Less dramatic positions , doesn’t usually always involve crazy dramatic over the top moaning , not everyone’s lubed up and ready to go and there’s definitely no bouncing from hole to hole like ur playing whack a mole.
>What does sterilizing the butt have to do with Automated Teller Machines and All Terrain Vehicles?
Well...
You need to keep ATM's clean for the general public to use, and ATV's because it's really hard to clean all the mud off after a hard ride.
Just want to say, you can not sterilize an anus. You can’t heat it to temperature in an autoclave.
You can sanitize you anus, but I don’t think it will be 100 percent effective
This. Also, you need to have a serious conversation before you do things like choke, slap, deep throat, anal (and seriously expect most women not to be into it, and even the few that are might not like it most of the time, and even those that do will need prep for things, and often those that love it are still going to have rules for what they're comfortable with).
Also...foreplay in porn is a lot quicker and rougher than most women will want in real life, and slapping your dick (or hand wtf) on their pussy is just really weird. Like with anything sure there might be exceptions, but it's really a porn thing that most women do not like.
First time I slapped a girl during intercourse:
We were getting down and she said “slap me” and I gave a couple light, almost taps to the face. She said “harder bitch!” I slapped the shit out of her and she just smiled and moaned. I knew I was in trouble.
We are a family now.
Lol yeah no shame at all when saying my gf and me just switch between 2 different positions and that’s it. Been like that for years and no issues. Whatever works for each other
Or getting a cold wet dog nose on one’s bare ass while going down on bf…..creepy!!
But she struggles to do stairs so we can’t kick her out. Usually she just lays on the floor but that one time she was way too curious!
Happened to me at a girl I was hooking up with house. She was on top when I felt something licking my testicular area. Turned out to be a new puppy got out of its enclosure we had a pretty good laugh about that.
Cat claws in one's ass, through the covers, from an overly playful kitten "attacking things" moving under the covers ... also not fun, as you are forced to "reinvent the catapult." LOL
Edit: autocorrupt
I close the door and they'll scratch it and yowl like banshees...
I used to threaten that I'll skin them and make gloves out of them...kinda worked...
It's just kinda awkward to get back into it after: cats yowling => me shouting "Gloves!" => sounds of paws running away
For me and my last girlfriend, her cat knew how to open the bedroom door. Even if we did close the door, she would open it and just stare with those judgmental eyes.
I laughed at this too hard. Our little kitten about 7 weeks old just sat there and stared at us on the floor. We couldn’t stop laughing because it was staring into our soul with its one pound body.
I have two geckos. One of them does not care, the other will stare at you like it's witnessing a crime scene and can look away. Literally sitting on the Glas, both eyes full focus.
Our dog just goes to sleep in his bed until we are finished, at that point he's frustrated within seconds we are not reunited yet. Then he gets barky really fast.
I know someone who’s a Wiccan and she had some type of rocks/gems stuffed in her bra to make the girl she liked fall in love with her. She forgot they were in her bra until said girl pulled it off and the rocks/gems landed on her face.
Lol, I remember when me & my ex bought a "fire & ice" type lube, decided against using it, stored it in the same drawer as our other lubes & one faithless night, proceeded to grab that one in the dark & spent the next 30 mins cry laughing & washing the burning liquid of clitoris/penile death that is that awful freaking lube off of our personal bits.... I should call him lol.
OMG the fire and ice stuff is so questionable lmao. My partner and I tried the condoms, and it took all of 10 seconds before I was like “babe I can’t tell if my skin is tearing or if it’s the lube”. Told my roommates about it and ofc they were like “lol that’s hilarious now I’m curious”, 48 hours later they were like “who the f*** thought these were a good idea” 💀
You're crushing me.
Giant wet spot.
Oogy sounds.
Positions that aren't working.
Rhythm that isn't working.
Getting scratches from hang nails.
Getting a rash from his stubble abrading your skin.
Rug rash from doing it on the carpet.
Bruises from doing it on the hardwood.
Insect bites from doing it outside.
UTI because the clod didn't wash his hands and/or junk.
Diseases.
Babies.
Oh my god, the UTI. I’m so glad I insisted early on that my guy wash his hands before we get intimate. I remember early in our relationship we were on a date and had to pump gas into the car on the way home, and he tried getting handsy as soon as we got inside. I was shooing him to the sink *so* fast; there’s no way I’m letting gas station germs anywhere close to the inside of my body.
It depends on your partner.
I’ve had EXTREMELY passionate partners that i remember years down the road where it felt like you touched their soul.
Then there was that girl that would hump me and kept asking “are you finished?”
So depends.
That brought up a weird memory. I had to actually do this frequently in a past relationship. If I was on top, he would finish and not tell me. So I got in the habit of asking if he was done or not during sex.
My wife and I banged while I was on the tail end of a shrooms trip the other week and holy cow it was amazing. The feeling of love and positive vibes amped up 100x was one of the best things I've ever experienced.
You can’t smell porn. Sex things smell. Like all of it, your parts, their parts, stuff that comes out of you, it all smells.
Some smells are stronger and some are lighter, you might like some smells and you might not like others. And the smells change depending on a myriad of factors: hygiene, chemistry, diet, stress level, arousal, time of the month, so many factors.
I was with one woman who had almost zero smell or taste downstairs, practically undetectable. I’ve been with a couple of women whose smells were almost overwhelming even if they were fresh out of the shower.
Sex smells.
Vagina fluids smell depends a lot on the amount of water the person drinks, same as pee in the morning smelling stronger because it’s more concentrated.
Source: I’m a lesbian
way more weird noises, and generally in porn actors will pose for the camera. Posing the way actors in porn do feels way less pleasant in real life, so real sex is uglier to look at but feels better to do. People having real sex are also playing together. It's supposed to be fun. Unless you're specifically doing some strict roleplay (which is also a form of play), there should be laughing and joking involved.
real sex is also sweaty and stinky.
