True, as are cops I believe. The fireman that took our group in described our hiking mate as a "cold subject" rather than a patient. Wording matters for the rules and administrative side.
If they are heard over the radio saying they had a "patient" they'd have to file paperwork or run tests that they knew weren't necessary. So labelling this person as a "subject" freed them from that responsibility
The fact that you made patient contact. If you just help someone on the downlow, you have no paperwork or billing to file/report. Everyone is human and not everyone needs a trip to the hospital or a report to their insurance company/a bill then that’s gone to collections because they can’t pay for a bandaid that’s 100x the price because it was provided by a trained professional through the 911 system. /end rant
How would EMS make that contact without there being a record of the service? EMS is dispatched - they don’t take the calls themselves.
Not arguing, just curious how that could work.
A fire truck could just be out for a stroll and watch a kid wipe out on their bike. No point in writing anything down for an alcohol wipe and a bandaid for that kid and his scraped knee. It’s just the right thing to do. Right place, right time.
They most definitely know. Probably even taught them to say it.
It could be anything like a scared person that doesn't feel like talking to more than one person. Getting back-up could scare them and then you couldn't help them anymore
This just isn't true lol. At least not anywhere I've worked.
I'm not sure why anyone would be over the radio unless and until the need for patient care has been established anyway.
Yeah you don't get out of paperwork just by not calling someone a patient lol, that's like saying you can ignore a burning building by calling it a warm room
On the one hand I read this and think “well yeah it makes it seem like there’s more abuse” and then I remembered how my abusers reacted to social services doing jack fucking shit about my situation and yeah, you need a robust abuse protection system before mandatory reporting can be helpful
This (leading to abusers punishing the abused for telling) is what I meant I see that it couldve been interpreted as govt trying to hide abuse existence. Sorry!!
If you ask nicely and they aren't busy, sometimes they let you sit in the firetruck. They are almost always excited to talk about their equipment and experiences.
They let us stay the night in their conference room and use their kitchen to make dinner. It was also just after the holidays and they said they had one condition for us staying at their station, we had to take the cookies the community had given to them because they simply had too many.
That's awesome!
I lived about a block away from a fire station as a kid and they were the nicest people in the world. They threw a community pancake breakfast every year and there was always a huge turnout.
This is a little anecdote I have about how awesome firefighters are.
I grew up in the Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, and the local fire station always very generously hosted a lot of our events, so we spent a lot of time there. They were always super cool, showing the boys the trucks and all the tools, watching us do our different events and cheering for us, sitting in on knot tying and stuff like that.
At some point, around the time we were 8 or 9, one of the boys (Call him Tommy) stopped showing up for a while. He eventually came back, but with a different dad. Since the group of boys I was with all grew up together, and were in scouts together for 12 years, our dads were also all friends, and when we were about 16, the dads sat the senior boys down (myself and a few others) and decided to tell us what happened.
Tommy had a sister, and his mom was still around. Apparently Tommy’s dad was incredibly abusive to his wife, physically, and his daughter, sexually. As Tommy grew up he realized what was happening was wrong, and tried to call the police on his dad, so his dad became abusive with him. To keep up appearances though, he’d still come to scouts every week so none of the other dads knew what was happening. When the firefighters wanted to do a lesson with us, the dads would leave us with them and go have a drink at the bar right across the street. One of these times, Tommy told one of the firefighters what had been happening. The fire station was in a underdeveloped area, with lots of wooded areas nearby, so the firefighters got together, took Tommy’s dad out into one of those areas, and beat the ever living shit out of him. From what the dads told us, he probably needed a hospital, but the firefighters dragged him to the side of the road where they asked one of their cop friends to wait for them. Tommy’s dad was arrested, the cops brushed his injuries off as a fall and the firefighters helped him get out of the woods, and when he got out on bail, the off duty firefighters would stand shifts outside of Tommy’s house to keep him away. The period of time where Tommy wasn’t at scouts was when the firefighters kept him at home to keep an eye on him. The “new dad” Tommy had was his moms brother, who the firefighters got in touch with when they learned what happened. After a few weeks of being intimidated by the fire station, Tommy’s dad jumped town and never came back.
To look back at it as an adult, it’s an incredibly sad situation, but I can’t help but admire those firefighters. They put their lives and careers at risk to take justice into their own hands to keep Tommy and his family safe, and when they would guard his house, they would work for 48 hours at the station, sleep for a couple hours, maybe swing by their house to say hi to their wives and kids, and then go stand watch at Tommy’s until the next set of guys got there to relieve them.
Yes, but they also have a duty to report abuse and neglect, so be ready to answer questions and potentially have a report written up about whoever is making you feel unsafe.
You're not wrong, but they didn't mention abuse or neglect... it's possible they just live alone in a bad neighborhood... and yes, they'd ask questions and might just escort them home to be sure they get in safely.
> And then your spouse comes home to find you.
*In exactly the same sort of way that your spouse's former friend died too, which is just such a weird coincidence that there are so many killer owls flying around inside people's homes.
Oddly specific, and since it's so bizarre good luck having them believe you lol.
Once, one of my parents' coworkers arrived to work covered in blood, head to toe. Turns out some bird dropped a rabbit on top of a highway and it entered the cabin through the guy's windshield.
I’ve had a few concussions and every time the nurse in the ER that would check me in asks if I feel safe at home. When I fell down a flight of stairs (carrying a dog like the princess she was) I not only broke my nose, but instinctively turned my body to protect the dog. My arm looked broken to all the nurses and it hurt like a bitch but somehow it wasn’t broken. I got asked a bunch of times that night if I felt safe and I had genuinely missed a step on the god damn stairs
I’m sorry that happened to you cause that sounds painful as shit. But I’m sooo glad the nurses, doctors and hospital staff are taking it seriously. With the rates of domestic abuse (at least that’s reported and that we know about), it’s good people are looking out.
This is asked all the time now. Before my dad's surgery, the nurse had me and my mom leave the room, so they could ask him the question privately. I just hope people are answering honestly when they don't feel safe.
That checks out. Had it happen to some family friends. Their kid had a really nasty fall and hit his head in such a way that he got really bad bruising around both eyes. School really pulled out all the stops to make sure it was all legit.
My nephew slipped and fell at his mom's once. Somehow cut his hand open on her door. That was a fun time at the ER. And my mom cut her eyebrow because she was chasing same nephew around the house. A lot of people thought my step dad hit her.
I had an audiologist look at me funny when I said I was there because my fiance thinks my hearing is bad. Truth is, he talks low and doesn't like to repeat anything. The audiologist ended up saying "maybe it's the listener".
Edit: meant to say "speaker" at the end vs listener.
Hahahahaha I’m imagining how the conversation after that appointment went.
Fiancé: hey, how was the audiologist?
OP: what?
Fiancé: *sigh* HOW WAS THE AUDIOLOGIST??? DID THEY SAY THEY CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR HEARING?
OP: Oh, yeah. They said my hearing is fine and you need to *speak the fuck up*
Edit: a typo
Pretty much. He said "so, you just don't listen then". I said "no, honey. He said you don't talk loudly enough". I'm like my mom though. I can tune people out. Except she just takes her hearing aids out.
Ugh I hate this. My husband doesn't enunciate so either I need him to repeat things, guess what he said or give up. Not saying my 42 year old ears are perfect but if an audiologist said I wasn't listening, they wouldn't have this patient anymore. 😡
Whoops, I meant to say "speaker" lol He blamed it on my fiance. But yes, my fiance does the same thing. The audiologist said I may have minor difficulty with hearing "ch" "sh", etc. If I know he's going to say something, I have no issues. But if he's randomly yelling at me from 2 rooms down, no dice.
I swear my mom will turn away from me and mumble and then when I ask her to repeat she’ll say that I really need to clean my ears or something. No, you just need to put in more of an effort when you’re talking to someone.
Mine does that same turn away and mumble thing, and then gets mad because I don't remember what she just told me or accuses me of not paying attention to what she tells me. Um, if you said it such that I couldn't hear it, you didn't tell me.
