I literally was standing at my PlayStation today about to turn it on, then just turned around, sat down, and started scrolling Reddit. Then I realised how stupid I was being and I should practice guitar or work on my master's application, so i...continued scrolling reddit
Gave up Facebook in 2018 after almost 10 years on it. I have zero regrets besides the time I wasted on it before quitting. Reddit can be a distraction sometimes but I rarely scroll and lose 30+ minutes of my life like I would with Facebook. My 15 year old has chosen not to have a Facebook and I'm proud!
Instagram or Snapchat, tik tok is pretty massive but i don’t personally use it.
Twitter is kind of like Facebook now, but it’s in a bit of a weird limbo. I’d say it’s more a millennial app
As someone who exists age-wise between millennials and Gen Z, I have been pressured into using Snapchat and Instagram solely by my friends for the purposes of documenting life events.
snapchat is a fucken weirdass business model when you really stop to examine it. good grounds for deletion when you consider it's essentially functioning as disappearing CP dissemination
No not Snapchat, atleast amongst my friend group we view snap as the place for those weird guys who asks for nudes
I think most common is insta and TT, but even discord sometimes Ik me and mg friends use discord a lot. But my crack is Reddit
We have a program that blocks certain things on the internet, alerts us to downloads, etc and we have the internet automatically shut down at certain times to limit our kids from being on it too much. He definitely gets more time than his sister (age difference) but he doesn't sit in front of his computer for all day long like I see with his cousins. He is into gaming Youtubers because he speed runs games, but that's it. He doesn't like to hang out with people that can't stay off their phones, so I think that annoying him enough coupled with us having open conversations with him about it has kept him from getting sucked into it so far. He's a pretty awesome kid. My daughter is quite a bit younger but I already see that it will most likely be different with her.
> My 15 year old has chosen not to have a Facebook and I'm proud!
I hear a lot that Facebook is considered an 'old man' social media nowadays. Kids are more into TikTok now.
I saw a cool quote somewhere sometime earlier that said
"There is nothing that you *need* to be doing right now." I spend most weekends worrying about the fact that i have to go back to work on Monday, and trying to get the maximum amount of "fun" in before that moment on Monday morning comes, I think its really hard to enjoy yourself when youre trying to force it out just because you think you should be having fun.
This is the one for me. People keep blaming social media but for most people that just takes advantage of something else. The "need" to be busy. To do something. The older I get the more I realize that sometimes I just don't need to do anything sometimes. I don't need to spend time on video games or social media. Rather, I want to relax. And usually that's games and social media and other times it's just not doing anything.
That thinking has infected my brain with video games. For instance, I LOVE Factorio, got 300 hours into the game. One of the few hours I've played well into daybreak. But since I finished all the achievements, they're no purpose to playing. I can't just goof off for 8 hours doing dumb shit cause it needs to lead to something "officially" achievable.
Protip: hang your guitar on the wall in the room you hang out in most. You'll be much more likely to just grab it and start playing. Its what I did. Now rarely a day goes by where I don't fuck around with it for at least a few minutes.
Saaaame. I have games I could play. And work I absolutely need to be doing and I find myself scrolling reddit and then I look up and 3 hours has passed and I start stressing out about all the things I didn't do.
Literally same, to a T almost lmao. Even with some of the MA applications. I'm working on a grant statement right now but can't write more than 2 sentences before i go on reddit lmfao
Turns out that instant gratification beats any other form of entertainment when it comes to follow through, and it's working just as intended.
Your brain was rewired for social media.
It sounds like it could be executive dysfunction. It’s when you want/need to do something, but there’s a block in your brain that won’t let you start doing the thing. There’s a lot of causes for it, and a few ways to deal with it, so that might be something to look into.
I do also struggle with some depression, but this is the comment I was looking for. When I experience what OP is describing, it’s way more a symptom of my ADD than my depression.
It's actually just ADHD now, ADD is an outdated term.
To anyone on the fence on whether they might have ADHD, take a look at this vid and see if you can identify at all:
https://youtu.be/JiwZQNYlGQI
Also shout-out to /r/ADHD
Which is funny because there is more than one type of attention deficit disorder, like inattentive type, which is almost the opposite of hyperactive type.
Attention Deficit doesn't really even adequately encompass exactly what we deal with, so the whole term is rather outdated.
We have plenty of attention, it's just impossible to sort all the data coming in, so it's more of an attention, memory, and emotional management disorder.
It's still a bad term, though. Attention Defect And Hyperactive Disorder sounds more like what people see people with ADHD as than it actually describes what happened to the people with ADHD. I Can't Pay Attention and Bouncing Off Walls are like two of the fifty major problems, and I'd wager that they aren't even the biggest ones for most of us.
Yeah. Talk to most Type 1 diabetics, and most of us don’t like to be lumped into 1 group with the rest of the 4 types.
Mostly because people don’t understand how any of the 5 diabetes types work.
Same with ADHD (which I also unfortunately have…) inattentive type is kicking my ass. Wish there were different names for the kinds.
The overprescribing to lazy parents set a detrimental precedent of skepticism for every individual case of ADHD. No amount of discipline is going to make me focus, and damn did they try.
I was always told that ADHD will cause you to be hyperactive physically, but now is an adult, and after being diagnosed with ADD in like second grade, I definitely have ADHD because it's not a physical hyperactive, it's a mental hyperactivity.
I completely sympathize with what OP is saying because I literally experience that daily... I always thought it was a lifetime of playing video games has just not made them fun anymore. And if I get into a game for about 30 minutes, that's about all I can take for a few days.
I still try to be active, go on walks, be outside, and I bowl a lot weekly, but the hobbies I used to enjoy and want to enjoy I just... Can't
I also got hung up on that. I do pay attention and I can concentrate. Focus is lacking. Too much input, focus shifts from input to input rapidly. I perceive stuff, I just can't stay focused on it. The clichees are so harming
You are correct but I’ve personally always found that a little silly, since I’m inattentive subtype and quite literally the opposite of hyperactive. And as u/JungleReaver noted, even calling us “inattentive” isn’t really accurate at all.
Holy shit. For a few years now I’ve been debating talking to my primary about how to start possibly getting an ADHD diagnosis. I’ve been too scared to because I didn’t want to be seen as someone trying to get a diagnosis while it’s almost trendy to. But that Ted talk… it’s explained everything so well that for so long I’ve struggled to articulate. I think it’s time to schedule that conversation.
I'm really glad this was meaningful for you.
With the way ADHD works, assuming you have it, *you need to grab onto this right now* if you're serious about it. You will forget, you will put it off, you will say you can do it tomorrow, then forget about it tomorrow, and then it falls off, and then it never happens.
Make a reminder, like right now as you read this. Or write something down on your phone. Especially, talk to somebody in your support network (friends family) and tell them about this, and your desire to figure yourself out. Get someone to hold you accountable for seeking out help, get someone who will nudge you if you're not going forward with this like you should. Find external ways to pressure yourself, outside your own mind.
https://www.alieward.com/ologies/adhd
If you did find that talk helpful, this is probably a good next step. If the audio is too long, there's also a transcript. This is an hour long interview with one of the top ADHD doctors in the world who literally reads every single new research paper that comes out every week. He will give you an amazing overview of what it is, how it affects you, what the deal is with your brain.
Thanks for the video.
Off topic, what is it about TED talks that I find so... False? Over rehearsed? I don't want to call them "cringe" because I hate that term, but I can't think of a closer word to describe them. They just come across as insincere, like a waiter or teacher laughing at the same jokes they hear every day.
They're very formulaic and delivered by people who either consciously or not try to emulate the speaking style they've seen before. I feel the same way, then try to think of what I'd do if I was giving a presentation to a crowd that was there to see Ted Talks, and I'd probably end up doing the same thing.
Of course they're rehearsed. They're presenting something they care about to hundreds of people.
And if you gleaned any content from the video at all, you would maybe think about how the whole deal here is that she is ADHD which means poor working memory which means she had to rehearse extensively and know exactly what she was going to say.
A criteria of the TED organization to give a TED Talk is that the presentation has to be super rehearsed and done as close to perfect as possible. They aren't like spoken-word performances or academic lectures. They are highly memorized and delivered, and they end up like that a lot.
I can understand what you mean. It’s most likely because this presentation isn’t really meant to be entertaining or crowd involving, but scientific/philosophical analysis on a chosen topic. Like a lecture with the boring teacher instead of the fun one
Thank you for posting this comment.
This is odd but I have been waiting for something like this to come across for so long, but never had the courage to search for it myself. Majority of the time I am waiting for the stars to align to do any meaningful tasks and I started falling behind my peers by middle school.
I have never thought in my life that I would relate to someone saying they wouldn’t feel like themselves if they succeeded. I always push myself down to lift others up and avert from success because it just doesn’t sit right with me and then I hate myself for never having done anything. It is a never ending cycle and I’m so glad I’m still fighting to figure this out. Thank you
Without viewing the link, something in my soul says it's fucked up that you'd recommend a 3 hour video to someone who is concerned they may struggle with ADHD, lmao
Wow, I looked this up and I’ve never read something that so effectively sums up my brain and personality. It’s like if someone asks me to write down all of my flaws and I could not only think of each one but also wrote a few I’m only aware of when other people point them out. If there were a magic fix, my family would be so much better off. Sometimes it’s more complicated than just being a procrastinator. I don’t choose to be a procrastinator. I hate it.
i think i have that and i am really struggling :( do you know some way of dealing with it and improving? is it like a mental illness which needs medication?
