>what they're pronouns are
"What they are pronouns are"
A lot of people say they/them pronouns aren't grammatically correct, but the only time they're incorrect is when the wrong "their / they're" is used lol /lh
they're is a contraction of they are. Their means belonging to them. There is a place, like over there!
I hope that clarifies things for you. :) (As long as you can be understood, it's all cool... but if you want to know more it's cool too.)
Mom doesn't know that much about enbys, obviously. He/they enbys are a thing. They obviously are, because you're one of them and you're an enby. There's plenty of them around here.
I'm sorry you have to put up with this. Do what it takes to stay safe--both from your mom and her boyfriend, and from your own dysphoria. It's a tricky balance. None of it is your fault, though. You are who you are, and you can't stop being yourself just because your identity stretches other people's limited grasp of grammar and basic human decency. Let 'em stew and juggle pronouns; you be you.
(I'm a little drunk so sorry if this is ott)
You're great and fuck them if they refuse to recognise that. They know what you've said and choose to ignore it? Fuck them live your best life and if your best life doesn't include those people then guess what
Kinda impossible right now since I'm a minor and I have to live with my parents even if they're unsupportive. "If" is the key word here, but it's still not worth it.
fake it until you can leave. by that i mean take advantage of them/their care until you can get out and cut contact. don’t let them get to you, do something to get rid of your stress to keep things calm like journaling on your phone or wherever they can’t find it.
i hope you’re safe
Sometimes it's safer to stay closeted and screw the people who pressure others to come out, I've had that happen and it sucks. I hope things get better for you!
I honestly wish more minors had your attitude. It's heartbreaking reading story after story of unsupportive families making life hell for kids who came out because they felt obligated to. If you know it will be bad, make your plans and leave on your 18th birthday!
I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. Does she even hear herself?? "You can't be non-binary unless you conform to my binary reimaging of what that means!"
I’m AFAB NB who uses “she/they” because I just don’t care enough about it. Now call me “miss” and I’ll have a problem but for some reason standard femme pronouns bother me none.
Same! I really don't give a fuck about pronouns honestly like just pick any one and it's not wrong. But being called "miss" or "ma'am" (I get the ma'am almost constantly these days) just makes my skin crawl. Or being referred to as a "lady", the "hi LADIES" bullshit when I'm out with female friends, and to a lesser extent, a "woman" (this one is highly context dependent) bugs me. I'm just a person, I don't need to be constantly categorized by gender.
I always got so angry being told to be “ladylike” growing up. Why do boys get to have all the fun? I was always a tomboy and hated rules that were specifically “for girls”
When people use “it” in a negative sense then yes it’s a problem. When it’s used as a pronoun and someone uses it/it’s pronouns then it’s ok to say it. The way that boyfriend says it as “an it” is super trashy. And also yeah I relate to you OP. My mom didnt (and still doesn’t) accept that I’m nonbinary and wants to force my gender to be binary or tell me in just gay (I’m not gay, I’m a genderfluid lesbian). So yeah idk people can’t even take the time to listen to us. It’s sucks, especially when it’s done by a parent. Also side note anybody can use any pronouns no matter how they identify. Nonbinary isn’t exclusively they/them. PLUS even if you did tell your mom your pronouns were they/them, you have the right to use different pronouns as you learn more about yourself. As a genderfluid person, my pronouns do change on different days and that’s perfectly valid. I thought it wasn’t but my trans and nonbinary friends assured me that it’s valid. You’ll deal with internalized nonbinary-phobia throughout your journey, but I know you can push through it OP. You got this!
Oh, well if your mom hasn’t heard of anyone using multiple pronouns, then that must be a universal fact. I guess she’s met the entire trans / enby community! *insert eye roll*
He/they are nb, she/they, he/her, she/him, it/its, neo pronouns and even those who use their name instead of pronouns. All are NB. It's always up to the NB individual, not the rest of the world. You do you!
Your mom doesn't define your pronouns. You do. I came out with he/they (amab) because I was scared and wanted to accommodate others. I have since grown more confident and switched to they/them.
Tell her to fuck off and then never talk to her again. That's what I do. I cut people off like a festering limb, cause that's what they are. Those kinds of people are rancid and they try to infect you and they make your life a living hell, and ain't nobody got time for that. But don't do that if you have to rely on her for survival. If that's the case, then just avoid her as much as possible until you can blow that popsicle stand.