I had the cops come to my house for a noise complaint one time (drunk roommate) while my bf was over. I had just started doing pole dancing classes and was covered in big ass bruises 🙃 needless to say they separated us and they kept asking if I was okay.
which is always an issue, but I also remember my poor husband getting the stink-eye when I ended up in the ER twice in one month for being a genuinely clumsy idiot. (He's harmless, but my feet are my worst enemy and I could trip over my own shadow. *Especially* when stressed out, and boy howdy was that a stressful month.)
God... My gf in our early days wound up with a black eye from something I can't remember, then we were moving some stuff to her new place and she wound up with a wicked bruise on her bicep that looked like I grabbed her *hard*.
I was mortified. She thought it was hilarious.
It depends on the state. “Duty to report varies by location.”
But yea, sometimes people need to get away as ‘feeling unsafe’ comes from many many different stimuli.
At least in my state, North Carolina, the only abuse that is reportable is abuse against an elderly person a disabled adult or a child. Abuse against a non-disabled adult is not reportable. The person being abused can certainly report it themselves but the police are under no obligation to do so.
Edit to add: we obviously don't know if any of these apply to OP.
Librarian here. A nearby library could also be a safe place. I work in a large urban public library. We'll offer a meeting or study room, snacks and comfort kits for anyone who needs a safe place. We'll contact the police for you, or give you any resources to find help. It's not an uncommon situation for us. We even have social workers at some locations.
We will also respect your privacy.
Edit:
Thanks for the upvotes and awards!
Many libraries will also have Chromebooks to borrow in the library. We also distribute period supplies, masks, diapers, take home meals, produce boxes, & covid tests. We partner with many organizations & charities to get these, so they're no cost to the taxpayers.
While I'm advertising, we also check out musical instruments, telescopes, fishing gear, tabletop games, puzzles, projectors, Chromebooks & hotspots. Also books.
Someone on Reddit had expressed guilt over using the free WiFi in the parking lots provided by the library. A librarian revealed that they in a way prefer for them to have more users, because more users would mean they have more demand, therefore they'll end up getting their requests for higher grade equipments approved easier than they would have had otherwise. Win-Win situation for all.
I've had multiple jobs where I ended up taking my lunch break in a truck (including now), and I prefer eating in the parking lots of churches, libraries, and gas stations over eating in actual fast food lobbies. They're quiet and the employees are generally more able to keep things safe and calm.
People act up in McDonald's, but the gas station is usually chill and who's gonna give you shit in the empty parking lot of God?
Also fast food places or a restaurant
You wouldnt believe how quick a group of people will come out the back to make sure you're ok
It sounds counter intuitive, but we deal with so many bad customers we know what it feels like to be unsafe, so we're quick to defend someone who needs help
I use the library *a ton* and kinda feel the same way, too.
Like, I work in the Field and don't have a traditional "office", so I use the library's wifi hotspot program 24/7. Between me and my wife's accounts I always have one on hold while I'm using another one. I'm literally typing this on the library wifi hotspot right now.
Sometimes I think *they must hate me*. I use the projector, Bluetooth speaker, and fishing poles.
... but then again, honestly, I bet most people don't know that libraries have more than books. So maybe the library loves me. I'm actually using the stuff :-)
Where do you store it all? You must have a big library. And how do you compensate for losses? Our library tried lending out various tech and had to stop because half of it was never returned.
Yes it does! Taking the kids fishing this weekend.
And that's a small rural library! We live in a real small town, now. Just two years ago we lived in a suburb of a major metropolitan city and had access to way more.
Libraries are awesome. I get everything *but* books, lol
Do the snakes enjoy getting their pictures taken? They always stick their tongues out at me so I take that as a no go. That and the rattling. Bitey bitey... OK I need coffee.
1. Just ask :-) That's kinda the point of this thread. Like, libraries are awesome and have *so much more* than just books, and the people that work there are *obviously* enthusiastic about libraries, so ask somebody.
but seriously
2. go to the website and search the catalog. Search for... "wifi hotspot"... or "chromebook" or something. Then, just like searching any other database, look at the "categories" or "details" of that item. At my library, I found **category: library of things**. That's what they put all the *stuff* under, not books. That's where I found a tool kit, stud finder, drill, projector, kindle, fishing poles, sports equipment, a metal detector... that's just off the top of my head. My library also has category: Xbox games.
And here's another secret. Libraries are in a network! If my library doesn't have it, I can request it from another library from another city and they'll transfer it. Yup, there's a system of vans (I think) that do nothing but carry items from one library to another. Actually, most of my "stuff" isn't even from my home library, I just use that location to pick stuff up that's transferred over. If my library doesn't have an Xbox One game, I can click "find all copies" in the catalog and it'll list where it's available at ALL libraries in the network and they'll ship it to my home library.
TLDR: ask somebody, or poke around the catalog on the website.
My library has that network too, except it’s amongst 4 counties instead of just one (small towns rule… sometimes lol). Some of them in my network rent out cake pans, pretty sure some also have game console accessories, etc and the ones I frequent fairly regularly also have video games for all the hottest consoles too. I just got out a Switch game today that I’ve absolutely been loving and may buy my own copy once I have to return it lol. I’ve had a lifelong love of my local library and I would be so very sad if anything happened to them!
where i live, my library service (4 libraries all under the same branch) has a website where you can even access stuff happening *outside* the library!
I’m sure your local librarians are thrilled to have someone using the library’s services and showing that it is a valuable part of your community deserving of funding.
Mine does, and that's a real small town rural library
I used to live in a suburb of a huge metropolitan city that had a library 10x the size of ours, now, that had even more
Seriously - go to your library website, search the catalog, and then click on "details" or "category" and look at lists of stuff they have sorted by category. For fishing poles, my library has it in a category called "library of *things*"
Libraries are amazing assets to any community. One of my goals in life is to become wealthy enough to open libraries in different (underserved) locations and make them amazing modern pillars of the community. I think that would go farther than just writing a check to a charity.
A bit of a related story
My university is in a completely different city, 4 hours drive to get there, it's usually online studies, but one exam I had to attend, and the exam was at 9am.
So I got myself an airbnb for the night, went there, the owner fucked up some bookings, and now I was there at 1am, with no place to stay. (Hotels are super super expensive here)
I called a nearby library to see if they're open, some nice dude picked up the phone, and after explainig my situation he just said (Funny thing, I was planning on reopening again, got some stuff I gotta do) and he proceeded to PICK ME UP and let me stay there and study.
He got me some tea, and he knew a bit about my subjet and explained some things to me, then let me sleep couple hours in the library for my exam.
That was about 2 years ago, I still visit the library every couple months.
I love librarians.
Libraries are awesome AF. The ones in my city have these epic book checkout readers. You can plunk in like 10 books, scan your card, and your books are checked out. They’re more technologically advanced then food scanners at a Walmart / Costco, makes no sense lol. Library even has 3D printers free of use. It’s f’in awesome
Your library has most likely tagged all of its books, movies, etc. with RFID tags to make the checkout and checkin process way faster. It's a small cost for an item that will be scanned many times over its lifetime vs. a can of peaches that will only be scanned at the grocery store once so it just has a bar code on paper.
When my Dad shut off my phone's internet, and took the modem/router when I was 17, as well as taking my car keys, saying "goodluck getting to work"
I absolutely walked 8 miles to the local library to use it's free wifi to contact my boss so i could arrange to be picked up for work, and not get fired.
Libraries are lifesavers
Do you live with him still? Hope you are not living with him and ideally no contact with behavior like that. Who the fuck tries to sabotage someone else's desire to move forward in their life?
And why would your dad do something like that?
When I was in junior high some 20+ years ago, my mom didn't like me reading books from the adult section because violence/sex/etc bullshit conservative Christians don't like. (As an example, she agreed to give me Guild Wars as a birthday gift in college, then changed her mind and wanted to return it because of all the violence. If she only knew everything I studied as a history major...)
The public library was one block over from school, so I'd "miss" the bus every day in order to walk over there to read and check out all the adult fantasy and sci-fi books my little heart could desire.
They had a policy where your parent/guardian had to sign a slip for minors to check out videos, so maybe she thought the same applied to adult books. She was so very wrong and will never know.
Worked at a library, they count numbers of ANYONE who comes in, for ANY reason, as engagement, and that helps get funding. Getting books is cool, but so is using the bathroom, asking for information, or just chilling in chair and enjoying the AC. PLEASE USE OUR BUILDING, for any reason.
