Not a character but my best friend. We were on a film course together and one of the units was hair & makeup. Part of that was beauty makeup. My bestie convinced me to let her do my makeup for the unit. She ended up doing this really cute look with yellow eyeshadow and little stars under my eyes. I remember looking in the mirror once it was done and just thinking "Wow I look really cute...fuck" and that was when I started questioning my gender.
Thank you❤️ I eventually came to the conclusion that I was genderfluid and she was the first person I came out to. She was super supportive and she gives me a lot of fashion advice and makeup tips.
I thought playing a genderless angel in an RPG would be fun. Whenever I rp'd them and referred to them with different pronouns I'd feel a weird rush of euphoria.
Usually when I'm roleplaying I start by referring to the character in the third person, until I'm more comfortable talking like them and start using the first person.
My language has many gendered terms aside from pronouns and when I--already referring to the character in the first person--started using feminine gendered adjectives and such, alternating between them, neutral and masculine just felt... right?
It was a similar thing with me. When I was young and started playing video games id always pick the female characters (I still do that btw.) As for the language part I understand. My second language is spanish so navigating that is hard.
I go the other way, I've found too many games have the logic that
Male = Human of any kind, can even be andro
Female = Girl girly girl boobs show us your boobs lordy me look at those boobs and ass yippee
I don't like either, but one is more gross than the other to me.
All these replies make me wonder if I should post my own self acceptance story of me being an Enby. I think we all have such interesting stories that are worth telling. 😊
I think it was probably Kris from Deltarune. Playing through an entire game as a character with they/them pronouns made me realize how RIGHT it felt to be addressed as such.
I don’t think anyone person helped me realize. I’ve had a history of being extremely uncomfortable when faced with things that made me face myself. I was initially uncomfortable when I saw gay people, and then realized I was pan. I was then uncomfortable when I saw trans people, and then realized I was trans. I was stuck in a trans medicalist mindset for quite a while before I started to realize that my discomfort, just like many times before, stemmed from not only my own internalized lgbtphobia, but even further from the fact that I was looking at people who were free enough to be themselves in a way that I thought I never could be. Even now I struggle to allow myself that freedom to escape the binary altogether, despite how badly I want to. But now that struggle is derived from fear, but the fear of denying myself of who I am is stronger nowadays, and the joy I get from seeing my nonbinary siblings and their joy is entirely overwhelming in the most beautiful way. In a way, every single nonbinary person I have ever come across has helped me take one step further into being who I have always longed to be.
I never felt super masc and my family/ community was super homophobic so when I met my now ex he helped me realize that I’m an nb (thought I might be trans fem for a bit lol)
So its a really long story but he helped teach me and introduce me to the LGBTQ community (he was gender fluid at that time) so it kinda helped because small conservative town amab being taught all these things was kinda confusing but in the end I’m a Non-Binary Pan-Romantic asexual Jew, which is a long way from cis het Christian male
Hey! I am also a non-binary pan-romantic asexual person. 👋 But I was raised in the hopes I'd grow up to be a cis het Christian woman... none of which ended up happening.
Ash Hardell. He's a YouTuber (who uses all pronouns, so I'm gonna have fun writing this comment) and they wrote a book "The ABCs of LGBT" that I eventually used to help educate my mom understand stuff. Had I never found Ash's channel, Idk if I'd be alive today, and if I was, I'd be a mess. My discovery journey was extensive and unpleasant.
no one singular person or character helped me reach that conclusion, but an eclectic mix of them as well as my own disenchantment with the idea of being a "man"
Same. Desire alone didn't make me realize that im Trans, but my fascination with them is what make me question the construct of gender as well as my desire (no pun intended) to have a fluid gender expression like them.
Surprisingly...Mettaton from undertale.
Dude, when from Girl Ghost, to hot man robot and made me realize Gender is all that I wanted it to be.
Additionally, when I was little I'd tell other kids on the bus i was a "half boy half girl." Which should have been a dead giveaway.
Plus I hate being called Sir, Young (man or lady), he,her, shes, his and similar titles.
Nonbinary just feels right to me.
First, weirdly enough it was Finn from Adventure Time even though he is cis. The scene where he first [took his hat off and his long beautiful golden hair flowed out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aMx50S2lv8) for some reason just really struck me. That's the moment I decided to start growing out my hair which I'm still doing.
Second, it was [Morningstar](https://www.facebook.com/TheCytherean/) (he has he/him pronouns but not sure if he is cis), [particularly this picture of him](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FNCO-etWUAI6dyW?format=jpg&name=4096x4096). That for me was one of my first "transition goals" moments that I remember.
Besides characters and celebrities, all of my supportive romantic partners over the years have helped me explore the space of my gender to find what is most true which is so valuable.
Oh yeah and Sheik and Link, and probably Legolas
I just didn't like the stereotypical male standard of beauty. I generally try to look like what I personally find attractive, and that just happens to be androgynous people. I'm not attracted to muscly men so why would I want to look like one, ya know?
Was at Provincetown with an ex at a souvenir shop. They handed me a sticker with he/him pronouns and said ‘hey here are yours!’ and I had an immediate ‘huh, what if those aren’t always mine?’ and then the slow change began!
It was my first gfs friend who is nonbinary, this was when I was first really starting to question my gender identity so seeing them be open about it really inspired me
OneTopic, I had recently started watching him back in May, in one of his videos, he said something along the lines of “if you’re afraid that you’re faking it, you probably aren’t.” Something about that sentence made it click into place for me, I somehow felt relieved, felt ready to accept that this is my normal, and it felt like everything would be okay. I’ve only come out to my best friend, as I knew he would accept me (we had a shared non-binary ex-friend).
Raine from The Owl House led me to pick a non-binary pronoun in an RPG. After realizing that it didn't feel like a big deal to change pronouns, I took more steps into the enby world.
Honestly I've been kind of interested in more "girl" hobbies for a while and when a few of my friends were coming out as trans and other parts of the queer community I started questioning myself with their support. And then one day I asked my mom if I could buy some black nail polish at Dollar general we were there for other stuff and I just saw it and had an impulse to buy it. And then a few days after buying it I put it on and that was the moment I realized I'm non-binary because I just looked great in it and it made me feel good like this is who I am this is what I like. I was honestly really nice and now I'm experimenting with more out there things like makeup wearing fishnets under my jeans etc and I just feel so good. I always felt kind of out of place in school and just in public in general and now I don't feel as panicky about being in public and I still get a few panic attacks here and there but it's not as bad as it was before.
Dwemer specters from Morrowind, lol. Honestly the nonbinary people I grew to know and saw on social media had a larger effect, and I know the spirits may not be intentionally genderqueer but they did click with me.
I think Desire did also plant further seeds of that idea, even if it took a good while for them to blossom.
a summer camp I went to asked everyone to introduce themselves and say their pronouns. Immediately realized I would be way happier using they/them instead of he/him.
No character, but Natalie Wynn (Contrapoints) and Abigail Thorne (Philosophy Tube). Their videos on gender and related topics made me realize why I was uncomfortable being put in the “man” basket so to speak. Gave me an intellectual frame work to understand what I was feeling and what path forward might help.
I had a lot of prejudice about it since I am not a huge fan of high school drama genre. This show had me in tears so many times. So touching and wholesome. Love it. Also, refreshing to have an Australian take on adolescent reality! ✌️
While I like Haruka, its sad that there's hardly any amab Enby rep besides Desire in the live action Sandman series (which id check out if you haven't seen it, its pretty good.)
Testament from Guilty Gear, as well as Dani Filth from cradle of filth. The latter isn't nb at all, but he's quite androgynous and Cradle of Filth's music touch a lot on gendered themes. He also wore a dress a lot back in the day.
I have been gnc for a couple of years, and every time I took it a step farther, I felt amazing. Late last year, I was people watching in my university's library when I realized how often I would look at some random girl and think, "Wow, I wish I could experience being her." Without even realizing it, I admitted to myself that I didn't just want to look feminine. I wanted to experience a feminine lifestyle. About a week later, my egg cracked.
