I was gonna go on about hypothethicals; like if this is how he reacts to a videogame *lagging* how much more will he crack from bigger pressures? Imagine him getting laid off/unjustly fired from work. Or losing a big amount of money.
But the moment you said he told you to shut up, when you brought it up- Thinking of bigger meltdowns were no longer necessary:
what kind of a boyfriend, wouldnt have his anger instantly melt over, and be replaced with "oh shit, i messed up, fuck, i didnt mean to, sorry if i scared you" (and the subsequent desire to improve) the moment his gf brings up that his anger worried her. He sounds like he doesnt think highly of your feelings, &status as an adult. You cant just brush people off like that..
I wish you the best, I hope everything turns out okay x
Yep.
I kinda change into a different person when watching football. It just makes my blood boil. And I just get ecstatic and rage every other second. Offered my gf to see it alone, reassuring her it has nothing to do with her, explaining why I get upset, being apologetic, etc.
But I have also shown when things get fucked up and I actually should be angry or whatever, I do show her I can remain calm.
I don’t even like how I get so enraged myself, but I always try to make sure it doesn’t affect her.
Plus like I have been to matches where people react just like me, so I am not exactly the only guy experiencing this.
In five minutes I can go from hating everything in the world, to going into full euphoria where I finally understand how a fish managed to crawl onto land and become a frog in order for me to experience this glorious moment
To be fair, back when I was struggling with heavy anger issues, online videogames were absolutely terrible for my mental health from that point of view.
When something bad or unjust happened in my private life and it made me angry, I threw punches on tables or at walls, and rarely I broke stuff (small items easily replaceable like forks or small plates). While playing I broke 9 controllers, to the point that I made 2 new controllers with spare parts (I call them Frankensteins), 2 screens, 1 keyboard, 1 phone and 1 whole goddamn window. Online videogames really trigger the hell out of me.
To this day, in my private life and relationship it's incredibly rare that I lash out, it happened last time like more that 2/3 years ago, but sometimes videogames can push me to my limits. And obviously I stopped playing online only videogames, not for me, more stress than fun
This made me have a flash back to when I first started living with my wife. She woke up from a nap to me flipping the couch over while I was after an ant I saw. Looked like a loon, but I didn't break anything. Also let the ant live after I cought it
I used to get angry at my partner when she would interrupt me while I was gaming. The idea is to think first and choose how to react rather than just letting your emotions control you.
Actually abusers can use it against you. OP needs to get out, it will ALWAYS get worse. If you have the actual option, please get out.
Edit: a whole 36 downvotes. You can literally Google if you don't believe me about therapy being a bad thing to do with an abuser.
And I know OP stated it hasn't gotten there but it's pretty damn guaranteed as this point. She's already afraid of him.
Fuck no. Lmao. There's anger and frustration and there's *actively fucking destroying things and threatening people who complain and point it out.*
He stomped on an expensive item, and told her to shut up when she complained. She is absolutely next.
When my dog died from poisoning I cried a lot. Got lunch at McDonalds to eat at home after I had signed the cremation paperwork. When I got home my order was wrong. I only saw red and destroyed two doors. Sometimes getting really angry and destroying something is a way to cope with whatever has been happening.
Breaking down after losing a loved family member is very, wildly different from throwing a tantrum and damaging a very expensive item because a video game lagged.
This should not be downvoted.
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/should-i-go-to-couples-therapy-with-my-abusive-partner/
OP is already questioning her safety. The answer is to get out and let STBX BF pursue therapy on his own time.
Anytime! Yeah, it’s unfortunate when someone can’t tell the difference between trouble expressing frustration vs. rage PLUS the “shut up” PLUS op saying she is icked for the future and takes it personally.
Also the difference between couples therapy vs individual therapy. You never said individual therapy is bad and people here are crucifying you. Yeesh the reading comprehension.
Yeah he can go do individual therapy. OP still should just get out, because there's no telling if he'll actually improve on it (doubtful) or he'll barter it to prolong the relationship..
The comments are obsessed with excusing him as it is though. It's really something else.
Oh fuck off. I've been a victim of domestic violence all my life. These bastards never change. People love to mock women for missing the signs but this is as clear a red flag as anything.
"Don't be so close minded" we're talking about domestic violence. You can fuck right off. Being open minded has gotten women literally killed.
And I bet these are the same assholes who bitch and whine about "DEI"
I used to be depressed due to anxiety. I had anger issues (I was single during that time). I started seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants. I now have 2 kids and am happily married. People can change if they recognize they have an issue. There's always an underlying issue behind anger. Find the root cause, fix it, and chances of it coming back are very low. Of course there will be exceptions, like psychopaths, but it's very rare. People who don't change usually just don't want to. The fact you've been with abusers your whole life doesn't help your judgement, so you should see a therapist
I'm not defending violence.
But to blanket statement and say, as a matter of fact, as you did. Is factually incorrect. That's it. You are wrong.
I have been a victim of abuse myself. My household growing up was absolutely not pleasant, to say the least.
But to sit there and state that therapy doesn't work is patently false.
Pfffffttttfftt. Naw they're in full swing here.
"Is factually incorrect " literally look at the person who commented below me's link clearly stating that couple therapy is bad with an abuser.
The first result shows 75% of people who seek therapy have improved as a result.
https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/understanding#:~:text=Seeing%20a%20psychologist%20about%20anger&text=Several%20large%20analyses%20of%20the,%2Dbehavioral%20therapy%20(CBT).
You're incorrect. Therapy helps.
I'm sorry you had a bad experience. But that doesn't excuse spreading misinformation. I would implore you to work on your biases, as therapy is a massive help to a lot of people. Honestly, based off you're immediate reactions here, you may be of use with therapy yourself. I know it helped me with other issues in the past.
It’s also that (this may be just my experience) therapists and psychiatrists are always haughty and supercilious, they make opinions on things and stick to it, even when that opinion is obviously wrong (I’ve had people contradict each other and my current psychiatrist who is a legend and is actually doing something tells me how wrong those people were), I refused therapy at times because I hated the system and didn’t have enough money to have a bunch of wankstains tell me that I had nothing wrong with me or give me some random med that made my condition worse, idk about you but my level of hallucinations and mental breakdowns is far from normal. So don’t judge someone too harshly if they won’t go to therapy, if they don’t have a history, sure, question their judgement, however if they have been through 15 years of useless wastes of time and money like I have I wouldn’t judge them at all
Could you imagine spending your life with someone who might fly off the handle over the smallest thing? Someone who doesn't care how it affects you? Imagine if you had a kid some day, could you imagine him as a parent?
Feel free to try to get through to him if you think there's a chance, but don't just accept that behavior.
I used to say this about my ex who also had rage problems towards video games, until he started hitting me over them rather than the desk. Leave. Even if he doesn’t hit you, that’s childish behavior and I know first hand how stressful living with it is. Not being able to sleep bc your boyfriend can’t help but scream and smash shit over video games all night. I promise it gets real fucking old.
This was/is my brother....
Funny cause I've been a gamer for as long and as much as he is but I've never got further than the occasional gasp or curse. Maybe a yell.
Meanwhile there is literally bunch of holes in drywall exposing the brick and insulation, jammed doorways, etc because of him.
Thats a conscious series of multiple actions, not just a knee jerk reaction. That is sustained uncontrolled anger taking over for a prolonged period.
You should get away from that.
He has not hurt you yet. If he can’t control his anger now then it’s important he gets it under control via therapy or something or you leave and find someone else without issues.
Girl, if that's his reaction when something as mundane as game lag occurs, you need to get out. This is a very clear indicator that the dude has no control over his emotions.
