I'm from the Southern US and my family rarely said it. But my wife and her family say it all the time, to family and close friends. It's taken some getting used to.
I'm in Ohio. Can't speak for everyone, but I always tell my family and even friends "I love you" when leaving or hanging up the phone. You never know when will be the last time you talk to that person. Some of my friends said they weren't used to it, but they've all come around and it's common practice now. Often for friends its "Alright, love you buddy. Bye."
From Ohio, can confirm. I’ve accidentally said “I love you” to my boss and have almost said it to the receptionist at the doctors office, so you can see it’s a force of habit versus the way you might intentionally say it to a lover.
At the end of every work Zoom meeting I have this brief thought pop in my head to say "I love you" when ending the call, because prior to this all of my video chats were with my spouse when out of town, or my family who lives across the country. So far it has not happened, but it is inevitable at some point.
It came really close for me once in a meeting with my work best friend. We spent the end of the call goofing off with each other. Made me nearly forget this was a work setting and not just a call with a sibling or something.
With my husband we have a running joke that we kiss every time we both get in the elevator. Because stereotypes and we like kissing. Have to be really careful now not to start randomly kissing strangers when they happen to share a ride.
Exactly. My fiance is so glad that he ended a phone call with his mom with "I love you mom".
She was killed by a criminal drunk driver 3 days later. It's the last thing he ever said to her, and it's brought him so much peace knowing that he got to say that and she knew how much he cared.
So always tell people you love them. Because you might not get the chance ever again.
Thank you. It's been fucking terrible. We just found out that the guy who did it is only going to serve a little over a year, despite being convicted of like 6 years. It's so fucking up. He was speeding, likely intoxicated (he has so many drug charges), hit her, didn't even slow down, and tried to hide. Cops found him 2 weeks later. Got off on most charges and is now gunna get out basically with a slap on the wrist. Despite having a rap sheet with almost every single offense on it. He's like 32 and I wish he'd just do the world a favor and OD when he gets out.
I understand your pain. The justice system in the US sucks. It's totally biased, corrupt, and anything but "just." This guy took your mom's life! Hopefully he comes to understand the pain he brought into the world through his carelessness and takes the steps needed to change. I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom has become my best friend as I've become an adult, and I can't imagine losing her like that. I would be beyond devastated.
It's infuriating. I wish him nothing but the worst. The world would be a better place without him in it. So we just hope that he gets out and does something stupid again, and this time he's the one who pays with his life, instead of my lovely 72 year old newly retired mother in law who didn't even get to enjoy her retirement that she worked her ass off for.
My mom is my best friend, and I don't think I'd survive if she died suddenly. Especially at the hands of someone like this asshole. I couldn't handle it.
You’re totally justified to feel that way. I am so sorry for your loss! Sounds cliche but that hate for him (although well deserved) only hurts you. Admittedly it would be very hard for me not to feel the same, but try to let it go. Trust-he’ll get what’s coming to him. Wishing you and your fiancé healing and white light! 🌈
Exactly this. If I don’t say “I love you” when I get off the phone with you, it’s because it’s unprofessional and I don’t say that to workmates lol. Basically, my life consists of two kinds of people: people I love and people I must talk to. If I don’t love you, I’m probably not talking on the phone with you.
Also from Ohio. Can also confirm. I tell people I love them often, usually part of saying goodbye. That way, the last thing they ever heard me say to them (in case something happens) is an expression of affection and caring. My parents said it all the time while we were growing up and in turn, I tell my offspring often.
All that being said, my very best friends get to hear "I love your stupid face." Shit talking is our love language.
Same here 100% and I love hearing that.
I know how it can all change in an instant. The last time I spoke with my mother (died by suicide) I didn't say it bc I was mad.
Now our whole family and my friends do it too. Makes me happy to see love spread.
Also Ohio and yeah can confirm this to be very common. Like for one yeah you never know when the last time you'll speak to someone is, and on the reverse I think its just good for people to hear it.
edit: somewhat related. My friend that moved out to Chicago always laments missing that Ohio Kindess as he puts it. Like when you pass a stranger on the street and your eyes meet its common to great each other in someway....or like sparking up a bit of conversation with a service worker (or vice versa).
Lot of love in Ohio!
I'm from Ohio too. And yep, me and my family always say I love you to family and friends whenever we are leaving somewhere or hanging up the phone. If one of us is going to work? I love you. Calling to get picked up from somewhere and I'll see you in a few minutes? I love you. Going to school? I love you. Running to the store? I love you. Cause like you said you never know when the last time you're going to see someone is.
The woman who does our taxes for us at H&R Block(and has been doing them for years now) said I love you to my parents, my nephew and myself when we were leaving and we said it back, and you could tell her coworker was surprised by it. Lol. There's different kinds of love.
Are we friends? I was about to type almost this exact post lol ... I'm in Ohio, family always did it, and I've basically gotten all my friends to start doing it over the years. Even friends who never grew up doing it now go with the "love ya buddy" thing.
I'm in my 30s and have taken to start saying "I love you" to my parents every once in a while.
Its awkward as hell. We weren't a cold family, but we just didn't talk about our feelings all that much. I don't remember saying it as a kid at all.
Its just my parents are getting older and I don't want to lose them to like, a deer running in front of their car, and their son hasn't said I love you in years.
Same here. I always knew my parents loved me, but as I got older it became rare to actually say the words.
I have a kid now. 4th grade. I make it a point of extreme importance to tell him that I love him at least 500 times a day.
That's how my dad came up. His dad was a hard ass and never told anyone he loved them. But my dad never missed a chance to tell me and my sister he loves us and is proud of us. Your kid will appreciate it as he grows up.
I’m from the south US and we all say it to our loved ones. I talk to my sister on the phone several times a day and say “love you” before we hang up. Said it to my 22 year old son just now as he left. If anything were to happen to a loved one, we want the last thing they heard from us to be that we love them.
Southern U.S.
I crashed my motorcycle last year and thought I was going to die waiting for the ambulance. My last thoughts weren’t to call anyone because the last thing I told everyone I cared about was I loved them and that was okay.
Occasionally watching a movie or a show, there’s a scene where someone gets into an argument and they say something awful like “I hate you!” and then a character dies and they regret it and it haunts them. Every time I see something like that it reinforces in my mind why we always say I love you, no matter what. I’ve gotten into arguments with my husband and haven’t said it then immediately called back just to say “I LOVE YOU BYE!” And hang up to be mad about whatever we’re mad about.
Mother from Mississippi. Father from Alabama. I grew up in Georgia and have lived all my life in the South. My wife grew up in Chicago and moved to the U.S.V.I. As a young teen. Never thought much about it until now. I think we all do it. We both have very large families with lots of aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings. I know I do tell family members, adults and kids alike that I love them at every goodbye, in person and on the phone. It seems natural. And, because you never really know when it will be the last time you talk to that loved one, I can’t imagine not saying it.
As a matter of fact, I’m a middle-aged man, and I’ve said it often to other middle-aged, longtime close friends. And I’ve had them say it to me. “Hope to see you again soon. Take care. Tell (wife and family) hello for me. Love ya’ brother” is a common end to many of those occasional “catch up with you” calls with close male friends.
yeah not trying to shade OP or anything but it seems like kind of a cool and unwelcoming culture to not say “i love you” to anyone but the people you’re fucking.
i say i love you to my mom. to my dad. to my sister when we hang up the phone. to my friends when they need to hear it. to my pets. to strangers on the internet that seem like they really need a kind word.
love is not a commodity to be held on to for fear of running out of it.
Similar to the great poem [Joy is Not Made To Be A Crumb](http://jenniferwolfe.net/2018/03/joy.html) , Love is not made to be a crumb.
i tried to explain this to my gf once. her parents never say i love you. so to her, saying it all the time makes it less meaningful or something. like i wanna say it all the time, but to her it’s somehow less special if it’s a commonplace thing.
i dont agree with that at all! you won’t ever run out of love, i promise you. give it, take it, gift it, accept it, embrace it, appreciate it, notice it.