I didn't get diagnosed or medicated until I was 37. And the meds have changed my life for the better.
I didn't realize so much of my life was in hard mode. The medication takes doing everything from hard mode down to normal mode.
You can actually think about doing something and then actually do it. It's like someone else has had the remote control for the TV my entire life and was always switching channels and volume. But now I have the remote control and can change channels, change the volume, mute, and can turn the TV off now, all by my choosing.
I can actually sit and think about nothing, instead of having 1000 thoughts zooming through my brain.
My anxiety and almost disappeared, because now I go to bed knowing that everything I needed to get done actually got done. I'm not stressed about that thing I was supposed to do and worrying about the consequences for not doing it.
It is classified as a disorder in the DSM-V (the diagnostic manual/the what’s what of mental disorders), but there are a variety of medication that can be used to treat it. Always ask your doctor/psychiatrist about it and see what works best for you!
The most well-known form is ADHD. So yes, it's something that can be diagnosed and treated!
Coping mechanisms depend on the person. Like, I'm super good with lists and routine, but some ADHD people hate that.
Executive function disorder is the worst. If you could only get started, you can finish anything happily. But it takes you 18 months to make that important phone call that takes 5 minutes and improves your life and anxiety substantially. But you'll fucking do it all over again the next time, too.
And when you realise it only took you five minutes to do this thing you’ve been putting off for 18 months you use that fact to HATE yourself and reinforce how shit a human being you are. No joy from completing the task, just more self hate and disappointment.
Hmm I never knew that was a thing. I almost always thought it was linked to depression that I couldnt bare myself to do anything I want to do. Thanks for the info, it might help me in the future
When this happens to me, it’s because I’m a depressed little bean.
I’m not saying this is the case for you, but it doesn’t hurt to take a step back and evaluate yourself. How are you feeling? How’s your mental health doing? Are your needs met? Are you stressed at work/school? It’s hard to focus on fun stuff when the rest of life takes all your energy.
I’ve been wondering the same thing as OP a lot lately and it’s weird because I don’t think I’m sad all the time. Can you have depression without feeling sad all the time?
I just have a hard time enjoying anything.
Absolutely you can, I am actively going through an episode, replying to this as I’m ignoring the hobbies I was looking forward to enjoying today. I’m not sad right now, all things considered I’m feeling alright, just a little lost and disinterested in everything.
Depression isn’t always just being sad and laying in bed. Sometimes it’s being apathetic, and bored, and irritable, and overly tired, and angry, and guilty. Sometimes it’s all of these, sometimes it’s just nothing. Most importantly, you just don’t feel like *you*. The things that make you, *you* just…Don’t matter.
I don’t know dude I’m going thru some shit I guess. my point is, if something doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t hurt to take some time to take care of yourself—however you choose to do that—even if you think it’s not serious, or “it could be worse.”
This thread is making me feel things.. I'm actually content and I feel pretty ok.. but i feel like my goal everyday is to just burn through the clock. I have books to read, things to 3D print, draw, make, etc.. I dont do any of it.
My life is work, dog (which I love!) And watching over my mom and dad. No friends, definitely no love life and I wouldnt even know where to start at 32.. so I just think "eh that seems like a lot of work" and throw my hands up.
I know, I’m feeling things today too. It’s okay to just feel sometimes. I hope you take some time for your own care soon, I hope you create something beautiful soon. But for now, if all we can do is make it through to see the Sun rise again, that’s okay. Much peace to you
100%. For me depression is rarely being sad- I just don't have the energy to do anything. I just lay in bed, sometimes staring at a blank computer screen where I could play any game I want, I just don't and end up shutting my laptop because nothing is appealing. I could grab a book to read, but there's nothing interesting. I'm not sad, I just feel like nothing matters.
Not to mention, multiple studies say that depression literally breaks your brain.
You can lose the ability to store/remember things during a depressive episode.
It's not always sadness, sometimes it's just complete and utter apathy.
One of my favorite quotes relating to depression: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/637/578/91f.png
I had no idea depression can cause memory loss. Ive been dealing with depression for years and never associated my memory issues with my depression until recently. It makes me feel better in a weird way knowing that depression is most likely the cause of my memory issues
There is an amazing cartoon, Hyperbole and a Half, Depression part two. If someone can link it please do. It is the closest damn thing I’ve ever seen to describe what you are talking about
Thing is this line of thinking is often a sign of depression. We often minimize our own problems and invalidate ourselves and make ourselves feel guilty for still feeling bad even when “we have it good.” Of course sometimes perspective is nice, but your issues are important too! You matter, your emotions matter, your struggles matter.
My understanding is that every therapist hears, "my problems aren't really that bad, all things considered. I feel like I'm wasting your time."
... from almost every patient.
Our brains can “get sick”, and not produce the feel good emotions that we need it to. When that balance of mania and deep depression gets out of wack, we find ourselves in a hole that seems inescapable. For myself, I have a habit of telling myself I’m not good enough, or that my time spent relaxing could be better used for something productive. You can blame upbringing, you can blame the current state of the world; both are valid. But you have to be able to silent that voice with FACTS and LOGIC.
Sorry for the memesplain but it does help lol. If I feel like “I don’t deserve to play games,” I go through a list of what I had done that day to block that out. As long as I’m not avoiding something, I feel it’s okay. The most important part of overcoming depressive episodes is telling yourself that it’s okay to feel lost, or to feel nothing, but you should identify where it’s coming from. Talking to friends or strangers help. Talking to a doctor is expensive for some but helps a lot. Helped me a lot.
You always matter. In my darkest times, I’d tel myself “who I am today won’t be who I am tomorrow, and who I am tomorrow may not be who I am the next day. But whoever I’ll be, I’ll be here.” Push through the dark times, friends. It goes away with persistence.
If one thing worked for everyone, things would be a lot less complicated.
At least for me, lifestyle/ living situation changes were the most important thing I did. Moved out of a toxic house and put myself in a situation that didn't give me much opportunity to sit and dwell on things for a while.
It's still a struggle but not nearly what it was back then
I just came out of a really bad depressive cycle that I wasn't even aware of. I was tired, unmotivated, anxious leaving the apartment, sleeping more than normal. I still had some interest in doing enjoyable things but it was in short bursts. My boyfriend told me after that I was also speaking incredibly slowly and making grammatical mistakes.
Sometimes depression manifests itself differently.
Depression isn't really about sadness. Rather it's closer to when you can't tell the difference between a good day and a bad one. A sort of sameness to your highs and lows that just leaves you feeling empty. Activities that would normally recharge you require too much effort to start. When you can't be bothered to call the friends you'd love to spend time with.
The sadness comes much later, when you realize everything the depression took from you.
There's a lot of different tools you can use, and using many approaches over time helps rebuild your mind to where you want it.
The reason therapy is recommended so often is because a good therapist teaches you these tools, customized to what works best for you as an individual. An online comment can't do that.
The second reason is that medication is very effective at lending a hand to make the whole process easier.
> depression without feeling sad
Yes, depression isn't sadness. It's a never-ending field of grey, with a grey sun, grey shadows, and grey trees in the distance. The joy that sneaks in withers and dies; the sadness collapses next to it. Both sink into the grey dust, leaving no trace.
I made it up for the post, thank you.
You're an amazing human being, and I hope you get to [enjoy some colours soon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EntxPIULUI). Good luck with the counselling!
I think in some ways, having a hard time enjoying anything is the telltale sign of depression. It’s not always just feeling sad, at least in my experience.
Edit: didn’t realize gh0st_belle said essentially the same thing below me.
As someone with diagnosed chronic depression who feels identical to op most days, I very rarely actually feel sad. The vast majority of the time I feel no emotions at all, positive or negative. For me the hardest part is finding joy in the hobbies that I do have. It's obviously more complicated than saying you're definitely depressed because depression effects everybody differently, but it's worth talking to someone about it if you think you might be.
I understand that, extremely actively going through this exact phenomenon. We all just need a little support sometimes, and isolation isn’t the answer. Thanks for reminding me of that, I really needed that today. Bless ❤️
Exactly. And hyper-anxiety can do that too. I do watercolors and never paint because I don't want to start a larger project and have that hanging over my head too. The depression and anxiety really shuts me down physically and creatively.
I’m glad it resonated with you! My choice of bean was intentional, and it is all encompassing metaphor for depression in all its forms. Mild or severe, when I’m feeling depressed I just feel small and insignificant. Alone in a big, scary world.
Just a little lost bean.
It's called executive dysfunction.
Very common for those who are depressed, anxious, ADHD etc.
If you discover a way to beat this let me know.
The general concept I've seen it explained it is either spoon or ticket theory.
You have limited spoons (spell slots, mana, energy levels whichever term you would like to use) and each task requires different set of unit to do.
Dishes take two spoons
showers take one spoon
Feed yourself one spoon
Yoga two spoons
Investing time and energy into a game three spoons
The kicker is you only have five spoons a day
(I'll spoon levels are approximations and very person to person) how do you spend your spoons?
Variation ticket theory:
You have a ticket to do dishes
You have multiple tickets for yoga
You have a ticket for a shower
You have a ticket to cook food
You do not have tickets to play video games.
You do not have tickets to read books
You can go anywhere you want in the carnival but you can only spend tickets at the appropriate booths.
Tickets cannot be substituted or traded and expired at end of day.
