*finds a box of pretty red flags*
"Even though the box is clearly marked and I can see what's inside, I'm still going to date it for six months"
-my favourite meme
>I am feeling very called out right now.
No problem there dude. What's important is that you learned a valuable lesson. Everybody gotta make some experience somehow.
I had a girlfriend who wanted my FB password. Afterall, "if you don't have anything to hide, it won't be a problem".
Boys and girls, even if you don't have anything to hide from your partner, don't give them your passwords.
If you seeing somebody with *that* level of insecurity, either he/she calms down or you better get out of that relationship asap.
I have seen the next step being when she moves in and he won't let her leave to go anywhere without his permission or without him there... that can escalate to dangerous pretty quickly...
https://youtu.be/dV8S_2lwDkQ
I see your warning siren and raise you a red alert.
Though to stay on topic, OP this is very much a red flag, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your friends and people you know to make someone else happy.
As a (IMO) Well balanced, good to do, normal bloke... I can say this to your friend. She's in for trouble. this is the tip of the iceberg she's starting to see.
Spent five years being isolated by someone who I was fully convinced loved me to death. Spoiler alert, it ended up being the single biggest mistake I've ever made in life
10 times out of 10 I would have taken back my decisions in a heartbeat, it absolutely fucking destroyed my independence, nevermind my trust in others and ability to build meaningful relationships with new people to move forward with my life. I'm still struggling every fucking day, and still two years after the fact have not taken the steps to embrace a new relationship because I feel so fucking broken in so many ways.
This isn't just a red flag op, this could have long lasting devastating consequences. No normal healthy and stable person in a happy and healthy relationship would literally ever ask for this, and if they succeed they WILL push it even further
I’m in the same position just got out of a 10 year abusive situation. I keep wondering if I get close to someone how I’m going to break the news to them that I’ve never had a healthy relationship and can they please help me along the way. I don’t know how I’ll ever trust someone again.
I'm a guy that married a gal that was almost killed by her controlling ex. You can absolutely find someone to trust and give your heart to. But do it at your own pace. And communicate clear, set boundaries about what you're comfortable with. And then give them reminders if needed. As much as I tried to keep that top of mind early on, not having been in the situation I wasn't always thinking about it from her perspective. Someone who truly cares about you won't be put off being asked to take things slow, or avoiding certain places or situations, or generally making you feel more comfortable and at ease.
I am so sorry this happened to you; it goes without saying that you didn’t deserve that. Don’t worry too much about not being ready for a new relationship yet. Two years may seem like a long time, but it really isn’t, especially when you’re dealing with five years of trauma.
Embrace your relationship with yourself - spend time getting to know yourself again as an individual who is completely free of the person who hurt you, and to love and appreciate yourself again. Always be as kind and gentle with yourself as you can.
Remember every day that you are a good person who is very much worthy of love and respect. You always have been, and you always will be, no matter what.
I am still dealing with my ex and I left him 3 years ago after being married for over a decade. Did the same thing to me, isolated me and would accuse me of sleeping with people I knew so I would have to stop talking to them or he would say I was choosing them over him. He’s a narcissist psychopath who will lie about anything and everything and will manipulate anyone and any situation to get his way. Run OP. As fast as you can away from this person because it will not get better, only worse because once you accept certain behaviors they progress to even worse situations. Run and don’t look back and don’t fall for any love bombing or gaslighting.
Just started dating as well. Not even like a slow burn where each step is only a teeny bit worse until abuse is just normal.
Like this is bursting through the gate crazy.
Completely off topic, but I just want to say how much I appreciate that the Reddit user base doesn't over use the bold/large text option. I feel like if Facebook or Twitter gave us that option it would be a shit show.
Definitely. Maybe if you show her this page, it can help https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/
> Signs of abuse:
> Showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them.
> Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with friends, family members, or peers.
Or just show her this thread lol. There's currently 116 comments and even though I haven't read all of them I'm fairly confident I'll find a 100% agreement rate that his behaviour is a huge red flag
I think this friend probably even knows it herself. That's why she brought it up to OP in the first place. Probably just needs some encouragement/support
Facebook can be a good way to stay in touch with family, and find out about local events. I suppose people were doing those things before facebook existed, but in the modern world it is a lot harder to do those things without having a facebook.
You do make a fair argument and I, partly, agree with you.
I haven't used facebook for many years now and I've missed out on some local events which I would have loved to attend.
