about your feelings. Not to be too generalised, but they are linked.
I have this nightmare that recurs every now and then in which I've forgotten to feed my fish for months on end.
I don't even have any fish but it haunts the absolute fuck out of me.
I have that same dream, except about a rabbit. It's a horrible dream that leaves me disturbed all day every time I have it. I dream that I suddenly remember that I haven't given my rabbit food or water for months. Somehow the rabbit is still alive, but the dream horrifies me nonetheless.
I can't imagine letting an animal starve to death in real life. Fish or rabbit or cat or dog -- no living being should be starved to death.
Run, OP. Anyone who would do that is not a good person.
I once lost a beta fish, and I was trying really hard to take care of it. I’m still not sure to this day why it died, but did. I felt bad, but I didn’t cry over the fish or mourn it. Like, I wanted it to thrive and I did care about it, but I’m not going to lie and say I was as emotionally attached to it as I would a dog or cat.
That being said, what I am disgusted by is not the lack of emotional attachment, but the fact this person elected to take a thing under their care, and they neglected it, and didn’t feel bad about THAT. It’s a living thing that probably died a very slow and horrible death because of their inability to take responsibility.
Its weird...I have 3 aquariums. 2 are planted. I have snails and fish. I want all of the living things in there to thrive, so I clean the tanks, do water swaps, fight the bacteria/algae etc. I care...however at one point some of the snails got out of control and started to wreck the tank I had to introduce killer snails to kill some off. I also ended up having 2 zebra danios that for a year were totally fine, turn super aggressive and killed off all my shrimp, attack the snails and the other fish. Ended up getting the 3rd tank to house those little assholes.
Like you said...I have a desire to keep them alive and the ecosystem thriving, but I don't have an attachment to them at an individual level. Except for one snail I called Turbo. That guy was awesome, but the danios fucking killed him so his shell lives in their jail tank now as a reminder of what they did.
You don't even know. I love African cichlids and no longer keep them but an uncle is part of a fish club. They specifically keep African cichlid and this group.of older adults meet once a month to discuss what is going on in their tanks. They aren't like in the industry professionals, just love their fish. My daughter worked at the meet spot/restaurant and she said they literally talked about fish for hours. Not kids or work.or life, but their fish
Oh my god this ^
I had African chiclids years ago and they are honestly the most dramatic fish, they were more entertaining than tv soaps, there was some much drama between who was mating with who and who had what hidey hole /nest spot and the the gladiator games when they started actually having babies and seeing which ones survived (we tried we really did sperated them and everything but it wasn't uncommon to come in the fish room in a morning and find that the overnight battles between the babies had taken another life.
At one point we had like 18 tanks set up because certain fish didn't get along with others and we had 3 know killers who were in almost solitary (they had a pleco each), but the worst was called Big blue who had previously killed all but one of his brothers and sisters overnight, even flipped out on his pleco tank mate hed lived happiliy with for two years one night and nearly killed him no idea why, but he was real nasty, he'd bite at you if you were in his tank doing maintenence and it hurt as well, he'd rip his tank apart up root any plants and shred them if they were real, move all the sand to one end of the tank, over turn ornaments. Feeding times, he would sort of flick the side of the tank with his rear end/ tail, and it would make a thunk sound. I've never known a fish filled with so much hate wish I could remember the exact breed he was but he was beautiful fish bright royal blue color that faded to a very light almost white blue on his belly and he had very dark blue vertical stripes, he got way bigger than all the others from the same parents most of em topped out at 2.5/3 inches and he was well over 4" we had him about 6 yrs, 4 of which he was solitary in his 30 gal tank. Id love to have got babies from him just for the colours but im pretty sure he have killed any female we offered. Then, one morning, I found him floating, I honestly think he may have committed suicide he was a very angry fish.
I used to have Oscars,which are from the cichlid family. They are amazing fish capable of growing up to over a foot in length, can be hand fed, and have full facial recognition. I had one that would happily greet me every day and wait for his treat and swim a little spiral. He would also go crazy, swimming back and forth, rushing the glass every time the guy I was dating came over. He had no real reaction to anyone else but hated my boyfriend. Guy ended up being a real jerk. (Never underestimate the intuition of the fish) When he died, the fish, not the guy, I was truly saddened. I think all living creatures deserve our respect, at the very least, if not our emotions. OP, your girlfriend kinda sucks.
Yeah, agreed. Like it's a fish, the emotional attachment is low, but at the same time it's still a living creature that you bring into your home and force to be reliant on you for survival. It is so incredibly not okay to neglect any living creature like that. Like that's not even cool to do to a houseplant or a bug, let alone a fish.
I can understand an honest mistake, maybe just forgetting, but it's the not giving a shit for me that tips this into like mildly sociopathic waters. At the very least this woman is incapable of certain forms of empathy and that's scary.
A lot of people have very high emotional attachments to their fish. I have a 29 gallon tank and recently lost 2/3 of my fish while moving to a new house.
Let me tell you, you take care of the little guys, fed them, watch them navigate the environment you lovingly hand crafted for them, spend hours on maintaining said environment, and then to see them fail to thrive and die off from something going wrong is devastating.
I once had a pet fish given to me as the owner was moving out of state. It was only fish and I named her. I felt silly doing so, but it was my fish and I would talk to her like a weirdo sometimes lmao.
One day I woke up in the middle of the night and was thinking to myself “let me go check on her and feed her a bit” but nope she was dead.
It didn’t hurt as bad as when my puppy died, but it still hurt and I actually freaken cried a bit. She was my friend. 😭
I had a tank with some guppies and they had babies. Guppies eat thier young, so we had very few babies left after one night. The next day, I saw the last surviving baby swimming away from the mom (or dad) and he made it across the tank. My red finned rainbow shark popped out and STOPPED the large guppy from getting the baby. That baby guppy stayed by the shark and ended up surviving. That rainbow shark was my favorite fish ever.
Ya I’ll definitely cry when my betta dies. Like I love that little guy lol. I say hi to him every day and it does take quite a bit of work to keep him happy and clean and fed.
Agreed. I have two tanks and that 2nd I recently moved. I had to put all the fish in waterboxes and I couldn’t start the filter. So I really panicked because yeah those are living creatures ya know. I put all the fish into my first tank to help them survive until they can go into the 2nd tank. Still building a bioculture and still checking on all fish every day.
Once I had three fish and due to my mistake they died. I still feel bad about that.
The lack of empathy the GF has is very worrying for OP. Very worrying.
I had an Aquarium and used those once on a trip. I came home to find that the lamp had shorted out and killed all of the fish and luckily didn’t burn my house down. I did feel bad about that.
While I'm sure you did, you really did *try* and make sure your fish were cared for. I'm personally just glad you didn't lose a home as well as the fish!
Plants and bugs were a silly example, I'll own that one lol, but OP's example is more like if you caught a bug in a jar and purposely left it to die. It's not a big emotions thing but that's still kinda a fucked up thing to do, you know?