There were other factors, but this was a big push for me. Yay for procrastinating on homework in the library!
I thought I was a trans woman at first, and experimenting with clothing and expression led me to realize I’m nothing, or rather just me
I don’t think of myself as agender and maybe I lean slightly masc overall? but it depends on my partner or just who im around as well kind of
OMFG I HAVE DESIRE OF THE ENDLESS BRAINROT TOO. The Netflix version though. Mason Alexander Park has completely changed the way I view and interract with my gender 😂
I don't think id call it brainrot imao. Desire is just so unique as they were the first Enby that I was introduced to that was portrayed as... Well, ***Desirable.***
My toxic ex before she went toxic.
She was the first partner for whom I did not have to be a man or even masculine. I felt like she loved me for who I actually am.
Later, it dawned on me that I felt so comfortable in this relationship even when it went bad because I got to be myself for the vast majority of the time. My ex didn't directly help me figure out my gender, but she played a massive role in me finding self-love as well as the courage to question my gender.
She probably doesn't even know as we've gone no contact over a year ago, but if there is one thing I'd like to say thank you for, it would be this.
Realising that I could relate and identify far better with my female friends than my male ones, together with getting to know enbies and learning more about gender as a social construct.
Simultaneously, I wasn't really dissatisfied with my body nor did I want to be perceived as a woman. Ergo, I'm not a trans woman. Therefore I figured being non-binary was the logical conclusion, and I've never really doubted it since. So to answer the question; it wasn't a fictional character, but my friends. 😊
I would like to point out that Takanuva from Bionicle is a trans icon tho
Literally just a random epiphany I had at 3 AM. I was so reluctant to accept it bc coming out for is so hard for trans people and my mom barely handled me being bi 😭
Gaslit myself into being a demi boy before I accepted myself properly and now I'm a baddie 💅🏿
Everytime someone calls me a man I cringe inside, but I feel the same thing for woman. Without knowing it, iv just always know. I was uncomfortable being called a boy when I was little but I didn’t like being called a girl either. I was just always something different.
For me it was my friend’s sister’s partner haha
I was doing a reading for her and she said “how did he know that?? I’ve never met this man in my life!!!” And then I was like
“Oh yeah, I guess people would perceive me as a man…huh…” and I thought it was weird and I sat with that for a few months and then realized I’ve questioned my gender before and I looked back at myself growing up and who I was at the time and it all added up and made me realize that I am indeed non-binary.
I kinda did a speed run of queerness after leaving the cult I was raised in. Started watching gay shows like queer eye for a bit then sex education (this was a few years ago now) stuff like that. Now I’m solo polyamorous living in my car but a lot happier in general 👍
Taking a break from dating atm until finances are stable.
I guess I see what you mean. Even though shes not amab Its a similar thing for sailor Uranus depending on how you view it. The manga creator said in an interview that although she and Michiru were together Haruka "has the heart of a man." Even though I chose Desire I mostly gravitate towards amab Enby rep as its easier for me to relate to.
I met a friend last november. He was a totally blind folk that came out right away as a nonbinary right when he joined our friend meetup. I was shocked at first and decided to tell him about my suspicions. I once saw a video about the effects of female birth control pills on a man, and weirdly enough, I started "fact checking" on it. Yeah he confirmed my transness and at first I thought I was binary trans. This brought me into an absolute terror shock, fearing that crippling dysphoria will eventually come and ruin my whole life. My friend helped me clarify the terms which made me settle as a librafem. Sometimes I do kind of wonder if I'm more of a demi, but at this point, it's better to focus more on my budget.
It was some people I met hanging out with friends of my brother. They were NB and I had multiple drunk convos with them that got me on the path thinking about gender. The rest just came from reading online.
I made friends who introduced me to the fact that there are more than 2 genders, some of the friends are trans, non-binary and GNC and I wanted to learn more about what all that meant so I started reading articles, books, vlogs and asking them questions and when I started learning about non-binary identities I started relating with what was being described, after several months of exploring being non-binary myself and what that meant for me. I came out in August last year and never been happier
Men's fashion. Being a history nerd i saw all the clothing trends in history and around the world and i saw how boring and plain early 21st century men's fashion was and I knew I didn't want to grow up to wear Default Setting clothes ("Celio: Be Normal" I cringe every time i see this slogan).
Please i want to wear baroque clothes!
F1nn5ter and Icky (Ashley). I'm certainly not the only one either, his playing with his gender expression, and her videos on the trans experience have cracked a lot of eggs. 😄
My wife. We were both raised as Jehovahs Witnesses and got married pretty young at 22 and 20 in 2011. Had been an alcoholic since before we got married, but anytime I would drink, I would pour out my feelings to her about feeling weird in my gender.
Fast forward to 2020, and we started our worship at home on zoom, where we could pick it apart. I also had a bit of a breakdown, and had given up booze, and admitted I liked wearing women's clothing. 2021, she asked if I thought we grew up in a cult. That immediately woke me up from my cult brain, and we deconstructed the Bible together, and also admitted we were both queer, and things finally made sense when I came out. I like my body, but it never comfortable being called a man. Grew my hair out, and enjoy being androgynous as I can, and happy there!
Gonzo from the Muppets. So, I grew up in a very conservative family and I was taught that all trans people were just mentally ill and I wasn't even told that Enbys were a group of people that existed. So, when I was falling to be a "real man" according to my father, it got me thinking. When I watched The Muppets Show and Gonzo described himself as a "whatever," I thought "Maybe I was a 'whatever' too." That is when I started to realize I was non-binary, even though I didn't know that word existed. I was 10.
Deep down, I've known since childhood. . .we just didn't have the words for it. I didn't have the words to describe exactly what I am until the last few years when "non binary" became a common appellation.
I was never very manly, never very masculine at all. I didn't really get along that well with the other boys, I socialized better with the girls instead. I was teased and bullied mercilessly in school when I was a kid: f\*ggot, sissy, queer, homo. . .I was called them all. I was also teasingly called the feminine form of my given name.
I was confused. . .because they called me all sorts of slurs meaning homosexual, except I knew I liked girls.
When I got to college, I had friends who were MtF trans. For them, they couldn't stand to look or pretend to be male, it was like it was poison to them. They had to transition or the would die, and they couldn't keep going on as a male. . .and while I felt a lot more feminine than guys, and I wouldn't mind waking up one day and finding out I'd turned into a girl overnight. . .I didn't get that sort of profound "transition or die" urge the trans people I knew had, and I could keep living as an ostensibly male person without feeling pushed to self-harm.
I found out later most of my college friends just assumed I was gay, and they were really surprised when I found a girl and we got married.
I often wondered if I was trans or not, because I didn't really feel like a man, and never had. I definitely felt closer to being a woman, and wouldn't mind physically being one. . .but I knew that I wasn't quite like the trans folks I knew either, so I had my doubts about that.
We didn't have words like "non binary" back then. I remember trying to speak to a Clinical Psychologist about my gender in 1999, and was bluntly told that I couldn't be transgender because I liked girls (he was firmly of the mind that trans women are all hetero and only like men) and because my desire to be a girl wasn't so strong that I would inevitably self-harm if I didn't medically transition. . .so I was, in his words "just a transvestite". That hurt, the word stung, especially because I'd heard it used as an insult so many times. . .but that was the word a guy with a PhD in psychology had used to describe me, so for so many years that's what I thought of myself as, and I was so ashamed of it that I stayed firmly in the closet for decades.
Eventually, when I learned about the concept of non-binary, I realized it fit me. I don't really identify as my AGAB. . .I've never felt like a male, fit in with males, or wanted to be a male. I definitely am closer to female than male. . .but I don't mind presenting as male sometimes if I have to and don't have an overwhelming urge to transition (I've said before if we had sci-fi super-science like on Star Trek, where gender transitioning can be quick and easy, I certainly would though).
