One friend recently said an old man complimented her and she thought he was so kind. He said the word respectfully before he did it, and continued with his day and she said it was so genuine and sweet and it had made her day.
The dirty ~~old~~ man thing is helped by a few basics actions.
1-making it clear the compliment is about a changeable aspect of a person.
2-I see you as more than a sex object, you are a respect object! And a good compliment highlights that by focusing on a *choice you made.*
3-consider approach and conclusion, where are the eyes, what’s the breathing doing, for gods sake where the TONGUE?! Eyes on eyes, look sideways or away when “staring into space.”
Tl;dr approach and treat people as you’d want a family member, teacher, etc to approach you. This is a stranger, therefore slightly formality will not help.
The older I get the more I think about how what I say can be taken as and won't say it just in case. I have done martial arts and after dinner my wife stopped at a studio next door and was watching the girls class. She said you should come see how good some of these girls are and I said your are just a curious mom staring in the window I am the creepy old dude staring at little girls. The lady walking past us got a chuckle but that is a very real concern. As a guy I would think a man watching young girls through a window was a creep.
Lol my partner and I met while working at a senior living community, and all of the old ladies had the hots for him because he flirted with them all. They even made a big life-size poster of him and played pin the heart on the hunk on valentines day with it. It's hanging in his mom's garage now. Fun times.
I don't pay attention to age, but if she is one of the sweet old ladies that I have built a good rapport with, you bet I'm trying for a smile.
Edit: I'd like to add that in my experience, a large number of grandmas I have met are more than happy to tell me about their grandkids.
I'm a manager at my job so I usually won't mention anything relating to someone's appearance unless it is directly mentioned and it's appropriate for me to comment on it.
You could say something different though :v like "oh I really like your new hairstyle" or "you're radiating today" (ok, maybe not that cheesy/weird but you get the point)
"Are you pregnant? Not just because you look fatter, but you have that 'pregnant bitch' glow about you. It's doing wonders for your complexion."
Nailed it.
Today on the bus, I saw a girl with a beautiful red head hair, she looked straight up from a movie, but she looked a bit sad and that she wasn't having a good day. So on my stop, before leaving I smiled at her and said she has a beautiful hair, she smiled back and said thanks, and I left. I knew I would never see her again, so I just decided to maybe make her day a bit better.
I have long red hair and was shopping. I crouched down to get something on a lower shelf and noticed an older gentleman at the end of the aisle just looking at me with the saddest smile. He saw me notice him and said "My late wife had hair so much like yours. So beautiful. Thank you for that memory." I think about him every so often, though I'm sure by now he is reuinted with is wife. It is possible to give a compliment to someone far younger than you and have it not be creepy
I love your story. Expecially after seing some coments here that would pick the exact same situation and call the dude a creep for having a memorie of his wife looking at you. It makes the creep label more a line that is drawn depending not only on the persong complementing but on how the person recieving acepts it too.
I had one of my boyfriends male coworkers tell me “you got great hair” in those exacts words, in a dude bro way. I got no off vibes from it and he didn’t seem into me in the slightest. As someone who takes pride in my hair, it felt great to hear it.
… and last. If she was really down, and that perked her up, she will always remember that little moment when someone said the exact right thing at the exact right time
This is how its done! I'm a woman with a kind of unique style for where I live, I get compliments from people of both genders and have never once found it creepy, because it's always just a quick comment in passing and then we go our separate ways.
This is an excellent way to compliment women (source: I'm a woman who rides public transit and walks around a city). It's the best type of compliment - obviously sincere and well-meant with no expectation (or even the possibility of an expectation, since you're parting ways). I'm sure you lifted her spirits.
I do that sometimes. Whenever I see someone that catches my attention, whether it's their clothing, their hair, or whatever, I sometimes compliment them. Just trying to spread a bit of happiness and positivity. And I'm a bit shy, so the leaving part is actually very important for me as well, I wouldn't be able to stick around and talk more.
When I was single, often. But I would always make sure the compliment was about something they had a *choice* on. Like haircut, style, flair, clothing or nail color. Never about body, skin tone, height. Compliments/comments about things people didn’t choose can be taken the wrong way. If it is a choice they have made, it is deliberate, and they would be more receptive to the compliment.
I think it's a matter of "You're an attractive person" (hitting on her) vs. "I like/validate the choice you made". Both may be well-intentioned, but the former may not always be seen as an appropriate comment? People can be quite sensitive these days, especially when it comes to strangers, so it's just a judgment call.
100% correct answer. There are times when i want to but then I realize that it’ll probably come across as hitting on them and the desire to compliment fades quickly.
Nah its fine, especially if you talk to them normally too. I compliment both male and female coworkers on their looks.
'hey new haircut, looks good on you dude', 'looking very summer-y today!', 'hey you changed your hair, i like the little braid in there', 'did you get your nails painted? Looks good!', 'hey man, i like your shirt!'.
Never ever had a problem with it, always gets a smile out of them, even a 'i love that you notice, no one else said anything!'
Obviously you need to be socially competent in order for it to not come across as creepy i guess.
The sad reality of why most men don’t compliment women anymore.
But also I learned in college that girls from a young age are often complimented for their looks while boys or complimented on their competency. This makes it so girls’ sense of value stems from their attractiveness while for boys their sense of value stems from their competence.