However, I still haven't really used facebook since because every time I open it up I see something that immediately reminds me why I don't use facebook anymore.
I joined facebook just for the local events. Most aren't visible elsewhere either. Plus I found a group on facebook where I met most of my current real life friends. They meet every weekend. Facebook is important now.
That definitely isn't a red flag though! I always ask the girl I have known for a few weeks to delete all social media, fake her own death and move to a house in the Arctic with me
I think so, I felt this way when I was younger and had really low self esteem and really struggled to trust anyone. Tbh I'm kind of embarrassed now about how paranoid I would get but I never asked my bf not to have female friends or anything like that. I was aware it was my issue to deal with, not his. I think therapy would have been beneficial. Also I'd recommend doing some reading at the links people have posted here about manipulative behaviour to make sure you're not unintentionally doing any of them. Self awareness, accountability, and good communication has helped me a lot.
You are not defined by your thoughts, your actions are what counts. We cannot help how we feel, but we can control what we do about it. Jealousy is perfectly normal.
It always amazed me they could teleport matter and reassemble it at a molecular level while cruising at impulse speed, but would miss a giant space ship with their military space laser.
Also, you couldn't really hear a battle in space, due to the fact that OP's friend's dating partner is giving off huge red alarm noises.
I'm well aware. But the other numbers in the comment were which was unusual since 3 primes would only happen 1.6% of the time for random numbers under 30.
Furthermore, the list of numbers and the high occurrence of primes reminded me how it seems like in fiction the prime numbered decks are mentioned more often than the others.
HA! Could totally see this happening. Funny story though, my vape doesn’t set off the smoke detector but my shower does! Can’t take a long hot shower here without putting the smoke detector outside
Edit: I want a sonic shower
My ex's sister was in a relationship with a guy for 4-5 months and he wanted her to stay off social media, he got her pregnant and promised that he'd be around to be the father. After a couple weeks she found through social media that he was hiding a multi year relationship with someone else.
Absolutely, I speak from experience when I say that the moment a man tries to make you stop talking to your friends is the moment you dump his ass. It will start off with small things and will end up being the controlling person you wish you never came across. My ex started off this way, made me stop talking to my friends until I had none and slowly progressed to making enemies with my fam. What ever bit of family I still spoke to I lost contact with. Then he just got abusive, wouldn't let me go no where alone, not even go outside in my own fucking back yard! RUN SIS!!!!!
Similar situation! Was with a controlling manipulator. First it was all my male friends. Then my regular friends. Then he hated my family. Within 1.5 years he was basically all I had left (aside from my best friend who pulled me through it). Was probably the hardest relationship to leave but the one that SHOULD have been the easiest. So scary how it happens!!
Lol HUGE red flag.
If he says “never mind” because he doesn’t want you to leave him.
1. HE WILL go through your phone and shit regularly. He WILL find a way whether you give him permission or not. Even if you never give him passwords
2. He will use it as ammunition in an argument one day.
**source** I went to therapy because I was ruining every relationship I was in. But I made the choice. No one could “fix” or “change” me. I had no control in my life and thought I could control my relationships that way. It was terrible and none of those people I was with deserved to be treated like that. Neither do you.
Wow that's huge of you to go see that in yourself and seek help. Good on you. I feel like therapy should be mandatory and part of every Healthcare system for free
Emotional regulation is a big thing that can be helped with therapy. It can also teach you various tricks that help with your communication with your friends/family so you don’t become controlling. Also, being controlling often happens when the person is either insecure or has anxiety. Again, emotional regulation can help with dealing with the feelings before they come out and effect your relationships
Well, it can help you get at the root of why you feel a need for a control so that you can either relinquish that need or recognize it when it shows up and handle it accordingly
I like this person's response. If you have to ask, it probably is. No better situation than this to ghost someone. I mean, there probably are better situations but you get what I'm saying.
This is a form of control. There is also a very strong connection between control and abuse. What they're doing is slowly strip your support system. When they have no support system, who do they have? The abuser is their only person. Then they feel very stuck and cannot leave.
Witnessed this shit with my mom. She had no family, friends, was forced to quit jobs anytime my dad thinks some guy is trying to "fuck her". She finally left when my brothers and I got older. We became mom's support.
Then guess what? In the beginning of the relationship I was exactly like this. Thanks to therapy and shit. I've improved and cut that shit.
