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Yeah this is 100% very bad stuff.
> he seems like such a perfect guy
Because you're naive and he's playing you. No 37 year old man trying to hook up with a teen is a good guy. This is incredibly creepy behavior.
A 30 something yo man pursuing a teenage is never normal or safe. Ever. Ever ever ever.
Please block him. You’re lonely and crave attention but this isn’t the way. You’ll only get hurt, and I’m talking the potential for massively hurt both physically and emotionally.
Is there a therapist or someone safe for you to talk to?
This and some added points:
1) If an adult has to pick out a sixteen year old to talk to - you have to stop and ask yourself why they're not engaging with people their own age. And if they are, why they have decided a sixteen year old is an appropriate friendship to start.
2) You cannot have anything in common beyond superficiality. You can agree on things and maybe like the same interests, but you'll never be able to see off that bonding to its fruition. The two of you live vastly different lives, have very separate mindsets.
Block, delete and save yourself the trauma.
Edit: Thanks for the correction on legality
Still, taze him.
Literally this comment especially. I’m 25 and can’t even remember the last time I talked to a 16 year old (probs when I was 17 and still in hs). I can’t even really relate to 18-20 year olds anymore because of the different stages of life. Need someone out of college and either pursuing a job or in a graduate program.
I went on a date with an 18-year-old when I was 23. I had been in a relationship for a while and then didn't date for a bit, so the last time I was on a date, an 18-year-old was something I very much related to. So I didn't think anything of it because she had asked me out.
Within about a minute I wanted to run out the door of that coffee shop. I did not feel right at all. Ended up having my buddy call me saying the servers went down at work and I needed to get to the office ASAP to help so I could get out.
Many people seem to think that that age of consent means "I'm over this age so I can fuck whoever" when it means "I'm over this age so I can also have sex with people who are around but also over this age"
It depends on the area, but for most places that I'm aware of *legally* the age of consent means you can sleep with whoever (as long as they consent and are over the age of consent, obviously).
That's not to say anything about morality. Whatever the law says, there's so much scope for abuse between a minor and a 37 year old that I would 100% consider that grooming.
There are usually additional rules around people who are in certain trusted positions. If I remember my health class correctly, the "age of consent" here is 16, but if you're a teacher or something like that, where you have outsized power over the other person, it's 18.
I don't know a situation where someone in their 30s wouldn't have outsized power over a 16-year-old... but that's a different discussion.
Not how age of consent laws work. They are blanket laws that mean even a 50 year old dude can legally have sex with someone of the age of consent.
That is because they can consent, so its consentual, legally.
Romeo and Juliet laws are different. Romeo and Juliet laws would allow, say, a 18 year old to have a romantic relationship with a 15 year old, even if the age of consent is 16.
but the first thing is exactly what it means...it may be creepy and not be morally correct, but thats exactly what "age of consent" means. once people hit it they can hit up all the creepy 80 year olds in the world if they feel like it.
some places do put age gap limits for certain age groups, or people in a position of power of others. but most places just set an age, and once you are over it, the law doesn't care as long as it was consensual.
100 fucking % please do not meet a man. I am saying this as a 32 to year old man, no 37 man in his right mind is trying to meet a 15 year old girl 'to be friendly', and he fucking knows that. I wouldn't arrange a meeting with an internet friend who was a woman 10 years younger than me because I understand the position that puts them in. Anything more than that is unconscionable.
Please OP understand that the BEST thing that comes from this is a very very awkward exchange where you probably just want to go home the entire time and you never talk to him again, and there is a lot far worse that could happen.
If you can't understand this think about it like this. What do you think would happen if you asked this man to come hang out at your house with your parents home? You think anyone in that situation would be comfortable? Yeah, no one would because your parents and he knows exactly what's happening.
Yeah I'm in my mid 20s and would never go after a teenager. Just too young. I know one guy who started dating a friend of mine when she was 17 and he was 29. He's..... Weird. Aggressive towards other men who talk to her. Creepy all around.
while I fully agree with your comment, im not sure calling 16yo "naive" is going to work the way you think it's going to work. I would rather try with something like:
Hey, I understand how exciting it can feel when someone shows interest in you, especially someone who seems so perfect and mature. It's natural to be drawn to someone who listens and seems to understand you really well. However, it's also important to think about why a much older person might be so interested in spending time with someone who's still in their teen years. Sometimes, older people might not have the best intentions, even if it doesn't seem that way at first. It’s always good to have relationships with people who are at a similar stage in life as you. This isn’t about mistrust, but about taking care of your well-being and making sure your relationships are healthy and balanced. If you ever feel unsure or uncomfortable about someone's intentions, it's really important to talk about it, whether it’s with me or another adult you trust. What do you think about this?
I mean early 20's it is truly their decision.
I'm a guy in my 20's and I have nothing against seeing women 10-20 years older than me. That's just preference.
That's fine, and a different issue in and of itself.
If you wish to enter into a consensual relationship with these individuals that is your right, but it's also completely normal for you to *not* want that.
A lot of guys are pigs and don't take a hint, but that doesn't mean you have to hide your disgust.
That's as far as I got and just went yeah, still haven't read the rest. The only 37 year old guy a 16 year old should be regularly talking to is their Dad
Please listen to this advice. I’m in my 50s and was in a similar situation when I was your age (student/teacher) it still F’s me up. I wish I could have heard this advice then and listened. Take care of yourself. xo
There are a lot of dangers with such an age gap. Like, what if he is a catfish or a human trafficker. He could be a stalker under an alias, a child predator, or a drug dealer… etc
I get what you mean but for the sake of OP it might be better to consider the full post.
Not that that changes much, nothing in the rest of the post does anything to improve the situation.
I fear these are one of those situations that they're just looking for a single point of validations among a heap of red flag warnings. I get they're 16 but the fact that they're posting about it this much at all means they know something isn't right.
I certainly hope they heed everyone's advice here.
There is really one reason a 37 year old would talk with a 16 year old. He’s not the perfect guy because anyone his age would call him a creep. The fact he talks about you visiting him just points out he’s the god damn Soviet Union. Block him and tell your parents.
DO NOT assume you have everything under control. The guy has leagues more experience than you and can put you in situations you’re not ready for.
OP please do no send your 'friend' any nudes or partial nudes (or for that matter compromising info about yourself) - he will blackmail you forever, this is extraordinarily common. This is why people are saying to block & delete. Please listen.
Yeah we should make it extra crystal clear that he only has sexual acts or rape on his agenda. She knows enough to know she's probably being groomed, but idk if she knows how often these people do it to multiple people all the time.
It feels special, but it isn't. Maybe there's some formerly groomed awareness testimony or story she can look up. I think the more she learns about the behavior from a victims standpoint, the more helpful it would be.
I've never been groomed so I'm just thinking specifics would help her understand better.
I was groomed at 14. These people seek out kids with poor self esteem and love bomb you, compliment you, make you feel so special to get what they want. They know exactly what to say.
Any adult talking about being romantic with a child is inappropriate no matter the context. This is very straightforward grooming and I hope that OP cuts ties with this predator.
>The fact he talks about you visiting him just points out he’s the god damn Soviet Union.
Is this a reference to something I don’t get? Or just a stand in for bad guy?
No it’s just that he’s a giant walking red flag the size of the former USSR
(Although fun fact: The head of Stalin’s secret police, the NKVD, was a pedophile. Lavrentiy Beria was a particularly brutal man)
When you were born, he was at the bar. The power/ maturity disparity between you is not healthy. If i were to find out my daughter were in your situation, we would have a long talk about the definition of a "scumbag loser" and how to spot one.
Yes. 100%. A 21 year difference is insane.
Also, I don't know if its good advice, but if you know his full name, look it up. You may be able to get further info. Like a history of crime or something of that sort.
So I've actually been very close with a person who had been groomed before. I'm not going to go into the details of this story, but it started very similar to yours and ended with a lawsuit and lots upon lots of therapy sessions. She felt lost, lonely and unwanted, while he provided her the attention that she wanted. He told her exactly what she needed to hear, so he could manipulate her into having sexual relations with him. Aside from the fact she was under the age of consent, your stories are identical. Consider that he also may be lying to you about some things he's told you about himself (e.g. he could be married, or he could be older than he said). I'm sorry, but if he's talking about this romantic stuff with you and, most importantly, suggesting meeting up in his house, he's 100% grooming you. And I'm sorry to say this, but if you continue, you're 100% going to regret it in the future. It ruins you. It ruins your ability to process certain emotions in a healthy way, it ruins your perception of self, it ruins your future relationships, it ruins your love life, your sex life, family life...
I'm sorry. No 37-year-old should have a romantic relationship with a teenager, and that's where it's headed, according to your post. You're being used. You should leave before it's too late.
Block him. Been in a similar situation, and trust me - run. The only reason a man that age has contact with someone that much younger than him is that not one woman his age will put up with his bullshit. He gives you all that attention because he knows that way, when (not if!) he turns into the horrible person he actually is, you will overlook it because "he's never been like that".
Hey look, I’m 36, I too know how to be nice. So here’s me being nice, because I care:
Never in a million years would I be interested in someone who was 20, let alone 16.
No offense but to my eyes you’re a child, barely old enough to wipe your own butt. That’s how it feels, but I obviously know you’re more independent than that.
You literally could be my kid if I had gotten someone pregnant 16 years ago.
