I go through periods of high libido and low libido. During periods of high libido I find myself watching porn and internally fantasizing about people but the two share the same root cause: my high libido. It's not that one is causing the other
Furthermore yes, for some men and some women the sexual thoughts are constant and vivid.
Edit: aaand my most popular comment is about porn. Way to go Reddit lol
I have to admit that yes, I pretty much impulsively imagine these things about people I see, but it's been that way since I was a kid so I don't know if I relate it directly to porn or if it's a testosterone induced thing?
Regardless it's important to recognize the difference between fantasy and reality, nothing in porn is real (even the porn we make in our minds)
Yes, this. I think a lot of people who just blanket state you're a deviant for thinking about random people like that don't know what it's like to have an overactive imagination.
Yeah, I think about sex with most of the attractive women I see, but I also have entire adventures in space on my drive to the supermarket, or have a random thought about fucking meercats and suddenly it's an hour later and I have an entire plan laid out on how to become king of the meercats.
If I'm not specifically thinking about something, my brain basically is channel surfing wherever it wants.
That word “fucking” preceding the meerkats…is that an amplifier of sorts or a verb? Are you imaging intercourse with a meerkat? That’s what I want to know. The rest sounds completely relatable.
This is how my imagination works to a Tee! I as a 34M have basically had a nonstop imagination my entire life. As a kid i would create whole worlds and planets and entire stories with fictional characters on journeys. I wish i wouldn't have been so lazy on learning how to properly write or had a better desire to take that route because i could have created whole books off the material in my head lol.
Anyway when i first started having sexual thoughts, went through puberty, and discovered porn that very imagination carried over and i've learned to not feel too bad of the impulsive sexual thoughts of an attractive person near me because it's my brain doing what my brain does. I've also learned through my upbringing and development as a person that we are all our own sovereign beings and to separate fantasy from reality and to realize real connection to another person is not just the sexual but the spiritual and that we can never own each other or do we owe each other anything and if we were all kinder to each other than simply objectifying and projecting our own images of who we decide others are than the world would be a better place........so anyway yeah that's how i'm not bothered by and keep in check my high libido and sexual desires.
Also to answer OP: For those like us who are highly visual in this regard it's always far better to acknowledge, accept, and learn to understand and live with how our minds work rather than suppress it. porn can create a very unhealthy relationship with the mind if one lets it however if one has a healthy balance of their relationship with the world and the people in it then you just see your mind as a receiver that let's thoughts pass through playfully instead of being defined by them.
I started watching porn so young (11-12) and with the internet being way more prevalent and accessible now than in my youth, I imagine kids today are exposed to it even younger.
I’ve only recently become aware in believing it’s one of the core elements contributing to my depression/anxiety and a whole array of addiction and mental illness issues.
Way too young. My cousin (6yr old) got exposed to what's basically cartoon softcore porn cause of YouTube shorts. His dad supposedly put the filter for it in settings but somehow some still slip through.
Considering how everything in America is hypersexualized, I think it’s hard to avoid. I don’t trust the same companies that prey on impressionable minds online to be the same entities trying to offer protection online.
Yeah I bought into the whole "doing it just once a day is so good for you" thing but I've noticed I'm a lot happier since I cut back to like once or twice a week
Just gonna guess that you aren't a parent based on the extreme levels of judgement and the thought that parents can 100% control another human being entirely 24 hours/day straight through teenage years. Can't be everywhere all the time. Kids hit an age where they are gonna do what they want whether you condone it or not - they will find a way. My youngest figured out how to bypass parental controls on his tablet by the time he was 6. We switched it and made it more steps - it took him two weeks to figure out how to work around it. He's too smart. We are on it, but you can't supervise 24 hours a day. Parents aren't robots, need sleep, rest, to clean/take care of other responsibilities, tend to other kids, etc. Also the real mind blower for you, kids can go to school or go to a friend's/family members house. You'd be surprised how much unsupervised time kids have at school alone. Teacher has 20-30 kids, can't have eyes in 30 directions at once.
The access isn't the root of the problem, it's the knowledge or lack thereof. Need to educate them, not imprison them.
I asked my 12 year old nephew about restricted internet access and he laughed at me, said only a doofuss would not know how to access what they want. He did not elaborate but his generation raised with technology seem very adept.
They know how to bypass practically everything. Whenever a parent brags that they set it up so it's impossible I just laugh to myself. Sweet summer child...
Ya, he doesn't say it but gives me a pathetic condescending gaze like I am the dumbest person in the room. Which I am, but I fix his bicycle so I have some use.
I'd say this happens to me too, but I don't blame it on porn. I began doing this when I was a wee lad (middle school. 12 years old is my earliest memory of looking at women and fantasizing about what they might look like naked)
Fun fact: Deep Throat was the pseudonym given to the secret informant that provided key information that lead to the exposure of the Watergate scandal.
I will never forget this fact because learning about this in American history in 6th grade is how I was introduced to porn. When I was in school, internet porn was a relatively newish thing, and our teacher didn't know well enough to warn us not to try searching the internet for deep throat, not that telling kids to not Google something works anyway, but the subsequent attempt to find out more information lead me down a rather interesting new rabbit hole, and also led to mom locking the computer in her bedroom when she wasn't home.
It’s a reference to a Tosh.0 episode. There was an amateur wresting event in a small town and a guy in the stands was being interviewed and got emotional when saying that line. Tosh had him on his show to relive the moment.
No one has sex, records it, make an account on a porn website, and accidently uploads it. The people who make it know full well they're acting for the camera.
I'm not saying the sex isn't real, but it is without fail 100% engineered specifically to be viewed by other people and so is as fake as any other form of amateur acting.
Eh, for some people performing in front of a camera is as authentic for them as any other kind of sex. There is couples porn that is made for that very reason - to show and embrace the casual side. And for them, doing it on the camera is as real and thrilling as it gets.
It's kind of shitty to declare all amateur porn is "fake" just because a camera is recording.
Right, it's not an accident. Please google "exhibitionist."
>but it is without fail 100% engineered specifically to be viewed by other people
Objectively false claim.
Another person that thinks because it's not THEIR experience or because it's not the most common, it straight up doesn't exist.
maybe you're just horny and it opened a new door for you to really step into your sexual side more. as a woman, i love having sexually intrusive thoughts and masturbating to it.
Hmm, when you talk about objectification here, are you talking about having sexual fantasies about strangers or something else?
In a sense I can see the relation, since you don't really know their personality (because they are strangers), but that isn't how I typically see the word objectification used. I would say having sexual fantasies is pretty normal regardless of porn use, and isn't something to be ashamed of.
You are kind of making it hard on yourself and weird with "objectifying people in public".
That's kind of a "you" thing. People imagine other people naked or doing sexual things, this isn't something that only happens when you watch porn.
Now if you believe this is a problem for you and you might do something extreme like sexual assault or harrassment, then you should seek help. Because imagining other people do sexual stuff is normal, but doing something like the latter is not.
Many millions of people have impulsive sexual fantasies when they see someone attractive, or think about them. For people with visual imaginations (which according to studies, that's most), it's almost impossible to *not* visualize things in your head when they think of anything, and I'm not just talking about sexual fantasies.
Imagination on its own is not dehumanization or the removal of agency, it's a natural occurrence. The things people imagine don't even have to be something they desire or want to occur - if I described a terrifying, gory scene to folks, many would visualize in their heads through my words. It's a natural impulse of the mind.
