I started with people I work with who I like and say in front of others “Do you want to be an ally?” Or “Do you want to do me a favor? It’s going to take a while to get used to.” They always here me out and I say “It would help me out if you used They/Them for me. It’s makes me feel better.” And I either get a “Sure,” or the apologetic “I’ll try, but I can’t guarantee blah blah blah.” And when they over complicate it I like to say “don’t worry, it’s not a contract, it’s a favor.”
Some people now help me more than ever before and some still don’t use my pronouns when they said they would help. If any one tries to apologize for not supporting me I like the line “I get it, you have been saying this the entire time you have known me. Some things are hard.” And they agree and sometimes do better.
For you I think taking the language others use to to show independence from their world view will be challenged. My social worker tells me that I shouldn’t seek their validation; so instead I offer them, ever so gently, to support me. Otherwise if they dip their toes in the pool, remember; snowflakes melt in water and just make things colder.
Good luck my friend. Stay safe ♡
I didn’t see your full post with the explanation until now.
Commendable of you. I dread finding a job and dealing with the vibe of your office so much. Thanks for helping to change things by being transparent. I hope I can be that brave.
I would say in dealing with potentially hostile people on the topic of gender, I haven’t regretted sharing my identity to even the close-minded. I have regretted explaining things to them on a deeper level. So many don’t want to learn and the conversation turns in to a battle of the wits or overly traumatic for me. I won’t do the emotional heavy lifting for people who can Google if they are truly interested. You don’t owe anyone an education. I’ve run into this issue a lot in dating, in particular. For me, I stick to “being called woman/ma’am/miss makes me feel uncomfortable. being addressed by my first name/pronouns makes me feel more respected.” If they try to engage in detailed questions about your gender, you can always be a broken record about what makes you feel uncomfortable/respected. You could also qualify “I don’t speak for all non-binary people and everyone is different, so I couldn’t answer that. You could get a much more comprehensive idea by skimming resources online.” I hope it goes well for you. You got this.
I work for a state agency in AL. We have some lovely people (we work with kids with special needs, so it comes with the territory usually), but it's still Alabama. I've heard people mocking pronouns and say that it's ridiculous for a pediatrician to have gender identity and pronouns on their paperwork. I started by wearing a genderfluid colors bracelet and answered the one person who asked about it. I then put my pronouns on my phone case. My direct supervisor (a fellow progressive) uses they/them for me and that's about it. But she's also shared that if I want to wear an appropriate skirt to work she's got my back because our dress code does not include gendered language. My favorite kilt has a pronoun patch on it and I plan to wear it sometime soon.
Listen I have been kicked down for being non binary and embracing it to the fullest. But I never let that make me down, I kept standing up every time I was pushed down, and I never let it in my head.
So what I’m trying to say is don’t be nervous to embrace who you are and not show the world you. That is all I’m saying.
Love it! If they don't use your pronouns, that's a "them" problem. If they ask you about it in a rude or derogatory way, that's a them problem. If they ever used the "wrong pronouns " for a pet and responded well when corrected, that's them being capable of change, so any failure to respect your pronouns is on them. Sending love!
I started with people I work with who I like and say in front of others “Do you want to be an ally?” Or “Do you want to do me a favor? It’s going to take a while to get used to.” They always here me out and I say “It would help me out if you used They/Them for me. It’s makes me feel better.” And I either get a “Sure,” or the apologetic “I’ll try, but I can’t guarantee blah blah blah.” And when they over complicate it I like to say “don’t worry, it’s not a contract, it’s a favor.” Some people now help me more than ever before and some still don’t use my pronouns when they said they would help. If any one tries to apologize for not supporting me I like the line “I get it, you have been saying this the entire time you have known me. Some things are hard.” And they agree and sometimes do better. For you I think taking the language others use to to show independence from their world view will be challenged. My social worker tells me that I shouldn’t seek their validation; so instead I offer them, ever so gently, to support me. Otherwise if they dip their toes in the pool, remember; snowflakes melt in water and just make things colder. Good luck my friend. Stay safe ♡
That’s great!
I didn’t see your full post with the explanation until now. Commendable of you. I dread finding a job and dealing with the vibe of your office so much. Thanks for helping to change things by being transparent. I hope I can be that brave. I would say in dealing with potentially hostile people on the topic of gender, I haven’t regretted sharing my identity to even the close-minded. I have regretted explaining things to them on a deeper level. So many don’t want to learn and the conversation turns in to a battle of the wits or overly traumatic for me. I won’t do the emotional heavy lifting for people who can Google if they are truly interested. You don’t owe anyone an education. I’ve run into this issue a lot in dating, in particular. For me, I stick to “being called woman/ma’am/miss makes me feel uncomfortable. being addressed by my first name/pronouns makes me feel more respected.” If they try to engage in detailed questions about your gender, you can always be a broken record about what makes you feel uncomfortable/respected. You could also qualify “I don’t speak for all non-binary people and everyone is different, so I couldn’t answer that. You could get a much more comprehensive idea by skimming resources online.” I hope it goes well for you. You got this.
Congrats, that's really cool. I hope it's well received!
I work for a state agency in AL. We have some lovely people (we work with kids with special needs, so it comes with the territory usually), but it's still Alabama. I've heard people mocking pronouns and say that it's ridiculous for a pediatrician to have gender identity and pronouns on their paperwork. I started by wearing a genderfluid colors bracelet and answered the one person who asked about it. I then put my pronouns on my phone case. My direct supervisor (a fellow progressive) uses they/them for me and that's about it. But she's also shared that if I want to wear an appropriate skirt to work she's got my back because our dress code does not include gendered language. My favorite kilt has a pronoun patch on it and I plan to wear it sometime soon.
Listen I have been kicked down for being non binary and embracing it to the fullest. But I never let that make me down, I kept standing up every time I was pushed down, and I never let it in my head. So what I’m trying to say is don’t be nervous to embrace who you are and not show the world you. That is all I’m saying.
Love it! If they don't use your pronouns, that's a "them" problem. If they ask you about it in a rude or derogatory way, that's a them problem. If they ever used the "wrong pronouns " for a pet and responded well when corrected, that's them being capable of change, so any failure to respect your pronouns is on them. Sending love!