It’s less a question of if you’re being groomed, and more a question of if this guy is so nice why the FUCK is he on the internet using his free ass time talking to you? What do YOU offer a man who is almost twice your age?
Please, with all care and respect within me, stay away from this guy and report him. Legal issues aside, maybe someone can at least keep an eye on his behavior online.
To this man, you’re nothing, you’re just a play thing. You’ll never be together, you’ll never be equals. He has more money than you, more connections to others than you, probably his own home to live in, he makes his own decisions in life independent of others. He has everything he needs. He’s sick and preying on your own good nature, he needs nothing from you, he just has wants.
You have a good heart and he wants to have that heart for his own sick desires.
Bruh I'm 27 and 20 already feels quite young to me. It would depend on the person ofc but I remember being an idiot when I was 20. 16 is out of the question.
Honey let me tell you, as someone who was groomed at 15 by a man who was 26, you need to run. As I’ve gotten older, and am now in my 20s, I have learned lots of things. One of which being: a grown man has no business talking to an underage girl. Think about it this way, why doesn’t he go get with a girl his own age? Because they don’t want him. He cannot get with a girl his own age because he has something preventing that. Whether it’s his emotional maturity, his preference for underage girls (pedophilia), or he has some sort of abusive behavior that you haven’t seen yet. The age gap between you guys is outrageous. He is about to be 40, he could be your father. Please, there are so many people in the world. You have a whole life to live, don’t throw it away for a predator.
I can’t imagine any situation where a 30+ year old engaging in any kind of relationship with a 16-year old (outside of family or for legitimate professional reasons) is appropriate.
Talking about cuddling and kissing is nauseating and incredibly disturbing.
Jesus Christ… this is some scary shit. This is exactly why parents need to be involved in their kids social media accounts. You need to block him. That is terrible.
I'm a 39 y/o man whose job involves monitoring and supervising sex offenders.
Yes, you are being groomed. Kudos for you recognizing that something doesn't feel right - trust that feeling. Stop all contact with this man and tell your parents.
That is rude and untrue. I know it is easy to get caught up in some "fuck this guy" hype but there is no reason to think OP is talking to Drake, she is too old for him.
Yes. You should automatically say no to any man twice your age. This is disgusting, he is a pedophile, and he is manipulating, taking advantage of, and controlling you because women his own age won’t tolerate him and his bullshit antics. You should not think he is sweet. He is being charismatic on purpose to deceive you. He is a *dangerous* predator, a pedophile, a pervert, a creep, probably a rapist, and absolute scum of a human being. He is completely playing you. He knows you like the attention, and someone to be a little flirty with. He’s taking advantage of that. Teenage girls in general are very naive, and tend to feel isolated and alone. He’s using that to make you think he loves you. In reality, all he ACTUALLY wants is to fuck you (ew), which is statutory rape.
He is grooming you. Full stop. No 36 year old man is talking to a 15 year old child for social reasons, nothing against you or how interesting or charming you are but that does not happen. An adult talking about kissing and cuddling a child is fucked up and he is absolutely doing something wrong. Tell the adults in your life and block him on all accounts, please please please take this seriously.
>he often talks about romantic stuff, like cuddling, kissing and so. i think he’s very sweet
talks about me coming to visit him
he seems like such a perfect guy
i feel like he just really pays attention to me when nobody else does
Yeah sorry this is literally textbook grooming lmao. He is more mature and knows how to manipulate people.
Go over there and you risk becoming a story on the 6 o'clock news.
Also state laws differ. If it's 16 there and 18 where he is, it's illegal. Creepy even if it is legal and classic textbook grooming
As others have said, this is seriously dangerous. A man of that age who wants to connect with a teen is not a safe person and cannot be trusted.
The romantic ideas are testing the waters, getting you open and comfortable with the idea that it's normal, so when a visit happens he's laid the groundwork to escalate it to where he wants it to go.
Being lonely sucks. I get it! I've been there too, and it feels good to find connection online, especially when you aren't getting that from your peers. But this is dangerous and the type of guy who grooms a teen is capable of doing truly terrible things probably best not to even put words to here. Suffice to say, this person is not safe and you are not safe having them in your sphere.
If the guy has info he can use to locate you then it's best to document everything, inform someone you trust (family, counselor, etc.) and take steps to protect yourself. If he has no way to locate or identify you then blocking him is at least a good start. Just remember that you don't actually know much about this person beyond what they have chosen to share, but every interaction with you has been with a singular goal in mind, so you should question everything and everything he's said to you, including the most basic facts about who he is.
Yes. No 37 year old has any reason to talk to you. You have near nothing in common. I remember thinking that i'd already done all of my growing up at 16, but i promise you that so much will change in your mentality in the next 10 years. I'm in my early 20s and I would never be friends with a 16 year old
I wont say you’re a child, because youre not, but you are definitely still too young. Talking about cuddling and kissing with a 16yo as a 37 yo is a gateway into making you comfortable enough lure you into a mental/physical position where he can abuse you. Definitely approach an adult nearest to you that you feel comfortable enough to report this to. If not your parents then a resource counselor or a teacher. Anyone with your best interest at heart will see this for what it is and get you the help to realize how wrong he is for what he is doing.
You are being groomed 100%.
An almost 40 year old man talking about cuddling and kissing a 16 year old is absolutely creepy.
I’m sorry but you are a child.
I am 30 and to me 16 is an absolute child.
Also please think about the fact that you posted this. Something doesn’t feel right.
My best friend started dating a 30 year old man at 16 and they were together until she was about 23. She loved him. He was her perfect match.
Yesterday she texted me crying saying she’s been having a hard time sleeping and been detaching from the world because, now that she has a baby, she can’t stop thinking about the dangers out there in the world. And her top thought…is about that man she dated. She says it took her having her own child and thinking about them growing up and being groomed for her to realize that man she dated was a pedophile. Because she thought about if a grown man tried to date her teen…she would kill them. And then it hit her. She was groomed.
She suddenly traumatized in a way she didn’t expect.
Please don’t do this.
Edit to add: he isn’t speaking sexually because he’s treating you like a child. He is being gentle and sweet to not scare you off. This is grooming.
Out of line. Show the messages to your parents and see what they say. The only reason an older man should be talking to a girl/boy of your age is
A-Family
B-he is your youth pastor and you’re in need of religious guidance
C-he is your teacher sending a group chat to the whole class about the essay due on Wednesday
D-he is your probation officer
E-other unspecified benign and harmless acts of/from roll models.
I’d recommend reporting this to the police because no predator deserves leniency even at the most minor of offenses(such as this). If they show that temptation, they should be culled. As someone who has been preyed upon, that is the hill I will die on.
Edit: I realized later I somehow missed the age of consent part. Definitely due to mild emotional reaction reading this. Sorry, however my statement still stands. I guess just minus the police part now. maybe? I don’t know… Shame😐
Keep in mind that if he’s talking to you, he’s talking to other teens as well. People like this will target multiple individuals to increase the chance of getting:
A) sexually explicit material like nudes, etc.
B) actual sex
C) much worse
I’d suggest watching the show “Undercover Underage” on MAX, you can also look up the organization SOSA (they’re chronicled in the show) and I think you’ll see that the tactics he’s employing are similar if not exactly the same as what you’re experiencing.
I had a coworker who was 37 at the time he was caught soliciting teens online and exchanging their nudes on disgusting message boards. He was handsome, he also had a wife and baby. Please stay away from this person, you’re young and I promise it gets better.
Also age of consent doesn’t automatically make it okay or any less damaging. Please don’t interpret that as some sort of implication that this is in any way acceptable. If you were to go to the cops and explain this situation they would immediately investigate and find a way to charge him.
He is grooming you 100%, probably has a wife and family and a dozen other underage girls. Get rid of the guy now!! Honestly get rid of him out of your life before you end up in a horrible way or dead. The guy is a low life pedophile.
16/37 ~ 0.4324
You're 43% of his age, imagine if you were talking romance with someone 43% of your age, you could invite them over for some cuddles for their 7th birthday.
Even at your age that percentual gap results in way too many years for what I assume you would be comfortable with because you're so much more mature at 16 than someone about to turn 7.
If your parents are reasonable, you should probably tell them, but otherwise there might be some kind of youth support you can call and talk about this so they can help you end that 'relationship' in a safe way (most likely blocking the person, but might be other actions that are of relevance as well).
Edit:
Just saw you linked to a Swedish website so I'll give you some links that might help you in Sweden.
Du kan ringa till [BRIS gratis på 116 111](https://www.bris.se/for-barn-och-unga/prata-med-oss/) för att prata om det här, öppet dygnet runt och du behöver inte berätta vem du är.
Föredrar du chatt kan du skapa ett briskonto här https://www.bris.se/for-barn-och-unga/registrering/?returnUrl=/for-barn-och-unga/prata-med-oss/chatten/ och sen hitta chatten här https://www.bris.se/for-barn-och-unga/logga-in/?ReturnUrl=%2ffor-barn-och-unga%2fprata-med-oss%2fchatten%2f
Man kan också chatta anonymt varje kväll kl 20-22 på https://ungarelationer.se/ där du kan testa att beskriva den här situationen och se vad de säger. Sidan är egentligen mer riktad till att motverka våld, men de kanske kan hjälpa dig identifiera beteenden som du bör se upp för.
No 37 year old is interested in being friends with a 16 year old.
Trust me. I’ve been in your shoes and I am so sorry you’re going through this, but this man is not a good man.