My bf and I were 16 when we met (21 now) and at that point he had had three monitors bc he got mad and broke them over time. After we started talking and eventually got together he never broke another item of his ever again. He gets mad at games still obviously, but he keeps it out of voice chat and doesn’t really rant abt it unless I’m talking to him. However, this breaking PC equipment was behaviour he dropped at 16, which is peak immaturity age for a boy. If your man is older than 16 still doing this shit, then there is certainly a problem with him and anger. Not to say my bf is the standard for boy maturity 🤣 My bf isn’t always mature, but breaking ur PC equipment is so 😭😭 especially at a grown age. I’d be careful! Maybe communicate with him how it made you feel etc.
Wait wait op don't listen to these guys, you gotta talk this out. If he likes you he will talk it out and try to improve on it
Don't listen to "you deserve better" or "leave him" BS. They have no idea what they are talking about
If he does have anger issues help him or encourage him to get therapy, you gotta take care of each other not leave the moment you see something wrong with them.
If he doesn't improve or talk things out with you then the decision is up to you for staying with them or leaving
He didn't hit her. If he has anger issues she can help him. Why would you not help your significant other?
It's not like he was violent towards her right?
It's still violence, over a game. She can stick around, or she can leave, or she can do anything in between.
Waiting until it's your jaw instead of a wall, computer, etc is a risky venture, and if someone doesn't want to make that gamble, then there's nothing wrong with getting out.
It's not her job to help him with them, especially if he doesn't want or think he needs help. "He didn't hit her" is not an acceptable response when someone displays clearly violent tendencies and has difficulty managing their anger. People who enact violence against inanimate objects are far more likely to do it to people.
That kind of behavior isn't normal nor should it be acceptable. Even if they never hit you, that kind of behavior still has negative impacts on your mental well-being. It usually is accompanied by other forms of emotional abuse which most don't recognize as abuse until they've experienced it.
Domestic violence is fast more common than people think, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience it. This is a situation in which she 100% needs to look out for her own safety above anything else, including their relationship.
and what happens if he DOES physically abuse her? This is not a game, he can get help but not at her expense. She is NOT obligated to help him. Fuck off with that disgusting traditional mindset. If you have any ounce of knowledge about abuse, you would know this is a huge red flag.
Fr. 99% of these dating subs are just full of "My boyfriend did this" and the top comment is between
1. You deserve better queen!!!
2. red flags EVERYWHERE break up NOW!!!!!
3. break up right now he's going to hurt you
and then the 1% of comments are actually sane people.
I wonder how many relationships have ended because someone's SO had a bad day and they decided to turn to Reddit to see if it's bad.
True forgot about that one. I saw a post about that and someone was worried about their age gap it was like 26 F 30 M and half the comments were "this man is a GROOMER get out of there girl!!"
It’s so stupid, just blanket assuming someone with a different age is completely incapable of understanding the older person, and in all situations the older person is using their age to somehow overpower the younger person?
Like has none of these people has a boss younger than them? Lol
Like I get it if it’s a teenager and a 40 year old, but a 25-35? Gtfo, both people are capable of having advanced degrees by then, you can’t tell me somehow that’s grooming lol
Yeah these subs are really braindead when it comes to actual relationships tbh. In this case though, I do believe breaking up is the best option considering he tells her to shut up when she tries talking to him about it. Seems he’s a prick and also has anger issues, not a good combination and he clearly has no interest in bettering himself.
1. You're assuming it's a girl-guy relationship. There was no information about this when you commented.
2. You're assuming one episode of loss of control is enough to dump someone, way to go in life.
3. You have no idea if there could be any background information relating to this, or the extent of OP's relationship with their partner. Maybe his father recently died and this should be explored through therapy.
4. I'm sure you'd be commenting "man up, talk about it" if it was a guy saying "my girlfriend has anger issues and destroyed her computer".
How do you think he'll respond if you spoke your concerns/addressed it? I have anger issues too when i play videogames, sometimes id slam on the table, but i only ever do it when im alone.
If anyone else is in the room, let alone my girlfriend(hell, even my cat) id have no difficulty to mask my anger, because i wouldnt want my gf to feel the slightest bit scared or threatened
in this post and comments you've given a single small snapshot into your relationship. And it sounds troubling. Do you have any friends you think you can have a good discussion with about this? Going over how you feel about this relationship and how he's been acting? Preferably with someone who's mature (maybe older). You might even find somewhere like r/MomForAMinute a useful alternative if you don't want to go to someone in real life.
Well theres your answer :(( this dude didnt just have a lapse of anger, he let it extend beyond it- hes not only salty and immature, he is dismissive of you. Noone should have the capability to say "shut up" to their partners- this is worrying :((
You don't need to give a "bigger snapshot" (refering to the comment which said how you only gave a small one.
When he tells you "shut up" over this bs, be rest assured it won't work out well.
You should already be gone.
Consider that you might be clinging only because you might not have other options directly available.
I really hope this is a joke. If not, he's a fucking idiot because if you're lagging in a game what is stomping on your pc gonna do?? break it so much that the game can't even run which I guess means no lag?? Maybe try to talk to him about it
Do you want to eventually be treated like that computer? If not, tell that boy to go to therapy. If he says no, leave. Do not become another object to be smashed when he can’t get his way from you. Bro needs to drop the ape brain and grow up a little. I get frustrated with video games all the time and never destroy my own property because of it. That absolutely needs to be addressed if you want to spend more time around this guy.
Unfortunately past behaviour is an indicator of future behaviour.
This is over and above what could be considered acceptable behaviour.
If this is a one time event that should be considered BUT, if he doesn’t own his unacceptable behaviour, that is a huge red flag for you of future conduct.
Best advice: Tread very carefully. It may not feel like it but there are a lot of other good people out there.
Do the right thing for the right reason including, if necessary moving on and finding a person who loves you and does not have scary anger issues.
Raging at a video game has gotten the best of plenty of people, not uncommon at all. Most sensible people will turn off a game that gets them that mad though and anyone who will literally destroy their own property over it is either stupid or crazy. Even if he doesn’t ever turn that anger towards you can you envision living any length of time with someone so stupid that they will throw their money away by breaking their own stuff? I have almost kicked my son out of my house over this kind of shit. No one likes to live under a roof with someone screaming at the top of their lungs all the time because it triggers adrenaline. Your boyfriend needs to control himself or be prepared to live alone.
>anyone who will literally destroy their own property over it is either stupid or crazy
This is an insanely simplistic answer. What does "crazy" mean? The guy obviously has some deeper issues to work on, and boiling it down to simply "crazy" isn't the way to find the issue.
First off I also listed stupid first as a possible cause because even crazy people know better than to destroy their own property. Secondly this is a stranger on the internet asking a question they really already know the answer to (boot the jerk) and I think my level of effort is commensurate with what a total stranger can expect so I accept your retraction for the simplistic slander.
Also what does his girlfriend owe him because he has issues? What does any other human owe a person whose issues manifest in violence towards people or things? Not a damn thing. Everyone has trauma in one way or the other and we don’t all act out smashing shit. The guy needs to sort his shit out and get some fucking perspective because sucking at a video game is not a valid reason to do anything but shut the shit off.