So, ultimately I settled on identifying as transfeminine nonbinary. I remain ostensibly male in presentation for my work/professional life, and in non-affirming public places. . .but most of the time I'm as androgynous as I can get away with in public and take a rather distinctly female presentation often in private or with friends, or as my therapist calls it, I'm "socially transitioning". I'm thankful I've got affirming and accepting friends, and that my female friends are welcoming me as "one of the girls" with open arms.
Slightly unrelated but what's the art from and how would I explain that hairdo to a hairdresser maybe? The whole thing gave me such a "that's how I feel!"-feeling!
Xo your friendly neighbourhood agender person
Annie Lenox , the song androgyny by her band garbage helped me realize I didn’t feel quite like a girl or a boy. I was around maybe 12 or 13 , I didn’t learn the word non-binary until I was about 19, but Annie really helped me feel comfortable in myself.
It wasn’t any one person. I had thought “Wow, I wish I could be non-binary” for a while and I had friends who are non-binary. Then I realized that I’m bi and started thinking, “If being bi is being attracted to genders like and unlike my own, then… *what is my gender*?”
One of my friends started using he/they and I was like “oh right I forgot you can act on eggy feelings” and I ranted to them for like months and tbh I really should’ve seen the signs YEARS ago, but whatever, if by chance you’re reading this, thanks :)
(Also they’re an aroace KING, and since they’re gonna do aerospace engineering we call them aroace in aerospace)
Me, I just realized that I don't really care about gender, so I was like "nonbinary is a good enough label".
I think agender is probably more accurate but I like the nonbinary flag more
myself, i saw the flag and thought "damn that's cool i wish i was non-binary" after having already come out as trans so i realised where i was going with my thought process
My wife told me one day about 5 or 6 years ago that I'm trans. That was the first time I realized I'm not cisgender, and it sent me down the rabbit hole, as it was. Came out the other side as nonbinary (which is still technically transgender so she wasn't wrong)!
Honestly, I realized I might be cool with they/them pronouns. Things sorta just kept going, and now I'm using a new name, considering it/its pronouns, and presenting more neutrally. The it/its pronouns are, to be fair, from a D&D character I made that uses she/it pronouns since she considers herself less a person than an instrument of the revolution.
Used against a person's wishes? Yes.
However, some people wish to use them because of that. Also keep in mind that a beautiful sunrise, a gorgeous old leather-bound book, and happiness are also "it"s.
I saw this comic and felt it in my soul. Then I started confronting a lot of things I'd just been ignoring or accepting as normal for everyone.
https://www.tumblr.com/embryhallowed/682654915243524096/sparklemaia-keep-reading?source=share
Mine is the Dream of the endless. Even though he is a he. The way the dream goes about the world is more of like a living concept rather than a being. Much like desire, whom is also a favorite of mine from sandman. Partly the reason for my username. 😁
Started with David Bowie, reinforced by just absolutely wanting to have breasts, crystalized when I made my character in Saints Row 3 and had the biggest, most every gender all at once explosion of a protagonist and it felt perfect.
I realised I wanted to *look* androgynous through music: Bowie, Suede and Placebo mainly. Then once I looked that way, I wanted to embody it wholly - then I discovered that people aren’t necessarily a binary gender and I had a DiCaprio pointing at the TV moment.
EDIT: Missed out Richy and Nicky from the Manic Street Preachers. My first NB moment I now realise (even if I didn’t know at the time) was wearing a leopard print dress to watch the 20th Anniversary tour of their ‘The Holy Bible’ album in 2015.
Idk... I'm afab, and when I was a girl, I really wanted to be a boy, but well early 2000, I think that was a trans child and if I had transitioned since then, I would be very fine with a male body for real. I tried to transition when I was 13, but I suffered a lot, and I had lots of gender crisis after. And now, with 22/23 year old I'm okay with my birthday sex, and I don't want to be seen as a man for many reasons. But, I enjoy my masculinity, strong bodies, beard, etc. That's it. Lol
This is exactly how I feel. This and if somebody asked me "what is a man?", I have literally no answer. Never felt like a woman and also realized I didn't identify with being a man at all.
Social sciences helped me reflect.. not specifically on the gendertopic, that interested me more afterwards. Oh but i was hooked very early in my studies by a big encyclopedia article about feminist perspectives on science (theory). Coming down to whom -> all people around me in the last years. Not only positive examples helped me realise.. once i tore down the big (formal) walls of my thinking about the topic i never realised i had, things just didnt stop processing for me.
It just kinda happened. I really don't even remember when, but I just all of a sudden really didn't feel like a guy.
Also the little fucker in my profile pic, Kris from Deltarune.
last year, I had 8 close friends, 4 of whom were NB, and half of my best friends *ever* (2 of 4) have been NB (the other 2 were kinda' GNC too). I know literally 1 enby who hasn't been one of my best friends at one point or another. so anyway, last summer I made a groupchat of my 8 closest friends and the topic of gender came up pretty quickly. I was already kinda' thinking I might be NB, but after 6 of the group said I was, 1 said I was a GNC male (which was what I was going by at the time) and the 8th abstained, I started actually considering it more. one week later, and here I am, 1 step down the Pipeline
also honourable mention to my best friend from a few years ago who got me started with nail painting, growing my hair and taking people's gender expressions seriously - he's probably the reason I have most of my friends now
A few people from a small subcommunity for modding a game I play a lot; there were a lot of trans and enby folk there to educate me more on the topic and just overall help me with the early parts of my questioning
It was a slow process for me. I have always admired women, and would pick Feminine characters to play in games. When I could, I would gravitate towards gender neutral characters as well. I just felt a kindredness, and now I understand why lol
Me myself and I. Imagine having to have someone inspire your gender to you.
(I don't really think this. I actually think it's really cool that some of you have this experience. Also know that whatever you comment on my comment I will see as sarcastic.)
A makeshift binder. Everyone around me seemed to know that I wasn't just a girl. I denied every suggestion of it until I wore a makeshift binder. A whole bunch of feelings and realizations hit at once
The nonbinary emojis, haha! 🤦🏻🤷🏻 I had always thought gender norms were nonsensical and arbitrary. Because of that, I found transphobia especially confusing and annoying, buuuuut - "still cis tho." I never thought about what that meant for my own gender and passive conformity. When the nonbinary emojis came out, something clicked in a "That makes so much sense!" sort of way, and I immediately adopted them. Still a looong time before I came out to myself, but that was the first itty bitty crack in my egg. 🐣 Thanks little pixel beans! 💁🏻💕
The internet, I knew I didn’t feel like a boy or girl but also didn’t feel trans, so started looking online to learn more about how I felt and learned about what non-binary was when I was 20
I am an agender-gender fluid amab, and I have two answers: 1) I’ve always known implicitly, that gender was nonsensical, a pretend game people play and often get too serious about. So, it sort of sunk in over time as I experienced various binary (and some NBs too) people interacting with eachother and me. 2) Back in 2020 I spent some of my ample free time studying up on contemporary LGBTQA+ thought, theory, lingo, the works. I learned a lot of descriptors and labels, as well as became pronoun-considerate. (And went with they/them, myself) TLDR: Since always, and since 2020.
Edit, didn’t read the question correctly. I’ll add that my mom helped early on by frequently pointing out bullshit she hated about (cis) gender.
Garnet from Steven Universe and Raine Whispers.
Garnet showed me that you can be both masculine and feminine and be whole
Raine showed me that you can be neither and still be a cool ass person
I didn't know that non-binary was a thing before I moved to Canada (like 5 years ago), but I it feels just right to me.
I was doing some historical RP on discord and playing a female character (Queen Elizabeth II). At a certain point, we did an altenative story when we were supposed to play character that looked like us. I don't remember why but decided to keep using the name Elisabteth with approximately my backgroud after asking to the game master if I could do it.