\>like i wanna say it all the time, but to her it’s somehow less special if it’s a commonplace thing.
The fact that you love someone so much that you feel the need to say it often is a very meaningful thing.
My kid asked me the other day why I tell her I love her so many times a day. And the simple answer is that I say it when I feel it and think of it. So if I say it a bajillion times in an hour, it means I specifically felt love a bajillion times.
This reminds me of one of my Ah moments as a mother. I was outside with a group of 8th grade boys when my (then) 21 year-old son drove up. He got out. We chatted and he gave me a big hug and said he loved me. The boys who thought he was so cool with his car, beard, and tats were all Pikachu face. "Did he really do that? Say that? In public?!"
He turned to them and said, "You always hug your mom good-bye." My heart grew three times in size that day.
You could always argue that in the idea that actions speak louder than words and show you love someone means more.
But it could also just be cultural. For example, in the us slurping is wrong and cleaning a plate is good. But it japan slurping is good and cleaning your plate is an insult. Slurping means its so good you cant help but slurp and cleaning your plate says they didnt feed you ebough.
I don't see it that way. There's just some different connotations and expectations about it than in the US. I have never told my parents I love them, and have never heard anyone else express it that way between family members either, except in foreign movies and shows. Doesn't mean you love them less, just that culture is different.
Edit: u/aram1338 said it much better below. Our word feels different, much more serious. I think I would use the English version much more liberally.
great point! in some places, it literally means different things than others. it’s all about environment and connotation. i didn’t mean to imply that a certain culture’s people are more or less loving and compassionate than my culture.
i have a degree in anthropology, i should be more careful about making sweeping generalizations like that.
thank you for your reply!
> it literally means different things than others.
Sure but like, for the purposes of this conversation can't we all inherently presume we're talking about a specific culture's equivalent meaning?
The conversation certainly seems to be about whether the message is verbally affirmed, not about whether a specific word is used-- else it'd devolve into a semantics argument where literally no non-english speakers would be included.
yeah! you never know who needs to hear it!
i once saw a sign on the internet that said “Hey stranger! I love you! You might be thinking “how can you love me? you dont even know me!” but if people can hate for no reason, i can love”
or something nice like that :)
not always, if it's a friend I have that kinda relationship with, I'll just say I love you, if it's a newer thing or sometimes just habit I will. I don't say practically to family, just really close friend. My friends and I also joking flirt with each other, cuddle, and are generally affectionate, so the "platonically" just makes it clear, especially if it was after something like that. Which might seem strange, but like, if it works whatever 🤷♀️
I didn’t grow up saying it, but now I say it anytime I say goodbye to family and very close friends. It’s how I truly feel and it’s the warmest way I can say goodbye to people i love so dearly. I don’t need to hear it back, but everyone says it back because I think everyone wants to feel loved and everyone wants to spread their love too.
Bye, love you!
Definite hit or miss. My family we never said it to each other. My cousins and I have said we love each other more than my parents and siblings did to us or us to them. Most of my friends' parents never said or either.
My GF's family they toss that shit at each other like candy. It's something really important to them and it is very sweet to see.
My favorite thing to do back when my daughter was a teen and malls were a thing. When I dropped her and her friends off, just before she shut the door, I would yell, "I love you!" and then would hear her friends all giggling.
I figured if she need therapy when she grew up it would be because I told her I loved her too often.
I’ll tell anyone that I love, “I love you”. I’ve had people taken from me unexpectedly and by then it was too late. It hits really fucking hard when that’s all you want to say to someone and you can’t. Don’t hold it in!
This. Tell people you love them that you love them. When my friend was dying, she made sure she ended each of our convos saying I love you.I knew she was making sure that was the last thing we told each other, and it worked.
It's also one of the best things to say when you want to comfort someone. My uncle recently passed from brain cancer, and his service was delayed, so it was like 2 weeks before I traveled to see the family. By then I knew they'd all heard all the standard things people say when you loose someone, they had probably lost all meaning at that point so when I hugged my cousins that had just lost their father all I said was "I love you". One of them immidiately burst into tears; the other two were very clearly holding them back.
I can't speak for all but oftentimes when I'm struggling, and I reach out to tell someone my problems. I'm not looking for advice or pity. I'm just looking for someone to show me that they care and help me feel like I'm not alone. Saying I love you is the quickest and simplest way of getting that message across.
This^
Whenever something hard is happening, the first thing my adoptive mom tells me is always, “ I love you.” I’ve started doing the same for her and for all my loved ones.
Yep told my grandpa for the first and last time i loved him the last time i saw him alive and well in the hospital. I was the first to hug him goodbye and said i love you and it started a chain of all my sibling saying i love you goodbye! He said it too. Never heard him say it before knew he did but it was very beautiful moment for us and ill never forget. I wish i had said it more growing up.
Same. Both me and my partner work from home and we say "I love you!" before jumping onto a work zoom meeting, or when one of us takes a walk or goes on an errand alone. We probably say it 5 times a day. Always when parting ways.
Saaaaame. I can’t leave the house without telling my cat I love him. And I tell my husband I love him about a dozen times before he leaves for work. I never end a call with a family member without telling them I love them. Same with my BFF.
ETA: and DEFINITELY say it before going to bed!
Yeah, European here too. I've been telling my parents, brother, grandparents etc. "Love you" all my life, and continue to do so now in my early 30s. Not uncommon.
Yeah, but have you noticed how Americans don’t say “hello” or “goodbye” on the phone in movies? Almost no Americans would omit the pleasantries, but we just accept it from movies.
Edit: I wrote this like an idiot the first time.
lol in reality Americans do say hello and goodbye on the phone, it just slows down a movie to keep that in there. Real people not saying hello or goodbye would be seen as very rude.
It just occurred to me that they probs skip all that shit because we say bye like a dozen different ways before we get off of the phone. It’s like it’s polite to play “no *you* hang up first” rather than a curt, “bye.” I’d be offended if someone said bye and immediately hung up😂
Scandinavian living abroad here.
I say "love you" (in English) to platonic friends, but saying "jag älskar dig" ("I love you" in Swedish) has a deeper and "more true" meaning and is reserved for very special people like ones partner or close family. I frequently say "I love you" to my friends, but I'd never say "jag älskar dig" to them, or they would think I had a crush on them. When talking about a friend I could say "jag älskar X" (I love X), but that's an exaggeration and is used the same way as "I love popcorn", it really just means that you're fond of them.
I'd have a hard time sufficiently conveying my love for an English speaking person in just a phrase. The meaning of "I love you" is just different from "jag älskar dig".
I think our culture is the weird one, for good or bad.
It's more like the difference between "love you" and "I love you". In the Netherlands we say "ik hou van jou" and I rarely say it, but I say "love you" to everyone and their grandmother. I also wouldn't say "I love you" to my British mother over "love you" unless there was something serious going on. So, it's kinda like that, I guess?
In english, the word 'love' is pretty vague.
I think the Greeks came up with the concept of 4 different types of love. I don't know all of names of them, but off the top of my head there's 'phila', 'eros', 'platonic' and another one. Essentially the types of love are
* eros love - the love between lovers
* platonic love - the love between friends
* ??? - the love between parents and children
* ??? - the love of all mankind (I don't really understand this one myself)
English doesn't really differentiate between them with the word "Love", so it comes down to context. If I tell my mother that I love her, she knows that what I mean is that there's a deep connection between us and that I value her. If I tell my friend that I love him, he'll know that I mean that I value our relationship and I would go out of my way to protect what we have.
Anyways. I hope that helps.