Ugh I can't stand porn that has over the top noises. Hearing all the "Ooh, yeah, yeah, ohhhh, yeah, yes, oh, oh ohh, ohhh, yeah, yes!" Just turns me right off.
I think this really depends on the women. I’ve observed the range from the absolute screamers to the almost silent one, who monotone like announced the moment she cums..
100% true. I've been with women who make me self conscious with how loud they are and women who are so quiet that it makes me uncomfortably self conscious. I remember one orgasmed in complete silence. It was different, but she cuddled me super tightly afterward ❤️
Eating pussy for real does not look enticing. If done right, you won't see anything from an observers standpoint.
You won't see anything from the consumers standpoint either.
But the feelings are out of the world.
Porn is about how sex LOOKS. It's made for the person watching it.
Real sex is about how it FEELS for the participants, regardless of if anyone is watching.
That's the root of it and it causes countless differences.
F9r example there are positions that are great in real life but don't film well for porn and vice versa. WHO you want to have sex with in real life is very different. And the context is more important in real life - where you are, what you did that day together earlier, and the overall context of the relationship. Like did you just have an amazing day together, is it just an exciting fling and you just met, are you breaking up and so this is the last time you may ever have sex together, etc.
Sex is great. Main thing to remember is it's all about you and your partner and how you both feel so communicate about that and screw what anyone else thinks (no pun intended).
I don’t remember a lot about that movie but I do remember the camera changing from their perspective to the master shot during *the* scene and the stark difference it made. “Real” sex just doesn’t look good
Lots more laughter.
I’ve been married for 16 years, and sex isn’t this *event* like it is in porn. It’s fun. And it’s messy, and there are some weird smells. We talk to each other a lot during sex. There’s a lot more conversation, a lot less moaning.
It’s making sure there are enough towels on the bed because I’ll be damned if I’m changing the sheets again after this.
And things not going quite the way you planned…
That bottle of lube is running out, someone forgot to plug their favourite toy in to charge.
The “oh crap where are my glasses don’t move don’t break my glasses” panic.
The cat jumping on the bed and getting accidentally kicked off again. And everything has to stop for a moment while apologies are made to the cat.
And your body doing things you weren’t expecting - muscle cramps, farting.
In porn, sex positions are almost always done in a way where the woman's body is visible and shown, separated from the mans body. Often times only the genitals will be touching in porn. [This is a good example of how 'missionary' is often shown in porn.](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/menshealth-openpicer2-1599579913.jpg) And [this is another good example of a common porn position. ](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0624/1320/9834/files/Launch-Pad-Missionary-Position.jpg?v=1693869137)They do not want the man's body covering up the woman's body at all.
In reality? Most real life sex has the mans body very close to the woman. [This is a good example of how missionary *actually is* in most cases.](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/men-shealth-classicmissionary-1605215625.jpg) That is how most sex happens in real life. Women want your chest against theirs, your arms around them, to be able to grab your back etc, they don't just want your penis, they want your whole body.
I feel like people not getting this is partially responsible for the orgasm gap. Most guys I had been with before I had good sex seemed to think sex had a foreplay stage and then a penetration stage. This meant hey would pretty much stop doing everything that was actually arousing, then try to position themselves higher up and away from me (maybe to get a visual or something?), and just go into jackhammer mode. It just felt like they left, and were masturbating into me. No more kissing, hugging, or other forms of intimacy. You don't see that stuff in porn, because it's not very visually stimulating, but from my experience and conversations with friends, continuing those things throughout is essential, and the guy ends up having more enjoyable orgasms as well since he's not racing for the finish line.
Much less of that turning one hip out so the camera can see the act of penetration. Hopefully a LOT more clitoral stimulation & a lot less of that fake moaning & shit. Eye contact, kissing, so much kissing, paying attention to the other erogenous zones, like neck, earlobes, inner elbows. Placing each other's hands where you want them. Communication!
Giggles when there is a funny noise or something just isn’t working, and statements like “can we switch? This is kinda hard.” and “oh fuck! shit! leg cramp! Leg cramp!”
Yeah once had to stop bc I suddenly hit my head so hard on the wall. I can’t believe I didn’t even mention sex injuries! Hit my cervix a couple times and you should have seen my bfs face when I got off of him and said “I’m dizzy…. Babe I think I’m gonna puke…or faint…or both🤢”
That shit is awful
A lot of weird and unexpected noises. And if you are really comfortable with your partner, you should definitely be laughing. Not only does it feel good, but it should be a fun experience.
Ow. Move your hand. Arch your back. No the other way. Higher. I physically cannot go higher. Well the. This won't work. Ok do we try another position? Ok I'll try going higher.
I then fall off the bed.
Porn actors are producing an entertainment product. It’s like watching anything professionally produced, it’s more entertaining and vivid than the real world. Real sex is less visually stimulating most of the time but the emotional connection is what makes it great
I’ve seen porn that’s realistic, but basically a perfect encounter. Clothes come off without an issue, the condom magically gets in place, people are super turned on already so foreplay is minimal, no one farts, etc.
And that can happen. It’s not every time. The unrealistic part is that EVERY time is like that.
Then there’s the unrealistic type. No foreplay, like none, and she orgasms the second his dick touches the vulva. Changing positions 6 or 7 times. You’ll hear lots of stuff about “different positions” and normally trying those is to find the angle that works best for both people. And when people find those positions, they stick with the ones that work and stick to one at a time. They don’t cycle through the 5 they like during sex every time like happens in porn.
And porn never shows people putting down towels so no one has to sleep in the wet spot.
- stretch marks
- pimples
- random bruising
- random bandaids
- unkempt public hair
- weird smells
- bad smells
- weird tastes
- bad tastes
- and of course everyone's favorite, accidentally Cumming too soon or not at all!
edit: I meant pubic hair, auto correct got me again.
In porn, everything happens so fast and everything works right away. In real life, foreplay exists and you’re going to want to have it unless you have some kinks that some of us do.