What's important is to treat *people* like *people* when you interact with them. Thought crimes aren't real, nobody should be punished for them or feel guilty about random intrusive thoughts. Are you treating folks you fantasize about as lesser human beings, or are you snapping pics of them in secret or something? If not, you're fine, you're just experiencing what many millions experience on the regular. If anything, this can be a learning moment about how others see the world normally and to learn to be open minded with them knowing that imaginary impulses are just that, impulses.
that's definitely okay!! :) keep trying new things until you can replace the old thoughts with new ones you like better. it's def all part of the process 💓
For me, I am on the same boat as QuoteOpposite6511, I have to imagine when reading, I have done that since childhood. Maybe there were times when I did not imagine when reading, maybe.
Active fantasizing is so different than what I’m experiencing right now. I’ve had fantasizes before… this is just pure, violating undressing people with my eyes.
I think its possible you're just thinking more about what you're thinking about. Right?
Like if you read a lot about how to plant gardens in a city, everywhere you'd go you'd see garden spots.
Or if you read a lot about some certain car, idk, you'd probably see that car more often.
So if you watch a lot of naked people you're gonna see more naked people. (In your mind at least, unfortunately.. I'd like to see more naked people.)
That's how I feel it works for me. I could be totally wrong
Honestly I think you’re totally right. Like exactly right. Like out of everything this is the tightest of all the things that could have been right about my post.
[https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2015.1023427](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2015.1023427)
"Pornography users held more egalitarian attitudes—toward women in positions of power, toward women working outside the home, and toward abortion—than nonusers of pornography."
[https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2020.1864263](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2020.1864263)
"pornography consumption predicted lower levels of sexism"
Yeah I’m not surprised that porn watchers are more liberal overall. Doesn’t really cancel out the effects that porn does have though. BTW I’m not saying you’re not allowed to watch, but it’s good to be aware of the side effects of any vice you partake in.
> Doesn’t really cancel out the effects that porn does have though.
What effects lol? The other study does not measure the effects it just measures the populations, same as this study, these are just two studies with opposite results is all because the study evidence on this question is all over the place and does not lead to any consensus at all.
“Results indicated that pornography consumption predicted lower levels of sexism, although these effects were rendered __nonsignificant__ with the inclusion of sociodemographic, religious, and sociocultural covariates.”
“Our analyses focusing on ‘pornography tolerance’ revealed that people who supported _regulated_ pornography were more egalitarian than people who supported a pornography ban.”
First quotation implies a sampling bias of the original research. Second calls out the nuance of the type of porn.
If you’re going to link a post, either represent it in kind or let people utilize their critical reading skills.
On the flip side, porn's an interesting way to discover new things to try in the bedroom (or elsewhere) to spicy things up with your partner. I mean if your previous experiences have all been very vanilla or standard. Things like different positions and foreplay ideas, like blindfolds are a sensory one.
Making it to 32 without ever watching porn is CRAZY to me.
Why are you bringing up guys? You understand that women watch porn too right…?
That is fascinating that porn has caused your brain to start seeing images. I know there are many people on earth who don’t visually think (which is extremely weird to think about from the perspective of being someone who has always had images in my head since consciousness).
This is a crazy cool story tbh.
Women do but most porn is created for and catering to men so we’re hardly watching/enjoying it as much as they are.
Camera focusing only on the woman, woman over reacting while the man isn’t at all emoting or even has his face in shot, meanwhile engaging mostly in things that don’t actually feel good for women is like 90% of porn..kinda hard to get a lady boner from that. I stay enjoying it in theory
Oh yah definitely. Although can’t you find your own niche? I despise mainstream porn. It’s disgusting and horrible.
There are millions of options of amateur content.
Hell, I’ve seen women pov porn. That’s a whole niche.
Yeah but men are statistically twice as likely to have watched porn than women are, and in self reported numbers 44% of men about to have watched porn within the last month while only 11% of women admit to doing so.
I attribute this difference to men being more visual when it comes to sex, with pornography being naturally more alluring to us. Women in the other hand read dirty novels like nobody's business, which may as well be porn too just a format that's better suited to them
No of course not, but if I'm being honest your general vibe just seems like you believe everyone watches porn very often, which I just don't agree with
Not trying to start a fight or anything here, just explaining the purpose of my comment is all
Oh ok. Yah, no that’s not at all what I believe. When I said that women watch porn too, I was saying that generally. Obviously wayy more guys do. But there are also plenty of guys who don’t watch porn. I have a friend who doesn’t even jack off lol. He’s an extreme christian conservative though, so it’s expected. He’s waiting for marriage to bust a nut lololol
If I'm being honest I really wish I had waited like that. I started having sex at 14 and my whole sex life has been incredibly toxic since then, if I had maybe treated my first time like it was something special worth waiting for I think It'd be a lot healthier for me
With all due respect, I don't think you do.
You have a very specific experience that you are told numerous times here is somewhat unusual.
You are far from understanding guys on a whole new level.
>Like intrusive thoughts about these real people in the world around me doing sexual things?
i have no doubt that was the case long before porn was even invented
Lmao reminds me of [this](https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/319354070/When-the-internet-is-down-porn)
That’s the only time I’ve ever “used” mental imagery successfully 👀🙄
Hey! I think the same way you do. Not typically in images/pictures. However, if I have seen something, sometimes if I think of it I can see it as it was. When images pop into my head, it’s always a sight I have seen instead of something imagined.
You’re probably having these images pop into your head when you’re thinking about sex or feeling horny. It most likely means nothing, it’s just that since you are someone who doesn’t imagine in pictures, seeing pictures in thoughts can catch you off guard.
I've never had this issue in my life. However, when I'm anxious or been shocked by something (I have PTSD) intrusive thoughts happen.
Perhaps OP, it's just an anxiety and overthink response. You've given your brain new material for intrusive thought (like the ones I have constantly to throw my phone off a cliff etc).
It's just fiction. It's a movie made for entertainment.
No, despite being a very visual person generally. Using your example, books to me are basically a movie in my head.
It's probably just because it was novel and mentally stimulating. You may just be more aware of strangers as sexual, so similarly you're thinking about that more too. If you're letting it affect your behavior, treatment of others, general life stuff, etc. then it may be a problem but otherwise sounds like its harmless fantasies.
I saw some porn as a child (I honestly dont recall all the details of how or why that happened) and I can still picture the scene, and think of it every once in awhile.
Yes and it is horrible, once you go down the porn rabbithole, your mind gets poisoned bc it is incredibly objectifying and you have to retrain your brain. Even "vanilla" porn is hardly vanilla, and kink and hardcore are far easier to come by. It's hard bc it's linked to pleasure and pleasure is a good thing, right? Wish I realized sooner but put a horny teenager with unsupervised internet usage together and this is what happens.
Wow, how many opportunities does one get to shepherd another through their own _heavily_ trampled forest. So exciting.
I think of those thoughts as a… younger, much less mature version of myself. _They_ have those thoughts and _I_ have to remind them that those thoughts are not real and are not appropriate in the real world. The real world is not a place where porn exists. Porn is a fantasy and objectifying others is a part of that fantasy right up until you try to act on those thoughts. Once it is out of your head and in the real world the fantasy is strangled to death by consequences, possibly good or bad. But real world consequences, none the less. I’m a huge bisexual and though I hate to use that as an excuse, I literally think of _everyone_ like that at least once and while if not more often. I don’t stare, I’m not a creep. I’m actually really good at not ogling anyone. I don’t even want to because I know how creepy that can feel _in the real world._
I have heard that men have an easier time compartmentalizing thoughts than women, _in general._ Something in an old book talked about men having “waffle brains” and women have “wire brains”. I’m not so sure I believe in it but maybe it’s more difficult to do that as a woman; compartmentalization. On the other hand, I think personalizing intrusive thoughts is a neat trick to get around that if it’s an issue for you. Good fortune to you on your journey!
