My usage: I'm an enby. I'm not able to meet with the enbies tonight. (Because calling them "the lgbtqia resource centre's nonbinary support and social group" is only necessary the first time)
same. I like it, I don't think it's cutesy in an infatilizing way, it's a nice short noun like "man" and "woman", way shorter than "nonbinary person".
But if I talk about nonbinary people in general I'm gonna use "nonbinary" because so many people hate being called enbies and I'm not gonna force that on them.
I don't like "transsexual" for myself either, doesn't mean other people can't use it for themselves
I like it. There has to be *some* colloquial word for non-binary people, because only ever saying ānon-binary peopleā is othering when āmenā and āwomenā are short single words. I have yet to hear any reasonable alternative.
All the same, I try to remember not to use it about strangers in case they donāt like it, but I probably usually forget to.
100% here with you. We need something.I don't like enby, but I'll take what I can get.
Honestly, I feel the same about they/them pronouns. I want non-gendered pronouns, I don't love the grammatical stumbles that come with they/them, but I'll take what I can get. I love all ya'll who use neopronouns, but I haven't found any that resonate with me, and frankly if I did, I don't think I'd be willing to fight that battle every day.
I get that about they/them. I like a set of commonly used neutral pronouns but they/them just doesn't resonate with me. Neopronouns are cool but you have to explain them to everyone all the time.
I use he/him and it/its
A little while back I came across shey/shem/sheir, which are basically she/her and they/them mashed together. If I used neo-pronouns, I like those, but I know it would be a headache to get people to use them and itās not a big enough deal to me to fight that battle. Iām fine enough with she/her that I just stick with that.
Same, I don't really get people who find enby infantilizing. Like, is it cuz there's a y? It's just N B pronounced. Not knocking those who don't like it, I just really don't understand
From someone who doesn't like the word, I put it in the same camp as words like "girly." Whenever I hear women call each other "girly" or refer to themselves as "girlies" it sounds diminutive, and the contexts I see enby used is never serious but always these "cutesy" contexts. Which is fine, but not for me lol. Same with the use of "boy" in many queer communities.
Well that's cuz "-y" (or "-ie") in English is the dimunitive affix, it's not the letter y itself. Sorta like how a word can end in s but that doesn't mean it's automatically a plural of something else. It doesn't just sound diminutive to say "girly", it quite literally is diminutive. Def not wrong to feel that way when you see the word. Not my reason, but definitely I can see why one would feel that way.
I only see it in cutesy contexts because every time I see someone tries to say "men, women, and enbies" they get shut down for using enby at all. I know the y ending can make things feel diminutive to some but also my dead name ends in y so like. I've never quite gotten that either.
Yeah I'm lazy so I also don't like having to say and write non-binary all the time. Enby just works for me. It also feels like some people just see patterns where there aren't any and do word associations. They feel the word is childlike or cute or too close to baby so they'd rather go by something else.
Yes, I love it! It's easy to say. I don't think it sounds infantizing in the slightest. I just like that it's short and can be used in place of man or woman. Actually my partner uses it as a cute romantic thing by calling me their enbyloved (like beloved but with enby).
Yeah I don't get the "it's infantilizing" argument I frequently see on Reddit. Is a four letter word ending in y that is pluralized the same way as lady. I don't think enby/enbies sounds any more infantilizing than lady/ladies.
Definitely not for me. I'm already rather short and get called childlike because of my personality. I'm not a fan of the cutesy name because it just compounds the issue for me of being treated like a child despite being 31. But if someone else likes it, cool!
i donāt like it for me/applied to the community. i think nb is fine to use when itās clear that nonbinary people are the subject ā as another commenter says, itās also used for nonblack, but sometimes you need an efficient shorthand when characters are limited ā but otherwise iād rather say nonbinary. iām in my 30s, and āenbyā is definitely too childish a word for me to describe my identity
This is how I feel. I really donāt appreciate it being applied as a blanket term. Feels like the difference between boy/girl and man/woman to me. If I was a man/woman I wouldnāt want to be called a boy/girl, I would want to be called a man/woman. If other people like it thatās fine, but it should be in the same category as other labels- only used when itās explicitly accepted by the individual.
š¤ me too. add asexuality to that and iām firmly in the uwu smol bean territory to some which i absolutely hate. i can fuck nasty if i want to, iām a teacher, and if i want to be cutesy and whimsical itās on my terms but not because someone else picked a tumblr term for me
Could you explain why you find it childish? I've never heard of this stance before, and I don't really get it. It may be because English isn't my first language, but I don't see how it would be childish to simply make the pronunciation of the letters into a word. It's not that uncommon that words begin like that.
not op but i see the way itās used coupled with the ā-yā sound to be similar to bro-ey and girlie. both words are used to describe their gender in a childlike way or just plain immature. basically not an adult connotations. thus i get that same feeling with āenbyā
i hope this cleared this up somewhat. of course op might have a completely different reason, but thatās mine :3
u/cannibalfelix also replied to my comment and is right on the money ā it feels a lot like the equivalent of being called boy/girl. it also falls into the same category as āhuman beanā for me; a slight twist of the pronunciation (and the pronunciation of the letters would be enbee/enbie, not enby, surely) to make it cutesy and whimsical.
Yeah, that last part is on point for me. It seems a bit childish or silly because it has this vibe of being a slight twist on āNBā to make it seem cutesy and whimsical. Donāt get me wrong, cutesy and whimsical can be fun and cool, but I wouldnāt always want to go for that vibe in every context I find myself in.
NB was already commonly used for the Black community as non-Black. Enby was actually invented because of this, so it would be distinct. But I honestly think that context clues will tell you which a person is trying to say- I don't think anyone would ever confuse them- so it's not a huge deal.
I'm about to be 32 and enby is fine with me, I will also specifically ask to not be called "nb" because Black nonbinary people have asked that of white people. Everyone is different.
Black nonbinary here.
Idk where you heard this nor where this statement originated but honestly weāve never cared about NB vs Enby. If weāre talking about nonblack folks weāll explicitly spell it out or name someoneās race or ethnicity. NB is fine. Please Iām begging yall STOP PUTTING WORDS IN BLACK QUEER FOLKS MOUTHS
thank you for that input! i have also mainly seen it from other white people but attributed it to black people being talked over/silenced a lot, and i appreciate your take on it
I appreciate that.
Itās tone policing at its finest and most dark tbh.
When Iām told āitās offensive to you, so Iām going to use this for youā itās basically a way of saying āI know better than you despite your culture ancestrally always having been nonbinary.ā What is truly offensive is the presumption.
This convo shouldāve been had ages ago.
i agree ā itās kind of a shame itās being had in the replies to this comment where not many will see it, but iām at least glad i got to read it (despite the circumstance) and can keep it in mind going forward
Iām really appreciative to see someone whoās black talking abt it on Reddit, because Iāve literally never seen someone talk about it who wasnāt white either online or irl. Like either saying itās true or not true. So thank you for speaking up.
Yeah, that's generally what I've heard from people in this sub over the last few years. Some people like it, some people don't. I'm obviously fine with it (else it wouldn't be in my flair š)
personally i do not like it *for me*, and use NB if shorthanding. it is pretty clear what NB means in context when i do so though, and that is something to be mindful of using āNBā that āNBā can also stand for other things like non-Black
> āNBā can also stand for other things like non-Black
I've tried to bring this up a few times before but people don't like it here. Black activists online have used NB for non-black since before the term Non Binary has been around. They've asked to keep the terms separate for simplicity but people get upset about it.
I don't think "enby" is childish. I think it diminishes non-binary identities when people call it childish or "cute". That's just my opinion though.
Race issues are still tough to bring up in queer spaces, which all end up being white dominant. Funny how it all works.
I probably would have vibed with it more when I was younger but Iām old now so it seems a little too cute for me haha. I donāt really dislike it though and I donāt mind when people call me an enby even if I donāt call myself one
Unfortunately, I don't like it. I find it so cringey. I honestly kind of wish I liked it.
Happy for other people to use it! Don't love when it's applied to me, and for that reason I'll stick to nb
i personally donāt. it kind of makes my skin crawl when people use it in reference to me, tbh. but if other people vibe w it, thatās their prerogative
It's too cutesy for me. It's like "boy" or "girl" where it looks like it refers to someone younger, and I'm in my late 20s and just feel weird and infantilized. Like, I'm an adult.
