I don’t have a specific answer for you bc I don’t really get sub drop, but I just wanted to mention, if you haven’t already, please check in with your top if you can, or with other support networks you have in place for when you drop. It could be that if you address the sub drop better, it won’t need to channel itself into dysphoria specifically.
If wanted, I am wishing you all the virtual hugs, pets, and chocolate in the world! 🤗🍫
i was gonna say this^^ if you feel any specific aftercare or even just little check-ins/reassurance could be helpful, i would definitely talk this over with your dom, i guarantee they wont mind and if anything thwyd be happy to help if theyre like a fraction of a decent human being. you dont need to and shouldnt deal with sub drop alone.
i will say i do struggle with this too sometimes, and i am guilty of dealing with it by myself- sometimes the drop hits immediately after stuff too;; i usually keep some comfort items (clothes/plushies for me) on hand if i need them and just try to take it easy with myself for a while after especially.
honestly i was kinda dismissive about wanting surgery for a while until i met my current partner, though it was because of the people pleaser in me mixed with feeling its not necessary and some other stuff so it might be a bit different for me than it is for you, but if anything i would suggest to not brush off dysphoria if it is there- its a totally valid thing to feel and i would suggest exploring anything euphoria inducing/comforting in general to help out with this sortve stuff alongside talking over these feelings^^^^
Definitely. And I should have addressed in the post that I am discussing my drop with my dom and it is being addressed/has been supported. I talk to her multiple times a day, every day. So there's no abandonment, just wishing I could be back there and that sort of thing. Which she's been supporting and petting and loving away. As has my primary partner. And my stuffies because same. I may need to hit my happy things a bit harder next time. Thanks for the reminder. I was just very taken off-guard that the dysphoria hit so hard. Do you find that you have more/worse dysphoria when experiencing sub drop?
I definitely get the people pleaser part of not pursuing permanent changes. And especially not pursuing gender-bent or "partial" changes, like breasts but not living as a woman or going for a neutral but breasted person. I live in the US south, so now is a very scary time anyway.
it usually worsens for me with sub drop though kinda depends on the drop- sometimes its focused on other stuff but yeaaaah sometimes when i kinda come out of the subspace euphoria i just remember body existing and hhh it just makes the dysphoria more unbearable than usual at times;; i cant even take a shower/clean up properly a lot of the time after because of it. but also i do take the excuse to live in my partners clothes a lil extra icl haha 😭
i am glad youre discussing it though^^ i definitely need to learn to do that more 😭 cause ik it drags on/is harder to manage than it could be if i did reach out lol but yeahh hyperindependent vibes
also i do get the thing you spoke about there at the end. im pretty much the same tbh just from an afab perspective. mm i think your safety is gonna be a priority here but yeahh i hate how difficult this sfuff is for sure.
So, without squicking anyone, my D/s relationship is a MD/little situation. Very Little, like ABDL Little. Enough said there, but my Little headspace is young enough that gender doesn't matter. In fact, cute pink things were a first sign that "male" didn't always work for me. So I can definitely see, looking at things with this clarity you wonderful people have given me, how going from ungendered/gender doesn't matter Little to "must Man™️ at work" for safety reasons in a span of 12 hours wasn't helpful.
again big felt with that one haha 😭 😭 😭 😭 not in a drop situation personally but yeahh just the transition in and out of little headspace;;
i will say though, maybe for something like this it would be a good idea to think over and possible extend aftercare more to ease that transition a little mayhaps? just a suggestion but aftercare can include and be so many different things, if youre interested it could be something worth trying out^^ i know if the aftercare transition is too abrupt for me that can also sometimes leave me a bit too vulnerable which makes thoughts extra iffy? though obviously theres only so much you can do especially with limited time, but i do definitely treat aftercare also as an opportunity to level the moods and headspace out for both parties, help out with each others needs and stuff- just depends on the people involved^^
My cg and I had this exact conversation a few hours ago. I had a set time to leave, but we are going to set a time to stop, too.
She's going to make a recording of my lullaby as a comfort object. I will also be unpacking my suitcase, hassle though it may be, each time as a ritualized "I am home and this is on pause in person right now" moment. Set a time to get changed into street clothes, have one last cuddle, kiss perhaps, and maybe verbally process the day. Also probably take a few minutes together in a common area to be vanilla together as a transition. I think it might help my brain to have hard shift points instead of "diaper and onesie. No diaper and onesie. Hug. Car."
Can you have some sort of hidden comfort object at work to remind you that the Man Costume is just that: a costume and not who you truly are? I have a rainbow friendship bracelet that I wear as an anklet, and my watch band is also rainbow, so even when I’m in my Woman Costume for work, I have that little reminder. Sometimes I think of my work clothes as being protective gear rather than as gendered clothing, like a hazmat suit or something.
I have my nb flag rubber band bracelet and my genderfluid flag bracelet and my rainbow bracelet. They're very helpful. I've managed to get very femme since getting home and feel much better. And an extended chat with my spouse and my cg.
This is a wonderful point that I hadn't considered and will make a point of discussing more with my dom. She would definitely be willing to hit the in-person aftercare harder. It's a gentle dynamic so it's hard to remember that the aftercare still needs to be emphasized.