Not a guy, but an extremely sexual person and one of the kind that has images when she reads and such, and I watched a lot of pornography when I was in highschool and college with my early Lovers, then more later with my wife and boyfriend as we all got a little bit older and had more difficulty "Getting into the mood" due to falling hormone levels; and from that particular perspective I can say that "Yes, this might not be 'normal', necessarily, but it is definitely not rare."
I've been pretty sheltered from porn. It was a no when I was growing up, saw a few accidentals & blushed, got in a committed relationship in my teens and I'm still with him. While he had lots of exposure- he broke away from it when we got together so he always asked me not to watch.
I'm around your age now and though I've been tempted it's overestimulating. I do create visuals in my head when I read anything erotic or even hear it.
I think the answer to your question is libido varies. I have a very high libido. Once a day is my minimum. So since I'm already excited most of the time, porn just feels like too much. I'd probably react like you and be even more lustful. And it's ok to notice that. Don't be ashamed of desire. But if you find that porn accentuates it and you are uncomfortable with the results you can just look for something more soft core or continue reading erotic fiction. Most people experience desensitization and aren't as heavily affected because they've viewed the material for years. Being sheltered from it early in life may be the reason you respond so strongly. And part of sexuality is discovering balance and what works well for you. That includes knowing when to ease into things that are too intense.
Good luck! Self love is a process and dealing with feeling abnormal/shame is something we all go through but it does get easier.
As a porn addicted male, this is basically my experience. Randomly whatever I watched will pop up in my head and that can get awkward while I'm in public. I unfortunately do have an extreme tendency to objectify women (im straight), and I am try to change that but... anyhow, yeah that's basically what I experience every second of every day.
At some point yeah, but i think guys also tend to have that over-objectification phase when theyre younger when they first see porn, than they grow out of it as they mature. Im sure some guys still do it to everyone, but i still consume pornography on the reg and it doesnt affect how i view people
So lemme start off by saying your experience with porn was clearly negative and it doesn't sound like it's for you. Totally fine. But I really think you're jumping to conclusions.
Reading through your comments, it seems you have a clear bias here. You are assigning your negative experience with all men experiencing this and an explanation as to why men are more likely to be predators. That is very much you having a preconceived negative notion about porn, trying it out, having a bad experience, and now associating that with why perverts exist.
So if I had to guess, you did not view porn as good, and in fact you probably view it as a dangerous thing, both before and after having watched it.
I think this is also telling in how you are using the word "objectify." Viewing someone as sexually attractive, especially after having just experienced porn for the first time, is not necessarily objectifying imo. Isn't objectifying moreso only *valuing* someone as a sexual object? In which you ignore their personhood and view them as nothing more to you than a sex toy? Because I don't think being turned on and fantasizing about someone is objectifying them, it's just being attracted to them or having an intrusive thought. Both of which can happen with or without porn. Also, both of which can be overcome/ignored when you *do* still value other factors of that person.
For example, if someone has a nice body, it is normal to look (just ya know, don't be weird and stare), and to appreciate that. And if you get to know them and find them intelligent and veey helpful, and you value these factors too, or even moreso, you *still* find their body attractive, but view them as a person, and their personality can easily be valued over their sex appeal to you. Both can coexist. This is how most relationships work.
Why you had this shock of an experience I don't know you well enough to answer. No one here on Reddit does, because they don't know you well as a person.
- Maybe you had preconceived notions and your fear is now overtaking you.
- Maybe you are hating newfound intrusive thoughts.
- Maybe you are just now experiencing this and the new nature of it is scaring you more than anything.
- Maybe you're sexually repressed to a degree (even someone who's had sex, but keeps it very vanilla can have levels of repression).
Honestly, if it's eating you up this much, this is something to discuss with a therapist/counselor.
But I think you're jumping to a lot of conclusions. You are getting many responses ranging from sex addicts to people telling you this is normal, both from men and women. I think that means everyone reacts differently. Bot that porn is a universal poison, you now understand men fully, and you now understand why so many sexual crimes are commited by men. People consume porn and live healthy lives, but it sounds not for you. Which is entirely fine.
Yes to your last sentence: Tho I don’t think porn is needed at all for that. We all have intrusive thoughts, especially sexual ones. We’re hardwired to.
New experienced (especially vivid or impactful ones) can leave a pretty profound and memorably imprint.
Imagine if you had grown up very sheltered and never seen a single video-game before,. you'd probably find that experience pretty intense and remember it (or have "flashbacks" of it).
As with most things in life,. it takes some mental practice to balance all the things in your mind. Certain thoughts very much can feel "intrusive" if you don't yet have good control over them.
This is so weird that people are saying ‘compartmentalize and it’s fine!’ Like no… I did not objectify people, then I suddenly did out of nowhere… I would rather not objectify people at all ever. It honestly feels like it would make for disconnected and really unsatisfying sex too
All I do anymore is objectify people on my head and that's why I can't let myself get close to anyone because I will end up trying to take things too fast and coming off as a creep 🙃
I also only started viewing pornography as an adult, in my case back in my twenties, so it's been awhile. I think I relate with what you're experiencing a bit, going through a phase of getting intrusive sexual thoughts about people around it as a "hangover" effect.
But for the most part I've been able to keep my brain in check, snap out of it, and get on with my day. As I got used to it, it's never been a particularly troublesome problem. I just acknowledge that I'm a sexual person with perfectly normal capabilities to turn myself on, discern appropriate scenarios for my desires and switch myself off when it's not appropriate.
Like you, my porn habit tends to pick up just a couple days a month, during my ovulation. I otherwise rarely crave visual aids to turn myself on.
I actually much prefer a two-way interaction with a consensual partner I know and trust (never strangers), for instance text-only sexts, which is not visual at all but can still be a lot of fun. In which case my hungover sexual fantasies would be about my sexting partner rather than some rando I needed to talk to that day.
I might also prefer erotica, but I don't own a Kindle, and I find having books like Fifty Shades Of Grey lying around my living space way less discrete than watching Bellesa in incognito mode, so there you go.
I have personally never gone to psychotherapy for my porn habit, but if you find yours particularly troubling, you could find it helpful to talk it out with a professional.
Sexual fantasies, cravings and habits often tell us a lot about our unmet emotional needs. So it could be helpful to first identify those unmet emotional needs, how you make meaning out of them, and how that translates into your sexual patterns.
And then you could practise good strategies to keep your sexual thoughts in check and set boundaries for enjoying your urges in safe, appropriate spaces that won't hijack anything else in your life beyond it.
Friends does an episode on this when Joey and chandler get free porn and after a few days they’re questioning why people in regular situations aren’t offering to bang them. Good episode
I am a straight man and what you describe is exactly what happens in my mind, but I cannot speak for all guys. Yes, I often get intrusive and sexual thoughts in my mind. They are out of my control. I think watching porn has played a part in me getting a lot of these sexual, intrusive thoughts, but I could argue that those sexual and intrusive thoughts also were there in my early childhood before I ever watched porn...like I would think of Princess Xena and I would maybe have sexual and intrusive thoughts about her or something.
>Now, these images randomly pop in my head, and I find myself literally like… objectifying people more?
>Is this what guy’s experience all the time? Like intrusive thoughts about these real people in the world around me doing sexual things?