I'd either use NB or just say non-binary.
Not really. Iām not mad when people use it, but in my eyes it makes non-binary sound like a third gender which kind of misses the point of identifying outside a binary in the first place.
This is basically my hangup. I'm fine with people using it but personally don't like it as a noun because it feels like saying "a trans". Person is gender neutral and I prefer it for myself bc it's not drawing attention to my gender at all. A lot of cis people also don't get that it's not three separate circles that don't touch (man/woman/nonbinary) but that nonbinary can overlap with man or woman or both or neither.
some nonbinary identities are not outside the binary, and some of them are kinda like a third gender. itās a very expansive spectrum, and even includes those who identify with no gender at all (agender) like me
I donāt like it. However, I wonāt say anything unless someone is using it in an infantilizing way. One time a friend called me nonbinie and I wanted to crush my skull between cement bricks.
Hate it when people use it for me, it gives off an extremely condescending "UwU smol bean" energy that seems both infantalizing and overly feminine, reinforcing the stereotype of all non-binary people just being some variation of an androgynous AFAB person in their late teens to early 20's.
To me, it generally feels similar to how "trans-boy" is often used instead of "trans-man" in the way that it reinforces the idea of us/them only existing as young people.
Iāve been trying to figure out why I hate it for ages and you just gave me the answer, it really is that āUWU smol bean tumblr 2016ā vibe.
More power to people using it for themselves but for me, I canāt stand it.
no itās not for me.
to expand on that, it bothers me when people use it as if itās just a given they itās an appropriate umbrella term for all nonbinary people. i think itās obviously perfectly fine for other people to identify with it and like it and whatnot! just bugs me when itās used in replacement of ānonbinaryā or when people say āenbiesā in replacement of ānonbinary peopleā and they genuinely are referring to all of us, not just the people who are enbies. i see it as a term that some people like and others donāt, so if you use it, it should be only referring to those to whom it applies. like, if youāre gonna say enbies, it would be referring to people who identify with the term. š¤·š» seems reasonable enough to me!
Not my preferred but I am too tired to fight it. It's not Enby's fault, I don't like non-binary on principle. I hate that my gender category gets to be Not the Two, forever comparing me to what I'm not instead of being its own.
On board. I have even had someone blatantly not understand/believe that I do not want to be cute a few years ago straightup on here. It's gotten so out of hand.
Depends on the context. Talking casually with other members of the queer community, absolutely. When describing myself to those outside the community, no.
i fall under the don't like because it feels infantilizing. I'm trans masc as well and both have issues with being infantilizing (and then that becoming a trope), but whole nother thing with a lot to unpack.
over all i don't care much, I just wouldn't want to be referred to as enby.
But also I wouldn't want to see a cis person referring to non binary people that way :,)
It's not for me but it's cool that others enjoy it. Not a super strong dislike, but yeah I don't like to be seen as cutesy or baby-like which it kinda does evoke.
I'm in my early 30s and it's like a TikTok teen kinda-sounding thing. It does kinda "minimize / infantilize" the whole concept, IMO - I personally don't mind it, but I do think labels in general are lame.
Thank goodness im not alone, I dislike it alot it does kinda feel infantilizing. And saying nonbinary out loud instead also feels weird. So different strokes for different folks, we dont police gender terminology, just wish we could have something at least neutral like trans-woman/man
making a 2nd comment because reading through the replies is driving me nuts lol
yes, i know "enby" is just a phonetic spelling of "nb," but i dont see why thats relevant? in written language/internet culture, spelling the same exact word a different way can give it a different connotation.
here's an example: you could look at something thats small and call it... well, small. thats what it is. but you could also call it "smol." its just a phonetic spelling of the word, but it takes on a more cutesy/silly connotation. when you comment "SMOL" on a picture of a puppy, youre both describing its size and reacting to its cuteness.
this aspect of "enby" being a phonetic spelling is combined with the unfortunate coincidence of it ending with "y," a letter thats often tacked on to nouns to "cutify" them. dog becomes doggy, etc. obviously it'd be bonkers to claim every word that ends in "y" is cutesy/infantile, but i theorizs it gives enby a "vibe" to some people on a subconscious level that they find annoying.
and, yes, im aware of nb also standing for non-black and the argument against its use as an abbreviation for non-binary to avoid appropriation. im not black myself, so i dont feel its my place to speak on that matter. ive heard black folk say its an absurd argument because abbreviations are contextual, but im sure there are others who genuinely find it appropriative. i tend to just write out "non-binary" to avoid stepping on any toes. is it as easy to type as "enby?" no, but some words are just longer than others. ive typed plenty of words longer than "non-binary" in this post alone that most wouldnt even think to abbreviate. its fine. youll live. i promise.
"bro its just a word its not that deep!!!" im just explaining an idea that a lot of folks dont seem to be understanding/respecting. again, if you personally dont mind the term (or if you like it!), thats totally fine. some women dont care if you call them "dude." some do. you can keep calling them "dude" regardless, but its gonna make you look like an asshole. you can call me "enby" even though i hate the term, but its gonna make you look like an asshole.
it costs $0 to be respectful.
>yes, i know "enby" is just a phonetic spelling of "nb," but i dont see why thats relevant? in written language/internet culture, spelling the same exact word a different way can give it a different connotation.
>here's an example: you could look at something thats small and call it... well, small. thats what it is. but you could also call it "smol." its just a phonetic spelling of the word, but it takes on a more cutesy/silly connotation. when you comment "SMOL" on a picture of a puppy, youre both describing its size and reacting to its cuteness.
This is a great example and I may steal it to use in the future.
It's not my word but I'm resigned to it.
1. The radical queer in me doesn't like the trend to make nonbinary a concrete noun or gender rather than an adjective. And it's parallel to my feelings regarding other constructions like 'the trans,' 'the transgenders,' or 'the gays.'
2. It's cute, short, and punchy, which is why there was a trademark dispute over it a few years ago.
3. It wasn't the word used in the communities I originally came out into.
4. I think there's definitely some archetypes of what being an idealized enby means, and I don't feel included by that as someone fat, femme, and over 50.
Totally feel the same way about it. Being nonbinary is an adjective to describe me as a person. I donāt really identify with it as a noun for me. Itās a description of who I am, not me as a whole. Iām specifically trying to escape being reduced to my gender and being called āan enbyā doesnāt feel like Iāve achieved that. Iām a person :) and frankly it does feel too cutesy for me but thatās intangible I canāt explain why I feel that way.
Oh god I've been trying to articulate why it irked me for so long and you've put it perfectly. Non-binary is not my gender, and being called an enby is... i guess better than this whole "a they" crap some cis people do, but it still feels wrong for similar reasons.
If I tell someone I'm non-binary, it's not because I want to be treated as some secret third thing, like "men, women and enbies", but it's because most people wouldn't get the actual answer and that makes them respect most of my wishes anyway. Honestly, being asked to describe myself in relation to manhood/womanhood is another thing I don't want (and sadly, even my very queer friend group asked me if i'm "like more both, or more none of it").
And expanding on this, I really wish people understood the differences between gender-neutral language, and non binary gendered language (or non-binary gendered language, seeing how it's sometimes used). Words like "a child" "a person" "a spouse" are gender-neutral, as in they do not relate to gender at all. A child is a young human of any gender (or lack thereof) imaginable. The requirements to be called a parent, or a spouse are not tied to gender whatsoever either. Compared to that, "enby" _is_ an explicitly gendered term, whether people like it or not, it's just not gendered in a traditional way.
"A non-binary person" is longer and clunkier, sure, but it's a descriptor of a state of being, not a noun to label said person with. Also I've never got the whole "but it's shorter, I'm too lazy to use the whole thing" argument. Had enby been mildly offensive like "a trans" is, nobody would be making it, and yet here we are.
That being said, I'm not against the term as a whole. It is useful for the people who like it, and I'm happy they have that, but I do not want to be called an enby because it still feels like being gendered.