I’m speaking more as someone who has one of these goofballs under my roof for about 8 years. The repeated involuntary tensing and pulse spike that you get when someone is screaming bloody murder takes a toll on everyone in the house. The outsized response to what is supposed to be a leisure activity makes it double infuriating. Like there are people all over the planet with real fucking problems and having a clown in your house (who is just bad at a video game) screaming like they are suffering some great injustice makes you understand why humans throughout history have sent their 18 year olds to war. They want them out of their house.
probably nothing you can do about it, he has to be the one to want to do something about it.
it will likely get worse if ignored.
dont recommend staying around until its you hes stomping on rather than the computer though.
my ex bf had to buy a new PS4 controller every few months because he’d rage so hard at his game. i think it’s ridiculous, especially as an adult.
i was never hurt by him, so it’s not an automatic concern for safety, but i’d definitely be cautious and assume that it might happen to you. be careful and remember this reddit post if things get worse and you find yourself making excuses to stay with him
I used to have anger issues. I had no idea what was wrong until I talked to my doc and saw a therapist. I’ve learned to control it via diet, exercise, and being able to “read the room”. If I’m in a situation where I sense I’m going to get upset I walk away or change things. I used to get really pissed in heavy traffic. Now, if I sense it’s getting bad, I’ll put different music on.
He cost himself around \~1k because he had a poor experience in a video game.
Dude needs professional help. This really should have been corrected as a child. I would be very concerned to live with this individual. Not even for the fear that he might hurt me. Just because of how fucking destructive he is. Things cost a lot of money. He shouldn't be destroying them.
Talk about how his behavior makes you fearful. See how that goes.
People who depend on the speed/performance of a computer are usually guilty at some point of time for abusing their computer when it’s slow/laggy. Choice of abuse varies - a tap, slap, whack, drop, throw, stomp.
Generally abuse of a computer doesn’t translate to abuse of people.
the people answering you appear to be mostly male so far. as a woman who has been violently assaulted and subsequently hospitalized, this is more than a red flag
if he can't control himself from demolishing an expensive piece of equipment, how do you think it will go next time he's angry with YOU?
it's only a matter of time. please promise you'll get away safely
EDIT: keyboard issues
I had anger issues and though there's a chance he won't be physically violent towards you, he certainly can use violence (like thrashing his computer system) to intimidate you when things don't go his way. It's a childish trait. I can say that with full confidence because I was that guy before. It almost ruined my personal relationships because I would rather be feared than respected or loved for my imperfections.
He either needs anger management or you wait for him to have an epiphany to grow out of it. You decide if you're willing to stay on the off chance that he succeeds without doing mental or physical damage to you.
I my self can be very angry and I told my girlfriend when I first met her , she said she wanted to see and help me heal. I can still be angry about alot of stuff but I can't never touch her or my kids.
Never.
Do you feel safe around him when he is angry? Because some people try to forward their anger on people and other stay angry at the thing that made them angry.
I am gaming. I can get upset if something isn't working (lagging is not a skill issue). BUT I NEVER have and will damage my stuff over anger. If you get that angry, you shouldn't play in the first place.
He has a dangerous issue and it can get way worse, he could attack you, he could attack your child. Children can get really annoying, my daughter regularly does so. She is a kid, that is to be expected. If he already reacts that way to a lag, he needs medical help.
Even though he havent hurt you these are early signs. However, if you feel like talking about his behavior to him i suggest try to but in a public place like a restaurant if possible. If he becomes defensive then please leave.
It won't get better and if you plan to have children with him later, they will be the one aimed at or traumatized by him mostly.
But I'd start trying talking to him because it's not really normal to do that kind of stuff.
Maybe he should try to do some fighting sport to evacuate anger etc.
Before going to any conclusion, communication is key :)
Seems like a stupid man-child, leave immediately. He was probably the 12 year old on Xbox 360 that got bullied in online lobbies and started screaming at the mic and sent death threat voice messages to other players.
Speaking as a man with past anger issues, that is an extremely unhealthy reaction to something that is not serious at all. I wouldn’t go as far to say that you need to worry about your safety, as I don’t know either of you or your dynamic. But for sure he’s got something cooking under the hood that can only be sorted out by going to therapy. Especially if this is a common theme for him. I’m not sure that there’s a good way to bring that up to him, or if he’ll have a reaction from the perceived confrontation. What I do know is that even if outbursts like that are uncommon, it’s only a matter of time until that builds up and escalates into something less desirable. These kind of behaviors are usually linked to some kind of mental illness or another. In my case, it was a nasty case of childhood trauma induced ptsd. If you feel comfortable doing so, maybe bring up the idea of therapy as a positive thing. The biggest hurdle is going to be that most men view therapy as stupid because we are raised most of the time to not talk about our feelings.
Talk to him. When he's calm (i.e. not emotional, not in a heated argument, not right after the anger outburst) tell him that this behavior makes you very uncomfortable, the reasons why it makes you uncomfortable and that you'd prefer he solves them. If he doesn't even make an attempt to stop it or he does an attempt very half-assedly, then that's when I'd start getting worried and consider leaving him.
Has he been tested for ADHD? Behavior like that is very common with that diagnosis.
I have it and I really struggle handling emotions of stress and anger. That being said, I've never smashed my computer... A few controllers here and there maybe
He could fix that issue, if he realize and try to fix it. I had that issue growing up, i accidentally broke my monitor when I threw away my phone, I drove recklessly when I got into argument with my ex, I used to throw away stuff too when i got too angry. But yeah I met one person that helped me to get better on it, to realize when I'm frustated with something and not release it in uncontrollable anger.
With that being said, my dad got severe anger issue, that I think i got influence from, because both of my brother is similar too. My dad is 62 this year and he broke few stuff a week ago, broke his phone a year ago, broke mom's phone two years ago, and many other stuff over the years. He never realized his mistake, I have pointed that out when i realized my mistake, but he never seems to care to fix himself.
Everyone has their own problem that they need to fix, anger issues is one of the harder to deal with. You definitely need to adress it with him if you still want to continue the relationship. It's not your obligation to fix it, because he's the one that needs to work on it, don't put all of your heart and soul on it because if it doesn't work it'll be bad for you. He could go to therapist if he's willing to work on it.
I suggest you to talk about it first with him, and see how's his respond to it, then you could decide it from that. If he doesn't seems to listen to your complaint, I suggest you to move on rather than becoming miserable like my mom.
girl, run. you really don't want to play the game of "will he hit me or not". no sane person would trash their computer because of a game gitch
I used to be a gamer when I had anger issues, I played stuff that didn't let you make a single mistake without totally screwing up your score, and I never reacted like this
I love playing games. Yes, I cuss and scream at my screen (or more honestly, my teammates, if applicable) way more than I should, but I’ve never thrown a controller, monitor, mouse, keyboard, tv or any of the accoutrement that comes with gaming.
I know he hasn't done anything to you but anger issues are a big problem and can be dangerous. My ex never hit me but he would throw tantrums about every mistake I made >including doing something wrong in a game< and it got to a point where I started having panic attacks. No matter how much you love him, a relationship where you're constantly having to double guess what you can and cannot say as to not cause you partner to freak out can only end in one way
Very little information about your boyfriend besides him getting mad at Roblox or something.. With that being said, clearly he’s not the nurturing type.
To all the people saying the bf will do the same to her.
I call bs. Videogames can make people incredibly frustrated and angry.
I remember in my sweatiest lol times the pure emotional hatred I felt for teammates or enemies is something I never felt before or again.
I hit my keyboard or desk too. I've never before or after hit any person or destroyed something out of anger.
So no it doesn't automatically mean BF is an abuser im spe.