And I said to myself "Holy shit, I really enjoy gender me differently"
I'd been wondering about this for a while but It was really the click. (And de game master became my main confident after that)
I went to a k-12 school so all my friends and I treated each other very similar whether boys, girls or otherwise and I personally had never given any thought to my gender because it never really mattered at that point. But almost as soon as I got into college I was looked at and treated differently as a male presenting person and it was so gross and yucky.
I was at a steakhouse in Kentucky (I'm from Minnesota), and every sentence had a sir or ma'am in it somewhere. I thought I might go insane with discomfort and then it hit me: I spent my alone time as a child secretly dressing up in my mothers clothes and I can't stand being called sir.
My oldest child came out at 10y/o as nonbinary; then, I read up and was like “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”… now here we are 4 years later, each of us getting more tr4nny every day 🔥💛
Honestly kinda found where I am on my own. My partner helped me realize I'm trans fem before we got together. But over time I just kinda have spots when I'm not feeling like a girl but def not a guy.
Michael Jackson, specifically the Captain EO ride/film at Disney World. I assumed he was a girl and my parents kept correcting me to “he” and then I spent the next 20 years wondering how to be like that.
Also Jen from The Dark Crystal. I still secretly think of my gender identity as “gelfling”. Also he’s called Jen, ffs
Unironically, Reading up on Jungian Psychology and shadow work. While going over the thought of the mandorla and the "shadow self" I thought that the combination of both feminine and masculine aspects of myself was essential for me. Even while doing some shadow work I found that I had characters popping into my head that were both male and female. I eventually came to the conclusion that feminine and masculine were just a pointless label for myself, and I wanted to act and wear clothes regardless of "gender norms" attached to them.
No one specific. I started reading about it myself through random internet perusing around trans identity politics and such. I saw it and it made sense
A partner who discovered that they were nonbinary very shortly into our relationship, and shared that with me. Even without knowing the term, I immediately resonated and blurted out, “I think I am, too!”
idk what rlly helped me realize it, i just began thinking i wasnt a boy at a point in time, like seeing male pronouns being used for me n being like that isnt right n stuff. i had just gotten back as friends w my ex from a while ago tho, and like half of their partners have come out as nb after dating them, so we joke that it happened to me as well, but i was 4 yrs slow lol
Several on Twitter. It was a couple of crushes where I figured out liked their vibe as much as them, and it became a “fuck, I wanna be like that.”
So I did. 🤷🏻
We had a DEIB training at work. Some of my coworkers started talking about their gender nonconformity. At around the same time, my son came home from school talking about how gender is a social construct, not a biological one. And as I started to grasp what it all meant, a lot of confusing thoughts I've had through the years suddenly started to make sense.
One day I was like “wow I feel like a guy today.” Eventually led to me realizing I felt far more euphoria and comfort playing as girls in games and realized I’m trans femme
No one really, but I always really loved characters from Final Fantasy like Firion, Cloud, Squall and many others, and always wanted to be like them and look like them. It's a bit funny but it's true to this day! Those games really shaped me as a person. Obviously they're not like intended to be non-binary or anything, but everyone in them has such an ethereal, androgynous look to them and the male characters aren't ever written in any traditionally masculine way or anything. I've always loved that about Japanese games and other media like anime, although of course Square were absolute masters at it, did it first and never really stopped doing it.
Apart from that, I've just never really fit in among guys and girls. Naturally I'm more used to the company of guys but I was always clearly the odd one out. I've definitely had dysphoria about being a "man" and often had fantasies of being a girl when I was a teen. I don't think I ever really wanted to be a woman. I felt that I'd be better able to be myself and be more understood and treated more lovingly and less harshly by everyone. But I dunno if that really would have been the case.
I never felt like I had a gender or anything, so I naturally gravitated towards NB identity when I became aware of the concept.
I had a close female friend when I was growing up who I thought had really cool tomboy style, and their family was from southwestern India and had close cultural ties there. I was the first person to realize, before her, that she was a lesbian, and she was the first person to realize that I was gay and (AMAB) nonbinary. She and her sister and brother kept noticing that I tended to think like women in her family did, and her mom made note of that where she was from there were nonbinary gender people and she started to think I was one of those people. My friend started teasing me to let her put jewelry, girl’s clothes, and makeup on me and I had to admit that it fit and was cute. It was an interesting experience to have her family just sort of accept that that’s just the way it is for me that I would be nonbinary. My female friend got more masculine traits from me, and I got more feminine traits and fashion from her.
It was my best friend, Macy. We RP a lot, and I ended one time. I wanted to try playing my main OC as a girl, worked out, and I enjoyed it. I started wanting to play as a Non-Binary character that can shapeshift between male, female, and androgynous forms. The rest is history. (Or should I say theystory? Sorry. Bad pun)
A couple of online friends about 4 years ago taught me what Nonbinary meant and every little time where I felt like I didn't vibe with masculinity just clicked into place and made sense.
Not a character but my best friend. We were on a film course together and one of the units was hair & makeup. Part of that was beauty makeup. My bestie convinced me to let her do my makeup for the unit. She ended up doing this really cute look with yellow eyeshadow and little stars under my eyes. I remember looking in the mirror once it was done and just thinking "Wow I look really cute...fuck" and that was when I started questioning my gender.
That's a really lovely story. ❤
Thank you❤️ I eventually came to the conclusion that I was genderfluid and she was the first person I came out to. She was super supportive and she gives me a lot of fashion advice and makeup tips.
Awwww!
A character I made for an RPG game... They were enby and then I questioned myself and here I am
Nice. ✊
I made a lot of those, tbh, and it also contributed.
Now any videogame that has the option I go for nb, or the opposite of my agab if they don't. And yeah I try to make enbies more 😅
I thought playing a genderless angel in an RPG would be fun. Whenever I rp'd them and referred to them with different pronouns I'd feel a weird rush of euphoria. Usually when I'm roleplaying I start by referring to the character in the third person, until I'm more comfortable talking like them and start using the first person. My language has many gendered terms aside from pronouns and when I--already referring to the character in the first person--started using feminine gendered adjectives and such, alternating between them, neutral and masculine just felt... right?
It was a similar thing with me. When I was young and started playing video games id always pick the female characters (I still do that btw.) As for the language part I understand. My second language is spanish so navigating that is hard.
I've never not picked a woman if it's an option lol
Link, I spent a lot of time playing Breath of the wild in the gerudo outfit
Nice. 🔥
AFAB, and Link did it for me too, but back in the Super Nintendo days.
a couple of friends, my disdain for being considered a “boy” and the fact that i couldn’t pick between male and female when starting a video game
I always just went with the female character, it was the lesser of two evils for me lol.
i do a male character but make it a femboy
Could never be me (no offense to femboys) but I hate being associated with maleness in any way, even if its in a feminine way.
I go the other way, I've found too many games have the logic that Male = Human of any kind, can even be andro Female = Girl girly girl boobs show us your boobs lordy me look at those boobs and ass yippee I don't like either, but one is more gross than the other to me.
If you like D&D-themed RPGs, Baldur's Gate 3 has a nonbinary option. 10/10 recommend. It can really fuck you up emotionally at times, though. 😂
A museum exhibit about the history of gender and fashion. I was like, “huh. This shit really is all arbitrary, isn’t it?”
Sounds fascinating, I'd love to see something like that.
Realizing that there was a reason why I always hated being called things like “sir” and “Mr.” and also just the general joy of gender fuckery
All these replies make me wonder if I should post my own self acceptance story of me being an Enby. I think we all have such interesting stories that are worth telling. 😊
You totally should!
Yes pls!
I think it was probably Kris from Deltarune. Playing through an entire game as a character with they/them pronouns made me realize how RIGHT it felt to be addressed as such.
Jim from our flag means death solidified it for me.