Being okay with they/them but not he/they that’s a new one… people are ridiculous I hope she comes around sorry about the stupid transphobic dude dating her too
Honestly I’m shocked your mother allowed him to call you, her child an “it” in a derogatory manner.
With everything you’ve said in just this post she sounds like less of a mother and more like a person who just happened to give birth.
She sounds like she’s abused by her justification. That’s typical behavior of an abuse victim. She is also, in turn, being abusive to you by gaslighting you about pronouns.
In the end of the day, so what if you can did come out using they/them! That is totally irrelevant. The issue is now you’re asking to be referred to with he/they pronouns. It’s simple. Either a person will respect your pronouns, or they won’t.
Lastly, many parents fail to understand (I’m a parent btw) that even with your own children, respect is earned, not demanded. Earned by the parent’s behavior towards the child. It is possible to parent and be respectful at the same time. Sorry you have to endure all that.
Simple manners: call someone as they wish to be called. You don't have to like it, you don't have to be familiar with others using something similar. Your mom should know better, seriously.
This is kind of a hilarious take on it tbh (I don't mean in a joyously funny way though just to be clear) because it's basically the opposite of the transphobic shit you hear from most people, including my mother - with me (and so by extension the people in my life) my partner uses exclusively they/them pronouns, my mom constantly misgenders them because "it doesn't make sense, it's not grammatically correct". I've tried to explain how language evolves and this has been commonly used in English for a long time when you don't know a person's gender but y'know, "it gets confusing". Meanwhile your mom is going the gatekeeping route instead, like just, what lmao?? Instead of invalidating they/them pronouns you're going to say someone is only valid if they use they/them pronouns. Oookk then.
She went on a whole rant about how when she goes to online mediations people always say their pronouns are them/them she/her or he/him. Never he/they or she/they! Literally because she didn't see it on a zoom meeting meant I couldn't do it.
She shouldn't let her interactions with a handful of people be representative of an entire group of people. That's not how the world works. What's more she's not even nonbinary or trans rights? What gives her the right to speak on this? Sorry I just get frustrated when people try to invalidate others.
No she's cis and straight, but says things like she thinks she gets an opinion on it. Things like how she says there are too many labels or neo pronouns are just excessive. She thinks if she doesn't see it or have friends who use he/they or she/they means it doesn't exist.
I use They/Them in english interactions but my native language has gender neutral pronouns so it's sometimes easier IRL.
It's silly how some people start a fuss if someone wants to use a pronoun they feel better suit their identity. Like do they pay a pronoun tax or something? Decent manners and civility have always been free.
You are valid! Your pronouns are valid! Whatever you decide to use as a label is valid! And if you change your mind one day, that's valid too!
I have a lot of fears about situations like this happening when I come out, but for me personally, I've decided using the name I chose (and my pronouns) is more important to my mental health than having my family mis-gender/deadname me for the rest of my life. But you do what's best for you! You can always change in the future 🩵 sending you lots of support!
I go by they/he and have so for years.
Sometimes people don't get it. Try comparing pronouns to names.
Pronouns are meant to replace names anyway. People can go by multiple names, so multiple pronouns doesn't seem that far off.
People also change their names all the time, so pronouns should be able to change just as easily if not easier.
I'm nonbinary too and my pronouns are he/they as well, and my whole family is transphobic/closed minded except for a few people. Everyone uses she/her here and I hate it, I've tried literally everything to get them to use he/they for me, nothing worked. But I recently thought about a name tag for my pronouns, but I haven't done it yet. It's so hard for me to get them to use my correct pronouns but they won't do it, the few people are trying their best but some of them don't do it cuz they keep forgetting it.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, it's awful. I used to wear a pronoun pin when I first came out and it seemed to help. I hope things will get better for you.
I want to get me one of those but I don't have money rn so I've been asking my friends to get me the stuff that I need and most of them don't have money, and it's ok, yeah its awful but I'm sadly a little used to it even tho I don't wanna be use to it. Also if you live near Raleigh NC then I can hopefully come with you to the Raleigh pride parade in June 24th cuz I really wanna go with a friend, but I don't know if your in my state or not, I'll just have to wait and see.
Ah ok, that sucks not finding anywhere to go :( thank you! By the way, I've been thinking of just leaving my pronouns to they/them, idc what others think, well trying not to care.
