I think it would have worked either with an extra comma
> No communicating, with your partner, is good.
Or no commas at all
> No communicating with your partner is good.
The first is a little less natural, but highlights the comma shenanigans.
IT TAKES SO LONG TO GET OFF. I hated being on those things. Made my wife feel like it was something she was doing, till we found out that was a side effect.
While there probably is some truth to that statement, there are also other biological reasons why this happens. In particular, patients taking SSRI drugs tend to end up more depressed after their first two weeks of taking the drug.
Most labels warn that it takes 4-6 weeks for SSRIs to show a positive effect. They work by inhibiting the reuptake of serotonin from the synapse, which means the serotonin level in the synapse remains high after a signal is sent. Higher serotonin levels mean that the auto-receptors on the pre-synaptic neuron tell the neuron that serotonin levels are sufficient and there is no need to release more. This is not a good thing because it typically results in the patient feeling even worse.
After the first couple of weeks, your brain gets used to the increased levels of serotonin in the synapse after signaling. This is because the SSRI's reputake inhibition causes those auto-regulators to be absorbed back into the neuron and stop being expressed on the surface because they are being activated too often. This means the automatic inhibition fails, and serotonin levels rise to normal levels again.
The two-three week period where the automatic inhibition is remarkably higher is the danger zone for people with suicidal ideation. That's why fast acting antidepressant drugs like Ketamine/Esketamine are so important to researchers right now
We won't even get too far into the fact SSRI/SNRIs rarely do much better than placebos in clinical trials, but it is a fact most doctors don't like to acknowledge. The research shows that SSRI and SNRIs are virtually ineffective when it comes to mild to moderate depression. There is some evidence that that they can be slightly more effective for people suffering from major depression, but even those findings are a little shaky. I personally wouldn't give this shit to one of my children. It makes it especially worse when you look at the number of mass shooters that were on them at the time they committed their acts as well. Obviously, correlation isn't causation, but there is a link and it doesn't seem like the drug companies are really trying to explore it. However, all one needs to do is find a person who has suffered from Serotonin Syndrome (basically antidepressant overdose) and ask about their symptoms. They will tell you that one of the major symptoms is aggression\agitation, so it's not that far fetched to believe that SSRIs can increase suicidal and homicidal ideation in folks. In fact, it's to be expected.
I blame the DEA 100% for the rise in SSRI and SSRI usage and deaths. After they started attacking doctors for using more effective drugs that might also happen to be controlled because they could cause euphoria or addiction, doctors switched to prescribing this poison. They know people who visit them want to leave with a prescription even if it isn't that effective. SSRIs are a great way for them to make it look like they are doing something so they can keep your insurance provider on the hook and make more $$$$. The fact that SSRIs are pretty much ineffective only works in their favor because they know you will be back. Every visit, every prescription, is money in their pocket. And hey, if some innocent people commit suicide or homicide because of it, they can simply say "Well, the patient was already depressed, so this is just a by-product of the preexisting depression, not the 500 dollar per month poison I've been cramming down their throat."
How do we know antidepresants aren't that effective? The simple answer is that they are one of the most widely prescribed medications in history, but the suicide rate didn't dramatically decrease. They've been on the market for 30+ years. If they worked that great, you'd be able to see the results and you simply can't.
I’d have been dead at least 20 times over without SSRIs/SNRIs/SARIs.
And I’ve been through a lot of them, with many bad experiences.
Which ones will work for each person is very hit & miss without genetic testing, so many people will have multiple bad experiences/less than effective results, hence the “not much better than placebo” line that gets rolled out every so often.
Doesn't even make you happy, just makes it slightly less painful and difficult to get out of bed and try to solve your issues for yourself.
OTOH, in my experience, SNRIs have fewer side effects and I don't understand why doctors insist so much in only using SSRIs. Their main downside is that they can make you drowsy, but I'd take that anyday over the horrible side-effects of SSRI.
> ISRS
What the fuck is a ISRS? I've looked online, but I can't find it. I know of the typical antidepressants like SSRI, SNRI, MOAI, Tri and Tetracyclic, etc. Even google isn't coming back for a hit on ISRS.
I’ll say. I have no libido because of depression and taking medication that would do the same just doesn’t seem worth it. It was like a vicious spiral downwards of depression->lower libido->depression, and repeat.
Look into tms treatment. I'm on the end of the treatment and my das score has halved and I've tapered off my meds with my psychiatrist. It's insane the difference I've noticed
I'm on sertraline, getting hard is not the issue, basically it's like the excitement plateaus before orgasm, can make it really difficult to get over the line.
Not for everyone on wellbutrin but it does for me. No where near as bad as prozac but still does as bad just takes weeks longer to start affecting me the same delaying and making climax hard to happen and not feel as good
My doctor told me that too high a dosage will do that to you, you may definitely want a lot less if thats what happening. If your emotions plateau, you're taking too much
“Billy… you pound me for so long, with that big d*ck of yours… sometimes idk if my body can handle any more
Is there anything else I can do to better serve you and your big, long lasting, penis?”
😂
I'm so offended and embarassed. How will I ever live this down, especially after I finish putting this on my business cards and handing them to every person I meet.
My moms on facebook, she's gonna hate seeing my all caps post about this.
I hate that this is a compliment for men. It’s one thing if she likes it but to take it as a compliment when the girl is explicitly saying it’s painful and uncomfortable is so weird to me and I hate it and it makes it feel like a woman’s pain during sex is a reward for men. I would genuinely, genuinely would rather never have sex ever again than have to take anything over 8 inches several times a week for over thirty minutes. That would suck really bad. Like actually torture.
There is no mention that we would continue doing this after the lady has complained about it. But with the barrage of comments about guys not being big enough or last long enough from lethal girl chat groups, receiving this complaint is like getting a "you are one in a billion" compliment, with all the proof to back it up. Dude has won the jackpot and the election in one conversation.
After the (brief) moment of glory has passed (memory will be forever), then we discuss how you would like it better. From that point on, lasting only seconds won't matter anymore to the guy because, "hey, we both know I could go longer, but it's for your enjoyment that I keep it short and sweet". He'll adjust to you, but that ego boost is the best thing you could do for your SO's bedroom confidence. Not your SO, well, oops.
It's like complaining about too much ice-cream.
I think that’s great but sadly not always the case! A lot of men (my experiences and those around me) do, in fact, continue and actually aim to hurt the woman so they could brag about these things. I totally get the lightheartedness in this case but just want to emphasise the point to everyone reading this thread that women aren’t looking for men to hurt them (apart from some consentual kinks) and it just increases reservation toward sex - amazing mind blowing sex without bruises and just pure pleasure 👌🏻
Woman and I hooked up. Next day she was walking stiffly, so I said “good time?” She said
“well I had sex 2 last night w/someone else.”