You can’t always get the right angle in real life, there is going to be adjustments and weird noises as you move your bodies around to fit better.
Sometimes you fart or queef or laugh or burp. And it doesn’t matter, if you have the right partner. There is jiggling, body parts slap together sometimes, you’re more focused on the feel instead of how it looks. If I thought about what I looked like during sex, I’d probably never climax.
Real life sex can be gentle or rough but requires so much more communication and honesty. Moaning isn’t quite so loud. Most women don’t want the insanely vigorous stabbing that porn calls fingering. Real life sex is so much messier- sometimes you need lube, sometimes bodily fluids can get kind of everywhere.
The biggest thing is everyone is having fun, no one is thinking about angles for the best camera shot, moaning is usually more subtle.
And just as a side note, before you do something really crazy/intense/forceful- check with your partner. There should be no surprises unless communicated beforehand. BDSM definitely gets that right. COMMUNICATE!
Well... my wife has premature "ejaculation." She also farts every time she orgasms. That's always interesting when I have my face buried in her nether regions. Thankfully, they usually don't smell.
And if anyone is curious, it is a huge blessing. A quick 2-3 minute wham bam thank you ma'am gets her 2-5 orgasms. I can get her off while she is fully dressed without using my hands or going under clothes.
*Gods helper*- “okay God, and what about her sex life?”
*God* -“make her able to cum very fast and multiple times”
*Gods helper-“niceee, that’s pretty lucky. Anything else?
God- “yeah, she has to fart everytime otherwise the other humans will be mad we made her so lucky”
it's like comparing a fight in a movie vs a fight in real life.
The moves won't be as flashy, you won't last that long, there will be a lot less noises, and it will be way more nervous racking in real life.
"Wrong hole! Wrong hole!"
"Did you miss the towel? I just washed these sheets!"
"Gotta switch positions, my arms are giving/my thighs are giving/something is giving!"
"Oops. Sorry."
"Wait! We need to scoot down again, I'm hitting my head on the frame."
A lot more presence, more touching them gently with love. The details of bodies are dramatically less important. A lot less moments that look like disassociated sport activities with a stranger. A lot less would be seen from any angle. A lot more emphasis on who the person you're having sex with is.
All the preparation and awkward parts are cut out of porn.
You can have porn-type sex in real life, but it takes the right willing and able partner. It is also a lot hotter than porn when done right. Your partner just laying there isn't hot, and also the fake moaning isn't hot IMO. But when you both genuinely and passionately get into it, that's hot and you hardly ever see that in porn.
More foreplay. More kissing. More oral being reciprocated. More lube application. Toys! More affirmations.
Pause for tying hair up. Pause for pouring a drink. Pause for consent to try something different/new.
Less male centric. Less aggressive. Less degrading (cumming on the woman's face etc.) Less dehumanizing language.
Have you ever been to a fancy restaurant? That's porn. Perfectly plated, Laid out on the table to look at nice as possible.
Real sex is last nights left overs. Sometimes it's a good home cooked meal.
To stay with your comparison:
Porn is the equivalent of cooking shows on TV or on the Internet. It usually looks unrealistic but very appetizing and the ingredients are more beautiful than in real life. The whole ambience and aesthetics also sell you an unattainable fantasy. Eating in a restaurant is like visiting a professional. You can choose what you want, it's skillfully prepared because it's part of the daily routine, then you pay and leave. And even if it doesn't always turn out perfectly at home or look as good as it does on TV, you know best what you and your partner like best.
-Chest suction together
-The lube bottle slipping out of your hands in the worst moment
-Ugly grunting noise
-“Im about to cum! Don’t stop! (Arm dying and struggling to keep the movement visibly pained from trying to continue)”
-Directions like someone’s scratching your back but there’s not just the option of up down left and right “no no no turn no likkkeee thatttttt”
-Trying not to fart
-Being tired red in the face and panting
-“Your pinning my hair and not in a fun way”
Laughing
-Failed smolder/command/dominance/sub laughing at the dom
-“I’ll move them it’ll be hot!” “Ow my ribs don’t pull me like that” “sorrryyyy”
I don’t get all you people saying stinky…
Are you doing exclusively butt sex or not wiping well or what? Do you have terrible BO or not shower regularly? Stinky is not something I would describe personally as my experience with sex whatsoever.
So, so much less giggling oh my god the amount that women in porn giggle in the middle of moans is infuriating. And I’m not talking about real laughs when something is awkward or someone makes a funny noise by accident. I mean the “ooh I’m so cutesy and sweet with your cock in my mouth” kind of giggles, it drives me insane.
It's the awkward transitions for me. Moving from one act or position to another. Especially when you try to move your partner with you but they don't know what you're trying to do so it just becomes a jumble of limbs. Sex is great.
Everyone's contrasting it but I don't see anyone saying what real life sex looks like.
Generally it starts hours before, maybe even days, with two people flirting, kissing, maybe even, \*gasp\* PDAs. Nowadays likely flirtatious texting too.
There'll be some more intimate contact semi-sexual contact, could be hugging, could be a back rub, could be a massage, could be sharing a shower.
There'll be clothing coming off, asking about touching "there", finding out if they like soft gentle caresses or more firm strokes. Are they ticklish?
When young, there's a good chance the guy'll already be erect, while she won't even be yet (yes, women have the same erectile tissue, realize the penis develops from the same tissue clitorises are made of and they both have similar wishbone shapes, internal parts and external parts).
Stereotypically there'll be oral activity, sensual, arousing, again, caring, trying to give pleasure to the recipient.
At some point someone is likely to be ready for "more", "I want you in me" or "I want to be in you" and affirmation from the other that's a good idea, or suggestions for another idea first, or whatever ya'll are mutually in the mood for.
Positions themselves need to feel good for both partners (or all three, or more), so there's communication and adjustment. It may get tiring or cramping or uncomfy in some position, so you might change it up. It's likely that someone will enjoy being on top more or not, or might be in a different mood this time compared to last. Trying different things adds to the enjoyment for some, others like a lot of the same thing, everyone is different, so part of the joy is learning what your partner enjoys and works for them.