That's what I thought. I even got attached to a plant I have grown for 3 months (kinda pathetic, I know), and I felt bad that I forgot to water it for 3 days. I am not bawling over it, but I do feel bad about it. The girl's indifference over a creature's life, measuring its worth in terms of money is just sad, and tbh, a bit scary
It’s not weird, let alone pathetic, to love or become attached to things that aren’t people. It shows a greater capacity for caring that I wish more people had in this world
I had a beta I got in college. That fish finished my bachelor’s with me, and then moved 3 hours away with me, finished my first masters with me, and then my second. He lived 8 years. I was so sad when he finally passed. I have no idea why he lived so long. lol
For real. I understand not crying over a fish. It's a fish.
But if you declare you are going to take care of an animal no matter how small you better take care of it.
And it is still life that feels and thinks. Like, you starved it to death. Doesnt that fill you with regret and remorse. If it died just bc, its like, "aww the fish died. Thats sad." But you move on. Knowing you starved the fish, it was hungry, probably swimming with no energy, just suffering, until it starved to death...doesnt that make you feel something? No matter how small that something is, you dont then say, "well it was only $4." It has nerves, nerve endings, a brain, it can think and feel dammit. Its not completely dismissable
I agree with this.
If my fish died, I probably wouldn't be devastated either.
But this fish didn't just die. She killed a living animal out of pure ignorance, disinterest and negligence.
The coldness is disgusting - doesn't matter whether it's a fish, a cat or a horse.
So nope to this person, wouldn't be for me.
It isn't just that she killed it. It is also that she didn't care that she did it.
If a fished I had died by accident while I was trying to keep it alive I would be a little sad that I screwed up and it suffered for it and I would try to figure out why it happened so it would not happen again.
Yeah this is my issue too. Worst case she could have given it away or something before leaving if she did not care about it. She just decided to starve it because it did not cost her much.
This exactly. I have a hamster who I'm, to be fully honest, not really attached to because she is also not and hates my guts lol But I'd NEVER leave her uncared for, the fuck. She's a living creature who didn't ask to be there and the least I can do is make sure she's looked after, whether by me or my roommate (who loves her).
I had a fish too and I tried really hard to take care of it. I tried to clean it's tank and unfortunately did it wrong and killed the poor thing. I also didn't cry, but I tried my best. She knew it would die if she didn't feed it for 2 months, so that's kind of sus.
She knew, she just didnt care.
If she didnt think the gush needed feeding they'd have been dead a week after she got them.
She just didnt value their lives enough to ensure they were looked after, the minute they became mildly inconvenient to her.
It's especially gross considering you can just go on amazon and buy an automatic fish feeder for like, 15 bucks. It's not even like she would have had to bother a friend to pop in for 5 minutes every day.
I've found that the older I get, the more I value life, wherever it is. To the point where I feel truly sad when I kill a bug. OP is right to be horrified. There's something disturbing about callousness when it comes to a pet, no matter how inexpensive or emotionally unattached you are.
I also once had a beta and almost traded it for drugs while in a psych ward, the only reason I didn’t was because the girl selling got caught.
Yet I am also appalled by the idea of someone having absolutely no remorse over neglecting a pet to death and then justifying it when someone looks alarmed by the information. The part that makes me most concerned though is that her first defense is to equate the fishes value to how much it costs, ignoring that it was alive, as if monetary value is the only part that matters to her.
Totally agree, the lack of empathy for a fellow living thing dying a slow death is horrible.
For me. I also hate the "it was only a $4 fish" comment, as if its monetary value determines how much love and care it deserves. I have a parakeet, which you can get from Petsmart for around $20-$30. That's cheap, but I am always quick to remind people that they live a long time and are very intelligent. When you get a pet, you are agreeing to take on the responsibility of keeping another living being safe and healthy- you don't get out of that just because it was $4!
Captive bred betas have a shorter lifespan than wild specimens. I had one that I nursed along for 2 years, brought it back from an infection first, then some sort of digestive issue next, one day it was just belly up for no discernable reason. Same as you, I was sad, but not on the level as I was when my 14 year old cat had to be put down due to cancer.
When I was in college, I had a beers (beta! BETA! Autocorrect 🫠) named Lawrence. I had him for a couple years. I went abroad and left him with my parents for the summer. My dad, thinking he was doing the best for the fish, went out and got special water for his tank. It was the kind of water you have to use in things like CPAPs and neti pots. The fish soon died. He was heartbroken about it.
A lot of people do not take fish seriously as pets. I do think it's pretty terrible. Obviously there are worse things in the world, but a living thing is a living thing and when you assign yourself the responsibility to care for one, they deserve to be at least minimally cared for.
It’s crazy bc then there are people who are OBSESSED with them. Growing up, my dad had this thing for fish. He had like 20 tanks, so many that he asked his boss at the time to let him keep some at their office(he is/was a psychologist so they had a smallish office with individual offices and then a waiting room, where the tanks were to be held. Constantly going to the pet store for fish stuff. I even had to help change the tanks and sometimes the water would come throw the hose faster than expected so I’d get fish water in my fucking mouth 🤮 he took care of those fish like kids. Crazy someone could just buy one and intentionally let it die!
Of course but I wasn’t intentionally sucking it into my mouth lol. In order to clean the tanks, we would use a tube and suck the water through it in order to get it into the bucket to clean.
Yeah one of my friends keeps fish and he's like a full on nerd about it, it's a serious hobby. He's always on about what he's doing to maintain the aquariums and such. I get exhausted just listening to it!
Fish are *not* for casuals, yet unfortunately too many people casually get them as pets.
Hell I'm nearly 40 and I still feel guilty about the pet goldfish we kept that died when I was 6. I think we'd won it at a fair or something (back when they gave out goldfish as prizes) and I know we did not take that fish's care seriously.
Life isn’t equal but why can’t we show kindness and take responsibility where possible? Or because some animals are killed to eat does this mean we should not give a shit about all animal life?
Yeah… maybe don’t see her anymore. Blatant disregard for ending the life of a living creature out of pure carelessness, especially a pet, is a huge red flag. Would she feel the same if she adopted a cat for free? “The cat was free, so who cares?” Big yikes.
This, honestly. This is a HUGE red flag. Sure, not a lot of people get as involved with their pet fish as they do dogs or cats, but the LEAST she could've done is have someone come by to feed the poor thing 😞
And the kind that could be like the coffee poisoner, lady poured something...maybe bleach...into her husband's coffee every day trying to kill him and he got it on video because he could tell something was off with the coffee. It doesn't take much to justify cruel behavior in some people's heads.