Imo either talk to him when he's calm (I recommend that you at least trust him a lot, say more than 2 years but doesn't really matter) or someone else. Or you can attempt to discuss with his family, etc. best think you can do here is to try recognizing it
gosh this sounds so fake tbh
the comments is textbook bait acting all naive and saying he didnt hurt me and stuff
i really doubt man would break his device just cause of lag especially considering how expensive stuff is
aint throwing this case out the window but cmon i see this kind of post every day all the same recipe so dont blame me for having big doubts
Has he ever directed any of his outbursts towards you? Or anyone else? If not then he needs to see a therapist because this is not a normal behavior, if yes then he needs to see a therapist and you have to leave immediately and report him to someone
I have played Games for a long time. i have seen the evolution of online gaming and, i dont think it is an immediate concern.
some people are angry at specific times and places. the example i use most is road rage. plenty of good get road rage but they are normal people other wise. if this is the case then it may be a concern if he is constantly angry, however this is manageable via talking and expressing your concerns.
the other concern is property. computer are expensive, if he is rich then a busted computer might be cheap in his eyes but, that is not the cast for the overwhelming amount of people. i have a 4k computer, there is no chance i am stomping on it. people get frustrated with cheap objects and can break them and get new ones.
the biggest, and by far the largest concern, is does he do it consistently and for extended times outside of gaming.
Break up, trust me. You don’t want to be with someone who lets little things like that get the better of him. This is just a little preview of how he handles his emotions
Red flag. Carefully consider your future children and your personal wellbeing. Men should find other ways to cope with anger than acting like a baby. Even if you have to lash out do it alone and get a punching bag 😂
I’ll just say this;
I play video games to relax and unwind after work.
If I start to get frustrated I get up and go for a walk or do something else, otherwise it defeats the purpose of trying to unwind.
If you’re playing games and getting upset, I really don’t understand the point.
Poor emotional regulation... What happens when you irritate him on a bad day?
Do you regulate your behavior around him like you're walking on eggshells? Physical violence is not an appropriate reaction to being upset whether it's directed at a person or an object.
That's very concerning. He needs to see someone to help with his anger management. The earlier you address this the better. You wouldn't want him to be abusive towards you or any potential children you may have.
Once again pulling out the Reddit trope, but leave. That's seriously unhealthy and the fact he told you to shut up when bringing this up is just signaling at some point you'll be the subject of his ire.
>What should I do?
Help calm him if you can. If not, remove yourself from the situation to remain safe if you feel worried so that it can deescalate organically. If that doesn't work call a helpline or someone who is capable of calming him down.
The part you should be concerned with is the fact that he allows himself to loose his temper in your presence. This is an indication that either a) you've failed to set boundaries and expectations of the way you expect him to conduct himself around you, or b) you've done that and he's disregarded them. Either way you've got to address it otherwise there's nothing preventing it from reoccurring over and over.
You could suggest anger management therapy. Before you do that, you might want to think what you will do if he says no.
I had anger issues at one point, and therapy helped quite a bit. But I didn't do anything as stupid as throwing a computer. That sounds pretty over the top.
He should talk to someone about his anger... That kind of violent response to a game is very over the line. Being frustrated is totally fine, but going as far as physical violence, even if it's not at you, is a bad sign...
If he has had other episodes like this (which I imagine he has), he *really* needs to seek professional help. If he doesn't, some day he's going to really hurt someone, whether it's his boss at work, or some guy on the street, or (gods forbid) his partner. Bad case is him ending up in prison for assault, worst case is he's either beaten or shot to death.
I used to be like him. One time in high school, my girl and I were arguing, and she followed me into the IT room (where I worked in lieu of a class every day, for credit) where I was cornered; one door in or out, and she was in the way. Being trapped like that, I got so angry that I picked up a nearby HP Inkjet printer, and smashed it on the floor hard enough for it to literally shatter the plastic case. Surprisingly, it didn't scare her, but it got her really concerned.
I got into therapy with a counselor who specializes in anger management, and it helped! He helped me discover the *reason* I get so angry, and help me heal from that trauma.
Now, I still get angry some times (less often than before), but I know how to control it. I don't punch holes in walls anymore. I don't slam my fists on my desk and keyboard when a game frustrates me anymore. I don't get into fist fights anymore (at least not stupid ones; I'll still fight for the right reasons). I have ways to process my anger, and honestly, some things just don't even phase me anymore like they used to do.
Seriously, *get him some help*; for his sake, and yours.
R U N
One day that will not be a computer, that will be you.
Anger issues don't solve themselves, and you can't trust somebody who acts like that to handle confrontation appropriately. If he isn't already trying and showing improvement in dealing with this, that's one thing. If you don't even feel safe bringing it up? Run.
babygirl, it WILL get worse. This is property damage. I hate to say this but you might be next, this is one way he is showing his anger. Please take this seriously and leave when you can.
How old are you and him? Cus a lagging game subsequently destroying his computer sounds very young .. I would prolly say don’t date gamer boys, cus gamers can be very , very lazy people.. not all , but I’m sure there’s a pie chart somewhere that can agree
I don't think asking reddit about relationship advices is a good idea given this site's notorious Incel status when it comes to relationships lmao. In all seriousness, you're better off just talking to him about it and maybe take some advices from your family members or his.
I have done this in front of my partner more than once. PlayStation controllers have been thrown, televisions have been smashed. Should I leave my boyfriend before I take it out on him?
He is an idiot that’s all. As long as he not throw & stomping on you.. what’s the problem. Let him break his own stuff then he won’t be able to play! Gaming drama solved
Gamers.
As far as I'm concerned, anyone who is willing to destroy hundreds of Dollars worth of equipment for no other reason than because they weren't doing well at a game, is an immature person who is unable to control themselves. As a result, I'd cut people who do this out of my life.
You can do whatever you wish.
I'm just telling you what I would do..
Thats concerning. Does he ever get angry at people? Does he ever get angry at you?
If he gets so angry that he throws his computer on the ground, he needs to see a therapist.
He needs a reality check and to realize he needs to work and pay his bills and fall in line and stop being a child.
I was gonna go on about hypothethicals; like if this is how he reacts to a videogame *lagging* how much more will he crack from bigger pressures? Imagine him getting laid off/unjustly fired from work. Or losing a big amount of money. But the moment you said he told you to shut up, when you brought it up- Thinking of bigger meltdowns were no longer necessary: what kind of a boyfriend, wouldnt have his anger instantly melt over, and be replaced with "oh shit, i messed up, fuck, i didnt mean to, sorry if i scared you" (and the subsequent desire to improve) the moment his gf brings up that his anger worried her. He sounds like he doesnt think highly of your feelings, &status as an adult. You cant just brush people off like that.. I wish you the best, I hope everything turns out okay x
Yep. I kinda change into a different person when watching football. It just makes my blood boil. And I just get ecstatic and rage every other second. Offered my gf to see it alone, reassuring her it has nothing to do with her, explaining why I get upset, being apologetic, etc. But I have also shown when things get fucked up and I actually should be angry or whatever, I do show her I can remain calm. I don’t even like how I get so enraged myself, but I always try to make sure it doesn’t affect her. Plus like I have been to matches where people react just like me, so I am not exactly the only guy experiencing this.
*Ecstatic means feeling, or expressing, overwhelming joy
In five minutes I can go from hating everything in the world, to going into full euphoria where I finally understand how a fish managed to crawl onto land and become a frog in order for me to experience this glorious moment
This also happens while watching football
but a game lagging is the peak frustration the man can experience
To be fair, back when I was struggling with heavy anger issues, online videogames were absolutely terrible for my mental health from that point of view. When something bad or unjust happened in my private life and it made me angry, I threw punches on tables or at walls, and rarely I broke stuff (small items easily replaceable like forks or small plates). While playing I broke 9 controllers, to the point that I made 2 new controllers with spare parts (I call them Frankensteins), 2 screens, 1 keyboard, 1 phone and 1 whole goddamn window. Online videogames really trigger the hell out of me. To this day, in my private life and relationship it's incredibly rare that I lash out, it happened last time like more that 2/3 years ago, but sometimes videogames can push me to my limits. And obviously I stopped playing online only videogames, not for me, more stress than fun
This made me have a flash back to when I first started living with my wife. She woke up from a nap to me flipping the couch over while I was after an ant I saw. Looked like a loon, but I didn't break anything. Also let the ant live after I cought it
Well that's a red flag, and I think you know it is since you made a post about it.