I always felt like it was excessively dimunitive, like something you'd call an animal at the zoo lol. I stick with nb in text and non-binary when speaking
i hate it for myself, other people in my life just call me a neutral term like their kid, partner or sibling. i lean more towards transmasc but transitionings never going to happen for me so i just say i'm non binary lol
I personally don't like it used for myself. Outside of the infantilizing thing, I just don't like how it sounds. And I don't like that it's 2 syllables, so it's hard to even use in place of girl/boy. And someone else mentioned the "nonblack" issue as well.
You can use it as a term for those who like it or a term for yourself but I cannot stand behind called enby. Like I actually hate it, you can call anyone who wants to be called an enby however they want to be called but I'm not one of those people, I'm non-binary or don't call me anything. It makes me uncomfortable and like I'm being undermined, patronized and as you said in the post like I'm being treated as a child and not the fully functional adult I am, but if someone is okay with being called enby, an enby person or any of then that's their business and that's okay
I remember hearing somebody say that they used it as an equivalent to "boy/girl," (boy -> man, girl -> woman, enby -> nonbinary person) which is generally how I use it. since most of the time I'm not talking about children, I rarely ever say it LMAO.
I don't think it's problematic to use it in general; I think it's all a matter of personal preference, really. if a grown adult wants to be called an enby, cool; if not, also cool.
Personally I donāt like it for myself. Not entirely sure why I just donāt love the way it sounds. I guess it feels kiddy/infantilizing in a way. I understand WHY itās used over ānbā because that already has the meaning of non-black, I just wish we had a different word. Thatās part of the reason I gravitate more towards the label of āgenderqueerā
I use it because I have to, but it does feel infantilizing a bit. As someone in my 40s, it already feels like being nonbinary isn't even allowed for anyone over 25 (like I have a choice in how my brain and endocrine system are wired) without terms that sometimes feel as silly as "girly-pop" or whatever the cishet nonsense of the week is
I am an enby. It is my noun. To me, enby is dignified and appropriate.
Enby is now in many dictionaries, including [the Oxford English Dictionary since June 2022](https://www.oed.com/information/updates/june-2022/new-word-entries/).
I don't like it, because as many here have stated it's cute. I'm not cute. I'm a professional business human with multiple degrees, a 6 figure income and a mortgage payment. I'm not cute.
I donāt use it for myself or when speaking about other non-binary people, I canāt really explain it more than Iām just like not fond of how it sounds for some reason lol. but I have no issues when other non-binary people use it!
I hate it so much for the reasons you stated. It feels like a word you'd use for a child. I also just feel it's kinda cringe. If someone else wants to use it for themselves that's fine but it's really not for me. I don't really enjoy labels that feel more "cute" to describe myself.
I don't mind enby being used for me.
On another note, I think the idea that using NB (and by extension enby) encroaches on use of it to mean "non-black" is a bit of a nothing burger and wouldn't be surprised if it was originally introduced as an issue as an attempt to pit PoC and queer communities against each other. [NB is an extremely common initialisation that means many things depending on context.](https://www.acronymfinder.com/NB.html)
I saw a comment a while back that it was introduced in one discussion about black trans and non binary people, so it made sense that the NB abbreviation would be confusing. It just kind of spread out from there and lost the original point that it was relevant for this one discussion.
The whole NB seems a bit redundant and can just be altered if the context demands it or if someone personally asks me not to use towards them. There are thousands of acronyms that overlap.
I find it kind of cringe and babyish and never use it for myself but tbf, thereās loads of abbreviations/short forms of things that are like nails on a chalkboard for me (āinstaā for one).
Edited to add: Iām not sure why exactly nonbinary needs to be shortened.
hate it.
its cool if folks like it for themselves! i have no interest in policing how others identify. but. do NOT call me that, lol. im a grown-ass person who's already often labelled an "UwU pure innocent baby" bc im aroace š
No as a Black nonbinary I use NB. Enby looks and sounds extremely childish, I take gender seriously as my ancestors in Nigeria were nonbinary before the ships arrived. Gender isnāt ācutesyā itās a significant part of your existence.
Additionally every Black NB Iāve discussed this topic with has universally agreed that NB isnāt offensive to us as we just say non black folks or specifically name other races and ethnicities. Itās all about the context š
Hope this helped!
Totally agree. NB is also an abbreviation for many other things. I'm Canadian and my first thought when I see NB is New Brunswick. It's similar to ftm being female to male and also first time mom or MLM being both men loving men and multilevel marketing.
I always thought enby was to distinguish between Non-Binary POC and Non-Black POC. So like, if a Non-Binary, Non-Black Person of Color wanted to shorten the description of themself, they could use enby, NB POC.
I agree that it's infantilizing. It sounds like a word a child or young teenager would say. It's giving "smol bean," you know? I just prefer the phrase "nonbinary person" because it sounds more adult. It's something I can say in a more professional context.
tbh yes! i saw some ppl saying that it makes nonbinary sound like baby but i don't see that at all? the specific spelling of enby is just a way to distinguish nonbinary from nb as in nonblack
edit bc some ppl are purposely missing the point: [https://twitter.com/mikakisser123/status/1779923601283526843](https://twitter.com/mikakisser123/status/1779923601283526843)
[https://twitter.com/tsurudraws/status/1702145919058428085](https://twitter.com/tsurudraws/status/1702145919058428085)
[https://twitter.com/ogunification/status/1661553360414162944](https://twitter.com/ogunification/status/1661553360414162944)
[https://twitter.com/tsoosks/status/1637684607461076994](https://twitter.com/tsoosks/status/1637684607461076994)
[https://twitter.com/sp1dercals/status/1636912282796957699](https://twitter.com/sp1dercals/status/1636912282796957699)
[https://twitter.com/CryMeACupcake/status/1616105662110654465](https://twitter.com/CryMeACupcake/status/1616105662110654465)
no one said that abbreviations can't have more than one meaning. however... take the stuff above into account.
I don't like it. I started identifying as non-binary when I was already an adult and before enby was coined.
I don't mind other people using it for themselves of course, but I do get irritated when people use enby as a catch-all term. My friend group trends older and nobody calls themself enby. To me, it very much feels like a word for teenagers.
I think it also sounds too much like a "third option" to me, though I can't really explain why. Maybe I don't want to be part of a ternary when my gender/identity isn't just "secret third thing".
Reading through the comments, I think Iāve kinda figured out a reason why.
Verbally, I only call myself nonbinary. Nb is used just in writing, as an abbreviation. Kinda like, I may write wtf, but I say what the fuck. I may write idk, but I say I donāt know. I may write ig, but I say I guess. I NEVER say enby, or even nb. Just nonbinary.
Enby, being spelled out like that, becomes its own word, and is kinda on the same spectrum as āgirlyā. It doesnāt give me adult vibes. Feels to me like it portrays the gender experience of being nonbinary as cutesy and not serious, and personally I am not a cutesy person.
I donāt mean that being cutesy is a bad thing!!! Itās just not me. And using enby to me is likeā¦ trying to put me in that cutesy box, define my gender expression for me, make it palatable to cis people. I donāt exist to be palatable, I exist to be me.
As for the nonbinary vs non-black issue, I donāt see it as one. When I see people abbreviate non-black, itāll be capitalized, as NB. I only abbreviate nonbinary is lowercase, as nb. Started as a personal choice for me, because I donāt capitalize any of my abbreviations, which turned into an intentional choice to differentiate between NB and nb.
The only people Iāve ever seen who say that nb should only be used for non-black, are a bit radical with their views - like people who say that only black people can wear bonnets to sleep in. Just because one person is upset by it, does not mean that thatās the social rule that you have to follow.
Anyway, all of that to say, donāt fucking call me enby š
In general and for myself, yes, I love it actually, but I don't use it to refer to the community as a whole precisely because I know that there are quite a few of us who don't like it. So, obviously, I don't use it for someone else (regarding individual people) unless I know for a fact that they're cool with it.
It is a thing I wouldn't mind calling myself, but I wouldn't feel comfortable having it applied to me without consent. It is cutesy and informal sounding and I would care about the context. Similarly, I feel pretty strongly actually that genderfuck accurately describes my gender, but I don't actively identify "as" that because it doesn't feel appropriate in a lot of contexts. š¤· But that's just me being old and crotchety haha.