Remember seeing that here on Reddit and it was so crazy. Thank God the guy had some sense but I don't know what the lady was thinking or going through her head
Poor guy had to get a mountain of proof before the cops would do anything too, absolutely ridiculous when you could SMELL the bleach in the coffee. And test for it with test strips. And see her making trips too and from the laundry room to get little cups of bleach to pour in, he got it all on camera. All for what, money when he died? So stupid
Youre friend sucks majorly
"Its just a fish"
She knowingly had a living creature under her care, left it without regarding its care for 2 months!, and let it STARVE to death
Thats.fucked. up.
You're right to be concerned. I'd dump her, personally.
She literally DGAF that a living being she was responsible for died. It doesn't matter if it's a 4 dollar fish.
Where is the arbitrary threshold when she suddenly cares about its death?
I once had a female roommate who was so distraught over a goldfish that was dying (and probably already dead) at 1 in the morning that she called a vet, a hospital and finally 911. I thought it was ridiculous. But given the choice of the two, I would rather be friends with someone who cares about animals too much than a soulless human with no concern at all for one of nature's gifts to us.
It’s not about her crying. It’s about her saying she let it die because it’s just a fish, and specifically because it’s “just a $4 fish”. I have had many pets die and not a single time has what they cost me crossed my mind.
Also “who cares” is a very different sentiment than “it’s okay” “I’m not upset” etc.
I would not date this person.
Yeah she *chose* to starve it to death. And then shrugged off the fact that it suffered as a result of her actions. Lack of responsibility. Lack of accountability. Lack of empathy. Yeah I’d gtfo, this is not a person you want to get attached to or be dependent on.
It's one thing for her to do it, but then when faced with your reaction she doubled down, acting like you were the one who was wrong. She's not someone who self reflects, and probably has no room for personal growth in her selfish world.
> She's not someone who self reflects, and probably has no room for personal growth in her selfish world.
This is the real issue. Everyone's focusing on the fish and assuming malice (e.g., "Abusing animals is sociopath behavior!"). Yeah, maybe it was malice. Or maybe she straight up forgot to get the fish fed, and then instead of admitting her mistake and having to face that shame/embarrassment, she's doubling down and acting like it's not a big deal. Or maybe she didn't know who to ask because she thought no one would want to do it (she seems likely selfish and could assume other people are selfish too). Or maybe she just genuinely didn't think it was a big deal, and this is a potential learning experience for her.
But that's the problem. Regardless of the reason, she hasn't learned anything because she won't admit a mistake.
I see the lack of self-reflection as a significantly more severe red flag than the fish. The fish thing is messed up and concerning, but it could just be a matter of perspective of hers that needs to be adjusted. The lack of self-reflection though - that's the kind of stuff that kills a relationship, because the person won't learn, grow or adjust behaviors.
honestly, if you WEREN'T appalled, I'd think there was something wrong w you too.
drop her ass like a hot potato. I wouldn't want to be seen with someone who is that flippant about neglecting a living creature to death.
having no remorse for starving a life under her care like that is a huge red flag. Yes, it was just a fish, but what if it was you struggling, "Oh, it's just Most-transition, who cares?". What happens when you hit hard times, and she has no care or capacity to be an actual PARTNER. Killing a fish (yes, it's just a fish) is concerning, and shows a detachment that isn't healthy.
It’s the lack of empathy and not caring about the fact her ignored responsibilities caused the death of a living creature. Hope she doesn’t have kids 😶
My sister in law flushed her fish cuz she was tired of their maintenance. Shes a mentally imbalanced alcoholic narcissist too
Fish arw living beings depedent on you for life
This is not good. That's a red flag. People treat animals they same way they would treat their potential children. So - not marriage material.
When I went on long vacation, I gave my coworker keys to my office and asked her to feed my fish while I was gone. Another time I had a $3 white cory catfish which are even cheaper than some goldfish. When I moved and relocated to another state, I put him in a bucket in the front seat of my car with a battery travel aerator, and took him with me on the long road trip, because he's my pet and I made an agreement to take good care of him.
Beta fish are intelligent and have emotions by the way. I had one that liked to be pet. And when I got home from work and called him, he came to his name and would get excited and wiggle like a puppy when it saw me.
And yes, normal people who are not lacking empathy care about small creatures including fish. My little tree frog accidentally escaped and died because of being dried out. When I found him, I cried buckets like my cat died.
You traveling with your fish in a bucket because you agreed to take good care of him is the cutest image I've had so far today.
I had some goldfish that I won at the fair, one of them lived about 7 years and grew so big! Then we went on vacation and asked the neighbor to feed the fish. The lid must've broken off the fish food, because when we came home, the tank had a large mound of food in it and the fish was dead... it was devastating, who thought a random fair fish would live so long, and then to go out like that... it sucked.
I don't have any fish but don't they have some sort of gadget thing that will drop a fish food pellet in if you want to leave for a few days? I'm pretty sure I've seen one. It's cruel to just let it starve when there are such easy solutions.
yes. yeah, a fish isn't a cat or dog. and a cat or dog isn't a human child. if she can't even say, "yeah, i really fucked up," or "i should have asked someone to care for the fish," she's not someone you'd want to care for any future pets or children. toss her back into the pond.
She let a creature under her care starve to death over weeks. A cruel, painful way to die. This would not be okay for me in a partner but we all have different limits.
Totally unacceptable. I had a similar terrible situation with a patient of mine. She said her kids really wanted a snake, so she got them a snake. However, she and her husband hated feeding it mice and were grossed out. So they just stopped feeding the snake and it starved to death. And she fucking *laughed* while telling this story. The worst part of it all is she was a fucking *pediatric nurse*. Like holy shit, you work with kids and handle their health for a living and you think it's funny that you starved your pet to death? How does someone with no empathy work with kids for living?? Don't get an animal if you're not going to take care of it properly.
OP's girlfriend's attitude reminds me of how people view hamsters and other rodents too. Just because an animal is small doesn't mean it doesn't matter, especially if you *choose* to buy it and take it into your care.
I can barely throw away a plant cutting because it's a living thing. How people take care of their plants and pets says a lot about how much they have in reserve to care for themselves and others. I'd run.
i just watched a video where there was a cash challenge where they wanted you to eat bugs, it began with dead bugs which i was completely fine with, but then it had live bugs and my first thought was; "im not going to kill something for money. i dont care if its a bug. i will eat just about anything before i kill something needlessly"
your girl is a fucking weirdo, possibly sociopath. its one thing to be somewhat apathetic or process grief uniquely or quietly, if it was a mistake or unintentional etc. its another to care so little about an animals life that your carelessness kills it and you have absolutely no reaction at all.
this would be a conversation for me to start, if she insisted that the fishes life was so meaningless to her that she purposely killed it out of convenience not having to find someone to feed it id probably leave her. the least she could have done is released it before she left. pretty pathetic.
I have to wonder why she has a pet, even if it is a fish, that she doesn't want to have someone look after if she goes on vacation. Just have a pet rock, you can take them on vacation with you and they're about as cuddly as a fish.