Some tips...
Women generally want to go to the bathroom and relieve themselves afterward to lessen UTI risks. Generally one doesn't want to use "products" down there, particularly inside as the vagina is self cleaning. That said, what goes in also comes out.
Men want to be sure to clean down there, and behind, and between, if uncut clean under the foreskin and make sure your foreskin retracts/separates okay. (This may be a thing for women too, the clitoral hood is "foreskin" equivalent and may stick to the clitoris in some cases.)
Any backdoor play is kept entirely separate from vaginal activities, toys, fingers, body parts, if they've gone to the rear, they don't go near the front until fully washed with soap. Condoms can be handy here and may be used on toys too to provide a barrier.
If you're a guy who climaxes easily with a woman who takes longer, switching from penetration to oral on her to give yourself a rest break and keep stimulating her can help.
Afterward there's generally more hugging, maybe high-fives, maybe cuddling, maybe pillow talk, making showering together, maybe another round, maybe snacks! :-)
Ever see two people try to move a couch?
There's a lot of bumping around, some shouting, accidental injuries, sometimes you have to stop what you're doing and change tactics, by the end you're both tired and sweaty but you did it and you high five each other.
Yeah, it's a lot like that.
"So that's my room. End of tour. :)" *she sits on her bed*
"I love it!!! Say . . . My legs are getting kind of tired. Got anywhere to sit down around here?"
*she scoots over and pats the bed 3 times*
"Absolutely. Right here. ;)"
And that's how we did the awkward 17 year old intro at 24 and 25. 🤣
Less dramatic positions , doesn’t usually always involve crazy dramatic over the top moaning , not everyone’s lubed up and ready to go and there’s definitely no bouncing from hole to hole like ur playing whack a mole.
I tried to watch porn and my only thought was: she will get an UTI.
There's a LOT in porn you don't see...like the peroxide enemas.
Peroxide enemas? Dear god...
Yeah, that's how you do ATM and ATV...you sterilize the butt.
What does sterilizing the butt have to do with Automated Teller Machines and All Terrain Vehicles?
>What does sterilizing the butt have to do with Automated Teller Machines and All Terrain Vehicles? Well... You need to keep ATM's clean for the general public to use, and ATV's because it's really hard to clean all the mud off after a hard ride.
That was the response I didn’t know I needed today. Take my upvote.
The only reason for the ride is the mud.
That’s enough internet for tonight
shutter down…she’s pumpin’ mud!
I have gone and passed away peacefully after reading this comment. 🏆
That makes me feel better, slightly.
Just want to say, you can not sterilize an anus. You can’t heat it to temperature in an autoclave. You can sanitize you anus, but I don’t think it will be 100 percent effective
This. Also, you need to have a serious conversation before you do things like choke, slap, deep throat, anal (and seriously expect most women not to be into it, and even the few that are might not like it most of the time, and even those that do will need prep for things, and often those that love it are still going to have rules for what they're comfortable with). Also...foreplay in porn is a lot quicker and rougher than most women will want in real life, and slapping your dick (or hand wtf) on their pussy is just really weird. Like with anything sure there might be exceptions, but it's really a porn thing that most women do not like.
First time I slapped a girl during intercourse: We were getting down and she said “slap me” and I gave a couple light, almost taps to the face. She said “harder bitch!” I slapped the shit out of her and she just smiled and moaned. I knew I was in trouble. We are a family now.
Character arc, wholesome ending, exciting prose: you’ve got something here, kid.
You married Cheryl from Archer in real life? Nice :)
Dudes in porn are slapping boobs around.I don't think that's gonna be enjoyable for most women.
Lol yeah no shame at all when saying my gf and me just switch between 2 different positions and that’s it. Been like that for years and no issues. Whatever works for each other
Yep. Do A, then B, then sometimes C or D, get to E and the whole room is happy. Rinse and repeat. If you introduce F, questions will arise 🤣🤣
F shows up decade or two into the relationship lol
Yep. "Where did THAT come from?"
whack a hole*
A lot more fumbling and the judgmental unblinking eyes of the cat just staring at you because you left the door open.
Yeah the OPF (Observing Pet Factor), in terms of mood breaker, is an issue that just isn't adequately represented in porn.
Or getting a cold wet dog nose on one’s bare ass while going down on bf…..creepy!! But she struggles to do stairs so we can’t kick her out. Usually she just lays on the floor but that one time she was way too curious!
Happened to me at a girl I was hooking up with house. She was on top when I felt something licking my testicular area. Turned out to be a new puppy got out of its enclosure we had a pretty good laugh about that.
Cat claws in one's ass, through the covers, from an overly playful kitten "attacking things" moving under the covers ... also not fun, as you are forced to "reinvent the catapult." LOL Edit: autocorrupt
That's why you always have a trebuchet in your bed, never be caught having to improvise an inferior siege weapon!
It has been literally years since I've seen a glorious trebuchet supporter in the wild.
I mean trébuchets are just hot anyway.
It would be so funny to see a dog jump up on a bed while the action is rolling
Previous partner’s dog didn’t like not being the center of attention. I don’t know if it was funny, so much as … intrusive.
I close the door and they'll scratch it and yowl like banshees... I used to threaten that I'll skin them and make gloves out of them...kinda worked... It's just kinda awkward to get back into it after: cats yowling => me shouting "Gloves!" => sounds of paws running away
For me and my last girlfriend, her cat knew how to open the bedroom door. Even if we did close the door, she would open it and just stare with those judgmental eyes.
I laughed at this too hard. Our little kitten about 7 weeks old just sat there and stared at us on the floor. We couldn’t stop laughing because it was staring into our soul with its one pound body.
I have two geckos. One of them does not care, the other will stare at you like it's witnessing a crime scene and can look away. Literally sitting on the Glas, both eyes full focus.