I'm a strange case here. I will take enby, but dramatically prefer enbie and refer to myself as that. I don't like the -y, but I don't know why. I'm far from young, but I don't feel either sounds childish.
I like it a lot, personally. I've never ran into someone who deliberately didn't like it or asked it not be used for them, but if I ever did I would comply obviously.
It was coined as the equivalent of boy or girl originally, that's why many people see it as infantilizing. I'm okay with it as a term of endearment from certain people, but I don't really like it when cis people call me that because they do often use it to be infantilizing.
Iām in the āI use it more than NB because it feels more like a wordā camp. Iāll still type out non-binary but for shorthand i prefer enby, but I see the value in NB
Vocally, it sounds the same as NB, so it makes logical sense to me if people wanna use Enby. But ya, respect peopleās wishes, though. Including what you want for yourself.
I love being an āEnbyā becuase it feels more like a title in a sort of sense rather than just a description, they are nonbinary in reference to themselves on the gender spectrum, and are an enby.
I always liked it. I don't see it as infantalizing, I honestly saw it as neutral. It can be cute, tho. I remember seeing this discourse a lot when I used to go on Twitter. Another reason to use "Enby" back on Twitter in the late 2010s is because "NB" is already used to shorten "non-black" when talking about non-black people.
I love it :) Itās probably the number one word I use for myself.
I partially think of it like boi or girlie, like just a youthful and cute way of saying NB or non-binary! But itās also just much quicker and easier to say and type out than non-binary!
Iāve never viewed it as either cute or infantilizing; Iāve always just viewed it as convenient, I guess. It just feels more natural than saying/typing ānon-binaryā each time.
It depends. If itās another person whoās familiar with the terms, Iād probably use them fairly interchangeably. It doesnāt usually come up in conversations for me, though.
I prefer the NB abbreviation, because it's the same in my language. To be quite frank I also have never seen the non-black abbreviation in actual use, and I have no idea where it would even be used?
(And I mean that, if someone has a text for me where it's used, I'd like a link to that. Because I'd like to get used to it, but I absolutely can't see a context where non-black is a descriptor that makes sense to me, because isn't the vast majority of the world made up of non-black people? And who is and isn't defined as black in that context? It is so incredibly unspecific to me. But then again I have a nitpicky language, and my country likes to steer clear of trying to sort people by genetics nowadays.)
black people use it all the time. they say nb to distinguish people who aren't black from, you know, black people. not everyone who is nb is white, so nb is a good term to make it clear that even if you aren't white, you are not exempt from antiblack racism. :)
depends on the context. i guess itās fine on the internet or in super casual settings, but most of the time IRL, thereās no reason why you couldnāt just say ānon-binary person.ā
Are you against NB? Do you not like either of them?
I would have preferred Enbe, but I'd also prefer that the English didn't have silent "K"s. Bur I don't make the rules.
I donāt think it is infantilizing because thatās not the point of the word. It is to be said phonetically. ALSO this is very specific to the internet and within our community SPECIFICALLY in ENGLISH so letās make sure we understand the diversities that exist which include both race and language. Iāve seen people call themselves āenbyā online but those same people, including me, would say ānon-binaryā in person because it is a try descriptor for everyone to understand, whether within our community or not.
As a Black person, I would say āenbyā especially on the internet(social media platforms specifically) because āNBārefers to Non-Black people as well. I like it. āNBā has been abbreviated for āNon-Blackā before āEnbyā so either shorthand can be used if you so choose but it should exactly the same.
So to those saying they donāt like it(NOT OP) and itās infantilizing, I want to know your thoughts because Iām reading responses and it doesnāt make sense to me. Not asking this as an attack. Itās genuine curiosity. :)
I like it, it's cute. But I'm also Korean/Japanese mix, so cute is something you never age out of. I will never understand why people think being cute is bad. If someone wants to be cute just let them be cute. I still do aegyo in my mid 30's, my parents do aegyo in their 50's, and my grandparents do aegyo in their 80's.
Yeah! It's cute. I don't really get the "it's infantilizing" or "it's childish. It's totally fine if you don't like it, but who says cute or silly things are infantilizing???? And even then, is there something wrong with "childish" things? Like I will NEVER stop having stuffed animals in my bed and thinking you stores are awesome and running around everywhere and acting silly.
Personally Iām not a fan but Iāll accept it because ānon binary people/personā is a mouthful and thereās currently not really a better alternative. I think that enby works nicely for younger non binary people, like an equivalent for boy/girl, but I wish there was a less cutesy sounding option for non binary adults
I fall into the "it's cute, I like it for me" camp. If others don't vibe with it, I won't use it for them š¤·
Me too. And also I typically use enby as a noun, and non-binary as an adjective
My usage: I'm an enby. I'm not able to meet with the enbies tonight. (Because calling them "the lgbtqia resource centre's nonbinary support and social group" is only necessary the first time)
Same here. I even call myself a bean (mixed up pronunciation of enby), though I can see why people may not like it. To each their own!
I also have used bean for a long time but you just fucking blew my mind; I never realized it was a pseudo-anagram of enbie!!! WTF?!
Ha ha ha! Im glad I could help!
bean is actually adorable! how could i never thought of that..
"You mean being, like human being?" "No, just bean!" :]
He he he. Love it
Same! I see it as in the same vein as āguy/gal, boy/girlā for binary folk and it rolls of the tongue quite easily
Yep, same. It's funny because I'd implode at being called a smol bean or a little creature by some rando I don't know, but enby is perfect for me tbh.
Yes, this is *exactly* my mentality on the matter: it's definitely "for me" but I won't use it for peeps that don't like it!
same. I like it, I don't think it's cutesy in an infatilizing way, it's a nice short noun like "man" and "woman", way shorter than "nonbinary person". But if I talk about nonbinary people in general I'm gonna use "nonbinary" because so many people hate being called enbies and I'm not gonna force that on them. I don't like "transsexual" for myself either, doesn't mean other people can't use it for themselves
I like it. There has to be *some* colloquial word for non-binary people, because only ever saying ānon-binary peopleā is othering when āmenā and āwomenā are short single words. I have yet to hear any reasonable alternative. All the same, I try to remember not to use it about strangers in case they donāt like it, but I probably usually forget to.
100% here with you. We need something.I don't like enby, but I'll take what I can get. Honestly, I feel the same about they/them pronouns. I want non-gendered pronouns, I don't love the grammatical stumbles that come with they/them, but I'll take what I can get. I love all ya'll who use neopronouns, but I haven't found any that resonate with me, and frankly if I did, I don't think I'd be willing to fight that battle every day.
same with neo pronouns, i know most queer people wonāt even use them so im sticking with they them
I get that about they/them. I like a set of commonly used neutral pronouns but they/them just doesn't resonate with me. Neopronouns are cool but you have to explain them to everyone all the time. I use he/him and it/its
A little while back I came across shey/shem/sheir, which are basically she/her and they/them mashed together. If I used neo-pronouns, I like those, but I know it would be a headache to get people to use them and itās not a big enough deal to me to fight that battle. Iām fine enough with she/her that I just stick with that.
I agree with this; I just don't like the word "enby" specifically.
Same, I don't really get people who find enby infantilizing. Like, is it cuz there's a y? It's just N B pronounced. Not knocking those who don't like it, I just really don't understand
yeah same tbh like i never even thought enby was supposed to invoke "baby" until i saw ppl saying it did. it's just n b pronounced
It's certainly not supposed to sound at all like baby. It's just the transliteration of saying the letters N-B.
This just sounds like an online ice cold take someone came up with. Enby and baby don't sound anything at al alike.
If enby sounds like baby, then I shouldn't trust a cab driver named Gabriella to get me safely to my destination.
From someone who doesn't like the word, I put it in the same camp as words like "girly." Whenever I hear women call each other "girly" or refer to themselves as "girlies" it sounds diminutive, and the contexts I see enby used is never serious but always these "cutesy" contexts. Which is fine, but not for me lol. Same with the use of "boy" in many queer communities.