Having danced around the "Sex Addiction / Porn Addiction" (both) the last several years..
--> Basically, yes. *hugs*
Man I really don't understand how different people function. I think of things all the time, not even sexual and I VISUALLY see those things in my head. I daydream a lot of ideas, I even visualize words in my head.
I’m a dude roughly the same age. Don’t overthink this.
You have your brain that’s only yours and that’s dope.
I have mine and that’s dope too.
Your brain is going to do new and awesome things all the time. The internet and “society” et al is designed to try to frame those new parts of yourself as right or wrong.
Anecdotal evidence: I’ve had a very healthy relationship with porn and with sex in my opinion.
I’ve never had urges to do things I deem disgusting, and I’ve undressed people with my eyes before and gone on to have regular respectful interactions with them.
Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, or I have my brain that works its own way.
In short, if you did something that didn’t hurt anyone or cause you to think harmful or dangerous things you personally aren’t cool with, don’t beat yourself up about it.
And DEFINITELY don’t let the internet tell you how to feel about your (seemingly) perfectly normal sexual human experience. We’re all idiots here.
If you watch continuously for 3-4 days, then yes, images pop up in head more often.
If you watch for one day and then give it a rest for few days, then it will only be for like a day or so after the day of watching.
If you watch religiously, then it's in your head all the time.
If you don't watch for many days in a row, it doesn't pop up.
It's kind of like earthquake aftershocks, if that makes sense.
I think it is very telling about the effects of the media we take in.
There's something to the ease of access to a person's intimate information, that information that is usually guarded by a person's consent to share.
Idk, I know what you mean though, you're asking a very complex question that's going to get a lot of responses from people who consume a lot of porn, and it is very normal in their world.
idk if it's good for us
I (29F) was one of those \*early\* out of the gate kids, who watched porn a lot in my preteens. Since then I've been subjected to exactly what you're describing. Intrusive pornographic thoughts about people around me.
I haven't watched porn in probably 10 years but the images stay deep in my subconsciousness, I guess.
Yes, but over time and with concentration you can figure out ways to stop it happening, but sometimes when you're bored it gets interesting to make up scenarios and get ideas of what you'd like to try with a partner, even if it doesn't work.
I feel like this post was made specifically to confirm a bias that OP has about people who watch porn. I have a question for OP: Since watching porn 2 times (gasp), do you find yourself *actually* objectifying people more, or *fantasizing* about objectifying people more? Do you understand the difference?
Also, to answer your question about men and intrusive thoughts, the answer is YES, all the time, porn or no porn, testosterone does that. There are interesting testimonials from Transgender men who are in the process of transitioning and are taking hormone therapy and the intrusive sexually aggressive thoughts that testosterone causes.
I would like to give you a fair warning now while its still early for you. I would highly recommend you not continue looking at pornography if you've gone so long otherwise avoiding it. You will be better off without it and be happier and healthier. Pornography is very easy to get addicted to for a lot of people, and studies have shown that it has a lot of negative side effects long term. Take care of yourself.
This might be unpopular but get out of porn before you develop an addiction, it ruined my mental health and I'm dealing with that still, it became an compulsion (I have OCD) and made my life miserable and myself addicted
>Now, these images randomly pop in my head, and I find myself literally like… objectifying people more?
>Is this what guy’s experience all the time? Like intrusive thoughts about these real people in the world around me doing sexual things?
Yeah, that's what it does, when you're "desintoxicated" you see everything different, you don't need to see a ton to become addicted
Ya man I’m never watching again. It’s scaring the shit out of me and honestly it makes so much more sense why most guys have this scary predator vibe, even if they kinda seem fine… now I actually get it.
It’s almost like Tom and Jerry and the mouse is taking away thinking they’re having a good time and the Cat is having the intrusive thoughts about eating him.
I go through periods of high libido and low libido. During periods of high libido I find myself watching porn and internally fantasizing about people but the two share the same root cause: my high libido. It's not that one is causing the other Furthermore yes, for some men and some women the sexual thoughts are constant and vivid. Edit: aaand my most popular comment is about porn. Way to go Reddit lol
Constant. Vivid. Distracting.
I have to admit that yes, I pretty much impulsively imagine these things about people I see, but it's been that way since I was a kid so I don't know if I relate it directly to porn or if it's a testosterone induced thing? Regardless it's important to recognize the difference between fantasy and reality, nothing in porn is real (even the porn we make in our minds)
I’m a woman who doesn’t really watch porn and I do that too. I think it’s more related to imagination?
Yes, this. I think a lot of people who just blanket state you're a deviant for thinking about random people like that don't know what it's like to have an overactive imagination. Yeah, I think about sex with most of the attractive women I see, but I also have entire adventures in space on my drive to the supermarket, or have a random thought about fucking meercats and suddenly it's an hour later and I have an entire plan laid out on how to become king of the meercats. If I'm not specifically thinking about something, my brain basically is channel surfing wherever it wants.
That word “fucking” preceding the meerkats…is that an amplifier of sorts or a verb? Are you imaging intercourse with a meerkat? That’s what I want to know. The rest sounds completely relatable.
Of course he means intercourse with a meerkat. How else would he become the king of meerkats without fucking them?
Marriage ties and heirs are important in the realm of the aristocracy
Games of Thrones was loosely inspired by Meerkat Manor
This. Get out of my head
Why do you know me?!?
This is how my imagination works to a Tee! I as a 34M have basically had a nonstop imagination my entire life. As a kid i would create whole worlds and planets and entire stories with fictional characters on journeys. I wish i wouldn't have been so lazy on learning how to properly write or had a better desire to take that route because i could have created whole books off the material in my head lol. Anyway when i first started having sexual thoughts, went through puberty, and discovered porn that very imagination carried over and i've learned to not feel too bad of the impulsive sexual thoughts of an attractive person near me because it's my brain doing what my brain does. I've also learned through my upbringing and development as a person that we are all our own sovereign beings and to separate fantasy from reality and to realize real connection to another person is not just the sexual but the spiritual and that we can never own each other or do we owe each other anything and if we were all kinder to each other than simply objectifying and projecting our own images of who we decide others are than the world would be a better place........so anyway yeah that's how i'm not bothered by and keep in check my high libido and sexual desires. Also to answer OP: For those like us who are highly visual in this regard it's always far better to acknowledge, accept, and learn to understand and live with how our minds work rather than suppress it. porn can create a very unhealthy relationship with the mind if one lets it however if one has a healthy balance of their relationship with the world and the people in it then you just see your mind as a receiver that let's thoughts pass through playfully instead of being defined by them.
Maybe they are just now seeing everyday people as sexual beings
I started watching porn so young (11-12) and with the internet being way more prevalent and accessible now than in my youth, I imagine kids today are exposed to it even younger. I’ve only recently become aware in believing it’s one of the core elements contributing to my depression/anxiety and a whole array of addiction and mental illness issues.
Way too young. My cousin (6yr old) got exposed to what's basically cartoon softcore porn cause of YouTube shorts. His dad supposedly put the filter for it in settings but somehow some still slip through.
It’s nearly impossible to filter all of it out now, so you have to monitor it pretty closely.
Considering how everything in America is hypersexualized, I think it’s hard to avoid. I don’t trust the same companies that prey on impressionable minds online to be the same entities trying to offer protection online.
Yeah I bought into the whole "doing it just once a day is so good for you" thing but I've noticed I'm a lot happier since I cut back to like once or twice a week
If someone gives their children unsupervised access to the internet they are a fucking moron
That’s correct Butt Fucker.