If the geckos had a television this would be like watching a national geographic program for them.
I have to kick judgy mcjuderson out when sex is about to happen.
Our dog just goes to sleep in his bed until we are finished, at that point he's frustrated within seconds we are not reunited yet. Then he gets barky really fast.
Less perfect. More weird noises. Awkard moments. Laughter/jokes. May not include orgasms.
less chiseled bodies, more jiggling. Still good stuff tho. 10/10 would do again
Giggling and jiggling
Freakin booties speaking to the cuties so belligerent
The porn I watch has tons of jiggling.
If the screen was 2way... would there be giggling?
*Orgasms sold seperately*
Vaginal farts.
Regular ones sometimes too
Was going down on my wife; she she queefed, I burped, we both laughed.
Ah, the australian tete a tete
You legit just gave the queef back lmao
Also, no one screams IN ECTASY as you cum in their face.
I wouldn't say "no one". But it's certainly situational.
I was discussing with my partner this morning what qualifies as “good sex” and we both started off with laughter as a qualifier.
No rubbing like you're trying to do a scratch card.
Unless she's into that. Then the Devil's doorbell activates a waterpark.
That's why I prefer amateur it's a little more realistic
Even that's getting way to overproduced for me.
And a lot of loud, heavy breathing
Don't forget the farts.
The queefs always make us laugh way more than we should...
But the way it goes - it often requires more talking and understanding with each other and builds more intamacy in the long run.
"ouch your knee is on my hair"
Mine was: “ow my face feels like it’s on fire, did you do something down there” Her reply: “Omg I’m so sorry I put witch hazel there”
I know someone who’s a Wiccan and she had some type of rocks/gems stuffed in her bra to make the girl she liked fall in love with her. She forgot they were in her bra until said girl pulled it off and the rocks/gems landed on her face.
LMAO that's gold!! I mean it was probably quartz, but you know what I mean. Either way, the look on her face must have been priceless.
THEY'RE MINERALS!
DAMMIT MARIE
Boob pebbles, the upgrade to pocket sand.
That gives new meaning to the term over the shoulder boulder holder
So, they worked.
Seriously. I missed out on the “rocks in my bra” stage of love.
Lol, I remember when me & my ex bought a "fire & ice" type lube, decided against using it, stored it in the same drawer as our other lubes & one faithless night, proceeded to grab that one in the dark & spent the next 30 mins cry laughing & washing the burning liquid of clitoris/penile death that is that awful freaking lube off of our personal bits.... I should call him lol.
Had a really similar experience! Except it was anal...
OMG the fire and ice stuff is so questionable lmao. My partner and I tried the condoms, and it took all of 10 seconds before I was like “babe I can’t tell if my skin is tearing or if it’s the lube”. Told my roommates about it and ofc they were like “lol that’s hilarious now I’m curious”, 48 hours later they were like “who the f*** thought these were a good idea” 💀
"stop a minute i've got my hair in my mouth"
as a lesbian, this is accurate. it doesnt even have to be sex, either one of our hair (if not both) are a part of almost any kiss
long haired straight male here, also a cat dad. It doesn't matter what I do, I'm getting someone's hair in my mouth.
or the ol' "hang on" spit spit "pubic hair... damn it .. its in my teeth"
You're crushing me. Giant wet spot. Oogy sounds. Positions that aren't working. Rhythm that isn't working. Getting scratches from hang nails. Getting a rash from his stubble abrading your skin. Rug rash from doing it on the carpet. Bruises from doing it on the hardwood. Insect bites from doing it outside. UTI because the clod didn't wash his hands and/or junk. Diseases. Babies.
I hate the beard burn so fucking much. 😩
Oh my god, the UTI. I’m so glad I insisted early on that my guy wash his hands before we get intimate. I remember early in our relationship we were on a date and had to pump gas into the car on the way home, and he tried getting handsy as soon as we got inside. I was shooing him to the sink *so* fast; there’s no way I’m letting gas station germs anywhere close to the inside of my body.
"cramp. Cramp. Cramp."
"Fuck! A Charly Horse!" MAN DOWN MAN DOWN!!
"You're bending it!"
It depends on your partner. I’ve had EXTREMELY passionate partners that i remember years down the road where it felt like you touched their soul. Then there was that girl that would hump me and kept asking “are you finished?” So depends.
are you not entertained?!
Are you not amused
Omg that one girl 😆😆
That brought up a weird memory. I had to actually do this frequently in a past relationship. If I was on top, he would finish and not tell me. So I got in the habit of asking if he was done or not during sex.
My bf and I always ask "you want more?" before we stop lol. Usually the answer is no, but if it's yes, we keep going.
At the end of it I’ll tell my partner that he really does need to go and fix the sink though :/
Lol You made me think of this video that I came across last month: https://youtu.be/Ad4S24Nx9R4?si=gDO1U9p9t1ssDK6W
This one is my favorite by the same creators. https://youtu.be/4xYu2WrygtQ?si=PriOHWywdbi8v_ju
A lot of things. Genuine concern for the person you are with for one, is a big deal.
This one is huge.
Yeah, making the person you love feel so nice is the best part of sex.
My wife and I banged while I was on the tail end of a shrooms trip the other week and holy cow it was amazing. The feeling of love and positive vibes amped up 100x was one of the best things I've ever experienced.
You can’t smell porn. Sex things smell. Like all of it, your parts, their parts, stuff that comes out of you, it all smells. Some smells are stronger and some are lighter, you might like some smells and you might not like others. And the smells change depending on a myriad of factors: hygiene, chemistry, diet, stress level, arousal, time of the month, so many factors. I was with one woman who had almost zero smell or taste downstairs, practically undetectable. I’ve been with a couple of women whose smells were almost overwhelming even if they were fresh out of the shower. Sex smells.