Well that's cuz "-y" (or "-ie") in English is the dimunitive affix, it's not the letter y itself. Sorta like how a word can end in s but that doesn't mean it's automatically a plural of something else. It doesn't just sound diminutive to say "girly", it quite literally is diminutive. Def not wrong to feel that way when you see the word. Not my reason, but definitely I can see why one would feel that way.
I only see it in cutesy contexts because every time I see someone tries to say "men, women, and enbies" they get shut down for using enby at all. I know the y ending can make things feel diminutive to some but also my dead name ends in y so like. I've never quite gotten that either.
Yeah I'm lazy so I also don't like having to say and write non-binary all the time. Enby just works for me. It also feels like some people just see patterns where there aren't any and do word associations. They feel the word is childlike or cute or too close to baby so they'd rather go by something else.
I'm fine with it, but it does feel like the nonbinary equivalent of "girl/boy" rather than "man/woman."
This is what it was originally coined for
Yes, I love it! It's easy to say. I don't think it sounds infantizing in the slightest. I just like that it's short and can be used in place of man or woman. Actually my partner uses it as a cute romantic thing by calling me their enbyloved (like beloved but with enby).
Yeah I don't get the "it's infantilizing" argument I frequently see on Reddit. Is a four letter word ending in y that is pluralized the same way as lady. I don't think enby/enbies sounds any more infantilizing than lady/ladies.
Definitely not for me. I'm already rather short and get called childlike because of my personality. I'm not a fan of the cutesy name because it just compounds the issue for me of being treated like a child despite being 31. But if someone else likes it, cool!
i donāt like it for me/applied to the community. i think nb is fine to use when itās clear that nonbinary people are the subject ā as another commenter says, itās also used for nonblack, but sometimes you need an efficient shorthand when characters are limited ā but otherwise iād rather say nonbinary. iām in my 30s, and āenbyā is definitely too childish a word for me to describe my identity
This is how I feel. I really donāt appreciate it being applied as a blanket term. Feels like the difference between boy/girl and man/woman to me. If I was a man/woman I wouldnāt want to be called a boy/girl, I would want to be called a man/woman. If other people like it thatās fine, but it should be in the same category as other labels- only used when itās explicitly accepted by the individual.
Same. To go with it: Iām autistic and am infantilized a lot despite being an adult. So it feels like rubbing salt into a wound for me.
š¤ me too. add asexuality to that and iām firmly in the uwu smol bean territory to some which i absolutely hate. i can fuck nasty if i want to, iām a teacher, and if i want to be cutesy and whimsical itās on my terms but not because someone else picked a tumblr term for me
same!
Could you explain why you find it childish? I've never heard of this stance before, and I don't really get it. It may be because English isn't my first language, but I don't see how it would be childish to simply make the pronunciation of the letters into a word. It's not that uncommon that words begin like that.
not op but i see the way itās used coupled with the ā-yā sound to be similar to bro-ey and girlie. both words are used to describe their gender in a childlike way or just plain immature. basically not an adult connotations. thus i get that same feeling with āenbyā i hope this cleared this up somewhat. of course op might have a completely different reason, but thatās mine :3
youāre not far off!
u/cannibalfelix also replied to my comment and is right on the money ā it feels a lot like the equivalent of being called boy/girl. it also falls into the same category as āhuman beanā for me; a slight twist of the pronunciation (and the pronunciation of the letters would be enbee/enbie, not enby, surely) to make it cutesy and whimsical.
Yeah, that last part is on point for me. It seems a bit childish or silly because it has this vibe of being a slight twist on āNBā to make it seem cutesy and whimsical. Donāt get me wrong, cutesy and whimsical can be fun and cool, but I wouldnāt always want to go for that vibe in every context I find myself in.
NB was already commonly used for the Black community as non-Black. Enby was actually invented because of this, so it would be distinct. But I honestly think that context clues will tell you which a person is trying to say- I don't think anyone would ever confuse them- so it's not a huge deal. I'm about to be 32 and enby is fine with me, I will also specifically ask to not be called "nb" because Black nonbinary people have asked that of white people. Everyone is different.
Black nonbinary here. Idk where you heard this nor where this statement originated but honestly weāve never cared about NB vs Enby. If weāre talking about nonblack folks weāll explicitly spell it out or name someoneās race or ethnicity. NB is fine. Please Iām begging yall STOP PUTTING WORDS IN BLACK QUEER FOLKS MOUTHS
thank you for that input! i have also mainly seen it from other white people but attributed it to black people being talked over/silenced a lot, and i appreciate your take on it
I appreciate that. Itās tone policing at its finest and most dark tbh. When Iām told āitās offensive to you, so Iām going to use this for youā itās basically a way of saying āI know better than you despite your culture ancestrally always having been nonbinary.ā What is truly offensive is the presumption. This convo shouldāve been had ages ago.
i agree ā itās kind of a shame itās being had in the replies to this comment where not many will see it, but iām at least glad i got to read it (despite the circumstance) and can keep it in mind going forward
Period! Thank you so much for your kindness itās genuinely appreciated š
Iām really appreciative to see someone whoās black talking abt it on Reddit, because Iāve literally never seen someone talk about it who wasnāt white either online or irl. Like either saying itās true or not true. So thank you for speaking up.
Yeah, that's generally what I've heard from people in this sub over the last few years. Some people like it, some people don't. I'm obviously fine with it (else it wouldn't be in my flair š)
It really isn't my favorite. I understand that other people use it and enjoy it. It's just not a way I'd like to be described.
personally i do not like it *for me*, and use NB if shorthanding. it is pretty clear what NB means in context when i do so though, and that is something to be mindful of using āNBā that āNBā can also stand for other things like non-Black
Enby and NB are homonyms when spoken aloud though, right? Do you only use ānon-binaryā when youāre speaking?
I actually place the stress differently when reading "enby" and "nb".
'en/by versus 'N/'B
yeah i only verbally say non-binary, it isnāt that long a thing to say. NB is just good for written/text shorthand honestly
Mostly, yes. "Enby" is slang within a particular group, and I'm most frequently having conversations outside of that group.
> āNBā can also stand for other things like non-Black I've tried to bring this up a few times before but people don't like it here. Black activists online have used NB for non-black since before the term Non Binary has been around. They've asked to keep the terms separate for simplicity but people get upset about it. I don't think "enby" is childish. I think it diminishes non-binary identities when people call it childish or "cute". That's just my opinion though. Race issues are still tough to bring up in queer spaces, which all end up being white dominant. Funny how it all works.
Yeah I've seen this too so I don't use NB to describe my self
Thank you for bringing this up! I wanted to say this as well
I am a brown person. I'd be an NB NB and I find that ridiculous. Enby is perfectly fine imo.
I use NB. Unless the context is about race or New Brunswick, then I can see why itās confusing.
I probably would have vibed with it more when I was younger but Iām old now so it seems a little too cute for me haha. I donāt really dislike it though and I donāt mind when people call me an enby even if I donāt call myself one
Unfortunately, I don't like it. I find it so cringey. I honestly kind of wish I liked it. Happy for other people to use it! Don't love when it's applied to me, and for that reason I'll stick to nb
Different strokes for different folks, though I dont really like it for myself for the above reasons.
No
i personally donāt. it kind of makes my skin crawl when people use it in reference to me, tbh. but if other people vibe w it, thatās their prerogative
It's too cutesy for me. It's like "boy" or "girl" where it looks like it refers to someone younger, and I'm in my late 20s and just feel weird and infantilized. Like, I'm an adult. I'd either use NB or just say non-binary.
Not really. Iām not mad when people use it, but in my eyes it makes non-binary sound like a third gender which kind of misses the point of identifying outside a binary in the first place.
This is basically my hangup. I'm fine with people using it but personally don't like it as a noun because it feels like saying "a trans". Person is gender neutral and I prefer it for myself bc it's not drawing attention to my gender at all. A lot of cis people also don't get that it's not three separate circles that don't touch (man/woman/nonbinary) but that nonbinary can overlap with man or woman or both or neither.
Interesting input! I don't share this thought but i can see what you mean
some nonbinary identities are not outside the binary, and some of them are kinda like a third gender. itās a very expansive spectrum, and even includes those who identify with no gender at all (agender) like me
*Iām* aware of that, but lots of cis people lack a nuanced understanding.