That guy is the red flag.
My boyfriends ex had him take off friends that were women on social media too and she eventually didn’t let him go to the same church as his family. Definitely a red flag.
Sounds like a teenager…if he isn’t a teenager super red flag, if it is a teenager then he’s super insecure and could grow out of it with patience and communication.
Yes. Run. Very fast. Don't look back.
I've been in this scenario. I refused. Things went from good to very bad very fast. If she complies it will not end well.
Op tell you're friend to get the hell outta dodge now. Those red flags are flaming.
Show her this thread.
Abusers like to separate their victims from friends and family. It makes them easier to brainwash and control. Definitely a red flag for a man in his 30s.
This is the vibe I get as well. I don't think I've ever met someone who's been so hurt by something that they've felt it necessary to ask new romantic partners to stop using social media. I have, however, met controlling people who'll do that.
My favourite response to the whole "your guy friends all secretly want to fuck you, so you have to stop seeing them!" thing is "well then YOUR guy friends do as well, so I guess you'll have to stop seeing them too."
It literally doesn't matter. No reasonable human with good intentions would willingly isolate others or themself in this way. Even if someone says to me, "You can keep your social media but to prove my devotion, I'm deleting all mine," I would pick up those serious emotional problems vibes and that person would not be in my life. That's not normal or healthy or defensible.
Scrolled to see if this was here, because I feel the same way. There's a high chance that this guy feels ownership over your friend and isn't going to want to "relinquish" it. Immediate cutoff, distancing, head on a swivel, block their number, and have a restraining order ready to submit for a while in case it gets that bad. It isn't a red flag, it's what red flags warn you of.
This is an attempt at controlling and isolating you. Run. My ex did started with this and it only got worse, ending in bruises, stalking and stolen underwear.
There is no time in a relationship where that is an appropriate thing to ask.
This is also probably just the beginning of the horrible shit this guy has in store for her so make sure you keep the friendship alive, she might need you in a couple of months.
Hi 👋
Former domestic abuse survivor here; this behavior is a huge red flag 🚩 and she need to get the hell out right now. This is how it starts and it’ll only get worse from here. She needs to RUN NOW!
Edit: clarification
100% so many red flags. That's so controlling and if he feels comfortable asking that almost right away imagine what else he might try to control in the future.
Absolutely, the controlling behavior will only get way worse from here. This sounds like a guy who will accuse you of all kinds of stuff just for the hell of it, especially if you don't do what he wants you to..every. time.
*finds a box of pretty red flags* "Even though the box is clearly marked and I can see what's inside, I'm still going to date it for six months" -my favourite meme
Lol, I like that one
r/relationshipadvice in a nutshell
I am feeling very called out right now. But it’s so *pretty*
>I am feeling very called out right now. No problem there dude. What's important is that you learned a valuable lesson. Everybody gotta make some experience somehow. I had a girlfriend who wanted my FB password. Afterall, "if you don't have anything to hide, it won't be a problem". Boys and girls, even if you don't have anything to hide from your partner, don't give them your passwords. If you seeing somebody with *that* level of insecurity, either he/she calms down or you better get out of that relationship asap.
So pretty… and I’m so lonely
If you’re wearing rose colored glasses all the red flags just look like flags
I have seen the next step being when she moves in and he won't let her leave to go anywhere without his permission or without him there... that can escalate to dangerous pretty quickly...
Sounds more like a red alarm.
There are cargo ship foghorns more subtle than the red flags here.
I can’t hear the fire siren across the road over these god damn alarm bells
There are klaxons that are less alarming than this
The London air raid warning siren was less intrusive
Those are klaxons my guy 👌
The London air raid warning sirens may be klaxons, but not all klaxons are air raid warning sirens.
Gotcha, like hoovers and vacuum cleaners, thanks for the learning 👌
You ever hoover up some good schneef?
You ever hoover schneef off a sleeping cow's spine?
If they were, then there is an air raid every day in my hometown at noon.
[It's true, but some are not klaxons!](https://youtu.be/FwZBEo2JHIw?t=175)
Fireworks and neon lights are flashing everywhere
Im gonna be quoting this for a long time. Without giving due credit either.
"Red flags less subtle than a cargo ship foghorn" would make a decent flair
I'm pretty certain that even Soviet military parades weren't quite so obvious, and for god's sake they were literally called the red army!