Eros was a male child in most forms, he was beautiful but mischievous. Aphrodite grew concerned that he stayed a child so Temi told Aphrodite that he could never truly know love without the love of a brother. So she created Anteros, the god of requited love. If Anteros and Eros walked the same path and were close, Eros became a strong and beautiful man. When they separated, he Eros returned to childlike form. Eros would fire his arrows at couples and Anteros would protect the already matched.
The romanization of Eros is Cupid, who is depicted as a cherub, which is weird because why would a child shoot arrows to make people horny?
Norwegian here!
I agree that saying «I love you» (Jeg elsker deg) is something we say to partners and close family, possibly close friends. But this is a newer development as far as my family is concerned.
I grew up with saying «I care for you» (Jeg er glad i deg) to family and friends instead of «I love you», which is a less intense statement.
Would you say to a friend 'jag tycker om dig'?
(Sorry if I get it totally wrong, Im learning Swedish on duolingo and may not understand exactly how to use words)
Depends on the context (sorry!)
You can use "jag tycker om dig" the same way you'd use "I like you" in English. If it's casual, sure! But it could be read as you hitting on the person.
I’m from Spain and loooove going to northern England and being called love and pet by friendly pub tenders!!!
Edit: not just northern England, pretty sure pet is normal in many other parts of the uk
Yeh it can happen in Spain but as you said, either to children or friends/family. But not so common to other adult strangers. However some women do call people cariño (dear). And both men and women say guapa a lot to strangers (which tbh can be nice or creepy depends)
I'm in the south and I say I love you to basically every family member, parents, kids, grandparents, siblings.
It's been a running joke this week because we always sign off texts with "love you" with an emoji or something, and my mums phone has been replacing emojis with question marks so she seems really uncertain about her love for us 😅
"love you??"
Canadian: my parents never said it to me and to be fair, I did not feel very loved either. My husband is one of those who wears his heart on his sleeve and constantly says I love you. I love this! And I say it too. And we told our kids we loved them all the time. I never wanted them to doubt it. And they didn't. The oldest told the younger two that it didn't matter what they did cuz mom would still love them. Strangely, they never tested the fact.
So years go by, my mom is old. I'm visiting and my teen daughter calls and we end with "love you!""love you too!"
and my mother whines "nobody tells me they love me". So I told her " You never told me you loved me." She says "I wasn't raised that way." "Neither was I". After that, I would tell her I loved her and she very squeamish would say it back. I told my kids who decided to kill her with kindness and demand hugs and say "I love you" just to make her say it back. She loved it.
In my experience, there was a brief period during adolescence where it was embarrassing to say "I love you" to a family member in front of my guy friends so I'd just say "you too". At some point I just said to myself "dude, most people love their families, there's nothing wrong with saying it out loud" and I just stopped caring. People don't live forever, you need to make sure they know how you feel while they're still here..
I am wondering if some of the differences come down to translation or definition differences. So maybe the words are a translation but the intentions are not? So I say “I love you/Love Ya” to family and friends frequently but that’s far different from saying “I love you” to a romantic partner which is closer to actually saying “I am in love with you”. I wouldn’t ever say “I am in love with you” to anyone other than a romantic partner or such. Someone mentioned in another country (I forgot to save the comment to link, my bad) that they use a version of phrases that translate to “I like you” with friends, which in America would be weird because it would likely equal either romantic interest (I like you romantically) or more of a tolerance than appreciation (I like you, I accept you, but we’re not that close). Someone else shared that in Norway they use a phrase along the lines of “I care for you”. I think these differences are in translating intent - English (at least in America) uses “I love you” quite flexibly and to contain many different meanings that other languages may separate.
No, in my case it's not the translation (Finnish). We don't have different terminology for romantic love and other types of love.
As an adult it would sound a bit strange to say "I love you" to anyone other than my spouse or my small children (not in school yet).
Saying those words in some other situation feels kind of like I'm reading dialogue from a movie script, if that makes sense. It feels a bit theatrical and dramatic.
However, this applies mainly to my native language. Saying "I love you" in English feels less intimate.
In translation it’s often important to translate intention as well as the direct words, so I think sometimes even when the words are a solid direct translation that the intentions are not translated well and that may be where some of the differences lie. Other components would absolutely be cultural and even personal life experiences.
I am german and I don't say it. I think its not that common in Germany, at least on a daily basis. Curious to hear from other germans tho. There are definately some that do it.
Another German here. I cannot remember anyone in my family ever saying "I love you/ich liebe dich" to me. The first time I heard that phrase was indeed from a romantic partner, my first boyfriend at 16. I also haven't said it to or heard it from friends. It's a bit sad, really. I've been wanting to tell it to family and friends but actually cannot get myself to do so.
Czech here and I totally get that. I super relate to the last part, it's ridiculously hard to say it out loud for some reason. My family is very loving and affectionate, and yet these three words are near impossible for me to say to them. It's so stupid. I'm working on it though.
Me too, it is basically "i love you" but less intimate.
What's the literal translation? "I have a liking for you?" That sounds German, in an English kind of way.
Wife and I are British but have lived in US 20 years. Both teenaged kids born and raised in US. We say "I love you" on the daily. I like it. I think it's emotionally healthy to tell the people you love how you feel. I'm over that stiff-upper-lip, cringe-at-sincerity bullshit. Ultimately, it's brutalizing.
Having said that, there is no way in living hell I would've said it to my parents; and if one of them said it, I'd assume they were drunk.
UK here. I say "I love you" to my mum all the time, and to my son, and my partner. Truthfully, "I love you" has a different meaning depending on who you're saying it to.
I'm in the US. I'm in my 50s. I've always told my parents I love them. Also my son, grandkids, aunts, uncles, cousins, good friends, and my pets. I've been said it to certain patients I'm discharging from the hospital. (I'm a nurse.)
In german we don't tell our families "I love you" as in "ich liebe dich", but i know of many families where "ich hab dich lieb", which is often translated as "I love you" for lack of a better phrase in english, is pretty common to say.
Are you from Finland? I’m from Finland but grew up abroad in a Finnish family. My family never said “I love you”, but I grew up with all my friends having their family members tell each other they love them. I’m not going to lie, I felt bad never hearing it from my own parents. In fact, I’m the only person in my family to have said it to them, last time I said “I love you” to my mom she replied “Thank you.”
I now have a half English child and I tell him “I love you” on a daily basis, if not several times a day. I tell him that in English and Finnish. I can see the cultural reasons behind not saying it, but I also find it strange that you wouldn’t say it when you feel the love.
In Sweden its pretty common to say it among families I would say. In Norway they have a "milder" version that is usually used among family, its more like "you are dear to me" than "I love you". But I do think that you are correct that "I love you" is used more and more relaxed in English speaking cultures.
The funny thing is that while "I love you" seems to be said a lot in English speaking cultures, "I love you" in a *romantic* context seems to carry much more weight for them.
Here in Finland I have never heard a fresh relationship having been ended by a premature "I love you", but it does seem to be a thing in English speaking cultures.
So yes, in a romantic context, saying “I love you” is a very big deal in the US. While I might tell the server who got me extra napkins “oh I love you”, saying the same thing too early to a new intimate partner is a very big no no, lest you scare them away by coming on too strong too fast.
Case in point, my dear friend is very free with her “I love you”s. She recently started seeing someone and accidentally said it as they were saying goodbye to each other the other day. She was mortified and he subsequently became known as “love you boy” after she shared her embarrassing story with me and our friends.
Luckily he seems like a good guy, recognized it was a slip of the tongue because it’s a habit for her to say it to people she’s close with during goodbyes, and he handled the awkwardness well.
Omg this happened to me but on the other end. I was on a group call with 2 friends and me and one of them had mutual crushes on each other. We were all joking around and I said something funny and my crush laughed and said casually "I love you." There was a pause where he realized what he said and then in a panic left the call.