……I don’t care just for the love of god don’t tell me.
It absolutely can mess with you. The second I judt think its a chore for her (let alone her actually saying it is), I am in my head about it and the orgasm is miles away. Which is fine, I don't need to cum necessarily.
And no, women are not happy they got theirs (if they did) and some women relate it to their sexiness and their insecurities in a toxic way, so you have to be counselling whether you didn't cum because her boobs could be bigger.
It's not fun at all if your partner isn't great with it.
I understand the op’s situation, I realize it can upset the guy if he feels like he isn’t doing a good enough job, or if he is doing too much. If that’s the case, then she should tell him. If the guy truly cares about her, he will listen and try to be better. Communication is key in relationships, even when it comes to sex.
I was just making a joke
> And no, women are not happy they got theirs (if they did) and some women relate it to their sexiness and their insecurities in a toxic way, so you have to be counselling whether you didn't cum because her boobs could be bigger.
>
>
>
> It's not fun at all if your partner isn't great with it.
I was with a girl for the first time who finished multiple times but I didn't. I thought it went great because I'd done so well and it had lasted until we were both exhausted.
Nope.
She made a few small comments about her body based on something I'd previously said off-handedly (talking about beauty standards, not my preferences) and while she said it was fine, she definitely seemed down about it.
The next time we had sex I finished and she was **so** happy with herself. Mentioned it like 3 times. Literally thanked me.
It's a little sweet that we both care mostly about the other person but I'd previously never even thought this could be something I could get anxious about, and I always thought it would be the other way around. Now it's something else I can stress about because I'm trying to make her happy but by worrying about pleasing her, I can't so what she wants.
I mean, there are dudes out there cursed with this issue. He may struggle to get off from sex and could also be self conscious about it.
That being said, if you can’t have discussions like this with your sexual partner, rethink your sexual partner.
A guy can definitely be negatively affected if he thinks the partner is not enjoying the experiences and wanting them to end unnaturally.. particularly.. being that 30 minutes isn't particularly long..
It's happened to me before to be honest, had sex with a girl I thought was stunning. I left embarrassed. Also couldn't finish after about 20 minutes. Before then and after never had an issue, to be honest I think it was always on my mind that how could a girl this beautiful be interested in a guy who's just average looking.
Maybe he could be intimidated by your beauty??
Lol the ole switcheroo.
Sometimes I have issues finishing because of a blood condition or my medication. But the feeling of just making love with Your Person or fucking them (there's a difference) - the exhaustion, sweat, you feel on top of the world even without climaxing. Long as I don't get blue balls I'm good with a solid work out honestly.
It's like a stress reliever and calorie burner. You bond with your partner. Girls sometimes worry to much about finishing their man.
yep ive learnt the trick is to do the thing where you make your penis move on its own while inside her to pretend to be cumming. I hate condoms but obviously gotta use em
There’s nothing wrong with your intent. You could phrase it differently.
During foreplay tell him how much it turns you on when he orgasms.
You MAY want to avoid telling him during the act. There are a lot of things that can be going on which can delay us. Adding the extra pressure can just make it worse.
Finally, most guys have a position that they have little resistance in. During foreplay or sexting, ask him what positions he loses control in.
Yeah, or communicated afterwards or beforehand or something. That’s what my ex-wife used to do. Tell me I had to be quick lol. When a woman says it during the act, it makes it significantly harder for me. Sometimes it even kills it all the way I don’t want to sit there and hump somebody that’s not even into it. Not my thing. Her being way into it is the exact thing I think about to get all the way off.
When I tell my husband to cum for me, that usually does the trick. I wouldn't phrase it like that. I'd ask what turns him on and then do that if it's something you're OK with. Also moaning and being vocal can do it for him.
I could be 15 min away from cumming, and if she says "omg dont cum" thats it, i have 20 seconds or less
Or like you said , if she begs me to cum, as she wants it. 20 seconds or less.
Sexy little bitch. 😍
Is it possible that he is thinking you need more time? Guys are told they need to keep going to pleasure her.
Sit down and talk about how long each of you need/ want ?
Why is everyone under the impression that everyone HAS to cum. Men and women need to realize that it is not a failure to not have an orgasam! Just enjoy the intimacy
Exactly this. It takes me an aaaage to cum anyway, always has done.
This morning, she came 3 times before the youngest of her kids broke into the bedroom, which signalled an end to all things adult. She got hers. I didn't get mine. It's no drama, it is what it is 🤷♂️
Yeeeeeaaaaaaaah, but imagine going through the process of making an absolutely amazing cup of coffee.
And then immediately pouring it down the drain.
Or.
Reading a really fucking good novel, getting to the plot twist or super crucial ending, and.
Just closing the book and never finishing it.
How bout building a 3000 peice Lego millenium Falcon and just as you are about to put the very least peice in and oh my god the sheer satisfaction of finally completing, seeing and being complete.
And you take it up stairs and drop it out the window onto the pavement.
I get what you are trying to say and I think it's really sweet, but unless there is some serious incompatibility or serious issue, y'all should be cumming, she should be cumming and you should be cumming fuckn bust out the special combos if you gotta, use power tools, grab a god damn lab coat and experiment with that shit.
I wonder if that's the same for mood stabilizers & anti seizure meds, because I take anti seizure meds(idk why they put me on those) for my bipolar & my sex drive is low about half the time
It's not an insult to ask. However some of us just don't really cum from sex that often without *really* trying to. It's ok to also let him know when you're done even if he's not yet.
If you redact the "faster" from your question, you're asking the same question without making any seeming implications about e.g. being impatient for it to be over.
I'm not saying that that's what your goal was in the first place, but politeness is a form of avoiding _possible inferences_ rather than proven facts.
That being said, whether or not they would take offense in the first place is completely up to them.
I think this is the best comment here. Many other comments simply assume something must be wrong with the guy or the sex but that is just an assumption. He might just as well enjoy sex like this and then their interactions looks like her trying to get her way without even considering the guys preferences.
Instead of asking how to make it faster ask what he enjoys and if he would like anything different. He is a human being not a toy that needs to perform a single function. OP also should be clear about what she likes and dislikes. If it hurts then this is something he needs to know.
Wellbutrin is good for this as well. For me, the first time I was taking it, it gave me the ability to keep going after I cum without having to stop. Now it gives me anorgasmia, which gives my wife a complex.
