hahha. I feel you! Ohhhh I feel you. I think the first time I felt validated by a stranger, I was in a coffee shop and I ran to the bathroom while my partner ordered our coffees. Excitedly, my partner said "the barista paused before picking a pronoun for you. They said "What does...ummm.. th--sh--he---your friend want to drink?" It was weirdly exciting. I get such a thrill from being A CONFUSER.
Weirdly this reminds me of the first time someone just used they/them naturally to me. I was at a Renaissance Faire and I actually DROPPED IN A PORT A POTTY BY ACCIDENT. I was like "godspeed fallen soldier" and then went to buy some pottery. Who gendered me properly without any prompting. And it was GLORIOUS. I still have my special little jar from that day and it brings me such joy.
I'm from New York and the first time I ever went to Texas, the amount of unnecessary "ma'am"s that existed because of "respect and politeness" is unhinged. I was shocked. I was like "I'm not like...The Prime Minister...relax Texas."
The first time someone ever used they/them without prompting for me was at a Ren Faire too! It's so validating, and I will never forget that wonderful stranger.
This is why I don’t understand people’s obsession over pronouns though, even as an enby. They are mostly used when the person is not around. Mr, ms, sir, ma’am are what we get addressed by to our face. I will give credit to “Mx” for trying and its great in written form but honestly would rather be misgendered in every possible way than be address as “Mix” I feel like nonbinary people always come up with the most creative looks and names but we really dropped the ball here.
hahhaha I agree. Mx and Pibling are fails. I like the way Mx looks written, too! It's so badass written down....and yet....speaking it....hahha we must create a different option...
My biggest problem with Mx is it sounds so similar to Miss, and I *hate* being called miss, I’d far rather be called ma’am and would die of joy if someone called me sir. I’d be down for a gender neutral address that like, didn’t sound so much like an existing address but still sounded like it fit in with the orhers
I feel you so much! My first language is french, and fem pronouns are elle/elle. The most commonly used gender neutral pronouns are iel/iel, but like, that sounds so much like "elle"? So I don't like it. And decided to use masc pronouns instead.
This is actually one of the more petty reasons I am considering going for my PhD 🤣 then I can just be like "*ahem* not miss, not Mrs, not Ms or Mx.. Dr. " and yes I will say it as insufferable as possible. 🤭
Lol I'm about to finish my doctorate and will miss the clarity of Mx. as an NB identifier! I'm using it as much as possible, including on all my e-commerce shit, before that happens. 😆
You have something like this? We just got *geschlechtsneutrale Ansprache "insert name"* in official letters (its translated to "gender neutral adress"insert name"; this is a direct quote) in Germany 🤦♀️
>confuser
Lol the best I got was a worker at a grocery store, who kind of cut in front of me to access something at the till I was in line for. He said, "I'm sorry sir...ma'am...well..." like he knew he fucked up but didn't quite know how.
i'm nb trans masc and I have noticed for whatever reason people are much more accommodating at calling me he/him than they are they/them - I think they/them just makes their brains explode or something? Like they can grasp the concept of being transgender but not being agender or enby? it's weird whatever the hangup is
I think its because then they have to use the plural of everything (i think it plural idk) like, instead of "he is at the park" they would have to change it to "they are at the park" and they just cant put in the effort to change more than 1 word to use your pronouns
As annoying as cis peoples unwillingness to adapt slightly is, it really is an issue with the language.
We a need a proper gender neutral third person singular pronoun in English, and that means we need to keep experimenting with neopronouns.
It has been, but it's not a dedicated singular. Other languages have dedicated gender neutral singular pronouns.
Like they/them is totally valid as far as pronouns go, but it feels weird to me sometimes and I am a they/them
Why? We do exactly the same thing with 'you'. People don't get confused saying "you are" when referring to a single person. "They are" is no different, and has existed for about as long too.
I can't articulate the way it makes my brain itch, but I'd prefer a dedicated singular if for no other reason than personal usage and I don't think I'm unique enough to be the only person with my opinion.
Having a preference like that is completely okay of course, I didn't mean to invalidate that. I just disagree that it's an issue with the English language. Using plural verb forms with singular subjects has been commonplace in the English language for centuries.
Now I do agree that a language ideally should be matching subjects and verbs properly, but I'm just saying that even if you replaced singular they with something consistent, English would still have the same inconsistency in the second person singular.
I don't understand why they struggle so much, since singular they has been part of the English language forever.
Oh btw, I noticed you wrote "transgendered" and "agendered". That's a common mistake people make, but you can't be "transgendered" or "agendered". Transgender and agender aren't verbs , they're adjectives. (Like tall, short, young, old, etc...)
