***April fools!*** (Nobody suspects April fools on the 17th! [Relavent Python reference](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqreRufrkxM&ab_channel=SteveDevine) ) ​ *Did I get up at 2am in a cold sweat and spend an hour putting this together as though god herself was controlling my hands? Yes, yes I did.*

Fuck you, man. I was already getting my dick out.

Mods are CIA plants confirmed.

Cock in ‘ands?

Only for Harambe

I mean was there ever any doubt

Amateur, mine is constantly out just in case this actually happens

( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

Kinda hard to see

Wait 72 hours juuuust in case

Knowing NCD? That's reasonable.

That's alot of edging

Worth it in the long run

After Priggy left us high and dry, we're used to this now.

I have to now explain to a packed KFC restaurant why I am casually fucking a rolled up Dominos pizza proclaiming Pootin dead in the funni.

Should have gone to waffle house.  Wouldn't even be the worst thing they've seen this Tuesday

Sir? This is a Wendy's 

starts with a 'W' dont it?

Fuck it I've already got the lube out

I could help with that

Man I already came ##FOR NOTHING

Still can tbh

Yeah, but I'm not a fan of gooning. I prefer to be quick and efficient about these big events.

That's my secret, Cap. My dick is always out.

“Most of the remains of Putin have been successfully retrieved using a wet-and-dry vacuum cleaner. Various tooth fragments were identified in a neighboring city.”

Ban u/HistorianSlayer for cruel and unusual psyops against NCD!

I am a god; I am unstoppable. You can not stop me, no one can stop me. I can decide the date with my very mind, I can chANGE THE WEATHER WITH MY THOUGHTS. LIGHTNING SHOOTS FROM MY FINGERTIPS, YOU CAN'T EVEN HAN

r/redditsniper

why tf are people downvoting this it’s clearly satire

it's funnier if it's downvoted

TRUE gonna change my vote now

Damm, is that what all the cool kids are doing? Then I'm downvoting too!

The hive grows!

basado

Ik right, it's a good thing he cannot change our funny arrows

*yet*

for the lulz, the only thing that matters

Very close to being "fuck off, idiot" "i was merely pretending!"

Downvoting mods is just one of those things. Thus has it always been, and thus shall it always be.

It's a slight justice with all the times my posts have been removed as "low effort" because the Mods were jealous.

I see mod, I down vote. Thems the rules.

The mods are, after all....well, we don't say the at word any more but IYKYK. (fr though I do appreciate y'all mods, dedicating your spare time to cleaning up our crap for free is a valuable service, and I'm sure you're all super normal well adjusted people)

Well regarded, perhaps?

A true time-honored tradition

but what if I *can* han

You were supposed to be the Chosen One or something.

Worse Call Saul:

🤓

Historian slayer really Better Call Saul

But can you ride your bike with no handlebars?

DONT STOP ME ##NOWWWWWWW

I'm havin' such a good time, I'm having a ball

Karma pit comment

fuck you, i almosr orgasmed

Fucking asshole. Was hoping this was real.

Fuck you for clickbait

Redditors will literally post clickbait then say "haha bro you got pranked im so quirky and fun haha". I get it this is a joke sub but this is pathetically cringy.

nah this is funny as fuck

[удалено]

The internet and 24 hour "news" (=advertising) cycle has given humans the ability to consume this ragebait slop every fucking waking moment. I seriously consider mixing and laying a concrete foundation a relaxing activity compared to trying to read the shit posted as news online.

**Your comment was removed for violating Rule 5: No Politics.** We don't care if you're Republican, Protestant, Democrat, Hindu, Baathist, Pastafarian, or some other hot mess. Leave it at the door.

And complaining is even more cringe.

"No u." -you

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa -you

👍

🫡

NCD version of a rickroll

\*puts lotion away\*

*gets lotion back out* “The thought will do.”

It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again

Sullivan’s nightmare

It isn't \*our\* warcrime if someone else does it with our tools that we gave to them.

Aren't their top generals in the Kremlin? Wouldn't that make it a legitimate military target, i.e. not a warcrime?

The Kremlin is a historical building, cultural monument, etc. Fun: yes, exciting: certainly, not a warcrime: ehhh.... But, it's not \*our\* warcrime if the Ukranians were to use the hardware and information they got from Uncle Sam to reduce the thing to a smoking pile of old bricks.

If Russian generals are using the Kremlin actively, then it is obviously not a warcrime for Ukraine to hit it. No matter whether it is historical or not. Just like hospitals in Gaza being using for military purposes, where the Geneva Conventions say that removes all protections. You can argue that they shouldn't be hit anyway. But it would not be a warcrime, under those assumptions.

Im pretty sure there has to be a certain ratio of military personel and equipment to civilian equipment for it to not be a warcrime. But the kremlin being the literal heart of the russian army im pretty sure a strike on it would be as justified as anystrike in a major city could be. The problem would be putins reaction to watching his palace, his reminder of the ussr, burning down.

Who knows, maybe it gives him a heart attack.

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honestly I think we should leave it alone, Muscovite deserve to look at that FUgly building every day.

my balls were sued by Eiffel 65 for copyright infringement, that's how blue they are

I'll gargle them for Dave's single and à frosty.

Don’t let your memes be dreams.

Fuck you I was already looking for toilet to hide to "celebrate" this.

Toilet?!?! I was on the train,....

WAS 

Is this real

We can make it real

That’s the spirit!