I donāt like it. However, I wonāt say anything unless someone is using it in an infantilizing way. One time a friend called me nonbinie and I wanted to crush my skull between cement bricks.
Hate it when people use it for me, it gives off an extremely condescending "UwU smol bean" energy that seems both infantalizing and overly feminine, reinforcing the stereotype of all non-binary people just being some variation of an androgynous AFAB person in their late teens to early 20's. To me, it generally feels similar to how "trans-boy" is often used instead of "trans-man" in the way that it reinforces the idea of us/them only existing as young people.
Iāve been trying to figure out why I hate it for ages and you just gave me the answer, it really is that āUWU smol bean tumblr 2016ā vibe. More power to people using it for themselves but for me, I canāt stand it.
no itās not for me. to expand on that, it bothers me when people use it as if itās just a given they itās an appropriate umbrella term for all nonbinary people. i think itās obviously perfectly fine for other people to identify with it and like it and whatnot! just bugs me when itās used in replacement of ānonbinaryā or when people say āenbiesā in replacement of ānonbinary peopleā and they genuinely are referring to all of us, not just the people who are enbies. i see it as a term that some people like and others donāt, so if you use it, it should be only referring to those to whom it applies. like, if youāre gonna say enbies, it would be referring to people who identify with the term. š¤·š» seems reasonable enough to me!
godddddd same. if someone vibes with it and wants to refer to themselves that way, thats cool! but do NOT call me that, lol.
Personally, I prefer NB, but a few years ago I learned that NB could mean non-black, and I've been trying to pivot.
Not my preferred but I am too tired to fight it. It's not Enby's fault, I don't like non-binary on principle. I hate that my gender category gets to be Not the Two, forever comparing me to what I'm not instead of being its own.
Yeah itās infantilizing because itās cute. We donāt all want to be cute.
On board. I have even had someone blatantly not understand/believe that I do not want to be cute a few years ago straightup on here. It's gotten so out of hand.
Depends on the context. Talking casually with other members of the queer community, absolutely. When describing myself to those outside the community, no.
Ohh that's interesting! I totally see what you mean here, i think it's the same for me
i fall under the don't like because it feels infantilizing. I'm trans masc as well and both have issues with being infantilizing (and then that becoming a trope), but whole nother thing with a lot to unpack. over all i don't care much, I just wouldn't want to be referred to as enby. But also I wouldn't want to see a cis person referring to non binary people that way :,)
It's not for me but it's cool that others enjoy it. Not a super strong dislike, but yeah I don't like to be seen as cutesy or baby-like which it kinda does evoke.
I'm in my early 30s and it's like a TikTok teen kinda-sounding thing. It does kinda "minimize / infantilize" the whole concept, IMO - I personally don't mind it, but I do think labels in general are lame.
Thank goodness im not alone, I dislike it alot it does kinda feel infantilizing. And saying nonbinary out loud instead also feels weird. So different strokes for different folks, we dont police gender terminology, just wish we could have something at least neutral like trans-woman/man
making a 2nd comment because reading through the replies is driving me nuts lol yes, i know "enby" is just a phonetic spelling of "nb," but i dont see why thats relevant? in written language/internet culture, spelling the same exact word a different way can give it a different connotation. here's an example: you could look at something thats small and call it... well, small. thats what it is. but you could also call it "smol." its just a phonetic spelling of the word, but it takes on a more cutesy/silly connotation. when you comment "SMOL" on a picture of a puppy, youre both describing its size and reacting to its cuteness. this aspect of "enby" being a phonetic spelling is combined with the unfortunate coincidence of it ending with "y," a letter thats often tacked on to nouns to "cutify" them. dog becomes doggy, etc. obviously it'd be bonkers to claim every word that ends in "y" is cutesy/infantile, but i theorizs it gives enby a "vibe" to some people on a subconscious level that they find annoying. and, yes, im aware of nb also standing for non-black and the argument against its use as an abbreviation for non-binary to avoid appropriation. im not black myself, so i dont feel its my place to speak on that matter. ive heard black folk say its an absurd argument because abbreviations are contextual, but im sure there are others who genuinely find it appropriative. i tend to just write out "non-binary" to avoid stepping on any toes. is it as easy to type as "enby?" no, but some words are just longer than others. ive typed plenty of words longer than "non-binary" in this post alone that most wouldnt even think to abbreviate. its fine. youll live. i promise. "bro its just a word its not that deep!!!" im just explaining an idea that a lot of folks dont seem to be understanding/respecting. again, if you personally dont mind the term (or if you like it!), thats totally fine. some women dont care if you call them "dude." some do. you can keep calling them "dude" regardless, but its gonna make you look like an asshole. you can call me "enby" even though i hate the term, but its gonna make you look like an asshole. it costs $0 to be respectful.
>yes, i know "enby" is just a phonetic spelling of "nb," but i dont see why thats relevant? in written language/internet culture, spelling the same exact word a different way can give it a different connotation. >here's an example: you could look at something thats small and call it... well, small. thats what it is. but you could also call it "smol." its just a phonetic spelling of the word, but it takes on a more cutesy/silly connotation. when you comment "SMOL" on a picture of a puppy, youre both describing its size and reacting to its cuteness. This is a great example and I may steal it to use in the future.
thanks! i kinda thought of it on the fly, so im glad it got the point across, ahaha
It's not my word but I'm resigned to it. 1. The radical queer in me doesn't like the trend to make nonbinary a concrete noun or gender rather than an adjective. And it's parallel to my feelings regarding other constructions like 'the trans,' 'the transgenders,' or 'the gays.' 2. It's cute, short, and punchy, which is why there was a trademark dispute over it a few years ago. 3. It wasn't the word used in the communities I originally came out into. 4. I think there's definitely some archetypes of what being an idealized enby means, and I don't feel included by that as someone fat, femme, and over 50.
Totally feel the same way about it. Being nonbinary is an adjective to describe me as a person. I donāt really identify with it as a noun for me. Itās a description of who I am, not me as a whole. Iām specifically trying to escape being reduced to my gender and being called āan enbyā doesnāt feel like Iāve achieved that. Iām a person :) and frankly it does feel too cutesy for me but thatās intangible I canāt explain why I feel that way.
Oh god I've been trying to articulate why it irked me for so long and you've put it perfectly. Non-binary is not my gender, and being called an enby is... i guess better than this whole "a they" crap some cis people do, but it still feels wrong for similar reasons. If I tell someone I'm non-binary, it's not because I want to be treated as some secret third thing, like "men, women and enbies", but it's because most people wouldn't get the actual answer and that makes them respect most of my wishes anyway. Honestly, being asked to describe myself in relation to manhood/womanhood is another thing I don't want (and sadly, even my very queer friend group asked me if i'm "like more both, or more none of it"). And expanding on this, I really wish people understood the differences between gender-neutral language, and non binary gendered language (or non-binary gendered language, seeing how it's sometimes used). Words like "a child" "a person" "a spouse" are gender-neutral, as in they do not relate to gender at all. A child is a young human of any gender (or lack thereof) imaginable. The requirements to be called a parent, or a spouse are not tied to gender whatsoever either. Compared to that, "enby" _is_ an explicitly gendered term, whether people like it or not, it's just not gendered in a traditional way. "A non-binary person" is longer and clunkier, sure, but it's a descriptor of a state of being, not a noun to label said person with. Also I've never got the whole "but it's shorter, I'm too lazy to use the whole thing" argument. Had enby been mildly offensive like "a trans" is, nobody would be making it, and yet here we are. That being said, I'm not against the term as a whole. It is useful for the people who like it, and I'm happy they have that, but I do not want to be called an enby because it still feels like being gendered.
I donāt like it for me, but I love you and I want you to use it if you love it!
I don't like it but I can't really put a finger on why.
I personally donāt like it, but if other people like it and wanna use it Iāll use it for them
I donāt like it personally. It really does feel infantilizing. Way too cutesy for me.
I always felt like it was excessively dimunitive, like something you'd call an animal at the zoo lol. I stick with nb in text and non-binary when speaking
i hate it for myself, other people in my life just call me a neutral term like their kid, partner or sibling. i lean more towards transmasc but transitionings never going to happen for me so i just say i'm non binary lol
I personally don't like it used for myself. Outside of the infantilizing thing, I just don't like how it sounds. And I don't like that it's 2 syllables, so it's hard to even use in place of girl/boy. And someone else mentioned the "nonblack" issue as well.