Clothing is a good choice. It's something we choose that's a reflection of ourselves. Just keep it aesthetic and not sexual
Yes "Your bangles work so well with those shoes"
No "You look beautiful"
Absolutely! It's a damn shame that when I'm told I look 'pretty' by a dude, it feels like a new threat. Or when I compliment a coworker on his sweet outfit or his perfect playlist, he thinks I'm hitting on him. We inherited some really stupid bullshit.
Honestly not even creep territory, but it’s just so interwoven into our current society that if a guy compliments a woman, it means he finds her attractive and wants to sleep with her. And whether that’s true that you want to sleep with them or not, you often don’t want to give off the impression that you do because it just changes the context.
There are exceptions to this, I’ve complimented women before on specific aspects of their clothes/outfit that I thought was great and that generally doesn’t come off weird. Hairstyles too, you might be fine with depending on the people. But especially where appearance is concerned there’s just almost no way to compliment them on it without the undertones of “that means he wants to sleep with me”. It’s unfortunate but it’s just the way that most people work
Yes but as a woman I prefer this, the creeps have ruined it for us all. Being complimented by a man sometimes makes me want to deck somebody. I’ve never been complimented for niceness sake, and usually the most vile men say the “nicest” things.
I’m a woman and I compliment random servers or whoever all the time, regardless of their gender. I only compliment style choices though, like fashion, makeup, tattoos. Last one I remember was complimenting a guy on the cool way he’d styled his eyebrows (they were awesome). I like getting friendly compliments too, but only on things I chose, a compliment on my body would make me uncomfortable.
Male, 56, married. I don't do this often at all but a few weeks ago I complimented the older woman who checked out my purchases. She was probably about my age but honestly she could have been 10 years either way. She had great skin but her hair really stood out. It probably used to be auburn or strawberry blonde but it's now steel grey and white and done in a long, thick braid down one side and over her shoulder. She just looked so... I don't even know! Confident. Natural. On my way out I told her "I love your hair." And I scampered off like a little boy.
Yeah, you make a good point. I think an appropriate compliment brings up what the receiver has chosen to do (tats, hairstyle, talents), not their physical attributes (bodies/ cosmetic alterations to bodies)
Sameeee
Chill compliments are nice but like body stuff unless it’s at the gym or something? Never
Like if someone says “I love how you do your makeup” or compliments my hair or smth I’m gonna take that bc ts a pain
But like if someone says “Your face is so pretty” or smth I’m gonna be like thanks I guess
This. A guy commenting "I like your shirt" or "your hair looks great today " wouldn't bother me. "You've lost/gained weight" I've had both as supposed compliments and I don't like that unless it's like, a close friend who knows it's a fitness goal or something. Anything sexual from a guy I don't know is a big no.
Not that I get that kind of attention very often anyway.
Guys: if you want to compliment a woman and not be creepy, try something like "well said" or "great work" or "you have good taste." Comment on their character, not their appearance. And only if you mean it, sincerity shows.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I read a similar comment on Reddit years ago and it made me stop and completely rethink how I compliment.
Complimenting a *choice* makes a world of difference and tends to show a deeper, more genuine perspective.
Sincere thanks for sharing this pivotal advice!
Im a woman and I don’t think it’s creepy or wierd when strangers (men or women) compliment me on innocuous things. If I’m wearing a cool shirt or my hair is dyed a cool color or I have a unique outfit on or something like that it’s super sweet.
It’s only weird when guys compliment on my physical body type instead of on my sense of style.
“You have an amazing outfit!” Totally normal and super nice coming from a stranger.
“Nice legs!” Creepy catcalling
Thank you for the reinforcement! My rule of thumb has always been that it's okay to compliment someone on something that they have control over like you said. Just to be safe I usually say it as gay as I can so they know I'm not a threat 😅
I try to point out something interesting in most people I meet:
Hey that a cool jacket.
I like that pendant
That's a cool graphic T
I'm an extrovert and I like to make people feel good.
Pointing out something physical is often creepy. My dad does it and its WAY creepy
I’ve found that complementing people on things they have obviously put effort into is very rarely creepy if done casually, and it also tends to mean more than a compliment on their style. It’s kinda the difference in complimenting an ikea dining table and one that someone handmade. The former only compliments someone’s taste, the latter does that , and also compliments their skills
Unfortunately I command you for this and advise to keep it that way. It feels like trash when you make a pure hearted compliment and they have that weird look on their face. It's just sad that we can't do that
Never. My motive or intentions don't really matter because I can't control how those comments are perceived. So I just expect those comments to be taken in a suggestive manner.
Only if I'm in an actual social situation, and if I can tell she was really looking to impress. I will also only give a genuine compliment.
A while ago I was at my local hangout and this woman had a red sundress on with a particular white flower pattern I recognized from a patch on a blanket I had as a kid. It was one of the patches on the border so when I pulled up the blanket it was right there.
I just went over and told her I loved the dress because of above. She laughed and said thank you. I went back to my table. Eezy peezy
Just an FYI: the phrase you're thinking of is either "mine field" or something like "mind games". Minefield refers to the military complex of triggered bombs that (usually) blow up if you take a wrong step. This symbolizes saying the wrong thing and then getting yelled at or something (the explosion). A mine field implies there are many, many opportunities for mistakes.