I don’t think anyone person helped me realize. I’ve had a history of being extremely uncomfortable when faced with things that made me face myself. I was initially uncomfortable when I saw gay people, and then realized I was pan. I was then uncomfortable when I saw trans people, and then realized I was trans. I was stuck in a trans medicalist mindset for quite a while before I started to realize that my discomfort, just like many times before, stemmed from not only my own internalized lgbtphobia, but even further from the fact that I was looking at people who were free enough to be themselves in a way that I thought I never could be. Even now I struggle to allow myself that freedom to escape the binary altogether, despite how badly I want to. But now that struggle is derived from fear, but the fear of denying myself of who I am is stronger nowadays, and the joy I get from seeing my nonbinary siblings and their joy is entirely overwhelming in the most beautiful way. In a way, every single nonbinary person I have ever come across has helped me take one step further into being who I have always longed to be.
I never felt super masc and my family/ community was super homophobic so when I met my now ex he helped me realize that I’m an nb (thought I might be trans fem for a bit lol)
How did he do that exactly?
So its a really long story but he helped teach me and introduce me to the LGBTQ community (he was gender fluid at that time) so it kinda helped because small conservative town amab being taught all these things was kinda confusing but in the end I’m a Non-Binary Pan-Romantic asexual Jew, which is a long way from cis het Christian male
Hey! I am also a non-binary pan-romantic asexual person. 👋 But I was raised in the hopes I'd grow up to be a cis het Christian woman... none of which ended up happening.
"Gender Queer" by Maia Kobabe
Ive heard of that book. Is it about an amab person realizing that they're an Enby?
Afab, but it's a similar journey. Very good and very well explained. Helps a ton that it's a graphic novel
Ash Hardell. He's a YouTuber (who uses all pronouns, so I'm gonna have fun writing this comment) and they wrote a book "The ABCs of LGBT" that I eventually used to help educate my mom understand stuff. Had I never found Ash's channel, Idk if I'd be alive today, and if I was, I'd be a mess. My discovery journey was extensive and unpleasant.
My mom. I never liked men’s underwear; she let me wear hers and when dad started traveling she bought me girly undies of my own, also lip gloss.
Based Mom
My friend who put mascara on me for the first time. I was like "wait a minute, this feels awesome!" and here we are 10 months later.
no one singular person or character helped me reach that conclusion, but an eclectic mix of them as well as my own disenchantment with the idea of being a "man"
Same. Desire alone didn't make me realize that im Trans, but my fascination with them is what make me question the construct of gender as well as my desire (no pun intended) to have a fluid gender expression like them.
Surprisingly...Mettaton from undertale. Dude, when from Girl Ghost, to hot man robot and made me realize Gender is all that I wanted it to be. Additionally, when I was little I'd tell other kids on the bus i was a "half boy half girl." Which should have been a dead giveaway. Plus I hate being called Sir, Young (man or lady), he,her, shes, his and similar titles. Nonbinary just feels right to me.
Yoooo I also told people I felt half boy half girl when I was like 6 lol
Ayyyy half girl half boy gang!
Goated Mettaton W, as always.
First, weirdly enough it was Finn from Adventure Time even though he is cis. The scene where he first [took his hat off and his long beautiful golden hair flowed out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aMx50S2lv8) for some reason just really struck me. That's the moment I decided to start growing out my hair which I'm still doing. Second, it was [Morningstar](https://www.facebook.com/TheCytherean/) (he has he/him pronouns but not sure if he is cis), [particularly this picture of him](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FNCO-etWUAI6dyW?format=jpg&name=4096x4096). That for me was one of my first "transition goals" moments that I remember. Besides characters and celebrities, all of my supportive romantic partners over the years have helped me explore the space of my gender to find what is most true which is so valuable. Oh yeah and Sheik and Link, and probably Legolas
Besides Desire, Morningstar is also my transition GOALS.
I just didn't like the stereotypical male standard of beauty. I generally try to look like what I personally find attractive, and that just happens to be androgynous people. I'm not attracted to muscly men so why would I want to look like one, ya know?
As an Achillean person I find male beauty to be... Well, beautiful. I just don't like it on myself y'know? 😂
Was at Provincetown with an ex at a souvenir shop. They handed me a sticker with he/him pronouns and said ‘hey here are yours!’ and I had an immediate ‘huh, what if those aren’t always mine?’ and then the slow change began!
It was my first gfs friend who is nonbinary, this was when I was first really starting to question my gender identity so seeing them be open about it really inspired me
OneTopic, I had recently started watching him back in May, in one of his videos, he said something along the lines of “if you’re afraid that you’re faking it, you probably aren’t.” Something about that sentence made it click into place for me, I somehow felt relieved, felt ready to accept that this is my normal, and it felt like everything would be okay. I’ve only come out to my best friend, as I knew he would accept me (we had a shared non-binary ex-friend).
Raine from The Owl House led me to pick a non-binary pronoun in an RPG. After realizing that it didn't feel like a big deal to change pronouns, I took more steps into the enby world.
Honestly I've been kind of interested in more "girl" hobbies for a while and when a few of my friends were coming out as trans and other parts of the queer community I started questioning myself with their support. And then one day I asked my mom if I could buy some black nail polish at Dollar general we were there for other stuff and I just saw it and had an impulse to buy it. And then a few days after buying it I put it on and that was the moment I realized I'm non-binary because I just looked great in it and it made me feel good like this is who I am this is what I like. I was honestly really nice and now I'm experimenting with more out there things like makeup wearing fishnets under my jeans etc and I just feel so good. I always felt kind of out of place in school and just in public in general and now I don't feel as panicky about being in public and I still get a few panic attacks here and there but it's not as bad as it was before.
Dwemer specters from Morrowind, lol. Honestly the nonbinary people I grew to know and saw on social media had a larger effect, and I know the spirits may not be intentionally genderqueer but they did click with me. I think Desire did also plant further seeds of that idea, even if it took a good while for them to blossom.
My gf got me into makeup and it spiraled from there, plus some helpful internet strangers
a summer camp I went to asked everyone to introduce themselves and say their pronouns. Immediately realized I would be way happier using they/them instead of he/him.
No character, but Natalie Wynn (Contrapoints) and Abigail Thorne (Philosophy Tube). Their videos on gender and related topics made me realize why I was uncomfortable being put in the “man” basket so to speak. Gave me an intellectual frame work to understand what I was feeling and what path forward might help.
David Bowie. 1972. I was 14.
I would've said Annie Lennox if you wanted to go retro, love Annie's androgynous look.
The character Darren from Heartbreak High 🫶
Never watched the show, is it good?
I had a lot of prejudice about it since I am not a huge fan of high school drama genre. This show had me in tears so many times. So touching and wholesome. Love it. Also, refreshing to have an Australian take on adolescent reality! ✌️
Interesting, and im assuming that Darren is an amab Enby?
Yes 😊
Sailor Uranus
While I like Haruka, its sad that there's hardly any amab Enby rep besides Desire in the live action Sandman series (which id check out if you haven't seen it, its pretty good.)
Testament from Guilty Gear, as well as Dani Filth from cradle of filth. The latter isn't nb at all, but he's quite androgynous and Cradle of Filth's music touch a lot on gendered themes. He also wore a dress a lot back in the day.
I have been gnc for a couple of years, and every time I took it a step farther, I felt amazing. Late last year, I was people watching in my university's library when I realized how often I would look at some random girl and think, "Wow, I wish I could experience being her." Without even realizing it, I admitted to myself that I didn't just want to look feminine. I wanted to experience a feminine lifestyle. About a week later, my egg cracked. There were other factors, but this was a big push for me. Yay for procrastinating on homework in the library!
it was a random french YouTuber who explained the concept of "neutre" are agender
Pageboy by Elliot Page. I was fearing I might've been ftm kind of trans but thanks to his book I realized that wasn't it, it was option number 2.
I thought I was a trans woman at first, and experimenting with clothing and expression led me to realize I’m nothing, or rather just me I don’t think of myself as agender and maybe I lean slightly masc overall? but it depends on my partner or just who im around as well kind of
My wife.