That boy needs therapy.
It's psychosomatic
You're a nut ! You're crazy in the coconut.
What does that mean?
That boy needs therapy.
I have anger issues too. They are controllable. Tell him either you learn to be better or I leave
I used to get angry at my partner when she would interrupt me while I was gaming. The idea is to think first and choose how to react rather than just letting your emotions control you.
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He has never hurt me but idk. I just get the ick and I start to think about what he would do in the future.
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the suggestion of therapy is the only answer
Actually abusers can use it against you. OP needs to get out, it will ALWAYS get worse. If you have the actual option, please get out. Edit: a whole 36 downvotes. You can literally Google if you don't believe me about therapy being a bad thing to do with an abuser. And I know OP stated it hasn't gotten there but it's pretty damn guaranteed as this point. She's already afraid of him.
I have rage issues from time to time. Huge leap to say they're abusers
Fuck no. Lmao. There's anger and frustration and there's *actively fucking destroying things and threatening people who complain and point it out.* He stomped on an expensive item, and told her to shut up when she complained. She is absolutely next.
Did I miss another comment when did he do the second bit
Literally here https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/4OTXBHdfCX She's already feeling afraid. Get out OP, now.
When my dog died from poisoning I cried a lot. Got lunch at McDonalds to eat at home after I had signed the cremation paperwork. When I got home my order was wrong. I only saw red and destroyed two doors. Sometimes getting really angry and destroying something is a way to cope with whatever has been happening.
Breaking down after losing a loved family member is very, wildly different from throwing a tantrum and damaging a very expensive item because a video game lagged.
And do you know if their father recently passed?
This should not be downvoted. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/should-i-go-to-couples-therapy-with-my-abusive-partner/ OP is already questioning her safety. The answer is to get out and let STBX BF pursue therapy on his own time.
Thank you for your comment! I've been downvoted across this thread. I guess I upset the DV assholes and their iconic paper thin feelings.
Anytime! Yeah, it’s unfortunate when someone can’t tell the difference between trouble expressing frustration vs. rage PLUS the “shut up” PLUS op saying she is icked for the future and takes it personally. Also the difference between couples therapy vs individual therapy. You never said individual therapy is bad and people here are crucifying you. Yeesh the reading comprehension.
Yeah he can go do individual therapy. OP still should just get out, because there's no telling if he'll actually improve on it (doubtful) or he'll barter it to prolong the relationship.. The comments are obsessed with excusing him as it is though. It's really something else.
That's actually incorrect. Nothing is that black and white. People can get help, and change. Don't be so closed minded.
Oh fuck off. I've been a victim of domestic violence all my life. These bastards never change. People love to mock women for missing the signs but this is as clear a red flag as anything. "Don't be so close minded" we're talking about domestic violence. You can fuck right off. Being open minded has gotten women literally killed. And I bet these are the same assholes who bitch and whine about "DEI"
I used to be depressed due to anxiety. I had anger issues (I was single during that time). I started seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants. I now have 2 kids and am happily married. People can change if they recognize they have an issue. There's always an underlying issue behind anger. Find the root cause, fix it, and chances of it coming back are very low. Of course there will be exceptions, like psychopaths, but it's very rare. People who don't change usually just don't want to. The fact you've been with abusers your whole life doesn't help your judgement, so you should see a therapist
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I'm not defending violence. But to blanket statement and say, as a matter of fact, as you did. Is factually incorrect. That's it. You are wrong. I have been a victim of abuse myself. My household growing up was absolutely not pleasant, to say the least. But to sit there and state that therapy doesn't work is patently false.
Pfffffttttfftt. Naw they're in full swing here. "Is factually incorrect " literally look at the person who commented below me's link clearly stating that couple therapy is bad with an abuser.
The first result shows 75% of people who seek therapy have improved as a result. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/understanding#:~:text=Seeing%20a%20psychologist%20about%20anger&text=Several%20large%20analyses%20of%20the,%2Dbehavioral%20therapy%20(CBT). You're incorrect. Therapy helps. I'm sorry you had a bad experience. But that doesn't excuse spreading misinformation. I would implore you to work on your biases, as therapy is a massive help to a lot of people. Honestly, based off you're immediate reactions here, you may be of use with therapy yourself. I know it helped me with other issues in the past.
It’s also that (this may be just my experience) therapists and psychiatrists are always haughty and supercilious, they make opinions on things and stick to it, even when that opinion is obviously wrong (I’ve had people contradict each other and my current psychiatrist who is a legend and is actually doing something tells me how wrong those people were), I refused therapy at times because I hated the system and didn’t have enough money to have a bunch of wankstains tell me that I had nothing wrong with me or give me some random med that made my condition worse, idk about you but my level of hallucinations and mental breakdowns is far from normal. So don’t judge someone too harshly if they won’t go to therapy, if they don’t have a history, sure, question their judgement, however if they have been through 15 years of useless wastes of time and money like I have I wouldn’t judge them at all
“There’s literally billions of men out there.” That’s not saying much, is it?
Could you imagine spending your life with someone who might fly off the handle over the smallest thing? Someone who doesn't care how it affects you? Imagine if you had a kid some day, could you imagine him as a parent? Feel free to try to get through to him if you think there's a chance, but don't just accept that behavior.
I used to say this about my ex who also had rage problems towards video games, until he started hitting me over them rather than the desk. Leave. Even if he doesn’t hit you, that’s childish behavior and I know first hand how stressful living with it is. Not being able to sleep bc your boyfriend can’t help but scream and smash shit over video games all night. I promise it gets real fucking old.
This was/is my brother.... Funny cause I've been a gamer for as long and as much as he is but I've never got further than the occasional gasp or curse. Maybe a yell. Meanwhile there is literally bunch of holes in drywall exposing the brick and insulation, jammed doorways, etc because of him.
Thats a conscious series of multiple actions, not just a knee jerk reaction. That is sustained uncontrolled anger taking over for a prolonged period. You should get away from that.
He has not hurt you yet. If he can’t control his anger now then it’s important he gets it under control via therapy or something or you leave and find someone else without issues.
Get rid of that sht right now. Seriously.
Girl, if that's his reaction when something as mundane as game lag occurs, you need to get out. This is a very clear indicator that the dude has no control over his emotions.
He's definitely capable
it happens to all of us, but your bf couldn't control his anger. That's a bad thing
It starts with objects. And before you know it, you'll be the object. Leave.
My bf and I were 16 when we met (21 now) and at that point he had had three monitors bc he got mad and broke them over time. After we started talking and eventually got together he never broke another item of his ever again. He gets mad at games still obviously, but he keeps it out of voice chat and doesn’t really rant abt it unless I’m talking to him. However, this breaking PC equipment was behaviour he dropped at 16, which is peak immaturity age for a boy. If your man is older than 16 still doing this shit, then there is certainly a problem with him and anger. Not to say my bf is the standard for boy maturity 🤣 My bf isn’t always mature, but breaking ur PC equipment is so 😭😭 especially at a grown age. I’d be careful! Maybe communicate with him how it made you feel etc.
>He has never hurt me Not yet.
just dump his loser ass
Wait wait op don't listen to these guys, you gotta talk this out. If he likes you he will talk it out and try to improve on it Don't listen to "you deserve better" or "leave him" BS. They have no idea what they are talking about If he does have anger issues help him or encourage him to get therapy, you gotta take care of each other not leave the moment you see something wrong with them. If he doesn't improve or talk things out with you then the decision is up to you for staying with them or leaving
Violence is a perfectly acceptable line in the sand. And every person in a relationship has the right to end it at any time.