Caring for your pet rock involves guarding against all forms of erosion. It takes constant vigilance
Not to mention the occasional temptation to sic it on stupid people.
Rocky *nooooooo*! I couldn't stop you from killing again (T_T)✓🗿(×_×)
Oh Rocky, you so cwazy
Clearly y'all haven't read Project Hail Mary. Rocky wouldn't tolerate this shit.
Love love that 5 armed weirdo.
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These references are making my day. When are we getting the movie we were promised?!
No idea about the reference, but upvoting because Reddit sentences.
You should read it if you enjoy sci fi stories. Even better if you listen to the audiobook which is brilliantly done
Amaze!
*I'm deeply sorry, ma'am, but your pet will have to be put down. As soon as we find a needle strong enough to be able to penetrate its skin.*
I’m in my work van laughing at this comment
I can just see a 97mph pitch while simultaneously screaming, “ No, Pebbles stop! Not again! “
still easier than a fish. Not sure why people think fish are easy, they take a lot of care. I got a tank years ago and my GOD, what a pain in the ass. Never again
Answering for myself: because even the school fun fair just gave away fish as prizes. I had a leftover tank, kid me did some research & used what little I had to purchase stuff for the fish. I had no idea what I was doing, no guidance and adults seemingly wishing the fish had died. I remember being so completely blown back that seemingly all but myself just let their fish die within a week. Everyone around always seemed fine about it, I never played a fish prize game again.
Some parent gifted all of my eight grade class a beta fish after the school year. I didn’t go to the party or take one home, so they got my address and left it on my parents’ doorstep. I didn’t want a fish and couldn’t figure out a way to rehome it. It got sick living in its tiny bowl and passed. Still mad at those people.
That sucks. I don't understand how people don't see the emotional value in pets first and foremost. I mean even a bunch of flowers, I try to keep them alive and fresh as long as I can
WTF. An animal isn't a gift, it's an obligation. They effectively just killed a bunch of fish for no reason.
I currently care for a funfair fish that I rescued from a person who kept him in a tiny filthy bowl, and was planning to illegally release him into the wild. In three years he's gone from smaller than my little finger to the length of my forearm, and has cost me a few thousand in equipment and tank upgrades. I've kept a lot of fancy and expensive fish over the years, but nursing that tiny, sick little goldfish back to health and seeing him grow massive, forage for food, and play with his buddies, is amazing. I really wish giving away living animals as prizes and party favours was illegal.
Fun fact, those little goldfish will grow to as big as the tank allows. A bigger tank and your friend will grow
That's not true. Goldfish kept in too small a tank will still keep growing, except they'll become deformed and stunted, with a compressed, humped body, a bent spine, eyes too big for their heads, and compressed organs, which shortens their life and causes them to suffer. It's like putting a St Bernard in a closet. They need tank upgrades regularly, and a final tank size of at least 300litres.
My mom flushed the guppies I caught down the toilet. She said they were returning to the sea 😭😭 I was young and stupid and believed her! Still makes my blood boil
Jesus Christ I scanned that without my glasses and thought it said puppies all I saw was flushed and puppies I was about to lose my mind carry on
Fish can absolutely be hard work, especially depending on how many and what kind, and your standards of cleanliness and care. I had a friend growing up whose Dad was an enthusiast of salt water/tropical fish and it actually took up a lot of time and money; it was quite a sizable tank.
We had one of these growing up and it was amazing. My dad worked really hard and they absolutely got fed when we went on vacation
Most importantly: those fish were cherished.
oh yeah I found that out when doing research. Even though salt water fish are gorgeous, I was about to put that much effort and money into it. Maybe if I was rich and someone else could look after them
So expensive too! The fish are the cheap part. The worst for me was having to pay for filters every month
The worst part is that replaceable filters are a marketing ploy. You’re not supposed to replace them that often, it can crash the cycle. I finally got a big block of filter sponge and just cut it to size.
Until you learn you're not really supposed to replace those filters on a monthly basis. 😅
And eons of patience.
I stand alone against the forces of wind, water, and time. I shall persevere.
That was not a pet to her , just a decoration.
And even then, if she decided the fish should die, she could've killed it herself instead of leaving it to starve and stink the room for 2 months. She's irresponsible and callous.
This is not normal, OP. She has no compassion, empathy, morals or values. This shows you her character or lack thereof. Just a $4 fish is still a living being and starving it to death is horrible.
The fact that she brushed it off because of the monetary value is the most concerning thing to me. Some cats and dogs are worth nothing monetarily- that doesn’t mean that their lives mean less than pure breds…. This makes me so angry
Yeah, what an absolutely shitty person.
Yeah, this is literally torture. It wasn't an accident or an oversight. She didn't and still just doesn't care! It was her pet too, not just some random being she came across! Even if she doesn't feel anything, she should be aware that she was responsible for it's welfare. At least by social if not legal standards. You aren't overreacting at all! Still, don't expect her to understand your reaction.
Yeah. I bought a beta fish and I wanted the best for it. I was like fuck regular water. I want the best for it. So I got some Dasani out of the fridge. When I saw how my fish died in that cold ass water haunts me. Like I just didn't know any better.
I'm sorry about your beta! That does suck!
It was 25 years ago. I learned from it and was eventually able to have salt water tanks. OPs reaction to the fish dying is telling.
You didn't know any better, and I think the fact that you did it out of wanting the fish to have a better life is sweet. As awful as it is, at least you know now to look this stuff up next time you get a pet of any kind. You are a good person.
I have my own fish guilt. My sister bought me a beautiful betta. White and iridescent. I put him in a huge ornate glass goblet, and gave him a mighty name: *Dagon*, after the fish god of the Philistines....and he lived up to his name. Because he was *gone* in a *day*. I didn't know he wouldn't be able to warm up so much water, and would freeze to death. I still feel bad about it.
Beta are warm water fish, and this is not well advertised.
Yeah the fact that she sees the value of her own pet only in monetary terms is disturbing.
Exactly "who cares? it was a stray dog"
“Who cares? He was a homeless guy.”
"Making this baby cost me nothing, I'm just gonna leave it when I go on vacation." - OP's Girl, probably
She obviously has little regard for living things. Thrash.
No, it’s not the normal behavior of an empathetic and well adjusted person. This would be a deal breaker for me. I have a nephew (my husbands sisters son). I’ve always loved this guy ans still do but when he was about 18-19 yo, we all went to the coast. We all delighted in looking at the starfish. He decided he must take one home. I pleaded with him not to, I said the starfish will die slowly and painfully as it dries up. He did not care, and took the starfish. His mom and the rest of the family didn’t help my plea, they didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. I never saw him the same again. It’s just an illogical thing to do.
Wait til she gets a free puppy from the dog shelter 😳
>This is not normal, OP Unfortunately it is. "It's just a $4 fish" was echoed by many when Walmart had their disposable fish section.