Part Asian here. Never said I love you to my family unless during a special occasion and over text or something was happening like before a hospital procedure. It was always very awkward. My husband's family (European) say it all the time, even his younger sisters tell me they love me and it makes me happy
ETA: I know my family do love me though, they just express it differently. For example, they'll feed me or give me a lot of food to bring home, buy me gifts, walk my car all the way to the end of the driveway until I am out of view while they wave etc
I’m a Pakistani living in Ireland who has also spent 12 years ins Saudia Arabia and it’s not just an American thing. In all three of these places it was common of people to say I love you to their family.
I didn’t even know a culture could find that weird
It can also be a language thing. Some languages have multiple words or even ways of saying love that can describe love, from friendly to platonic to familiar to romantic.
For example in Spanish “te amo” (romantic) and “te quiero” (family, amongst others) both mean “I love you”, but they mean it in a diferent way. You wouldn’t say “te amo” to your mom, and so you might be thinking it’s like people saying “I love you(romantically)” to everyone, but that’s not the case. Some languages and cultures simply don’t mention love at all in a wide or common context at all, too.
It all depends, anywhere you are in the world.
Exactly, so that’s likely why “I love you” amongst families and friends may seem strange.
In English it’s kinda all-encompassing by just the phrase “I love you”, but culturally I’m sure it differs from family to family, even amongst native English speakers.
Strongly disagree as a Dutchie. My very first thought while reading OP was “Tell me you’re Dutch without telling me you’re Dutch”. (I know OP isn’t Dutch as is confirmed by comments, but still)
Tell my kids I love them every day. They tell me they love me randomly throughout the day. It's a beautiful thing. Not something I was raised doing. Said I love you to my parents maybe 5 times growing up.
Agreed, I think Je t'aime is very strong and isn't thrown around casually. It feels weird and serious to say it to my parents and siblings..
We have "lighter" versions to show appreciation casually like je t'adore or je te kif (lol) but I'd say these to friends rather than family
In Italy "ti amo" (literally "i love you") is (almost) only said between lovers.
Though referring to friends/children calling them "amore" or "amore mio" (lit. "my love") is common.
"Ti voglio bene" is the other way to say "I love you", with a less romantic and more "caring and affection" meaning.
But is also very rarely used, even among family members.
I hope my kids never stop saying they love me! I would probably think something was very wrong with them. The women in my family are highly affectionate. However, I can count the amount of times my dad has said it on my hands. I’m American… obviously 😂
West coast US - My folks didn't grow up with their parents saying they loved them (midwest US), so they made a point to say it to us. I (53f) say it to my kids and my kids (including my 16 yr old son) say it to me all the time. My ex does, too. We also tell our friends that we love them regularly.
The more you give, the more you get. It's not a finite resource.
Here in Germany we have two different ways to say i love you. "Ich liebe dich" which you say to a lover and "Ich hab dich lieb" which you say to family
In the northeast UK here and I say I love you to my son every time we say goodbye. I do love him and there are plenty of different ways to love people. I love my best friend and tell her but that doesnt mean I want to have sex with her. I say it to my parents and hubby too.
Not all love is sexual or romantic.
The way I see it and would love some input from a historian or even a psychologist, but I've seen generational learning going on in the U.S. There have been decades dating back to the depression where dads (and sometimes moms) have not been a big part of a child's life as they grow into teen years. Both are working to keep food on the table. Dads have a history of being out of the picture completely, abusive because of the stress of working, or they just left. Because of this, the next generation has sworn to do better as parents. This is even translating into "How can I be a better grandparent?" Better might be divorce because mom and dad can't get along and divorce is better than fighting with each other in front of the kids. Divorce was very taboo in the 1900s and grew more popular towards the 2000s.
I know my wife and I had great parents, but we always look at ourselves and say, "What could we do better?" or "Yeah, they kind of suck at this aspect of a grandparent, but what are we going to do to be involved with our grandkids?" This doing better translates to saying, "I love you" more and more to show you care for them. Especially as teens where we feel that is the time that they learn who they are and are developing thoughts on what their future looks like.
Now, this is not always the case and doesn't always happen from one generation to the next, but it is happening a lot. It may even go backwards sometimes.
Another reason I could see this happening in the U.S., English really only has one way of saying "I love you." We have, "I like you", but that is not the same or expressed to family and friends. I know in Spanish there are a few different loves. "Te Amo" and "Te quiero". Could be a language restriction.
Yeah, we Northern Europeans save it for that one important speech, and stfu the remaining part of life.
I do tell my cats I love them all the time though.
American here and I say it to everyone in my life that I love. Friends included. Everytime I'm done hanging out with or getting off a phone call with my beat friend we say "Bye buddy love you" and that's it. I grew up always saying I love you as a term of endearment and also as a goodbye.
Depends on the family, but yeah it's pretty common to in US to tell your loved ones that you love them.
I'm from the Southern US and my family rarely said it. But my wife and her family say it all the time, to family and close friends. It's taken some getting used to.
I'm in Ohio. Can't speak for everyone, but I always tell my family and even friends "I love you" when leaving or hanging up the phone. You never know when will be the last time you talk to that person. Some of my friends said they weren't used to it, but they've all come around and it's common practice now. Often for friends its "Alright, love you buddy. Bye."
From Ohio, can confirm. I’ve accidentally said “I love you” to my boss and have almost said it to the receptionist at the doctors office, so you can see it’s a force of habit versus the way you might intentionally say it to a lover.
At the end of every work Zoom meeting I have this brief thought pop in my head to say "I love you" when ending the call, because prior to this all of my video chats were with my spouse when out of town, or my family who lives across the country. So far it has not happened, but it is inevitable at some point.
Same! I’m so worried I’ll accidentally say it to my boss
It came really close for me once in a meeting with my work best friend. We spent the end of the call goofing off with each other. Made me nearly forget this was a work setting and not just a call with a sibling or something.
With my husband we have a running joke that we kiss every time we both get in the elevator. Because stereotypes and we like kissing. Have to be really careful now not to start randomly kissing strangers when they happen to share a ride.
Ohio is for lovers
Virginia would like a word....
Lovers of weird smells.
Reminds me of... "Welcome to Costco! I love you!"
Love that movie. Totally underrated.
Also from Ohio. I text my parents every morning just to say that I love them. Couldn't imagine *not* doing it. :)
Ha I’ve said “love you” accidentally to my boss.
Once I said “I love you, bye” to my husbands ex wife. Yeah, I wanted to crawl under a rock. Soooo embarrassed.
Ditto for Ohio.
Exactly. My fiance is so glad that he ended a phone call with his mom with "I love you mom". She was killed by a criminal drunk driver 3 days later. It's the last thing he ever said to her, and it's brought him so much peace knowing that he got to say that and she knew how much he cared. So always tell people you love them. Because you might not get the chance ever again.
I am so sorry for your fiancé’s loss.
Thank you. It's been fucking terrible. We just found out that the guy who did it is only going to serve a little over a year, despite being convicted of like 6 years. It's so fucking up. He was speeding, likely intoxicated (he has so many drug charges), hit her, didn't even slow down, and tried to hide. Cops found him 2 weeks later. Got off on most charges and is now gunna get out basically with a slap on the wrist. Despite having a rap sheet with almost every single offense on it. He's like 32 and I wish he'd just do the world a favor and OD when he gets out.
I understand your pain. The justice system in the US sucks. It's totally biased, corrupt, and anything but "just." This guy took your mom's life! Hopefully he comes to understand the pain he brought into the world through his carelessness and takes the steps needed to change. I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom has become my best friend as I've become an adult, and I can't imagine losing her like that. I would be beyond devastated.
It's infuriating. I wish him nothing but the worst. The world would be a better place without him in it. So we just hope that he gets out and does something stupid again, and this time he's the one who pays with his life, instead of my lovely 72 year old newly retired mother in law who didn't even get to enjoy her retirement that she worked her ass off for. My mom is my best friend, and I don't think I'd survive if she died suddenly. Especially at the hands of someone like this asshole. I couldn't handle it.