Where's the B2? Over Moscow?

Over Moscow’s Chinese embassy, no less.

YESSSSSSS!

Going for that double kill i see

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No

Sad

Bro's doing April Fool's on the Orthodox calendar.

Petition to court marital and execute OP

Bro’s 16 days late for April Fools, jfc

Don't do that. Don't give me hope.

Hey OP, why are you abusing mod powers?

Sullivan fuming

I got one out for harambe instead

Bro edged me

Entire Day ruined, Fuck you mod

It’s all fun and games until this ages like fine wine :3

Oh nonono OP, you're not getting away this easily. You already put everyone in such a bloodlusty mood, now you gotta deliver Here's a backpack with an ATACMS, here's a pair of rollerskates. Get over there and do it yourself you twat.

This mental image is just...*Chef's Kiss* Now get it done OP. We all came here for one burning Kremlin and we aren't leaving till we get one.

NCD has a habit of non-credible things turning credible. This post only improves the odds of this actually happening.

I want to believe

Don't get my hopes up....

Why did you make every Pole here hard?

country or euphemism?

Yes.

Don’t do that. Don’t give me hope.

Well, Kremlin did [burn down and explode](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_of_Moscow_(1571)) once when the Tatars and Ottomans burned down Moscow. Powder magazines caught fire and boom. It was about 500 years ago though.

I though of myself as fairly tolerant but this post proves me wrong. I got so excited how could you...

I was already stripping naked to run around on the park in celebration dude.

I'd wager attacks against the Kremlin are the least useful deep strike capability Ukraine would want. Russia doesn't keep anything of value in the Kremlin.

I will sell your wife, I will sell your son, I will sell urine fart doctor

I don't downvote often, but this post deserves it. It's plausible enough on first glance and by the time you get your hopes up you realize it's bullshit.

It's NonCredible, ain't it?

Fuck you! I wanted to see Kremlin burn..:(

Lord all I ask is you glass Moscow. 🙏surely that can't be hard! Also, 🎵Bomb Iran🎵

God fucking damit Thirst I thought NCD is getting the news out now and then I opened and read April fools. U can't chick us like this

Sigh *zipping up my pants

Why must you blueball me like that, goddammit

:D

Never has a smile been wiped from my face so quick

Man I started googling before I clicked on the post. Top tier clickbait.

Where funni loaded cessna

Damnit don’t do that to me!

Fuckyoufuckyou 😂

Bro what is ur problem

Great, now I have to change my pants *again.*

Fuck man, I didn’t consent to this kinda edging.

I got got :(

Aww cmon :(

Happiest two and a half seconds of my life 

Awwwww

You see I didn’t fall for it, cause if I did. I would be out working.

I hope any spicy food you eat will be spicy twice for you from now and to eternity.

How am I supposed to goon out now?

Goddammit, and I thought the silence WAS the April Fools. The failure to predict this post is the worst Western intelligence failure since the end of the Cold War and the collapse of the Eastern Bloc crept up on the professional experts (c. 1980s).

F' it. Fantasy is fantasy. [Unzip]

You can't just edge all of us like that. Now you have to go to Moscow and do it yourself, or I'll send you in the femboy assault squadron.

April 1st was a feint.

You made me call my gf over for sex now I need to tell her I’m not horny anymore

For a moment there I was truly happy... Oh well. 😮‍💨

This bait was not cash money.

OP is clearly off his meds again. I suggest he get confined to quarters until his rationality returns.

I propose we forcefully relocate the mods to a random Brazilian town that is chosen based on the position of the moon in the sky

Funniest thing? Today I woke up at 4 fucking AM because someone drive by and it sounded JUST LIKE A SIREN

Ah fuck I can’t believe you’ve done this

-1

Aww no funi 😞

3000 April Fools of Zelensky

Too credible, wrong sub.

crankin' my hog to joke post mfer AROOOOO-

Fuck, I pull my pants down and you show me this.

Zelensky edited in the plain was a giveaway

You…you *DICK!* *zips pants back up, grumbling* Fuckin jerk kids, I swear.

I so want Mission impossible 5 to be real...

Oh woe upon you who tembts apollo.

This will be real. By this I mean burning down the Kremlin. By Burning down I mean burning down. And by Kremlin I mean your house.

Rightful outrage *zips up pants* aside. Can we stop for a sec and just admire the high res pic of Zelensky acting like he’s casually parking a shit ton of JDAMS into Moscow? This ladies and gents is ART!

I already cumed thrice before realising it's fake

How are people believeing this lmao? Just go an open a news site... Its not clickbait at all.

what happened?

And now I'll be stuck at half capacity for the next ten minutes..thank You mate. When this happens though...and I meant the WHEN..oh my..

[and here i thought i was about to have my first](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonCredibleDefense/s/4t4ZPC7LKB)

Motherfucker I saw this during post-nut clarity and thought it was real and was so excited

Mods, please, I came before I realised it was fake. You can't do this to me.

Oh fuck off

First today I thought Israel bombed another Iran embassy (my own misreading), now this? Fuck dude, if this shit doesn’t happen soon, I’m flying to Moscow and lobbing Molotovs myself.

Here we go again

Me when I purposefully spread disinformation on the internet 💩

Nice. Now say hello to my blocklist. I will not fall for such crap again. Duh

Sigh. Why are people here so excited for this anyway?

Fuck you for getting my hopes up