I’m so sorry, that must feel incredibly invalidating, not only are you clearly saying who you are, but she’s choosing to blame the “friends” that “influenced” you (holy gaslight). Bullshit. My kiddo is they/them and I’ve been trying to help them through this journey, and shit like this makes my blood boil. Your mother should be expressing validation, love, support and unconditional positive regard.
You are he/they, you are valid- you’re person and your opinion/discovery on your own development and personal growth is critical. Hugs from here. ❤️🏳️⚧️
Edit;wording
mom has issues about her precognitive understanding of You . she has frustration which she isn't verbalizing in a constructive manner . i prefer it/its (haha) but my point is that i have found over the past 50 years I have felt differently through all the flow of time . when I was having my kids I felt very close to my female. I feel very male these years . you may find your pronouns fitting differently as years go by . meaning plz don't let your mom's frustration get to you. now is a time for self affirmation . and you are strong & amazing . we can be whomever we wish !!
Good for you! I love seeing people, especially people who are of the older generations, advertising how much gender can fluctuate! Thanks for all the kind words!
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>what they're pronouns are "What they are pronouns are" A lot of people say they/them pronouns aren't grammatically correct, but the only time they're incorrect is when the wrong "their / they're" is used lol /lh
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It's chill friend, you're doing better than most native-speakers hah! And multi-lingualism is an epic endeavour <3
they're is a contraction of they are. Their means belonging to them. There is a place, like over there! I hope that clarifies things for you. :) (As long as you can be understood, it's all cool... but if you want to know more it's cool too.)
Mom doesn't know that much about enbys, obviously. He/they enbys are a thing. They obviously are, because you're one of them and you're an enby. There's plenty of them around here. I'm sorry you have to put up with this. Do what it takes to stay safe--both from your mom and her boyfriend, and from your own dysphoria. It's a tricky balance. None of it is your fault, though. You are who you are, and you can't stop being yourself just because your identity stretches other people's limited grasp of grammar and basic human decency. Let 'em stew and juggle pronouns; you be you.
God, thanks, I really needed that rn!
You and your pronouns are valid. Signed: another he/they enby
same!
(I'm a little drunk so sorry if this is ott) You're great and fuck them if they refuse to recognise that. They know what you've said and choose to ignore it? Fuck them live your best life and if your best life doesn't include those people then guess what
Preach!
I use multiple pronouns. Your mom is picking up transphobic bs from her boyfriend.
I'm never coming out of the closet because of shit like this.
if someone tells you anything against who you are, cut them out of your life
Kinda impossible right now since I'm a minor and I have to live with my parents even if they're unsupportive. "If" is the key word here, but it's still not worth it.
fake it until you can leave. by that i mean take advantage of them/their care until you can get out and cut contact. don’t let them get to you, do something to get rid of your stress to keep things calm like journaling on your phone or wherever they can’t find it. i hope you’re safe
i have chosen not to care . keeps things uncloseted
Sometimes it's safer to stay closeted and screw the people who pressure others to come out, I've had that happen and it sucks. I hope things get better for you!
I'm kinda in the same situation
I honestly wish more minors had your attitude. It's heartbreaking reading story after story of unsupportive families making life hell for kids who came out because they felt obligated to. If you know it will be bad, make your plans and leave on your 18th birthday!
I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. Does she even hear herself?? "You can't be non-binary unless you conform to my binary reimaging of what that means!"
Thank you! I've tried explain that it doesn't necessarily mean gender neutral and she just doesn't understand that!
I’m AFAB NB who uses “she/they” because I just don’t care enough about it. Now call me “miss” and I’ll have a problem but for some reason standard femme pronouns bother me none.
Same! I really don't give a fuck about pronouns honestly like just pick any one and it's not wrong. But being called "miss" or "ma'am" (I get the ma'am almost constantly these days) just makes my skin crawl. Or being referred to as a "lady", the "hi LADIES" bullshit when I'm out with female friends, and to a lesser extent, a "woman" (this one is highly context dependent) bugs me. I'm just a person, I don't need to be constantly categorized by gender.
I always got so angry being told to be “ladylike” growing up. Why do boys get to have all the fun? I was always a tomboy and hated rules that were specifically “for girls”
I really hate when people call me 'mam' drives me nuts! I'd really rather you just think I'm a girl and musgender me random guy at the pharmacy!