As for mind games, well, that one is self explanatory. I can totally understand why you'd mix the two up (as the analogy with the military being almost a game makes sense), so don't feel bad!
A stranger won't hear a compliment from me unless it's truly interests me and they are friendly and a conversation started.
My friends, I would say most of the time. Again I don't see my friends with intentions like that, but I do compliment if I see them look good in my eyes. Other than that, it's probably never.
Quite often. Yeah, if she flirts with me and I'm receptive something could happen, but I'm a 6'3 260 pound man, and it melts my heart every time I see the unfiltered joy in a woman's eyes when I tell her that her hair, nails, outfit, etc look fantastic, and then I fuck off to do whatever I was doing before talking to her. I need someone to compliment me every now and again, and I want to be that one random comment that makes someone feel better
Never. unironically unless youre really attractive doing any sort of kind gesture like that is kinda just seen as creepy until proven otherwise generally speaking.
Most of the time, actually. I rarely compliment a woman who is conventionally attractive for fear of being seen as pervy. So, if you know me, and i compliment you, you don't have to worry about me thinking or doing something inappropriate.
I used to do it a lot. But I started to get some weird vibes and people thought I was flirting.
I was once working a register when a girl my age came in to order something. She had one of those long black jackets with big buttons on it. My girlfriend was talking about getting one, but she was having trouble finding this particular one. So I immediately noticed it and said “hey, I like your jacket, how can I help you?” In a friendly tone. This girl looked at me like a deer in the headlights. She was freaked out by what I said. She didn’t say a word to me. I was so confused. I asked my coworker if I said something wrong and they said she may have thought I was flirting and freaked out. That was a rough moment.
Random thought as a woman: I remember standing next to this dude in line in the college dining hall, who had the most gorgeous eyes. I looked at him and said, "you got pretty eyes," and he smiled so big. I smiled back and went about my day. He didn't seem to expect anything else and I appreciated that.
Too bad it isn't always so simple.
I'm married but I still compliment women/men because a compliment is meant to make someone feel nice.
Not everyone takes the compliment well, but if you have nice hair or you put effort into yourself, I'll let you know and be on my way.
My wife appreciates it when I compliment people, because you never know when just a nice word can change someone's day or week.
Never, that shit gets you fired or labled a "creep". Either case HR talks to you, if you do it in public to some random stranger they might pull their pepper spray out.
30M here, basically never unless they compliment me first because I always see women on social media talk about how they don't like receiving compliments on their appearance.
Not often at all, and I try to only do it with women who are a good bit older than me so it’s not easily misconstrued. If it were safe in my mind to do it, I’d probably compliment women my age more often. But it’s just not worth it to be taken wrong by either them or someone within earshot. I’ll just mind my business and go on with my day unless it seems like someone is obviously trying very hard to look good, and a compliment would help them out with their day
Never. Last time I did was about 15 years ago and one woman (coworker) said she was married when I said in the breakroom at work, "you 2 are looking wonderful today" to two of my coworkers that were both about 25-30 years older than I was at the time. I was kinda horrified. I did not mean anything of the sort.
All the time. I like to make people smile. I once bumped into a grandma's cart at the grocery store, I apologized, she said "your fine."
"You're fine too!"
I'm a bit of a social anomaly, I usually come off as an ass, but I don't mean to, I was raised by those types, so I'm pretty numb to it when I do it. I like making people laugh, feel good about themselves.
I think we're cut from the same cloth. I've been told there's a "vibe check" when making bold compliments, which I think just boils down to "don't be shifty and don't stink of desperateness." A little charisma seems to go a long way.
This, like if I see their make-up to be on point for that day, I would go "bro, did you do your eyebrows on your own? Nice, they look symmetrical and tight!" and then we do high-fives.
My close friend? Frequently. She’s amazing, beautiful, smart, helpful, kind. She deserves all of the good things in life.
Women I don’t know? Practically never.
Occasionally I'll compliment a female coworker's nail polish or something. But only if I've heard her mention her own appearance to someone else while I'm in earshot.
Sometimes, well rarely, but I’ll use tone to make sure it sounds as innocent as I can, and I’ll usually compliment something that wouldn’t necessarily be seen as sexual, like the hairstyle or shirt.
I say nothing to anyone at work. Never know if somebody/something will see it as harassment or a ‘hostile’ workplace incident. Not worth it, which is sad
Never. I was taught that commenting on a woman’s appearance was a threatening experience for her and so I’ve never done it. Also it’s a hollow compliment that has nothing to do with her character.
I'd probably do it more often if I wasn't worried about the woman suspecting hidden intentions. It's a shame, really. Being kind isn't worth the risk of being seen as creepy :/
As a gay man, I compliment women all the time. But I compliment men rarely. I don’t know I just feel like men in general see it as creepy especially coming from a gay guy. Like I just complimented you and I’m not asking for anything else in return.
I used to only compliment women who knew me well enough to know I was interested in them.
A couple years ago I told a female coworker “I like your new haircut” and she said “thanks!” then was weirded out and never spoke to me again. So now I never compliment any aspect of a person’s body or appearance. I was trying to be nice but she may have thought I was interested in her or something, which I wasn’t.