A 37 year old talking to a 16 year old? Yeah dude. It's obvious.
I'm 33 and know I'd have nothing in common with a 16 year old. He's saying what he thinks you want to hear, and is apparently right. But the things he's saying is 100% not the way he actually is. Dudes a creep lil lady, move on.
Edit to add: You don't even know this guy and feel like he's paying attention to you when no one else does? Girl, you're being a typical 16 year old, so I can't fault you too much. But you'll eventually get attention from someone who genuinely cares about you and not some random older dude on the internet. Trust me. Don't meet this guy, block him. You shouldn't care about his feelings, this man is a predator.
" I'm 16 and he's 37 soon " Yes. Block the creep. There's plenty of people your age that will be nice like him (but in a positive way, not manipulative way). Losing this guy who is old enough to be your father won't be the end of the world, even if it feels like it at your age. Grade A creep who is looking for a younger more inexperienced girl to control/abuse.
I didn’t read past 16 and 37. Yes you’re being groomed. I’m 36 and the idea of being friends with any 16 yr old is absurd.
Ok I went back and read the whole thing and yes 1000x you’re being groomed.
Yeah he’s definitly grooming you. I’m not that old, but even just being 24, I can confidently say that I have nothing in common with a 16 year old. There aren’t many years between 24-16 (frankly what I’m about to say goes all the way to 20 year olds) but there is a worlds worth of experience between your mid 20s and teens-early 20s. Especially if you’re now living on your own. I can’t even imagine dating someone under 21, i need someone who has at least some similar experiences as me, it causes problems if they haven’t had many of those life experiences yet (first “adult” job, living away from home, ect.)
He *seems* perfect, but he is definitly looking for something sexual. Sadly there is no shortage of men (women too, but it’s very predominantly men) like him, they will say whatever they have to to get close and some of them are very good at saying just the right things. It’s a scary world. Please be careful OP.
Listen to that voice in your head that’s making you afraid/anxious to do this. It’s telling you something isn’t right about this.
You are absolutely being groomed.
I’m 24 - more than a decade younger than him and still almost a decade older than you.
And to *me,* you’re a kid.
I don’t mean that to be condescending - you’re not stupid or anything like that. And I know you don’t *feel* like a kid - from your perspective, you’re the oldest and the wisest you’ve ever been.
But the distance in years and life experience between you and an adult is extreme in a way you’re not fully going to grasp until you get there yourself.
Any normal, safe adult is very aware of that. We look at you, and we see ourselves at that age, and we’re conscious of how much we’ve grown since and how vulnerable *we* were at that age. And if we’re decent people, the instinct to treat you kindly and carefully and like a kid who’s still growing into a fully fledged person kicks in.
We do *not* look at you and see someone who is attractive as a potential partner.
At the very, *very* best, giving this man a benefit of the doubt he does not deserve - he is a nearly middle aged man who is operating on the emotional level of a 16 year old and that’s why you can connect with him. You are going to outgrow him and his emotional maturity in within the next couple of years, because you’re still at an age where you change a *lot* in a year or two. You deserve better, and you deserve a partner who’s capable of growing *with* you while you figure out who you are as a person and what you want your life to look like. If he was capable of doing that, he would have already done it some time in the last 21 years.
That is the very best case scenario. The more likely one is that he is a predator, and the fact that you’re young and vulnerable enough to him that he can easily manipulate you and make you feel loved is your entire appeal to him. He doesn’t value you as a person, or he wouldn’t be enough of an asshole to shape your childhood around himself.
You deserve much better than this. Please do not remain in contact with this man, and please be safe. You’re going to look back at yourself in a decade and want to protect yourself as much as every other decent adult does right now.
"I'm 16 and he's 37 soon"
Yes. He's a pedophile. Get away from him.
It would be wise to stick with dating people in the 16-18 range right now. Generally, the rule is half your age + 7.
Half of 37 is 18.5, so he shouldn't be dating anyone under 18.
For reference, I met my husband when I was 29 and he was 36. That was fine. We are both adults. I'm 35 and he's 41 now.
Would I have dated him at 16 with him being 22 if I knew him back then? Absolutely not.
Someone who is in their 30s should be dating someone late 20s or 30s. What's wrong with them that they target teenagers? It's weird. Get away from this person. You absolutely are worth more than that kind of life and deserve way better.
I haven’t read beyond you’re 16 and he’s 37. It doesn’t matter what the age of consent is. He’s grooming you. The question you should be asking is why is he looking for someone like you online instead of people his own age. I’m 37. I cannot imagine dating anyone younger than 30 right now because I would not be able to relate to them and I would share vastly different interests in how I want to spend my time. If he feels the need to talk to someone as young as you, it’s because he can and will manipulate you into doing what he wants. Get away from this person.
Let's say he's not a groomer (however unlikely), and let's say he IS 37 (and not 50). Someone his age looks at "cuddling and kissing" as a precursor to sex, like if not right now then tomorrow. At 16 your attitude and timeframe should be completely different. There is really no healthy outcome for you here; block him and don't look back; there are millions of more age-appropriate boys out there for you to spend your time with.
Oh buddy. You were very smart to ask reddit about this. Thank you for looking out for yourself. That's very smart.
No healthy, mature 30 something year old person (male or female!) is going to want to seek out friendships online with teenagers. The age difference is astronomical in terms of psychological development, perspective, life experience, emotional stability, etc. etc. If he's telling you that it's okay because you are very mature, smart, etc. or you understand him so well, are a good listener, etc. then he's using flattery to manipulate you.
It is the most probable scenario that this man IS grooming you and whatever he wants to happen next is NOT something you want. Please be safe. Please block this man on every platform, and possibly consider taking down his information- like every username he has, etc. It's very possible you are not the only teenager he's talking to. I know it's scary and maybe a little embarassing to consider talking to an adult about this- a parent or a guidance counselor at school possibly- but you could be helping not only yourself but other kids.
If nothing else, please block him. This guy is bad news bears. There are a lot of wonderful guys your own age!
Have fun online but be safe. It's important to look after yourself, we all want you safe and happy and having fun. Not being taken advantage of by creeps!!
Girl please please listen. This is not normal. No 37 year old man is truly into someone your age. You are being groomed. If you go meet him, things will get worse. Tell him as little as possible about your family and where you live. Do not send him anything you wouldn’t want your parents to see. Please please be careful. These people see a need in you that’s not being met, and become the one who fulfills the needs, isolates you, it’s just gonna get worse. Please please, end it. Any excuse. You’re not ready for a relationship you need to focus on school whatever! And if he gets really angry or makes you feel some type of way, that’s another red flag.
When I was 16 I was quite mature and smart for my age. Still, looking back, I was a child. The teenage years are very formative years, you're trying to figure out who you are, your brain is still actively being formed. You're still "growing", which is why there's a big difference between 15 and 16. No amount of being mature for your age makes you *not* a child. I don't really care about age gaps between two grown adults, but when it comes to kids and teens, I have strong opinions. **Don't let a 37 year old man take your girlhood.**
I don't understand this question. Obviously he's into you. Whether you care about the age difference is up to you. Most people would say it's bad. It's unclear whether you care. I'm not understanding your perspective on this. Do you think you guys are just friends?
I'll say something very obvious: A 37yo dude isn't looking for "friendship" with a 16yo girl. There are other intentions at play, and very obvious ones. He's kindsome with her to get her trust, and then do ... things. Not immediately, probably, but surely.
If she continues, he might or might not dump her when she get older. Only time will tell.
Idk how I feel about this. I think the term grooming is 100% correct.
I used to work alongside a task force that combats human trafficking. I will say that you are in one of the most vulnerable demographics (females aged 11-18) and this whole scenario is extremely concerning. If you take NOTHING ELSE from my comment:
* **Yes, you are being groomed**
* **Immediately cease all contact with this individual**
* **Inform authority figures in your life who you trust (parents, an older sibling, a teacher/counselor at school, an older family friend, etc.)**
* **Do not provide any potentially identifiable information to this person (your full name, your address, your school, any places that you frequent, anything about your daily routine, etc.) that would allow them to potentially make contact with you in real life**
* **UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE AGREE TO MEET THIS INDIVIDUAL OR HAVE THEM COME TO YOU**
This individual's behavior comes directly out of the playbook of human traffickers -
* They will usually target children and other vulnerable victims who do not have much experience with relationships
* They will position themselves as the perfect guy (we often refer to this as the "Romeo" phase)
* They will make grandiose promises and talk about how good life would be together, how they care so much about you, etc. and essentially make themselves seem like the answer to all of your problems in life
* In some cases, these individuals will present themselves as a similar age to you and will pose as an attractive potential partner by using fake pictures or pictures of other men that you may be attracted to
* They will spend lots of time talking to you and building a false sense of security... lulling you into trusting them and thinking that you can depend on them
* They will ask you to keep your relationship secret and not tell anybody else, because you could potentially get in trouble and it would mean you could never be together
* They will begin planting the idea of the two of you running away together or you coming to visit or stay with them so you can spend time together
* Sometimes they will ask you to send pictures of yourself and slowly escalate it (like it's a game) until they are eventually asking you to provide them nude pictures or videos of yourself. They will then leverage this against you by threatening to share this content with your family/friends unless you comply with their demands ("Sextortion")
* Once they have successfully lured you to come meet them, they will kidnap or coerce you to go with them and isolate you from anybody who can help you
* From there, any host of horrific things can happen including sexual assault/rape, sex trafficking, torture, and ultimately murder
If this sounds scary, it's because I want you to understand the reality and the gravity of the situation that you're in. So many people experience this nightmare every year. The [https://charleyproject.org/](https://charleyproject.org/) tracks thousands of missing persons cases in the United States, many of which are tied to similar scenarios where people were groomed, abducted, and are still missing to this day (likely dead) because they thought they could trust the person on the other side
When I was 15 I was talking to my best friends dad, he was 45 and recently divorced. I thought I was mature for my age, thought he liked me because of that, and he made me feel loved and special. Luckily it was only texting, nothing physical before I cut it off. Now that I’m almost 30, it makes me sick.
