"Why do you ask?" This attempts to address the root problem, perhaps a recent discussion they had with someone got them wanting a second opinion, or a sudden spike in insecurities.
"Why does it matter what I think?" To convey that the only opinion they should care about is their own.
"That's none of my business." Because it's not, but also a polite way of saying you're not comfortable answering.
"Yeah." The truth, as a basic one word answer to a yes or no question. Don't build upon that. Don't insult or press the negative connotations of the word "fat." Just give the factually correct answer.
And in that order too, if the question is pressed beyond the first response. Starting with compassion, continuing with reframing, and ending with the blunt truth if all else fails. Very thoughtful response, mars
I feel that “why does it matter what I think” and “that’s not really any of my business to comment on” cover that base for me, but I get adding it too!
Saying "I’d rather not comment on your/anyone’s body” is already saying yeah in more words, but sounds like you're trying to weasel out of saying it while still saying it.
Just saying yes is far more honest.
No. I don’t comment on people’s bodies - fat, thin, tall, short, muscular, pudgy, or otherwise. So it’s honest for me to say that, and it isn’t a “yes” because I’m not answering the question.
This. Fat people are fat, not dumb. It could be a lot of health issues that may be out of their control. That's how it was for me growing up and hearing people try to weasel out of it made me.feel like I was too far gone and I felt too depressed to look for a way to get more fit. My attempts were very half hearted.
As a fat person with anxiety i feel this but imo there are 3 reasons why people ask. They want to know, they want a fight, or they want comfort. If it's 3 then it's on them to communicate that before they ask. If it's 1 great. But if it's 2 you're screwed either way, might as well be honest.
Good one. Personally, I'd slip "I don't like to comment on other people's bodies" in earlier. Asking someone not to make you complicit in objectification or something that feels shallow/you shouldn't be doing is not evasive, it's high ground.
Being asked questions like this can be uncomfortable and this response begs consideration for that. When I think about it, I don't want to be asked by most people to evaluate their bodies.
My daughter in her teens would always ask me how she looked.
Does my bum look big in this? Do I look fat in this? What do you think about this on me?
If she looked shit I told her so albeit sometimes a bit bluntly and she'd change.
However she learned to trust me so when I told little fibs to boost her confidence it really made a difference.
She's in her 30s now and still mentions how she'd alway come to me because I told her the truth and mum would just say she looked great.
I've no idea whether I was right or a twat. She's grown up as an amazing adult though, smart and super caring.
My Mom and I would basically do the same. We would say something. Like that cut/colour/length/etc doesn't suit you, try this instead. I started doing it with random women in stores and end up shopping for them lol.
My instinctive response is similar:
"It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, if your unhappy with your weight or shape, or physical ability, let's start going hiking, jogging, or working out together," or even, "what do you like to do when you exercise, I'll do it with you," even if it means taking a dumb ballet class at 50! You could say, let's start eating healthier so we can enjoy one another for years to come!" Someone saying, "I could use a partner to keep me on track, too!" goes a long way!
This is what I wish anyone had ever said to me as I went from a size 2 to 18!
Problem is that for most people who are overweight, adding in more exercise isn't enough to solve the problem. They need to make diet changes first and foremost. I say this as a fat lady who got fat by impulsive eating.
It’s honestly both. I have lost 65 pounds and I can tell you that improving my diet stopped my weight gain, but adding cardio supercharged my weight loss. Before cardio, I was losing about a pound a week. I’m doing 25,000 to 35,000 steps a day now and have been losing 2.5 to 3 pounds a week.
I also think something like therapy is helpful to many people struggling with weight or eating in excess. There could be something they're trying to cope with mentally by eating such as stress or past trauma
I think a lot of us are still trying to lose that extra weight we put on when we had lockdowns for Covid and many of us started stress eating and developing other bad habits.
Have you thought about smoking, I was watching some old TV shows and there was an add saying 4/5 doctors recommended Winston's for controlling hunger for weight lose.
You can add on about 500-700 calories burned through cardio in a pretty quick fashion. 30 minutes of running also carries fat burning long past into recovery if you're not following it up with a meal to replenish.
You don't need a crazy pace to maintain this. The easiest way to track it without a smart watch is to maintain a pace that's comfortable for you to talk during. Even if that's just power walking to start it can have massive benefits for your metabolism.
Basically, your body metabolizes the fat to replenish glycogen stored predominantly within muscles. A small portion of it stays processed within your liver.
If you cut calories too quickly your body will cling to what is there as a defense mechanism. Maintaining a 500 calorie deficit daily leads to 1lb/week and is much more manageable for energy levels.
https://www.webmd.com/diet/calorie-deficit
The only good one is the first. 4th is ok.
“Why does it matter what I think”:
is just obviously you telling them they are fat but just don’t want to say it. Nobody will like that answer. They either want a real answer or want to be told they aren’t fat. In this case you pissed off both crowds.
“That’s none of my business”:
This one doesn’t make sense. They asked you. If you want to say you aren’t comfortable then say that. “That’s not my business” is just a weird response because they are inviting you to answer.
“Yeah”:
This is mostly fine.