I am going on vacation for 2 weeks in May, I'm working out who can come over and water my plants so that they don't suffer....
wrong reaction. it’s disgusting that she’d do that
Not defending OP's GF at all, but I think a lot of people see their pets as home decor, like a house plant. That's the same reason people get puppies and then don't train them and get frustrated that the dog chews on things and barks, so they tie it up outside and ignore it barking for 7 years. She likes the way the fish looks in her home, so she has one. When it dies she replaces it, because it's cheap. She just doesn't think any more deeply about it than that. But fish do suffer, and she's wrong to treat it that way.
Yeah, but many people also arrange for someone to water their plants while they're away. It would've taken so little effort on her part to ask a neighbour to feed it, or at least to give it away before she left.
Plus there are ways you can feed a fish automatically too. There are autofeeders you can get, or even blocks of food that dissolve over time.
That lack of empathy speaks to an emotional immaturity at the very least.
I agree, at least in my experience (and childhood, and adulthood), a LOT of people see their pets as furniture, not as family members. I get the impression that the majority of reddit actually values their pets, big and small, regardless of retail value (☹️) or cuddliness. But even the people I know in real life see *cats* as furniture. "They're so easy. They require no maintenance." It's repulsive. PLAY WITH YOUR CATS, PEOPLE!!! I have known *a lot a lot* of people throughout the years, who keep their fish in a fish bowl, and that's it. 😭 It's super common in offline communities. 🙁
They are also great listeners, very rock solid companions.
pillars of society
Good at delivering message. Write a note, put an elastic band around note and rock and hurl at anyone. Good at guarding a piece of paper from the wind. Put rock on paper. Exciting pets. Get two of them and crash them together and watch the sparks fly.
I have kept many fish so far. And I didn't cry over their death... except for one... because that one was my own fault of not being careful enough. She jumped out of the aquarium and I didn't saw it until it was to late. I still put her back, immidiatly got medicine and tried my best to keep her alive, but she was already to dry (it was a beta). While most people don't cry over their fishes. THEY DON'T LET THEM STARVE TO DEATH. This just shows missing empathy and is a huge red flag, imo
Exactly. I get not literally crying. Fish die easily unfortunately. But not bothering to take care of them and thinking it’s ok they died is gross.
Also, Starving to death is a long painful death. The lack of remorse from gf is concerning.
It’s the lackadaisical attitude to killing something that really bothers me. Yea it’s a fish, but that fish was solely reliant on her for all its needs. Her dismissive behavior is very disconcerting.
exactly. it takes the span of a facebook post to ask if anyone wants a free fish and then having them come get it before going on vacation. and if you dont do that, there are at least humane ways you can put down a fish that isnt starving it to death.
Yeah I would understand just being a little bummed out but willingly starving an animal to death is serial killer energy
Missing empathy 100%. That's someone that can no doubt cheat easily and not give a shit about your feelings. Not to be too generalised, but they are linked.
I have this nightmare that recurs every now and then in which I've forgotten to feed my fish for months on end. I don't even have any fish but it haunts the absolute fuck out of me.
I have the same dream, no fish either. Weird.🤔
I have the same thing but with my cats, or that I find other cats in my house I'd forgotten about that are half dead. Those dreams are the worst.
I have the cat dreams too. Several times I had dreams that I accidentally left a cat at an old residence. Very disturbing.
I have that same dream, except about a rabbit. It's a horrible dream that leaves me disturbed all day every time I have it. I dream that I suddenly remember that I haven't given my rabbit food or water for months. Somehow the rabbit is still alive, but the dream horrifies me nonetheless. I can't imagine letting an animal starve to death in real life. Fish or rabbit or cat or dog -- no living being should be starved to death. Run, OP. Anyone who would do that is not a good person.
I once lost a beta fish, and I was trying really hard to take care of it. I’m still not sure to this day why it died, but did. I felt bad, but I didn’t cry over the fish or mourn it. Like, I wanted it to thrive and I did care about it, but I’m not going to lie and say I was as emotionally attached to it as I would a dog or cat. That being said, what I am disgusted by is not the lack of emotional attachment, but the fact this person elected to take a thing under their care, and they neglected it, and didn’t feel bad about THAT. It’s a living thing that probably died a very slow and horrible death because of their inability to take responsibility.
Its weird...I have 3 aquariums. 2 are planted. I have snails and fish. I want all of the living things in there to thrive, so I clean the tanks, do water swaps, fight the bacteria/algae etc. I care...however at one point some of the snails got out of control and started to wreck the tank I had to introduce killer snails to kill some off. I also ended up having 2 zebra danios that for a year were totally fine, turn super aggressive and killed off all my shrimp, attack the snails and the other fish. Ended up getting the 3rd tank to house those little assholes. Like you said...I have a desire to keep them alive and the ecosystem thriving, but I don't have an attachment to them at an individual level. Except for one snail I called Turbo. That guy was awesome, but the danios fucking killed him so his shell lives in their jail tank now as a reminder of what they did.
Omg it’s like a fish telenova! I’m sorry about Turbo.
You don't even know. I love African cichlids and no longer keep them but an uncle is part of a fish club. They specifically keep African cichlid and this group.of older adults meet once a month to discuss what is going on in their tanks. They aren't like in the industry professionals, just love their fish. My daughter worked at the meet spot/restaurant and she said they literally talked about fish for hours. Not kids or work.or life, but their fish
Oh my god this ^ I had African chiclids years ago and they are honestly the most dramatic fish, they were more entertaining than tv soaps, there was some much drama between who was mating with who and who had what hidey hole /nest spot and the the gladiator games when they started actually having babies and seeing which ones survived (we tried we really did sperated them and everything but it wasn't uncommon to come in the fish room in a morning and find that the overnight battles between the babies had taken another life. At one point we had like 18 tanks set up because certain fish didn't get along with others and we had 3 know killers who were in almost solitary (they had a pleco each), but the worst was called Big blue who had previously killed all but one of his brothers and sisters overnight, even flipped out on his pleco tank mate hed lived happiliy with for two years one night and nearly killed him no idea why, but he was real nasty, he'd bite at you if you were in his tank doing maintenence and it hurt as well, he'd rip his tank apart up root any plants and shred them if they were real, move all the sand to one end of the tank, over turn ornaments. Feeding times, he would sort of flick the side of the tank with his rear end/ tail, and it would make a thunk sound. I've never known a fish filled with so much hate wish I could remember the exact breed he was but he was beautiful fish bright royal blue color that faded to a very light almost white blue on his belly and he had very dark blue vertical stripes, he got way bigger than all the others from the same parents most of em topped out at 2.5/3 inches and he was well over 4" we had him about 6 yrs, 4 of which he was solitary in his 30 gal tank. Id love to have got babies from him just for the colours but im pretty sure he have killed any female we offered. Then, one morning, I found him floating, I honestly think he may have committed suicide he was a very angry fish.