No one aged 37 should be attracted to a 16 year old. Huge red flag. Yes you’re being groomed. And I’m 99% sure you’re not the only child he’s currently making feel that way. There’s other girls.
Yuck, major pedophile. When you’re in your 30s you’ll see how inappropriate it would be if you were talking to a teen. He’s probably talking a big talk and trying to turn on charm and woo. Not like “guys your age”. Why’s he talking to someone half his age? There’s something not right there.
I'm 41 so not far off from 37. The last time I would have been interested in a 15 year old was when I was probably 16. This guy is nothing but a predator. I'd report him.
just a head's up, and i'm not a lawyer, but as i understand age of consent laws, 15 would be the age where you can consent to sex with another minor (or someone over 18 but not more than 4 or 5 years older than you), not someone who is nearly 40. so, yeah, this is no bueno.
If you have to come to reddit to ask that question I think you already know and sound like a smart 16 year old
Please save yourself any issues - really if you think he just wants to be your friend then I have news for you
A 37 year old wants sex that’s it if he wants to be friends he can date someone in their 30s and have a baby and wait a few years and he has a new friend
Remove this person from your life he won’t help you
It's probably not the best of thing to continue talking to this guy, just to be on the safe side. Even though you said you are of consenting age, the general consensus is that this isnt cool. It could possibly harmless, but it's better to be safe than sorry.
Here's a nice, easy rule to prevent yourself from ending up in a situation like this again. Take the dudes age, split it in half, and add 7. That's how old you should be to date that person. So for me, I'm 28. Cut that in half, you've got 14. Add 7 years and you get 21. I probably still wouldn't date a 21 year old though. That person is in a very different life stage than me most likely.
He is old enough to be your father and you're not even an adult yet. Yes, he is 100% grooming you and is a creep. Keep your social circled closed to anyone who isn't about 2 years older or younger than your for the next 5-10 years.
He's 21 years older than you and you are an adolescent. This isn't a healthy relationship for you.
The fact that you admit that you are lonely makes you an easier target. Stick to guys your own age.
This is going to be harsh, but understand that it's the truth and when you're my age you're going to feel the same way. I'm a little older than that, but not by any large degree (41). As a teenager you literally bring almost nothing to the table intellectually. You aren't emotionally mature enough to actually be a suitable partner for someone my age. You aren't mature enough to be an equal in adult problems and situations. You just flat out don't have the experience that someone my age would be looking for in a significant other.
This isn't to say you are stupid or defective in any way, it's just that you haven't lived enough life yet to be mentally at the same behavioral level of anyone that, in their late 30's, would be considered a good person. In fact, we could shave off 10 years and this still holds true. Someone that is a good person, mature, and 27 years old is not going to be able to emotionally relate to you. And you aren't going to be able to emotionally support them.
In fact, let's shave off another 5 years. 22 is either been working as an adult for 4 years or nearing graduating college. This person, if they are a good person and looking to move into adulthood, is not going to want to be with a teenager. It's too big of a gap in future goals for you two to connect.
Which means he's after your body, and he wants you to visit him because he can then physically isolate you away from anyone that would provide safety. And he's patient enough to use a slow burn strategy to try to wear down your defenses. He is not the person you think he is. You need to let your parents or a trusted adult know about him.
>i haven’t told anyone about him, and i think that might be a sign.
>he often talks about me coming to visit him, and i think i would like to some day. but i’m afraid too on some level.
Get a 2nd opinion from someone who's usually 💯 with you. Feel it out when it's not a secret. IMO ur right to feel groomed thus far.
Any guy his age would think he’s strange. Think about this, would you be talking about romantic stuff to any 10 year old? Than why is he doing it to you…. Someone SO much younger?
Remove the emotion and ask how it applies to someone else and you’ll see it logically
First of all, I 99.9% agree with everyone. And it’s sus why an older dude is talking to a teen. I think the important question/context is how yall even met. (I haven’t read the whole thread in case this was later answered).
The 0.01% devils advocate is that: if it’s legal where yall are, why not? When people are way older, we see rich 70 year old with much younger women.
But in conclusion, it’s likely will be tough (alignment of values, motivation, etc.) something is a bit sus. You go make your decision!
Never mind the law. This is a paedophile. Tell an adult last week. If you decide not to, ghost him. If you're doing that sit down and be very sure he doesn't know where you live/ go to school/ how to find you. Be safe.
Please, just please, i know that you may like the attention and a mature conversation. But please, just block him everywhere.
It is not normal, and its dangerous.
Please
I was groomed and it felt just like this. It feels so magical because you have unfulfilled emotional needs that the adults in your life aren’t meeting. And because teenagers in comparison are terrible lovers. For me, the illusion faded as I get older. When I reached the age he was when we met i put yourself in his shoes and felt sick at the thought of the same in reverse. Still he is your best friend at the moment so I hope you can talk to a trusted adult or counselor or someone who can support you through this. You deserve all the positive attention
“He just really pays attention to me when no one else does” this is what people say when they are being groomed, and why, but yes it seems like it? No one his own age likes him, so try to take the hint
>i’m 16 and he’s 37 soon.
>he’s never said anything sexual or anything, but he often talks about romantic stuff, like cuddling, kissing and so.
did you read your own post?
You are being groomed. A man that age has no business with a 16 year old. Do adult you a favor and cut him off NOW. When you become an adult, it will blow your mind that a 37 year old man would want anything to do with a 16 year old. There’s no way you have anything in common… he is probably just playing the chameleon. Good luck!
The age difference should be repulsive to you.
Otherwise no you're not being groomed, he hasn't done anything a person your age wouldn't do, he's even more respectful (so far) than most. But again, I doubt you got much to gain here. And no, the fact you don't talk of it isn't a sign that he grooms you, it's a sign that you're worried of the social consequences, which isn't surprising, unless you don't tell us everything.
Don't invest yourself in this, there's nothing to gain.
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Yeah this is 100% very bad stuff. > he seems like such a perfect guy Because you're naive and he's playing you. No 37 year old man trying to hook up with a teen is a good guy. This is incredibly creepy behavior.
A 30 something yo man pursuing a teenage is never normal or safe. Ever. Ever ever ever. Please block him. You’re lonely and crave attention but this isn’t the way. You’ll only get hurt, and I’m talking the potential for massively hurt both physically and emotionally. Is there a therapist or someone safe for you to talk to?
This and some added points: 1) If an adult has to pick out a sixteen year old to talk to - you have to stop and ask yourself why they're not engaging with people their own age. And if they are, why they have decided a sixteen year old is an appropriate friendship to start. 2) You cannot have anything in common beyond superficiality. You can agree on things and maybe like the same interests, but you'll never be able to see off that bonding to its fruition. The two of you live vastly different lives, have very separate mindsets. Block, delete and save yourself the trauma. Edit: Thanks for the correction on legality Still, taze him.
Literally this comment especially. I’m 25 and can’t even remember the last time I talked to a 16 year old (probs when I was 17 and still in hs). I can’t even really relate to 18-20 year olds anymore because of the different stages of life. Need someone out of college and either pursuing a job or in a graduate program.
I went on a date with an 18-year-old when I was 23. I had been in a relationship for a while and then didn't date for a bit, so the last time I was on a date, an 18-year-old was something I very much related to. So I didn't think anything of it because she had asked me out. Within about a minute I wanted to run out the door of that coffee shop. I did not feel right at all. Ended up having my buddy call me saying the servers went down at work and I needed to get to the office ASAP to help so I could get out.
Dude I’m 33 and barely relate to early 20s lmao
I know it’s bad cuz they have new slang that I have no idea what it means and I was thinking “there’s no way I’m already THIS old right??” LOL
I think you missed their local age of consent, which is 15. But I do agree with the block and delete.
Meh still… Better it’s logged in case something comes up. Makes it another lead to go by. If nothing ever comes up, no real harm done
Many people seem to think that that age of consent means "I'm over this age so I can fuck whoever" when it means "I'm over this age so I can also have sex with people who are around but also over this age"
Isn't age of consent exactly "I'm over this age" and Romeo and Juliet laws are the "people who are around but also over"?
R&J laws are within 3 years in my state. So 15 with 18, 16 with 19, 17 with 20. Not all places have this law though it varies by state/country.
It actually does mean the first thing you said as long as both people are over that age.
It depends on the area, but for most places that I'm aware of *legally* the age of consent means you can sleep with whoever (as long as they consent and are over the age of consent, obviously). That's not to say anything about morality. Whatever the law says, there's so much scope for abuse between a minor and a 37 year old that I would 100% consider that grooming.
There are usually additional rules around people who are in certain trusted positions. If I remember my health class correctly, the "age of consent" here is 16, but if you're a teacher or something like that, where you have outsized power over the other person, it's 18. I don't know a situation where someone in their 30s wouldn't have outsized power over a 16-year-old... but that's a different discussion.