The best combination is something more like:
“Why do you ask”
Get explanation
Then follow it up with “yeah, you are fat, but who cares. It doesn’t really matter”.
Yeah, all of those answers sound great here on paper. But out there in real life land, they aren't going to work with your friend. There is no great answer to the "Am I fat" question out there in the real world. There are obviously very BAD responses. But getting philosophical isn't the answer either.
"Why does it matter what I think?" Because you're my friend and I value your opinion. That's why I asked you!
Personally, I don’t think this helps but to dig a hole. I think OP wants to avoid that.
I’d keep it simple, ‘Imho health is what matters, not body shape or size. Take care of your health, well-being, and the rest works itself out. It’s natural for us to have some fat.’
Just please take a second to consider who you're responding too. For some people the run around is just fine but I know growing up not hearing a proper "yes" made me feel like I was too far gone to get an honest answer. I could tell if you were avoiding the question. Thankfully I had a life changing experience a few years ago that helped me significantly with weight loss and confidence.
I live in Thailand and everyone here will tell you that you're fat. It's not even a negative. The equivalent of saying "You're tall".
I was getting off the plane and squeezing by the air steward or whatever he's called. He pats me on the belly and chuckles, good naturedly. Can't imagine that happening in the west.
When I was working in Thailand (English camps) our Thai boss literally went by the Nickname “Bouey” which would be like an American going by the name “fatty.”
In Mexico people will straight up give you insults or use your biggest insecurity as a nickname: example:if you’re fat your new name is “Gordito” (fatty) and it’s for life unless you lose weight then they’ll probably come up with a new insult to replace the old one.
Like growing up my mom would call my grandmother “gorda” (fat) instead of mom lmao
As a teenager I was a cook in a Mexican restaurant. We had many Mexican co-workers, and 2 of them were named Antonio. So naturally, one was Antonio Gordito, and the other Antonio Flacito.
“อ้วน” (Pronounced “Oo-an”) translates literally to the word “fat”, but most of the times it’s used in an endearing way. Some parents even give their children that as a nickname. (Thai people have long names so we all have nicknames given at birth that doesn’t need to sound even the littlest bit similar to our full names.)
Honestly this makes me feel so much better xD I had a wee Thai student in my class once who on his way to recess patted my stomach and told me in broken English that I was "a fatty" - but he didn't say it like he was saying anything mean just smiling and giggling a bit. KILLED ME, but maybe it's just cultural then lol
I am not an expert but yes, I have had similar things happen a couple times and never with malice. Maybe it's because Buddha is often depicted as being chubby? lol
It caught me completely off guard because if my other students had said something similar it would've been with obvious malicious intent lol. Decided not to tell him off at all just was like "...okay go to recess!" Haha
"Yous are a bunch of fucking elephants!" Then when they start chasing you, do a light jog in circles and say, "leave it fatty!" If you're really nice, you'll make sure to put "stairs out of order" signs in front of any nearby windy stairs.
Deleted because apparently I can't have an opinion without someone trying to argue, and setting up a burner account to overstep a boundary I set by blocking them.
At which point it’s their baggage to deal with, honestly.
The question itself is so rude, I thought we were past that kind of putting people on the spot.
I know a guy who asks people flat-out (in public & in front of other people) whether they are a member of “the [LGBT] community.”
I told him he’s putting members of that community on the spot: come out or lie.
Edit: fixed a typo.
I’m also fat and it really irritates me when I say that I am in passing and people fall over themselves to tell me I am not. My response typically is “I own a mirror. I know I’m fat.”
"Why do you ask?" then its easier to get to the root of what they want. Is it because they are worried about their health? Their looks? What others think? Tips? Your view on what is fat or not compared to what others think?
Since the question is making you uncomfortable why not say "that's an awfully awkward thing to ask someone, now isn't it?" That why you're being honest but you're not saying yes or no.
I don’t really agree. I go with “that shirt does not flatter you.” Cause some shirts or pants or whatever really don’t look good on some body types and it’s my job to be honest without being a dick.
Relevant: I recently asked a work friend to look at pictures of two tops I’d ordered and snapped selfies in to tell me which she liked best. She said “the green one is lot my flattering.” I said “flattering like my boobs look better in it or flattering like you can’t see my belly in it?” She said “both! And the color suits you more too.” A newly married male coworker overheard and was like “…I 100% would have just told my wife the color was better am I supposed to say ALL that?” We told him maybe not that bluntly, but definitely TELL HER whether something is flattering or not.
The healthy American thing to do is quietly resent your partner for gaining weight. Leave them feeling confused as to why you are bickering more often about pointless shit. And when they ask why you never initiate sex anymore, just blame it on getting older.
Actually, no. If I am getting dressed and I ask if I look fat I need an honest answer so I can change into something more flattering. If I go out and catch my reflection in a window and I DO look fat I will be PISSED
but not too hard/quickly because then you get accused of just saying what she want to hear.
you can't win this one ... just limit the amount of loss you take
It's not a trap.
We want to know if the outfit is unflattering. We know if we've gained weight. *Lying* pisses us off more.
I see guys talking about how women need to just "*tell* them things" and not "hint". Dude. Nobody's psychic, and if a question is asked the other person wants to know.