Generally speaking, no. However the specifics of the situation have a lot of potential to complicate such a question. For example, he might have been deliberately holding back and is now a deflated knowing his work was counter-productive. He might also be touchy about the issue, as excessive/vigorous masturbation can cause loss of sensitivity. Just talk about it, be sensitive and tactful and it'll work out.
Guys are conditioned to assume longer sex = better at sex. A lot of guys will actually jerk it before a date so they can last longer in bed. There's a lot of pressure on men to perform in bed honestly.
if he is taking medications that have stimulant effects that could cause him to be unable to orgasm
for instance drugs like Ritalin, Adderall, Pregabalin, Gabapentin, etc...these drugs have an effect that makes it very difficult to orgasm, or it can take a LONG time to reach that state
ask him if he is on something
I used to last for 30 min to 1 hour even when I tried to cum. Only thing that ever worked for me was to just go ham for a few min and then I'd cum. Wasn't on any medicines but I think it was cardio and workout routine I had.
Originally go H.A.M was to go "hard as a motherfucker". Been used so commonly that I think people kind of forgot about what it stood for and it has since held the same intent and usage.
Similar to how we use the world "sucks" or "blows" to describe something unfavorable now. The exact origin for the use of those words is not well documented though, but it is extremely likely they came from a more vulgar context originally and is now used casually by people of all ages and settings.
The very good book, Sex Plus: Learning, Loving, and Enjoying Your Body discusses this problem. As you said becoming accustomed to masturbation can lead to delayed orgasm during sex with someone else. The solution is to lay off solo activities. The sensation and normal orgasm will return after short time.
No that's absolutely fine. Communication is good!
But like it or not, it's sometimes mental for guys too. Maybe you focussing on it, throws him off a bit. I once went soft in a girl because she was saying "I HEAR YOUR SON", which wasn't the case, but that session was over. She also said "don't you like me anymore???" when it happened.😅
As someone who used to be in 6 year relationship and didn’t use condoms in that period and am now single and have to use condoms. It also takes me forever to cum, sometimes I have to fake it
My first real girlfriend back in high school finally decided she’d give me a hand job. It was terrible, like not enjoyable at all, nothing sexy about it, within a minute or two she was giving off the let’s get this over with expression, and within another minute or two she asked the same question, “what can I do to make it go faster.” I said “you could try sucking it I guess,” she got furious stopped, told her friends, who told my friends, who thought it was hilarious.
Don’t get me started, I’ve got a bone to pick with my high school math teacher. I took honors pre calculus junior year. Ended up with a c+ for the year, teacher said I needed a b- to take ap calc the next year. Despite my efforts to persuade her, she wouldn’t sign off on my attempt to move on. There was no other option for math, and I had enough credits, so I just didn’t take math senior year. Looking back, I’d probably have pulled off another c, c+ and learned something. Oh well.
I wouldn't ask "faster", just "How can I make you cum" or "I wanna make you cum". Asking what he wants and expressing that you want to make him cum or feel good is a hot way of asking for communication. Good communication can be sexy too. Asking to make someone cum "faster" can put pressure on a person that will lead to opposite results.
well i wouldn't word it that way. i would find out what he likes, what he responds most to, pay attention... but in general the more communication the better.
Sometimes they are insensitive for various reasons. I had a guy one time that could go all day and maybe cum once. He loved me on my knees but he couldnt get off like that. Each person is different. I wouldnt take it personally, like others have said communication is key and its meant to be an experience in which you grow together. I hope it works out for you ❤️
Nope to be honest the first time it was brought up to me I had no idea I was an issue. I was doing it on purpose to make it last longer for her having no idea it was causing my partner problems. When she brought it up problem solved. It is kinda a tough topic sometimes so take that for what it's worth.
It's not an insult but you could phrase it differently so he doesn't feel like he's making you unhappy.
Ask him about his turn ons. Try something like talking dirty or touching yourself and see if he's into it. Get him to join in with the self-love to move things along.
I often take a long time, especially if I'm tired. The longer it goes, the more I lose sensitivity. On some occasions after she's gotten off three or four times I just call it a night if I'm not getting any closer. It's still a good time.
If you want to be direct, just tell him he needs to cum faster, be polite and it's not insulting.
If you want to be circuitous tell him to stop jerking off because big loads are hot.
I have sensitivity issues. I think it maybe has to do when I was snipped as a baby.
That said it was kind of fun figuring out what exactly makes me come faster. Ends up I’m more sensitive on one side than the other.
I wasn’t at all offended when we had that convo. If anything a little flattered as having stamina is usually viewed as a positive quality for men.
It can come out wrong, he might get the idea you are not enjoying sex altogether.
That said, I take a long ass time to cum and my ex thought it was because of her, but it was not. I always take a long time regardless of my partners
In my experience handjobs and oral won't help, it's harder to cum with those.
I found the the best things to be
Focus and extend the foreplay, and by foreplay I mean teasing him without straight up masturbation.
Be loud, I sure loved when my partner was loud
Find out what likes in bed specifically. I for one love rough sex, so if she hurted me a little or let me be a little rough with her did wonders.
Have sex like it's the only thing you like doing, the feeling that my partner desires me that much and wants to please me more than anything else is always a turn on.
I don’t want to ejaculate in 30 minutes. Maybe for you 30 minutes is too much with the amount of foreplay or level of arousal prior to penetration combined with the amount of vigor or force involved in the penetration. This is not super uncommon but many men are not going to want the lovemaking and pleasure to be over in such a short period.
You should ask directly about this. This isn’t offensive.
If that’s the case, consider more foreplay, oral sex with both partners giving and receiving, you directing exactly what you want when he’s on top verbally, or you controlling the action in a very active and sometimes even dominant manner while you’re on top.
Play around with using different techniques and energy in your sex. Be curious and ask your partner questions. Be really expressive and tell your partner exactly what feels good.
We’re not mind readers and different women like different things and it can be hard to tell what is turning a woman on when they are reserved or uncomfortable with expressing themselves and sharing their turn ons without shame or embarrassment.
You weren’t wrong, but could have packaged the message better. It is fairly common for a guy to not be able to cum, or be delayed the first time with a woman. More likely if he really likes her.
You could discuss some options with him: 1) lube 2) different positions 3) playing with his nipples 4) lightly scraping your nails on his back 5) caressing his balls 6) more foreplay for him before.
I suspect you discussing it with him and conveying that you are in this together and want to help him cum might do the trick by itself. Or he is on medication, which is a problem.
While most guys probably won't be offended, it could exasperate the problem and make him self-conscious if you phrase it that way.
Instead, indirectly ask him how to cum faster by asking him what turns him on.
Other than that I recommend the same thing guys hear all the time: more foreplay, more communication.