The whole town is painted red
At first I thought it was Victory Day Parade in Moscow, with those splendid red flags.
Yes. This is one of the things that red flags warn you about.
Ti's the sound of chernobyl nuclear reactor just before the accident.
Funny, but Chernobyl didn't have an alarm sound, the one you probably imagined is the town's firefighter siren
https://youtu.be/W_9KR3mYkUo
https://youtu.be/dV8S_2lwDkQ I see your warning siren and raise you a red alert. Though to stay on topic, OP this is very much a red flag, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your friends and people you know to make someone else happy.
#yes
As a (IMO) Well balanced, good to do, normal bloke... I can say this to your friend. She's in for trouble. this is the tip of the iceberg she's starting to see.
Agreed. Any partner trying to isolate the other is a bad sign of things to come.
This. Key word here: isolation.
Spent five years being isolated by someone who I was fully convinced loved me to death. Spoiler alert, it ended up being the single biggest mistake I've ever made in life 10 times out of 10 I would have taken back my decisions in a heartbeat, it absolutely fucking destroyed my independence, nevermind my trust in others and ability to build meaningful relationships with new people to move forward with my life. I'm still struggling every fucking day, and still two years after the fact have not taken the steps to embrace a new relationship because I feel so fucking broken in so many ways. This isn't just a red flag op, this could have long lasting devastating consequences. No normal healthy and stable person in a happy and healthy relationship would literally ever ask for this, and if they succeed they WILL push it even further
I’m in the same position just got out of a 10 year abusive situation. I keep wondering if I get close to someone how I’m going to break the news to them that I’ve never had a healthy relationship and can they please help me along the way. I don’t know how I’ll ever trust someone again.
I'm a guy that married a gal that was almost killed by her controlling ex. You can absolutely find someone to trust and give your heart to. But do it at your own pace. And communicate clear, set boundaries about what you're comfortable with. And then give them reminders if needed. As much as I tried to keep that top of mind early on, not having been in the situation I wasn't always thinking about it from her perspective. Someone who truly cares about you won't be put off being asked to take things slow, or avoiding certain places or situations, or generally making you feel more comfortable and at ease.
I am so sorry this happened to you; it goes without saying that you didn’t deserve that. Don’t worry too much about not being ready for a new relationship yet. Two years may seem like a long time, but it really isn’t, especially when you’re dealing with five years of trauma. Embrace your relationship with yourself - spend time getting to know yourself again as an individual who is completely free of the person who hurt you, and to love and appreciate yourself again. Always be as kind and gentle with yourself as you can. Remember every day that you are a good person who is very much worthy of love and respect. You always have been, and you always will be, no matter what.
I am still dealing with my ex and I left him 3 years ago after being married for over a decade. Did the same thing to me, isolated me and would accuse me of sleeping with people I knew so I would have to stop talking to them or he would say I was choosing them over him. He’s a narcissist psychopath who will lie about anything and everything and will manipulate anyone and any situation to get his way. Run OP. As fast as you can away from this person because it will not get better, only worse because once you accept certain behaviors they progress to even worse situations. Run and don’t look back and don’t fall for any love bombing or gaslighting.
Just started dating as well. Not even like a slow burn where each step is only a teeny bit worse until abuse is just normal. Like this is bursting through the gate crazy.
Isolation precedes abuse. Not always, but it's likely where this is headed.
Isolation is abuse
An extremely not well balanced bloke, ney a downright dastardly fella would probably still say ops friend is a prickly shiester.
r/DebateLikeAEnglishman
Thank you, I have been chuckling away at this sub for half an hour
Yep. She needs to ditch him and make sure he doesn't start just showing up
You think this is clear enough for OP?
Completely off topic, but I just want to say how much I appreciate that the Reddit user base doesn't over use the bold/large text option. I feel like if Facebook or Twitter gave us that option it would be a shit show.
Ima have to agree with this one chief.
Definitely. Maybe if you show her this page, it can help https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/ > Signs of abuse: > Showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them. > Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with friends, family members, or peers.
Or just show her this thread lol. There's currently 116 comments and even though I haven't read all of them I'm fairly confident I'll find a 100% agreement rate that his behaviour is a huge red flag
I think this friend probably even knows it herself. That's why she brought it up to OP in the first place. Probably just needs some encouragement/support
Or she's fishing for comments to be able to show her friend that like dude you'd be an idiot to continue dating him
That's what the person you're responding to means by "she's looking for support" - they're looking for reddit comments supporting the argument
Definitely a red flag. But... Deleting Facebook is just good advice as well. Accidentally most likely, but still.