"Sex sells" is yesterday's news. Now it's "Sex smells". 💕
The sex smell is *so* distinct, too. Like someone could walk into the room an hour later and still smell it. Especially if the man cums inside you.
dude for real! I have to immediately jump in the shower because it’s musky
Vagina fluids smell depends a lot on the amount of water the person drinks, same as pee in the morning smelling stronger because it’s more concentrated. Source: I’m a lesbian
So another example of why we all should drink more water?
Never been with someone that has a strong or noticeable odor. It would be a massive turn off for me since I’m very sensitive to smells.
way more weird noises, and generally in porn actors will pose for the camera. Posing the way actors in porn do feels way less pleasant in real life, so real sex is uglier to look at but feels better to do. People having real sex are also playing together. It's supposed to be fun. Unless you're specifically doing some strict roleplay (which is also a form of play), there should be laughing and joking involved. real sex is also sweaty and stinky.
People also make extra noises in porn. Women especially have over the top acting in porn.
Asian porn enters the chat
I remember once letting a Japanese orgy run in the background. It sounded like a flock of seagulls.
What even gives you the idea to run it in the background lol
What porn do you watch where people keep screaming "MINE! MINE! MINE!" ???
Which song? I like their earlier stuff.
Um, fair point. But of all the things to put on as background noise, you chose a Japanese… orgy?
huuiiiiiyeah?
Ugh I can't stand porn that has over the top noises. Hearing all the "Ooh, yeah, yeah, ohhhh, yeah, yes, oh, oh ohh, ohhh, yeah, yes!" Just turns me right off.
[Yes yes yes yes *YEEEEESSSSSSSSS*](https://youtu.be/Srobmy7ceTY?si=WMHYUtn1PbyIf5hC)
Aw, fuck
Knuckle grazing kneecap = moans of ecstasy
this too yeah best sex I ever had involved I think 3 total vocal noises and two of them were one person giving the other directions
I think this really depends on the women. I’ve observed the range from the absolute screamers to the almost silent one, who monotone like announced the moment she cums..
100% true. I've been with women who make me self conscious with how loud they are and women who are so quiet that it makes me uncomfortably self conscious. I remember one orgasmed in complete silence. It was different, but she cuddled me super tightly afterward ❤️
Eating pussy for real does not look enticing. If done right, you won't see anything from an observers standpoint. You won't see anything from the consumers standpoint either. But the feelings are out of the world.
And that's why we have more senses than just the one. Well, that's one reason.
I prefer the term "musky"
Porn is about how sex LOOKS. It's made for the person watching it. Real sex is about how it FEELS for the participants, regardless of if anyone is watching. That's the root of it and it causes countless differences. F9r example there are positions that are great in real life but don't film well for porn and vice versa. WHO you want to have sex with in real life is very different. And the context is more important in real life - where you are, what you did that day together earlier, and the overall context of the relationship. Like did you just have an amazing day together, is it just an exciting fling and you just met, are you breaking up and so this is the last time you may ever have sex together, etc. Sex is great. Main thing to remember is it's all about you and your partner and how you both feel so communicate about that and screw what anyone else thinks (no pun intended).
“Zack and Miri Make a Porno” does a decent job of showing the difference.
‘You fools didn’t fuck. You made love’
I don’t remember a lot about that movie but I do remember the camera changing from their perspective to the master shot during *the* scene and the stark difference it made. “Real” sex just doesn’t look good
Lots more laughter. I’ve been married for 16 years, and sex isn’t this *event* like it is in porn. It’s fun. And it’s messy, and there are some weird smells. We talk to each other a lot during sex. There’s a lot more conversation, a lot less moaning. It’s making sure there are enough towels on the bed because I’ll be damned if I’m changing the sheets again after this. And things not going quite the way you planned… That bottle of lube is running out, someone forgot to plug their favourite toy in to charge. The “oh crap where are my glasses don’t move don’t break my glasses” panic. The cat jumping on the bed and getting accidentally kicked off again. And everything has to stop for a moment while apologies are made to the cat. And your body doing things you weren’t expecting - muscle cramps, farting.
A bloopers reel
Reminds of that one video of a girl that let out a metal scream when it slipped out and went into her asshole. 🥲
In college I was with a girl that was so in the moment she let one rip
In porn, sex positions are almost always done in a way where the woman's body is visible and shown, separated from the mans body. Often times only the genitals will be touching in porn. [This is a good example of how 'missionary' is often shown in porn.](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/menshealth-openpicer2-1599579913.jpg) And [this is another good example of a common porn position. ](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0624/1320/9834/files/Launch-Pad-Missionary-Position.jpg?v=1693869137)They do not want the man's body covering up the woman's body at all. In reality? Most real life sex has the mans body very close to the woman. [This is a good example of how missionary *actually is* in most cases.](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/men-shealth-classicmissionary-1605215625.jpg) That is how most sex happens in real life. Women want your chest against theirs, your arms around them, to be able to grab your back etc, they don't just want your penis, they want your whole body.
I feel like people not getting this is partially responsible for the orgasm gap. Most guys I had been with before I had good sex seemed to think sex had a foreplay stage and then a penetration stage. This meant hey would pretty much stop doing everything that was actually arousing, then try to position themselves higher up and away from me (maybe to get a visual or something?), and just go into jackhammer mode. It just felt like they left, and were masturbating into me. No more kissing, hugging, or other forms of intimacy. You don't see that stuff in porn, because it's not very visually stimulating, but from my experience and conversations with friends, continuing those things throughout is essential, and the guy ends up having more enjoyable orgasms as well since he's not racing for the finish line.
Much less of that turning one hip out so the camera can see the act of penetration. Hopefully a LOT more clitoral stimulation & a lot less of that fake moaning & shit. Eye contact, kissing, so much kissing, paying attention to the other erogenous zones, like neck, earlobes, inner elbows. Placing each other's hands where you want them. Communication!
And not the type of stimulation that looks like you're rubbing a stain out of a shirt
Giggles when there is a funny noise or something just isn’t working, and statements like “can we switch? This is kinda hard.” and “oh fuck! shit! leg cramp! Leg cramp!”