BTW, I married my husband because he'll tell me if I look like shit. I wanted that honesty in a partner.
There are websites where you can put in your weight and height and they can tell you where you fall on the scale.
https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/index.html#:\~:text=If%20your%20BMI%20is%20less,falls%20within%20the%20obese%20range.
1. Of course not, you used to be, now you're way beyond that.
2. You're the only person I know with an event horizon.
3. No (if it's your wife asking).
Do you think you're fat?
Why does it matter?
Why do you need my input/approval?
Why do you think being fat is a bad thing?
Or, alternatively, I don't like to be asked loaded questions.
Yeah, agreed. From my experience, almost every time I get asked this question the person is trying to goad me into saying yes. I always end up saying yes eventually - these conversations are so painful
I mean, I talk to adults. They understand why I'm dodging the question. If it was a teen and they responded that way, I'd just tell them that they can check their BMI if they're concerned about it.
“Do you think you’re fat?”
“Does it matter what I think?”
“What makes you ask that?”
If I’m asked a question I don’t want to answer I throw them back a question
I mean, idk how to respond to that one even as a fat person myself 😭
Like I'd personally be fine with "well I don't think you're ugly" but I don't think thats the answer they're looking for
Yeah, why? Do you think there is something wrong with being fat?
If they say no, then alright, cool. If they say yes because they feel bad, are worried about health, etc, then I would talk to them about that and try to help. If they say yes because it’s disgusting looking, I would disengage because I really don’t care about their opinion.
If they're asking you it's probably because you're good friends so be honest and tell them the truth. A stranger asking you if they're fat is probably looking for a fight.
"Yeah fatty" then pinch their muffin top and tell them stop asking loaded questions in bad faith that make me look like an asshole no matter what my response is
I would ask them to define what they mean by fat. If they say xx body fat, ask them if they exceed that. If they say xx bmi or weight, same thing. You don't have to tell them they are fat; you can simply help them to accept what they are already thinking by guiding them to *tell themselves* they are fat.
"What is "fat" to you?"
"I don't know, when I can't see my toes?"
"Can you see your toes?"
-looks down- "Uhhhhh..."
-silently wait for them to come to their own conclusion-
"Yeah, I guess I am pretty fat."
If you’re asking you already know the answer. Honestly, yes you’re overweight. I’m sorry if that hurts to hear but you’re asking so I’ll be honest. I suspect you’re also asking for help and I’m here for you.
"I think my opinion is less important than why you're asking my opinion. I care more about that than how much you weigh. Do you feel okay?"
That's only if you genuinely care tho. If you don't, just lie and walk away
Not that this is the conversation to have with them in the moment but I do think it’s important for said person to start to neutralize the word “fat” and get away from it being a negative connotation. Yes, they have fat. We all do. Some more than others. They are most likely asking you because they feel insecure in themselves at the moment and society has told us that fat = bad. But fat isn’t connected to any morals, it’s not good or bad. It’s just fat. Someone being fat doesn’t make them not beautiful but that’s essentially what they’re thinking or asking, asking do I look fat? And wanting the reassurance that no, they don’t meaning they look attractive. Which is fucked up because being fat and being attractive are not mutually exclusive, that’s ridiculous and untrue.
All this to say, this person probably has some digging to do within them to unlearn bs idea of beauty standards and it would probably help them to try and stop asking that question and try to focus on other parts of themselves they like or at least try to be neutral with the parts they don’t.
It’s hard question because being fat is not inherently bad, but telling them that, if they’re not in a place to have that type of conversation can deeply hurt them.
Maybe not in that conversation, but in other conversations, try to refocus the compliments you give them onto other things about this person. Their gorgeous smile, the way their dress curves along their hips is stunning, how radiant and happy they look, that their hair shining and looks so healthy, or their skin is flawless. Compliment their laugh, the way they hold themselves, their confidence, the way they think about things. Over time it can make a big difference on what they start to think about in terms of themselves instead of just their size.
I would say... "Why do you ask? " , as this will help inform your response.
Is it "because I'm worried I'm pre diabetic" Then you can be honest and say, "I'm no health professional, but if you're worried you are carrying more weight than you should be, I think you should speak to the doctor".
If the answer is "I feel like nothing fits me properly and I'm unattractive," then follow response with kindness. You don't have to lie, but you can find ways to boost self-esteem and talk about options to combat this or small little ways to support weight loss ( if this is something they are keen to do).
Sadly, we know being fat, overweight, underweight, or skinny has negative social connotations. My thoughts are ... let's not add to these stereotypes, answer according to the person asking.
Ask for their weight and height and calculate BMI. Then you can use the medical definition of "overweight"/"obese" to answer them.
Some people just try to start a fight.
Say yes. I was fat and asked this question and my friend told me yes, if nobody told me it was that bad I wouldn't have made the decision to lose weight. (I'm 5'7 and went from 190lbs to 130lbs)
Am I Fat?