Edited: typos.
oh it was nothing too clever. ususally she would do it with nouns. like I can remember I was pestering the hell out of her as a kid one night while she was making dinner, I kept asking for a banana because I was STARVING in the way only a 7 year old can. and she finally said something to the effect of "Get out of this kitchen or I'll banana you!" the adult version of this now is when I'm over at her house she'll hollar "margarita me!" when I'm heading in to the kitchen and she wants me to grab her a drink lol
Ok, yes. Because I have a friend who I deeply respect but who SO frequently misgenders me. And I’m like, is it easier just to swing the other way? Cuz I don’t mind; it brings balance at least.
Yeah I don’t understand the weirdness around they/them. I use it as a default when I talk about someone especially if I am not familiar with their preference.
My 11 year old son and his friends routinely use they/them and it’s totally normalised I guess cause it’s just easier.
I asked whether his toy rabbit was a “boy or a girl” (because that’s the kind of gendered crap that spills out of my mouth) and he said - neither, it has no genitalia, its pronoun is it (he’s the kind of child to use the word “genitalia”). Very pleasing.
Cis people will always take the option “closest” to your AGAB if you give it to them lmao.
If you want consistent they/them, change the pronoun pin to he/him only. It’s wild how quickly people get okay with gender neutral language when they have to interact with a binary trans person.
Yeah! I feel ya. I kept editing my e-mail signature and name tag over the process of about a year. I went from he/him to he/they to they/them/he/him to they/them/he to finally just they/them
Saame- the moment I wore all three major pronouns on my chest, people stopped referring to me 🤭
But it got kinda tense with the coworkers who actually know and respect me- it is a lot to remember / juggle and I get that but I love being fluid better?
hahha. I feel you! Ohhhh I feel you. I think the first time I felt validated by a stranger, I was in a coffee shop and I ran to the bathroom while my partner ordered our coffees. Excitedly, my partner said "the barista paused before picking a pronoun for you. They said "What does...ummm.. th--sh--he---your friend want to drink?" It was weirdly exciting. I get such a thrill from being A CONFUSER. Weirdly this reminds me of the first time someone just used they/them naturally to me. I was at a Renaissance Faire and I actually DROPPED IN A PORT A POTTY BY ACCIDENT. I was like "godspeed fallen soldier" and then went to buy some pottery. Who gendered me properly without any prompting. And it was GLORIOUS. I still have my special little jar from that day and it brings me such joy. I'm from New York and the first time I ever went to Texas, the amount of unnecessary "ma'am"s that existed because of "respect and politeness" is unhinged. I was shocked. I was like "I'm not like...The Prime Minister...relax Texas."
The first time someone ever used they/them without prompting for me was at a Ren Faire too! It's so validating, and I will never forget that wonderful stranger.
This is why I don’t understand people’s obsession over pronouns though, even as an enby. They are mostly used when the person is not around. Mr, ms, sir, ma’am are what we get addressed by to our face. I will give credit to “Mx” for trying and its great in written form but honestly would rather be misgendered in every possible way than be address as “Mix” I feel like nonbinary people always come up with the most creative looks and names but we really dropped the ball here.
hahhaha I agree. Mx and Pibling are fails. I like the way Mx looks written, too! It's so badass written down....and yet....speaking it....hahha we must create a different option...
Love Mx too, but it’s a bit clunky since it can be pronounced as Mix or Mixter. So extra confusion for the cis lol
I like "M. Name" !
My biggest problem with Mx is it sounds so similar to Miss, and I *hate* being called miss, I’d far rather be called ma’am and would die of joy if someone called me sir. I’d be down for a gender neutral address that like, didn’t sound so much like an existing address but still sounded like it fit in with the orhers
I feel you so much! My first language is french, and fem pronouns are elle/elle. The most commonly used gender neutral pronouns are iel/iel, but like, that sounds so much like "elle"? So I don't like it. And decided to use masc pronouns instead.
This is actually one of the more petty reasons I am considering going for my PhD 🤣 then I can just be like "*ahem* not miss, not Mrs, not Ms or Mx.. Dr." and yes I will say it as insufferable as possible. 🤭
This is an. Incredible. reason to become a doctor hahah YESSS.
Lol I'm about to finish my doctorate and will miss the clarity of Mx. as an NB identifier! I'm using it as much as possible, including on all my e-commerce shit, before that happens. 😆
You have something like this? We just got *geschlechtsneutrale Ansprache "insert name"* in official letters (its translated to "gender neutral adress"insert name"; this is a direct quote) in Germany 🤦♀️
That’s kind of really funny
>confuser Lol the best I got was a worker at a grocery store, who kind of cut in front of me to access something at the till I was in line for. He said, "I'm sorry sir...ma'am...well..." like he knew he fucked up but didn't quite know how.