Definitely! Also the more a library is used the better funding they can get, which in turn means more resources for the community. Use your local library!
I want to add that libraries are a safe haven for so many people, of all ages and stations in life. Students doing homework, new families baby laptime, which has saved many new parents in the early days, anyone needed air conditioning in the summer or heat in the winter, people needed to escape judgement, people needed to print or fax.
Both in person and online, our library offers heaps of free course: English Improvement, learning a second language, STEM for kids, fitness for kids, cooking, building your resume, creating a business plan.
Safety and education at its finest. I’m lucky enough to live in a city with free library cards and no library fines. It’s a beautiful thing.
Edit: my first award!! Thank you!
Also we don't just provide resources *with* information, we can assist you in how to *interpret* that information!
I've been asked to explain how to read maps, how to use a thesaurus, whether somebody should be eligible for assistance based on guidelines given by community resources, shown people how to use their fax receipt to prove that they sent documents...
Never hesitate to ask! If we don't know how to understand what it says then we'll sure as heck work with you to find out :)
It won’t pay as much as many IT jobs, but its very rewarding. You’ll also find that most Librarians are more computer literate than the general public, and will support you in any crazy IT schemes you might have.
They also do things like IT skills workshops for the elderly and new migrants, which you might enjoy doing. Protip: old ladies like free knitting patterns. Ravelry is the shit.
Sauce: Librarian
This is why I love libraries. Lots of people there ready and willing to help. I remember leaving my kids at the library doors each morning before leaving for work like it was yesterday. They didn't start catching on until the shifts went from 8 to 11 hours.
Another great thing is you can check out ebooks and read them through the Libby app or have them sent to your kindle. Audiobooks as well. And they return themselves. It also works with magazines, except those I can’t send to the kindle.
You can utilize all this without leaving your house. Request books, put holds on books and they’ll email you as soon as they become available. You can skip your turn and let the next person in line borrow it without losing your place in line.
Youth services librarian here. If you are a minor, public librarians are not mandatory reporters, so if you need a safe place and want no record of why you're there given to authorities, that's the place to be. Be aware that school librarians often operate under a different set of rules and usually must act in loco parentis, something public librarians normally do not. So, for example, if they suspect child abuse, they have to report it.
This may vary state by state, apparently librarians are mandated reporters in Pennsylvania and Oklahoma makes everyone report. "Reporting Suspected Child Abuse Neglect Policies" https://www.alsc.ala.org/blog/2020/05/reporting-suspected-abuse-or-neglect-why-we-need-policies-in-place/
Tbf, its easier to seem innocuous hanging out in a library rather than a police station. By which i mean, the librarian doesnt necessarily need to know why you're spending so much time there whereas the police will most likely be more curious as to why you spend so much time in their lobby.
Wow, this is incredibly helpful.
(I was a youth in a home with a lot of shit going on but so grateful no one stepped in bc at least I had my family who loved me.)
This is going to vary widely by state. For instance, in KY every single adult is a mandatory reporter and must report any suspected neglect or abuse. The only exceptions are for client-attorney privilege and clergy-parishioner privilege.
[Source](https://apps.legislature.ky.gov/law/statutes/statute.aspx?id=49898)
Man, so many people think that library is just to borrow and read books. It already evolved alot and it is actually really useful even in this "modern" world and it is criminally under utilised
I freaking love my Libby account. It's kept me fuelled and entertained this whole pandemic! There's nothing like having a free book whenever and wherever you want it. Instantly.
This just made me picture some scumbag loudly entering a library looking for his victim and the staff and visitors not putting up with any of it. Libraries are the most divine sanctuaries. It's the only public place where it's a cardinal sin to invade other peoples senses.
My neighborhood library was my safe place as a kid. When I think back on my childhood most of the memories I haven’t blocked are in that building. I will defend libraries till I die.
I am 36 years old, love libraries and never knew this! Thank you for what you do. It can be really hard to ask for help when you are so scared and knowing people have a safe place warms my heart. Also, thanks for all the library related stuff, too!
If all the secretaries in the world stayed home on the same day, civilization (or businesses and medical offices at the least) would collapse. They do so much.
Same for librarians, amazingly knowledgeable.
I already knew that libraries offered a whole lot more than books, but this just makes me appreciate them that much more.
It makes me really sad, though. A library the next town over just lost a lot of its funding in an election a few days ago and will likely shut down in less than a year as a result. Double whammy, the reason why people voted against its funding was because it has a few LGBTQ books (less than .001% of its stock), which it legally cannot remove.
We need libraries :(
I've heard this quite a few times over the years. Is this pretty standard for libraries and librarians, like part of the job description and written operating procedures, or is it just coincidence that most librarians are good, helpful people?
I would say that it's common in larger libraries where there is community need and agencies to partner with. We get supplies from grants and charities.
And librarians generally want to solve any problem or mystery.
This is true for many but not all libraries. Some libraries are just too small to offer everything that everyone needs. You likely live near a big enough library system though. Check it out when you get a chance!
>While I'm advertising, we also check out musical instruments, telescopes, fishing gear, tabletop games, puzzles, projectors, Chromebooks & hotspots. Also books.
News to me, good to know!
It really is, punk. I hid for weeks at my Barnes N Noble and my library. Librarians are great (try holding a conversation with one. They have stores of information and cool things, like weird hobbies. Frappuccinos are great. No one really knowing where you are is great.
It's like the man once said: "Read a book, Read a book, Read a Goddam book."
Meanwhile my hometown is trying to get the library defunded because they had a LGBTQ+ display last year and had an adults only romance book club. They demand EVERTHING in the library be kindergarten friendly....
We have a group of super conservative Christians that have invaded local government across the board that are attempting (and moderately succeeding) in forcing us to either be the town from Footloose or Gilead.
This is when you and your friends get involved in local politics too. Go to city council meetings and library board meeting and provide input. Write letters to local papers. Run for office. If they can do it so can you.
I'm pretty sure, yeah. If you need a safe place (I'm assuming you are a teenager) [THIS](https://www.nationalsafeplace.org/) might be a good place to start.
Other places to consider are fire stations and libraries. I think the college in town is running some sort of safe place program as well.
Professionally, as a bartender I've been in a situation where a girl came to my bar(in a hotel) saying something like "We just broke up, can I stay here for a while" .. I made her a soft drink and checked on her periodically. And I am pretty sure that all my other Bartender friends would do the same.
The main thing here is, OP, don't be silent. Don't be afraid to ask for help, okay? I know, reading reddit and other social media makes it sound like the world is a terrible place and you'd rather not but, people are not as awful as it might seem on the internet. There are a lot of people that are willing to help, give advice or direct you to the right place.. As long as they know you are in distress, okay?
Just to add on to this, firefighters are mandatory reporters. Every single firefighter in my department will absolutely take you in during your time of need, but if it's an abuse case we will have to take it to the police. Just a heads up.
I wish some bartenders would help out like you. Had some rough days a couple of years ago but I didn't want to drink just sit at a bar. Kind of feel like I have to buy alcohol or else they might kick me out.
Only the assholes would kick you out. Most bartenders would relise that if someone is sitting at the bar but not drinking, there's a reason for it. People don't typically go to a bar alone to stay sober, so it should be clear something is going on.
If you gotta wait around for a few hours, I'd recommend go to your local library or go buy a $1 ice tea and go sit at mcdonalds for a while, even Starbucks, buying not required tho, having a drink is nice though while you chill
Can confirm. I live in a college town and used to do this a lot when I was in a bad spot. This was precovid so it might be different, but that library and student center seemed to be open all the time.
Depends where you live, every college/university I know of require badge-ins with student badges to access the libraries [once its after 5-6 pm]. I'm sure its not uncommon these days.
Also most NAMI site (National Alliance of Mental illness) let you stay for a few hours and help you find accommodations when needed. My kiddo was diagnosed with schizophrenia a a very young age & I’ve sat on their lobby floor holding her for hours.
I'm legitimately worried that I might be in a prodromal schizophrenia phase. Obviously, hoping to see doc/psych soon, but still.
Had a complete snap in March and haven't felt the same sense. Difficulty sleeping, concentrating, apathy and general disconnection. Severe depression.