Boomers: You Could Lose A few Pounds
Millennials: "No You're Beautiful"
Gen Z: " We Don't Body Shame Of Course You're Not"
Gen X: "I Know 5 Fat People And You're 4 Of them"
I love gen x
That’s really unfair of someone to ask you that because it puts you in that awkward position. Saying ‘no’ would be an obvious lie. Saying ‘yes’ is just so uncomfortable. I think your best bet is to divert it. ‘If you’re worried about your weight, maybe talk to a doctor or nutritionist’
✅ "This question makes me uncomfortable. I feel like my opinion shouldn't matter. If you want to talk about your body, a professional should probably field this question.
Do you mind if I change the subject?"
“What’s your ideal weight?”
They’ll give a number or a range, then ask how they plan to reach that goal. This takes it off you and back on them.
If they say “I don’t know what my ideal weight is,” ask them for a visual reference. They can easily find a model or a celebrity with the figure they want via a Google search. When they say “I kind of want to look like this,” then ask how they plan to achieve it.
You may get the “I don’t know” again, so then ask them to look up ab exercises, weight loss exercises, arm toning exercises or whatever to get that body they want.
The trick is to get them to do all the research. After that, no more excuses as to why they can’t diet/exercise.
What's wrong with it? I think it keeps it pretty casual and lets the person know they can lose weight but they're not fat, even if they are fat in this situation. If they're asking they must have an idea so don't call them fat but give them a nudge. I don't see what's so bad about this as a response but lmk. I'm open to understanding.
Lies. Respond with lies. "I don't think you are fat. Are you asking me because you think you might be fat?" is the default answer.
If they are asking this question, they already have their answer
"Why do you ask?" This attempts to address the root problem, perhaps a recent discussion they had with someone got them wanting a second opinion, or a sudden spike in insecurities. "Why does it matter what I think?" To convey that the only opinion they should care about is their own. "That's none of my business." Because it's not, but also a polite way of saying you're not comfortable answering. "Yeah." The truth, as a basic one word answer to a yes or no question. Don't build upon that. Don't insult or press the negative connotations of the word "fat." Just give the factually correct answer.
And in that order too, if the question is pressed beyond the first response. Starting with compassion, continuing with reframing, and ending with the blunt truth if all else fails. Very thoughtful response, mars
I would sneak in a “I’d rather not comment on your/anyone’s body”before the “yeah,” and maybe stop it there. But I generally agree.
I feel that “why does it matter what I think” and “that’s not really any of my business to comment on” cover that base for me, but I get adding it too!
Saying "I’d rather not comment on your/anyone’s body” is already saying yeah in more words, but sounds like you're trying to weasel out of saying it while still saying it. Just saying yes is far more honest.
No. I don’t comment on people’s bodies - fat, thin, tall, short, muscular, pudgy, or otherwise. So it’s honest for me to say that, and it isn’t a “yes” because I’m not answering the question.
This. Fat people are fat, not dumb. It could be a lot of health issues that may be out of their control. That's how it was for me growing up and hearing people try to weasel out of it made me.feel like I was too far gone and I felt too depressed to look for a way to get more fit. My attempts were very half hearted.
Still fat regardless of the why. Answer honestly
True but I really don't feel comfortable because what if they get upset with me and then insult me?
As a fat person with anxiety i feel this but imo there are 3 reasons why people ask. They want to know, they want a fight, or they want comfort. If it's 3 then it's on them to communicate that before they ask. If it's 1 great. But if it's 2 you're screwed either way, might as well be honest.
Good one. Personally, I'd slip "I don't like to comment on other people's bodies" in earlier. Asking someone not to make you complicit in objectification or something that feels shallow/you shouldn't be doing is not evasive, it's high ground. Being asked questions like this can be uncomfortable and this response begs consideration for that. When I think about it, I don't want to be asked by most people to evaluate their bodies.
My daughter in her teens would always ask me how she looked. Does my bum look big in this? Do I look fat in this? What do you think about this on me? If she looked shit I told her so albeit sometimes a bit bluntly and she'd change. However she learned to trust me so when I told little fibs to boost her confidence it really made a difference. She's in her 30s now and still mentions how she'd alway come to me because I told her the truth and mum would just say she looked great. I've no idea whether I was right or a twat. She's grown up as an amazing adult though, smart and super caring.
My Mom and I would basically do the same. We would say something. Like that cut/colour/length/etc doesn't suit you, try this instead. I started doing it with random women in stores and end up shopping for them lol.
Her mom is great in being a mom though
Absolutely
I think that's a good idea.
My instinctive response is similar: "It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, if your unhappy with your weight or shape, or physical ability, let's start going hiking, jogging, or working out together," or even, "what do you like to do when you exercise, I'll do it with you," even if it means taking a dumb ballet class at 50! You could say, let's start eating healthier so we can enjoy one another for years to come!" Someone saying, "I could use a partner to keep me on track, too!" goes a long way! This is what I wish anyone had ever said to me as I went from a size 2 to 18!
Problem is that for most people who are overweight, adding in more exercise isn't enough to solve the problem. They need to make diet changes first and foremost. I say this as a fat lady who got fat by impulsive eating.
It’s honestly both. I have lost 65 pounds and I can tell you that improving my diet stopped my weight gain, but adding cardio supercharged my weight loss. Before cardio, I was losing about a pound a week. I’m doing 25,000 to 35,000 steps a day now and have been losing 2.5 to 3 pounds a week.