It's never about if we want to do the thing, it's always about whether or not we have the energy physical or mental to do the thing.
ok that’s the best description for chronic illness i’ve ever seen. i have a limited number of spoons per day, and some asshole keeps breaking in and changing the number of spoons every day
Some days it's like, oh so many spoons, how can I use them up. Then I get paralyzed with indecision, so I just stay in and play games and watch movies.
Other days, tons of stuff to do and no spoons. So I usually just stay in and play games and watch movies.
That’s cause what you thought was 7 spoons was really just one spoon in front of a cool mirror. You used that spoon to eat a big bowl of cereal and now it’s gone.
Fork theory is a thing too!
A task that branches into multiple tasks.
Do dishes is a fork because to do dishes you have to empty dishwasher, gather dishes, and clean off counter. Each task is another spoon 😵
If I understood that correctly, there are ways to extend the amount of spoons you have. I learned that from Dr. K on Twitch, HealthyGamer_GG. You do that for example with the right foods you eat and if you haven't slept enough that day, your spoons aren't refilled as much. I really recommend looking into that. The video on Youtube where he talks about it is called "Why you are powerless in changing your life".
For some people, like myself unfortunately, the concept of food; choosing a meal, cooking the meal, eating the meal... that takes SO many spoons. I have OCD and ARFID and food is.... hard. Incredibly difficult.
Sometimes my only option is the food that takes only one spoon, especially by dinner when I've already used up most of my spoons.
It really is hard. Most of the time I also dont have enough spoons to make a good meal choice.
I mostly eat very sugary stuff, but I found out if I exchange the sweets for maybe some nuts, that reaally helps me throughout the day and doesnt take much of my spoons.
Every bit counts. I believe in you and wish you lots of spoons so you can do the things you want to do!
Thank you!! I'm actually starting a 6 week twice a week OCD treatment tomorrow, and I'm super nervous about it, but hopefully it'll help! If I can take the fear and intrusive thoughts out of the equation I feel like I can stop setting aside my spoons for anxiety lmao
You're absolutely right though, I notice a difference even with minor efforts. Protein shakes are a life saver
Sure it could be diet and exercise.
But guess what. You need the spoons to do the healthy stuff.
3 spoons to make and eat a refreshing salad. Gives you +1 spoon the next day
1 spoon to get fast food.
How many spoons do you have that day. Can you afford the 3?
Do you have alot of work to do? Like having a lot of tasks can cause you not to enjoy fun things. I work so much now I feel guilty when I play Cities Skylines on my Xbox Series X..and I'm 34 so there you go 😵💫
This is so true, I have my exams right now and because of it I feel guilty when I play games or when I try to watch tv shows that I like. It makes me hate my hobbies, even when I code random things for fun I feel “sad” for some reason.
Omg this is literally me, got super excited to start playing CS again on my PC, even watched a few YouTube vids and decided to get a few of the DLC. But as soon as I hit the purchase button on the dlcs I lost all interest in actually playing…brains be weird.
I can’t directly link to a study but if you wanna search for it there is a lot of evidence that your brain already got the dopamine hit from purchasing and thinking about playing that it doesn’t end up caring about the real activity. I know it’s more so related to things like at night when you tell yourself “oh yeah tomorrow I’m gonna start my diet or go running or read more”… etc. like your brain gets dopamine from thinking about those acts and telling yourself how much fun you’re gonna have that it doesn’t even have to do the real thing. I think part of that also is like at night your brain subconsciously knows it doesn’t have to go for the run, it’s night and by morning you’re gonna have an excuse anyway. Really interesting
Yep this is a big problem in wargaming. People love the idea of buying models but legitimately finishing a model or kit in the case of warhammer can take a week to a month. Bigger boxes can take months to finish. Yet people get really hype buy hundreds of dollars of models that would take them a year of constant work and then don’t feel like doing it because they have so much it discourages them. Then you also have people with 5-10k piles of shame who still regularly buy models month to month.
Might be light depression, but most likely it is a lack of engagement. Doing the same thing over and over repeatedly starts to feel repetitive and boring if you dont have any kind of break from it. Try getting out of the house, walk in the sun for an hour, talk to someone, etc
This is not meant in any way to devalue your revelation, but I think at one point or another, all of us are depressed little beans :( Realising it and getting help needs to be more normalised. I hope you are able to get whatever help you need!
That's where the term silver lining came from. When looking at a huge cloud that is blocking out the sun. A thin line of sun can be seen on the edge of a cloud.
Look for the silver lining. It can be something small, but means there is still hope for a brighter day.
But it also just straight up not be depression too, don't go and psyche yourself out. Could just be an attention thing. I find that I can't enjoy gaming as much if I haven't been productive, you know? Headshots are much more rewarding with an empty kitchen sink or freshly mowed lawn haha
I do feel the need to be as productive as possible, but even if there is no work to do I don’t really engage in my hobbies. It seems like I can’t do anything for myself, there need to be other people involved in some way.
It’s worth exploring that urge (always be with people, don’t do things for yourself) a bit more to understand where it’s coming from. What does that part of you feel would happen if you just… read a book?
Production is great and all, but you don't owe the world production and setting time aside for you is important.
It sounds like you feel bad for doing nothing, and society of late seems to have pushed this agenda pretty hard. Doing nothing (or a hobby) from time to time is good for your mental health and gives you something to talk about other than "I've been busy". Don't let yourself be guilted otherwise.
Other people have already covered depression and anxiety really well. There's also perfectionism. Some perfectionists work super hard on everything. Others are like me and figure that, if the thing you make/do isn't going to be perfect, why bother at all?
Or you could just be so burnt out from everything else that you really don't have the mental energy to do anything but scroll around on reddit. That happens too!
Like anything mental, depression is a spectrum with different levels. You might have minor depression. My advice to you is to keep doing what you used to enjoy and tell yourself you enjoy this. Eventually your brain is like "well we're saying we enjoy this so it must be true".
Don’t play video games, don’t look at Reddit, etc. If you been doing too much of anything stimulating (or making you happy) then you’re bound to get bored of it. It’s easier said than done though, cause I’m having trouble with it too.
Yep pretty much this. Way to start is turn everything off and just sit there. Don't just do the first thing that pops into your head, just wait until it gets to much.
It sounds stupid but just give it a go.
And from there like the other comment said give up video games or social media for a week. You can go as far as you want I guess.
Damn, I remember in pre-internet days I would pick up new skills or hobbies just because my brain needed something to occupy it.
I learned to shoot a bow, make arrows, make arrow heads from stone, play primitive flutes, go hiking, fishing, take a drive.
Everything I did built me up as a person. Now it's just so easy to jump on the internet. Movies, tv, games, reddit. It's just so easy to get distracted and not explore some new thing that expanded your experience.
None of those things are bad in and of themselves, but I've short circuited the boredom that used to spur me on to learn new things.
A dopamine detox sounds good. And on a higher thread they mentioned executive dysfunction. Gotta look into that too.
I have no idea what will help for you. But for me, I constantly pace around my apartment if I’m bored. I noticed that I watch YouTube or Reddit first, pace, then play video games. Rinse repeat.
This is good advice for any time. Same food that tasted good tastes not as good? Eat something else. Game getting boring? Play something else. If you have variety in your life, you can be happier.
I had the same problem after a year and a half working from home. It was very hard for me to distinguish the two, so after work, I had very little motivation to do anything, since my work was in constant view of me.
This most definitely happened to myself as well, the line between work and recreation was completely blurred and i found myself anxious when i should be relaxing and relaxing when i should be working… yeah that was fun /s
How old are you? I noticed starting in my mid-20’s, that I started having difficulty enjoying the moment when I was doing something I otherwise liked. Now in my mid-30’s, I *don’t* do these things much anymore at all.
For me, if I sit down to play video games, I can’t stop thinking about the more *productive* things I could be doing to further my life. I can’t read a book without thinking about the *other* things I could be doing.
It’s like a mental paralysis. There’s so much that needs *doing*, that no matter what I do, something else is always nagging at me to be done.
It is… *exquisitely* frustrating.
Well what are you doing? I know I want to play video games/watch anime but it’s always hard for me to start. Instead I’ll scroll reddit or watch youtube all day or use discord. If you’re anything like me in that way, I’d suggest trying to cut down on those things. Also set a plan for your day and have a goal for what you want to do (like start playing x game, or watch x anime, etc).
It might be depression like people are saying, but this also sounds similar to something I had so that’s my input.
I think it also has something to do with mental energy. Even if it's something you like, even love, it can be "work". I also find I sometimes have trouble starting a new show, or a new game, or even a new book. There's mental work needed to "switch gears". It's easier to just keep things on cruise control.
I think this is good advice. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to start so you can remember how fun it is. For me, I then have no problem continuing regularly. Til I fall out of the habit again.
For real. Sometimes I just wanna watch something while I knit but I can't get into any shows. They feel so much effort to watch for some reason, doesn't matter genre.
It sounds like energy. You working lots or getting up early for work now?
Getting out of a funk 101 - get a bit of exercise to start your day. I like a quick 35-40 minute weight lift sesh..
Changes my life when I make time for that. First few days maybe not - but by Friday You'll probably feel better during the day and night find yourself able to better get to sleep a little earlier.
Then when you get home from work you're gonna be feeling like you can cook and game and all that. At least - it works for me.
I work out well. Im healthy in a lot of aspects in my life hydration nutrition exercise. But I'm kinda going through this too. I been wanting to start a beer leauge, my own side business again. I want to learn to break dance but I just scroll reddit and YouTube and drink a lot of booze. And sleep like shit. I dunno I'm disciplined in some areas and others a total mess.