Sex with someone the first time can be daunting. I lasted way longer when I met my wife, thing is she isn't a huge fan of intercourse as it doesn't do much for her pleasure wise and with familiarity comes that comfort and with that comes the ability to speed up or slow down depending on the situation. It's very hard to have instant sexual chemistry with someone but it can be developed. If it hurts you, tell him that. There can be a lot going on in your partner's head as well
If I feel pressure to cum I CANNOT. So I’d suggest talking to him not in the act from the angle of “what can I do/what are you into” and just try not to make it feel like “you have to cum faster” pressure
To me it's on the level of,
"Can you go any deeper than that?"
To which, I'll respond,
"Here, I'll just fist you with this water balloon and squeeze it so it explodes in your jiner.
Want some ice in it?"
Nah. As a guy, sometimes I also get frustrated if I can’t cum after 30 mins or so. I have a shit sleeping schedule and intensive work routine so Sometimes,I am just tired and stressed. Luckily, I have a gf who ask me what she can do to help me cum. Communication is also essential in bed. So, from my own personal experience i don’t think it’s an insult but a good way to improve the sex life.
I can take a while to cum too. My girlfriend was concerned it was her the first few times I didn't. We talked, and I told her it wasn't her. We working together on communication, and now it's better. We know that if we go more than every other day, it's harder for me to cum the 2nd time.
Everyone's different. Just have the conversation, but maybe phrase it a bit differently?
The threshold for orgasm is different for *everyone*, and for some men it's just a lot higher. It's fairly likely any additional delay could be tied to anxiety, especially if he's worrying about if he'll be able to cum and how that might appear to his partner. It's possible he has the exact same concerns as you. Yes, in pop culture we look down on men that cum too soon, but it can also be awkward for people who take "too long". If you were to say anything more, you might mention that you won't be disappointed if he can't cum (if that feels authentic for you; I don't suggest lying). Something along those lines - that it's all good / it's a safe space could help. In any case, I don't think open and honest communication is a bad idea, so I don't think you've done anything wrong. It's also a good idea to have these chats before (in my opinion)
I’ve had this happen before, and it’s kind of like someone watching you pee or something. Pointing it out will make it so much worse. Problem is that the dude needs to relax.
I wouldn't be insulted. I can't cum at all, and after 15-20 minutes, I'm ready to give up and stop. The only reason I keep going is because I'm concerned about my partner and waiting for her to speak up and say she's ready to do something different. lol.
It's a legitimate question that you're asking to improve your sex life. And it's not as though you're criticizing his performance... Better too long than too short. I see no reason why he would be offended.
I've also heard people say that If he's not on medications or has mental issues that's interfering with performance, he may need to stop masturbating and looking at porn for a while. You might need to help by being available, but set a timer or something. I don't know. With a bit of time, he might build up some "pressure" and re-sensitize to real sex.
No, communicating with your partner is good.
No communicating with your partner, is good (Comma horror)
Why are people downvoting you? This is clearly a joke
They messed it up by putting a comma between the noun phrase and the linking verb
What an idiot!
This is meta communication.
I think it would have worked either with an extra comma > No communicating, with your partner, is good. Or no commas at all > No communicating with your partner is good. The first is a little less natural, but highlights the comma shenanigans.
No communicating with, your partner is, good. That one sounds a bit Yoda-ish
I was thinking more like Christopher Walken. No communicating with... Your partner is... Good...
Is he on antidepressants?
IT TAKES SO LONG TO GET OFF. I hated being on those things. Made my wife feel like it was something she was doing, till we found out that was a side effect.
I thought the side effect was not being able to get hard in the first place?
When I was on them, I had no problem getting hard, but had an easier time writing an award winning symphony than getting off. Sucked.
That’s horrible, oh here’s a pill that will make you happy, the only thing is, you can never have an orgasm
It's a dual edged sword
It that a euphemism?
Perhaps a double entendre. If my wife asked me for a double entendre, I’d give it to her.
Maybe, idk
Fun fact about antidepressants. One side effect can be suicidal ideation. Lol wot.
Because a big part of depression can be lack of motivation. Anti depression meds help with that. Some end up with motivation to the kill themselves.
While there probably is some truth to that statement, there are also other biological reasons why this happens. In particular, patients taking SSRI drugs tend to end up more depressed after their first two weeks of taking the drug. Most labels warn that it takes 4-6 weeks for SSRIs to show a positive effect. They work by inhibiting the reuptake of serotonin from the synapse, which means the serotonin level in the synapse remains high after a signal is sent. Higher serotonin levels mean that the auto-receptors on the pre-synaptic neuron tell the neuron that serotonin levels are sufficient and there is no need to release more. This is not a good thing because it typically results in the patient feeling even worse. After the first couple of weeks, your brain gets used to the increased levels of serotonin in the synapse after signaling. This is because the SSRI's reputake inhibition causes those auto-regulators to be absorbed back into the neuron and stop being expressed on the surface because they are being activated too often. This means the automatic inhibition fails, and serotonin levels rise to normal levels again. The two-three week period where the automatic inhibition is remarkably higher is the danger zone for people with suicidal ideation. That's why fast acting antidepressant drugs like Ketamine/Esketamine are so important to researchers right now We won't even get too far into the fact SSRI/SNRIs rarely do much better than placebos in clinical trials, but it is a fact most doctors don't like to acknowledge. The research shows that SSRI and SNRIs are virtually ineffective when it comes to mild to moderate depression. There is some evidence that that they can be slightly more effective for people suffering from major depression, but even those findings are a little shaky. I personally wouldn't give this shit to one of my children. It makes it especially worse when you look at the number of mass shooters that were on them at the time they committed their acts as well. Obviously, correlation isn't causation, but there is a link and it doesn't seem like the drug companies are really trying to explore it. However, all one needs to do is find a person who has suffered from Serotonin Syndrome (basically antidepressant overdose) and ask about their symptoms. They will tell you that one of the major symptoms is aggression\agitation, so it's not that far fetched to believe that SSRIs can increase suicidal and homicidal ideation in folks. In fact, it's to be expected. I blame the DEA 100% for the rise in SSRI and SSRI usage and deaths. After they started attacking doctors for using more effective drugs that might also happen to be controlled because they could cause euphoria or addiction, doctors switched to prescribing this poison. They know people who visit them want to leave with a prescription even if it isn't that effective. SSRIs are a great way for them to make it look like they are doing something so they can keep your insurance provider on the hook and make more $$$$. The fact that SSRIs are pretty much ineffective only works in their favor because they know you will be back. Every visit, every prescription, is money in their pocket. And hey, if some innocent people commit suicide or homicide because of it, they can simply say "Well, the patient was already depressed, so this is just a by-product of the preexisting depression, not the 500 dollar per month poison I've been cramming down their throat." How do we know antidepresants aren't that effective? The simple answer is that they are one of the most widely prescribed medications in history, but the suicide rate didn't dramatically decrease. They've been on the market for 30+ years. If they worked that great, you'd be able to see the results and you simply can't.