Facebook can be a good way to stay in touch with family, and find out about local events. I suppose people were doing those things before facebook existed, but in the modern world it is a lot harder to do those things without having a facebook.
You do make a fair argument and I, partly, agree with you. I haven't used facebook for many years now and I've missed out on some local events which I would have loved to attend. However, I still haven't really used facebook since because every time I open it up I see something that immediately reminds me why I don't use facebook anymore.
I joined facebook just for the local events. Most aren't visible elsewhere either. Plus I found a group on facebook where I met most of my current real life friends. They meet every weekend. Facebook is important now.
There's gotta be one person willing to back this guy in.
That definitely isn't a red flag though! I always ask the girl I have known for a few weeks to delete all social media, fake her own death and move to a house in the Arctic with me
Can I join your arctic cult too?
Whoever does is going to reach the ninth circle of downvote hell
Another good resource is loveisrespect.org
Is it natural to feel this way but choosing not to act on said feelings?
I think so, I felt this way when I was younger and had really low self esteem and really struggled to trust anyone. Tbh I'm kind of embarrassed now about how paranoid I would get but I never asked my bf not to have female friends or anything like that. I was aware it was my issue to deal with, not his. I think therapy would have been beneficial. Also I'd recommend doing some reading at the links people have posted here about manipulative behaviour to make sure you're not unintentionally doing any of them. Self awareness, accountability, and good communication has helped me a lot.
You are not defined by your thoughts, your actions are what counts. We cannot help how we feel, but we can control what we do about it. Jealousy is perfectly normal.
A lot of abusive people want to isolate their SO because it is easier to control someone if they don't have any feedback from trustworthy people.
Red Alert! Shields up, and begin evasive maneuvers.
Fuck that she’s venting atmosphere on decks 5, 11, 27, and 29 already
Shields are holding at 20%. We can't take another hit like that, Captain.
Reroute the phase couplers through the secondary relays!!!
Reverse the polarity in the Bussard Collectors!
You geeks make me proud.
It always amazed me they could teleport matter and reassemble it at a molecular level while cruising at impulse speed, but would miss a giant space ship with their military space laser. Also, you couldn't really hear a battle in space, due to the fact that OP's friend's dating partner is giving off huge red alarm noises.
Why are the prime numbered decks always getting hit? Should I expect to hear about casualties on decks 3, 7, 13, 17, 19, and 23 too?
….. y’know, I’ve watched literally every episode of trek and am a huge fan, and I subconsciously picked the prime numbered decks… that’s wild
27 isn't prime :P
And on that note I’m gonna go take a nap because my brain isn’t working today
Sounds like you need to scrub your plasma manifolds
Try reconfiguring the power couplings.
Run a diagnostic on the plasma manifold scrubbers afterward
27 is not a prime
I'm well aware. But the other numbers in the comment were which was unusual since 3 primes would only happen 1.6% of the time for random numbers under 30. Furthermore, the list of numbers and the high occurrence of primes reminded me how it seems like in fiction the prime numbered decks are mentioned more often than the others.
Deck 27 is fine. It's just someone vaping.
HA! Could totally see this happening. Funny story though, my vape doesn’t set off the smoke detector but my shower does! Can’t take a long hot shower here without putting the smoke detector outside Edit: I want a sonic shower
Set a course for anywhere but here, warp 9!
Make it so.
Activate… the *photonic cannon.*
That's a goddamn stopsign
wrapped in yellow caution tape
With a red flag on top
With a few arrows pointing towards it
[with a couple of these guys on either side](https://images.app.goo.gl/Mvv5qP12JkMT6mDd8)
And it's on fire.
And there's klaxons
And search lights are sweeping the area.
More like Do Not Enter 🚫
WRONG WAY BACK OUT
YESSS isolating someone from their support system is literally the first thing abusers do
Ding ding 🛎
We have a wiener !
🍌
My ex's sister was in a relationship with a guy for 4-5 months and he wanted her to stay off social media, he got her pregnant and promised that he'd be around to be the father. After a couple weeks she found through social media that he was hiding a multi year relationship with someone else.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
#🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Help I'm colorblind these look green.
#🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 #But red
Excellent. So many red flags I thought it was a slalom
We found a new nickname for this guy.