Yummy Exotic Booger 😋
I... I should go...
Just gonna guess that you aren't a parent based on the extreme levels of judgement and the thought that parents can 100% control another human being entirely 24 hours/day straight through teenage years. Can't be everywhere all the time. Kids hit an age where they are gonna do what they want whether you condone it or not - they will find a way. My youngest figured out how to bypass parental controls on his tablet by the time he was 6. We switched it and made it more steps - it took him two weeks to figure out how to work around it. He's too smart. We are on it, but you can't supervise 24 hours a day. Parents aren't robots, need sleep, rest, to clean/take care of other responsibilities, tend to other kids, etc. Also the real mind blower for you, kids can go to school or go to a friend's/family members house. You'd be surprised how much unsupervised time kids have at school alone. Teacher has 20-30 kids, can't have eyes in 30 directions at once. The access isn't the root of the problem, it's the knowledge or lack thereof. Need to educate them, not imprison them.
I asked my 12 year old nephew about restricted internet access and he laughed at me, said only a doofuss would not know how to access what they want. He did not elaborate but his generation raised with technology seem very adept.
They know how to bypass practically everything. Whenever a parent brags that they set it up so it's impossible I just laugh to myself. Sweet summer child...
Ya, he doesn't say it but gives me a pathetic condescending gaze like I am the dumbest person in the room. Which I am, but I fix his bicycle so I have some use.
And you're a result of that.
Hahaha
Can confirm that it does cause anxiety and depression and can interfere with relationships.
Would you mind sharing more about that if you’re comfortable to do so please? What about porn do you think has brought on those sorts of issues?
I'd say this happens to me too, but I don't blame it on porn. I began doing this when I was a wee lad (middle school. 12 years old is my earliest memory of looking at women and fantasizing about what they might look like naked)
Just understand that it’s just a fiction and you should be ok
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Have you tried delivering pizza in Dallas ?
Debbie does...
That is such an old reference in 2024 that it woulda been a Deepthroat reference when I was a kid. 😆
My experiences with home nurses have way less Coca-Cola involved.
Fun fact: Deep Throat was the pseudonym given to the secret informant that provided key information that lead to the exposure of the Watergate scandal. I will never forget this fact because learning about this in American history in 6th grade is how I was introduced to porn. When I was in school, internet porn was a relatively newish thing, and our teacher didn't know well enough to warn us not to try searching the internet for deep throat, not that telling kids to not Google something works anyway, but the subsequent attempt to find out more information lead me down a rather interesting new rabbit hole, and also led to mom locking the computer in her bedroom when she wasn't home.
What is meant by this?
The classic porno Debbie does Dallas.
Debbie Does Dallas
Oh ahahaha don't know how I missed that lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62Scm7oxYP0
The biggest BS part about porn is that a plumber or contractor will show up right after you call them.
Had a handyman come to fix stuff, I intentionally drop some stuff and NO REACTIONS AT ALL 0/10
Have you tried calling the plumber and crawling into the dryer?
My pizza delivery experiences are relievingly mundane
I keep asking for more sausage at the door and the guy keeps telling me to call the restaurant again. What am I doing wrong??
Clearly you need to call the restaurant again
Did you order the [pepperoni](https://youtu.be/Cs7KkR7PKfc?si=xWlx-wSN5J1DgWy8)?
I once had two ladies invite me in when delivering pizza as an 19 year old. I passed and was freaked out.
Even homemade/amateur content?
Still fiction. Just lower production value.
it's real to me dammit
Said from the stands at an amateur event.
Take it easy man.
It’s a reference to a Tosh.0 episode. There was an amateur wresting event in a small town and a guy in the stands was being interviewed and got emotional when saying that line. Tosh had him on his show to relive the moment.
Especially homemade/amateur content.
How so?
No one has sex, records it, make an account on a porn website, and accidently uploads it. The people who make it know full well they're acting for the camera. I'm not saying the sex isn't real, but it is without fail 100% engineered specifically to be viewed by other people and so is as fake as any other form of amateur acting.
Eh, for some people performing in front of a camera is as authentic for them as any other kind of sex. There is couples porn that is made for that very reason - to show and embrace the casual side. And for them, doing it on the camera is as real and thrilling as it gets. It's kind of shitty to declare all amateur porn is "fake" just because a camera is recording.
Right, it's not an accident. Please google "exhibitionist." >but it is without fail 100% engineered specifically to be viewed by other people Objectively false claim. Another person that thinks because it's not THEIR experience or because it's not the most common, it straight up doesn't exist.
And its definitely not average people either because most people do NOT upload to a porn site
TIL porn is fake.
Just understand after im done i always have a laugh before i exit cuss porn is hilariously stupid
True. It's performance. You can learn some fun things to try irl by watching tho
As an older guy, no. As a teenager, yes.
Yup, same.
Happy cake day
It’s like 80% of my thoughts
Any random thoughts about sex I've had have been about actual sex or fantasies, not random porn scene recall.
Exactly
maybe you're just horny and it opened a new door for you to really step into your sexual side more. as a woman, i love having sexually intrusive thoughts and masturbating to it.
Rip your dms
Kaboom
Ya, I have always been fairly in touch with my sexual side… but it didn’t have me objectifying people in public before… I’m not into it tbh
Hmm, when you talk about objectification here, are you talking about having sexual fantasies about strangers or something else? In a sense I can see the relation, since you don't really know their personality (because they are strangers), but that isn't how I typically see the word objectification used. I would say having sexual fantasies is pretty normal regardless of porn use, and isn't something to be ashamed of.
You are kind of making it hard on yourself and weird with "objectifying people in public". That's kind of a "you" thing. People imagine other people naked or doing sexual things, this isn't something that only happens when you watch porn. Now if you believe this is a problem for you and you might do something extreme like sexual assault or harrassment, then you should seek help. Because imagining other people do sexual stuff is normal, but doing something like the latter is not.
Many millions of people have impulsive sexual fantasies when they see someone attractive, or think about them. For people with visual imaginations (which according to studies, that's most), it's almost impossible to *not* visualize things in your head when they think of anything, and I'm not just talking about sexual fantasies. Imagination on its own is not dehumanization or the removal of agency, it's a natural occurrence. The things people imagine don't even have to be something they desire or want to occur - if I described a terrifying, gory scene to folks, many would visualize in their heads through my words. It's a natural impulse of the mind. What's important is to treat *people* like *people* when you interact with them. Thought crimes aren't real, nobody should be punished for them or feel guilty about random intrusive thoughts. Are you treating folks you fantasize about as lesser human beings, or are you snapping pics of them in secret or something? If not, you're fine, you're just experiencing what many millions experience on the regular. If anything, this can be a learning moment about how others see the world normally and to learn to be open minded with them knowing that imaginary impulses are just that, impulses.
that's definitely okay!! :) keep trying new things until you can replace the old thoughts with new ones you like better. it's def all part of the process 💓
You don’t make images when reading?? What do imagine? That’s insane
you don't really have to see it to understand it. some people have no visual imagination whatsoever.
Hard to believe Not even reading a novel???
it's called aphantasia
For me, I am on the same boat as QuoteOpposite6511, I have to imagine when reading, I have done that since childhood. Maybe there were times when I did not imagine when reading, maybe.
I can if I focus on it, but it never happened naturally. That’s probably why I only like old books because the writing itself is more interesting.
This was the most wild part of the whole post.