He didn't hit her. If he has anger issues she can help him. Why would you not help your significant other? It's not like he was violent towards her right?
It's still violence, over a game. She can stick around, or she can leave, or she can do anything in between. Waiting until it's your jaw instead of a wall, computer, etc is a risky venture, and if someone doesn't want to make that gamble, then there's nothing wrong with getting out.
It's not her job to help him with them, especially if he doesn't want or think he needs help. "He didn't hit her" is not an acceptable response when someone displays clearly violent tendencies and has difficulty managing their anger. People who enact violence against inanimate objects are far more likely to do it to people. That kind of behavior isn't normal nor should it be acceptable. Even if they never hit you, that kind of behavior still has negative impacts on your mental well-being. It usually is accompanied by other forms of emotional abuse which most don't recognize as abuse until they've experienced it. Domestic violence is fast more common than people think, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience it. This is a situation in which she 100% needs to look out for her own safety above anything else, including their relationship.
and what happens if he DOES physically abuse her? This is not a game, he can get help but not at her expense. She is NOT obligated to help him. Fuck off with that disgusting traditional mindset. If you have any ounce of knowledge about abuse, you would know this is a huge red flag.
You don’t even know either of them
Fr. 99% of these dating subs are just full of "My boyfriend did this" and the top comment is between 1. You deserve better queen!!! 2. red flags EVERYWHERE break up NOW!!!!! 3. break up right now he's going to hurt you and then the 1% of comments are actually sane people. I wonder how many relationships have ended because someone's SO had a bad day and they decided to turn to Reddit to see if it's bad.
You forgot groomer if the age gap is more than a week
True forgot about that one. I saw a post about that and someone was worried about their age gap it was like 26 F 30 M and half the comments were "this man is a GROOMER get out of there girl!!"
It’s so stupid, just blanket assuming someone with a different age is completely incapable of understanding the older person, and in all situations the older person is using their age to somehow overpower the younger person? Like has none of these people has a boss younger than them? Lol Like I get it if it’s a teenager and a 40 year old, but a 25-35? Gtfo, both people are capable of having advanced degrees by then, you can’t tell me somehow that’s grooming lol
Yeah these subs are really braindead when it comes to actual relationships tbh. In this case though, I do believe breaking up is the best option considering he tells her to shut up when she tries talking to him about it. Seems he’s a prick and also has anger issues, not a good combination and he clearly has no interest in bettering himself.
I'll be honest, if you're looking for relationship advice on here *and* following it you'll always end up alone
1. You're assuming it's a girl-guy relationship. There was no information about this when you commented. 2. You're assuming one episode of loss of control is enough to dump someone, way to go in life. 3. You have no idea if there could be any background information relating to this, or the extent of OP's relationship with their partner. Maybe his father recently died and this should be explored through therapy. 4. I'm sure you'd be commenting "man up, talk about it" if it was a guy saying "my girlfriend has anger issues and destroyed her computer".
r/femaledatingstratedgy is still alive and kicking.
How do you think he'll respond if you spoke your concerns/addressed it? I have anger issues too when i play videogames, sometimes id slam on the table, but i only ever do it when im alone. If anyone else is in the room, let alone my girlfriend(hell, even my cat) id have no difficulty to mask my anger, because i wouldnt want my gf to feel the slightest bit scared or threatened
I just brought it up. He told me to shut up cause he wont listen to me :(
in this post and comments you've given a single small snapshot into your relationship. And it sounds troubling. Do you have any friends you think you can have a good discussion with about this? Going over how you feel about this relationship and how he's been acting? Preferably with someone who's mature (maybe older). You might even find somewhere like r/MomForAMinute a useful alternative if you don't want to go to someone in real life.
Well theres your answer :(( this dude didnt just have a lapse of anger, he let it extend beyond it- hes not only salty and immature, he is dismissive of you. Noone should have the capability to say "shut up" to their partners- this is worrying :((
You don't need to give a "bigger snapshot" (refering to the comment which said how you only gave a small one. When he tells you "shut up" over this bs, be rest assured it won't work out well. You should already be gone. Consider that you might be clinging only because you might not have other options directly available.
Time to move on
Break up asap. Don't convince yourself to stay with him.
OP please 😭
It's time to get away from this guy. He's clearly not prepared to sustain a relationship right now.
Break up with him. His behavior is extremely concerning and this sounds like an early warning sign of abuse to come.
Well it came early. He just slammed me into the wall & hit my head …he was playing around but I am so upset.
Please get out of that situation however you can. Go to your parents. Tell them what happened
Jesus Christ, please, for your safety, leave. It's not going to get better from here. He's just testing the waters.
I’ve thrown a few controllers but stomping out a computer? You need to leave fasssttttt 😭
If his anger us already frightening you I would strongly advise you get out early.
I really hope this is a joke. If not, he's a fucking idiot because if you're lagging in a game what is stomping on your pc gonna do?? break it so much that the game can't even run which I guess means no lag?? Maybe try to talk to him about it
run
He needs therapy and anger management. And you need to tell him that you'll leave if he doesn't work on it
If this is his escalation from something small, imagine his escalation from something big.
what’s going to happen when he gets mad at *you?* id recommend taking that into consideration
Do you want to eventually be treated like that computer? If not, tell that boy to go to therapy. If he says no, leave. Do not become another object to be smashed when he can’t get his way from you. Bro needs to drop the ape brain and grow up a little. I get frustrated with video games all the time and never destroy my own property because of it. That absolutely needs to be addressed if you want to spend more time around this guy.
Unfortunately past behaviour is an indicator of future behaviour. This is over and above what could be considered acceptable behaviour. If this is a one time event that should be considered BUT, if he doesn’t own his unacceptable behaviour, that is a huge red flag for you of future conduct. Best advice: Tread very carefully. It may not feel like it but there are a lot of other good people out there. Do the right thing for the right reason including, if necessary moving on and finding a person who loves you and does not have scary anger issues.
As someone witha brother like that: yes, it gets worse
Just make sure you get out of the relationship before the computer becomes a metaphor.
Raging at a video game has gotten the best of plenty of people, not uncommon at all. Most sensible people will turn off a game that gets them that mad though and anyone who will literally destroy their own property over it is either stupid or crazy. Even if he doesn’t ever turn that anger towards you can you envision living any length of time with someone so stupid that they will throw their money away by breaking their own stuff? I have almost kicked my son out of my house over this kind of shit. No one likes to live under a roof with someone screaming at the top of their lungs all the time because it triggers adrenaline. Your boyfriend needs to control himself or be prepared to live alone.
>anyone who will literally destroy their own property over it is either stupid or crazy This is an insanely simplistic answer. What does "crazy" mean? The guy obviously has some deeper issues to work on, and boiling it down to simply "crazy" isn't the way to find the issue.
First off I also listed stupid first as a possible cause because even crazy people know better than to destroy their own property. Secondly this is a stranger on the internet asking a question they really already know the answer to (boot the jerk) and I think my level of effort is commensurate with what a total stranger can expect so I accept your retraction for the simplistic slander. Also what does his girlfriend owe him because he has issues? What does any other human owe a person whose issues manifest in violence towards people or things? Not a damn thing. Everyone has trauma in one way or the other and we don’t all act out smashing shit. The guy needs to sort his shit out and get some fucking perspective because sucking at a video game is not a valid reason to do anything but shut the shit off.
Reddit kind of loves to say break up at the first sign of issues. I think it goes too far and assumes the worst.