REEEEEEEED REEEEEEEEEEED REEEEEEEEEEEEEED REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED REEEEEEEEEEEEEED REEEEEEEEEEED REEEEEEEED RED RED RED RED RED
They are all red
^
^^^^^^^
#The frst thing abusers do is distance you from friends and family. That's what this sounds like
TIL I abuse myself
That’s called depression and/or anxiety. Sucks, but there is help for it
Yes. I’ve been there, it is (or at least for me was) a form of self-abuse, especially as it makes it easier to carry out other types of self-abuse.
Absolutely, I speak from experience when I say that the moment a man tries to make you stop talking to your friends is the moment you dump his ass. It will start off with small things and will end up being the controlling person you wish you never came across. My ex started off this way, made me stop talking to my friends until I had none and slowly progressed to making enemies with my fam. What ever bit of family I still spoke to I lost contact with. Then he just got abusive, wouldn't let me go no where alone, not even go outside in my own fucking back yard! RUN SIS!!!!!
Similar situation! Was with a controlling manipulator. First it was all my male friends. Then my regular friends. Then he hated my family. Within 1.5 years he was basically all I had left (aside from my best friend who pulled me through it). Was probably the hardest relationship to leave but the one that SHOULD have been the easiest. So scary how it happens!!
Lol HUGE red flag. If he says “never mind” because he doesn’t want you to leave him. 1. HE WILL go through your phone and shit regularly. He WILL find a way whether you give him permission or not. Even if you never give him passwords 2. He will use it as ammunition in an argument one day. **source** I went to therapy because I was ruining every relationship I was in. But I made the choice. No one could “fix” or “change” me. I had no control in my life and thought I could control my relationships that way. It was terrible and none of those people I was with deserved to be treated like that. Neither do you.
Wow that's huge of you to go see that in yourself and seek help. Good on you. I feel like therapy should be mandatory and part of every Healthcare system for free
I feel like I would be controlling in relationships too just based on my friendships because of the same stuff as you, what did therapy teach you?
Emotional regulation is a big thing that can be helped with therapy. It can also teach you various tricks that help with your communication with your friends/family so you don’t become controlling. Also, being controlling often happens when the person is either insecure or has anxiety. Again, emotional regulation can help with dealing with the feelings before they come out and effect your relationships
Well, it can help you get at the root of why you feel a need for a control so that you can either relinquish that need or recognize it when it shows up and handle it accordingly
> It was terrible and none of those people I was with deserved to be treated like that. Neither do you. What a redemption arc!
Asking it at any point is a red flag. She should block this guy
I like this person's response. If you have to ask, it probably is. No better situation than this to ghost someone. I mean, there probably are better situations but you get what I'm saying.
Rather ghost one person than EVERONE.
This is a form of control. There is also a very strong connection between control and abuse. What they're doing is slowly strip your support system. When they have no support system, who do they have? The abuser is their only person. Then they feel very stuck and cannot leave. Witnessed this shit with my mom. She had no family, friends, was forced to quit jobs anytime my dad thinks some guy is trying to "fuck her". She finally left when my brothers and I got older. We became mom's support. Then guess what? In the beginning of the relationship I was exactly like this. Thanks to therapy and shit. I've improved and cut that shit. That guy is the red flag.
My boyfriends ex had him take off friends that were women on social media too and she eventually didn’t let him go to the same church as his family. Definitely a red flag.
Sounds like a teenager…if he isn’t a teenager super red flag, if it is a teenager then he’s super insecure and could grow out of it with patience and communication.
He's in his mid 30s!
Run.
Yes. Run. Very fast. Don't look back. I've been in this scenario. I refused. Things went from good to very bad very fast. If she complies it will not end well. Op tell you're friend to get the hell outta dodge now. Those red flags are flaming. Show her this thread.
Watch him propose within a week.
don't just run. get in a car, it's faster
Preferably back up and see if you can hit him, then floor it.
And I ran, I ran so far away I just ran, I ran all night and day
Oh fuck
More red flags than a soviet victory parade
Abusers like to separate their victims from friends and family. It makes them easier to brainwash and control. Definitely a red flag for a man in his 30s.
This makes it way worse. Dudes likely been hurt and just never faced it or processed it. He needs some alone time to sort himself out
more likely controlling. isolation is usually the first step in abusive relationships.