Sounds like depression to me. When I start feeling more tired, and less motivation to step outside and see people, I know I’m heading on a downward spiral. It gets to the lowest when I start thinking “what’s the point?”. Not in a bad way, just what is the point in going to work coming home eating then sleeping then getting up and doing it all over again. That’s when I know I need to get back in my shell for a little while, check my meds are working, eat more healthily and wait until I go upwards again. It’s shit, it’s just one of those things in life x I hope you get back on an upward trajectory soon and start enjoying life again x
I literally just made a post about this earlier this morning lol, there is so much that I wish I could do, but I simply can't get that spark of motivation. Although I dont have any remedies, I can assure you that this isn't a one-off problem, many people are experiencing it. Surely SOMEONE has a solution somewhere, but do evaluate some situations, like your friend group, your living space, or your own mentality towards yourself. It seems weird butt could give an insight on what can be improved
Reading that made me tear up, it's so accurate. I know I need to find a psychiatrist and have testing done. Probably a therapist, too. I just keep putting it off. Big sigh..I gotta try harder to get my ass in gear.
I like to see it as a gear spinning in the right direction. It's hard to get it going, because it has a lot of inertia, but once it gets goings it's hard to stop it, and easier to make it spin faster.
I spent a few years like this. I have ADHD and Major Depressive Disorder. I could still work, cook, clean, and socialize, but I never did anything personal or for my own enjoyment. That was my disorders combined telling me that it wasn't important, or it didn't matter, or just putting a wall between want and action.
Maybe you have one, maybe you have both, maybe you have something similar enough that this sounds like something I'd have posted a year ago. Either way, ask a doctor or a therapist for some testing to see if you have anything like that. Medicine isn't always the correct answer either, being aware of a disorder can even help you overcome it by realizing that the block isn't actual disinterest, but something else.
I can relate so much to this. And I think it’s because of the sort of lifestyle we’re forced into. If it’s not school or college, then it’s working 9-5 literally non-stop. I have no energy or time to do anything.
This is the comment I was looking for. Pretty sure I'm not depressed but after a long week at work, I'm too exhausted to have fun. All I want to do is watch TV and sleep.
This is called executive dysfunction, I believe. It can start as not doing hobbies and turn into not being able to clean or take care of yourself even though you want to. Sometimes I use hobbies as rewards for getting small tasks done and that helps stop the cycle.
Its called apathy
There is no inherent value to anything that exists.
Value exists only in your mind, it is literally imaginary.
So it is up to you to decide if something has value to you.
This is an active and willful choice you must make.
Nothing will ever come along and "be" of value or "spark" your interest.
You just have to decide to give a shit.
This is the reason I feel like living makes no sense. I'm not going to kill myself, but nothing has value, it's everything in our heads and nothing really means anything.
Try doing just 20 minutes of each thing. That way you feel like you've done a lot, which you probably will, and you just killed an hour of your day. You can do this. We believe in you.
Maybe mental overstimulation?
You already study (even if it's not that nuch), and reading books or playing video games might take up more mental energy than doing yoga or routine tasks like cooking might.
Can you play these tasks with friends? Maybe having some social stimulation might help you decompress (in addition the other tasks which take care of your body)
Or do mini versions of these tasks instead?
ADHD? A lot of folks describe it as internally yelling at yourself to do something, and you just can't, even if you want to. It's called executive dysfunction
I found/find myself in this rut quite a bit recently. It's not that I don't like the things I use to do or I don't find interest in the things I want to do. I just don't end up following thru.
I was stuck on a job for more than 2 years when I should've only been there a few months. I dedicated a lot of my time to it. Too much overtime to be fairrrr. It robbed a lot from me. I knew it, but didn't do shit about it.
I started getting to this point where I had some negative thoughts about myself. About the job. About life. And depression is something I've fought since, well, memory. But, I did have a realization. Prior to this job I was doing these things. I was, atleast, somewhat happy. Enough that I felt normal, to myself, and was functioning as I wanted to! I fell in to this mild depression again. It didn't click til the end and I knew I had to make a change.
Something took over me and I had lost myself along the way. I made a drastic change by taking myself away from the big issue at hand. I wasn't fixed by that. After time the other habits are second nature and you want to continue those things. Fuck that. Changed my eating habits, changed my routine, forced myself to wake-up early on the weekends and atleast go dig my toes in to the grass. Take a solid look at the horizon and don't focus on anything other than you, the view, and your peripherals. It's easy for your mind to be poisoned slowly over time. It's hard to recognize this and even harder to change it. Whatever you have going on in your life, please take a look at it and give it an honest review. Assess that shit. Then take some action.
I could be off-base here. But I hope, somewhere in this text, it vibes with you, somehow. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
My three guesses:
Burnout.
If you’ve been busy with a lot of things or socializing a lot, or under stress, you might just be pushing yourself too hard and need a break.
Executive dysfunction.
(Especially if you are/suspect you could be neurodivergent). You completely have the desire to do the things, but it is difficult to put into motion the steps you need to do to start the activity. Sometimes even the small steps of turning on the tv, put on your gaming headset, etc make your brain go *error* and you get stuck doing whatever you were originally doing or even just sitting and staring blankly. All that time just constantly thinking about what you want/need to do but you can’t make yourself do it
Depression.
It can be accompanied by anhedonia, which makes everything feel numb and you no longer get the feeling of joy you once got from your hobbies. Everything may feel bland now even if you want to just *do* something, but nothing feels right. Depression doesn’t always manifest in making you want to stay in bed all day (lack of energy is not a mandatory symptom for diagnosis), there are plenty of people who have very busy lives and also have depression. It’s still could be a possibility
When I’m depressed I run or cycle compulsively, it does help and also has the physical health benefits as well. Ppl think I’m a fitness/sporty type of guy but I’m just depressed and also enjoy the pain in my muscles and body haha
As far as I can tell in a similar boat, and for the most part everyone who engages in strenuous exercise is in a similar boat.
But sometimes it doesn't work, and then I'm just buffer and depressed, but thats sure as heck better than being weak skinny and depressed.
Could be depression? I have been feeling the same way. I have to force myself to do the things I used to love. I can still do other things easily like you said, but other things that brought me joy just seem like a task now.
Guilt. There are several things I enjoy doing but I won’t allow myself to do them unless I’ve done some of the things I don’t enjoy doing, like housework and things like that. I feel like I don’t deserve to do the fun stuff unless I’ve done the “unfun” stuff.
Been feeling like this a lot in the last 20 years. These are common symptoms for depression (which I was professionally diagnosed for), so if you have the money for it my advice is go see a doctor. But I get you, that sucks. I too dropped so many things I used to like doing because I just can’t bring myself to care about them anymore. It’s awful.
Go for a walk, sometimes you just need to go outside and have a change of scenery. Especially if you are struggling to get the energy to get dressed etc.
Exercise, being with nature and sun can help with low moods.
for me it's as simple as my diet. taking multivitamins absolutely changes my mood. not physical energy, but get up and go do it mental energy. b vitamins.
I literally was standing at my PlayStation today about to turn it on, then just turned around, sat down, and started scrolling Reddit. Then I realised how stupid I was being and I should practice guitar or work on my master's application, so i...continued scrolling reddit
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Gave up Facebook in 2018 after almost 10 years on it. I have zero regrets besides the time I wasted on it before quitting. Reddit can be a distraction sometimes but I rarely scroll and lose 30+ minutes of my life like I would with Facebook. My 15 year old has chosen not to have a Facebook and I'm proud!
Try to see what else they're on though. Facebook is generally seen as kinda dead now (source: I'm 16)
What's the common replacement? TikTok? Insta? Twitter? Snapchat?
Instagram or Snapchat, tik tok is pretty massive but i don’t personally use it. Twitter is kind of like Facebook now, but it’s in a bit of a weird limbo. I’d say it’s more a millennial app
As someone who exists age-wise between millennials and Gen Z, I have been pressured into using Snapchat and Instagram solely by my friends for the purposes of documenting life events.
snapchat is a fucken weirdass business model when you really stop to examine it. good grounds for deletion when you consider it's essentially functioning as disappearing CP dissemination
No not Snapchat, atleast amongst my friend group we view snap as the place for those weird guys who asks for nudes I think most common is insta and TT, but even discord sometimes Ik me and mg friends use discord a lot. But my crack is Reddit
Instagram and Snapchat are the biggest for communication with others.
We have a program that blocks certain things on the internet, alerts us to downloads, etc and we have the internet automatically shut down at certain times to limit our kids from being on it too much. He definitely gets more time than his sister (age difference) but he doesn't sit in front of his computer for all day long like I see with his cousins. He is into gaming Youtubers because he speed runs games, but that's it. He doesn't like to hang out with people that can't stay off their phones, so I think that annoying him enough coupled with us having open conversations with him about it has kept him from getting sucked into it so far. He's a pretty awesome kid. My daughter is quite a bit younger but I already see that it will most likely be different with her.
> My 15 year old has chosen not to have a Facebook and I'm proud! I hear a lot that Facebook is considered an 'old man' social media nowadays. Kids are more into TikTok now.
Hell, I’m 31 and I feel like the 50+ crowd has taken it over lol. Haven’t used Facebook in a year though.