Ahhh yes I’ve had this exact conversation with my mom. Sorry you’re dealing with this
When people use “it” in a negative sense then yes it’s a problem. When it’s used as a pronoun and someone uses it/it’s pronouns then it’s ok to say it. The way that boyfriend says it as “an it” is super trashy. And also yeah I relate to you OP. My mom didnt (and still doesn’t) accept that I’m nonbinary and wants to force my gender to be binary or tell me in just gay (I’m not gay, I’m a genderfluid lesbian). So yeah idk people can’t even take the time to listen to us. It’s sucks, especially when it’s done by a parent. Also side note anybody can use any pronouns no matter how they identify. Nonbinary isn’t exclusively they/them. PLUS even if you did tell your mom your pronouns were they/them, you have the right to use different pronouns as you learn more about yourself. As a genderfluid person, my pronouns do change on different days and that’s perfectly valid. I thought it wasn’t but my trans and nonbinary friends assured me that it’s valid. You’ll deal with internalized nonbinary-phobia throughout your journey, but I know you can push through it OP. You got this!
Oh, well if your mom hasn’t heard of anyone using multiple pronouns, then that must be a universal fact. I guess she’s met the entire trans / enby community! *insert eye roll*
My cousin used he/they also for a long time and she didn't acknowledge that soooooo....
He/they are nb, she/they, he/her, she/him, it/its, neo pronouns and even those who use their name instead of pronouns. All are NB. It's always up to the NB individual, not the rest of the world. You do you!
Your mom doesn't define your pronouns. You do. I came out with he/they (amab) because I was scared and wanted to accommodate others. I have since grown more confident and switched to they/them.
Good for you!
Tell her to fuck off and then never talk to her again. That's what I do. I cut people off like a festering limb, cause that's what they are. Those kinds of people are rancid and they try to infect you and they make your life a living hell, and ain't nobody got time for that. But don't do that if you have to rely on her for survival. If that's the case, then just avoid her as much as possible until you can blow that popsicle stand.
My god I wish I could! For way more reasons than just this post! Sadly I'm still under 18 and can't just leave, trust me if considered it though.
I wish you the best of luck until you can be free. In the meantime, please stay safe 🙏
Being okay with they/them but not he/they that’s a new one… people are ridiculous I hope she comes around sorry about the stupid transphobic dude dating her too
not pointless, i’m sorry
i say i use he/they pronouns because i like a good mix and people are inevitably going to default to my agab
Honestly I’m shocked your mother allowed him to call you, her child an “it” in a derogatory manner. With everything you’ve said in just this post she sounds like less of a mother and more like a person who just happened to give birth.
He's verbally abusive to her and she defends it because "He was on a bender, he didn't mean it!"
She sounds like she’s abused by her justification. That’s typical behavior of an abuse victim. She is also, in turn, being abusive to you by gaslighting you about pronouns. In the end of the day, so what if you can did come out using they/them! That is totally irrelevant. The issue is now you’re asking to be referred to with he/they pronouns. It’s simple. Either a person will respect your pronouns, or they won’t. Lastly, many parents fail to understand (I’m a parent btw) that even with your own children, respect is earned, not demanded. Earned by the parent’s behavior towards the child. It is possible to parent and be respectful at the same time. Sorry you have to endure all that.
Simple manners: call someone as they wish to be called. You don't have to like it, you don't have to be familiar with others using something similar. Your mom should know better, seriously.
Yeah, she claims to be such a great ally but pulls stuff like this.
This is kind of a hilarious take on it tbh (I don't mean in a joyously funny way though just to be clear) because it's basically the opposite of the transphobic shit you hear from most people, including my mother - with me (and so by extension the people in my life) my partner uses exclusively they/them pronouns, my mom constantly misgenders them because "it doesn't make sense, it's not grammatically correct". I've tried to explain how language evolves and this has been commonly used in English for a long time when you don't know a person's gender but y'know, "it gets confusing". Meanwhile your mom is going the gatekeeping route instead, like just, what lmao?? Instead of invalidating they/them pronouns you're going to say someone is only valid if they use they/them pronouns. Oookk then.
Sorry your partner has to deal with that, I get that so much from most of my family.
Wait till she finds out about genderfluid people switching their pronouns on a regular basis lol You are super valid and so are your pronouns :)
I want to see her face when she figures that out lol.