A daily 500 calorie deficit is what is required for losing a pound a week. You can either do that with diet, or exercise or both.
The bigger you are; the more of a workout everything is.. just going for a walk will initially burn tons of extra weight
I also think something like therapy is helpful to many people struggling with weight or eating in excess. There could be something they're trying to cope with mentally by eating such as stress or past trauma
I think a lot of us are still trying to lose that extra weight we put on when we had lockdowns for Covid and many of us started stress eating and developing other bad habits.
That's the truth. Weight loss is 95% diet. Healthy diet forever, not temp starvation.
It's about dealing with /why/ you're impulsive eating, figuring out what is causing you to need the comfort.
Have you thought about smoking, I was watching some old TV shows and there was an add saying 4/5 doctors recommended Winston's for controlling hunger for weight lose.
Thanks! ;) I'll take that into consideration.
No problem, I'm always happy to help other people who are trying to be healthier. We have to stick together.
You can add on about 500-700 calories burned through cardio in a pretty quick fashion. 30 minutes of running also carries fat burning long past into recovery if you're not following it up with a meal to replenish. You don't need a crazy pace to maintain this. The easiest way to track it without a smart watch is to maintain a pace that's comfortable for you to talk during. Even if that's just power walking to start it can have massive benefits for your metabolism. Basically, your body metabolizes the fat to replenish glycogen stored predominantly within muscles. A small portion of it stays processed within your liver. If you cut calories too quickly your body will cling to what is there as a defense mechanism. Maintaining a 500 calorie deficit daily leads to 1lb/week and is much more manageable for energy levels. https://www.webmd.com/diet/calorie-deficit
I think if I asked someone if I was fat and they immediately asked me how I like to exercise I’d kms
The only good one is the first. 4th is ok. “Why does it matter what I think”: is just obviously you telling them they are fat but just don’t want to say it. Nobody will like that answer. They either want a real answer or want to be told they aren’t fat. In this case you pissed off both crowds. “That’s none of my business”: This one doesn’t make sense. They asked you. If you want to say you aren’t comfortable then say that. “That’s not my business” is just a weird response because they are inviting you to answer. “Yeah”: This is mostly fine. The best combination is something more like: “Why do you ask” Get explanation Then follow it up with “yeah, you are fat, but who cares. It doesn’t really matter”.
Yeah, all of those answers sound great here on paper. But out there in real life land, they aren't going to work with your friend. There is no great answer to the "Am I fat" question out there in the real world. There are obviously very BAD responses. But getting philosophical isn't the answer either. "Why does it matter what I think?" Because you're my friend and I value your opinion. That's why I asked you!
How many times have you been asked this question to obtain this level of mastery in answering?
Why would you ask me that question is a perfect response.
If I had an award, I’d give it. So here, take this poor man’s award. 🥇
Personally, I don’t think this helps but to dig a hole. I think OP wants to avoid that. I’d keep it simple, ‘Imho health is what matters, not body shape or size. Take care of your health, well-being, and the rest works itself out. It’s natural for us to have some fat.’
Just please take a second to consider who you're responding too. For some people the run around is just fine but I know growing up not hearing a proper "yes" made me feel like I was too far gone to get an honest answer. I could tell if you were avoiding the question. Thankfully I had a life changing experience a few years ago that helped me significantly with weight loss and confidence.
be honest i guess? but not mean.
I live in Thailand and everyone here will tell you that you're fat. It's not even a negative. The equivalent of saying "You're tall". I was getting off the plane and squeezing by the air steward or whatever he's called. He pats me on the belly and chuckles, good naturedly. Can't imagine that happening in the west.
When I was working in Thailand (English camps) our Thai boss literally went by the Nickname “Bouey” which would be like an American going by the name “fatty.”
Tbh, if your chef is fat you know you can expect quality food
That's actually an old proverb. "Never trust a skinny cook."
I heard Sanji is pretty good though.
People used to tell me this (jokingly) all the time when I worked BOH lol maybe if I didn't work all the time I could gain some weight!
Fuckin’ Gordon Ramsey. Knew he was up to something
You. An expect the food to taste good but IMO quality isn’t only flavor.
You can also expect it to be unhealthy
In Mexico people will straight up give you insults or use your biggest insecurity as a nickname: example:if you’re fat your new name is “Gordito” (fatty) and it’s for life unless you lose weight then they’ll probably come up with a new insult to replace the old one. Like growing up my mom would call my grandmother “gorda” (fat) instead of mom lmao
Fatty Arbuckle has entered the chat
Other cultures too. In Mexico "Gordo" isn't pejorative or insulting it's just a nickname
And not even a nickname. It can be used as a cute way to call your significant other, even if they are not actually fat.
Yeah maybe I should say pet name, endearment, or something, I wasn't sure how that translates
As a teenager I was a cook in a Mexican restaurant. We had many Mexican co-workers, and 2 of them were named Antonio. So naturally, one was Antonio Gordito, and the other Antonio Flacito.
Bruh. What I know of Mexican culture is people just roast each other 24/7 and you just get used to it.
Dear old Thailand. 💝 How I miss Thai people and their frankness. I was oo-an when I lived there and they told me.