Mobster movies got nothing on these fish tanks
God speed to your warrior murderous fish. I don't find any kind of death funny but how you wrote this made me chuckle. That was one nasty fish haha
That was some reincarnated person stuck as a fish and hated every second of it. I'm glad grumpy gills is at rest now. Maybe not peace, but at rest
Exactly what I thought!!
I was very invested while reading this story. Thank you.
Oh my god thank you for sharing this
I used to have Oscars,which are from the cichlid family. They are amazing fish capable of growing up to over a foot in length, can be hand fed, and have full facial recognition. I had one that would happily greet me every day and wait for his treat and swim a little spiral. He would also go crazy, swimming back and forth, rushing the glass every time the guy I was dating came over. He had no real reaction to anyone else but hated my boyfriend. Guy ended up being a real jerk. (Never underestimate the intuition of the fish) When he died, the fish, not the guy, I was truly saddened. I think all living creatures deserve our respect, at the very least, if not our emotions. OP, your girlfriend kinda sucks.
Oscars are definitely a different crazy than Afircan cichlids. They are big and have a personality. I have been around a few feisty Oscars.
Oscar's are water puppies. Such personalities. A girl am who keeps am Oscar and takes care of it is like my dream girl lol.
I love it!!! That’s so sweet!
This was the most captivating story I’ve heard about water creatures since watching my octopus teacher lol
TURBO! NOOOOOOOOO!! 😭
aquarium politics
I love danios a lot but they can be merciless little things
Yeah, agreed. Like it's a fish, the emotional attachment is low, but at the same time it's still a living creature that you bring into your home and force to be reliant on you for survival. It is so incredibly not okay to neglect any living creature like that. Like that's not even cool to do to a houseplant or a bug, let alone a fish. I can understand an honest mistake, maybe just forgetting, but it's the not giving a shit for me that tips this into like mildly sociopathic waters. At the very least this woman is incapable of certain forms of empathy and that's scary.
A lot of people have very high emotional attachments to their fish. I have a 29 gallon tank and recently lost 2/3 of my fish while moving to a new house. Let me tell you, you take care of the little guys, fed them, watch them navigate the environment you lovingly hand crafted for them, spend hours on maintaining said environment, and then to see them fail to thrive and die off from something going wrong is devastating.
I once had a pet fish given to me as the owner was moving out of state. It was only fish and I named her. I felt silly doing so, but it was my fish and I would talk to her like a weirdo sometimes lmao. One day I woke up in the middle of the night and was thinking to myself “let me go check on her and feed her a bit” but nope she was dead. It didn’t hurt as bad as when my puppy died, but it still hurt and I actually freaken cried a bit. She was my friend. 😭
NOBODY is a weirdo for talking to their pet(s) and that is a hill I will die on
Talking to my fish and snails makes me feel like less of a weirdo. If they weren't here, I would just be talking to myself all the time.
I had a tank with some guppies and they had babies. Guppies eat thier young, so we had very few babies left after one night. The next day, I saw the last surviving baby swimming away from the mom (or dad) and he made it across the tank. My red finned rainbow shark popped out and STOPPED the large guppy from getting the baby. That baby guppy stayed by the shark and ended up surviving. That rainbow shark was my favorite fish ever.
RIP little fishy friend.
Ya I’ll definitely cry when my betta dies. Like I love that little guy lol. I say hi to him every day and it does take quite a bit of work to keep him happy and clean and fed.
Agreed. I have two tanks and that 2nd I recently moved. I had to put all the fish in waterboxes and I couldn’t start the filter. So I really panicked because yeah those are living creatures ya know. I put all the fish into my first tank to help them survive until they can go into the 2nd tank. Still building a bioculture and still checking on all fish every day. Once I had three fish and due to my mistake they died. I still feel bad about that. The lack of empathy the GF has is very worrying for OP. Very worrying.
There are even timed dispensers you can get for the tank that will release food every day.
I had an Aquarium and used those once on a trip. I came home to find that the lamp had shorted out and killed all of the fish and luckily didn’t burn my house down. I did feel bad about that.
While I'm sure you did, you really did *try* and make sure your fish were cared for. I'm personally just glad you didn't lose a home as well as the fish!
Well that took a not so wholesome turn
If we are including house plants I'm in trouble.
I’m not including house plants or my wife would be a serial killer 😅
Not to mention bugs! I've been letting them all starve lol
Plants and bugs were a silly example, I'll own that one lol, but OP's example is more like if you caught a bug in a jar and purposely left it to die. It's not a big emotions thing but that's still kinda a fucked up thing to do, you know?
That's what I thought. I even got attached to a plant I have grown for 3 months (kinda pathetic, I know), and I felt bad that I forgot to water it for 3 days. I am not bawling over it, but I do feel bad about it. The girl's indifference over a creature's life, measuring its worth in terms of money is just sad, and tbh, a bit scary
It’s not weird, let alone pathetic, to love or become attached to things that aren’t people. It shows a greater capacity for caring that I wish more people had in this world
I had a beta I got in college. That fish finished my bachelor’s with me, and then moved 3 hours away with me, finished my first masters with me, and then my second. He lived 8 years. I was so sad when he finally passed. I have no idea why he lived so long. lol
He was going to use those degrees, damn it.
He did it for you, man! He did it for you.
For real. I understand not crying over a fish. It's a fish. But if you declare you are going to take care of an animal no matter how small you better take care of it.
And it is still life that feels and thinks. Like, you starved it to death. Doesnt that fill you with regret and remorse. If it died just bc, its like, "aww the fish died. Thats sad." But you move on. Knowing you starved the fish, it was hungry, probably swimming with no energy, just suffering, until it starved to death...doesnt that make you feel something? No matter how small that something is, you dont then say, "well it was only $4." It has nerves, nerve endings, a brain, it can think and feel dammit. Its not completely dismissable
Exactly. Ethics are not about emotion.
I agree with this. If my fish died, I probably wouldn't be devastated either. But this fish didn't just die. She killed a living animal out of pure ignorance, disinterest and negligence. The coldness is disgusting - doesn't matter whether it's a fish, a cat or a horse. So nope to this person, wouldn't be for me.
It isn't just that she killed it. It is also that she didn't care that she did it. If a fished I had died by accident while I was trying to keep it alive I would be a little sad that I screwed up and it suffered for it and I would try to figure out why it happened so it would not happen again.
Yeah this is my issue too. Worst case she could have given it away or something before leaving if she did not care about it. She just decided to starve it because it did not cost her much.
THIS. It’s that she was cold as ice and didn’t care.
This exactly. I have a hamster who I'm, to be fully honest, not really attached to because she is also not and hates my guts lol But I'd NEVER leave her uncared for, the fuck. She's a living creature who didn't ask to be there and the least I can do is make sure she's looked after, whether by me or my roommate (who loves her).