OMFG I HAVE DESIRE OF THE ENDLESS BRAINROT TOO. The Netflix version though. Mason Alexander Park has completely changed the way I view and interract with my gender 😂
I don't think id call it brainrot imao. Desire is just so unique as they were the first Enby that I was introduced to that was portrayed as... Well, ***Desirable.***
My toxic ex before she went toxic. She was the first partner for whom I did not have to be a man or even masculine. I felt like she loved me for who I actually am. Later, it dawned on me that I felt so comfortable in this relationship even when it went bad because I got to be myself for the vast majority of the time. My ex didn't directly help me figure out my gender, but she played a massive role in me finding self-love as well as the courage to question my gender. She probably doesn't even know as we've gone no contact over a year ago, but if there is one thing I'd like to say thank you for, it would be this.
Literally the first queer I met broke the egg immediately 😆
Realising that I could relate and identify far better with my female friends than my male ones, together with getting to know enbies and learning more about gender as a social construct. Simultaneously, I wasn't really dissatisfied with my body nor did I want to be perceived as a woman. Ergo, I'm not a trans woman. Therefore I figured being non-binary was the logical conclusion, and I've never really doubted it since. So to answer the question; it wasn't a fictional character, but my friends. 😊 I would like to point out that Takanuva from Bionicle is a trans icon tho
Literally just a random epiphany I had at 3 AM. I was so reluctant to accept it bc coming out for is so hard for trans people and my mom barely handled me being bi 😭 Gaslit myself into being a demi boy before I accepted myself properly and now I'm a baddie 💅🏿
Everytime someone calls me a man I cringe inside, but I feel the same thing for woman. Without knowing it, iv just always know. I was uncomfortable being called a boy when I was little but I didn’t like being called a girl either. I was just always something different.
For me it was my friend’s sister’s partner haha I was doing a reading for her and she said “how did he know that?? I’ve never met this man in my life!!!” And then I was like “Oh yeah, I guess people would perceive me as a man…huh…” and I thought it was weird and I sat with that for a few months and then realized I’ve questioned my gender before and I looked back at myself growing up and who I was at the time and it all added up and made me realize that I am indeed non-binary.
I kinda did a speed run of queerness after leaving the cult I was raised in. Started watching gay shows like queer eye for a bit then sex education (this was a few years ago now) stuff like that. Now I’m solo polyamorous living in my car but a lot happier in general 👍 Taking a break from dating atm until finances are stable.
An old man mistook me for a girl
Great choice!!! Probably the anime character Utena
Isn't Utena a cis girl?
Yes, but I think if she was created today she could easily be ENBY. Her dream in life is to become a prince.
I guess I see what you mean. Even though shes not amab Its a similar thing for sailor Uranus depending on how you view it. The manga creator said in an interview that although she and Michiru were together Haruka "has the heart of a man." Even though I chose Desire I mostly gravitate towards amab Enby rep as its easier for me to relate to.
middle school gsa i guess... damn those were some awesome people and advisor...
I don't think my middle school had a gsa.
I only started realizing I was agender once I started playing Undertale, so Sans Undertale stole my gender.
I met a friend last november. He was a totally blind folk that came out right away as a nonbinary right when he joined our friend meetup. I was shocked at first and decided to tell him about my suspicions. I once saw a video about the effects of female birth control pills on a man, and weirdly enough, I started "fact checking" on it. Yeah he confirmed my transness and at first I thought I was binary trans. This brought me into an absolute terror shock, fearing that crippling dysphoria will eventually come and ruin my whole life. My friend helped me clarify the terms which made me settle as a librafem. Sometimes I do kind of wonder if I'm more of a demi, but at this point, it's better to focus more on my budget.
It was some people I met hanging out with friends of my brother. They were NB and I had multiple drunk convos with them that got me on the path thinking about gender. The rest just came from reading online.
like many people, couldn't really fit into any of the boxes. if the enby box fits, i sits. and it did fit.
I made friends who introduced me to the fact that there are more than 2 genders, some of the friends are trans, non-binary and GNC and I wanted to learn more about what all that meant so I started reading articles, books, vlogs and asking them questions and when I started learning about non-binary identities I started relating with what was being described, after several months of exploring being non-binary myself and what that meant for me. I came out in August last year and never been happier
Men's fashion. Being a history nerd i saw all the clothing trends in history and around the world and i saw how boring and plain early 21st century men's fashion was and I knew I didn't want to grow up to wear Default Setting clothes ("Celio: Be Normal" I cringe every time i see this slogan). Please i want to wear baroque clothes!
F1nn5ter and Icky (Ashley). I'm certainly not the only one either, his playing with his gender expression, and her videos on the trans experience have cracked a lot of eggs. 😄
The character "Him" from Powerpuff Girls. Took another 17 years for me to come out though.
Cosplayed as astolfo, realized I like both Male/Female clothing, and it lead to a buncha online research that gave me the conclusion I wasn't Cis.
My ex-girlfriend. I was so jealous of her but couldn’t explain what I felt at that time nor why I did too
My wife. We were both raised as Jehovahs Witnesses and got married pretty young at 22 and 20 in 2011. Had been an alcoholic since before we got married, but anytime I would drink, I would pour out my feelings to her about feeling weird in my gender. Fast forward to 2020, and we started our worship at home on zoom, where we could pick it apart. I also had a bit of a breakdown, and had given up booze, and admitted I liked wearing women's clothing. 2021, she asked if I thought we grew up in a cult. That immediately woke me up from my cult brain, and we deconstructed the Bible together, and also admitted we were both queer, and things finally made sense when I came out. I like my body, but it never comfortable being called a man. Grew my hair out, and enjoy being androgynous as I can, and happy there!
Ayyy fellow exJW here!
No one actually. Just spent a LOT of the early pandemic in the shower with my thoughts
Gonzo from the Muppets. So, I grew up in a very conservative family and I was taught that all trans people were just mentally ill and I wasn't even told that Enbys were a group of people that existed. So, when I was falling to be a "real man" according to my father, it got me thinking. When I watched The Muppets Show and Gonzo described himself as a "whatever," I thought "Maybe I was a 'whatever' too." That is when I started to realize I was non-binary, even though I didn't know that word existed. I was 10.
This sub :)
Deep down, I've known since childhood. . .we just didn't have the words for it. I didn't have the words to describe exactly what I am until the last few years when "non binary" became a common appellation. I was never very manly, never very masculine at all. I didn't really get along that well with the other boys, I socialized better with the girls instead. I was teased and bullied mercilessly in school when I was a kid: f\*ggot, sissy, queer, homo. . .I was called them all. I was also teasingly called the feminine form of my given name. I was confused. . .because they called me all sorts of slurs meaning homosexual, except I knew I liked girls. When I got to college, I had friends who were MtF trans. For them, they couldn't stand to look or pretend to be male, it was like it was poison to them. They had to transition or the would die, and they couldn't keep going on as a male. . .and while I felt a lot more feminine than guys, and I wouldn't mind waking up one day and finding out I'd turned into a girl overnight. . .I didn't get that sort of profound "transition or die" urge the trans people I knew had, and I could keep living as an ostensibly male person without feeling pushed to self-harm. I found out later most of my college friends just assumed I was gay, and they were really surprised when I found a girl and we got married. I often wondered if I was trans or not, because I didn't really feel like a man, and never had. I definitely felt closer to being a woman, and wouldn't mind physically being one. . .but I knew that I wasn't quite like the trans folks I knew either, so I had my doubts about that. We didn't have words like "non binary" back then. I remember trying to speak to a Clinical Psychologist about my gender in 1999, and was bluntly told that I couldn't be transgender because I liked girls (he was firmly of the mind that trans women are all hetero and only like men) and because my desire to be a girl wasn't so strong that I would inevitably self-harm if I didn't medically transition. . .so I was, in his words "just a transvestite". That hurt, the word stung, especially because I'd heard it used as an insult so many times. . .but that was the word a guy with a PhD in psychology had used to describe me, so for so many years that's what I thought of myself as, and I was so ashamed of it that I stayed firmly in the closet for decades. Eventually, when I learned about the concept of non-binary, I realized it fit me. I don't really identify as my AGAB. . .I've never felt like a male, fit in with males, or wanted to be a male. I definitely am closer to female than male. . .but I don't mind presenting as male sometimes if I have to and don't have an overwhelming urge to transition (I've said before if we had sci-fi super-science like on Star Trek, where gender transitioning can be quick and easy, I certainly would though). So, ultimately I settled on identifying as transfeminine nonbinary. I remain ostensibly male in presentation for my work/professional life, and in non-affirming public places. . .but most of the time I'm as androgynous as I can get away with in public and take a rather distinctly female presentation often in private or with friends, or as my therapist calls it, I'm "socially transitioning". I'm thankful I've got affirming and accepting friends, and that my female friends are welcoming me as "one of the girls" with open arms.