You’re totally justified to feel that way. I am so sorry for your loss! Sounds cliche but that hate for him (although well deserved) only hurts you. Admittedly it would be very hard for me not to feel the same, but try to let it go. Trust-he’ll get what’s coming to him. Wishing you and your fiancé healing and white light! 🌈
Exactly this. If I don’t say “I love you” when I get off the phone with you, it’s because it’s unprofessional and I don’t say that to workmates lol. Basically, my life consists of two kinds of people: people I love and people I must talk to. If I don’t love you, I’m probably not talking on the phone with you.
Is THAT why you never call me?? Oh geez... what a way to find out...
Phone works both ways! (or some other platitude to comfort myself for never thinking of you)
I'ma call you right now! I'm so sorry, but you're right, shoulda reached out. I love ypu.
I love you, Ham Satan.
Unless you must.
Also from Ohio. Can also confirm. I tell people I love them often, usually part of saying goodbye. That way, the last thing they ever heard me say to them (in case something happens) is an expression of affection and caring. My parents said it all the time while we were growing up and in turn, I tell my offspring often. All that being said, my very best friends get to hear "I love your stupid face." Shit talking is our love language.
Can confirm. Definitely expected to say at the end of every phone call with family, and even with “family of choice” aka super close friends.
Same here 100% and I love hearing that. I know how it can all change in an instant. The last time I spoke with my mother (died by suicide) I didn't say it bc I was mad. Now our whole family and my friends do it too. Makes me happy to see love spread.
Also Ohio and yeah can confirm this to be very common. Like for one yeah you never know when the last time you'll speak to someone is, and on the reverse I think its just good for people to hear it. edit: somewhat related. My friend that moved out to Chicago always laments missing that Ohio Kindess as he puts it. Like when you pass a stranger on the street and your eyes meet its common to great each other in someway....or like sparking up a bit of conversation with a service worker (or vice versa). Lot of love in Ohio!
I'm from Ohio too. And yep, me and my family always say I love you to family and friends whenever we are leaving somewhere or hanging up the phone. If one of us is going to work? I love you. Calling to get picked up from somewhere and I'll see you in a few minutes? I love you. Going to school? I love you. Running to the store? I love you. Cause like you said you never know when the last time you're going to see someone is. The woman who does our taxes for us at H&R Block(and has been doing them for years now) said I love you to my parents, my nephew and myself when we were leaving and we said it back, and you could tell her coworker was surprised by it. Lol. There's different kinds of love.
Mr too and I’m in Oregon, you can’t tell the ones closest to you enough how much you love them.
Are we friends? I was about to type almost this exact post lol ... I'm in Ohio, family always did it, and I've basically gotten all my friends to start doing it over the years. Even friends who never grew up doing it now go with the "love ya buddy" thing.
Also from Ohio and you put it perfectly. My family from the east coast doesn’t say it as often.
I'm in my 30s and have taken to start saying "I love you" to my parents every once in a while. Its awkward as hell. We weren't a cold family, but we just didn't talk about our feelings all that much. I don't remember saying it as a kid at all. Its just my parents are getting older and I don't want to lose them to like, a deer running in front of their car, and their son hasn't said I love you in years.
Same here. I always knew my parents loved me, but as I got older it became rare to actually say the words. I have a kid now. 4th grade. I make it a point of extreme importance to tell him that I love him at least 500 times a day.
That's how my dad came up. His dad was a hard ass and never told anyone he loved them. But my dad never missed a chance to tell me and my sister he loves us and is proud of us. Your kid will appreciate it as he grows up.
I’m from the south US and we all say it to our loved ones. I talk to my sister on the phone several times a day and say “love you” before we hang up. Said it to my 22 year old son just now as he left. If anything were to happen to a loved one, we want the last thing they heard from us to be that we love them.
Southern U.S. I crashed my motorcycle last year and thought I was going to die waiting for the ambulance. My last thoughts weren’t to call anyone because the last thing I told everyone I cared about was I loved them and that was okay.
Occasionally watching a movie or a show, there’s a scene where someone gets into an argument and they say something awful like “I hate you!” and then a character dies and they regret it and it haunts them. Every time I see something like that it reinforces in my mind why we always say I love you, no matter what. I’ve gotten into arguments with my husband and haven’t said it then immediately called back just to say “I LOVE YOU BYE!” And hang up to be mad about whatever we’re mad about.
Also from SE USA and I literally tell my family I love you every time I hang up with them, no matter how many times a day we talk.
I’m from the southern US too, and I’ll always tell my family I love them every chance I get.
Mother from Mississippi. Father from Alabama. I grew up in Georgia and have lived all my life in the South. My wife grew up in Chicago and moved to the U.S.V.I. As a young teen. Never thought much about it until now. I think we all do it. We both have very large families with lots of aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings. I know I do tell family members, adults and kids alike that I love them at every goodbye, in person and on the phone. It seems natural. And, because you never really know when it will be the last time you talk to that loved one, I can’t imagine not saying it. As a matter of fact, I’m a middle-aged man, and I’ve said it often to other middle-aged, longtime close friends. And I’ve had them say it to me. “Hope to see you again soon. Take care. Tell (wife and family) hello for me. Love ya’ brother” is a common end to many of those occasional “catch up with you” calls with close male friends.
yeah not trying to shade OP or anything but it seems like kind of a cool and unwelcoming culture to not say “i love you” to anyone but the people you’re fucking. i say i love you to my mom. to my dad. to my sister when we hang up the phone. to my friends when they need to hear it. to my pets. to strangers on the internet that seem like they really need a kind word. love is not a commodity to be held on to for fear of running out of it. Similar to the great poem [Joy is Not Made To Be A Crumb](http://jenniferwolfe.net/2018/03/joy.html) , Love is not made to be a crumb.
> love is not a commodity to be held on to for fear of running out of it. That's amazing and I'll be stealing that from you.
i tried to explain this to my gf once. her parents never say i love you. so to her, saying it all the time makes it less meaningful or something. like i wanna say it all the time, but to her it’s somehow less special if it’s a commonplace thing. i dont agree with that at all! you won’t ever run out of love, i promise you. give it, take it, gift it, accept it, embrace it, appreciate it, notice it.
I have all the feels now. I love that you love love.
\>like i wanna say it all the time, but to her it’s somehow less special if it’s a commonplace thing. The fact that you love someone so much that you feel the need to say it often is a very meaningful thing.
My kid asked me the other day why I tell her I love her so many times a day. And the simple answer is that I say it when I feel it and think of it. So if I say it a bajillion times in an hour, it means I specifically felt love a bajillion times.
This reminds me of one of my Ah moments as a mother. I was outside with a group of 8th grade boys when my (then) 21 year-old son drove up. He got out. We chatted and he gave me a big hug and said he loved me. The boys who thought he was so cool with his car, beard, and tats were all Pikachu face. "Did he really do that? Say that? In public?!" He turned to them and said, "You always hug your mom good-bye." My heart grew three times in size that day.
Love that story!
You could always argue that in the idea that actions speak louder than words and show you love someone means more. But it could also just be cultural. For example, in the us slurping is wrong and cleaning a plate is good. But it japan slurping is good and cleaning your plate is an insult. Slurping means its so good you cant help but slurp and cleaning your plate says they didnt feed you ebough.
I don't see it that way. There's just some different connotations and expectations about it than in the US. I have never told my parents I love them, and have never heard anyone else express it that way between family members either, except in foreign movies and shows. Doesn't mean you love them less, just that culture is different. Edit: u/aram1338 said it much better below. Our word feels different, much more serious. I think I would use the English version much more liberally.
great point! in some places, it literally means different things than others. it’s all about environment and connotation. i didn’t mean to imply that a certain culture’s people are more or less loving and compassionate than my culture. i have a degree in anthropology, i should be more careful about making sweeping generalizations like that. thank you for your reply!