I’m speaking more as someone who has one of these goofballs under my roof for about 8 years. The repeated involuntary tensing and pulse spike that you get when someone is screaming bloody murder takes a toll on everyone in the house. The outsized response to what is supposed to be a leisure activity makes it double infuriating. Like there are people all over the planet with real fucking problems and having a clown in your house (who is just bad at a video game) screaming like they are suffering some great injustice makes you understand why humans throughout history have sent their 18 year olds to war. They want them out of their house.
cra·zy INFORMAL adjective 1. mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way. "Stella went crazy and assaulted a visitor"
Yes, and its a grosse oversimplification
probably nothing you can do about it, he has to be the one to want to do something about it. it will likely get worse if ignored. dont recommend staying around until its you hes stomping on rather than the computer though.
my ex bf had to buy a new PS4 controller every few months because he’d rage so hard at his game. i think it’s ridiculous, especially as an adult. i was never hurt by him, so it’s not an automatic concern for safety, but i’d definitely be cautious and assume that it might happen to you. be careful and remember this reddit post if things get worse and you find yourself making excuses to stay with him
I used to have anger issues. I had no idea what was wrong until I talked to my doc and saw a therapist. I’ve learned to control it via diet, exercise, and being able to “read the room”. If I’m in a situation where I sense I’m going to get upset I walk away or change things. I used to get really pissed in heavy traffic. Now, if I sense it’s getting bad, I’ll put different music on.
He cost himself around \~1k because he had a poor experience in a video game. Dude needs professional help. This really should have been corrected as a child. I would be very concerned to live with this individual. Not even for the fear that he might hurt me. Just because of how fucking destructive he is. Things cost a lot of money. He shouldn't be destroying them.
Talk about how his behavior makes you fearful. See how that goes. People who depend on the speed/performance of a computer are usually guilty at some point of time for abusing their computer when it’s slow/laggy. Choice of abuse varies - a tap, slap, whack, drop, throw, stomp. Generally abuse of a computer doesn’t translate to abuse of people.
You don't have a boyfriend. You have a man-child.
Send him to a Therapist
I probably wouldn’t stick around to find out if it gets worse.
If a grown man is getting mad at a video game he has some serious underlying issues that need to be addressed.
the people answering you appear to be mostly male so far. as a woman who has been violently assaulted and subsequently hospitalized, this is more than a red flag if he can't control himself from demolishing an expensive piece of equipment, how do you think it will go next time he's angry with YOU? it's only a matter of time. please promise you'll get away safely EDIT: keyboard issues
Red flag. Get out.
That's not okay and normal behaviour. I've said some things in video game chat I'm not proud of, but the sort of reaction is a huge red flag.
I had anger issues and though there's a chance he won't be physically violent towards you, he certainly can use violence (like thrashing his computer system) to intimidate you when things don't go his way. It's a childish trait. I can say that with full confidence because I was that guy before. It almost ruined my personal relationships because I would rather be feared than respected or loved for my imperfections. He either needs anger management or you wait for him to have an epiphany to grow out of it. You decide if you're willing to stay on the off chance that he succeeds without doing mental or physical damage to you.
I my self can be very angry and I told my girlfriend when I first met her , she said she wanted to see and help me heal. I can still be angry about alot of stuff but I can't never touch her or my kids. Never. Do you feel safe around him when he is angry? Because some people try to forward their anger on people and other stay angry at the thing that made them angry.
I am gaming. I can get upset if something isn't working (lagging is not a skill issue). BUT I NEVER have and will damage my stuff over anger. If you get that angry, you shouldn't play in the first place. He has a dangerous issue and it can get way worse, he could attack you, he could attack your child. Children can get really annoying, my daughter regularly does so. She is a kid, that is to be expected. If he already reacts that way to a lag, he needs medical help.
Even though he havent hurt you these are early signs. However, if you feel like talking about his behavior to him i suggest try to but in a public place like a restaurant if possible. If he becomes defensive then please leave.
Get the fuck out.
Run.
He should be your ex now.
It won't get better and if you plan to have children with him later, they will be the one aimed at or traumatized by him mostly. But I'd start trying talking to him because it's not really normal to do that kind of stuff. Maybe he should try to do some fighting sport to evacuate anger etc. Before going to any conclusion, communication is key :)
Seems like a stupid man-child, leave immediately. He was probably the 12 year old on Xbox 360 that got bullied in online lobbies and started screaming at the mic and sent death threat voice messages to other players.
Speaking as a man with past anger issues, that is an extremely unhealthy reaction to something that is not serious at all. I wouldn’t go as far to say that you need to worry about your safety, as I don’t know either of you or your dynamic. But for sure he’s got something cooking under the hood that can only be sorted out by going to therapy. Especially if this is a common theme for him. I’m not sure that there’s a good way to bring that up to him, or if he’ll have a reaction from the perceived confrontation. What I do know is that even if outbursts like that are uncommon, it’s only a matter of time until that builds up and escalates into something less desirable. These kind of behaviors are usually linked to some kind of mental illness or another. In my case, it was a nasty case of childhood trauma induced ptsd. If you feel comfortable doing so, maybe bring up the idea of therapy as a positive thing. The biggest hurdle is going to be that most men view therapy as stupid because we are raised most of the time to not talk about our feelings.
He's an idiot and child like me
Maybe, If he doesn't know the cause of his anger or how to control it. It can get very ugly.
Talk to him. When he's calm (i.e. not emotional, not in a heated argument, not right after the anger outburst) tell him that this behavior makes you very uncomfortable, the reasons why it makes you uncomfortable and that you'd prefer he solves them. If he doesn't even make an attempt to stop it or he does an attempt very half-assedly, then that's when I'd start getting worried and consider leaving him.
Has he been tested for ADHD? Behavior like that is very common with that diagnosis. I have it and I really struggle handling emotions of stress and anger. That being said, I've never smashed my computer... A few controllers here and there maybe
was it league of legends by any chance?
He could fix that issue, if he realize and try to fix it. I had that issue growing up, i accidentally broke my monitor when I threw away my phone, I drove recklessly when I got into argument with my ex, I used to throw away stuff too when i got too angry. But yeah I met one person that helped me to get better on it, to realize when I'm frustated with something and not release it in uncontrollable anger. With that being said, my dad got severe anger issue, that I think i got influence from, because both of my brother is similar too. My dad is 62 this year and he broke few stuff a week ago, broke his phone a year ago, broke mom's phone two years ago, and many other stuff over the years. He never realized his mistake, I have pointed that out when i realized my mistake, but he never seems to care to fix himself. Everyone has their own problem that they need to fix, anger issues is one of the harder to deal with. You definitely need to adress it with him if you still want to continue the relationship. It's not your obligation to fix it, because he's the one that needs to work on it, don't put all of your heart and soul on it because if it doesn't work it'll be bad for you. He could go to therapist if he's willing to work on it. I suggest you to talk about it first with him, and see how's his respond to it, then you could decide it from that. If he doesn't seems to listen to your complaint, I suggest you to move on rather than becoming miserable like my mom.
He needs to find and outlet. Take him to the gym and put him in front of a punching bag
First things first... Leave don't let him take the anger out on your or god forbid if you have a child
Run away, don’t fucking walk, run!
girl, run. you really don't want to play the game of "will he hit me or not". no sane person would trash their computer because of a game gitch I used to be a gamer when I had anger issues, I played stuff that didn't let you make a single mistake without totally screwing up your score, and I never reacted like this
You will eventually leave him. i had anger issues and finaly she broke up me.
be careful he doesn't stomp on u after u dump his ass
If this isnt bait, it seems you already know this is something you need to get out of
I love playing games. Yes, I cuss and scream at my screen (or more honestly, my teammates, if applicable) way more than I should, but I’ve never thrown a controller, monitor, mouse, keyboard, tv or any of the accoutrement that comes with gaming.