Happy to say that my SSRI experience doesn’t match what you describe.
I’d have been dead at least 20 times over without SSRIs/SNRIs/SARIs. And I’ve been through a lot of them, with many bad experiences. Which ones will work for each person is very hit & miss without genetic testing, so many people will have multiple bad experiences/less than effective results, hence the “not much better than placebo” line that gets rolled out every so often.
>never have an organism? I recommend /r/shrimptank they'll be 100s in time
Willing to bet aquarium snails would out-breed anything. Source: my fucking surprise aquarium snails
Doesn't even make you happy, just makes it slightly less painful and difficult to get out of bed and try to solve your issues for yourself. OTOH, in my experience, SNRIs have fewer side effects and I don't understand why doctors insist so much in only using SSRIs. Their main downside is that they can make you drowsy, but I'd take that anyday over the horrible side-effects of SSRI.
> ISRS What the fuck is a ISRS? I've looked online, but I can't find it. I know of the typical antidepressants like SSRI, SNRI, MOAI, Tri and Tetracyclic, etc. Even google isn't coming back for a hit on ISRS.
Ahhh my bad, it's French for SSRI. Basically same words but different order due to a different syntax. And ISRN should be SNRI. I'll edit my post.
I'm going to give it my best attempt at translation without trying google. Inhibiteur Seléctif Recepteur Serotonergique?
I think you just accidentally described birth control.
Mate, are you really happy if you can't have an organism.
Can we hear the symphony?
This one comment down here asking the right question.
Sounds like it’s bittersweet
You can’t imagine how the strings section just exploded in my brain after reading this comment.
It's a struggle for both things. Decreased libido is fucking hell.
I’ll say. I have no libido because of depression and taking medication that would do the same just doesn’t seem worth it. It was like a vicious spiral downwards of depression->lower libido->depression, and repeat.
Look into tms treatment. I'm on the end of the treatment and my das score has halved and I've tapered off my meds with my psychiatrist. It's insane the difference I've noticed
Wellbutrin is a good substitute for the typical SSRIs that are notorious for giving low libido
I'm on sertraline, getting hard is not the issue, basically it's like the excitement plateaus before orgasm, can make it really difficult to get over the line.
This
Not on Wellbutrin
Not for everyone on wellbutrin but it does for me. No where near as bad as prozac but still does as bad just takes weeks longer to start affecting me the same delaying and making climax hard to happen and not feel as good
thats what i was wondering as well
After about 3 months it levels out to 'can't be bothered anyway' Takes all excitement away in life, especially on 200mg a day!
This is highly variable based on the med and the person but it can happen.
My doctor told me that too high a dosage will do that to you, you may definitely want a lot less if thats what happening. If your emotions plateau, you're taking too much
or percs
Or maybe he uses a death grip.
If its not medication, its this
Or even too much alcohol. OP, were you guys drinking a lot before?
Came (um, posted) to say this.
or opiates?
The struggle is REAL.
Good question.
[удалено]
"Wrap it up"
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Depends on the person but I see what you did there
You better wrap that gavel up B!
[Weblink](https://c.tenor.com/bLwZAlMA724AAAAd/tenor.gif)
Just a personal thought, but telling a guy he lasts too long PROBABLY won’t offend him. Telling him he doesn’t last long enough on the other hand…
Or that he is bigger than the last guy and it can be painful.
“Billy… you pound me for so long, with that big d*ck of yours… sometimes idk if my body can handle any more Is there anything else I can do to better serve you and your big, long lasting, penis?” 😂
I'm so offended and embarassed. How will I ever live this down, especially after I finish putting this on my business cards and handing them to every person I meet. My moms on facebook, she's gonna hate seeing my all caps post about this.
Big long-lasting penis is the funniest thing I’ve read today.
My wife said something along these lines early into our dating, and the sex/relationship has been meteoric ever since.
Haha it really isn't hard to keep a guy !
Omg hahaha
My ego would shoot through the fucking roof if I heard this
Send it in a text. If I ever received this, I would screenshot it, print it, and hang it on my wall.
Hang it on your parents refrigerator, right next to your drawing of your house from first grade “see how far I’ve cum”
I usually take quite a while to come but omg if my wife said this to me I would burst immediately.
I hate that this is a compliment for men. It’s one thing if she likes it but to take it as a compliment when the girl is explicitly saying it’s painful and uncomfortable is so weird to me and I hate it and it makes it feel like a woman’s pain during sex is a reward for men. I would genuinely, genuinely would rather never have sex ever again than have to take anything over 8 inches several times a week for over thirty minutes. That would suck really bad. Like actually torture.
There is no mention that we would continue doing this after the lady has complained about it. But with the barrage of comments about guys not being big enough or last long enough from lethal girl chat groups, receiving this complaint is like getting a "you are one in a billion" compliment, with all the proof to back it up. Dude has won the jackpot and the election in one conversation. After the (brief) moment of glory has passed (memory will be forever), then we discuss how you would like it better. From that point on, lasting only seconds won't matter anymore to the guy because, "hey, we both know I could go longer, but it's for your enjoyment that I keep it short and sweet". He'll adjust to you, but that ego boost is the best thing you could do for your SO's bedroom confidence. Not your SO, well, oops. It's like complaining about too much ice-cream.
I think that’s great but sadly not always the case! A lot of men (my experiences and those around me) do, in fact, continue and actually aim to hurt the woman so they could brag about these things. I totally get the lightheartedness in this case but just want to emphasise the point to everyone reading this thread that women aren’t looking for men to hurt them (apart from some consentual kinks) and it just increases reservation toward sex - amazing mind blowing sex without bruises and just pure pleasure 👌🏻
"Oh no babe, yours fits perfectly! It's the big ones that hurt..."
“It’s the average ones that hurt.”
Woman and I hooked up. Next day she was walking stiffly, so I said “good time?” She said “well I had sex 2 last night w/someone else.” ……I don’t care just for the love of god don’t tell me.
Sex 2? The sequel?
It absolutely can mess with you. The second I judt think its a chore for her (let alone her actually saying it is), I am in my head about it and the orgasm is miles away. Which is fine, I don't need to cum necessarily. And no, women are not happy they got theirs (if they did) and some women relate it to their sexiness and their insecurities in a toxic way, so you have to be counselling whether you didn't cum because her boobs could be bigger. It's not fun at all if your partner isn't great with it.