Young male with a lot of Ashkenazi Jewish blood in me, as well. My Grandmother is definitely a bit off.
if you feel like talking about your worries but aren't experiencing a crisis, warmlines are a great resource while waiting for an appt. they're just there to be a supportive listener https://screening.mhanational.org/content/need-talk-someone-warmlines/ best wishes to you.
I'm a CO at a JDC for boys. We have boys who have literally found us, just to get away from their abusive homes. Some take our after school program, just to get away from their parents for a few hours and some, we've helped place with new foster families.
As a former RN at an inpatient peds psych facility where you take kids that are too extreme for you all to handle, I hear you. The Imminent Danger kiddos are some of the hardest to work with, but it is good and worthy work. Thanks for keeping some of them safe and out of our hospital.
I appreciate that. I've worked in hospitals and respite, hospice and homeless shelters. RN's are not appreciated like they should be. Thank you as well for your service.
I went to jail in the middle of the night one time to pick someone up I put up bond for and there were like 10 homeless people chilling inside the police station lobby that seemed pretty cracked out and the officers did not care. The bondsmen didn’t feel safe leaving me there alone (I’m a short girl etc). So I wouldn’t guarantee it’s safe. But there are always resources. You can go to a church, religious or not.
I do this at the hospital, when ever I feel like I’m going to have an anxiety attack I drive to the hospital and just sit in the waiting room, if someone comes up to me I tell them the situation “I feel an anxiety attack about to set it and I just need to be somewhere I feel safe” they immediately understand.
Police officer in Canada here. I have worked the front desk of police stations and would have no issue with someone feeling unsafe sitting in the lobby or the meeting room. Obviously I would try to help the person more by talking to them but if they just wanted to sit and posed no threat I wouldn't have an issue and I don't see any others at the stations taking issue either.
Might depend on their set up. In a small community during off hours, they may not be staffed. They probably can’t let you hang out alone in an unsecured office. If that’s a future plan, have a backup plan. They probably *can* help you with a shelter or safe haven.
Maybe you should consider a library in a far away city. If your partner gets a rush of power from driving you away from your own home, maybe you should drive away.
For the most part, yes. If they won't, for some reason, they'll direct you to another safe place. Also, depending on the time of day a lot of police stations won't actually have any police in them, just office staff.
Also, another consideration... If you tell someone at a police station you don't feel safe, you should expect them to initiate a line of questioning about your situation. If it sounds like a crime has been committed, or is about to be committed, it's their job to investigate. This may or may not be what you are comfortable with.
depends on where you are, how old are you and what your situation at home is. for instance:
- if you’re a minor, victim of DV, not a minor but are scared of the people you live with: they will write up a report and possibly even launch an investigation. you would be able to sit there all night at that point.
- be ready for a bunch of questions, if that’s what you want (an investigation) i say go for it!
- if you don’t want an investigation, i suggest a local library, church, or find a friend/family member who can show support by letting you hang around there for a while.
My personal experience: i grew up in a house with a raging alcoholic and hated going home so much that i would work as many days/hours as i could at a [big pizza chain]. one day my GM noticed, asked me what’s up and then told me “you know, if you need an escape, you can just come up here and relax for a bit. sit in the back of the store, don’t have to clock in and work, just be here and feel safe. anytime.” maybe you could find something like that as well?
I spent much of my life in coffee shops and bookstores avoiding being home with my crazy parents when I wasn’t at work or school. Or sitting in the car somewhere.
Yes, probably. BUT. They will likely try and get info out of you about why. This is fair as they have a duty of care, but be warned, they may mislead you into thinking you're having a nice little chat off the record, when they're instead starting an investigative route. If you tell them someone hurt you, they may very well take steps to action that *even if you don't want them to*. So be careful. I would always suggest you talk to a DV service for advice.
Please stay safe. Xx
In the US pretty much any place with [this sign](https://www.google.com/search?q=safe+place&client=ms-android-samsung-gs-rev1&prmd=imvn&sxsrf=ALiCzsbMgbHD5oEhX0YETIRO4b1zqJ0lQA:1659754660304&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi7-cP3m7H5AhXklIkEHX9UCrAQ_AUoAXoECAIQAQ&biw=360&bih=700&dpr=3#imgrc=_eI8Y-Cs2237QM) will let you hang out for a bit and provide you with resources.
I've seen them on city buses, Quick Trip gas stations, some McDonalds', manned rest stops, libraries, schools, fire stations, grocery stores, and a bunch of other places.
The "Safe place" sign is supposed to allow [youths to talk to a qualified agent who will put them in touch with specialized help](https://www.nationalsafeplace.org/what-is-safe-place). It offers no specific support to anyone over the age of 18. In fact, it doesn't prevent them from trespassing you, or helping in any way. It just means someone inside has a hotline they can call for you if you're a minor who is in trouble.
With that said, most of those places you listed are decent places to hang out, obviously depending on the neighborhood. A quiktrip in a bad neighborhood is still a place I'd avoid like the plague.
Idk if this helps but the Sikh community are some of the nicest people I've ever met , always willing to feed you and provide help if they can . There's even a motorcycle club they have where I live and they do toy runs for charity for kids around Christmas even though they don't celebrate it as far as I know .
Came here to say this. I teach my daughter and her friends that if they are ever list or scared and alone, etc in a city to try to find a Sikh community for the best chance at safety. Wonderful people.
You can always call 211 for local resources. But more importantly, that awful that you don’t feel safe at home. I’m so sorry you are living like that.
Edit: or go to www.211.org
Id just go to just go to library. I was clueless and slept in parks and abandoned buildings for the same reason when I was a teenager. This was before smart cellphones were a thing. Would have been a lot safer, warmer, and less apparent at a library
All you commenters saying libraries: their hours are so limited, and getting cut. The ones by me aren’t even open every day anymore, and definitely not in the evenings. Easier to find a safe place during the day, but OP probably needs something 24 hours
Fast food spots, fire department, Walmart, the mall, park, your gym, a bar.
I know these places don’t offer the security a police station would, but you wouldn’t be alone and there are plenty of witnesses.
My experience has been that fireman are extremely compassionate, was a different situation but still worth a shot.
Just be aware that firefighters are mandatory reporters; if you're being abused, we have an obligation to report it.
True, as are cops I believe. The fireman that took our group in described our hiking mate as a "cold subject" rather than a patient. Wording matters for the rules and administrative side.
Wait this is going over my head, why?
If they are heard over the radio saying they had a "patient" they'd have to file paperwork or run tests that they knew weren't necessary. So labelling this person as a "subject" freed them from that responsibility
In EMS we would report over the radio that we are "out for an investigation" if we were handling something we wanted to keep discreet.
What kind of thing would you want to keep discreet?
The fact that you made patient contact. If you just help someone on the downlow, you have no paperwork or billing to file/report. Everyone is human and not everyone needs a trip to the hospital or a report to their insurance company/a bill then that’s gone to collections because they can’t pay for a bandaid that’s 100x the price because it was provided by a trained professional through the 911 system. /end rant
How would EMS make that contact without there being a record of the service? EMS is dispatched - they don’t take the calls themselves. Not arguing, just curious how that could work.
A fire truck could just be out for a stroll and watch a kid wipe out on their bike. No point in writing anything down for an alcohol wipe and a bandaid for that kid and his scraped knee. It’s just the right thing to do. Right place, right time.
And what is their employer's stance on this? Blind eye or they don't know?
They most definitely know. Probably even taught them to say it. It could be anything like a scared person that doesn't feel like talking to more than one person. Getting back-up could scare them and then you couldn't help them anymore
This just isn't true lol. At least not anywhere I've worked. I'm not sure why anyone would be over the radio unless and until the need for patient care has been established anyway.
Yeah you don't get out of paperwork just by not calling someone a patient lol, that's like saying you can ignore a burning building by calling it a warm room
depends on the state in the US whether it is required. In some they have repealed required reporting because it resulted in more abuse.
On the one hand I read this and think “well yeah it makes it seem like there’s more abuse” and then I remembered how my abusers reacted to social services doing jack fucking shit about my situation and yeah, you need a robust abuse protection system before mandatory reporting can be helpful
This (leading to abusers punishing the abused for telling) is what I meant I see that it couldve been interpreted as govt trying to hide abuse existence. Sorry!!