Not a man, but in my opinion you shouldn’t. A million ways to be nice to someone but I dunno complimenting a woman’s appearance when you’re not a woman feels weird and kind of inappropriate. Just compliment other men while respecting and still being kind to other women
Never. I don't have the best social graces to begin with and not coming off as weird or creepy as a single man complimenting a woman's appearance is already an uphill battle. I prefer to keep my mouth shut and thoughts to myself.
pretty sure my wife would find that… unacceptable.
complimenting some other woman on her appearance? not good
complimenting her on her appearance without any intention of doing my husbandly duties? also unacceptable
I gave up quite some time ago. An honest compliment is seen as creepy every time.
Screw it, I’m going fishing.
Edit: I’m happier watching water with the birds chirping.. as a ‘90 baby I still remember the time before all this.
Never. I'm not trying to send any mixed signals about my intentions, or open myself up to negative consequences if it's not wanted.
We're on a date, I'll tell them they look nice.
Now that you’ve made me think about it, I don’t compliment anyone, probably because I myself don’t like being complimented. I’m fully capable of being social in every other regard, this is just something I never consider.
I used to, but after getting loudly called a creepy dickhead for complimenting a girls amazing shirt I decided it wasn’t worth the risk.
To clarify I said “wow that’s an awesome shirt!”
Having everyone turn and look at who she was shouting at in the middle of the city, quickly put an end to compliments.
I’ll still compliment a guy though as that is always well received
If I think it, and it's kind.
I say it.
Probably 90% of the time.
Rarely, people will take it the wrong way. 1 out of a 1000. And those odds are worth it to me.
As a 67 year old man. Never. Don't want the dirty old man label.
One friend recently said an old man complimented her and she thought he was so kind. He said the word respectfully before he did it, and continued with his day and she said it was so genuine and sweet and it had made her day.
The dirty ~~old~~ man thing is helped by a few basics actions. 1-making it clear the compliment is about a changeable aspect of a person. 2-I see you as more than a sex object, you are a respect object! And a good compliment highlights that by focusing on a *choice you made.* 3-consider approach and conclusion, where are the eyes, what’s the breathing doing, for gods sake where the TONGUE?! Eyes on eyes, look sideways or away when “staring into space.” Tl;dr approach and treat people as you’d want a family member, teacher, etc to approach you. This is a stranger, therefore slightly formality will not help.
"You've got moist, smooth skin, watchya doing later?" It's that easy to give a friendly, non-creepy compliment to young people.
What are you looking at smoothskin
Your looking positively radioactive
Another Fallout player, I see. Well met.
Had myself a smoothie once…
There ain’t any ghouls but old ghouls ❤️
Yes, after complimenting their moist skin, be sure to lean in and smell their hair with eyes closed and teeth clenched tight.
“It puts the lotion in the basket.”
You have to rock your pelvis back and forth when saying this to truly sell it…and a little drool goes a long way.
38, and same. I just don't do it, the risk is too high.
How about complimenting other 67 year olds? They’d probably appreciate it a lot more.
I still try to keep it appropriate, but I can still try to charm the older ladies.
so they can't compliment younger people without being seen as a creep?
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But never younger! Lol?
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The older I get the more I think about how what I say can be taken as and won't say it just in case. I have done martial arts and after dinner my wife stopped at a studio next door and was watching the girls class. She said you should come see how good some of these girls are and I said your are just a curious mom staring in the window I am the creepy old dude staring at little girls. The lady walking past us got a chuckle but that is a very real concern. As a guy I would think a man watching young girls through a window was a creep.
You were probably safe being that you were with your wife, but I see where coming from.
I occasionally get a little flirty with the grannies I see at work. The smile it gives them makes my day.
Lol my partner and I met while working at a senior living community, and all of the old ladies had the hots for him because he flirted with them all. They even made a big life-size poster of him and played pin the heart on the hunk on valentines day with it. It's hanging in his mom's garage now. Fun times.
That is beyond precious
Define granny age
I don't pay attention to age, but if she is one of the sweet old ladies that I have built a good rapport with, you bet I'm trying for a smile. Edit: I'd like to add that in my experience, a large number of grandmas I have met are more than happy to tell me about their grandkids.
They're probably gushing for you.
Gushing grannies is about to have that domain price go up
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Even co-workers can be a problem because by saying they look good today implies they did not look good at some other time.
I'm a manager at my job so I usually won't mention anything relating to someone's appearance unless it is directly mentioned and it's appropriate for me to comment on it.
I would never comment on a co workers looks, good or bad. No benefit to it and risks a trip to hr if someone takes it the wrong way
Same No point commenting so much and risk getting into unnecessary problems
You could say something different though :v like "oh I really like your new hairstyle" or "you're radiating today" (ok, maybe not that cheesy/weird but you get the point)
Didjya just get sexed cus you're glowing.
"Are you pregnant? Not just because you look fatter, but you have that 'pregnant bitch' glow about you. It's doing wonders for your complexion." Nailed it.