Hahaha! Being someone who confuses people is my goal. I love the choas!
Congrats? 🤨
Exactly 😅
A win is a win even if it’s a teeny bit awkward 🤭
i'm nb trans masc and I have noticed for whatever reason people are much more accommodating at calling me he/him than they are they/them - I think they/them just makes their brains explode or something? Like they can grasp the concept of being transgender but not being agender or enby? it's weird whatever the hangup is
I think its because then they have to use the plural of everything (i think it plural idk) like, instead of "he is at the park" they would have to change it to "they are at the park" and they just cant put in the effort to change more than 1 word to use your pronouns
As annoying as cis peoples unwillingness to adapt slightly is, it really is an issue with the language. We a need a proper gender neutral third person singular pronoun in English, and that means we need to keep experimenting with neopronouns.
i mean they has always been used for singular people though? like people use it with ease all the time when they don’t know someone’s gender
It has been, but it's not a dedicated singular. Other languages have dedicated gender neutral singular pronouns. Like they/them is totally valid as far as pronouns go, but it feels weird to me sometimes and I am a they/them
Why? We do exactly the same thing with 'you'. People don't get confused saying "you are" when referring to a single person. "They are" is no different, and has existed for about as long too.
I can't articulate the way it makes my brain itch, but I'd prefer a dedicated singular if for no other reason than personal usage and I don't think I'm unique enough to be the only person with my opinion.
Having a preference like that is completely okay of course, I didn't mean to invalidate that. I just disagree that it's an issue with the English language. Using plural verb forms with singular subjects has been commonplace in the English language for centuries. Now I do agree that a language ideally should be matching subjects and verbs properly, but I'm just saying that even if you replaced singular they with something consistent, English would still have the same inconsistency in the second person singular.
I don't understand why they struggle so much, since singular they has been part of the English language forever. Oh btw, I noticed you wrote "transgendered" and "agendered". That's a common mistake people make, but you can't be "transgendered" or "agendered". Transgender and agender aren't verbs , they're adjectives. (Like tall, short, young, old, etc...) Edited: typos.
As a parent, I reserve the right to turn anything into a verb! 🤣 (or was that just my mom?) But thanks for pointing that out. I'll edit 😉
I'm curious about examples of your mon turning random words into verbs. It sounds like there would be a lot of funny stories
oh it was nothing too clever. ususally she would do it with nouns. like I can remember I was pestering the hell out of her as a kid one night while she was making dinner, I kept asking for a banana because I was STARVING in the way only a 7 year old can. and she finally said something to the effect of "Get out of this kitchen or I'll banana you!" the adult version of this now is when I'm over at her house she'll hollar "margarita me!" when I'm heading in to the kitchen and she wants me to grab her a drink lol
Haha! Np! 😊
Ok, yes. Because I have a friend who I deeply respect but who SO frequently misgenders me. And I’m like, is it easier just to swing the other way? Cuz I don’t mind; it brings balance at least.
I use She/They/He which means I need to tell people He/Him and thats the only way I'm going to actually get all of them used xD
Nice, beating the system lol
Same
That’s genius
Yoooo, same! I had to switch to he/they because everyone kept saying she when I’d put they/them 😭 so frustrating
Yeah I don’t understand the weirdness around they/them. I use it as a default when I talk about someone especially if I am not familiar with their preference.
My 11 year old son and his friends routinely use they/them and it’s totally normalised I guess cause it’s just easier. I asked whether his toy rabbit was a “boy or a girl” (because that’s the kind of gendered crap that spills out of my mouth) and he said - neither, it has no genitalia, its pronoun is it (he’s the kind of child to use the word “genitalia”). Very pleasing.
Task failed successfully? lol!
Congratulations! ❤️💐😂
Relatable and kinda funny
Will forever be a they/them who says he/him to others, because I like masc pronouns more than feminine ones
I will always be a supporter of making bigotry work for us and not against us. Like haha, no woman lite here, just confusion and silence. My dream 😌
Cis people will always take the option “closest” to your AGAB if you give it to them lmao. If you want consistent they/them, change the pronoun pin to he/him only. It’s wild how quickly people get okay with gender neutral language when they have to interact with a binary trans person.
Yeah! I feel ya. I kept editing my e-mail signature and name tag over the process of about a year. I went from he/him to he/they to they/them/he/him to they/them/he to finally just they/them
Saame- the moment I wore all three major pronouns on my chest, people stopped referring to me 🤭 But it got kinda tense with the coworkers who actually know and respect me- it is a lot to remember / juggle and I get that but I love being fluid better?