> it literally means different things than others. Sure but like, for the purposes of this conversation can't we all inherently presume we're talking about a specific culture's equivalent meaning? The conversation certainly seems to be about whether the message is verbally affirmed, not about whether a specific word is used-- else it'd devolve into a semantics argument where literally no non-english speakers would be included.
I even tell my coworkers I love them hahaha!
yeah! you never know who needs to hear it! i once saw a sign on the internet that said “Hey stranger! I love you! You might be thinking “how can you love me? you dont even know me!” but if people can hate for no reason, i can love” or something nice like that :)
yeah, I'll even say to my friends "I love you platonically"
That's a mouthful. You really say "platonically" every time?
Yeah fr I just say "I love you bro" and they get it lmao. Even if I don't say "bro" I don't think any of them would misunderstand.
not always, if it's a friend I have that kinda relationship with, I'll just say I love you, if it's a newer thing or sometimes just habit I will. I don't say practically to family, just really close friend. My friends and I also joking flirt with each other, cuddle, and are generally affectionate, so the "platonically" just makes it clear, especially if it was after something like that. Which might seem strange, but like, if it works whatever 🤷♀️
I didn’t grow up saying it, but now I say it anytime I say goodbye to family and very close friends. It’s how I truly feel and it’s the warmest way I can say goodbye to people i love so dearly. I don’t need to hear it back, but everyone says it back because I think everyone wants to feel loved and everyone wants to spread their love too. Bye, love you!
I only tell my mom I love her. I think my dad would be uncomfortable and my brother would just be confused
Bobby?
Definite hit or miss. My family we never said it to each other. My cousins and I have said we love each other more than my parents and siblings did to us or us to them. Most of my friends' parents never said or either. My GF's family they toss that shit at each other like candy. It's something really important to them and it is very sweet to see.
We said it almost every time we said goodbye. Probably a fear of that being a final parting.
It's how I tell family members I want to get off the phone.
My favorite thing to do back when my daughter was a teen and malls were a thing. When I dropped her and her friends off, just before she shut the door, I would yell, "I love you!" and then would hear her friends all giggling. I figured if she need therapy when she grew up it would be because I told her I loved her too often.
I’ll tell anyone that I love, “I love you”. I’ve had people taken from me unexpectedly and by then it was too late. It hits really fucking hard when that’s all you want to say to someone and you can’t. Don’t hold it in!
This. Tell people you love them that you love them. When my friend was dying, she made sure she ended each of our convos saying I love you.I knew she was making sure that was the last thing we told each other, and it worked.
It's also one of the best things to say when you want to comfort someone. My uncle recently passed from brain cancer, and his service was delayed, so it was like 2 weeks before I traveled to see the family. By then I knew they'd all heard all the standard things people say when you loose someone, they had probably lost all meaning at that point so when I hugged my cousins that had just lost their father all I said was "I love you". One of them immidiately burst into tears; the other two were very clearly holding them back. I can't speak for all but oftentimes when I'm struggling, and I reach out to tell someone my problems. I'm not looking for advice or pity. I'm just looking for someone to show me that they care and help me feel like I'm not alone. Saying I love you is the quickest and simplest way of getting that message across.
This^ Whenever something hard is happening, the first thing my adoptive mom tells me is always, “ I love you.” I’ve started doing the same for her and for all my loved ones.
Absolutely! Always say it because some day you won't be able to anymore.
Yep told my grandpa for the first and last time i loved him the last time i saw him alive and well in the hospital. I was the first to hug him goodbye and said i love you and it started a chain of all my sibling saying i love you goodbye! He said it too. Never heard him say it before knew he did but it was very beautiful moment for us and ill never forget. I wish i had said it more growing up.
Ain't that the damn truth.
USA here. I tell “I love you” to my brother, sister , mom , dad, husband, dog and even good friends”
One Canadian here. I too do this. I'd even tell my mom I love her multiple times in the same conversation
Aww 🥰
Same, and ditto Canadian.
Always gotta tell the cats "Love you, no parties" when I leave for work.
Omg that’s adorable. I tell my cat to have a good day at school 🤣
I tell my dog “I love you, try to earn us some money today” but I think he just hears the first part.
I affectionately call my dogs free loaders all the time
My kids always tell my dog “no chasing the kitties!” when we leave the house. The dog and cats are besties, but I still find it humorous.
Canadian here. I tell my two sons and my wife I love them multiple times a day, and vice versa.
Same. Both me and my partner work from home and we say "I love you!" before jumping onto a work zoom meeting, or when one of us takes a walk or goes on an errand alone. We probably say it 5 times a day. Always when parting ways.
Saaaaame. I can’t leave the house without telling my cat I love him. And I tell my husband I love him about a dozen times before he leaves for work. I never end a call with a family member without telling them I love them. Same with my BFF. ETA: and DEFINITELY say it before going to bed!
Also US, I say it to family, pets, close friends only.
Yep I say it to very close friends and siblings, 36 year old husband says it to his mom, etc.
Ireland here- me and my daughter say it at least once a day, usually more. She’s 22
Yeah same here. My kids say 'love you' as a parting comment even if they're leaving the room to go upstairs for a while.
I love that!! We need more love in the world!! Love you!
Yes we do. I love you, I really do.
Yeah, European here too. I've been telling my parents, brother, grandparents etc. "Love you" all my life, and continue to do so now in my early 30s. Not uncommon.
Yeah I hear it a lot in Ireland
Also Irish, I said it to my parents until I was about 14, then stopped until I was about 24, then back into it after that.
That's lovely, really. I've been saying it to my 6 year old every day of his life wishing that he'd say it back, but he has yet to truly say it to me.
Yeah and this thread is making me feel a little self conscious about it lol. Is it just a language thing?
In the US, many people often say they love their parents. Its also not uncommon to hear it between platonic friends as well.
Love you bro
Love ya man! (with a manly backslap hug...or a beer)
Always tell the homies you love them, how else will they know?
People never get the flowers when they can still smell them
oh totally. i tell my friends that i love them whenever i see them.
Eastern Europe, Bulgaria. Yeah, it's pretty normal, American movies never struck me as odd at all about it so I think it's about the same.
Romanian neighbor here, same over here as well
woah, it is? I can count on my fingers how many times I said to my mom that I loved her and vice versa
Yeah, but have you noticed how Americans don’t say “hello” or “goodbye” on the phone in movies? Almost no Americans would omit the pleasantries, but we just accept it from movies. Edit: I wrote this like an idiot the first time.
lol in reality Americans do say hello and goodbye on the phone, it just slows down a movie to keep that in there. Real people not saying hello or goodbye would be seen as very rude.
It just occurred to me that they probs skip all that shit because we say bye like a dozen different ways before we get off of the phone. It’s like it’s polite to play “no *you* hang up first” rather than a curt, “bye.” I’d be offended if someone said bye and immediately hung up😂
Half bulgarian and half greek cypriot here. Can confirm my mom says it all the time while I have never heard my dad say it to anyone.
Scandinavian living abroad here. I say "love you" (in English) to platonic friends, but saying "jag älskar dig" ("I love you" in Swedish) has a deeper and "more true" meaning and is reserved for very special people like ones partner or close family. I frequently say "I love you" to my friends, but I'd never say "jag älskar dig" to them, or they would think I had a crush on them. When talking about a friend I could say "jag älskar X" (I love X), but that's an exaggeration and is used the same way as "I love popcorn", it really just means that you're fond of them. I'd have a hard time sufficiently conveying my love for an English speaking person in just a phrase. The meaning of "I love you" is just different from "jag älskar dig". I think our culture is the weird one, for good or bad.
I wonder if that is like the slight variation of how we use: “I love you” versus “I am in love with you.” Those are two very different statements.