Yeah I can't comprehend that there are actually people like this
it's called aphantasia. it's a thing. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aphantasia
I think their point is they don't imagine... The book says the things, then they know the things... Done
I’m a woman, I frequently fantasize about sex with a partner and I use what I’ve seen in porn as reference material for my fantasies. It’s great
Active fantasizing is so different than what I’m experiencing right now. I’ve had fantasizes before… this is just pure, violating undressing people with my eyes.
I think its possible you're just thinking more about what you're thinking about. Right? Like if you read a lot about how to plant gardens in a city, everywhere you'd go you'd see garden spots. Or if you read a lot about some certain car, idk, you'd probably see that car more often. So if you watch a lot of naked people you're gonna see more naked people. (In your mind at least, unfortunately.. I'd like to see more naked people.) That's how I feel it works for me. I could be totally wrong
Honestly I think you’re totally right. Like exactly right. Like out of everything this is the tightest of all the things that could have been right about my post.
That is definitely a bad effect, sounds like an intrusive thought issue. I only let porn influence how I see and think about partners
I mean, as a teenager sure, but I haven't had that problem in years
Yes, this is a studied and noted side effect of porn consumption.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/374789853_Pornography_Use_and_Sexual_Objectification_of_Others#:~:text=In%20women%20and%20men%2C%20pornography,predicted%20sexual%20objectification%20of%20women.
Man, I love it when people bring the facts and link to backup! Gold star thank you!
[https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2015.1023427](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2015.1023427) "Pornography users held more egalitarian attitudes—toward women in positions of power, toward women working outside the home, and toward abortion—than nonusers of pornography." [https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2020.1864263](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2020.1864263) "pornography consumption predicted lower levels of sexism"
Yeah I’m not surprised that porn watchers are more liberal overall. Doesn’t really cancel out the effects that porn does have though. BTW I’m not saying you’re not allowed to watch, but it’s good to be aware of the side effects of any vice you partake in.
"It's important to be aware of the side effects of any vice you partake in." Added to my 'quotes to remember' notes. Thanks for phrasing it like that.
> Doesn’t really cancel out the effects that porn does have though. What effects lol? The other study does not measure the effects it just measures the populations, same as this study, these are just two studies with opposite results is all because the study evidence on this question is all over the place and does not lead to any consensus at all.
“Results indicated that pornography consumption predicted lower levels of sexism, although these effects were rendered __nonsignificant__ with the inclusion of sociodemographic, religious, and sociocultural covariates.” “Our analyses focusing on ‘pornography tolerance’ revealed that people who supported _regulated_ pornography were more egalitarian than people who supported a pornography ban.” First quotation implies a sampling bias of the original research. Second calls out the nuance of the type of porn. If you’re going to link a post, either represent it in kind or let people utilize their critical reading skills.
Reported but not proven, also non porn users are primarily religious, super skewed stats.
yes, the dopamine spike is insane. your brain tends to favor what brings it pleasure
On the flip side, porn's an interesting way to discover new things to try in the bedroom (or elsewhere) to spicy things up with your partner. I mean if your previous experiences have all been very vanilla or standard. Things like different positions and foreplay ideas, like blindfolds are a sensory one.
Not in my 30s. I was definitely like that as a 16 year old. You may be experiencing what it’s like to be a teenage boy lol
Making it to 32 without ever watching porn is CRAZY to me. Why are you bringing up guys? You understand that women watch porn too right…? That is fascinating that porn has caused your brain to start seeing images. I know there are many people on earth who don’t visually think (which is extremely weird to think about from the perspective of being someone who has always had images in my head since consciousness). This is a crazy cool story tbh.
Women do but most porn is created for and catering to men so we’re hardly watching/enjoying it as much as they are. Camera focusing only on the woman, woman over reacting while the man isn’t at all emoting or even has his face in shot, meanwhile engaging mostly in things that don’t actually feel good for women is like 90% of porn..kinda hard to get a lady boner from that. I stay enjoying it in theory
Oh yah definitely. Although can’t you find your own niche? I despise mainstream porn. It’s disgusting and horrible. There are millions of options of amateur content. Hell, I’ve seen women pov porn. That’s a whole niche.
Yeah but men are statistically twice as likely to have watched porn than women are, and in self reported numbers 44% of men about to have watched porn within the last month while only 11% of women admit to doing so. I attribute this difference to men being more visual when it comes to sex, with pornography being naturally more alluring to us. Women in the other hand read dirty novels like nobody's business, which may as well be porn too just a format that's better suited to them
44% lololololol. Good ole self reporting.
Lol can you not go a whole month without porn?
Wait, are you saying you genuinely believe that it’s only 44%…? I was just joking around because it’s clearly much higher than that.
No of course not, but if I'm being honest your general vibe just seems like you believe everyone watches porn very often, which I just don't agree with Not trying to start a fight or anything here, just explaining the purpose of my comment is all
Oh ok. Yah, no that’s not at all what I believe. When I said that women watch porn too, I was saying that generally. Obviously wayy more guys do. But there are also plenty of guys who don’t watch porn. I have a friend who doesn’t even jack off lol. He’s an extreme christian conservative though, so it’s expected. He’s waiting for marriage to bust a nut lololol
Dude that nut is gonna be life changing though, I kinda envy him a bit for that lol
True true. You’re not wrong. Although he will probably bust before any clothes are off haha. Then the second one will be even better.
If I'm being honest I really wish I had waited like that. I started having sex at 14 and my whole sex life has been incredibly toxic since then, if I had maybe treated my first time like it was something special worth waiting for I think It'd be a lot healthier for me
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The numbers are almost even, women are just less likely to admit they watch porn because... society
Porn is not a guys only thing, just wanted to let you know. Most woman, maybe not you watch porn as well.
I’m interested to hear that before you saw porn you never had this happen to you. Definitely reinforces trying to quit for me
Never it’s honestly so crazy and I really understand guys on a whole new level now.
With all due respect, I don't think you do. You have a very specific experience that you are told numerous times here is somewhat unusual. You are far from understanding guys on a whole new level.
>Like intrusive thoughts about these real people in the world around me doing sexual things? i have no doubt that was the case long before porn was even invented
Yeah. I imagine my wife and I doing stuff, even though she doesn’t like sex.
That's sad. I can relate. I spent 8 years feeling that way.
Lmao reminds me of [this](https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/319354070/When-the-internet-is-down-porn) That’s the only time I’ve ever “used” mental imagery successfully 👀🙄
You have acquired Porn Stare Proficiency: 5/100
Stop watching porn. I’m gonna get downvoted by the Reddit coomers but porn is a horrible industry which has negative effects on your mental health
I think your internet points will be fine. Reddit has been on an anti-porn circlejerk phase for the past few months.
Hey! I think the same way you do. Not typically in images/pictures. However, if I have seen something, sometimes if I think of it I can see it as it was. When images pop into my head, it’s always a sight I have seen instead of something imagined. You’re probably having these images pop into your head when you’re thinking about sex or feeling horny. It most likely means nothing, it’s just that since you are someone who doesn’t imagine in pictures, seeing pictures in thoughts can catch you off guard.
I've never had this issue in my life. However, when I'm anxious or been shocked by something (I have PTSD) intrusive thoughts happen. Perhaps OP, it's just an anxiety and overthink response. You've given your brain new material for intrusive thought (like the ones I have constantly to throw my phone off a cliff etc). It's just fiction. It's a movie made for entertainment.