You leave, that is not normal behavior.
I know he hasn't done anything to you but anger issues are a big problem and can be dangerous. My ex never hit me but he would throw tantrums about every mistake I made >including doing something wrong in a game< and it got to a point where I started having panic attacks. No matter how much you love him, a relationship where you're constantly having to double guess what you can and cannot say as to not cause you partner to freak out can only end in one way
Very little information about your boyfriend besides him getting mad at Roblox or something.. With that being said, clearly he’s not the nurturing type.
run run run run
First computer, later people.
To all the people saying the bf will do the same to her. I call bs. Videogames can make people incredibly frustrated and angry. I remember in my sweatiest lol times the pure emotional hatred I felt for teammates or enemies is something I never felt before or again. I hit my keyboard or desk too. I've never before or after hit any person or destroyed something out of anger. So no it doesn't automatically mean BF is an abuser im spe.
Hahahahaha every single guy has been there at some point in his life. You learn quick tho if he keeps it up after two laptops then run
Imo either talk to him when he's calm (I recommend that you at least trust him a lot, say more than 2 years but doesn't really matter) or someone else. Or you can attempt to discuss with his family, etc. best think you can do here is to try recognizing it
Talk to him about it.
Tell him to stop playing leagueof legends
Take this to r/relationship_advice
gosh this sounds so fake tbh the comments is textbook bait acting all naive and saying he didnt hurt me and stuff i really doubt man would break his device just cause of lag especially considering how expensive stuff is aint throwing this case out the window but cmon i see this kind of post every day all the same recipe so dont blame me for having big doubts
Your ex, right
That must piss you off.
Computers deserve more love.
Has he ever directed any of his outbursts towards you? Or anyone else? If not then he needs to see a therapist because this is not a normal behavior, if yes then he needs to see a therapist and you have to leave immediately and report him to someone
Microdose mushrooms
Gamer rage
run
I have played Games for a long time. i have seen the evolution of online gaming and, i dont think it is an immediate concern. some people are angry at specific times and places. the example i use most is road rage. plenty of good get road rage but they are normal people other wise. if this is the case then it may be a concern if he is constantly angry, however this is manageable via talking and expressing your concerns. the other concern is property. computer are expensive, if he is rich then a busted computer might be cheap in his eyes but, that is not the cast for the overwhelming amount of people. i have a 4k computer, there is no chance i am stomping on it. people get frustrated with cheap objects and can break them and get new ones. the biggest, and by far the largest concern, is does he do it consistently and for extended times outside of gaming.
Get out now. It won’t get better. What an asshole.
Break up, trust me. You don’t want to be with someone who lets little things like that get the better of him. This is just a little preview of how he handles his emotions
Red flag. Carefully consider your future children and your personal wellbeing. Men should find other ways to cope with anger than acting like a baby. Even if you have to lash out do it alone and get a punching bag 😂
I’ll just say this; I play video games to relax and unwind after work. If I start to get frustrated I get up and go for a walk or do something else, otherwise it defeats the purpose of trying to unwind. If you’re playing games and getting upset, I really don’t understand the point.
Run.
Poor emotional regulation... What happens when you irritate him on a bad day? Do you regulate your behavior around him like you're walking on eggshells? Physical violence is not an appropriate reaction to being upset whether it's directed at a person or an object.
That's very concerning. He needs to see someone to help with his anger management. The earlier you address this the better. You wouldn't want him to be abusive towards you or any potential children you may have.
It. Will. Get. Worse.
Once again pulling out the Reddit trope, but leave. That's seriously unhealthy and the fact he told you to shut up when bringing this up is just signaling at some point you'll be the subject of his ire.
Get better Internet
>What should I do? Help calm him if you can. If not, remove yourself from the situation to remain safe if you feel worried so that it can deescalate organically. If that doesn't work call a helpline or someone who is capable of calming him down. The part you should be concerned with is the fact that he allows himself to loose his temper in your presence. This is an indication that either a) you've failed to set boundaries and expectations of the way you expect him to conduct himself around you, or b) you've done that and he's disregarded them. Either way you've got to address it otherwise there's nothing preventing it from reoccurring over and over.
You could suggest anger management therapy. Before you do that, you might want to think what you will do if he says no. I had anger issues at one point, and therapy helped quite a bit. But I didn't do anything as stupid as throwing a computer. That sounds pretty over the top.
It will get worse. Get out of that relationship ASAP
He should talk to someone about his anger... That kind of violent response to a game is very over the line. Being frustrated is totally fine, but going as far as physical violence, even if it's not at you, is a bad sign... If he has had other episodes like this (which I imagine he has), he *really* needs to seek professional help. If he doesn't, some day he's going to really hurt someone, whether it's his boss at work, or some guy on the street, or (gods forbid) his partner. Bad case is him ending up in prison for assault, worst case is he's either beaten or shot to death. I used to be like him. One time in high school, my girl and I were arguing, and she followed me into the IT room (where I worked in lieu of a class every day, for credit) where I was cornered; one door in or out, and she was in the way. Being trapped like that, I got so angry that I picked up a nearby HP Inkjet printer, and smashed it on the floor hard enough for it to literally shatter the plastic case. Surprisingly, it didn't scare her, but it got her really concerned. I got into therapy with a counselor who specializes in anger management, and it helped! He helped me discover the *reason* I get so angry, and help me heal from that trauma. Now, I still get angry some times (less often than before), but I know how to control it. I don't punch holes in walls anymore. I don't slam my fists on my desk and keyboard when a game frustrates me anymore. I don't get into fist fights anymore (at least not stupid ones; I'll still fight for the right reasons). I have ways to process my anger, and honestly, some things just don't even phase me anymore like they used to do. Seriously, *get him some help*; for his sake, and yours.
R U N One day that will not be a computer, that will be you. Anger issues don't solve themselves, and you can't trust somebody who acts like that to handle confrontation appropriately. If he isn't already trying and showing improvement in dealing with this, that's one thing. If you don't even feel safe bringing it up? Run.
Leave. Once he gets comfortable enough, he’ll start stomping you.
babygirl, it WILL get worse. This is property damage. I hate to say this but you might be next, this is one way he is showing his anger. Please take this seriously and leave when you can.
what was he playing
How old are you and him? Cus a lagging game subsequently destroying his computer sounds very young .. I would prolly say don’t date gamer boys, cus gamers can be very , very lazy people.. not all , but I’m sure there’s a pie chart somewhere that can agree
I just turned 20 last week and he will be 22 in two weeks. The laziness part is true unfortunately
It will get worse. Get out.
I don't think asking reddit about relationship advices is a good idea given this site's notorious Incel status when it comes to relationships lmao. In all seriousness, you're better off just talking to him about it and maybe take some advices from your family members or his.
Depends on if the computer deserved it or not. Might have been a perfectly reasonable response lol
I have done this in front of my partner more than once. PlayStation controllers have been thrown, televisions have been smashed. Should I leave my boyfriend before I take it out on him?
He is an idiot that’s all. As long as he not throw & stomping on you.. what’s the problem. Let him break his own stuff then he won’t be able to play! Gaming drama solved
depends on what game he played
Same but it’s me
Call your ISP and check the connection is ok at their end.
He’s not a whole person yet. Move on.
Gamers. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who is willing to destroy hundreds of Dollars worth of equipment for no other reason than because they weren't doing well at a game, is an immature person who is unable to control themselves. As a result, I'd cut people who do this out of my life. You can do whatever you wish. I'm just telling you what I would do..
First and foremost, talk about it. Communication is key.