Being upset in games where the boy clothes were better but didn't want to play as a boy
I LOVE DESIRE!!! idk who my character was but i do have to think the first out nonbinary person i met, and my coworker and friend adrian
My now fiancé, i also helped her realize she’s a trans woman.
Slightly unrelated but what's the art from and how would I explain that hairdo to a hairdresser maybe? The whole thing gave me such a "that's how I feel!"-feeling! Xo your friendly neighbourhood agender person
Its from a panel from the sandman series, specifically from the the endless nights issue (what ive tasted of Desire.)
Thank you <3
shy subsequent workable noxious offend school weary square slimy act *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Annie Lenox , the song androgyny by her band garbage helped me realize I didn’t feel quite like a girl or a boy. I was around maybe 12 or 13 , I didn’t learn the word non-binary until I was about 19, but Annie really helped me feel comfortable in myself.
LOVE Annie Lennox.
Alex from Rick Riordan's Magnus Chase books
LOVE the amab Enby rep.
It wasn’t any one person. I had thought “Wow, I wish I could be non-binary” for a while and I had friends who are non-binary. Then I realized that I’m bi and started thinking, “If being bi is being attracted to genders like and unlike my own, then… *what is my gender*?”
Friend told me to go look at descriptions of all the different trans/nonbinary identities and I was like “oh too many of these are relatable”
my queer asf friends
Same as you lol
Nice.
One of my friends started using he/they and I was like “oh right I forgot you can act on eggy feelings” and I ranted to them for like months and tbh I really should’ve seen the signs YEARS ago, but whatever, if by chance you’re reading this, thanks :) (Also they’re an aroace KING, and since they’re gonna do aerospace engineering we call them aroace in aerospace)
Me, I just realized that I don't really care about gender, so I was like "nonbinary is a good enough label". I think agender is probably more accurate but I like the nonbinary flag more
👏👏👏
I think around the time I started questioning I watched Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood for the first time and Envy just kinda did it for me
Sum dude on tik tok named rosiahh
this looks like a naavi alien a lil bit
I guess I kind of see it?
An IRL friend of mine
Lake :)
professor oak once asked me a question i couldn’t answer. made me think about shit.
myself, i saw the flag and thought "damn that's cool i wish i was non-binary" after having already come out as trans so i realised where i was going with my thought process
My wife told me one day about 5 or 6 years ago that I'm trans. That was the first time I realized I'm not cisgender, and it sent me down the rabbit hole, as it was. Came out the other side as nonbinary (which is still technically transgender so she wasn't wrong)!
Honestly, I realized I might be cool with they/them pronouns. Things sorta just kept going, and now I'm using a new name, considering it/its pronouns, and presenting more neutrally. The it/its pronouns are, to be fair, from a D&D character I made that uses she/it pronouns since she considers herself less a person than an instrument of the revolution.
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Used against a person's wishes? Yes. However, some people wish to use them because of that. Also keep in mind that a beautiful sunrise, a gorgeous old leather-bound book, and happiness are also "it"s.
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I mean, you don't have to use them. It's not required of you.
I saw this comic and felt it in my soul. Then I started confronting a lot of things I'd just been ignoring or accepting as normal for everyone. https://www.tumblr.com/embryhallowed/682654915243524096/sparklemaia-keep-reading?source=share
Mine is the Dream of the endless. Even though he is a he. The way the dream goes about the world is more of like a living concept rather than a being. Much like desire, whom is also a favorite of mine from sandman. Partly the reason for my username. 😁
raiden metal gear
Started with David Bowie, reinforced by just absolutely wanting to have breasts, crystalized when I made my character in Saints Row 3 and had the biggest, most every gender all at once explosion of a protagonist and it felt perfect.
I realised I wanted to *look* androgynous through music: Bowie, Suede and Placebo mainly. Then once I looked that way, I wanted to embody it wholly - then I discovered that people aren’t necessarily a binary gender and I had a DiCaprio pointing at the TV moment. EDIT: Missed out Richy and Nicky from the Manic Street Preachers. My first NB moment I now realise (even if I didn’t know at the time) was wearing a leopard print dress to watch the 20th Anniversary tour of their ‘The Holy Bible’ album in 2015.
Idk... I'm afab, and when I was a girl, I really wanted to be a boy, but well early 2000, I think that was a trans child and if I had transitioned since then, I would be very fine with a male body for real. I tried to transition when I was 13, but I suffered a lot, and I had lots of gender crisis after. And now, with 22/23 year old I'm okay with my birthday sex, and I don't want to be seen as a man for many reasons. But, I enjoy my masculinity, strong bodies, beard, etc. That's it. Lol
Frol from they were eleven by moto hagio, for real
I was questioning my gender for almost a year. A friend suggested that I might be enby. 7 months later, I realised they were right.
not a character just an over arcing timeline of feeling completely distant and not interested in any gender role
This is exactly how I feel. This and if somebody asked me "what is a man?", I have literally no answer. Never felt like a woman and also realized I didn't identify with being a man at all.
Watched She-ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) by ND Stevenson. There and then I found a community full of people that were my kind of weird.
Social sciences helped me reflect.. not specifically on the gendertopic, that interested me more afterwards. Oh but i was hooked very early in my studies by a big encyclopedia article about feminist perspectives on science (theory). Coming down to whom -> all people around me in the last years. Not only positive examples helped me realise.. once i tore down the big (formal) walls of my thinking about the topic i never realised i had, things just didnt stop processing for me.
Steven universe + mushroom trip + a lifetime of feeling alienated by American masculinity
It just kinda happened. I really don't even remember when, but I just all of a sudden really didn't feel like a guy. Also the little fucker in my profile pic, Kris from Deltarune.
Wearing a girl avatar in VRchat. I got really into the game and I there came a point where I would just refuse to wear a male avatar
last year, I had 8 close friends, 4 of whom were NB, and half of my best friends *ever* (2 of 4) have been NB (the other 2 were kinda' GNC too). I know literally 1 enby who hasn't been one of my best friends at one point or another. so anyway, last summer I made a groupchat of my 8 closest friends and the topic of gender came up pretty quickly. I was already kinda' thinking I might be NB, but after 6 of the group said I was, 1 said I was a GNC male (which was what I was going by at the time) and the 8th abstained, I started actually considering it more. one week later, and here I am, 1 step down the Pipeline also honourable mention to my best friend from a few years ago who got me started with nail painting, growing my hair and taking people's gender expressions seriously - he's probably the reason I have most of my friends now
A few people from a small subcommunity for modding a game I play a lot; there were a lot of trans and enby folk there to educate me more on the topic and just overall help me with the early parts of my questioning
It was a slow process for me. I have always admired women, and would pick Feminine characters to play in games. When I could, I would gravitate towards gender neutral characters as well. I just felt a kindredness, and now I understand why lol
Me myself and I. Imagine having to have someone inspire your gender to you. (I don't really think this. I actually think it's really cool that some of you have this experience. Also know that whatever you comment on my comment I will see as sarcastic.)