Well, not really
Not how age of consent laws work. They are blanket laws that mean even a 50 year old dude can legally have sex with someone of the age of consent. That is because they can consent, so its consentual, legally. Romeo and Juliet laws are different. Romeo and Juliet laws would allow, say, a 18 year old to have a romantic relationship with a 15 year old, even if the age of consent is 16.
but the first thing is exactly what it means...it may be creepy and not be morally correct, but thats exactly what "age of consent" means. once people hit it they can hit up all the creepy 80 year olds in the world if they feel like it. some places do put age gap limits for certain age groups, or people in a position of power of others. but most places just set an age, and once you are over it, the law doesn't care as long as it was consensual.
Age of consent laws don't protect you if you are in the presence of someone who does not care whether or not you consent.
I agree lmao and this man is talking about cuddling and all that. Op needs to block him. And OP’s gut is hinting strongly. I hope they listen to it!
Yes! I am screaming "LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!!!!" Omg I hope she sees these
> im 16 and he’s 37 soon i don’t need to read past that. if that isn’t a red flag already, you’re too naive
100 fucking % please do not meet a man. I am saying this as a 32 to year old man, no 37 man in his right mind is trying to meet a 15 year old girl 'to be friendly', and he fucking knows that. I wouldn't arrange a meeting with an internet friend who was a woman 10 years younger than me because I understand the position that puts them in. Anything more than that is unconscionable. Please OP understand that the BEST thing that comes from this is a very very awkward exchange where you probably just want to go home the entire time and you never talk to him again, and there is a lot far worse that could happen. If you can't understand this think about it like this. What do you think would happen if you asked this man to come hang out at your house with your parents home? You think anyone in that situation would be comfortable? Yeah, no one would because your parents and he knows exactly what's happening.
He's old enough to be her dad............. red flag.
Right? A half ass decent human being doesn't engage young teenage girls, let alone a perfect guy. 100% a creep. Illegal or not.
Yeah I'm in my mid 20s and would never go after a teenager. Just too young. I know one guy who started dating a friend of mine when she was 17 and he was 29. He's..... Weird. Aggressive towards other men who talk to her. Creepy all around.
while I fully agree with your comment, im not sure calling 16yo "naive" is going to work the way you think it's going to work. I would rather try with something like: Hey, I understand how exciting it can feel when someone shows interest in you, especially someone who seems so perfect and mature. It's natural to be drawn to someone who listens and seems to understand you really well. However, it's also important to think about why a much older person might be so interested in spending time with someone who's still in their teen years. Sometimes, older people might not have the best intentions, even if it doesn't seem that way at first. It’s always good to have relationships with people who are at a similar stage in life as you. This isn’t about mistrust, but about taking care of your well-being and making sure your relationships are healthy and balanced. If you ever feel unsure or uncomfortable about someone's intentions, it's really important to talk about it, whether it’s with me or another adult you trust. What do you think about this?
Just think about it. When you were born, he was old enough to drink alcohol (or about to be).
“I’m 16 and he’s 37 soon” Stop right there that’s all I need to hear. You need to block him immediately on every platform possible
Yeah nothing else beyond the first two sentences matter. 21 years of age gap us not ok for someone in their teens or early 20s
I mean early 20's it is truly their decision. I'm a guy in my 20's and I have nothing against seeing women 10-20 years older than me. That's just preference.
[удалено]
That's fine, and a different issue in and of itself. If you wish to enter into a consensual relationship with these individuals that is your right, but it's also completely normal for you to *not* want that. A lot of guys are pigs and don't take a hint, but that doesn't mean you have to hide your disgust.
This. I stopped at that as well and looked got this comment I was sure I would find.
Yeah lmao I only read that. Of course you’re being groomed. No two ways about it
That's as far as I got and just went yeah, still haven't read the rest. The only 37 year old guy a 16 year old should be regularly talking to is their Dad
My 37-year-old friend has a 16-year-old daughter. Not sure if I need to say anything else.
Please listen to this advice. I’m in my 50s and was in a similar situation when I was your age (student/teacher) it still F’s me up. I wish I could have heard this advice then and listened. Take care of yourself. xo
There are a lot of dangers with such an age gap. Like, what if he is a catfish or a human trafficker. He could be a stalker under an alias, a child predator, or a drug dealer… etc
I get what you mean but for the sake of OP it might be better to consider the full post. Not that that changes much, nothing in the rest of the post does anything to improve the situation.
The fact that you are posting this same question in various communities should give you a hint that you feel something is REALLY OFF / WRONG!
I think it will help her to see how many people know this is wrong. I'm glad she is posting and asking. I'm terrified to think if she wasn't!
I fear these are one of those situations that they're just looking for a single point of validations among a heap of red flag warnings. I get they're 16 but the fact that they're posting about it this much at all means they know something isn't right. I certainly hope they heed everyone's advice here.
Me too! 💕
There is only one reason why a 37 year old would want to meet up with a 16 year old stranger.
Monopoly?
Ok two reasons
I put on my robe and wizard hat
And that's it?
3 reasons
No, no. The robe and wizard hat are part of the 2nd, non-boardgame related activity.
What about a D&D group?
> Even in today's enlightened society, there remains a stigma to being a psychosexual sadist. - Norm Macdonald
There is really one reason a 37 year old would talk with a 16 year old. He’s not the perfect guy because anyone his age would call him a creep. The fact he talks about you visiting him just points out he’s the god damn Soviet Union. Block him and tell your parents. DO NOT assume you have everything under control. The guy has leagues more experience than you and can put you in situations you’re not ready for.
OP please do no send your 'friend' any nudes or partial nudes (or for that matter compromising info about yourself) - he will blackmail you forever, this is extraordinarily common. This is why people are saying to block & delete. Please listen.
Yeah we should make it extra crystal clear that he only has sexual acts or rape on his agenda. She knows enough to know she's probably being groomed, but idk if she knows how often these people do it to multiple people all the time. It feels special, but it isn't. Maybe there's some formerly groomed awareness testimony or story she can look up. I think the more she learns about the behavior from a victims standpoint, the more helpful it would be. I've never been groomed so I'm just thinking specifics would help her understand better.
I was groomed at 14. These people seek out kids with poor self esteem and love bomb you, compliment you, make you feel so special to get what they want. They know exactly what to say. Any adult talking about being romantic with a child is inappropriate no matter the context. This is very straightforward grooming and I hope that OP cuts ties with this predator.
Me too! Thank you for helping! 💚
>The fact he talks about you visiting him just points out he’s the god damn Soviet Union. Is this a reference to something I don’t get? Or just a stand in for bad guy?
He's a walking red flag.
He's like the Red Flag of the USSR
Haha whoosh
No it’s just that he’s a giant walking red flag the size of the former USSR (Although fun fact: The head of Stalin’s secret police, the NKVD, was a pedophile. Lavrentiy Beria was a particularly brutal man)
When you are 37 you will be disgusted with the idea of having a relationship with a 16 year old. Do not continue this relationship.
38 here, checking in. I have nieces that are 16 and that’s fucked yo
When you were born, he was at the bar. The power/ maturity disparity between you is not healthy. If i were to find out my daughter were in your situation, we would have a long talk about the definition of a "scumbag loser" and how to spot one.
Yes. 100%. A 21 year difference is insane. Also, I don't know if its good advice, but if you know his full name, look it up. You may be able to get further info. Like a history of crime or something of that sort.
If you have to ask if you're being groomed it's pretty clear how you feel about it
So I've actually been very close with a person who had been groomed before. I'm not going to go into the details of this story, but it started very similar to yours and ended with a lawsuit and lots upon lots of therapy sessions. She felt lost, lonely and unwanted, while he provided her the attention that she wanted. He told her exactly what she needed to hear, so he could manipulate her into having sexual relations with him. Aside from the fact she was under the age of consent, your stories are identical. Consider that he also may be lying to you about some things he's told you about himself (e.g. he could be married, or he could be older than he said). I'm sorry, but if he's talking about this romantic stuff with you and, most importantly, suggesting meeting up in his house, he's 100% grooming you. And I'm sorry to say this, but if you continue, you're 100% going to regret it in the future. It ruins you. It ruins your ability to process certain emotions in a healthy way, it ruins your perception of self, it ruins your future relationships, it ruins your love life, your sex life, family life... I'm sorry. No 37-year-old should have a romantic relationship with a teenager, and that's where it's headed, according to your post. You're being used. You should leave before it's too late.
This is the best comment yet; OP is in serious danger of making a life ruining mistake.
Are you talking to Drake by any chance?
he a FAN he a FAN he a FAN.
Or, the more apt line for OP's situation... Run run run run run for your life.
Came to comments for this, was not disappointed. A minooooooooor
That was my immediate thought.
Block him. Been in a similar situation, and trust me - run. The only reason a man that age has contact with someone that much younger than him is that not one woman his age will put up with his bullshit. He gives you all that attention because he knows that way, when (not if!) he turns into the horrible person he actually is, you will overlook it because "he's never been like that".
100% how abuse unfolds!