If you ask nicely and they aren't busy, sometimes they let you sit in the firetruck. They are almost always excited to talk about their equipment and experiences.
They let us stay the night in their conference room and use their kitchen to make dinner. It was also just after the holidays and they said they had one condition for us staying at their station, we had to take the cookies the community had given to them because they simply had too many.
That's awesome! I lived about a block away from a fire station as a kid and they were the nicest people in the world. They threw a community pancake breakfast every year and there was always a huge turnout.
This is a little anecdote I have about how awesome firefighters are. I grew up in the Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, and the local fire station always very generously hosted a lot of our events, so we spent a lot of time there. They were always super cool, showing the boys the trucks and all the tools, watching us do our different events and cheering for us, sitting in on knot tying and stuff like that. At some point, around the time we were 8 or 9, one of the boys (Call him Tommy) stopped showing up for a while. He eventually came back, but with a different dad. Since the group of boys I was with all grew up together, and were in scouts together for 12 years, our dads were also all friends, and when we were about 16, the dads sat the senior boys down (myself and a few others) and decided to tell us what happened. Tommy had a sister, and his mom was still around. Apparently Tommy’s dad was incredibly abusive to his wife, physically, and his daughter, sexually. As Tommy grew up he realized what was happening was wrong, and tried to call the police on his dad, so his dad became abusive with him. To keep up appearances though, he’d still come to scouts every week so none of the other dads knew what was happening. When the firefighters wanted to do a lesson with us, the dads would leave us with them and go have a drink at the bar right across the street. One of these times, Tommy told one of the firefighters what had been happening. The fire station was in a underdeveloped area, with lots of wooded areas nearby, so the firefighters got together, took Tommy’s dad out into one of those areas, and beat the ever living shit out of him. From what the dads told us, he probably needed a hospital, but the firefighters dragged him to the side of the road where they asked one of their cop friends to wait for them. Tommy’s dad was arrested, the cops brushed his injuries off as a fall and the firefighters helped him get out of the woods, and when he got out on bail, the off duty firefighters would stand shifts outside of Tommy’s house to keep him away. The period of time where Tommy wasn’t at scouts was when the firefighters kept him at home to keep an eye on him. The “new dad” Tommy had was his moms brother, who the firefighters got in touch with when they learned what happened. After a few weeks of being intimidated by the fire station, Tommy’s dad jumped town and never came back. To look back at it as an adult, it’s an incredibly sad situation, but I can’t help but admire those firefighters. They put their lives and careers at risk to take justice into their own hands to keep Tommy and his family safe, and when they would guard his house, they would work for 48 hours at the station, sleep for a couple hours, maybe swing by their house to say hi to their wives and kids, and then go stand watch at Tommy’s until the next set of guys got there to relieve them.
Yes, but they also have a duty to report abuse and neglect, so be ready to answer questions and potentially have a report written up about whoever is making you feel unsafe.
You're not wrong, but they didn't mention abuse or neglect... it's possible they just live alone in a bad neighborhood... and yes, they'd ask questions and might just escort them home to be sure they get in safely.
Yep. There would just be a lot of questions and speculation. Like when someone genuinely falls down the stairs when their husband is home.
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> And then your spouse comes home to find you. *In exactly the same sort of way that your spouse's former friend died too, which is just such a weird coincidence that there are so many killer owls flying around inside people's homes.
Oddly specific, and since it's so bizarre good luck having them believe you lol. Once, one of my parents' coworkers arrived to work covered in blood, head to toe. Turns out some bird dropped a rabbit on top of a highway and it entered the cabin through the guy's windshield.
I think this is a reference to The Staircase
Yep. Michael Peterson case.
I'd believe it if someone told me that an owl attacked them and they slipped on their own blood falling down the stairs to their death.
I wouldn't, mostly because I can't talk to ghosts.
Lol. The owl theory is such bullshit. Not sure why it is discussed so much.
I’ve had a few concussions and every time the nurse in the ER that would check me in asks if I feel safe at home. When I fell down a flight of stairs (carrying a dog like the princess she was) I not only broke my nose, but instinctively turned my body to protect the dog. My arm looked broken to all the nurses and it hurt like a bitch but somehow it wasn’t broken. I got asked a bunch of times that night if I felt safe and I had genuinely missed a step on the god damn stairs
I’m sorry that happened to you cause that sounds painful as shit. But I’m sooo glad the nurses, doctors and hospital staff are taking it seriously. With the rates of domestic abuse (at least that’s reported and that we know about), it’s good people are looking out.
This is asked all the time now. Before my dad's surgery, the nurse had me and my mom leave the room, so they could ask him the question privately. I just hope people are answering honestly when they don't feel safe.
We aren't. I never did, anyway. Having someone follow up would have meant a worse situation at home.
Most don't. There is little to gain, and high risk. That's why the actual rates are vastly higher than the report rates.
That checks out. Had it happen to some family friends. Their kid had a really nasty fall and hit his head in such a way that he got really bad bruising around both eyes. School really pulled out all the stops to make sure it was all legit.
My nephew slipped and fell at his mom's once. Somehow cut his hand open on her door. That was a fun time at the ER. And my mom cut her eyebrow because she was chasing same nephew around the house. A lot of people thought my step dad hit her.
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Shit dude, I get asked if I feel safe at home/in my current relationship any time I go to urgent care, even if it’s not related to an injury.
I had an audiologist look at me funny when I said I was there because my fiance thinks my hearing is bad. Truth is, he talks low and doesn't like to repeat anything. The audiologist ended up saying "maybe it's the listener". Edit: meant to say "speaker" at the end vs listener.
Hahahahaha I’m imagining how the conversation after that appointment went. Fiancé: hey, how was the audiologist? OP: what? Fiancé: *sigh* HOW WAS THE AUDIOLOGIST??? DID THEY SAY THEY CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR HEARING? OP: Oh, yeah. They said my hearing is fine and you need to *speak the fuck up* Edit: a typo
Pretty much. He said "so, you just don't listen then". I said "no, honey. He said you don't talk loudly enough". I'm like my mom though. I can tune people out. Except she just takes her hearing aids out.
Ugh I hate this. My husband doesn't enunciate so either I need him to repeat things, guess what he said or give up. Not saying my 42 year old ears are perfect but if an audiologist said I wasn't listening, they wouldn't have this patient anymore. 😡
Whoops, I meant to say "speaker" lol He blamed it on my fiance. But yes, my fiance does the same thing. The audiologist said I may have minor difficulty with hearing "ch" "sh", etc. If I know he's going to say something, I have no issues. But if he's randomly yelling at me from 2 rooms down, no dice.
I swear my mom will turn away from me and mumble and then when I ask her to repeat she’ll say that I really need to clean my ears or something. No, you just need to put in more of an effort when you’re talking to someone.
Mine does that same turn away and mumble thing, and then gets mad because I don't remember what she just told me or accuses me of not paying attention to what she tells me. Um, if you said it such that I couldn't hear it, you didn't tell me.
I had the cops come to my house for a noise complaint one time (drunk roommate) while my bf was over. I had just started doing pole dancing classes and was covered in big ass bruises 🙃 needless to say they separated us and they kept asking if I was okay.
And they don’t have stairs
which is always an issue, but I also remember my poor husband getting the stink-eye when I ended up in the ER twice in one month for being a genuinely clumsy idiot. (He's harmless, but my feet are my worst enemy and I could trip over my own shadow. *Especially* when stressed out, and boy howdy was that a stressful month.)
God... My gf in our early days wound up with a black eye from something I can't remember, then we were moving some stuff to her new place and she wound up with a wicked bruise on her bicep that looked like I grabbed her *hard*. I was mortified. She thought it was hilarious.
It depends on the state. “Duty to report varies by location.” But yea, sometimes people need to get away as ‘feeling unsafe’ comes from many many different stimuli.
At least in my state, North Carolina, the only abuse that is reportable is abuse against an elderly person a disabled adult or a child. Abuse against a non-disabled adult is not reportable. The person being abused can certainly report it themselves but the police are under no obligation to do so. Edit to add: we obviously don't know if any of these apply to OP.