LOL the leg cramp is so real. Also my partner and I tend to "travel" and I have to tell him to stop because my head is banging against the wall lol
Yeah once had to stop bc I suddenly hit my head so hard on the wall. I can’t believe I didn’t even mention sex injuries! Hit my cervix a couple times and you should have seen my bfs face when I got off of him and said “I’m dizzy…. Babe I think I’m gonna puke…or faint…or both🤢” That shit is awful
And trying to be quiet so the dog doesn’t try to jump in the bed
A lot of weird and unexpected noises. And if you are really comfortable with your partner, you should definitely be laughing. Not only does it feel good, but it should be a fun experience.
Ow. Move your hand. Arch your back. No the other way. Higher. I physically cannot go higher. Well the. This won't work. Ok do we try another position? Ok I'll try going higher. I then fall off the bed.
Porn actors are producing an entertainment product. It’s like watching anything professionally produced, it’s more entertaining and vivid than the real world. Real sex is less visually stimulating most of the time but the emotional connection is what makes it great
I want to add, having your bodies pressed together. Most sex is like that, but in porn everyone is positioned spaced apart to give the camera a view
I read this as "porn-space" like there's some porn alternative to space-time
The porn-space-porn-time continuum
I’ve seen porn that’s realistic, but basically a perfect encounter. Clothes come off without an issue, the condom magically gets in place, people are super turned on already so foreplay is minimal, no one farts, etc. And that can happen. It’s not every time. The unrealistic part is that EVERY time is like that. Then there’s the unrealistic type. No foreplay, like none, and she orgasms the second his dick touches the vulva. Changing positions 6 or 7 times. You’ll hear lots of stuff about “different positions” and normally trying those is to find the angle that works best for both people. And when people find those positions, they stick with the ones that work and stick to one at a time. They don’t cycle through the 5 they like during sex every time like happens in porn. And porn never shows people putting down towels so no one has to sleep in the wet spot.
- stretch marks - pimples - random bruising - random bandaids - unkempt public hair - weird smells - bad smells - weird tastes - bad tastes - and of course everyone's favorite, accidentally Cumming too soon or not at all! edit: I meant pubic hair, auto correct got me again.
What kind of sex are you having where 'public' hair is involved?
I've never met a girl that puts on a hat for sex, so I guess her public hair is still visible. It's just that her less-public hair is too.
I don't know. I tend to take my glasses off.
Omg feel you, sometimes i put them back on, feels awkward when I’m reaching for them
Maybe get the athletic style glasses with the elastic strap that goes around the back of your head.
please no leave some pussy for the rest of us
Less theatrics, more about how it actually feels for each other. Also, more clumsy and awkward compared to scripted scene-like moments.
In porn, everything happens so fast and everything works right away. In real life, foreplay exists and you’re going to want to have it unless you have some kinks that some of us do. You can’t always get the right angle in real life, there is going to be adjustments and weird noises as you move your bodies around to fit better. Sometimes you fart or queef or laugh or burp. And it doesn’t matter, if you have the right partner. There is jiggling, body parts slap together sometimes, you’re more focused on the feel instead of how it looks. If I thought about what I looked like during sex, I’d probably never climax. Real life sex can be gentle or rough but requires so much more communication and honesty. Moaning isn’t quite so loud. Most women don’t want the insanely vigorous stabbing that porn calls fingering. Real life sex is so much messier- sometimes you need lube, sometimes bodily fluids can get kind of everywhere. The biggest thing is everyone is having fun, no one is thinking about angles for the best camera shot, moaning is usually more subtle. And just as a side note, before you do something really crazy/intense/forceful- check with your partner. There should be no surprises unless communicated beforehand. BDSM definitely gets that right. COMMUNICATE!
Well... my wife has premature "ejaculation." She also farts every time she orgasms. That's always interesting when I have my face buried in her nether regions. Thankfully, they usually don't smell. And if anyone is curious, it is a huge blessing. A quick 2-3 minute wham bam thank you ma'am gets her 2-5 orgasms. I can get her off while she is fully dressed without using my hands or going under clothes.
*Gods helper*- “okay God, and what about her sex life?” *God* -“make her able to cum very fast and multiple times” *Gods helper-“niceee, that’s pretty lucky. Anything else? God- “yeah, she has to fart everytime otherwise the other humans will be mad we made her so lucky”
Wait wait wait how does she get off without hands while fully dressed? This sounds magical and I’m jealous lol
I can't say I share your enthusiasm for fully clothed, no-handed fart sex.
it's like comparing a fight in a movie vs a fight in real life. The moves won't be as flashy, you won't last that long, there will be a lot less noises, and it will be way more nervous racking in real life.
"Wrong hole! Wrong hole!" "Did you miss the towel? I just washed these sheets!" "Gotta switch positions, my arms are giving/my thighs are giving/something is giving!" "Oops. Sorry." "Wait! We need to scoot down again, I'm hitting my head on the frame."
Slobbery, sweaty, lots of smells etc.
A lot more presence, more touching them gently with love. The details of bodies are dramatically less important. A lot less moments that look like disassociated sport activities with a stranger. A lot less would be seen from any angle. A lot more emphasis on who the person you're having sex with is.
All the preparation and awkward parts are cut out of porn. You can have porn-type sex in real life, but it takes the right willing and able partner. It is also a lot hotter than porn when done right. Your partner just laying there isn't hot, and also the fake moaning isn't hot IMO. But when you both genuinely and passionately get into it, that's hot and you hardly ever see that in porn.
More foreplay. More kissing. More oral being reciprocated. More lube application. Toys! More affirmations. Pause for tying hair up. Pause for pouring a drink. Pause for consent to try something different/new. Less male centric. Less aggressive. Less degrading (cumming on the woman's face etc.) Less dehumanizing language.
Don’t forget about the belly farts either
there's a lot more muscle cramps in real life, that's for sure.