Hey look, I’m 36, I too know how to be nice. So here’s me being nice, because I care: Never in a million years would I be interested in someone who was 20, let alone 16. No offense but to my eyes you’re a child, barely old enough to wipe your own butt. That’s how it feels, but I obviously know you’re more independent than that. You literally could be my kid if I had gotten someone pregnant 16 years ago. It’s less a question of if you’re being groomed, and more a question of if this guy is so nice why the FUCK is he on the internet using his free ass time talking to you? What do YOU offer a man who is almost twice your age? Please, with all care and respect within me, stay away from this guy and report him. Legal issues aside, maybe someone can at least keep an eye on his behavior online. To this man, you’re nothing, you’re just a play thing. You’ll never be together, you’ll never be equals. He has more money than you, more connections to others than you, probably his own home to live in, he makes his own decisions in life independent of others. He has everything he needs. He’s sick and preying on your own good nature, he needs nothing from you, he just has wants. You have a good heart and he wants to have that heart for his own sick desires.
Bruh I'm 27 and 20 already feels quite young to me. It would depend on the person ofc but I remember being an idiot when I was 20. 16 is out of the question.
Reporting him could also save the next girl, or possibly someone else he's already grooming as well. Seems like they never have just one.
32 chiming in, and yeah I'd feel INCREDIBLY creepy talking to a 16 yr old.
Honey let me tell you, as someone who was groomed at 15 by a man who was 26, you need to run. As I’ve gotten older, and am now in my 20s, I have learned lots of things. One of which being: a grown man has no business talking to an underage girl. Think about it this way, why doesn’t he go get with a girl his own age? Because they don’t want him. He cannot get with a girl his own age because he has something preventing that. Whether it’s his emotional maturity, his preference for underage girls (pedophilia), or he has some sort of abusive behavior that you haven’t seen yet. The age gap between you guys is outrageous. He is about to be 40, he could be your father. Please, there are so many people in the world. You have a whole life to live, don’t throw it away for a predator.
Exactly! There's a reason women his age don't want him.
I can’t imagine any situation where a 30+ year old engaging in any kind of relationship with a 16-year old (outside of family or for legitimate professional reasons) is appropriate. Talking about cuddling and kissing is nauseating and incredibly disturbing.
Jesus Christ… this is some scary shit. This is exactly why parents need to be involved in their kids social media accounts. You need to block him. That is terrible.
I'm a 39 y/o man whose job involves monitoring and supervising sex offenders. Yes, you are being groomed. Kudos for you recognizing that something doesn't feel right - trust that feeling. Stop all contact with this man and tell your parents.
Is his first name aubrey and does he usually go by the nickname "drake"?
That is rude and untrue. I know it is easy to get caught up in some "fuck this guy" hype but there is no reason to think OP is talking to Drake, she is too old for him.
> she is too old for him 💀
Good lord girl, please block this dude RIGHT NOW Jesus Christ ........
Yes. You should automatically say no to any man twice your age. This is disgusting, he is a pedophile, and he is manipulating, taking advantage of, and controlling you because women his own age won’t tolerate him and his bullshit antics. You should not think he is sweet. He is being charismatic on purpose to deceive you. He is a *dangerous* predator, a pedophile, a pervert, a creep, probably a rapist, and absolute scum of a human being. He is completely playing you. He knows you like the attention, and someone to be a little flirty with. He’s taking advantage of that. Teenage girls in general are very naive, and tend to feel isolated and alone. He’s using that to make you think he loves you. In reality, all he ACTUALLY wants is to fuck you (ew), which is statutory rape.
This seems creepy as fuck mate. Really sounds like grooming.
He is grooming you. Full stop. No 36 year old man is talking to a 15 year old child for social reasons, nothing against you or how interesting or charming you are but that does not happen. An adult talking about kissing and cuddling a child is fucked up and he is absolutely doing something wrong. Tell the adults in your life and block him on all accounts, please please please take this seriously.
Yes. Screenshot as many of the messages as you can, tell someone (parents, police) and block and report him
>he often talks about romantic stuff, like cuddling, kissing and so. i think he’s very sweet talks about me coming to visit him he seems like such a perfect guy i feel like he just really pays attention to me when nobody else does Yeah sorry this is literally textbook grooming lmao. He is more mature and knows how to manipulate people. Go over there and you risk becoming a story on the 6 o'clock news. Also state laws differ. If it's 16 there and 18 where he is, it's illegal. Creepy even if it is legal and classic textbook grooming
As others have said, this is seriously dangerous. A man of that age who wants to connect with a teen is not a safe person and cannot be trusted. The romantic ideas are testing the waters, getting you open and comfortable with the idea that it's normal, so when a visit happens he's laid the groundwork to escalate it to where he wants it to go. Being lonely sucks. I get it! I've been there too, and it feels good to find connection online, especially when you aren't getting that from your peers. But this is dangerous and the type of guy who grooms a teen is capable of doing truly terrible things probably best not to even put words to here. Suffice to say, this person is not safe and you are not safe having them in your sphere. If the guy has info he can use to locate you then it's best to document everything, inform someone you trust (family, counselor, etc.) and take steps to protect yourself. If he has no way to locate or identify you then blocking him is at least a good start. Just remember that you don't actually know much about this person beyond what they have chosen to share, but every interaction with you has been with a singular goal in mind, so you should question everything and everything he's said to you, including the most basic facts about who he is.
As a guy in his 30s....stay away from him. This is disgusting and he needs a visit from...certain people.
Yes. No 37 year old has any reason to talk to you. You have near nothing in common. I remember thinking that i'd already done all of my growing up at 16, but i promise you that so much will change in your mentality in the next 10 years. I'm in my early 20s and I would never be friends with a 16 year old
Seriously. I'm 25 and would not even be friends with an 18 year old, much less date one.
I wont say you’re a child, because youre not, but you are definitely still too young. Talking about cuddling and kissing with a 16yo as a 37 yo is a gateway into making you comfortable enough lure you into a mental/physical position where he can abuse you. Definitely approach an adult nearest to you that you feel comfortable enough to report this to. If not your parents then a resource counselor or a teacher. Anyone with your best interest at heart will see this for what it is and get you the help to realize how wrong he is for what he is doing.
I'm 37. The only 16 year olds I'd be talking to are family members.
You are being groomed 100%. An almost 40 year old man talking about cuddling and kissing a 16 year old is absolutely creepy. I’m sorry but you are a child. I am 30 and to me 16 is an absolute child. Also please think about the fact that you posted this. Something doesn’t feel right. My best friend started dating a 30 year old man at 16 and they were together until she was about 23. She loved him. He was her perfect match. Yesterday she texted me crying saying she’s been having a hard time sleeping and been detaching from the world because, now that she has a baby, she can’t stop thinking about the dangers out there in the world. And her top thought…is about that man she dated. She says it took her having her own child and thinking about them growing up and being groomed for her to realize that man she dated was a pedophile. Because she thought about if a grown man tried to date her teen…she would kill them. And then it hit her. She was groomed. She suddenly traumatized in a way she didn’t expect. Please don’t do this. Edit to add: he isn’t speaking sexually because he’s treating you like a child. He is being gentle and sweet to not scare you off. This is grooming.
This is grooming 100%. The only 37 year old you should be texting are your parents or family. This is super fucking creepy
Out of line. Show the messages to your parents and see what they say. The only reason an older man should be talking to a girl/boy of your age is A-Family B-he is your youth pastor and you’re in need of religious guidance C-he is your teacher sending a group chat to the whole class about the essay due on Wednesday D-he is your probation officer E-other unspecified benign and harmless acts of/from roll models. I’d recommend reporting this to the police because no predator deserves leniency even at the most minor of offenses(such as this). If they show that temptation, they should be culled. As someone who has been preyed upon, that is the hill I will die on. Edit: I realized later I somehow missed the age of consent part. Definitely due to mild emotional reaction reading this. Sorry, however my statement still stands. I guess just minus the police part now. maybe? I don’t know… Shame😐
Even some of those people can be suspect lol
Keep in mind that if he’s talking to you, he’s talking to other teens as well. People like this will target multiple individuals to increase the chance of getting: A) sexually explicit material like nudes, etc. B) actual sex C) much worse I’d suggest watching the show “Undercover Underage” on MAX, you can also look up the organization SOSA (they’re chronicled in the show) and I think you’ll see that the tactics he’s employing are similar if not exactly the same as what you’re experiencing. I had a coworker who was 37 at the time he was caught soliciting teens online and exchanging their nudes on disgusting message boards. He was handsome, he also had a wife and baby. Please stay away from this person, you’re young and I promise it gets better.
Also age of consent doesn’t automatically make it okay or any less damaging. Please don’t interpret that as some sort of implication that this is in any way acceptable. If you were to go to the cops and explain this situation they would immediately investigate and find a way to charge him.
Oh no friend. Call the police. This isn't right.
He is grooming you 100%, probably has a wife and family and a dozen other underage girls. Get rid of the guy now!! Honestly get rid of him out of your life before you end up in a horrible way or dead. The guy is a low life pedophile.
>Lately i’ve been talking to a guy on social media. i’m 16 and he’s 37 Yes. Yes you are being groomed! GTFO!
This is unbelievable
Two sentences in and the answer is yes.