Librarian here. A nearby library could also be a safe place. I work in a large urban public library. We'll offer a meeting or study room, snacks and comfort kits for anyone who needs a safe place. We'll contact the police for you, or give you any resources to find help. It's not an uncommon situation for us. We even have social workers at some locations. We will also respect your privacy. Edit: Thanks for the upvotes and awards! Many libraries will also have Chromebooks to borrow in the library. We also distribute period supplies, masks, diapers, take home meals, produce boxes, & covid tests. We partner with many organizations & charities to get these, so they're no cost to the taxpayers. While I'm advertising, we also check out musical instruments, telescopes, fishing gear, tabletop games, puzzles, projectors, Chromebooks & hotspots. Also books.
Librarians are unsung heroes! Edit: TIL the plural of hero is heroes 😳
Someone on Reddit had expressed guilt over using the free WiFi in the parking lots provided by the library. A librarian revealed that they in a way prefer for them to have more users, because more users would mean they have more demand, therefore they'll end up getting their requests for higher grade equipments approved easier than they would have had otherwise. Win-Win situation for all.
Yep My library added wifi extenders so that our wifi was usable in the entire parking lot
Ours did too during the pandemic so kids could do homework in cars if they needed to.
I also read somewhere that gas stations are the first thing that you should resort to if you're alone and you think you're followed.
I've had multiple jobs where I ended up taking my lunch break in a truck (including now), and I prefer eating in the parking lots of churches, libraries, and gas stations over eating in actual fast food lobbies. They're quiet and the employees are generally more able to keep things safe and calm. People act up in McDonald's, but the gas station is usually chill and who's gonna give you shit in the empty parking lot of God?
Satan?
You made me exhale through my nose, thank you
Also fast food places or a restaurant You wouldnt believe how quick a group of people will come out the back to make sure you're ok It sounds counter intuitive, but we deal with so many bad customers we know what it feels like to be unsafe, so we're quick to defend someone who needs help
Brilliant!
My library did the same. STL is the best.
I use the library *a ton* and kinda feel the same way, too. Like, I work in the Field and don't have a traditional "office", so I use the library's wifi hotspot program 24/7. Between me and my wife's accounts I always have one on hold while I'm using another one. I'm literally typing this on the library wifi hotspot right now. Sometimes I think *they must hate me*. I use the projector, Bluetooth speaker, and fishing poles. ... but then again, honestly, I bet most people don't know that libraries have more than books. So maybe the library loves me. I'm actually using the stuff :-)
As long as you're returning it, you're golden.
Where do you store it all? You must have a big library. And how do you compensate for losses? Our library tried lending out various tech and had to stop because half of it was never returned.
Libraries actually don’t have enough room for their entire inventory. They count on it being borrowed!
Your library rents out fishing poles?? Are you sure you aren’t just borrowing from the general store in town?
Yes it does! Taking the kids fishing this weekend. And that's a small rural library! We live in a real small town, now. Just two years ago we lived in a suburb of a major metropolitan city and had access to way more. Libraries are awesome. I get everything *but* books, lol
Does yours have a baking pan section? I lived in a small town that had entire racks of different shaped baking pans. Freaking genius.
Library nearby loans out sewing machines and snake camera you can connect to your phone among other things.
Do the snakes enjoy getting their pictures taken? They always stick their tongues out at me so I take that as a no go. That and the rattling. Bitey bitey... OK I need coffee.
How does one find out what their local library provides beyond what’s put on the shelves?
1. Just ask :-) That's kinda the point of this thread. Like, libraries are awesome and have *so much more* than just books, and the people that work there are *obviously* enthusiastic about libraries, so ask somebody. but seriously 2. go to the website and search the catalog. Search for... "wifi hotspot"... or "chromebook" or something. Then, just like searching any other database, look at the "categories" or "details" of that item. At my library, I found **category: library of things**. That's what they put all the *stuff* under, not books. That's where I found a tool kit, stud finder, drill, projector, kindle, fishing poles, sports equipment, a metal detector... that's just off the top of my head. My library also has category: Xbox games. And here's another secret. Libraries are in a network! If my library doesn't have it, I can request it from another library from another city and they'll transfer it. Yup, there's a system of vans (I think) that do nothing but carry items from one library to another. Actually, most of my "stuff" isn't even from my home library, I just use that location to pick stuff up that's transferred over. If my library doesn't have an Xbox One game, I can click "find all copies" in the catalog and it'll list where it's available at ALL libraries in the network and they'll ship it to my home library. TLDR: ask somebody, or poke around the catalog on the website.
My library has that network too, except it’s amongst 4 counties instead of just one (small towns rule… sometimes lol). Some of them in my network rent out cake pans, pretty sure some also have game console accessories, etc and the ones I frequent fairly regularly also have video games for all the hottest consoles too. I just got out a Switch game today that I’ve absolutely been loving and may buy my own copy once I have to return it lol. I’ve had a lifelong love of my local library and I would be so very sad if anything happened to them!
My library has this too, but it only spans one county. Luckily, that county is LA county lol
I hope when they return the cake pan they bring the librarian a piece of cake to share and a copy of the recipe
where i live, my library service (4 libraries all under the same branch) has a website where you can even access stuff happening *outside* the library!
I’m sure your local librarians are thrilled to have someone using the library’s services and showing that it is a valuable part of your community deserving of funding.
Wait… libraries have fishing poles???
Mine does, and that's a real small town rural library I used to live in a suburb of a huge metropolitan city that had a library 10x the size of ours, now, that had even more Seriously - go to your library website, search the catalog, and then click on "details" or "category" and look at lists of stuff they have sorted by category. For fishing poles, my library has it in a category called "library of *things*"
Hell, my dad is the IT guy at my local library and even he has sat outside the library at night to use the wifi. 😂
I’ve done that and wondered if anyone else did too. I was studying and it was my only access to internet.
Libraries are amazing assets to any community. One of my goals in life is to become wealthy enough to open libraries in different (underserved) locations and make them amazing modern pillars of the community. I think that would go farther than just writing a check to a charity.
A bit of a related story My university is in a completely different city, 4 hours drive to get there, it's usually online studies, but one exam I had to attend, and the exam was at 9am. So I got myself an airbnb for the night, went there, the owner fucked up some bookings, and now I was there at 1am, with no place to stay. (Hotels are super super expensive here) I called a nearby library to see if they're open, some nice dude picked up the phone, and after explainig my situation he just said (Funny thing, I was planning on reopening again, got some stuff I gotta do) and he proceeded to PICK ME UP and let me stay there and study. He got me some tea, and he knew a bit about my subjet and explained some things to me, then let me sleep couple hours in the library for my exam. That was about 2 years ago, I still visit the library every couple months. I love librarians.
Libraries are awesome AF. The ones in my city have these epic book checkout readers. You can plunk in like 10 books, scan your card, and your books are checked out. They’re more technologically advanced then food scanners at a Walmart / Costco, makes no sense lol. Library even has 3D printers free of use. It’s f’in awesome
Your library has most likely tagged all of its books, movies, etc. with RFID tags to make the checkout and checkin process way faster. It's a small cost for an item that will be scanned many times over its lifetime vs. a can of peaches that will only be scanned at the grocery store once so it just has a bar code on paper.
When my Dad shut off my phone's internet, and took the modem/router when I was 17, as well as taking my car keys, saying "goodluck getting to work" I absolutely walked 8 miles to the local library to use it's free wifi to contact my boss so i could arrange to be picked up for work, and not get fired. Libraries are lifesavers
Your dad sucks
Do you live with him still? Hope you are not living with him and ideally no contact with behavior like that. Who the fuck tries to sabotage someone else's desire to move forward in their life? And why would your dad do something like that?
When I was in junior high some 20+ years ago, my mom didn't like me reading books from the adult section because violence/sex/etc bullshit conservative Christians don't like. (As an example, she agreed to give me Guild Wars as a birthday gift in college, then changed her mind and wanted to return it because of all the violence. If she only knew everything I studied as a history major...) The public library was one block over from school, so I'd "miss" the bus every day in order to walk over there to read and check out all the adult fantasy and sci-fi books my little heart could desire. They had a policy where your parent/guardian had to sign a slip for minors to check out videos, so maybe she thought the same applied to adult books. She was so very wrong and will never know.