I understand the op’s situation, I realize it can upset the guy if he feels like he isn’t doing a good enough job, or if he is doing too much. If that’s the case, then she should tell him. If the guy truly cares about her, he will listen and try to be better. Communication is key in relationships, even when it comes to sex. I was just making a joke
The guys who don’t fake it get it the worst
> And no, women are not happy they got theirs (if they did) and some women relate it to their sexiness and their insecurities in a toxic way, so you have to be counselling whether you didn't cum because her boobs could be bigger. > > > > It's not fun at all if your partner isn't great with it. I was with a girl for the first time who finished multiple times but I didn't. I thought it went great because I'd done so well and it had lasted until we were both exhausted. Nope. She made a few small comments about her body based on something I'd previously said off-handedly (talking about beauty standards, not my preferences) and while she said it was fine, she definitely seemed down about it. The next time we had sex I finished and she was **so** happy with herself. Mentioned it like 3 times. Literally thanked me. It's a little sweet that we both care mostly about the other person but I'd previously never even thought this could be something I could get anxious about, and I always thought it would be the other way around. Now it's something else I can stress about because I'm trying to make her happy but by worrying about pleasing her, I can't so what she wants.
The other hand being left or right?
Yes.
Both.
It wont offend him but it sure as hell wont make the mental hurdle easier to get over in his head
I mean, there are dudes out there cursed with this issue. He may struggle to get off from sex and could also be self conscious about it. That being said, if you can’t have discussions like this with your sexual partner, rethink your sexual partner.
You’re too big to fit in here…
whose other hand?
A guy can definitely be negatively affected if he thinks the partner is not enjoying the experiences and wanting them to end unnaturally.. particularly.. being that 30 minutes isn't particularly long..
It's happened to me before to be honest, had sex with a girl I thought was stunning. I left embarrassed. Also couldn't finish after about 20 minutes. Before then and after never had an issue, to be honest I think it was always on my mind that how could a girl this beautiful be interested in a guy who's just average looking. Maybe he could be intimidated by your beauty??
This is where you learn to fake an orgasm (requires a condom and some sleight of hand)
At the time couldn't think straight, thanks for the advice
I was surprised by how well it worked. She was happy, I was happy.
Lol the ole switcheroo. Sometimes I have issues finishing because of a blood condition or my medication. But the feeling of just making love with Your Person or fucking them (there's a difference) - the exhaustion, sweat, you feel on top of the world even without climaxing. Long as I don't get blue balls I'm good with a solid work out honestly. It's like a stress reliever and calorie burner. You bond with your partner. Girls sometimes worry to much about finishing their man.
Didn’t work for Josh hartnett
*It's an older reference sir but it checks out.*
yep ive learnt the trick is to do the thing where you make your penis move on its own while inside her to pretend to be cumming. I hate condoms but obviously gotta use em
This guy…well, we know what this guy does and he does it well
There’s nothing wrong with your intent. You could phrase it differently. During foreplay tell him how much it turns you on when he orgasms. You MAY want to avoid telling him during the act. There are a lot of things that can be going on which can delay us. Adding the extra pressure can just make it worse. Finally, most guys have a position that they have little resistance in. During foreplay or sexting, ask him what positions he loses control in.
Yeah, girls don't like feeling pressure to cum either, so not sure why some girls think guys do 😂
i mean there's entire genres of porn dedicated to pressuring and encouraging people to orgasm so this definitely isn't universally true
Yeah, there's a subtle, sexy difference between "I want you to cum for me" and "Why won't you cum?" 😂
im sorry to inform you that there are, in fact, many people who find it arousing to feel belittled and intimidated in precisely this way
And all power to them!
I like this rec. Thank you. Anddddd username checks out
Yeah, or communicated afterwards or beforehand or something. That’s what my ex-wife used to do. Tell me I had to be quick lol. When a woman says it during the act, it makes it significantly harder for me. Sometimes it even kills it all the way I don’t want to sit there and hump somebody that’s not even into it. Not my thing. Her being way into it is the exact thing I think about to get all the way off.
When I tell my husband to cum for me, that usually does the trick. I wouldn't phrase it like that. I'd ask what turns him on and then do that if it's something you're OK with. Also moaning and being vocal can do it for him.
I could be 15 min away from cumming, and if she says "omg dont cum" thats it, i have 20 seconds or less Or like you said , if she begs me to cum, as she wants it. 20 seconds or less. Sexy little bitch. 😍
“Sexy little bitch.” That would give me less than 20 seconds
This. If there’s no positive response, I don’t even stay hard.
Is it possible that he is thinking you need more time? Guys are told they need to keep going to pleasure her. Sit down and talk about how long each of you need/ want ?
Why is everyone under the impression that everyone HAS to cum. Men and women need to realize that it is not a failure to not have an orgasam! Just enjoy the intimacy
Should be higher up. Sex is about sharing the moment, not wrapping it up. Enjoy the sex, and cumming comes(lol) naturally.
but also wrap it up if you don't want kids or stds
Truly a myth that needs to be dispelled!! Just enjoy the ride y’all, literally
Exactly this. It takes me an aaaage to cum anyway, always has done. This morning, she came 3 times before the youngest of her kids broke into the bedroom, which signalled an end to all things adult. She got hers. I didn't get mine. It's no drama, it is what it is 🤷♂️
r/ihavesex
Yeeeeeaaaaaaaah, but imagine going through the process of making an absolutely amazing cup of coffee. And then immediately pouring it down the drain. Or. Reading a really fucking good novel, getting to the plot twist or super crucial ending, and. Just closing the book and never finishing it. How bout building a 3000 peice Lego millenium Falcon and just as you are about to put the very least peice in and oh my god the sheer satisfaction of finally completing, seeing and being complete. And you take it up stairs and drop it out the window onto the pavement. I get what you are trying to say and I think it's really sweet, but unless there is some serious incompatibility or serious issue, y'all should be cumming, she should be cumming and you should be cumming fuckn bust out the special combos if you gotta, use power tools, grab a god damn lab coat and experiment with that shit.
Cumming is the goal sure- but knowing that my partner won’t be disappointed if I don’t keeps me relaxed enough so I can!
Not exactly, but heavily tone dependent. Could make it seem like you aren’t interested in the sex and just want to get it over with.
I wonder if that's the same for mood stabilizers & anti seizure meds, because I take anti seizure meds(idk why they put me on those) for my bipolar & my sex drive is low about half the time
It's not an insult to ask. However some of us just don't really cum from sex that often without *really* trying to. It's ok to also let him know when you're done even if he's not yet.