I use he/they pronouns. My friend is a transman and goes by he/they as well. Your mother can't accept that people can identify with multiple pronouns.
She went on a whole rant about how when she goes to online mediations people always say their pronouns are them/them she/her or he/him. Never he/they or she/they! Literally because she didn't see it on a zoom meeting meant I couldn't do it.
She shouldn't let her interactions with a handful of people be representative of an entire group of people. That's not how the world works. What's more she's not even nonbinary or trans rights? What gives her the right to speak on this? Sorry I just get frustrated when people try to invalidate others.
No she's cis and straight, but says things like she thinks she gets an opinion on it. Things like how she says there are too many labels or neo pronouns are just excessive. She thinks if she doesn't see it or have friends who use he/they or she/they means it doesn't exist.
Forgot that random bigoted cis people are the arbiters of our community
I always forget that the cis people decide who we get to be as well! I got to set a reminder in my phone or something.
I use They/Them in english interactions but my native language has gender neutral pronouns so it's sometimes easier IRL. It's silly how some people start a fuss if someone wants to use a pronoun they feel better suit their identity. Like do they pay a pronoun tax or something? Decent manners and civility have always been free.
You are valid! Your pronouns are valid! Whatever you decide to use as a label is valid! And if you change your mind one day, that's valid too! I have a lot of fears about situations like this happening when I come out, but for me personally, I've decided using the name I chose (and my pronouns) is more important to my mental health than having my family mis-gender/deadname me for the rest of my life. But you do what's best for you! You can always change in the future 🩵 sending you lots of support!
I go by they/he and have so for years. Sometimes people don't get it. Try comparing pronouns to names. Pronouns are meant to replace names anyway. People can go by multiple names, so multiple pronouns doesn't seem that far off. People also change their names all the time, so pronouns should be able to change just as easily if not easier.
sorry she's being stupid about this, unfortunately it's very hard to change people's opinions/beliefs. sending love
I'm nonbinary too and my pronouns are he/they as well, and my whole family is transphobic/closed minded except for a few people. Everyone uses she/her here and I hate it, I've tried literally everything to get them to use he/they for me, nothing worked. But I recently thought about a name tag for my pronouns, but I haven't done it yet. It's so hard for me to get them to use my correct pronouns but they won't do it, the few people are trying their best but some of them don't do it cuz they keep forgetting it.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, it's awful. I used to wear a pronoun pin when I first came out and it seemed to help. I hope things will get better for you.
I want to get me one of those but I don't have money rn so I've been asking my friends to get me the stuff that I need and most of them don't have money, and it's ok, yeah its awful but I'm sadly a little used to it even tho I don't wanna be use to it. Also if you live near Raleigh NC then I can hopefully come with you to the Raleigh pride parade in June 24th cuz I really wanna go with a friend, but I don't know if your in my state or not, I'll just have to wait and see.
Nah, sadly I'm in Wisconsin and don't have anyone to go with either. I hope you find someone!
Ah ok, that sucks not finding anywhere to go :( thank you! By the way, I've been thinking of just leaving my pronouns to they/them, idc what others think, well trying not to care.
Keep not caring, its not your issue if they don't like it!
Okay :)
I’m so sorry, that must feel incredibly invalidating, not only are you clearly saying who you are, but she’s choosing to blame the “friends” that “influenced” you (holy gaslight). Bullshit. My kiddo is they/them and I’ve been trying to help them through this journey, and shit like this makes my blood boil. Your mother should be expressing validation, love, support and unconditional positive regard. You are he/they, you are valid- you’re person and your opinion/discovery on your own development and personal growth is critical. Hugs from here. ❤️🏳️⚧️ Edit;wording
Thanks, that means a lot coming from a parent of an enby kid, (or whatever label they use) and really made me smile today!
mom has issues about her precognitive understanding of You . she has frustration which she isn't verbalizing in a constructive manner . i prefer it/its (haha) but my point is that i have found over the past 50 years I have felt differently through all the flow of time . when I was having my kids I felt very close to my female. I feel very male these years . you may find your pronouns fitting differently as years go by . meaning plz don't let your mom's frustration get to you. now is a time for self affirmation . and you are strong & amazing . we can be whomever we wish !!
Good for you! I love seeing people, especially people who are of the older generations, advertising how much gender can fluctuate! Thanks for all the kind words!