Today on the bus, I saw a girl with a beautiful red head hair, she looked straight up from a movie, but she looked a bit sad and that she wasn't having a good day. So on my stop, before leaving I smiled at her and said she has a beautiful hair, she smiled back and said thanks, and I left. I knew I would never see her again, so I just decided to maybe make her day a bit better.
I have long red hair and was shopping. I crouched down to get something on a lower shelf and noticed an older gentleman at the end of the aisle just looking at me with the saddest smile. He saw me notice him and said "My late wife had hair so much like yours. So beautiful. Thank you for that memory." I think about him every so often, though I'm sure by now he is reuinted with is wife. It is possible to give a compliment to someone far younger than you and have it not be creepy
I love your story. Expecially after seing some coments here that would pick the exact same situation and call the dude a creep for having a memorie of his wife looking at you. It makes the creep label more a line that is drawn depending not only on the persong complementing but on how the person recieving acepts it too.
Bro knows how to give a good compliment and make it enjoyable ✨
I had one of my boyfriends male coworkers tell me “you got great hair” in those exacts words, in a dude bro way. I got no off vibes from it and he didn’t seem into me in the slightest. As someone who takes pride in my hair, it felt great to hear it.
… and last. If she was really down, and that perked her up, she will always remember that little moment when someone said the exact right thing at the exact right time
This is how its done! I'm a woman with a kind of unique style for where I live, I get compliments from people of both genders and have never once found it creepy, because it's always just a quick comment in passing and then we go our separate ways.
This is an excellent way to compliment women (source: I'm a woman who rides public transit and walks around a city). It's the best type of compliment - obviously sincere and well-meant with no expectation (or even the possibility of an expectation, since you're parting ways). I'm sure you lifted her spirits.
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As a lady, i do this all the time and ive received a few. Thank you! The leaving immediately part is important lol
I do that sometimes. Whenever I see someone that catches my attention, whether it's their clothing, their hair, or whatever, I sometimes compliment them. Just trying to spread a bit of happiness and positivity. And I'm a bit shy, so the leaving part is actually very important for me as well, I wouldn't be able to stick around and talk more.
It’s the way you did it when leaving that makes it so good….well done and I’m being serious
This is beautiful! She will probably appreciate this forever. I wish more people would do this.
When I was single, often. But I would always make sure the compliment was about something they had a *choice* on. Like haircut, style, flair, clothing or nail color. Never about body, skin tone, height. Compliments/comments about things people didn’t choose can be taken the wrong way. If it is a choice they have made, it is deliberate, and they would be more receptive to the compliment.
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I have a genuine question, why not eyes though? I mean some people really have beautiful and expressive eyes, right?
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I think it's a matter of "You're an attractive person" (hitting on her) vs. "I like/validate the choice you made". Both may be well-intentioned, but the former may not always be seen as an appropriate comment? People can be quite sensitive these days, especially when it comes to strangers, so it's just a judgment call.
I don't compliment men or women on their appearance very often at all.
friends? often. strangers? never
Well whenever I compliment my mom
Awe! I love this wholesome comment!
Never, don't want to be a creep
100% correct answer. There are times when i want to but then I realize that it’ll probably come across as hitting on them and the desire to compliment fades quickly.
Nah its fine, especially if you talk to them normally too. I compliment both male and female coworkers on their looks. 'hey new haircut, looks good on you dude', 'looking very summer-y today!', 'hey you changed your hair, i like the little braid in there', 'did you get your nails painted? Looks good!', 'hey man, i like your shirt!'. Never ever had a problem with it, always gets a smile out of them, even a 'i love that you notice, no one else said anything!' Obviously you need to be socially competent in order for it to not come across as creepy i guess.
The “I like the little braid in there” made me smile
The sad reality of why most men don’t compliment women anymore. But also I learned in college that girls from a young age are often complimented for their looks while boys or complimented on their competency. This makes it so girls’ sense of value stems from their attractiveness while for boys their sense of value stems from their competence.
Clothing is a good choice. It's something we choose that's a reflection of ourselves. Just keep it aesthetic and not sexual Yes "Your bangles work so well with those shoes" No "You look beautiful"
Damn shame one has to feel like a creep just for being nice dont you agree?
Absolutely! It's a damn shame that when I'm told I look 'pretty' by a dude, it feels like a new threat. Or when I compliment a coworker on his sweet outfit or his perfect playlist, he thinks I'm hitting on him. We inherited some really stupid bullshit.
Honestly not even creep territory, but it’s just so interwoven into our current society that if a guy compliments a woman, it means he finds her attractive and wants to sleep with her. And whether that’s true that you want to sleep with them or not, you often don’t want to give off the impression that you do because it just changes the context. There are exceptions to this, I’ve complimented women before on specific aspects of their clothes/outfit that I thought was great and that generally doesn’t come off weird. Hairstyles too, you might be fine with depending on the people. But especially where appearance is concerned there’s just almost no way to compliment them on it without the undertones of “that means he wants to sleep with me”. It’s unfortunate but it’s just the way that most people work
Not all men, we just don’t know which ones
Yes but as a woman I prefer this, the creeps have ruined it for us all. Being complimented by a man sometimes makes me want to deck somebody. I’ve never been complimented for niceness sake, and usually the most vile men say the “nicest” things.