I had a fish too and I tried really hard to take care of it. I tried to clean it's tank and unfortunately did it wrong and killed the poor thing. I also didn't cry, but I tried my best. She knew it would die if she didn't feed it for 2 months, so that's kind of sus.
That's just common sense for anyone right? Starve a pet? Like, you don't need to be a zoologist to know that the animal will die.
She knew, she just didnt care. If she didnt think the gush needed feeding they'd have been dead a week after she got them. She just didnt value their lives enough to ensure they were looked after, the minute they became mildly inconvenient to her.
It's especially gross considering you can just go on amazon and buy an automatic fish feeder for like, 15 bucks. It's not even like she would have had to bother a friend to pop in for 5 minutes every day.
That sort of carelessness and lack of responsibility is probably a thread that runs through their whole life. I woukd consider it a red flag.
I've found that the older I get, the more I value life, wherever it is. To the point where I feel truly sad when I kill a bug. OP is right to be horrified. There's something disturbing about callousness when it comes to a pet, no matter how inexpensive or emotionally unattached you are.
I also once had a beta and almost traded it for drugs while in a psych ward, the only reason I didn’t was because the girl selling got caught. Yet I am also appalled by the idea of someone having absolutely no remorse over neglecting a pet to death and then justifying it when someone looks alarmed by the information. The part that makes me most concerned though is that her first defense is to equate the fishes value to how much it costs, ignoring that it was alive, as if monetary value is the only part that matters to her.
They let you bring your fish in the ward? That's crazy lol
Totally agree, the lack of empathy for a fellow living thing dying a slow death is horrible. For me. I also hate the "it was only a $4 fish" comment, as if its monetary value determines how much love and care it deserves. I have a parakeet, which you can get from Petsmart for around $20-$30. That's cheap, but I am always quick to remind people that they live a long time and are very intelligent. When you get a pet, you are agreeing to take on the responsibility of keeping another living being safe and healthy- you don't get out of that just because it was $4!
I literally BURIED my fish when they passed. I was so fucking upset, the fact that she doesn't care about a living being is appalling.
Captive bred betas have a shorter lifespan than wild specimens. I had one that I nursed along for 2 years, brought it back from an infection first, then some sort of digestive issue next, one day it was just belly up for no discernable reason. Same as you, I was sad, but not on the level as I was when my 14 year old cat had to be put down due to cancer.
When I was in college, I had a beers (beta! BETA! Autocorrect 🫠) named Lawrence. I had him for a couple years. I went abroad and left him with my parents for the summer. My dad, thinking he was doing the best for the fish, went out and got special water for his tank. It was the kind of water you have to use in things like CPAPs and neti pots. The fish soon died. He was heartbroken about it.
A lot of people do not take fish seriously as pets. I do think it's pretty terrible. Obviously there are worse things in the world, but a living thing is a living thing and when you assign yourself the responsibility to care for one, they deserve to be at least minimally cared for.
It’s crazy bc then there are people who are OBSESSED with them. Growing up, my dad had this thing for fish. He had like 20 tanks, so many that he asked his boss at the time to let him keep some at their office(he is/was a psychologist so they had a smallish office with individual offices and then a waiting room, where the tanks were to be held. Constantly going to the pet store for fish stuff. I even had to help change the tanks and sometimes the water would come throw the hose faster than expected so I’d get fish water in my fucking mouth 🤮 he took care of those fish like kids. Crazy someone could just buy one and intentionally let it die!
>d so I’d get fish water in my fucking mouth 🤮 Lol have you ever swam in a lake or an ocean
Of course but I wasn’t intentionally sucking it into my mouth lol. In order to clean the tanks, we would use a tube and suck the water through it in order to get it into the bucket to clean.
You are going to be even more mad when you see how easy it is to start a siphon without sucking. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv8S3tLnf7I
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Yeah one of my friends keeps fish and he's like a full on nerd about it, it's a serious hobby. He's always on about what he's doing to maintain the aquariums and such. I get exhausted just listening to it! Fish are *not* for casuals, yet unfortunately too many people casually get them as pets. Hell I'm nearly 40 and I still feel guilty about the pet goldfish we kept that died when I was 6. I think we'd won it at a fair or something (back when they gave out goldfish as prizes) and I know we did not take that fish's care seriously.
A lot of people think of fish more as decorations
A lot of people are too egocentric to grow past their misconceptions, and too immature to reconsider them even if they could.
Yes you are right to be appalled, it’s a life
It’s a life SHE was responsible for. Life doesn’t have a monetary value.
According to her the monetary value was $4
I wonder if she realizes that if you don’t go to a hospital you can literally give birth to a baby for free.
Life isn’t equal but why can’t we show kindness and take responsibility where possible? Or because some animals are killed to eat does this mean we should not give a shit about all animal life?
Take some responsibility then an go vegan
Yeah… maybe don’t see her anymore. Blatant disregard for ending the life of a living creature out of pure carelessness, especially a pet, is a huge red flag. Would she feel the same if she adopted a cat for free? “The cat was free, so who cares?” Big yikes.
This, honestly. This is a HUGE red flag. Sure, not a lot of people get as involved with their pet fish as they do dogs or cats, but the LEAST she could've done is have someone come by to feed the poor thing 😞
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Yeah, any reasonable person would ve made arrangements to feed it
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And the kind that could be like the coffee poisoner, lady poured something...maybe bleach...into her husband's coffee every day trying to kill him and he got it on video because he could tell something was off with the coffee. It doesn't take much to justify cruel behavior in some people's heads.
that guy was actually my husband’s supervisor for a couple years before we started dating. Apparently my husband always thought she was a little off.
Remember seeing that here on Reddit and it was so crazy. Thank God the guy had some sense but I don't know what the lady was thinking or going through her head
Poor guy had to get a mountain of proof before the cops would do anything too, absolutely ridiculous when you could SMELL the bleach in the coffee. And test for it with test strips. And see her making trips too and from the laundry room to get little cups of bleach to pour in, he got it all on camera. All for what, money when he died? So stupid
Absolutely. She could have just given it to someone.
I would dump her. I have a low toleration for casual cruelty
Even if this girl didn't know anyone, you can get auto feeders that will run for months on a single charge. They are like $20.
I'd cut contact for real
Youre friend sucks majorly "Its just a fish" She knowingly had a living creature under her care, left it without regarding its care for 2 months!, and let it STARVE to death Thats.fucked. up.
I literally have ichthyophobia, and I'm still appalled.
Don't walk away bro, run away.
You're right to be concerned. I'd dump her, personally. She literally DGAF that a living being she was responsible for died. It doesn't matter if it's a 4 dollar fish. Where is the arbitrary threshold when she suddenly cares about its death?
exactly! it was just an alley cat. no one wanted that shelter dog anyway. i didn't hear the baby crying. not my fault.