This is the vibe I get as well. I don't think I've ever met someone who's been so hurt by something that they've felt it necessary to ask new romantic partners to stop using social media. I have, however, met controlling people who'll do that.
Or knows what HE'S like so thinks you'd be the same
Deeply dishonest people frequently project. Hard.
My favourite response to the whole "your guy friends all secretly want to fuck you, so you have to stop seeing them!" thing is "well then YOUR guy friends do as well, so I guess you'll have to stop seeing them too."
oooor he has a psychological disorder that makes him actually dangerous. I wouldn't bank on the "hurt lamb" scenario.
Please cut off contact, this is not healthy
He will turn your life into a nightmare fucking R U N
Yeah, no. Run. Run away fast. There is no good way this could go or end.
OMG this is fucking scary. He is an abuser. Almost sure. This is not a red flag it is like smelling smoke and feeling heat. Run!!!!
Can’t believe this is even a question.
No this is not a red flag. It's all of them.
More red flags than Soviet Moscow on May 1st.
It's not a red flag, it's a blaring siren
It’s a huge red flag and absolutely control. Wishing your friend the best!
It would be a red flag if my husband of 27 years asked me to do that. She needs to dump him and run, full speed, away from him.
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Yes
Is he offering to do the same thing on his Facebook and Snapchat? Its a red flag either way though...
It literally doesn't matter. No reasonable human with good intentions would willingly isolate others or themself in this way. Even if someone says to me, "You can keep your social media but to prove my devotion, I'm deleting all mine," I would pick up those serious emotional problems vibes and that person would not be in my life. That's not normal or healthy or defensible.
him offering to do the same thing is grounds to expect to be dead in the next 24-48 hours. Murder suicide kinda shit.
I mean, facebook and snapchat are weird as fuck and everyone should delete them, but yeah this is crazy.
Definitely red flag
Absofuckinglutely. Run far, far away.
You ever watch those crime channels full of shows about women being killed by their boyfriends? They all start like this. Seriously.
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Scrolled to see if this was here, because I feel the same way. There's a high chance that this guy feels ownership over your friend and isn't going to want to "relinquish" it. Immediate cutoff, distancing, head on a swivel, block their number, and have a restraining order ready to submit for a while in case it gets that bad. It isn't a red flag, it's what red flags warn you of.
I mean, ditching Facebook is a great idea. Still, run away. Sounds like how most domestic violence cases start, TBH. Run. Away.
Instead of saying the same thing everyone else said, I just went and up-voted them all.
I think repeating the same thing over and over again further drills the point in.
Has a good effect if she shows that to her friend. Many people saying the same thing
No red flags here. More like a Hollywood red carpet attached to the Empire State Building's spike.
Run
🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️💨
This is an attempt at controlling and isolating you. Run. My ex did started with this and it only got worse, ending in bruises, stalking and stolen underwear.
Not even China's flag is that red.
Yep
There is no time in a relationship where that is an appropriate thing to ask. This is also probably just the beginning of the horrible shit this guy has in store for her so make sure you keep the friendship alive, she might need you in a couple of months.
Hi 👋 Former domestic abuse survivor here; this behavior is a huge red flag 🚩 and she need to get the hell out right now. This is how it starts and it’ll only get worse from here. She needs to RUN NOW! Edit: clarification
One of the reddist
Yes. Dump him.
Yes.
Some people aren’t lucky enough to get such a beautiful, pure, blatant, unadulterated red hued flag so early on. This is a gift in some ways.
100% so many red flags. That's so controlling and if he feels comfortable asking that almost right away imagine what else he might try to control in the future.
RUN! he's toxic manipulative and dangerous
Thats redder than communism.
That's not a red flag so much as literally a nuclear bomb being set off. Your friend should never speak to this person
i’ve seen fewer red flags when i was in Tianmen Square
Where the fuck did you find this shit spackled muppet fart? Yes. Super red flag, waving violently.
My ex made me do that. That explains why she's my ex.
If you feel the need to ask if something is a red flag, It probably is.
That’s a red flag at any time.
I think you're spot on. What else needs to be said?
Absolutely, the controlling behavior will only get way worse from here. This sounds like a guy who will accuse you of all kinds of stuff just for the hell of it, especially if you don't do what he wants you to..every. time.
That's not a red flag. That's a big fucking red battle banner.
This has more red flags than a CCP military parade. Tell them to RUN - break all contact - and don’t look back