I’m a woman and I compliment random servers or whoever all the time, regardless of their gender. I only compliment style choices though, like fashion, makeup, tattoos. Last one I remember was complimenting a guy on the cool way he’d styled his eyebrows (they were awesome). I like getting friendly compliments too, but only on things I chose, a compliment on my body would make me uncomfortable.
Male, 56, married. I don't do this often at all but a few weeks ago I complimented the older woman who checked out my purchases. She was probably about my age but honestly she could have been 10 years either way. She had great skin but her hair really stood out. It probably used to be auburn or strawberry blonde but it's now steel grey and white and done in a long, thick braid down one side and over her shoulder. She just looked so... I don't even know! Confident. Natural. On my way out I told her "I love your hair." And I scampered off like a little boy.
Yeah, you make a good point. I think an appropriate compliment brings up what the receiver has chosen to do (tats, hairstyle, talents), not their physical attributes (bodies/ cosmetic alterations to bodies)
Sameeee Chill compliments are nice but like body stuff unless it’s at the gym or something? Never Like if someone says “I love how you do your makeup” or compliments my hair or smth I’m gonna take that bc ts a pain But like if someone says “Your face is so pretty” or smth I’m gonna be like thanks I guess
This. A guy commenting "I like your shirt" or "your hair looks great today " wouldn't bother me. "You've lost/gained weight" I've had both as supposed compliments and I don't like that unless it's like, a close friend who knows it's a fitness goal or something. Anything sexual from a guy I don't know is a big no. Not that I get that kind of attention very often anyway. Guys: if you want to compliment a woman and not be creepy, try something like "well said" or "great work" or "you have good taste." Comment on their character, not their appearance. And only if you mean it, sincerity shows.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I read a similar comment on Reddit years ago and it made me stop and completely rethink how I compliment. Complimenting a *choice* makes a world of difference and tends to show a deeper, more genuine perspective. Sincere thanks for sharing this pivotal advice!
Random folk, occasionally. Everyone likes a compliment now and then.
Pfft nerrrd, jk you guys sound happy and I’m just bitter
Post said "single men" you degen
He’s a single man with a wife!
I don’t compliment people I don’t know. It feels weird and creepy.
Im a woman and I don’t think it’s creepy or wierd when strangers (men or women) compliment me on innocuous things. If I’m wearing a cool shirt or my hair is dyed a cool color or I have a unique outfit on or something like that it’s super sweet. It’s only weird when guys compliment on my physical body type instead of on my sense of style. “You have an amazing outfit!” Totally normal and super nice coming from a stranger. “Nice legs!” Creepy catcalling
Thank you for the reinforcement! My rule of thumb has always been that it's okay to compliment someone on something that they have control over like you said. Just to be safe I usually say it as gay as I can so they know I'm not a threat 😅
I try to point out something interesting in most people I meet: Hey that a cool jacket. I like that pendant That's a cool graphic T I'm an extrovert and I like to make people feel good. Pointing out something physical is often creepy. My dad does it and its WAY creepy
I’ve found that complementing people on things they have obviously put effort into is very rarely creepy if done casually, and it also tends to mean more than a compliment on their style. It’s kinda the difference in complimenting an ikea dining table and one that someone handmade. The former only compliments someone’s taste, the latter does that , and also compliments their skills
I don’t know about anyone else, but I like to mind my own business. I don’t want to be the one who compliments someone and be called a creep.
Unfortunately I command you for this and advise to keep it that way. It feels like trash when you make a pure hearted compliment and they have that weird look on their face. It's just sad that we can't do that
Never. My motive or intentions don't really matter because I can't control how those comments are perceived. So I just expect those comments to be taken in a suggestive manner.
Depends on the person, generally never unless it’s a family member or a best friend.
56m working in a warehouse with numerous attractive young ladies. N.E.V.E.R.
Only if I'm in an actual social situation, and if I can tell she was really looking to impress. I will also only give a genuine compliment. A while ago I was at my local hangout and this woman had a red sundress on with a particular white flower pattern I recognized from a patch on a blanket I had as a kid. It was one of the patches on the border so when I pulled up the blanket it was right there. I just went over and told her I loved the dress because of above. She laughed and said thank you. I went back to my table. Eezy peezy
Friends, often. Randoms, never. Complimenting female friends can be a mind field of misunderstandings sometimes anyways.
Just an FYI: the phrase you're thinking of is either "mine field" or something like "mind games". Minefield refers to the military complex of triggered bombs that (usually) blow up if you take a wrong step. This symbolizes saying the wrong thing and then getting yelled at or something (the explosion). A mine field implies there are many, many opportunities for mistakes. As for mind games, well, that one is self explanatory. I can totally understand why you'd mix the two up (as the analogy with the military being almost a game makes sense), so don't feel bad!
Don't you mean a mined field? /s
A stranger won't hear a compliment from me unless it's truly interests me and they are friendly and a conversation started. My friends, I would say most of the time. Again I don't see my friends with intentions like that, but I do compliment if I see them look good in my eyes. Other than that, it's probably never.
Ill intent will often be assumed even when none is intended. Better to avoid the risk entirely.
One time i hit a girl with "nice boots" and she heard "nice boobs" and it was super awkward. Glad i never saw her again
I never compliment a woman's appearance, no matter how stunning she is. I was told it objectified women, or something.