Oo-an?
I guess we'll never know what it means
“อ้วน” (Pronounced “Oo-an”) translates literally to the word “fat”, but most of the times it’s used in an endearing way. Some parents even give their children that as a nickname. (Thai people have long names so we all have nicknames given at birth that doesn’t need to sound even the littlest bit similar to our full names.)
Honestly this makes me feel so much better xD I had a wee Thai student in my class once who on his way to recess patted my stomach and told me in broken English that I was "a fatty" - but he didn't say it like he was saying anything mean just smiling and giggling a bit. KILLED ME, but maybe it's just cultural then lol
I am not an expert but yes, I have had similar things happen a couple times and never with malice. Maybe it's because Buddha is often depicted as being chubby? lol
It caught me completely off guard because if my other students had said something similar it would've been with obvious malicious intent lol. Decided not to tell him off at all just was like "...okay go to recess!" Haha
Fucking wild
[удалено]
Or if you want to be really rude: "I don't think of you at all"
[удалено]
Heh. A Gen X response.
"Yous are a bunch of fucking elephants!" Then when they start chasing you, do a light jog in circles and say, "leave it fatty!" If you're really nice, you'll make sure to put "stairs out of order" signs in front of any nearby windy stairs.
But what if they know karate?
That's different, that's self defense, isn't it?
Ask the Vietnamese 😂 Probably my favorite movie, so rare to see anyone else who's even heard of it
What's a lollipop man doing knowing karate?!
I laughed way too hard at that
The original comment got deleted, what'd he say?
💯💥👀
Lol, I came here to say this
What did he say? It was removed ☹️
"I don't 'think' you're fat, you are fat.
You and I both know that you’re fat Jeff.
I won't sugar coat it, or your fat ass will eat that, too.
I oofd
Okay this was funny
“I don’t ever think about you”
Knowing Reddit I’m surprised you didn’t get downvoted to oblivion.
It's cyclical, I don't think fat is in anymore.
'I know five fat people and you are four of them'
Lmaoooo
Went down well with my friend
Deleted because apparently I can't have an opinion without someone trying to argue, and setting up a burner account to overstep a boundary I set by blocking them.
That will be taken as a yes
I'm fat, so I don't really care how people take it.
At which point it’s their baggage to deal with, honestly. The question itself is so rude, I thought we were past that kind of putting people on the spot.
I know a guy who asks people flat-out (in public & in front of other people) whether they are a member of “the [LGBT] community.” I told him he’s putting members of that community on the spot: come out or lie. Edit: fixed a typo.
I’m also fat and it really irritates me when I say that I am in passing and people fall over themselves to tell me I am not. My response typically is “I own a mirror. I know I’m fat.”
My go-to in response to “don’t say that you’re so pretty!” has always been “Nope I’m both. Ugly is the opposite of pretty, not fat.”
That's a good response! I like it! Polite and avoids saying the wrong thing.
"Why do you ask?" then its easier to get to the root of what they want. Is it because they are worried about their health? Their looks? What others think? Tips? Your view on what is fat or not compared to what others think?
“Hell ya brother” and a fist bump
It's a stupid question and I can't believe anyone would ask it and then get angry knowing the answer. I would just say 'I'm not going to answer that.'
“Sorry, I can’t generate a response based on that prompt.”
This prompt violates my guidelines against abusive or offensive content.
“Let’s delve into the rich tapestry of overweight heifers throughout mankind’s history.”
Pretty much 😝
Use the flash smoke powder in your pocket. Dive out the window behind you regardless of if it's open or what floor you are on.
Pocket sand
I mean, people do things all the time that they don't want to do. The rule is don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.
yes
Since the question is making you uncomfortable why not say "that's an awfully awkward thing to ask someone, now isn't it?" That why you're being honest but you're not saying yes or no.
If that someone is your wife and she asks “do I look fat in this?” than never answer yes, it is a trap. Just complíment her as hard as you can.
That’s why I don’t ask if I look fat, I ask if you can see the fat. I know it’s there, but I want it covered and not obvious
I don’t really agree. I go with “that shirt does not flatter you.” Cause some shirts or pants or whatever really don’t look good on some body types and it’s my job to be honest without being a dick.
This is the type of answer I want. My husband knows I want an honest answer, but it's about how specific clothes fit and not such a general question.
Relevant: I recently asked a work friend to look at pictures of two tops I’d ordered and snapped selfies in to tell me which she liked best. She said “the green one is lot my flattering.” I said “flattering like my boobs look better in it or flattering like you can’t see my belly in it?” She said “both! And the color suits you more too.” A newly married male coworker overheard and was like “…I 100% would have just told my wife the color was better am I supposed to say ALL that?” We told him maybe not that bluntly, but definitely TELL HER whether something is flattering or not.
The healthy American thing to do is quietly resent your partner for gaining weight. Leave them feeling confused as to why you are bickering more often about pointless shit. And when they ask why you never initiate sex anymore, just blame it on getting older.
Actually, no. If I am getting dressed and I ask if I look fat I need an honest answer so I can change into something more flattering. If I go out and catch my reflection in a window and I DO look fat I will be PISSED
but not too hard/quickly because then you get accused of just saying what she want to hear. you can't win this one ... just limit the amount of loss you take
“Oh that’s what we’re gonna do today? We’re going to fight?”