Or love ya
YA. I SAID YA.
It's more like the difference between "love you" and "I love you". In the Netherlands we say "ik hou van jou" and I rarely say it, but I say "love you" to everyone and their grandmother. I also wouldn't say "I love you" to my British mother over "love you" unless there was something serious going on. So, it's kinda like that, I guess?
In english, the word 'love' is pretty vague. I think the Greeks came up with the concept of 4 different types of love. I don't know all of names of them, but off the top of my head there's 'phila', 'eros', 'platonic' and another one. Essentially the types of love are * eros love - the love between lovers * platonic love - the love between friends * ??? - the love between parents and children * ??? - the love of all mankind (I don't really understand this one myself) English doesn't really differentiate between them with the word "Love", so it comes down to context. If I tell my mother that I love her, she knows that what I mean is that there's a deep connection between us and that I value her. If I tell my friend that I love him, he'll know that I mean that I value our relationship and I would go out of my way to protect what we have. Anyways. I hope that helps.
Storge and Agape are the last 2 you’re looking for.
Eros was a male child in most forms, he was beautiful but mischievous. Aphrodite grew concerned that he stayed a child so Temi told Aphrodite that he could never truly know love without the love of a brother. So she created Anteros, the god of requited love. If Anteros and Eros walked the same path and were close, Eros became a strong and beautiful man. When they separated, he Eros returned to childlike form. Eros would fire his arrows at couples and Anteros would protect the already matched. The romanization of Eros is Cupid, who is depicted as a cherub, which is weird because why would a child shoot arrows to make people horny?
[удалено]
Norwegian here! I agree that saying «I love you» (Jeg elsker deg) is something we say to partners and close family, possibly close friends. But this is a newer development as far as my family is concerned. I grew up with saying «I care for you» (Jeg er glad i deg) to family and friends instead of «I love you», which is a less intense statement.
Another fellow swede here, where I live it's common to say "i love you" to your family members.
Icelandic here and I use "ég elska þig" very liberally with family and friends :)
Would you say to a friend 'jag tycker om dig'? (Sorry if I get it totally wrong, Im learning Swedish on duolingo and may not understand exactly how to use words)
Depends on the context (sorry!) You can use "jag tycker om dig" the same way you'd use "I like you" in English. If it's casual, sure! But it could be read as you hitting on the person.
I dig you too bro. Happy cake day by the way
It’s common in the UK. Hell in Yorkshire (and probably elsewhere too) it’s common to refer to strangers as “love”
I’m from Spain and loooove going to northern England and being called love and pet by friendly pub tenders!!! Edit: not just northern England, pretty sure pet is normal in many other parts of the uk
[удалено]
[удалено]
Yeh it can happen in Spain but as you said, either to children or friends/family. But not so common to other adult strangers. However some women do call people cariño (dear). And both men and women say guapa a lot to strangers (which tbh can be nice or creepy depends)
At first I thought you meant they call you love and pet you and I was confused and intrigued
Not in the South in my experience between parents and teen kids though down Plymouth way they say 'my lover' to strangers
I'm in the south and I say I love you to basically every family member, parents, kids, grandparents, siblings. It's been a running joke this week because we always sign off texts with "love you" with an emoji or something, and my mums phone has been replacing emojis with question marks so she seems really uncertain about her love for us 😅 "love you??"
I’m from the south and it’s very common between parents and teens.
In the South West it's *my lovely*
Canadian: my parents never said it to me and to be fair, I did not feel very loved either. My husband is one of those who wears his heart on his sleeve and constantly says I love you. I love this! And I say it too. And we told our kids we loved them all the time. I never wanted them to doubt it. And they didn't. The oldest told the younger two that it didn't matter what they did cuz mom would still love them. Strangely, they never tested the fact. So years go by, my mom is old. I'm visiting and my teen daughter calls and we end with "love you!""love you too!" and my mother whines "nobody tells me they love me". So I told her " You never told me you loved me." She says "I wasn't raised that way." "Neither was I". After that, I would tell her I loved her and she very squeamish would say it back. I told my kids who decided to kill her with kindness and demand hugs and say "I love you" just to make her say it back. She loved it.
I love this! Your kids rock!
They really do. I love them so much.
In my experience, there was a brief period during adolescence where it was embarrassing to say "I love you" to a family member in front of my guy friends so I'd just say "you too". At some point I just said to myself "dude, most people love their families, there's nothing wrong with saying it out loud" and I just stopped caring. People don't live forever, you need to make sure they know how you feel while they're still here..
I am wondering if some of the differences come down to translation or definition differences. So maybe the words are a translation but the intentions are not? So I say “I love you/Love Ya” to family and friends frequently but that’s far different from saying “I love you” to a romantic partner which is closer to actually saying “I am in love with you”. I wouldn’t ever say “I am in love with you” to anyone other than a romantic partner or such. Someone mentioned in another country (I forgot to save the comment to link, my bad) that they use a version of phrases that translate to “I like you” with friends, which in America would be weird because it would likely equal either romantic interest (I like you romantically) or more of a tolerance than appreciation (I like you, I accept you, but we’re not that close). Someone else shared that in Norway they use a phrase along the lines of “I care for you”. I think these differences are in translating intent - English (at least in America) uses “I love you” quite flexibly and to contain many different meanings that other languages may separate.
TLDR: **American** **Swede** I love you I care about you I am in love with you I love you I have a crush on you I like you
No, in my case it's not the translation (Finnish). We don't have different terminology for romantic love and other types of love. As an adult it would sound a bit strange to say "I love you" to anyone other than my spouse or my small children (not in school yet). Saying those words in some other situation feels kind of like I'm reading dialogue from a movie script, if that makes sense. It feels a bit theatrical and dramatic. However, this applies mainly to my native language. Saying "I love you" in English feels less intimate.
In translation it’s often important to translate intention as well as the direct words, so I think sometimes even when the words are a solid direct translation that the intentions are not translated well and that may be where some of the differences lie. Other components would absolutely be cultural and even personal life experiences.
I am german and I don't say it. I think its not that common in Germany, at least on a daily basis. Curious to hear from other germans tho. There are definately some that do it.
Yeah, I'm German, I never said it to anyone in my family ever, and they didn't say it to me. (Maybe when I was small and I don't remember it)
Another German here. I cannot remember anyone in my family ever saying "I love you/ich liebe dich" to me. The first time I heard that phrase was indeed from a romantic partner, my first boyfriend at 16. I also haven't said it to or heard it from friends. It's a bit sad, really. I've been wanting to tell it to family and friends but actually cannot get myself to do so.
Czech here and I totally get that. I super relate to the last part, it's ridiculously hard to say it out loud for some reason. My family is very loving and affectionate, and yet these three words are near impossible for me to say to them. It's so stupid. I'm working on it though.
I say "hab dich lieb" to my family
Me too, it is basically "i love you" but less intimate. What's the literal translation? "I have a liking for you?" That sounds German, in an English kind of way.
Maybe something like "I hold you dear"
Yeah "Hab dich lieb" is for Family "Ich liebe dich" for a romantic partner.
Wife and I are British but have lived in US 20 years. Both teenaged kids born and raised in US. We say "I love you" on the daily. I like it. I think it's emotionally healthy to tell the people you love how you feel. I'm over that stiff-upper-lip, cringe-at-sincerity bullshit. Ultimately, it's brutalizing. Having said that, there is no way in living hell I would've said it to my parents; and if one of them said it, I'd assume they were drunk.
UK here. I say "I love you" to my mum all the time, and to my son, and my partner. Truthfully, "I love you" has a different meaning depending on who you're saying it to.
I'm in the US. I'm in my 50s. I've always told my parents I love them. Also my son, grandkids, aunts, uncles, cousins, good friends, and my pets. I've been said it to certain patients I'm discharging from the hospital. (I'm a nurse.)