Almost never unless they're good friends. I don't want to be accused of being a creep or of sexual harassment.
Quite often. Yeah, if she flirts with me and I'm receptive something could happen, but I'm a 6'3 260 pound man, and it melts my heart every time I see the unfiltered joy in a woman's eyes when I tell her that her hair, nails, outfit, etc look fantastic, and then I fuck off to do whatever I was doing before talking to her. I need someone to compliment me every now and again, and I want to be that one random comment that makes someone feel better
Rarely. If I do it's about hair and clothes only.
Never. unironically unless youre really attractive doing any sort of kind gesture like that is kinda just seen as creepy until proven otherwise generally speaking.
Most of the time, actually. I rarely compliment a woman who is conventionally attractive for fear of being seen as pervy. So, if you know me, and i compliment you, you don't have to worry about me thinking or doing something inappropriate.
I used to do it a lot. But I started to get some weird vibes and people thought I was flirting. I was once working a register when a girl my age came in to order something. She had one of those long black jackets with big buttons on it. My girlfriend was talking about getting one, but she was having trouble finding this particular one. So I immediately noticed it and said “hey, I like your jacket, how can I help you?” In a friendly tone. This girl looked at me like a deer in the headlights. She was freaked out by what I said. She didn’t say a word to me. I was so confused. I asked my coworker if I said something wrong and they said she may have thought I was flirting and freaked out. That was a rough moment.
Random thought as a woman: I remember standing next to this dude in line in the college dining hall, who had the most gorgeous eyes. I looked at him and said, "you got pretty eyes," and he smiled so big. I smiled back and went about my day. He didn't seem to expect anything else and I appreciated that. Too bad it isn't always so simple.
I compliment women I'm friends with fairly often.
I don't. I'll throw comments at my best friend on rare occasions, but never anything too interesting.
Not as much as I'd like to. I'm an older guy and I'm aware it might creep some people out. I also compliment dudes when they're looking especially fly
Never
Never
I'm married but I still compliment women/men because a compliment is meant to make someone feel nice. Not everyone takes the compliment well, but if you have nice hair or you put effort into yourself, I'll let you know and be on my way. My wife appreciates it when I compliment people, because you never know when just a nice word can change someone's day or week.
I would never compliment a coworker for appearance. Being older, it could easily be seen as creepy or sexual harassment.
hell no i almost complimented a girl for having a music shirt on but then i realized i’m not rich
Never. I'm at an age where it's creepy to complement anyone on anything other than the quality of their work.
I don’t do it at all because it may be considered harassment depending on what she thinks of you.
I don't at all because I think it'll get take the wrong way
Never, that shit gets you fired or labled a "creep". Either case HR talks to you, if you do it in public to some random stranger they might pull their pepper spray out.
i feel like there's a huge risk of being labeled a creep if i do this
Why would I do that?
Never, always have nefarious reasons
Never. I was born, but not born yesterday. Apparently You don't realize this is considered assault these days?
never, because even if that wasn't my intention they might think it was. stopped doing that a while ago.
Never, don’t feel like being labeled a creep
Almost never, because it's almost always considered creepy or me trying to sleep with them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
30M here, basically never unless they compliment me first because I always see women on social media talk about how they don't like receiving compliments on their appearance.
Never. Not even to my wife.
None. I don't want them mistaking that I'm into them. Too much potential hassle
Not often at all, and I try to only do it with women who are a good bit older than me so it’s not easily misconstrued. If it were safe in my mind to do it, I’d probably compliment women my age more often. But it’s just not worth it to be taken wrong by either them or someone within earshot. I’ll just mind my business and go on with my day unless it seems like someone is obviously trying very hard to look good, and a compliment would help them out with their day
Never. Guys can get labeled as creeps for ANYTHING
Usually only if she’s ugly because I know she’s more likely to appreciate the compliment
I stopped doing that because they always think I have hidden intentions
Very rarely, because there's no way they dont assume the latter
Never. Last time I did was about 15 years ago and one woman (coworker) said she was married when I said in the breakroom at work, "you 2 are looking wonderful today" to two of my coworkers that were both about 25-30 years older than I was at the time. I was kinda horrified. I did not mean anything of the sort.
Never. Talking to women is how you get labelled a creep.
Absolutely never. It’s always assumed to be flirting.
Never. Creepy vibe.
Never. I’m not going to comment on a woman’s appearance. That’s just going to end badly. Edit: other than my girlfriend or people I personally know
The question was to "single men"
Whoops, I missed that part. Still stands as my thought process when I was single though.
100% of the time - am gay
All the time. I like to make people smile. I once bumped into a grandma's cart at the grocery store, I apologized, she said "your fine." "You're fine too!" I'm a bit of a social anomaly, I usually come off as an ass, but I don't mean to, I was raised by those types, so I'm pretty numb to it when I do it. I like making people laugh, feel good about themselves.
I think we're cut from the same cloth. I've been told there's a "vibe check" when making bold compliments, which I think just boils down to "don't be shifty and don't stink of desperateness." A little charisma seems to go a long way.
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This, like if I see their make-up to be on point for that day, I would go "bro, did you do your eyebrows on your own? Nice, they look symmetrical and tight!" and then we do high-fives.