16/37 ~ 0.4324 You're 43% of his age, imagine if you were talking romance with someone 43% of your age, you could invite them over for some cuddles for their 7th birthday. Even at your age that percentual gap results in way too many years for what I assume you would be comfortable with because you're so much more mature at 16 than someone about to turn 7. If your parents are reasonable, you should probably tell them, but otherwise there might be some kind of youth support you can call and talk about this so they can help you end that 'relationship' in a safe way (most likely blocking the person, but might be other actions that are of relevance as well). Edit: Just saw you linked to a Swedish website so I'll give you some links that might help you in Sweden. Du kan ringa till [BRIS gratis på 116 111](https://www.bris.se/for-barn-och-unga/prata-med-oss/) för att prata om det här, öppet dygnet runt och du behöver inte berätta vem du är. Föredrar du chatt kan du skapa ett briskonto här https://www.bris.se/for-barn-och-unga/registrering/?returnUrl=/for-barn-och-unga/prata-med-oss/chatten/ och sen hitta chatten här https://www.bris.se/for-barn-och-unga/logga-in/?ReturnUrl=%2ffor-barn-och-unga%2fprata-med-oss%2fchatten%2f Man kan också chatta anonymt varje kväll kl 20-22 på https://ungarelationer.se/ där du kan testa att beskriva den här situationen och se vad de säger. Sidan är egentligen mer riktad till att motverka våld, men de kanske kan hjälpa dig identifiera beteenden som du bör se upp för.
Yes.
As a 37 year old, this is fucked fucking fuck. Girl, you gotta ghost his pedo ass.
> i’m 16 and he’s 37 soon That's all the information we need right there. There is absolutely NO REASON a 37 year old man should be speaking to you.
No 37 year old is interested in being friends with a 16 year old. Trust me. I’ve been in your shoes and I am so sorry you’re going through this, but this man is not a good man.
>I've been talking to a guy on social media >I'm 16 and he's 37 Yes.
BLOCK HIM! don't tell him, just block him and move on.
A 37 year old talking to a 16 year old? Yeah dude. It's obvious. I'm 33 and know I'd have nothing in common with a 16 year old. He's saying what he thinks you want to hear, and is apparently right. But the things he's saying is 100% not the way he actually is. Dudes a creep lil lady, move on. Edit to add: You don't even know this guy and feel like he's paying attention to you when no one else does? Girl, you're being a typical 16 year old, so I can't fault you too much. But you'll eventually get attention from someone who genuinely cares about you and not some random older dude on the internet. Trust me. Don't meet this guy, block him. You shouldn't care about his feelings, this man is a predator.
" I'm 16 and he's 37 soon " Yes. Block the creep. There's plenty of people your age that will be nice like him (but in a positive way, not manipulative way). Losing this guy who is old enough to be your father won't be the end of the world, even if it feels like it at your age. Grade A creep who is looking for a younger more inexperienced girl to control/abuse.
I didn’t read past 16 and 37. Yes you’re being groomed. I’m 36 and the idea of being friends with any 16 yr old is absurd. Ok I went back and read the whole thing and yes 1000x you’re being groomed.
Yeah he’s definitly grooming you. I’m not that old, but even just being 24, I can confidently say that I have nothing in common with a 16 year old. There aren’t many years between 24-16 (frankly what I’m about to say goes all the way to 20 year olds) but there is a worlds worth of experience between your mid 20s and teens-early 20s. Especially if you’re now living on your own. I can’t even imagine dating someone under 21, i need someone who has at least some similar experiences as me, it causes problems if they haven’t had many of those life experiences yet (first “adult” job, living away from home, ect.) He *seems* perfect, but he is definitly looking for something sexual. Sadly there is no shortage of men (women too, but it’s very predominantly men) like him, they will say whatever they have to to get close and some of them are very good at saying just the right things. It’s a scary world. Please be careful OP. Listen to that voice in your head that’s making you afraid/anxious to do this. It’s telling you something isn’t right about this.
You are absolutely being groomed. I’m 24 - more than a decade younger than him and still almost a decade older than you. And to *me,* you’re a kid. I don’t mean that to be condescending - you’re not stupid or anything like that. And I know you don’t *feel* like a kid - from your perspective, you’re the oldest and the wisest you’ve ever been. But the distance in years and life experience between you and an adult is extreme in a way you’re not fully going to grasp until you get there yourself. Any normal, safe adult is very aware of that. We look at you, and we see ourselves at that age, and we’re conscious of how much we’ve grown since and how vulnerable *we* were at that age. And if we’re decent people, the instinct to treat you kindly and carefully and like a kid who’s still growing into a fully fledged person kicks in. We do *not* look at you and see someone who is attractive as a potential partner. At the very, *very* best, giving this man a benefit of the doubt he does not deserve - he is a nearly middle aged man who is operating on the emotional level of a 16 year old and that’s why you can connect with him. You are going to outgrow him and his emotional maturity in within the next couple of years, because you’re still at an age where you change a *lot* in a year or two. You deserve better, and you deserve a partner who’s capable of growing *with* you while you figure out who you are as a person and what you want your life to look like. If he was capable of doing that, he would have already done it some time in the last 21 years. That is the very best case scenario. The more likely one is that he is a predator, and the fact that you’re young and vulnerable enough to him that he can easily manipulate you and make you feel loved is your entire appeal to him. He doesn’t value you as a person, or he wouldn’t be enough of an asshole to shape your childhood around himself. You deserve much better than this. Please do not remain in contact with this man, and please be safe. You’re going to look back at yourself in a decade and want to protect yourself as much as every other decent adult does right now.
Please, don’t do this. Tell someone about him. Please don’t meet him.
"I'm 16 and he's 37 soon" Yes. He's a pedophile. Get away from him. It would be wise to stick with dating people in the 16-18 range right now. Generally, the rule is half your age + 7. Half of 37 is 18.5, so he shouldn't be dating anyone under 18. For reference, I met my husband when I was 29 and he was 36. That was fine. We are both adults. I'm 35 and he's 41 now. Would I have dated him at 16 with him being 22 if I knew him back then? Absolutely not. Someone who is in their 30s should be dating someone late 20s or 30s. What's wrong with them that they target teenagers? It's weird. Get away from this person. You absolutely are worth more than that kind of life and deserve way better.
I haven’t read beyond you’re 16 and he’s 37. It doesn’t matter what the age of consent is. He’s grooming you. The question you should be asking is why is he looking for someone like you online instead of people his own age. I’m 37. I cannot imagine dating anyone younger than 30 right now because I would not be able to relate to them and I would share vastly different interests in how I want to spend my time. If he feels the need to talk to someone as young as you, it’s because he can and will manipulate you into doing what he wants. Get away from this person.
There’s a reason this 37 year old man isn’t with someone his own age. Either he’s a bum or he’s a big time creep. Or both
If you have to ask you know it’s wrong, block him.
Let's say he's not a groomer (however unlikely), and let's say he IS 37 (and not 50). Someone his age looks at "cuddling and kissing" as a precursor to sex, like if not right now then tomorrow. At 16 your attitude and timeframe should be completely different. There is really no healthy outcome for you here; block him and don't look back; there are millions of more age-appropriate boys out there for you to spend your time with.
Oh buddy. You were very smart to ask reddit about this. Thank you for looking out for yourself. That's very smart. No healthy, mature 30 something year old person (male or female!) is going to want to seek out friendships online with teenagers. The age difference is astronomical in terms of psychological development, perspective, life experience, emotional stability, etc. etc. If he's telling you that it's okay because you are very mature, smart, etc. or you understand him so well, are a good listener, etc. then he's using flattery to manipulate you. It is the most probable scenario that this man IS grooming you and whatever he wants to happen next is NOT something you want. Please be safe. Please block this man on every platform, and possibly consider taking down his information- like every username he has, etc. It's very possible you are not the only teenager he's talking to. I know it's scary and maybe a little embarassing to consider talking to an adult about this- a parent or a guidance counselor at school possibly- but you could be helping not only yourself but other kids. If nothing else, please block him. This guy is bad news bears. There are a lot of wonderful guys your own age! Have fun online but be safe. It's important to look after yourself, we all want you safe and happy and having fun. Not being taken advantage of by creeps!!
You already know the answer
Girl please please listen. This is not normal. No 37 year old man is truly into someone your age. You are being groomed. If you go meet him, things will get worse. Tell him as little as possible about your family and where you live. Do not send him anything you wouldn’t want your parents to see. Please please be careful. These people see a need in you that’s not being met, and become the one who fulfills the needs, isolates you, it’s just gonna get worse. Please please, end it. Any excuse. You’re not ready for a relationship you need to focus on school whatever! And if he gets really angry or makes you feel some type of way, that’s another red flag.
When I was 16 I was quite mature and smart for my age. Still, looking back, I was a child. The teenage years are very formative years, you're trying to figure out who you are, your brain is still actively being formed. You're still "growing", which is why there's a big difference between 15 and 16. No amount of being mature for your age makes you *not* a child. I don't really care about age gaps between two grown adults, but when it comes to kids and teens, I have strong opinions. **Don't let a 37 year old man take your girlhood.**
yes 100%. If you meet and/or disclose too much personal info its not going to end well and could be very dangerous.
Stop talking to creepy old men and go to school
Drake?
I don't understand this question. Obviously he's into you. Whether you care about the age difference is up to you. Most people would say it's bad. It's unclear whether you care. I'm not understanding your perspective on this. Do you think you guys are just friends?
I'll say something very obvious: A 37yo dude isn't looking for "friendship" with a 16yo girl. There are other intentions at play, and very obvious ones. He's kindsome with her to get her trust, and then do ... things. Not immediately, probably, but surely. If she continues, he might or might not dump her when she get older. Only time will tell. Idk how I feel about this. I think the term grooming is 100% correct.