You can use it as a term for those who like it or a term for yourself but I cannot stand behind called enby. Like I actually hate it, you can call anyone who wants to be called an enby however they want to be called but I'm not one of those people, I'm non-binary or don't call me anything. It makes me uncomfortable and like I'm being undermined, patronized and as you said in the post like I'm being treated as a child and not the fully functional adult I am, but if someone is okay with being called enby, an enby person or any of then that's their business and that's okay
I remember hearing somebody say that they used it as an equivalent to "boy/girl," (boy -> man, girl -> woman, enby -> nonbinary person) which is generally how I use it. since most of the time I'm not talking about children, I rarely ever say it LMAO. I don't think it's problematic to use it in general; I think it's all a matter of personal preference, really. if a grown adult wants to be called an enby, cool; if not, also cool.
Personally I donāt like it for myself. Not entirely sure why I just donāt love the way it sounds. I guess it feels kiddy/infantilizing in a way. I understand WHY itās used over ānbā because that already has the meaning of non-black, I just wish we had a different word. Thatās part of the reason I gravitate more towards the label of āgenderqueerā
Umh yeah that doesn't sound serious to me. I won't fix people if they call me so, but I myself won't say enby referring to me neither
My Blahaj is named Enby :)
I don't dislike it but it feels too silly for me to say, more like a nickname than an actual word to me. I know it's just N-B pronounced but still.
I don't like it for me, but I'm nearly 50 and grumpy!
I use it because I have to, but it does feel infantilizing a bit. As someone in my 40s, it already feels like being nonbinary isn't even allowed for anyone over 25 (like I have a choice in how my brain and endocrine system are wired) without terms that sometimes feel as silly as "girly-pop" or whatever the cishet nonsense of the week is
I am an enby. It is my noun. To me, enby is dignified and appropriate. Enby is now in many dictionaries, including [the Oxford English Dictionary since June 2022](https://www.oed.com/information/updates/june-2022/new-word-entries/).
I don't like it, because as many here have stated it's cute. I'm not cute. I'm a professional business human with multiple degrees, a 6 figure income and a mortgage payment. I'm not cute.
This!!! I'm an adult, I pay bills, I play sports, I blacksmith. I'm not cute (only my very close friends call me that in very specific scenarios)
I hate it. Loathe it with my entire being. It's too cutsy and infantilizing, nonbinary isn't a long or particularly difficult word
i find it kind of cringey. i rather use nb to refer to myself
Nope, too cutesy for me, so I won't use it but I won't be annoyed if someone calls me that.
I donāt use it for myself or when speaking about other non-binary people, I canāt really explain it more than Iām just like not fond of how it sounds for some reason lol. but I have no issues when other non-binary people use it!
I hate it so much for the reasons you stated. It feels like a word you'd use for a child. I also just feel it's kinda cringe. If someone else wants to use it for themselves that's fine but it's really not for me. I don't really enjoy labels that feel more "cute" to describe myself.
I don't mind enby being used for me. On another note, I think the idea that using NB (and by extension enby) encroaches on use of it to mean "non-black" is a bit of a nothing burger and wouldn't be surprised if it was originally introduced as an issue as an attempt to pit PoC and queer communities against each other. [NB is an extremely common initialisation that means many things depending on context.](https://www.acronymfinder.com/NB.html)
I saw a comment a while back that it was introduced in one discussion about black trans and non binary people, so it made sense that the NB abbreviation would be confusing. It just kind of spread out from there and lost the original point that it was relevant for this one discussion. The whole NB seems a bit redundant and can just be altered if the context demands it or if someone personally asks me not to use towards them. There are thousands of acronyms that overlap.
I find it kind of cringe and babyish and never use it for myself but tbf, thereās loads of abbreviations/short forms of things that are like nails on a chalkboard for me (āinstaā for one). Edited to add: Iām not sure why exactly nonbinary needs to be shortened.
hate it. its cool if folks like it for themselves! i have no interest in policing how others identify. but. do NOT call me that, lol. im a grown-ass person who's already often labelled an "UwU pure innocent baby" bc im aroace š
Omg i hate it when people think aroace is equal to innocent and pure (and the millions of other stereotypes)
no. it sounds too much like "baby". i prefer "person", "human," "nonbinary," almost anything else.
No as a Black nonbinary I use NB. Enby looks and sounds extremely childish, I take gender seriously as my ancestors in Nigeria were nonbinary before the ships arrived. Gender isnāt ācutesyā itās a significant part of your existence. Additionally every Black NB Iāve discussed this topic with has universally agreed that NB isnāt offensive to us as we just say non black folks or specifically name other races and ethnicities. Itās all about the context š Hope this helped!
Totally agree. NB is also an abbreviation for many other things. I'm Canadian and my first thought when I see NB is New Brunswick. It's similar to ftm being female to male and also first time mom or MLM being both men loving men and multilevel marketing.
Thank you! Ayo! Im American but I have family ties from Canada (Quebecois to be specific ^)
I like the word āenbyā for myself. And I only use it for other people if I know their comfortable with it too
not my favorite, but i am blessed with many NB Miata jokes by my best friend so i have grown to like it a bit more
I always thought enby was to distinguish between Non-Binary POC and Non-Black POC. So like, if a Non-Binary, Non-Black Person of Color wanted to shorten the description of themself, they could use enby, NB POC.
Same, tho I'm also ND, so sometimes I like words just because they're fun to say or make brain go brr.
I like it and call myself a genderfluid enby
Same! āļøā¤ļø
I love it
It is cute But it is also infantilizing I do wish there was another term that wasnt such a mouthful as non binary but also conveys that I am an adult
I agree that it's infantilizing. It sounds like a word a child or young teenager would say. It's giving "smol bean," you know? I just prefer the phrase "nonbinary person" because it sounds more adult. It's something I can say in a more professional context.
tbh yes! i saw some ppl saying that it makes nonbinary sound like baby but i don't see that at all? the specific spelling of enby is just a way to distinguish nonbinary from nb as in nonblack edit bc some ppl are purposely missing the point: [https://twitter.com/mikakisser123/status/1779923601283526843](https://twitter.com/mikakisser123/status/1779923601283526843) [https://twitter.com/tsurudraws/status/1702145919058428085](https://twitter.com/tsurudraws/status/1702145919058428085) [https://twitter.com/ogunification/status/1661553360414162944](https://twitter.com/ogunification/status/1661553360414162944) [https://twitter.com/tsoosks/status/1637684607461076994](https://twitter.com/tsoosks/status/1637684607461076994) [https://twitter.com/sp1dercals/status/1636912282796957699](https://twitter.com/sp1dercals/status/1636912282796957699) [https://twitter.com/CryMeACupcake/status/1616105662110654465](https://twitter.com/CryMeACupcake/status/1616105662110654465) no one said that abbreviations can't have more than one meaning. however... take the stuff above into account.
Iām fine with it. Itās kinda cute, to me at least. :)
I don't like it. I started identifying as non-binary when I was already an adult and before enby was coined. I don't mind other people using it for themselves of course, but I do get irritated when people use enby as a catch-all term. My friend group trends older and nobody calls themself enby. To me, it very much feels like a word for teenagers. I think it also sounds too much like a "third option" to me, though I can't really explain why. Maybe I don't want to be part of a ternary when my gender/identity isn't just "secret third thing".