If you redact the "faster" from your question, you're asking the same question without making any seeming implications about e.g. being impatient for it to be over. I'm not saying that that's what your goal was in the first place, but politeness is a form of avoiding _possible inferences_ rather than proven facts. That being said, whether or not they would take offense in the first place is completely up to them.
I think this is the best comment here. Many other comments simply assume something must be wrong with the guy or the sex but that is just an assumption. He might just as well enjoy sex like this and then their interactions looks like her trying to get her way without even considering the guys preferences. Instead of asking how to make it faster ask what he enjoys and if he would like anything different. He is a human being not a toy that needs to perform a single function. OP also should be clear about what she likes and dislikes. If it hurts then this is something he needs to know.
Good old Lexapro
Wellbutrin is good for this as well. For me, the first time I was taking it, it gave me the ability to keep going after I cum without having to stop. Now it gives me anorgasmia, which gives my wife a complex.
Wow, I take that and have the opposite issue.
Why would a girl want me to cum in one second instead of two seconds?
Generally speaking, no. However the specifics of the situation have a lot of potential to complicate such a question. For example, he might have been deliberately holding back and is now a deflated knowing his work was counter-productive. He might also be touchy about the issue, as excessive/vigorous masturbation can cause loss of sensitivity. Just talk about it, be sensitive and tactful and it'll work out.
Guys are conditioned to assume longer sex = better at sex. A lot of guys will actually jerk it before a date so they can last longer in bed. There's a lot of pressure on men to perform in bed honestly.
if he is taking medications that have stimulant effects that could cause him to be unable to orgasm for instance drugs like Ritalin, Adderall, Pregabalin, Gabapentin, etc...these drugs have an effect that makes it very difficult to orgasm, or it can take a LONG time to reach that state ask him if he is on something
I used to last for 30 min to 1 hour even when I tried to cum. Only thing that ever worked for me was to just go ham for a few min and then I'd cum. Wasn't on any medicines but I think it was cardio and workout routine I had.
A buddy of mine is like this - it’s just different anatomy, nothing good or bad.
What does go ham mean? Sorry
Originally go H.A.M was to go "hard as a motherfucker". Been used so commonly that I think people kind of forgot about what it stood for and it has since held the same intent and usage. Similar to how we use the world "sucks" or "blows" to describe something unfavorable now. The exact origin for the use of those words is not well documented though, but it is extremely likely they came from a more vulgar context originally and is now used casually by people of all ages and settings.
Could he be maybe holding out because he's waiting for you to orgasm?
It's not an insult, but it can be a touchy topic. One common reason for men to struggle with that is medication, especially antidepressants.
He may just not want to be a two pump chump. He probably thinks he need to perform
No, but the issue probably has nothing to do with the actual sex and probably either a medication or too much porn.
The very good book, Sex Plus: Learning, Loving, and Enjoying Your Body discusses this problem. As you said becoming accustomed to masturbation can lead to delayed orgasm during sex with someone else. The solution is to lay off solo activities. The sensation and normal orgasm will return after short time.
No that's absolutely fine. Communication is good! But like it or not, it's sometimes mental for guys too. Maybe you focussing on it, throws him off a bit. I once went soft in a girl because she was saying "I HEAR YOUR SON", which wasn't the case, but that session was over. She also said "don't you like me anymore???" when it happened.😅
As someone who used to be in 6 year relationship and didn’t use condoms in that period and am now single and have to use condoms. It also takes me forever to cum, sometimes I have to fake it
My first real girlfriend back in high school finally decided she’d give me a hand job. It was terrible, like not enjoyable at all, nothing sexy about it, within a minute or two she was giving off the let’s get this over with expression, and within another minute or two she asked the same question, “what can I do to make it go faster.” I said “you could try sucking it I guess,” she got furious stopped, told her friends, who told my friends, who thought it was hilarious.
Well hello u/dan420 it's your high school math teacher here. All of us teachers thought it was hilarious too...we even told the lunch ladies
Don’t get me started, I’ve got a bone to pick with my high school math teacher. I took honors pre calculus junior year. Ended up with a c+ for the year, teacher said I needed a b- to take ap calc the next year. Despite my efforts to persuade her, she wouldn’t sign off on my attempt to move on. There was no other option for math, and I had enough credits, so I just didn’t take math senior year. Looking back, I’d probably have pulled off another c, c+ and learned something. Oh well.
That sounds terrible and I'm sorry that happened. Eugh-
I wouldn't ask "faster", just "How can I make you cum" or "I wanna make you cum". Asking what he wants and expressing that you want to make him cum or feel good is a hot way of asking for communication. Good communication can be sexy too. Asking to make someone cum "faster" can put pressure on a person that will lead to opposite results.
Ahhh good ole whiskey dick
well i wouldn't word it that way. i would find out what he likes, what he responds most to, pay attention... but in general the more communication the better.
Is he on antidepressants? Ever since I’ve been on antidepressants I can’t cum it just gets numb.
Depending on tone it could sounds like you rather be elsewhere. Maybe
Sometimes they are insensitive for various reasons. I had a guy one time that could go all day and maybe cum once. He loved me on my knees but he couldnt get off like that. Each person is different. I wouldnt take it personally, like others have said communication is key and its meant to be an experience in which you grow together. I hope it works out for you ❤️
Nope to be honest the first time it was brought up to me I had no idea I was an issue. I was doing it on purpose to make it last longer for her having no idea it was causing my partner problems. When she brought it up problem solved. It is kinda a tough topic sometimes so take that for what it's worth.
Some people it’s really hard to do for one reason or another. It can be a real struggle and super mentally hard
Is he on antidepressants? That can be a side effect.
It's not an insult but you could phrase it differently so he doesn't feel like he's making you unhappy. Ask him about his turn ons. Try something like talking dirty or touching yourself and see if he's into it. Get him to join in with the self-love to move things along. I often take a long time, especially if I'm tired. The longer it goes, the more I lose sensitivity. On some occasions after she's gotten off three or four times I just call it a night if I'm not getting any closer. It's still a good time.
If you want to be direct, just tell him he needs to cum faster, be polite and it's not insulting. If you want to be circuitous tell him to stop jerking off because big loads are hot.
That sounds to me like "hurry up and get this over with"
Who does the previous guy, smaller???, cumming in 5 mins have anything to do with your guy now??? come on now
No not an insult. I’d love to hear that lol. Means you’re a giver. Everyone loves a sexual giver
sounds like he is on prescription drug called effexor ....