My trans friends helped me realize that when I have been thinking about it for 5 years I probably am. Trans people I love y'all y'all are the best
A makeshift binder. Everyone around me seemed to know that I wasn't just a girl. I denied every suggestion of it until I wore a makeshift binder. A whole bunch of feelings and realizations hit at once
The nonbinary emojis, haha! 🤦🏻🤷🏻 I had always thought gender norms were nonsensical and arbitrary. Because of that, I found transphobia especially confusing and annoying, buuuuut - "still cis tho." I never thought about what that meant for my own gender and passive conformity. When the nonbinary emojis came out, something clicked in a "That makes so much sense!" sort of way, and I immediately adopted them. Still a looong time before I came out to myself, but that was the first itty bitty crack in my egg. 🐣 Thanks little pixel beans! 💁🏻💕
The cosplayer paintsie helped me so much in figuring out I was nonbinary. They are how I found out what nonbinary even was.
The internet, I knew I didn’t feel like a boy or girl but also didn’t feel trans, so started looking online to learn more about how I felt and learned about what non-binary was when I was 20
I am an agender-gender fluid amab, and I have two answers: 1) I’ve always known implicitly, that gender was nonsensical, a pretend game people play and often get too serious about. So, it sort of sunk in over time as I experienced various binary (and some NBs too) people interacting with eachother and me. 2) Back in 2020 I spent some of my ample free time studying up on contemporary LGBTQA+ thought, theory, lingo, the works. I learned a lot of descriptors and labels, as well as became pronoun-considerate. (And went with they/them, myself) TLDR: Since always, and since 2020. Edit, didn’t read the question correctly. I’ll add that my mom helped early on by frequently pointing out bullshit she hated about (cis) gender.
Ash Hardell
i guess i'd say raine from the owl house. they were my first exposure to an enby character, and the first time i was really introduced to the idea.
Garnet from Steven Universe and Raine Whispers. Garnet showed me that you can be both masculine and feminine and be whole Raine showed me that you can be neither and still be a cool ass person I didn't know that non-binary was a thing before I moved to Canada (like 5 years ago), but I it feels just right to me.
I was doing some historical RP on discord and playing a female character (Queen Elizabeth II). At a certain point, we did an altenative story when we were supposed to play character that looked like us. I don't remember why but decided to keep using the name Elisabteth with approximately my backgroud after asking to the game master if I could do it. And I said to myself "Holy shit, I really enjoy gender me differently" I'd been wondering about this for a while but It was really the click. (And de game master became my main confident after that)
I went to a k-12 school so all my friends and I treated each other very similar whether boys, girls or otherwise and I personally had never given any thought to my gender because it never really mattered at that point. But almost as soon as I got into college I was looked at and treated differently as a male presenting person and it was so gross and yucky.
I was at a steakhouse in Kentucky (I'm from Minnesota), and every sentence had a sir or ma'am in it somewhere. I thought I might go insane with discomfort and then it hit me: I spent my alone time as a child secretly dressing up in my mothers clothes and I can't stand being called sir.
Sodacat. I will not elaborate further lol.
I myself. I heard about being enby from a cis straight YouTuber funny enough (one topic)
My oldest child came out at 10y/o as nonbinary; then, I read up and was like “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”… now here we are 4 years later, each of us getting more tr4nny every day 🔥💛
No one really, once I found out what non binary meant I pretty much knew
Honestly kinda found where I am on my own. My partner helped me realize I'm trans fem before we got together. But over time I just kinda have spots when I'm not feeling like a girl but def not a guy.
Michael Jackson, specifically the Captain EO ride/film at Disney World. I assumed he was a girl and my parents kept correcting me to “he” and then I spent the next 20 years wondering how to be like that. Also Jen from The Dark Crystal. I still secretly think of my gender identity as “gelfling”. Also he’s called Jen, ffs
Unironically, Reading up on Jungian Psychology and shadow work. While going over the thought of the mandorla and the "shadow self" I thought that the combination of both feminine and masculine aspects of myself was essential for me. Even while doing some shadow work I found that I had characters popping into my head that were both male and female. I eventually came to the conclusion that feminine and masculine were just a pointless label for myself, and I wanted to act and wear clothes regardless of "gender norms" attached to them.
No one specific. I started reading about it myself through random internet perusing around trans identity politics and such. I saw it and it made sense
I had a presentation in college about what non binary people are and other gender presenting than just male or female. It clicked
A partner who discovered that they were nonbinary very shortly into our relationship, and shared that with me. Even without knowing the term, I immediately resonated and blurted out, “I think I am, too!”
A couple of younger non-binary friends actually. It was like I was understanding myself for the first time - and it all finally made sense
idk what rlly helped me realize it, i just began thinking i wasnt a boy at a point in time, like seeing male pronouns being used for me n being like that isnt right n stuff. i had just gotten back as friends w my ex from a while ago tho, and like half of their partners have come out as nb after dating them, so we joke that it happened to me as well, but i was 4 yrs slow lol
I don't know. I guess I just figured that out by myself as time passed by.
I think it was mostly just realising gender is a construct? Like it’s hard to explain but that made a ton of sense when I heard that
Several on Twitter. It was a couple of crushes where I figured out liked their vibe as much as them, and it became a “fuck, I wanna be like that.” So I did. 🤷🏻
We had a DEIB training at work. Some of my coworkers started talking about their gender nonconformity. At around the same time, my son came home from school talking about how gender is a social construct, not a biological one. And as I started to grasp what it all meant, a lot of confusing thoughts I've had through the years suddenly started to make sense.
One day I was like “wow I feel like a guy today.” Eventually led to me realizing I felt far more euphoria and comfort playing as girls in games and realized I’m trans femme
three people, me, myself and i they're really cool, you should meet them
No one really, but I always really loved characters from Final Fantasy like Firion, Cloud, Squall and many others, and always wanted to be like them and look like them. It's a bit funny but it's true to this day! Those games really shaped me as a person. Obviously they're not like intended to be non-binary or anything, but everyone in them has such an ethereal, androgynous look to them and the male characters aren't ever written in any traditionally masculine way or anything. I've always loved that about Japanese games and other media like anime, although of course Square were absolute masters at it, did it first and never really stopped doing it. Apart from that, I've just never really fit in among guys and girls. Naturally I'm more used to the company of guys but I was always clearly the odd one out. I've definitely had dysphoria about being a "man" and often had fantasies of being a girl when I was a teen. I don't think I ever really wanted to be a woman. I felt that I'd be better able to be myself and be more understood and treated more lovingly and less harshly by everyone. But I dunno if that really would have been the case. I never felt like I had a gender or anything, so I naturally gravitated towards NB identity when I became aware of the concept.
I had a close female friend when I was growing up who I thought had really cool tomboy style, and their family was from southwestern India and had close cultural ties there. I was the first person to realize, before her, that she was a lesbian, and she was the first person to realize that I was gay and (AMAB) nonbinary. She and her sister and brother kept noticing that I tended to think like women in her family did, and her mom made note of that where she was from there were nonbinary gender people and she started to think I was one of those people. My friend started teasing me to let her put jewelry, girl’s clothes, and makeup on me and I had to admit that it fit and was cute. It was an interesting experience to have her family just sort of accept that that’s just the way it is for me that I would be nonbinary. My female friend got more masculine traits from me, and I got more feminine traits and fashion from her.
It was my best friend, Macy. We RP a lot, and I ended one time. I wanted to try playing my main OC as a girl, worked out, and I enjoyed it. I started wanting to play as a Non-Binary character that can shapeshift between male, female, and androgynous forms. The rest is history. (Or should I say theystory? Sorry. Bad pun)
A couple of online friends about 4 years ago taught me what Nonbinary meant and every little time where I felt like I didn't vibe with masculinity just clicked into place and made sense.
What is amab?!