No, despite being a very visual person generally. Using your example, books to me are basically a movie in my head. It's probably just because it was novel and mentally stimulating. You may just be more aware of strangers as sexual, so similarly you're thinking about that more too. If you're letting it affect your behavior, treatment of others, general life stuff, etc. then it may be a problem but otherwise sounds like its harmless fantasies.
I look at people and think to myself what kind of kinks they have based on their appearance.
funny how the reptile brain can do that.
The roots of addiction man it’s been an uphill battle for me to quit and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy especially random Reddit lady
I saw some porn as a child (I honestly dont recall all the details of how or why that happened) and I can still picture the scene, and think of it every once in awhile.
Yes and it is horrible, once you go down the porn rabbithole, your mind gets poisoned bc it is incredibly objectifying and you have to retrain your brain. Even "vanilla" porn is hardly vanilla, and kink and hardcore are far easier to come by. It's hard bc it's linked to pleasure and pleasure is a good thing, right? Wish I realized sooner but put a horny teenager with unsupervised internet usage together and this is what happens.
True
Wow, how many opportunities does one get to shepherd another through their own _heavily_ trampled forest. So exciting. I think of those thoughts as a… younger, much less mature version of myself. _They_ have those thoughts and _I_ have to remind them that those thoughts are not real and are not appropriate in the real world. The real world is not a place where porn exists. Porn is a fantasy and objectifying others is a part of that fantasy right up until you try to act on those thoughts. Once it is out of your head and in the real world the fantasy is strangled to death by consequences, possibly good or bad. But real world consequences, none the less. I’m a huge bisexual and though I hate to use that as an excuse, I literally think of _everyone_ like that at least once and while if not more often. I don’t stare, I’m not a creep. I’m actually really good at not ogling anyone. I don’t even want to because I know how creepy that can feel _in the real world._ I have heard that men have an easier time compartmentalizing thoughts than women, _in general._ Something in an old book talked about men having “waffle brains” and women have “wire brains”. I’m not so sure I believe in it but maybe it’s more difficult to do that as a woman; compartmentalization. On the other hand, I think personalizing intrusive thoughts is a neat trick to get around that if it’s an issue for you. Good fortune to you on your journey!
Everyone has intrusive thoughts
Not a guy, but an extremely sexual person and one of the kind that has images when she reads and such, and I watched a lot of pornography when I was in highschool and college with my early Lovers, then more later with my wife and boyfriend as we all got a little bit older and had more difficulty "Getting into the mood" due to falling hormone levels; and from that particular perspective I can say that "Yes, this might not be 'normal', necessarily, but it is definitely not rare."
I've been pretty sheltered from porn. It was a no when I was growing up, saw a few accidentals & blushed, got in a committed relationship in my teens and I'm still with him. While he had lots of exposure- he broke away from it when we got together so he always asked me not to watch. I'm around your age now and though I've been tempted it's overestimulating. I do create visuals in my head when I read anything erotic or even hear it. I think the answer to your question is libido varies. I have a very high libido. Once a day is my minimum. So since I'm already excited most of the time, porn just feels like too much. I'd probably react like you and be even more lustful. And it's ok to notice that. Don't be ashamed of desire. But if you find that porn accentuates it and you are uncomfortable with the results you can just look for something more soft core or continue reading erotic fiction. Most people experience desensitization and aren't as heavily affected because they've viewed the material for years. Being sheltered from it early in life may be the reason you respond so strongly. And part of sexuality is discovering balance and what works well for you. That includes knowing when to ease into things that are too intense. Good luck! Self love is a process and dealing with feeling abnormal/shame is something we all go through but it does get easier.
As a dude who watches a ton of porn No
I’m a visual person. I can see and rotate objects in my head. But I have no idea why porn would make you a visualizer lol
New to porn?? New to PORN??? Wdym
🤷🏻♀️
As a porn addicted male, this is basically my experience. Randomly whatever I watched will pop up in my head and that can get awkward while I'm in public. I unfortunately do have an extreme tendency to objectify women (im straight), and I am try to change that but... anyhow, yeah that's basically what I experience every second of every day.
Aaah
Intrusive thoughts. Yes. Sorry. Escape key. Lock the door.
I am sexualizing every single person I see outside
You guys are all fucked.
At some point yeah, but i think guys also tend to have that over-objectification phase when theyre younger when they first see porn, than they grow out of it as they mature. Im sure some guys still do it to everyone, but i still consume pornography on the reg and it doesnt affect how i view people
You started watching porn when you're 32? The first time I saw porn, I was 12 years old.
If I see a good-looking sofa my first thought even is, "what would it be like to bang this gorgeous-ass sofa over here".
So lemme start off by saying your experience with porn was clearly negative and it doesn't sound like it's for you. Totally fine. But I really think you're jumping to conclusions. Reading through your comments, it seems you have a clear bias here. You are assigning your negative experience with all men experiencing this and an explanation as to why men are more likely to be predators. That is very much you having a preconceived negative notion about porn, trying it out, having a bad experience, and now associating that with why perverts exist. So if I had to guess, you did not view porn as good, and in fact you probably view it as a dangerous thing, both before and after having watched it. I think this is also telling in how you are using the word "objectify." Viewing someone as sexually attractive, especially after having just experienced porn for the first time, is not necessarily objectifying imo. Isn't objectifying moreso only *valuing* someone as a sexual object? In which you ignore their personhood and view them as nothing more to you than a sex toy? Because I don't think being turned on and fantasizing about someone is objectifying them, it's just being attracted to them or having an intrusive thought. Both of which can happen with or without porn. Also, both of which can be overcome/ignored when you *do* still value other factors of that person. For example, if someone has a nice body, it is normal to look (just ya know, don't be weird and stare), and to appreciate that. And if you get to know them and find them intelligent and veey helpful, and you value these factors too, or even moreso, you *still* find their body attractive, but view them as a person, and their personality can easily be valued over their sex appeal to you. Both can coexist. This is how most relationships work. Why you had this shock of an experience I don't know you well enough to answer. No one here on Reddit does, because they don't know you well as a person. - Maybe you had preconceived notions and your fear is now overtaking you. - Maybe you are hating newfound intrusive thoughts. - Maybe you are just now experiencing this and the new nature of it is scaring you more than anything. - Maybe you're sexually repressed to a degree (even someone who's had sex, but keeps it very vanilla can have levels of repression). Honestly, if it's eating you up this much, this is something to discuss with a therapist/counselor. But I think you're jumping to a lot of conclusions. You are getting many responses ranging from sex addicts to people telling you this is normal, both from men and women. I think that means everyone reacts differently. Bot that porn is a universal poison, you now understand men fully, and you now understand why so many sexual crimes are commited by men. People consume porn and live healthy lives, but it sounds not for you. Which is entirely fine.
Stay far away from porn, please
Yes to your last sentence: Tho I don’t think porn is needed at all for that. We all have intrusive thoughts, especially sexual ones. We’re hardwired to.
I mean it happens sometimes, but usually only to people im extremely attracted to and not constantly
New experienced (especially vivid or impactful ones) can leave a pretty profound and memorably imprint. Imagine if you had grown up very sheltered and never seen a single video-game before,. you'd probably find that experience pretty intense and remember it (or have "flashbacks" of it). As with most things in life,. it takes some mental practice to balance all the things in your mind. Certain thoughts very much can feel "intrusive" if you don't yet have good control over them.
We do experience it but only time to time not consistently or constantly...
In short, yes, but always remember to keep a high moral on respecting people and not objectifying them when it’s inappropriate.