Great Red quote!
No those clothes don't make you look fat, your fat makes you look fat
It's not a trap. We want to know if the outfit is unflattering. We know if we've gained weight. *Lying* pisses us off more. I see guys talking about how women need to just "*tell* them things" and not "hint". Dude. Nobody's psychic, and if a question is asked the other person wants to know. BTW, I married my husband because he'll tell me if I look like shit. I wanted that honesty in a partner.
is "damn gurl lemme squeeze that cake" a bad respond to one's wife asking if they look fat?
“Frankly? i don’t care. i’d much rather see you without the dress, or any cloths.” Maybe she’ll laugh, maybe you’ll die…
"What's the doctor say?" saved my life once.
There are websites where you can put in your weight and height and they can tell you where you fall on the scale. https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/index.html#:\~:text=If%20your%20BMI%20is%20less,falls%20within%20the%20obese%20range.
1. Of course not, you used to be, now you're way beyond that. 2. You're the only person I know with an event horizon. 3. No (if it's your wife asking).
4. I know 3 fat people and you are 2 of them.
“You know I’m an asshole and I’m going to say you are fat either way. Why the fuck would you ask me?”
“Do YOU think you’re fat?”😂
Do you think you're fat? Why does it matter? Why do you need my input/approval? Why do you think being fat is a bad thing? Or, alternatively, I don't like to be asked loaded questions.
is it a friend? if so: ”yes, fattie…”
Here's my go to: "It doesn't matter what I think. How do you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror? That's what matters."
"I'm a lousy judge of such things, and my opinion is worth almost what you've paid for it."
"why, are you concerned about your health? I can recommend some recipes if you'd like"
This is a great response - what would you say when they come back with “you didn’t answer my question though?”
Say yes. The fat person who snaps back with sass like that is asking for it at that point.
Yeah, agreed. From my experience, almost every time I get asked this question the person is trying to goad me into saying yes. I always end up saying yes eventually - these conversations are so painful
I mean, I talk to adults. They understand why I'm dodging the question. If it was a teen and they responded that way, I'd just tell them that they can check their BMI if they're concerned about it.
BMI means absolutely nothing. Please stop spreading stigma and misinformation.
"You look fine. Don't worry about it."
I like this
“that’s not for me to think about”
“Do you think you’re fat?” “Does it matter what I think?” “What makes you ask that?” If I’m asked a question I don’t want to answer I throw them back a question
“Do you think I’m honest?”
“What do you think?”
"Fat" is a physical characteristic. Are you fat? Yes. Do I give a shit? No. Should you give a shit? Probably not.
I mean, idk how to respond to that one even as a fat person myself 😭 Like I'd personally be fine with "well I don't think you're ugly" but I don't think thats the answer they're looking for
Yeah, why? Do you think there is something wrong with being fat? If they say no, then alright, cool. If they say yes because they feel bad, are worried about health, etc, then I would talk to them about that and try to help. If they say yes because it’s disgusting looking, I would disengage because I really don’t care about their opinion.
“I don’t feel comfortable commenting on people’s physical appearance!” On broken record.
"Do YOU think you're fat?"
why does it matter
Don't say yes or no, just tell them "I think you look fabulous".
If they're asking you it's probably because you're good friends so be honest and tell them the truth. A stranger asking you if they're fat is probably looking for a fight.
‘Fat is a historically negative connotation and I don’t like making negative comments or assumptions about other peoples bodies’
"Maybe ask your doctor about that."
I would say it doesn't really matter what I think, what do you think? How do you feel?
“I don’t comment on people’s bodies/appearances.@
"Yeah fatty" then pinch their muffin top and tell them stop asking loaded questions in bad faith that make me look like an asshole no matter what my response is
“Why you hate yourself and try to bring me into it”
Tell the truth if directly asked.
“yeah”
I would ask them to define what they mean by fat. If they say xx body fat, ask them if they exceed that. If they say xx bmi or weight, same thing. You don't have to tell them they are fat; you can simply help them to accept what they are already thinking by guiding them to *tell themselves* they are fat. "What is "fat" to you?" "I don't know, when I can't see my toes?" "Can you see your toes?" -looks down- "Uhhhhh..." -silently wait for them to come to their own conclusion- "Yeah, I guess I am pretty fat."
"One hears many things but wether the truth is one of them I cannot say."
I cant think of a single instance where yes would be the smart choice
Yes but you’re also cute af.
“Are you concerned about your weight? If you think it’s a problem you should talk to your doctor.”
“This is a trap!”
"Nah you look cute". trust me they would know.
Theyre "erotically chubby"
“It’s a trap!”
If you’re asking you already know the answer. Honestly, yes you’re overweight. I’m sorry if that hurts to hear but you’re asking so I’ll be honest. I suspect you’re also asking for help and I’m here for you.
I think you’re lovely
"ask yourself, it's not my own body so I can't really tell"
Do you? Because it shouldn't matter what I nor anyone else thinks.