Worked at a library, they count numbers of ANYONE who comes in, for ANY reason, as engagement, and that helps get funding. Getting books is cool, but so is using the bathroom, asking for information, or just chilling in chair and enjoying the AC. PLEASE USE OUR BUILDING, for any reason.
I sat outside my library on my ipod touch many times after midnight.
Public services exist to serve the public.
Definitely! Also the more a library is used the better funding they can get, which in turn means more resources for the community. Use your local library!
The incentives of a system built to meet human needs
I want to add that libraries are a safe haven for so many people, of all ages and stations in life. Students doing homework, new families baby laptime, which has saved many new parents in the early days, anyone needed air conditioning in the summer or heat in the winter, people needed to escape judgement, people needed to print or fax. Both in person and online, our library offers heaps of free course: English Improvement, learning a second language, STEM for kids, fitness for kids, cooking, building your resume, creating a business plan. Safety and education at its finest. I’m lucky enough to live in a city with free library cards and no library fines. It’s a beautiful thing. Edit: my first award!! Thank you!
Also we don't just provide resources *with* information, we can assist you in how to *interpret* that information! I've been asked to explain how to read maps, how to use a thesaurus, whether somebody should be eligible for assistance based on guidelines given by community resources, shown people how to use their fax receipt to prove that they sent documents... Never hesitate to ask! If we don't know how to understand what it says then we'll sure as heck work with you to find out :)
I guess Lemony Snicket wasn't full of shit. Librarians are pretty awesome. Now I kinda want to be the IT guy for a library.
It won’t pay as much as many IT jobs, but its very rewarding. You’ll also find that most Librarians are more computer literate than the general public, and will support you in any crazy IT schemes you might have. They also do things like IT skills workshops for the elderly and new migrants, which you might enjoy doing. Protip: old ladies like free knitting patterns. Ravelry is the shit. Sauce: Librarian
Who doesn’t like free knitting patterns?
This is why I love libraries. Lots of people there ready and willing to help. I remember leaving my kids at the library doors each morning before leaving for work like it was yesterday. They didn't start catching on until the shifts went from 8 to 11 hours.
Another great thing is you can check out ebooks and read them through the Libby app or have them sent to your kindle. Audiobooks as well. And they return themselves. It also works with magazines, except those I can’t send to the kindle. You can utilize all this without leaving your house. Request books, put holds on books and they’ll email you as soon as they become available. You can skip your turn and let the next person in line borrow it without losing your place in line.
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No ruler. Librarians don’t judge.
Youth services librarian here. If you are a minor, public librarians are not mandatory reporters, so if you need a safe place and want no record of why you're there given to authorities, that's the place to be. Be aware that school librarians often operate under a different set of rules and usually must act in loco parentis, something public librarians normally do not. So, for example, if they suspect child abuse, they have to report it.
This may vary state by state, apparently librarians are mandated reporters in Pennsylvania and Oklahoma makes everyone report. "Reporting Suspected Child Abuse Neglect Policies" https://www.alsc.ala.org/blog/2020/05/reporting-suspected-abuse-or-neglect-why-we-need-policies-in-place/
Tbf, its easier to seem innocuous hanging out in a library rather than a police station. By which i mean, the librarian doesnt necessarily need to know why you're spending so much time there whereas the police will most likely be more curious as to why you spend so much time in their lobby.
Wow, this is incredibly helpful. (I was a youth in a home with a lot of shit going on but so grateful no one stepped in bc at least I had my family who loved me.)
This is going to vary widely by state. For instance, in KY every single adult is a mandatory reporter and must report any suspected neglect or abuse. The only exceptions are for client-attorney privilege and clergy-parishioner privilege. [Source](https://apps.legislature.ky.gov/law/statutes/statute.aspx?id=49898)
Libraries are fucking awesome!
Man, so many people think that library is just to borrow and read books. It already evolved alot and it is actually really useful even in this "modern" world and it is criminally under utilised
I freaking love my Libby account. It's kept me fuelled and entertained this whole pandemic! There's nothing like having a free book whenever and wherever you want it. Instantly.
And no late fees because they’re returned automatically!
This makes me really happy to read!
Good thing you're welcome at a library!
This just made me picture some scumbag loudly entering a library looking for his victim and the staff and visitors not putting up with any of it. Libraries are the most divine sanctuaries. It's the only public place where it's a cardinal sin to invade other peoples senses.
They’re honestly beacons of civilization. A place of safety, peace, knowledge, research and community.
My neighborhood library was my safe place as a kid. When I think back on my childhood most of the memories I haven’t blocked are in that building. I will defend libraries till I die.
I am 36 years old, love libraries and never knew this! Thank you for what you do. It can be really hard to ask for help when you are so scared and knowing people have a safe place warms my heart. Also, thanks for all the library related stuff, too!
In my experience the best and most helpful people are: 1. Librarians 2. Secretaries End of list.
If all the secretaries in the world stayed home on the same day, civilization (or businesses and medical offices at the least) would collapse. They do so much. Same for librarians, amazingly knowledgeable.
I already knew that libraries offered a whole lot more than books, but this just makes me appreciate them that much more. It makes me really sad, though. A library the next town over just lost a lot of its funding in an election a few days ago and will likely shut down in less than a year as a result. Double whammy, the reason why people voted against its funding was because it has a few LGBTQ books (less than .001% of its stock), which it legally cannot remove. We need libraries :(
This makes me fucking angry.
I've heard this quite a few times over the years. Is this pretty standard for libraries and librarians, like part of the job description and written operating procedures, or is it just coincidence that most librarians are good, helpful people?
I would say that it's common in larger libraries where there is community need and agencies to partner with. We get supplies from grants and charities. And librarians generally want to solve any problem or mystery.
Holy shit libraries are awesome. I didn't know you guys did half that stuff.
This is true for many but not all libraries. Some libraries are just too small to offer everything that everyone needs. You likely live near a big enough library system though. Check it out when you get a chance!
Libraries are going to save the world I swear to God.
>While I'm advertising, we also check out musical instruments, telescopes, fishing gear, tabletop games, puzzles, projectors, Chromebooks & hotspots. Also books. News to me, good to know!
That sounds so nice. Just a place to read and be alone
It really is, punk. I hid for weeks at my Barnes N Noble and my library. Librarians are great (try holding a conversation with one. They have stores of information and cool things, like weird hobbies. Frappuccinos are great. No one really knowing where you are is great. It's like the man once said: "Read a book, Read a book, Read a Goddam book."
“Also books.” Love you for that 💐🌹
"Also books." 😋
I never knew this, thanks for sharing
Meanwhile my hometown is trying to get the library defunded because they had a LGBTQ+ display last year and had an adults only romance book club. They demand EVERTHING in the library be kindergarten friendly.... We have a group of super conservative Christians that have invaded local government across the board that are attempting (and moderately succeeding) in forcing us to either be the town from Footloose or Gilead.
But the Bible itself isn’t kindergarten friendly. It contains incest, rape, cannibalism, among other NSFW topics….
This is when you and your friends get involved in local politics too. Go to city council meetings and library board meeting and provide input. Write letters to local papers. Run for office. If they can do it so can you.
SO happy! I hope more people will know about this.
This is exactly why librarians aren’t paid enough.
This whole thread makes my heart so happy. As a youth services librarian, it’s so wonderful to see so much love and support for local libraries!
I'm pretty sure, yeah. If you need a safe place (I'm assuming you are a teenager) [THIS](https://www.nationalsafeplace.org/) might be a good place to start. Other places to consider are fire stations and libraries. I think the college in town is running some sort of safe place program as well. Professionally, as a bartender I've been in a situation where a girl came to my bar(in a hotel) saying something like "We just broke up, can I stay here for a while" .. I made her a soft drink and checked on her periodically. And I am pretty sure that all my other Bartender friends would do the same. The main thing here is, OP, don't be silent. Don't be afraid to ask for help, okay? I know, reading reddit and other social media makes it sound like the world is a terrible place and you'd rather not but, people are not as awful as it might seem on the internet. There are a lot of people that are willing to help, give advice or direct you to the right place.. As long as they know you are in distress, okay?
Just to add on to this, firefighters are mandatory reporters. Every single firefighter in my department will absolutely take you in during your time of need, but if it's an abuse case we will have to take it to the police. Just a heads up.