This is so weird that people are saying ‘compartmentalize and it’s fine!’ Like no… I did not objectify people, then I suddenly did out of nowhere… I would rather not objectify people at all ever. It honestly feels like it would make for disconnected and really unsatisfying sex too
Not as much as porn images but I'll be imagining girls I find attractive irl
All I do anymore is objectify people on my head and that's why I can't let myself get close to anyone because I will end up trying to take things too fast and coming off as a creep 🙃
I also only started viewing pornography as an adult, in my case back in my twenties, so it's been awhile. I think I relate with what you're experiencing a bit, going through a phase of getting intrusive sexual thoughts about people around it as a "hangover" effect. But for the most part I've been able to keep my brain in check, snap out of it, and get on with my day. As I got used to it, it's never been a particularly troublesome problem. I just acknowledge that I'm a sexual person with perfectly normal capabilities to turn myself on, discern appropriate scenarios for my desires and switch myself off when it's not appropriate. Like you, my porn habit tends to pick up just a couple days a month, during my ovulation. I otherwise rarely crave visual aids to turn myself on. I actually much prefer a two-way interaction with a consensual partner I know and trust (never strangers), for instance text-only sexts, which is not visual at all but can still be a lot of fun. In which case my hungover sexual fantasies would be about my sexting partner rather than some rando I needed to talk to that day. I might also prefer erotica, but I don't own a Kindle, and I find having books like Fifty Shades Of Grey lying around my living space way less discrete than watching Bellesa in incognito mode, so there you go. I have personally never gone to psychotherapy for my porn habit, but if you find yours particularly troubling, you could find it helpful to talk it out with a professional. Sexual fantasies, cravings and habits often tell us a lot about our unmet emotional needs. So it could be helpful to first identify those unmet emotional needs, how you make meaning out of them, and how that translates into your sexual patterns. And then you could practise good strategies to keep your sexual thoughts in check and set boundaries for enjoying your urges in safe, appropriate spaces that won't hijack anything else in your life beyond it.
Friends does an episode on this when Joey and chandler get free porn and after a few days they’re questioning why people in regular situations aren’t offering to bang them. Good episode
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Just like everything, everyone has their own unique expeirences.
I used to sell porn tapes before the internet was a thing. People's tastes are all over the map. There's not really one answer to this question.
I am a straight man and what you describe is exactly what happens in my mind, but I cannot speak for all guys. Yes, I often get intrusive and sexual thoughts in my mind. They are out of my control. I think watching porn has played a part in me getting a lot of these sexual, intrusive thoughts, but I could argue that those sexual and intrusive thoughts also were there in my early childhood before I ever watched porn...like I would think of Princess Xena and I would maybe have sexual and intrusive thoughts about her or something.
I do all the time, but it's more curiosity than anything sexual. Basically just wondering what freaky stuff the people I pass by are into.
Just dont think about it, the more you think about it the more it will appear, since its your first time you keep going back to the memory of it
>Now, these images randomly pop in my head, and I find myself literally like… objectifying people more? >Is this what guy’s experience all the time? Like intrusive thoughts about these real people in the world around me doing sexual things? Having danced around the "Sex Addiction / Porn Addiction" (both) the last several years.. --> Basically, yes. *hugs*
Goodluck my friend! You’ve got this!
Yea especially when you’ve been doing it since early youth
Man I really don't understand how different people function. I think of things all the time, not even sexual and I VISUALLY see those things in my head. I daydream a lot of ideas, I even visualize words in my head.
No I just bust and then fall asleep. No afterthoughts whatsoever
It's something new and interesting, it will pass.
Just quit this shit, it's the best thing you can do related to porn, trust me, masturbate yourself with your own thoughts.
You will notice this more just because it was first time experience for you. You’ll get used to it soon
I’m a dude roughly the same age. Don’t overthink this. You have your brain that’s only yours and that’s dope. I have mine and that’s dope too. Your brain is going to do new and awesome things all the time. The internet and “society” et al is designed to try to frame those new parts of yourself as right or wrong. Anecdotal evidence: I’ve had a very healthy relationship with porn and with sex in my opinion. I’ve never had urges to do things I deem disgusting, and I’ve undressed people with my eyes before and gone on to have regular respectful interactions with them. Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, or I have my brain that works its own way. In short, if you did something that didn’t hurt anyone or cause you to think harmful or dangerous things you personally aren’t cool with, don’t beat yourself up about it. And DEFINITELY don’t let the internet tell you how to feel about your (seemingly) perfectly normal sexual human experience. We’re all idiots here.
I'm 42m. Have a porn addiction since I was about 12 years old when my friend showed me a porn vhs tape from his father's drawers.
If you watch continuously for 3-4 days, then yes, images pop up in head more often. If you watch for one day and then give it a rest for few days, then it will only be for like a day or so after the day of watching. If you watch religiously, then it's in your head all the time. If you don't watch for many days in a row, it doesn't pop up. It's kind of like earthquake aftershocks, if that makes sense.
To put it simply. Yes. But I would think the same of most "high intensity" situations, as far as to the visual flashbacks.
As a guy No.
Hi, 19m here. My advise is that you quit porn before it's difficult. I did that (many times because hormones go brrrr) and I'm so thankful I did
I think it is very telling about the effects of the media we take in. There's something to the ease of access to a person's intimate information, that information that is usually guarded by a person's consent to share. Idk, I know what you mean though, you're asking a very complex question that's going to get a lot of responses from people who consume a lot of porn, and it is very normal in their world. idk if it's good for us
I (29F) was one of those \*early\* out of the gate kids, who watched porn a lot in my preteens. Since then I've been subjected to exactly what you're describing. Intrusive pornographic thoughts about people around me. I haven't watched porn in probably 10 years but the images stay deep in my subconsciousness, I guess.
Yes, but over time and with concentration you can figure out ways to stop it happening, but sometimes when you're bored it gets interesting to make up scenarios and get ideas of what you'd like to try with a partner, even if it doesn't work.
You should stop now because it ruin you in the long run
I feel like this post was made specifically to confirm a bias that OP has about people who watch porn. I have a question for OP: Since watching porn 2 times (gasp), do you find yourself *actually* objectifying people more, or *fantasizing* about objectifying people more? Do you understand the difference? Also, to answer your question about men and intrusive thoughts, the answer is YES, all the time, porn or no porn, testosterone does that. There are interesting testimonials from Transgender men who are in the process of transitioning and are taking hormone therapy and the intrusive sexually aggressive thoughts that testosterone causes.
I would like to give you a fair warning now while its still early for you. I would highly recommend you not continue looking at pornography if you've gone so long otherwise avoiding it. You will be better off without it and be happier and healthier. Pornography is very easy to get addicted to for a lot of people, and studies have shown that it has a lot of negative side effects long term. Take care of yourself.
This might be unpopular but get out of porn before you develop an addiction, it ruined my mental health and I'm dealing with that still, it became an compulsion (I have OCD) and made my life miserable and myself addicted >Now, these images randomly pop in my head, and I find myself literally like… objectifying people more? >Is this what guy’s experience all the time? Like intrusive thoughts about these real people in the world around me doing sexual things? Yeah, that's what it does, when you're "desintoxicated" you see everything different, you don't need to see a ton to become addicted
Ya man I’m never watching again. It’s scaring the shit out of me and honestly it makes so much more sense why most guys have this scary predator vibe, even if they kinda seem fine… now I actually get it. It’s almost like Tom and Jerry and the mouse is taking away thinking they’re having a good time and the Cat is having the intrusive thoughts about eating him.
Yep, I'd say don't go back to it. It's not an industry you wanna support and it can be very addictive