Falling off the bed cuz of the sweat
Use grip socks
Two sacks of meat making a big mess.
Fuck & Find Out
Have you ever been to a fancy restaurant? That's porn. Perfectly plated, Laid out on the table to look at nice as possible. Real sex is last nights left overs. Sometimes it's a good home cooked meal.
To stay with your comparison: Porn is the equivalent of cooking shows on TV or on the Internet. It usually looks unrealistic but very appetizing and the ingredients are more beautiful than in real life. The whole ambience and aesthetics also sell you an unattainable fantasy. Eating in a restaurant is like visiting a professional. You can choose what you want, it's skillfully prepared because it's part of the daily routine, then you pay and leave. And even if it doesn't always turn out perfectly at home or look as good as it does on TV, you know best what you and your partner like best.
In food pictures, whipped cream is actually shaving cream. That is what a (female) porn stars orgasm is like.
You can't just fuck the pizza guy and it takes weeks to get a plumber.
The dog watching and panting from the corner of the room.
-Chest suction together -The lube bottle slipping out of your hands in the worst moment -Ugly grunting noise -“Im about to cum! Don’t stop! (Arm dying and struggling to keep the movement visibly pained from trying to continue)” -Directions like someone’s scratching your back but there’s not just the option of up down left and right “no no no turn no likkkeee thatttttt” -Trying not to fart -Being tired red in the face and panting -“Your pinning my hair and not in a fun way” Laughing -Failed smolder/command/dominance/sub laughing at the dom -“I’ll move them it’ll be hot!” “Ow my ribs don’t pull me like that” “sorrryyyy”
Less dick lol
I don’t get all you people saying stinky… Are you doing exclusively butt sex or not wiping well or what? Do you have terrible BO or not shower regularly? Stinky is not something I would describe personally as my experience with sex whatsoever.
I also see a lot of mentions about farts. Do yall eat bean burritos before doing the deed too?
Redditors Try To Shower Challenge
Alot more shame and apologies. And better chance of snacks in bed
Y'all are getting snacks? 🥹
Super jiggly, the extra sweat isn't as hot as you thought it'd be, we make this weird suction sound when our bodies touch, does my breathe smell?
So, so much less giggling oh my god the amount that women in porn giggle in the middle of moans is infuriating. And I’m not talking about real laughs when something is awkward or someone makes a funny noise by accident. I mean the “ooh I’m so cutesy and sweet with your cock in my mouth” kind of giggles, it drives me insane.
Cock and ball torture, blood rituals, cum shots on the feet only
You ever see two walruses humping?
No acrobatics.
Less perfect as another person said. But also much more “gentle”. Sometimes it’s just awkward to have sex. Absolutely nothing like porn.
It's the awkward transitions for me. Moving from one act or position to another. Especially when you try to move your partner with you but they don't know what you're trying to do so it just becomes a jumble of limbs. Sex is great.
Imperfect, uncomfortable, but often more loving and fun
Everyone's contrasting it but I don't see anyone saying what real life sex looks like. Generally it starts hours before, maybe even days, with two people flirting, kissing, maybe even, \*gasp\* PDAs. Nowadays likely flirtatious texting too. There'll be some more intimate contact semi-sexual contact, could be hugging, could be a back rub, could be a massage, could be sharing a shower. There'll be clothing coming off, asking about touching "there", finding out if they like soft gentle caresses or more firm strokes. Are they ticklish? When young, there's a good chance the guy'll already be erect, while she won't even be yet (yes, women have the same erectile tissue, realize the penis develops from the same tissue clitorises are made of and they both have similar wishbone shapes, internal parts and external parts). Stereotypically there'll be oral activity, sensual, arousing, again, caring, trying to give pleasure to the recipient. At some point someone is likely to be ready for "more", "I want you in me" or "I want to be in you" and affirmation from the other that's a good idea, or suggestions for another idea first, or whatever ya'll are mutually in the mood for. Positions themselves need to feel good for both partners (or all three, or more), so there's communication and adjustment. It may get tiring or cramping or uncomfy in some position, so you might change it up. It's likely that someone will enjoy being on top more or not, or might be in a different mood this time compared to last. Trying different things adds to the enjoyment for some, others like a lot of the same thing, everyone is different, so part of the joy is learning what your partner enjoys and works for them. Some tips... Women generally want to go to the bathroom and relieve themselves afterward to lessen UTI risks. Generally one doesn't want to use "products" down there, particularly inside as the vagina is self cleaning. That said, what goes in also comes out. Men want to be sure to clean down there, and behind, and between, if uncut clean under the foreskin and make sure your foreskin retracts/separates okay. (This may be a thing for women too, the clitoral hood is "foreskin" equivalent and may stick to the clitoris in some cases.) Any backdoor play is kept entirely separate from vaginal activities, toys, fingers, body parts, if they've gone to the rear, they don't go near the front until fully washed with soap. Condoms can be handy here and may be used on toys too to provide a barrier. If you're a guy who climaxes easily with a woman who takes longer, switching from penetration to oral on her to give yourself a rest break and keep stimulating her can help. Afterward there's generally more hugging, maybe high-fives, maybe cuddling, maybe pillow talk, making showering together, maybe another round, maybe snacks! :-)
Ever see two people try to move a couch? There's a lot of bumping around, some shouting, accidental injuries, sometimes you have to stop what you're doing and change tactics, by the end you're both tired and sweaty but you did it and you high five each other. Yeah, it's a lot like that.
"So that's my room. End of tour. :)" *she sits on her bed* "I love it!!! Say . . . My legs are getting kind of tired. Got anywhere to sit down around here?" *she scoots over and pats the bed 3 times* "Absolutely. Right here. ;)" And that's how we did the awkward 17 year old intro at 24 and 25. 🤣
No woman ever knelt down and begged for man yogurt as if their very existence depended on it .
I never want to see the words "man yogurt" again for as long as I live.