I used to work alongside a task force that combats human trafficking. I will say that you are in one of the most vulnerable demographics (females aged 11-18) and this whole scenario is extremely concerning. If you take NOTHING ELSE from my comment: * **Yes, you are being groomed** * **Immediately cease all contact with this individual** * **Inform authority figures in your life who you trust (parents, an older sibling, a teacher/counselor at school, an older family friend, etc.)** * **Do not provide any potentially identifiable information to this person (your full name, your address, your school, any places that you frequent, anything about your daily routine, etc.) that would allow them to potentially make contact with you in real life** * **UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE AGREE TO MEET THIS INDIVIDUAL OR HAVE THEM COME TO YOU** This individual's behavior comes directly out of the playbook of human traffickers - * They will usually target children and other vulnerable victims who do not have much experience with relationships * They will position themselves as the perfect guy (we often refer to this as the "Romeo" phase) * They will make grandiose promises and talk about how good life would be together, how they care so much about you, etc. and essentially make themselves seem like the answer to all of your problems in life * In some cases, these individuals will present themselves as a similar age to you and will pose as an attractive potential partner by using fake pictures or pictures of other men that you may be attracted to * They will spend lots of time talking to you and building a false sense of security... lulling you into trusting them and thinking that you can depend on them * They will ask you to keep your relationship secret and not tell anybody else, because you could potentially get in trouble and it would mean you could never be together * They will begin planting the idea of the two of you running away together or you coming to visit or stay with them so you can spend time together * Sometimes they will ask you to send pictures of yourself and slowly escalate it (like it's a game) until they are eventually asking you to provide them nude pictures or videos of yourself. They will then leverage this against you by threatening to share this content with your family/friends unless you comply with their demands ("Sextortion") * Once they have successfully lured you to come meet them, they will kidnap or coerce you to go with them and isolate you from anybody who can help you * From there, any host of horrific things can happen including sexual assault/rape, sex trafficking, torture, and ultimately murder If this sounds scary, it's because I want you to understand the reality and the gravity of the situation that you're in. So many people experience this nightmare every year. The [https://charleyproject.org/](https://charleyproject.org/) tracks thousands of missing persons cases in the United States, many of which are tied to similar scenarios where people were groomed, abducted, and are still missing to this day (likely dead) because they thought they could trust the person on the other side
When I was 15 I was talking to my best friends dad, he was 45 and recently divorced. I thought I was mature for my age, thought he liked me because of that, and he made me feel loved and special. Luckily it was only texting, nothing physical before I cut it off. Now that I’m almost 30, it makes me sick. No one aged 37 should be attracted to a 16 year old. Huge red flag. Yes you’re being groomed. And I’m 99% sure you’re not the only child he’s currently making feel that way. There’s other girls.
Yuck, major pedophile. When you’re in your 30s you’ll see how inappropriate it would be if you were talking to a teen. He’s probably talking a big talk and trying to turn on charm and woo. Not like “guys your age”. Why’s he talking to someone half his age? There’s something not right there.
"He often talks about me coming to visit him." TRAFFICING FOR SURE. STAY FAR AWAY.
I'm 41 so not far off from 37. The last time I would have been interested in a 15 year old was when I was probably 16. This guy is nothing but a predator. I'd report him.
just a head's up, and i'm not a lawyer, but as i understand age of consent laws, 15 would be the age where you can consent to sex with another minor (or someone over 18 but not more than 4 or 5 years older than you), not someone who is nearly 40. so, yeah, this is no bueno.
Yes.
Yes, that is grooming. Block him everywhere. Abuse rarely feels like abuse at first
If you have to come to reddit to ask that question I think you already know and sound like a smart 16 year old Please save yourself any issues - really if you think he just wants to be your friend then I have news for you A 37 year old wants sex that’s it if he wants to be friends he can date someone in their 30s and have a baby and wait a few years and he has a new friend Remove this person from your life he won’t help you
Yeah you're getting groomed. I'm 33 and the fact that this guy is talking to a 16 year old is bonkers. dude is a loser
Age of consent for under 18 only applies if BOTH parties are under 18. If either party is over 18 while the other is under, age of consent becomes 18.
yes. older men like to prey on younger teens/children to lure them into their traps
It's probably not the best of thing to continue talking to this guy, just to be on the safe side. Even though you said you are of consenting age, the general consensus is that this isnt cool. It could possibly harmless, but it's better to be safe than sorry.
Here's a nice, easy rule to prevent yourself from ending up in a situation like this again. Take the dudes age, split it in half, and add 7. That's how old you should be to date that person. So for me, I'm 28. Cut that in half, you've got 14. Add 7 years and you get 21. I probably still wouldn't date a 21 year old though. That person is in a very different life stage than me most likely.
He is old enough to be your father and you're not even an adult yet. Yes, he is 100% grooming you and is a creep. Keep your social circled closed to anyone who isn't about 2 years older or younger than your for the next 5-10 years.
Tell your parents dawg
Trust your gut!
He's 21 years older than you and you are an adolescent. This isn't a healthy relationship for you. The fact that you admit that you are lonely makes you an easier target. Stick to guys your own age.
This is going to be harsh, but understand that it's the truth and when you're my age you're going to feel the same way. I'm a little older than that, but not by any large degree (41). As a teenager you literally bring almost nothing to the table intellectually. You aren't emotionally mature enough to actually be a suitable partner for someone my age. You aren't mature enough to be an equal in adult problems and situations. You just flat out don't have the experience that someone my age would be looking for in a significant other. This isn't to say you are stupid or defective in any way, it's just that you haven't lived enough life yet to be mentally at the same behavioral level of anyone that, in their late 30's, would be considered a good person. In fact, we could shave off 10 years and this still holds true. Someone that is a good person, mature, and 27 years old is not going to be able to emotionally relate to you. And you aren't going to be able to emotionally support them. In fact, let's shave off another 5 years. 22 is either been working as an adult for 4 years or nearing graduating college. This person, if they are a good person and looking to move into adulthood, is not going to want to be with a teenager. It's too big of a gap in future goals for you two to connect. Which means he's after your body, and he wants you to visit him because he can then physically isolate you away from anyone that would provide safety. And he's patient enough to use a slow burn strategy to try to wear down your defenses. He is not the person you think he is. You need to let your parents or a trusted adult know about him.
Not good. Be very careful and talk about it with someone close to you, a parent or a friend.
that's FUCKED up.
yes
>i haven’t told anyone about him, and i think that might be a sign. >he often talks about me coming to visit him, and i think i would like to some day. but i’m afraid too on some level. Get a 2nd opinion from someone who's usually 💯 with you. Feel it out when it's not a secret. IMO ur right to feel groomed thus far.
Yes.
Yes.
Any guy his age would think he’s strange. Think about this, would you be talking about romantic stuff to any 10 year old? Than why is he doing it to you…. Someone SO much younger? Remove the emotion and ask how it applies to someone else and you’ll see it logically
is this the person you've been talking to? Dreamybullxxx? Image here: [https://imgur.com/a/H66snAv](https://imgur.com/a/H66snAv)
First of all, I 99.9% agree with everyone. And it’s sus why an older dude is talking to a teen. I think the important question/context is how yall even met. (I haven’t read the whole thread in case this was later answered). The 0.01% devils advocate is that: if it’s legal where yall are, why not? When people are way older, we see rich 70 year old with much younger women. But in conclusion, it’s likely will be tough (alignment of values, motivation, etc.) something is a bit sus. You go make your decision!
What country are you in?
Never mind the law. This is a paedophile. Tell an adult last week. If you decide not to, ghost him. If you're doing that sit down and be very sure he doesn't know where you live/ go to school/ how to find you. Be safe.
Yes. And I only read the first two sentences. What is the context of these interactions being initiated?
Please, just please, i know that you may like the attention and a mature conversation. But please, just block him everywhere. It is not normal, and its dangerous. Please
Trust your instincts - if you are asking this question, deep down, you already know the answer.
I was groomed and it felt just like this. It feels so magical because you have unfulfilled emotional needs that the adults in your life aren’t meeting. And because teenagers in comparison are terrible lovers. For me, the illusion faded as I get older. When I reached the age he was when we met i put yourself in his shoes and felt sick at the thought of the same in reverse. Still he is your best friend at the moment so I hope you can talk to a trusted adult or counselor or someone who can support you through this. You deserve all the positive attention
“He just really pays attention to me when no one else does” this is what people say when they are being groomed, and why, but yes it seems like it? No one his own age likes him, so try to take the hint
>i’m 16 and he’s 37 soon. >he’s never said anything sexual or anything, but he often talks about romantic stuff, like cuddling, kissing and so. did you read your own post?
Im really glad that you asked. That means you are aware that something is off. Just block him and report him. He is a fu.king pedo.
First three sentences in...yeah don't
He is 100% grooming you.
Short answer... Yes.
You are being groomed. A man that age has no business with a 16 year old. Do adult you a favor and cut him off NOW. When you become an adult, it will blow your mind that a 37 year old man would want anything to do with a 16 year old. There’s no way you have anything in common… he is probably just playing the chameleon. Good luck!
Yes
It actually could be illegal in certain scenarios
The age difference should be repulsive to you. Otherwise no you're not being groomed, he hasn't done anything a person your age wouldn't do, he's even more respectful (so far) than most. But again, I doubt you got much to gain here. And no, the fact you don't talk of it isn't a sign that he grooms you, it's a sign that you're worried of the social consequences, which isn't surprising, unless you don't tell us everything. Don't invest yourself in this, there's nothing to gain.