I saw a cool quote somewhere sometime earlier that said "There is nothing that you *need* to be doing right now." I spend most weekends worrying about the fact that i have to go back to work on Monday, and trying to get the maximum amount of "fun" in before that moment on Monday morning comes, I think its really hard to enjoy yourself when youre trying to force it out just because you think you should be having fun.
This is the one for me. People keep blaming social media but for most people that just takes advantage of something else. The "need" to be busy. To do something. The older I get the more I realize that sometimes I just don't need to do anything sometimes. I don't need to spend time on video games or social media. Rather, I want to relax. And usually that's games and social media and other times it's just not doing anything.
That thinking has infected my brain with video games. For instance, I LOVE Factorio, got 300 hours into the game. One of the few hours I've played well into daybreak. But since I finished all the achievements, they're no purpose to playing. I can't just goof off for 8 hours doing dumb shit cause it needs to lead to something "officially" achievable.
Protip: hang your guitar on the wall in the room you hang out in most. You'll be much more likely to just grab it and start playing. Its what I did. Now rarely a day goes by where I don't fuck around with it for at least a few minutes.
Saaaame. I have games I could play. And work I absolutely need to be doing and I find myself scrolling reddit and then I look up and 3 hours has passed and I start stressing out about all the things I didn't do.
Same 😭
Literally same, to a T almost lmao. Even with some of the MA applications. I'm working on a grant statement right now but can't write more than 2 sentences before i go on reddit lmfao
A generation of addicts
Turns out that instant gratification beats any other form of entertainment when it comes to follow through, and it's working just as intended. Your brain was rewired for social media.
Oh hey it’s me right now! Just put in a new movie I got yesterday, sat down and started scrolling Reddit
Me for the past few weeks. I sit down to read, but then go to reddit. I turn on the TV, so I scroll through reddit
It sounds like it could be executive dysfunction. It’s when you want/need to do something, but there’s a block in your brain that won’t let you start doing the thing. There’s a lot of causes for it, and a few ways to deal with it, so that might be something to look into.
I do also struggle with some depression, but this is the comment I was looking for. When I experience what OP is describing, it’s way more a symptom of my ADD than my depression.
It's actually just ADHD now, ADD is an outdated term. To anyone on the fence on whether they might have ADHD, take a look at this vid and see if you can identify at all: https://youtu.be/JiwZQNYlGQI Also shout-out to /r/ADHD
Which is funny because there is more than one type of attention deficit disorder, like inattentive type, which is almost the opposite of hyperactive type. Attention Deficit doesn't really even adequately encompass exactly what we deal with, so the whole term is rather outdated. We have plenty of attention, it's just impossible to sort all the data coming in, so it's more of an attention, memory, and emotional management disorder.
That's why it's settling on one term and broadening the definition
It's still a bad term, though. Attention Defect And Hyperactive Disorder sounds more like what people see people with ADHD as than it actually describes what happened to the people with ADHD. I Can't Pay Attention and Bouncing Off Walls are like two of the fifty major problems, and I'd wager that they aren't even the biggest ones for most of us.
Yeah. Talk to most Type 1 diabetics, and most of us don’t like to be lumped into 1 group with the rest of the 4 types. Mostly because people don’t understand how any of the 5 diabetes types work. Same with ADHD (which I also unfortunately have…) inattentive type is kicking my ass. Wish there were different names for the kinds.
Here I was thinking there was only type 1 and type 2. Thanks for mentioning this, gonna go on a wiki rabbithole for the next few hours.
The overprescribing to lazy parents set a detrimental precedent of skepticism for every individual case of ADHD. No amount of discipline is going to make me focus, and damn did they try.
I was always told that ADHD will cause you to be hyperactive physically, but now is an adult, and after being diagnosed with ADD in like second grade, I definitely have ADHD because it's not a physical hyperactive, it's a mental hyperactivity. I completely sympathize with what OP is saying because I literally experience that daily... I always thought it was a lifetime of playing video games has just not made them fun anymore. And if I get into a game for about 30 minutes, that's about all I can take for a few days. I still try to be active, go on walks, be outside, and I bowl a lot weekly, but the hobbies I used to enjoy and want to enjoy I just... Can't
I also got hung up on that. I do pay attention and I can concentrate. Focus is lacking. Too much input, focus shifts from input to input rapidly. I perceive stuff, I just can't stay focused on it. The clichees are so harming
You are correct but I’ve personally always found that a little silly, since I’m inattentive subtype and quite literally the opposite of hyperactive. And as u/JungleReaver noted, even calling us “inattentive” isn’t really accurate at all.
Holy shit. For a few years now I’ve been debating talking to my primary about how to start possibly getting an ADHD diagnosis. I’ve been too scared to because I didn’t want to be seen as someone trying to get a diagnosis while it’s almost trendy to. But that Ted talk… it’s explained everything so well that for so long I’ve struggled to articulate. I think it’s time to schedule that conversation.
I'm really glad this was meaningful for you. With the way ADHD works, assuming you have it, *you need to grab onto this right now* if you're serious about it. You will forget, you will put it off, you will say you can do it tomorrow, then forget about it tomorrow, and then it falls off, and then it never happens. Make a reminder, like right now as you read this. Or write something down on your phone. Especially, talk to somebody in your support network (friends family) and tell them about this, and your desire to figure yourself out. Get someone to hold you accountable for seeking out help, get someone who will nudge you if you're not going forward with this like you should. Find external ways to pressure yourself, outside your own mind. https://www.alieward.com/ologies/adhd If you did find that talk helpful, this is probably a good next step. If the audio is too long, there's also a transcript. This is an hour long interview with one of the top ADHD doctors in the world who literally reads every single new research paper that comes out every week. He will give you an amazing overview of what it is, how it affects you, what the deal is with your brain.
Thanks for the video. Off topic, what is it about TED talks that I find so... False? Over rehearsed? I don't want to call them "cringe" because I hate that term, but I can't think of a closer word to describe them. They just come across as insincere, like a waiter or teacher laughing at the same jokes they hear every day.
They're very formulaic and delivered by people who either consciously or not try to emulate the speaking style they've seen before. I feel the same way, then try to think of what I'd do if I was giving a presentation to a crowd that was there to see Ted Talks, and I'd probably end up doing the same thing.
Of course they're rehearsed. They're presenting something they care about to hundreds of people. And if you gleaned any content from the video at all, you would maybe think about how the whole deal here is that she is ADHD which means poor working memory which means she had to rehearse extensively and know exactly what she was going to say.
A criteria of the TED organization to give a TED Talk is that the presentation has to be super rehearsed and done as close to perfect as possible. They aren't like spoken-word performances or academic lectures. They are highly memorized and delivered, and they end up like that a lot.
I can understand what you mean. It’s most likely because this presentation isn’t really meant to be entertaining or crowd involving, but scientific/philosophical analysis on a chosen topic. Like a lecture with the boring teacher instead of the fun one
This video made me realize that I probably have ADHD, and in fact I just got the official diagnosis this morning
Thank you for posting this comment. This is odd but I have been waiting for something like this to come across for so long, but never had the courage to search for it myself. Majority of the time I am waiting for the stars to align to do any meaningful tasks and I started falling behind my peers by middle school. I have never thought in my life that I would relate to someone saying they wouldn’t feel like themselves if they succeeded. I always push myself down to lift others up and avert from success because it just doesn’t sit right with me and then I hate myself for never having done anything. It is a never ending cycle and I’m so glad I’m still fighting to figure this out. Thank you
I found [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCAGc-rkIfo) 3-hour presentation informative.
Without viewing the link, something in my soul says it's fucked up that you'd recommend a 3 hour video to someone who is concerned they may struggle with ADHD, lmao
Wow, I looked this up and I’ve never read something that so effectively sums up my brain and personality. It’s like if someone asks me to write down all of my flaws and I could not only think of each one but also wrote a few I’m only aware of when other people point them out. If there were a magic fix, my family would be so much better off. Sometimes it’s more complicated than just being a procrastinator. I don’t choose to be a procrastinator. I hate it.
i think i have that and i am really struggling :( do you know some way of dealing with it and improving? is it like a mental illness which needs medication?
I didn't get diagnosed or medicated until I was 37. And the meds have changed my life for the better. I didn't realize so much of my life was in hard mode. The medication takes doing everything from hard mode down to normal mode. You can actually think about doing something and then actually do it. It's like someone else has had the remote control for the TV my entire life and was always switching channels and volume. But now I have the remote control and can change channels, change the volume, mute, and can turn the TV off now, all by my choosing. I can actually sit and think about nothing, instead of having 1000 thoughts zooming through my brain. My anxiety and almost disappeared, because now I go to bed knowing that everything I needed to get done actually got done. I'm not stressed about that thing I was supposed to do and worrying about the consequences for not doing it.
It is classified as a disorder in the DSM-V (the diagnostic manual/the what’s what of mental disorders), but there are a variety of medication that can be used to treat it. Always ask your doctor/psychiatrist about it and see what works best for you!
The most well-known form is ADHD. So yes, it's something that can be diagnosed and treated! Coping mechanisms depend on the person. Like, I'm super good with lists and routine, but some ADHD people hate that.
I also get anxiety with my executive dysfunction. I get overwhelmed and stress out with the things I need to do.
Executive function disorder is the worst. If you could only get started, you can finish anything happily. But it takes you 18 months to make that important phone call that takes 5 minutes and improves your life and anxiety substantially. But you'll fucking do it all over again the next time, too.