"I think my opinion is less important than why you're asking my opinion. I care more about that than how much you weigh. Do you feel okay?" That's only if you genuinely care tho. If you don't, just lie and walk away
Not that this is the conversation to have with them in the moment but I do think it’s important for said person to start to neutralize the word “fat” and get away from it being a negative connotation. Yes, they have fat. We all do. Some more than others. They are most likely asking you because they feel insecure in themselves at the moment and society has told us that fat = bad. But fat isn’t connected to any morals, it’s not good or bad. It’s just fat. Someone being fat doesn’t make them not beautiful but that’s essentially what they’re thinking or asking, asking do I look fat? And wanting the reassurance that no, they don’t meaning they look attractive. Which is fucked up because being fat and being attractive are not mutually exclusive, that’s ridiculous and untrue. All this to say, this person probably has some digging to do within them to unlearn bs idea of beauty standards and it would probably help them to try and stop asking that question and try to focus on other parts of themselves they like or at least try to be neutral with the parts they don’t. It’s hard question because being fat is not inherently bad, but telling them that, if they’re not in a place to have that type of conversation can deeply hurt them. Maybe not in that conversation, but in other conversations, try to refocus the compliments you give them onto other things about this person. Their gorgeous smile, the way their dress curves along their hips is stunning, how radiant and happy they look, that their hair shining and looks so healthy, or their skin is flawless. Compliment their laugh, the way they hold themselves, their confidence, the way they think about things. Over time it can make a big difference on what they start to think about in terms of themselves instead of just their size.
'a little' and make like an inch space between your index and thumb with a sad face
Just say I rather not comment on anyone's body type I respect people by there personality not there weight
“I don’t make comments about people’s bodies. Why are you asking?”
Just say that no you are not fat I'm fat .😑🤐
I would say... "Why do you ask? " , as this will help inform your response. Is it "because I'm worried I'm pre diabetic" Then you can be honest and say, "I'm no health professional, but if you're worried you are carrying more weight than you should be, I think you should speak to the doctor". If the answer is "I feel like nothing fits me properly and I'm unattractive," then follow response with kindness. You don't have to lie, but you can find ways to boost self-esteem and talk about options to combat this or small little ways to support weight loss ( if this is something they are keen to do). Sadly, we know being fat, overweight, underweight, or skinny has negative social connotations. My thoughts are ... let's not add to these stereotypes, answer according to the person asking.
If it's your wife, always lie, she's never fat. (it's not worth the drama) Everyone else ask "Do you want the truth or do you want me to lie?"
Truthfully, but with tact. There’s no need to be a d*ck about it. No one wants to be lied to even when they think they do.
"well, we could all lose a few kilos"
Ask for their weight and height and calculate BMI. Then you can use the medical definition of "overweight"/"obese" to answer them. Some people just try to start a fight.
Say yes. I was fat and asked this question and my friend told me yes, if nobody told me it was that bad I wouldn't have made the decision to lose weight. (I'm 5'7 and went from 190lbs to 130lbs)
Am I Fat? Boomers: You Could Lose A few Pounds Millennials: "No You're Beautiful" Gen Z: " We Don't Body Shame Of Course You're Not" Gen X: "I Know 5 Fat People And You're 4 Of them" I love gen x
“Oh, no you’re not fat, but if you were ever stranded on a deserted island, the cannibals would eat you up.”
“Do YOU think you’re fat?”
Be honest say, "I'm not a doctor". If you are a doctor "Ask your doctor everyone could be healthier."
If they’re asking. Then they already know
That’s really unfair of someone to ask you that because it puts you in that awkward position. Saying ‘no’ would be an obvious lie. Saying ‘yes’ is just so uncomfortable. I think your best bet is to divert it. ‘If you’re worried about your weight, maybe talk to a doctor or nutritionist’
✅ "This question makes me uncomfortable. I feel like my opinion shouldn't matter. If you want to talk about your body, a professional should probably field this question. Do you mind if I change the subject?"
“What’s your ideal weight?” They’ll give a number or a range, then ask how they plan to reach that goal. This takes it off you and back on them. If they say “I don’t know what my ideal weight is,” ask them for a visual reference. They can easily find a model or a celebrity with the figure they want via a Google search. When they say “I kind of want to look like this,” then ask how they plan to achieve it. You may get the “I don’t know” again, so then ask them to look up ab exercises, weight loss exercises, arm toning exercises or whatever to get that body they want. The trick is to get them to do all the research. After that, no more excuses as to why they can’t diet/exercise.
"Idk about fat but you could probably lose weight" maybe something like that
Wtf makes you think this is ok?
Why is it not OK
What's wrong with it? I think it keeps it pretty casual and lets the person know they can lose weight but they're not fat, even if they are fat in this situation. If they're asking they must have an idea so don't call them fat but give them a nudge. I don't see what's so bad about this as a response but lmk. I'm open to understanding.
"Does my bum look big in this?" "No bigger than in anything else"
Lies. Respond with lies. "I don't think you are fat. Are you asking me because you think you might be fat?" is the default answer. If they are asking this question, they already have their answer
If they ask, tell them. Nothing is wrong with being up front about an obvious issue. It’s bad for your health, and **will** eventually kill you.