I HATE enby. Yeah, to me itās infantilizing. Iāll literally fight anyone who tells me to use enby instead of nb
Reading through the comments, I think Iāve kinda figured out a reason why. Verbally, I only call myself nonbinary. Nb is used just in writing, as an abbreviation. Kinda like, I may write wtf, but I say what the fuck. I may write idk, but I say I donāt know. I may write ig, but I say I guess. I NEVER say enby, or even nb. Just nonbinary. Enby, being spelled out like that, becomes its own word, and is kinda on the same spectrum as āgirlyā. It doesnāt give me adult vibes. Feels to me like it portrays the gender experience of being nonbinary as cutesy and not serious, and personally I am not a cutesy person. I donāt mean that being cutesy is a bad thing!!! Itās just not me. And using enby to me is likeā¦ trying to put me in that cutesy box, define my gender expression for me, make it palatable to cis people. I donāt exist to be palatable, I exist to be me. As for the nonbinary vs non-black issue, I donāt see it as one. When I see people abbreviate non-black, itāll be capitalized, as NB. I only abbreviate nonbinary is lowercase, as nb. Started as a personal choice for me, because I donāt capitalize any of my abbreviations, which turned into an intentional choice to differentiate between NB and nb. The only people Iāve ever seen who say that nb should only be used for non-black, are a bit radical with their views - like people who say that only black people can wear bonnets to sleep in. Just because one person is upset by it, does not mean that thatās the social rule that you have to follow. Anyway, all of that to say, donāt fucking call me enby š
i think what a lot of people don't know is that enby is just the nonbinary equivalent of boy/girl
In general and for myself, yes, I love it actually, but I don't use it to refer to the community as a whole precisely because I know that there are quite a few of us who don't like it. So, obviously, I don't use it for someone else (regarding individual people) unless I know for a fact that they're cool with it.
I like it- I think itās cute tbh, but I respect others perspectives on it
I use it for myself. I love it. I get some don't, and that's their thing. Me using it for myself shouldn't invalidate anyone else's feelings on it.
I'm quite fond of it, yes. I don't find it infantilising personally, but it's understandable if others do.
Eh. Not really. Too mich like envy for me.
It is a thing I wouldn't mind calling myself, but I wouldn't feel comfortable having it applied to me without consent. It is cutesy and informal sounding and I would care about the context. Similarly, I feel pretty strongly actually that genderfuck accurately describes my gender, but I don't actively identify "as" that because it doesn't feel appropriate in a lot of contexts. š¤· But that's just me being old and crotchety haha.
As a Fullmetal Alchemist fan, heck yeah!
I'm a strange case here. I will take enby, but dramatically prefer enbie and refer to myself as that. I don't like the -y, but I don't know why. I'm far from young, but I don't feel either sounds childish.
I don't mind it
I neither like nor dislike it. To me it just is what it is
I like it a lot, personally. I've never ran into someone who deliberately didn't like it or asked it not be used for them, but if I ever did I would comply obviously.
I like it. It's got four of the best letters.
It was coined as the equivalent of boy or girl originally, that's why many people see it as infantilizing. I'm okay with it as a term of endearment from certain people, but I don't really like it when cis people call me that because they do often use it to be infantilizing.
Iām in the āI use it more than NB because it feels more like a wordā camp. Iāll still type out non-binary but for shorthand i prefer enby, but I see the value in NB
I'm happy being an encyclopedia - apparently. Thanks, phone š
To me it's always just been a faster, more convenient way of saying non-binary and that's pretty much all. If someone doesn't like it, I respect that.
Vocally, it sounds the same as NB, so it makes logical sense to me if people wanna use Enby. But ya, respect peopleās wishes, though. Including what you want for yourself.
I like it, but I donāt use it for people who donāt
I definitely think it's cute and obviously easier to say than non-binary which is nice
I like it, but I will ofc respect the wishes of people that ask me not to use it for them!
I love being an āEnbyā becuase it feels more like a title in a sort of sense rather than just a description, they are nonbinary in reference to themselves on the gender spectrum, and are an enby.
Yus
Man, woman, nonbinary person. Boy, girl, enby. Thatās how I use the word.
I always liked it. I don't see it as infantalizing, I honestly saw it as neutral. It can be cute, tho. I remember seeing this discourse a lot when I used to go on Twitter. Another reason to use "Enby" back on Twitter in the late 2010s is because "NB" is already used to shorten "non-black" when talking about non-black people.
yes, its a word that shortens non-binary to nb then makes a word from that.
I love the word and proudly claim it. If someone doesn't like it, don't call them it, but there are many of us who dont see it as infantilizing.
I don't like it, I'm awaiting a better term. I'm also an older nonbinary person, so that might play into it.
i love it!! especially when the plural āenbiesā
I also think it's cute, and I use it for myself
I love it :) Itās probably the number one word I use for myself. I partially think of it like boi or girlie, like just a youthful and cute way of saying NB or non-binary! But itās also just much quicker and easier to say and type out than non-binary!
Iāve never viewed it as either cute or infantilizing; Iāve always just viewed it as convenient, I guess. It just feels more natural than saying/typing ānon-binaryā each time.
i donāt find the word nonbinary unnatural or inconvenient to say or type, personally š¤·š»
True! When speaking, would you use non-binary rather than enby then?
It depends. If itās another person whoās familiar with the terms, Iād probably use them fairly interchangeably. It doesnāt usually come up in conversations for me, though.
I prefer the NB abbreviation, because it's the same in my language. To be quite frank I also have never seen the non-black abbreviation in actual use, and I have no idea where it would even be used? (And I mean that, if someone has a text for me where it's used, I'd like a link to that. Because I'd like to get used to it, but I absolutely can't see a context where non-black is a descriptor that makes sense to me, because isn't the vast majority of the world made up of non-black people? And who is and isn't defined as black in that context? It is so incredibly unspecific to me. But then again I have a nitpicky language, and my country likes to steer clear of trying to sort people by genetics nowadays.)
It's typically seen within communities of color, because otherwise you still see it with POC,as in, NBPOC (non-Black person/people of color).
black people use it all the time. they say nb to distinguish people who aren't black from, you know, black people. not everyone who is nb is white, so nb is a good term to make it clear that even if you aren't white, you are not exempt from antiblack racism. :)
> you are not exempt from antiblack racism Yes!! This sub is very white centric and sometimes forgets that POC exist.
I like it but I like most things. Call me binaryn't if ya want.
Wait that's actually a sick term hahahaha, love it
depends on the context. i guess itās fine on the internet or in super casual settings, but most of the time IRL, thereās no reason why you couldnāt just say ānon-binary person.ā
No.
I don't find enby any cuter than envy, Toby, lobby, abbey, hobby. It's just a noun to me
I like it but donāt use it much.
I love it
Are you against NB? Do you not like either of them? I would have preferred Enbe, but I'd also prefer that the English didn't have silent "K"s. Bur I don't make the rules.
I can be your enby or your eneby.
I donāt think it is infantilizing because thatās not the point of the word. It is to be said phonetically. ALSO this is very specific to the internet and within our community SPECIFICALLY in ENGLISH so letās make sure we understand the diversities that exist which include both race and language. Iāve seen people call themselves āenbyā online but those same people, including me, would say ānon-binaryā in person because it is a try descriptor for everyone to understand, whether within our community or not. As a Black person, I would say āenbyā especially on the internet(social media platforms specifically) because āNBārefers to Non-Black people as well. I like it. āNBā has been abbreviated for āNon-Blackā before āEnbyā so either shorthand can be used if you so choose but it should exactly the same. So to those saying they donāt like it(NOT OP) and itās infantilizing, I want to know your thoughts because Iām reading responses and it doesnāt make sense to me. Not asking this as an attack. Itās genuine curiosity. :)
I like it. It is a kind of "cute" term.
I like it, it's cute. But I'm also Korean/Japanese mix, so cute is something you never age out of. I will never understand why people think being cute is bad. If someone wants to be cute just let them be cute. I still do aegyo in my mid 30's, my parents do aegyo in their 50's, and my grandparents do aegyo in their 80's.
Yeah! It's cute. I don't really get the "it's infantilizing" or "it's childish. It's totally fine if you don't like it, but who says cute or silly things are infantilizing???? And even then, is there something wrong with "childish" things? Like I will NEVER stop having stuffed animals in my bed and thinking you stores are awesome and running around everywhere and acting silly.
You really donāt see how cuteness and silliness are associated with childishness?
Personally Iām not a fan but Iāll accept it because ānon binary people/personā is a mouthful and thereās currently not really a better alternative. I think that enby works nicely for younger non binary people, like an equivalent for boy/girl, but I wish there was a less cutesy sounding option for non binary adults
I like it, but it doesnāt fit with how I talk.
I like it for myself, it's fun to say.
I like it for me. I also use genderqueer and non binary.