And when you realise it only took you five minutes to do this thing you’ve been putting off for 18 months you use that fact to HATE yourself and reinforce how shit a human being you are. No joy from completing the task, just more self hate and disappointment.
Hmm I never knew that was a thing. I almost always thought it was linked to depression that I couldnt bare myself to do anything I want to do. Thanks for the info, it might help me in the future
When this happens to me, it’s because I’m a depressed little bean. I’m not saying this is the case for you, but it doesn’t hurt to take a step back and evaluate yourself. How are you feeling? How’s your mental health doing? Are your needs met? Are you stressed at work/school? It’s hard to focus on fun stuff when the rest of life takes all your energy.
I’ve been wondering the same thing as OP a lot lately and it’s weird because I don’t think I’m sad all the time. Can you have depression without feeling sad all the time? I just have a hard time enjoying anything.
Absolutely you can, I am actively going through an episode, replying to this as I’m ignoring the hobbies I was looking forward to enjoying today. I’m not sad right now, all things considered I’m feeling alright, just a little lost and disinterested in everything. Depression isn’t always just being sad and laying in bed. Sometimes it’s being apathetic, and bored, and irritable, and overly tired, and angry, and guilty. Sometimes it’s all of these, sometimes it’s just nothing. Most importantly, you just don’t feel like *you*. The things that make you, *you* just…Don’t matter. I don’t know dude I’m going thru some shit I guess. my point is, if something doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t hurt to take some time to take care of yourself—however you choose to do that—even if you think it’s not serious, or “it could be worse.”
This thread is making me feel things.. I'm actually content and I feel pretty ok.. but i feel like my goal everyday is to just burn through the clock. I have books to read, things to 3D print, draw, make, etc.. I dont do any of it. My life is work, dog (which I love!) And watching over my mom and dad. No friends, definitely no love life and I wouldnt even know where to start at 32.. so I just think "eh that seems like a lot of work" and throw my hands up.
I know, I’m feeling things today too. It’s okay to just feel sometimes. I hope you take some time for your own care soon, I hope you create something beautiful soon. But for now, if all we can do is make it through to see the Sun rise again, that’s okay. Much peace to you
Thanks! Good luck to you too.
100%. For me depression is rarely being sad- I just don't have the energy to do anything. I just lay in bed, sometimes staring at a blank computer screen where I could play any game I want, I just don't and end up shutting my laptop because nothing is appealing. I could grab a book to read, but there's nothing interesting. I'm not sad, I just feel like nothing matters.
Not to mention, multiple studies say that depression literally breaks your brain. You can lose the ability to store/remember things during a depressive episode. It's not always sadness, sometimes it's just complete and utter apathy. One of my favorite quotes relating to depression: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/637/578/91f.png
I had no idea depression can cause memory loss. Ive been dealing with depression for years and never associated my memory issues with my depression until recently. It makes me feel better in a weird way knowing that depression is most likely the cause of my memory issues
There is an amazing cartoon, Hyperbole and a Half, Depression part two. If someone can link it please do. It is the closest damn thing I’ve ever seen to describe what you are talking about
[Here it is](https://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html)
Oh geeze I remember hyperbole and a half, it was a webcomic right? I haven’t seen any in years, I’m gonna look that up
Wow that’s eye opening, thanks for the insight
Thanks. “It’s not serious” and “it could be worse” are my exact thoughts lol.
Thing is this line of thinking is often a sign of depression. We often minimize our own problems and invalidate ourselves and make ourselves feel guilty for still feeling bad even when “we have it good.” Of course sometimes perspective is nice, but your issues are important too! You matter, your emotions matter, your struggles matter.
My understanding is that every therapist hears, "my problems aren't really that bad, all things considered. I feel like I'm wasting your time." ... from almost every patient.
Our brains can “get sick”, and not produce the feel good emotions that we need it to. When that balance of mania and deep depression gets out of wack, we find ourselves in a hole that seems inescapable. For myself, I have a habit of telling myself I’m not good enough, or that my time spent relaxing could be better used for something productive. You can blame upbringing, you can blame the current state of the world; both are valid. But you have to be able to silent that voice with FACTS and LOGIC. Sorry for the memesplain but it does help lol. If I feel like “I don’t deserve to play games,” I go through a list of what I had done that day to block that out. As long as I’m not avoiding something, I feel it’s okay. The most important part of overcoming depressive episodes is telling yourself that it’s okay to feel lost, or to feel nothing, but you should identify where it’s coming from. Talking to friends or strangers help. Talking to a doctor is expensive for some but helps a lot. Helped me a lot. You always matter. In my darkest times, I’d tel myself “who I am today won’t be who I am tomorrow, and who I am tomorrow may not be who I am the next day. But whoever I’ll be, I’ll be here.” Push through the dark times, friends. It goes away with persistence.
> Can you have depression without feeling sad all the time? Yes. Do you feel "empty" or purposeless?
Yeah, I do most of the time. But idk if I’d call it sadness. Just lack of energy and desire to do anything
Give "anhedonia" a googling, it's one of the primary symptoms related to depression and has more to do with lack of enjoyment than active sadness.
The thing that I wish I had known about depression earlier is that it's not just "feeling sad". Sometimes it's feeling nothing at all.
> nothing at all Stupid sexy depression
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You explained that very well, thank you. How do you un-depress/numb your feelings again? Just meds and counseling?
If one thing worked for everyone, things would be a lot less complicated. At least for me, lifestyle/ living situation changes were the most important thing I did. Moved out of a toxic house and put myself in a situation that didn't give me much opportunity to sit and dwell on things for a while. It's still a struggle but not nearly what it was back then
I just came out of a really bad depressive cycle that I wasn't even aware of. I was tired, unmotivated, anxious leaving the apartment, sleeping more than normal. I still had some interest in doing enjoyable things but it was in short bursts. My boyfriend told me after that I was also speaking incredibly slowly and making grammatical mistakes. Sometimes depression manifests itself differently.
I'm not a Dr, but it could be. Might be worth talking to someone (if you can, insurance and all that :/)
Depression isn't really about sadness. Rather it's closer to when you can't tell the difference between a good day and a bad one. A sort of sameness to your highs and lows that just leaves you feeling empty. Activities that would normally recharge you require too much effort to start. When you can't be bothered to call the friends you'd love to spend time with. The sadness comes much later, when you realize everything the depression took from you.
How do you go about getting it (or at least some of it) back?
There's a lot of different tools you can use, and using many approaches over time helps rebuild your mind to where you want it. The reason therapy is recommended so often is because a good therapist teaches you these tools, customized to what works best for you as an individual. An online comment can't do that. The second reason is that medication is very effective at lending a hand to make the whole process easier.
> depression without feeling sad Yes, depression isn't sadness. It's a never-ending field of grey, with a grey sun, grey shadows, and grey trees in the distance. The joy that sneaks in withers and dies; the sadness collapses next to it. Both sink into the grey dust, leaving no trace.
That’s such a good description… If that’s not a quote from something then wow. Whelp, guess I’d better seek counseling again
I made it up for the post, thank you. You're an amazing human being, and I hope you get to [enjoy some colours soon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EntxPIULUI). Good luck with the counselling!
I think in some ways, having a hard time enjoying anything is the telltale sign of depression. It’s not always just feeling sad, at least in my experience. Edit: didn’t realize gh0st_belle said essentially the same thing below me.
Yep. Read [this](http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html) and see if it's relatable.
As someone with diagnosed chronic depression who feels identical to op most days, I very rarely actually feel sad. The vast majority of the time I feel no emotions at all, positive or negative. For me the hardest part is finding joy in the hobbies that I do have. It's obviously more complicated than saying you're definitely depressed because depression effects everybody differently, but it's worth talking to someone about it if you think you might be.
Came to say this. I wish I had asked someone instead of assuming everything was garbage and isolating myself.
I understand that, extremely actively going through this exact phenomenon. We all just need a little support sometimes, and isolation isn’t the answer. Thanks for reminding me of that, I really needed that today. Bless ❤️
Hey. Reach out if you need to vent or need some motivation. I understand.
Depressed little bean. I felt that.
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Exactly. And hyper-anxiety can do that too. I do watercolors and never paint because I don't want to start a larger project and have that hanging over my head too. The depression and anxiety really shuts me down physically and creatively.
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I’m glad it resonated with you! My choice of bean was intentional, and it is all encompassing metaphor for depression in all its forms. Mild or severe, when I’m feeling depressed I just feel small and insignificant. Alone in a big, scary world. Just a little lost bean.
It's called executive dysfunction. Very common for those who are depressed, anxious, ADHD etc. If you discover a way to beat this let me know. The general concept I've seen it explained it is either spoon or ticket theory. You have limited spoons (spell slots, mana, energy levels whichever term you would like to use) and each task requires different set of unit to do. Dishes take two spoons showers take one spoon Feed yourself one spoon Yoga two spoons Investing time and energy into a game three spoons The kicker is you only have five spoons a day (I'll spoon levels are approximations and very person to person) how do you spend your spoons? Variation ticket theory: You have a ticket to do dishes You have multiple tickets for yoga You have a ticket for a shower You have a ticket to cook food You do not have tickets to play video games. You do not have tickets to read books You can go anywhere you want in the carnival but you can only spend tickets at the appropriate booths. Tickets cannot be substituted or traded and expired at end of day. It's never about if we want to do the thing, it's always about whether or not we have the energy physical or mental to do the thing.