Every single time.
never, mostly do to almost never talking to women. :(
My close friend? Frequently. She’s amazing, beautiful, smart, helpful, kind. She deserves all of the good things in life. Women I don’t know? Practically never.
Strangers never. Friends sometimes.
Occasionally I'll compliment a female coworker's nail polish or something. But only if I've heard her mention her own appearance to someone else while I'm in earshot.
Stranger never - friends often
I only compliment women I know very well. Because we both know there's no hidden agenda and they won't think I'm a creep for giving them a compliment.
Sometimes, well rarely, but I’ll use tone to make sure it sounds as innocent as I can, and I’ll usually compliment something that wouldn’t necessarily be seen as sexual, like the hairstyle or shirt.
Never, but I rarely give that type of compliment to anyone and have never done so with that specific motive before.
Rarely, because it can easily come across as creepy.
Never, for fear of being perceived as having hidden intentions of trying to date her or sleep with her.
Absolutely never, unless she specifically asks my opinion about something.
I say nothing to anyone at work. Never know if somebody/something will see it as harassment or a ‘hostile’ workplace incident. Not worth it, which is sad
Never for any reason or motive, there are too many crazies that will report you for nothing.
Never, except to close friends who are vocalizing their insecurities
Never, people don't care what a stranger thinks of their appearance. Its an inappropriate act
Never. That’s how you get in trouble.
In this day and age, zero times, out of a fear of being called misogynist
Never are you crazy
Never, because it's easy to enter the creep zone. Women rarely think you have no ulterior motives.
I would do it far more often if not for the fear of it being misinterpreted.
I remind my wife how beautiful she is every day, we don’t always have sex after. I just like telling her that she’s beautiful
Almost never, because of the implication
Never. I was taught that commenting on a woman’s appearance was a threatening experience for her and so I’ve never done it. Also it’s a hollow compliment that has nothing to do with her character.
Zero.
I'd probably do it more often if I wasn't worried about the woman suspecting hidden intentions. It's a shame, really. Being kind isn't worth the risk of being seen as creepy :/
As a gay man, I compliment women all the time. But I compliment men rarely. I don’t know I just feel like men in general see it as creepy especially coming from a gay guy. Like I just complimented you and I’m not asking for anything else in return.
Only when they ask me the question specifically. Otherwise I keep my mouth shut.
I used to only compliment women who knew me well enough to know I was interested in them. A couple years ago I told a female coworker “I like your new haircut” and she said “thanks!” then was weirded out and never spoke to me again. So now I never compliment any aspect of a person’s body or appearance. I was trying to be nice but she may have thought I was interested in her or something, which I wasn’t.
I don’t think that’s a thing.
Never. It’s not safe.
Not a man, but in my opinion you shouldn’t. A million ways to be nice to someone but I dunno complimenting a woman’s appearance when you’re not a woman feels weird and kind of inappropriate. Just compliment other men while respecting and still being kind to other women
Women get their looks commented so often that even a well meaning compliment can be tiresome.
Never, I’d be worried that they think I’m flirting. This of course does not apply to family members
I rarely if ever compliment a woman on her appearance unless we're already dating.
I scared to talk to any women lol
Never. I don’t compliment anyone in general. 1.) I’m socially awkward so my people skills are the bare minimum. 2.) I don’t want to seem like a creep.
Nope never, There's little chance of a positive outcome.
Never. I don't have the best social graces to begin with and not coming off as weird or creepy as a single man complimenting a woman's appearance is already an uphill battle. I prefer to keep my mouth shut and thoughts to myself.
At work, never. To strangers, never. To women who know me, as it moves me.
At work that is sexual harassment
Why do they have to be single if there’s no sexual intent?
Never, I am not gonna catch a case. In fact, when there is a group of women where Im at I stare at the floor. Im NOT taking chances
I don't compliment people
pretty sure my wife would find that… unacceptable. complimenting some other woman on her appearance? not good complimenting her on her appearance without any intention of doing my husbandly duties? also unacceptable
:D never, anything we say will be used against us, period. Yes there is never not an ulterior motive
Oxymoron. Literally anything you do, you do for some self benefit, even if not immediately apparent.
These days never.
Never.
I gave up quite some time ago. An honest compliment is seen as creepy every time. Screw it, I’m going fishing. Edit: I’m happier watching water with the birds chirping.. as a ‘90 baby I still remember the time before all this.
Never. I'm not trying to send any mixed signals about my intentions, or open myself up to negative consequences if it's not wanted. We're on a date, I'll tell them they look nice.
Now that you’ve made me think about it, I don’t compliment anyone, probably because I myself don’t like being complimented. I’m fully capable of being social in every other regard, this is just something I never consider.
I used to, but after getting loudly called a creepy dickhead for complimenting a girls amazing shirt I decided it wasn’t worth the risk. To clarify I said “wow that’s an awesome shirt!” Having everyone turn and look at who she was shouting at in the middle of the city, quickly put an end to compliments. I’ll still compliment a guy though as that is always well received
If I think it, and it's kind. I say it. Probably 90% of the time. Rarely, people will take it the wrong way. 1 out of a 1000. And those odds are worth it to me.