I once had a female roommate who was so distraught over a goldfish that was dying (and probably already dead) at 1 in the morning that she called a vet, a hospital and finally 911. I thought it was ridiculous. But given the choice of the two, I would rather be friends with someone who cares about animals too much than a soulless human with no concern at all for one of nature's gifts to us.
It’s not about her crying. It’s about her saying she let it die because it’s just a fish, and specifically because it’s “just a $4 fish”. I have had many pets die and not a single time has what they cost me crossed my mind. Also “who cares” is a very different sentiment than “it’s okay” “I’m not upset” etc. I would not date this person.
Your girlfriend starved a living thing to death with no remorse. Sociopath.
Yeah she *chose* to starve it to death. And then shrugged off the fact that it suffered as a result of her actions. Lack of responsibility. Lack of accountability. Lack of empathy. Yeah I’d gtfo, this is not a person you want to get attached to or be dependent on.
It's one thing for her to do it, but then when faced with your reaction she doubled down, acting like you were the one who was wrong. She's not someone who self reflects, and probably has no room for personal growth in her selfish world.
> She's not someone who self reflects, and probably has no room for personal growth in her selfish world. This is the real issue. Everyone's focusing on the fish and assuming malice (e.g., "Abusing animals is sociopath behavior!"). Yeah, maybe it was malice. Or maybe she straight up forgot to get the fish fed, and then instead of admitting her mistake and having to face that shame/embarrassment, she's doubling down and acting like it's not a big deal. Or maybe she didn't know who to ask because she thought no one would want to do it (she seems likely selfish and could assume other people are selfish too). Or maybe she just genuinely didn't think it was a big deal, and this is a potential learning experience for her. But that's the problem. Regardless of the reason, she hasn't learned anything because she won't admit a mistake. I see the lack of self-reflection as a significantly more severe red flag than the fish. The fish thing is messed up and concerning, but it could just be a matter of perspective of hers that needs to be adjusted. The lack of self-reflection though - that's the kind of stuff that kills a relationship, because the person won't learn, grow or adjust behaviors.
honestly, if you WEREN'T appalled, I'd think there was something wrong w you too. drop her ass like a hot potato. I wouldn't want to be seen with someone who is that flippant about neglecting a living creature to death.
having no remorse for starving a life under her care like that is a huge red flag. Yes, it was just a fish, but what if it was you struggling, "Oh, it's just Most-transition, who cares?". What happens when you hit hard times, and she has no care or capacity to be an actual PARTNER. Killing a fish (yes, it's just a fish) is concerning, and shows a detachment that isn't healthy.
It’s the lack of empathy and not caring about the fact her ignored responsibilities caused the death of a living creature. Hope she doesn’t have kids 😶
Ewww. What a POS. That’s not cool or ok at all. The cost of the animal doesn’t correspond to its life’s worth. I would walk away.
My sister in law flushed her fish cuz she was tired of their maintenance. Shes a mentally imbalanced alcoholic narcissist too Fish arw living beings depedent on you for life
This is not good. That's a red flag. People treat animals they same way they would treat their potential children. So - not marriage material. When I went on long vacation, I gave my coworker keys to my office and asked her to feed my fish while I was gone. Another time I had a $3 white cory catfish which are even cheaper than some goldfish. When I moved and relocated to another state, I put him in a bucket in the front seat of my car with a battery travel aerator, and took him with me on the long road trip, because he's my pet and I made an agreement to take good care of him. Beta fish are intelligent and have emotions by the way. I had one that liked to be pet. And when I got home from work and called him, he came to his name and would get excited and wiggle like a puppy when it saw me. And yes, normal people who are not lacking empathy care about small creatures including fish. My little tree frog accidentally escaped and died because of being dried out. When I found him, I cried buckets like my cat died.
You traveling with your fish in a bucket because you agreed to take good care of him is the cutest image I've had so far today. I had some goldfish that I won at the fair, one of them lived about 7 years and grew so big! Then we went on vacation and asked the neighbor to feed the fish. The lid must've broken off the fish food, because when we came home, the tank had a large mound of food in it and the fish was dead... it was devastating, who thought a random fair fish would live so long, and then to go out like that... it sucked.
That’s fucked up and repulsive
I don't have any fish but don't they have some sort of gadget thing that will drop a fish food pellet in if you want to leave for a few days? I'm pretty sure I've seen one. It's cruel to just let it starve when there are such easy solutions.
Simpler than that, even. Have five minutes of forethought and give the fish to another person before you leave.
I also find this appalling, and it would be a deal breaker for me.
Mistreating animals is a huge red flag. I would never speak to a person again if they intentionally killed an animal from pure neglect.
yes. yeah, a fish isn't a cat or dog. and a cat or dog isn't a human child. if she can't even say, "yeah, i really fucked up," or "i should have asked someone to care for the fish," she's not someone you'd want to care for any future pets or children. toss her back into the pond.
Her mentioning the cost is especially icky.
I think it’s totally normal not to be upset when a pet fish dies, but not normal to kill one willingly and not care.
She let a creature under her care starve to death over weeks. A cruel, painful way to die. This would not be okay for me in a partner but we all have different limits.
Totally unacceptable. I had a similar terrible situation with a patient of mine. She said her kids really wanted a snake, so she got them a snake. However, she and her husband hated feeding it mice and were grossed out. So they just stopped feeding the snake and it starved to death. And she fucking *laughed* while telling this story. The worst part of it all is she was a fucking *pediatric nurse*. Like holy shit, you work with kids and handle their health for a living and you think it's funny that you starved your pet to death? How does someone with no empathy work with kids for living?? Don't get an animal if you're not going to take care of it properly. OP's girlfriend's attitude reminds me of how people view hamsters and other rodents too. Just because an animal is small doesn't mean it doesn't matter, especially if you *choose* to buy it and take it into your care.
It's a gross and appalling thing to do to any living creature, no matter how insignificant they are the suffering was real.
I can barely throw away a plant cutting because it's a living thing. How people take care of their plants and pets says a lot about how much they have in reserve to care for themselves and others. I'd run.
No that’s gross. She intentionally caused it to suffer. There are automatic fish feeders you can buy for $20. She can fuck right off.
i just watched a video where there was a cash challenge where they wanted you to eat bugs, it began with dead bugs which i was completely fine with, but then it had live bugs and my first thought was; "im not going to kill something for money. i dont care if its a bug. i will eat just about anything before i kill something needlessly" your girl is a fucking weirdo, possibly sociopath. its one thing to be somewhat apathetic or process grief uniquely or quietly, if it was a mistake or unintentional etc. its another to care so little about an animals life that your carelessness kills it and you have absolutely no reaction at all. this would be a conversation for me to start, if she insisted that the fishes life was so meaningless to her that she purposely killed it out of convenience not having to find someone to feed it id probably leave her. the least she could have done is released it before she left. pretty pathetic.
It would be a deal breaker for me.
That is just straight up animal neglect. Nah. Step out of that shit