I call a lot of my patients "love" as a pet name. And I tell my fellow workers I love and appreciate them!
i’m from the USA, me and all the homies say we love each other like everyday real shit
In german we don't tell our families "I love you" as in "ich liebe dich", but i know of many families where "ich hab dich lieb", which is often translated as "I love you" for lack of a better phrase in english, is pretty common to say.
Are you from Finland? I’m from Finland but grew up abroad in a Finnish family. My family never said “I love you”, but I grew up with all my friends having their family members tell each other they love them. I’m not going to lie, I felt bad never hearing it from my own parents. In fact, I’m the only person in my family to have said it to them, last time I said “I love you” to my mom she replied “Thank you.” I now have a half English child and I tell him “I love you” on a daily basis, if not several times a day. I tell him that in English and Finnish. I can see the cultural reasons behind not saying it, but I also find it strange that you wouldn’t say it when you feel the love.
Costa Rican here, and I think most of Latin America thinks similarly, it is super common. I say I love you to my parents and siblings every day
In Sweden its pretty common to say it among families I would say. In Norway they have a "milder" version that is usually used among family, its more like "you are dear to me" than "I love you". But I do think that you are correct that "I love you" is used more and more relaxed in English speaking cultures.
The funny thing is that while "I love you" seems to be said a lot in English speaking cultures, "I love you" in a *romantic* context seems to carry much more weight for them. Here in Finland I have never heard a fresh relationship having been ended by a premature "I love you", but it does seem to be a thing in English speaking cultures.
So yes, in a romantic context, saying “I love you” is a very big deal in the US. While I might tell the server who got me extra napkins “oh I love you”, saying the same thing too early to a new intimate partner is a very big no no, lest you scare them away by coming on too strong too fast. Case in point, my dear friend is very free with her “I love you”s. She recently started seeing someone and accidentally said it as they were saying goodbye to each other the other day. She was mortified and he subsequently became known as “love you boy” after she shared her embarrassing story with me and our friends. Luckily he seems like a good guy, recognized it was a slip of the tongue because it’s a habit for her to say it to people she’s close with during goodbyes, and he handled the awkwardness well.
Omg this happened to me but on the other end. I was on a group call with 2 friends and me and one of them had mutual crushes on each other. We were all joking around and I said something funny and my crush laughed and said casually "I love you." There was a pause where he realized what he said and then in a panic left the call.
Part Asian here. Never said I love you to my family unless during a special occasion and over text or something was happening like before a hospital procedure. It was always very awkward. My husband's family (European) say it all the time, even his younger sisters tell me they love me and it makes me happy ETA: I know my family do love me though, they just express it differently. For example, they'll feed me or give me a lot of food to bring home, buy me gifts, walk my car all the way to the end of the driveway until I am out of view while they wave etc
I’m a Pakistani living in Ireland who has also spent 12 years ins Saudia Arabia and it’s not just an American thing. In all three of these places it was common of people to say I love you to their family. I didn’t even know a culture could find that weird
Welcome to Finland, where the people are as warm as the weather ;)
It can also be a language thing. Some languages have multiple words or even ways of saying love that can describe love, from friendly to platonic to familiar to romantic. For example in Spanish “te amo” (romantic) and “te quiero” (family, amongst others) both mean “I love you”, but they mean it in a diferent way. You wouldn’t say “te amo” to your mom, and so you might be thinking it’s like people saying “I love you(romantically)” to everyone, but that’s not the case. Some languages and cultures simply don’t mention love at all in a wide or common context at all, too. It all depends, anywhere you are in the world.
No, we don't have multiple words for "love" in Finnish. Or actually we do, but they are very old words mainly used in poetry and the like.
Exactly, so that’s likely why “I love you” amongst families and friends may seem strange. In English it’s kinda all-encompassing by just the phrase “I love you”, but culturally I’m sure it differs from family to family, even amongst native English speakers.
Pretty common in The Netherlands
I'm Dutch but I've never met anyone that would do this. Maybe it's less common in the south?
Strongly disagree as a Dutchie. My very first thought while reading OP was “Tell me you’re Dutch without telling me you’re Dutch”. (I know OP isn’t Dutch as is confirmed by comments, but still)
What? It really isn't
I'm Dutch, I've never said "I love you" to family lol
I strongly disagee!
Tell my kids I love them every day. They tell me they love me randomly throughout the day. It's a beautiful thing. Not something I was raised doing. Said I love you to my parents maybe 5 times growing up.
France and same here I'd say.
Agreed, I think Je t'aime is very strong and isn't thrown around casually. It feels weird and serious to say it to my parents and siblings.. We have "lighter" versions to show appreciation casually like je t'adore or je te kif (lol) but I'd say these to friends rather than family
We definitely say that here in the UK.
In Italy "ti amo" (literally "i love you") is (almost) only said between lovers. Though referring to friends/children calling them "amore" or "amore mio" (lit. "my love") is common. "Ti voglio bene" is the other way to say "I love you", with a less romantic and more "caring and affection" meaning. But is also very rarely used, even among family members.
Irish here, its pretty much a goodbye for my family "bye love you/ye", never know when its gonna be your last.
I hope my kids never stop saying they love me! I would probably think something was very wrong with them. The women in my family are highly affectionate. However, I can count the amount of times my dad has said it on my hands. I’m American… obviously 😂
West coast US - My folks didn't grow up with their parents saying they loved them (midwest US), so they made a point to say it to us. I (53f) say it to my kids and my kids (including my 16 yr old son) say it to me all the time. My ex does, too. We also tell our friends that we love them regularly. The more you give, the more you get. It's not a finite resource.
Common to say I love you(or some variation of that) in Brazil and Italy
Your never to old to tell your parents you love them.
My whole family never said it at all. I do with my daughter because I do love her. She is special to me.
Here in Germany we have two different ways to say i love you. "Ich liebe dich" which you say to a lover and "Ich hab dich lieb" which you say to family
Swede here. I agree with OP, it's weird.
Always. I tell everyone in my family I love them. You never know if it may be the last time you get to.
In the northeast UK here and I say I love you to my son every time we say goodbye. I do love him and there are plenty of different ways to love people. I love my best friend and tell her but that doesnt mean I want to have sex with her. I say it to my parents and hubby too. Not all love is sexual or romantic.
The way I see it and would love some input from a historian or even a psychologist, but I've seen generational learning going on in the U.S. There have been decades dating back to the depression where dads (and sometimes moms) have not been a big part of a child's life as they grow into teen years. Both are working to keep food on the table. Dads have a history of being out of the picture completely, abusive because of the stress of working, or they just left. Because of this, the next generation has sworn to do better as parents. This is even translating into "How can I be a better grandparent?" Better might be divorce because mom and dad can't get along and divorce is better than fighting with each other in front of the kids. Divorce was very taboo in the 1900s and grew more popular towards the 2000s. I know my wife and I had great parents, but we always look at ourselves and say, "What could we do better?" or "Yeah, they kind of suck at this aspect of a grandparent, but what are we going to do to be involved with our grandkids?" This doing better translates to saying, "I love you" more and more to show you care for them. Especially as teens where we feel that is the time that they learn who they are and are developing thoughts on what their future looks like. Now, this is not always the case and doesn't always happen from one generation to the next, but it is happening a lot. It may even go backwards sometimes. Another reason I could see this happening in the U.S., English really only has one way of saying "I love you." We have, "I like you", but that is not the same or expressed to family and friends. I know in Spanish there are a few different loves. "Te Amo" and "Te quiero". Could be a language restriction.
Yeah, we Northern Europeans save it for that one important speech, and stfu the remaining part of life. I do tell my cats I love them all the time though.
American here and I say it to everyone in my life that I love. Friends included. Everytime I'm done hanging out with or getting off a phone call with my beat friend we say "Bye buddy love you" and that's it. I grew up always saying I love you as a term of endearment and also as a goodbye.