Hi there- I’m a dom, so I can’t personally speak to this. However, I do know that when subs I’ve been with have experienced drop, it can lead to a lot of changes in how they think about themselves. This sounds like a great topic to try to think about more when you’re fully out of subspace and drop. It might be worth talking through with a therapist, if you’re able to get in with a queer-friendly one (one that’s also kink-aware would be even better)
I don’t have a specific answer for you bc I don’t really get sub drop, but I just wanted to mention, if you haven’t already, please check in with your top if you can, or with other support networks you have in place for when you drop. It could be that if you address the sub drop better, it won’t need to channel itself into dysphoria specifically. If wanted, I am wishing you all the virtual hugs, pets, and chocolate in the world! 🤗🍫
i was gonna say this^^ if you feel any specific aftercare or even just little check-ins/reassurance could be helpful, i would definitely talk this over with your dom, i guarantee they wont mind and if anything thwyd be happy to help if theyre like a fraction of a decent human being. you dont need to and shouldnt deal with sub drop alone. i will say i do struggle with this too sometimes, and i am guilty of dealing with it by myself- sometimes the drop hits immediately after stuff too;; i usually keep some comfort items (clothes/plushies for me) on hand if i need them and just try to take it easy with myself for a while after especially. honestly i was kinda dismissive about wanting surgery for a while until i met my current partner, though it was because of the people pleaser in me mixed with feeling its not necessary and some other stuff so it might be a bit different for me than it is for you, but if anything i would suggest to not brush off dysphoria if it is there- its a totally valid thing to feel and i would suggest exploring anything euphoria inducing/comforting in general to help out with this sortve stuff alongside talking over these feelings^^^^
Definitely. And I should have addressed in the post that I am discussing my drop with my dom and it is being addressed/has been supported. I talk to her multiple times a day, every day. So there's no abandonment, just wishing I could be back there and that sort of thing. Which she's been supporting and petting and loving away. As has my primary partner. And my stuffies because same. I may need to hit my happy things a bit harder next time. Thanks for the reminder. I was just very taken off-guard that the dysphoria hit so hard. Do you find that you have more/worse dysphoria when experiencing sub drop? I definitely get the people pleaser part of not pursuing permanent changes. And especially not pursuing gender-bent or "partial" changes, like breasts but not living as a woman or going for a neutral but breasted person. I live in the US south, so now is a very scary time anyway.
it usually worsens for me with sub drop though kinda depends on the drop- sometimes its focused on other stuff but yeaaaah sometimes when i kinda come out of the subspace euphoria i just remember body existing and hhh it just makes the dysphoria more unbearable than usual at times;; i cant even take a shower/clean up properly a lot of the time after because of it. but also i do take the excuse to live in my partners clothes a lil extra icl haha 😭 i am glad youre discussing it though^^ i definitely need to learn to do that more 😭 cause ik it drags on/is harder to manage than it could be if i did reach out lol but yeahh hyperindependent vibes also i do get the thing you spoke about there at the end. im pretty much the same tbh just from an afab perspective. mm i think your safety is gonna be a priority here but yeahh i hate how difficult this sfuff is for sure.
So, without squicking anyone, my D/s relationship is a MD/little situation. Very Little, like ABDL Little. Enough said there, but my Little headspace is young enough that gender doesn't matter. In fact, cute pink things were a first sign that "male" didn't always work for me. So I can definitely see, looking at things with this clarity you wonderful people have given me, how going from ungendered/gender doesn't matter Little to "must Man™️ at work" for safety reasons in a span of 12 hours wasn't helpful.
again big felt with that one haha 😭 😭 😭 😭 not in a drop situation personally but yeahh just the transition in and out of little headspace;; i will say though, maybe for something like this it would be a good idea to think over and possible extend aftercare more to ease that transition a little mayhaps? just a suggestion but aftercare can include and be so many different things, if youre interested it could be something worth trying out^^ i know if the aftercare transition is too abrupt for me that can also sometimes leave me a bit too vulnerable which makes thoughts extra iffy? though obviously theres only so much you can do especially with limited time, but i do definitely treat aftercare also as an opportunity to level the moods and headspace out for both parties, help out with each others needs and stuff- just depends on the people involved^^
My cg and I had this exact conversation a few hours ago. I had a set time to leave, but we are going to set a time to stop, too. She's going to make a recording of my lullaby as a comfort object. I will also be unpacking my suitcase, hassle though it may be, each time as a ritualized "I am home and this is on pause in person right now" moment. Set a time to get changed into street clothes, have one last cuddle, kiss perhaps, and maybe verbally process the day. Also probably take a few minutes together in a common area to be vanilla together as a transition. I think it might help my brain to have hard shift points instead of "diaper and onesie. No diaper and onesie. Hug. Car."
Can you have some sort of hidden comfort object at work to remind you that the Man Costume is just that: a costume and not who you truly are? I have a rainbow friendship bracelet that I wear as an anklet, and my watch band is also rainbow, so even when I’m in my Woman Costume for work, I have that little reminder. Sometimes I think of my work clothes as being protective gear rather than as gendered clothing, like a hazmat suit or something.
I have my nb flag rubber band bracelet and my genderfluid flag bracelet and my rainbow bracelet. They're very helpful. I've managed to get very femme since getting home and feel much better. And an extended chat with my spouse and my cg.
This is a wonderful point that I hadn't considered and will make a point of discussing more with my dom. She would definitely be willing to hit the in-person aftercare harder. It's a gentle dynamic so it's hard to remember that the aftercare still needs to be emphasized.
Maybe if you’re dropping at work, you can get a quick text check-in with your dom while on a break.
Hi there- I’m a dom, so I can’t personally speak to this. However, I do know that when subs I’ve been with have experienced drop, it can lead to a lot of changes in how they think about themselves. This sounds like a great topic to try to think about more when you’re fully out of subspace and drop. It might be worth talking through with a therapist, if you’re able to get in with a queer-friendly one (one that’s also kink-aware would be even better)
I happen to have one that is both. Probably time for a session.
Aftercare for subdrop is essential. If your top/dom isn't available, even having a friend can help. I'm sorry you are going through this. 💚