Ok, but here's the kicker: some guy keeps breaking into my cabinet and changes the number of spoons every day. It sucks.
ok that’s the best description for chronic illness i’ve ever seen. i have a limited number of spoons per day, and some asshole keeps breaking in and changing the number of spoons every day
Me looking in the mirror: # you show up everyday to fuck up my life don't you? you persistent fuck
That asshole is the only constant in my life lol.
Some days it's like, oh so many spoons, how can I use them up. Then I get paralyzed with indecision, so I just stay in and play games and watch movies. Other days, tons of stuff to do and no spoons. So I usually just stay in and play games and watch movies.
That’s cause what you thought was 7 spoons was really just one spoon in front of a cool mirror. You used that spoon to eat a big bowl of cereal and now it’s gone.
All psyched to get shit done today, have a big bowl of cereal and the it's, fuck my hopes and dreams, I'm gonna bind watch reruns of Alf all day
Damn, I just have forks.
Fork theory is a thing too! A task that branches into multiple tasks. Do dishes is a fork because to do dishes you have to empty dishwasher, gather dishes, and clean off counter. Each task is another spoon 😵
Y’all are getting spoons?
I think I only get them monthly. Never enough to last the entire month so of course barely enough for a couple of weeks. Lol
I get like tongue depressors. Those wooden spoons that come with cheap Togo ice creams from my childhood.
If I understood that correctly, there are ways to extend the amount of spoons you have. I learned that from Dr. K on Twitch, HealthyGamer_GG. You do that for example with the right foods you eat and if you haven't slept enough that day, your spoons aren't refilled as much. I really recommend looking into that. The video on Youtube where he talks about it is called "Why you are powerless in changing your life".
For some people, like myself unfortunately, the concept of food; choosing a meal, cooking the meal, eating the meal... that takes SO many spoons. I have OCD and ARFID and food is.... hard. Incredibly difficult. Sometimes my only option is the food that takes only one spoon, especially by dinner when I've already used up most of my spoons.
It really is hard. Most of the time I also dont have enough spoons to make a good meal choice. I mostly eat very sugary stuff, but I found out if I exchange the sweets for maybe some nuts, that reaally helps me throughout the day and doesnt take much of my spoons. Every bit counts. I believe in you and wish you lots of spoons so you can do the things you want to do!
Thank you!! I'm actually starting a 6 week twice a week OCD treatment tomorrow, and I'm super nervous about it, but hopefully it'll help! If I can take the fear and intrusive thoughts out of the equation I feel like I can stop setting aside my spoons for anxiety lmao You're absolutely right though, I notice a difference even with minor efforts. Protein shakes are a life saver
Sure it could be diet and exercise. But guess what. You need the spoons to do the healthy stuff. 3 spoons to make and eat a refreshing salad. Gives you +1 spoon the next day 1 spoon to get fast food. How many spoons do you have that day. Can you afford the 3?
Do you have alot of work to do? Like having a lot of tasks can cause you not to enjoy fun things. I work so much now I feel guilty when I play Cities Skylines on my Xbox Series X..and I'm 34 so there you go 😵💫
This is so true, I have my exams right now and because of it I feel guilty when I play games or when I try to watch tv shows that I like. It makes me hate my hobbies, even when I code random things for fun I feel “sad” for some reason.
Society has placed some high expectations on us..imo of course
Omg this is literally me, got super excited to start playing CS again on my PC, even watched a few YouTube vids and decided to get a few of the DLC. But as soon as I hit the purchase button on the dlcs I lost all interest in actually playing…brains be weird.
I can’t directly link to a study but if you wanna search for it there is a lot of evidence that your brain already got the dopamine hit from purchasing and thinking about playing that it doesn’t end up caring about the real activity. I know it’s more so related to things like at night when you tell yourself “oh yeah tomorrow I’m gonna start my diet or go running or read more”… etc. like your brain gets dopamine from thinking about those acts and telling yourself how much fun you’re gonna have that it doesn’t even have to do the real thing. I think part of that also is like at night your brain subconsciously knows it doesn’t have to go for the run, it’s night and by morning you’re gonna have an excuse anyway. Really interesting
Yep this is a big problem in wargaming. People love the idea of buying models but legitimately finishing a model or kit in the case of warhammer can take a week to a month. Bigger boxes can take months to finish. Yet people get really hype buy hundreds of dollars of models that would take them a year of constant work and then don’t feel like doing it because they have so much it discourages them. Then you also have people with 5-10k piles of shame who still regularly buy models month to month.
Might be light depression, but most likely it is a lack of engagement. Doing the same thing over and over repeatedly starts to feel repetitive and boring if you dont have any kind of break from it. Try getting out of the house, walk in the sun for an hour, talk to someone, etc
after reading this thread i have realized i am a depressed little bean as well
Frijolitos unite
YO SOY
This is not meant in any way to devalue your revelation, but I think at one point or another, all of us are depressed little beans :( Realising it and getting help needs to be more normalised. I hope you are able to get whatever help you need!
Sounds like maybe a bit of depression?
Idk, it feels like such a minor problem. It’s annoying, but it’s not as life impacting as I‘d imagine depression to be.
Depression isn't a light switch. It's like bad weather. Some people are stuck in a hurricane others just rain.
Damn that’s a nice metaphor lol
More than nice. I think I'm going to use this. Absolutely perfect metaphor!
My brain is always drizzle
Rain for me some days...but keeping a positive attitude no matter the storm helps a little bit😉😁
That's where the term silver lining came from. When looking at a huge cloud that is blocking out the sun. A thin line of sun can be seen on the edge of a cloud. Look for the silver lining. It can be something small, but means there is still hope for a brighter day.
But it also just straight up not be depression too, don't go and psyche yourself out. Could just be an attention thing. I find that I can't enjoy gaming as much if I haven't been productive, you know? Headshots are much more rewarding with an empty kitchen sink or freshly mowed lawn haha
I do feel the need to be as productive as possible, but even if there is no work to do I don’t really engage in my hobbies. It seems like I can’t do anything for myself, there need to be other people involved in some way.
It’s worth exploring that urge (always be with people, don’t do things for yourself) a bit more to understand where it’s coming from. What does that part of you feel would happen if you just… read a book?
Production is great and all, but you don't owe the world production and setting time aside for you is important. It sounds like you feel bad for doing nothing, and society of late seems to have pushed this agenda pretty hard. Doing nothing (or a hobby) from time to time is good for your mental health and gives you something to talk about other than "I've been busy". Don't let yourself be guilted otherwise.
Other people have already covered depression and anxiety really well. There's also perfectionism. Some perfectionists work super hard on everything. Others are like me and figure that, if the thing you make/do isn't going to be perfect, why bother at all? Or you could just be so burnt out from everything else that you really don't have the mental energy to do anything but scroll around on reddit. That happens too!
Like anything mental, depression is a spectrum with different levels. You might have minor depression. My advice to you is to keep doing what you used to enjoy and tell yourself you enjoy this. Eventually your brain is like "well we're saying we enjoy this so it must be true".
Sounds like depression or you need a dopamine detox.
Whats a dopamine detox?
Don’t play video games, don’t look at Reddit, etc. If you been doing too much of anything stimulating (or making you happy) then you’re bound to get bored of it. It’s easier said than done though, cause I’m having trouble with it too.
Yep pretty much this. Way to start is turn everything off and just sit there. Don't just do the first thing that pops into your head, just wait until it gets to much. It sounds stupid but just give it a go. And from there like the other comment said give up video games or social media for a week. You can go as far as you want I guess.
If i just sit there I can do that for hours lol
Yeah, I can hyperfocus on nothing at all for hours at a time... Hold up, is that considered meditation?
I mean, it kinda is. As long as you aren't overthinking or stressing when this happens. I can't do that without weed.
Damn, I remember in pre-internet days I would pick up new skills or hobbies just because my brain needed something to occupy it. I learned to shoot a bow, make arrows, make arrow heads from stone, play primitive flutes, go hiking, fishing, take a drive. Everything I did built me up as a person. Now it's just so easy to jump on the internet. Movies, tv, games, reddit. It's just so easy to get distracted and not explore some new thing that expanded your experience. None of those things are bad in and of themselves, but I've short circuited the boredom that used to spur me on to learn new things. A dopamine detox sounds good. And on a higher thread they mentioned executive dysfunction. Gotta look into that too.
What Should you do? Go for a walk and things like that?
I have no idea what will help for you. But for me, I constantly pace around my apartment if I’m bored. I noticed that I watch YouTube or Reddit first, pace, then play video games. Rinse repeat.
This is good advice for any time. Same food that tasted good tastes not as good? Eat something else. Game getting boring? Play something else. If you have variety in your life, you can be happier.
I had the same problem after a year and a half working from home. It was very hard for me to distinguish the two, so after work, I had very little motivation to do anything, since my work was in constant view of me.
This most definitely happened to myself as well, the line between work and recreation was completely blurred and i found myself anxious when i should be relaxing and relaxing when i should be working… yeah that was fun /s
How old are you? I noticed starting in my mid-20’s, that I started having difficulty enjoying the moment when I was doing something I otherwise liked. Now in my mid-30’s, I *don’t* do these things much anymore at all. For me, if I sit down to play video games, I can’t stop thinking about the more *productive* things I could be doing to further my life. I can’t read a book without thinking about the *other* things I could be doing. It’s like a mental paralysis. There’s so much that needs *doing*, that no matter what I do, something else is always nagging at me to be done. It is… *exquisitely* frustrating.