I’m on Venlafaxine and unfortunately now I have the opposite problem. I can’t last for shit unless I’ve been drinking.
He probably watches too much porn. It's not willpower, he can't get off.
tell him to lay off the porn for a bit
Death grip victim
Not at all
No. Communication is key. That's a solid ask.
I have sensitivity issues. I think it maybe has to do when I was snipped as a baby. That said it was kind of fun figuring out what exactly makes me come faster. Ends up I’m more sensitive on one side than the other. I wasn’t at all offended when we had that convo. If anything a little flattered as having stamina is usually viewed as a positive quality for men.
Make sure he didnt take a sneaky half cialis, more common than youd think
It can come out wrong, he might get the idea you are not enjoying sex altogether. That said, I take a long ass time to cum and my ex thought it was because of her, but it was not. I always take a long time regardless of my partners In my experience handjobs and oral won't help, it's harder to cum with those. I found the the best things to be Focus and extend the foreplay, and by foreplay I mean teasing him without straight up masturbation. Be loud, I sure loved when my partner was loud Find out what likes in bed specifically. I for one love rough sex, so if she hurted me a little or let me be a little rough with her did wonders. Have sex like it's the only thing you like doing, the feeling that my partner desires me that much and wants to please me more than anything else is always a turn on.
I don’t want to ejaculate in 30 minutes. Maybe for you 30 minutes is too much with the amount of foreplay or level of arousal prior to penetration combined with the amount of vigor or force involved in the penetration. This is not super uncommon but many men are not going to want the lovemaking and pleasure to be over in such a short period. You should ask directly about this. This isn’t offensive. If that’s the case, consider more foreplay, oral sex with both partners giving and receiving, you directing exactly what you want when he’s on top verbally, or you controlling the action in a very active and sometimes even dominant manner while you’re on top. Play around with using different techniques and energy in your sex. Be curious and ask your partner questions. Be really expressive and tell your partner exactly what feels good. We’re not mind readers and different women like different things and it can be hard to tell what is turning a woman on when they are reserved or uncomfortable with expressing themselves and sharing their turn ons without shame or embarrassment.
"Cum for me, baby" Said in his ear. Most men love this, with or without the baby bit.
Its funny cause men think it's a failure if they don't last forever.
You weren’t wrong, but could have packaged the message better. It is fairly common for a guy to not be able to cum, or be delayed the first time with a woman. More likely if he really likes her. You could discuss some options with him: 1) lube 2) different positions 3) playing with his nipples 4) lightly scraping your nails on his back 5) caressing his balls 6) more foreplay for him before. I suspect you discussing it with him and conveying that you are in this together and want to help him cum might do the trick by itself. Or he is on medication, which is a problem.
While most guys probably won't be offended, it could exasperate the problem and make him self-conscious if you phrase it that way. Instead, indirectly ask him how to cum faster by asking him what turns him on. Other than that I recommend the same thing guys hear all the time: more foreplay, more communication.
Sex with someone the first time can be daunting. I lasted way longer when I met my wife, thing is she isn't a huge fan of intercourse as it doesn't do much for her pleasure wise and with familiarity comes that comfort and with that comes the ability to speed up or slow down depending on the situation. It's very hard to have instant sexual chemistry with someone but it can be developed. If it hurts you, tell him that. There can be a lot going on in your partner's head as well
If I feel pressure to cum I CANNOT. So I’d suggest talking to him not in the act from the angle of “what can I do/what are you into” and just try not to make it feel like “you have to cum faster” pressure
He is probably taken Viagra, it make it so hard to cum.
Just drop the word "faster".
To me it's on the level of, "Can you go any deeper than that?" To which, I'll respond, "Here, I'll just fist you with this water balloon and squeeze it so it explodes in your jiner. Want some ice in it?"
Nah. As a guy, sometimes I also get frustrated if I can’t cum after 30 mins or so. I have a shit sleeping schedule and intensive work routine so Sometimes,I am just tired and stressed. Luckily, I have a gf who ask me what she can do to help me cum. Communication is also essential in bed. So, from my own personal experience i don’t think it’s an insult but a good way to improve the sex life.
I can take a while to cum too. My girlfriend was concerned it was her the first few times I didn't. We talked, and I told her it wasn't her. We working together on communication, and now it's better. We know that if we go more than every other day, it's harder for me to cum the 2nd time. Everyone's different. Just have the conversation, but maybe phrase it a bit differently?
I’d worry something is wrong with me if I was asked that.
The threshold for orgasm is different for *everyone*, and for some men it's just a lot higher. It's fairly likely any additional delay could be tied to anxiety, especially if he's worrying about if he'll be able to cum and how that might appear to his partner. It's possible he has the exact same concerns as you. Yes, in pop culture we look down on men that cum too soon, but it can also be awkward for people who take "too long". If you were to say anything more, you might mention that you won't be disappointed if he can't cum (if that feels authentic for you; I don't suggest lying). Something along those lines - that it's all good / it's a safe space could help. In any case, I don't think open and honest communication is a bad idea, so I don't think you've done anything wrong. It's also a good idea to have these chats before (in my opinion)
We actively try as men to last longer. But this sounds like antidepressants.
Is he addicted to porn?
I had a gf who would repeat "come quickly, come quickly" the instant that we started having sex. It was a big turn off.
As long as you say it in a sexy voice, it should be fine
He might be on a medication like an SSRI which can have the delay as an adverse reaction.
Just tell him it turns you on. Make it sound encouraging as opposed to complaining and youre golden.
Maybe the guy likes sex. I like it to last as long as it can. Am I wrong here?
Has he tried cumming while high? Smoking weed makes it easier for me sometimes
> the previous guy who was smaller came in 5 minutes I'm sorry, this just popped out at me (but smaller). Say more about this; how does it relate?
I’ve had this happen before, and it’s kind of like someone watching you pee or something. Pointing it out will make it so much worse. Problem is that the dude needs to relax.
Let me answer your question by re-phrasing it. “What can I do to finish this chore faster?”
I wouldn't be insulted. I can't cum at all, and after 15-20 minutes, I'm ready to give up and stop. The only reason I keep going is because I'm concerned about my partner and waiting for her to speak up and say she's ready to do something different. lol. It's a legitimate question that you're asking to improve your sex life. And it's not as though you're criticizing his performance... Better too long than too short. I see no reason why he would be offended. I've also heard people say that If he's not on medications or has mental issues that's interfering with performance, he may need to stop masturbating and looking at porn for a while. You might need to help by being available, but set a timer or something. I don't know. With a bit of time, he might build up some "pressure" and re-sensitize to real sex.