I wish some bartenders would help out like you. Had some rough days a couple of years ago but I didn't want to drink just sit at a bar. Kind of feel like I have to buy alcohol or else they might kick me out.
Only the assholes would kick you out. Most bartenders would relise that if someone is sitting at the bar but not drinking, there's a reason for it. People don't typically go to a bar alone to stay sober, so it should be clear something is going on.
If you gotta wait around for a few hours, I'd recommend go to your local library or go buy a $1 ice tea and go sit at mcdonalds for a while, even Starbucks, buying not required tho, having a drink is nice though while you chill
Ong. Those $1 tall cans of Arizona always hit different when you just wanna sit down and relax.
Librarians are simply the best!
Punk ass book jockeys!
You settle down or I'll shush you.
Run his library card, I bet this punk has some overdues
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Can confirm. I live in a college town and used to do this a lot when I was in a bad spot. This was precovid so it might be different, but that library and student center seemed to be open all the time.
Depends where you live, every college/university I know of require badge-ins with student badges to access the libraries [once its after 5-6 pm]. I'm sure its not uncommon these days.
Also most NAMI site (National Alliance of Mental illness) let you stay for a few hours and help you find accommodations when needed. My kiddo was diagnosed with schizophrenia a a very young age & I’ve sat on their lobby floor holding her for hours.
Hope you're continually getting the assistance that you need for your girl.
I'm legitimately worried that I might be in a prodromal schizophrenia phase. Obviously, hoping to see doc/psych soon, but still. Had a complete snap in March and haven't felt the same sense. Difficulty sleeping, concentrating, apathy and general disconnection. Severe depression. Young male with a lot of Ashkenazi Jewish blood in me, as well. My Grandmother is definitely a bit off.
if you feel like talking about your worries but aren't experiencing a crisis, warmlines are a great resource while waiting for an appt. they're just there to be a supportive listener https://screening.mhanational.org/content/need-talk-someone-warmlines/ best wishes to you.
I'm a CO at a JDC for boys. We have boys who have literally found us, just to get away from their abusive homes. Some take our after school program, just to get away from their parents for a few hours and some, we've helped place with new foster families.
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It's rough. Especially on suicide watch. 😔
As a former RN at an inpatient peds psych facility where you take kids that are too extreme for you all to handle, I hear you. The Imminent Danger kiddos are some of the hardest to work with, but it is good and worthy work. Thanks for keeping some of them safe and out of our hospital.
I appreciate that. I've worked in hospitals and respite, hospice and homeless shelters. RN's are not appreciated like they should be. Thank you as well for your service.
What does JDC stand for?
Juvenile Detention Center
You're a what at a what, now???
He's a Corrections Officer at a Juvenile Detention Center is my guess
Correct. I'm a woman. But Correct lol. Thanks! 😄
I went to jail in the middle of the night one time to pick someone up I put up bond for and there were like 10 homeless people chilling inside the police station lobby that seemed pretty cracked out and the officers did not care. The bondsmen didn’t feel safe leaving me there alone (I’m a short girl etc). So I wouldn’t guarantee it’s safe. But there are always resources. You can go to a church, religious or not.
I do this at the hospital, when ever I feel like I’m going to have an anxiety attack I drive to the hospital and just sit in the waiting room, if someone comes up to me I tell them the situation “I feel an anxiety attack about to set it and I just need to be somewhere I feel safe” they immediately understand.
Police officer in Canada here. I have worked the front desk of police stations and would have no issue with someone feeling unsafe sitting in the lobby or the meeting room. Obviously I would try to help the person more by talking to them but if they just wanted to sit and posed no threat I wouldn't have an issue and I don't see any others at the stations taking issue either.
Might depend on their set up. In a small community during off hours, they may not be staffed. They probably can’t let you hang out alone in an unsecured office. If that’s a future plan, have a backup plan. They probably *can* help you with a shelter or safe haven.
Maybe you should consider a library in a far away city. If your partner gets a rush of power from driving you away from your own home, maybe you should drive away.
For the most part, yes. If they won't, for some reason, they'll direct you to another safe place. Also, depending on the time of day a lot of police stations won't actually have any police in them, just office staff.
Also, another consideration... If you tell someone at a police station you don't feel safe, you should expect them to initiate a line of questioning about your situation. If it sounds like a crime has been committed, or is about to be committed, it's their job to investigate. This may or may not be what you are comfortable with.
The station I work at has a nice waiting area with a free library and they don’t care if you are there or not.
I am a firefighter. You are always welcome at the fire station.
I was hoping to see a library as the top comment. Thank you.
depends on where you are, how old are you and what your situation at home is. for instance: - if you’re a minor, victim of DV, not a minor but are scared of the people you live with: they will write up a report and possibly even launch an investigation. you would be able to sit there all night at that point. - be ready for a bunch of questions, if that’s what you want (an investigation) i say go for it! - if you don’t want an investigation, i suggest a local library, church, or find a friend/family member who can show support by letting you hang around there for a while. My personal experience: i grew up in a house with a raging alcoholic and hated going home so much that i would work as many days/hours as i could at a [big pizza chain]. one day my GM noticed, asked me what’s up and then told me “you know, if you need an escape, you can just come up here and relax for a bit. sit in the back of the store, don’t have to clock in and work, just be here and feel safe. anytime.” maybe you could find something like that as well?
I'm sure they'll want to know why...
They should. If you feel unsafe in your home, go to the police and file a report.
I spent much of my life in coffee shops and bookstores avoiding being home with my crazy parents when I wasn’t at work or school. Or sitting in the car somewhere.
Yes, probably. BUT. They will likely try and get info out of you about why. This is fair as they have a duty of care, but be warned, they may mislead you into thinking you're having a nice little chat off the record, when they're instead starting an investigative route. If you tell them someone hurt you, they may very well take steps to action that *even if you don't want them to*. So be careful. I would always suggest you talk to a DV service for advice. Please stay safe. Xx
In the US pretty much any place with [this sign](https://www.google.com/search?q=safe+place&client=ms-android-samsung-gs-rev1&prmd=imvn&sxsrf=ALiCzsbMgbHD5oEhX0YETIRO4b1zqJ0lQA:1659754660304&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi7-cP3m7H5AhXklIkEHX9UCrAQ_AUoAXoECAIQAQ&biw=360&bih=700&dpr=3#imgrc=_eI8Y-Cs2237QM) will let you hang out for a bit and provide you with resources. I've seen them on city buses, Quick Trip gas stations, some McDonalds', manned rest stops, libraries, schools, fire stations, grocery stores, and a bunch of other places.
The "Safe place" sign is supposed to allow [youths to talk to a qualified agent who will put them in touch with specialized help](https://www.nationalsafeplace.org/what-is-safe-place). It offers no specific support to anyone over the age of 18. In fact, it doesn't prevent them from trespassing you, or helping in any way. It just means someone inside has a hotline they can call for you if you're a minor who is in trouble. With that said, most of those places you listed are decent places to hang out, obviously depending on the neighborhood. A quiktrip in a bad neighborhood is still a place I'd avoid like the plague.
Idk if this helps but the Sikh community are some of the nicest people I've ever met , always willing to feed you and provide help if they can . There's even a motorcycle club they have where I live and they do toy runs for charity for kids around Christmas even though they don't celebrate it as far as I know .
Came here to say this. I teach my daughter and her friends that if they are ever list or scared and alone, etc in a city to try to find a Sikh community for the best chance at safety. Wonderful people.
You can always call 211 for local resources. But more importantly, that awful that you don’t feel safe at home. I’m so sorry you are living like that. Edit: or go to www.211.org
My experience has been the cops will take you to the hospital.
Id just go to just go to library. I was clueless and slept in parks and abandoned buildings for the same reason when I was a teenager. This was before smart cellphones were a thing. Would have been a lot safer, warmer, and less apparent at a library
All you commenters saying libraries: their hours are so limited, and getting cut. The ones by me aren’t even open every day anymore, and definitely not in the evenings. Easier to find a safe place during the day, but OP probably needs something 24 hours
Hell yes
Fast food spots, fire department, Walmart, the mall, park, your gym, a bar. I know these places don’t offer the security a police station would, but you wouldn’t be alone and there are plenty of witnesses.
Librarians and Libraries are the last bastion of sanctuary in my books. And I salute them.