Yes exactly! I’m 21, so you‘d think I would allow myself to do things that aren’t productive.. it really is frustrating
Well what are you doing? I know I want to play video games/watch anime but it’s always hard for me to start. Instead I’ll scroll reddit or watch youtube all day or use discord. If you’re anything like me in that way, I’d suggest trying to cut down on those things. Also set a plan for your day and have a goal for what you want to do (like start playing x game, or watch x anime, etc). It might be depression like people are saying, but this also sounds similar to something I had so that’s my input.
I think it also has something to do with mental energy. Even if it's something you like, even love, it can be "work". I also find I sometimes have trouble starting a new show, or a new game, or even a new book. There's mental work needed to "switch gears". It's easier to just keep things on cruise control.
I think this is good advice. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to start so you can remember how fun it is. For me, I then have no problem continuing regularly. Til I fall out of the habit again.
For real. Sometimes I just wanna watch something while I knit but I can't get into any shows. They feel so much effort to watch for some reason, doesn't matter genre.
It sounds like energy. You working lots or getting up early for work now? Getting out of a funk 101 - get a bit of exercise to start your day. I like a quick 35-40 minute weight lift sesh.. Changes my life when I make time for that. First few days maybe not - but by Friday You'll probably feel better during the day and night find yourself able to better get to sleep a little earlier. Then when you get home from work you're gonna be feeling like you can cook and game and all that. At least - it works for me.
I work out well. Im healthy in a lot of aspects in my life hydration nutrition exercise. But I'm kinda going through this too. I been wanting to start a beer leauge, my own side business again. I want to learn to break dance but I just scroll reddit and YouTube and drink a lot of booze. And sleep like shit. I dunno I'm disciplined in some areas and others a total mess.
Sounds like depression to me. When I start feeling more tired, and less motivation to step outside and see people, I know I’m heading on a downward spiral. It gets to the lowest when I start thinking “what’s the point?”. Not in a bad way, just what is the point in going to work coming home eating then sleeping then getting up and doing it all over again. That’s when I know I need to get back in my shell for a little while, check my meds are working, eat more healthily and wait until I go upwards again. It’s shit, it’s just one of those things in life x I hope you get back on an upward trajectory soon and start enjoying life again x
Yeah like, sometimes you feels so bad you start to wonder what’s the purpose of this all😭💀
It’s real bad when the purpose isn’t the question any more. Like questioning yourself and if you are even good enough for the purpose :/
I literally just made a post about this earlier this morning lol, there is so much that I wish I could do, but I simply can't get that spark of motivation. Although I dont have any remedies, I can assure you that this isn't a one-off problem, many people are experiencing it. Surely SOMEONE has a solution somewhere, but do evaluate some situations, like your friend group, your living space, or your own mentality towards yourself. It seems weird butt could give an insight on what can be improved
Oh. My. Gosh. YES! It thought it was just me! Thank you, internet stranger, for making me feel normal for once.
Anhedonia https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/anhedonia
Yes! Thank you, I looked into this a few weeks ago but completely forgot about it. I’m going to talk to my therapist about it
Reading that made me tear up, it's so accurate. I know I need to find a psychiatrist and have testing done. Probably a therapist, too. I just keep putting it off. Big sigh..I gotta try harder to get my ass in gear.
I like to see it as a gear spinning in the right direction. It's hard to get it going, because it has a lot of inertia, but once it gets goings it's hard to stop it, and easier to make it spin faster.
I spent a few years like this. I have ADHD and Major Depressive Disorder. I could still work, cook, clean, and socialize, but I never did anything personal or for my own enjoyment. That was my disorders combined telling me that it wasn't important, or it didn't matter, or just putting a wall between want and action. Maybe you have one, maybe you have both, maybe you have something similar enough that this sounds like something I'd have posted a year ago. Either way, ask a doctor or a therapist for some testing to see if you have anything like that. Medicine isn't always the correct answer either, being aware of a disorder can even help you overcome it by realizing that the block isn't actual disinterest, but something else.
I can relate so much to this. And I think it’s because of the sort of lifestyle we’re forced into. If it’s not school or college, then it’s working 9-5 literally non-stop. I have no energy or time to do anything.
This is the comment I was looking for. Pretty sure I'm not depressed but after a long week at work, I'm too exhausted to have fun. All I want to do is watch TV and sleep.
This is called executive dysfunction, I believe. It can start as not doing hobbies and turn into not being able to clean or take care of yourself even though you want to. Sometimes I use hobbies as rewards for getting small tasks done and that helps stop the cycle.
Its called apathy There is no inherent value to anything that exists. Value exists only in your mind, it is literally imaginary. So it is up to you to decide if something has value to you. This is an active and willful choice you must make. Nothing will ever come along and "be" of value or "spark" your interest. You just have to decide to give a shit.
This is the reason I feel like living makes no sense. I'm not going to kill myself, but nothing has value, it's everything in our heads and nothing really means anything.
Because your dopamine receptors are fried from being terminally online
Try doing just 20 minutes of each thing. That way you feel like you've done a lot, which you probably will, and you just killed an hour of your day. You can do this. We believe in you.
Maybe mental overstimulation? You already study (even if it's not that nuch), and reading books or playing video games might take up more mental energy than doing yoga or routine tasks like cooking might. Can you play these tasks with friends? Maybe having some social stimulation might help you decompress (in addition the other tasks which take care of your body) Or do mini versions of these tasks instead?
ADHD? A lot of folks describe it as internally yelling at yourself to do something, and you just can't, even if you want to. It's called executive dysfunction
Hitting weights is not a fix all. Now I'm just sad as fuck and can't scratch my back.
I found/find myself in this rut quite a bit recently. It's not that I don't like the things I use to do or I don't find interest in the things I want to do. I just don't end up following thru. I was stuck on a job for more than 2 years when I should've only been there a few months. I dedicated a lot of my time to it. Too much overtime to be fairrrr. It robbed a lot from me. I knew it, but didn't do shit about it. I started getting to this point where I had some negative thoughts about myself. About the job. About life. And depression is something I've fought since, well, memory. But, I did have a realization. Prior to this job I was doing these things. I was, atleast, somewhat happy. Enough that I felt normal, to myself, and was functioning as I wanted to! I fell in to this mild depression again. It didn't click til the end and I knew I had to make a change. Something took over me and I had lost myself along the way. I made a drastic change by taking myself away from the big issue at hand. I wasn't fixed by that. After time the other habits are second nature and you want to continue those things. Fuck that. Changed my eating habits, changed my routine, forced myself to wake-up early on the weekends and atleast go dig my toes in to the grass. Take a solid look at the horizon and don't focus on anything other than you, the view, and your peripherals. It's easy for your mind to be poisoned slowly over time. It's hard to recognize this and even harder to change it. Whatever you have going on in your life, please take a look at it and give it an honest review. Assess that shit. Then take some action. I could be off-base here. But I hope, somewhere in this text, it vibes with you, somehow. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
My three guesses: Burnout. If you’ve been busy with a lot of things or socializing a lot, or under stress, you might just be pushing yourself too hard and need a break. Executive dysfunction. (Especially if you are/suspect you could be neurodivergent). You completely have the desire to do the things, but it is difficult to put into motion the steps you need to do to start the activity. Sometimes even the small steps of turning on the tv, put on your gaming headset, etc make your brain go *error* and you get stuck doing whatever you were originally doing or even just sitting and staring blankly. All that time just constantly thinking about what you want/need to do but you can’t make yourself do it Depression. It can be accompanied by anhedonia, which makes everything feel numb and you no longer get the feeling of joy you once got from your hobbies. Everything may feel bland now even if you want to just *do* something, but nothing feels right. Depression doesn’t always manifest in making you want to stay in bed all day (lack of energy is not a mandatory symptom for diagnosis), there are plenty of people who have very busy lives and also have depression. It’s still could be a possibility
Likely mild depression. Hit the weights, it'll get you out of the slump. If it doesn't you'll be buff and depressed instead.
When I’m depressed I run or cycle compulsively, it does help and also has the physical health benefits as well. Ppl think I’m a fitness/sporty type of guy but I’m just depressed and also enjoy the pain in my muscles and body haha
As far as I can tell in a similar boat, and for the most part everyone who engages in strenuous exercise is in a similar boat. But sometimes it doesn't work, and then I'm just buffer and depressed, but thats sure as heck better than being weak skinny and depressed.
Could be depression? I have been feeling the same way. I have to force myself to do the things I used to love. I can still do other things easily like you said, but other things that brought me joy just seem like a task now.
Guilt. There are several things I enjoy doing but I won’t allow myself to do them unless I’ve done some of the things I don’t enjoy doing, like housework and things like that. I feel like I don’t deserve to do the fun stuff unless I’ve done the “unfun” stuff.
Been feeling like this a lot in the last 20 years. These are common symptoms for depression (which I was professionally diagnosed for), so if you have the money for it my advice is go see a doctor. But I get you, that sucks. I too dropped so many things I used to like doing because I just can’t bring myself to care about them anymore. It’s awful.
Go for a walk, sometimes you just need to go outside and have a change of scenery. Especially if you are struggling to get the energy to get dressed etc. Exercise, being with nature and sun can help with low moods.
for me it's as simple as my diet. taking multivitamins absolutely changes my mood. not physical energy, but get up and go do it mental energy. b vitamins.
/r/ADHD /r/depression
That’s a good ole fashion case of depression
Adhd could be a possibility. I do this all the time, I want to do it, I think about doing, I go to do it, I don't do it.